Page 146 (Twilight, XO, UC, Teen) Complete

[vaifeal]

Disclaimer: Of all the things I own in this world, neither Roswell nor Twilight are included in the count.
Category: XO with Twilight
Pairings: UC: Liz/Sean, Bella/Jacob. Mentions of CC couples.
Rating: Teen
Spoilers: Twilight and New Moon, Seasons 1&2 of Roswell
Summary: Bella meets someone at the library. They get talking
A/N One Shot. Takes place in a world where Max left in Departure

“I'll be back in an hour. Don't miss me too much,” the voice was smooth with just a hint of husk and wonder. Bella peeked through her curtain of hair at the couple standing at her table whispering to each other. They were young, probably not much older than she was but there was just a sliver of age in the way they were holding themselves.

Close. Desperate. Desired.

She looked down at her book and tried to concentrate on the page before her. The library was the only place she could go to be left alone. There were no memories, no reminders surrounded by musky books and harsh lighting. At home Charlie suffocated her with worry. At school she spent the day surrounded by gossip and Mike Newtons falsely sincere efforts to reengage her in the dating scene.

As if that was truly a possibility.

And down in La Push, Jake would make her laugh and smile and then he would look at her just so and she'd remember that she was broken. He tried so hard to fix her, she was afraid that he would be broken in return. Jake deserved someone better than a girl who occasionally got hurt just so she could hear the man who had been the one to break her.

“Never,” the woman's voice held so much warm devotion that she found herself looking up at them again. The man, his reddish hair glinting in the florescent life give the woman an amused look and kiss her lightly. It was a barely there peck, not outside the range of appropriateness for public displays but it made Bella blush. “Hmmm, ok. I see your point.”

It was full of laughter and promise that she would miss him, no matter how small an amount of time he had to leave for. Bella's heart ached, the scabbed wound of abandonment Edward had left her with pulsed as if it wanted to burst open again and leave her flooded across the floor. Thousands of pieces without the will or knowledge to reassemble themselves.

Not even Jacob with his dedicated persistence would be able to put her back together.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses, And all the King's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again!

God, she was losing her mind. Slowly but surely between vampires and werewolves and heartbreak and hope, her mind was unraveling itself into children's rhythms that were threatening to take on more meaning than they should ever be allowed to hold.

There was a happy sigh and the woman sat down across from her. Her amber eyes were alight as she spoke under her breath. A reminder, a pledge, “I love that man.”

Bella tried again to continue reading. Her eyes stuck on the first sentence of page 146 of the book Angela had recommended and she realized that even though she had been reading it all day, she had no idea what it was about. The words had disappeared somewhere between the pages and her mind. Like almost everything else over the last several months.

Everything but Jake.

Peaking at the dark haired woman, she'd spoken before she'd even realized the question existed, “How long have you been together?”

“Hm,” the woman startled before giving her a dazzling smile. “Oh, almost a year.”

“Really? You seem...”

“Like we're still in the gooey puppy love phase, I know.”

She wondered briefly if this was what she had looked like when she was with Edward. Happy. Delighted. Eager to share the feeling with perfect strangers. Though, Edward had never really been one for conventional displays of affection. He'd always wanted to protect her, even from himself, without realizing that she had needed to be reckless because humans in love didn't think with their heads, they let their heart drive them.

“Was it love at first sight?”

Had this woman looked across a room and seen that man and known, like Bella had, that her life would never be the same again?

The slight form across from her laughed lightly. As if pleasure was more natural to her than breathing, “No, I was actually with someone else when Sean came back to town. It was one of those intense be all end all type of relationships. One of those can't eat, can't sleep, can't live without you kind of loves. You know the type?”

She nodded absently thinking of the way Edwards eyes would look at her conveying a warmth his body lacked. For a second Jake was there in his place, smiling in that way he had. The way that lit his whole face, making it glow with happiness. It was her smile, his Bella smile. She pushed him away, “Yeah.”

“When he left me, I thought it'd kill me. I was a mess, completely broken. All I did, all I could do was just going through the motions, you know?” The woman gave Bella a look that said she knew that Bella knew exactly what that was like. She guessed it wasn't too hard to recognize heartbreak. “But Sean wouldn't let me wallow. He was the only thing that kept me afloat for a while there and then somewhere along the line I realized that I loved him. It was different than with my ex and so confusing but my grandmother always told me to never be afraid to follow my heart. I have never been so terrified in my life but I took the leap. I followed my heart. We've been together ever since.”

Bella thought about Jake. His bear hugs and his attempts to make her smile. She tried so hard to keep him from loving her but she knew he did. He loved her. It didn't matter that she refused to acknowledge it or that she panicked whenever he let the feeling slip enough that it showed. He loved her.

“What would you do if your ex came back?”

“Nothing. I still love him, love that intense doesn't just disappear but I am truly, fully, unequivocally happy. We could never be that way. I couldn't ever trust that he would stay because in the end promises mean nothing, it's actions that show love.”

Turning back to her book, she slipped into the feeling of warmth that she always felt around Jake. It had nothing to do with the physical warmth he pulsated with and everything to do with him. His smile. His laugh. His kindness. His protectiveness. His temper. How annoying he could be. How juvenile. His persistence. His devotion.

He was perfect. Even with all of his flaws, he was perfect.

Jacob and Edward were so different, both in personality and physicality. But they both drew her in. One because he was designed that way, the other just because. The scab pulsed and her heart jumped. Edward had always been the easy choice but he'd left her.

He'd left her.

There was no forgiveness for that.

Bella flipped back to page one to start over before snapping the book shut. Her neighbor was grinning at her as if the older woman knew every thought passing through her head, for a second Bella saw herself seated in that exact place - being that woman and she felt hope for the first time since she'd been abandoned. She wasn't ready to love someone else, not really but she would be and she needed to let Jake know:

When she was ready, there was nobody else that she would love more than him.

FIN.