Roswell Fanatics

Winner - Round 6



Title: Starry Days, Dark Nights
Rating: TEEN
A/N: POV Maria Lyrics copyrighted to rightful owners
Disclaimer: Roswell of course, is not mine, neither are its characters.
Summary: Ten years after the final episode of Roswell, Maria decided on that day not to go with the group. Instead she embarked on her own journey of discovery and took Kyle Valenti with her. Now, so long after, she's received a letter from her best friend, the first time in ten years. Liz is extending a plea. Return to Roswell and say goodbye to the only man she'd ever loved, Michael Guerin.



THANK YOU TO TASYFA FOR THE GREAT BANNER!

Chapter 1:

I stand before the crowd knowing sadly that this would be my last performance. It is still dark. The lights have not come up. I look out at the screaming fans and miss them already. They do not know that after tonight, they will not see me again. After tonight, their bright star will fade. They do not know that Margarita will cease to exist and be replaced by another woman, a woman I was a long time ago.

I can feel the energy flow through the crowd. As much as I try to fight it, my eyes are welling up with tears. You can only try and be normal for so long, and then things finally catch up to you. I have to go back home now. Home is calling me. Because what these people out here don’t know is that ten years ago, I fell in love with an alien, and that man has left his imprint in my heart indefinitely. Now that he is dying, it is the least I can do to say goodbye.

I remember the last few times I was with him. With all of them. Decisions had to be made, time was running out. I see the lights go on. I step up to the microphone but my brain is not cooperating. I hear the music begin in the background. Can I do this tonight? Can I say goodbye to this life and go back to the one that caused me so much pain? Do I want to?

He lit the fire in my heart,

And with the same flame burnt my world down stark

I gave him the whole entire thing…

At first he gently held it

And then got bored and started carving.

I think back to that day in the desert. The day that reality hit me in ways I didn’t think were possible. Three long years and the time had come. We would have to make a choice or die.

***

“Right now, the only ones in danger, according to the crystal ball here, are... me, Max, Isabel, and Liz. So, the rest of you are safe. You can stay here.”

“Oh, what... so now I'm not invited??”

“ ...Maria...”

“Hah... you're just... you're just gonna leave me here?? I mean, y'know, this is incred- this is perfect. This is just a perfect way to end this entire... stupid thing. Forget it. Fine. Good bye, good luck.”

***

I try to control the tears threatening to fall. This song was about him. I remember now that as I wrote it, I hated him. And yet I loved him. I missed everything about him. His arrogance, his loyalty, his generic shampoo. And if I’m honest with myself, his eyes and his smile. The few times he actually smiled.

Love all one needs,

What I need is to try healing,

And then make sure I never,

Fall back into that feeling.

Love and I, to one another never truly loyal

We don’t mix too well,

Love flows like water

I burn like oil,

Yet I look around, and there is all this water but none that I should drink

I notice now that I am oil and oil is all that I should think.


I think of what it meant those last few days. Graduation. The end of an era. That chapter of my life was over. I wanted nothing else to do with the madness that had been high school. But that meant leaving behind the people I cared the most about.

***

“I have risked my life! I have given up everything! I mean, every other friend I've ever had, I've completely blown off. My mother doesn't even know me anymore!! And now that it's all over... you're one of them. You're part of it. You're gonna go off with them and leave me in Roswell, and I'm gonna be stuck here as a waitress for the rest of my life.”

“Can you really look at me and say this?? I am most likely about to get killed, in twelve days, and what are you saying? You are saying that you are pissed off because you're not getting killed too.”

“I just... I don't...I am falling apart here, Liz. I know I'm ridiculous right now. I know I sound crazy.”

“It's just that all I have heard for the past five months is how you want out of the alien chaos. And now... what..? You want back in? Maria, Maria - which one is it? Do you want in, or do you want out?”

“I don't know... I don't know... which one is better for me? You can see the future. Liz, please, tell me - hold my hand ...maybe you'll have a flash... just tell me... which one is better for me??”

“Maria, Maria... Maria... Maria... Listen to me. You've got to stop. Okay? Who knows? Alright? I can see the future... and I have no idea. Look... maybe you just... you need to try and decide what you want, and then go get it. ...Okay?”

***

She had been right of course. When was Liz not right? I had to make a choice. I had to go for what I wanted. I was too young to know what I wanted. And so I let them all go. I let everyone who ever meant anything to me go. I packed up and left too that day. They just didn’t know where I’d gone. Maria DeLuca died that day and gave birth to Margarita Salt. I know, it sounds ridiculous. It was the name he’d given me at Vegas. I just couldn’t think of anything else. So before he left, he said goodbye. What he didn’t know is that it was my goodbye as well.

***

“I thought you were leaving.”

“I am... but I just wanted... I dunno.”

“--t'say goodbye?”

“...I wanted to say that this thing has been screwed up from the beginning. You and me. Us. Just the whole long, stupid story...

“ ...Thanks...”

“But I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's meant so much to me, y'know. From day one, from the moment I kidnapped you and stole your car... I knew you were the girl for me. I never wanted anyone else...”

“Michael...”

“I still don't. Just... Wherever I'm goin', whatever I'm doin', just know I'll always love you.”

“Wait. No... wait. You - you can't just say that and then…”

***

Leave. That’s what he did. Just leave. So then I left too.

I look out at the crowd now, finishing my song. He was dying. All these people out here who are smiling and laughing just have no idea. My heart is breaking under here. I’m starting to feel. For the first time in ten years, I am really feeling. So now, I will go back. Back to all of them. Back to Liz, back to Max, back to Isabel, and back to Michael. I think of Alex as I sing my last song. He would have wanted it this way. He would have wanted me to go back. Because living this life is a lie. It’s not who I really am. Not if I’m not myself. So tonight, I will get on an airplane and head back home. To Roswell, New Mexico.

A/N: Hey guys! Wow, I'm excited. You guys are getting me all pumped. I figured it was WRONG to leave you with that expectation. So, let's find out what's going on with Michael and get on to the next part of our story.
Thanks for the feedback, I'm glad so many of you are giving this story a chance!


CHAPTER 2:

I walk off the stage and shake off my hands. They’re shaking. They always do that after a concert. The adrenaline is still rushing and the excitement and energy of the crowd has yet to wear off. I can hear them scream and I’m tempted to go out and blow them one last kiss. I have to thank them for keeping me sane all these years. Who would have known that my pained lyrics would make beautiful music enjoyed by so many people? I guess a lot of people have rough high school experiences. Although none as intergalactic as mine, I’m sure.

I walk into my dressing room and see the man that has been my best friend for ten years sitting at my vanity. He seems to be fixing his loose hair, gelling the rest back, and fixing his button down shirt. He looks sharp, but of course, while we’re at arenas, he always puts his best foot forward. I laugh at his vain attempt at looking good and close the door to let him know I’m back.

“Maria!” He turns around, his blue eyes looking at me shocked. Maria. He’s the only person who calls me that anymore.

“Kyle. What are you doing?” I smile as he sits up straighter, as if declaring his masculinity. What a weirdo.

“Just trying to find me a chic. Tired of being alone, you know?” He smiles sadly and I feel my heart break. I have to tell him.

“Kyle, we have to talk.” I grab a perfectly upholstered chair and sit in front of him as he turns to face me completely. I look into his eyes, the same friendly eyes that begged me to let him tag along ten years ago.

***

“Come on Maria, what do you have to lose? We’re both the outcasts here! The humans that have been dragged into this psychotic situation and are just praying that these guys don’t breed and take over the world! Let me come with! It’ll get awfully lonely on the road alone.”

“You’ve got to be joking me. I mean, what will our parents think? That we ran off together?”

“They’ll be too busy making out to notice, I promise.”

“As long as you stay out of my business.”

“You won’t even notice I’m there.”
***

And he was right. I was glad he came. The one link to my past that never allowed me to completely forget. To lose myself. And he’s been such a good friend. Eventually, I learned to love his company. He became like the brother I never had. And according to the last letter from Liz, he was now legally my brother. Euww, even thinking about it makes me a bit grossed out. My mother a Valenti… it just seems wrong. But if it’s Kyle I gotta be stuck with, then I guess I don’t mind as much. But I would never tell him that. It might go to his head.

“Maria… everything ok? You’re freaking me out here.” He looks at me expectantly. What am I supposed to say? He’s asked me to go back a thousand times. I’ve always said I would never. I’m not that girl anymore. Now I have to admit I’m wrong!? When was the last time I did that?

“I received a letter from Liz about three days ago.” I feel the tension as the silence fills our space.

“Liz? Our Liz?” I nod my head, not knowing what else to say.

“What’d she say?”

“It’s time to go back Kyle. It’s over.” I see him take in my words. It’s over. What did that even mean anymore. We’ve been gone for so long I forgot what we were running from. And just as quickly, I remember. We were running from psycho FBI agents who wanted to kill us because we killed their leader Pierce after he captured the alien leader Max. Confusing? Yea, try living it.

“Back? Where? I mean, I thought we all split.”

“Seems spaceboy tried being all Braveheart and went back to Roswell to end it once and for all. He managed to thwart off all suspicions on us, burned our case files and even closed the special unit. But he’s hurt. Badly. And they don’t know if Max will be back in time to heal him. He and Liz headed to Europe.”

I see his face stare at me blankly. I felt the same way. Just complete and utter shock.

“Holy crap, do you know what this means? This is… this is big Maria. This is like, freedom. This is like, just running around butt naked and not caring that people can see you! This is freakin’ awesome!” He reaches across and hugs me. This is the most excited I’ve seen Kyle in a really really long time.

“Hold on now, I don’t know about all that. There will be no running naked while I’m around.” I shake my head, trying to ward off the frightening image and then get serious. “Kyle, you don’t seem to understand. Michael is dying. Liz is trying to gather everybody back up to say goodbye.” I feel my throat get thick, the emotions begin to take over. I will not cry. I will not allow myself that pleasure.

His face suddenly changes, the excitement he just had, vanishing. Sorry Kyle, I wish it were that simple.

“Maria, he won’t die. He can’t. God, it can’t end this way. Wait… what about…” He makes a motion of a microphone and looks over at the stage.

“I’m done. It’s over. I’ve had my run.”

“But you’re hot now! Oh crap, the record company is not gonna like this.”

“Kyle, we made me, we can break me.”

“How are we going to explain Margarita suddenly disappearing?”

“We’ll think of something. As for now… pack your stuff. We’re headed back to Roswell.” I get up and head towards my closet. My body is responding to different feelings. Happiness at going back home. Nervousness as seeing my mother for the first time in ten years, and knowing she’ll be pissed that all I left was a note. Excitement at seeing all my friends again, but mainly fear… fear that I won’t be what they expect or that things will be awkward. And fear that I’ll lose him. I don’t want to lose him.

“Man… we’re gonna be a freakin’ special on Behind the Music aren’t we?” Kyle shrugged and took out the emergency suitcases. We always knew this would happen. Someday. I laugh. Life has a way of just throwing things at you. How I wish I had played softball in 8th grade. I wouldn’t have such a hard time catching the curve balls.

“Rev up the bus Kyle. And don’t let security know. We’re stealing it.”

“What?! We’re stealing the bus! I… don’t even know you! You… you… you are a genius, did I mention how much I love you? Ha, this will be like Speed 3. Dude, bring the video cam. We gotta tape our journey.” I shake my head and laugh. Some things never change.

A/N: PLEASE READ! I hope this is not a bad idea, posting new chapters so soon... I figured I could send these all out, because next week are finals and I might not be able to post as much next week. I hope it's not a big problem, and that the information isn't too rushed. Sometimes I have spurts of creativity. Now's that time. I've been going nuts. Writing, writing, writing. Either way, I hope you guys are enjoying them! x-mag, the story is angsty, and there will be some real angst and some real laughs (KYLE IS PROVIDING SOME LAUGHING RELIEF) but ultimately, the story will be worth it. Give it a shot. Btw, for those of you confused by the colored print, in the chapters, it is usually just memories, conversations and scenes from last episodes from all three seasons. Ok? Here's the next chapter!

Chapter 3:

“The print shop. I totally forgot.”

“You were supposed to pick me up at 4:00. I call you and your line is disconnected.”

“Yeah, I forgot to pay my phone bill.”

“I was worried about you. I thought something happened to you.”

“No, I'm fine. Come on, we'll go right now.”

“No, no.”

“Maria, the print shop doesn't close until 7:00. We have time. Maria, I'm right here. I just forgot.”

“I can't count on you.”

“Yes, you can. I'll take care of this. I mean, I'm right here for you.”

“But you won't always be.”

“What?”

“One day you're gonna leave me. You're gonna get on a spaceship and go away, and you being the perfect boyfriend right now is really not helping me. I can't lose anyone else, Michael. My heart can't handle it.”

***
“Sit down. We've been through some rough stuff lately. The thing is, you're right. I can't really imagine it happening, but I am gonna leave someday. It could be a year, or 2, or 50. But I'm gonna leave. It sucks. It's the choice we made to be together. But there is one thing that I can promise you, and that is that I can give you now.”

***

I open my eyes and feel the weight of my head. The memories were so sharp, so strong, and so real. I close my eyes sadly remembering how I felt. Michael was never what I’d consider the “perfect boyfriend.” Then one day, one day it just happened. My life fell apart with one moment. Finding out Alex was dead. I can feel the pain fill my heart. That feeling inside my throat returns, the sick feeling I get whenever I think about that year. So much went wrong. Liz, Max… Tess. Even thinking about her death doesn’t give me the satisfaction. She should have suffered for what she made us all go through. I feel my wall begin to break when I hear Kyle’s voice from the front of the bus. This is really happening.

“You alright back there? Sounded like you were having some sort of nightmare or something.” I begin to lean up, but my head is determined to keep me down. There’s just too much emotion right now.

“Hey, do you need a quick food stop, we’re approaching a rest area.” I get up and look in the mirror. The initial look surprises me. Last night I decided to cut my hair and dye it a light brown. I needed something to separate me from the woman I’d become. Margarita with the long black hair was not me. But neither was short pixie blonde Maria. So I settled on an in between. Chin length and light brown. That should do it.

“Maria, babe you look wiped. Bad dream?” I look up and see Kyle’s worried eyes. Wasn’t he ever plagued by our past? Did he ever feel the sadness the way I did?

“Everyday. I just try to think of the more positive things. You know, Buddha says that in order to fly you must first find yourself in darkness. Like a butterfly hatching from a cocoon.” I stare at him for a moment, not quite sure if I should take that sentence seriously. Kyle knows me way too well.

“You really need to lay off that crack.” He laughs and passes me a baseball cap as we head toward McDonald’s. Not exactly gourmet meals, but it’s better than twinkies and doughnuts.

“So, are you nervous?” He looks at me, checking to see if I’m going to lie to him.

“I’m terrified.”

“Time doesn’t change the way you feel about a person you know.” He looks at me now and stops, knowing that little by little I’m breaking apart.

“What if… what if we get there and he’s gone?” I whisper the words softly, not wanting to believe them myself.

“That won’t happen.”

“How do you know?”

“Because life is not that cruel. It can’t be.” He grabs my hand and leads me toward the counter.

“Let me have a quarter pounder with no tomatoes and super size that please.” I look at Kyle with wide eyes. Where the heck does all that food go?

“Umm… can I have a happy meal?” I feel his eyes glaring at me and I tug at my baseball cap. “Umm… ok can I get a nuggets meal instead?” I see him nod in agreement out of the corner of my eye and shake my head. It’s like having a frickin’ dad on the road. It’s ridiculous.

We grab the food and head back toward the bus. I stop and stare at it for a moment. Hello. We should have totally done drive-thru.

“You do realize how odd it looks to have a huge tour bus here, don’t you?” Kyle looks up and shrugs his shoulders.

“What’s so odd about it? Celebrities stop for fast food all the time.” I roll my eyes and look at Kyle again. Common sense tells me he’s really not that dense.

“Oh… crap.” Kyle looks around hoping no one has noticed. “If we hurry up we might be able to make it out unnoticed.”

“You are such a genius, you know that?” I start walking faster as we make our way, all too obviously to the bus.

“Hey, forgive me for trying to keep you alive long enough to make it to the next state ok?” We reach the door and before we run in, we look around to scan the area. Good, no sign of stalkers. I jump onto the bus and grab my seat right behind the driver.

“I didn’t know you knew how to drive these huge things.” I say between bites of the best French fries ever.

“I don’t. The first few hours last night were a nightmare. I’ve gotten better.”

“I slept through it anyway, so I guess it doesn’t matter.” I pause and feed Kyle a few fries, in hopes that he won’t crash the bus trying to reach his own. “So, question. What are you looking forward to when we get there?”

“To see people I know and love and trust. Besides you, I haven’t had much of that in ten years.”

“You mean friendship?”

“Exactly.” I look down, suddenly feeling guilty.

“Kyle, I’m sorry for dragging you along.”

“Hey, I asked remember?”

“I should have just said no. You would have been better off with…”

“With who? My dad? Max and Liz, the horny bunnies? Or Isabel, the hot married lady? Come on Maria, I had nowhere to go.” I think about it and realize that for the first time, he’s right.

“Yea, I guess so. I’m aching for a hug from Liz. That girl always had a way of making me feel good.” I smile thinking of my best friend. Liz was my saving grace for so many years. She’s the reason I kept my sanity. And even when things got really crazy, she was always my rock. My solid ground.

“Yea, I wouldn’t mind a hug from Liz, but I might try to cop a feel.” I almost snort out my fry at this point, trying not to choke. I laugh so hard that my stomach starts to hurt. And then I realize, this is the first time in years we’ve really talked about what we’ve left behind. And it feels good. Really good.

“You are just really sick.”

“Yea, but that’s why you love me. Now shut up and go back there and strum your little guitar and write your little lyrics. I’m sure you should be real inspired to come up with some good stuff. Maybe once this trip is over, we can go back to singing.”

“We?”

“Yea. You think you’re getting rid of your manager so soon? I don’t think so, sorry. Besides, all those free banquet tables in the dressing rooms. Girl, please.” I laugh as I head toward the back of the bus to grab my guitar. He’s right. My mind has been swimming with words that I want to say. There are so many feelings. So many moments. I’m beginning to feel alive. Like the part of me that died is finally coming back and letting me live. I can feel the sunshine through the windows. It’s a new day and Maria DeLuca is going to live it fully. We’ve left New York City and are in Georgia. The temperature is nearly 92 degrees. There’s no turning back now.

A/N: Just wanted to say thanks again for the feedback. It makes me glad that you guys are enjoying what I'm doing! I just hope I do Maria justice. OH! By the way, the lyrics are property of EVANESCENCE.


Chapter 4:

I look over at Kyle’s sleeping face. It’d been a long few days. He’d driven with just a few hours sleep and in three days we made it to Louisiana. The truth is, I’m thoroughly enjoying this trip. It’s freeing in so many ways. I feel like a lifetime of fear and running has been lifted off my shoulders. I’m smiling for no reason and my stomach is full of excited butterflies. When I thought it was daring to pack up and leave ten years ago, I knew nothing about life. What I’ve noticed is that true courage is not running away. True courage is returning to what scares you, facing your past in order to move on to a positive future.

I sound like a Hallmark card. Is this what happens when you get older and wiser? You spit out Haiku poems about life and pain and flowers? I shrug my shoulders and reach over to tap Kyle. I watch his face as he grunts and mumbles something.

“Kyle, it’s time to hit the road again.” Finally, he gets up, his eyes groggy with sleep.

“What time is it?” He looks out the window and the brightening hot sun. At this point, I’ve already showered and thrown on some jean shorts and a tank top.

“I let you sleep in a bit, cause last night you look exhausted. It’s about 6AM.”

“Did you even sleep Maria?” He looks at me, his eyes concerned and questioning.

“No. Couldn’t. But I finished the song I was working on yesterday.” I smile proudly feeling a true sense of satisfaction.

“You stayed up all night to write a song?”

“I think it would be a big hit.”

“What, like Glitter big or like Friends big?”

“One of my best.”

“Ok superstar, let me go brush my teeth and you can start setting up.” I smile excitedly and head to grab my keyboard. Kyle comes out of the bathroom as I begin to plug it all in. He puts the toothbrush in his mouth and grabs a washcloth for any mess. He smiles at me waiting for me to start and reaches for the cup to rinse.

I pass my hands over the white keys as they fluidly slide through the notes.

I’m so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you just leave
Your presence still lingers here
And it won’t leave me alone

I think of Michael as I play. The very first time he let me really see him.

***

“There's a lot about you Maria. There's a lot about you, but I think what means the most to me is that you're open. You know I can look into your eyes and I can see you. I can see what you're thinking. I can see what you're feeling. How much I mean to you sometimes, how much I piss you off sometimes. But I can always see you.”

“I see you too.”

“No, no you don't see me. You know when Max and Liz would kiss, and Liz would get the flashes? And when we would kiss you didn't. I know how much that hurt you.”

“That doesn't matter to me anymore Michael.”

“The reason you didn't get the flashes is because I didn't let you get them. I didn't let you see me. I've never let anyone see me before...because there are things inside of me that I don't want people to see. There's things inside of me that I'm not so proud of. But I've thought about it, and I want you to see me.”

***

I remember his tears. The sound of his voice as his sadness took over. We made love that night. I feel my throat thicken and try to brush the images out of my mind. I continue to play the keys on the keyboard, letting the music capture me.

These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase
You cried I wiped away all of your tears
When you’d scream, I’d fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

I’m haunted by images of Michael the night he came to me. The rain was falling and he came in from the shadows. I wanted to tell him to get lost, that I would not fall for his tricks again. But it wasn’t until I dried him off that I realized that it wasn’t the rain, but tears in his eyes. For the first time, Michael didn’t want me… he needed me. That made all the difference.

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light,
Now I’m bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
These wounds won’t seam to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase

***

“What are you doing out there? No, you can't come in. No. I know why you're here. All right, I know what your plan is, I know what you want, but it's not gonna work this time, mister, ok, no matter what you say. My answer is no. No, no, no, no, no.”

….

“God, you could get pneumonia. Here, take your shirt off. Hold on. You're shivering.”

…

“Come here. Shh, it's ok. You don't have to tell me, it's ok.”
***

I finish singing and look up to see Kyle’s red face. The tears are streaming from his eyes and the toothbrush is sitting limp in his hand. I smile at the sight realizing that I had done it. I’d captured exactly what I was feeling in the song. This would be a hit. I just knew it had to be.

“That was… geez, I have to go wash my wussy girl tears off my punk face. Excuse me while I go relinquish all of my pride.”

I laugh as I watch him go into the bathroom.

“So you like?”

“Maria, if you don’t win a frickin’ Grammy for that, I’ll kill someone. I’ll start an uprising.” I hear as he comes out from the bathroom, a towel in his hands.

“Great!” I smile and hug him excitedly.

“Man, I’m all depressed. I need a drink.”

“You’re driving.”

“Do you wanna take the wheel for a while?”

“Do you wanna make it there alive?”

“Good point.”

He heads over to the wheel and we pull out of the rest area.

“We’re one day closer DeLuca.”

“I know.”

“I can’t wait to go back. I miss my dad.”

Dad. He’s kinda my dad now too. I think of my mother. Oh man, there’s a lot of repair work that needs to get done there. I sit back and think as I look out the window. I suppose there are good AND bad things about returning home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I look out the window and watch as the sun goes down. I’m trying not to lose my patience with the woman on the other line of my phone.

“Ms. DeLuca, I am simply not sure if the package was received.”

“I asked that it be delivered at 7:30 this morning… its 8PM.”

“Our men are out all day; I’d have to wait for one to return.”

“Don’t give me that crap; I’m paying a lot of money for this delivery. I expect it will be there by the end of today if not already. I will call back tomorrow.”

I hang up the phone and sigh loudly. Do these people understand the gravity of the situation? I stare at my phone debating whether or not I want to do what I’m about to. I begin to dial the familiar number. Just last year, this would be breaking my code of safety. My heart begins to pound as I realize the magnitude of this one phone call. It reinforces our newfound freedom. I hold my breath as I await an answer.

“Hello?” I hear the familiar voice on the other line and suddenly can’t figure out what to say.

“Hi.” I hear the crack in my voice and force myself not to just hang up. “Umm… Mom, it’s me Maria.”

I sit during the awkward silence wishing the ground would swallow me whole.

“I got the necklace you sent me. Thank you.”

She was in shock. She had to be. She was being way too calm about this.

“Congratulations on getting married. Umm… Kyle and I are on our way to Roswell.”

“Kyle’s with you?”

“Yes.”

“I have to tell Jim, he wasn’t sure where he’d gone.”

There’s another silence.

“Mom, I’m sorry!”

“Maria, where are you?”

I snicker at how we both tried to fill in the silence at the same time.

“We’re in Texas now Mom. Just got here. It’ll be another few days before we reach New Mexico.”

“And you didn’t think to call?!”

“I couldn’t!”

“I know.” I stop suddenly, not sure quite what she means.

“You know?”

“Jim told me when we got married. Geez Maria… .all that running out, all those secrets, all those lies. Even when Alex died! You could have told me!”

“Would you have believed me?”

“No! I would’ve thought you were smoking something! But at least things would’ve kinda made sense! You just left Maria! You didn’t even say goodbye.”

“Mom… I just… I didn’t want to put you in danger. And… I guess I wouldn’t have known what to say. So, I just left. I knew I could handle it on my own.”

“I am your mother young lady and whether or not I understand or believe what you’re saying gives you no right to decide whether or not to include me! You are my daughter, the only family I have. If something happened….”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

There’s a long silence, I’m almost positive that she’s deciding what else to yell at me about when she says something that throws me off.

“I bought your new album. It’s wonderful. Depressing at some points, but it is quite striking. And… I did not like you changing your name to Margarita. What was that all about? Maria is a very solid name.”

I laugh as I hear the indignant attitude in her voice.

“Mom… it’s really great to hear from you.”

“Well, you better hurry up and get here so I can show off my famous daughter.” I smile as the pride comes through the phone.

“I will.”

“Maria… do you know about Michael?” I stop at her words. Please God… if you think I have ever done anything good, do not tell me that I’ve lost him.

“Michael?”

“He’s really hurt Maria.” I breathe out deeply realizing that I’d been holding my breath.

“Yes. I did hear. Actually, Liz wrote me a letter and that’s how I found out and decided to come home.”

“He’s a great boy Maria.”

“I know Ma.”

“He’s really matured.”

“You talk to him?” I can’t help the surprise in my voice.

“Of course! He comes over for dinner at least twice a week. It’s just him here you know. Isabel is in New York City, Max and Liz are in Europe. Who knows where Jesse is.”

“Jesse left Isabel?” I sit shocked and notice Kyle’s head spin to look back. “Hey focus on the road up there!”

“Yes. The stress of running was too much. One day he packed up and left her alone with 500 dollars to her name. Told her if she needed him, to call a number, but that he no longer wanted a part in her life, not like a husband.”

“Oh crap. That sucks. I didn’t know she was in New York. I would’ve met up with her!”

“Well, don’t know exactly where. Is that where you were?”

“Yea, I sang at Madison Mom.” I can’t help the cocky sound in my voice.

“Ha… you little diva. Now stop blabbering, put Kyle on. Jim wants to talk to him. Maria… come straight here.”

“I will Mom.” I listen as she exchanges some words and passes over the phone.

“Maria?”

“Hey Sheriff.” I smile as I hear the familiar voice.

“It’s Jim Maria. Just Jim.”

“Oh yea. You’re like my step dad now huh? Listen; as long as you’re with my mom let me just tell you a few things. When I’m around, just keep the hanky panky to a minimum ok? I’d really appreciate that. And I’ve really missed you.” I can hear his smile miles away as he talks.

“I’ve missed you too kiddo. Now put your brother on.” I laugh and pass Kyle the phone.

Kyle looks at me for a minute and I smile.

“It’s your dad.” I say as I cover the bottom of the phone. His eyes light up. I can see an evil smile forming on his face. He reaches for the hands free and once he’s plugged in pauses before speaking.

“Hey sexy, I hear you’ve hooked yourself a real hippie!” Kyle laughs and I look at him as he speaks to his father. Things were slowly but surely returning to a comfortable place. A place I recognized. I smile as I begin to set up my sleeper for the night. My expectations are growing. I can’t wait to get home. I can’t wait to set things right again.

***

THANKS CRAIG BEATTY FOR ALERTING ME OF MY MISTAKE!

A/N: This is the last chapter that I will post for about a week. I have finals coming up this week and I will be kind of indulged in them! But do not fear! I will be back with a new chapter by next weekend! I am sorry that there is not much here to hold you til then, but feel free to read my other two fics on the board til then! lol Couldn't help the shameless plugin! Thanks guys! Enjoy!

Chapter 5:

I close my eyes as I start to feel the tingle of sleep overtake me. I haven’t slept well in almost three nights now, and the trip has lengthened to almost a week, since we’ve been making several rest stops and stopping for food. I’m starting to get eager. The more time we waste, the less time I have with Michael. And I need that time. I need the time to tell him everything I want to tell him. I’m not sure what I’m going to say. In fact, I don’t even know if I’ll be able to say anything at all. But I need the time to sort it all out.

I’ve been haunted by memories of him. Of who he was and what he meant to me. And I think in a way, things were meant to be this way. I needed the time to grow as a person, to appreciate the magic that we shared. The truth is, as much of a headache as he was most of the time; he made up for it during his more endearing moments. And despite his inability to express what I meant to him… he always knew what to do and when I needed him. His actions always whispered the things he could never seem to say.

I begin to drift off as my eyes close, and in my thoughts I hear the siren.

“Oh no….” I hear Kyle’s panicked cry and I look up quickly to look behind us.

“What’s going on?” I question as I rub my tired eyes. My mind is still spinning with images of Michael. His smile, his intense glare, his sarcastic faces.

“The cops DeLuca. They’ve found us. Dammit.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“The bus… hello? We stole it remember?” My mind suddenly snaps to alert mode. This is not happening. I am not getting arrested. I need to get to Michael and there is nothing that’s going to stop me.

“What are we going to do?”

“Stop… what else are we going to do?” Kyle begins to slow down and I look around panicking. We’ve come this far. We don’t have time to do this.

“Step on it.”

“What?”

“STEP ON IT! STEP ON THE GAS!” I look behind us as I see the flashing lights. This is sooo bad.

“Maria… I don’t usually argue with you but maybe this is a bad idea.”

“Kyle, go or I will do it myself.”

“Forget it. I rather you not.”

“I didn’t think so.” I watch as he reaches the gears and steps on the gas. The bus revs up and takes off, the police behind us obviously startled. They speed up behind us. I can only see one way out of this.

My heart begins to race. This can’t be happening. My mind is beginning to spin. What are we doing? I look ahead as we swerve past the cars in front of us on the local road. We need to get away from here. We have to divert them. I see the sign as we fly through a red light. New Mexico. We’re just around the corner. It’s so close by, just a few miles. I can feel my heart begin to drop. I need to see him. I need to say goodbye. I don’t realize that my eyes are filling with tears. The noise behind us is deafening. Sirens surround us as we reach a deserted road.

“Maria, hold on!” The bus swerves and suddenly it’s like we’re flying… a slow, swift move as I feel myself tumble onto the floor. I can’t scream. There isn’t any time. I close my eyes and think of his face. I realize how essential this moment is. Margarita is dead now. Maria must live.
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“Maria…” I feel light headed as my eyes refuse to focus. I open them slowly and can see nothing but soft shapes.

“Can you hear me?” I try to focus, try to listen to the voice. I know that voice. Why do I know that voice?

“Maria, come on, talk to me.” I close my eyes again; I just want to sleep now. I want to feel the peace and calm of death.

“Open your eyes! Don’t do this to me!” I hear the voice and realize it isn’t who I think it is. I open my eyes again, with much of a struggle, and look into a pair of familiar eyes.

“What were you thinking?! Are you crazy?!” I feel a tight hug and try to regain my composure. I look around trying to make out the shapes and colors. Everything seemed so familiar. Too familiar. Was this what death was like?

“How are you feeling Kyle?” I hear the deep voice and get sent back to my childhood. I knew that voice. I knew this house. I shake my head and then suddenly wish I hadn’t. I reach up to my forehead and feel the wet against my fingers.

“Stop, don’t touch. You were bleeding.” I look up and my eyes finally come into focus. My eyes begin to water as I look at her face.

“Mom.” She sees the expression on my face and tries to fight her own tears. She grabs me into a tight hug and I close my eyes while I’m surrounded by her.

“I thought you were dead….” She looks down sadly and then looks over at Kyle who sat on the chair at the vanity, a pack of ice against his cheek.

“You ok?” I see him try and smile and realize that one of his arms is in a sling.

“I think so. You don’t look too good.”

“No he doesn’t. Let me go get another ice pack.” Jim walks out into the kitchen and I turn my attention back to Kyle.

“You were the one with a concussion sweetie, I just got roughed up.” Kyle laughs and I suddenly realize the severity of what we did.

“How long have I been out?”

“For almost a whole day. When we crashed, I called home and had them come get us. I dragged you out and hid out until they came. We did it Maria. We’re back home.” I look around and recognize Kyle’s house. This is crazy. This is all madness. And yet… we’re alive.

“Did you get it on film?” I watch his face as he registers my words from shock to laughter. Then we’re both laughing as I struggle to stand up and head to the mirror. I see the patch over the left side of my forehead and the scratch on my right cheek.

“We look like a bunch of drunk boxers.” I nod as I agree with him and wish my headache would go away.

“Stay off your feet Maria, you’re still not all well.” I hear my mother complain and I smile thankfully at having her near me again. Then it hits me. I’m home. In Roswell. Michael!

“Mom, where’s Michael.” I turn my head quickly and stop when I feel dizzy. I grab my head in pain and sit on Kyle’s lap to avoid falling.

“Maria, you have to get better first.”

“NO! I have to see Michael.” I begin to try and get up. I hear Jim talking out in the living room and then hear some more voices.

“Maria, you’re making my legs numb.”

“Kyle, we have to go to him.”

“Maria, we won’t be able to help him if we’re in this condition.” I look at him angry by his logic. Who told him to be logical? I don’t need logic right now!

“Mom!”

“I already told you what I think.”

“The man is DYING and you guys don’t want me to do over there because I took a little bump to the head?!”

“A little bump? Maria, you can barely walk a few feet without having to sit down. You took a hard hit and until Max can get here and heal you, you are not going anywhere!” I see my mother’s stern face and decide to take back all I said. I DON’T miss this psychotic woman. How DARE she try and keep me from him in his time of need! What is wrong with everyone? Do they not see the severity of my situation?

Suddenly two bodies storm into the room, first a petite woman and then a tall man behind her. I sit shocked, my eyes focused on her face. There is nothing, not time or space or changes that would make me forget those eyes. I stand up slowly, feeling my throat thicken with tears.

“God Maria!” She runs over to me, her short hair framing her beautiful face and her layered bangs falling over her face. Her eyes are darkly lined and there’s a little flip where her hair reaches the back of her neck. She wraps her arms around me and I feel the tears begin to fall. Ten long years… and I missed watching my best friend turn into an incredible and beautiful woman.

“Liz…” I hear myself whimper and realize that I am crying like a baby. I finally look up off the floor and through blurry eyes I see the tan man still standing at the door. His hair is long and a bit shaggy. He is sporting a goatee and his eyes look tired.

“Hey Max, nice to have you back.”

“I’m just glad I made it on time. We came by as soon as we heard. You guys are really crazy… you know that?” I see him smile, obviously looking tired. Something has taken years off of his face. I finally pull away from Liz and look at her. Her eyes are also full of tears.

“When I heard what you did… oh my God. I just… I seriously lost it Maria.”

“I know… sorry. Wasn’t really thinking clearly I guess.” I smile and then grab my head in pain. She looks at me worriedly and then back at Max.

“Do you have any energy for this?”

“I can do it.” He walks over to me slowly, his eyes intensely focused on mine. “Just clear your mind Maria.”

I try to clear my mind. I try to think of nothing but silence, quiet and calm. I think of Michael’s nearness. I think of my desperate move to see him. If he can hear me I am telling him he can never leave me again. There is no way that I came across country to just see his face. I refuse to leave New Mexico without him. I suddenly feel my head begin to throb. Hurry Max, I need to see Michael. I think of what I want from him and finally I realize why this trip was so important to me. I realize why I needed to come here, to risk my life and see him at all costs. All these years have culminated into one moment and I feel my heart fill up as I think of it. This is the way things are meant to be. Michael will be fine because he is supposed to see me again and come back with me to New York. Because I can’t live without him. Since I left Roswell ten years ago, I have been incomplete. A person who was lost and alone in the bitter recesses of my brain.

Why didn’t I realize it sooner? Being with him will complete the circle! It’s all over now and karma will take its place! The FBI men are gone and I am still alive. And as I dwell on how much I love him, I feel the sudden pull of sleep take over me. I need to see him… I just need to see him.

Then it all just goes dark.
_________________________________

P.S. If you enjoy my Kyle Valenti, click here!

OR

If you like Maria as well

Chapter 6:

I open my eyes and feel completely well rested. It’s like I’ve slept the best sleep ever. I look around expecting to be in Kyle’s house, where I last remember standing and instead, I see the bright comforter that I’ve been wrapped in. I look around and see the vanity in front of the bed. Pictures line up the edge, pictures of me, of my mother, of Alex, Liz and I, and finally, the one that I have of me and Michael from prom. That was a great night. I turn in my bed, wanting to just go back to sleep. Life is exhausting. I hear whispers outside of my door. I sit up and the door opens as I’m faced with the loving glare of my best friend.

“Hey. How are you feeling?” She comes in and sits at the edge of my bed. I look at her now, my head not pounding like a war drum anymore, and can really appreciate how much she’s changed.

“I’m ok. Feel pretty good actually. Tell Max I said thank you.” I smile and she nods her head. She brushes back a piece of hair from my face and I remember all of our sleepover parties and our long girl talks. God… I hadn’t realized I missed them so much. I mean, talking to Kyle is great but… well, he’s Kyle. And when every conversation reverts to either some stupid Buddhist quote (that I’m sure he makes up), or some comment about women being good for their boobs, that’s when I have to say, I miss female companionship.

“Maria… I have to talk to you.” I look into Liz’s eyes. There is something there that scares me. I know that look. I don’t want to hear what I think she’s going to say.

“Michael,… well, Michael felt really bad for the way things were left between you two. He and Max kept in touch while we were gone.” Liz looked down sadly and smiled, obviously also regretting all the time apart.

“But he always loved you.” I feel my eyes begin to fill with tears. No. Why are you saying things like this Liz? Why are you doing this to me?

“Liz… please…”

“Here.” She hands me a small package. I look down at it, recognizing the size. I open it and find my album, well worn and listened to. I look at the CD cover and cringe. That woman… that woman I was pretending to be. Who was that?

“His favorites are marked in the back. He listened to them over and over again. He had you next to his Metallica CDs. I mean, that’s how much he loved it.” I smile as I touch the CD that he held so many times in his hands. The one he listened to probably as I sang them to a crowd of millions. Knowing in my heart it was for him each and every time. Maybe he knew that it was for him as well.

“Liz, what happened?” I ask, wanting to know the details. Why would he throw himself into a dangerous situation like that? Go into the FBI and try to infiltrate it… knowing he was by himself?! Then the answer becomes ridiculously clear. It’s Michael. How could he NOT do it when he knew it meant the safety of everyone he loves?

“You know Michael.” She says it with a smile and I realize that I’m smiling too. He gave us our freedom.

“I do… and I know he’s insane and thinks he can handle everything. And he can’t.”

“He went in there and tried to shut down the unit all by himself. The crazy thing is… he did.” We sit in silence, taking it all in for a moment. It’s almost impossible to believe.

“I shouldn’t have abandoned you guys. I’m really sorry Liz.” I look down sadly, feeling my heart fall into my stomach. I hadn’t realized how much time would affect me. It was so easy to be unfeeling. To just go day to day and only remember through the songs. But this was real. This was painful and it was mending.

“Maria… you made your decision. I can’t be angry at you for that.”

“But I didn’t even say goodbye.”

“Sometimes, people know things even without having to say them.” She looks at me and then down at the CD in my hands. I realize then that I was never given the opportunity to tell Michael I loved him. But he knew. I know he knew.

“I’m so happy to see you again.”

“Me too.” We hug and I feel her grasp on to me as if I were never coming back. I smile, knowing that it’s a relief to know she missed me too.

“How was Europe?”

“Well, I’d always wanted to go. In a way, the circumstances weren’t great ones. But… I loved it. Just me and Max and a new world. It was exactly what I needed. What we needed.”

“You look great.” I reach up to touch her hair and smile. She reaches up self consciously and laughs then motions to mine.

“So do you.” I look down at the album again and sigh.

“I saw that you dedicated it to Alex.” She whispers as if not sure if it was something she was allowed to say.

“Yea. Most songs are acoustic with the guitar… his guitar.” Finally, I put the CD on the night table and turn to take Liz’s hands into my own. I stare into her eyes willing her to tell me the truth.

“Ok Liz… this is it. Where is Michael?” She looks up at me, knowing that it’s been a difficult few years. I can see in her eyes that she’s afraid of what will happen when I know. I can see the eagerness to tell me and the fear of our futures. I just want to know so I can continue on in my life. So that I can finally put it all to rest.

“I’m right here.” I look up and catch the shadow in the doorway. The unmistakable shadow that belongs to one man. Michael Guerin.

A/N: Hello! I am back. Just wanted to leave you guys with the new chapter...

Chapter 7:

“I’m right here.” His voice registers something in my heart. Like suddenly I started living for this very moment. My stomach is tight and I almost can’t breathe. I look at the door longingly. I want to see his face, touch him, to make sure this is all real.

He steps in from the shadow and I find myself staring. His hair is long, about as long as it was when I left him last. He’s stubbly, seems to be growing a bit of a beard. But it’s his face that really makes my heart pound. His eyes are sad and pained, but he looks at me and I see his relief. I’m alive. He’s alive. And we’re both in this room at this moment at this particularly time. God is good to me.

“I thought…”

“I know. Sorry.” He looks down sheepishly and smiles and I watch his face. There is a maturity in his face that he hadn’t carried years ago. There’s also a charm… that secret charm that I so loved about him. He walks nearer to me and Liz slowly removes herself from the bed. I look down, feeling my eyes begin to water and knowing that I’m getting too emotional about all of this. I close my eyes willing the tears to go away. I feel his hand on my chin as I hear the door to the room close behind Liz. Wait, don’t leave me. I don’t know if I can do this by myself. I look up and finally see his eyes up close, those dark brown eyes looking intensely into mine. I breathe out as best I can but manage to let the stupid tears fall anyway. He touches my cheek, letting his fingers linger over my skin.

“You’re even more beautiful than I remember….” He looks at me, inspects every inch of my face, as if he were looking at me for the very first time. I look around a bit uncomfortably. After all… those are Max’s lines, not Michael’s.

“I never thought I’d see you again.” He whispers into my hair as he pulls me in for a hug. I’m still stunned into speechlessness, having him so near, feeling his warm breath in my hair.

“Maria.” He pulls away from me, staring into my face to register my silence.

“Michael.” I barely whisper. The moment seems unreal. So painful and yet so freeing all at once.

“We’ve let all of this madness keep us apart for so long. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t wait. I didn’t want to run the risk of never seeing you again.” I hear his words and his actions all register to me. My face looks up shocked, understanding the depth of his sacrifice.

“You couldn’t just pick up the phone! Write me a letter? You had to go and try and kill yourself so I’d come around?!” I yell at him angrily, suddenly fueled by my own worry and frustration.

“I didn’t have a choice. I knew that if I didn’t do this… we could never be together!” I pull back at the pure shock of his words. I look at him, questioning the truth of his motives.

“Don’t you get it Maria? It wasn’t my choice to leave you. I didn’t realize until you left just how much I wanted you… how much I needed you.” He looks at me now, the familiar dark look of passion filling his eyes. I look at him, wiping the tears from my eyes and feeling completely overwhelmed.

“If anything had happened to you…”

“It wouldn’t.”

“How do you know? You almost died!”

“Max healed me.”

“What if he couldn’t make it on time?” I stand now, furious at his ignorance. How could he not know the dangers that possessed? He stands after me, the familiar feelings of love and hate seeping through us again.

“He did.”

“Michael!” I turn around, feeling none other than pissed off and yet oddly thankful when I feel him grab my shoulders and kiss me. The intensity almost knocks me over. Fear, longing, and sadness are all part of that kiss. I kiss him back, missing the feeling of Michael in my arms. In my life. Finally he pulls away and looks down at me.

“We’ve wasted enough time with this Maria.” I look at him, my eyes obviously confused. Unsure of what it is he wants.

“Let’s start over. All of us. I have a place here now. We don’t have to run anymore.” I nod, liking the sound of it. The six of us can start a new life. Back home in the place we all love… and together. Most importantly, we would all be together. He grabs my face in his hands and looks down at me, my body still reacting strongly to his presence and to his kiss.

“Marry me.” The words fly out of his mouth before I get a chance to register them.

“What?”

“Marry me. Just marry me. We’ve waited long enough Maria and I know now that there is no one else I want to be with. Who else is going to put up with my crap? Who else is going to love me despite it? I know what I want… I want you.” He looks into my eyes and I catch a hint of desperation in his voice. I realize that he’s right. We’ve wasted ten years running and hiding and suffering all alone. I take in the depth of his words. Marriage. He wants to marry me. I think of my career and my life for the past ten years. It wasn’t Michael… but music is something I’ve always loved to do.

“You can do it from Roswell.” He says as if he read my mind. I look at him for a moment and look away, not sure if this is such a great idea. It’s so sudden, so… abrupt.

“Maria, if we don’t do it now, who knows what might happen. We might never get another chance. This is our miracle chance now. It’s why I lived.” He begins to pull away from me, afraid of the answer that might come out of my mouth.

“You could always travel to NY to record. I wouldn’t hold you back. I know how much you love it. And you’re actually pretty good. I could always go with you… you know, to avoid any guys trying to hit on you or something.” He looks down, his voice now quivering with uncertainty. I smile at his vulnerability. There are very few times one sees this side of Michael. And I can only love him more for his humble request.

“Let’s do it.” I see him look up suddenly, his eyes searching mine for confirmation.

“Let’s go get married!” I smile and then laugh as I wrap my arms around him. I could never leave this man. He is too much a part of my life. Too much a part of me.

A/N: Hey guys. Thanks so much for your support. Sorry for my irregularity, between finals and planning my wedding, I've been a mess. I won't be as regular as I'd like, but I figured I'd post one more chapter for now. Sorry if it's not that great... Thanks for the nominations and for the feedback! I really appreciate it more than I could say. Kath, I put in the author's note for the song... thanks for that! Ok, here goes nothing...

Chapter 8:

“I came as soon as I heard! Max called my cell phone and I tried to get here on time, I’m so sorry Michael! The train was delayed then I couldn’t get to the airport!” I watch as Isabel rushes in, her medium length brown hair swirling wildly in curls and her hands moving as she explains her nightmare in trying to arrive. I sit in Michael’s arms and smile. It feels like home again. Everyone here, together, yelling and screaming. It is so home for me.

I see her suddenly stop and register it all. Liz and Max are asleep on the couch, Kyle is starring at her with a wicked smile on his face, and Michael and I are sitting together on the loveseat. It is my mother’s house. A house we’ve all been in at one point before. She smiles as she looks at me and I see her suddenly break down. She begins to cover her face, to allow her tears to fall. I know exactly how she feels. An odd mixture of relief, excitement, and just pure déjà vu. What does one do in such an odd situation but cry? The emotions are too much to really express in words. Michael separates himself from me, with much hesitation, but not before Kyle is up and has his arms around her.

“Hey, hey. No need for all that now. I know that I have that affect on women, but come now Isabel, I am not that sexy.” I hear the hint of laughter from within her hands as Kyle tries to pull her hands away from her face. I smile as I watch Kyle’s eyes light up. This is the moment he’s been waiting for. He has been alone for so long. Even coming back home showed him no promise, he had no one to return to. Until I mentioned that Isabel was single again. And it was as if the heavens opened up and sang a song to him. The man stepped on the gas pedal and broke the law and vowed to not die without seeing Isabel one last time. And so the moment has arrived.

“Isabel, welcome home.” I see Michael smile and reach to hug her. Kyle steps back reluctantly, but smiles at seeing Isabel’s smile. She’s alright.

“I just… I can’t believe this is happening. All of us here. Together again. God, I missed you all so much.” I smile and stand as well, waiting for the moment to turn awkward. It doesn’t. And I guess that’s the magic about time and space. It makes even the faintest of relationships strong. Isabel hugs me and I feel the truth behind her words. She did miss me. Truthfully, I missed her too.

Michael turns around and heads towards my mother’s room. After a few minutes, both Mom and Jim are out in the room with us and Max and Liz are awake. Isabel finally sits down and starts sipping the green tea my mother handed her to calm the nerves. I turn to look at Michael, sudden fear gripping my insides.

“There’s something that you all need to know.”

The room sits in silence and I feel my heart beating hard against my chest. This is big. This is huge.

“Me and Maria decided to get married in the next month. We’re gonna need some help planning and stuff.” I look at Michael and fight the urge to laugh hysterically. He isn’t asking for help, it sounds more like he’s demanding it. And considering the importance of the occasion, he doesn’t sound too excited. But he sure doesn’t sound like anyone could change his mind either. Just like Michael. All stone wall. I look around the room and see a huge smile on my mother’s face. That of course, doesn’t surprise me. But what does surprise me is the look of pure excitement on everyone’s face.

“Oh my God! Congratulations! I’m so happy for you both!” Liz jumps up and hugs Michael, then runs to hug me. I hug her back, not quite sure if all of this is real. How is it that most of my dreams are all coming true at once? I see Max go over to Michael and pull him into a hug.

“About time.” He says with a smile, and I’m forced to smile. My eyes begin to water. Crap, we just can’t seem to stop the waterworks can we? Michael is now smiling, which is in itself a wonderful occurrence, despite it being that small little sexy smile he does when he feels truly touched by something. Isabel jumps up and hugs him too, glad to see him, to know we’re all ok, and that now he’s getting married. She turns to me and hugs me again and then starts to blabber about all the things that need to be done and how we have no time. I had vaguely forgotten how psychotic she gets about these things.

“All hail the wedding Nazi.” Michael rolls his eyes and she turns around as we all start laughing. Finally, my mother comes over to me and kisses my forehead.

“This is it Maria. This is what you were destined to do. Marry the love of your life. God… Alex would be so proud of you right now.” I watch my mother’s eyes well up with tears and I look down sadly, wishing Alex were here to experience this moment. Me married? He’d freak. Then he’d laugh and then he’d ask to be the flower girl. And that’s what I loved about Alex. I look up and see Michael before me as he wraps his arms around me. We look to our group of friends. It’s as if we all take a deep breath in. Taking it all in. Experiencing it all. This was our life. And it was wonderful.
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“So what color do you want the bridesmaid dresses to be?”

“I’ve always kinda liked red….”

“Oh no Maria, everyone does red. Candy apple red, lipstick red, crayon red; they’re all way too overused. How about something a little different?”

“Ok… well, how about you choose a color. I mean, I’m not the one who will be wearing it.” I look over at Isabel frustrated and she looks at me with her eyebrows up. This means war. Kyle finally steps between the two of us and looks to the both of us with shame.

“Now, now girls. This is a happy occasion. Let us join forces and do something beautiful! No fighting ok?” I look at him and remember that it was he who kept me sane those ten long years. Kyle is the only person who knows how to deal with me anymore. And I… well I need to work on social skills. Because truthfully, I haven’t had a close friend, a female close friend, in over ten years and have forgotten the meaning of compromise.

“I’m sorry Isabel. I’m just… nervous.”

“It’s ok. It’ll be great, I promise.” I smile and we all turn to look when we hear Liz’s little squeak.

“What is it?”

“I found them! I found the perfect dresses!” She runs over to us with a beautiful wine colored gown covered in organza fabric and cut at an angle. I look at Liz and Isabel and then back at the dress and smile.

“Hmm… wine. Yes, we can work with that.” Isabel smiles and I hug Liz.

“I can’t believe this is really happening.”

“Well believe it girl, cause in a few weeks you’re going to be Mrs. Michael Guerin. Euww, that’s just so weird.” I punch Kyle in the arm as I run the name through my head. Maria Guerin. That is really weird.
“I’m not surprised. You both always seemed to know more than anyone else what you wanted. And as much as you broke up and got back together and argued… it was never a doubt that you loved each other.” I listen to Isabel’s words as she starts looking through a catalog for shoes. She’s right. There was no doubt in my mind ever… even when times were rough, that Michael would be the man I’d end up with. Because he ruined it for everyone else. Being with him was… explosive.

“Maria. You still here or are you divulging some disgusting fantasy in that head of yours?” I snap out of my sudden embarrassing reverie and feel my cheeks blush.

“Kyle, shut up! Why are you even here! Weren’t you supposed to go and do… I don’t know like guy stuff?”

“Hello… I spend ten years with you and suddenly you wanna kick me to the curb? What’s up with that?”

“No, that’s not what I meant… I just… I mean, there are finally other males around.”

“If I wanted males… I’d be gay. I’m in it for the estrogen baby. I love you guys!” Isabel starts laughing and I shake my head. Does she even know that he’s just trying desperately to woo her? That she is his ten year project? Poor Isabel is clueless.

“Well, it’s time to head home. Max said we should meet for dinner at 6pm.”

“We’ve been shopping for that long?” Isabel sound surprised. I look down at my feet and believe it. I haven’t walked that much in… well in forever.

“Yes. And I’m starving.” We head to the counter and buy the two dresses. My bridesmaids are all set. Now to find me a wedding dress will be a little more difficult.

We drive home and in a blur of laughing, talking, and carrying bags we walk into a deathly quiet room. We stop as we walk in and the door closes behind us. Liz puts down her bags and looks around at Michael and Max sitting quietly at the table. Isabel looks suspiciously at the third man at the table. Kyle steps up from behind us and his jaw practically drops.

“Uh oh.”

My eyes focus on the familiar man and I feel all of my happiness suddenly fade. This won’t be good.

“Margarita… or should I say Maria?”

“Anthony, what are you doing here?”

“I’m trying to figure out what would possess you to steal the tour bus, run away, crash it, and almost kill yourself. You’ve missed three concerts. Tons of money has gone down the drain. Now you need to go on air and apologize to the fans and get your butt back on the road.” I look around nervously, suddenly feeling incredibly exposed and ashamed. I glance at Michael who looks like he’s ready to punch poor Tony in the jaw.

“I can’t do that.”

“What do you mean you can’t do that? You don’t have a choice! You don’t just leave a national tour… and WITHOUT telling anyone! Do you know that the press thought you were dead? Everyone thought you’d lost your mind!”

“I DID! I needed a break! Work work work… it’s all I’ve been doing for TEN years. I needed to come home Tony. I needed to be with my family.”

“You told me you didn’t have family.” I put my head down, feeling the weight of the last ten years bordering on me.

“I know that, and I didn’t. But they’re here now and I want to stay. I can record from here. I can set up a studio. Do small shows for a while. I’m getting married.” He stands up, his suit and tie completely in contrast with our jeans and t-shirts.

“Margarita…”

“It’s Maria. Her name is Maria.” Michael steps forward and I motion for him to sit.

“Listen to me Anthony. I am so thankful for everything that you’ve done for me. For helping me make my dreams come true. But it’s time that I am myself. No more Margarita. I need to be Maria. Now, I will keep doing music. But I will not return to New York. I’ve got a few things I’ve been working on. They’re really good…”

“You can’t run away and steal a tour bus and expect no repercussions.”

“I know.” I stand quietly, fearfully expecting to hear the dreadful words. You will never perform again. Those are words I could never live with.

“Take a few months off. Anything that would make you crazy enough to drive off a cliff means that you’re going mad. What should I say?” I smile at Anthony, my heart welling with appreciation. I knew I could trust him.

“Well, for starters, tell them that the tour has been cancelled due to a family emergency. Then I guess just tell them that I will be taking some time off to get my life together and get married. And finally, just tell them that when I come back, I’ll be a different person. Literally.” He walks toward me and touches my hair with a smile.

“Obviously.”

“I’m sorry it had to be this way Anthony. This was just something I really had to do.”

“Well, you’ve always been this massive enigma. It’s good to see you actually have a past and a family. And it’s nice to know that Kyle isn’t the one that drove you to madness.”

“Ha, ha.”

“Send me all the work you do. I need at least 8 tracks in the next two months.”

“Don’t worry. I promise you’ll have the music. Thank you Anthony.”

“Whatever.” He picked up his suitcase and walked out of the door as everyone slowly recovered from the odd event.

“I’m sorry Maria.” I look over at Michael and his angry eyes.

“For what?”

“For what you’ve had to go through these last ten years.” I walk closer to Michael and look up at him, my hands running through his hair.

“I wasn’t alone. It made it easier. But I’m here with you now. And for this… I’d do it all over again.” I smile and finally kiss him, trying to reassure him of our love.

“Oh gross, please stop.” I laugh as I hear Kyle’s voice and Max finally stands up.

“It’s been a rough ten years for all of us. But we’re back now. Let’s just vow never to let anything separate us again.” I nod my head and we all make a pact there and then. It’s the eight of us against the world.

“Now have a beer. This is your wedding shower.” Max smiles as he passes me a wine cooler and Michael grabs a drink. I look around as the lights suddenly brighten and I see the bright banner and balloons in the next room. I smile. This is probably one of the best weeks of my life. Honestly. Liz, Isabel, and Kyle pull out gifts from the bag and I look at them shocked.

“This was a distraction?”

“No. We did need our dresses? But we managed to get you a little something extra.” Isabel winks and then smiles and Kyle growls.

“My gift is good. I’ll give you a hint. It’s black and lacy and see through.”

“KYLE!” I laugh and then everyone breaks out laughing.

“What? Living with her for ten years, you guys think I didn’t check her bra size?”

I nod my head and take a deep breath in.

My days have become full of light and promise. I don’t have to be afraid of the nightmares that haunted my dark nights.

“I love you Michael.” I look up at him as everyone starts to eat the cake they bought. He smirks and kissed my forehead.

“I love you too DeLuca.”

A/N: Hey! Well, 2 weeks and counting! It's getting awfully close and I'm losing my mind. SO MUCH TO DO, SO LITTLE TIME! Anyway, I managed to spit out one more chapter. I like this one because it's so NORMAL. And sometimes, all we need is a little normal... don't you think? I just liked the getting settled aspect. Hope you all enjoy! When I come back, I might be Mrs. Selena Green!

Chapter 9:

I sit at the counter of the restaurant that is all too familiar. After all these years, the Crashdown Café is open and alive. Liz’s parents welcomed her home with a huge party and tons of food. Of course, we all took advantage of that and stuffed our faces. Then, at finding out I was getting married, Mr. Parker insisted on catering our wedding. So that takes care of the food. My mother will help me with decorations, Isabel with planning, and Liz with keeping me sane.

I flip through the invitations magazine. Do we really need invitations? We’re the only who will be there… and we all know what we’re doing. I have my bridesmaid, Isabel, who will be walking down with Kyle, and my maid of honor, Liz, who will of course walk down with her husband. My mother will walk down alone and Valenti will give me away. Wait a second… there will be no one watching my wedding! That’s when I make the decision.

“Hey.” I turn around at the sound of his voice and feel my heart swell when I see his smile.

“Hey.”

“What are you working on?”

“I was looking at invitations when I realized we were the only people who would be there. So we should just go see a JOP.”

“A what?”

“Justice of the Peace. A judge. We’d be better off… have everyone come and watch, then eat and dance the night away.”

“Is that what you really want? I mean… don’t you want all that romance stuff? Flowers, a big white dress, and that other stuff?”

“Michael… I’ve waited long enough to marry you. I don’t want or NEED any of that. All that matters is that we’re together. Besides, imagine how much fun we’ll have dancing and partying the night away with the people we love. I’m just happy to be here with you.” I catch the hint in his eyes and he takes my hands.

“Thank you for not expecting too much of me.” I smile and he just stares at me. “I promise I’ll make it worth your while.”

I look down and feel my heart capture in my chest. He’s holding a beautiful and very EXPENSIVE looking ring! He slips it on my finger and looks up at me.

“Now it’s official.”

I feel my head spin. How is it possible? I mean, how the heck?

“Michael…”

“Shh… forget it. Now, go get yourself a nice, simple and pretty dress and I’ll have Max call up city hall, ok?” He kisses my cheek and gets up off the stool to head to the door. I look at him as he walks away. How did I live all these years without him? How did I pretend I didn’t need him? It doesn’t seem possible. It’s now and I’m full of passion and love for this man. Feelings from teenagehood flood back with even stronger feelings of adulthood. Pure and true love for this man. And I think about it. And it’s all so wrong and so off. And still… it’s so right. I smile as I close the invitation book and look around for someone to flash my ring to.

“What are you smiling about?” I see Liz walk in with the cutest thing I’ve seen in a long time. Her antennas.

“God Lizzie… you look so good. It’s like nothing has changed… except your short hair of course.”

“Thanks!” She smiles and I feel complete again. Life is good. Really good.

“Hey, look!” I swing my hand into her face and she opens her eyes wide.

“Where’d you get that?! You didn’t steal it, did you?”

“HEY!” She laughs and hits my arm playfully.

“I’m just kidding!” She grabbed my hand and looked at it carefully. “Maria, that’s gorgeous.” She smiles and hands me a folded green uniform and a pair of antennas of my own.

“You’ve got to be joking.”

“You want to pay for this wedding don’t you?”

“Liz… honey… I’m a superstar. I have millions put away in the bank somewhere. They’re not liquid assets, but they’re worth something. I DO NOT need to waitress EVER again.” Liz puts and rolls her eyes.

“Come on Maria, for old times sake.”

“But… it’s so gross….” I open the uniform and look at them with wide frightened eyes. Liz just laughs.

“Fine, fine fine fine. Where is everyone?”

“Catching up with real life. Kyle went to look for an apartment, you’ll be Kyle free soon enough. Isabel went job hunting, Michael and Max are working out the wedding details, and mom found me an apartment downtown that I am now working to pay for.”

“Real life sucks huh?”

“Tell me about it… running away to Europe was tons more fun.”

“I can imagine. So tell me, what was that like? Being with the love of your life in Europe?”

“It was magical. The only thing missing was all you guys. I missed you so much, I got so homesick, that sometimes, even Paris couldn’t cheer me up.”

“Well, we’re here now. So don’t worry, it’ll be great.” Liz smiles and hugs me, that familiar hug that makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

“Decide where you’re going on the honeymoon?”

“Nah… maybe the Caribbean. Never been out of the country you know.”

“Definitely, aim for the blue waters.” She smiles and I head to the back room to get into my uniform. I press the clips in place and when I finish my last one, I hear a crack. I look down and see three of the clips open near my breasts and stomach area. I clip them again, willing them to stay shut. When I stand up straight, I hear the clips again.

“COME ONE! I have NOT gained that much frickin’ weight since I was 18!” I snap off the first six in anger and stand with my white lace bra hanging out. That’s when I hear the back door swing open.

“Liz? OH! Sorry… sorry Maria…”

“HELLO! Don’t you knock? This is disgustingly familiar.” Max laughs at my crack. Junior year, Liz had left and he was like a sick puppy dog. I was his only hope. And he was driving me insane.

“Sorry Maria, I didn’t think you’d be back here… modeling… in front of the mirror half naked.” I look at my locker mirror and back at him as I quickly clip the stubborn buttons. Kyle walks in behind him and starts laughing.

“Hey Maria! Just like old times! Don’t worry Max, it ain’t nothing you ain’t seen before.” He slaps Max in the back and I slap him across the back of his head once I’ve clipped up. Then the sudden movement stubbornly opens the top three buttons again.

“That’s it. LIZ!!!!!!!!!!!!” I stomp into the restaurant with my dress held tightly and after seeing Max and Kyle’s faces she laughs.

“Maria, now you have to stop flashing the customers.”

“THIS STUPID UNIFORM IS LIKE 2 SIZES TOO SMALL!” She laughs and walks into the back with me, followed again by the two stooges.

“Do you guys want something or are you just going to walk around me ALL day?”

Kyle laughs and whispers in Max’s ear. “She’s just mad cause she thinks she’s fat.”

“KYLE, SHUT UP!” I look over and he lifts his hands in defeat.

“What? Ok, ok I’ll stop. We just wanted to tell you we found a reception hall. It’s nice and not very expensive. So we want you to come see it with us ASAP.”

“Fine, now get out of here before I lose it with both of you.”

“Umm… Liz, dinner… tonight?”

“Ok, Max. Pick me up after work.” She smiles and he smiles shyly at us. Then he pushes Kyle out the back door.

“Geez, some things never change around here.” I whisper in a frustrated sigh.

“Yea, don’t you love it?” Liz smiles and finally clips my top together and seals it with a safety pin. “Now get to work, your crowd is waiting.”

A/N: I"M BACK! I know you all thought I had disappeared into an oblivion! WELL... I'm sorry! Married life is a different life all together and I am trying to get myself together. However, I have managed to bring this fic back to life. It's a little slow, as I'm picking up where I left off... but, expect for me to begin posts more regularly.

PS. Check out my new fic Cosmic Internal Spa Treatment on the CC board!

Chapter 10:

I walk around the reception hall, the dimming lights and the light rug giving the place a wonderful and cozy feel. But… I still don’t feel IT.

“What do you think?” The guys look at me expectantly, they have been working so hard.

“I think I’d rather have the party in your dad’s backyard.” I say and turn to walk out the door.

“WHAT?! Maria… you’re like a celebrity. You have tons of money and you’re choosing to use a Judge and my dad’s backyard? Come on! Live a little!”

“Look, the last thing I need is the press down my neck right now Kyle. I don’t want them to know where I am just yet. I need to settle in first… get on my feet. This is how I want it, ok?” I watch as he shrugs his shoulders and nods.

“Well, if that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll do.” Liz smiles knowing how much this means to me. Thank you, I mouth at him and he nods his head in understanding

“Where to next?”

“The dress shop. My dress is finished.” I pull out my list and check off reception hall. God, there must still be like 100 things to do on here.

“You’re going to look so awesome.” Kyle smiles and puts his arm around my shoulders. “Can you even believe this is happening? Just weeks ago you were traveling from city to city singing at sold out concerts. Now, you’re getting married. It’s just… it’s crazy.”

“No one deserves it more.” Liz smiles and I suddenly feel like I’m back in high school.

“I think I’m starting to get nervous.” I admit suddenly, my face a mess of emotions.

“What? Why?” Kyle looks at me curiously and then at Liz.

“Maria…?” Liz walks up to me and grabs my hand.

“It’s just… we’ve always been totally on again, off again. Once we’re married… well, I don’t really believe in divorce Liz. And… well if he decides he wants to be all Michael again, I’m going to be left alone.” My eyes are wide with mortification as Liz and Kyle continue to drag me to the car.

“That won’t happen.” Kyle immediately says, with a flat, all knowing tone.

“How do you know?”

“Maria… he almost gave his life for us. I think Michael has changed a bit.”

“Yes, but he still did something impulsive and potentially dangerous. There’s nothing different about that.”

“Then Maria, if you’re really concerned, maybe you should talk to him about it.”

“And say what? Oh Michael, I think we should reconsider since I think you make some really bad choices without consulting anyone? His pride will drop me like a dime right then and there! And I… I don’t think my heart can handle being rejected again.”

There’s a long silence as we all get in the car and head to the shop. I guess the only choice I have… is to talk to Michael.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I walk into the dimly lit room and watch him as he sits, quietly, meditating on something.

“Michael?” I whisper and see his head turn in my direction.

“Hey, how’d it go?”

“Good… very good. Listen, I think we need to talk.” I watch his eyes squint in suspicion.

“I need to get something out in the open and I need to know that you’re going to be open minded about it.” He nods his head and motions for me to sit on the edge of the bed facing him as he sits on the chair in front of the vanity.

“Ok.” He sits back and lets me compose my thoughts. I feel my hands shaking. It has really been a long time since we’ve been together… the truth is, I have forgotten how to deal with this man.

“What you did… it was very romantic. But… well you know what else I think about it… don’t you?”

“Look, if you’re going to lecture me about my actions Maria, don’t waste your breath. I don’t regret them.” I watch his jaw clench as I see the ugly pride monster rear his head.

“Fine, I respect that Michael. But what I need to know… what I need for you to promise me is that you will never do something like that again. I have finally found you. We’re together again and we’re doing something… well, that can be considered crazy. We’re getting married. I don’t want to be a young widow.” I tell him, my eyes looking into his pleadingly.

“Maria, that’s not my plan. But I will do everything that I can to make sure we stay safe. ALL of us. If there is ever a threat posed… my job is to fight. I am a soldier.”

“NO! No Michael. You WERE a soldier. In some other life. You have to let that go!”

“No Maria, you’re wrong. I still am a soldier. I’ve taken it upon myself to serve as a protector in this group. After what happened to Alex… after I saw what it did to us, to all of us. I refuse to let anything like that happen again. EVER.” Suddenly, I realize we’re both standing, face to face, in battle mode. I had forgotten how much adrenaline were packed in these arguments. I watch as he stares into my eyes unwilling to back down and feel my blood swirl.

“Then you’re going to let me go with you and be a part of it all. Dangerous or not… once we say ‘I do’ Michael, I’m a part of your insanity. Whatever you do will affect me.”

“I know, I know. I’ve heard the speech before. ‘We’re in a relationship Michael, that’s how a relationship works.” He mocks and grabs my waist to pull me close to him. I feel the heat radiate off his body and look up into his eyes with a teasing look of my own.

“Ok… well… as long as you understand the rules.”

“Don’t worry about it DeLuca. I’ve got it covered.” He swoops down and kisses me and I find my mind spiraling out of control. It’s all settled. Let the wedding plans resume.