Times Like These(Teen,POV,1/1,8/14) COMPLETE
Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2006 2:57 am
TITLE-Times Like These
RATING-Teen
DISCLAMIER-Make no money from this and own nothing from Roswell or the song Amazing Grace.
AUTHOR'S NOTE-This is dedicated to my friend Mike (1974-2006)
Many many years ago,for reasons that are not important, I had to go to a whole new school in a whole new town for the start of my four years of high school. Lucky for me on my first day in my second class I had the great luck to snag an empty seat next to Mike. Mike was the epitome of the class clown who took it upon himself to start up a convo with the new kid and helped me to relax and enjoy my first day of high school. Mike had a circle of male and female friends who were all a close knit group of friends. After introducing me to them in between classes that day they quickly adopted me into their gang and BOOM I had a group of friends that were a core part of life during my time in high school,for years after and even to today we love one another.
Sadly Mike was going through something myself and all the others in his life had no clue about. And sadly I guess the only way he thought he could get out of it was to take his own life.
So like I said this has been going through my head since the funeral and it made me think of Cry Your Name.
I don't know what you guys will think about this,but it was something that kind of help me deal with this.I like all you guys here and thought I'd share it with all of you when I finshed it.So if you hate it don't slam me to hard.
THIS PICKS UP MICHAEL'S POV AS MARIA SINGS AMAZING GRACE AT ALEX'S FUNERAL.
"Amazing Grace.How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found
Was blind, but now I see."
From my spot where I stand listening to Maria sing Alex's funeral song I do my best not to cry. Not that I'm worried that it would hurt my tough guy image or anything if I do.No,thanks to Maria's love and her endless patience when it came to anything dealing with me,I'm long past that phase in my life.
No you see today I can't afford to let myself have the emotional release of crying for a lost friend.No today I have to be strong. For today I'm the rock that's holding onto and anchoring two very emotionally distraught women.
And from in front of me I see one of those woman's shoulders start to shake. I lay my hand on Amy's shoulder and pray to whatever god will listen to a human-alien hybrid that my presence here will somehow help her and Maria.
"..what I'm trying to say is that you've really been great for my family. And it's a wonderful thing to see my daughter loved. And I would like to see a lot more of that. And, as far as I'm concerned, you'll always be welcome in this house."
You know what's sad?
Why is it that it always seems to take something bad to happen in our life's before we realize all the good that we have in it? Why does it take tragedy to enter our life's before something good, like Amy and myself actually becoming closer, to happen?
"Twas Grace that taught my heart to fear,
And Grace my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed."
Alex?
Man I still can't believe he's actually gone! My friend is gone!
My friend?
Ok maybe not in the beginning but in the end I hope before he died I showed Alex that I thought of him as a friend.
Funny in the beginning when Max and I started seeing Maria and Liz all I could see Alex was is a possible threat to our secret.
A THREAT! HA!
Looking back now I can could clearly see what a one hundred percent total dumb ass I was. When it came our secret and safety I don't think anyone had been there to help or done more than Alex Whitman.
Hell who was it that came down to the hospital and gave a pint of his own blood BEFORE he had been let in on the BIG secret?!
Alex that's who!
He had done it with only a small amount of fuss....ok maybe a lot of fuss ...but he had still done it. Mainly because Liz had pleaded with him to do it. And everyone in Roswell knew that there was nothing that Alex Whitman would have denied Liz or Maria. All they had to do was ask him.
Hell not even just Liz or Maria! It had come as a HUGE shock when Max had told me days later how Alex had been one of the first to take the healing stones from River Dog's hand and than stepped into the circle in an effort to heal me and restore my 'balance' after my disastrous sweat lodge incident last year.
Why had he done it? Why had Alex risked himself with some unknown and maybe dangerous alien ceremony in an effort to heal someone who had been so rude to him?
When I had asked Maria that same question, she just reached up, patted me on the cheek and smiled as she said......
"That's just the type of guy Alex is. And that's why we all love him."
"Through many dangers, toils, and snares
I have already come.
'Tis Grace hath brought me safe thus far
And Grace will lead me home."
Ok I might not go as far as to say I loved him but he did have my respect. Not just for all he did for us, which like I said was a lot, but mostly for the way he came to my door when he thought I had slighted Maria and without hesitation knocked me flat on my ass!
"Look. I don't care that you've got 30 pounds on me or...or that you can kill me with some...some twisted alien power. I will not let you treat her like that. I...I don't care that Isabel treats me like crap, but no one does that to Maria, all right? She's not just some girl!"
It wasn't that his punch was that strong that stunned me while I sat on the floor on my ass. No, it was the fact that Alex, mild mannered Clark Kent like Alex had actually punched me.
"The Lord has promised good to me.
His Word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures."
Alex's casket isn't that heavy at all.
Maybe he's not really in here? Maybe this is all some type of joke that God or someone extremely stupid thought would be funny? I mean Alex was always one to put himself on the spot just to make others feel better and laugh, right? Hey the cop strip tease he did for Isabel! Need I say more? I mean I can't shake this feeling that any second now Alex is going to pop out from behind some bush somewhere close by and go.....
"ha ha I got you guys!"
Dear god I can't really believe I'm thinking of something like that! I mean this is a dignified moment and I got crap like this going through my mind?!
Maybe Maria and everyone is right about me? Maybe sometimes I do have the emotional capacity of a retard?
Oh man Mrs.Whitman is really crying now. So is Mrs.Evans and Liz's mom.
Of course all the husbands are trying to hold it together. Tying to be strong for their wives and all that. But even from here I can see the tears they're trying to hold back.
I mean I guess Mr.Parker always felt like Alex was the son he never had. Maybe for him Alex was the one he got to have some of his father son moments with.
Mr. Evans is keeping a close eye on Isabel. I don't think he really knows how much Alex meant to his daughter, but I can tell that he knows she's totally devastated by all of this and he's trying his best to be there and be strong for her
Max is the hardest one to read on all of this. I don't know if he's more tore up over the fact that he couldn't save Alex, or that he's lost a good friend, or at a moment like this he can't be their to comfort Liz? Hell maybe it's all of them? But I can tell this has effected Max deeply.
Jim? Man I couldn't believe when I watched the tough law man wipe away a tear. To be honest I'd always thought anything Jim did for us was out of gratitude for Max saving Kyle's life. I mean I knew he felt a little something for Tess but I never let it occur to me that maybe he might have let all of us in also.
Kyle's been muttering a lot about Buddha and stuff. But deep down I don't think that's been helping him a lot. I think sometimes not even whatever higher power you believe in can make any of this make sense or make you feel any better. At least he and Tess have each other for help
Like I said although right now Maria and her mom are my main concerns deep down I can't help but to worry about Liz and Isabel too.
Through the whole ceremony I don't think Liz moved a facial muscle at all. She just had this pale blank expression on her face. I'm a little afraid she might be in shock or something. To be fair to her I think we all still might be.
Isabel is doing her best to hold her 'Ice Princess' act together but I can tell that at any moment she's going to lose it. And that's what just happened. Isabel went over to place a sheet of paper, some type of good-bye or last words I guess, on the top of Alex's coffin when she finally stopped holding back. As I watch her cry I once again feel helpless. I know everyone tells you that you have to let people grieve to get past something like this. But seeing the people I love in so much pain and not being able to do anything about it but to just be there for them is rough.
"When we've been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun,
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we'd first begun."
Did you know that dirt makes a hollow thumping sound when it hits the top of a coffin?
Ok that was morbid even for me I know. But that sound I heard as I threw in my rose is still ringing in my ears and is playing over and over again in my mind.
As I watch the dirt cover my friend I just want to shout out how this makes no sense to me what so ever and I can't understand it!
I mean I'm the one with the DESTINY, the alien hybrid who is not only hiding from the government agencies who want to capture me to inspect and dissect,but from an evil dictator, on some planet that I still don't know where in the hell it is in the sky and his skin flaking henchmen.
I mean it's not like I wanted it or anything but I'm the general right? The warrior?
If it was any of us who should have fallen it should have been me,not Alex! But once again just like before it seems I failed to protect those who are important in my life.
I failed them again.
THE END
RATING-Teen
DISCLAMIER-Make no money from this and own nothing from Roswell or the song Amazing Grace.
AUTHOR'S NOTE-This is dedicated to my friend Mike (1974-2006)
Many many years ago,for reasons that are not important, I had to go to a whole new school in a whole new town for the start of my four years of high school. Lucky for me on my first day in my second class I had the great luck to snag an empty seat next to Mike. Mike was the epitome of the class clown who took it upon himself to start up a convo with the new kid and helped me to relax and enjoy my first day of high school. Mike had a circle of male and female friends who were all a close knit group of friends. After introducing me to them in between classes that day they quickly adopted me into their gang and BOOM I had a group of friends that were a core part of life during my time in high school,for years after and even to today we love one another.
Sadly Mike was going through something myself and all the others in his life had no clue about. And sadly I guess the only way he thought he could get out of it was to take his own life.
So like I said this has been going through my head since the funeral and it made me think of Cry Your Name.
I don't know what you guys will think about this,but it was something that kind of help me deal with this.I like all you guys here and thought I'd share it with all of you when I finshed it.So if you hate it don't slam me to hard.
THIS PICKS UP MICHAEL'S POV AS MARIA SINGS AMAZING GRACE AT ALEX'S FUNERAL.
"Amazing Grace.How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found
Was blind, but now I see."
From my spot where I stand listening to Maria sing Alex's funeral song I do my best not to cry. Not that I'm worried that it would hurt my tough guy image or anything if I do.No,thanks to Maria's love and her endless patience when it came to anything dealing with me,I'm long past that phase in my life.
No you see today I can't afford to let myself have the emotional release of crying for a lost friend.No today I have to be strong. For today I'm the rock that's holding onto and anchoring two very emotionally distraught women.
And from in front of me I see one of those woman's shoulders start to shake. I lay my hand on Amy's shoulder and pray to whatever god will listen to a human-alien hybrid that my presence here will somehow help her and Maria.
"..what I'm trying to say is that you've really been great for my family. And it's a wonderful thing to see my daughter loved. And I would like to see a lot more of that. And, as far as I'm concerned, you'll always be welcome in this house."
You know what's sad?
Why is it that it always seems to take something bad to happen in our life's before we realize all the good that we have in it? Why does it take tragedy to enter our life's before something good, like Amy and myself actually becoming closer, to happen?
"Twas Grace that taught my heart to fear,
And Grace my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed."
Alex?
Man I still can't believe he's actually gone! My friend is gone!
My friend?
Ok maybe not in the beginning but in the end I hope before he died I showed Alex that I thought of him as a friend.
Funny in the beginning when Max and I started seeing Maria and Liz all I could see Alex was is a possible threat to our secret.
A THREAT! HA!
Looking back now I can could clearly see what a one hundred percent total dumb ass I was. When it came our secret and safety I don't think anyone had been there to help or done more than Alex Whitman.
Hell who was it that came down to the hospital and gave a pint of his own blood BEFORE he had been let in on the BIG secret?!
Alex that's who!
He had done it with only a small amount of fuss....ok maybe a lot of fuss ...but he had still done it. Mainly because Liz had pleaded with him to do it. And everyone in Roswell knew that there was nothing that Alex Whitman would have denied Liz or Maria. All they had to do was ask him.
Hell not even just Liz or Maria! It had come as a HUGE shock when Max had told me days later how Alex had been one of the first to take the healing stones from River Dog's hand and than stepped into the circle in an effort to heal me and restore my 'balance' after my disastrous sweat lodge incident last year.
Why had he done it? Why had Alex risked himself with some unknown and maybe dangerous alien ceremony in an effort to heal someone who had been so rude to him?
When I had asked Maria that same question, she just reached up, patted me on the cheek and smiled as she said......
"That's just the type of guy Alex is. And that's why we all love him."
"Through many dangers, toils, and snares
I have already come.
'Tis Grace hath brought me safe thus far
And Grace will lead me home."
Ok I might not go as far as to say I loved him but he did have my respect. Not just for all he did for us, which like I said was a lot, but mostly for the way he came to my door when he thought I had slighted Maria and without hesitation knocked me flat on my ass!
"Look. I don't care that you've got 30 pounds on me or...or that you can kill me with some...some twisted alien power. I will not let you treat her like that. I...I don't care that Isabel treats me like crap, but no one does that to Maria, all right? She's not just some girl!"
It wasn't that his punch was that strong that stunned me while I sat on the floor on my ass. No, it was the fact that Alex, mild mannered Clark Kent like Alex had actually punched me.
"The Lord has promised good to me.
His Word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures."
Alex's casket isn't that heavy at all.
Maybe he's not really in here? Maybe this is all some type of joke that God or someone extremely stupid thought would be funny? I mean Alex was always one to put himself on the spot just to make others feel better and laugh, right? Hey the cop strip tease he did for Isabel! Need I say more? I mean I can't shake this feeling that any second now Alex is going to pop out from behind some bush somewhere close by and go.....
"ha ha I got you guys!"
Dear god I can't really believe I'm thinking of something like that! I mean this is a dignified moment and I got crap like this going through my mind?!
Maybe Maria and everyone is right about me? Maybe sometimes I do have the emotional capacity of a retard?
Oh man Mrs.Whitman is really crying now. So is Mrs.Evans and Liz's mom.
Of course all the husbands are trying to hold it together. Tying to be strong for their wives and all that. But even from here I can see the tears they're trying to hold back.
I mean I guess Mr.Parker always felt like Alex was the son he never had. Maybe for him Alex was the one he got to have some of his father son moments with.
Mr. Evans is keeping a close eye on Isabel. I don't think he really knows how much Alex meant to his daughter, but I can tell that he knows she's totally devastated by all of this and he's trying his best to be there and be strong for her
Max is the hardest one to read on all of this. I don't know if he's more tore up over the fact that he couldn't save Alex, or that he's lost a good friend, or at a moment like this he can't be their to comfort Liz? Hell maybe it's all of them? But I can tell this has effected Max deeply.
Jim? Man I couldn't believe when I watched the tough law man wipe away a tear. To be honest I'd always thought anything Jim did for us was out of gratitude for Max saving Kyle's life. I mean I knew he felt a little something for Tess but I never let it occur to me that maybe he might have let all of us in also.
Kyle's been muttering a lot about Buddha and stuff. But deep down I don't think that's been helping him a lot. I think sometimes not even whatever higher power you believe in can make any of this make sense or make you feel any better. At least he and Tess have each other for help
Like I said although right now Maria and her mom are my main concerns deep down I can't help but to worry about Liz and Isabel too.
Through the whole ceremony I don't think Liz moved a facial muscle at all. She just had this pale blank expression on her face. I'm a little afraid she might be in shock or something. To be fair to her I think we all still might be.
Isabel is doing her best to hold her 'Ice Princess' act together but I can tell that at any moment she's going to lose it. And that's what just happened. Isabel went over to place a sheet of paper, some type of good-bye or last words I guess, on the top of Alex's coffin when she finally stopped holding back. As I watch her cry I once again feel helpless. I know everyone tells you that you have to let people grieve to get past something like this. But seeing the people I love in so much pain and not being able to do anything about it but to just be there for them is rough.
"When we've been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun,
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we'd first begun."
Did you know that dirt makes a hollow thumping sound when it hits the top of a coffin?
Ok that was morbid even for me I know. But that sound I heard as I threw in my rose is still ringing in my ears and is playing over and over again in my mind.
As I watch the dirt cover my friend I just want to shout out how this makes no sense to me what so ever and I can't understand it!
I mean I'm the one with the DESTINY, the alien hybrid who is not only hiding from the government agencies who want to capture me to inspect and dissect,but from an evil dictator, on some planet that I still don't know where in the hell it is in the sky and his skin flaking henchmen.
I mean it's not like I wanted it or anything but I'm the general right? The warrior?
If it was any of us who should have fallen it should have been me,not Alex! But once again just like before it seems I failed to protect those who are important in my life.
I failed them again.
THE END