Wearing Me Down (AU,CC,MATURE) Ch 15 - 09/15/04 [WIP]
Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2003 11:17 pm
Title: Wearing Me Down
Author: Dreamingofstars1947 <dreamingofstars1947@yahoo.com>
Category: A/I, M/L, M/M, K/T
Rating: MATURE eventually. Definitely cursing & some other stuff….we’ll see…
Disclaimer: I would like to thank the following people for letting me borrow their stuff: Melinda Metz, Jason Katims, everyone associated w/ Roswell production and what-not, and all the musicians I mention…
Summary: Isabel is moving across the country to claim her inheritance with her sister and father, leaving her problematic mother behind. She must overcome her own problems to figure out what she wants in life. (Okay, so I can’t write very good summaries. Sue me! Lol!)
Authors Note: I’m an intense Stargazer and Dreamer (and a little Candygirl), so no worries there. Everyone is a little wacky, but all will be good in the end; I promise. A lot of this is focused on Isabel, so it’s turning out to be more of an A/I out of anything. Assume everyone is human (Right now, everyone is 100% alien-free. If I decide to go crazy and change that, an author’s note will definitely pop up.)
Chapter 1
Isabel sat motionless as she saw the world fly by her window. The portable speakers surrounding her ears blared music thick with angst. Here she was, moving again. This would be her fifth move in five years. The only bright side was that she was moving during the summer instead of having her school year interrupted again. Okay, it wasn’t really summer anymore, considering school started only the Monday coming up, but oh well. She looked down at the clouds. She wished her life was as perfect as those wispy, white clouds beneath her. Never feeling pain; just being beautiful and peaceful forever. The onslaught of emotions forced her to quickly pull down the plastic window cover, trying to focus on the lyrics of “Wearing Me Down” by the Dashboard Prophets.
You fight the good fight
You fight the good war
You fight to be right
You fight to restore
Why should I believe a word that you say
It was just a game that you don't wanna' play
And I say
It's wearing me down, I realize
It's all in my head now, now, and I realize
It's not what you've done
As much as what you've said
Isabel’s eyes slowly shut as the heavy bass flowed through her. Music was her savior. It was the reason she was alive. It was everything she felt. Whenever she was angry or sad or happy or was feeling anything at all, music invigorated her. It didn’t matter if she had gotten into a huge screaming match with her family and simply knew they didn’t appreciate her, she had the words of the hundreds of musicians she listened to, to comfort her. It was the only thing she trusted.
You walk a good walk
You run a good race
You talk a good talk
'Cause you try to replace
Messages of loss and all that's sacred
Tell me you should learn to love my hatred
And I say
It's wearing me down, I realize
It's all in my head now, now, and I realize
It's not what you've done
It's what you said
Isabel felt a light tap on her shoulder. She quickly pressed the pause button on her cd player and pulled the headphones down to her neck. Her eyes sought out the disrupter of her thoughts. They fell upon the slim face of her sister, whose large brown eyes were swirling with irritation. Everyone could always tell when her sister was annoyed; Liz had always been a drama queen.
“Isabel, why did you close the window?”
“I felt like it.” she responded.
“Well, I want to look out the window.” Liz said with a quick pause before her afterthought. “That’s dumb. You insisted to sit by the window, but you close it!”
“It’s not dumb, but if you’re going to whine about it for the rest of the trip, then I’ll switch with you. Happy?” Isabel said stiffly. Liz crossed her arms over her chest.
“No. I want to sit next to Dad so I can keep talking with him. Just open the window.” Liz replied.
Isabel wanted to murder her little sister. There was no way she could win, since her father was no doubt hearing all of this, and would in a minute intervene, siding with Liz. Having her father mad at her was not pleasant, but she could most of the time deal with it. Right now was not one of those times.
“Fine.” Isabel muttered, close to grinding her teeth. Snapping the window open, she swiftly covered her ears with her headphones and pressed play.
It's wearing me down
It's wearing me down
Wearing me down
Wearing me down
Wearing me down
Wearing me down
And I say
It's tearing me down
It's all in my head now, now
It's not what you've done
It's what you said
It's what you said
What you said
It's what you said (“Wearing Me Down” – The Dashboard Prophets)
Isabel gave a heavy sigh, letting the music soothe her emotions. Liz infuriated her. She was the baby, the angel, the light of their parent’s lives. She took on every notion of their very opinionated father’s as if it were her own, she listened to every one of their mother’s drunken rants; she simply sucked up to them at every available moment. Sure, once or twice she had gotten them mad at her for stupid stuff, like not being responsible enough, but other than that, they were always head over heels for her. Isabel, on the other hand, felt like the odd man out. She had her own opinions and was fiercely independent. It didn’t matter that she was a wonderful student, didn’t do drugs or alcohol, didn’t break any laws, or anything; they classified her as the ‘rebellious teen’ out to make her family miserable. What mattered was that she quarreled regularly with her father and sister about issues having to do with current events, family, and her behavior, and fought her mother every second she was near her about absolutely everything. She was incredibly intelligent and witty, but that was never good enough. While Liz was thin with perfect features and long straight hair, Isabel had always been curvy with fuller, softer features and thick wavy hair. While Liz did anything and everything her parents asked, Isabel played by her own rules. She didn’t take crap from anybody, especially her parents, the only exception being her teachers.
When this began
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused
And I let it all out to find
That I’m not the only person with these things in mind
Inside of me
But all that they can see the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel
Nothing to lose
Just stuck, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long
Erase all the pain till it’s gone
I wanna heal; I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
Sighing, Isabel tried to shove down her anger. Jeff Parker would be furious with her if she was “picking on” his little Lizzie again. It was never, ‘Liz, stop being such a brat to Izzy,’ or ‘Nancy, stop being a bitch to my darling Izzy.’ No, no, no. I’ve always had to take care of myself, she thought. Little baby Lizzie needs to be nurtured, but of course I need to be yelled at and bitched out at every possible time. Isabel let out another deep sigh. Relax, she told herself. All this frowning is causing wrinkles, not to mention additional stress. Screw thinking about it! And with that, she turned the volume up on her cd player as loud as it would go; hoping Linkin Park would drown out her thoughts.
And I’ve got nothing to say
I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face
I was confused
Looking everywhere only to find
That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
So what am I
What do I have but negativity
’Cause I can’t justify the way, everyone is looking at me
Nothing to lose
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long
Erase all the pain till it’s gone
I wanna heal; I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong (“Somewhere I Belong” – Linkin Park)
TBC...
Author: Dreamingofstars1947 <dreamingofstars1947@yahoo.com>
Category: A/I, M/L, M/M, K/T
Rating: MATURE eventually. Definitely cursing & some other stuff….we’ll see…
Disclaimer: I would like to thank the following people for letting me borrow their stuff: Melinda Metz, Jason Katims, everyone associated w/ Roswell production and what-not, and all the musicians I mention…
Summary: Isabel is moving across the country to claim her inheritance with her sister and father, leaving her problematic mother behind. She must overcome her own problems to figure out what she wants in life. (Okay, so I can’t write very good summaries. Sue me! Lol!)
Authors Note: I’m an intense Stargazer and Dreamer (and a little Candygirl), so no worries there. Everyone is a little wacky, but all will be good in the end; I promise. A lot of this is focused on Isabel, so it’s turning out to be more of an A/I out of anything. Assume everyone is human (Right now, everyone is 100% alien-free. If I decide to go crazy and change that, an author’s note will definitely pop up.)
Chapter 1
Isabel sat motionless as she saw the world fly by her window. The portable speakers surrounding her ears blared music thick with angst. Here she was, moving again. This would be her fifth move in five years. The only bright side was that she was moving during the summer instead of having her school year interrupted again. Okay, it wasn’t really summer anymore, considering school started only the Monday coming up, but oh well. She looked down at the clouds. She wished her life was as perfect as those wispy, white clouds beneath her. Never feeling pain; just being beautiful and peaceful forever. The onslaught of emotions forced her to quickly pull down the plastic window cover, trying to focus on the lyrics of “Wearing Me Down” by the Dashboard Prophets.
You fight the good fight
You fight the good war
You fight to be right
You fight to restore
Why should I believe a word that you say
It was just a game that you don't wanna' play
And I say
It's wearing me down, I realize
It's all in my head now, now, and I realize
It's not what you've done
As much as what you've said
Isabel’s eyes slowly shut as the heavy bass flowed through her. Music was her savior. It was the reason she was alive. It was everything she felt. Whenever she was angry or sad or happy or was feeling anything at all, music invigorated her. It didn’t matter if she had gotten into a huge screaming match with her family and simply knew they didn’t appreciate her, she had the words of the hundreds of musicians she listened to, to comfort her. It was the only thing she trusted.
You walk a good walk
You run a good race
You talk a good talk
'Cause you try to replace
Messages of loss and all that's sacred
Tell me you should learn to love my hatred
And I say
It's wearing me down, I realize
It's all in my head now, now, and I realize
It's not what you've done
It's what you said
Isabel felt a light tap on her shoulder. She quickly pressed the pause button on her cd player and pulled the headphones down to her neck. Her eyes sought out the disrupter of her thoughts. They fell upon the slim face of her sister, whose large brown eyes were swirling with irritation. Everyone could always tell when her sister was annoyed; Liz had always been a drama queen.
“Isabel, why did you close the window?”
“I felt like it.” she responded.
“Well, I want to look out the window.” Liz said with a quick pause before her afterthought. “That’s dumb. You insisted to sit by the window, but you close it!”
“It’s not dumb, but if you’re going to whine about it for the rest of the trip, then I’ll switch with you. Happy?” Isabel said stiffly. Liz crossed her arms over her chest.
“No. I want to sit next to Dad so I can keep talking with him. Just open the window.” Liz replied.
Isabel wanted to murder her little sister. There was no way she could win, since her father was no doubt hearing all of this, and would in a minute intervene, siding with Liz. Having her father mad at her was not pleasant, but she could most of the time deal with it. Right now was not one of those times.
“Fine.” Isabel muttered, close to grinding her teeth. Snapping the window open, she swiftly covered her ears with her headphones and pressed play.
It's wearing me down
It's wearing me down
Wearing me down
Wearing me down
Wearing me down
Wearing me down
And I say
It's tearing me down
It's all in my head now, now
It's not what you've done
It's what you said
It's what you said
What you said
It's what you said (“Wearing Me Down” – The Dashboard Prophets)
Isabel gave a heavy sigh, letting the music soothe her emotions. Liz infuriated her. She was the baby, the angel, the light of their parent’s lives. She took on every notion of their very opinionated father’s as if it were her own, she listened to every one of their mother’s drunken rants; she simply sucked up to them at every available moment. Sure, once or twice she had gotten them mad at her for stupid stuff, like not being responsible enough, but other than that, they were always head over heels for her. Isabel, on the other hand, felt like the odd man out. She had her own opinions and was fiercely independent. It didn’t matter that she was a wonderful student, didn’t do drugs or alcohol, didn’t break any laws, or anything; they classified her as the ‘rebellious teen’ out to make her family miserable. What mattered was that she quarreled regularly with her father and sister about issues having to do with current events, family, and her behavior, and fought her mother every second she was near her about absolutely everything. She was incredibly intelligent and witty, but that was never good enough. While Liz was thin with perfect features and long straight hair, Isabel had always been curvy with fuller, softer features and thick wavy hair. While Liz did anything and everything her parents asked, Isabel played by her own rules. She didn’t take crap from anybody, especially her parents, the only exception being her teachers.
When this began
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused
And I let it all out to find
That I’m not the only person with these things in mind
Inside of me
But all that they can see the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel
Nothing to lose
Just stuck, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long
Erase all the pain till it’s gone
I wanna heal; I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
Sighing, Isabel tried to shove down her anger. Jeff Parker would be furious with her if she was “picking on” his little Lizzie again. It was never, ‘Liz, stop being such a brat to Izzy,’ or ‘Nancy, stop being a bitch to my darling Izzy.’ No, no, no. I’ve always had to take care of myself, she thought. Little baby Lizzie needs to be nurtured, but of course I need to be yelled at and bitched out at every possible time. Isabel let out another deep sigh. Relax, she told herself. All this frowning is causing wrinkles, not to mention additional stress. Screw thinking about it! And with that, she turned the volume up on her cd player as loud as it would go; hoping Linkin Park would drown out her thoughts.
And I’ve got nothing to say
I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face
I was confused
Looking everywhere only to find
That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
So what am I
What do I have but negativity
’Cause I can’t justify the way, everyone is looking at me
Nothing to lose
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long
Erase all the pain till it’s gone
I wanna heal; I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong (“Somewhere I Belong” – Linkin Park)
TBC...