Without hope or agenda. Complete (A/I & CC,TEEN) 15-Aug
Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2006 3:37 pm
Without hope or agenda
Author: StargazerUK.
Email: dj.meade@btinternet.com
Category: A/I & C/C.
Rating: Teen
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of these Roswell characters, I have borrowed them.( If I did Alex & Isabel would be living happily ever after. )
Author's Note: I had the idea for this brief, and I do mean very brief, story after watching the film “Love Actually”. To be honest the only thing I picked up from the film was the phrase “Without hope or agenda”, which is obviously the title of this story. No infringement is intended and as previously stated, this story will have nothing to do with the film bar that one line.
In case some of you are wondering I announced that my next story was going to be called “Without hope or expectation” but as you might now have worked out I got the name wrong. In my defence it has been a while since I’ve seen the film. Good job I checked!
This story is set at around the time of the pilot episode, but that is the only thing that the two have in common. Therefore this is before they became friends.
Alex has something he needs to get off of his chest, no matter what the cost!
Chapter 1
“Honey, why do you put yourself through this all the time, day in and day out?”
Alex pulled his gaze back from the direction he had been staring to the opposite side of the counter at which he sat, coming face to face with Maria who had been busy cleaning the soda machine. “I don’t know what you mean.” He frowned.
Maria had to stop herself swiping at her tall best friend with the cloth she had been holding. If there was one thing worse than a love sick friend it was a love sick friend who was firmly in denial. “Oh, and I suppose you just happen to like looking over your shoulder while you sit here at the Crashdown each evening after school. And I don’t suppose it has anything to do with the statuesque blond that happens to be sitting over there in the booth by the window with her vacuous friends!”
Alex shot a glance back over his shoulder to where he had been looking a moment earlier and saw the girl Maria had been referring to. Had he really been that obvious? Returning his eye line back to Maria he narrowed his gaze and stared at his petite friend for a moment. “What’s brought this on? I mean I am used to you and Liz moaning at me and telling me what I am doing wrong with my life but why the sudden increase in nagging?”
“Nagging?” Maria echoed as she finally caved and took a firm swipe at her friend. “I don’t nag! Old, married women nag! I show concern for a friend or loved one and offer helpful advice and/or assistance.”
“Hey, Guys. What’s all the noise about?” Liz greeted her friends as she came out from the backroom of the diner.
“Maria was nagging me again!” Alex explained as he raised his hands to defend himself from the impending strike. To his surprise it never came.
“You don’t have to tell me twice, Whitman!” Maria scolded as she brushed past Liz, heading for the backroom. “I care about you and I’ve told you time and time again what I think and I’ve had enough now! If you want to keep running round like a lost puppy after that harlot, who am I to interfere?” And with that Maria was gone.
Alex couldn’t hide his disbelief at such an outburst from Maria and, even more surprising, was her dramatic exit. He quickly turned to look at Liz who herself was looking a little bemused. “What have I done?” He almost pleaded.
Liz reached forward and covered her friends hand with her own and gave it a comforting squeeze. “Believe it or not, Alex, you have done everything and nothing at one and the same time.”
If Alex was looking for help and understanding about what was going on, that wasn’t it!
“I don’t understand. You’ve lost me, Liz, and cryptic replies aren’t making things any easier for me.” Alex scrubbed at his face with his hands as he let out a heavy sigh. “I don’t know what is going on and all of a sudden I feel like I am the bad guy in this.”
Liz gave her best friend a gentle smile. “I could tell you, but as there is a certain small friend of ours who is currently sitting in the back room a little bit upset right now why don’t you go back there and check she is alright and at the same time you can find out what’s going on.”
Alex tentatively lifted himself from the stool, but stopped and leaned back into Liz. “What if she hits me?”
Liz couldn’t stifle the laugh that sneaked out. “She won’t hit you if you get close enough to pull her into a hug. That way you will have her arms clamped fast and there’s no way she can hurt you.”
Alex stopped a moment and thought about what Liz had suggested. “Good idea.” He nodded as he proceeded into the backroom of the Crashdown which was normally reserved for staff members and/or family, but nowadays Alex almost fitted into both categories.
When he stepped into the backroom Alex allowed the swing doors to close behind him before he slowly stepped forward towards the back door. It is only as you approached the very back of the narrow space that you can see that the room opens out on the right hand side, and you become aware of a couch and a couple of single chairs that are normally hidden from view.
It was as the couch came into view that Alex found Maria curled up on one end of the sofa with a cushion clutched to her chest, her head held low so he couldn’t quite see his friend’s features. “Hello, Pretty. Mind if I join you?”
The only reply that came was what Alex perceived to be the word “Fine”. He couldn’t be sure because any comment made by his best friend had to find its way through the cushion that was blocking most of her face. Alex moved slowly to the centre of the couch and lowered himself down until he was perched on the very edge of the seat. He knew that despite not knowing what was upsetting his friend he was going to have to walk a very fine line between showing concern and annoying the crap out of her. The former he knew she could just about tolerate but the latter would see him regretting his actions for many days to come.
Alex wasn’t sure how he was going to interact with his clearly upset friend so rather strangely he started to pull at the tassel on the corner of the cushion she was holding. “I know I’m not renowned for my people skills and even less for my intuition when it comes to the ladies, but I am going to take a huge leap of faith here and guess that something’s the matter.”
Maria let out a snort of laughter, which rather unceremoniously announced that she needed to blow her nose as she started sniffing. Alex sprang from his seat to the far side of the room where he grabbed a handful of napkins before he retook his seat next to Maria, offering his friend a couple of his newly acquired handkerchiefs.
“That wasn’t embarrassing at all.” Maria joked as she blew her nose.
The two friends sat in silence for a moment. It wasn’t exactly an uncomfortable silence as they were used to spending so much time with one another that they could never feel uncomfortable, but it was clear that they were both deep in thought.
“If I’ve done something to upset you I am sorry.” Alex offered tentatively.
Maria lifted her head from where she had still been semi-hiding behind the cushion and looked at her tall, clearly concerned friend. “Alex, you’ve done nothing wrong, at least not now anyway.” She added at the end.
“Ok.” Alex nodded slowly, slightly relieved that whatever was the matter with his friend it wasn’t his fault, well not entirely given Maria’s cryptic comment. “Now here’s my problem…” Alex began. “…I have two female best friends who I have trouble keeping up with and understanding at the best of times. All of a sudden one of said friends is upset, why? I don’t know, and the other one seems to know why, but won’t give me a straight answer. I then go to my clearly upset friend and she too starts in with the cryptic comments.”
Alex surprised Maria by forcefully pulling the cushion from her clasp and throwing it onto a nearby chair, leaving her full exposed. “Maria, I love you more than life itself and I would kill or die for you, but for the love of God please tell me what’s going on!”
It didn’t help Alex’s cause when Maria simply smiled at him.
“Sit back.” Maria instructed without any preamble.
Despite still being clueless Alex decided to simply go with the flow and see what transpired.
Once he had sat back Alex was surprised, but also relieved, when Maria changed her position on the couch, turning to sit next to him and leaning in so she pressed against her tall friend. Having sat like this before Alex automatically lifted his arm and enveloped his petite friend until she was tucked up nice and snug in his warm embrace.
Suddenly Maria started to speak. “You’re going to think I am being stupid, which I probably am, but I can’t bring myself to look at the judgemental look you are no doubt about to give me so that’s why we’re sitting like this.”
“Maria, trust me when I tell you that sitting with a beautiful girl curled up beside me is never a problem, no matter what the reason.” Alex offered, trying to reassure his friend.
His words were having the desired affect and in truth Maria would have expected nothing less from her best friend. “I think I have been having some personal issues recently, but it seems like I have been transferring my anger onto you, which is uncalled for and I am sorry.”
Alex was still none the wiser. “Maria, can I ask you to start from the beginning as I’m still a little lost.” Maria initially didn’t speak in reply to his request, but Alex could feel her nod silently as she continued to lean against him.
“Alex, you’re a great guy.” Maria stated rather unexpectedly.
“Thanks, Maria.” Alex tried not to blush. “I think you are a great girl and I hope you know that.”
Maria gave her friend a playful and very soft nudge to the ribs. “No, you ass. I’m not giving you a compliment…I’m explaining myself.”
“Oh…” Alex paused for a moment. “…sorry, back to what you were saying…I’m a great guy…”
Maria had to stop herself from laughing. “…you’re a great guy, Liz is a great girl and we all know I am little Miss Dynamite.”
“Agreed.” Alex nodded.
“So why is it that we always have to take second best?” Maria’s demeanour started to change as her voice grew louder. “Just because we don’t drive the right car or live in the right part of town people at school look down on us. If you’re not in the right group at school you’re treated as a nobody!”
“What’s brought all this on?” Alex asked in confusion. “It’s always been like that at school and I have very little doubt that it will always be like that so why bring it up now?”
“Have you seen the way Max Evans looks at Liz?”
Alex was surprised and somewhat taken aback by Maria’s question, but at least it was something he could answer. “Yes, I’ve seen him. He likes Liz, so what? As we’ve already discussed, she’s a great girl.”
“I know.” Maria conceded. “And Max Evans seems like a nice guy, not bad looking and he treats people with a bit of decency even if he is a little quiet.”
“You’re losing me again, Maria.” Alex offered frankly.
“My point is that Liz should be interested in someone like Max Evans and not someone like Kyle Valenti.” Maria explained.
Alex shook his head slowly. “Still not understanding you, Maria.”
Maria lifted herself from her position against Alex, only far enough to be able to look directly at her tall friend. “What I am saying is that I woke up this morning thinking about all the things that are wrong with the world. How there are only certain things that I can affect here in Roswell so that is what I am going to do.”
“And Liz dating Kyle Valenti is one of those things you are going to change?” Alex asked slowly as he began to understand the addled workings of Maria’s mind.
“Yes!” Maria cried out a little too loudly, clearly feeling that Alex was finally beginning to understand her thinking.
Alex may have been getting there slowly when it came to understanding his friend, but he wasn’t quite there yet. “So why were you upset with me and why are we in here rather than you having this conversation with Liz?”
“Isabel Evans!”
Any semblance of understanding that Alex might have thought he was starting to get had just picked a window and left. “What about Isabel Evans?”
“Alex, sweetie. You’ve had a thing for Isabel Evans since the third grade.” Maria took hold of Alex’s hand in a reassuring manner, which had anything but a reassuring effect on him. He was beginning to think that this was a mini-intervention. “You’ve gazed upon her more than is probably healthy, but we’re your friends so we just ignored you and let you get on with it.”
“I can sense a ‘but’ coming.” He stated nervously.
“But…” Maria continued. “…it can’t go on. Being ten-years-old and having a crush on a girl and being too scared to do anything about it is cute. Being sixteen-years-old and still not having done anything about your crush is starting to turn creepy.”
“I’m biding my time.” Alex stated defensively.
“I know, Honey.” Maria realised that she may have been offending Alex, which was the last thing she really wanted. “I’m just trying to say to you, albeit not very clearly, that you need to say what you want to say to her and move on.”
Alex paused for a moment, never dreaming when he woke up this morning that he would be having this type of conversation with Maria. “And what if I’m not ready?”
Maria leaned back into her friend and gave him a loving squeeze. “I think you’re ready, Alex. Your feelings for Isabel haven’t changed in years and neither, I suspect, have the things you would want to say to her if you ever do pluck up the courage to speak to her.”
“I’m not so sure now is the right time for me to approach her.” Alex argued.
“And when will be?” Maria pressed, countering each and every reason Alex could come up with not to speak to Isabel. “Alex, my mom used to date a guy who had very few redeeming features and one of his worst habits was that he always had a totally inappropriate phrase to fit all occasions. As rude and as crude as this saying is I can think of no better way to put how I feel about you and your feelings for Isabel Evans.”
Maria released her hold on Alex, stood up and turned to look at her friend with a loving look that Alex had received a thousand times before. “Alex I truly love you, you are my best friend, but when it comes to Isabel Evans it’s time to crap or get off the pot!”
Alex slowly rose to his feet and looked down at his petite friend, still somewhat stunned by her last comments. “Crap or get off the pot!” He echoed.
“It means put up or shut up!” Maria explained.
“I know what it means!” Alex was surprised at himself when he realised that he was starting to get agitated. “I just never thought I would hear you say such a thing to me.”
“Honey…” Maria reached forward and took her friends hand. “…I think you are missing my point. Despite me telling you to go and talk to Isabel Evans this isn’t about Isabel Evans! I don’t think she is good enough for you and I certainly don’t think she would ever realise what a great guy you are. The problem is until you get past Isabel Evans you are never going to move on to a girl that you deserve and who deserves to have you.”
“And that girl isn’t Isabel Evans?” Alex asked softly, slightly crestfallen.
“Sure she’s pretty and you know she’s popular, but you know what her reputation is around school. She only dates the jocks or the rich guys and she only ever dates them once or twice before she throws them aside.” Maria explained. “You’re just as good looking as any of those guys and ten times better when it comes to being a friend, but it would kill me to see her use you and then toss you aside. I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear and I pray you will forgive me and I never want to hurt you, but I just want what’s best for you and I want you to be happy.”
Alex tugged on Maria’s hand that he was still holding and pulled his small friend towards him. As soon as she came close enough he enveloped her in his long arms and pulled her close to his chest. Due to the height difference between the two he was able to comfortably perch his chin on top of his friends head, completely enclosing her in his grasp. “Maria, I would never believe anything other than that you want what’s best for me. I know what you are saying with regards Isabel, even if I wish you could have come up with a less graphic euphemism.”
That comment caused them both to laugh.
As they stepped apart they both heard a noise and looked over to see Liz looking slight embarrassed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“You’re not interrupting.” Alex smiled. “Maria was just giving me some advice with regards my love life, or lack of it to be more precise.”
“That’s great.” Liz enthused. “Just tell me she didn’t use the ‘crap or get off the pot’ comment.”
“She did.” Alex nodded as Maria looked a little sheepish. “But does that mean you guys have been discussing me?” Alex raised an eyebrow inquisitively.
“Not specifically.” Liz countered. “I’m sure Maria told you about her new found determination to put things right with the world, well before you got here she gave me a speech about Kyle being a nice enough guy, but nice enough wasn’t good enough for me.”
“Did she mention Max Evans?” Alex smiled.
“Maria!” Liz exclaimed, turning to look specifically at her friend. “Max Evans doesn’t keep looking at me and he doesn’t have a thing for me and I would appreciate you not going round and telling people he does.”
Maria simply ignored Liz’s outburst and looked at Alex. “*cough* Denial *cough*” She rather unsubtly choked out.
Alex tried desperately not to laugh, although Maria seemed very happy to smile broadly at her own joke.
“So you think that’s funny?” Liz questioned her friend. “Well maybe while I’m dating Max, which you apparently so desperately want, maybe you can date his friend Michael Guerin and we can double?”
Miraculously Maria’s smile rapidly disappeared. “That’s not funny, Liz, not even in jest!”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Alex sat at his desk and stared at the blank piece of paper. After his long and frank talk with Maria he had said his goodbyes to the girl’s, promising Maria specifically that he would sort out his feelings for Isabel one way or the other, and returned home to give the matter some serious thought.
It didn’t take him long to realise that he couldn’t confront Isabel face to face and say what he wanted to say, that just wasn’t going to happen! He had toyed with the idea of phoning her, but that soon fell by the wayside as he was sure even if Isabel knew who he was, which wasn’t a certainty, she might not know him well enough to allow him to phone her out of the blue and simply start spouting how he feels about her.
That left the written word. With Alex being the man that he was and this being the 21st century that obviously pointed to email, but then again…no. Email is fine for keeping in touch with loved ones, whether it is over long or short distances and it is great for catching up with what your friends have been up to, but when it comes to something a little more intimate there was only one way to go…a letter.
That was why Alex was currently sitting alone in his room, his heart racing at a million beats a minute and his only companion a blank piece of paper. Slowly a thought began to dawn on him. In fact not so much a thought as an epiphany. He finally understood that no matter what he decided to say to Isabel, no matter when he decided to tell her, it was always likely to end up in the same result…rejection.
That realisation, coupled with the fact that it actually wasn’t about the outcome, but more to do with his good intentions that mattered. He didn’t expect anything from Isabel and he hadn’t set his heart on having any kind of relationship with her. Yes he fantasised about her, but he also fantasised about being the next Bill Gates and having more money than most western countries, but it didn’t mean he truly thought it would happen!
Alex took a deep breath, smiled to himself and picked up a pen. This was going to be so much easier than he ever believed it could be, he had nothing to lose. They weren’t friends and they were certainly never going to date, so how could he be worse off by doing this? The answer was he couldn’t.
Maria was right! They had been selling themselves short for too long. It wasn’t like he was going to be rude or creepy. He would simply say what was on his mind.
With his new found confidence Alex steadied his hand and started writing.
‘Without hope or agenda…’
To be continued…
Author: StargazerUK.
Email: dj.meade@btinternet.com
Category: A/I & C/C.
Rating: Teen
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of these Roswell characters, I have borrowed them.( If I did Alex & Isabel would be living happily ever after. )
Author's Note: I had the idea for this brief, and I do mean very brief, story after watching the film “Love Actually”. To be honest the only thing I picked up from the film was the phrase “Without hope or agenda”, which is obviously the title of this story. No infringement is intended and as previously stated, this story will have nothing to do with the film bar that one line.
In case some of you are wondering I announced that my next story was going to be called “Without hope or expectation” but as you might now have worked out I got the name wrong. In my defence it has been a while since I’ve seen the film. Good job I checked!
This story is set at around the time of the pilot episode, but that is the only thing that the two have in common. Therefore this is before they became friends.
Alex has something he needs to get off of his chest, no matter what the cost!
Chapter 1
“Honey, why do you put yourself through this all the time, day in and day out?”
Alex pulled his gaze back from the direction he had been staring to the opposite side of the counter at which he sat, coming face to face with Maria who had been busy cleaning the soda machine. “I don’t know what you mean.” He frowned.
Maria had to stop herself swiping at her tall best friend with the cloth she had been holding. If there was one thing worse than a love sick friend it was a love sick friend who was firmly in denial. “Oh, and I suppose you just happen to like looking over your shoulder while you sit here at the Crashdown each evening after school. And I don’t suppose it has anything to do with the statuesque blond that happens to be sitting over there in the booth by the window with her vacuous friends!”
Alex shot a glance back over his shoulder to where he had been looking a moment earlier and saw the girl Maria had been referring to. Had he really been that obvious? Returning his eye line back to Maria he narrowed his gaze and stared at his petite friend for a moment. “What’s brought this on? I mean I am used to you and Liz moaning at me and telling me what I am doing wrong with my life but why the sudden increase in nagging?”
“Nagging?” Maria echoed as she finally caved and took a firm swipe at her friend. “I don’t nag! Old, married women nag! I show concern for a friend or loved one and offer helpful advice and/or assistance.”
“Hey, Guys. What’s all the noise about?” Liz greeted her friends as she came out from the backroom of the diner.
“Maria was nagging me again!” Alex explained as he raised his hands to defend himself from the impending strike. To his surprise it never came.
“You don’t have to tell me twice, Whitman!” Maria scolded as she brushed past Liz, heading for the backroom. “I care about you and I’ve told you time and time again what I think and I’ve had enough now! If you want to keep running round like a lost puppy after that harlot, who am I to interfere?” And with that Maria was gone.
Alex couldn’t hide his disbelief at such an outburst from Maria and, even more surprising, was her dramatic exit. He quickly turned to look at Liz who herself was looking a little bemused. “What have I done?” He almost pleaded.
Liz reached forward and covered her friends hand with her own and gave it a comforting squeeze. “Believe it or not, Alex, you have done everything and nothing at one and the same time.”
If Alex was looking for help and understanding about what was going on, that wasn’t it!
“I don’t understand. You’ve lost me, Liz, and cryptic replies aren’t making things any easier for me.” Alex scrubbed at his face with his hands as he let out a heavy sigh. “I don’t know what is going on and all of a sudden I feel like I am the bad guy in this.”
Liz gave her best friend a gentle smile. “I could tell you, but as there is a certain small friend of ours who is currently sitting in the back room a little bit upset right now why don’t you go back there and check she is alright and at the same time you can find out what’s going on.”
Alex tentatively lifted himself from the stool, but stopped and leaned back into Liz. “What if she hits me?”
Liz couldn’t stifle the laugh that sneaked out. “She won’t hit you if you get close enough to pull her into a hug. That way you will have her arms clamped fast and there’s no way she can hurt you.”
Alex stopped a moment and thought about what Liz had suggested. “Good idea.” He nodded as he proceeded into the backroom of the Crashdown which was normally reserved for staff members and/or family, but nowadays Alex almost fitted into both categories.
When he stepped into the backroom Alex allowed the swing doors to close behind him before he slowly stepped forward towards the back door. It is only as you approached the very back of the narrow space that you can see that the room opens out on the right hand side, and you become aware of a couch and a couple of single chairs that are normally hidden from view.
It was as the couch came into view that Alex found Maria curled up on one end of the sofa with a cushion clutched to her chest, her head held low so he couldn’t quite see his friend’s features. “Hello, Pretty. Mind if I join you?”
The only reply that came was what Alex perceived to be the word “Fine”. He couldn’t be sure because any comment made by his best friend had to find its way through the cushion that was blocking most of her face. Alex moved slowly to the centre of the couch and lowered himself down until he was perched on the very edge of the seat. He knew that despite not knowing what was upsetting his friend he was going to have to walk a very fine line between showing concern and annoying the crap out of her. The former he knew she could just about tolerate but the latter would see him regretting his actions for many days to come.
Alex wasn’t sure how he was going to interact with his clearly upset friend so rather strangely he started to pull at the tassel on the corner of the cushion she was holding. “I know I’m not renowned for my people skills and even less for my intuition when it comes to the ladies, but I am going to take a huge leap of faith here and guess that something’s the matter.”
Maria let out a snort of laughter, which rather unceremoniously announced that she needed to blow her nose as she started sniffing. Alex sprang from his seat to the far side of the room where he grabbed a handful of napkins before he retook his seat next to Maria, offering his friend a couple of his newly acquired handkerchiefs.
“That wasn’t embarrassing at all.” Maria joked as she blew her nose.
The two friends sat in silence for a moment. It wasn’t exactly an uncomfortable silence as they were used to spending so much time with one another that they could never feel uncomfortable, but it was clear that they were both deep in thought.
“If I’ve done something to upset you I am sorry.” Alex offered tentatively.
Maria lifted her head from where she had still been semi-hiding behind the cushion and looked at her tall, clearly concerned friend. “Alex, you’ve done nothing wrong, at least not now anyway.” She added at the end.
“Ok.” Alex nodded slowly, slightly relieved that whatever was the matter with his friend it wasn’t his fault, well not entirely given Maria’s cryptic comment. “Now here’s my problem…” Alex began. “…I have two female best friends who I have trouble keeping up with and understanding at the best of times. All of a sudden one of said friends is upset, why? I don’t know, and the other one seems to know why, but won’t give me a straight answer. I then go to my clearly upset friend and she too starts in with the cryptic comments.”
Alex surprised Maria by forcefully pulling the cushion from her clasp and throwing it onto a nearby chair, leaving her full exposed. “Maria, I love you more than life itself and I would kill or die for you, but for the love of God please tell me what’s going on!”
It didn’t help Alex’s cause when Maria simply smiled at him.
“Sit back.” Maria instructed without any preamble.
Despite still being clueless Alex decided to simply go with the flow and see what transpired.
Once he had sat back Alex was surprised, but also relieved, when Maria changed her position on the couch, turning to sit next to him and leaning in so she pressed against her tall friend. Having sat like this before Alex automatically lifted his arm and enveloped his petite friend until she was tucked up nice and snug in his warm embrace.
Suddenly Maria started to speak. “You’re going to think I am being stupid, which I probably am, but I can’t bring myself to look at the judgemental look you are no doubt about to give me so that’s why we’re sitting like this.”
“Maria, trust me when I tell you that sitting with a beautiful girl curled up beside me is never a problem, no matter what the reason.” Alex offered, trying to reassure his friend.
His words were having the desired affect and in truth Maria would have expected nothing less from her best friend. “I think I have been having some personal issues recently, but it seems like I have been transferring my anger onto you, which is uncalled for and I am sorry.”
Alex was still none the wiser. “Maria, can I ask you to start from the beginning as I’m still a little lost.” Maria initially didn’t speak in reply to his request, but Alex could feel her nod silently as she continued to lean against him.
“Alex, you’re a great guy.” Maria stated rather unexpectedly.
“Thanks, Maria.” Alex tried not to blush. “I think you are a great girl and I hope you know that.”
Maria gave her friend a playful and very soft nudge to the ribs. “No, you ass. I’m not giving you a compliment…I’m explaining myself.”
“Oh…” Alex paused for a moment. “…sorry, back to what you were saying…I’m a great guy…”
Maria had to stop herself from laughing. “…you’re a great guy, Liz is a great girl and we all know I am little Miss Dynamite.”
“Agreed.” Alex nodded.
“So why is it that we always have to take second best?” Maria’s demeanour started to change as her voice grew louder. “Just because we don’t drive the right car or live in the right part of town people at school look down on us. If you’re not in the right group at school you’re treated as a nobody!”
“What’s brought all this on?” Alex asked in confusion. “It’s always been like that at school and I have very little doubt that it will always be like that so why bring it up now?”
“Have you seen the way Max Evans looks at Liz?”
Alex was surprised and somewhat taken aback by Maria’s question, but at least it was something he could answer. “Yes, I’ve seen him. He likes Liz, so what? As we’ve already discussed, she’s a great girl.”
“I know.” Maria conceded. “And Max Evans seems like a nice guy, not bad looking and he treats people with a bit of decency even if he is a little quiet.”
“You’re losing me again, Maria.” Alex offered frankly.
“My point is that Liz should be interested in someone like Max Evans and not someone like Kyle Valenti.” Maria explained.
Alex shook his head slowly. “Still not understanding you, Maria.”
Maria lifted herself from her position against Alex, only far enough to be able to look directly at her tall friend. “What I am saying is that I woke up this morning thinking about all the things that are wrong with the world. How there are only certain things that I can affect here in Roswell so that is what I am going to do.”
“And Liz dating Kyle Valenti is one of those things you are going to change?” Alex asked slowly as he began to understand the addled workings of Maria’s mind.
“Yes!” Maria cried out a little too loudly, clearly feeling that Alex was finally beginning to understand her thinking.
Alex may have been getting there slowly when it came to understanding his friend, but he wasn’t quite there yet. “So why were you upset with me and why are we in here rather than you having this conversation with Liz?”
“Isabel Evans!”
Any semblance of understanding that Alex might have thought he was starting to get had just picked a window and left. “What about Isabel Evans?”
“Alex, sweetie. You’ve had a thing for Isabel Evans since the third grade.” Maria took hold of Alex’s hand in a reassuring manner, which had anything but a reassuring effect on him. He was beginning to think that this was a mini-intervention. “You’ve gazed upon her more than is probably healthy, but we’re your friends so we just ignored you and let you get on with it.”
“I can sense a ‘but’ coming.” He stated nervously.
“But…” Maria continued. “…it can’t go on. Being ten-years-old and having a crush on a girl and being too scared to do anything about it is cute. Being sixteen-years-old and still not having done anything about your crush is starting to turn creepy.”
“I’m biding my time.” Alex stated defensively.
“I know, Honey.” Maria realised that she may have been offending Alex, which was the last thing she really wanted. “I’m just trying to say to you, albeit not very clearly, that you need to say what you want to say to her and move on.”
Alex paused for a moment, never dreaming when he woke up this morning that he would be having this type of conversation with Maria. “And what if I’m not ready?”
Maria leaned back into her friend and gave him a loving squeeze. “I think you’re ready, Alex. Your feelings for Isabel haven’t changed in years and neither, I suspect, have the things you would want to say to her if you ever do pluck up the courage to speak to her.”
“I’m not so sure now is the right time for me to approach her.” Alex argued.
“And when will be?” Maria pressed, countering each and every reason Alex could come up with not to speak to Isabel. “Alex, my mom used to date a guy who had very few redeeming features and one of his worst habits was that he always had a totally inappropriate phrase to fit all occasions. As rude and as crude as this saying is I can think of no better way to put how I feel about you and your feelings for Isabel Evans.”
Maria released her hold on Alex, stood up and turned to look at her friend with a loving look that Alex had received a thousand times before. “Alex I truly love you, you are my best friend, but when it comes to Isabel Evans it’s time to crap or get off the pot!”
Alex slowly rose to his feet and looked down at his petite friend, still somewhat stunned by her last comments. “Crap or get off the pot!” He echoed.
“It means put up or shut up!” Maria explained.
“I know what it means!” Alex was surprised at himself when he realised that he was starting to get agitated. “I just never thought I would hear you say such a thing to me.”
“Honey…” Maria reached forward and took her friends hand. “…I think you are missing my point. Despite me telling you to go and talk to Isabel Evans this isn’t about Isabel Evans! I don’t think she is good enough for you and I certainly don’t think she would ever realise what a great guy you are. The problem is until you get past Isabel Evans you are never going to move on to a girl that you deserve and who deserves to have you.”
“And that girl isn’t Isabel Evans?” Alex asked softly, slightly crestfallen.
“Sure she’s pretty and you know she’s popular, but you know what her reputation is around school. She only dates the jocks or the rich guys and she only ever dates them once or twice before she throws them aside.” Maria explained. “You’re just as good looking as any of those guys and ten times better when it comes to being a friend, but it would kill me to see her use you and then toss you aside. I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear and I pray you will forgive me and I never want to hurt you, but I just want what’s best for you and I want you to be happy.”
Alex tugged on Maria’s hand that he was still holding and pulled his small friend towards him. As soon as she came close enough he enveloped her in his long arms and pulled her close to his chest. Due to the height difference between the two he was able to comfortably perch his chin on top of his friends head, completely enclosing her in his grasp. “Maria, I would never believe anything other than that you want what’s best for me. I know what you are saying with regards Isabel, even if I wish you could have come up with a less graphic euphemism.”
That comment caused them both to laugh.
As they stepped apart they both heard a noise and looked over to see Liz looking slight embarrassed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“You’re not interrupting.” Alex smiled. “Maria was just giving me some advice with regards my love life, or lack of it to be more precise.”
“That’s great.” Liz enthused. “Just tell me she didn’t use the ‘crap or get off the pot’ comment.”
“She did.” Alex nodded as Maria looked a little sheepish. “But does that mean you guys have been discussing me?” Alex raised an eyebrow inquisitively.
“Not specifically.” Liz countered. “I’m sure Maria told you about her new found determination to put things right with the world, well before you got here she gave me a speech about Kyle being a nice enough guy, but nice enough wasn’t good enough for me.”
“Did she mention Max Evans?” Alex smiled.
“Maria!” Liz exclaimed, turning to look specifically at her friend. “Max Evans doesn’t keep looking at me and he doesn’t have a thing for me and I would appreciate you not going round and telling people he does.”
Maria simply ignored Liz’s outburst and looked at Alex. “*cough* Denial *cough*” She rather unsubtly choked out.
Alex tried desperately not to laugh, although Maria seemed very happy to smile broadly at her own joke.
“So you think that’s funny?” Liz questioned her friend. “Well maybe while I’m dating Max, which you apparently so desperately want, maybe you can date his friend Michael Guerin and we can double?”
Miraculously Maria’s smile rapidly disappeared. “That’s not funny, Liz, not even in jest!”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Alex sat at his desk and stared at the blank piece of paper. After his long and frank talk with Maria he had said his goodbyes to the girl’s, promising Maria specifically that he would sort out his feelings for Isabel one way or the other, and returned home to give the matter some serious thought.
It didn’t take him long to realise that he couldn’t confront Isabel face to face and say what he wanted to say, that just wasn’t going to happen! He had toyed with the idea of phoning her, but that soon fell by the wayside as he was sure even if Isabel knew who he was, which wasn’t a certainty, she might not know him well enough to allow him to phone her out of the blue and simply start spouting how he feels about her.
That left the written word. With Alex being the man that he was and this being the 21st century that obviously pointed to email, but then again…no. Email is fine for keeping in touch with loved ones, whether it is over long or short distances and it is great for catching up with what your friends have been up to, but when it comes to something a little more intimate there was only one way to go…a letter.
That was why Alex was currently sitting alone in his room, his heart racing at a million beats a minute and his only companion a blank piece of paper. Slowly a thought began to dawn on him. In fact not so much a thought as an epiphany. He finally understood that no matter what he decided to say to Isabel, no matter when he decided to tell her, it was always likely to end up in the same result…rejection.
That realisation, coupled with the fact that it actually wasn’t about the outcome, but more to do with his good intentions that mattered. He didn’t expect anything from Isabel and he hadn’t set his heart on having any kind of relationship with her. Yes he fantasised about her, but he also fantasised about being the next Bill Gates and having more money than most western countries, but it didn’t mean he truly thought it would happen!
Alex took a deep breath, smiled to himself and picked up a pen. This was going to be so much easier than he ever believed it could be, he had nothing to lose. They weren’t friends and they were certainly never going to date, so how could he be worse off by doing this? The answer was he couldn’t.
Maria was right! They had been selling themselves short for too long. It wasn’t like he was going to be rude or creepy. He would simply say what was on his mind.
With his new found confidence Alex steadied his hand and started writing.
‘Without hope or agenda…’
To be continued…