8 Days of Christmas(Group Challenge)(CC,M/M,ADULT)#8-12/29
Posted: Sat Dec 22, 2007 7:58 pm
Candy Christmas Prequel:

Author: Rhea77
Title : How to be a stonewall
Couple: M/M
Genre : ficlet, gapfiller
Rating : MATURE/ADULT
Summary : Michael can’t sleep, and Christmas is coming to town. (season 1, the first MM Christmas we never got to see on the show; set between The Balance and Toy House)
Contact Info: rokoschnuckel@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: I don't own Roswell or the characters of Michael Guerin or Maria Deluca. They belong to Katims, Metz, the WB, UPN, and possibly the CW. What a shame, can I have at least Michael?
Prologue
It was getting cold at night. After the freak heat wave broke the temperatures had dropped rather quickly. The nights had become freezing within days. Michael shivered slightly, pulling his leather coat closer around himself. He hadn’t been able to sleep for three days in a row, so he had decided to come here. The desert calmed him, helped him think. He had spent many nights out here thinking about his screwed up life, pondering the reason why he was on this planet and dreaming of things that might be “out there” for him. The presence of the stars that were clearly visible in those cold clear nights made him feel closer to “home” if you could call it that, closer to the people who had sent him here, closer to the answers to all the questions he had about his existence.
But tonight he wasn’t thinking of distant planets, he was thinking of her. He knew he had hurt her, but it was for the best.
Sorry, I can't get this involved. I'm alone, and that's the way it's gotta be. Maybe we should've never started this.
The look on her face when he had said that had broken his heart.
I'm gonna go outside and get some air.
It had taken him all his will power not to go after her. He had wanted to take her in his arms and kiss it better, but … it was for the best. Definitely for the best, he was sure of it. Even if it hurt like hell.
He hadn’t been able to sleep that night. Now, of course there had been this minor problem of Liz and Alex being arrested by Valenti. But it had turned out all right. Another human in on the secret, but that was a small price to pay if it meant that their secret was safe a little longer. They should have never have told anyone to begin with, but since he could not change that now he found himself getting better at accepting it.
Now, of course she would have never noticed him if it hadn’t been for her best friend being healed by Max. Not that he would have been interested in her either. Humans had never been important to Michael. Not his foster father, not his schoolmates, he had always avoided getting attached to humans. Their trip to Marathon, Texas, had changed that.
You're telling me to get out? This is my car. Actually, it's my mother's car, and if anything happens to it, life as I know it will be over. So, wherever it goes, I go.
He had felt it right then, that she was different. And she had proven his feeling right when she had saved his ass from the cop who had stopped him for speeding. She had guts, she was a quick thinker, and she wasn’t one to judge you before she knew all the facts. Right then he had felt that he might be falling for her, and he had done everything in his power to prevent it.
When the car had broken down and they had had to check into that cheap motel he had been pissed that he would have to spend the night in the same room with her. The fact that she had looked so lost and weary had made him even angrier. She had made him feel guilty, and he didn’t like feeling guilty, not because of her or any other human for that matter. He had ended up buying various snacks from a vending machine to make up for it – but of course he would have done that anyway. He was a growing boy, so he was always hungry.
Then she had started again with that stupid survey of hers. Something about history class, not that he had been interested. So he had agreed to answer the questions because they had had nothing better to do anyway. But then she had started to ask him about personal matters. None of her business, really. And if he had not felt he owed her for saving his ass from the cop and if he had not still felt guilty for kidnapping her, he would probably not even answered that one question.
Why is it so important to you to find out where you come from?
Because there's gotta be something better out there for me than Roswell, New Mexico.
The story of his life. With all the crap that had happened to him in the past 10 years, there had to be something out there, something great and meaningful, something that could explain why he was stuck in Roswell with an abusive foster father and a shitload of problems, something that would take him away from this life and offer him a better one.
That’s when she had told him about her father, about how he had left her when she was a little kid, and about how she had hoped for years that he would come and take her away to an exotic place where she would live like royalty.
Because, you know...I thought to myself...there's got to be something better out there for me than Roswell, New Mexico.
She had known. She had understood. She had not judged his motives, not told him that he should be more realistic, not pitied him like Max and Isabel sometimes did. She had just accepted his answer and told him that she understood. That is when he had known she was the girl for him, the one he wanted to grow old with. That Maria girl – his Maria girl. But in a way he had known even then that it could never be. She was human, he was alien, he was determined to find a way home and once he did he could not be attached to anything or anyone on earth. She needed to accept that and get on with her life. It was for the best, he was sure of it.
The first kiss had made him almost forget that. They had been waiting for Max and Liz to return from the Indian reservation. She had been nervous, and she had made him nervous, too. Then all of a sudden she had been yelling at him that he was supposed to make her feel better. Women, he would never understand them. How had he been supposed to do that? He had thought about what would release his own tension, and all he had been able to come up with was to kiss her. To calm her down, of course. Only, it had not really had a calming effect on him. After Max and Liz had returned, he had spent what felt like hours in the cold shower.
And then that heat wave had hit Roswell. Things had started to spin out of control. The heat had changed how people interacted with each other. Sensual overload. He had felt it in the air, and all he had been able to think about was Maria. He had gone to the Crashdown that night, when he knew she was locking up. No words had been exchanged, it had not been necessary. She had known why he had come, and she had wanted it as much has he had. Kisses and touches were all they had needed to communicate that night.
It had been revealing. He had never had felt like that before, and like an addict he had needed more. They had started meeting in the eraser room almost every break. At first he had ignored the warning signs – the fact that she had greeted him with a fond smile whenever she saw him, her little attempts to talk to him during make out sessions, his own craving for her that made him forget about the dangers of getting too attached. When she had finally addressed their non-talking status, he had crashed back into reality. She had wanted to know about him, to spend time with him – she had wanted relationship, and he had realized that he might want that, too. All his life he had been focused on that one goal – to return “home”, wherever that was. He could not let anything or anyone keep him. And he could not have a relationship with her when he knew he was going to leave one day.
I'm alone, and that's the way it's gotta be. Maybe we should've never started this.
It was for the best, he was sure of it.
They had started avoiding each other. - Ok, so he had started avoiding her. And then, a couple of days ago he had fallen sick. River Dog had explained it to him. The sweat had disturbed his “balance”, and he had needed the help of his friends to heal him. Max and Isabel had been there, as they usually were when he was in trouble. His brother and sister – the only people in the world he could truly call his family. Alex had been there, much to his surprise, and even little Liz Parker, who Max had lately been so distracted by. But most importantly Maria had been there, too. After all he had said to her she had still wanted to be there for him. She had cared, no matter what. And he had been surprised at how much that had meant to him.
Michael shivered again when the wind picked up. What he had seen while in his delirium had confirmed what he had felt for some time now: that he was getting closer to finding out where they really came from. He knew that he should be more excited, that he should spend his days figuring out the symbols on the map. But for some reason he could not quite focus on the task at hand. His mind was occupied with other thoughts. Thoughts of her.
For three days now she had avoided him in school. She wasn’t talking to him, and whenever he tried to make conversation she turned around and left. And whenever he saw her she looked tired and unhappy. For three days thinking about her had kept him awake. It was driving him insane. Christmas was coming up, and although he did not care much about that himself, he wanted her to enjoy the holidays. Of course she could never know that he cared – it was too dangerous. But he needed to do something to make the dark circles around her eyes disappear and put a smile on her lovely lips. He loved it when she smiled. If he could see her smile for Christmas that would make the holidays and all the crap Hank usually dished out around that time much more bearable. He needed to do something, but what? Would he ever understand women? What could she possibly want that didn’t involve him bearing his soul to her and turning into a romantic fool like Max?
Michael smiled at his own desperation. He would think of something. All he needed to do was watch her closely and maybe listen in on some of her conversations with Liz. It was for a good cause, after all, so it wasn’t like a violation of her privacy, really. Getting up from the rock he was sitting on he started to work the details of his plan out in his mind. Slowly he walked back to the trailer park. Tonight he would probably finally get some sleep.
Chapter 1:
Her hand barely touched his chest. Her fingers slowly made their way down towards his groin, and although her touch was light and feathery it burned his skin. She started to move on top of him, an almost unbearably slow rhythm at first, giving him time to muse about the lusciousness of her lips, the creamy perfection of her skin and the surprisingly arousing feel of her pert little breasts. He had always been attracted by curvy women, but none of them compared to the beauty that was Maria. Her movements slowly became faster and more frantic, the light touch of her fingers turning into a feverish clutch as she seemed to hold on for dear life. She threw her head back and moaned, an almost animalistic sound that cost Michael the last bit of control he had left. With a groan his hands moved from where they rested on her thighs up to her hips to guide her up and down his ….
Michael woke with a start, drenched in sweat and painfully hard. Great! Another wet dream featuring Maria DeLuca. This was becoming a serious issue. Michael wiped his hand over his face, weighing his options. He could go and take a cold shower, but that would probably wake Hank. The trailer didn’t exactly give you any privacy – Michael shuddered when he remembered listening to Hank and some woman going at it in the other room. Thank god that didn’t happen a lot anymore.
The other option was to act like a healthy, horny male teenager and jerk off to the fantasy of “this hot girl from school”. But that didn’t seem right. She wasn’t just anyone, and knowing Hank slept in the other room, Michael almost felt dirty jerking off thinking about Maria. But then, she wasn’t some delicate flower, she was a strong-headed, passionate girl who knew what she wanted from a guy. If sleeping with her was anything like in his dreams, he missed out on the probably most spectacular sex in the know universe. Michael started to stroke himself trying to remember the fleeting images of his numerous erotic dreams about her. Recalling the way her nipples hardened when he touched them in his dreams, remembering the way she looked with her head thrown back in passion, almost hearing her low cries of ecstasy he shuddered and came silently. Panting hard he resolved to do something about these fantasies, and soon. If he wanted to get over her, this needed to stop.
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Michael followed Maria to the Crashdown. He kept his distance so he could be sure she did not notice him. Once she was inside, he walked to the back entrance and sneaked in. He heard her rummage around in her locker and quickly hid behind the stairs that led upstairs. Maria had already changed into her uniform and was looking for the pair of comfortable shoes she kept in the locker for work. She finally found them and was about to put them on when Liz entered the back room.
“Maria, oh, good to see you. You are late, we were kind of worried. Are you ok?”
“Sure, peachy,” Maria stated absentmindedly while she put on the second shoe.
Liz furrowed her brows. “Is really everything ok? You have been behaving … weird lately. I am really worried, Maria. You are my best friend. We tell each other everything… don’t we?”
Maria stopped fumbling with her uniform, then suddenly turned around and flung herself at Liz. “I don’t know what to do, Liz. I can’t really sleep, I couldn’t care less about food, I get up in the morning wondering how to get through the day … I am pathetic, Liz, absolutely, utterly, completely pathetic. Look at me, I am a wreck.”
“Oh, come here,” Liz hugged Maria tightly. “We’ll find a solution.”
Maria’s expression changed. She straightened herself, taking a deep breath. “No man is worth this, Liz, alien or not. You and me, Liz, we will stick together and show them that we don’t need them. If they cannot appreciate us, they don’t deserve us.”
Michael smiled at that. He admired her strength, and he loved her spite. Besides, she was cute when she was angry. Michael shook his head. These kinds of thoughts were getting him nowhere. He had to stop thinking about whether she was cute or not. He needed to find a way to make her smile for Christmas so he could rest in peace and be a stonewall again without feeling guilty about the way he had treated her.
“So, what do we do?” Liz smiled. She was excited to see Maria so resolved. Maybe Christmas wouldn’t be so sad for her after all.
“We do what we want, without thinking about them. Ever! First thing, we go Christmas shopping. I have seen this gorgeous sweater at Suzie’s … “
Liz laughed, and the two of them entered the dining area, chatting about plans for shopping and going to the movies. Michael cursed lightly under his breath. Not exactly what he
had hoped for. And he was running out of time.
Michael waited another two minutes to be sure no one was around. He was about to leave his hideout behind the stairs when the door to the diner opened again and Maria and Liz came back.
“Maria, what was that?” Liz asked, smiling at Maria.
“What?” Maria looked a little too innocently at Liz.
“You were shamelessly flirting with Harvey Wechsler.”
“So? I am free to flirt with whomever I want. It’s not as if I have a boyfriend, or even a guy who cares with whom I’m flirting.”
Liz looked uncomfortable. “I don’t think it’s such a good idea to just throw yourself into another … whether it is with a guy you don’t even really know. I mean, sure, Harvey is a nice guy, but you are not doing this because you like him.”
Maria crossed her arms in front of her. “So?”
“It isn’t exactly fair, Maria.”
“Life isn’t fair. Is it fair that I care about a guy who at one moment kisses me like there is no tomorrow and the next moment has completely forgotten about me? Liz, he didn’t even notice I was there in the cave.”
Michael furrowed a brow. He had assumed that they had been there with him on the dream plane. Not at first, of course, not when he had had the visions of the signs and what they meant, but when they had appeared in his vision … he had thought they had seen that part of his vision, too, that they would remember hugging, or in her case kissing him. But obviously they hadn’t. That explained a lot. Just great, he had thought she had accepted his decision and just felt sad about it, now he knew she felt he had only used her. Could his life get any more complicated?
Maria and Liz returned to work, leaving Michael to ponder his next move. After he had made sure they were gone, he moved out from behind the stairs and left quietly through the back door.
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Michael had been wandering around aimlessly for almost an hour, trying to come up with a plan to make Maria happy without telling her how he felt about her. So she felt used, how could he make up for that? She needed to feel cherished, loved and appreciated. She had said so herself.
If they cannot appreciate us, they don’t deserve us.
But how could that be achieved? How could he make her feel this way without her knowing that he was involved? Michael stopped dead in his tracks when he realized where his feet had taken him. He was standing across the street from Maria’s house. The lights were on, and he saw movement in her room. He stepped closer, making sure he stayed in the shadows so that she would not see him. When he was almost in front of her window he heard music coming through the window, which she had left slightly ajar. She was singing, and her full, slightly rough voice had him mesmerized for a second. Typical, just when he thought he knew all about her she surprised him again. He had known she was interested in music, but many teenagers were, so he had not listened to her ramblings. Turned out that it was obviously more than a teenage obsession. She was good, and her voice almost made him regret breaking up with her all over again. *It is for the best*, he assured himself.
That’s when it hit him. Maria loved music, and from what he heard her music was one of her many great assets that were more than worth to be appreciated. And he knew just the right place where her beautiful music would be cherished. He lingered a little longer listening to her rehearsing a couple of Christmas songs that she was probably going to perform with a group of carol singers during the holidays, before he slowly walked back into the direction of the trailer park.
Chapter 2:
“Michael! What a surprise to see you! Why don’t you sit down.”
Mrs. Winston had always been the only grown person he could stand in this place. Mind you, they had all tried to befriend him, but he had had the feeling that she was the only one in here who really meant what she said, who really cared about him and didn’t just do her job.
Not that he had made it easy for her. She probably didn’t even know that he kind of liked her, at least he had tried to never let on that he did. Even ten years ago he had know that he was alone and that he could only ever trust himself.
Michael gave her an awkward smirk. “Mrs. Winston, I have a favour to ask you.”
Her smile faded, and Michael winced. She probably thought he had done something illegal and needed someone to help him out of trouble. It was weird how even the nicest people treated you not according to what they knew about you as a person, but also according to where you came from. Having lived on the wrong side of the tracks for the past ten years with his sorry excuse of a foster father, Michael experienced a lot of that - that mixture of pity and fear that he might at any time do something dangerous. That was exactly why he never trusted adults. He was getting angry, but he realized that in this case he needed her. So he reluctantly tried to dispel her fears. “Nothing big really, it is for a friend, and you will benefit greatly from it, too.”
Mrs. Winston’s smile returned, and she nodded encouragingly.
“You know, Mrs. Winston, I have this friend, who is a really great musician …”
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Maria flung her bag across the room and kicked her shoes off her feet. Her day had sucked, big time. She had failed her remedial science exam – again –, she had been insulted by a rude customer, and then she had had to cover for Tracy who had called in sick. Maria plopped on the bed and closed her eyes. All she wanted was a hot shower, a nice cup of tea, and 10 hours of sleep. She was just pondering whether or not she really needed that cup of tea, when her mother walked into her room.
“Maria, honey, you got mail.”
Maria groaned. The last thing she wanted to do right now was to open her eyes to read a letter. “Who is it from?” she finally asked reluctantly.
“That is the weirdest thing,” Amy said. “It’s from the orphanage.”
That got Maria’s attention. Why would the orphanage send her a letter? It couldn’t be for charity, since she wasn’t on the list of local shop owners or people who generally gave to charity. “You sure it isn’t for you? You are the local entrepreneur.”
“It specifically says ‘Maria DeLuca’, so I didn’t open it. If it is for me, let me know, honey, ok?” With this, Amy dropped the letter on the bed and left the room.
Maria groaned again, but sat up and eyed the letter. It was probably for her mother anyway. Maria ripped open the envelope, pulled out a neatly folded sheet of paper and started reading …
“Oh my god!”
Amy came running back into the room at that. “Maria, what is it? Is everything ok?”
Maria had a huge smile plastered on her face. “Great mom, I’m great! Look at this!”
Chapter 3:
Michael was standing outside the window of the great hall of the orphanage. The hall was lighted with hundreds of little electric light bulbs that were attached to the huge Christmas tree and the wall decorations around the room. He heard her soft but strong voice singing.
Peace on earth and mercy mild
God and sinners reconciled
Joyful, all ye nations rise
Join the triumph of the skies
With the angelic host proclaim:
"Christ is born in Bethlehem"
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"
The children sitting around her seemed to be transfixed by her beautiful voice. Some of the older ones were silently moving their lips, not daring to join into the singing. Others rocked slowly back and forth with the rhythm of the music. Some even had their eyes closed, listening intently, almost as if making sure they didn’t miss a single note. Michael was mesmerized by the scene. The soft light, the bright eyes of the children, and Maria, singing, her eyes closed, a soft smile on her lips. Michael doubted that he had ever seen anything more beautiful. Or touching. He swallowed and wiped a single tear off his cheek, slightly embarrassed and happy no one could see him right now. Wuss, so much for being a stonewall.
The song had ended, and Maria was gathering the children closer around. She said something to them, and many of the kids clapped their hands or bounced up and down excitedly. Maria gave them a tune and started singing again, and this time the children joined in. They didn’t really carry the tune, and most of them did not quite remember the correct lyrics, but that made the song all the more cheerful. Maria laughed, when a little boy gave a particularly unruly interpretation of one of the lines, and Michael smiled. He had seen enough. Maria was happy, at least for now, and that was all he had wanted for her. Staying here watching her meant only making this harder on himself. With a last look he turned around and walked away from the orphanage.
Slowly he made his way back into town. Isabel, the Christmas Nazi, had bullied him into joining the maintenance crew of the Christmas village, but he didn’t really mind, having nothing better to do on Christmas Eve anyway. Besides, Hank was a particular kind of nasty around Christmas. If he didn’t find a woman to bed in some bar, he usually came home drunk and looking for someone to take his frustration out on. Michael had learned pretty early to avoid Hank at Christmas, so the Christmas Village was indeed a welcome way of keeping away from his foster father. Of course he had complained loudly for days. Couldn’t have Isabel think he was easy. He had a reputation to uphold, after all.
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Days later…
Christmas had gone by in a blur. Michael had even managed to avoid Hank for a whole three days. Mrs. Winston had contacted him to thank him for suggesting Maria perform at the orphanage at Christmas, letting him know that the children had been talking about it for days after and that they hoped very much Maria would return the next year. After years of spending Christmas in the cold desert watching the stars Michael had a feeling things were looking up. Maybe life on Earth would become bearable after all, at least as long as they were stuck here. Michael was still as resolved as ever about finding his home planet and returning to those who had sent them here. There had to be an explanation, a great and important reason that would justify all those years he had spent hating his life on Earth. But maybe waiting for that reason to reveal itself wouldn’t be such a bad thing, after all.
He walked down the corridor, thinking about what game was on tonight. Hank was gone for a couple of days, and Michael planned on watching as much TV as possible. He rounded a corner and bumped into Maria. She looked better, healthier, and stronger.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey,” she responded avoiding his eyes and trying to move around him.
“How’s it going?”
She still didn’t look at him. “Fine,” she said, finally pushing past him and walking away briskly.
Michael looked after her and scratched his brow. Well, she did look good, delicious to be honest, and he had been tempted to suggest a trip to the eraser room. He missed her, and the fact that he still had the most vivid dreams about her didn’t help. Unfortunately, she obviously wanted nothing to do with him. Just as he had wanted it. But then, why the hell did her obviously avoiding him feel like he had just been slapped in the face. Hard. Michael sighed, then shook his head and went on to his next class. He would get over it, eventually. It was for the best, after all. He was sure of it. If only it didn’t hurt so much.
Epilogue:
Michael was watching the stars. The night was cold and he shivered. He hadn’t been able to sleep. Again. Three days in a row he had been lying awake, thinking about why he couldn’t sleep. And somehow, her face had always come to his mind. Now, the insomnia was already taking a toll on him. Not only did it deprive him of the most incredible wet dreams he had ever had in his life, it also made him impulsive, rude and grumpy. Well, more than usual. Three days of not sleeping and pissing everyone around him off, and he found himself in the desert, looking at the stars, as he often did when the questions about his existence were most pressing. Only, he was not thinking about “home”, wherever that may be. He was thinking about her again. Michael closed his eyes and smiled at the irony of it. He recognized a pattern, and he didn’t like that at all.
Making her happy for Christmas had helped against his last bout of insomnia, so maybe he should try to actively do something about it this time, too. The problem was that those sleepless nights were due to the fact that he missed Maria. Now, getting back together with her was of course out of the question. He needed to be a stonewall, and she had a tendency to deconstruct his carefully built bulwark. But on the other hand he didn’t see himself getting over her anytime soon, and he doubted that friendship was the right way to go about it for the two of them. Personally, he felt like pressing her against the next wall and devouring her mouth whenever he saw her, so that wouldn’t work. Maybe, if she at least could stop hating him, if she could look at him again when they met, if she could speak more than two words to him in a row. Hell, if they could at least fight once in a while. It would be some awkward thing between non-friendship and non-relationship, but at least it would be something.
The questions was, how? He didn’t really know why she behaved the way she did. Ok, so he had broken up with her, but she had at least talked to him afterwards, even if it was only to fight with him. But she had stopped yelling at him or insulting him after he had fallen sick. She had been right there to help him through it, she had kissed him in his vision, but afterwards she had stopped speaking to him completely and started avoiding him like the plague. He needed to find out, where she came from, and soon, because not sleeping and instead thinking about her all night was driving him insane.
Ok, so that was his next project. Michael smiled. Worked every time. He felt tired and he was sure, with yet another plan involving Maria he would get some sleep tonight, and if he was lucky maybe even one of those juicy dreams, which, of course, had to stop some time soon, but maybe not quite yet.
- The End -
Merry Christmas Everyone!!!

Author: Rhea77
Title : How to be a stonewall
Couple: M/M
Genre : ficlet, gapfiller
Rating : MATURE/ADULT
Summary : Michael can’t sleep, and Christmas is coming to town. (season 1, the first MM Christmas we never got to see on the show; set between The Balance and Toy House)
Contact Info: rokoschnuckel@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: I don't own Roswell or the characters of Michael Guerin or Maria Deluca. They belong to Katims, Metz, the WB, UPN, and possibly the CW. What a shame, can I have at least Michael?
Prologue
It was getting cold at night. After the freak heat wave broke the temperatures had dropped rather quickly. The nights had become freezing within days. Michael shivered slightly, pulling his leather coat closer around himself. He hadn’t been able to sleep for three days in a row, so he had decided to come here. The desert calmed him, helped him think. He had spent many nights out here thinking about his screwed up life, pondering the reason why he was on this planet and dreaming of things that might be “out there” for him. The presence of the stars that were clearly visible in those cold clear nights made him feel closer to “home” if you could call it that, closer to the people who had sent him here, closer to the answers to all the questions he had about his existence.
But tonight he wasn’t thinking of distant planets, he was thinking of her. He knew he had hurt her, but it was for the best.
Sorry, I can't get this involved. I'm alone, and that's the way it's gotta be. Maybe we should've never started this.
The look on her face when he had said that had broken his heart.
I'm gonna go outside and get some air.
It had taken him all his will power not to go after her. He had wanted to take her in his arms and kiss it better, but … it was for the best. Definitely for the best, he was sure of it. Even if it hurt like hell.
He hadn’t been able to sleep that night. Now, of course there had been this minor problem of Liz and Alex being arrested by Valenti. But it had turned out all right. Another human in on the secret, but that was a small price to pay if it meant that their secret was safe a little longer. They should have never have told anyone to begin with, but since he could not change that now he found himself getting better at accepting it.
Now, of course she would have never noticed him if it hadn’t been for her best friend being healed by Max. Not that he would have been interested in her either. Humans had never been important to Michael. Not his foster father, not his schoolmates, he had always avoided getting attached to humans. Their trip to Marathon, Texas, had changed that.
You're telling me to get out? This is my car. Actually, it's my mother's car, and if anything happens to it, life as I know it will be over. So, wherever it goes, I go.
He had felt it right then, that she was different. And she had proven his feeling right when she had saved his ass from the cop who had stopped him for speeding. She had guts, she was a quick thinker, and she wasn’t one to judge you before she knew all the facts. Right then he had felt that he might be falling for her, and he had done everything in his power to prevent it.
When the car had broken down and they had had to check into that cheap motel he had been pissed that he would have to spend the night in the same room with her. The fact that she had looked so lost and weary had made him even angrier. She had made him feel guilty, and he didn’t like feeling guilty, not because of her or any other human for that matter. He had ended up buying various snacks from a vending machine to make up for it – but of course he would have done that anyway. He was a growing boy, so he was always hungry.
Then she had started again with that stupid survey of hers. Something about history class, not that he had been interested. So he had agreed to answer the questions because they had had nothing better to do anyway. But then she had started to ask him about personal matters. None of her business, really. And if he had not felt he owed her for saving his ass from the cop and if he had not still felt guilty for kidnapping her, he would probably not even answered that one question.
Why is it so important to you to find out where you come from?
Because there's gotta be something better out there for me than Roswell, New Mexico.
The story of his life. With all the crap that had happened to him in the past 10 years, there had to be something out there, something great and meaningful, something that could explain why he was stuck in Roswell with an abusive foster father and a shitload of problems, something that would take him away from this life and offer him a better one.
That’s when she had told him about her father, about how he had left her when she was a little kid, and about how she had hoped for years that he would come and take her away to an exotic place where she would live like royalty.
Because, you know...I thought to myself...there's got to be something better out there for me than Roswell, New Mexico.
She had known. She had understood. She had not judged his motives, not told him that he should be more realistic, not pitied him like Max and Isabel sometimes did. She had just accepted his answer and told him that she understood. That is when he had known she was the girl for him, the one he wanted to grow old with. That Maria girl – his Maria girl. But in a way he had known even then that it could never be. She was human, he was alien, he was determined to find a way home and once he did he could not be attached to anything or anyone on earth. She needed to accept that and get on with her life. It was for the best, he was sure of it.
The first kiss had made him almost forget that. They had been waiting for Max and Liz to return from the Indian reservation. She had been nervous, and she had made him nervous, too. Then all of a sudden she had been yelling at him that he was supposed to make her feel better. Women, he would never understand them. How had he been supposed to do that? He had thought about what would release his own tension, and all he had been able to come up with was to kiss her. To calm her down, of course. Only, it had not really had a calming effect on him. After Max and Liz had returned, he had spent what felt like hours in the cold shower.
And then that heat wave had hit Roswell. Things had started to spin out of control. The heat had changed how people interacted with each other. Sensual overload. He had felt it in the air, and all he had been able to think about was Maria. He had gone to the Crashdown that night, when he knew she was locking up. No words had been exchanged, it had not been necessary. She had known why he had come, and she had wanted it as much has he had. Kisses and touches were all they had needed to communicate that night.
It had been revealing. He had never had felt like that before, and like an addict he had needed more. They had started meeting in the eraser room almost every break. At first he had ignored the warning signs – the fact that she had greeted him with a fond smile whenever she saw him, her little attempts to talk to him during make out sessions, his own craving for her that made him forget about the dangers of getting too attached. When she had finally addressed their non-talking status, he had crashed back into reality. She had wanted to know about him, to spend time with him – she had wanted relationship, and he had realized that he might want that, too. All his life he had been focused on that one goal – to return “home”, wherever that was. He could not let anything or anyone keep him. And he could not have a relationship with her when he knew he was going to leave one day.
I'm alone, and that's the way it's gotta be. Maybe we should've never started this.
It was for the best, he was sure of it.
They had started avoiding each other. - Ok, so he had started avoiding her. And then, a couple of days ago he had fallen sick. River Dog had explained it to him. The sweat had disturbed his “balance”, and he had needed the help of his friends to heal him. Max and Isabel had been there, as they usually were when he was in trouble. His brother and sister – the only people in the world he could truly call his family. Alex had been there, much to his surprise, and even little Liz Parker, who Max had lately been so distracted by. But most importantly Maria had been there, too. After all he had said to her she had still wanted to be there for him. She had cared, no matter what. And he had been surprised at how much that had meant to him.
Michael shivered again when the wind picked up. What he had seen while in his delirium had confirmed what he had felt for some time now: that he was getting closer to finding out where they really came from. He knew that he should be more excited, that he should spend his days figuring out the symbols on the map. But for some reason he could not quite focus on the task at hand. His mind was occupied with other thoughts. Thoughts of her.
For three days now she had avoided him in school. She wasn’t talking to him, and whenever he tried to make conversation she turned around and left. And whenever he saw her she looked tired and unhappy. For three days thinking about her had kept him awake. It was driving him insane. Christmas was coming up, and although he did not care much about that himself, he wanted her to enjoy the holidays. Of course she could never know that he cared – it was too dangerous. But he needed to do something to make the dark circles around her eyes disappear and put a smile on her lovely lips. He loved it when she smiled. If he could see her smile for Christmas that would make the holidays and all the crap Hank usually dished out around that time much more bearable. He needed to do something, but what? Would he ever understand women? What could she possibly want that didn’t involve him bearing his soul to her and turning into a romantic fool like Max?
Michael smiled at his own desperation. He would think of something. All he needed to do was watch her closely and maybe listen in on some of her conversations with Liz. It was for a good cause, after all, so it wasn’t like a violation of her privacy, really. Getting up from the rock he was sitting on he started to work the details of his plan out in his mind. Slowly he walked back to the trailer park. Tonight he would probably finally get some sleep.
Chapter 1:
Her hand barely touched his chest. Her fingers slowly made their way down towards his groin, and although her touch was light and feathery it burned his skin. She started to move on top of him, an almost unbearably slow rhythm at first, giving him time to muse about the lusciousness of her lips, the creamy perfection of her skin and the surprisingly arousing feel of her pert little breasts. He had always been attracted by curvy women, but none of them compared to the beauty that was Maria. Her movements slowly became faster and more frantic, the light touch of her fingers turning into a feverish clutch as she seemed to hold on for dear life. She threw her head back and moaned, an almost animalistic sound that cost Michael the last bit of control he had left. With a groan his hands moved from where they rested on her thighs up to her hips to guide her up and down his ….
Michael woke with a start, drenched in sweat and painfully hard. Great! Another wet dream featuring Maria DeLuca. This was becoming a serious issue. Michael wiped his hand over his face, weighing his options. He could go and take a cold shower, but that would probably wake Hank. The trailer didn’t exactly give you any privacy – Michael shuddered when he remembered listening to Hank and some woman going at it in the other room. Thank god that didn’t happen a lot anymore.
The other option was to act like a healthy, horny male teenager and jerk off to the fantasy of “this hot girl from school”. But that didn’t seem right. She wasn’t just anyone, and knowing Hank slept in the other room, Michael almost felt dirty jerking off thinking about Maria. But then, she wasn’t some delicate flower, she was a strong-headed, passionate girl who knew what she wanted from a guy. If sleeping with her was anything like in his dreams, he missed out on the probably most spectacular sex in the know universe. Michael started to stroke himself trying to remember the fleeting images of his numerous erotic dreams about her. Recalling the way her nipples hardened when he touched them in his dreams, remembering the way she looked with her head thrown back in passion, almost hearing her low cries of ecstasy he shuddered and came silently. Panting hard he resolved to do something about these fantasies, and soon. If he wanted to get over her, this needed to stop.
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Michael followed Maria to the Crashdown. He kept his distance so he could be sure she did not notice him. Once she was inside, he walked to the back entrance and sneaked in. He heard her rummage around in her locker and quickly hid behind the stairs that led upstairs. Maria had already changed into her uniform and was looking for the pair of comfortable shoes she kept in the locker for work. She finally found them and was about to put them on when Liz entered the back room.
“Maria, oh, good to see you. You are late, we were kind of worried. Are you ok?”
“Sure, peachy,” Maria stated absentmindedly while she put on the second shoe.
Liz furrowed her brows. “Is really everything ok? You have been behaving … weird lately. I am really worried, Maria. You are my best friend. We tell each other everything… don’t we?”
Maria stopped fumbling with her uniform, then suddenly turned around and flung herself at Liz. “I don’t know what to do, Liz. I can’t really sleep, I couldn’t care less about food, I get up in the morning wondering how to get through the day … I am pathetic, Liz, absolutely, utterly, completely pathetic. Look at me, I am a wreck.”
“Oh, come here,” Liz hugged Maria tightly. “We’ll find a solution.”
Maria’s expression changed. She straightened herself, taking a deep breath. “No man is worth this, Liz, alien or not. You and me, Liz, we will stick together and show them that we don’t need them. If they cannot appreciate us, they don’t deserve us.”
Michael smiled at that. He admired her strength, and he loved her spite. Besides, she was cute when she was angry. Michael shook his head. These kinds of thoughts were getting him nowhere. He had to stop thinking about whether she was cute or not. He needed to find a way to make her smile for Christmas so he could rest in peace and be a stonewall again without feeling guilty about the way he had treated her.
“So, what do we do?” Liz smiled. She was excited to see Maria so resolved. Maybe Christmas wouldn’t be so sad for her after all.
“We do what we want, without thinking about them. Ever! First thing, we go Christmas shopping. I have seen this gorgeous sweater at Suzie’s … “
Liz laughed, and the two of them entered the dining area, chatting about plans for shopping and going to the movies. Michael cursed lightly under his breath. Not exactly what he
had hoped for. And he was running out of time.
Michael waited another two minutes to be sure no one was around. He was about to leave his hideout behind the stairs when the door to the diner opened again and Maria and Liz came back.
“Maria, what was that?” Liz asked, smiling at Maria.
“What?” Maria looked a little too innocently at Liz.
“You were shamelessly flirting with Harvey Wechsler.”
“So? I am free to flirt with whomever I want. It’s not as if I have a boyfriend, or even a guy who cares with whom I’m flirting.”
Liz looked uncomfortable. “I don’t think it’s such a good idea to just throw yourself into another … whether it is with a guy you don’t even really know. I mean, sure, Harvey is a nice guy, but you are not doing this because you like him.”
Maria crossed her arms in front of her. “So?”
“It isn’t exactly fair, Maria.”
“Life isn’t fair. Is it fair that I care about a guy who at one moment kisses me like there is no tomorrow and the next moment has completely forgotten about me? Liz, he didn’t even notice I was there in the cave.”
Michael furrowed a brow. He had assumed that they had been there with him on the dream plane. Not at first, of course, not when he had had the visions of the signs and what they meant, but when they had appeared in his vision … he had thought they had seen that part of his vision, too, that they would remember hugging, or in her case kissing him. But obviously they hadn’t. That explained a lot. Just great, he had thought she had accepted his decision and just felt sad about it, now he knew she felt he had only used her. Could his life get any more complicated?
Maria and Liz returned to work, leaving Michael to ponder his next move. After he had made sure they were gone, he moved out from behind the stairs and left quietly through the back door.
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Michael had been wandering around aimlessly for almost an hour, trying to come up with a plan to make Maria happy without telling her how he felt about her. So she felt used, how could he make up for that? She needed to feel cherished, loved and appreciated. She had said so herself.
If they cannot appreciate us, they don’t deserve us.
But how could that be achieved? How could he make her feel this way without her knowing that he was involved? Michael stopped dead in his tracks when he realized where his feet had taken him. He was standing across the street from Maria’s house. The lights were on, and he saw movement in her room. He stepped closer, making sure he stayed in the shadows so that she would not see him. When he was almost in front of her window he heard music coming through the window, which she had left slightly ajar. She was singing, and her full, slightly rough voice had him mesmerized for a second. Typical, just when he thought he knew all about her she surprised him again. He had known she was interested in music, but many teenagers were, so he had not listened to her ramblings. Turned out that it was obviously more than a teenage obsession. She was good, and her voice almost made him regret breaking up with her all over again. *It is for the best*, he assured himself.
That’s when it hit him. Maria loved music, and from what he heard her music was one of her many great assets that were more than worth to be appreciated. And he knew just the right place where her beautiful music would be cherished. He lingered a little longer listening to her rehearsing a couple of Christmas songs that she was probably going to perform with a group of carol singers during the holidays, before he slowly walked back into the direction of the trailer park.
Chapter 2:
“Michael! What a surprise to see you! Why don’t you sit down.”
Mrs. Winston had always been the only grown person he could stand in this place. Mind you, they had all tried to befriend him, but he had had the feeling that she was the only one in here who really meant what she said, who really cared about him and didn’t just do her job.
Not that he had made it easy for her. She probably didn’t even know that he kind of liked her, at least he had tried to never let on that he did. Even ten years ago he had know that he was alone and that he could only ever trust himself.
Michael gave her an awkward smirk. “Mrs. Winston, I have a favour to ask you.”
Her smile faded, and Michael winced. She probably thought he had done something illegal and needed someone to help him out of trouble. It was weird how even the nicest people treated you not according to what they knew about you as a person, but also according to where you came from. Having lived on the wrong side of the tracks for the past ten years with his sorry excuse of a foster father, Michael experienced a lot of that - that mixture of pity and fear that he might at any time do something dangerous. That was exactly why he never trusted adults. He was getting angry, but he realized that in this case he needed her. So he reluctantly tried to dispel her fears. “Nothing big really, it is for a friend, and you will benefit greatly from it, too.”
Mrs. Winston’s smile returned, and she nodded encouragingly.
“You know, Mrs. Winston, I have this friend, who is a really great musician …”
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Maria flung her bag across the room and kicked her shoes off her feet. Her day had sucked, big time. She had failed her remedial science exam – again –, she had been insulted by a rude customer, and then she had had to cover for Tracy who had called in sick. Maria plopped on the bed and closed her eyes. All she wanted was a hot shower, a nice cup of tea, and 10 hours of sleep. She was just pondering whether or not she really needed that cup of tea, when her mother walked into her room.
“Maria, honey, you got mail.”
Maria groaned. The last thing she wanted to do right now was to open her eyes to read a letter. “Who is it from?” she finally asked reluctantly.
“That is the weirdest thing,” Amy said. “It’s from the orphanage.”
That got Maria’s attention. Why would the orphanage send her a letter? It couldn’t be for charity, since she wasn’t on the list of local shop owners or people who generally gave to charity. “You sure it isn’t for you? You are the local entrepreneur.”
“It specifically says ‘Maria DeLuca’, so I didn’t open it. If it is for me, let me know, honey, ok?” With this, Amy dropped the letter on the bed and left the room.
Maria groaned again, but sat up and eyed the letter. It was probably for her mother anyway. Maria ripped open the envelope, pulled out a neatly folded sheet of paper and started reading …
“Oh my god!”
Amy came running back into the room at that. “Maria, what is it? Is everything ok?”
Maria had a huge smile plastered on her face. “Great mom, I’m great! Look at this!”
Chapter 3:
Michael was standing outside the window of the great hall of the orphanage. The hall was lighted with hundreds of little electric light bulbs that were attached to the huge Christmas tree and the wall decorations around the room. He heard her soft but strong voice singing.
Peace on earth and mercy mild
God and sinners reconciled
Joyful, all ye nations rise
Join the triumph of the skies
With the angelic host proclaim:
"Christ is born in Bethlehem"
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"
The children sitting around her seemed to be transfixed by her beautiful voice. Some of the older ones were silently moving their lips, not daring to join into the singing. Others rocked slowly back and forth with the rhythm of the music. Some even had their eyes closed, listening intently, almost as if making sure they didn’t miss a single note. Michael was mesmerized by the scene. The soft light, the bright eyes of the children, and Maria, singing, her eyes closed, a soft smile on her lips. Michael doubted that he had ever seen anything more beautiful. Or touching. He swallowed and wiped a single tear off his cheek, slightly embarrassed and happy no one could see him right now. Wuss, so much for being a stonewall.
The song had ended, and Maria was gathering the children closer around. She said something to them, and many of the kids clapped their hands or bounced up and down excitedly. Maria gave them a tune and started singing again, and this time the children joined in. They didn’t really carry the tune, and most of them did not quite remember the correct lyrics, but that made the song all the more cheerful. Maria laughed, when a little boy gave a particularly unruly interpretation of one of the lines, and Michael smiled. He had seen enough. Maria was happy, at least for now, and that was all he had wanted for her. Staying here watching her meant only making this harder on himself. With a last look he turned around and walked away from the orphanage.
Slowly he made his way back into town. Isabel, the Christmas Nazi, had bullied him into joining the maintenance crew of the Christmas village, but he didn’t really mind, having nothing better to do on Christmas Eve anyway. Besides, Hank was a particular kind of nasty around Christmas. If he didn’t find a woman to bed in some bar, he usually came home drunk and looking for someone to take his frustration out on. Michael had learned pretty early to avoid Hank at Christmas, so the Christmas Village was indeed a welcome way of keeping away from his foster father. Of course he had complained loudly for days. Couldn’t have Isabel think he was easy. He had a reputation to uphold, after all.
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Days later…
Christmas had gone by in a blur. Michael had even managed to avoid Hank for a whole three days. Mrs. Winston had contacted him to thank him for suggesting Maria perform at the orphanage at Christmas, letting him know that the children had been talking about it for days after and that they hoped very much Maria would return the next year. After years of spending Christmas in the cold desert watching the stars Michael had a feeling things were looking up. Maybe life on Earth would become bearable after all, at least as long as they were stuck here. Michael was still as resolved as ever about finding his home planet and returning to those who had sent them here. There had to be an explanation, a great and important reason that would justify all those years he had spent hating his life on Earth. But maybe waiting for that reason to reveal itself wouldn’t be such a bad thing, after all.
He walked down the corridor, thinking about what game was on tonight. Hank was gone for a couple of days, and Michael planned on watching as much TV as possible. He rounded a corner and bumped into Maria. She looked better, healthier, and stronger.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey,” she responded avoiding his eyes and trying to move around him.
“How’s it going?”
She still didn’t look at him. “Fine,” she said, finally pushing past him and walking away briskly.
Michael looked after her and scratched his brow. Well, she did look good, delicious to be honest, and he had been tempted to suggest a trip to the eraser room. He missed her, and the fact that he still had the most vivid dreams about her didn’t help. Unfortunately, she obviously wanted nothing to do with him. Just as he had wanted it. But then, why the hell did her obviously avoiding him feel like he had just been slapped in the face. Hard. Michael sighed, then shook his head and went on to his next class. He would get over it, eventually. It was for the best, after all. He was sure of it. If only it didn’t hurt so much.
Epilogue:
Michael was watching the stars. The night was cold and he shivered. He hadn’t been able to sleep. Again. Three days in a row he had been lying awake, thinking about why he couldn’t sleep. And somehow, her face had always come to his mind. Now, the insomnia was already taking a toll on him. Not only did it deprive him of the most incredible wet dreams he had ever had in his life, it also made him impulsive, rude and grumpy. Well, more than usual. Three days of not sleeping and pissing everyone around him off, and he found himself in the desert, looking at the stars, as he often did when the questions about his existence were most pressing. Only, he was not thinking about “home”, wherever that may be. He was thinking about her again. Michael closed his eyes and smiled at the irony of it. He recognized a pattern, and he didn’t like that at all.
Making her happy for Christmas had helped against his last bout of insomnia, so maybe he should try to actively do something about it this time, too. The problem was that those sleepless nights were due to the fact that he missed Maria. Now, getting back together with her was of course out of the question. He needed to be a stonewall, and she had a tendency to deconstruct his carefully built bulwark. But on the other hand he didn’t see himself getting over her anytime soon, and he doubted that friendship was the right way to go about it for the two of them. Personally, he felt like pressing her against the next wall and devouring her mouth whenever he saw her, so that wouldn’t work. Maybe, if she at least could stop hating him, if she could look at him again when they met, if she could speak more than two words to him in a row. Hell, if they could at least fight once in a while. It would be some awkward thing between non-friendship and non-relationship, but at least it would be something.
The questions was, how? He didn’t really know why she behaved the way she did. Ok, so he had broken up with her, but she had at least talked to him afterwards, even if it was only to fight with him. But she had stopped yelling at him or insulting him after he had fallen sick. She had been right there to help him through it, she had kissed him in his vision, but afterwards she had stopped speaking to him completely and started avoiding him like the plague. He needed to find out, where she came from, and soon, because not sleeping and instead thinking about her all night was driving him insane.
Ok, so that was his next project. Michael smiled. Worked every time. He felt tired and he was sure, with yet another plan involving Maria he would get some sleep tonight, and if he was lucky maybe even one of those juicy dreams, which, of course, had to stop some time soon, but maybe not quite yet.
- The End -
Merry Christmas Everyone!!!