I've decided to compile all my short and long fics under one heading. So Here they are in the folliwng order:
Innocence -- Liz POV
One Last Goodbye -- I/J
Changing Perspective -- Future Liz POV
Falling From Reality (Sequel to Changing Perspectives) -- Future Liz POV
Waiting In Silence -- Max POV
Memory (Sequel to Waiting In Silence) -- M/L and M/daughter
Forever In Your Arms (Sequel to Memory) -- Maria POV
Release Me -- I/K
Cursed Love -- M/T
Changes Between Us -- Mi/T
Realisation -- Mi/I & M/M
I Love You, Goddbye -- M/M
FallenMagic -- Roswell Fanfic
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FallenMagic
- Addicted Roswellian
- Posts: 390
- Joined: Thu Dec 05, 2002 1:51 am
- Location: Malaysia
FallenMagic -- Roswell Fanfic
Last edited by FallenMagic on Tue Nov 25, 2003 6:51 am, edited 3 times in total.
<center>There are endings and beginnings and then there are Crossroads; and, somehow, in the end all that's left are Pieces Of A Dream</center>
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FallenMagic
- Addicted Roswellian
- Posts: 390
- Joined: Thu Dec 05, 2002 1:51 am
- Location: Malaysia
Innocence
Innocence
The night was dark around me as I stood there in my room, staring out at the bright stars.
Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
Were these the same stars I had gazed at from my balcony all those years ago? Had they changed or had I changed?
For a break that would make it okay
They didn’t seem the same to me anymore, they no more held the promise of forever, they no more felt like my guiding lights that shone down to light my way for me.
There’s always one reason
to feel not good enough
Everything felt so different now, every one seemed so different.
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
When we had left Roswell we had known that things were going to change. What we didn’t know was that we would change too. All our aspirations and hopes got left behind in Roswell, in the desert where we all buried our memories.
Oh beautiful release
But where did we leave our innocence? When did we loose it? When we left Roswell? When Alex died? When I was shot?
Memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
If I try hard enough I think I can recall the exact moment when our innocence and optimism shattered into a million pieces.
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
No amount of logic, love, understanding, or revenge could help us replace or understand what and why we had lost. It had taken that one moment, just that single, solitary moment to destroy all that we had ever believed and held on to all these years.
In the arms of an angel
fly away from here
We had thought that we were finally safe, that they had left our pursuit now. It had been three years since we saw any sign of the FBI and so we began to hope.
From this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
We began to hope of returning home, we began to hope of finally living freely…we began to hope of our children’s lives being safe. We should have realized that for us, there was no such thing as hope.
You are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
I don’t even remember how it all happened. The day had started out like any normal day, with me and Maria taking our kids to school.
You’re in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
I remember walking down the street one minute and the next running for our lives. I remember their black suits; I remember the kids’ terror stricken faces. I remember their guns pointing at us, pointing at our kids, taking aim.
So tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
The sound of the gun shot still rings through my head at an alarmingly loud level. I remember Maria’s look of horror as her son crumpled to the ground in a pool of blood.
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
I remember her cries, I remember my hands red and shaking… I remember Josh dying in my arms.
You keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
I have often wondered after that how we will ever get through this, how we will ever feel safe again.
It don't make no difference
escaping one last time
Every day I think about that day and wonder why it had to be Josh? Why it had to be us. Holding my own daughter close, I would feel the tears slip silently as I tried to convince myself that we will make it out of this darkness, all of us will. Safe and unharmed.
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
But then I wonder how Maria and Michael could ever get over this. How could they possibly go back to their daily lives, knowing that the most important person to them is dead, dead because we had let our defenses down?
In the arms of an angel
fly away from here
My heart hurts for them, I ache to soothe their pain but I can’t do anything. I can only hope that they are strong enough to pass through this, that they know that they are not alone.
From this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
I am still thinking of this when I feel my husband’s hand snake around my waist. “Don’t think about it…”Max whispers in my ear.
You are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
I can’t help smiling a bit as I lean against him and we both stare out at the stars. He knows me too well. I don’t say anything as I snuggle up in his arms, feeling safe if only for a while.
You’re in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
He is the only thing, aside from my daughter that keeps me from losing all hope. I know that with him next to me, I’ll make it eventually. We all will. And as he leads me back to bed, I can’t help thinking that for at least tonight, with him by my side I’m safe and all is right in the world.
You’re in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here…
THE END
The night was dark around me as I stood there in my room, staring out at the bright stars.
Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
Were these the same stars I had gazed at from my balcony all those years ago? Had they changed or had I changed?
For a break that would make it okay
They didn’t seem the same to me anymore, they no more held the promise of forever, they no more felt like my guiding lights that shone down to light my way for me.
There’s always one reason
to feel not good enough
Everything felt so different now, every one seemed so different.
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
When we had left Roswell we had known that things were going to change. What we didn’t know was that we would change too. All our aspirations and hopes got left behind in Roswell, in the desert where we all buried our memories.
Oh beautiful release
But where did we leave our innocence? When did we loose it? When we left Roswell? When Alex died? When I was shot?
Memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
If I try hard enough I think I can recall the exact moment when our innocence and optimism shattered into a million pieces.
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
No amount of logic, love, understanding, or revenge could help us replace or understand what and why we had lost. It had taken that one moment, just that single, solitary moment to destroy all that we had ever believed and held on to all these years.
In the arms of an angel
fly away from here
We had thought that we were finally safe, that they had left our pursuit now. It had been three years since we saw any sign of the FBI and so we began to hope.
From this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
We began to hope of returning home, we began to hope of finally living freely…we began to hope of our children’s lives being safe. We should have realized that for us, there was no such thing as hope.
You are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
I don’t even remember how it all happened. The day had started out like any normal day, with me and Maria taking our kids to school.
You’re in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
I remember walking down the street one minute and the next running for our lives. I remember their black suits; I remember the kids’ terror stricken faces. I remember their guns pointing at us, pointing at our kids, taking aim.
So tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
The sound of the gun shot still rings through my head at an alarmingly loud level. I remember Maria’s look of horror as her son crumpled to the ground in a pool of blood.
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
I remember her cries, I remember my hands red and shaking… I remember Josh dying in my arms.
You keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
I have often wondered after that how we will ever get through this, how we will ever feel safe again.
It don't make no difference
escaping one last time
Every day I think about that day and wonder why it had to be Josh? Why it had to be us. Holding my own daughter close, I would feel the tears slip silently as I tried to convince myself that we will make it out of this darkness, all of us will. Safe and unharmed.
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
But then I wonder how Maria and Michael could ever get over this. How could they possibly go back to their daily lives, knowing that the most important person to them is dead, dead because we had let our defenses down?
In the arms of an angel
fly away from here
My heart hurts for them, I ache to soothe their pain but I can’t do anything. I can only hope that they are strong enough to pass through this, that they know that they are not alone.
From this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
I am still thinking of this when I feel my husband’s hand snake around my waist. “Don’t think about it…”Max whispers in my ear.
You are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
I can’t help smiling a bit as I lean against him and we both stare out at the stars. He knows me too well. I don’t say anything as I snuggle up in his arms, feeling safe if only for a while.
You’re in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
He is the only thing, aside from my daughter that keeps me from losing all hope. I know that with him next to me, I’ll make it eventually. We all will. And as he leads me back to bed, I can’t help thinking that for at least tonight, with him by my side I’m safe and all is right in the world.
You’re in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here…
THE END
<center>There are endings and beginnings and then there are Crossroads; and, somehow, in the end all that's left are Pieces Of A Dream</center>
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FallenMagic
- Addicted Roswellian
- Posts: 390
- Joined: Thu Dec 05, 2002 1:51 am
- Location: Malaysia
One Last Goodbye
One Last Goodbye
It’s been more than six months since I last saw my wife, Isabel. Sometimes it feels like a lot longer. I don’t know why I let her talk me into staying. I should have gone with her; I should have stayed by her side. I don’t care if the FBI would have been after us and that we’d be on the run constantly; nothing would have mattered as long as we were together.
Everyday I walk the streets of Boston hoping to catch a glimpse of her in the crowd, almost expecting her to walk past me with a smile on her face. I know it’s stupid but I hang on to the shred of hope that she would someday come here to see me. She knows I am here. She was the one who told me to take the job offered to me over here before she left, and ever since that day I have held on to the thought that she told me where to go just so she knew she had the option to see me whenever she wanted too, even if it was from afar.
My friends don’t understand what’s going on. They think that Isabel walked out on me and that I should move on too and start dating again. I don’t think I could do that, even to maintain up a charade. But I also don’t bother to correct them. What would I tell them anyway? That my wife is an alien on the run from the FBI? So I just let them think what they want, hoping that in my own small way, by not letting anyone know the real reasons, I am helping in keeping her safe.
*********************************************
Boston. Once the city of our dreams, now just another place where we had hoped we could stay anonymous. I shake my head at the thought. Who am I kidding? It’s not just another city to me; it’s a city where my husband lives. It’s a city where I always have the hope of seeing him if only for a few brief seconds.
We’ve been here for two weeks and already it’s time to move again. I have lost count of the number of places we have had to leave already. Each time we move to another new place, we hope that this time we can stay longer, that this time we managed to ditch the FBI but always, within a month we would find ourselves packing our bags and taking the next plane or train out because it isn’t safe anymore. Sometimes I can’t help thinking that we might never be safe, that we might always be on the run.
Today is our last night in this city and possibly this country. Max and Liz think it would be better if we left the country, if only for a while, just to shake the FBI off our tails. And that’s why I’m here tonight. Because this might be the last time I might have a chance to see Jesse, maybe for a long time.
As I sit in the darkened corner, waiting for him to come to the bar, I silently thank the others who tried to act normal for me today. Who didn’t try to make this special day more painful than it already is. I’ve been sitting here for a long time but even as the minutes tick by I know Jesse will come here. I’ve watched him from afar for a few days to find out where he usually hangs and I know he will come here, especially today. And I’m not disappointed as he walks in an hour before closing.
My breath catches when I see him so close. It’s the closest I’ve been to him in a long while. He’s changed a lot; I can see it from where I sit. He’s more tired, lonely…and sad. After waiting for a couple of minutes to make sure everything is safe, I get up, smoothing down my dress and my short, brown hair. Although we have to keep changing our appearances, I decided to take a risk and meet him looking exactly like I did when we were in Roswell. I sit down next to him on the stool at the bar and he turns to look at me, gasping when he sees me. His eyes show his confusion at seeing me here but also love. I smile, misty eyed as I greet him.
“Hello Jesse.”
“Isabel!” he breathes out my name. “What are you doing here?” he asks before shooting cautious looks around the bar. “It may not be safe. You might be recognized.”
I smile at his concern as I shush him. I know its safe here for the moment and I don’t want to waste my time worrying about anything else but him.
“I just wanted to see you and say goodbye before we leave.” I whispered, my voice choked.
“Goodbye? Leave?” Jesse asks in alarm and confusion.
I nod, swallowing back my tears. “We’re leaving the country…tonight. And I don’t know when we might return.” I shake my head when I see him open his mouth to ask where. “Please don’t ask me that. I can’t tell you…it won’t be safe.”
Jesse holds my hands, squeezing them tight as tears blur my vision. “I…I had to see you…before we left. Because maybe…maybe I might never see you again…”
Jesse pulled me into his arms. “No, don’t say that. We will be together someday.” He whispered fiercely, wanting desperately to believe that. “How did you find me?” he asked.
I smiled mysteriously at him. “I have my ways.”
Jesse once again darted his gaze around the thinning crowd. He concern for my safety apparent in his eyes. “Iz, I am really happy to see you but please, you have to leave. It’s not safe here. You might get caught, especially since you look like your old self. And I don’t want that to happen to you on my account! Please…” he whispered the last word so low that I could barely hear him say it but it conveyed all of his emotions.
I look at him, finally letting my tears flow. I know he is right. I have to go, I don’t want to but I have to. I lean in and give him a lingering, bitter sweet kiss, my sobs making me fumble a little as he pulls me closer.
“I love you.” I tell him, leaning my forehead against his, my eyes tightly closed, tears slipping past them anyway, refusing to look into his mournful gaze.
“I love you too.” He chokes out, his eyes smoldering with love and tears.
Crying quietly, I get up and begin to leave. Then I pause and turn back, smiling through my tears.
“Happy Anniversary Jesse.” I wish him before once again walking away. I can feel his gaze following my retreating back and just before I’m out the door, I can hear his whispered words even though I’m across the room.
“Happy one year anniversary Isabel.”
THE END
It’s been more than six months since I last saw my wife, Isabel. Sometimes it feels like a lot longer. I don’t know why I let her talk me into staying. I should have gone with her; I should have stayed by her side. I don’t care if the FBI would have been after us and that we’d be on the run constantly; nothing would have mattered as long as we were together.
Everyday I walk the streets of Boston hoping to catch a glimpse of her in the crowd, almost expecting her to walk past me with a smile on her face. I know it’s stupid but I hang on to the shred of hope that she would someday come here to see me. She knows I am here. She was the one who told me to take the job offered to me over here before she left, and ever since that day I have held on to the thought that she told me where to go just so she knew she had the option to see me whenever she wanted too, even if it was from afar.
My friends don’t understand what’s going on. They think that Isabel walked out on me and that I should move on too and start dating again. I don’t think I could do that, even to maintain up a charade. But I also don’t bother to correct them. What would I tell them anyway? That my wife is an alien on the run from the FBI? So I just let them think what they want, hoping that in my own small way, by not letting anyone know the real reasons, I am helping in keeping her safe.
*********************************************
Boston. Once the city of our dreams, now just another place where we had hoped we could stay anonymous. I shake my head at the thought. Who am I kidding? It’s not just another city to me; it’s a city where my husband lives. It’s a city where I always have the hope of seeing him if only for a few brief seconds.
We’ve been here for two weeks and already it’s time to move again. I have lost count of the number of places we have had to leave already. Each time we move to another new place, we hope that this time we can stay longer, that this time we managed to ditch the FBI but always, within a month we would find ourselves packing our bags and taking the next plane or train out because it isn’t safe anymore. Sometimes I can’t help thinking that we might never be safe, that we might always be on the run.
Today is our last night in this city and possibly this country. Max and Liz think it would be better if we left the country, if only for a while, just to shake the FBI off our tails. And that’s why I’m here tonight. Because this might be the last time I might have a chance to see Jesse, maybe for a long time.
As I sit in the darkened corner, waiting for him to come to the bar, I silently thank the others who tried to act normal for me today. Who didn’t try to make this special day more painful than it already is. I’ve been sitting here for a long time but even as the minutes tick by I know Jesse will come here. I’ve watched him from afar for a few days to find out where he usually hangs and I know he will come here, especially today. And I’m not disappointed as he walks in an hour before closing.
My breath catches when I see him so close. It’s the closest I’ve been to him in a long while. He’s changed a lot; I can see it from where I sit. He’s more tired, lonely…and sad. After waiting for a couple of minutes to make sure everything is safe, I get up, smoothing down my dress and my short, brown hair. Although we have to keep changing our appearances, I decided to take a risk and meet him looking exactly like I did when we were in Roswell. I sit down next to him on the stool at the bar and he turns to look at me, gasping when he sees me. His eyes show his confusion at seeing me here but also love. I smile, misty eyed as I greet him.
“Hello Jesse.”
“Isabel!” he breathes out my name. “What are you doing here?” he asks before shooting cautious looks around the bar. “It may not be safe. You might be recognized.”
I smile at his concern as I shush him. I know its safe here for the moment and I don’t want to waste my time worrying about anything else but him.
“I just wanted to see you and say goodbye before we leave.” I whispered, my voice choked.
“Goodbye? Leave?” Jesse asks in alarm and confusion.
I nod, swallowing back my tears. “We’re leaving the country…tonight. And I don’t know when we might return.” I shake my head when I see him open his mouth to ask where. “Please don’t ask me that. I can’t tell you…it won’t be safe.”
Jesse holds my hands, squeezing them tight as tears blur my vision. “I…I had to see you…before we left. Because maybe…maybe I might never see you again…”
Jesse pulled me into his arms. “No, don’t say that. We will be together someday.” He whispered fiercely, wanting desperately to believe that. “How did you find me?” he asked.
I smiled mysteriously at him. “I have my ways.”
Jesse once again darted his gaze around the thinning crowd. He concern for my safety apparent in his eyes. “Iz, I am really happy to see you but please, you have to leave. It’s not safe here. You might get caught, especially since you look like your old self. And I don’t want that to happen to you on my account! Please…” he whispered the last word so low that I could barely hear him say it but it conveyed all of his emotions.
I look at him, finally letting my tears flow. I know he is right. I have to go, I don’t want to but I have to. I lean in and give him a lingering, bitter sweet kiss, my sobs making me fumble a little as he pulls me closer.
“I love you.” I tell him, leaning my forehead against his, my eyes tightly closed, tears slipping past them anyway, refusing to look into his mournful gaze.
“I love you too.” He chokes out, his eyes smoldering with love and tears.
Crying quietly, I get up and begin to leave. Then I pause and turn back, smiling through my tears.
“Happy Anniversary Jesse.” I wish him before once again walking away. I can feel his gaze following my retreating back and just before I’m out the door, I can hear his whispered words even though I’m across the room.
“Happy one year anniversary Isabel.”
THE END
<center>There are endings and beginnings and then there are Crossroads; and, somehow, in the end all that's left are Pieces Of A Dream</center>
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FallenMagic
- Addicted Roswellian
- Posts: 390
- Joined: Thu Dec 05, 2002 1:51 am
- Location: Malaysia
Changing Perspectives
Changing Perspectives
My body shook with sobs I had suppressed until now. Tears that I had held at bay now flew with ease down my face as I cried harder than I ever had. I slid down to the floor, my face in my hands as I felt the pain and anger coursing through me.
It had been the hardest thing I had ever done in my life – to let Max go and change the past and thus the future – my future, our future. I had been strong for him. I had had to be because I knew there was no other way. But it still made me hurt and angry; it still made me regret sending him back.
I looked up with red, puffy eyes at the offending thing that had started all of this and now would finish it off too: the granolith. Looking at it made me realize the reality of all of this. It finally sunk in that from now on everything would be different. I would be different. This timeline would no longer exist, that now Max and Tess would be together. My other version and the other Max would never have that wonderful Vegas wedding, they would never have their beautiful daughter, and they would never have all of the wonderful moments of married life.
I stood up abruptly, frustration raging through me. I stood glaring at the granolith, blaming it for all of our troubles. I took a few steps further and hesitantly touched it’s wall. As soon as I did I got an image of Max standing inside, holding his hand out to me, his eyes filled with despair as he realized that he would loose me. I let out a strangled sob as I hit the granolith with my fist, trying to unleash my anger. But just after the first blow I began to sob harder and my hands felt weak as they slid back down to my side.
Once again my tears began to flow but this time more slow and silent. I held my left hand in front of me as I cried and gazed at my wedding ring. The gold glinted in the lighting in the pod chamber as I brought it up to my lips, kissing it, my only connection with Max now.
As the ring touched my lips, I gasped as an image flashed before my eyes. I saw myself when I was sixteen, standing in front of a mirror, reciting my wedding vows when Max – my Max – appeared at my window. I opened my eyes slowly once the image disappeared. I glanced tearfully at the ring and then the granolith…it had begun.
THE END
My body shook with sobs I had suppressed until now. Tears that I had held at bay now flew with ease down my face as I cried harder than I ever had. I slid down to the floor, my face in my hands as I felt the pain and anger coursing through me.
It had been the hardest thing I had ever done in my life – to let Max go and change the past and thus the future – my future, our future. I had been strong for him. I had had to be because I knew there was no other way. But it still made me hurt and angry; it still made me regret sending him back.
I looked up with red, puffy eyes at the offending thing that had started all of this and now would finish it off too: the granolith. Looking at it made me realize the reality of all of this. It finally sunk in that from now on everything would be different. I would be different. This timeline would no longer exist, that now Max and Tess would be together. My other version and the other Max would never have that wonderful Vegas wedding, they would never have their beautiful daughter, and they would never have all of the wonderful moments of married life.
I stood up abruptly, frustration raging through me. I stood glaring at the granolith, blaming it for all of our troubles. I took a few steps further and hesitantly touched it’s wall. As soon as I did I got an image of Max standing inside, holding his hand out to me, his eyes filled with despair as he realized that he would loose me. I let out a strangled sob as I hit the granolith with my fist, trying to unleash my anger. But just after the first blow I began to sob harder and my hands felt weak as they slid back down to my side.
Once again my tears began to flow but this time more slow and silent. I held my left hand in front of me as I cried and gazed at my wedding ring. The gold glinted in the lighting in the pod chamber as I brought it up to my lips, kissing it, my only connection with Max now.
As the ring touched my lips, I gasped as an image flashed before my eyes. I saw myself when I was sixteen, standing in front of a mirror, reciting my wedding vows when Max – my Max – appeared at my window. I opened my eyes slowly once the image disappeared. I glanced tearfully at the ring and then the granolith…it had begun.
THE END
<center>There are endings and beginnings and then there are Crossroads; and, somehow, in the end all that's left are Pieces Of A Dream</center>
-
FallenMagic
- Addicted Roswellian
- Posts: 390
- Joined: Thu Dec 05, 2002 1:51 am
- Location: Malaysia
Falling From Reality (Sequel to "Changing Perspectives
Falling From Reality
I glanced around myself in desperation when I realized that our plan was working, that my younger version was managing to change the future. I had hoped that we would fail, that somehow the plan would not work but as the memories of a time I never knew began to flash before me, I realized that this was going to work.
I got up shakily, and headed back out to the desert, wanting to say my goodbyes to my friends before all of this changed. Already some things were beginning to change. As I walked back out into the desert, I didn’t care if Kivar’s men saw me. It was too late anyway. This was all going to change in a few hours time.
Thinking about Kivar made me remember why we had to make this work. It made me remember all my friends.
“Hi guys.” I greeted my friends once I stood before them. I glanced down at their graves, all lying side-by-side, tucked out of view. “The plan worked.” I told them with a watery smile.
“Maybe we can be together now. Maybe you’ll all be alive and living your happy lives now.” I whispered, as silent tears fell from my eyes.
I bent down if front of each grave and placed my hand on them as a thank you. Kyle, Maria, Alex, Isabel and Michael. They all had given up their lives to keep everyone else safe. But their lives had gone to waste. Earth was not safe.
I cried harder as I thought about how Kyle had been the first to go and Michael the last. I remembered all of the times we had, all of our weddings. I touched Michael’s gravestone and whispered a strangled thank you to him for all that he had done. Max would have been dead if it wasn’t for him.
Suddenly another memory flashed through me. Me in bed with Kyle. I closed my eyes, swallowing the lump in my throat as I remembered what I had done to get Max to fall out of love with me. I knew for certain now that things would be different. I turned to touch Isabel’s grave but my hand went through as the image wavered. I looked open mouthed at my hand as I realized time was beginning to change.
“Mom?” I heard a small voice behind me.
I turned to find my daughter standing there, teary eyed. I sobbed as I grabbed Aliana into a hug.
“It’s happening isn’t it?” she asked quietly. “Dad managed to change time.”
I nodded as I kissed her head. “I love you Aly.” I whispered to her.
“I love you too mom.” She answered back, her voice scared.
I held on to her as I turned to take a final look at the graves. As we stood there I got another flash. Of me dancing with Max on the balcony and I saw myself turn around to realize that Max was gone. I held on tighter knowing that in just a few minutes I would be gone too…
THE END
I glanced around myself in desperation when I realized that our plan was working, that my younger version was managing to change the future. I had hoped that we would fail, that somehow the plan would not work but as the memories of a time I never knew began to flash before me, I realized that this was going to work.
I got up shakily, and headed back out to the desert, wanting to say my goodbyes to my friends before all of this changed. Already some things were beginning to change. As I walked back out into the desert, I didn’t care if Kivar’s men saw me. It was too late anyway. This was all going to change in a few hours time.
Thinking about Kivar made me remember why we had to make this work. It made me remember all my friends.
“Hi guys.” I greeted my friends once I stood before them. I glanced down at their graves, all lying side-by-side, tucked out of view. “The plan worked.” I told them with a watery smile.
“Maybe we can be together now. Maybe you’ll all be alive and living your happy lives now.” I whispered, as silent tears fell from my eyes.
I bent down if front of each grave and placed my hand on them as a thank you. Kyle, Maria, Alex, Isabel and Michael. They all had given up their lives to keep everyone else safe. But their lives had gone to waste. Earth was not safe.
I cried harder as I thought about how Kyle had been the first to go and Michael the last. I remembered all of the times we had, all of our weddings. I touched Michael’s gravestone and whispered a strangled thank you to him for all that he had done. Max would have been dead if it wasn’t for him.
Suddenly another memory flashed through me. Me in bed with Kyle. I closed my eyes, swallowing the lump in my throat as I remembered what I had done to get Max to fall out of love with me. I knew for certain now that things would be different. I turned to touch Isabel’s grave but my hand went through as the image wavered. I looked open mouthed at my hand as I realized time was beginning to change.
“Mom?” I heard a small voice behind me.
I turned to find my daughter standing there, teary eyed. I sobbed as I grabbed Aliana into a hug.
“It’s happening isn’t it?” she asked quietly. “Dad managed to change time.”
I nodded as I kissed her head. “I love you Aly.” I whispered to her.
“I love you too mom.” She answered back, her voice scared.
I held on to her as I turned to take a final look at the graves. As we stood there I got another flash. Of me dancing with Max on the balcony and I saw myself turn around to realize that Max was gone. I held on tighter knowing that in just a few minutes I would be gone too…
THE END
<center>There are endings and beginnings and then there are Crossroads; and, somehow, in the end all that's left are Pieces Of A Dream</center>
-
FallenMagic
- Addicted Roswellian
- Posts: 390
- Joined: Thu Dec 05, 2002 1:51 am
- Location: Malaysia
Waiting In Silence
Waiting In Silence
Life has a funny way of setting things back to order, taking back what rightly should have been its long ago. Or maybe it was taking back the gift it had given me, a gift that it bestowed in my possession for safe keeping and now thought it time to take it back. Either way it did nothing to quell the pain in my soul or to lessen its cries. But it didn’t make me hate life either, for how could I hate anything that gave her to me in the first place.
In a way I think I knew all along that it was only a matter of time before it intervened in my life, in my path, like I had intervened in it’s. I think she knew it as well. I think she knew all along that she wasn’t going to be here long. That she would eventually be taken away from me and from our daughter. Yet she never let that thought daunt her, never let it bother her. We never mentioned it either, as if that looming prospect didn’t even exist. In fact I would have never known that she knew too, had she not told me so. It was like she simply…forgot.
For five years since we left Roswell, our life continued with surprising ease and calm. The memories we ran away from did not dare to follow us where we went it seemed. For five happy years we lived as we had wanted to live, do as we pleased and started our families like we had dreamed. It was all we had hoped for and more. There seemed nothing to me that could ever dampen my life again… I should have not forgotten that I still had a debt to pay.
I don’t know when it all started, when she started to slip away. I don’t know how either of us didn’t really noticed what was happening until it was too late. Or maybe we chose to ignore it because we knew that this time it was for real, that this time nothing was going to stop fate from taking away what should have been its eight years ago.
I remember the day it dawned on me what was going to happen and remember the helpless feeling that accompanied it. It was a cold, crisp autumn and we were sitting by the fire with Jamie, our daughter. I don’t know how we started talking about it, or if we even knew we were really talking about it for the first time but as soon as the words left her mouth, I knew that I would loose her soon.
“I want her to be happy.” Liz had whispered to me as we sat watching Jamie play with her dolls. “I want her to be safe.” Liz turned around in my arms, where we were sitting on the sofa wrapped together and looked at me with her soulful brown eyes. “I want her to feel loved.”
By some unknown instinct I tightened my hold on Liz, somehow knowing that she was going away soon. I nodded and kissed her lightly on the top of her head. “She will be. She will be all those things and more.” I promised hoarsely, oddly feeling choked.
Liz looked at me softly, the smile replaced by a lingering sadness. “And I don’t want her to hate what is in her past. I want her to know that there was no other way.” Liz whispered softly.
My throat constricted even more and I felt tears prickling the back of it but I swallowed hard and nodded again. “She’ll know.” I promised again, this time more forcefully.
Liz smiled as if that was reassurance enough for her. She turned back to watch her daughter with a loving smile yet even then, her grip on me tightened and I could feel her apprehension and sadness flow through our connection. I just held on tighter to her, praying for the inevitable to stay at bay.
That was the only time ever we even remotely talked about it. Yes, we didn’t address it directly, or even clue the other in that we knew what was about to happen but for us that was enough. In those few, short and simple words we had told each other and promised each other more than a hundred words could have. We had acknowledged the future, accepted the present and at the same time comforted each other.
We never talked about it again, never even acknowledged that the conversation had taken place but from then on there was a lingering sadness in each of our eyes that would remain unnoticed by the others except ourselves. It would be in those soft, gentle touches, or that fleeting kiss that we would remember silently and wait.
When the first signs appeared we still went on as if nothing was wrong. As if it was only a temporary sickness that had her throwing up every day. And when she finally got too tired to get out of bed, I would carry her food upstairs, and put Jamie down on the bed with her, both of us pretending that it was just a gesture of love. The others noticed too but they took the cue from us and never breathed a word though I’m sure that I often saw Isabel and Maria’s eyes misty whenever they came to visit. They didn’t ask me why I didn’t try to heal her or why I didn’t take her to the doctor. I think they all could see that it was an unsaid agreement between us. It was just one of our many charades what would help us forget that she was dying.
I think she knew all along when she would die because the entire week she met with everyone privately and just sat talking to them, remembering and in a way giving them strength for what was so soon going to happen. Each day she would have someone else over to talk to her: Michael, Kyle, Jesse, Isabel and Maria.
On the day after she talked to Maria, Liz got out of bed for the first time in weeks. I would have rushed to help her back had it not been for the slightly chiding and pleading look she wore. She calmly informed me that Maria had taken Jamie over her house to spend the night and we had the house all to ourselves. I understood her implications, and saw that she knew that I understood but for the moment we chose to forget it, making the most of the time we had left.
That night we had dinner under the stars, in our own backyard and then we danced. We danced to every song we had ever danced to and to the ones we missed on our High School Prom. For the first time in weeks I saw Liz healthy and vibrant again. I heard her musical laughter at the memories we dredged up; I saw the happy twinkle in her eyes, for the first time in months unmarred by the sadness of the future. And then as the night grew to a close I took her to bed for what I knew would be the last time. Throughout the night we lay side by side, holding each other close, taking comfort in the familiarity of each other’s bodies, souls and hearts. We didn’t say a word for there was none to be said, we had said and shown each other all that we had needed to in our act of love and now we took comfort in the silence.
We managed to fight of sleep till the sun began to brighten the sky and as we both fell to sleep; we unconsciously pulled each other closer, almost desperately. As her eyes fluttered to a close she managed one last soulful smile and whispered, “I love you Max.”
Pressing a tender kiss on her lips, I whispered against them, “I love you.” Nodding slowly to herself as if that was all she wanted to hear, her eyes drew to a close and so did mine. When I opened mine hours later, she was still wrapped around, still holding me close but I knew. I knew without looking that she was gone. Unable to pry myself away just yet and be hit with the hard truth, I held on just a little bit longer. The pain and desolation I had expected to feel on such a moment was oddly not there. That, I knew would come later. Right now I was calm, serene almost. It was like her soul was still entwined with mine. I felt a rush of peace flood through me as I saw her smiling face flash before my eyes. I saw her eyes sparkle and her mouth laughing as she danced with me last night and I knew that it was her way of telling me she was happy. That she was at peace.
Knowing that now it was time to let go, I got up slowly, making sure to carefully lay her back on bed. And when I looked at her she still had that whisper of a smile on her face. She looked like she was only asleep, just waiting for me to wake her up. It was then that my gut clenched in pain and I felt what had really happened. But even as the searing pain and heartbreak ran through me, I could feel her gentle caress inside me, calming me. Reminding me, almost, that I had to tell the others, that I had to tell Jamie.
With a last heart-wrenching look, I forced myself to walk out of the room, moving to the phone. I picked it up and paused before I punched in the numbers where I knew that everyone was waiting for the call. I paused to let it sink in, to try and accept it. But I wondered if I really would ever. Even though I had known it would happen I wondered if I could truly live with the knowledge. The knowledge that Liz was dead, and that now I would have to raise Jamie alone. That she would grow up without a mother. That she would grow up without ever having known her. But even as I thought that I knew that there was no way Jamie would forget her mother, there was no way I would forget her mother. Because Liz could never be forgotten. Even with her gone, she was still here, engraved in every aspect of our lives. Liz was gone but she most definitely was not forgotten. She would be remembered at each occasion, in each moment. Like a silent observer she would be there, walking through each moment with us because she couldn’t be forgotten.
THE END
Life has a funny way of setting things back to order, taking back what rightly should have been its long ago. Or maybe it was taking back the gift it had given me, a gift that it bestowed in my possession for safe keeping and now thought it time to take it back. Either way it did nothing to quell the pain in my soul or to lessen its cries. But it didn’t make me hate life either, for how could I hate anything that gave her to me in the first place.
In a way I think I knew all along that it was only a matter of time before it intervened in my life, in my path, like I had intervened in it’s. I think she knew it as well. I think she knew all along that she wasn’t going to be here long. That she would eventually be taken away from me and from our daughter. Yet she never let that thought daunt her, never let it bother her. We never mentioned it either, as if that looming prospect didn’t even exist. In fact I would have never known that she knew too, had she not told me so. It was like she simply…forgot.
For five years since we left Roswell, our life continued with surprising ease and calm. The memories we ran away from did not dare to follow us where we went it seemed. For five happy years we lived as we had wanted to live, do as we pleased and started our families like we had dreamed. It was all we had hoped for and more. There seemed nothing to me that could ever dampen my life again… I should have not forgotten that I still had a debt to pay.
I don’t know when it all started, when she started to slip away. I don’t know how either of us didn’t really noticed what was happening until it was too late. Or maybe we chose to ignore it because we knew that this time it was for real, that this time nothing was going to stop fate from taking away what should have been its eight years ago.
I remember the day it dawned on me what was going to happen and remember the helpless feeling that accompanied it. It was a cold, crisp autumn and we were sitting by the fire with Jamie, our daughter. I don’t know how we started talking about it, or if we even knew we were really talking about it for the first time but as soon as the words left her mouth, I knew that I would loose her soon.
“I want her to be happy.” Liz had whispered to me as we sat watching Jamie play with her dolls. “I want her to be safe.” Liz turned around in my arms, where we were sitting on the sofa wrapped together and looked at me with her soulful brown eyes. “I want her to feel loved.”
By some unknown instinct I tightened my hold on Liz, somehow knowing that she was going away soon. I nodded and kissed her lightly on the top of her head. “She will be. She will be all those things and more.” I promised hoarsely, oddly feeling choked.
Liz looked at me softly, the smile replaced by a lingering sadness. “And I don’t want her to hate what is in her past. I want her to know that there was no other way.” Liz whispered softly.
My throat constricted even more and I felt tears prickling the back of it but I swallowed hard and nodded again. “She’ll know.” I promised again, this time more forcefully.
Liz smiled as if that was reassurance enough for her. She turned back to watch her daughter with a loving smile yet even then, her grip on me tightened and I could feel her apprehension and sadness flow through our connection. I just held on tighter to her, praying for the inevitable to stay at bay.
That was the only time ever we even remotely talked about it. Yes, we didn’t address it directly, or even clue the other in that we knew what was about to happen but for us that was enough. In those few, short and simple words we had told each other and promised each other more than a hundred words could have. We had acknowledged the future, accepted the present and at the same time comforted each other.
We never talked about it again, never even acknowledged that the conversation had taken place but from then on there was a lingering sadness in each of our eyes that would remain unnoticed by the others except ourselves. It would be in those soft, gentle touches, or that fleeting kiss that we would remember silently and wait.
When the first signs appeared we still went on as if nothing was wrong. As if it was only a temporary sickness that had her throwing up every day. And when she finally got too tired to get out of bed, I would carry her food upstairs, and put Jamie down on the bed with her, both of us pretending that it was just a gesture of love. The others noticed too but they took the cue from us and never breathed a word though I’m sure that I often saw Isabel and Maria’s eyes misty whenever they came to visit. They didn’t ask me why I didn’t try to heal her or why I didn’t take her to the doctor. I think they all could see that it was an unsaid agreement between us. It was just one of our many charades what would help us forget that she was dying.
I think she knew all along when she would die because the entire week she met with everyone privately and just sat talking to them, remembering and in a way giving them strength for what was so soon going to happen. Each day she would have someone else over to talk to her: Michael, Kyle, Jesse, Isabel and Maria.
On the day after she talked to Maria, Liz got out of bed for the first time in weeks. I would have rushed to help her back had it not been for the slightly chiding and pleading look she wore. She calmly informed me that Maria had taken Jamie over her house to spend the night and we had the house all to ourselves. I understood her implications, and saw that she knew that I understood but for the moment we chose to forget it, making the most of the time we had left.
That night we had dinner under the stars, in our own backyard and then we danced. We danced to every song we had ever danced to and to the ones we missed on our High School Prom. For the first time in weeks I saw Liz healthy and vibrant again. I heard her musical laughter at the memories we dredged up; I saw the happy twinkle in her eyes, for the first time in months unmarred by the sadness of the future. And then as the night grew to a close I took her to bed for what I knew would be the last time. Throughout the night we lay side by side, holding each other close, taking comfort in the familiarity of each other’s bodies, souls and hearts. We didn’t say a word for there was none to be said, we had said and shown each other all that we had needed to in our act of love and now we took comfort in the silence.
We managed to fight of sleep till the sun began to brighten the sky and as we both fell to sleep; we unconsciously pulled each other closer, almost desperately. As her eyes fluttered to a close she managed one last soulful smile and whispered, “I love you Max.”
Pressing a tender kiss on her lips, I whispered against them, “I love you.” Nodding slowly to herself as if that was all she wanted to hear, her eyes drew to a close and so did mine. When I opened mine hours later, she was still wrapped around, still holding me close but I knew. I knew without looking that she was gone. Unable to pry myself away just yet and be hit with the hard truth, I held on just a little bit longer. The pain and desolation I had expected to feel on such a moment was oddly not there. That, I knew would come later. Right now I was calm, serene almost. It was like her soul was still entwined with mine. I felt a rush of peace flood through me as I saw her smiling face flash before my eyes. I saw her eyes sparkle and her mouth laughing as she danced with me last night and I knew that it was her way of telling me she was happy. That she was at peace.
Knowing that now it was time to let go, I got up slowly, making sure to carefully lay her back on bed. And when I looked at her she still had that whisper of a smile on her face. She looked like she was only asleep, just waiting for me to wake her up. It was then that my gut clenched in pain and I felt what had really happened. But even as the searing pain and heartbreak ran through me, I could feel her gentle caress inside me, calming me. Reminding me, almost, that I had to tell the others, that I had to tell Jamie.
With a last heart-wrenching look, I forced myself to walk out of the room, moving to the phone. I picked it up and paused before I punched in the numbers where I knew that everyone was waiting for the call. I paused to let it sink in, to try and accept it. But I wondered if I really would ever. Even though I had known it would happen I wondered if I could truly live with the knowledge. The knowledge that Liz was dead, and that now I would have to raise Jamie alone. That she would grow up without a mother. That she would grow up without ever having known her. But even as I thought that I knew that there was no way Jamie would forget her mother, there was no way I would forget her mother. Because Liz could never be forgotten. Even with her gone, she was still here, engraved in every aspect of our lives. Liz was gone but she most definitely was not forgotten. She would be remembered at each occasion, in each moment. Like a silent observer she would be there, walking through each moment with us because she couldn’t be forgotten.
THE END
<center>There are endings and beginnings and then there are Crossroads; and, somehow, in the end all that's left are Pieces Of A Dream</center>
-
FallenMagic
- Addicted Roswellian
- Posts: 390
- Joined: Thu Dec 05, 2002 1:51 am
- Location: Malaysia
Memory (Sequel to "Waiting In Silence")
Memory
He waited in eager anticipation in his foyer, waiting for the one person he loved unconditionally to make her grand entrance. If possible he was more nervous today than he had been on his wedding day. His heart pounded and his palms were sweaty as he kept checking his watch and then peeking out the window to see if anyone had arrived yet. He wanted to be the first one to see her.
With his back to the staircase, he stood looking out the window, an affectionate smile unconsciously touching his lips. He was still staring outside aimlessly when he felt soft, nimble fingers run teasingly across his shoulders. He grinned and turned around to see his wife grinning madly at him. Her thick, heavy brown hair spilled over her shoulder as she titled her head, her eyes laughing as she looked him over.
“My, aren’t you nervous.” She remarked, finally letting out a slow, quite laugh. “Much more than you were on our wedding day.”
He grinned helplessly at her. “I can’t help it.” he replied.
“She looks beautiful, Max.” Liz told him with an understanding look and a proud gleam in her eyes.
“You saw her already?” Max demanded a bit sullenly. “That’s not fair. You know I wanted to be the first one to see her.”
“I’m her mother Max.” Liz said with another sweet smile. “It’s my privilege!”
Max just rolled his eyes in response. He turned his affectionate gaze to the stairway, his eyes having a far away look. “She’s growing up so fast Liz.” Max whispered. “She’s not my little girl anymore. Tonight’s her prom night.”
Liz looked at her husband with understanding. “You’re right. She is growing up but she will always be your little girl.”
“That’s what she said too when I told her that.” Max chuckled.
Liz smiled even more widely. “I know. I was there.”
Liz, too, now began to pursue the stairway. “But yes, time really flew by. She’s turned from a pretty little girl to a wonderful young woman.”
“I hope her prom goes better than ours did.” Max commented with a wry grin.
Liz laughed. “Oh God I hope so too. Though I don’t think anyone can top it.” Then Liz’s smile faltered a bit. “We went through a lot after that.”
“Yes,” Max said apologetically. “But we got through it. We stayed together.”
Liz didn’t say anything nor did she look at Max but she nodded, albeit unsurely. Then with a sigh said, “This isn’t healthy Max.” her voice was soft, resigned, as if she had said this line before too and even then with no effect.
“Please not now Liz.” Max whispered hoarsely, stiffening slightly. He turned pleading eyes at her. “Not now, not tonight.”
Liz looked at him for a brief second before she relented and nodded. She managed a small smile. “But soon…” she promised. Max knew that he would hear from Liz again on the matter but didn’t say anything as Liz suddenly whipped her head to the stairway. “She’s here Max. Look at how beautiful she looks.”
But she didn’t have to tell Max that. His gaze was riveted on his teenaged daughter as she descended wearing a blue gown and a rosy blush. He watched her come all the way down and finally stand a few steps in front of him.
“She looks just like her mother.” Max said softy to Liz, still not taking his eyes of his daughter.
“Did you say something daddy?” she asked, her eyes shining with excitement and joy.
Max shook himself from his stupor and gave her a bright smile and pulled her into a hug. “I said, you look exactly like your mother.” He replied. He stood back and gave her another once over. She twirled for him obviously fishing for compliments. Max grinned.
“You look beautiful Jamie.” He said, meaning every word.
Jamie grinned. “Thank you daddy.” Suddenly Jamie surprised him with her next question. It wasn’t one he expected, at least so soon. “Do I really look like her?” Jaime asked, in partial embarrassment.
“Who?” Max asked in a choked voice, though he had a fair idea.
“Mom.”
Max paused to blink back the tears that had formed in his eyes before he nodded. “Yes. You-you look a lot like her with your hair up that way. She wore her hair like that when we went to Las Vegas.
“I know.” Jamie admitted with a smile. “I saw it in the pictures and wanted to wear it this way.”
Max’s heart constricted at that. Jamie loved her mother so much that it was so hard to not get angry at fate for taking her away from them.
“Dad,” Jamie’s soft voice broke through his thoughts. “Do you think she’s watching us right now? Do you think she can see me tonight?”
Max smiled gently at her, as if he knew a secret she didn’t. “I think she’s always watching you and I think she would love you, especially tonight.”
Jamie smiled a bit sadly at her father and nodded. “I hope so.”
“I know so.” Max stressed. Just then a car honked and Jamie straightened up.
“That’s Jake. Better go daddy. Aunt Isabel wants to take pictures with Alex and his date.” She rolled her eyes as she left though with fondness. “I’m sure she’ll send you copies.”
“Try the entire roll.” Max chuckled as he waved goodbye to her. He didn’t have to bother with being introduced with Jake. He and Jamie had been dating for a long time now and Max knew his daughter was safe.
Once she was gone, he turned back to go into the den but found his way blocked by his wife. “You should take pictures too.” She chided gently.
“Why bother?” he asked. “Isabel’s going to send me the roll anyway.”
“Max!” Liz cried in exasperation, following him into the den. She sat down next to him and then smiled. “It’s good to know she remembers me.” She looked wistfully at the pictures on the mantle. “I wish I could have been there for her.”
“You are there for her, just not in the sense you really want.” Max replied. He looked at Liz and said seriously. “I kept my promise Liz. I didn’t fail. She’s happy, she’s safe and she’s loved. And she understands what had to happen.”
“I know. I trusted you.” Liz replied simply. Then she got up. “Well Mr. Evans, I’ve got to go now.”
Max looked at her startled. “Already?”
“I’ll be back.” She promised. Then a bit sternly, “Though you have to let go of me sometimes!”
“I can’t.” Max whispered in anguish.
“Can’t or won’t?” Liz asked softly.
“Both.”
Nodding Liz gave him a brief but loving smile. “Then I guess I’ll be back, won’t I?” she asked.
Max nodded. “Of course you will be, because you’re not forgotten yet. And as long as you aren’t you’ll keep coming to me…won’t you?”
Liz leaned down and brushed a light kiss across his lips. “Of course.” She replied. Then she was gone. And Max sat back, partially sad but knowing that he had something to look forward to. Because Liz was going to come back. She always did.
THE END
He waited in eager anticipation in his foyer, waiting for the one person he loved unconditionally to make her grand entrance. If possible he was more nervous today than he had been on his wedding day. His heart pounded and his palms were sweaty as he kept checking his watch and then peeking out the window to see if anyone had arrived yet. He wanted to be the first one to see her.
With his back to the staircase, he stood looking out the window, an affectionate smile unconsciously touching his lips. He was still staring outside aimlessly when he felt soft, nimble fingers run teasingly across his shoulders. He grinned and turned around to see his wife grinning madly at him. Her thick, heavy brown hair spilled over her shoulder as she titled her head, her eyes laughing as she looked him over.
“My, aren’t you nervous.” She remarked, finally letting out a slow, quite laugh. “Much more than you were on our wedding day.”
He grinned helplessly at her. “I can’t help it.” he replied.
“She looks beautiful, Max.” Liz told him with an understanding look and a proud gleam in her eyes.
“You saw her already?” Max demanded a bit sullenly. “That’s not fair. You know I wanted to be the first one to see her.”
“I’m her mother Max.” Liz said with another sweet smile. “It’s my privilege!”
Max just rolled his eyes in response. He turned his affectionate gaze to the stairway, his eyes having a far away look. “She’s growing up so fast Liz.” Max whispered. “She’s not my little girl anymore. Tonight’s her prom night.”
Liz looked at her husband with understanding. “You’re right. She is growing up but she will always be your little girl.”
“That’s what she said too when I told her that.” Max chuckled.
Liz smiled even more widely. “I know. I was there.”
Liz, too, now began to pursue the stairway. “But yes, time really flew by. She’s turned from a pretty little girl to a wonderful young woman.”
“I hope her prom goes better than ours did.” Max commented with a wry grin.
Liz laughed. “Oh God I hope so too. Though I don’t think anyone can top it.” Then Liz’s smile faltered a bit. “We went through a lot after that.”
“Yes,” Max said apologetically. “But we got through it. We stayed together.”
Liz didn’t say anything nor did she look at Max but she nodded, albeit unsurely. Then with a sigh said, “This isn’t healthy Max.” her voice was soft, resigned, as if she had said this line before too and even then with no effect.
“Please not now Liz.” Max whispered hoarsely, stiffening slightly. He turned pleading eyes at her. “Not now, not tonight.”
Liz looked at him for a brief second before she relented and nodded. She managed a small smile. “But soon…” she promised. Max knew that he would hear from Liz again on the matter but didn’t say anything as Liz suddenly whipped her head to the stairway. “She’s here Max. Look at how beautiful she looks.”
But she didn’t have to tell Max that. His gaze was riveted on his teenaged daughter as she descended wearing a blue gown and a rosy blush. He watched her come all the way down and finally stand a few steps in front of him.
“She looks just like her mother.” Max said softy to Liz, still not taking his eyes of his daughter.
“Did you say something daddy?” she asked, her eyes shining with excitement and joy.
Max shook himself from his stupor and gave her a bright smile and pulled her into a hug. “I said, you look exactly like your mother.” He replied. He stood back and gave her another once over. She twirled for him obviously fishing for compliments. Max grinned.
“You look beautiful Jamie.” He said, meaning every word.
Jamie grinned. “Thank you daddy.” Suddenly Jamie surprised him with her next question. It wasn’t one he expected, at least so soon. “Do I really look like her?” Jaime asked, in partial embarrassment.
“Who?” Max asked in a choked voice, though he had a fair idea.
“Mom.”
Max paused to blink back the tears that had formed in his eyes before he nodded. “Yes. You-you look a lot like her with your hair up that way. She wore her hair like that when we went to Las Vegas.
“I know.” Jamie admitted with a smile. “I saw it in the pictures and wanted to wear it this way.”
Max’s heart constricted at that. Jamie loved her mother so much that it was so hard to not get angry at fate for taking her away from them.
“Dad,” Jamie’s soft voice broke through his thoughts. “Do you think she’s watching us right now? Do you think she can see me tonight?”
Max smiled gently at her, as if he knew a secret she didn’t. “I think she’s always watching you and I think she would love you, especially tonight.”
Jamie smiled a bit sadly at her father and nodded. “I hope so.”
“I know so.” Max stressed. Just then a car honked and Jamie straightened up.
“That’s Jake. Better go daddy. Aunt Isabel wants to take pictures with Alex and his date.” She rolled her eyes as she left though with fondness. “I’m sure she’ll send you copies.”
“Try the entire roll.” Max chuckled as he waved goodbye to her. He didn’t have to bother with being introduced with Jake. He and Jamie had been dating for a long time now and Max knew his daughter was safe.
Once she was gone, he turned back to go into the den but found his way blocked by his wife. “You should take pictures too.” She chided gently.
“Why bother?” he asked. “Isabel’s going to send me the roll anyway.”
“Max!” Liz cried in exasperation, following him into the den. She sat down next to him and then smiled. “It’s good to know she remembers me.” She looked wistfully at the pictures on the mantle. “I wish I could have been there for her.”
“You are there for her, just not in the sense you really want.” Max replied. He looked at Liz and said seriously. “I kept my promise Liz. I didn’t fail. She’s happy, she’s safe and she’s loved. And she understands what had to happen.”
“I know. I trusted you.” Liz replied simply. Then she got up. “Well Mr. Evans, I’ve got to go now.”
Max looked at her startled. “Already?”
“I’ll be back.” She promised. Then a bit sternly, “Though you have to let go of me sometimes!”
“I can’t.” Max whispered in anguish.
“Can’t or won’t?” Liz asked softly.
“Both.”
Nodding Liz gave him a brief but loving smile. “Then I guess I’ll be back, won’t I?” she asked.
Max nodded. “Of course you will be, because you’re not forgotten yet. And as long as you aren’t you’ll keep coming to me…won’t you?”
Liz leaned down and brushed a light kiss across his lips. “Of course.” She replied. Then she was gone. And Max sat back, partially sad but knowing that he had something to look forward to. Because Liz was going to come back. She always did.
THE END
<center>There are endings and beginnings and then there are Crossroads; and, somehow, in the end all that's left are Pieces Of A Dream</center>
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FallenMagic
- Addicted Roswellian
- Posts: 390
- Joined: Thu Dec 05, 2002 1:51 am
- Location: Malaysia
Forever In Your Arms (Sequel to "Memory")
Forever In Your Arms
It’s been nearly fifteen years since Liz died. Fifteen long, and sometimes painful years. It took us all a long while to finally adjust to that fact; even though we had all known in a way that she was leaving us soon. We had all known it yet had refused to question how we knew…. No that’s not true, we simply ignored what our minds were telling us and focused on our stubborn belief that Max and Liz would spend eternity together.
It took two years for reality to hit home and another four before we finally, grudgingly accepted it. Liz was not coming back. Yet there are still days when I would find myself thinking about her and wondering what she would be doing if she were here. There were occasions when for a few minutes a silence used to settle between us. You could see the sadness in each of our eyes as we each thought about our friend. But in the end we would pull together and move on with our lives. We would do it because she would have wanted us too and we did it because of Jamie and Max.
Max was the one to take Liz’s death the hardest. He was fine for the first couple of days after her funeral but I think that was when the shock finally wore off. He receded so far into himself that we were afraid we’d loose him too. We tried everything we could to help him but it seemed as if he didn’t want to be helped. Our worries had escalated into panic by the time he suddenly came around.
I remember the day he just showed up on our doorstep and proclaimed in a quiet voice, “She wanted me to go on living.” After that, he clung to me and I clung to him, both of us crying over our loss. Two people indulging in our grief, just so we could finally move past it. After that you could see what an effort he had put to bring himself together. He became the person we had known; he became the father we had seen. In fact you would never have known anything was different if not for the shadows in his eyes. That, I suppose he didn’t even want to try to hide.
Sometimes I think he pulled himself together for Jamie as much as Liz. It was like he realized all of a sudden that he had a daughter, a young child you needed him, who needed her mother. And now with her mother gone, he would have to take her place too. Jamie was too young to remember Liz very well but as she grew older, Max made it a point never to let her forget her. He never let Jamie doubt how much Liz loved her. And I think it was because of that that Jamie has so much of her mother in her. The way her eyes sparkle, her slow smile that sends boys tumbling at her feet…all have a semblance of Liz in her.
Seeing the woman she has grown up to become sometimes makes my heart ache. I find myself wishing Liz were here to see her, to know what a wonderful life she has had. I remember telling Max on Jamie’s graduation day that Liz would have been so very proud of her and that I wished she was here to see her. And in return Max gave me the oddest answer. He just smiled a secret smile and replied, “She was there.”
I would have assumed that he was talking about the belief that Liz is watching from up above but somehow I know that is not what he meant. Sometimes I can’t help thinking that Max actually sees Liz. Isabel confided in me that for a few months after Alex’s death she saw Alex but that went away after a while. I don’t know why I’ve got the feeling that Max never moved passed that stage. That sometimes when he starts to smile for no apparent reason, it is because he sees her there.
The thought of Max seeing Liz’s ghost should send me reeling, or maybe calling the mad house yet it doesn’t seem odd at all. I think when it comes to Max and Liz it seems fairly normal. It seems…perfect. And if my suspicions are correct, if he really does see Liz’s ghost…well I hope that she is here today. I hope that she is able to see her daughter dressed in pristine white, glowing due to happiness as she should for this is supposed to be the happiest day of her life. Her wedding.
While I look at her walking down the isle I briefly think that she’s so young, only nineteen but then I smile as I remember Max and Liz were so much more younger when they got married. And Jake seems so perfect for her…he’s her soul mate. I know they will be happy forever.
When Max turns to give Jamie away, I could have sworn he shot a quick look to his right and smiled… it was a smile that was especially for Liz. The ceremony was beautiful and I cried through the entire thing. Michael kept teasing me about what my reaction would be at my own daughter’s wedding. I also wondered how Max would cope now that he was alone, without his wife and without his daughter. How would he live alone like this?
But in the end, as I watched Jamie and Jake dance to their wedding song, I felt a calm descend on me. Watching them, watching Max…I knew they would never alone. For Jamie, Liz would always be there in memory and in her heart but for Max... for Max, Liz would always be there in his soul.
THE END
It’s been nearly fifteen years since Liz died. Fifteen long, and sometimes painful years. It took us all a long while to finally adjust to that fact; even though we had all known in a way that she was leaving us soon. We had all known it yet had refused to question how we knew…. No that’s not true, we simply ignored what our minds were telling us and focused on our stubborn belief that Max and Liz would spend eternity together.
It took two years for reality to hit home and another four before we finally, grudgingly accepted it. Liz was not coming back. Yet there are still days when I would find myself thinking about her and wondering what she would be doing if she were here. There were occasions when for a few minutes a silence used to settle between us. You could see the sadness in each of our eyes as we each thought about our friend. But in the end we would pull together and move on with our lives. We would do it because she would have wanted us too and we did it because of Jamie and Max.
Max was the one to take Liz’s death the hardest. He was fine for the first couple of days after her funeral but I think that was when the shock finally wore off. He receded so far into himself that we were afraid we’d loose him too. We tried everything we could to help him but it seemed as if he didn’t want to be helped. Our worries had escalated into panic by the time he suddenly came around.
I remember the day he just showed up on our doorstep and proclaimed in a quiet voice, “She wanted me to go on living.” After that, he clung to me and I clung to him, both of us crying over our loss. Two people indulging in our grief, just so we could finally move past it. After that you could see what an effort he had put to bring himself together. He became the person we had known; he became the father we had seen. In fact you would never have known anything was different if not for the shadows in his eyes. That, I suppose he didn’t even want to try to hide.
Sometimes I think he pulled himself together for Jamie as much as Liz. It was like he realized all of a sudden that he had a daughter, a young child you needed him, who needed her mother. And now with her mother gone, he would have to take her place too. Jamie was too young to remember Liz very well but as she grew older, Max made it a point never to let her forget her. He never let Jamie doubt how much Liz loved her. And I think it was because of that that Jamie has so much of her mother in her. The way her eyes sparkle, her slow smile that sends boys tumbling at her feet…all have a semblance of Liz in her.
Seeing the woman she has grown up to become sometimes makes my heart ache. I find myself wishing Liz were here to see her, to know what a wonderful life she has had. I remember telling Max on Jamie’s graduation day that Liz would have been so very proud of her and that I wished she was here to see her. And in return Max gave me the oddest answer. He just smiled a secret smile and replied, “She was there.”
I would have assumed that he was talking about the belief that Liz is watching from up above but somehow I know that is not what he meant. Sometimes I can’t help thinking that Max actually sees Liz. Isabel confided in me that for a few months after Alex’s death she saw Alex but that went away after a while. I don’t know why I’ve got the feeling that Max never moved passed that stage. That sometimes when he starts to smile for no apparent reason, it is because he sees her there.
The thought of Max seeing Liz’s ghost should send me reeling, or maybe calling the mad house yet it doesn’t seem odd at all. I think when it comes to Max and Liz it seems fairly normal. It seems…perfect. And if my suspicions are correct, if he really does see Liz’s ghost…well I hope that she is here today. I hope that she is able to see her daughter dressed in pristine white, glowing due to happiness as she should for this is supposed to be the happiest day of her life. Her wedding.
While I look at her walking down the isle I briefly think that she’s so young, only nineteen but then I smile as I remember Max and Liz were so much more younger when they got married. And Jake seems so perfect for her…he’s her soul mate. I know they will be happy forever.
When Max turns to give Jamie away, I could have sworn he shot a quick look to his right and smiled… it was a smile that was especially for Liz. The ceremony was beautiful and I cried through the entire thing. Michael kept teasing me about what my reaction would be at my own daughter’s wedding. I also wondered how Max would cope now that he was alone, without his wife and without his daughter. How would he live alone like this?
But in the end, as I watched Jamie and Jake dance to their wedding song, I felt a calm descend on me. Watching them, watching Max…I knew they would never alone. For Jamie, Liz would always be there in memory and in her heart but for Max... for Max, Liz would always be there in his soul.
THE END
<center>There are endings and beginnings and then there are Crossroads; and, somehow, in the end all that's left are Pieces Of A Dream</center>
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FallenMagic
- Addicted Roswellian
- Posts: 390
- Joined: Thu Dec 05, 2002 1:51 am
- Location: Malaysia
Release Me
Release Me
She walked alone, a silhouette against the slowly darkening sky. The soft and gentle breeze played with her long, silky hair, twisting and turning it, just like her thoughts: tangled, unruly and astray. The gentle waves lapped at her feet and she felt their tug, calling to her, calling her out to sea with them, just like she felt him calling to her. Like a voice whispering to her soul, cajoling it to him.
She walked on, ignoring them all, hoping that these thoughts would stop trying to lead her astray, that he would stop calling out to her. He was so very far away, yet she heard his voice clearly in her head, as if he as just besides her, enticing her. He asked for her support, her love…her soul but she adamantly fought the dangerous urge to do so. She knew who he really was and what he truly wanted. He did not want her. She may have believed that lie once but no more. She knew better now. She knew what he really wanted was what she could offer him and she would never do that; never give to him freely what she had once, in a different life already partially given.
But even as she fought him, his voice persisted in hopes of breaking through to her. She had thought she had gotten rid of him years ago, that he was out of her life once and for all. How she had prayed for that to be true. She had, in fact, believed that to be true until a year ago when she first started hearing him again. She had tried to fight him off but with not much success. She had been scared to the others and later, as time went on, ashamed to tell them about him. How could she tell them that even now, after so many years he still had such a control over her? That she could not make him leave? If she had felt her life, or her families had been in danger from his presence she would have tried to tell the others but since she somehow knew that he would not hurt her or anyone else, she kept quiet, always silently trying to push him away. She lived with this demon in her head for the entire last year; desperately hoping he would eventually leave her alone. But of course he did not.
As the night finally took control over the sky she paused in her walk. She turned her head slightly; titling her head to hear what she thought had been a slight sound. But she felt rather than heard him appear behind her. She didn’t know how she knew, without even seeing a glimpse of him yet she was neither scared nor surprised by his sudden appearance. In a way she had been expecting him, waiting for him to come to her physically rather than linger in her mind, just a voice.
He joined her as she resumed walking, almost acting like she didn’t know he was there, like she couldn’t care less. She didn’t turn to look at him, to acknowledge him nor did he turn to greet her but they walked amiably along in silence, almost as if they were old friends. Only the slight shaking in her hands gave that away.
After a few more minutes of silence he finally spoke. “I can see what you like about this world.” He commented.
“Do you?” she asked dryly, hiding her surprise at his topic. She also still refused to look at him as she continued walking, letting him fall in step with her.
He ignored her remark and went on, “But I can give you even better,” he promised and with a slight pause added, “If you’d let me that is.”
“How?” she asked a bit sharply even though she knew what his answer would be. She asked because she wanted to hear him say it, wanted to hear him offer it to her with false sincerity.
“If you’ll join me.” He answered. He stopped and pulled her to a stop too. He took her hands in his and said, “If you return with me and become my Queen.”
She snatched her hands away from his in anger. “You are asking me to betray my brother!” she snapped furiously.
“You did it once before.” He observed coolly.
She glared at him, though wincing slightly when he said that. “And I have never regretted anything more!” she told him in a low, dark voice.
He cocked an eyebrow at her. “Is that true?” he asked. “Are you trying to tell me that you regret dying and being sent to Earth? That you regret you life here? That you regret your husband, you friends, your family…your daughter?”
She glared at him. “I regret lying to my brother, I regret lying to my husband and I regret believing you, trusting you. I regret remembering her as a traitor. But I do not regret my life here! I am happy here!”
Ignoring her other words, he honed in on the one that caught his attention. “Her?” he questioned, interest piping up in his voice. “So now you refer to yourself as ‘her’?”
“Shouldn’t I?” She shot back. “She and I…aren’t we different?!”
“You didn’t seem to think so a while ago.” When she didn’t reply he went on. “You and her are the same person.” When she looked at him sharply he shrugged nonplussed. “You wouldn’t have heard me otherwise…I wouldn’t be here if that weren’t true.”
She still didn’t say anything for a while as she stared at the sea, her back to him in stony silence. But then she turned back to him, her eyes red rimmed and tired. “Go away Kivar.” She whispered, a silent plea in her voice. “Just…just go away!”
“I can hear it in your voice, you know.” He told her smugly.
“What?” she asked tiredly and with apprehension.
“How much you long to come with me.” His voice turned soft as he asked, “Why do you fight it my love?”
This made her look at him angrily. She pushed away the small voice that pointed out mercilessly that he was right. A small part of her did want to leave with him. But that did not mean she was about to!
“No!” she replied fiercely, “You do not hear anything in my voice because there is nothing!”
“But you feel something for me.” He insisted. “Don’t deny it”
“I don’t feel anything so there is nothing to deny!” She fired back and then after a brief pause she added, “Vilandra does though but I am not her!”
“She is a part of you.” Kivar told her with a slight smile
“Then that’s a part that I manage to keep dormant. That’s a part that my husband and my daughter help me keep dormant! They remind me that I am Isabel Ramirez! Not Vilandra!”
It was his turn to fall silent but he had a smile on his lips. A smile that was half amused and half irritated. Finally he said, “What do you wish of me Isabel?” He laid particular stress on her name.
Isabel paused, letting a small fire of hope flourish inside her. He had never called her by her human name…maybe he finally understood. “I want you to go away and leave me alone.” She finally whispered. “I don’t want you to call me anymore, not inside my head or otherwise! No contact again from you!”
He looked at her in full-fledged amusement but then nodded slowly. “I’ll leave.” He said and she blinked. She hadn’t though it would be that easy. Then he hurried on to finish his sentence. “I’ll leave until the time you call me to you.”
“Then we’d better say our final goodbyes Kivar because that time will never come!” Isabel said vehemently.
With another amused look he turned around and walked a few steps forwards. He waved his hands and out of nowhere a portal appeared. Isabel was a bit taken aback by the ease at which it had opened but she didn’t let it on. Just as he was about to step through he turned back to her and smirked.
“By the way, last year, the first time we communicated in your mind? Well I didn’t call you or open the connection…that was your doing. You called me!” He didn’t pause to see her stunned and horrified face. Nor did he see understanding and recognition dawning on her.
Isabel stood there, numb from shock and her mind reeling as it all fell into place. As she stared in a stupor, staring at his disappearing back, she heard his departing words echo almost hauntingly before they got swallowed up by the wind.
“I will be waiting, Princess, for you to call me again. And I know, as do you Vilandra, that you will. It’s only a matter of time…”
THE END
She walked alone, a silhouette against the slowly darkening sky. The soft and gentle breeze played with her long, silky hair, twisting and turning it, just like her thoughts: tangled, unruly and astray. The gentle waves lapped at her feet and she felt their tug, calling to her, calling her out to sea with them, just like she felt him calling to her. Like a voice whispering to her soul, cajoling it to him.
She walked on, ignoring them all, hoping that these thoughts would stop trying to lead her astray, that he would stop calling out to her. He was so very far away, yet she heard his voice clearly in her head, as if he as just besides her, enticing her. He asked for her support, her love…her soul but she adamantly fought the dangerous urge to do so. She knew who he really was and what he truly wanted. He did not want her. She may have believed that lie once but no more. She knew better now. She knew what he really wanted was what she could offer him and she would never do that; never give to him freely what she had once, in a different life already partially given.
But even as she fought him, his voice persisted in hopes of breaking through to her. She had thought she had gotten rid of him years ago, that he was out of her life once and for all. How she had prayed for that to be true. She had, in fact, believed that to be true until a year ago when she first started hearing him again. She had tried to fight him off but with not much success. She had been scared to the others and later, as time went on, ashamed to tell them about him. How could she tell them that even now, after so many years he still had such a control over her? That she could not make him leave? If she had felt her life, or her families had been in danger from his presence she would have tried to tell the others but since she somehow knew that he would not hurt her or anyone else, she kept quiet, always silently trying to push him away. She lived with this demon in her head for the entire last year; desperately hoping he would eventually leave her alone. But of course he did not.
As the night finally took control over the sky she paused in her walk. She turned her head slightly; titling her head to hear what she thought had been a slight sound. But she felt rather than heard him appear behind her. She didn’t know how she knew, without even seeing a glimpse of him yet she was neither scared nor surprised by his sudden appearance. In a way she had been expecting him, waiting for him to come to her physically rather than linger in her mind, just a voice.
He joined her as she resumed walking, almost acting like she didn’t know he was there, like she couldn’t care less. She didn’t turn to look at him, to acknowledge him nor did he turn to greet her but they walked amiably along in silence, almost as if they were old friends. Only the slight shaking in her hands gave that away.
After a few more minutes of silence he finally spoke. “I can see what you like about this world.” He commented.
“Do you?” she asked dryly, hiding her surprise at his topic. She also still refused to look at him as she continued walking, letting him fall in step with her.
He ignored her remark and went on, “But I can give you even better,” he promised and with a slight pause added, “If you’d let me that is.”
“How?” she asked a bit sharply even though she knew what his answer would be. She asked because she wanted to hear him say it, wanted to hear him offer it to her with false sincerity.
“If you’ll join me.” He answered. He stopped and pulled her to a stop too. He took her hands in his and said, “If you return with me and become my Queen.”
She snatched her hands away from his in anger. “You are asking me to betray my brother!” she snapped furiously.
“You did it once before.” He observed coolly.
She glared at him, though wincing slightly when he said that. “And I have never regretted anything more!” she told him in a low, dark voice.
He cocked an eyebrow at her. “Is that true?” he asked. “Are you trying to tell me that you regret dying and being sent to Earth? That you regret you life here? That you regret your husband, you friends, your family…your daughter?”
She glared at him. “I regret lying to my brother, I regret lying to my husband and I regret believing you, trusting you. I regret remembering her as a traitor. But I do not regret my life here! I am happy here!”
Ignoring her other words, he honed in on the one that caught his attention. “Her?” he questioned, interest piping up in his voice. “So now you refer to yourself as ‘her’?”
“Shouldn’t I?” She shot back. “She and I…aren’t we different?!”
“You didn’t seem to think so a while ago.” When she didn’t reply he went on. “You and her are the same person.” When she looked at him sharply he shrugged nonplussed. “You wouldn’t have heard me otherwise…I wouldn’t be here if that weren’t true.”
She still didn’t say anything for a while as she stared at the sea, her back to him in stony silence. But then she turned back to him, her eyes red rimmed and tired. “Go away Kivar.” She whispered, a silent plea in her voice. “Just…just go away!”
“I can hear it in your voice, you know.” He told her smugly.
“What?” she asked tiredly and with apprehension.
“How much you long to come with me.” His voice turned soft as he asked, “Why do you fight it my love?”
This made her look at him angrily. She pushed away the small voice that pointed out mercilessly that he was right. A small part of her did want to leave with him. But that did not mean she was about to!
“No!” she replied fiercely, “You do not hear anything in my voice because there is nothing!”
“But you feel something for me.” He insisted. “Don’t deny it”
“I don’t feel anything so there is nothing to deny!” She fired back and then after a brief pause she added, “Vilandra does though but I am not her!”
“She is a part of you.” Kivar told her with a slight smile
“Then that’s a part that I manage to keep dormant. That’s a part that my husband and my daughter help me keep dormant! They remind me that I am Isabel Ramirez! Not Vilandra!”
It was his turn to fall silent but he had a smile on his lips. A smile that was half amused and half irritated. Finally he said, “What do you wish of me Isabel?” He laid particular stress on her name.
Isabel paused, letting a small fire of hope flourish inside her. He had never called her by her human name…maybe he finally understood. “I want you to go away and leave me alone.” She finally whispered. “I don’t want you to call me anymore, not inside my head or otherwise! No contact again from you!”
He looked at her in full-fledged amusement but then nodded slowly. “I’ll leave.” He said and she blinked. She hadn’t though it would be that easy. Then he hurried on to finish his sentence. “I’ll leave until the time you call me to you.”
“Then we’d better say our final goodbyes Kivar because that time will never come!” Isabel said vehemently.
With another amused look he turned around and walked a few steps forwards. He waved his hands and out of nowhere a portal appeared. Isabel was a bit taken aback by the ease at which it had opened but she didn’t let it on. Just as he was about to step through he turned back to her and smirked.
“By the way, last year, the first time we communicated in your mind? Well I didn’t call you or open the connection…that was your doing. You called me!” He didn’t pause to see her stunned and horrified face. Nor did he see understanding and recognition dawning on her.
Isabel stood there, numb from shock and her mind reeling as it all fell into place. As she stared in a stupor, staring at his disappearing back, she heard his departing words echo almost hauntingly before they got swallowed up by the wind.
“I will be waiting, Princess, for you to call me again. And I know, as do you Vilandra, that you will. It’s only a matter of time…”
THE END
<center>There are endings and beginnings and then there are Crossroads; and, somehow, in the end all that's left are Pieces Of A Dream</center>
-
FallenMagic
- Addicted Roswellian
- Posts: 390
- Joined: Thu Dec 05, 2002 1:51 am
- Location: Malaysia
Cursed Love
Cursed Love
I am here to tell you we can never meet again
“This isn’t working Max.”
It hurt me to say that but that was the truth. It took a lot out of me to finally admit what others had been telling me for so long. Max and I were not meant to be together.
Simple really, isn't it, a word or two and then
A lifetime of not knowing where or how or why or when
“We’ll make it work!” Max replied but I just shook my head.
You think of me or speak of me or wonder what befell
It was not going to work out. I knew it and so did he.
The someone you once loved so long ago somewhere
The past two years had been delusions, our expectations magnified into what could be but would never be.
Never wonder what I'll feel as living shuffles by
You don't have to ask me and I need not reply
We thought it could be like before, we thought if we did what we were told then maybe we could find some semblance of what was once ours. Of course that was not so.
Every moment of my life from now until I die
I will think or dream of you and fail to understand
How a perfect love can be confounded out of hand
I should have gotten the hint back in High school when I was told that Max would never -- could never -- be mine for he had a destiny. The destiny that he had created for himself. But I refused to let go of what I remembered and longed to have again.
Is it written in the stars
Are we paying for some crime
And now Max was mine but at what price? Max wasn’t the Max Evans I grew to love all over again. Neither was he the Zan that I remembered and loved from my past life.
Is that all that we are good for
Just a stretch of mortal time
He was cold and distant. In his own world where he was with her.
“Max I want a divorce.” I told him.
The pain ripped through my heart as I saw the slightest glimmer of hope in his eyes, hope of finally being with his love. I had to remind myself why I was doing this.
Is this God's experiment
In which we have no say
“Tess…” he began trying to understand where this was coming from but I was not listening. I had to shut out my heart to do this.
In which we're given paradise
But only for a day
“You were right. Destiny is what you make it to be. I was too blind to see.” I told him sadly.
Nothing can be altered, there is nothing to decide
“You aren’t the Zan I remember and you will never be. You’re Max Evans and nothing I believe or do will change that. Not even following destiny.”
No escape, no change of heart, no anyplace to hide
As I saw the relief in his eyes, I had to keep myself from crying. I had let him go.
You are all I'll ever want, but this I am denied
But I would never love anyone else like I did him. How could I? I loved him when he was my husband on Antar and I loved him from the day I saw him here. My love for him had remained in both lifetimes.
Sometimes in my darkest thoughts, I wish I'd never learned
What it is to be in love and have that love returned
As Max turned to leave I wondered at the cruelty I had suffered.
Is it written in the stars
Are we paying for some crime
To have love given to me and snatched away--twice. Once to death and the other time to Liz Parker. I didn’t know which one I hated more.
Is that all that we are good for
Just a stretch of mortal time
I felt cursed at being the only one to remember what it was like before. When it was just the four of us. When we both were in love and life was so easy.
Is this God's experiment
In which we have no say
I would never forget either Zan or Max Evans. I would die loving him—again. As night fell and I sat there crying, I wondered whether it was always so painful to love someone. Because I knew that I would never know what it would be like to love and be loved in return.
In which we're given paradise
But only for a day…
THE END
I am here to tell you we can never meet again
“This isn’t working Max.”
It hurt me to say that but that was the truth. It took a lot out of me to finally admit what others had been telling me for so long. Max and I were not meant to be together.
Simple really, isn't it, a word or two and then
A lifetime of not knowing where or how or why or when
“We’ll make it work!” Max replied but I just shook my head.
You think of me or speak of me or wonder what befell
It was not going to work out. I knew it and so did he.
The someone you once loved so long ago somewhere
The past two years had been delusions, our expectations magnified into what could be but would never be.
Never wonder what I'll feel as living shuffles by
You don't have to ask me and I need not reply
We thought it could be like before, we thought if we did what we were told then maybe we could find some semblance of what was once ours. Of course that was not so.
Every moment of my life from now until I die
I will think or dream of you and fail to understand
How a perfect love can be confounded out of hand
I should have gotten the hint back in High school when I was told that Max would never -- could never -- be mine for he had a destiny. The destiny that he had created for himself. But I refused to let go of what I remembered and longed to have again.
Is it written in the stars
Are we paying for some crime
And now Max was mine but at what price? Max wasn’t the Max Evans I grew to love all over again. Neither was he the Zan that I remembered and loved from my past life.
Is that all that we are good for
Just a stretch of mortal time
He was cold and distant. In his own world where he was with her.
“Max I want a divorce.” I told him.
The pain ripped through my heart as I saw the slightest glimmer of hope in his eyes, hope of finally being with his love. I had to remind myself why I was doing this.
Is this God's experiment
In which we have no say
“Tess…” he began trying to understand where this was coming from but I was not listening. I had to shut out my heart to do this.
In which we're given paradise
But only for a day
“You were right. Destiny is what you make it to be. I was too blind to see.” I told him sadly.
Nothing can be altered, there is nothing to decide
“You aren’t the Zan I remember and you will never be. You’re Max Evans and nothing I believe or do will change that. Not even following destiny.”
No escape, no change of heart, no anyplace to hide
As I saw the relief in his eyes, I had to keep myself from crying. I had let him go.
You are all I'll ever want, but this I am denied
But I would never love anyone else like I did him. How could I? I loved him when he was my husband on Antar and I loved him from the day I saw him here. My love for him had remained in both lifetimes.
Sometimes in my darkest thoughts, I wish I'd never learned
What it is to be in love and have that love returned
As Max turned to leave I wondered at the cruelty I had suffered.
Is it written in the stars
Are we paying for some crime
To have love given to me and snatched away--twice. Once to death and the other time to Liz Parker. I didn’t know which one I hated more.
Is that all that we are good for
Just a stretch of mortal time
I felt cursed at being the only one to remember what it was like before. When it was just the four of us. When we both were in love and life was so easy.
Is this God's experiment
In which we have no say
I would never forget either Zan or Max Evans. I would die loving him—again. As night fell and I sat there crying, I wondered whether it was always so painful to love someone. Because I knew that I would never know what it would be like to love and be loved in return.
In which we're given paradise
But only for a day…
THE END
<center>There are endings and beginnings and then there are Crossroads; and, somehow, in the end all that's left are Pieces Of A Dream</center>