Graceless Heart, (XO SPN, Liz/Dean, Mature), part 4 5/14
Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2015 2:00 pm
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Since this is a series and no longer a one shot, I've had the threads combined. Sorry for any confusion with the stories looking like they're missing!
Hope this makes it easier with the continuation of the story in one place. Thanks for reading!!
Title: Graceless Heart
Author: MelissaD

All my love to RoswellOracle for another amazing banner!
Disclaimer: Don’t own it. No profit, just fun. Roswell belongs to Jason Katims, Melinda Metz, WB and UPN. Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke and the CW.
Lyrics belong to Florence and The Machine.
Pairing(s)/Couple(s): Liz/Dean, Isabel/Sam (I’m a drifter fan and there’s not enough of that in this world. Also, I may have a slight obsession.) Some other CC (Michael/maria) and UC (kyle, Serena).
Category: XO with Supernatural.
Rating: MATURE
Summary: This story sprung to life while listening to “Shake It Out” by Florence and the machine. The Roswell crew minus a few members have been on the road since graduation, (not the same graduation as the one in season three), and Supernatural everything up to Season Two episode One.
Author's Notes: This was written like a one shot but I don’t know if it will actually stay that way. If this story does continue it will most likely be in a different one shot or story. (Honestly, I have way too many stories brewing in my head.
)
“Shake it out” Lyrics in bold italics.
A few lines from Supernatural: Season two, episode one will be underlined.
Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn
And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around
Our love is pastured, such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues drawn
But it's always darkest before the dawn
It was all in slow motion. Every movement fluid as the seconds seemed to stretch to follow the stop motion of time. Her raven hair flared out, flowing almost gracefully as her outstretched hand reached for the man she was ever so slowly spinning towards. The scene played out like a well-choreographed ballet between two lovers. It would be beautiful, picturesque even, if not for the sharpened, perfectly curved piece of light weight steel in her outstretched hand or the blood it spilt when it connected with the man's throat. After all, affection is mistaken for the desire of determined malevolence and vice versa more than anyone likes to admit.
When her movements finally came to a stop, three hybrid men lay still around her and their blood reached for her feet. Her chest heaving, her jacket torn and dirty from the fight, she stared at the death around her. She knew she should feel relief, she survived again but there was still nothing beyond her exhaustion and grief. Her eyes searched their faces and once again the horror that stared back at her rocked her soul. She closed her eyes and forced herself to breathe as she repeated the mantra in her mind. “Not real, it’s not real.”
She opened her eyes and slowly the familiar faces she saw before her melted away into the unknown enemy that truly lay at her feet. She took another ragged breath in.
"Liz." Her head snapped up at his gruff voice. "Walk it off. We need to go." He sheathed his own knife as she met his fiery brown eyes. He nodded once still in his soldier's stance before he turned and most likely scanned the area around them. He walked away confident that she would follow but she watched him frozen in place. Her gaze fell to the ground and she told her feet to move but they were defiant.
"It's okay. It’s not them." The whisper was gentle and caused a tightening in her chest. Her gaze came up to the soft blue green eyes that willed her to calm her raging spirit. She knew that he was about to offer her his hand so she shook her head slightly and carefully stepped over the body in her way. He waited until she was next to him to fall into step with her. "It happened again."
She didn't bother to lift her gaze from the ground as she answered almost in a sigh. "It always does. Maybe one day it won't."
He stopped her with his hand and forced her to look at him even though he knew it would piss off their companion. "It won't stop until you stop blaming yourself. Michael knows it, I know it, and you know it."
"Well then, I guess I will always see them."
"Let's go! You know how Maria gets!" Michael yelled.
Liz moved around Kyle and started towards Michael who climbed into the driver's seat of their current car.
"Max would never want this and neither would Alex!"
She felt the anger flare up in her for a second before it snuffed out and her shoulders slumped just a little more but she didn't stop. "Thanks for the pep talk Kyle. Can we go before Michael adds one more to that list?"
"Jesus Christ Liz, that's not funny."
She shrugged as she opened the back door and threw herself down on the seat. "Don't wake me until we get there." She muttered as she buried her face in her arms. She heard her door slam shut before the passenger door opened and slammed as well. It wasn't long before she fell into a fitful sleep.
The nightmares always seemed to be the same scene with slight variations. The same faces that haunted her during the day followed after her in sleep only their faces never disappeared when she closed her eyes.
The gunshot went off and people scattered like cockroaches with a sudden burst of light. Most people ran away from the gun fire but she always ran towards it. She pushed through the screaming crowds trying with every fiber of her being to get to the other end of her connection. When she finally reached him the blood was pooling on the floor. She fell to her knees next to him, her hands automatically going to his chest where a small hole leaked precious red liquid. “Max.. stay with me.”
His eyes opened slowly. “Liz.” Blood bubbled from his lips that seemed to lose more color by the second.
Her vision blurred, “shh.. don’t talk. I can do this. We’ve tried the transfer thing before.”
“You’re not..” he coughed, “you don’t..” He coughed again and more crimson bubbles dribbled out. “The stone.”
She tried blinking away the blur from her vision but it came back every time. “I can do this. We can do this.”
His hand reached up slowly, touching her chest. “Love. Ever.”
The sob ripped from her throat. “No Max. I’m not letting..”
He struggled to hold onto her. “Forever. Love.”
She leaned down and kissed his lips wishing the power would grant a reprieve once again. Her mind tried to tell her no one gets that many chances but she banished the thought. “I love you Max. You can’t go. We’ll get through this. You just need to hang on.”
His hand landed with a heavy thump on the ground beside them. The sound could have been the blast of a bomb the way it reverberated through her entire body. She didn’t hear the scream, didn’t exactly feel the hands that pulled her away kicking and screaming. Michael picked him up and carried him away as someone carried her but things blurred so badly.
Alex’s face then Max’s face flashed in front of her. Both faces were angry then accusing then once again pale and lifeless. Max’s lifeless face appeared and his eyes snapped open. The words came without any movement from his lips. “You. You failed.”
Liz woke with a jerk and looked around frantically to gather her bearings. Back seat. She spotted Michael in the driver’s seat with a phone in his hand and Kyle staring at him from the passenger seat.
"WHAT?" Michael's voice boomed. "Fuck! We're coming, like fifteen minutes out." He threw the phone towards Kyle's feet and filled him in. "Maria's in the hospital."
"What happened? Did Iz say?" Kyle asked.
"I don't know. Isabel wasn't sure." Michael’s focus was on the road as the SUV sped forward.
"Shit."
Liz felt her stomach sink. She couldn't lose Maria. She didn't mean anything by what she said earlier. She didn't want to add anyone to the list. It was already too much. Her voice was groggy but insistent. "Floor it. We need to get there in ten or faster."
Michael's eyes were wide when they met hers in the rearview mirror. "Did you see.."
Liz shook her head, "no but that doesn't mean.." She trailed off and looked away unable to keep his gaze.
Michael returned his eyes to the road and pressed the gas pedal further down.
~~
Liz walked out of Maria's hospital room feeling slightly dizzy but relieved. She didn't want to admit it out loud but it felt good to actually help for once. Maria had been hit by a car, as if their life wasn't complicated enough. Her injuries weren't life threatening, per se, unless you count the whole not being able to move from this area for at least two weeks. Doctors apparently were too worried about things that from her perspective weren't that bad but then doctors had to rely on what they could see from machines, they couldn't read Maria's body and feel things flowing and operating as they should. To put it bluntly, Maria's body couldn't speak to them so Liz fixed a few things to help her pain and help the doctors give her a lesser sentence.
She walked further away from Maria's room just needing to stretch her legs. She let the warm feeling inside her linger. She used to hate using the talent that max had given her. Well, the one talent that mimicked his own because of the pain it caused. It was too much knowing the gift could have saved the love of her life if only she had been there, if only she knew she had it at the time. But helping Maria, feeling the torn organs repair and become whole again. It felt good. Her hands had healed her friend and for once she had made a change for the better. She healed instead of destroyed. She was so tired of falling to her own dark thoughts and slipping into the same depression. If only the younger version of herself could see her now.
Liz walked down the hospital corridor lost in her thoughts until she felt something strange brush past her. She looked around but saw no one in her vicinity. There were two nurses at one end of the hall and a nurse’s station at the other. She turned and looked down the hall again. The feeling was gone but something about it seemed to intrigue her. She moved slowly glancing in the rooms she past when one made her stop.
A man was hooked up to a couple of beeping machines, the wires running everywhere along with a tube stuck down his throat. Another man stood by his bed. She noticed a doctor coming towards her and she moved away from the door continuing down the hall. When she turned around, the doctor entered the room. She made her way slowly back to the room keeping to the other side of the hall. She overheard the doctor’s words, “it's the head trauma I'm worried about. There's early signs of cerebral edema.”
Then a younger, more worried voice. “Well, what can we do?” She looked through the doorway and saw the other man’s face. He was tall and younger than she originally thought, probably around her age. He had yet to grow completely out of his baby face and it was surrounded by shaggy brown hair. It wasn’t his youth that pulled at her but the fact that he seemed so lost. He wore his fear and desperation on his face and in his shoulders.
The doctor again. “Well, we won't know his full condition until he wakes up.” She covered her snort, hadn’t she heard the same thing about Maria not two hours prior? “If, He wakes up.”
“If?”
“I have to be honest. Most people with his degree of injury wouldn't have survived this long. He's fighting very hard. But you need to have realistic expectations, son.”
Liz felt it rush up her spine and lodge in her mind. She knew exactly what she'd do. After all, hadn't max started it so long ago? It was a way to.. not make up but make right. It would also be a way to honor him. It was perfect and this man was the best candidate to begin with. She looked at the room number and felt the plan forming in her mind. The doctor turned to leave the room and Liz leaned against the wall looking down the hallway. When she looked back, the shaggy haired man had moved to the bedside and touched the comatose man’s hand. She moved to the doorway and peeked inside. She overheard the man talk to the one in the bed. “Keep fighting Dean. We’ll figure something out.”
She moved away before anyone saw her and whispered under her breathe, “you won’t be saying goodbye today because I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep.”
She shivered slightly then felt the air around her pulse. Her eyes popped open and she noticed the slight shimmer on the other side of the bed then saw him standing there. “Dean.” She spoke softly, “please let me in.”
He watched her obviously conflicted and then looked down at his own body in the bed. His hand reached out towards hers on his chest and the moment his energy touched hers, she felt herself pulled in. She pushed aside the images that flew at her and focused on the blood or lack thereof that flowed sluggishly through his veins. She quickly found the major problems and fixed just enough to avoid suspicion and wake him from his coma. She started to pull out when she felt the heaviness that no doctor could take away, a pain that she herself felt every day. Quickly, she went back through his body and fixed everything she found. Even though she felt her energy waning, she couldn’t pull back without making sure he wouldn’t have to feel any deep physical pain. No one should have to deal with both. She pulled out and noticed the change already in his coloring and stumbled backward.
“There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” The hushed reprimand brought Liz’s head up. Isabel moved further into the room and Liz tried to take a step towards her but her legs started to buckle. “Liz!” Isabel ran forward to grab her. “What the hell did you do?” Isabel glanced at the man in the hospital bed as she pulled Liz to the door. “Nevermind. Let’s get you out of here.” At the door they bumped into a solid body. Isabel quickly moved Liz around the man in the doorway as he stepped aside for them. “Sorry, wrong room.” She whispered.
Isabel threw a glance behind her as she half carried Liz down the hall towards Maria’s room. She heard the commotion come from the room and tried to get Liz to move faster. “Are you crazy? You can’t just go around healing people. Jesus, you’re just as bad as Ma..” She trailed off and looked at Liz. Just then she felt Liz’s body pulled to a stop and turned to find the man from the doorway with a hand on Liz’s arm.
“Who are you? What did you do to my brother?” The tall man with shaggy brown hair and brown eyes looked half guarded yet half hopeful.
Liz’s voice was soft and sluggish. “Don’t worry. No strings attached. I promise.” Liz’s eyes connected with his and she grimaced as the images flew at her. He gasped and pulled his hand away as if he was burned. “Please don’t say anything. Please Sammy.” Her heavy eyes pleaded.
He nodded but was unable to wipe the shock from his face. “Are you like me?”
She shook her head, “no. No one is like me. Just take your miracle.” Liz turned away and reached for Isabel’s help again. “Izzy.. please get me out of here.” Isabel wrapped her arm around her back and helped her move quickly down the hall. She threw a glance back at the man and caught him still staring in shock then turned and headed back for Maria’s hospital room.
“What the hell got into you Liz?” Isabel continued to softly scold her but Liz noticed she had lost the anger that tinged her first reprimand.
“It's nothing.”
“That wasn't nothing! You practically drained yourself completely! How much did you.. heal?”
“I needed.. I couldn't fail him.”
“He’s a stranger. How could you possibly.. fail? You’re having the dreams again.”
“They never went away.” Liz tripped and Isabel pulled her closer, trying to hold more of her weight.
“You know it wasn't your fault. You weren't even there!”
“Does it really matter?” Liz saw Maria's door and wished she could run inside but she was barely keeping her eyes open.
“Yes! Because you didn't fail anyone. You have nothing to make up for.” Isabel pulled her inside Maria's room and sat her on the small cot beside Maria's bed.
“Well, you tell that to the faces haunting me.” Liz’s eyes were already closed when her head hit the pillow.
Maria sat up when they came into the room and she stared at her friends as she listened to their conversation. Her wide eyes met Isabel’s concerned gaze. “What the hell happened?”
“She was healing some guy. She used too much energy. If I didn't find her..” Isabel looked back down at Liz and Maria's gaze followed suit.
“What did she mean the faces haunting her?”
Isabel met Maria's gaze again. “The dreams. They never stopped.”
Liz snuck out of the hospital and walked until she found the local tavern. She chuckled at the proximity. She went inside and sat at the bar. She didn't bother looking around, she wasn't in the mood for company or hustling. She just wanted to forget. She wanted to forget everything they wanted to bring up again.
After she woke she had felt better, lighter somehow but then the questions came pouring in. Maria always wanted her to talk about it, get it out was always her mantra. Talking about him never made it easier. Any of them going over how no scenario would have changed what happened didn't help because they couldn't change the fact that there was one scenario that changed it but there was no way to go back. No safe way.
At the first chance she got to slip out, she took it. They knew that she would or at least Isabel did. She had understood her more than any of them since he died. Isabel was the only one that could really. It took Liz some time to figure that out but Isabel was the only one who shared not only her sorrow but the type of loss. Their roles had only reversed because Alex had been her brother but Isabel’s love and then it was her love and Isabel’s brother.
The bartender, an older man in his fifties with salt and pepper hair, stopped in front of her. “What’ll it be, miss?”
“Scotch, please.”
He eyed her for a second then pulled out a fresh glass and set it down in front of her. He pulled a bottle off a shelf behind him and poured some in her glass. “You know I would say you're a little too young and too pretty to be drinking alone this early but my wife would give me a black eye for saying such a thing.”
“You’ve got a good woman, sir.”
“Damn straight.” He said with a wide smile. She noticed the semper fi tattoo on the inside of his forearm.
“I would say keep her close and treat her right but I get the feeling you already do.”
He nodded. “I’m Tom. You give a holler if you need anything.”
She smiled, “Liz. Thanks Tom.” He moved away and left her with her drink.
She took a sip and knew he had poured from one of his better bottles. She tried to think about anything but what happened at the hospital. She didn't want her thoughts to go anywhere near her nightmares. She didn't want to think at all but knew that line of thinking was just as dangerous.
The chair next to her creaked with the sudden weight placed on it. “Can I buy you a drink?”
She rolled her eyes, “as you can see I already have one.” She turned her head to look at the newcomer and tried to hide her shock. She looked back at her drink. The thought of leaving came to mind but then she recalled the pain she glimpsed. She sat still.
“Well, I could really use one and I’d rather not drink alone tonight. Today. Whatever. I'm Dean.” She heard the whisper of leather against leather and saw the movement out of the corner of her eye.
She glanced to her side, he held his hand out. She swallowed thickly and looked at him. “Liz.” She glanced at his hand then back to her drink.
“Sorry, I don't even know why. I don't usually do that.” He coughed and shifted in his seat. He placed his hands on the bar and cleared his throat.
Another voice interrupted, “he bothering you Liz?”
Liz shook her head, “no. It's okay Tom. Could you get him a scotch?” She felt Dean’s stare while Tom nodded and got his drink. “It's on him.”
Tom chuckled, “damn well better be.” He pushed the glass in front of Dean before walking away.
“That's not a relative of yours, is it?”
Liz chuckled, “actually I just made his acquaintance a couple of minutes ago.”
“Why do I get the feeling I need to be on my best behavior then?”
“Because Tom is very respectful especially since he has a very good woman at home.”
“I thought you said you just met him?”
She shrugged. “Some things you just know about a man.”
“Really? What about me?”
“Hmmm.. Well.” She glanced at his hand, “can I see your hand?”
He smirked, “seriously?”
“How else am I supposed to get a reading on you?”
He took a sip from his glass then gave her his hand. She smiled then grasped his offered hand gently with her left turning it palm up. With her left hand holding his hand still, she lightly ran her right hand over his. She felt the callused finger tips and the two scars. “Working man’s hands. You’ve lived a tough life, made hard decisions, taken a different road, a harder one. You work for the people but are often misunderstood.” She looked up into his eyes and saw disbelief with something else more like shock but almost familiarity. It puzzled her but she moved on with a soft smile, “and quite the ladies’ man.”
He chuckled, “you’re good.”
“I try.”
“You know I’d probably let you take me for every penny I've got just for how damn good that was.”
“No need to lay it on thick there Dean.”
“Too ladies’ man-ish? How can I tone that down? I mean.. it works.” He raised the glass to his lips.
The smirk that came to his face was one specially wielded tool that only lead to one thing with a man as good looking as he was. He was back on his game. She couldn't help but laugh. Probably the first genuine all out laugh she had in too long and she wasn’t even sure why.
They talked as they went back and forth buying drinks. They moved to a table after their third drink and moved into more personal subjects even though both took care to keep their secrets.
An hour later, Sam Winchester walked into the building and headed straight for the bar. He asked the bartender if he had seen anyone that matched his brother’s description and the bartender pointed to the table in the corner. Sam turned and saw Dean seated at the table leaning in towards a dark haired girl. It looked like he was actually listening and intently at that. He rolled his eyes and moved towards them. When he got close to the table, dean’s eyes lifted to his. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere! You just got out of the hospital,” the girl at the table turned around. “You shouldn’t be..” He paused when he did a double take at the girl’s face. “Liz?”
Dean threw a glance at Liz, “you know her?”
A small smile came to her face, “hi Sam.”
Sam stared at her and Dean cleared his throat. Sam looked to dean, “sorry. We ah.. we.” His gaze slid back to Liz.
Liz smirked as she finished the sentence for him. “Bumped into each other at the hospital. My friend was hit by a car and you two were in a car accident. How’s your dad?”
“Good. He’s sleeping.” He looked at dean, “probably what you should be doing.”
“I was fine until you interrupted. Wait, ” Dean looked at Liz, “so that whole working man, tough road shit? You knew it already?”
Liz laughed and turned to Sam, “is he always like this?”
Sam gave Liz a smile, “most of the time, yeah.”
Dean finished the beer in front of him. “Shit. Why does this kind of thing always happen to me? This is where someone says, this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Or some such bullshit. I should’ve known this was too good to be true.”
“I think we’ve upset your brother.” Liz giggled.
“Fuuuuucccckkkk.” Dean covered his face with his hands.
“Take a seat Sam. What’ll it be?” Liz smiled. “Unless you want to take Dean to bed.” She barked out a laugh at the matching looks on the brothers’ faces.
She noticed Sam seemed to be getting over his shock at finding her with his brother and a dark curiosity was taking over. Dean’s head was back in his hands and she made another split second decision. It wasn't like her but she hadn't exactly screwed everything up with the few she had already made recently. She looked Sam in the eye, “sorry about.. before. I was really out of it.” She ducked her head as she brushed her hair behind her ear. “I did too much and drained myself.”
Sam watched her closely. “What did you do exactly?”
When she looked up again she noticed their conversation had gained Dean’s full concentration too. “I healed him.”
Sam narrowed his eyes slightly, “yeah but how?”
“What?” Neither of them answered dean’s bewildered whisper.
Liz lifted her hands and wiggled her fingers, “how else?”
“Bullshit! What? Are you two fucking with me? Sammy? You said..”
Ignoring his rambling brother, his gaze still locked with Liz. “You just healed him from the brink of death with.. what? Magical fingers?”
Liz knew the look of disbelief but she also saw something like hope in his eyes. She ignored Dean’s slightly hysterical sexual comment and nodded at Sam, “not exactly magical when you know where the energy comes from and the fact that I was brought back the same way.”
“Hello? Does anyone want to fill me in here? What do you mean she.. are you seriously saying you healed me?”
“So.. you’re one of us? One of the special children from yellow eyes?”
Liz’s brow furrowed, “what? No.” She shook her head slightly. “Is that what you were talking about at the hospital?”
“Fuck. I'm the third wheel now?” He leaned against the back of the chair. “Seriously?!”
Sam’s muscles tensed, “then what are you?”
Liz stopped herself from answering right away, glancing back and forth between the brothers. One was practically livid from being ignored, left in the dark, and maybe more while the other one was way too curious and on edge to take a bullshit story. “It's kind of a long story.”
“And I've..” Sam paused and sat back in his seat like he’d suddenly realized he had been inching forward every second of their conversation. “We’ve got time.”
“Thank you for including me in the conversation that is pretty much centered on me. Now, what the fuck are you two talking about?” Dean leaned forward again.
Liz downed the last of the beer in front of her and scanned the area around them. More people had entered and the music was loud enough to give them privacy. She looked at the two of them then her gaze fell to the table top as her voice lowered. “It all started when I was sixteen, working as a waitress in my parent’s restaurant..”


Title: Graceless Heart
Author: MelissaD

All my love to RoswellOracle for another amazing banner!
Disclaimer: Don’t own it. No profit, just fun. Roswell belongs to Jason Katims, Melinda Metz, WB and UPN. Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke and the CW.
Lyrics belong to Florence and The Machine.
Pairing(s)/Couple(s): Liz/Dean, Isabel/Sam (I’m a drifter fan and there’s not enough of that in this world. Also, I may have a slight obsession.) Some other CC (Michael/maria) and UC (kyle, Serena).
Category: XO with Supernatural.
Rating: MATURE
Summary: This story sprung to life while listening to “Shake It Out” by Florence and the machine. The Roswell crew minus a few members have been on the road since graduation, (not the same graduation as the one in season three), and Supernatural everything up to Season Two episode One.
Author's Notes: This was written like a one shot but I don’t know if it will actually stay that way. If this story does continue it will most likely be in a different one shot or story. (Honestly, I have way too many stories brewing in my head.

“Shake it out” Lyrics in bold italics.
A few lines from Supernatural: Season two, episode one will be underlined.
Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn
And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around
Our love is pastured, such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues drawn
But it's always darkest before the dawn
It was all in slow motion. Every movement fluid as the seconds seemed to stretch to follow the stop motion of time. Her raven hair flared out, flowing almost gracefully as her outstretched hand reached for the man she was ever so slowly spinning towards. The scene played out like a well-choreographed ballet between two lovers. It would be beautiful, picturesque even, if not for the sharpened, perfectly curved piece of light weight steel in her outstretched hand or the blood it spilt when it connected with the man's throat. After all, affection is mistaken for the desire of determined malevolence and vice versa more than anyone likes to admit.
When her movements finally came to a stop, three hybrid men lay still around her and their blood reached for her feet. Her chest heaving, her jacket torn and dirty from the fight, she stared at the death around her. She knew she should feel relief, she survived again but there was still nothing beyond her exhaustion and grief. Her eyes searched their faces and once again the horror that stared back at her rocked her soul. She closed her eyes and forced herself to breathe as she repeated the mantra in her mind. “Not real, it’s not real.”
She opened her eyes and slowly the familiar faces she saw before her melted away into the unknown enemy that truly lay at her feet. She took another ragged breath in.
"Liz." Her head snapped up at his gruff voice. "Walk it off. We need to go." He sheathed his own knife as she met his fiery brown eyes. He nodded once still in his soldier's stance before he turned and most likely scanned the area around them. He walked away confident that she would follow but she watched him frozen in place. Her gaze fell to the ground and she told her feet to move but they were defiant.
"It's okay. It’s not them." The whisper was gentle and caused a tightening in her chest. Her gaze came up to the soft blue green eyes that willed her to calm her raging spirit. She knew that he was about to offer her his hand so she shook her head slightly and carefully stepped over the body in her way. He waited until she was next to him to fall into step with her. "It happened again."
She didn't bother to lift her gaze from the ground as she answered almost in a sigh. "It always does. Maybe one day it won't."
He stopped her with his hand and forced her to look at him even though he knew it would piss off their companion. "It won't stop until you stop blaming yourself. Michael knows it, I know it, and you know it."
"Well then, I guess I will always see them."
"Let's go! You know how Maria gets!" Michael yelled.
Liz moved around Kyle and started towards Michael who climbed into the driver's seat of their current car.
"Max would never want this and neither would Alex!"
She felt the anger flare up in her for a second before it snuffed out and her shoulders slumped just a little more but she didn't stop. "Thanks for the pep talk Kyle. Can we go before Michael adds one more to that list?"
"Jesus Christ Liz, that's not funny."
She shrugged as she opened the back door and threw herself down on the seat. "Don't wake me until we get there." She muttered as she buried her face in her arms. She heard her door slam shut before the passenger door opened and slammed as well. It wasn't long before she fell into a fitful sleep.
The nightmares always seemed to be the same scene with slight variations. The same faces that haunted her during the day followed after her in sleep only their faces never disappeared when she closed her eyes.
The gunshot went off and people scattered like cockroaches with a sudden burst of light. Most people ran away from the gun fire but she always ran towards it. She pushed through the screaming crowds trying with every fiber of her being to get to the other end of her connection. When she finally reached him the blood was pooling on the floor. She fell to her knees next to him, her hands automatically going to his chest where a small hole leaked precious red liquid. “Max.. stay with me.”
His eyes opened slowly. “Liz.” Blood bubbled from his lips that seemed to lose more color by the second.
Her vision blurred, “shh.. don’t talk. I can do this. We’ve tried the transfer thing before.”
“You’re not..” he coughed, “you don’t..” He coughed again and more crimson bubbles dribbled out. “The stone.”
She tried blinking away the blur from her vision but it came back every time. “I can do this. We can do this.”
His hand reached up slowly, touching her chest. “Love. Ever.”
The sob ripped from her throat. “No Max. I’m not letting..”
He struggled to hold onto her. “Forever. Love.”
She leaned down and kissed his lips wishing the power would grant a reprieve once again. Her mind tried to tell her no one gets that many chances but she banished the thought. “I love you Max. You can’t go. We’ll get through this. You just need to hang on.”
His hand landed with a heavy thump on the ground beside them. The sound could have been the blast of a bomb the way it reverberated through her entire body. She didn’t hear the scream, didn’t exactly feel the hands that pulled her away kicking and screaming. Michael picked him up and carried him away as someone carried her but things blurred so badly.
Alex’s face then Max’s face flashed in front of her. Both faces were angry then accusing then once again pale and lifeless. Max’s lifeless face appeared and his eyes snapped open. The words came without any movement from his lips. “You. You failed.”
Liz woke with a jerk and looked around frantically to gather her bearings. Back seat. She spotted Michael in the driver’s seat with a phone in his hand and Kyle staring at him from the passenger seat.
"WHAT?" Michael's voice boomed. "Fuck! We're coming, like fifteen minutes out." He threw the phone towards Kyle's feet and filled him in. "Maria's in the hospital."
"What happened? Did Iz say?" Kyle asked.
"I don't know. Isabel wasn't sure." Michael’s focus was on the road as the SUV sped forward.
"Shit."
Liz felt her stomach sink. She couldn't lose Maria. She didn't mean anything by what she said earlier. She didn't want to add anyone to the list. It was already too much. Her voice was groggy but insistent. "Floor it. We need to get there in ten or faster."
Michael's eyes were wide when they met hers in the rearview mirror. "Did you see.."
Liz shook her head, "no but that doesn't mean.." She trailed off and looked away unable to keep his gaze.
Michael returned his eyes to the road and pressed the gas pedal further down.
~~
Liz walked out of Maria's hospital room feeling slightly dizzy but relieved. She didn't want to admit it out loud but it felt good to actually help for once. Maria had been hit by a car, as if their life wasn't complicated enough. Her injuries weren't life threatening, per se, unless you count the whole not being able to move from this area for at least two weeks. Doctors apparently were too worried about things that from her perspective weren't that bad but then doctors had to rely on what they could see from machines, they couldn't read Maria's body and feel things flowing and operating as they should. To put it bluntly, Maria's body couldn't speak to them so Liz fixed a few things to help her pain and help the doctors give her a lesser sentence.
She walked further away from Maria's room just needing to stretch her legs. She let the warm feeling inside her linger. She used to hate using the talent that max had given her. Well, the one talent that mimicked his own because of the pain it caused. It was too much knowing the gift could have saved the love of her life if only she had been there, if only she knew she had it at the time. But helping Maria, feeling the torn organs repair and become whole again. It felt good. Her hands had healed her friend and for once she had made a change for the better. She healed instead of destroyed. She was so tired of falling to her own dark thoughts and slipping into the same depression. If only the younger version of herself could see her now.
Liz walked down the hospital corridor lost in her thoughts until she felt something strange brush past her. She looked around but saw no one in her vicinity. There were two nurses at one end of the hall and a nurse’s station at the other. She turned and looked down the hall again. The feeling was gone but something about it seemed to intrigue her. She moved slowly glancing in the rooms she past when one made her stop.
A man was hooked up to a couple of beeping machines, the wires running everywhere along with a tube stuck down his throat. Another man stood by his bed. She noticed a doctor coming towards her and she moved away from the door continuing down the hall. When she turned around, the doctor entered the room. She made her way slowly back to the room keeping to the other side of the hall. She overheard the doctor’s words, “it's the head trauma I'm worried about. There's early signs of cerebral edema.”
Then a younger, more worried voice. “Well, what can we do?” She looked through the doorway and saw the other man’s face. He was tall and younger than she originally thought, probably around her age. He had yet to grow completely out of his baby face and it was surrounded by shaggy brown hair. It wasn’t his youth that pulled at her but the fact that he seemed so lost. He wore his fear and desperation on his face and in his shoulders.
The doctor again. “Well, we won't know his full condition until he wakes up.” She covered her snort, hadn’t she heard the same thing about Maria not two hours prior? “If, He wakes up.”
“If?”
“I have to be honest. Most people with his degree of injury wouldn't have survived this long. He's fighting very hard. But you need to have realistic expectations, son.”
Liz felt it rush up her spine and lodge in her mind. She knew exactly what she'd do. After all, hadn't max started it so long ago? It was a way to.. not make up but make right. It would also be a way to honor him. It was perfect and this man was the best candidate to begin with. She looked at the room number and felt the plan forming in her mind. The doctor turned to leave the room and Liz leaned against the wall looking down the hallway. When she looked back, the shaggy haired man had moved to the bedside and touched the comatose man’s hand. She moved to the doorway and peeked inside. She overheard the man talk to the one in the bed. “Keep fighting Dean. We’ll figure something out.”
She moved away before anyone saw her and whispered under her breathe, “you won’t be saying goodbye today because I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep.”
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
And I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
Liz waited until the nurse’s shift change then slipped into Dean’s room quietly. She made her way to his bedside and looked at the myriad of wires then followed one line up to a monitor that displayed what doctor’s would say was a weak rhythm. She laid her right hand on his chest and the other on his forehead. She wasn’t sure how it would work with a stranger but hoped it wouldn’t be a trial and error type of deal. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and concentrated on the man that lay beneath her hands. She blocked out the sounds of the machines and the smell that screamed hospital then zeroed in on the smell and sensation that was all the man in front of her. The strong smell of leather, cheap soap, and after shave, a little motor oil mixed in with the strong coppery scent of blood, and something that reminded her of the FBI. She briefly wondered if she was really smelling all those things or if it was some kind of intuition of who this person was.Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
And I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
She shivered slightly then felt the air around her pulse. Her eyes popped open and she noticed the slight shimmer on the other side of the bed then saw him standing there. “Dean.” She spoke softly, “please let me in.”
He watched her obviously conflicted and then looked down at his own body in the bed. His hand reached out towards hers on his chest and the moment his energy touched hers, she felt herself pulled in. She pushed aside the images that flew at her and focused on the blood or lack thereof that flowed sluggishly through his veins. She quickly found the major problems and fixed just enough to avoid suspicion and wake him from his coma. She started to pull out when she felt the heaviness that no doctor could take away, a pain that she herself felt every day. Quickly, she went back through his body and fixed everything she found. Even though she felt her energy waning, she couldn’t pull back without making sure he wouldn’t have to feel any deep physical pain. No one should have to deal with both. She pulled out and noticed the change already in his coloring and stumbled backward.
“There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” The hushed reprimand brought Liz’s head up. Isabel moved further into the room and Liz tried to take a step towards her but her legs started to buckle. “Liz!” Isabel ran forward to grab her. “What the hell did you do?” Isabel glanced at the man in the hospital bed as she pulled Liz to the door. “Nevermind. Let’s get you out of here.” At the door they bumped into a solid body. Isabel quickly moved Liz around the man in the doorway as he stepped aside for them. “Sorry, wrong room.” She whispered.
Isabel threw a glance behind her as she half carried Liz down the hall towards Maria’s room. She heard the commotion come from the room and tried to get Liz to move faster. “Are you crazy? You can’t just go around healing people. Jesus, you’re just as bad as Ma..” She trailed off and looked at Liz. Just then she felt Liz’s body pulled to a stop and turned to find the man from the doorway with a hand on Liz’s arm.
“Who are you? What did you do to my brother?” The tall man with shaggy brown hair and brown eyes looked half guarded yet half hopeful.
Liz’s voice was soft and sluggish. “Don’t worry. No strings attached. I promise.” Liz’s eyes connected with his and she grimaced as the images flew at her. He gasped and pulled his hand away as if he was burned. “Please don’t say anything. Please Sammy.” Her heavy eyes pleaded.
He nodded but was unable to wipe the shock from his face. “Are you like me?”
She shook her head, “no. No one is like me. Just take your miracle.” Liz turned away and reached for Isabel’s help again. “Izzy.. please get me out of here.” Isabel wrapped her arm around her back and helped her move quickly down the hall. She threw a glance back at the man and caught him still staring in shock then turned and headed back for Maria’s hospital room.
“What the hell got into you Liz?” Isabel continued to softly scold her but Liz noticed she had lost the anger that tinged her first reprimand.
“It's nothing.”
“That wasn't nothing! You practically drained yourself completely! How much did you.. heal?”
“I needed.. I couldn't fail him.”
“He’s a stranger. How could you possibly.. fail? You’re having the dreams again.”
“They never went away.” Liz tripped and Isabel pulled her closer, trying to hold more of her weight.
“You know it wasn't your fault. You weren't even there!”
“Does it really matter?” Liz saw Maria's door and wished she could run inside but she was barely keeping her eyes open.
“Yes! Because you didn't fail anyone. You have nothing to make up for.” Isabel pulled her inside Maria's room and sat her on the small cot beside Maria's bed.
“Well, you tell that to the faces haunting me.” Liz’s eyes were already closed when her head hit the pillow.
Maria sat up when they came into the room and she stared at her friends as she listened to their conversation. Her wide eyes met Isabel’s concerned gaze. “What the hell happened?”
“She was healing some guy. She used too much energy. If I didn't find her..” Isabel looked back down at Liz and Maria's gaze followed suit.
“What did she mean the faces haunting her?”
Isabel met Maria's gaze again. “The dreams. They never stopped.”
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
And given half the chance would I take any of it back
It's a fine romance but it's left me so undone
It's always darkest before the dawn
And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't
So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road
And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope
It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat
'Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Well what the hell I'm gonna let it happen to me, yeah
And given half the chance would I take any of it back
It's a fine romance but it's left me so undone
It's always darkest before the dawn
And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't
So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road
And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope
It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat
'Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Well what the hell I'm gonna let it happen to me, yeah
Liz snuck out of the hospital and walked until she found the local tavern. She chuckled at the proximity. She went inside and sat at the bar. She didn't bother looking around, she wasn't in the mood for company or hustling. She just wanted to forget. She wanted to forget everything they wanted to bring up again.
After she woke she had felt better, lighter somehow but then the questions came pouring in. Maria always wanted her to talk about it, get it out was always her mantra. Talking about him never made it easier. Any of them going over how no scenario would have changed what happened didn't help because they couldn't change the fact that there was one scenario that changed it but there was no way to go back. No safe way.
At the first chance she got to slip out, she took it. They knew that she would or at least Isabel did. She had understood her more than any of them since he died. Isabel was the only one that could really. It took Liz some time to figure that out but Isabel was the only one who shared not only her sorrow but the type of loss. Their roles had only reversed because Alex had been her brother but Isabel’s love and then it was her love and Isabel’s brother.
The bartender, an older man in his fifties with salt and pepper hair, stopped in front of her. “What’ll it be, miss?”
“Scotch, please.”
He eyed her for a second then pulled out a fresh glass and set it down in front of her. He pulled a bottle off a shelf behind him and poured some in her glass. “You know I would say you're a little too young and too pretty to be drinking alone this early but my wife would give me a black eye for saying such a thing.”
“You’ve got a good woman, sir.”
“Damn straight.” He said with a wide smile. She noticed the semper fi tattoo on the inside of his forearm.
“I would say keep her close and treat her right but I get the feeling you already do.”
He nodded. “I’m Tom. You give a holler if you need anything.”
She smiled, “Liz. Thanks Tom.” He moved away and left her with her drink.
She took a sip and knew he had poured from one of his better bottles. She tried to think about anything but what happened at the hospital. She didn't want her thoughts to go anywhere near her nightmares. She didn't want to think at all but knew that line of thinking was just as dangerous.
The chair next to her creaked with the sudden weight placed on it. “Can I buy you a drink?”
She rolled her eyes, “as you can see I already have one.” She turned her head to look at the newcomer and tried to hide her shock. She looked back at her drink. The thought of leaving came to mind but then she recalled the pain she glimpsed. She sat still.
“Well, I could really use one and I’d rather not drink alone tonight. Today. Whatever. I'm Dean.” She heard the whisper of leather against leather and saw the movement out of the corner of her eye.
She glanced to her side, he held his hand out. She swallowed thickly and looked at him. “Liz.” She glanced at his hand then back to her drink.
“Sorry, I don't even know why. I don't usually do that.” He coughed and shifted in his seat. He placed his hands on the bar and cleared his throat.
Another voice interrupted, “he bothering you Liz?”
Liz shook her head, “no. It's okay Tom. Could you get him a scotch?” She felt Dean’s stare while Tom nodded and got his drink. “It's on him.”
Tom chuckled, “damn well better be.” He pushed the glass in front of Dean before walking away.
“That's not a relative of yours, is it?”
Liz chuckled, “actually I just made his acquaintance a couple of minutes ago.”
“Why do I get the feeling I need to be on my best behavior then?”
“Because Tom is very respectful especially since he has a very good woman at home.”
“I thought you said you just met him?”
She shrugged. “Some things you just know about a man.”
“Really? What about me?”
“Hmmm.. Well.” She glanced at his hand, “can I see your hand?”
He smirked, “seriously?”
“How else am I supposed to get a reading on you?”
He took a sip from his glass then gave her his hand. She smiled then grasped his offered hand gently with her left turning it palm up. With her left hand holding his hand still, she lightly ran her right hand over his. She felt the callused finger tips and the two scars. “Working man’s hands. You’ve lived a tough life, made hard decisions, taken a different road, a harder one. You work for the people but are often misunderstood.” She looked up into his eyes and saw disbelief with something else more like shock but almost familiarity. It puzzled her but she moved on with a soft smile, “and quite the ladies’ man.”
He chuckled, “you’re good.”
“I try.”
“You know I’d probably let you take me for every penny I've got just for how damn good that was.”
“No need to lay it on thick there Dean.”
“Too ladies’ man-ish? How can I tone that down? I mean.. it works.” He raised the glass to his lips.
The smirk that came to his face was one specially wielded tool that only lead to one thing with a man as good looking as he was. He was back on his game. She couldn't help but laugh. Probably the first genuine all out laugh she had in too long and she wasn’t even sure why.
They talked as they went back and forth buying drinks. They moved to a table after their third drink and moved into more personal subjects even though both took care to keep their secrets.
An hour later, Sam Winchester walked into the building and headed straight for the bar. He asked the bartender if he had seen anyone that matched his brother’s description and the bartender pointed to the table in the corner. Sam turned and saw Dean seated at the table leaning in towards a dark haired girl. It looked like he was actually listening and intently at that. He rolled his eyes and moved towards them. When he got close to the table, dean’s eyes lifted to his. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere! You just got out of the hospital,” the girl at the table turned around. “You shouldn’t be..” He paused when he did a double take at the girl’s face. “Liz?”
Dean threw a glance at Liz, “you know her?”
A small smile came to her face, “hi Sam.”
Sam stared at her and Dean cleared his throat. Sam looked to dean, “sorry. We ah.. we.” His gaze slid back to Liz.
Liz smirked as she finished the sentence for him. “Bumped into each other at the hospital. My friend was hit by a car and you two were in a car accident. How’s your dad?”
“Good. He’s sleeping.” He looked at dean, “probably what you should be doing.”
“I was fine until you interrupted. Wait, ” Dean looked at Liz, “so that whole working man, tough road shit? You knew it already?”
Liz laughed and turned to Sam, “is he always like this?”
Sam gave Liz a smile, “most of the time, yeah.”
Dean finished the beer in front of him. “Shit. Why does this kind of thing always happen to me? This is where someone says, this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Or some such bullshit. I should’ve known this was too good to be true.”
“I think we’ve upset your brother.” Liz giggled.
“Fuuuuucccckkkk.” Dean covered his face with his hands.
“Take a seat Sam. What’ll it be?” Liz smiled. “Unless you want to take Dean to bed.” She barked out a laugh at the matching looks on the brothers’ faces.
She noticed Sam seemed to be getting over his shock at finding her with his brother and a dark curiosity was taking over. Dean’s head was back in his hands and she made another split second decision. It wasn't like her but she hadn't exactly screwed everything up with the few she had already made recently. She looked Sam in the eye, “sorry about.. before. I was really out of it.” She ducked her head as she brushed her hair behind her ear. “I did too much and drained myself.”
Sam watched her closely. “What did you do exactly?”
When she looked up again she noticed their conversation had gained Dean’s full concentration too. “I healed him.”
Sam narrowed his eyes slightly, “yeah but how?”
“What?” Neither of them answered dean’s bewildered whisper.
Liz lifted her hands and wiggled her fingers, “how else?”
“Bullshit! What? Are you two fucking with me? Sammy? You said..”
Ignoring his rambling brother, his gaze still locked with Liz. “You just healed him from the brink of death with.. what? Magical fingers?”
Liz knew the look of disbelief but she also saw something like hope in his eyes. She ignored Dean’s slightly hysterical sexual comment and nodded at Sam, “not exactly magical when you know where the energy comes from and the fact that I was brought back the same way.”
“Hello? Does anyone want to fill me in here? What do you mean she.. are you seriously saying you healed me?”
“So.. you’re one of us? One of the special children from yellow eyes?”
Liz’s brow furrowed, “what? No.” She shook her head slightly. “Is that what you were talking about at the hospital?”
“Fuck. I'm the third wheel now?” He leaned against the back of the chair. “Seriously?!”
Sam’s muscles tensed, “then what are you?”
Liz stopped herself from answering right away, glancing back and forth between the brothers. One was practically livid from being ignored, left in the dark, and maybe more while the other one was way too curious and on edge to take a bullshit story. “It's kind of a long story.”
“And I've..” Sam paused and sat back in his seat like he’d suddenly realized he had been inching forward every second of their conversation. “We’ve got time.”
“Thank you for including me in the conversation that is pretty much centered on me. Now, what the fuck are you two talking about?” Dean leaned forward again.
Liz downed the last of the beer in front of her and scanned the area around them. More people had entered and the music was loud enough to give them privacy. She looked at the two of them then her gaze fell to the table top as her voice lowered. “It all started when I was sixteen, working as a waitress in my parent’s restaurant..”