Roswell Fanatics

Title: Don't Leave Me (Ne Me Quitte Pas)

Rating: MATURE

Coupling: Mainly M/L, explore L/S and M/T

Disclaimer: The characters are the sole property of Jason Katims and the UPN, SCIFI, WB or whoever owns them now.

Author's Note: Will be posting once or twice a week, either Mondays, Tuesdays or Fridays, depending on availability. It will be regular unless something comes up. I will let you know.

Based on a challenge by cardinalgirl

"Ne Me Quitte Pas" is a song written by Jacques Brel in 1959. It's English translation, "If You Go Away," is only a sad, if not pathetic love song... but anyone who's taken French can tell you that "Ne me quitte pas" does not mean "If you go away." It means, quite simply, "Don't leave me."

Post Heart of Mine

Basically it's a story of obsession, where Liz tries to leave Roswell (with Sean?) and is followed by Max.

You can end it up that she's blown it out of proportion, that he's following her for her own protection if you want... Maybe Sean's not who he says he is and is screwing with her perception of things?

Or has Max really lost his mind? You decide...



Don't Leave Me (Ne Me Quitte Pas)

Part 1- Losing Control

He watched them from behind the tree, his dark eyes sparkling in the moonlight. It was one of those cloudless nights, where the sky was a pure black and the stars and moon served to decorate the sky. The park was mostly empty, except for the few late night joggers, stragglers, and couples enjoying a romantic evening.

But he could see no one but them. His eyes reflected their silhouettes in the darkness, her body close to his, their arms side by side as they sat on the park bench, ice cream in hand. There seemed to be a smile on her face, a trace of laughter in her eyes. He remembered those days when she’d smiled that way for him. Only for him. But those days seemed long gone and now, like a forgotten dream.

He tried to even out his breath, his hands shook violently against the tree. He needed to protect her, to get her away from the man that she so trusted. He would only hurt her, break her, and then kill her. He could be sure of that. He had seen the evil in his eyes, the seductive way he lured her away and out of his life. He would not allow it. She would not leave him.

He waited until the area seemed relatively quiet. This would be his only chance. The recent disasters had separated them, allowed a rift to take her heart from his hands. The man she now sat with added to that his own burden, poisoning her with thoughts of running away and living free. She was too blinded by her pain to allow herself to see his manipulations.

He walked out from behind the tree and into the fluttering street light. He walked the path, his boots making a loud clicking noise with each heavy, angry step. His eyes continued glued on her face; his determination was relentless. He paused a few feet from them and stood, his hands balled in fists in his pockets, his leather jacket unzipped and falling loosely over his shoulders.

“Liz.” His voice sounded foreign, even to himself. It had been days since he’d spoken to anyone, simply waiting… waiting patiently in his hotel room for another chance to get near her, to speak to her. His last three attempts had failed miserably, and the last time he saw her, she told him she never wanted to see him again. But it was because she was being brainwashed, controlled and made to believe things that were not true. He was the only one who could save her. And then they would be together once again. They would go back to that life of perfection that they led just a year before, a life where their main concern was the way it felt to look into each other’s eyes, to kiss and fly through space in ways that no one else could.

“Max, what are you doing here?!” Her smile faded and it made his anger rise. She stood up to face him, her dark eyes looking into his questioningly.

“You are coming home with me.” He didn’t bother asking, he knew she would be upset to see him again. But he had to make sure she understood. That she would see things his way.

“You can’t tell her what to do man.” The impostor stood with a smirk on his face that made him want to blow his brains out. What right did he have to come here with her? To take her away from him and then smirk at his commands?

“Sean, stay out of this.” Her voice was strained, angry and spiteful. “I told you to go back home. To stay away from here. To stay away from US!” The word was like a knife to the heart. Us. They were not an ‘us’. They could not be. She was already part of an ‘us’, as strained as it might be.

“Liz, I don’t want to have to tell you again. You’re coming home. If you don’t….”

“If I don’t what Max? You going to drag me back?” His mind flashed suddenly, an image of his sister’s face appearing before him.

“Listen, you better go dude. This is getting out of hand. I don’t want to have to go to the PD on this. I don’t necessarily like having more dealings with them than I have to.”

“Didn’t she tell you to stay out of this?”

“Didn’t I tell you to leave?” The three of them stood in tension but he watched her carefully, her eyes were wide with anger, but there was something else there. There was pain. A true, deep down hurt inside. He knew she was hurting. She was hurting for Alex, she was hurting for herself, and she was hurting because of him. Because she had seen him and he had kissed the enemy.

She didn’t know what it felt like to be in his position. To be trapped within two bodies, two times, two pasts. He tried to fight off that side of him that was threatening to take over. But the memories were coming stronger, clearer and he was beginning to lose sight of what was real and what was fantasy. Was it Liz he’d met at a party? Or was it Tess? Was he married in this life? Or in the past one? Images, feelings swirled with no purpose and were beginning to make him crazy. He didn’t want them. He didn’t want to see them anymore.

“Liz, I need you to do this.” He spoke through his teeth, his fists still tightly balled in his coat pocket, his hands shaking from the anger. “I need to be able to trust you.”

He watched as her mouth opened slightly in disbelief.

“Trust me? Really? Last time I checked Max, you were the one who had broken our bond of trust, NOT me. It’s your problem, not mine.” She turned away from him and grabbed her coat that leaned up against the bench. “Let’s go Sean.”

He felt the panic grip his throat. She would not walk away from him. Not with this man. He reached out and grabbed her arm tightly, his fingers red and strained.

“Liz.”

“Get off of me.” She whispered forcefully, and then looked at him with that same heartbreaking look she’d had lately. That look of distrust and resentment.

“Hey, she said….” Before he could finish his sentence, he was on the ground, his hand up to his lips in pain. He didn’t want to have to hurt him, but if Sean continued to get in the way, he would have to deal with him.

“What did you just do?” Liz’s eyes were wide. She looked disgusted. That was because she was still under his control. It would not be long before he brought her back to the old Liz. The Liz he knew and loved.

“You have to come with me. It’s dangerous here.”

“No Max, you’re dangerous!” His face withdrew in shock. He would never have harmed her. Never have purposely hurt her. Didn’t she know that?

“Damn, I think my lip is bleeding.” Sean tapped it softly and looked back at his red fingers. His head was shaking in controlled rage. “You do realize I was in a juvy right?” He stood up, trying to shake off the hit and faced his attacker.

He had more courage than he gave him credit for. He stared into Sean’s eyes, awaiting some confrontation. He wanted it. He was aching for it. To prove to her that he was evil, that he was one of the enemies. Instead, he grabbed his coat and looked toward Liz.

“Let’s get the hell outta here.”

She nodded and grabbed her things.

“Liz.” He whispered, his voice pathetic and pleading.

“When are you gonna get the picture Max? It’s over. I can’t do this with you anymore. Just… stay out of my life.” The last words were strained and she turned her face away in order to avoid his eyes. He knew what that meant.

“I still love you.”

“Don’t.” Her voice was cold then, heartless.

“What the hell is wrong with you? What has happened to you? First Kyle, now this?”

“Don’t go there Max.”

“I deserve an explanation! I’ve given you everything!” His eyes were wild with feeling; anger, sadness, frustration, resentment, and most of all pain.

“It can NEVER work! You and Tess… you obviously want to be together.”

“That was a mistake.” He stated quickly, his hands were beginning to shake again.

“There are no mistakes Max. It’s over.” He felt his bottom lip begin to quiver. No, he would not lose it. He would not allow himself to break down. He tightened his jaw, feeling the tingle in his eyes increase. He watched as she took a few steps away from him, trying to catch up with Sean who had begun to make his way out of the park.

He reached into his pocket and felt the cold metal. His hands were shaking and his mind was spinning. She didn’t love him anymore. Everything they’d been through and she just stopped loving him. His breathing became ragged as he began to cry, his entire hope having been shattered before his eyes. He couldn’t lose her. She was all of normal that he had left.

He pulled out the gun and aimed, letting the tears fall freely down his face.

“Don’t leave me.” He cried and shot.

“SEAN!” She screamed as she watched the body fall to the floor.

Applebylicious wrote:As for any Max/Tess that you hinted at...er...I can only tell you that I have explicit faith in you, and that if you do anything crazy (which I hope you do, I love crazy!), then you'll let me know to bring my barf bag and sledge hammer along for the ride.

A/N: Well, it does get crazy, but I promise you, not to the point wher you'll need a barf bag or a sledge hammer... Crazy in a different way.

Ok, a few notes. First off... thank you all for joining me. Welcome! I hope you all will enjoy this ride. Secondly, thanks to cardinalgirl who has provided a translation for the song this fic is based on, Ne Me Quitte Pas, which I will be quoting from. Every time I quote from it, it's a rough translation. Ok? Understand? Great.

Now, I know that beginning was... difficult, but, things will now begin to clarify.



Part 2- The Beginning of the End

“Don’t leave me.
All must be forgotten.
Everything can be forgotten, that has already fled.
Forgetting the misunderstandings
And the lost time is like
Forgetting the hours that killed us sometimes,
An attack of “why’s” to the heart of joy.
Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me.” – Ne Me Quitte Pas (Jacques Brel)

He sat in his room, thinking about everything that happened that night. There was so much, too much that he was thinking, feeling.

He’d gone to prom with Liz. He’d gone because he knew it was important to her and because deep down inside he hoped they would be able to somehow rekindle the magic they’d once shared. To at least be able to experience one night of magical bliss. To forget their shaky past and to live within a moment of perfection.

Instead, she broke his heart and he ended up with the person he’d been trying so long to avoid.

“I feel like my whole life for the past year has been waiting for some really bad news. Oh, you know, by the way Liz, I remember Tess, and I love her. It’s really paralyzing.” He watched her face, his own heart breaking before her.

“I know it’s not easy.”

“No, Max, it can be. It can be really, really easy. If we both just stop pretending.”

“What do you mean?” He asked, but deep down he didn’t want to know the answer. He didn’t want to know what it meant because deep down, he already knew what she was going to say. And once it was out. Once it was said… it could never be taken back.

“Maybe we’re both holding onto something that will never be. Max, maybe we should just let go. I’ve been in so much pain… this whole year and… it’s like I’m suffocating.”

“Liz…” He watched as she looked away from him for a moment, tears in her eyes, and then looked back at him. He had never wanted to see her face look that way. He had never wanted to make her cry. He couldn’t help the pain that was forming in his stomach.

He let her go then, knowing deep inside that there was nothing he could do to bring her back to him. The feeling terrified him. Losing something that he held so close to him for so long, even before she’d known it, and suddenly, with one conversation, he was afraid it was gone.

He thought they had salvaged something, a little piece of the wreckage that had become their relationship. Vegas had given him a new hope, the feeling that perhaps things were not as dismal as they seemed.

He undid his bowtie and looked into the mirror, his tired reflection looking back. He didn’t feel like himself. He’d been torn and lonely and she’d been there for him. So he kissed her. It’s no excuse, he knew that. And still, he felt he didn’t need to make excuses. After all, wasn’t it Liz who’d gone off and slept with Kyle? His Liz? The one he knew and trusted? What excuse had she given him for that? None. All it was… all it would ever be was a kiss. No more, no less.

After stripping to his boxers he threw on a t-shirt and lay in bed, trying to think things through. Perhaps things would not be so bad. It had just been one kiss. Liz didn’t know about it.

He closed his eyes but all he could remember was the feeling of that kiss. It had awoken something in him, something primitive, something he had never wanted to feel. If he closed his eyes long enough he could see the party, the many shadows dancing and laughing, he could feel the joy within the room. He remembers seeing her for the first time. The feelings that had overcome him.

His eyes popped open as he stared up at his ceiling. No… he did not want to remember these things. He did not want to relive that life. Why should he? Didn’t he die there? Still, he knew that his feelings for Tess were beginning to surface, feelings of loyalty and desire suddenly showing their ugly heads. Where had they come from?

The memory retrieval techniques. Tess herself had made him remember. But how much of them could he trust? Hadn’t she been ranting about their destiny since she’d come to Roswell? Then again, the feelings were all his own. She might be able to make him see things, but she could not control the way he felt.

He didn’t want to think about it anymore that night. He would simply sleep it off and consider his options in the morning.

***

The day had gone on much like a regular one. It was a Saturday. He’d woken up and had breakfast with his parents. He overheard Isabel making plans with Alex; after seeing them the night before, he was sure they were on their way to something great. He smiled; there was something about hearing his sister’s cheerful voice that filled him.

He’d done some homework, cleaned his room and then made his way to the CrashDown during the dinner rush. Liz had been busy… too busy for him to talk to her, but as the crowd died down, the group began to arrive and everyone began to relax. The nightmare of prom was over and everyone was reminiscing on the pictures and the memories.

The restaurant closed and they all lagged behind, talking, eating and laughing. A strange calm had come over him. Perhaps he had been overreacting. Perhaps there was nothing he had to worry about.

“You are so full of it.”

“I just call it like I see it.”

“You can’t compare The Matrix to Crouching Tiger.” He took another bite of his fries as he looked over at Michael who seemed set on believing there was any kind of correlation between the two movies. Surprisingly enough, he challenged him, a feeling of excitement running through his veins. There was a buzz in the air. For the first time all year he was beginning to feel normal again… human.

“Crapping Tiger is a chick flick with kung-fu.”

“First of all Crappi… Crouching Tiger is actually about something. Love, honor, trust.”

“Matrix is about something. Illusion, reality, gunfire.”

“You simply can’t prefer Keanu Reeves over Michelle Yeoh. You can’t. I won’t let you.” He raised his eyebrows in contention and turned his gaze momentarily to Liz, who sat at a table adding up the gains of the day. She smiled at him for a moment, a smile accompanied by a friendly roll of the eyes. It raised an unexpected reaction in him, the way his heart fluttered at her expression. She lowered her head again and he allowed his eyes to explore her face, the face that had looked at him with such sadness the night before.

Her teary eyes flashed before him for a moment, followed by the sinking feeling in his stomach. An image of Tess’ face appeared before him, the taste of her lips followed. He shook his head and looked back at Michael, trying to focus. But his eyes drifted toward the booth, the booth where she sat with Isabel and Kyle, her face full of laughter and ease. She didn’t seem troubled… haunted by the images that haunted him.

Then there was a scream. He felt his stomach drop as Maria ran back into the room and into Liz’s arms. Slowly, he turned to look back toward the swinging door as Sheriff Valenti walked in. There was a look on his face that made his stomach want to churn.

“There’s been an accident. Alex is dead.”

And with those words he realized that there was no way of going back. This one event changed everything. He tried to control the bile rising in his throat as he looked around at the broken faces of his friends. He felt like he might be sick, but more so he felt the disillusionment. There was no longer a chance to make things right. He felt his being begin to break. Why? Why had life taken this turn? He looked down sadly, knowing he would never get an answer.

A/N: Next post will be Friday.


Part 3- Falling Deeper Into Darkness

“Don’t leave me, I will not cry anymore.
I will not speak anymore, but I will hide
Just to watch you dancing, smiling,
And to hear you sing and laugh.
Leave me and I’ll become the shadow of your shadow,
The shadow of your hand, like a dog (at your side)
But don’t leave me, don’t leave me. Don’t leave me.” - Ne Me Quitte Pas (Jacques Brel)

He sat, his eyes intensely focused on his twirling thumbs. He could hear the loud clunk of heels down the hallway but he continued to focus, not allowing anything to break his attention.

“Max, honey, please talk to us. What happened?” His mother and father sat in front of him, across the small wooden table, staring at their pathetic son. He wanted to say something. He wanted to reach out to them and cry, apologize for his madness. But his head was still twirling. He didn’t apologize. He was King of Antar, the leader of a nation with complete command. These mere humans would never understand that.

“Max… please.” His father’s voice registered slightly, but it could not get through. He thought of how he felt, his feet bare on the cold tiled floor. He gazed upward; his head remaining low, at the bleached white walls and felt a twinge of familiarity. His body shook suddenly, memories of cold ice water and terrifying needles. No, no he would not let them take him again.

“Stop it. Leave me alone… GO AWAY!” He screamed as he stood up and overturned the table. His parents stepped away, complete shock and fear registering in their eyes. “I won’t let you hurt them. I won’t let you hurt me anymore.”

“Hurt you? Max, who’s hurt you?” Diane Evans took a step closer to her son, her arm outreached, trying to offer some comfort.

“I won’t go back there!” He pushed himself back against the cold wall. His eyes were red and dark and he felt the comings of a throbbing headache. He knew why they were there. They were there to destroy him. He could only fight them off. Fight them all off. They had tricked him, made him believe that she would turn on him. But she would never. She was the only person he could trust and she’d been controlled, brainwashed by them all.

The door swung open and interrupted his thoughts. He looked up to see the familiar face.

“No, no. RUN!”

“Oh, Isabel, thank God you’re here.” He watched his mother reach forward to hug her and clenched his fists tightly.

“Can I… can I please have a moment alone with my brother?” Their teary eyed parents nodded and left the room, closing the door tightly behind them.

There was a long silence as he pressed his body heavily against the wall and slid down to the floor. He passed his hands through his now sweaty hair. Why couldn’t he think clearly? There was a war going on. He had to make sure to get Rath and head him to the command center. And where was Vilandra? Why was Vilandra never anywhere to be found when he needed her? He looked up and saw her face and then burst into tears.

“My God Max… what happened? What happened to you?” She stepped closer to him, step by step with a careful touch. She was afraid to come near him. She’d been lied to as well. The enemies were everywhere. He had to save those he loved. The FBI would try and get them, kill them if they could. And Sean… he’d felt that vibe from Sean from the minute he saw him. He was a Skin, no doubt and perhaps one of the more powerful. He had swayed his one most-trusted ally. But he would not lose her. No… he would fight for her. After all, they were married and he would not let them break up their union.

“Max, can you even hear me?” Finally, she stood tall before him, her eyes shiny with tears and her breath shaky as she bent down to squat before him.

“Save you… I had to save you… all of you… Kivar… Sean took Liz… Alex… Tess.” He fought the tears that were falling on his face, the pure agony of defeat that was attacking his chest with pure heaves of sadness.

She covered her mouth and he watched as she closed her eyes and cried. No, no. She would be safe. He knew it.

“Liz… get me Liz… I can save her.”

“What did she do to you? What did she do to you?” She cried and grabbed her brother in for a hug. He felt her body shake as she cried into his hair, the warm sensation of her breath on his neck. He closed his eyes trying to remember the last time his sister had hugged him.

“Isabel.” He whispered sadly, keeping his arms wrapped tightly around her for support. He enjoyed the warmth of her; he needed it in this frightening cold place. “Help me.”

She pulled away quickly and looked into his eyes. She searched frantically; looking for some sign of the brother she knew and loved.

“How? Tell me how and I’ll do it.” Her voice was frantic and unstable.

“Memories… they’re haunting me.” His face wrinkled in pain as he cried out to her. “They’re everywhere.”

“What do you want me to do? I…I… don’t know how to do those things Max! I can’t erase memories.” She stood still for a moment and then looked at him with wide eyes. “But I know someone who can.”

“NO!” He grabbed her wrist tightly, his eyes squinting in pain. “I don’t trust her.”

“I don’t know what else to do!” Isabel’s pitch went high as she began to panic.

“Liz… just get Liz. She’ll know what to do.” His face shook, his body reacting as if to a freezing room. His arms were now wrapped tightly at his sides as Isabel stood and walked toward the door.

“Max, I don’t think Liz….”

“Liz. Get Liz.”

“Max.”

“LIZ!” She stiffened at his wild scream, a scream of pure pain. It was impossible to get through to him. She turned around and closed the door behind her, leaning up against it with the tears falling down her face. She would talk to Liz. Force her to come if she must. She knew for a fact that this time, more than any other time, there was only one voice he’d be able to hear, even lost within his own mind. That voice would be hers.

Comments to follow. I know I said Friday, but... I lied.

Part 4- When the World Began to Change

“Remembering the fire between us
Like an ancient volcano everyone thought had died
But it is, and when it shows itself the earth is burnt
And more plentiful than with better Aprils
And when the night comes, the sky is ablaze
Are red and black not intertwined?
Don't leave me, don't leave me.” – Ne Me Quitte Pas (Jacques Brel)

He walked into his room and slammed the door behind him. How dare she! The very thought of it was preposterous!

The room door opened again and shut behind the small blonde woman.

“Max, please, lower your voice. Your parents are going to get concerned.” She looked back toward the door and then turned to give him her full attention. She stepped closer to him, her eyes looking at him sympathetically, her hand placed softly on his back.

“Do you understand what she was implying?! She was laying the blame on us! She was saying that WE killed Alex. That I… I am responsible.” He turned around, facing her now, his eyes wild with anger.

“She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

“How could she do that to me? How could she say those things?”

“Max… you have to let it go. You know that it was an accident. You know… that’s all that matters. It’s been a long day. Just, relax.” She slid her hands down his arms until she reached his hands and intertwined their fingers.

“I… I can’t believe this is happening.” She walked him over to the bed and sat him on the edge.

“Listen to me. This is difficult for all of us. But… we have to be strong. For each other.” She leaned down and looked into his eyes. “This world is not all we have Max. We don’t have to lose hope.”

His eyes softened at her touch. He looked into her eyes and tried to breathe, to calm his rising anxieties.

“I don’t know. Just as our life there is becoming clear… this happens. I can’t deny the fact that I’m in pain Tess… that I’m human.” He watched her tense momentarily and then soften again.

“She has hurt you deeply. And still, you are trying to make excuses for her.” His face drew back in surprise as he saw the jealousy in her eyes.

“We’ve just lost one of our best friends. And now Liz is saying that it’s my fault. Do you even know how many times I have told myself that something like this could happen? That my involving them in this would someday result in something like this? I… I don’t want it to be true. I just… I can’t allow myself to believe it.” He lowered his head as he felt the pain of his broken heart. There was no way to remedy this situation. No way to prove his innocence. He felt helpless. Absolutely exposed.

“Listen to me. You aren’t responsible. You have given everything to protect them. Including yourself. There was nothing you could have done. Look at me. Max, look at me.” She lifted his chin and met his eyes. “Remember those days when all you had to do was say so and a thousand-man army would heed your command? The days when your greatest worry was whether or not I would desire to join you in laps at the pool? The days when death was nothing to fear because you were the most powerful being in our system?”

He lowered his eyes to meet her glance. She was kneeling on the floor, her eyes looking up earnestly at him.

“It’s not real now.”

“Open your mind. Let the feelings become real. The minute they do… I promise they will make the pain go away.”

He closed his eyes. It was all he wanted. For the pain to go away. He kept them tightly sealed but all he could see were swirling images. Liz sitting on the floor of his bedroom, that defeated look on her face, the sad grumbling of her stomach. The way he felt she’d accused them that afternoon. The stab at the heart. The dark crimson of the thick waters. The feel of her soft skin as he reached his arm over her in the middle of the night.

He felt safe and assured. He allowed his breathing to even out. He felt it overcome him. That feeling of energy that swirled in his brain. And then, there was just peace.

“The pain will go away.” She whispered and kissed him softly.

***

He had gone to talk to her. He needed to see her in hopes that she would help clear his mind. Maybe they could work things out. After all, they were friends once. Lovers before that.

He crossed the street and stood before the doors of the CrashDown, pausing before entering to gather his thoughts. He looked around, watching the crowd of people, young and old, eating and laughing, enjoying the afternoon together. He opened the door as he heard the ring of the bell above it and continued walking, his eyes searching her out.

He knew she was there, he could feel her, and her pain was becoming unbearable. It had taken him all night to understand the pain in his chest, a pain that could very well have been his own, and on some level, he thought still was. But her pain came on strong and it was slowly killing him inside. He hadn’t felt a connection from Liz for a long time… since before she’d slept with Kyle. He bit down hard as his jaw clenched tightly. The image still haunted him, the look of pure guilt on her face. He couldn’t even go to her balcony anymore; he was too afraid that the image would be there again, waiting to tear him apart. He walked toward the back door and stood frozen as he saw her through the glass.

She was upset, her jaw set, her eyes looking head on, the crease between her eyebrows strongly accented. He looked at her eyes and saw the dark circles, the sign of insomnia that must have been plaguing her for days.

“Parker, you have to stop this.”

“Look, I don’t need advice Sean, especially not from you. I’m just… I’m asking for help.”

“I don’t even know what to say to you. You’re a mess.”

“You know what? I don’t need this right now.” She stood up, ready to go when he grabbed her wrist softly and turned her back toward him.

“I know that you’re really having a tough time right now. I know that. But running away is not the answer Liz.”

“What do you know about my pain?” She spit the words out venomously, her mouth curving downward into a frown.

“You wear it in your eyes Parker.”

“Yea, well what do you expect? For me to be doing summersaults?”

“For you to show it. You can’t keep closing off like that. It’s gonna eat at you until you can’t sleep at night, because it’s consumed every moment of your day. You’re never gonna get your life back. There’s life after this Parker.” His face softened and he attempted an empathetic smile.

She looked away for a moment and then back at him, her eyes gazing directly into his.

“Sean, all I’m saying is that I need some time alone.”

“And I’ve already said no. You’re not stable. And I don’t wanna be responsible for them finding your beautiful if not troubled remains anywhere.”

“If you’re supposedly so worried about me, then why don’t you come with me?”

“Are you serious?”

“One weekend. It’s all I need. I just need to get away. If you insist on playing tag along then fine.” She stood up and he stood up beside her. They stared at each other for a few moments and he held out his hand, ready for a shake.

“Parker, I’d say we have a deal.” She looked at his hand wearily and then reached down and shook.

“Don’t tell Maria?”

“Are you kidding? She’s been dying to find an excuse to put me back in juvy.” She smiled suddenly, a soft smile, weak from exhaustion but genuine.

“Thank you Sean.” He smiled and nodded.

On the other side of the door he stood and watched the exchange, his fists clenched tightly at his side. His blood was boiling with something fierce, something he never thought he’d be able to experience so fully. Jealousy was not something he thought he was capable of, especially not the extent he was feeling it. He had watched the look in Sean DeLuca’s eyes. There was an intimacy there, something that made him very uncomfortable.

Had he missed something? When did Liz turn to Sean for help or advice? And what was she talking about? He slammed through the doors and spotted Sean, sitting back down on the couch against the stairs.

“Where’s Liz?” His voice was sharper than he’d intended it to be, the aggression oozed through his pores.

“She’s upstairs.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I came to have lunch.” Sean stood and looked at Max amused. “I didn’t know I had a new probation officer.”

“Stay away from Liz, Sean. She doesn’t need another problem in her life.”

“Right, because her non boyfriend who’s seeing other people suddenly decides to be possessive.” He watched Sean raise an eyebrow in mockery and fought the urge to slap the grin off his face.

“You don’t know anything about us or our relationship.”

“I know that you have her hanging on some string waiting for you. Waiting for some sort of answer. You don’t even know what you’ve got right in front of you.”

“I know exactly what I have. It’s complicated, alright? Just butt out.” At this point, Sean stood, and they were face to face, their bodies close together as if challenging the other opponent.

The sound of steps came from above them and then the thumping against the stairs as she came down and stood frozen at the bottom.

“Max.” It wasn’t a question, but more like a surprised statement, especially feeling the tension in the room.

“Liz.” He looked over at her and let his body relax. Sean looked at the two of them and shook his head.

“Parker, I’m out. You know where to find me.”

“Right… umm thanks Sean.” He grabbed his jacket and headed out the backdoor. She followed him out with her eyes and then turned to face the man before her. They stared at each other for a few minutes and she slipped beside him toward the lockers, hoping to get as far away from him as possible.

“What was that about?” He felt his chest get heavy with emotion as he battled off the ugly rage.

“What was what about?” She opened her locker and began to fidget inside as he took a few steps closer to her. She could feel the heat behind her, hating the tension that was mounting.

“Liz, whatever’s going on, you have to tell me. You know that you can’t go off and do something drastic.”

“What I do is none of your business.”

“I’m worried about you ok?”

“You’re worried about your perfect little secret getting out. Don’t worry about it Max, I won’t tell.” Her eyebrows rose in sarcasm for a moment and then her face went blank. He blinked, not sure if the moment had just happened and stared at her face, the face that he’d stared at for so long before.

“What is happening to you? It’s like I don’t even know you anymore.” His voice was thick with emotion, more than he wanted to show but his entire being was crumbling right before him.

“I saw you kiss Tess at prom.” She stated flatly, her eyes daring him to challenge her.

“Liz….” He was at a loss for words, the images suddenly coming tumbling back into his mind.

“No. This is how it’s supposed to be, remember? This is what we decided.”

“No, this is what YOU decided. You walked away from me without even giving me a say and then you go off and sleep with Kyle.”

“Oh, I see, so my sleeping with Kyle made you realize that you suddenly love Tess?”

“That’s not what I said.”

“I don’t care what you said.” She turned to leave and he grabbed her elbow, his hands holding onto her bare skin, remembering the feelings it used to incite. His eyes burned at the desire to feel those things again, to feel the pure passion he’d always felt near Liz.

“You can’t look at me in the face and tell me that you don’t feel anything! We had something special once, didn’t we?” Her eyes burned into his, tears in both, as they stood face to face, her breath warm against him. “Didn’t we?”

“I… I can’t do this with you Max.” She pulled away and ran up the stairs, her long dark hair flying behind her. He stood for a moment and ran behind her, needing to talk to her, to be near her. He reached her door just as she was turning to close it and he put his hand firmly against it, pushing it open and letting him in. He closed the door behind him and turned to her accusingly.

“Or maybe the reason you don’t love me is because you think I killed Alex. Is that it Liz?”

Her eyes grew wide as she turned to face him, the anger becoming obvious in her face.

“I never said that.”

“One of us had to, because there’s just no way that an accident can happen. Right? Not to you!”

“Stop it. STOP IT.” She was standing before him, looking up into his eyes, her feet planted firmly on the ground. Her eyes were full of tears now, her face becoming red with anger. “You talk about not knowing me. You seem to have forgotten who you were Max. I guess being with Tess has really helped you find yourself. Your true self,” she spat.

“You’d like to think that wouldn’t you? Let me tell you something… FBI torture and a lousy heartbreak can really change a man Liz.” He finally turned, heading toward the door, practically incapable of hearing anything but the thumping within his temples. He couldn’t be here with her like this, he couldn’t do this. “I never wanted us to burn out Liz. I still love you. I always have.”

“Is that why you kissed Tess, Max? The very day I officially ended things?”

“I was hurting Liz!” He stopped himself, knowing that there was no excuse for his action, no excuse except that even know he remembered the very thrill of it. The memory of power and authority that had accompanied the kiss. The memory of a past life.

“Well, then I’m glad that she could be there to help. Get out Max.”

He turned to walk out and closed the door behind him. She stood alone in the room, her CrashDown uniform making her feel cold and exposed. She closed her eyes and sighed in frustration. She would not allow the tears to form. This was the way things had to be. He would just need to learn to deal with it.

Part 5- Confrontation

“Don't leave me. I will speak
Nonsense only you can understand
I'll speak to you of two lovers
Whose hearts saw passion twice
I'll tell you the story of a king
Who died because he could not meet you
Don't leave me, don't leave me.” – Ne Me Quitte Pas (Jacques Brel)

He could feel her right outside the door. She was hesitating. She didn’t want to come in. He looked down at his hands sadly, knowing what she must think of him. He was a monster. The alien she’d always feared him to be.

The door opened slowly and he held his breath as she walked in and closed the door quietly behind her. She remained with her back to him for a few moments, no sound or movement coming from her. She refused to look at him.

“Liz?” he whispered softly, his eyes looking up at her hopefully, the darkness surrounding them, making the pathetic glance heartbreaking. She took a deep breath and turned, not prepared for what she’d see.

He watched her swallow hard as she stared, and he lowered his head in shame, his hand lingering near his right eyebrow. He sat in the corner, the safest place within the room, and she stood staring in his direction, unable to move.

“My God, Max….” she breathed out, her body visibly shaky.

“You came. I knew you’d come.” He said it more to himself than to her, and she watched him carefully, a flash of the white-room escape torturing her quietly. He was trapped again. Except this time, he did it to himself.

“Max… do you know what you’ve done?” She kept her distance, her eyes full of tears. It seemed painful to be in the same room together. He kept his knees up against his chest, his arms now wrapped around them. “Max? Do you?”

He rocked back and forth softly, closing his eyes and whistling a soft tune.

“Answer me!” she yelled, and then withdrew, terrified of the look he cast her way. He looked back down then and continued to rock, ignoring her all together. She took a step closer then, afraid of getting too close, afraid of the reaction it would illicit… in both of them. “Where’d you get the gun, Max?”

She was crying now, and all he could think was that he wanted her to stop. He wanted to be able to hug her and let her sob into his shoulders. He remembered the day she had done so, after her grandmother had died. The first time she’d broken down before him. She let herself need him. He wanted her to need him now.

“Where did you get the gun?” She said each word slowly, softly, dancing the steps around a detonating bomb.

“I took it from Valenti’s house,” he whispered softly, and his eyes finally came back up to meet hers. The very force of it made her breath catch in her chest. There was an emptiness there that she’d never seen before, an emptiness that frightened her.

“You stole it?” She shook her head in disbelief and ran her fingers through her hair. “Why, Max? Why?”

There was a long silence and she looked away, the sight of him breaking things deep inside her.

“Because I didn’t want to be him anymore.”

She heard the wailing and turned to see his tearful, red face. She ran toward him and knelt then, not being able to watch him cry.

“Who?”

“She kept telling me I was the king of a planet I didn’t know. That I was married. But I didn’t love her, Liz. I never loved her. I was waiting for someone. I was waiting for you.”

A sudden thought of Ava disrupted her vision and she grabbed his wrists.

“Max, are you really saying this or are you…?”

“Crazy?” He smiled then, a sad smile that made her want to cry. “I’ve seen my whole family die repeatedly in my head. The blood, the screams, the inability to do anything about it. The emptiness is everywhere Liz. You were all I had left… I couldn’t lose you too.”

There was a long silence. She simply stared at him, his eyes downcast, as he turned inwardly again. He was closing off. She had to keep drawing him out.

“You’ve known that you were a king for a long time, Max.”

“I remember putting my arm around her in the middle of the night.” She closed her eyes in pain and turned her head, away from him, hoping to erase the image it had caused. “But I wished it was you. Even then, I wished it was you.”

“You didn’t know me then, Max.”

“I knew that I hadn’t found you yet. But I was waiting… hoping.”

“What? What are you talking about?” she yelled now in frustration, unsure of where his babbling was leading. He was delusional.

“I’m saying that I need you. I need you.” He looked up again and reached out to hold her hand, the very first sign of contact he’d shown. She held his hand, feeling his cold fingers caress her skin. “You have to save me.”

The words caught her off guard and she moved over to sit beside him on the floor.

“Save you? I don’t understand.”

“I don’t want to remember anymore. Please… help them go away.”

She nodded and closed her eyes. She knew there would only be one person who could do what he was asking. One person who would be able to save him.

“Max… what happened with Tess?”

His eyes looked up at hers as he pleaded. She could see the hurt in his eyes.

“She made me remember. But it all got so muffled. It all got confused. And I can’t remember anything anymore. I don’t know what’s happening Liz. I don’t know what’s real and what’s not. All I know is you. All I can remember is you,” he cried out, and put his face in his hands, complete confusion overtaking him.

“There was a party. And a kiss. And pool. We played pool. There was running, in the desert. There was a decree and the decision to go to war. And the orb. There was the orb.”

She shook her head, trying to put his words together. They didn’t make sense. She couldn’t understand his reasoning.

“That… that doesn’t make sense.”

“I KNOW!” he yelled out, and she shook beside him. The room was silent. Only for a moment.

Suddenly, the door swung open and Isabel’s face peeked through.

“We have to go. Now.” Liz stood up quickly, and turned to look back at Max.

“Wait… no.” Max looked up, the suddenness of it all confusing him. “Isabel?”

“Max, we’ll be back. I promise.” She smiled at her brother and looked back over at Liz. “The psychiatrist is coming. There shouldn’t be anyone in here.”

Liz headed to the door and turned around one last time.

“Don’t leave me!” he cried.

“I’m going to try and save you. Just… don’t let go, Max. Don’t let go.” She closed the door behind her as he heard the footsteps run down the hall and then there was just silence.

Part 6- Memory Retrieval

“I can’t do this.” He stood up, running his fingers through his hair. The demons were everywhere, swirling through his mind and casting shadows on his conscience.

“You can’t keep breaking the connection Max. It makes it harder to find it again. I know that it’s a lot. And it’s… difficult, but you have to trust it.”

Her voice was soft and soothing, as little by little she became someone he trusted more and more. He knew it was dangerous, but he also knew that she was the only one who could take him to these places. Take him back to that place. But the true question was… did he really want to go? Or was it just sheer curiosity?

“Max? Maybe you just need a glass of water.” She began to stand and headed toward the bedroom door.

“What if I told you that I remembered something? Something that is confusing me.”

She stood frozen, allowing her hand to linger on the knob.

“I... I remember our wedding day.” She kept her back to him, but he could see her shoulders shaking slightly, the soft sound of her tears filling the room. Finally, she turned, her watery blue eyes looking into his longingly.

“It was one of the first memories I retrieved. I guess it’s true what they say… you never forget your wedding day.” She swallowed hard as she watched the struggle on his face.

“Tess… I don’t know what to make of it.”

“Don’t you feel it Max? Hasn’t it hit you yet? How big this all is? How much bigger than us?” She took a step closer to him and they stood, a breath apart, their eyes lingering on each other. He breathed out softly and felt the magnetism. It was inevitable for him to move closer. And then he felt her lips on his, the fear in his stomach attacking him. Making it difficult for him to even breathe. He didn’t want to do this, to go there. It was too much.

He hesitated for a moment, before he kissed her back and then found himself indulging in her, the frustration and confusion all blending into blind desire, a desire to be with someone who understood. He thought of Liz for a moment, remembering what it felt like to be with her. The feeling of completeness she’d been able to give him. She had always understood him. What had gone wrong?

Tess pulled away and looked into his eyes.

“You’re thinking about here again… aren’t you?” She pulled away with pain in her eyes and something lingering even deeper.

“Tess….”

“Even after remembering me?”

“I….”

“How can I convince you Max? What can I do to prove that these memories you’re seeing are true!” She stared at him wide-eyed and with a set jaw. He turned around, his back toward her, running his hands through his hair.

“I don’t know Tess. Ok? I don’t know. I see these things… I see them and it’s like watching this movie play, a movie that I’ve never seen before. And it’s foreign and it’s different, but initially… it doesn’t stir anything in me. But then we stand here… and I’m… I’m not sure. I’m not sure ok? Isn’t that alright? To just be unsure?”

“How long do you plan to be unsure Max? Don’t you think that we’re going to have to go back home at some point?”

“Home? Home to what Tess? To people who have wanted to destroy us for centuries? That’s not home.”

“NO Max… THIS is not home. And if you would stop DROOLING over Liz Parker for just a second, you might see that. You might allow yourself to feel it.”

She headed toward the bed and grabbed her jacket, then made her way toward the door.

“Tess….”

“What?” She turned around, her blonde curls spinning around and slamming against her head wildly. Her voice was cold and unfeeling, completely opposite to what she’d sounded like just ten minutes earlier.

“I’m sorry. My intention has never been to hurt you. You’ve added so much to our lives since you’ve come. So much that we have never even thought about. But are you going to tell me that you haven’t enjoyed feeling this way? Feeling human? If only for a moment. I mean, what about the Valentis?”

“I’m not saying I don’t care about them Max… I’m saying that I know what has to be done. You just don’t seem to get it.”

“What I don’t get is how you can go from being someone that I can enjoy to being like this… so wrapped up in this thing you want to believe so badly.”

“And what I don’t get is how you can’t get past her. What is it about her Max?”

“I don’t know. I just… I can’t let her go.”

“You broke all the rules.” She spit out venomously. “It wasn’t supposed to be this way. You were supposed to remember. You WILL remember.” She opened the door and slammed it on the way out.

Part 7- Save Me

He was lying down on his small bed, looking up at the ceiling. He felt the tingle in his head, the weird tickle as he closed his eyes softly.

“Max.” He listened to the voice, trying to figure out where it was coming from.

He opened his eyes to see the familiar brown eyes of his sister.

“Max, be very, very quiet. We’re going to help you ok?” She picked him up and helped him sit as she knelt before him, an eager smile on her face.

“Isabel?”

“It’s ok Max. It’s ok. You just have to focus.” He nodded in response and she moved over to reveal the woman she’d brought with her.

“What… what’s she doing here?!!!” He began to stand up, his arms moving wildly against the wall behind him.

“I ain’t gonna hurt ya.” He looked at her face, the one that was exactly like the one he feared. Her eyes were just as deeply blue and her lips still held that luster. But there was something about her demeanor. Something soft and safe, something he’d never seen in Tess’ eyes.

“Max, you remember Ava, don’t you?” He looked to the side to see Liz, now exposed beside them.

“Liz….”

“We ain’t got alotta time Zan… I mean Max.” She looked down sadly for a moment and he recognized a softness in her, something that struck his memory.

“What… what are you gonna do?”

“Your broad really screwed you up. Imma help you get things straight. You and Liz…belong together. Whateva happened back on that miserable dump of a planet is not worth remembering. It’s gone. It’s ova.”

“So she’s going to get rid of the memories. Erase them from your sub-conscience.” Isabel answered excitedly and moved to sit next to her brother, her hand wrapped in his for support.

“What’s happening to me?” He looked over at Liz, the apology evident in his eyes. She looked down sadly, her eyes reflecting the pain.

“You having lapses. Your brain ain’t processing the past from the present. You think you’re living both. And it’s confusing the hell outta ya.”

“Lapses?”

“Tess was tapping a part of your brain she shouldn’t have.” Liz stepped up, and stood next to Ava as they looked down at Max. “The memories weren’t meant to be activated until you returned to Antar. Your human brain can’t process all of the information. In her desperation, she hoped that your remembering would move the process along faster. Because it didn’t….”

There was a long silence. He could feel Isabel tense next to him. He turned to look at her and noticed her tense jaw muscles, and the single tear in her eye.

“What?”

“She killed Alex.” He felt as if he’d been slapped across the face. It didn’t seem possible. Tess was stubborn and sometimes a little fanatical, but evil? A murderess? He just couldn’t believe it.

“How do you know?”

“She confessed after Ava approached her. She felt the panic when Alex went to her… the Destiny book is translated Max.” He looked toward Ava with a shocked expression in his eyes. Treachery. This was all too familiar. He listened to the screams within his head again. The screaming of the people falling dead in the halls. It hadn’t been Isabel who’d betrayed him. It hadn’t been Vilandra. It had been Tess.

“You rememba now.” Ava’s eyes fell softly to the ground. “I guess I understand why Zan coulda never really loved me. Who could love a killa right?”

“No… no Ava it’s not your fault. Vilandra took part in it too… and I know what it feels like to have to live with that. But I’m not Vilandra. And you’re not the Ava from Antar anymore.”

“Let’s get to it.” Liz said and headed to the other side of Max to help him stand up. “We’re gonna lose him soon.”

Ava reached for his face and held it between her hands.

“I ain’t gonna hurt you. Just… relax. Clear your head.” He closed his eyes and felt the swirl of images. He would now have to trust his fate to the face of his betrayer.

“Let your mind rest Max, let it rest.” He heard Isabel’s whisper and opened his eyes to see the cold white walls of the room. His eyes focused on the face before him. He yawned… he had been asleep. Had it all been a dream?

Part 8- Running Away

“I would offer you pearls of rain
Take you to lands where there is no rain
Search the world until I die
To cover your body with gold and light
I will make a field where love will rule
Where love will rule and you would be queen
Don't leave me, don't leave me
Don't leave me, don't leave me” – Ne Me Quitte Pas (Jacques Brel)

He looked down at his watch. It was about 11 PM and they were still on the road, driving off to some mysterious location. He rubbed his eyes. They’d been driving for hours. He was exhausted. He had told her not to do anything drastic. And here she was, just completely ignoring him.

He looked at the man driving the car and felt his entire body tense. He would not simply come right on out and take this woman from before him, taking advantage of her delicate state and mixed emotions. He knew he’d hurt her by kissing Tess… he knew that. But that gave her no right to go running off with him. To leave them all behind without a word.

He took the turn off the exit along with them. They took 285 North all the way past Santa Fe and were now in Colorado.

He rubbed his eyes again, feeling the exhaustion. They’d been driving since 6 AM. Liz had probably told her parents some lie about how she was going away for the weekend, taking a break from life and going away with a friend. Except that friend wasn’t Maria or anyone the Parkers knew. And after looking at how crazed Liz had become after Alex died, they'd let her go, no questions asked. They'd let her run off with Sean DeLuca.

Now they had just gotten off the exit in Alamosa, Colorado. He could see them talking, their shadows moving in the dark car. They passed a McDonalds and pulled over. He continued down the street and parked. He moved into the passenger seat and watched through binoculars. They ordered, her arms wrapped around his, holding on to him tightly. She looked up at him and smiled, and he looked down and smiled back. Her lips moved, whispering something. Thank you. She was saying thank you.

For helping her run away. She was thankful that she no longer had to feel, to be faced with reality.

“Well, Liz, reality sucks. It’s painful and vicious and it rips out your soul. You just have to learn to deal with it.” His voice sounded strange to his own ears, as he watched them grab their order and head towards the door. He could hear them clearer as the door swung open and they walked out into the cool night.

“So did you decide where you wanted to stay, Parker?”

“Well… I was looking at the book and found a cozy Bed and Breakfast not too far from here. The Cottonwood Inn.”

“Bed and Breakfast? Not bad.”

“Look, this is a vacation. I’m going to enjoy it. I need to.”

They reached the car and he grabbed her shoulders to turn her to face him.

“Listen, Parker, I just want you to know something, ok? And I don’t want you to hate me when I say it.”

“Ok.”

“I just think you should know that despite this change of environment, this change of pace… you’re going to have to go back. And when you do… Alex is still going to be gone. And things will still be the same. You’re going to have to face your pain eventually.” He looked at her, his eyes searching her face for a reaction.

“Sean, I don’t need a lecture on running away from my problems, ok? I just… I need to figure out my feelings, I need to mourn away from the madness that has become my life. I can’t do that in Roswell. Do you understand that?”

“I don’t want to be used to spite your ex, Parker. I’m in deeper than that. And if that bugs you, I need you to tell me now.”

There was a long silence. She looked down, away from his face, and thought for a moment.

Her eyes looked up to reach his. “I don’t know if I can give you what you need right now, Sean. I’m… I’m trying to grow. I’m trying to leave behind the things that are causing me so much pain. But… I’m not ready to give my heart away. I just… I need a friend right now.”

He nodded and grabbed her in for a tight hug. The car across the street roared on and sped off down the street. She looked over for a second, wondering if it had been what she thought. It had looked an awful lot like a Jeep. Like Max’s Jeep.

***

He sat in the waiting area with the newspaper covering his face. He was just waiting for them to arrive. It wouldn’t be long now. The fire place crackled against the wall, a cozy warmth and calm filling the room. The lights were soft and the colors inviting for anyone walking in. The place smelled like wood and cookies, and he didn’t like the good feeling it instilled.

She was alone with Sean in a cozy B&B, and she was acting irrationally and she was desperate. It was a recipe for regrets. A recipe for disaster.

He knew the minute they’d walked in, as he heard her soft whispers and felt his entire body come alive. They walked towards the desk and began to make their reservations.

“Two rooms.”

“Sean.” He heard the pleading in her voice and looked slightly over his newspaper at them both. “I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

The words struck his heart. She’d said those same words to him before she’d run off. Before she’d established herself as his enemy. She had done it all. She had turned their lives into an unspeakable disaster. He would have to be the one to fix it.

“Parker….”

“Please… just… company.”

“One double please.” He pulled out his wallet and paid as they handed him the keys. “I don’t think this is a good idea.” He shook his head and they walked up the wooden stairs headed toward the rooms.

He stood up, his blood boiling within his skin. He would not let her make another big mistake. She had hurt him once with Kyle… he would not allow her to make the same mistake with Sean. He felt the pain grow in his head and closed his eyes tightly. The memories began to swirl. He tried to focus, tried to make the pain go away. It had been plaguing him all day. Maybe with some sleep, maybe with some food he could make it go away.

“One room please.”

***

He felt a sharp pain in his chest as he jumped up in his bed. His face was covered in sweat. He tried to remember his dream. It was so real, so intense. There was so much blood… so much pain. All he could ever remember was pain. Where was the love and the passion and the softness Tess always spoke of? Where was it now? It had come and gone and was no longer around, and all he could remember was the recurring image of holding his family in his arms, dying.

He pulled his clothes back on and opened his door as he headed out into the rugged hall. He walked down the wooden stairs and saw her profile, the fire's glow glistening against her skin, her socked feet tucked up underneath her on the love seat, the book in her lap before her. He held his breath and walked down, heading over to see her.

“Liz,” he whispered, and as she looked from her book her eyes fell on his and slowly widened.

“What… what are you doing here?” she whispered. They were the only two people in the living area and the reception desk read CLOSED. He looked up at the large clock against the wall. It was almost 4:30 AM.

“I had to see you.”

“You… you’ve been following me?” She moved her legs off the seat as she sat up straighter and placed her book down.

“We needed to talk.”

“I can’t believe you followed me… what were you thinking?”

“What were YOU thinking? Running off? With Sean DeLuca?”

“Don’t… don’t judge him because you don’t know him.”

“What did you think this was going to accomplish? Running away from home?”

“I needed to get away from the mess. From Alex… from you.” Her eyes were beginning to water as she stood to face him and the heat from the fire flickered a few feet away from them.

“From me?” His face wrinkled in pain as his own eyes watered in response. He couldn’t believe her words… she had wanted to run from him. Had he ever given her reason to run?

“Our lives… they’re just going in two different directions now… it’s the way it’s supposed to be, Max. I don’t… I don’t want to have to feel that pain anymore.”

“And what about the pain you caused me?” he whispered loudly. “What about the memories of what used to be and how you tore that all apart by LYING to me!”

“I… I don’t want to talk about this.” She headed toward the stairs as he grabbed her hand and pulled her back.

“No. No, you have to hear this. I was willing to give you everything, Liz. I wanted to share the rest of my life with you. I would have given you all of me. The magic of seeing the stars, the undeniable passion every time we kissed. How can you deny that?”

“It was great, Max. But… it’s over now.” She ripped her hand from his and walked backward toward the stairs. “I loved you Max… but I can’t. We can’t. So just… stop. Forget about me and move on. I… I don’t want you to be a part of my life anymore. I don’t want to see you again.” She started crying and ran up the stairs.

He watched her leave through watery eyes and held his breath. He would not go. He would not lose her. He couldn’t. He needed her to survive.

A/N: This may not answer ALL the questions, after all, the intent is to leave you feeling, sort of like he might feel. But, this is the last chapter, and hopefully you all have appreciated the strange ride I've taken you on. And DO NOT FEAR! I am now in the midst of writing a Dreamer fluff fic, because this fic nearly killed me.



Part 9 - Finding Sense within Confusion

“How is he?”

He sat quietly in the background as his parents sat close to each other, their hands intertwined. There was fear written on their face.

“Your son has suffered a mental breakdown. It was desperate and severe and seems to have been brought on by excessive emotional stress.” The doctor looked through the file impersonally and looked back up at the worried parents.

“Will he be able to go home?”

“He has made some slow recovery, but he will need to be nursed back to health, little by little. He will have to be talked to, reminded of his life through pictures and stories. Don’t push them on him; just let him become familiar with things that have been part of his life.”

He listened to the slow, deliberate words of the doctor. He didn’t like doctors. He never had and never would. Even less so in stark-white places like these. He wasn’t sure why, but he knew for sure that was the case.

“Thank you, doctor. Thank you so much for all of your help.” They all stood and they grabbed Max as they walked out of the office and into the hallway leading out to freedom.

“Where are we going?” he asked, unsure of what was happening.

“We’re going to the police station, honey. They have to get your analysis and ask you some questions.”

They drove in a long silence, his hands clenched tightly together. Once they pulled up to the station, he stepped out and looked around at the familiar cars. They would be there to support him. They would fix this mess he'd put them in. He couldn’t believe he’d let it get so far.

They walked in and it was as if time had slowed. He could see Michael and Isabel at the end of the hall, talking nervously, when they suddenly stopped and locked eyes with him. He could tell from their eyes that something was up. Then he heard the voices.

“You want me to do WHAT?!!?” He stopped next to the door, keeping out of sight, and listened carefully to the wild words.

“Sean, I know that this seems crazy, ok? I… I just need you to trust me.”

“What is with you, Parker? Don’t you see how unhealthy this relationship is? You’re in so deep you can’t even see the light anymore. Max Evans shot at me and almost placed a bullet in my chest. If it wasn’t for my turning around at your scream it would’ve killed me.”

“He wasn’t in the right frame of mind. There was a lot going on and he just lost it.”

“And that makes it ok for him to shoot me?”

“NO! Of course not! What I’m saying, Sean, is if you follow this through you may ruin his whole life… because of a misunderstanding.”

“A misunderstanding? So let me get this straight… I’m supposed to just walk away from this, as if it never happened because I should be concerned about his future? HE SHOT ME! Do you know how frickin’ painful it was to remove that bullet from my arm?”

There was a long silence and he took a breath as he leaned against the wall outside the room. He could feel the tension and it was driving him crazy.

“Sean, I know that this is really impossible right now. I know that you don’t understand… but I promise you that I would never have let anything happen to you. You would not have died. I can promise you that.”

He could hear the tears in her eyes as he leaned his head against the wall, wanting to be as close to her as possible.

“I get it, Parker. You’re not gonna back down on this one. So here’s what I’m gonna do. I’m leaving. I can’t stay in Roswell anymore because there is obviously nothing left for me here. I thought we might have had something special… you know? Finally, someone who could see me, understand me. And it seemed like you needed the same. But you seem to like it here. Stuck in this time and place. So be my guest. I won’t do it anymore.”

He heard the footsteps as they neared the door and then the desperate plea.

“Sean!” There was another silence. “Please don’t leave me.”

He could hear her sadness now, the tears obviously falling freely.

“My life this year has been a total mess. And with Alex gone… nothing is the same. I… I need normal. I need YOU, Sean.”

He felt the hand on his shoulder, and he turned to see the person behind him.

“Mr. Evans, please.”

The hand directed him into the room, as he nodded and stepped in, breaking up the private moment. Her eyes were full of tears and Sean eyes stared at him straight on.

“Mr. DeLuca, have you decided your course of action?”

“I won’t press charges, but I do want a restraining order.” The lawyer nodded and wrote everything down on his little note pad.

“Ms. Parker?”

“Um… no. No, I’m fine.”

“Listen, I’d appreciate it if we could just fill out this paper work and I can leave. I really don’t want to be here.”

He stood in silence, his head down as he took it all in. What was he going to do to fix this? There was so much that had gone awry.

After a few minutes, the room went silent as he signed the final document. Everyone straightened their bodies and stood up, as they all looked at each other momentarily.

“The work will be processed soon. We will keep you informed, Mr. DeLuca. There shouldn’t be a problem.”

Sean nodded and headed toward the door, turning back once to look at Liz.

“Can I get a moment with him please?” Liz whispered, and the lawyers and the Evans’ nodded and left the room, leaving the two of them alone. There was a long silence as she walked toward the door and closed it, and then turned to face him. There was an odd current in the air. A hint of familiarity and reminiscence and a heavy trace of sadness and regret.

“I… I’m glad that you’re alright now, Max. I didn’t know what else to do so I got Isabel to dreamwalk Ava. We’d been writing letters since she’d left, but I hadn’t heard from her in about a month. She got here as soon as she could, said that she had felt the change.”

He watched tenderly as she tucked some loose strands of hair behind her ear. An old ache arose within his chest, a longing for the simpler times, when he'd watched her from afar.

“I think there’s something you should know,” she said in a whisper. He shook himself a moment, trying to shake the images in his mind. The tone of her voice worried him. “Tess is dead, Max.”

His eyes opened widely as he looked at her incredulously.

“Isabel and Michael went with Ava to question her, to get some answers. It… it didn’t go well. Isabel just… she lost it. There was so much she was angry about. Alex, you, us… all of us. It just… it all just blew up.”

He nodded in shock and looked down, his mouth still opened slightly in confusion. He rubbed his head softly, still trying to take in this new world. Everything seemed so different.

“I think Ava should stay here and take Tess’ place. You can trust her, Max… she’s a lot like you guys. She only wants to happy.” She bit her bottom lip softly and he looked up, their eyes meeting intensely for the first time.

“Liz….”

It was the first thing he’d said to her the entire time, and he still didn’t know what else to say. He could feel her slipping from his grasp and there was a terrifying emptiness that was consuming him.

“There is something else you should know.” She looked down nervously and then stood straight, trying to take her stance. “I’m going to ask my parents to send me to boarding school. There was one in Vermont that Ms. DeLuca threatened Maria with, but it sounds like it’ll be really great. Give me a chance to clear my head and… grow.” She looked into his eyes with regret in her own. His were already full of tears.

“You once told me that I should see the world. That I would always be a part of the group. I’m going, Max. I’m going because I’m no longer happy here.”

“But what about us?” he whispered mournfully, the space between them now seeming more than a rooms-length apart.

“Max… when I saw you pull out that gun and shoot… something inside of me died. The part of me that still hoped that the you I knew was still in there. I couldn’t believe that anything had led you to do something so… unlike you. It was the final straw. I… I was in love with who you were, Max. Now I’m terrified of who you are. I don’t want to spend my life having to worry, to wonder what will come up next. I need to breathe.”

She was crying now, head down as the tears flowed softly down her face.

“I love you,” was all he could whisper. It was all he could say as he felt his heart break within him.

“I have to go.”

She turned around, opened the door, and headed out as he followed her, standing in the doorway to watch her leave. At the exit stood Sean DeLuca, and she raced to him, full fledged tears attacking her. He held her softly and led her out into the day.

He felt the two bodies behind him, one on his left and one on his right. He looked back for a moment, not feeling the tears that were still falling down his face.

“Come on, Max… let’s go home.” He heard his sister’s voice and felt Michael’s hand hold onto his arm, getting ready to steady him.

“Liz,” he cried out, knowing that he could never live his life without her.

“You gotta let her go, Max.” Michael stated firmly, and they turned to nod at the Evans’.

He knew though, even then, that it would not end there. She would never be able to just separate herself from it all. It was branded within her heart, all of it, the good and the bad. And if she was too afraid to come home, he would go get her.

Because he couldn’t live without her. He simply couldn’t live at all.


THE END