Look of Love (UC, K/I- ADULT) {COMPLETE}
Posted: Thu May 27, 2004 4:43 pm
Title: Look of Love
Author: Jenny
Pairing: Kyle and Isabel (Isabel POV)
Rating: ADULT for mild language and sexual situations
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: Set after the gang leaves Roswell at the end of Graduation. Everything that happened in Seasons 1-3 still holds true.
Author's Note: This was my first fanfic which I wrote almost a year ago. I'm looking for some good constructive criticism, so please be honest!
I had lost count of how many days we had been on the road. Each mile that passed was simply a blur. I couldn’t believe that this is what my life had come to. Just living from moment to moment, not staying anywhere for more than a day or two, spending all day cramped in a dusty old van and every night alone, most nights crying myself to sleep. I wanted desperately to be happy for Max and Liz and the new life they were beginning together, but lately all I felt was resentful. Resentful that they could be together, and I had to leave my love behind. Even Michael and Maria were getting closer with each passing hour. Every touch, every kiss, every look was like a slap in my face. At least I had Kyle. Kyle, I could tell, was just as lonely as I was. He had left behind the only home he had ever known because of all the alien chaos. But he took it all in stride, and I admired him for being so brave. I had been living this nightmare my entire life, and even I sometimes didn’t know how much more I could take.
Fortunately, things had seemed to be going pretty smoothly the last few days. We hadn’t run into any trouble, and we had started discussing possible places to settle down, at least for a while. None of us knew if it would ever really be safe enough for us to stay in one place for very long. Deep down, that thought absolutely terrified me. Is this the life I was destined to lead from now on? Always on the run, never being able to form relationships with anyone other than Liz, Max, Maria, Michael, and Kyle? I loved all of them desperately, but there was this void in me that I wasn’t sure they could fill. And did I even want anyone to fill it? The two men in my life who I thought could complete me had been torn from grasp. First Alex, and then Jesse. Granted, I did let Jesse go, but I didn’t feel that I had a choice. How could I ask him to give up everything for this sorry excuse for a life?
Thus were the thoughts the rambled through my head day after day. I knew I was going to have to overcome these inner demons if I ever expected to be happy again. But was that even possible?
After being on the road for what felt like weeks, Max finally came to a stop at a small motel in a town that looked to be smaller than Roswell. Up to that point, we had either been sleeping in the van or camping. I figured he and Liz must have wanted some privacy. Hell, I couldn’t blame them.
“I’m going to get a room for Liz and me,” Max said, turning around to face those of us in the back of the van. “What do you guys want to do?”
When he said that, I caught a glimpse of the look exchanged between Michael and Maria. Great. They obviously wanted some privacy too. Could my life get any worse?
“I’m getting my own room,” I declared, opening the door and getting out of the van. I couldn’t take much more of this lovey dovey shit. I just wanted to get in a bed, snuggle under the covers, and cry myself to sleep.
An hour later, I was just getting comfortably settled in the tiniest motel room, when I heard a knock on my door. “Come in,” I called, even though I really just wanted to be left alone.
Not surprisingly, it was Kyle. “Hey,” he said. “What’s up?”
“Oh, nothing much, just wallowing in self-pity.” I gave him a half-hearted smile. “You?”
“Just bored,” he said. “Thought I’d come see if maybe you wanted to hang out or something.”
“Kyle, it’s after 11:00. I’m exhausted!” I sat down heavily on the bed.
“Come on, can’t we just hang out for a little while? Maybe some of my powers are starting to develop and we can do some fun, like, alien stuff, or something.”
“Please, Kyle, I don’t even want to know what you would do if you started developing powers,” I laughed. Hmmm. First time I’d laughed in days I think. Kyle was good for something. I smiled at that thought. “But, yeah, we can hang out for a little while. But don’t get mad if I fall asleep on you!”
But I didn’t fall asleep. Kyle and I wound up talking for the next couple of hours, about anything and everything. Even though we had known each other for years, it felt like the first real conversation we had ever had. All of the walls I had built up were coming down so very easily.
After a while, the conversation turned to relationships. “Remember how hung up on Liz you used to be?” I laughed a little. “God, you were so jealous of Max.”
“No way!” he defended himself, even though we both knew he was lying. “I was never hung up on Liz.”
“Oh, please, it was so obvious! Everyone could see it.”
Kyle gave me an embarrassing smile. He knew there was no hiding it.
“I’ve always been so jealous of what Max and Liz have,” I confessed. I just had this feeling that I could trust Kyle with my innermost feelings. “I always tried to put out this icy exterior, like I didn’t care and I didn’t need anyone. But the truth is, I longed for it so much, my heart ached. Deep down, I want nothing more than for somebody to look at me the way Max looks at Liz. I thought I had found it with Alex, and then with Jesse, but look what happened. I just feel like I’m doomed to be alone forever. Nobody is ever going to look at me like that again.” I hung my head when I felt the slight sting of tears starting to form in my eyes.
When Kyle didn’t say anything, I looked up at him, and he was just staring at me with the most intent gaze.
“I’m looking.”
To be continued….
Author: Jenny
Pairing: Kyle and Isabel (Isabel POV)
Rating: ADULT for mild language and sexual situations
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: Set after the gang leaves Roswell at the end of Graduation. Everything that happened in Seasons 1-3 still holds true.
Author's Note: This was my first fanfic which I wrote almost a year ago. I'm looking for some good constructive criticism, so please be honest!
I had lost count of how many days we had been on the road. Each mile that passed was simply a blur. I couldn’t believe that this is what my life had come to. Just living from moment to moment, not staying anywhere for more than a day or two, spending all day cramped in a dusty old van and every night alone, most nights crying myself to sleep. I wanted desperately to be happy for Max and Liz and the new life they were beginning together, but lately all I felt was resentful. Resentful that they could be together, and I had to leave my love behind. Even Michael and Maria were getting closer with each passing hour. Every touch, every kiss, every look was like a slap in my face. At least I had Kyle. Kyle, I could tell, was just as lonely as I was. He had left behind the only home he had ever known because of all the alien chaos. But he took it all in stride, and I admired him for being so brave. I had been living this nightmare my entire life, and even I sometimes didn’t know how much more I could take.
Fortunately, things had seemed to be going pretty smoothly the last few days. We hadn’t run into any trouble, and we had started discussing possible places to settle down, at least for a while. None of us knew if it would ever really be safe enough for us to stay in one place for very long. Deep down, that thought absolutely terrified me. Is this the life I was destined to lead from now on? Always on the run, never being able to form relationships with anyone other than Liz, Max, Maria, Michael, and Kyle? I loved all of them desperately, but there was this void in me that I wasn’t sure they could fill. And did I even want anyone to fill it? The two men in my life who I thought could complete me had been torn from grasp. First Alex, and then Jesse. Granted, I did let Jesse go, but I didn’t feel that I had a choice. How could I ask him to give up everything for this sorry excuse for a life?
Thus were the thoughts the rambled through my head day after day. I knew I was going to have to overcome these inner demons if I ever expected to be happy again. But was that even possible?
After being on the road for what felt like weeks, Max finally came to a stop at a small motel in a town that looked to be smaller than Roswell. Up to that point, we had either been sleeping in the van or camping. I figured he and Liz must have wanted some privacy. Hell, I couldn’t blame them.
“I’m going to get a room for Liz and me,” Max said, turning around to face those of us in the back of the van. “What do you guys want to do?”
When he said that, I caught a glimpse of the look exchanged between Michael and Maria. Great. They obviously wanted some privacy too. Could my life get any worse?
“I’m getting my own room,” I declared, opening the door and getting out of the van. I couldn’t take much more of this lovey dovey shit. I just wanted to get in a bed, snuggle under the covers, and cry myself to sleep.
An hour later, I was just getting comfortably settled in the tiniest motel room, when I heard a knock on my door. “Come in,” I called, even though I really just wanted to be left alone.
Not surprisingly, it was Kyle. “Hey,” he said. “What’s up?”
“Oh, nothing much, just wallowing in self-pity.” I gave him a half-hearted smile. “You?”
“Just bored,” he said. “Thought I’d come see if maybe you wanted to hang out or something.”
“Kyle, it’s after 11:00. I’m exhausted!” I sat down heavily on the bed.
“Come on, can’t we just hang out for a little while? Maybe some of my powers are starting to develop and we can do some fun, like, alien stuff, or something.”
“Please, Kyle, I don’t even want to know what you would do if you started developing powers,” I laughed. Hmmm. First time I’d laughed in days I think. Kyle was good for something. I smiled at that thought. “But, yeah, we can hang out for a little while. But don’t get mad if I fall asleep on you!”
But I didn’t fall asleep. Kyle and I wound up talking for the next couple of hours, about anything and everything. Even though we had known each other for years, it felt like the first real conversation we had ever had. All of the walls I had built up were coming down so very easily.
After a while, the conversation turned to relationships. “Remember how hung up on Liz you used to be?” I laughed a little. “God, you were so jealous of Max.”
“No way!” he defended himself, even though we both knew he was lying. “I was never hung up on Liz.”
“Oh, please, it was so obvious! Everyone could see it.”
Kyle gave me an embarrassing smile. He knew there was no hiding it.
“I’ve always been so jealous of what Max and Liz have,” I confessed. I just had this feeling that I could trust Kyle with my innermost feelings. “I always tried to put out this icy exterior, like I didn’t care and I didn’t need anyone. But the truth is, I longed for it so much, my heart ached. Deep down, I want nothing more than for somebody to look at me the way Max looks at Liz. I thought I had found it with Alex, and then with Jesse, but look what happened. I just feel like I’m doomed to be alone forever. Nobody is ever going to look at me like that again.” I hung my head when I felt the slight sting of tears starting to form in my eyes.
When Kyle didn’t say anything, I looked up at him, and he was just staring at me with the most intent gaze.
“I’m looking.”
To be continued….