Ashley (Morning Dreamgirl) - Did I hear something about you making me pie?
Is it on its way? Or maybe there was no need for bribes - this time
Obviously Max would want to keep his mother safe just like he wanted Liz to stay safe. And he believed (and perhaps was right) that the safest place for the two women he loves is as far away from anything "alien" as possible. So keeping his mother in the dark about what was happening was really no different than pushing Liz away after her first confession of love.
Yup yup yup. Diane - being human - is very vulnerable to the "searching mechanisms" of the aliens. Just because she's married into the community - into the secrets - she's not protected from being "questioned". So the less she knows, the better for her and for Max's safety (plus Liz, now).
Which you yourself mentioned next;
And, in this case, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Philip kept Diane in the dark as well for the exact same reasons. In addition if she knew everything her husband was up to she (and he) would be in an even more precarious situation. We know that Liz's bond with Max is strong enough to keep people out of her mind. We don't know if the bond between Diane and Philip is that strong. So, as far as we know, Diane is still vulnerable against other aliens - especially someone as adept as the Sgt. if he were to search her mind.
So the question is how Mrs. Evans did find out what was going on. It could have been gossip, she could have overheard something - but either way she did find out and didn't say anything. So it makes me wonder just how much of a role she's played.
She's a mother. You can't hide anything from a mother
But then, she's had some hints and clues to use to puzzle things together. Liz did, after all, drop Max off - all beaten-up - after his confrontation with the sergeant (Max being punished for healing Isabel in front of a human). And Diane was right there at the "drop-off". She must've known that Max was locked up in the basement (you can't really hide that when it's in your own house) and possibly she's also sensitive to Max's feelings for Liz. Has been, for a long time. Again, she's a very sensitive person, very in tune with her children.
Between surprising each other with their forwardness, the closeness they shared and the way they were just relaxed and comfortable around each other - it was wonderful to see that "morning after" happiness even if it was subdued due to the presence of Diane and Philip.
I could read those sweet lines and Max's response to his mother regarding Liz again and again.
Makes my heart all warm and fuzzy to hear that <3
In all fairness though this cliffhanger wasn't nearly as bad as some others.
I'm try not to be too evil
Thank you, Ashley,
so much for that wonderful feedback!
Helen (Roswelllostcause) - You'll find out in this next chapter what's going on with Liz. Thank you for the feedback!
Natalie36 - Thank you
L-J-L 76
So Philip went outside with Liz. What is wrong with Liz? What will happen when Philip and Liz get outside? Will Philip and Liz talk? Will Max come outside to check on Liz? What will happen outside?
Coming up, in the next chapter.
Is there someone waiting for Liz?
Nope, there isn't. Don't worry.
Thank you for the feedback! (and the bump
)
mezz - *knocks on thick steel door to the "waiting-for-updates"-bunker* Mezz? Time to come out. *coos* There's an update
Well you've most certainly mastered the 'leave them wanting more' technique. Got that one right down-pat.
*laughs* I'm not sure if I should feel flattered or guilty
Liz is incredibly observant. She is quickly catching on to what Mr E is really like. How he works.
She is, isn't she?
Which is not only a good thing for Liz, but also for you - the readers. Since you're only seeing her side of the events. But the whole thing mostly stems from a deep survival instinct. She
needs to be observant - wary even - of what these aliens are up to. Especially when on alien territory. She doesn't really have much means of protecting herself (if Max isn't around, that is), so being awake, alert and in tune (as much as possible) with these "creatures" might help her foresee dangers.
Why on earth wouldn't she be informed of Max's bonding? Why would they leave her to work things like that out herself?
Maybe to protect her. The less she knows, the better? She
is only a human, after all. She won't be able to withstand an alien search through her mind for information. I guess Max's father operates in similar ways as his son when it comes to protecting his wife.
I haven't seen Doc Martin, actually. Might have to check it out. Same with the main characters on "Bones", who is also not very in tune with what is the "correct" way in which to respond socially. But yes, that's a little bit what our aliens are like. Suffering from a touch of Aspergers, I guess. Being blunt and factual. Happy in the wrong place and displaying exaggerated emotions in other circumstances.
It is possible that Mr E is actually more evolved than other aliens. I guess we wait for the meeting to find out whether this is true or not.
Max probably wouldn't have turned out the way he did if he'd had been raised by only aliens (just look at how Sean turned out). Diane serves as a human counterpoint, very strongly bringing out the humanity in her children. So thank you on your opinions about Diane. I like her too
Also interesting is that Mr E actually knew what was bothering Liz before Max did. He is, I think, more aware of the overwhelming of the bond, and its confusing beginnings and the brain overload it causes, than Max is. Max is so emotional himself, has lived with Liz inside his mind since so young that he is no longer aware of a life without the confusing jumble.
So very true. It's so much more difficult to be objective when inside an emotional rollercoaster (which Max - and Liz - are). Unfortunately, since the "extended" bonding between Max and Liz was just initiated, their feelings are very strong and cause a lot of clutter. It takes a while, even for Max, to pick up on clear-cut feelings from Liz at this stage. Plus, Mr. Evans has made a lot of connections with individuals (through healing), so he knows about connections. Probably even more so than Max.
One has to survive the days without updates somehow you know. You're dealing with a gal who stays up all night reading if the story's good enough.
Ugh. I'm the same. I even, on occasion, has considered reading in front of patients (they wouldn't notice, would they?) just because I couldn't put a book down before going to work. Makes it a bit difficult to examine and draw blood while holding onto a book, though. Plus, I wouldn't want to get any blood in that precious book
Loved how your mother used to read in the light from under the door. How stories have the possibility to captivate us...
Thank you sooo much for your beautiful comments and your insightful speculations.
Eve (begonia9508)
And as mother, I understand Dianne; She is afraid the the others aliens will punish Max because he took a gaea from them, bonding with her so totally, that Sean could really do nothing against it, because now they are bonded togethers... apart killing him!
That's exactly right.
Thank you for the feedback!
Carolyn (keepsmiling7)
Diane and Liz have so much in common.......I hope they will become very close in the future.
They really have. Just in that house, they're the only humans. But their similarities obviously run much deeper than that. Thank you for the feedback!
From FIFTY-TWO:
I squeezed his hand and managed to pull a deep breath in, a sob hitching at the top of that breath, making his concern tenfold in my mind.
I silently shook my head at him, communicating to not worry, and whispered weakly, ”I just need some air.”
He was finally realizing the distance that I craved. Understanding that the way to make me feel better was for me to go outside.
Maybe he was even seeing something in me that I myself wasn’t understanding yet, because he nodded and whispered, ”I love you,” before letting go of my hand.
”Let’s get you outside,” Mr. Evans suggested, his voice gentle and soft.
He didn’t touch me, rather took a step away from me to give me space, and gestured towards the doorway with his hand.
With my emotions crumbling around me, I followed Max’s alien father towards the front door, Max’s feelings for me exploding in every cell of my body and mind.
____________________________________
FIFTY-THREE
Outside of the front door, I put my back against the white wall while my legs gave way to my weight. My grief could no longer be contained, the sobs ripped through the still early morning, as I pulled my legs up to my chest and buried my head against my arms I had wrapped around my knees.
I found myself panting, my chest and lungs hurt with the shallow breaths, and I was starting to feel dizzy. I dug my nails into my palms and focused on controlling the screams that were building in my mind.
”I can help you breathe,” a quiet voice said beside me and I was surprised that I had already forgotten that he was there. I had forgotten that he had followed me outside.
Not seeing any other option, the lack of control in the situation frightening me, I lifted my head slightly to give him a nod.
His response was immediate. He placed a hand on my shoulder and within a fraction of a second I felt the pressure easing off my chest.
I took a deep greedy breath, the relief only making my tears flow faster.
I heard his clothes shuffle next to me as he sat down on the ground on my right side, keeping a polite distance between our bodies.
”She was a wonderful woman,” Mr. Evans said quietly and my sobs were shocked into abrupt stillness in favor of being able to hear what he said.
As he continued talking, I came to understand that he had figured something out that I still hadn’t. That the reason behind my panic attack was the grief over the loss of my mother. Brought forward by the indirect maternal love between Max and his mother, which I had experienced indirectly through the connection.
”Very full of life. Always close to breaking into a smile. Very caring.”
My bottom lip trembled with the tears that needed to be shed, with the sobs that needed to break. But I was pausing it all in anticipation of what he would say.
I could hear a smile in his voice as he said, ”Especially about you. From the moment she got pregnant with you, I knew that she would never succumb to Steven. She would never accept being a part of our world. She would do everything in her power to keep you as far away from that world that she possibly could. Even if it meant risking her own life.”
I sniffled and looked to my side at him, wiping my face with my palms. ”Why are you telling me this?”
There was real compassion in his eyes. ”Because I know how overwhelming connections can be. Especially if you are sharing thoughts with my son. He’s-” Mr. Evans shook his head and looked away from me, staring off into the darkness of the early December morning, ”Max is very emotional. I’ve watched him for his whole life, and on some occasions I have shared his feelings through healing connections, and I know that his emotions are strong. Especially about things he cares about. Like his family-,” Mr. Evans looked at me with a wistful expression on his face, ”-and you.”
I kept silent, not really knowing what to say to that.
”I had a feeling that his relationship to his mother would leak into your grief about your own.”
I closed my eyes against the fresh tears and turned my head away, pulling my knees further up into my stomach, wanting the pain to stop, wanting the grief to ease.
”And with everything that’s happened, I imagined you haven’t really had the chance to properly grieve your mother.”
It was like I was sitting next to a completely different person. This was not the man I had feared. The man I had hated. The man I had wanted to hurt for hurting Max. How could he be so different? How could he be so kind right now?
Because my gut feeling was telling me that he was being sincere. This wasn’t some charade he was putting on in order to later make fun of me or use it to his advantage in some way. I was very certain that Max would never have let me leave with his father if he even for a second thought I was in danger.
I shook my head slowly in response to his assumption. I really hadn’t allowed myself to properly grieve my mother. I had even welcomed the distractions to avoid feeling that pain.
The distractions had been plentiful. The research on the internet to figure out who within the small town of Roswell was alien, the arguments with Max about the connection, the midnight conversations. I had even almost welcomed the complications concerning Sean. That’s how much I had wanted to avoid thinking and
feeling. Because I was afraid that once I broke, I wouldn’t be able to pick myself up again.
Which, in my current threatened situation, would have made me as vulnerable as a baby.
”I presume that Max has told you about her death,” Mr. Evans asked, a tad of caution in his voice.
I sniffled, my whole body turning cold, and my voice betrayed the coldness as I whispered, ”She did not die in that fire. She was killed.”
I looked over at him and caught his nod while he took a deep breath. ”That’s correct.”
I swallowed and decided to take a risk. Maybe this was my chance to get some answers. Answers that Max had avoided to provide me with. ”Why?”
There was a natural and very human hesitation on his face before he supplied slowly, ”She was going crazy.”
My heart stopped and I almost scowled at him as I defensively bit out, ”What?”
Of course my mother hadn’t been going crazy! There had been nothing pointing to that. That was ridiculous.
The heat of my anger was quickly drying the tears on my cheeks, making my whole body tense.
”She had plans,” Mr. Evans continued and for some reason I felt chills run down my spine. ”The Sergeant had witnessed those plans the last three or four times he had connected with her.”
The panic was creeping back into my body as I stared at him, afraid to blink. My breath was halted in my chest as I whispered, ”What plans?”
Mr. Evans seemed to hesitate, before he looked straight at me, honesty displayed in his eyes. ”She was going to kill herself.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but he cut me off. ”But not before she had killed your father and you.”
The world froze, the nightly sounds from outside and the hushed conversations from inside the house seeping through the door left ajar, muted. My pulse was throbbing in my head as my whole body got freezing cold.
My body was experiencing shock. A shock so pronounced that I failed to hear Max’s call for my attention through the bond and failed to feel his panicked concern.
I pressed my back into the wall, pushing myself to my feet, felt the ground sway underneath my feet, as I pointed at him in confused anger.
”No,” I breathed.
His lips were moving, his arms were raised in front of him, like he wanted to give me a hug, to offer comfort.
But I couldn’t hear his words over the roaring sound of blood in my ears, and I stumbled backwards to avoid his touch.
My mother hadn’t been insane. Couldn’t have been. This was some kind of excuse they had come up with. An excuse to kill off my mom. Making it sound like they had
saved my dad and me from my own mother.
Were they expecting gratitude? When I knew that they had only wanted to save me to save themselves? To keep the gaea-line intact.
New tears were building in my eyes as a short laugh brushed my trembling lips. ”That’s ridiculous. You’re lying.”
Mr. Evans slowly shook his head and I was watching him so intently that I barely noticed Max flying through the door, throwing his father a murderous glare, before slowing down in his approach towards me.
I shook my head, wanting them all to go away, while I took another step back, pressed the fingertips to my downward facing forehead and squeezed my eyes tightly shut.
I couldn’t take anymore. This was it. I wanted to wake up now. I wanted this long terrifying nightmare to end.
I jumped as Max’s hand carefully touched my arm. Without opening my eyes, I turned towards his touch and trusted him to catch me when I fell.
He gathered me up in his embrace, placing tender kisses against my hair with nonsensical words of comfort whispering in my ear as he pressed me tightly against his body, gently rocking me. I was dimly aware of the tension in my body even in his arms, how I couldn’t even cry anymore. In the absence of my tears my body trembled and chilled and I desperately tried to get a hold of Max’s feelings and thoughts, just so that I could anchor my body to something.
”Let’s go inside, into the warmth,” he mumbled into my hair and the grip I had on his shirt tightened while his grip on my body loosened.
With his movement, my body wanted to sink to the ground. I hadn’t gotten much sleep in the past 24 hours and, with the shock my body was going through, all my energy was leaving me when Max stopped supporting my body.
Taking note of the change in my body as my stiffness turned into docility, Max bent down and lifted me into his arms, his arms warm in the hook of my knees and around my back as I curled up against his chest and pressed my nose into the curve of his neck.
She was not insane. She was not insane.
I squeezed my eyes tightly shut against the repetitive thought.
”Is she okay?” I heard Isabel ask while light crept through my closed eyelids. Max had moved us inside and the rocking in my body revealed how brisk his walk was.
”Dad decided to answer her questions,” Max bit out, his voice tense and burning with anger.
”About what?”
Max’s voice was clipped. ”Her mother.”
”Her death?” I could hear the remorse in Isabel’s horrified voice and I felt Max nod his head, his chin bumping slightly against the top of my head with the affirmation.
I was shivering by the time he carried me up the stairs and my arms tightened around his neck as the arm he had around my back moved slightly to open a door.
I refused to open my eyes. I could almost feel the depression that I had been trying to keep at bay sneaking onto me, creeping around the edges of my consciousness. And I wanted to sink right into it.
I didn’t want to do this anymore. I didn’t want to feel all of this anymore. I didn’t want to have bombs of information explode on me every turn I made. Was there no end to the revelations? To the lies? To the secrets?
My chest was aching from the intense longing to go back to how things used to be. Before I had gone to that Halloween party. When my mother had still been alive. When my dad had still been a functioning person. When I had been able to share every detail of my life with Maria. When I had been happy. When my life had been uncomplicated.
But even I knew that version of my life had been a lie. Because while I had been leading a seemingly normal teenage life, I had - on regular intervals - been visited by aliens who had judged the development of a special gene in my DNA, my mom had been used and abused by extraterrestrials since she herself was a teenager and my dad had been living a big lie.
How much of mom’s double life had my dad really been aware of?
My arms fell away limply from Max’s neck as he sat me down on a soft surface. I slowly opened my eyes and took in my surroundings. I was in Max’s room, seated on his bed. I caught Max’s worried eyes on my face before he reached beside me and pulled at the blanket at the end of the bed, to wrap it around my shoulders.
I felt nothing as I watched his face while he focused on covering me up properly in the blanket.
”Was she insane?” I whispered and watched him freeze before he slowly met my empty eyes.
He was censoring the input from his mind into the connection. He had been doing that ever since my break-down. Ever since he had realized that his emotions were exacerbating my ’condition’.
He hesitated and I curled my cold fingers into the top of my thighs in frustration as I said with more force, ”Tell me.”
”It doesn’t matter,” Max said with sadness.
”It does to me.”
His right hand was holding so tightly to the front of the blanket, keeping the blanket locked around my body, that his knuckles were turning white.
”You don’t need to know this. It won’t change anything.”
Of course it would. ”I want to know the truth.” I barely recognized my own voice. It sounded foreign. Cold. Distant. Factual.
I knew that it was unnerving him. I could see it on his face. Was he afraid what would happen if he disclosed all the details? Was he afraid that I would feel better or be irreparably damaged by it?
”I’m afraid I’m losing you,” he whispered. In sharp contrast to the empty glaze in my own eyes, his gaze - transfixed on my face - was a bottomless sea of strong emotions.
I closed my eyes slowly against his fear. I couldn’t deal with it. I couldn’t calm his insecurities right now. I couldn’t make him feel better when I couldn’t even make myself feel better.
The truth was slowly sinking in and starting to make sense.
My eyes still closed, I breathed, ”Will I go crazy too?”
”Not as long as I have a say in it,” Max said quietly and I opened my eyes to look at him, feeling the hint of warmth touching my shivering heart.
”If I were with Sean…” I swallowed, the action rasping uncomfortably against my dry throat, ”If the community, the council, the aliens, whatever - if they force us apart and still put me with Sean, will I eventually go insane?”
He swallowed, clearly uncomfortable, but not looking away for a second. ”You might.”
”Because of the mind control? The memory wipes?”
Max nodded. ”I mentioned before that your mother was strong. Unfortunately, the more you struggle - the more you resist the hijacking of your brain - the more extensive the damage to your mind will be. Usually - at least with previous gaeas - this has never been a real issue. The gaeas have always reached old age, and become unusable as a consequence of that old age, before there’s been irreparable damage to their minds.”
”But if you resist, you’ll most likely cause damage to your brain?” I asked faintly in clarification.
I had resisted too. I knew this is where my headaches came from. I also knew that my resistance had never been voluntary. I had never consciously decided to push against Sean’s invasion into my mind. My body had made that decision for me.
Which meant that - were I to get together with Sean - I would most likely eventually suffer great brain damage as time passed.
I dimly saw him nod his head and the words hurt my mouth as I whispered, ”She really planned to kill us? Are you sure?”
”I didn’t see into her mind that night,” Max admitted, almost regretfully. Like he wanted to have been able to give me a definite answer. ”But I saw how she was acting.”
”How was she acting?” I breathed.
Max used his other hand to pull the blanket even tighter around me as a shudder went through my entire body. I could feel his hesitancy, his caution towards me. I could read that he wanted to put his arms around me and use both his natural body heat and some alien magic to heat me up. But he was keeping his distance. Afraid of what an added closeness from his side could do to me in this state.
”She was being erratic,” he answered slowly. ”She was upset - like I told you before - about you. Worried about your safety and intent on making it impossible for us to use you.”
”You told me this already,” I said under my breath. I felt nothing. My chest felt hollowed out. My heart was beating faintly in the background, my chest taking light unnoticeable breaths.
”I only told you the first part,” Max continued, letting go of the front of the blanket - letting it fall open slightly when being released - and instead brushed his palms up my arms, heating me through the blanket.
I trembled and bit my lip against the tears as his touch called at my emotions for the first time since Mr. Evans had dropped that insanity-bomb on me.
”After she said that she would sacrifice herself, letting the Sergeant use her anyway he wanted or needed, Sean started laughing at her. When he did that, it was like something broke inside of her.”
A full round tear rolled down my chilled cheek.
”She fell to her knees-” Max stopped talking, a visible tremble running through him at the memory. ”The sounds coming out of her mouth.” He swallowed and took a deep breath, before continuing, ”It was torture. She was… It was like listening to an animal being tortured.”
”No…” I whispered, painfully hanging on to his every word.
”And amongst the screams, the crying, she said that you were safer if you were dead. That you,” he inhaled sharply, like my mom had actually threatened me (which, I guess, in a way she had), ”were better off dead. To her, there was no other option. She had a plan and, even though it was hard to follow her, she was actually planning to make you ingest bleach. I’m not sure how, I’m not sure even
she had that figured out, but she was intent on doing it as soon as you and your dad had returned from camp.”
I stared at him. ”So Sean killed her.”
My impassive statement sent chills down Max’s spine. I could feel them trickling down my own. But there was something else there. Something that I hadn’t had the energy to decipher before.
Guilt.
Max was trying to block the bulk of his feelings from me, but shame was seeping through like poison.
And it made my body come alive with fear. I moved underneath the blanket, pulling back slightly from his hands. ”What?”
His eyes were dark and filled with remorse as he looked straight at me.
”What did you do?” I whispered, the fear making my voice tremble. I inhaled sharply as the thought hit me, ”
You killed her? Sean didn’t?”
Panic flashed in his eyes and he took a hold of my escaping body. His voice was adamant as he stated, ”No. I’ve never killed anyone.”
Then what? I asked, not very calmed by his reassurance.
”I let him, okay?” Max broke, a nauseous look on his face and he couldn’t keep his eyes on me any longer. ”I didn’t stop him. I knew what had been discussed between the Sergeant and Sean just before we met up with your mother. I knew that the Sergeant had told Sean to dispose of her if she showed any evidence of posing any danger to Sean’s gaea. I
knew seconds before he connected with her, that he had made the decision, that he was going to kill her. But I didn’t stop him.”
I swallowed back the acid in my throat. I wanted to throw up. I asked, ”Why?” even though I knew him well enough by now that I could’ve guessed his answer.
Max looked up at me, a sheen of tears in his eyes that made my breath hitch, ”Because she was planning to kill you.” He shook his head as he brushed a hand up to my face and cradled my cheek.
I kept completely still, trying to process.
He shook his head, looking at me with such love amongst his guilt and sadness that my heart was thawing even when my mind was resisting it on mere principle, as he added, ”I needed you to be safe.”
Even if it meant that your mother had to die, he filled in sadly, his voice soft and fleeting in my head. But it had the effect of slicing through the wall around my emotions, making me feel everything at once.
I started sobbing in the confusing mix of emotions that was my existence. But Max’s issues with that incident were overshadowing my own conflicting thoughts and feelings. The guilt that he had carried around with him ever since my mother had been murdered. That he had, in some way, been an accomplice to my mother’s murder. Just to protect me.
I knew that it was impossible for him to have stopped it, even though he thought he could have. Even if he
had intervened, the ’problem’ that was my mother would have been resolved later anyway. Max wouldn’t have been able to prevent it forever.
Max’s only crime was that he had happened to have been present at the crime scene and that he loved me too much. Which no one could blame him for.
He heard all of this through the connection, but I still had to literally tell him to, ”Please, hold me,” before he reluctantly realized that he was forgiven - never having been accused to start with.
He climbed onto the bed, sat down behind me and pulled me - blanket and all - up against his chest, pressing his nose into my neck.
”You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he whispered against my gradually increasing pulse vibrating against his lips where he put a soft kiss against my jugular.
I sniveled and nodded, still muted by shock, and pressed further back into him. Needing him more than ever.
TBC...
) It is possible that Mr E is actually more evolved than other aliens. I guess we wait for the meeting to find out whether this is true or not. Also, if emotions are held in disdain among the full bloods then for Mr E to move between the human facade, the alien facade and the at home mix successfully, would be quite a feat for him. 
