Roswell Fanatics

Title: A Smile So Sad
Author: Me
Rating: Teen/Mature
Category: All CC Focus mainly on M/L and Liz for the beginning
Disclaimer: I have nothing to do with Roswell, or UPN, or Jason Katims, or Melinda Metz, just borrowing. This story was inspired by "The Butterfly Effect" I don't plan on following the story line of the movie or anything like that I just liked the idea of the chaos theory and how changing one small thing in the past can lead to an entirely different future...
Summary: Okay, it may be a little ruff and sketchy in the first few parts, but please bare with me. Also there will be two times going on...I don't want to say too much because I don't want to give anything away but the *** represent a switch in POV's sort of, well more like a switch in story lines. I think it will make sense however if it's terribly confusing just let me know!
I have a really good place I want to take this story...so I hope I can get it there...so please leave your feedback pretty please



Prologue

April 3rd, 1999

It’s so weird to pack up your life. Living in the same room, in the same house, in the same neighborhood, in the same town, your entire life can help you accumulate things. Every thing that I pick up, even though it has sat on a shelf collecting dust for years, holds a small memory or impression of the history and story that makes up my life. How are you suppose to pick what can be left behind and what can’t? Isn’t my whole life equally important, what defining trinkets am I more willing to part with than others?

That’s what you have to do when your whole life leaves you. You’re left with trinkets of a fond past, mocking your dreaded future. That’s what you have to do when your parents die leaving you to live with an Uncle you know as well as the mailman. That’s what you do when your life falls apart.


****

I don’t know how long I sat on my lawn chair crying after he disappeared. I had no reason to stop, no reason to hope left, it was all gone. After that things were never the same. I knew how much I had hurt Max, and it hurt even more to know I may have broken him permanently. My Grandma had always said, “Be nice to everyone, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” I tried to live by this and always prided myself on being a nice person; a person that didn’t hurt other people, a person that didn’t kill other people, a person that didn’t break other people.

However, I took comfort in the fact that I had the power to break Max. I knew how much he was hurting, but in some sadistic way knowing only I could make him hurt so much, helped me get through the next day. I did my best to appear as normal as possible, Kyle knew something was wrong and tried to be my friend so much after that. He kept me from fully disappearing, because I knew even if I tried he would have gone to Max in a heartbeat and told him everything if it looked like I was shrinking into myself.

Kyle, poor Kyle, I can’t take full credit for ruining Kyle’s life, Max definitely had a part in that, but then again so did we all. Kyle always got the crappy end of the deal, he never received the respect or attention he so desperately desired from his father, he never got the girl; and the one time he sort of did, she betrayed his trust so deeply that he could never find it in himself again to judge the good in a person, being so wrong the last time. He was one of those people created for the sole purpose of providing a background of life for the rest of us, never the hero, always an extra. Poor Kyle.


****

“Elizabeth! Elizabeth?”

I turned at the sound of my name to see a man heading towards me, of course, my Uncle Jeff. He pulled me into a hug,

“Everything’s going to be okay now.”

I cringed at the contact. I was so sick of being hugged by people I didn’t know, being told everything would be okay when it wouldn’t. How could it be?

“I almost didn’t recognize you, you’ve gotten big.” He said

“Yeah, you know people have a funny way of doing that between six and sixteen.” I replied rather curtly and immediately bit my tongue for being rude, this was guy giving me a home.

We drove for what seemed like forever before finally reaching the smallest of all small towns. Roswell was everything I expected to be, it was everything that my home wasn’t. It had one main road and it would be so easy to just keep on driving, out of the town and never look back. But we stopped.

I looked at the building we pulled up in front of. My Uncle got out getting my bags from the trunk as I stared rather unhappily at what was to become my new home. My Uncle must have caught on to my disapproving look because he quickly said,

“It’s not much yet I know, but it’s, let’s say a work in progress…” he said as we made our way through the double doors in front.

My Uncle, from what little I knew about him, was notorious for get-rich-quick scemes, and his status as a bachelor. I remember my parents fighting when I was younger about whether or not my mother would lend him money again, however, he had called my parents not too long before promising a steady carrer opportunity for a change. It was a good thing he chose now to settle down, otherwise who knows where I’d have ended up.

I walked into what could only be described as a disaster area, there was sheet rock all over the floor, shavings on a newly installed countertop, no overhead lights to speak of, and chairs and tables stacked haphazardly in one corner of the room.

“Love, what you’ve done with the place.” I said sarcastically,

I doubt my Uncle noticed since I didn’t receive a response, or perhaps he was just ignoring my attempts at being a pain in the ass. We continued through the front room into a smaller back room where a stair case led up on one side. It creaked as we walked up it and he mentioned something about one of the stairs needing to be replaced. We reached the top landing. Although, wasn’t really a landing at all, more like a hallway with two doors leading off of it one at each end. His room was the one on the right closet to the stairs, while mine was the one on the left furthest from the stairs.

I immediately took note of the difficulty I would have sneaking out at night having to pass his room in order to do so. I walked into my new room and couldn’t help the grimace that escaped me again. It was nothing like what I was accustomed to, the wall opposite me, wasn’t even a wall, but bricks of the building that had never been covered, a small door in the corner which I assumed led into a bathroom since I had already took into account the small opening in the wall I assumed was my closet. On the other wall, there were three grimy windows that led out to a roof top, the only good part, because I could work with that.

My Uncle brought my bag in and set it down next to a cot looking around nervously.

“Uhh, I figured once you got here I would let you go out and pick out your bed and some furniture and stuff since I don’t really know your tastes you have a closet and your own bathroom but the bathroom needs a little bit of plumbing work but once the shower’s had a good scrub it will be fine and then the windows lead out to the roof and I think there’s a fire escape out there but I would be careful the roof may not be that sturdy.” He said in a rush

I could see how nervous he was, never living with anyone and then having a teenage girl under your responsibility had to be intimidating. But I didn’t feel sorry for him. Yeah, it does suck to have to adjust your entire life because of extenuating circumstances, but it really didn’t matter to me whether or not my Uncle felt comfortable having me around

“Thanks.” I said quickly

“I’m right down the hall if you need anything, so if you get hungry or something, uhh just call.” He said as he made his way around me to the door.

I didn’t answer, just felt the satisfaction of the resounding click of the door closing behind him.





Okay--What do you think? does it make sense? Should I continue?

Thank you all so much for the feedback! I don't know what to say As I expected there was a little confusion but let me see if I can clear it up...

linliz68 wrote:Wow, great start!! What happend to Liz? Is this after End of the World? Loved the description and how you wrote it!!
Can't wait till your next chapter!!

Yes one of the timelines is after EOTW, however the first one is well let's not say before eotw, because nothing like that has happened yet. I think the next few chapters will help clear this up a little bit. And as far as what happened to Liz...keep reading you'll find out

icequeen wrote:Interesting so far. I can't wait to see where you go with this. So is that the Crash Down that Jeff is building? I wonder what her first meeting with Max will be like. Can't wait for more.

Yup, that's the crashdown he's building.

begonia9508 wrote:It makes sense for me only if it's 2 differents timelines and if Liz was adopted bc in two differents timelines she could never be once Jeff's
daughter et the other one someone else daughter!!!

Great start and sorry for my complicated explanation... but that was what I thought after reading the first part!

It is two different timelines, however Liz was not adopted. We have our first timeline with what I like to call the sad Liz who is going to live with her Uncle Jeff, and the other timeline with the older bitter Liz who was the daughter of Jeff and Nancy. I know this may be confusing...but it goes back to my inspiration of the chaos theory, that in fact trying to change one small thing in the past could end up with a person [Liz] for instance still being born as Liz and the essence of who she is but by different people...making Jeff her uncle...of course although in an alternate universe Jeff could have been Liz's father he's not because someone changed the events. Therefore he is a different man, perhaps he's not as kind because he never got a daughter...I'm sure this is really confusing but it's all about how the events of a person's life shape them into who they are and with one of these events changed or missing or altered in any way you come out with a person that has a different outlook on life than they might have had otherwise. Okay, did I just confuse you more? lol I think I confused myself...

Thanks to dreamer19 and roswellluver for your feedback too!

*Also if anyone feels like making me a banner? that would be great! I'm such a computer retard...seriously lol. So if someone is up to it please just PM me

And without further ado...


**Part 1**

Then there was Alex. I refuse to share the credit of ruining Alex’s life with anyone, not even Tess. Perhaps she did the deed but I was the one who allowed it to ever take place.

I regret every day knowing it would have been better if I had never told Alex, if I hadn’t been so selfish he might be alive today. I could have protected him, kept him safe from me and the secrets.

All I had to do was let him walk away from me, let him think I had got myself into some bad company, which may have been true in a sense, let him stop being my friend, let him hate me for the rest of his life for lying to him, at least then he would have had one.


****


There were four hundred and twenty-nine bricks on that wall of my room. Seventeen rows of twenty five and four extra ones in the crease of my bathroom door and the corner of my wall.

I didn’t like to sleep at night, and I didn’t like to sit with nothing to do. Idleness allowed too much time for thought, and the silence of night only aided in the amplifying of the thoughts that I didn’t want to think about.

Everyone was telling me not to bottle my feelings up about ‘the accident’, that it was okay to cry and let go of the pain. But I didn’t want to cry, I was angry, I was angry at them, but I didn’t want to be angry at them, so I only succeeded in getting angry with myself for being heartless enough to be angry at them when it wasn’t their fault to begin with.

I mean it’s not like people ask for bad things to happen to them, children in Sudan do not ask for starvation and disease, wives do not ask for their husbands to hit them, and parents do not ask to die before they’ve had a chance to see their children grow up. It’s the cruelty of the fates.

I always prided myself on being one of logic and common sense, and after weighing everything the conclusion that I had no reason to be angry with my parents should be an acceptable one, right? If it was so acceptable though, why was I still so angry?


I took my chances with the roof that night, despite my Uncle’s warning the roof was as stable as anything in my life right now, heh my dry humor amused me.

As promised the next day my Uncle took me to get a bed. It was such a waste of space since I didn’t plan to do much sleeping. But it seemed important to him that I was happy with my new furniture so I tried my best to seem excited, and under normal circumstances I’m sure I would have been. Of course what were normal circumstances? Under what normal circumstances would I need to be buying a new bed with my Uncle anyway? Under what normal circumstances would I be living in a dusty town above a restaurant? Under what normal circumstances would my parents leave me, by myself, all alone?

So now I have a new, furnished room, and I’m unpacking my old life; unwrapping the few things decided upon as important enough to come with me, and mourning the lost of others forgotten.

And now I have a new room with all my old stuff mocking me, nothing looks right and everything’s different, even the room looks different from when I first saw it yesterday, everything changes and nothing can ever stay the same.

The only thing that hasn’t changed is that I still have four hundred and twenty-nine bricks on my wall.


****


I always wondered what our parents thought. Max and Isabel had told their parents and I had sent my journal to mine, but did my father ever read it? I didn’t even say goodbye.

One minute their little girl is sitting at her graduation and the next she’s gone. It seemed so insignificant, after all they had given me life and I wasn’t decent enough to even let them be a part of mine. How many nights did they stay up worrying about me? What did they tell people? Did anyone ever bother to tell Alex’s parents the truth? Would they even believed it if they had? How did Amy handle the news, if she ever received it? Did the Sheriff ever start to develop powers?

Perhaps it would have been better if we never brought our parents out of the dark. Maybe they would have been happier believing that their children were never as good as they thought they were than to know that they really were as good as they thought they were but would never reap the benefits of being good in this life because people hated them.

I wonder if they believed we had all gone crazy, I wonder if they threw out all of the stuff in my room, I wonder if they missed me. I never got answers to my questions because it was never safe enough to ask them. We were always on the run, and we learned to never look back.



Feedback please...

A Special Thank You to: icequeen, roswellluver, begonia9508 for their wonderful feedback!

And here's the next part...


Part 2


My first day at my new school after having been in my new room for seventeen days was a blessing. My Uncle, who wasn’t much for conversation since I didn’t show interest in his first few attempts at having one, seemed just as ready to get me out of the apartment for part of the day too. All of my friends had been left at my old school in my old town where my life was, but truthfully I wasn’t that sad leaving them because you come to a point when you are so sick of listening to them tell you how they understand, and things will eventually work out, and we’ll still be best friends forever even though I’m moving. When in truth it’s just their pity, they don’t really know how you feel, they have no clue what they are even willing along to work out, and no one stays best friends forever.


I walked into the front office to be greeted by an overly chipper secretary that was just so EXCITED to meet me.

“May, I have your name please dear?”

“Parker, Elizabeth Parker.”

“Oh, Elizabeth! well look at that your Uncle came in early and you’re all ready to go! We just need a list of the classes you took last year so we can place you appropriately this year.’’

I quickly told her what classes I had taken last year at my old school, and she felt the need to make a comment on what a smart and promising young girl I seemed.

I guess it was true, I was a very smart and promising young girl at one time. I was one of those kids that always took all of their books home, the ones who did extra credit when they already had an A, the ones who…

“Alright here you go sweetie! You are all registered and ready to start an exciting new school year!” she was smiling so wide I decided her face would be permanently stretched out.

“This is Alex Whitman, another promising student here at West Roswell High, he’ll show you where all of your classes are so you won’t get lost!”

“Thanks” I said, staring awkwardly between the psycho secretary and this other guy…

“Sorry about that, she’s really dedicated to her job…” Alex said as we made our way out into the hallway.

“So, Elizabeth was it? Where did you move from? Is the outside world as great as its supposed to be?”

“Well, first of all please call me Liz, and the outside world isn’t so great, have you lived here all your life?”

“Yes, just like my father did, and his father before him, and his father before him, and…”

“Wow, so you’ve got some family history in this place.”

“Yeah, you see my family is been the founders and owners of this soap factory just outside of town and so far all the Whitman sons have stepped up to continue in the business.”

“Not me though, I have higher goals for myself than soap making.”

“I can understand there, my parents used to put so much pressure on me to be this upstanding teenage community leader, and go to Harvard just like them.”

“Ahh, so they’ve learned to lighten up a little bit after moving to Roswell.”

His voice faded out a little as I felt a lump form in my throat and the pit of my stomach, I realized that I had said ‘my parents used’ used to, as in they did but not anymore, as in when they were alive they could pressure me, but now being dead it was working out to be a little harder.

Alex hadn’t realized it obviously assuming my parents had just learned to lighten up, I didn’t want Alex to know the truth, I didn’t want his pity…

“Actually I moved here with my Uncle.” And before he could pose another question I quickly asked,

“So are a lot of the kids nice here?” dumb question, I cursed myself but I needed to think about anything other than what I was trying to think about at that moment, I couldn’t think about that.

“Well, it’s like any other High School world, you have the people that think they’re better than everybody else, the athletes, the one’s whose greatest hope is a correctional facility with cable, and then of course the average over-achiever’s like ourselves.”

I smiled at his comment, sure it wasn’t that funny but he was just funny. The way he meandered along with his baggy pants and chains hanging from them, he seemed genuine, a trait rarely found in anyone.

Alright, so I am FINALLY done with all of my exams! And on Christmas break now so my plan is to be able to finish this story and then get on a regular updating schedule...I think that sounds good lol.


A Special THANK YOU to: icequeen, begonia9508, and roswelluver.




*Part 3*



I guess I should have figured something was up when he walked in that day, I should have known that I was about to be disappointed again, but even after being his wife for almost 5 years and soul mate for I don’t know how long, I still couldn’t read him.

We left after graduation.

Where did we think we were going? who knows. Even after everything we had been through to that point, we were still so naïve in believing we could just pile into a van and leave our problems behind.

Our problems followed.

Believing eventually we would find a safe place to call home…

that was another promise broken to me, he always said that one day we would settle down and have a family, but that day never came.

I couldn’t blame him, I knew just as well as he did that all the promises we made to each other were one’s that couldn’t be kept.

We were fighting a battle already lost.


About three years after we left we were pretty pleased with ourselves thinking that maybe, just maybe everything would be okay. We thought we had covered our tracks and were finally going to have that chance to have a home.

We got a little careless and the FBI picked right up on it.


They were taken off the street in broad daylight right in front of us that day.


Maria and I were walking down the street in some city in some state getting ready to meet back up with Isabel, Max, and Michael after a quick stop for Kyle to fix a part on the van.

We were picking up groceries while they had been pawning off some of Max’s “diamonds” for much needed cash.

We could see them,
they stepped out of the store,
Max was still inside bartering.

Maria started to run, bag of groceries and all, towards Michael when a black SUV pulled up and two men in black suits stepped out and grabbed each of them.

It all happened so fast there was no chance for them to struggle or for us to scream or for them to use their powers,

but then there was that moment.

The moment when everything is over and the inevitable is staring you in the face,

that moment when I looked in Isabel’s eyes and saw nothing but defeat, she was done fighting.


Michael, however, was not, he was never one to give up,

he stood staring at Maria for that one moment, and Maria stood frozen to the spot groceries still clutched in her hands.

I tried to look away to give them their one moment, their last, but then the taller man whispered something into Michael’s ear and the saddest look that has ever crossed a person’s face crossed his that day.

He looked right at her and mouthed, ‘I love you’ before being turned around and shoved into the SUV behind Isabel.


Max came out the next moment, the aftermath moment

and still becoming aware of the situation he went into crisis mode, he ran down the street towards us and pulled the shocked, although quickly becoming hysterical, Maria back into the crowd, back down the street, back to our van, and drove us all out of town, never looking back.



Saving them was never an option, and I think it hurt worse knowing we never even considered it.

It was hard to say how long Maria simply screamed in anguish but eventually her screams died down and she just cried quietly until the next state.

I didn’t think anything could ever make me wish to hear those screams of hers again, but when all her tears had been spent she went silent and never spoke again.

Maybe she blamed us, could I blame her?

It would be expected that I would feel like I lost my best friend that day, the day she stopped caring.

But truthfully I didn’t lose my best friend the day she became closed off to the world, no, I had lost her long before that.

Maria and I hadn’t been best friends in years, things were just too complicated in our lives.

I missed her though, so much more than I ever thought I would.

It’s so wrong that the only thing I have left of the closest person in the world to me at one point, was the note Kyle found next to her body.


We were too late by then.


Surprise, Surprise.


I had managed to kill two of my best friends, that takes talent ladies and gentlemen.



I only saw Max cry once for the loss of his sister and best friend, it was the last time we made love.

After that it just didn’t feel right loving each other, we always did somewhere deep in our hearts, but the hell we were living in didn’t have tolerance for love and our souls were too broken.

I think it helped him, knowing that they were together, at least if it happened they were taken together and he was the one left behind.

The one left behind to use his imagination to come up with all of the things they went through…or perhaps were still going through, because of him.

He blamed himself.

Even in the good times Max Evans never gave himself a break.

He was forever drowning himself in guilt and blame for everything we were missing out on in life.

No one can live like that.



So, like I said before I should have known by the look in his eyes when he came in that day, that look I had grown so accustomed to, one of apology for the promise he was preparing to break, and regret for all the others already broken.

“Liz, I…”

he started to reach out to touch my hand but the gesture being so alien to both of us he pulled back.

“…I don’t want to say I’m sorry because that’s what I always say, but I want to fix things. I know we swore that we would never mess with things we couldn’t control and didn’t understand but you have to realize that I need to do this.”

“You, you want to change things, with the granolith don’t you?”

I looked into his eyes but couldn’t stand the look of apology there and had to look away.

He was struggling finding a response, after everything he had put this girl through here he was breaking the only promise that he hadn’t yet.

“Yes.”

“What are you going to do this time?”

I had the right to be completely opposed to the entire thing.

“I’m not going back to the day to save her, or the years ago to save them, or back to make me fall out of love with you, or back to the day you were shot. I’m going to go back to keep you, Liz Parker, from ever being in Roswell.”

He didn’t say their names, he couldn’t.

“That’s impossible…” I said as his words began to sink in.

“It very well may be, but if I can keep you from ever coming anywhere near that town I can give you a normal life, a safe one, one where your friends don’t die, one where you don’t leave your family, one where your husband keeps his promises…you deserve so much more…than I could ever give you.”

His voice cracked a little on the last part and my heart broke just a little more.

“Max, changing the past means you can’t predict the future, you don’t know if doing this will give me any of that, so please, no more false hopes.”

“Liz, I have to do this, I have to try, I can’t live with myself knowing I could have saved you from all this, but didn’t.”

He looked at me with his once piercing hazel eyes,
but they had lost their sparkle.

He got up and turned to leave my room.

“You already did.”

I whispered, but he never heard.






Okay so what do you think? F/B Please!!! and also if anyone is interested in making a banner or know someone I can ask please let me know...I already have a few pics in mind that I would like to be used...thanks <3 you guys

~Amiee

Thanks to Emz80m, roswellluver, and Dreamer(Nikki) you guys are great <33

Part 4


“Alex Whitman!”

“Uh, oh…” Alex said as he squinched his face up and slowly turned around to greet the screeching voice that came from behind us.

I turned to find a pretty girl with long blonde curls and a pretty smile, but looking seriously pissed at the moment sending Alex the meanest looks.

“Maria Deluca! Here I want you to meet somebody, this is Liz, she just moved here” he said while thrusting me between him and the girl and pushing me forward.

“Hi Liz, nice to meet you," she smiled at me "
and I don’t mean to be rude, but Alex!” she continued while pushing me to the side and moving towards Alex cornering him into the wall.

“…Alex was supposed to call me last night to tell me what time to come over for band practice," finger poke

"because Alex promised me that I could sing at their next gig," finger poke

"because Alex promised that he like my voice and thought I was a needed extra…." 'nother finger poke

"but Alex lied!” oh, that last one's gonna leave a mark ladies and gentlemen.

She had dug her finger so far into his chest now that his back was against the wall.
I had watched the whole display with immense amusement Alex seriously looked scared of her, but who wouldn’t be she was like a mini-hurricane when she was angry.

“Well, Alex” while pushing her hand out of the way
“didn’t go to band practice last night because his dad wanted him to clean out the garage instead, so chill out.”

“You could have at least called so I wouldn’t have been at home sitting by the phone the entire time.”

“Yeah, because I’m sure you had a very eventful night that my not calling ruined.”

“You know, you’re just mean sometimes, I don’t even know why I hang out with you…So Liz was it? Is this the doofus they assigned to show you around the school?”

Suddenly realizing the attention had been turned back on me I struggled to find my voice.

“Yeah, I mean no he’s not a doofus, but yes that he was the one who…”

Alex chuckled “Slow down Liz you’re starting to sound like Maria”

“Thanks a lot. Look no one’s insulting your abounding knowledge of our school, but I think Liz is in need of a gal pal to show her the ropes."

“Oh well excuse me, since I don't seem to achieve 'gal pal' status, please show ahead…”
he said while stepping back and bowing half-way presenting his arm in front of him.

Maria brushed past him

“Don’t worry I will.”


After forty-five minutes Maria had finally covered all of her “main” points, first Roswell had absolutely nothing cool about it and nothing cool to do in it.
She mentioned that my Uncle’s new café was the highlight everyone was waiting for to open in order to start as the new hang-out spot.
Second just like your regular small town you had your crazies except Roswell’s crazies came in the form of UFO hunters in winnebagos or cranky families in station wagons.
Third there weren’t many cute guys and the ones who were, were so dumb they weren’t worth the effort of training.

Of course she mentioned this last little tidbit of information out of Alex’s earshot.
They had shown me where all of my classes were and I was on my way to 4th period AP Biology glad to have been freed for a moment from Maria’s excessive chatter.

I stepped through the doorway and prayed the teacher wouldn’t do the embarrassing

“Excuse me class, we have a new student today Elizabeth Parker, she just moved here…”

Apparently no one was answering prayers right now.

“Elizabeth, I believe there’s an extra seat, hmm oh right over there third row”

I kept my head down and my bag close as I made my way to my stool, the class was much smaller than I expected it to be, less eyes to stare I guess.

I pulled out my notebook and prepared to play catch-up I opened it to a blank page after my old notes from my other biology class at my old school.
Perhaps I’d hit it lucky and we would be right about the same spot we were at before, I began digging in my bag for a pencil when I pulled out what I thought was a tissue.

It wasn’t, it was a note on a napkin that my mother had put in my lunch on my very first day of high school.

She always wrote a note on my napkin when I was in gradeschool reminding me of something that I would most likely forget to do when I got home, you know the usual Mom stuff.

I remembered thinking that day how childish it was that she still didn’t understand that I was all grown up now but I had shoved it to the bottom of my bag and kept it.

I kept it in my bag, buried beneath everything these last two years only to make an appearance now.


No matter how old you get you’ll never stop being my little girl. Never grow up faster than you have to—love mom.


I couldn’t breathe

I rubbed the edges of the napkin in my fingers until it rolled into little pieces.

I could feel the tears start to cloud my vision, I couldn’t cry now, I couldn’t.

Then every one would see and they would know, they would know again just like before—-

I crumpled the napkin in my hand and shoved it in my pocket, as I breathed in an out trying to keep my lip from quivering.

I stared at the lab table hard where a girl had carved her name in, if I could just stare at the A a little harder, okay a little better just keep breathing, just keep breathing, in, out, look up now, pick up your pencil and copy the notes, you’re okay, you can get through this class.


This was the mantra that continually played in my head,
don’t cry,
just focus on something else,
anything else.


****




Sorry it's so short...but watch in the next part, she'll run into you know who...

Feedback pretty please

~Amelia

Thanks to: Dreamer, roswellluver, begonia9508, icequeen, and ontheoutsidelookingin for your wonderful feedback! I hope everyone had a great new year and here is a new part...

A/N
As things begin to come together in the story I will post a little bit of background information for the characters that will not necessarily be as obvious in the story. For instance Liz's name is Elizabeth PARKER. Who we know as her father Jeff Parker is her Uncle in this story. Because in this timeline when things were changed Nancy fell in love with John Parker, Jeff Parker's brother. This is really in no way a big part of the story...however I hope to clear up any confusion later on when people call Jeff Mr. Parker, Just so the line of division is made between him as her Father and him as her Uncle...Okay <3 you guys!



Part 5

One time at a gas station in a nothing town in a nowhere place, we pulled in alongside another VW Van filled with kids all about our age. Of course we were aged in pain and loss of years that they had no hope of even comprehending.

As I went to use the bathroom a girl from the other van was on her way out, she smiled and said a short hello, I attempted my best at a smile but it was such a foreign movement for my mouth I’m sure it didn’t come out right. I wanted so bad to be that girl at that moment. Away from my life at hand,

I wanted to un-grow-up.

I wanted to be a kid again, to go back to all of those summers that I had begged my dad to let me start working at the Café to take on more responsibility—and spend just one more summer playing hop-scotch with Maria, or going swimming with Alex, or packing my bag to visit my grandma. Just one more summer of being young, carefree, and holding the ignorance of a five-year old to life’s horrors.

None of us got to really be teenagers, we had our occasional party, a few dates that could all be counted on one hand, but there was never anything normal about it. Max, Michael, and Isabel couldn’t have anything that could be considered normal for a childhood. Sure they were treated normal, but they were accustomed to fearing for their life and time had prepared them to accept that fact. Their purpose was greater and went far beyond that of being normal, so they didn’t miss it as much as we did.

How can you miss something you never had?

Maria, Kyle, and I we remembered, we knew what those times of being normal were like and we felt the sore bitter loss of them.


****


When the bell finally rang for class to be over I gathered up all of my stuff and made my way to the library. It was lunch so everyone would be in the cafeteria or the “quad” as they called it and the library would be my solace.

I entered through the double doors Alex had showed me earlier and made my way towards the back. I set my stuff down on an empty table, and went behind two book cases and sunk to the floor.

I pulled the napkin from my pocket and looked at the words again. I traced each letter with my finger, her handwriting was so pretty, always flowing and girly, each letter perfect to a T, where mine was spiky and impulsive, my grandma always said you could tell what kind of person someone was by their handwriting.

I didn’t even realize that I was crying, I could taste the salty tears on my lips, God—I miss her so much. I covered my mouth with my arm as a hiccupped sob escaped me.

What was I going to do? I was all alone, I had to grow up.
I just wanted to be my mommy’s little girl again, why can’t I, please.

I buried my face in my hands and pulled my knees to my chest as I started my mantra over trying to calm myself down. In out, in out,
a book fell over on a nearby shelf and I looked up startled, just in time to see a dark head dart behind the shelf diagonal from me.

I wiped my face and stood up quickly, trying to think of a possible good reason for sitting in a library crying. I stepped into the aisle and watched as a dark haired boy pushed a cart filled with books down the row.

I could feel the anger and self-hatred building up inside of me, how could I let that happen? I’m not supposed to think about it, I walked over to the table I had set my stuff down on earlier and began organizing it.
I then made a detailed list of everything I had for homework that night, then I mapped out my routes to my next classes. English and Gym, I could get through that not so bad.

The bell rang, I gathered my things and started to make my way towards the door when I bumped into someone, I looked up into the face of my dark-haired spy, who was incredibly handsome. I looked back down and blushed while he mumbled a quick apology and stepped back allowing me to pass. I clutched my books tighter to my chest and made my way out the door holding it open for him, but I turned back and he was already gone.

Great job Liz, first day of school and you’ve already got people thinking you’re a freak, that’s a record.


****


I always prided myself on the fact that I was the only one that could hurt him enough to break him. That night long ago when he stood outside my window and looked in on me in bed with Kyle, he broke, I could hear it, I could feel it.

As sick as it was that’s what got me through that year, knowing that he loved me so much that I could hurt him that bad,

of course I came to find out he wasn’t hurt so bad.

Not so bad that he couldn’t sleep with Tess, not so bad that he could completely lose faith in me, no I didn’t hurt him so bad at all.

I realized then, that even though his heart had been mine to break, his spirit wasn’t and I couldn’t break that. He was so much stronger than he ever gave himself credit for, he could have been a King, he would have been one of the great ones.





What do you think?
~Amiee

I know! hard to believe but I do have a new part. Sorry it's so short, but I had some things I wanted to finish clearing up in this timeline before switching back the other one. Thank you for everyone who left feedback and is still here to read this! Also, I'm still looking for someone who might want to make me a banner? pretty please? Enjoy the new part!





Part 6


It all began between the two of us. All because a boy loved a girl, all because a boy and a girl thought their love was strong enough to conquer the world, and perhaps it was, when it didn’t really have to.

It was one of those times where we felt the FBI’s breath on our necks more than usual. By then I think we were so tired we were hoping they could end it for us, at least then we could always live behind the illusion that they caught us instead of the fact that we were the first to give up.

Everyone was gone, Kyle, Max and I were the only ones left. We were in a city and stopped at a Chinese restaurant to celebrate.

What could we possibly be celebrating?

We stopped on the day of our ‘graduation’ every year to celebrate our one victory, our threshold from our lives into what we were doing now. It had now been five years since we had piled into a van late one night hoping to save our lives not realizing we would only meant to lose them.

I can only imagine the sight of the three stragglers walking in and sitting down, it had been a day or two since our last real shower, the guys now donned longer hair and beards, my hair had grown longer too although it spent most of its time pulled back out of the way.

We tried to smile at one another, and list things we were thankful for these past few years, when that short list ended we fell into our usual silence.

Max paid the check and we made our way back out to the van dreading being stuck back inside for another who knows how long hour drive to the who knows what next hell-hole. Max was walking silently in front of me when Kyle grabbed my arm, I turned around to face him when he whispered,

“Liz, I…I think I left my wallet inside.”

Oh no.

“It might be at the table or in the bathroom or something, you know how forgetful I can be”

Liar.

“Listen, since the way we’ve been feeling lately if I’m not back out in five minutes on the dot I want you to go on ahead, we don’t know how many of them are watching us at any one time.”

No, please.

“Kyle, please, we can go back in together, we can wait for…”

“Liz, listen to me, five minutes okay?”

He was leaving me too, after all of this he was leaving me too.

I nodded my head weakly, as he let go of my arm. By this time Max had reached the van and had turned back wondering where we were. He didn’t seem surprised to watch me walk to the van alone while Kyle headed back towards the restaurant.

“He said he left his wallet inside and we are only to wait five minutes.”

Max nodded his head and walked around to get in the van. We watched the clock and glanced at the restaurant across the street.

One minute, no sign of him, maybe he had to look in the bathroom.

Two minutes, maybe the waitress picked it up and he had to get it back from the manager.

Three minutes

Our attention was drawn to the side-alley of the restaurant where a person had, more or less, fallen from the bathroom window and was now knocking trashcans over as they ran as fast as they could down the small alleyway in the opposite direction of the van.

In the opposite direction of us.

Four minutes.

Five minutes.

Max started the van and I swallowed my tears.

Could I really blame him?

I think I was more upset because he got away and I didn’t.

He never deserved it anyway, he deserved the chance at something better and he took the first opportunity to get it. Hell if I had known this would be me at the age of twenty-three I would have gone running in the opposite direction screaming my bloody head off.

It all began between the two of us, could I really be naïve enough to believe that it would end any other way than between the two of us?

I hope in the end he got the chance at a normal life.
I hope he finally found someone to fall in love with.

I hope he found a way to be happy.







****
Feedback please
<3 Amiee

Hi......I'm so sorry for leaving you guys this long, senior year has just really been getting to me and stressing me. Again so sorry, school is out in another month or two so hopefully by then...I have a lot of good ideas for this story so don't worry.

Also, still looking for someone to make me a banner please please??



Without futher ado...


Part 7

I dragged myself up the ladder to my balcony. My Uncle had conveniently forgot to give me a key and had happened to be out when I got home from school. He wasn’t used to being accountable or having the responsibility of anyone else’s life on his hands.
I climbed in through my window that thankfully enough I had left open and dropped my books. It had been a long day, I looked around my room to see if it felt more like a home today than it had yesterday, or the day before that.

I didn’t want to get my hopes up too much but I decided to see if there was anything in the fridge. I made my way downstairs not expecting to see the television on but as I got closer I realized it was because my Uncle was watching it. No, he was passed out in front of it, an empty bottle sat on the small coffee table next to him. I could smell the stench of alcohol from his half-open mouth. I stood there furious at his selfishness before running back up the stairs and leaving through my window.

I couldn’t believe him, he had been to rehab time and time again, one of the reasons he had never been able to hold down a steady job. And here he was drinking again, god. I wanted to scream why was this happening to me? I glanced around realized I had made my way into a small park. I sat down on a bench and pulled my knees to my chest, I seemed to be finding myself in this position a lot. I was trying to be logical about this, my parents were dead so I was now in the charge of my Uncle, the executor of my parents will said I was to go to my Father’s only brother and he would be solely responsible for ensuring that the money from my parents life policies went as far as possible. However, what if he was too busy drinking to be able to fulfill his duties? Where would I go next? I was still a minor. I felt my lip quivering and I wrapped my arms around my knees pulling them closer to my chest trying to keep the tears from spilling over. I was pretty good at it by now.


“Elizabeth, hello dear, I know this is a, very difficult time, but could you please join me in the kitchen?”

I stood up from the back porch step and followed the old man who had disturbed me.

I walked into my kitchen to find only strangers, strangers were all in my house, and two of them faced me from the table, wait, one of them, the other one was my dead-beat Uncle.

“Elizabeth, as you know I am the executor of your parents will, you do know what an executor is don’t you sweetie?” I didn’t look up from the table but of course I knew what an executor was.

“Since your mother was an only child, in the even that, mmhh something like this would happen, the responsibility of your medical care, schooling, and well being would be given to Jeff Parker, your father’s older brother. This decision is non-negotiable and was approved and signed for by both your parents as well as Mr. Parker here.”

My eyes shot up from the table

“What?!? He is supposed to take care of me? Look, you don’t understand this man is not my Uncle I barely know the guy, and now I’m supposed to live with him? With some stranger!?”

My Uncle looked down at his hands in his lap defenseless.

“Well, yes Elizabeth, it was what your parents wanted.”

I pushed my chair out from the table, I hated the past tense of it all. I pushed open the screen door and walked back outside. How did he know what my parents... The only time the subject of my Uncle came up in our house it was a money issue and now he had all of mine.
He was the one thing that tore my parents apart and I didn’t understand why, my Mother always defended him, and my dad would get angry with her for it, even though it was his older brother. I didn’t understand it and now I never would.



~Amiee f/b please

Hi---


I know I've been pretty MIA recently. My high-school career is over and it was good save for the fact I had some major medical problems towards the end of the year which is why I am stopping this fic for the time being. I know I may come back to it one day but I don't know when that will be. I still love Roswell and always will I'm just not in a place in my life to be writing this kind of thing right now.

A huge thank-you to everyone who read and enjoyed this story while I was writing it.

<33 Amiee