Roswell Fanatics

TITLE-Roswell's Funny Drabble Page
RATING-Teen
SUMMARY-Just some short funny bits that come to my mind and maybe a tad to long to go in the Things Roswell Characters Would Never Say Thread.
AUTHOR'S NOTE-I know to be done right a drabble is supposed to be the right amount of words..no more no less...but I'm going to fudge that here and just go with the flow..I hope you guys like this short stuff and get a good laugh out of them.

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Kyle and Tess were at the Crashdown doing their normal Sunday morning routine....Tess reading her latest gossip magazine and drinking her Tabasco flavored coffee while Kyle sat across from her in the booth eating enough pancakes to choke a horse.

"Wow I never knew that," Tess said never taking her eyes off her magazine.

"What?" Kyle mumbled around a mouth full of pancakes.

"Says here..." Tess turned the magazine a bit so Kyle could get a look at the pages she was reading "....that Angelina Jolie is bilingual."

Looking up from his pancakes Kyle let a huge grin spread across his face.

"She likes to have sex with chicks?! Man that is so hot!"

SMACK!!!!

"OW! What the hell was that for?!" Kyle shot his girlfriend a confused look as he rub the now sore shin she had just kicked.

Shooting him a death glare across the booth Tess fumed

"Because not only are you a perv but you're a moron too!!"

With that Tess got up to storm out of the Crashdown.

"Tess...wait....geez what the hell did I do wrong now?! " Kyle jumped up to chase after her,limping a bit due to his now sore shin....also being slowed down due to having to rush back to the table to throw money on it too pay for their meal....not to mention grabbing a bit of a pancake to shove into his mouth before chasing out after his girlfriend

"Tess?!.....Tess!........"


TBC with a new short story.....if you want me too?

Thanks too all who left feedback for the last bit.I don't know about this one Jan and a few others have told me too put it out here....if you don't like it...BLAME THEM


Once the door to the garage was shut Kyle starting shaking his head in disbelief

"Can you actually believe they started talking about that stuff while we were in the room?!" Going over to the garage fridge to pull out a few beers....for that is the ONLY thing allowed in a man's garage fridge...beer...Kyle passed them out to Max,Michael and Alex.After a few sips Kyle got back to his rant "I mean what self respecting male want's to hear about periods and female problems anyway?!"

"Ohhh that's nothing," Michael sighed slowly "Wait till Maria starts talking about her yeast infection again"
Upon saying that Michael shuddered while drinking his beer.

Upon their seats on the old ratty sofa both Alex and Max gave each other confused looks before Max turned to Michael.

"What the hell is a yeast infection?"

"To be honest I have no idea Maxwell" Michael shook his head "But I think it might have something to do with that green shit that grows on your bread when you leave it on the shelf too long."

"Uhhm okay."

"Ohhh yeah."

"Sure...that make sense."

Than the four guys were back to drinking their beer.

"So you see Liz.....we're aliens."



From his spot sitting on the stool across the bar Max waited for his bombshell to sink in and for Liz to start freaking out.But much to his surprise instead of freaking out and running out of the Crashdown screaming Liz just smiled at him.



"Ohhh aliens huh? Okay." and with that Liz went back to wiping down the Crashdown's counter with her wet rag.



In a state of shock Max shared a look with Isabel and Michael who were sitting next to him.



"Liz did you hear me?" Max tried again "I said we're....." Max motioned between him,Isabel and Michael with his hand "....aliens."



Looking up from her work Liz gave Max a smile "Yeah Max I heard you.It's okay....it's no big deal."



"It's no big deal?" Isabel echoed,shaking her head in shock confused at how her brother's love interest could be so calm after such a bombshell was dropped on her.



"Yes that's what I said" said Liz after getting done with her scrubbing and walked over to where the trio were sitting "I mean it's not like you three are the first aliens I've ever met before."



And with that Liz spun on her heels and went through the swinging door that led to the back rooms of the Crashdown.For a second Max,Isabel and Michael just sat there,shocked looks on their faces and their jaws on the floor.And than in one comical act all three jumped up at once and quickly followed Liz into the back room.The three came sliding into the room to find Liz sweeping up a dust pile she had just cleaned up.



"Uhhhh Liz...." Max broke the ice "....uhhh could you clarify for us that last remark you just made?"



"Which remark?" Liz looked up in confusion.



"Which remark?!" shouted Michael in disbelief "The one you just made about us not being the first aliens you ever met!!!"



"Ohhh that one! Well it's true," said Liz as she dumped the dust in the garbage and pulled the bag out to empty out back.As she opened the back door she turned to look back at the three stunned faces that were just staring at her "One of these days remind me to introduce you three to my cousin from Smallville ...... his name is Clark Kent."



And with that Liz was out the back door.

Ohhh man I love Halloween.....this is just a funny gag for a great day. Thanks to all of you who have left feeback on the other stuff.


CLICK!!!

After getting up to turn off the TV Michael turned around to face the group that was spread out around his living room.

"Well?" smiled Michael as he gazed out around the crowd "Did I tell or did I tell you....Scream is a GREAT movie! Man I love that two killer plot twist at the end!"

"It was okay I guess," shrugged Max from his seat on the sofa.

"It was okay?! You guess?!" Michael shook his head in disbelief "Maxwell you just have no clue what good taste in movies is!"

"I didn't like it!" Liz mumbled from her seat,she still had her head buried into Max side...like she had through out the whole movie.

From her seat also on the sofa Maria took another piece of popcorn out of her bowl and held it too her mouth for a second before saying.

"I liked it."

Liz sat up straight and turned to look at her best friend in disbelief.

"How could you like it?! All that killing.....and the blood....and the killing?!"

"Okay I admit I'm not over thrilled with horror movies." sighed Maria "But it just about the only genre in film that has a tough leading lady.....like here in this movie." Maria motioned with her hand toward the TV that was just showing the movie they watched. Noticing the way her boyfriend was looking at her Maria turned to him.

"What?"

"Nothing," smirked Michael "I'm just shocked you know what the word genre is and used it correctly in a sentence is all."

Smirking back at him Maria threw a piece of her popcorn at Michael.

"What was those horror movie rules they mentioned in the movie?" Isabel asked from her spot on the love seat in the back,Alex sitting at her side.

"The ones you are never supposed to do if you want to live through a horror movie?" asked Michael.

"Yeah."

"Okay" nodded Michael "First off you're never supposed to use drugs or drink alcoholic beverages."

"That makes us safe...the not drinking I mean," smirked Max.

"Second rule never ever sneak off some where to have sex." said Michael "Those people are always the first to get killed due to being....uhhh well...distracted."

Everyone jumped when the door to Michael's kitchen area suddenly opened. Everyone turned to see Kyle and Tess standing in the open doorway. Everyone also noticed how Tess's shirt was buttoned up wrong and how half of Kyle's shirt wasn't tucked in.

"Why is everyone looking at us?" asked Tess.

"First to get killed off,"smirked Michael as he pointed to Kyle and Tess.

"Whatever" Tess rolled her eyes as she took Kyle by the hand and drug him to an empty spot to sit.

"There was one more rule wasn't there?" asked Isabel.

"Yeah let me think.....ohh yeah!" Michael snapped his fingers when it came to him "Always stay a virgin.The goody two shoes virgin ALWAYS lives in the end."

Everyone in the room turned to look at a certain person.

"Why is everyone looking at me?" asked a nervous Alex.

Kyle and Tess were sitting on the Valenti sofa passing a Saturday afternoon in two different ways.Kyle was doing his normal channel surfing between three different football games,while Tess was reading yet another magazine she had picked up at the store.

While in mid surfing Kyle felt Tess move next to him.

"Hmmm?"

Turning to look at his housemate Kyle just had to ask.

"What?"

"Well it says here....." Tess pointed to the page she was reading ".....that a new medical study says that masturbation might actually help prevent prostate cancer."

Kyle couldn't help the snort that slipped out of him.

"Well if that's true and with the way my luck with women has been going lately than I should be totally immune by now!"

Kyle went back to surfing the tv channels while Tess just rolled her eyes and went back to reading her magazine.



By the way folks this is actually a true story
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,352278,00.html

VOICEOVER GUY
"So on today's episode of Roswell we get to see who Max's gets to be with?! Will it be Liz his true love and the girl he exposed his secret by saving?! Or will it be Tess,his love in a former life and the new girl in town?!"

"So who will it be Max?" asked Liz,arms crossed tapping her foot.

"Yeah Max we don't have all day!" said Tess while checking out her hair in a nearby glass window.

"Uhhhh....well......uhhhhhh...." Max bit his nails,looking back and forth between the two hot girls unable to make up his mind.

"Ohh come on Max it can't be that hard!!" Liz rolled her eyes "Remember me? Your true love.The Girl Next Door. Your soulmate."

"Uhhhh yeah...." Max started to lean more toward Liz.

"Max?" Tess smiled "Remember me? The girl who knows all about your alien life. The girl who can answer all your questions. Not to mention the girl who knows every position in the Antarian Sex Handbook."

"Ohhhhh yeah...." Max's eyes lit up as he turned back toward Tess.

"Slut!" hissed Liz

"Prude!" hissed Tess

VOICEOVER GUY INTERRUPTING THE SCENE.

"You know ladies he's a MAN....he's NEVER going to make up his mind!"

"That's true," both Tess and Liz nodded

VOICEOVER GUY
"Not to mention why do you need a man to choose you anyway? And you know....a hot young lesbian couple would bring in WAY more ratings to the show."

"Also true" both Tess and Liz nodded.

"Would you want to come over to my place and....uhhh study?" Liz smiled leaving no doubt what the words 'to study' stood for.

"I would love too" smiled Tess as she looped an arm through one of Liz's as the two started to walk away off the screen "


VOICEOVER GUY

"So this has been another great eposide of Roswell.Tune in next week when......"

"Hey wait! What about me?!"

Max struggled to push the rolling credits out of the way in order to get back to Liz and Tess

"Sorry Max but you had your chance." Liz called over her shoulder before turning back to Tess "So you really know all the positions in the Antarian Sex Handbook?"

"Ohhh yes" giggled Tess "I'll be more than happy to teach them too you."

"Well you know I've always been BIG into learning." smiled Liz.

"NO WAIT....UMPHHHH!" grunted Max as he got hit by a rolling credit and knocked out of the scene.

"So....." the producer,of a brand new hit tv show,looked up over the resume he was reading at the person across his desk "....you want to work here on our show?"

"Ohhh yes!" the writer nodded his head.

"It says here on your resume you were head writer on the tv show Roswell is that right?"

"Yep" the man smiled big "It was my idea to not put Kyle and Tess together....I mean who cares what the fans wanted right?! I knew better than them! Plus I always thought Max and Tess would be soooo much better! It was my idea to kill off Alex and to make Tess the killer.....even if the fact she was never evil before that! Not to mention I was the one who brought in Sean and Courtney just for fun......"

"Hold that thought just a sec would you?" the producer said as he reached for his desk phone "Judy? Could you please send security in here....thank you."

In just a few short seconds some very tall and very strong security guards were in the room and dragging the wannabe writer out of the room.The show's producer was standing behind his desk

"Get this moron out of here before he ruins this show like he did Roswell!!"

This story is a bit AU here....but you all recall how Isabel picked out the Xmas gift for Michael to give Maria? The ear rings? Well just picture them all sitting around at the Crashdown after hours exchanging gifts in that ep.


~~~~~~~~

After all the gifts had been passed around the only one that was left was Michael's gift to Maria.

"Well Spaceboy what did you get me?!!!" Maria was just about bouncing up and down in her seat waiting to see what her boyfriend had gotten her "It better be something good!"

"Ohhh I'm sure it's something good," Michael smiled as he handed Maria the gift,but than looked over at Isabel when Maria snatched the gift out of his hand "Right?" Getting a nod from Isabel,Michael started to feel a bit better....or safer might be the better word.

"Ohh boy ohh boy!! You got me a.....?" Maria ripped the wrapping paper off the small box,lifted up the lid,reached into it to take out the gift and than stopped in shock at what her eyes were seeing.Holding up the item a in shock Maria muttered out "......cockring?!"

"HE GOT YOU A WHAT?!" was the shout heard from Kyle,Liz and Max......poor Tess who had been sitting in Kyle's lap had just taken a nice swig of eggnog so she couldn't shout but she did spit the eggnog back out for a pretty good distance!

Just as Maria was about to unload on him Michael turn his head to glare at Isabel.

From her seat next to Alex,Isabel shrunk into Alex's side as if too hide and whispered into his ear.

"Uh oh....I think I might have got Maria's gift and the one I was going to give you later tonight mixed up during wrapping."