Posted: Tue Aug 31, 2004 9:46 pm
Chapter 50
Max
The movie has been over for at least three hours and Liz is upstairs taking a shower and changing since Maria and Michael are on their way over for dinner.
My mind can’t help but wander back to what Liz had said about us being more careful and that a baby is the last thing we needed right now. I can’t say that her saying that doesn’t sadden me; I want children with Liz and only Liz. A part of me is ripping myself apart inside because I was just selfish for being with Dariana in the first place, if I hadn’t then this situation we are in wouldn’t be happening. On the other hand, I think if it didn’t happen, Liz and I arguing and me leaving, cutting myself off from her, then maybe we wouldn’t be as close as we are today. She and I may have never professed our love for one another, so although I hate it I wouldn’t want to erase it.
That’s not to say that I wouldn’t want to change it just a little, but I guess nothing in life is perfect, except for Liz. No matter what she does or says, she will always be perfect to me, nothing and no one can change that. I want to be with her for the rest of my life, but I’m terrified that Dariana may be pregnant with my child, and as bad as it might sound it makes me sick to my stomach. Not because the thought of having a child doesn’t feel great, it’s just I know Liz and I know she’s a strong person, but after awhile I know that it would put a serious strain on her…the both us and that worries me more than I’d like to admit.
If I ever lost her I know that I wouldn’t make it very long, I could survive but I wouldn’t be happy, no one makes me as happy as she does. Thinking back to yesterday, the look on her face when I told her Dariana was pregnant, it was like a kick to my gut not just once but repeatedly. Every time I close my eyes I see the pain and anguish on her face and I hate myself for being the reason it was there in the first place.
I’m supposed to be protecting her, loving her and being there for her, but right now if it really is true, how can I make all those promises? When I know damn well, it will be a constant battle for me to show her, tell her and give her all the love I have, but how much can one person withstand in a lifetime? I don’t want her to think she’s second best to Dariana because she’s having my first born or some crazy shit like that, my baby would be important but Dariana would just be it’s mother nothing more but a lot less.
I wish I knew the answer, I wish that I could find out the truth somehow, someway right now, so that I could ask Liz what I have waited my whole life to as her…to be my wife.
***********************************
Liz
I feel disgusted and sad, I am trying really hard to be okay with everything but nothing has really happened and I’m making myself sick already. I can’t think about it for too long otherwise I think I’ll go crazy.
How do I do this? How do I just pretend everything is okay, when it’s not? I know I’m jumping the gun and I know that there is a big possibility that the baby is not Max’s but what if it is? I can’t just pretend that there is not a possibility, they slept together, protection be damned it’s not a guarantee.
And if I’m really honest that pisses me off, I know how much of a hypocrite I sound like, I was after all the one that had sex with some random guy, unprotected and got pregnant, so I am in no position to be judgmental, but I am.
I can’t help it, just when I thought that Max and I were on the right track, something just rears it’s ugly head to remind us that we don’t live in a bubble and everything is not perfect. I prayed everyday while Max and I were apart that somehow, someway we could be together, be in love with one another and that nothing could break us apart.
I got my wish…well at least part of it. I guess when they say, “be careful what you wish for because you just might get it,” they were right. I have Max, he loves me and we are happy, but with happiness comes complications, unforeseen complications and that’s when true love is really tested.
They say love endures, and it’s true, but they forgot the clause that says; it’s a struggle everyday, you live, breathe and drink pain and sorrow, they go hand and hand when it comes to love, but if you try, if you fight for what you want you can come out on the other side happy, content and deliriously loved by someone else.
That’s the way I feel when I think of Max, because every great love story has some pain doesn’t it? But will we make it to our happy ending? I begin to question myself day after day with each passing challenge; do we have what it takes? I hope to God we do, I can’t see myself without him, but I wonder if maybe he’s not ready for that.
Yes I know he loves me but does he does he want me as a wife? Would I even be a good wife? Or mother for that matter? I have so many insecurities but Max is always there to lay them to rest, but those two things I’m just not ready to talk about, I’m not ready to hear what he has to say, because I fear that maybe just maybe he’s not ready.
I know it’s stupid and I should just talk to him, but just like anyone else I’m terrified that I might say the wrong thing or rush him into something he’s not ready for, so I’ll wait patiently and just hope that time comes soon.
***********************************
Max
I’m getting the food ready and the grill heated for dinner, when Liz comes floating downstairs, okay she’s not floating, but she’s wearing this baby blue spaghetti strapped sundress, bare feet and she descends each stair with a softness, like she’s walking on a cloud. She just takes my breath away, every time I see her it’s like I’m looking at her for the first time, I hope that feeling never ends.
“Hi baby, enjoy your shower?” I ask her when she reaches my side and I lean down to kiss her lips gently.
“Yes, but it would have been so much better if you were there.”
“Hmm yes it would have but then we would never be ready for Maria and Michael.” I tell her while entering the kitchen to grab a plate of food and some plates. She comes up beside me and takes the plates from my hands then we both walk out towards the sliding doors outside.
“Max, do you…do you know how far along she is?” I stop dead in my tracks, this is the first time Liz has spoken about it and that makes it more real for some reason.
“I…no I don’t but I was planning on calling her.” I tell her nervously, I really don’t know what’s okay to talk to her about and what’s not at this point.
“Okay.” She gets really quite and walks over to one of the lounge chairs and takes a seat. I put down the cooking utensil and walk over to her.
“Liz are you okay? I mean did I say something or do something?”
“No Max, it’s just that…”
“Hey guys! We’re here!” As much as I want to see the both of them, right now I need to know what Liz was going to say just now.
“Hi!” Liz avoids my gaze and rises up to greet Maria and Michael.
“Hey Maxwell, I see you haven’t burned down the house just yet.”
“Ha, ha Mikey, no I haven’t but since you want to talk you can help.” I say while tossing a hamburger bun at him.
“Hey watch it! I just did my hair.”
“Punk!”
“Dickhead!”
“Children please, can we try and have a civilized conversation?” Maria says as seriously as she can, although when both Michael and I turn around both Liz and Maria have gigantic smiles across their face and are trying to hard not to laugh out loud.
“Yes Mom!” We both say in unison.
“Good buttheads!”
“Oh real mature Liz…real mature.” Michael says to Liz, while I motion my head for Michael to join me inside the house.
***********************************
Michael
I know that Maria and I interrupted something but it was too late and I wish I hadn’t rushed Maria over here so that Max and Liz could finish talking. I saw the look of shear panic on his face as we approached them in the backyard, and now I stand here staring at my brother pacing the kitchen floor.
“Max, what’s going on? Are you okay?”
“No, no I’m not. I am falling apart right now and I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do, or say, or feel or…”
“Whoa! Calm down you are going to pop a vein or something. Now take a seat and talk to me.” I tell him and watch as he drops into one of the kitchen chairs heavily.
“It’s Liz.”
“What? Is she okay? I mean she’s not sick or anything.”
“No! Nothing like that, she asked me about Dariana and if I knew how far along she was…I don’t like it Michael.” He says while dropping his head in his hands and I walk over to him and pull a chair out to face him.
“Max, what don’t you like?” I honestly don’t know what he means right now, so I have to ask the stupid questions.
He sighs heavily then drags his hands over his face and looks at him, and for the first time since Liz was in the hospital I see nothing but despair and fear.
“She’s going to leave me Michael, if that baby is mine I’m going to loose Liz.”
“Max don’t you think your overreacting I mean, Liz loves you, you guys are finally together she’s not going to walk away from that.”
“No she won’t but I will.”
“What?! Maxwell are you feeling alright? You won’t do that I mean…” He cuts me off, his voice filled with determination.
“I will Michael, she won’t be happy, she told me she can live with it and eventually be happy or whatever, but that’s not good enough. She deserves more than that, she has been through so much in her life and I’m just fucking it up more. She’ll stay because she loves me, but how can I say that I love her if I let her?” Oh, he’s more lost than I could ever even imagine, he’s talking crazy right now.
“Maxwell, are you listening to yourself? That is Liz’s choice she said she wants to be with you and she knows what you having a baby with Dari is going to be, at least what it will entail, she would never think of leaving you or letting you leave her.”
“She doesn’t have to let me leave her Michael, she’s already started the process.” He sounds lost and wounded. I don’t know how to help him.
“Max, listen to me here. Liz has not started this ‘process’ as you’re saying. I’m sure she’s confused and maybe she doesn’t know what she can ask you and what she can’t, cut her some slack her Maxwell, it’s a lot for someone to take in but she has proved that she wants in.”
“But what if she changes her mind? What if she just…I…I can’t be without her Michael.” This is it, he breaks down, he has been holding it in since she got back I can imagine and it’s all just hitting him. Max does not cry for just anything or anyone, the only times I have seen him cry openly in front of me where over Liz, the same holds true for me, I have only ever done that over Maria. I don’t know what to say to make this better so I try and change the subject, try and shed a little light on a dark situation.
“So Maria was talking and I was doing my best to follow her this morning, and she mentioned something about things that were left in your bed that Liz found.” He wipes away his tears angrily and groans.
“Yes, she fucking left her underwear and a fucking condom wrapper I couldn’t believe it, Liz called me at work and I know she was upset, probably making herself sick until I called her from work and she told me. I was so pissed, I just…what would possess Dariana to do that?” Good question, she never showed any signs of a psychopathic stalker but that’s what it seems like she is becoming.
“She’s pissed off that you dumped her for Liz, but I don’t know why she would sink to that level it’s fucked up to say the least.”
“I know, and that’s what is bugging me about the whole baby situation. She never mentioned it to me before, we were alone before she went on her trip last week and nothing not a single word, she could have told me then, but she chose when she got back why?”
“I don’t know man…I wish I did but I don’t. Do you think she’s lying, like maybe she’s not pregnant?” I ask him because the thought has crossed my mind ever since this situation came to light.
“I thought about that too, if she’s not pregnant then what would be the point? I mean I would find out eventually, so I don’t think she’s lying about that, but I do have to question whether it’s even mine or not.”
“Wait! Hold on, are you saying that she fucked somebody else and is pretending it’s yours? Maxwell, that’s some serious crazy house shit going on.” I can’t believe it, I mean I knew Dariana almost as long as Max and I would never think that was in her cap city to do something like that.
“That’s what I’m saying, but the problem is, she’s not going to tell me and there is no way for me to find out until the baby is born and I can do a paternity test.”
“That is a long time to wait to find out, isn’t there some test they can do before that?” I ask him because I would think there would be something the doctors could do.
“No, I talked to Dad last night and he told me that’s the only way to find out for sure and also to check and see how far along she is in comparison to the last time we were together, because she can’t be that pregnant if it is mine.” I don’t want to get too personal but yeah I’m a guy so it’s okay.
“When was…”
“About 5 weeks would be my best guess, it was the first night she got into Roswell, so yeah no more than 6 but that’s pushing it at that point.”
“Okay so all we have to do is find out how far along she is and maybe that will help right?” He sighs heavily again and I’m getting more anxious as the time passes. To know that he’s carrying so much weight on his shoulders and there is nothing anyone can do to alleviate it just tears me up inside.
“Right, but how the hell am I supposed to know she’s telling me the truth? Even if I ask her she will probably lie, so…”
“So you go to the doctors with her.”
“I already am Michael.” He tells me with an exasperated sigh.
“No, I mean go in the room with her, ask your own questions. You’re the “father” right? So you have every right to be there and if she fights you then you know there’s something up right?” He looks like he’s contemplating it for a moment and then speaks.
“You’re right, I don’t know why I didn’t think of that, this way I will hear it from the doctors mouth myself. But I can’t tell Liz.”
“What? Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to give her false hopes, I need to just go and do this and get it over with. She doesn’t need to go through the ringer again because of me. I owe her as much.” I agree with him at this point, it’s better to be safe than sorry. It will only hurt Liz if she knows he’s doing this and it turns out that he’s wrong.
***********************************
Maria
“Liz, girlfriend are you okay?” I ask my best friend because right now she’s sitting on one of the chairs at the patio table staring at the sky.
“Yeah…no…I don’t know.” She gives me a frustrated sigh and looks at me, I can see the struggle she’s battling but I don’t’ want to push her, when she’s ready she’ll talk to me.
“I…I don’t know what to do. I need to be strong but I just feel like I’m drowning and I’ll never make it to shore.”
“Liz, is Max sure? Like really sure that it’s his?”
“No, I don’t think he is, but he won’t talk about it and a part of me is pissed off because he won’t and the other half is thankful that he doesn’t.” I walk over to her and take the seat next to her and reach out my hand and place it on top of hers.
“Lizzie, you need to talk to Max, you need to know what’s going on in his head and he needs to know what’s in yours as well. You already know what not talking does for you guys so now more than ever you need to talk.” She just nods and a tear slips from the corner of her eye.
“Maria…can I tell you something and you have to promise not to tell Michael, at least not yet.” She looks at me seriously, her eyes darting from over my shoulder looking for Max to my eyes.
“Yes, of course.” I tell her, even though I vowed not to keep anything from Michael, some things aren’t for me to tell.
“I think she’s lying, I don’t think that baby is Max’s I know it with all my heart that it’s not his.”
“How? I mean did she say something or…”
“No, I just…damn it! I don’t know Maria maybe I’m just wishing it not to be true so much so that I’ve convinced myself that it’s not.”
“Liz, I know there is a possibility fifty – fifty that it’s either his or not, but I mean what are you going to do if it is?” I ask her, I know she doesn’t want to face that reality but she needs to.
“I’ll die Maria…I…I didn’t tell Max, I told him that I could do it, that I could deal with it and learn to be happy but I don’t know…it’s selfish and stupid but it’s how I feel. I don’t want his first baby to be with her, hell I don’t want any baby he has to be anyone’s but mine.” She starts crying and I lean forward and embrace her strongly giving her support.
“Liz, I’m so sorry you have to go through this, but Max will be there for you, you know that right?” She just nods, but there’s something else…something she’s not saying.
“I need your help.” She pulls back and looks at me with a new found determination in her eyes.
“Of course…with what?”
“We need to find out what the hell that girl does all day, who’s she’s with, when and where she goes, I need to find out now not later who’s baby she’s carrying and I need your help.” I don’t have a good feeling about this, but I can’t tell her no, so I agree.
“Thank you Maria.”
“No problem, in fact it will be my pleasure to help bring that life sucking, piranha down.” She looks up at me surprised by my words and then we both just laugh over the whole thing.
***********************************
Max
“So are you guys ready to eat or what?” I ask after Michael and I enter the backyard after our conversation. I have a new found determination to get things back on track.
“Yes we are, I’m hungry.” Liz says while practically skipping over to me. She looks different, it’s in her eyes, like she’s confidant, which she has ever reason to be, but a few minutes ago she wasn’t. I wonder what changed? Maybe a pep talk with Maria helped…I hope so.
“Liz I still don’t know how you can be hungry after that huge lunch you ate.” She pouts and says,
“Do you think I’m fat?” What?! Okay I did not say or even mean that when I said what I just said.
“Fat?! Liz no! That’s not possible, why would you think that?”
“No reason, just I can’t help it that I’ve been hungry today, I didn’t eat much yesterday.” Right, I should have known better, nice work again Evans. I want to kick myself.
“I love you Liz, you know that right.” I turn to her and place my arms around her waist.
“I know, I love you too Max.” She smiles and pulls away from me going to grab a plate of food.
After Michael and Maria leave, I kind of wish they were still here, because right now Liz is lying in bed reading a book and I’m getting ready to take another shower, I don’t know what to say to her, so I just walk past her and enter the bathroom.
I close the door behind me, I lean in the bathtub and start the shower. I turn and look in the mirror and realize that I look ragged and tired. I back up against the wall and slide down, thoughts just bombarding my head over and over, like a freight train without brakes.
I feel powerless to stop what’s happening and it’s my life. I feel like a disappointment to Liz, like I can’t make her life better no matter how hard I try. Everything just crashes down on me, all my thoughts of Liz and her pain hit me full force and before I know it my head is resting against the wall and the tears are quickly cascading down my cheeks, I don’t even realize when she walks in, or takes a seat next to me or even when she cradles my head in her arms.
“Liz…” I sob brokenly to her.
“Shh Max, it’s okay I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” She rocks me back and forth until my sobs subside she then releases me and moves across the room to turn off the shower and helps me into the bedroom.
***********************************
Liz
I heard him crying and it broke something inside of me, I know he’s hurting but he’s to strong minded to tell me. I walk in and find him with his head against the bathroom wall and his tears leaving a trail down his beautiful face. He looks as if she is in agonizing pain and I know exactly what that feels like. This has to end here, we have to talk and I have to tell him about my plans.
I take him to bed and let him rest his head on the pillows, I then crawl in next to him and he wraps his arm around me pulling me flush with his body.
“Liz…I…I’m s-so s-sorry. I know that won’t fix it or make you feel better, but I don’t know what to do or say and I feel like I’m letting you down.” He begins to cry again and I start to as well but I don’t look at him because if I do I know I won’t be able to say what I need to say.
“Max don’t, I’m not mad at you. I’m hurt but not because of you…b-because of h-her, because of what s-she’s doing to us. I need to be with you Max and I can’t let you go.”
“You c-can’t?” He sounds so broken, I have no choice but to look at him so he can see that I mean every word. But when I look up into his eyes I see doubt swirling around and I take in a sharp painful breath.
“Max, you don’t…you don’t think I was going to leave you do you?” He just looks away and the tears slip from the corners of his eyes. Oh my God he did!
“I know it was wrong, it’s not that I don’t have faith in our love but what if you just couldn’t handle it?”
“Handle what Max?”
“Me letting you down again. I’m supposed to be the one that doesn’t break your heart but that’s all I ever do, all I’ve ever done.” He turns away from me and I quickly raise my hand to his face and turn it so he’s looking right into my eyes.
“No, Max you love me, you show me how much you love me everyday, you have for over ten years Max. I know you love me and you don’t let me down, I let myself down, I doubt you, your love more times then I’d like to admit to and I shouldn’t, that’s wrong and I’m sorry for that. But I can never be sorry for letting you in my life and for falling in love with you…never.” I vow to him open heartedly.
“Liz I have to tell you something, I was going to wait but I don’t like keeping things from you.” I brace myself because if this is more bad news I have to take it and look for the good in it…if there is any.
“I talked to Michael today and he made…he made a suggestion and I think it’s a good idea.”
“What is it?” I ask him suspiciously
“When I call her, I’m going to ask her if I could be in the room with her and the doctor to find out how far along she is, because I don’t think I can wait for a paternity test, it’s too long and I don’t want to yours or my life on hold. Not that…I won’t get one done after she has the baby but if I just had something…to….”
“Hold onto to.” I finish for him because I know exactly what he’s talking about, now it’s his turn to look at my suspiciously.
“I talked to Maria and decided that we would find out everything we can about her, who she goes out with and when, something anything to just prove it’s not true. And I’m sorry Max because if she is pregnant and it’s yours I want you to know that I will love that baby as if it were my own, as hard as it would be I can’t blame an innocent child for their evil, conniving, vicious, devil spawn of a mother.” Whoosh! Glad I got that off my chest, and Max just starts to laugh at first I’m confused but then I get it, it’s the first time I have openly spoke of my hatred towards her in that way.
After our laughing subsides Max gets serious once again and begins tracing imaginary circles on my stomach.
“Liz I don’t want you following her, I don’t trust her and I can’t risk anything happening to you, let me and Michael worry about it for right now okay?” I want to fight him on this, but I can tell how defeated he sounds and looks so I agree.
“Now Mr. Evans are you taking requests?” I look at him with a little grin followed by a spark of mischief in my eyes.
“Well Ms. Parker that all depends on your request.” I look up into his eyes and tell him,
“Make love to me Max.” He doesn’t hesitate he leans over and captures my mouth in a kiss. His warm soft lips caress mine over and over and when our bodies finally come together it’s indescribable it almost feels like my whole body heats up and everywhere he touches and kisses has an electrical current running through shooting tiny sparks throughout my body.
When we finally come down from our high, he leans over me breathlessly, looking me right in the eyes and tells me,
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you Liz…only you.” We both fall asleep in each other’s arms and I know right now that everything is going to be all right. It’s all just another test of love, one that neither Max nor myself have any intentions of losing.
TBC…
Max
The movie has been over for at least three hours and Liz is upstairs taking a shower and changing since Maria and Michael are on their way over for dinner.
My mind can’t help but wander back to what Liz had said about us being more careful and that a baby is the last thing we needed right now. I can’t say that her saying that doesn’t sadden me; I want children with Liz and only Liz. A part of me is ripping myself apart inside because I was just selfish for being with Dariana in the first place, if I hadn’t then this situation we are in wouldn’t be happening. On the other hand, I think if it didn’t happen, Liz and I arguing and me leaving, cutting myself off from her, then maybe we wouldn’t be as close as we are today. She and I may have never professed our love for one another, so although I hate it I wouldn’t want to erase it.
That’s not to say that I wouldn’t want to change it just a little, but I guess nothing in life is perfect, except for Liz. No matter what she does or says, she will always be perfect to me, nothing and no one can change that. I want to be with her for the rest of my life, but I’m terrified that Dariana may be pregnant with my child, and as bad as it might sound it makes me sick to my stomach. Not because the thought of having a child doesn’t feel great, it’s just I know Liz and I know she’s a strong person, but after awhile I know that it would put a serious strain on her…the both us and that worries me more than I’d like to admit.
If I ever lost her I know that I wouldn’t make it very long, I could survive but I wouldn’t be happy, no one makes me as happy as she does. Thinking back to yesterday, the look on her face when I told her Dariana was pregnant, it was like a kick to my gut not just once but repeatedly. Every time I close my eyes I see the pain and anguish on her face and I hate myself for being the reason it was there in the first place.
I’m supposed to be protecting her, loving her and being there for her, but right now if it really is true, how can I make all those promises? When I know damn well, it will be a constant battle for me to show her, tell her and give her all the love I have, but how much can one person withstand in a lifetime? I don’t want her to think she’s second best to Dariana because she’s having my first born or some crazy shit like that, my baby would be important but Dariana would just be it’s mother nothing more but a lot less.
I wish I knew the answer, I wish that I could find out the truth somehow, someway right now, so that I could ask Liz what I have waited my whole life to as her…to be my wife.
***********************************
Liz
I feel disgusted and sad, I am trying really hard to be okay with everything but nothing has really happened and I’m making myself sick already. I can’t think about it for too long otherwise I think I’ll go crazy.
How do I do this? How do I just pretend everything is okay, when it’s not? I know I’m jumping the gun and I know that there is a big possibility that the baby is not Max’s but what if it is? I can’t just pretend that there is not a possibility, they slept together, protection be damned it’s not a guarantee.
And if I’m really honest that pisses me off, I know how much of a hypocrite I sound like, I was after all the one that had sex with some random guy, unprotected and got pregnant, so I am in no position to be judgmental, but I am.
I can’t help it, just when I thought that Max and I were on the right track, something just rears it’s ugly head to remind us that we don’t live in a bubble and everything is not perfect. I prayed everyday while Max and I were apart that somehow, someway we could be together, be in love with one another and that nothing could break us apart.
I got my wish…well at least part of it. I guess when they say, “be careful what you wish for because you just might get it,” they were right. I have Max, he loves me and we are happy, but with happiness comes complications, unforeseen complications and that’s when true love is really tested.
They say love endures, and it’s true, but they forgot the clause that says; it’s a struggle everyday, you live, breathe and drink pain and sorrow, they go hand and hand when it comes to love, but if you try, if you fight for what you want you can come out on the other side happy, content and deliriously loved by someone else.
That’s the way I feel when I think of Max, because every great love story has some pain doesn’t it? But will we make it to our happy ending? I begin to question myself day after day with each passing challenge; do we have what it takes? I hope to God we do, I can’t see myself without him, but I wonder if maybe he’s not ready for that.
Yes I know he loves me but does he does he want me as a wife? Would I even be a good wife? Or mother for that matter? I have so many insecurities but Max is always there to lay them to rest, but those two things I’m just not ready to talk about, I’m not ready to hear what he has to say, because I fear that maybe just maybe he’s not ready.
I know it’s stupid and I should just talk to him, but just like anyone else I’m terrified that I might say the wrong thing or rush him into something he’s not ready for, so I’ll wait patiently and just hope that time comes soon.
***********************************
Max
I’m getting the food ready and the grill heated for dinner, when Liz comes floating downstairs, okay she’s not floating, but she’s wearing this baby blue spaghetti strapped sundress, bare feet and she descends each stair with a softness, like she’s walking on a cloud. She just takes my breath away, every time I see her it’s like I’m looking at her for the first time, I hope that feeling never ends.
“Hi baby, enjoy your shower?” I ask her when she reaches my side and I lean down to kiss her lips gently.
“Yes, but it would have been so much better if you were there.”
“Hmm yes it would have but then we would never be ready for Maria and Michael.” I tell her while entering the kitchen to grab a plate of food and some plates. She comes up beside me and takes the plates from my hands then we both walk out towards the sliding doors outside.
“Max, do you…do you know how far along she is?” I stop dead in my tracks, this is the first time Liz has spoken about it and that makes it more real for some reason.
“I…no I don’t but I was planning on calling her.” I tell her nervously, I really don’t know what’s okay to talk to her about and what’s not at this point.
“Okay.” She gets really quite and walks over to one of the lounge chairs and takes a seat. I put down the cooking utensil and walk over to her.
“Liz are you okay? I mean did I say something or do something?”
“No Max, it’s just that…”
“Hey guys! We’re here!” As much as I want to see the both of them, right now I need to know what Liz was going to say just now.
“Hi!” Liz avoids my gaze and rises up to greet Maria and Michael.
“Hey Maxwell, I see you haven’t burned down the house just yet.”
“Ha, ha Mikey, no I haven’t but since you want to talk you can help.” I say while tossing a hamburger bun at him.
“Hey watch it! I just did my hair.”
“Punk!”
“Dickhead!”
“Children please, can we try and have a civilized conversation?” Maria says as seriously as she can, although when both Michael and I turn around both Liz and Maria have gigantic smiles across their face and are trying to hard not to laugh out loud.
“Yes Mom!” We both say in unison.
“Good buttheads!”
“Oh real mature Liz…real mature.” Michael says to Liz, while I motion my head for Michael to join me inside the house.
***********************************
Michael
I know that Maria and I interrupted something but it was too late and I wish I hadn’t rushed Maria over here so that Max and Liz could finish talking. I saw the look of shear panic on his face as we approached them in the backyard, and now I stand here staring at my brother pacing the kitchen floor.
“Max, what’s going on? Are you okay?”
“No, no I’m not. I am falling apart right now and I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do, or say, or feel or…”
“Whoa! Calm down you are going to pop a vein or something. Now take a seat and talk to me.” I tell him and watch as he drops into one of the kitchen chairs heavily.
“It’s Liz.”
“What? Is she okay? I mean she’s not sick or anything.”
“No! Nothing like that, she asked me about Dariana and if I knew how far along she was…I don’t like it Michael.” He says while dropping his head in his hands and I walk over to him and pull a chair out to face him.
“Max, what don’t you like?” I honestly don’t know what he means right now, so I have to ask the stupid questions.
He sighs heavily then drags his hands over his face and looks at him, and for the first time since Liz was in the hospital I see nothing but despair and fear.
“She’s going to leave me Michael, if that baby is mine I’m going to loose Liz.”
“Max don’t you think your overreacting I mean, Liz loves you, you guys are finally together she’s not going to walk away from that.”
“No she won’t but I will.”
“What?! Maxwell are you feeling alright? You won’t do that I mean…” He cuts me off, his voice filled with determination.
“I will Michael, she won’t be happy, she told me she can live with it and eventually be happy or whatever, but that’s not good enough. She deserves more than that, she has been through so much in her life and I’m just fucking it up more. She’ll stay because she loves me, but how can I say that I love her if I let her?” Oh, he’s more lost than I could ever even imagine, he’s talking crazy right now.
“Maxwell, are you listening to yourself? That is Liz’s choice she said she wants to be with you and she knows what you having a baby with Dari is going to be, at least what it will entail, she would never think of leaving you or letting you leave her.”
“She doesn’t have to let me leave her Michael, she’s already started the process.” He sounds lost and wounded. I don’t know how to help him.
“Max, listen to me here. Liz has not started this ‘process’ as you’re saying. I’m sure she’s confused and maybe she doesn’t know what she can ask you and what she can’t, cut her some slack her Maxwell, it’s a lot for someone to take in but she has proved that she wants in.”
“But what if she changes her mind? What if she just…I…I can’t be without her Michael.” This is it, he breaks down, he has been holding it in since she got back I can imagine and it’s all just hitting him. Max does not cry for just anything or anyone, the only times I have seen him cry openly in front of me where over Liz, the same holds true for me, I have only ever done that over Maria. I don’t know what to say to make this better so I try and change the subject, try and shed a little light on a dark situation.
“So Maria was talking and I was doing my best to follow her this morning, and she mentioned something about things that were left in your bed that Liz found.” He wipes away his tears angrily and groans.
“Yes, she fucking left her underwear and a fucking condom wrapper I couldn’t believe it, Liz called me at work and I know she was upset, probably making herself sick until I called her from work and she told me. I was so pissed, I just…what would possess Dariana to do that?” Good question, she never showed any signs of a psychopathic stalker but that’s what it seems like she is becoming.
“She’s pissed off that you dumped her for Liz, but I don’t know why she would sink to that level it’s fucked up to say the least.”
“I know, and that’s what is bugging me about the whole baby situation. She never mentioned it to me before, we were alone before she went on her trip last week and nothing not a single word, she could have told me then, but she chose when she got back why?”
“I don’t know man…I wish I did but I don’t. Do you think she’s lying, like maybe she’s not pregnant?” I ask him because the thought has crossed my mind ever since this situation came to light.
“I thought about that too, if she’s not pregnant then what would be the point? I mean I would find out eventually, so I don’t think she’s lying about that, but I do have to question whether it’s even mine or not.”
“Wait! Hold on, are you saying that she fucked somebody else and is pretending it’s yours? Maxwell, that’s some serious crazy house shit going on.” I can’t believe it, I mean I knew Dariana almost as long as Max and I would never think that was in her cap city to do something like that.
“That’s what I’m saying, but the problem is, she’s not going to tell me and there is no way for me to find out until the baby is born and I can do a paternity test.”
“That is a long time to wait to find out, isn’t there some test they can do before that?” I ask him because I would think there would be something the doctors could do.
“No, I talked to Dad last night and he told me that’s the only way to find out for sure and also to check and see how far along she is in comparison to the last time we were together, because she can’t be that pregnant if it is mine.” I don’t want to get too personal but yeah I’m a guy so it’s okay.
“When was…”
“About 5 weeks would be my best guess, it was the first night she got into Roswell, so yeah no more than 6 but that’s pushing it at that point.”
“Okay so all we have to do is find out how far along she is and maybe that will help right?” He sighs heavily again and I’m getting more anxious as the time passes. To know that he’s carrying so much weight on his shoulders and there is nothing anyone can do to alleviate it just tears me up inside.
“Right, but how the hell am I supposed to know she’s telling me the truth? Even if I ask her she will probably lie, so…”
“So you go to the doctors with her.”
“I already am Michael.” He tells me with an exasperated sigh.
“No, I mean go in the room with her, ask your own questions. You’re the “father” right? So you have every right to be there and if she fights you then you know there’s something up right?” He looks like he’s contemplating it for a moment and then speaks.
“You’re right, I don’t know why I didn’t think of that, this way I will hear it from the doctors mouth myself. But I can’t tell Liz.”
“What? Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to give her false hopes, I need to just go and do this and get it over with. She doesn’t need to go through the ringer again because of me. I owe her as much.” I agree with him at this point, it’s better to be safe than sorry. It will only hurt Liz if she knows he’s doing this and it turns out that he’s wrong.
***********************************
Maria
“Liz, girlfriend are you okay?” I ask my best friend because right now she’s sitting on one of the chairs at the patio table staring at the sky.
“Yeah…no…I don’t know.” She gives me a frustrated sigh and looks at me, I can see the struggle she’s battling but I don’t’ want to push her, when she’s ready she’ll talk to me.
“I…I don’t know what to do. I need to be strong but I just feel like I’m drowning and I’ll never make it to shore.”
“Liz, is Max sure? Like really sure that it’s his?”
“No, I don’t think he is, but he won’t talk about it and a part of me is pissed off because he won’t and the other half is thankful that he doesn’t.” I walk over to her and take the seat next to her and reach out my hand and place it on top of hers.
“Lizzie, you need to talk to Max, you need to know what’s going on in his head and he needs to know what’s in yours as well. You already know what not talking does for you guys so now more than ever you need to talk.” She just nods and a tear slips from the corner of her eye.
“Maria…can I tell you something and you have to promise not to tell Michael, at least not yet.” She looks at me seriously, her eyes darting from over my shoulder looking for Max to my eyes.
“Yes, of course.” I tell her, even though I vowed not to keep anything from Michael, some things aren’t for me to tell.
“I think she’s lying, I don’t think that baby is Max’s I know it with all my heart that it’s not his.”
“How? I mean did she say something or…”
“No, I just…damn it! I don’t know Maria maybe I’m just wishing it not to be true so much so that I’ve convinced myself that it’s not.”
“Liz, I know there is a possibility fifty – fifty that it’s either his or not, but I mean what are you going to do if it is?” I ask her, I know she doesn’t want to face that reality but she needs to.
“I’ll die Maria…I…I didn’t tell Max, I told him that I could do it, that I could deal with it and learn to be happy but I don’t know…it’s selfish and stupid but it’s how I feel. I don’t want his first baby to be with her, hell I don’t want any baby he has to be anyone’s but mine.” She starts crying and I lean forward and embrace her strongly giving her support.
“Liz, I’m so sorry you have to go through this, but Max will be there for you, you know that right?” She just nods, but there’s something else…something she’s not saying.
“I need your help.” She pulls back and looks at me with a new found determination in her eyes.
“Of course…with what?”
“We need to find out what the hell that girl does all day, who’s she’s with, when and where she goes, I need to find out now not later who’s baby she’s carrying and I need your help.” I don’t have a good feeling about this, but I can’t tell her no, so I agree.
“Thank you Maria.”
“No problem, in fact it will be my pleasure to help bring that life sucking, piranha down.” She looks up at me surprised by my words and then we both just laugh over the whole thing.
***********************************
Max
“So are you guys ready to eat or what?” I ask after Michael and I enter the backyard after our conversation. I have a new found determination to get things back on track.
“Yes we are, I’m hungry.” Liz says while practically skipping over to me. She looks different, it’s in her eyes, like she’s confidant, which she has ever reason to be, but a few minutes ago she wasn’t. I wonder what changed? Maybe a pep talk with Maria helped…I hope so.
“Liz I still don’t know how you can be hungry after that huge lunch you ate.” She pouts and says,
“Do you think I’m fat?” What?! Okay I did not say or even mean that when I said what I just said.
“Fat?! Liz no! That’s not possible, why would you think that?”
“No reason, just I can’t help it that I’ve been hungry today, I didn’t eat much yesterday.” Right, I should have known better, nice work again Evans. I want to kick myself.
“I love you Liz, you know that right.” I turn to her and place my arms around her waist.
“I know, I love you too Max.” She smiles and pulls away from me going to grab a plate of food.
After Michael and Maria leave, I kind of wish they were still here, because right now Liz is lying in bed reading a book and I’m getting ready to take another shower, I don’t know what to say to her, so I just walk past her and enter the bathroom.
I close the door behind me, I lean in the bathtub and start the shower. I turn and look in the mirror and realize that I look ragged and tired. I back up against the wall and slide down, thoughts just bombarding my head over and over, like a freight train without brakes.
I feel powerless to stop what’s happening and it’s my life. I feel like a disappointment to Liz, like I can’t make her life better no matter how hard I try. Everything just crashes down on me, all my thoughts of Liz and her pain hit me full force and before I know it my head is resting against the wall and the tears are quickly cascading down my cheeks, I don’t even realize when she walks in, or takes a seat next to me or even when she cradles my head in her arms.
“Liz…” I sob brokenly to her.
“Shh Max, it’s okay I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” She rocks me back and forth until my sobs subside she then releases me and moves across the room to turn off the shower and helps me into the bedroom.
***********************************
Liz
I heard him crying and it broke something inside of me, I know he’s hurting but he’s to strong minded to tell me. I walk in and find him with his head against the bathroom wall and his tears leaving a trail down his beautiful face. He looks as if she is in agonizing pain and I know exactly what that feels like. This has to end here, we have to talk and I have to tell him about my plans.
I take him to bed and let him rest his head on the pillows, I then crawl in next to him and he wraps his arm around me pulling me flush with his body.
“Liz…I…I’m s-so s-sorry. I know that won’t fix it or make you feel better, but I don’t know what to do or say and I feel like I’m letting you down.” He begins to cry again and I start to as well but I don’t look at him because if I do I know I won’t be able to say what I need to say.
“Max don’t, I’m not mad at you. I’m hurt but not because of you…b-because of h-her, because of what s-she’s doing to us. I need to be with you Max and I can’t let you go.”
“You c-can’t?” He sounds so broken, I have no choice but to look at him so he can see that I mean every word. But when I look up into his eyes I see doubt swirling around and I take in a sharp painful breath.
“Max, you don’t…you don’t think I was going to leave you do you?” He just looks away and the tears slip from the corners of his eyes. Oh my God he did!
“I know it was wrong, it’s not that I don’t have faith in our love but what if you just couldn’t handle it?”
“Handle what Max?”
“Me letting you down again. I’m supposed to be the one that doesn’t break your heart but that’s all I ever do, all I’ve ever done.” He turns away from me and I quickly raise my hand to his face and turn it so he’s looking right into my eyes.
“No, Max you love me, you show me how much you love me everyday, you have for over ten years Max. I know you love me and you don’t let me down, I let myself down, I doubt you, your love more times then I’d like to admit to and I shouldn’t, that’s wrong and I’m sorry for that. But I can never be sorry for letting you in my life and for falling in love with you…never.” I vow to him open heartedly.
“Liz I have to tell you something, I was going to wait but I don’t like keeping things from you.” I brace myself because if this is more bad news I have to take it and look for the good in it…if there is any.
“I talked to Michael today and he made…he made a suggestion and I think it’s a good idea.”
“What is it?” I ask him suspiciously
“When I call her, I’m going to ask her if I could be in the room with her and the doctor to find out how far along she is, because I don’t think I can wait for a paternity test, it’s too long and I don’t want to yours or my life on hold. Not that…I won’t get one done after she has the baby but if I just had something…to….”
“Hold onto to.” I finish for him because I know exactly what he’s talking about, now it’s his turn to look at my suspiciously.
“I talked to Maria and decided that we would find out everything we can about her, who she goes out with and when, something anything to just prove it’s not true. And I’m sorry Max because if she is pregnant and it’s yours I want you to know that I will love that baby as if it were my own, as hard as it would be I can’t blame an innocent child for their evil, conniving, vicious, devil spawn of a mother.” Whoosh! Glad I got that off my chest, and Max just starts to laugh at first I’m confused but then I get it, it’s the first time I have openly spoke of my hatred towards her in that way.
After our laughing subsides Max gets serious once again and begins tracing imaginary circles on my stomach.
“Liz I don’t want you following her, I don’t trust her and I can’t risk anything happening to you, let me and Michael worry about it for right now okay?” I want to fight him on this, but I can tell how defeated he sounds and looks so I agree.
“Now Mr. Evans are you taking requests?” I look at him with a little grin followed by a spark of mischief in my eyes.
“Well Ms. Parker that all depends on your request.” I look up into his eyes and tell him,
“Make love to me Max.” He doesn’t hesitate he leans over and captures my mouth in a kiss. His warm soft lips caress mine over and over and when our bodies finally come together it’s indescribable it almost feels like my whole body heats up and everywhere he touches and kisses has an electrical current running through shooting tiny sparks throughout my body.
When we finally come down from our high, he leans over me breathlessly, looking me right in the eyes and tells me,
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you Liz…only you.” We both fall asleep in each other’s arms and I know right now that everything is going to be all right. It’s all just another test of love, one that neither Max nor myself have any intentions of losing.
TBC…
I will tell you there are only 5 more parts after this. Which means I'll have more time to write for Borrowed Heaven and some of you may or may not know I am co-writing a story with Tiffany (aka sweetbrowneyes) on this board it's called; Someone To Love You and despite the way it starts it's a total dreamer fic...trust me