Shadows -- Part 61
Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2003 4:35 am
Part 61
Kyle took in a deep shaky breath as he sat alone on the picnic table on the far side of the park. He hoped no one he knew would cross this area of the park because he wanted to spend some time alone at the moment. This was the first time he had gotten out of the house since last night and he had spent that entire time baby sitting Tess. He had been glad to get out for a while and when Ava had come over he had jumped at the chance. Though he felt a bit guilty at being so eager to get away he needed to sort his thoughts.
The entire morning today he had felt Tess’s eyes on him and whenever he met hers he would be captivated by the sadness and apology in her eyes. She wouldn’t look away or even pretend that she was not staring and in a way Kyle was glad she didn’t. It would have hurt too much if she couldn’t even meet his eyes. Tess had said that she needed him, that she needed him to be the strong one for her; she had wanted them to be okay and he had foolishly told her that they would be soon. In truth he couldn’t say with full honesty that he could ever be okay with this. He might learn to ignore it or maybe even accept it but deep down he would never be okay with it.
Right now it all seemed…well surreal. Like it was all a really bad nightmare and when he would wake up everything would be back to normal. Alex and Liz would be alive; he and Max would be on last name basis and Tess…he would still have a chance with her.
But things were changing fast, had changed to quite an extent in fact. Would Tess still live with them after the baby will be born or will she move in with Max? Will Max want her to move in? Would he be okay with it?
It might be easy for me to accept everything that has happened so far but will it be just as easy to come to terms with all of this once there is a baby in the house? He wondered.
Kyle angrily slammed his fists on the bench as he felt a surge of anger and helplessness ripple through him. Damn alien! He thought fiercely. Why did they have to mess our lives this way? Why mine?
“Rough day?” a weary voice asked him. Kyle looked up from the table and his fists to see Isabel standing there. He hadn’t even heard her walk up to him. When he didn’t say anything, Isabel took an uncertain step back, “If you want to be alone, I can leave…”
Kyle looked at her and noticed that her hands were tucked deep into the pockets of her coat and she had a tired look on her face. His want of privacy evaporated when he saw her. He knew instantly that she was not doing so great herself and needed to talk to someone. Sighing just a little Kyle wordlessly scooted over and patted the cold seat next to him.
Isabel didn’t need any further encouragement. She gratefully sat down next to him. They both didn’t say anything for a minute. Kyle just stared straight ahead, not turning to look at her while Isabel played with the rings on her fingers. Finally Isabel asked hesitantly.
“How are you holding up?”
Kyle hesitated in answering, not sure what to tell her. Should he tell her about how he wished this were all over, or how he was so angry at Max? Or should he tell her that he’s trying to get past this?
“I-I’m…well…I-I’m doing…okay, not great but…” he gave her a little shrug. “I’ll be fine.”
Isabel regarded him for a second before she gave him a small, knowing smile. “You’re not even a little bit okay with this, are you?” she asked but before he could answer she shook her head ruefully. “Stupid question, of course you’re not. None of us are.”
“What can I say? There’s not much we can do about this.” He replied with his patent half smile.
“It’s a bit weird how this one thing has affected us all. I mean not just the people directly related to this like Max or Tess herself, but all of us. You, me, Maria and even Michael…”Isabel observed. “The way we reacted…are reacting…it’s like it’s about us personally and not between…them.”
“That’s because we are all directly involved Isabel.” Kyle replied. “This isn’t just about them, nothing that ever happens to us is just about that one person; it all concerns us, together as a group. It always has.”
“I guess…”Isabel answered.
Once again they let the silence fall between them; they really didn’t want to talk about it. They had basically come here to be alone, to not talk to anyone and be reminded of it. They didn’t need words to tell the others how upset they were; it was obvious. What they needed was to be there for each other, to help them go through this because this was promising to be one bumpy ride.
They were both sitting there silently, letting the tranquility of the park wash over them when Isabel finally spoke again.
“Kyle…do you…”Isabel began before she stopped. Kyle turned to look at her curiously.
“Do I what?” he asked.
Isabel bit her lip, debating with herself before asking again, “Do you feel like they are here?”
“Who?” Kyle asked, puzzled by her question.
“Liz…Alex…”Isabel whispered, looking away to her feet.
“Sure, sometimes I fee like Liz is just going to come bounding through the door or sometimes I feel like Alex is going to come up to me and ask me what crap I pulled with Liz…”Kyle replied.
“No,” Isabel shook her head, “I mean as if they are really here.”
Kyle knitted his brows together as he looked at her, and she was still avoiding looking at him. “What’s going on Isabel?” he asked her.
“I had a dream about Alex last night…”she told him quietly.
“Isabel, it was just a dream. You’re missing him, so it’s perfectly natural for you to think about him.” Kyle supplied, a sympathetic tone in his voice.
Isabel now looked at him, meeting her eyes and he saw the confusion there, mixed with conviction. “No Kyle, it felt more than that. It was as if he was really there. It was odd, it wasn’t like any dream I had before. It felt real.”
“Isabel…”Kyle began again but she cut him off.
“There’s more.” She told him. “Yesterday when I was at the Crash Down after we left Michael’s…well I was sitting there and suddenly I feel this prickle…it’s like I felt Alex walk through the doors. I know it sounds strange and ridiculous but I’m not imagining it! It was so real. What I felt…it was so real that I had to look up. I felt compelled to look up. There-there was no one there of course…for a second I thought I saw him sitting by a corner table with two girls but then on closer inspection it wasn’t him…”
Isabel didn’t say anything. She knew it sounded strange but it had felt so real….
“I can tell you with certainty that it definitely could not have been Alex.” Kyle told her with confidence and a small smirk on his face. Isabel looked at him, her head tilted as she noticed the light tone in his voice.
“How so?” she asked.
“Come on! Two girls?” Kyle cried in amusement. “Alex couldn’t score with even one!”
“Kyle!” Isabel admonished but she laughed lightly. Kyle grinned at her, happy to make her laugh.
“It’s true.” Kyle told her with a vigorous nod.
Chuckling Isabel swatted him lightly. “You’re forgetting Alex had three girls in his life.” She reminded him. “Liz, Maria and me!”
“Okay, Liz and Maria don’t count but you…yeah…”Kyle drawled reluctantly.
Suddenly the smile disappeared from Isabel’s face at Kyle’s word. Sadness replaced her smile. “I’m not so sure you can count me either.” She replied. She looked away from Kyle, her eyes far off as she remembered Alex. “I wasn’t exactly his girlfriend…”
“He took you to the prom didn’t he?” Kyle pointed out, not understanding the sudden change in her mood.
“That doesn’t really say anything.” Isabel replied. “Max took Liz to the prom, that didn’t mean they were dating again. And you…you took Tess to the prom, that doesn’t mean you love her…”
“I do love her…”Kyle began but he caught himself just in time. Isabel mistook the meaning of those words as she shrugged.
“As a sister. She is your family. And yet you took her to the prom.”
“What’s your point Iz?” Kyle asked, clearing his throat to stop himself from blurting out the truth.
“My point is that all Alex ever wanted was for me to trust him. He had always loved me and I used him or pushed him away…so many times! I used him Kyle, I took his willingness to help me for granted, asked him to put his life on the line for me, for us.” She replied. Her eyes met Kyle’s and he saw the guilt and blame in them. “And what did I give him in return? Nothing! All he had wanted was me but I was too scared and proud to admit I had feelings for him. I had so many chances to tell him that I loved him. I didn’t—” she faltered as her voice cracked. Taking a breath to compose herself she began again, “I didn’t even tell him I loved him…not at the prom when I should have, not even after that…”
Kyle suddenly understood what she was trying to tell him, what she was feeling. “Is that what this is?” he asked incredulously. “That you think he died without having known how much you loved him? Or that he regretted his part in this secret?”
Isabel looked away.
“Isabel, you can’t seriously think that?” Kyle asked. When Isabel didn’t answer him again he grabbed her hand. “Look at me Isabel and listen to me.” He waited until Isabel was looking at him. “First off, Alex never regretted being a part of this. Never! You know how I know? Because he told me himself.” Seeing the puzzled look on her face, he went on to explain. “Remember when Alex and I were trapped in the alien crystal cave? Well we thought we were going to die there when there seemed no way out. You know what Alex said to me? He said that he had this amazing knowledge that aliens existed, that he knew what 6 billion people didn’t and he wouldn’t trade his place with anyone, not even if it meant being able to get out of the cave. He didn’t want to be just some other guy.”
Tears were streaking down Isabel’s face but she made no move to wipe them away. It sounded so much like what Alex would say. She choked back a sob, in some way glad that Alex never regretted them being a part of his life.
“And secondly,” Kyle continued. “You didn’t have to tell him how much you loved him. He always knew. That was the only reason he never gave up on you. Because he knew how much you loved him and he respected you enough to give you your space till you figured it out for yourself.”
Isabel finally let the sob slip past her lips and she cried softly for a while and Kyle let her, making soothing circle on her back. He couldn’t believe she had been thinking that all this time. If he had known he would have cleared this up with her sooner or asked someone else to at least. Finally, Isabel wiped her eyes and gave him a watery smile.
“Who knew you were such a good listener.” Isabel told him
“Yeah, but don’t let it get out.” Kyle stage whispered. “It might ruin my tough guy image.”
Isabel managed a chuckle. “Thank you Kyle.” She replied softly.
Kyle gave her hand a small squeeze. “No problem.”
Kyle then glanced at his watch and got up quickly. “Damn! I’m late!” he turned to give Isabel an apologetic smile. “Look, I better be heading back to the house.” He told her. “Ava is watching Tess, but I’d prefer to be there.”
Isabel got up nodding. “Can I come?” she asked all of a sudden.
Kyle was a bit taken aback; he didn’t think she wanted to go meet Tess. But then after a moment’s hesitation he gave her a smile.
“Sure.” He replied.
“Kyle…does you dad know…about Tess…”Isabel asked as they began to head out of the park.
“No.” Kyle interjected quickly. “No…and that’s not really my call. But I’ll be there for her when she will tell him…that is if she wants me to be there.”
Isabel smiled gently at him. “I’m glad that she has you too to take care of her. After all she needs her family too.” Isabel said. She didn’t notice Kyle wince slightly at the words.
TBC......
Kyle took in a deep shaky breath as he sat alone on the picnic table on the far side of the park. He hoped no one he knew would cross this area of the park because he wanted to spend some time alone at the moment. This was the first time he had gotten out of the house since last night and he had spent that entire time baby sitting Tess. He had been glad to get out for a while and when Ava had come over he had jumped at the chance. Though he felt a bit guilty at being so eager to get away he needed to sort his thoughts.
The entire morning today he had felt Tess’s eyes on him and whenever he met hers he would be captivated by the sadness and apology in her eyes. She wouldn’t look away or even pretend that she was not staring and in a way Kyle was glad she didn’t. It would have hurt too much if she couldn’t even meet his eyes. Tess had said that she needed him, that she needed him to be the strong one for her; she had wanted them to be okay and he had foolishly told her that they would be soon. In truth he couldn’t say with full honesty that he could ever be okay with this. He might learn to ignore it or maybe even accept it but deep down he would never be okay with it.
Right now it all seemed…well surreal. Like it was all a really bad nightmare and when he would wake up everything would be back to normal. Alex and Liz would be alive; he and Max would be on last name basis and Tess…he would still have a chance with her.
But things were changing fast, had changed to quite an extent in fact. Would Tess still live with them after the baby will be born or will she move in with Max? Will Max want her to move in? Would he be okay with it?
It might be easy for me to accept everything that has happened so far but will it be just as easy to come to terms with all of this once there is a baby in the house? He wondered.
Kyle angrily slammed his fists on the bench as he felt a surge of anger and helplessness ripple through him. Damn alien! He thought fiercely. Why did they have to mess our lives this way? Why mine?
“Rough day?” a weary voice asked him. Kyle looked up from the table and his fists to see Isabel standing there. He hadn’t even heard her walk up to him. When he didn’t say anything, Isabel took an uncertain step back, “If you want to be alone, I can leave…”
Kyle looked at her and noticed that her hands were tucked deep into the pockets of her coat and she had a tired look on her face. His want of privacy evaporated when he saw her. He knew instantly that she was not doing so great herself and needed to talk to someone. Sighing just a little Kyle wordlessly scooted over and patted the cold seat next to him.
Isabel didn’t need any further encouragement. She gratefully sat down next to him. They both didn’t say anything for a minute. Kyle just stared straight ahead, not turning to look at her while Isabel played with the rings on her fingers. Finally Isabel asked hesitantly.
“How are you holding up?”
Kyle hesitated in answering, not sure what to tell her. Should he tell her about how he wished this were all over, or how he was so angry at Max? Or should he tell her that he’s trying to get past this?
“I-I’m…well…I-I’m doing…okay, not great but…” he gave her a little shrug. “I’ll be fine.”
Isabel regarded him for a second before she gave him a small, knowing smile. “You’re not even a little bit okay with this, are you?” she asked but before he could answer she shook her head ruefully. “Stupid question, of course you’re not. None of us are.”
“What can I say? There’s not much we can do about this.” He replied with his patent half smile.
“It’s a bit weird how this one thing has affected us all. I mean not just the people directly related to this like Max or Tess herself, but all of us. You, me, Maria and even Michael…”Isabel observed. “The way we reacted…are reacting…it’s like it’s about us personally and not between…them.”
“That’s because we are all directly involved Isabel.” Kyle replied. “This isn’t just about them, nothing that ever happens to us is just about that one person; it all concerns us, together as a group. It always has.”
“I guess…”Isabel answered.
Once again they let the silence fall between them; they really didn’t want to talk about it. They had basically come here to be alone, to not talk to anyone and be reminded of it. They didn’t need words to tell the others how upset they were; it was obvious. What they needed was to be there for each other, to help them go through this because this was promising to be one bumpy ride.
They were both sitting there silently, letting the tranquility of the park wash over them when Isabel finally spoke again.
“Kyle…do you…”Isabel began before she stopped. Kyle turned to look at her curiously.
“Do I what?” he asked.
Isabel bit her lip, debating with herself before asking again, “Do you feel like they are here?”
“Who?” Kyle asked, puzzled by her question.
“Liz…Alex…”Isabel whispered, looking away to her feet.
“Sure, sometimes I fee like Liz is just going to come bounding through the door or sometimes I feel like Alex is going to come up to me and ask me what crap I pulled with Liz…”Kyle replied.
“No,” Isabel shook her head, “I mean as if they are really here.”
Kyle knitted his brows together as he looked at her, and she was still avoiding looking at him. “What’s going on Isabel?” he asked her.
“I had a dream about Alex last night…”she told him quietly.
“Isabel, it was just a dream. You’re missing him, so it’s perfectly natural for you to think about him.” Kyle supplied, a sympathetic tone in his voice.
Isabel now looked at him, meeting her eyes and he saw the confusion there, mixed with conviction. “No Kyle, it felt more than that. It was as if he was really there. It was odd, it wasn’t like any dream I had before. It felt real.”
“Isabel…”Kyle began again but she cut him off.
“There’s more.” She told him. “Yesterday when I was at the Crash Down after we left Michael’s…well I was sitting there and suddenly I feel this prickle…it’s like I felt Alex walk through the doors. I know it sounds strange and ridiculous but I’m not imagining it! It was so real. What I felt…it was so real that I had to look up. I felt compelled to look up. There-there was no one there of course…for a second I thought I saw him sitting by a corner table with two girls but then on closer inspection it wasn’t him…”
Isabel didn’t say anything. She knew it sounded strange but it had felt so real….
“I can tell you with certainty that it definitely could not have been Alex.” Kyle told her with confidence and a small smirk on his face. Isabel looked at him, her head tilted as she noticed the light tone in his voice.
“How so?” she asked.
“Come on! Two girls?” Kyle cried in amusement. “Alex couldn’t score with even one!”
“Kyle!” Isabel admonished but she laughed lightly. Kyle grinned at her, happy to make her laugh.
“It’s true.” Kyle told her with a vigorous nod.
Chuckling Isabel swatted him lightly. “You’re forgetting Alex had three girls in his life.” She reminded him. “Liz, Maria and me!”
“Okay, Liz and Maria don’t count but you…yeah…”Kyle drawled reluctantly.
Suddenly the smile disappeared from Isabel’s face at Kyle’s word. Sadness replaced her smile. “I’m not so sure you can count me either.” She replied. She looked away from Kyle, her eyes far off as she remembered Alex. “I wasn’t exactly his girlfriend…”
“He took you to the prom didn’t he?” Kyle pointed out, not understanding the sudden change in her mood.
“That doesn’t really say anything.” Isabel replied. “Max took Liz to the prom, that didn’t mean they were dating again. And you…you took Tess to the prom, that doesn’t mean you love her…”
“I do love her…”Kyle began but he caught himself just in time. Isabel mistook the meaning of those words as she shrugged.
“As a sister. She is your family. And yet you took her to the prom.”
“What’s your point Iz?” Kyle asked, clearing his throat to stop himself from blurting out the truth.
“My point is that all Alex ever wanted was for me to trust him. He had always loved me and I used him or pushed him away…so many times! I used him Kyle, I took his willingness to help me for granted, asked him to put his life on the line for me, for us.” She replied. Her eyes met Kyle’s and he saw the guilt and blame in them. “And what did I give him in return? Nothing! All he had wanted was me but I was too scared and proud to admit I had feelings for him. I had so many chances to tell him that I loved him. I didn’t—” she faltered as her voice cracked. Taking a breath to compose herself she began again, “I didn’t even tell him I loved him…not at the prom when I should have, not even after that…”
Kyle suddenly understood what she was trying to tell him, what she was feeling. “Is that what this is?” he asked incredulously. “That you think he died without having known how much you loved him? Or that he regretted his part in this secret?”
Isabel looked away.
“Isabel, you can’t seriously think that?” Kyle asked. When Isabel didn’t answer him again he grabbed her hand. “Look at me Isabel and listen to me.” He waited until Isabel was looking at him. “First off, Alex never regretted being a part of this. Never! You know how I know? Because he told me himself.” Seeing the puzzled look on her face, he went on to explain. “Remember when Alex and I were trapped in the alien crystal cave? Well we thought we were going to die there when there seemed no way out. You know what Alex said to me? He said that he had this amazing knowledge that aliens existed, that he knew what 6 billion people didn’t and he wouldn’t trade his place with anyone, not even if it meant being able to get out of the cave. He didn’t want to be just some other guy.”
Tears were streaking down Isabel’s face but she made no move to wipe them away. It sounded so much like what Alex would say. She choked back a sob, in some way glad that Alex never regretted them being a part of his life.
“And secondly,” Kyle continued. “You didn’t have to tell him how much you loved him. He always knew. That was the only reason he never gave up on you. Because he knew how much you loved him and he respected you enough to give you your space till you figured it out for yourself.”
Isabel finally let the sob slip past her lips and she cried softly for a while and Kyle let her, making soothing circle on her back. He couldn’t believe she had been thinking that all this time. If he had known he would have cleared this up with her sooner or asked someone else to at least. Finally, Isabel wiped her eyes and gave him a watery smile.
“Who knew you were such a good listener.” Isabel told him
“Yeah, but don’t let it get out.” Kyle stage whispered. “It might ruin my tough guy image.”
Isabel managed a chuckle. “Thank you Kyle.” She replied softly.
Kyle gave her hand a small squeeze. “No problem.”
Kyle then glanced at his watch and got up quickly. “Damn! I’m late!” he turned to give Isabel an apologetic smile. “Look, I better be heading back to the house.” He told her. “Ava is watching Tess, but I’d prefer to be there.”
Isabel got up nodding. “Can I come?” she asked all of a sudden.
Kyle was a bit taken aback; he didn’t think she wanted to go meet Tess. But then after a moment’s hesitation he gave her a smile.
“Sure.” He replied.
“Kyle…does you dad know…about Tess…”Isabel asked as they began to head out of the park.
“No.” Kyle interjected quickly. “No…and that’s not really my call. But I’ll be there for her when she will tell him…that is if she wants me to be there.”
Isabel smiled gently at him. “I’m glad that she has you too to take care of her. After all she needs her family too.” Isabel said. She didn’t notice Kyle wince slightly at the words.
TBC......