Roswell Fanatics

Title: Em@il My Heart...
Author: JBehrsGurl
Genre: AU
Pairings/Couple(s): M/L, CC
Rating: TEEN
Disclaimer: "Disclaimer: The characters of "Roswell" belong to Jason Katims, Melinda Metz, WB, and UPN. They are not mine and no infringement is intended." But I DO own the characters that are not related to the show Roswell.
Summary: Liz & Maria are best friends... But they've never met.
Author’s Note: This fic is based lightly on the way I met my best friend today Jessica aKa StarDustDreamer. If I take long to update this fic plz don't stop reading, sometimes I get stuck and I can't go on so I have to take a break.
Date of latest update: 30. NOV. 2005


Table of Contents...

Part 01: Nice Butt ....... Page 01
Part 02: The Chronicles of Liz Parker ....... Page 01
Part 03: Sometimes They Leave… ....... Page 01
Part 04: But Sometimes… They Come Back ....... Page 01
Part 05: And Sometimes… They Just Get On Your Nerves ....... Page 01
Part 06: She’s Sexy ....... Page 01
Part 07: Crash Course in Polite Conversations ....... Page 01
Part 08: Turn The Page, But The Memory Remains ....... Page 01
Part 09: My Day With Max Evans ....... Page 01
Part 10: No Llodes Mi Baby ....... Page 04
Part 11: The Affair ....... Page 05
Part 12: I Gotta Getcha ....... Page 07
Part 13: A Beautiful Lie ....... Page 10
Part 14: It's In The Air ....... Page 13
Part 15: L.O.V.E. ....... Page 14
Part 16: Ocean City Girl ....... Page 17






Part 1: Nice Butt…

Ever sniffed the tip of a permanent marker until your eyes start to glaze over and your head gets squishy? Yeah. Me neither. But I’m tempted to do just that right now as I sit here in my boring summer school class. Mr. Roth is the only teacher I know that sags his pants. Only I don’t think he’s doing it for fashion, recently Mr. Roth has lost over 70 plus pounds. I remember the day he announced to our 10th grade History class that he was going on the ever-popular Atkins’ diet.

One year later, his low-carb cut down had deemed him now the most fit (and attractive) teacher at West Pacific High. He’s 32 years old and has the brain of a 56 year old. What a waste, but at least he’s nice to look at. So this way when I’m zoned out of listening to his whack lectures he thinks I’m listening because I’m staring at him as if I’m paying attention. Unbeknownst to him that I’m imagining him with no clothes on.

Why am I stuck here in the hell they call summer school? Well that’s a very easy question to answer. My mother. She forced me to take a damn writers workshop course to “better my college application form.” What she doesn’t know is that I’m not going to college. What she doesn’t know is that I fucked up my junior year and will most likely do the exact same things for my upcoming senior year. I know, I know, be optimistic, but you don’t currently have a 1.22 GPA now do you? Sadly I don’t give a rats ass whether I go to college or not, I have a steady paying job and I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I’m 17 years old dammit, why should I waste the best years of my life preparing for adulthood?

“I heard Mr. Roth’s dating now.” Isabel Evans whispered to the girl next to her. Unfortunately since Isabel sits directly in front of me I’m forced to hear every sentence that comes spewing from her mouth. At least I’m up to date on school gossip and I know that body skin is thicker than facial skin and that is why it’s harder to control back acne. Hmmm… Does this mean that our dear Isabel has back acne? One can only wish miss perfect wasn’t so… perfect.

Oh, and as for my best friend? Well that’s a complicated question. You see… I’ve never actually met my best friend before.

Wait! Wait!

Before you start to think that my best friend is an invisible Martian named Sally let me explain my claim okay? My best friend lives in Seattle and we met online. Okay, seriously don’t think I’m a dork. We met at a site where I post fanfiction for our favorite show called Antar. She liked my writing, I liked her always leaving me cool feedback. We talked online a lot, emailed and just talked on the phone. We’re like two peas in a pod that was separated at birth. I’m serious. Maria Deluca is my other half. And one day we’ll meet in the same state and have a kick ass time. As it is, she’s in the City and I’m in Roswell.

“Ms. Parker. Ahem, Ms. Parker? Yes, hello so sorry to bother you during your daydream.” Mr. Roth cleared his throat, “But can you please tell me the most common mistake made today in grammar?”

“Psh,” I snort, “No.” I scowl. He’s cute but that’s not enough to get me to pay attention to his dumb class.

Isabel’s hand immediately flies up, “Oh Mr. Roth I know!” Ugh, gag me. She answers and turns around to give me her snippy ha-ha look.

I flip her off and stand up, “I have to go to the bathroom.” I say and walk out the door, ignoring Mr. Roth’s protest of needing a pass. Screw that.

Walking around school I get bored so I got out to the back and run smack dab into my cousin and partner in crime Michael Guerin. “Why aren’t you in class?” He says flicking his lighter and lighting a cigarette, “I’m gonna tell your mom.” He teases and blows his smoke skyward.

Hand on my hips I snap back, “And I’ll tell your mom that you didn’t quit smoking.” I say snatching the cigarette from his lips and stomping on it.

“Snitch.” He mutters and lights another.

I lean against the wall beside him and watch the soccer players warm up. Wishing I could go play along I sigh and settle for staring at the player’s nice rear ends. Nice… Nooo! Nice… Very Nice… Oooh nice…. Ew!… Maybe… Hmmm… Hmmm, well, well I like that one, better yet I LOVE that one! Whoa!

“Why are you staring at Max Evans ass?” Michael starts to crack up, “Yo! Maxwell!” He yells out.

Oh my god. Did he just say Max Evans? As in thee Max Evans? The Max Evans I’ve had a crush on since the 6th grade?! Okay Liz, breathe… In… Out… In…

“Hey man what’s up?” Max slaps hands with Michael, “Hey.” He says to me.

OUT! I let one huge whoosh of air out my lungs and almost pass out.

“Whoa there, better stop sucking back the sauce eh?” He laughs and sets me upright. Oh great, now he thinks I’m an alcoholic. As if I wasn’t enough of a freak already, let’s add Max Evans thinking I’m a tweaker.

“Yeah so my cousin was just admiring…” Michael begins and is interrupted by me slamming my heel down as hard as I can on the toes of his feet. “Ayeeeeee!” He shrieks, “Mother! *&%$#@!!!!” He curses.

“Oh now Michael, what would Tia Guerin say about that?” I shake my head and click my tongue.

Max laughs at us as if we’re funny. I have to hide my cheeks reddening and turn to look out at the passing cars on the street from across the field, “Liz here told me to tell you she think you have a nice butt.” Michael suddenly blurts as soon as he could speak past the pain of his smashed feet.

My mouth drops open and Max starts to laugh again, Michael is smirking and thank you Jesus… My cell phone starts being the tune of Sex in the City…

Quickly making my exit I answer, “Hello?”

“Hola chica!” Maria spurts, “Guess what?”

“What?” I say not daring to turn back around.

“I don’t have to go to summer school!” She sings.

“Lucky.” I say wishing we could trade spaces.

“Don’t you wish we could trade spaces?” She coos.

See what I mean? Same brain.

“Hey Liz!” I hear Max yell from a yard behind me as I’m making my way back to class, I turn and he shouts, “You have a nice butt too!”

Thanks for the feedback! This is for you! Oh and a new banner on page one!



PART 2: The Chronicles of Liz Parker...


Date: 6/20/2005
From: "Maria" <ImToxic@gmail.com>
Subject: Suck on This
To: "Liz" <PunkPrincess87@hotmail.com>

Hey Chicken Little! I'm sorry I had to cut out so soon on our last phone call but I'm terribly low on minutes and I love you but not that much. Anyways I can't believe your cousin ratted you out like that! But hey, at least Max said you had a nice butt too! Oh my gosh I would so die if I were you right now. But at least you're not me! Liz, can you believe my parents? I mean who sends their daughter to her grandparents house during the summer to work on a farm??? Most certainly not me and obviously not your parents otherwise you'd be bitching right along with me.

By the way that pic you showed me the other day with you and your cousin? Oh my god can we say hooottt??? I think I am in love with your cousin Liz, seriously. Even though I know he can be such a jerk sometimes (so I hear) I still think he's hot. In fact he's hotter than hot, he's sizzling. And if you tell him I said that I will fly all the way to Roswell to kick your little petite ass. Okay? Okay.

Alright I'm at my Nana's computer and I was supposed to help her make some pies or something for who the hell knows because I don't care. Love you!

Maria




Date: 6/21/2005
From: "Liz" <PunkPrincess87@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: Suck on This
To: "Maria" <ImToxic@gmail.com>

Okay I just threw up in my mouth a little bit... EW! You think Michael is hot?! Ew. Ew. Ew. Ewwwww!!! Okay, I think I'm okay now... No. I was wrong, I'm not. EW!. If you knew him liek I do than you'd see why I am having this momant of insanity. I mean the boy burps and farts and smokes and... and... I could go on and on but why waste my precious email talking about my cousin? He's retarded. End of story.

So you have to spend your summer on a farm with not one but TWO old people? Hahahaha! No, seriously I'm just teasing. I actually still think you have it made. I still have to go to summer school and listen to Isabel "Perfect" Evans gossip about the entire school with her sidekick Tess "The Bitch" Harding. Not only that but ever since Michael "Ew" Guerin my stupid cousin told Max "The Brad Pitt of Roswell" Evans that I said he had a nice behind he hasn't stopped smiling at me. Now everytime I pass him in the halls he shakes his ass and shimmies past me. This of course makes me blush and you know what happens when I blush. My face turns into a strawberry. Kill me now will ya? Better yet let's kill Michael. Yeah that sounds like an excellent plan.

Oh and while you're busy plowing those fields -get it? plowing??? haha! I don't even get it so how can you? Oh my gosh I totally think that red bull is kicking in. I could run a marathon right now and crack out at the same time. That's the last time I have a red bull drink contest with Alex. Okay I gotta jet because now I seriously gotta pay a visit to the little ladies room. Talk to your skanky ass later. Love ya like a fat kid loves cake! OoOoh.. Cake, MmMmmmm...

Love,
Liz




"Liz I do hope that's your original fiction you're working on and not another email..." Mr. Roth warned from his seat up front. What I heart was Wah, wah wah wah wah! You know, like in Charlie Brown?

I'm actually instant messaging Michael and newest his best friend Alex whom lately is starting to grow on me. This will be Alex Whitman's first year in Roswell, having come from California. Why the hell he left the golden state for Roswell, New Mexico is beyond me but I feel so sorry for him. If not for Michael he would be half way down a toilet by now, the jocks of Roswell tended to pick on the weak.

DaWhitMAN: hello my lucious beauty queen
SoOriginal87: Hey Alex
DaWhitMAN: how'd you know it was me???
SoOriginal87: umm... let me see....
DaWhitMAN: O. my sn. i c
SoOriginal87: so what's up? What's on the whitman agenda for today?
DaWhitMAN: oh I dunno, thought I'd check out Max Evans butt... how about you?
SoOriginal87: I'm going to kill Michael.
DaWhitMAN: no need, he's already getting grilled by the teacher for sleeping in class again as we speak
SoOriginal87: not good enough
DaWhitMAN: you're so sweet
SoOriginal87: I think so
DaWhitMAN: uh oh, gotta jet this chick next to me is a total narc.
<center>DaWhitMAN had signed off</center>

BenditLikeME: Hey
SoOriginal87: Ummm... Hello.
SoOriginal87: Who is this?
BenditLikeME: Guess
SoOriginal87: someone whose ass I'm going to kick?
BenditLikeME: how "origianl"
SoOriginal87: Alright I'm outtie. Peace.
BenditLikeME: no wait!
SoOriginal87: why
BenditLikeME: you have to guess
SoOriginal87: I don't like games
BenditLikeME: I promise the grand prize is very much worth your troubles...
SoOriginal87: and what's that?
BenditLikeME: a date with Tad Hamilton
SoOriginal87: Oh really?! Well in that case...
<center>SoOriginal87 has signed off...</center>




"Suck a fat one man I am not eating that." I scowled across the table at my cousin and his disgusting pile of soggy Flaming Hot Cheetos, Dorito's and Pepsi Twist.

"C'mon Liz!" Alex pleaded in the seat next to me, "I'll let you slap Michael across the face!"

"Hey!" Michael came to his own defense, "Look, you either eat it or you have to do the triple dog dare. It's in the rules."

"What rules?" I snapped, "You're so full of shit Guerin."

"Language." Alex teased.

I shot him a look of annoyance and sighed, "Fine. I'll just have take one for the team I guess."

"And what team is that?" Michael snorted.

"My team." I shrugged and moved in for a bite.

"Wait!" Michael shoved the plate away, "Okay, okay. I feel a moment of compassion coming on..." He paused, "No wait... It's gone, bon apetite." He grinned wide.

I growled and reached for the plate again, "Incoming!" Someone yelled before a soccer ball was plunged into the plate and it's contents went flying all over my face. I screamed of course and it was a shrill dying-rabbit type sound that had everyone covering their ears to keep from bleeding.

"I... am so... Oh my god I'm sorry Liz." Max Evans brushed a stray Cheeto from my face, "The angle was off, the kick was fly, I'm so sorry I-"

"Save it." I cut him off, "It was an accident. End of story get out of my line of sight before I explode." I muttered, "I smell like vomit. And it tastes like vomit. I think I'm going to vomit..."




SoOriginal87: It was horrible!
SexyPixie05: OMG! hahaahahahhahaha!
SoOriginal87: Maria!
SexyPixie05: I'm sorry!
SoOriginal87: I can't believe my luck, first Michael tells Max I like his butt
SexyPixie05: I wish I could see Michael's butt...
SoOriginal87: MARIA!
SexyPixie05: Sorry!
SoOriginal87: no you're not
SexyPixie05: you're right
SexyPixie05: I'm not
SoOriginal87: I hate you
SexyPixie05: Love you!
SoOriginal87: I wish you were here, we could like sit here ojn my bed and eat oreos and contemplate ways to get Michael back
SexyPixie05: Yeah, I'd get him for you
SoOriginal87: MARIA!
SexyPixie05: Sorry! I can't help it
SoOriginal87: That's it I'm telling him you said that
SexyPixie05: Do it and die
SoOriginal87: what would you do? Send me voodoo vibes?
SexyPixie05: Yes.
SoOriginal87: How scary that I believe you.
SexyPixie05: You don't know the half of it sister...

Thanks for all the feedback guys!!! P.S. I wrote this really fast cuz I gotta go to sleep like... RIGHT now if I expect to get up on time tomorrow! So don't hate me if it sucks ass! Thanks guys for reading!



Part 3: Sometimes They Leave…


It was like any other day. I was sitting in class pretending to be interested in a book during reading time, wishing I were anywhere but in here. When suddenly, my right butt cheek started to vibrate. Now let me just say that it felt... pretty damn good considering the morning I had been having. So instead of jumping up in surprise, I marveled for a bit in delight than casually made my way to the front of the class where I so casually grabbed a hall pass and casually walked out of the classroom into the hall and answered my cell phone.

"Ello? Elga's ouse of pain?" I said in my best Alias accent.

"Liz?" Maria's voice blubbered.

My heart sank, "Oh my god Maria what happened?"

"M-M-M-my p-par-p-p--"

"Maria stop, calm down than talk to me. It's okay, everything is fine." I proceeded in lying to my best friend, "Happy thoughts now. You can even think about my disgusting cousin Michael." I mentally cringed but she didn't need to know that.

She laughed. Good sign.

"See, there we go. Chin up old friend." I smiled.

"Please stop the voices, I'm so not in the mood." She managed between sobs.

Okay, now was the perfect time to panic. Maria loves my voices, and I do mean love. Her not wanting to hear one of my lame accents was just not in the cards I was so used to dealing with when it came to Maria Deluca. My other half. My one and only.

"Alright, sorry." I muttered and stood silently in the middle of the hall. "It won't happen again." I added for good measure.

"Oh Liz, I'm sorry... I'm so sorry." She started up again with the sobs. I was so pissed that I wasn't there to actually hug her and say things that would make her laugh or feel better. Anything to get her mind off of all the crap.

"It's cool Maria," I soothed her, "Just let it all out because I;m here for you chica. I'll always be here..." I sigh and slide down the wall to sit on my butt, "Even when I'm on the can."



Later that day while I was feeling like shit and typing 'Once upon a time...' over and over again, I thought about nothing but how horrible I felt for Maria. I hate my parents, they're assholes, but damn. If they ever got divorced my whole world who be out of whack. There's just something wrong with two people who've been together forever, breaking up.

Kind of like when Ross & Rachel broke up. But hey, years later... They did get back together. Signing online I look to see who's on. But it looks as if they find me first because all of the sudden. POP! Well looky here...

BenditLikeME: Well hello little lady. Having a good morning so far?
SoOriginal87: truthfully no
BenditLikeME: Well I’m sorry to hear that, wanna tell me your troubles? You’ll find I’m a very good listener
SoOriginal87: I don’t even know you
BenditLikeME: sometimes that’s even better
SoOriginal87: you actually have a point there
BenditLikeME: I know I do, but please keep in mind that I am naked and touching myself as we speak
SoOriginal87: you’re so cute
BenditLikeME: I think so
SoOriginal87: how do you know who I am?
BenditLikeME: everyone knows who you are Liz Parker
SoOriginal87: well isn’t that scary
BenditLikeME: that’s what they say
SoOriginal87: ha. ha.
SoOriginal87: I bet you’re like a total nerd and you’re like, sitting three seats away from me wiping at your snot nose
BenditLikeME: how very perceptive you’ve become. what gave it away?
SoOriginal87: You’re name. It’s nerdy.
BenditLikeME: How so? I’ve been told it’s quite fitting
SoOriginal87: and you talk like a dork
BenditLikeME: I do not, I talk civilized.
SoOriginal87: you talk like you have a long fat stick up your ass
BenditLikeME: better watch out, you’re making the little guy happy with such dirty talk
BenditLikeME: so are you going to tell me what’s wrong?
SoOriginal87: no. I told you, I don’t know you.
BenditLikeME: and I told you. it’s okay!
SoOriginal87: I dunno…


DaWhitMAN: Liz!
SoOriginal87: What!
DaWhitMAN: code blue! code blue!
SoOriginal87: wtf?
DaWhitMAN: Michael’s about to get kicked out of school
SoOriginal87: oh shit, what happened?
DaWhitMAN: he got caught smoking a fattie in the back of school with some peeps
SoOriginal87: damn him! I told him to stay away from those losers. plus he totally promised to save his stash for later when we watch reno 911 tonight
DaWhitMAN: I know, I was a bit peeved too, but damn yo he’s in real trouble. People are being called in for questioning because one of the guys had some hard stuff on him and they think Michael was doing that too
SoOriginal87: WHAT?! omg his mom will flip!
DaWhitMAN: Tell about it! I’ve become accustomed to Ms. Guerin’s fits and this is one I’m so not anticipating.


BenditLikeME: Hello? You still there?
SoOriginal87: brb


SoOriginal87: where is Michael now?
DaWhitMAN: Valenti’s office.
SoOriginal87: no. freaking. way.
DaWhitMAN: yes freaking way and Kyle’s pissed off too because his dad was called in for the whole thing like it’s some big investigation
SoOriginal87: was kyle smoking too?
DaWhitMAN: no, but he was going to. He got there right when they were being busted so he ran back and told me everything and now I’m telling you.
SoOriginal87: crap!
DaWhitMAN: yeah
SoOriginal87: this is so serious alex, if michael gets kicked out that’s it. no one else will take him and he’ll have to go live with his dad in texas!
DaWhitMAN: well that’s not THAT far
SoOriginal87: think of how many times you’re head will be flushed without him
DaWhitMAN: WE GOTTA DO SOMETHING!
SoOriginal87: do what???
DaWhitMAN: I don’t know! Some alias shit! Kick some butt! Plant some evidence! Divert the blame elsewhere!
SoOriginal87: you watch way too much tv alex
DaWhitMAN: can’t help it, it’s allergy season
SoOriginal87: damn. get a hall pass and I’ll meet you in the hall in 5
DaWhitMAN: k. and liz?
SoOriginal87: yeah?
DaWhitMAN: be careful.
SoOriginal87: you’re such a dweeb.
<center>DaWhitMAN has signed off…</center>


SoOriginal87: Sorry, gotta go. Some shit just hit the fan peace!
<center>BenditLikeME is no longer online…</center>
SoOriginal87: damn you




“He’s not answering any of my text messages. He could be being held against is will!” Alex blubbered as I vastly approached him in the halls.

“Alex! Get a hold of yourself!” I shook him violently, “You gotta stay calm alright? We can’t have anyone freaking out right now! We gotta keep our composure!” I started to quote from Old School. Which meant I was on the verge of a meltdown since I tended to quote from movies when I was nervous.

“Okay big cat.” Alex sighed, “I’m alright, I’m okay.”

I nodded and dragged him down the hall towards the principals office where I barged through demanding to be told where my cousin was being held. And if you thought I was answered right away without question you are damn wrong. I got two weeks detention and a threat to call home. I told Mrs. Delmar to suck it and she screamed up a storm of threats. I retorted back with fine!’s and I don’t care!’s but ultimately was not answered and sent back to class by escort.

Alex stood silently the whole time which meant he was overlooked and no one paid him any attention when he snuck inside the inhouse office to see Michael. I was so sure my aunt was on her way I fought and pleaded in any way I could for distraction. Michael’s couldn’t be sent away from me, he couldn’t. I don’t think I could have even gotten this far in life without him. He was the only person in Roswell who truly understood how fucked up I really was.



Date: 6/28/2005
From: "Maria" <ImToxic@gmail.com>
Subject: Thanks, you r0ck
To: "Liz" <PunkPrincess87@hotmail.com>

Thanks for the pep talk the other day. Even though I didn’t really allow you to talk through all my bitching and whining and crying and blahness. But seriously, thanks. You may not think you did much but just the fact that you were there on the phone with me was enough. Trust me, it doesn’t take much to please me sometimes. My nana felt so bad about how I found out she gave me $100 bucks and told me to go spend it. I saved it instead, you just never know when I may need it these days.

Sorry I’ve been MIA lately, I’m sure you’re going through crap of your own and don’t need to hear about my stupid problems. I just wanted to email you and say thanks and all that jazz.

Well, talk to you later hopefully. This time period thing really sucks some ass by the way. Love you.

-maria




Date: 6/28/2005
From: "Liz" <PunkPrincess87@hotmail.com>
Subject: Re: Thanks, you r0ck
To: "Maria" <ImToxic@gmail.com>

I can’t believe you would ever even think I wouldn’t want to sit here and listen to my best friends rants and rages and problems. I’m actually quite offended that you would think I wouldn’t care for you enough to not give a damn. I swear Maria sometimes you make me want to pull my damn hair out and scream at the top of my lungs. Than there are other times when all I want is to freaking run across heaven and hell to get to you. You’re my best friend. Deal with it.

And as for my end of the shit stick? It’s all bad. For one, I might lose Michael. He may or may not be kicked out of school which will than lead to him having to move to Texas to live with his ex-alcoholic father. As much as I hate him I can’t deal without him. Does that make any sense? He’s my only ally in Roswell, the only one who knows how to deal with my twisted self. Can you imagine living in a place where no one speaks your language and your only interpreter is being sent away? It’s hell. Not only that but I’m pretty sure I’m flunking my summer class. How do I know? Well I dunno, maybe because I haven’t done a single thing in there? Or bothered to turn in a single assignment? So who knows, maybe I’ll be on my way right there alongside Michael. Only my parents won’t send me away to another relative, they’ll stick my feet in cement and throw me into an ocean.

Ain’t they the best? I get so much love and support over here it’s ridiculous! I’m tired so I’m out. Love you more than you know…

Liz

Thanks for the reviews guys!


Part 4: But Sometimes… They Come Back

Crap. That’s one word that could sum up my situation right now. I would say Sh- “Liz!” Oh damn. It’s my mom. Hide! I barrel roll underneath my bed after slapping shut my laptop and taking it with me.

“Elizabeth Parker you come out right now!” Oh crap it’s my dad! I see feet… I see four feet… Oh my god my dad is a Martian! Oh no wait, those are my mom’s feet over to the left.

“Did you check under the bed?” My mom asks. Damn you mother!

My dad sighs, “No.” Don’t do it dad! Don’t do it! “And I’m not going to either.” Yeay! “Because if she is under there and she knows where Michael is then she better stay under there.”

Crap. “Fine. Okay. I’m under here.” I mumble. I crawl out slowly to see that mom has vacated my room and it’s just my dad. “But I don’t know where Michael is.” I sneeze several times, it’s dusty down there!

My dad pulls off several clumps of dust from my hair, “Sweet pea we need to talk…”

“I’m not sure I want to hear this.” My hearts pounding, then I get a horrible thought, “Oh my god are you and mom getting a divorce?!” I scream.

Dad almost falls back on my bed in shock, “No! Who told you that? Was it that damn aunt of yours? I knew she was a gossip! She just hates that your mother and I are happily married while her marriage went to sh… The toilet.”

Dad doesn’t like Auntie Guerin all that much, which is understandable since she hate him with a hot fiery passion. She blames my dad for the reason she and Michael’s biological father parted ways. She sure could hold a grudge. Oh my gosh that movie was so freaky!

“Anyways no, that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about. I wanted to talk to you about Michael. Where do you think he would be? He’s completely overacting about this whole thing. It was all just one big misunderstanding and him running away makes him look like the guilty party after all.”

How the hell does my dad know so much? “Dad, how do you know all of this before even I do?”

He smirks, “Because I’m dad.” He winks and pinches my nose. Thanks dad but I’m not 5 anymore. Oh damn I giggled. Stop Liz! No! Bad Liz!

“Dad quit, I’m serious. So Michael’s not going to get kicked out? What happened? What’s auntie Guerin think about all this? Is she going to kick Michael out? Will he have to live with his dad in Texas? Oh m god dad I swear if Michael goes, I go. I’ll slap some mud piles together and go live in the dessert.”

He chuckles, “Where do you come up with this stuff girl?”

I shrug, “TV?”

“Nice try.” He stands up, “I’m not sure what will come of Michael’s punishment but I know that he now has two strikes on his school record for smoking on school property. One more and he’s toast.” He shakes his head, “I just don’t understand that kid. Not one bit. He has everything and yet he acts so rebellious.”

“You don’t know him like I do dad, he’s mad. He’s always mad.”

Dad sighs again and pulls me into a hug, “I suppose I’d be mad too if I had a mother like that and no dad.”




SexyPixie05: BoO!
SoOriginal87: Ahh!
SexyPixie05: You’re so fake
SoOriginal87: What up my lover?
SexyPixie05: And your gay
SoOriginal87: Yes. But only for you.
SexyPixie05: Okay stop you’re freaking me out now
SoOriginal87:
SexyPixie05: So what’s up? Any news on the MikieG front?
SoOriginal87: Wouldn’t you like to know!
SexyPixie05: Uh DUH why would I be asking if I didn’t?
SoOriginal87: you got a point
SexyPixie05: I know I do dorkus
SoOriginal87: Well not so much has gone down as of yet
SoOriginal87: Michael went home and got grilled, fried and filleted 7 different ways
SexyPixie05: Poor baby! Maybe I should-
SoOriginal87: DON’T!
SoOriginal87: even think about finishing that sentence
SexyPixie05: Ugh. Fine you big baby!
SoOriginal87: Maria, time and time again we go through this endless banter back and forth about how gross it is that you completely have no taste when it comes to members of the opposite sex. Case in point: my cousin
SexyPixie05: He’s sexy!
SoOriginal87: Ew! Stop it!
SexyPixie05: Couldn’t if I tried sista girl, couldn’t if I tried
SoOriginal87: well try harder
SexyPixie05: :\
SoOriginal87: I hate those faces!
SexyPixie05: 8-O
SoOriginal87: Ahhh! Stop it!
SexyPixie05: So anyways my parents are officially separated as of last night. Dad’s staying in a hotel and mom has the house. She wanted me to come home to keep her company but I flat out said f-u!
SoOriginal87: Maria! How mean!
SexyPixie05: She sent me here, so as they say: make your bed –lay in it.
SoOriginal87: I’m not so sure that quite accurate
SexyPixie05: Liz?
SoOriginal87: Yes my darling?
SexyPixie05: Shut up.
SoOriginal87: Will do.



“So you’re not going to your dads then?” I asked for the fifth time that night atop Michael’s bed as we lay there contemplating what to do.

He threw a football in the air and caught it, “Nope. Dad said now’s not a good time what with the new baby coming and all.” He rolled his eyes, “I feel so wanted.” He cracked and threw the ball up once again.

I intercepted the catch, “What did your mom say about that?” I tucked the ball under my stomach, it was annoying watching it fly up and down, up and down. I was tired of flinching every time gravity gave way to it’s orbit towards the ceiling.

Michael gave a huge depressed sigh and set an arm over his eyes, “Who cares?”

“Me.” I slammed the football down on his stomach. He gave a loud Oowf! sound and set me off laughing hysterically, “Oh my god you should have seen your face! Hahahaha!”

“You’re so dead.” He swooped over and tossed me off the bed.




BenditLikeME: Nice shiner
SoOriginal87: Thanks, I got it myself
BenditLikeME: what happen? u get beat up?
SoOriginal87: Yep.
BenditLikeME: by who?
SoOriginal87: I got tossed off my cousins bed and the floor broke my heads fall.
BenditLikeME: yeowch.
SoOriginal87: very much so
BenditLikeME: did you get him/her back?
SoOriginal87: no, I’m still waiting for the right revenge to take on HIM
BenditLikeME: oh, so how are you today? last time things weren’t so good.
SoOriginal87: and like last time…
SoOriginal87: it’s none of your business
BenditLikeME: Ooh feisty, me like
SoOriginal87: Ooh annoying, me hate
BenditLikeME: Oh alright no need to beg, I’ll take you out on a date, sheesh
SoOriginal87: HA!
BenditLikeME: Bet you can’t wait for me to sweep you off your feet huh?
SoOriginal87: something like that
BenditLikeME: sarcasm is so sexy on you
SoOriginal87: you don’t even know me
BenditLikeME: I know enough
SoOriginal87: liar
SoOriginal87: if you really knew me you’d go running for the hills
BenditLikeME: I doubt it, I like your style Parker
SoOriginal87: I hate that I don’t know who you are but at the same time I’m glad because then I don’t have to pretend to acknowledge you in the halls
BenditLikeME: You sweet talker you




Date: 7/02/2005
From: "Roswell High" <admin@roswell-high.com>
Subject: Locker Searches
To: "All Students" <students@roswell-high.com>

Due to last weeks drug incident random locker searches are to be induced immediately. No exceptions will be made and the lockers to be searched will done at random by student ID numbers each week.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Sincerely,
The Board of Roswell High School



You can bet your bottom dollar that by 3:15pm that Tuesday afternoon the entire student population of Roswell High was in a violent uproar. Lockers were being emptied as I walked from my last class to where I knew Alex would be waiting. Papers flew all over and garbage thrown to the floor like a city dump. The halls of Roswell High looked like a seen from Mean Girls.

“Wow what you do? Tell them all they have nice butts?” Max Evans stepped up behind me, “Tsk. Tsk.” He clicked his tongue.

I turned beat red, “Kill me now.” I mutter under my breath, “No, but I’m betting they’re all looking for Willy Wonka’s golden ticket.”

He chuckles, “I love that movie, especially when they’re all eating out of the candyland room. Everything in the room is edible!”

“I know!” I perk up, “Or what about the lickable wallpaper? The snozzberries taste like-“

“Snozzberries!” We finish together.

“Aww, am I interrupting a moment?” Michael struts over towards us with Alex is tow, “Someone pull the fire alarm?” He looks around as id seeing things for the first time, “It’s World War III out here!”

“Sup bro?” Max, Michael and Alex exchange the manly greetings. I simply get a noogie from Michael and a wink from Alex, “Glad to see you didn’t get kicked out. School just wouldn’t be the same without our token rebel boy.”

Oh my gosh it’s like Max and I share the same brain! Didn’t I say that exact thing before??? See! It’s destiny!

“Hottie 6 o’clock.” Michael points behind Max.

Blair Florence waltzed up and wrapped her slim arms around Max’s waist and proceeded in burring her face in his neck, “Hey baby.” She purred.

“Oh hey, ready to go?” He grabbed her hand and brought her around, “You know the guys right? This is Liz.” He introduced us.

HE INTODUCED US???

What the hell?! Was I in some sort of Twilight Zone rerun? No way was this happening to me. It was just too wrong for reality, too mean. Too… Too… Heart wrenching? Damn, it hurt.

“Oh, hi!” She smiled genuinely. Which was even worse because I had every intention on hating this chicks guts. Did she have to be both beautiful and nice? Why god why?! I ask you why?!

“Uh, hey.” I say less enthusiastic, “I was just uh, I was just leaving.” I turn towards the riot crowd and spin around, “Better go out this way, more safe.” I smile and exit quickly as possible from the most horrible moment of my life.

“Uh Liz, my car’s that way.” Michael shouts.

“I’m not getting a ride with you today!” I call out without looking back. I’m running like a mad woman the moment I step outside the building though.




Date: 7/02/2005
From: "Liz" <PunkPrincess87@hotmail.com>
Subject: Tru Davies
To: "Maria" <ImToxic@gmail.com>

I wish I were Tru Davies, because then I could like, start the day over again with the full knowledge of what was going to happen. Plus they have that kick ass theme song. But enough about that. I just want to start my day over again and skip over the whole Max-encounter. I could have cried Maria. I really could have cried. I could have wailed like baby just like you. L

Micahel’s grounded so I’m alone and bored and Alex won’t come out and play with me because he says he has allergies. I swear that boy is faking it just because he thinks the school nurse is hot. “Ms. Tammy says the summer pollen is bad for me, the sun is also damaging to my baby smooth skin.” Pathetic.

So I’m here all alone to wallow in my grief. Max Evans has a girlfriend. Even worse, he has a perfect girlfriend. She’s beautiful and smart and nice. Great. Just great because I’m none of those. And here I was all thinking we shared a moment with the snozzberries.

Love you like a sister,
…Liz



Date: 7/02/2005
From: "Maria" <ImToxic@gmail.com>
Subject: RE:Tru Davies
To: "Liz" <PunkPrincess87@hotmail.com>

Snozzberries??? Honey, you need help. I’ll call you tonight.

Love,
-Maria

Lucky for you guys I'm on a roll! And my borthday is tomorrow, I'll be 21 bitches! Wahooo! So I wrote this to hold you over cuz I wont be updating until my hangovers gone! hahaha! Love you all! Especially my klutz buddy! :-*



Part 5: And Sometimes… They Just Get On Your Nerves

“So long, status quo… I think I just let goooo! Youuuu make me wanna be braaave!”

I roll my eyes, “Maria, you’re in the car aren’t you?”

“Yeppas!” She answers cheery, “I love this song to the fullest, besides you know you love my singing voice.”

“Yes, this is true. But at the moment I’m sitting in my creative writing class and everyone heard you singing since you were so loud. I think my ear is actually ringing…” I smack the side of my head to make it stop. “Where are you going anyways?” I ask.

“Noneya.” She quips snooty.

I sigh, “Maria Deluca.” I sing-song, “You know how much I hate that woooorrrddd…”

She laughs, “Yep!”

Fine, two can play at this game, “Okay. It’s cool. I’ll just be chillin like a villain over here at my crib while my homies tip a 40 in memory of my buried gangstas.”

“Oh my god stop!” Maria screams, “You know how much I hate ghetto fake slang!” She lets out another shrill banshee-like scream.

“Whoa, chill mama. It’s all good in the hood. Don’t be hatin’.” I smirk.

“STOP this at once!”

“Hey yo, check it, check it… Uh, uh, uh… Aye yo we all be fightin we should be uniten, I’m gonna go fly a kiet, my mom’s on a low carb diet… That means no more pasta… Ya’ll rhymes is too slow… And I’m gonna fasta… I’m pimpin these hoes, and you act like a biatch, and when my mom washes clothes she uses… bliatch…”

“FOR SAKE OF MANKIND SHUT THE HELL UP!” Maria screams at the top of her lungs.

“What? It’s from Malabu’s Most Wanted… I love that movie.”

BenditLikeME: hey

My annoyance factor just went up a notch, “Ugh.” I roll my eyes.

“What?” Maria asks, as if she wasn’t just acting like a crazy insane whore.

“It’s that weird dude who IM’s me.” I tell her.

SoOriginal87: what up killa?

“Dude he could be like… really hot!” Maria says happily, “Or with your luck… He’s a 70 year old man with liver spots and is popping viagra every time you sign on.” She bursts out laughing. Oh how I laughed with her… Not.

BenditLikeME: not much, just chillin like a villan
SoOriginal87: really?
BenditLikeME: really, really.
SoOriginal87: okay, Shrek
BenditLikeME: okay, Donkey
SoOriginal87: hey!
BenditLikeME: so you decided where our date’s gonna be?
SoOriginal87: yeah, right up your ass
BenditLikeME: OoOoh! Fun! When should I make reservations?
SoOriginal87: your nasty
BenditLikeME: I’m simply keeping it real mi’lady
SoOriginal87: and you’re weird, very… weird.
BenditLikeME: hey slow down mama, you don’t have to get all excited, I know you think I’m dead sexy
SoOriginal87: try just dead…
BenditLikeME: dry humor will get your nowhere, especially if you want those dozen long-stemmed red roses…
SoOriginal87: which I don’t

“What’s he saying? What’s he saying?!” Maria shrieks, “Hey do me a favor?” She asks out of the blue, which I hate because it always involves me doing something for someone else… Which I hate.

“See if DaBadstBtch is online and if it is type this—“

“Wait! I gotta she if its on first…”


SoOriginal87: brb
BenditLikeME: k

DaBadstBtch is online…

“Yep she’s on.” I say.

“Geat but it’s not a she. Okay this is what you say…”

I have to ask her to repeat it twice since I can’t stop laughing at the fact that a male is the owner of this screen name. But alas, I type in my best friends desired sentence and press send.



SoOriginal87: Maria says to tell you she’ll be at your house in 3 minutes so open your front door.
DaBadstBtch: oh okay, thanks
SoOriginal87: it’s what I do
DaBadstBtch: yep, me too. Maria is very scary when she gets bossy
SoOriginal87: especially when she hasn’t had her daily fill of chocolate
DaBadstBtch: omg that’s so true!

“Okay chat away why don’t you. I can so hear all those keys being typed.” Maria snorts, “So are you guys like new best friends now?”

“Oh my god Maria shut up you jealous whore. He’s funny! He so has you down in the What-Would-Maria-Do? department. How long have you guys been friends?”

“Too long. We met at school and since I’m the only one willing to kick ass and stick up for his queer ass he tolerates my bitchiness.”

“Wow, you must kick peoples asses everyday if he puts up with all your bitchiness.” I tease, “I mean… my god, give the boy a prize!”

“Ha. Ha. Ha…. Oh how I laugh.” She says dry.

SoOriginal87: She’s doing her dry laugh right now
DaBadstBtch: always a favorite
SoOriginal87: so you and Maria best friends?
DaBadstBtch: no, I believe that would be your spot
SoOriginal87: good answer, I like you now
DaBadstBtch: yeay, now I can die a happy boy
SoOriginal87: your sarcasm is making me giddy
DaBadstBtch: how so?
SoOriginal87: because I never thought I’d meet a bitch to match my one liners word for word
DaBadstBtch: watch out honey, I got more than one liners
SoOriginal87: please, stop…. you’ll make me cream my panties… jk!
DaBadstBtch: the day I do that I will forever be traumatized
SoOriginal87: oh yes, I know you love the dick
DaBadstBtch: oh yes


***


The day I realized I would never have a chance with Max was the day I realized he and Blair looked like Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman… (by the way I was still hoping everyday they would come to their senses and get back together, if not for their kids do it for the fans! Tom needs to stop dating the skeezas!)

“Stop staring or you’ll get stuck that way.” Alex popped open a can of soda and laughed, “Liz, sweetie, honey, baby… You’ll live.”

I threw a cheeto at his face, “Shut up! I don’t even know what you’re talking about!”

“Yeah, yeah you do!” Alex snapped, “You were staring and such, you were like… Oh Max Evans! My darling lover boy loooove!” He started making kissing sounds and caressing his arms trying to make it look as if he were making out with someone. He just looked like a huge dork to the rest of us. “Ooooh Max!”

I wanted to jump up and sock him in the gut but luckily something better was approaching. Sense it would all work itself out in about five seconds I just sat there and allowed Alex to continue his little stunt.

“Max, your lips are so tender!” He made more smooching noises, “And luscious! I could kiss you forever!” He made a slurp sound.

Max and his my-size Barbie walked up just then and stared at Alex’s show in silent shock. Michael and I sat back and enjoyed the ride.

“I’ve never felt this way before! I loo—“ He stopped suddenly, “He’s right behind me… Isn’t he?”

“Yep.” Michael and I said at the same time.

“And he thinks I’m gay doesn’t he?” Alex continued.

“Yep.” We answered.

“And he’s still staring at me like I’m an idiot huh?”

“Yeeeep.”

Alex stood up without turning around, “I’ll see you guys later.” He left the table with his back still towards us. I could see the tips of his ears turning a deep red.

“Later Alex!” I called out. That’s what he gets.

Max and Barb- I mean Blair, sat down across from Michael and I, “What was that all about?” She laughed.

“Oh he was just making fun of –OW!” Michael yelped as I stomped on his toes under the table, “Jesus!”

“Yes! I agree Michael we did not pray before we started to eat our blessed foods. Now let us put our heads down.” I shoved his face down to the table, “Dear lord we thank you for this meal we’re about to receive…” Michael struggled hard to remove my death grip, which wasn’t an easy task since I dug my nails in further the more he struggled, “And let us have many more of them to come.” I sighed, “Amen.” I released my red faced cousin.

“Amen.” Michael grumbled and squeezed my leg right above my knee as hard as he could.

“Ayiiii!!!” I screamed out.

“What’s going on?” Blair blinked in shock, looking from me to Michael and back.

“We love the lord so much! I feel the holy spirit!” I jumped up and socked Michael’s back, “But my cousin is being held back by a demon! Demon get out!” I shouted and slapped him upside the head.

“That is IT!” Michael stood up, “Max, Liz has a huge ass cru—“

“Huge ass love for god!” I said jumping to cover Michael’s mouth, “We just love him so much! Feel the faith!” I shouted and jumped up and down to reach Michael’s mouth and keep it shut. He bit down on my finger, “Oh my gah!” I clenched my eyes shut in pain. It hurt!

“Serves you right!” Michael pointed down at me as I withered on the floor cradling my hand, “If I get a bruise tomorrow from your tiny fists I’m kicking some ass.” He turned back around to sit at the table again.

I was on my feet and running as fast as my little size 5 converse could take me, “May the lord Jesus BLESS you!” I charged and jumped on his back riding him to the ground, “Evil be gone!” I screamed and turned him over onto his back so I could slap his face, “I banish you!” I slapped him again on the other cheek.

Michael’s hands flew out to grasp my wrists, “What the hell Liz have you gone crazy?!” He searched my face for answers.

In fact I think I was going crazy, I hadn’t a clue why I was still attacking my cousin when it was clear he was done playing. He wouldn’t have sold me out to max unless I really pissed him off, which I think right about now I have surpassed.

“Let go of me!” I yelled and pulled my wrists free. Only one came loose and the other was being crunched by his hand, “Ow! Ow! Owwww!” I almost had tears in my eyes. “Michael I’m seriously serious!”

If anger were lava I’d be mush, Michael was pissed. I had not only made a scene but if he were to let me go now not a soul in school would let him live it down. They’d tease him and make it seem as if I kicked my own cousins ass. Which I totally could do. But now wasn’t the time.

I wish Maria were here. I always wished Maria were here.

“Michael stop,” Came Max’s voice from somewhere, I didn’t know where because I was flipped on my back suddenly and my hand was throbbing in pain.

That ass face, reputation or not he didn’t have to hurt me! So I slapped him around a little! So what?! We both gasped for air from our spots in the quad’s grassy knoll. Now I was pissed. So I went into Warrior Princess mode. A la Zena. I even did the Ayi yi yi yi yiiiiiiii sound.

I flung myself in the air and landed right on top of Michael, knocking the air out of him. He gasped and wheezed and then we were fighting. Like brother and sister fighting for the last chocolate chip cookie. Like brother and sister fighting for the last ten minutes of TV time. Like brother and sister fighting for no reason at all other than the fact that they were brother and sister… We fought.

Not guts no glory, we fought. Me giving it all I had, and him taking blow after blow. He would never hit me for two reasons. One, I was a girl and two, I was his cousin. His favorite cousin at that. But that didn’t stop him from getting in a good pinch or too or holding back my hands and squeezing as hard as he could. Throwing me back off him he grabbed my leg and gave me the worse Indian burn of my life which than caused me to lose my balance on my knees and topple over to ball butt fist on a stray branch.

Charlie horse central!!!!

My first word as a baby was no. My first phrase was gimme. And my first swear word was, “FUUUUUUCKKKKK!!!!” I screamed out so loud the entire school was now totally enthralled.

“You guys, knock it off!” Max was rushing towards us, somehow we had rolled our way into the middle of the school’s lunch quad. “Liz, you alright?”

“I’m fine,” I gasped for air, as was Michael. Looking down I saw my calf turning red with blood blotches beneath the skin. I had to do some serious damage in return. Luckily I saw an opening. I shot my left foot out right into Michael’s groin.


***

Group IM Chat…
SexyPixie05 has entered the room…
SoOriginal87 has entered the room…
DaBadstBtch has entered the room…

SexyPixie05: You’re what?
SoOriginal87: I’m grounded
SexyPixie05: hahahahahahahaha!!!
SoOriginal87: its not that funny
SexyPixie05: omg! hahahahaha
SoOriginal87: so not funny! I’m not allowed to do ANYTHING! My mom even took away my cell phone!
SexyPixie05: That BITCH!
SoOriginal87: hey!
SexyPixie05: well she is! Now I can’t talk to you!
SoOriginal87: Oh yeah, you have a point
SexyPixie05: I always do
SoOriginal87: Michael’s not in trouble though you’ll be happy to know
DaBadstBtch Who’s Michael?!
SoOriginal87: oh welcome to the conversation… 10 minutes later
SexyPixie05: he was probably stroking it
SoOriginal87: Ew! Maria!
SexyPixie05: My bad, but he probably was
DaBadstBtch For your nosy information I was updating my “MY SPACE” profile
SoOriginal87 Why does everyone and their momma have one of those?
SoOriginal87 Oh shit I gotta go, here comes mom and I don’t want her to take my laptop too! Love you! Bye! :-*

SoOriginal87 has left the room…


***


Date: 7/03/2005
From: "Maria" <ImToxic>
Subject: Locker Searches
To: "All Students" "Liz" <PunkPrincess87>

Since you’re such a bad ass now I think you should have a bad ass honey. So here’s your new [url=http://rds.yahoo.com/S=96062883/K=Colin ... .yimg.com/
movies.yahoo.com/images/hv/photo/movie_pix/paramount_pictures/lara_croft_tomb_raider__the_cradle_of_life/colin_farrell/larapre2.jpg] boyfriend[/url]. Have fun and have lots of mad hot sex. Then tell me all the details.

Love ya! :-*
~Maria

First off thanks for the wonderful fb! I love it! It was great! It made my day! As for my birthday it was excellent! I got drunk, I danced, I partied, I stopped a fight and I had more jello shots than I can count! Not to mention going overboard on the margaritas. I think I may have ruined that drink for myself for life... haha! Tquila Sunrise here I come!





Part 6: She’s Sexy

Date: 7/05/2005
From: "Liz" <PunkPrincess87@hotmail.com>
Subject: Yeeaaahhh (Lil Jon style)
To: "Maria" <ImToxic@gmail.com>

I hate her. Seriously. She’s getting on my very last nerve Maria, no freaking joke dude. So this is what went down today at school. I was minding my own business and waiting for Michael and Alex to come out from the gross ass cafeteria when hell freezes over. Blair (Max’s my-size Barbie) comes over and sits right next to me. Ummm, hello? Did I say you could approach me let alone sit down!?

No. I did not.

But that did not stop her from gabbing away about some party this weekend and how much she would love it if I would come. I just looked at her with a mouth full of Limon Potato chips and sneezed. The sneeze was fake of course and it was intended so that when I spewed all the crap in my mouth in her face, it would look like an accident. But this is me we’re talking about so you know nothing happened as I hoped it would.

Instead of spitting all over Blair she shoved a handkerchief (that was pulled out of nowhere! I swear it was witchcraft!) into my face so that when my sneeze erupted all food products were smashed into my face. Maria I wanted to sock her in her fat dome so hard she went blind. She tried to act as if she did not ruin my master plan by offering to go with me to the ladies room to freshen up. She actually said that, she was all, “Oh Liz! C’mon I’ll take you to the ladies to freshen up.”

WTF?! You psycho!

But I’m not mad. Nope. I’m cool, I’m collected, I have style. Michael just about split his side the second he saw my face full of crap. I ended up wiping it all on the back of his shirt. I was so proud. Well damn, my stupid teacher said free time is over so I gotta go. Love you like a fat kid loves cake!

…Liz



Date: 7/05/2005
From: "Maria" <ImToxic@gmail.com>
Subject: RE: Yeeaaahhh (Lil Jon style)
To: "Liz" <PunkPrincess87@hotmail.com>

Darling I’m going to tell you something, and you’re not going to like it… Give up on Max. He’s a lost cause. Sure he’s hot and he’s a little flirty but hello? Look at the big picture here hun: he has a girlfriend! She’s nice and smart and beautiful… She’s a perfect ten. Back off now before she spouts a second head and bites you. Sure, the pretty people seem all nice and sweet at first, but trust me little girl… They are anything but. I should know, I am one. J

So other than laughing my ass off at your little experience, I want to let you in on a little secret… Preston (DaBadstBtch), has agreed to spend the rest of the summer with me over here at my dumbass grandparents ranch. How cool is that?! No longer will I have to suffer the early morning rooster crows alone! No longer will we steal grandfather’s porn! Oh no wait, I’m watching “Not Another Teen Movie” and got a little carried away. My bad.

Anyways, Preston says you’re one cool ass chick and he wants to meet you asap. I said over my dead body because I’m meeting you first. Still not sure on who’s going where to meet who first but you can be damn sure I’m shoving Preston into the nearest closet when it comes to our first face-2-face meet! Man, now I’m all excited. I need my chocolate, so I’m gonna go, plus Preston is on my ass about using the computer right now to check his MySpace profile/comments what the hell ever it is that he does on that site. Love ya! :-*

~Maria



You know what I hate more than walking on wet grass barefooted? Ugh! I really hate walking on wet grass too! Ew! Ahhh! Okay where was I? Oh yes, I hate fake people, and I think Blair Florence is fake. Oh freak that, I know she is! There is just no way she can be this nice and look like that and hang with those people.

Those people being the popular crowd which consists of Max and his blonde bombshell of a sister, Kyle (who I used to date but that is so in the past!), Billy, Pam, Nathan, Lucas, Brooke, Peyton, Haley, Logan and most importantly… Blair. There are others as well but these are the few who are in summer school.

Max and Kyle are the only exceptions to the pod people race. They’re the only ones I can tolerate a conversation with, the only ones who don’t make me want to rip their throats out. Today as I passed by the gabbing group of friends I heard my name called. This is of no surprise because all this week Blair has been on my ass trying to be “best friends” all of the sudden. But it wasn’t Blair who had called my name this time, it was Logan.

“Liz!” He dared to say my name yet again even after I completely ignored him, “Hey Parker!” He jogged up beside me, “Hello? Earth to Liz Parker? You okay girl?”

Shouldn’t he be on a magazine cover somewhere? Why was he bothering me?

“I know me talking to you is probably putting a damp in your little rebel reputation but listen. I was wondering if you wanted to come with me to Blair’s party this weekend.” He stood waiting for my answer.

Logan was asking me out? Logan. Logan Echolls, the famous actor Aaron Echolls son was asking me, the daughter of a café owner, out. To Blairs party. Where was Ashton Kutcher? Where were the cameras? This was obviously my turn to be Punk’d. In Roswell, anything was possible, I began to search his shirt for a micophone.

“Whoa, you don’t gotta hit the gas like that girl.” He laughed.

I rolled my eyes, “I’m looking for a hidden microphone or camera, because obviously this is some kind of joke.” I stood back with my hands on my hips, “Besides, aren’t you and Veronica talking?” Of all the outcasts it was Veronica I liked the best, she was once one of them but somehow managed to break free and look even cooler than all them combined.

That seemed to catch Logan off guard, “Who said I was talking to Veronica?”

Oh shit. I forgot that was supposed to be a secret, Veronica was going to kill me later. Either that or dig up some major dirt on me and expose it to the school, but luckily we liked each other too much to get bitchy.

“Nothing, yeah, sure. I’ll go. On one condition.” I blurted.

He rose his brows, “Which is?”

“You have to tell me what you’re up to.” I snapped.

He chuckled and shook his head, “Can’t a guy ask a girl out? C’mon Parker, I know you’re dying for me to take you out.” He winked.

Oh. My. God.

BenditLikeME!

No way. It couldn’t be. Should I go right out and ask him or should I play stupid and bat my eye lashes? Hmmm, what to do, what to do, what to do!?

“What’s wrong with your eyes?”

Damn. Plan B.




SexyPixie05: no. freaking. way.
SoOriginal87: way
SexyPixie05: no
SoOriginal87: yes
SexyPixie05: no!
SoOriginal87: yes!
SexyPixie05: But I bet Preston 20 bucks that it was Max!
SoOriginal87: You were making bets on me?!
SexyPixie05: it was for a good cause! I was gonna buy you a car!
SoOriginal87: you are so full of it
SexyPixie05: am not, I was…
SexyPixie05: eventually
SoOriginal87: This can’t be happening!
SexyPixie05: why not? I mean hello? Logan Echolls, I’ve seen his pictures in the magazines beside his hottie dad.
SoOriginal87: ew Maria his dad is like in his 40’s
SexyPixie05: so is brad pitt and tom cruise and hello? HOTTIE CENTRAL!
SoOriginal87: and once again…
SoOriginal87: you have a point
SexyPixie05: and once again…
SexyPixie05: uh duh
SoOriginal87: don’t get cocky
SexyPixie05: don’t say cock, Preston’s like, two feet away
SexyPixie05: HEY LIZ!
SexyPixie05: that was him
SoOriginal87: duh, like you’d write in all caps
SexyPixie05: hahaa omg you should have seen my grandparents faces when Preston walked through the door, they’re jaws dropped. I had to pick up their dentures
SoOriginal87: omg that was so mean what you just said! Hahahahaha!
SexyPixie05: and yet you still laugh
SoOriginal87: of course, it was hilarious. I think we’ve been talking too much, I’m starting to rub off on you
SexyPixie05: that you are my dear, that you are
SoOriginal87:
SexyPixie05: don’t stick your tongue out at me!


BenditLikeME: hey


SoOriginal87: omg!
SexyPixie05: ???
SoOriginal87: it’s him! it’s benditlikeme!!!!!
SexyPixie05: OMG!
SoOriginal87: I know!
SexyPixie05: okay be cool! be cool!


SoOriginal87: hey
BenditLikeME: sup?
SoOriginal87: nm, just talking to a friend
BenditLikeME: aww, we’re friends now?
SoOriginal87: umm… no. I meant my friend, you don’t know her
BenditLikeME: lady friend huh? cool
SoOriginal87: I guess


SexyPixie05: be nice liz! If I know you I know you’re already mouthing off!
SoOriginal87: ugh! shut up!
SexyPixie05: well you know its true
SoOriginal87: so? must you point that out?
SexyPixie05: Must I really answer that?
SoOriginal87: no



BenditLikeME: so you going to that party this weekend?
SoOriginal87: yeah
BenditLikeME: who with?
SoOriginal87: myself
BenditLikeME: I highly doubt that, no way would you get in by yourself
SoOriginal87: is that a fact?
BenditLikeME: it’s more than a fact, it’s a rule
SoOriginal87: a wha?
BenditLikeME: no one’s allowed in unaccompanied, you have to bring a date
SoOriginal87: and who’s your date?
BenditLikeME: who said I was going?
SoOriginal87: you’re going
BenditLikeME: okay…
SoOriginal87: what would the pretty people say if you didn’t show up?
BenditLikeME: they’d probably throw another party in joy
SoOriginal87: yeah right
BenditLikeME: seriously, I’m not what you’d call the cookie cutter of the group
SoOriginal87: so you admit youre in their group?
BenditLikeME: no, not exactly, I just said I don’t quite fit in. I’m like you in a way
SoOriginal87: I’m irritated now
BenditLikeME: when aren’t you?
SoOriginal87: shut up
BenditLikeME: OoOoh, touchy
SoOriginal87:congratulations, you’ve managed to piss me off in 2.5 seconds
BenditLikeME: only 2 and a half? I must be rusty
SoOriginal87: must be

SoOriginal87 as signed off…



“Sorry I just signed off like that. That dude was getting on my last nerve.” I explained ten mintues later to Maria over the phone, “Can you imagine the nerve of that ass?”

“You only get made when you hear the truth.” Maria said, “I mean don’t get me wrong, he’s an ass for saying anything but at the same time it’s true. You get mad way too easily.”

“Shut up I do not!” I shouted into the phone angry, “And you can kiss my ass too!”

“See what I mean?” She laughed.

“Bye Maria.”

I hung up.




“Michael when are you going to replace this piece of junk?” I frowned and gagged on the exhast fumes blowing in my face, “This happends all the time! I’m so sick of it!” I pouted, standing on the side of the road about 8 miles from school.

“Well than you can walk you ass! I don’t have to take this! Do I Alex?” He turned his head towards Alex from under the hood of his busted down vehicle.

Alex shook his head as he stared out at the passing cars hoping to flag down a friend. So far no luck. The car had overheated –again, and we were stranded on the side of the road –again. It really sucked and the heat was not helping one bit, any second now I expected to burst out into flames.

“Yo, what’s up? I need a ride.” Michael said into his cell, “Nah, I think she’s really dead this time. Pretty sad, I’ll miss her.”

Miss who? Who’s dead? Oh god is my aunt dead?!

“Michael what’s happen to Tia Guerin?!” I jumped into his face demanding attention, “How could she be dead? I just saw her this morning!?”

Scowling down at me in annoyance Michael flipped his phone shut, “My car you dumbass, my car is dead. Max is on his way to get us.” He called out to Alex, “You can stop scaring the passing folk now. We don’t need the population to drop another 7 percent due to your ugly face standing by the city limits sign.”

“Ha ha.” Alex made a face, “Keep fanning that engine Guerin.”

Oooooh that was a good one. I couldn’t keep myself from falling to my knees laughing, “That was great!” I held onto my stomach to keep from ralphing all over. I knew I shouldn’t have eaten two bowls of Trix this morning, I knew it!

BEEP! BEEP!

Oh great.

“Car trouble?” Max bounces out of his doorless jeep. “Hey Liz.” He winks and wiggles his butt past me. Will I ever live this down?

“I’m gonna call my nom so she can get triple A out here but I can’t be late for class so would you mind?” Michael points towards the jeep, “I’d really appreciate it man. In fact, here.” He grabs me by the shoulders and thrusts me towards Max, “She’s all yours. Think of it as a down payment of my gratitude.” He smiles wide. Asshole.

“Well I can’t say the offer doesn’t tempt me.” He says huskiyly in my ear. Max’s arms around me start the little warm fuzzies to crawl all through my body and in my few seconds of bliss I take a big whiff of him. So niiiiice. So yuuummmmy! So—whoa wait a minute.

“Is that a hickie?” I turn around and point at his neck, “Oh my god it totally is!”

Max is dumbfounded for a few moments before running over to look at his neck in one of his side mirrors, “What the!?” He shouts in shock, “It must have been from when Iz pinched me.” He says to himself.

“Yeah… Riiiight.” Alex teases, “Oh and for the record, the other day when you saw me uh… acting weird it was because uh…” I glare at Alex sending telepathic death threats. “It’s because uhh…”

You will diiiieeee if you tell!!!

“Because Liz likes-“

My Jedi mind tricks are worthless! May the force be with you alex because I’m about to open up a fat ass can of wh-wh-whoop ass! I pounce, “Alex! What did your mother say about stuttering!” I turn to Max, “It’s a teriible, terrible problem. He’s getting help though. So we ready to go?”

I put the hickie behind me and force myself to buy the “pinch” story. But as I climb into the backseat beside Alex I whisper to Michael, “Find out how he got that, really.”

“Already done.” Michael says and hops in the front.

I love my cousin.

THANKS EVERYONE FOR THE REVIEWS AND THE INSPIRATION! You all rock and I'm sorry if I scared you with all the caps.. I'm just so excited to finally have this part finished!



Part 7 – Crash Course in Polite Conversations


If life imitates art then I wanna know what screwed up Picasso thought it would be funny to place me and my best friend 2000+ miles away from each other. Not only that but to make me obsess over a boy I could never have. Oh wait there’s more, the boy I’m in love with? Has a picture perfect girlfriend with a 4.05 GPA and a modeling contract.

Oh yes, it’s all the rage at Roswell High right now. Blair Florence now has contract with Calvin Klein. She starts touring next week which means… She’ll be gone for 8 weeks! It’s the only thing that gets me up in the morning, well that and the fact that Max’s hickie that wasn’t a hickie? Wasn’t actually a hickie, true to the words out of his mouth. Isabel did in fact pinch her brother as hard as she could on the neck when she found out he was dating the girl who beat her out of the CK contract.

Personally I think Isabel was too easy on the boy. I would have also kneed him in the groin and made him beg for dear pitiful mercy until I saw genuine tears roll down his oh so handsome face. But that’s just me.

“You know when you said that only Michael could handle your sick and twisted way of life?” Maria asked that morning as me, Michael and Alex waited outside the Crashdown eating and waiting for Max to pick us up for school.

“Yeah? What about it?” I said with a mouth full of Dad’s famous Alien Head Waffles.

“Elizabeth Parker? What did I tell you about talking to me with your mouth full?!” Maria suddenly went anal on me.

I swallowed the food in my mouth, “Uhh… To never… Umm… To never…” Oh damn, I knew this! I knew it!

“Eat around…” Maria prompted.

“Eat around you unless there is enough to share or unless you are eating something better than I am.” I quickly finished. Told you I knew it.

“Correct. Now what was I saying before you so rudely spoke with your mouth full of something I don’t have?” She asked.

“Something about Michael no doubt.” I mumbled.

“Oh yes!” She shrieked, “As I was saying, if he’s the only one you say who can put up with your twisted ways than what the hell am I? A sandwich?”

I rolled my eyes from my side of the world, “Maria, you know you’re my one and only okay? Chill.” I silently took another bite of my breakfast and covered the receiver to chew.

“Max is here!” Michael called out and I turned to see him and Alex already strapped in the backseat.

“Oh crap I gotta go.” I stood up and ran to stick my head into the Crash, “Dad we’re leaving!” I called and spun around to run into entering customers. “Oops, sorry.” I turned back into the Crash, “And you have customers! Bye Daddy!” and I was off.

“You are so weird.” Maria chuckled, “Okay I’ll leave you to your gorgeous men.” She sighed, “Bye, love you! Muah!” She hung up.

“Ew.” I cringed thinking of her referral to Michael as a gorgeous man. Ew! Me and Maria are definitely going to have to have a talk about what we’re allowed and not allowed to speak aloud. Starting with the Michael factor.

“’Bout time Parker.” Michael teased and grinned at me with a devilish look. He pointed to where I would be sitting for the 12 minutes and 45 second ride to school.

I also shit myself. “Oh, hey. Thanks for the ride.” I said getting into the seat beside Max, “Sorry for the wait I had to let my dad know we were uh… leaving.”

“No problem.” Max winked and shot out into the street.

I screamed like a bitch of course because I hadn’t even buckled my seatbelt when I went flying back in my seat from the pressure of going 0 to 60 in a matter of moments. In a 25 zone no less! Max was a man on the edge! So hot. So, so hot. Oh this was bliss, sitting beside Max pretending that I’m his girlfriend and we’re just casually going to school like we do every day. Hey, a girl can dream can’t she?

“So you guys hear about Blair’s going away party?” Max said, turning my lovely dream into a nightmare.

“Damn dude you must be bummed your girlfriend’s going away.” Alex absently said without any thought of the consequences he would endure the instant we were alone.

Max chuckled, “Actually I’m not all that bummed. Truthfully I was kind of getting tired of listening to her go on and on about her newest best friend.” Max turned to stare at me as he paused for a red light. “Are you sure you two aren’t dating?” He teased.

Alex thought that was a hoot, he would not stop his snorting laughter. He even began to sound like Goofy. Michael only expressed a smile and a short ‘huh’ before going back to texting on his cell.

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about.” I said oh so not truthfully. So I was justified in my paranoia over Blair’s new found interest in me!

“Chill out dude, it wasn’t that funny.” Michael snapped at Alex and tried to calm him down by socking him in the arm.

Alex then stopped short to wail in pain then took one look at my death glares and was off all over again. “Oh my god, if you only knew!” He said between gasps for air.

“Only knew what?” Max laughed, despite the fact that there was nothing to laugh at. You know how you laugh because someone is just completely lost in their own humor? Yeah, it was something like that.

“Nothing, he hasn’t had his ADD pills today. Just ignore him.” I said, “Ummm… Does your radio work?” I asked politely.

“Oh yeah, sorry. I didn’t even think about turning on the stereo.” He smiled and reached to turn the radio knob.

WITH YOU! I CAN LET MY HAIR DOWN! I CAN DO ANYTHING, CRAZY! AND KNOW YOU’LL CATCH ME RIGHT BEFORE I HIT THE GROUND! WITH NOTHING BUT A T-SHIRT ON–

Max blushed three shades of red, “Sorry, Blair must have left that in there.” He ejected Jessica Simpson’s latest CD, “Let’s try the radio.”

YOU MAKE ME WANNA LA! LA! IN THE KITCHEN, ON THE FLOOR! I’LL BE YOUR FRENCH MAID, WHERE I’LL MEET YOU AT THE DOOR! I’M LIKE AN ALLT CAT! DRINK THE MILK UP I WANT MOR–

“Dear god this is so embarrassing.” He shook his head.

“Hey, it’s totally cool that you have a secret fetish for those Simpson girls, they’re hot. You’re secret is safe with me.” Michael held up two fingers, for hell if I knew why.

Max shook his head again, “I swear it’s all Blair’s doing, I have to listen to this non-stop! It’s pop music all day everyday!”

I nodded as if I genuinely cared. “Well. That sucks.” I looked out my doorless side of the vehicle, “This jeep gives me the creeps.” I blurted before I realized what I had actually said out loud.

“It’s safe, don’t worry. I won’t let you go sliding out into oncoming traffic.” Max grinned then slid an arm across the back of my seat, “Honest, I know my car and I know just the speed to take those corners without toppling over. It only happened once anyways.” He spun the wheel one handed around a corner.

I screamed like a little bitch –AGAIN- and probably wet my panties too. But in the process I somehow managed to hold on for dear life on Max’s jeans just below his… Oyi! I was still clutching when I realized I was soon starting to feel a little something else!

“Oh my god!” I gasped and flew back onto my side of the dangerous box on wheels. Perhaps Michael’s putt-putt wasn’t so bad after all! “I am so sorry—“

“No need, that was quite exhilarating having a girl put her hands in my lap without me begging for it. Feel free to do so whenever the urge comes.” He nodded with a smirk and slowly turned into a parking spot.

I was still frozen in embarrassment.

“Well, can’t say this ride wasn’t exciting. Oh wait, yes I can.” Michael vaulted over the side of the jeep, “You coming Liz? Or would you like to soak up some more of that awkwardness?”

My hand flew out to smack him in the face.




So I was staring down at my blank test sheet wondering just where the hell my brain was last night when I sat at my desk in my room for four hours studying. Oh yeah, I remember now. I had the radio on and a song that reminded me of Max came on. It was all downhill after that, I then went into dream mode for about 45 minutes before mom came in and asked why I was drooling on my books.

I was so startled by her intrusion that I did the first thing that came to mind. I flung my books directly at the threat –which happened to be my mother. Who happened to get very pissed off and make me wash all the rush hour dishes downstairs in the Crashdown. So two hours after that I was back upstairs staring down at my books again and wondering what the hell I was studying for.

E=MC. There. I’m a genius!



Date: 7/06/2005
From: "Liz" <PunkPrincess87@hotmail.com>
Subject: Newton Bars SUCK!
To: "Maria" <ImToxic@gmail.com>

Ew, ew ewwww! I totally just wasted 75 cents on this gross ass fig newtons bar! Grossness! It tastes to tart that I keep squinting up and looking all weird in class. I think I even scared the foreign exchange student! His name is Sven and he’s from Germany and I totally think that he has a screwed up perspective of life in Roswell, New Mexico. For one, he’s gotten pretty popular lately and is throwing his studies down the drain. He was so smart when he first got here but 4 weeks later… Look at him, he’s giving me the crazy-eye and coping a feel with the chick next to him in class. Ew all over again. Freaking Sven.

So I got your voicemail earlier but I can’t call you back due to the fact that I have gone over my minutes. My last bill was ridiculous darling, it was over 200 dollars! My dad threatened to take my cell! Then I told him, “Umm, hello? Uh dad? You don’t pay for my cell… I DO!” To which he then smiled and said, “Oh yeah! Good luck Sucker!” Isn’t he just the best?

So I was chatting with Logan last night online (BenditLikeME) and he almost gave himself away! He was all, “Oh yeah my dad pretty popular with the ladies…” Ha! HAAAA!!!! I wanted to send him a Media file of me going: HAAAAA!!!! But I thought that might be inappropriate for someone whom I just met. Well actually we haven’t even met since I’m still not sure exactly if he’s Logan or not.

But the party that he’s taking me to should actually be a blast. You see, it’s Blair’s going away party! Yes! Ding dong the witch is gooonnneee! For 8 weeks anyways. But I’m sure a lot can happen in 8 weeks, like she could mysteriously stumble and fall on stage and be mobbed by the audience and never seen again. Is that too far fetched? I hope not, I’m really counting on McDonals for this one ya know? “Hey, anything could happen!” Yeah and I SO believe in magic!!!! *crosses fingers*

Well, I’m off to… do absolutely nothing but let’s pretend I have a life and in that like I’m so super busy I have to go and do my super cool life stuff. In reality I have to fold laundry and will probably go next door to Michael’s house and beat his ass at the newest Star Wars Jedi game. I saw this one ove on ‘The O.C.’ and am dying to try it! Not that you care or would know what I’m even talking about. I’ll tell Michael you love him. Kisses dahling!

Love you like a Sale @ Old Navy,
…Liz


BenditLikeME: hey
SoOriginal87 whoa, I was just about to sign off
BenditLikeME: perfect timing I guess
SoOriginal87 yeah right, like I’m gonna stay on and talk to you
BenditLikeME: you are too kind, but you will
BenditLikeME: stay on and talk to me I mean
SoOriginal87 psha
BenditLikeME: yep
SoOriginal87 I think I’m starting to suspect who you are…
BenditLikeME: oh really Sherlock?
SoOriginal87 yes really Watson
BenditLikeME: tell me your claims, I’m surprised you lasted this long, I thought you would definitely beg for clues days ago
SoOriginal87 screw you, I don’t even really CARE who you are… butthead
BenditLikeME: nope, guess again
SoOriginal87 that wasn’t my guess
BenditLikeME: are we gonna play 21 questions?
SoOriginal87 no, I plan to name you rumpelstiltskin on my first try
BenditLikeME: did you just call me rumple-whatever?
SoOriginal87 no, it was a metaphor
BenditLikeME: what’s with all the big words! My brain! Ahhhh!
SoOriginal87 calm down
BenditLikeME: okay. I’m good now.
SoOriginal87 are you really?
BenditLikeME: really
SoOriginal87 really, really?
BenditLikeME: really, really, really.
SoOriginal87 really?
BenditLikeME: okay calm down
SoOriginal87 sorry, I just got all excited
BenditLikeME: it’s okay, I bring that out in people
SoOriginal87 you so do…
SoOriginal87 …NOT!
BenditLikeME: okay, okay
SoOriginal87 no really… you’re so cool, will you be my very best friend? Can we got to prom?
BenditLikeME: you can CAN the sarcasm
SoOriginal87 oh please, I always use fresh sarcasm, never canned
BenditLikeME: Just when I think you couldn’t be any wittier… you go and do this
SoOriginal87 is wittier a word?
BenditLikeME: and TOTALLY redeem yourself!
SoOriginal87 yeay! I *love* that movie!!! Love, love LOVE it!
BenditLikeME: yeah, it’s alright
SoOriginal87 how come I’m still talking to you?
BenditLikeME: because you can’t resist my charm
SoOriginal87 no seriously, why do I put up with you? You bother and annoy me, you have no brain and you smell funny
BenditLikeME: how can you smell me from where you are??? Has technology gone up a notch?
SoOriginal87 you smell like cheese
BenditLikeME: yeah? Well you smell like broccoli
SoOriginal87 what the hell?
BenditLikeME: random alert
SoOriginal87 random away maetie
BenditLikeME: how come chicks are so superficial?
SoOriginal87 whoaness there bendy… you’re creeping into uncharted territories now
BenditLikeME: how so? it’s just a question, and seeing as how you are a female and all…
SoOriginal87 means shit since I don’t hang out with chicks and the only “female” I can tolerate lives half way across the country
BenditLikeME: how tragic
SoOriginal87 I think so, and I’m desperately low on minutes 
BenditLikeME: Why don’t you just talk online?
SoOriginal87 can’t, time zones
SoOriginal87 I’m 3 hours ahead of her
BenditLikeME: that’s a crying shame
BenditLikeME: I’m sure you guys can work something out, you must have some cosmic connection to last this long on opposite sides if the US
SoOriginal87 why did you have to step over the line?
BenditLikeME: the wha?
SoOriginal87 the line, there was an unspoken rule of non-intimacy, you just broke it when you made me talk about Maria
BenditLikeME: who’s Maria?
SoOriginal87 see! Now you know her name! Now you’ll want to know who she is and how we came about to be best friends!
BenditLikeME: whoa, chill out mama, anonymous is my middle name
SoOriginal87 Well keep it that way, and for the record? Not all women are superficial, its because of guys like YOU we work so hard to look like those bimbos on tv and in magazines
BenditLikeME: I didn’t mean to upset you
SoOriginal87 has signed off…




“I’m worked up.” I practically growled into the receiver.

“You know I almost didn’t even answer the phone? I was like who the hell is calling me!? Then I saw the area code and I was like, ooooohhhh. So here I am!” Maria chirped.

“I’m on my dad’s cell. But we’ll just keep that between you and me and Verizon Wireless.” I continued to peek outside my room for signs of my dad.

“Oh damn man, you’re getting screwed.” Maria snorts.

“No shit man, but if you were IN we wouldn’t be in this situation!” I snap, “It’s like Alex’s cousin Erin says, ‘This shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.’ you know?”

Maria is silent for a while, then there’s a small giggle, followed by a chuckle, then a laughter until it’s full on hysteria. “Oh my god! Hahahahaha!”

“What?” I snapped, “Maria stop laughing at Alex’s cousin or I’ll kick your ass.”

She covers the phone and says something to someone then comes back on, “I’m okay… OKay. Your friend stole that from a song.”

“No she didn’t I heard her singing it the other say, she sounded so original.” I stop to think, was she wearing earphones? IT didn’t look like she was, and here I thought she made the whole thing up! I thought she was quite the clever one too!

“Oh Liz,” Maria softly giggles, “What am I going to do with you?”

“Well, whatever it is. If you could do it before the party this weekend? That would be great.” I lean back on my bed.

“Again I’m going to remind you who is taking you… Logan. Feaking. Echolls.”

“And again I’m going to remind you. I. Don’t. Freaking. Care.” I growl and reach out for my dog to lick my fingers, “You think I was a lap dog in a past life? I mean, I am so eager to please all the damn time.”

“Plus you’re a total bitch.” Maria adds seriously.

I gasp, “Oh my god!” I vault up in bed, startling Bandit who scatters away as fast as he can, “I was a dog in a past life!” I scream out.

“And you still look like one.” Michael says from my doorway.

I’m momentarily frightened and when my heart started to beat again I gathered my most precious insults, “Whatever, Shaggy.”

He chuckles.

“Oh my god is that the sex god?” Maria rushes out so it was more like ‘ohmygodwasthatthesexgod?’ Yes, I know, she’s fast that Deluca.

“What are you doing here?” I snap at Michael, “Aren’t you supposed to be in counseling?”

He shrugs, “Got out early, listen I need a favor…”

I don’t like the sound of this, “What?”

“Okay well the Metallica tickets go on sale tomorrow morning and I can’t stand in line cuz I have that stupid idiotic retarded tutoring session. So…” He looks at me.

Great. “Michael, I would love to do you this favor but unfortunately you’re forgetting three things…” I put three fingers up and count off, “One, I don’t have a car. Two, I don’t have the money. And three? I’m so not getting caught again for ditching school.”

“You’re such a wuss Parker.” You’d think that this comment was coming from Michael, well… You’d be wrong.

“Maria shut up for like three seconds please. Speak monkey speak! 1..2..3!” I scream and she shuts up instantly for fear of breaking the silence and hence becoming a monkey. Old trick from Grandpa.

“Well I have three things for you. You ready?” Michael snaps, I nod and he continues, “One, you will have a car. Two, you will have the money. And three… better to be caught by your parents than with my foot up your ass.”

I gulped, “Fine.”

“Besides… Max is the ride, the money and the person you will be standing in line with all morning and afternoon.” Michael smiles, “Thanks cuz!” And he exited. Just like that. He dropped the bomb and left.

“Well… Have fun!” Maria chirps, I had totally forgot all about her by the way, “Wear a condom!” He bursts out laughing.

“Maria?” I say.

“Shut up.”

Sorry this took so long! I had a busy weekend! Thanks for all the support and everything, you guys rock! I love you all! :-*



Part 8 – Turn The Page, But The Memory Remains

School is boring,
School is stupid,
Why the hell do I care about you and Max?
I ain’t fucking cupid.

My poem was very heartfelt and possibly my best work yet but stupid Mr. Roth said we weren’t allowed to use profanity. So instead of rewriting the poem I spent 10 hard working seconds on, I decided to just sit there and do nothing. Michael would have been so proud.

“I can’t believe she won over me, I mean hello? I’m way hotter than her!” Isabel hissed to one of her flunkies, “Max says he thinks she won because her mom used to be a supermodel or something but if you ask me I think she slept with one of the judges.” She snorted, “I wouldn’t put it past the little whore.”

I covered my mouth to conceal my smile, no way would I let Isabel know that something she said amused me to the fullest. That would e worse than being Blair’s best friend. Dear god what was I going to do about that damn party this weekend? I couldn’t go, no way would I want to see Max and Blair on one last hurrah. What if they make out right in front of me? Or worse, what if they fornicate right there on the floor??? No way, I think I would go blind.

“You’re way more beautiful than Blair Isabel, don’t even worry about it. My uncle Sam is friends with two of the judges and he says that Blair only won by one vote and I’m betting she had something to do with that last vote anyhow.”

“Tess, you’re wonderful for telling me that.” Isabel grinned from ear to ear, “If I can prove she cheated than she’ll get kicked out and hello Paris for me!”

Uh oh. I couldn’t have Isabel foil my Blair-Free summer just because she was jealous! What to do? What to do? Oh mon dieu. There was only one thing to do, and I really, really didn’t want to do it…



“How could someone be so evil?” Blair was close to tears after hearing of the plot to dethrone her, “I mean, I’ve been nothing but nice to Isabel and this is how she treats me in return? I know we don’t get along so well but can’t we at least be civil about it?” She cried and dabbed at her eyes in the mirror of the girls bathroom.

I shrugged, “I’m only telling you what I heard. I mean, I was as shocked as you were.” I stood beside her, “You uh… You didn’t cheat though… Did you?”

“Of course not! Liz I can’t believe you would even ask!” Blair was full on bawling now, “I would never cheat! I never have in my life and I don’t intend to start now!”

I did a little dance to myself, yes! Blair would be out of my life in approximately 72 hours! Celebrate! “Now, now Blair I was only asking to be sure. I didn’t mean to upset you.” I patted her back by banging my hand against her spine hella hard.

She was oblivious of course, “Oh Liz!” She wrapped me up in a surprise attack embrace, making me severely uncomfortable, “You’re like my best friend ever! Thank you so much for telling me about Isabel, I don’t know how to ever thank you!” She sniffed back more tears and kissed my cheek.

Just stay as far away from me as possible and leave Max behind and it’s all the thanks I need sister. But I said aloud, “No problem, can’t have my good friend’s chance of a lifetime be snatched up by Isabel.”

She hugged me again. Ugh. “Thank you Liz, thank you so much.” It all almost made me feel guilty for having an ulterior motive.

I said almost.



“You’re so evil why am I friends with you?” Maria laughed as we chatted for the few more minutes I would be in school grounds. Max was on his way from his class in which he couldn’t miss due to some test. But he had someone else waiting in the Metallica ticket line for him until we arrived.

“That’s the least of my problems Maria, Max will be here any second and I’m so scared I keep thinking I feel pee running down my leg.” I confessed.

“Ew!” Maria blurted, “I mean… Aw!”

“You’re a horrible liar.” I snapped. “Oh my god here he comes! I don’t know what I’m more terrified of, the fact that I’m ditching school with Max Evans or the fact that I’m going to be spending the duration of my morning with… Max Evans.”

“Well you actually were deprived of your Max Evans time by four hours if you really think about it.”

“How so?” I waved Max over.

“Well,” Maria began, “You were supposed to be in hypothetically be waiting in line at 5 this morning correct?” I agreed and she continued, “But Max had that test in first period and so you had to wait. It’s 12 in the after noon my time so it must be 9 am your time. Therefore making my statement true, you lost four hours you could have spent with your luva.”

I cringed, “Ew, for a second I could have sworn you actually said vulva.” I shook my head clear an ignored her protests, “Okay I gotta go here he comes.”

“No wait! I wanna hear his voice!” Maria screamed, “Please! Please! Pleeeaasseee!”

“Ugh! I hate you!”

“Yeay! I get to hear your vulva’s voice! Hahaha get it? I said vulva! Instead of Luva!” She went on and on but I was trying my hardest to act as if I had no idea Max was coming.

“Hey what’s up? You ready to roll?” Max came up to stand beside me. I had been so busy pretending I was waiting casually and carelessly for him that when he actually did come I hadn’t thought up the words I would say to him! I mean you just couldn’t say anything regular words to Max Evans.

“Hmmm I uh yuh, uh… vulva.” I blurted out suddenly.

Max’s mouth dropped open, “Uh… What did you just say?”

Maria was dying, “Oh. My. Fucking. Gracious!” She said between hysterics, “Hahahahahaha! Oh my god! You IDIOT!”

The blood in my veins ran dry, my heart failed to pump and I think even my brain lost it’s required intake of oxygen. The outcome? I started to feel light headed. “Gotta go Maria, bye. Love you.” I slapped my cell shut and spun around to stare out at the parking lot. “So are we ready to go?” I said without turning to face him. My face was just too red.

Max was unmoving, “Uhhh…”

I swirled around angrily, “So I said vulva, oh ha ha! So funny! Liz said vulva!” I whipped my arms about, “It was an accident, I was caught off guard can we please pretend like that didn’t just happen?”

Max’s mouth was still hung open, so I helped him shut it. Only my methods were much harsher. I slapped it shut by slapping him across the face. “You still with me here?” I asked.

The nosy onlookers stopped to stare at the would-be-couple-fight if we were actually a couple. Which we were not, much to my dismay and the fact that Blair was not out of my life just yet.

Max shook his head like a dog, “I need caffeine or something because I could have sworn you just slapped me.”

I shrugged, “It needed to be done. You were comatose. Now are we still going or not?” I tried to walk off and lead the way. But I didn’t know where the hell Max was parked since I had gotten a ride from my mother that morning.

Thankfully Max snapped out of whatever weird moment he was struck in and jogged up beside me, “So Isabel is planning to ruin Blair’s contract huh?”

Now I was the comatose one in need of a good slapping. My hands darted out to stop Max as he readied for revenge, “I wouldn’t know anything uh… anything about that.” I lied and tried to get us moving again towards where I now saw his car.

Like I was about to admit to the guy that I liked (possibly LOVED!) that I sold his sister out to his girlfriend. Which was worse? I didn’t know, I didn’t care and at that moment I was regretting the day Michael Rudy Guerin was born.

*beep* *beep!*

VULVA! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Maria texted me. That bitch.

I hopped into the Jeep and prayed for Aliens to abduct me so that time would move forwards without my knowledge and I’d come back saying, “Where am I? Who am I? What is a vulva?”



Things didn’t start to get past the awkward silence until we found ourselves saying, “I love this song!” Ten minutes later and 2 miles away from Roswell High. I was still looking over my shoulder for the truancy cops. You just never knew where those sneaky bastards would pop up.

After bonding over Green Day’s Holiday song I asked Max who he had gotten to wait in line for him at the ticket booth.

“Oh just a friend who owes me a favor, you might know him. Duncan Kane?” He said without thought as he pulled into the TOWER RECORDS parking lot. “And would you look at that, he’s like the 20th one in line! That ass face!”

I flinched, having never heard Max use such foul language. I was shocked I tell you! Shocked! Besides, 20th in line was much better than the 100th we would have been had Duncan not stood in line for us. Pick you battles Evans. Pick. Your. Battles.

“Oh crap I didn’t even think to ask, did you want anything to eat or drink? I can send Duncan –Hey Duncan! What the hell man?” Max interrupted his own self to yell at who I now was starting to realize was Logan’s (the guy who’s taking me to Blair’s party on Friday? Keep up with me people! Gosh!) best friend. I knew that name was familiar!

“A simple thank you would have been the preferred words I would have chosen to hear from you.” Duncan rolled his eyes, “Hey Liz.” He nodded.

Whoa. He knew my name? He knew my NAME??? What the hell was going on here? I was stuck in an alternate universe unable to fight my way back. It was all just too freaky too handle right about now.

“Uh, hey… Duncan.” I politely greeted him back. I may have been confused but I’m not rude. Good thing I knew who he was. How embarrassing would that have been? No more embarrassing I’m guessing than the “vulva” incident. Dear god kill me now. Kill me right. Now.

“Sorry folks!” A voice sprang out fro the ticket booth, “Due to the number of online purchases this morning I’m sorry to announce that we are fresh out of Metallica tickets for the Santa Fe concert… There is still a chance to buy tickets tomorrow morning at the Arco Arena box office. Thank you and have a great day.” He shut the window to the ticket booth.

“Well what the heck do we do now?” I sighed. “I can’t go back to school now, I ditched dammit! I want to do ditchy things!” I stomped my foot.

Duncan covered his mouth and chuckled. Max stared at me incredulously, he obviously did not know I had a more childish side to me. I looked down at my wrist and realized that I was not wearing a watch. Then again, did I ever wear a watch? No. I did not. Eventually it always made my skin itch. Something about the ventilation I guess. No wait. That sounded like I was talking about my houses air conditioner filters or something…

Max pulls me back towards the jeep, “I don’t know Liz, maybe we should get back to school. I don’t want to get Michael’s hopes up and then have him on my ass for not getting the tickets.”

I jerk out of his grip, “When did you become such a downer?” I snap, “I said I wasn’t going back to school.”

Duncan just stares at us as if we’re two bickering lovers (one could only wish), “Do you guys… Need a minute?” He asked.

“Do you need me to kick your ass?” I snapped.

“Liz, there is no need to get saucy.” Max scolds me.

Duncan’s brows rise, “Uh… I think I better get going.”

“Oh, don’t leave on my account.” I shrug and start to walk off away from them. “And tell Logan I said hi.” I turn around to say then walk off again. I think about going to the record store but change my mind and walk into the book store instead.

I order a caramel frappichino (so yum!) and walk over to the romance section. Oh c’mon! Like you don’t read romance! So what if the main character loves to massage his throbbing member.” That’s hot.

Licking the whipped cream from the top of my drink I check to see if one of my favorite author’s newest book is out. And it is! Sherrilyn Kenyon is my goddess! Oh yes, oh yes… I start to do a boogie. Sin’s of the Night is finally ready to come home with me! Oh yes, I love my Dark Hunters. In fact, I sometimes pretend Max is my Dark Hunter… In my dreams. Oh like you wouldn’t!

I buy the book and walk out of the store. Well now lets see, I have three hours to kill until school is out, what to do? Read? Shop? Walk? The possibilities were endless! It was a very freeing experience.

“You ready now?” Max said leaning against his jeep with a frustrated look on his beautiful face. Which might I say made him look extra yummy. What was with me saying yummy? How about uhh… sexy! Yeeeaaahhh.

I stopped dead at the entrance to the store, “What are you doing here?”

“Uh… I drove us here.” He crosses his arms one over the other, looking like a bouncer ready to kick my ass. He had my full permission.

I walk straight past him on my to who the hell new I just felt like pissing Max off. Why the heck was he determined to get me back to school so badly? What a party pooper. It was so unlike Max. Well, actually I had no idea what Max was really like considering how like, 2 weeks ago I was suddenly thrown into this whole new world.

“Why do you want to go back to school so bad?” I finally had to know.

He seemed to be perplexed about how to answer my question, then as if a light bulb went on over his head he grinned and said, “Because.”

Well. That answers that. I rolled my eyes, “Can you please be serious with me.” I turned to toss my finished drink into the nearest garbage bin.

Max saw something fro behind me and suddenly went into a panic, “Liz. We have to go… Right now.” He pulled me towards him.

I jerked back, now where do I remember this? “I’m not going anywhere with you while you’re in that mood mister.”

“Liz, please don’t make me go barbarian on you.” He growled. Oh wow. Take me away to your cave! “Please get in the car.”

“Jeep.” I corrected.

“Jeep.” He said through clenches teeth. “Please get in the… Jeep.”

I got in. “Fine.” I pouted. I thought that maybe he was just a serious scholar in need on not missing out on his studies when we pulled out the parking lot and I saw something that made my blood run cold.

I saw Blair.




“Maybe he’s about to break up with her and he didn’t want you to get in the middle of it.” Maria tried to make things better later that day.

I sighed on my bed, “Or maybe he wanted to keep our whole meeting a secret. I don’t see why. I mean it wasn’t like a date or anything.” I snapped, “Why was he so freaked for her to see us?”

“Maybe Blair secretly hates you and forbid him to be with you.” Preston said from his line. We were a three way on a mission.

I snorted, “There is no way in hell I’m going anywhere with him tomorrow morning. I mean why am I even needed? Who has tutoring two days in a row?” I growled thinking about Michael’s lame excuse to get out of standing in line at 5 in the damn morning.

“Hey, he’s a man who cares about his education.” Maria defended Michael. Of course she did.

Preston clicked his tongue, “Oh my god shut up miss C average student.”

“Oh my god shut up! Liz thinks I’m smart!” There was the sound of smacking happening along with some shrieking, indicating a cat fight was in full bloom on the other line.

“Ladies, ladies!” I shouted into the phone, “Let me clarify things… I never thought nor will I ever think that either one of you is smart.”

“Oh.” Maria sighed as she calmed. As did Preston who gave thanks.

Then suddenly, “HEY!” They both shrieked at me.

Thank god for the distance between us.




BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

4:30am.

Why me? Why poor little innocent me? For one I couldn’t sleep all night so when I finally did fall asleep I had to wake up an hour and a half later. 4:30am is an ungodly hour and should be destroyed. Okay, now I had to pray that my plan moves into motion correctly because otherwise… I’m screwed.

I was reluctant to spend most of the day with a guy who obviously was embarrassed to be seen with me in public. Let alone let his girlfriend see us. Ugh. That pissed me off every time I thought about it. I thought the sleep would erase it but I was wrong. I sighed and tried to push it out of my mind.

Now what does one wear to such an event? The temperature for today is well in the high 90’s so I’ll have to dress light. I grab a pair of denim sorts and my favorite A&F shirt then head towards my bathroom. My shower is record winning and since I couldn’t make any noise I had to sneak out onto my balcony with wet hair. By this time I had totally forgotten about my hatred towards Max. It was magic. IT was… It was freezing! I shivered from the cold air against my wet hair. Speaking of frozen I totally forgot to grab my water bottle out of the freezer. Damn. Okay now all I had to do was shimmy down the ladder and pray Michael doesn’t forget to come over later and pretend to pick me up for school.

I can’t believe I’m doing this for him, what has he ever done for me? Nothing I tell you. Absolutely nothing. Where the hell is Max? I think to myself as I hop down off the ladder.

“Liz!” There’s a whisper to my right.

Holy sh-

“Max!” I whisper back hoarsely, “You scared the crap out of me!” I say hugging myself, it really was quite cold. “Crap I have to go back up.”

“Why?” He pulls up beside me in his Jeep.

Are my blue lips not clue enough for you Evans? I don’t say this however, “Because I didn’t think it would be this cold before sunup.” I shiver, “I’m freezing my ass off.” I cringe at my choice of words.

Max smirks, “I could so embarrass you right now but I won’t.”

“Bully for you.” I start to step around the Jeep but am blocked. “Hey! What the heck Max!” I kick his tire with my sneaker. Damn! That’s gonna leave a mark!

“Here,” A sweater is suddenly thrown into my face, “You can wear my soccer warm-ups, “Now let’s go before the line gets longer!”

I never knew Max was such a Metallica fan. Either that or Michael was blackmailing him. “Thanks.” I say and pull the sweater over my head, it goes past my shorts and makes me look like a whore. Just great! Max is staring now, that’s just dandy. Just dandy! “My face is up here.” I snap and hop in the car.

He shakes his head clear, “I know. But your legs are down there.” He looks up and winks. Then he zooms forwards and I of course… scream.




Fifteen minutes later when Max and I are making our way towards the ticket booth I’m shocked to see that there are already around six people in line. What was up with that?

“I’m gonna run across the street to that donut shop, what do you want?” He asked me as he set down a two lawn chairs next to everyone else’s, “What’s up.” He nodded to them. They all smiled and waved back friendly. Always a good sign.

I refrained from asking for a pink dozen box all to myself and just asked for a chocolate bar and some milk. Low fat. He looked at me strangely and literally ran across the street. He was such a good runner. I wonder if our kids would be good runners too, lord knew I wasn’t a runner. Every time I tried to run away from Michael he caught me every time.

“I like your dress.” Someone in line cracked. “Does it come in my size?” Someone else added and they both erupted in laughter.

I turned, “No, but what size shoe do you wear?”

They (who I realized were two fully grown men) both looked puzzled, “Why?” One of them asked.

I smiled sweetly, “Because I’d like to know what size shoe to wear when I shove it up your ass!”

Needless to say. They did not bother me again. Pansies.




“I bought a dozen and we can share then give the rest away.” Max said ten minutes after leaving me all alone to fend for myself. “Why are those two dudes looking over here like that?” He asked curiously. “Liz?”

I scowled over at the jerks, “Hmm, I didn’t even notice them.” I lied and reached for my milk bottle. Mmmm… Calcium. Cold calcium. The best. “Thanks Max.”

“No problem.” Max winked. He was so cute when he did that. Winked I mean. “5 o‘clock.” He read from his watch, “We have 6 hours to kiss –kill!” He choked on his food, “Six hours to kill.”

Nice to know I wasn’t the only one who blurted inappropriate words at embarrassing times. Maybe we had turret syndrome, we could start a club and scream obscenities at people. Starting with the two punks in the corner.

I laughed, “Well now Max, how forward of you.” I teased, “I bet you planned this whole thing didn’t you? Michael doesn’t have tutoring.” I teased some more. Whoa now! I paused. If Michael had tutoring I think I would have known from the get go and not been so surprised when asked to stand in line. Plus the fact that even if he did have tutoring he would never actually go. Oh. My. God! I’d been had!

But Max just wasn’t having it, “No, seriously, Michael has tutoring. Blair’s teaching him the fundamentals of science.”

Blair. Ugh. Oh how I hated that should-be-blonde-so-I-can-call-her-a-bimbo Blair. Which then reminded me…

“Why did you flip out yesterday when you saw Blair? Are we not allowed to hang out?” I asked angry.

He coughed on his milk, which was also mustached above his lips, “What?” He coughed some more, “Are you talking about?”

“Yesterday? You saw Blair and flipped out.”

He shook his head, “No I didn’t.”

“Yes. You did.” I was so angry I shoved a whole glazed donut into my mouth. “Ou twoey wur bee-ing ah ap ace!” I swallowed. “You were totally being a crap face.”

“I didn’t know Blair was there.” He said honestly, “I just didn’t want Logan to see us and tag along. I really hate that guy.” He grimaced.

“Whoa. What?” Now I was the one choking in shock, “What do you have against Logan?” I asked.

Max scowled, “Nothing. Just forget it. Besides, ditching school is bad.”

I snorted, “Which is why you’re doing it again today.” I rolled my eyes and dares to gulp another glazed carb-filled donut.

But what I didn’t seem to realize was that I was out of milk. I was OUT OF MILK!? “Milk!” I cried, “I don’t have anymore milk!”

Max smirked, “Got-“

“If you finish that sentence you’re dead.” I growled.

“You better do what she says.” One of the assholes from before said then quickly looked away.

Max pointed at them and looked at me. I shook my head, “I’m willing to forgive you for everything you did as long as you give me your milk.”

He laughed, really hard, “I didn’t do anything.”

I sighed, “This is getting old. Now give me your milk.” I blinked up at him sadly and jutted out my lip. He then instantly handed over the bottle to me.

“So why do you hate Logan?” I asked again after gulping the last of his milk. Truth be told I asked for his milk as a test. If by the end of the day Max passed each of my random given tests he would forever be worthy. Which meant that I would fight for him. I would. Seriously. I would through down the gauntlet and fight Blair in the inferno for Max’s heart.

It wasn’t fair for Blair to have the whole cake and eat it too you know.

Max looked out at the passing cars and completely ignored my question, “So you think it’s gonna rain today?”

“No.” I replied, “SO why do you hate Logan?”

“Because I saw on the news that it was going to be a scorcher but those clouds look mighty black to me.”

I shrugged, “Hmm… Beats me. So why do you hate Logan?”

“Hey! That cloud looks like Bart Simpson!” He jumped up.

I stood up and made him sit back down, “Want to play a game?” I said as if talking to a child.

Max looked suspicious but agreed, “Sure.”

I grinned, “Okay So I say something and you tell me the first thing that comes to your mind. Ready?”

“Oh I saw this on friends!” He said excited, “Ross was always the smart one I believed.” He nodded.

“Yeah I bet you also believed they were really on a break.” I mumbled.

“They were!” He quickly protested.

I put my hand to his lips, “Shhh… No talking yet.” I thought about how subtle to be with my beginning questions… Hmm… “Okay here we go.”

“Go.” He motioned me to start.

“Dog.” I started.

“Cat.”

“Kitten.”

“Baby.”

“Milk.”

“Something you stole from me.”

I smiled, “Tickets.”

“Metallica.”

“What you ate this morning.”

“Donuts.”

“Beavis and Butthead.”

“Those two guys who keep staring at you.”

“Hey!” The guys from earlier said.

I gave them the evil eye and continued, “Favorite color.”

“Blue.”

“Really? Blue?” I stopped and said.

He nodded, “Yep. You?”

“I dunno, I used to love pink but – Oh! Now we gotta start all over!” I grumbled, “Okay, umm… Okay I got it…” I paused, “Who’s your best friend.”

“Michael. Isabel.”

I wanted to comment about why he named his snobby sister but didn’t, “Wet grass.”

“Spring time.”

“Soccer games.”

“My warm up sweater on you.” He pointed.

I smiled, “Blue.”

“Red.”

“Cat.”

“Dog.”

“Why do you hate Logan?”

“Because he’s taking you to the party.” He stopped and gasped.

So did I.




To be continued….

This is so way long overdue! Well, here you are! An update! I don't feel like posting a little summary of what happen up until now so you'll either have to have remembered or go back and look. lol sorry! Thanks to all who never gave up on me! :-*



Part 9 – My Day With Max Evans

Dozen donuts. 6 dollars.
Two bottles of milk. 5 dollars.
The look on Max’s face after his little slip up? Priceless.

“What did you say?” I ask unable to grasp the fact that Max may potentially have reason to become my obsession forever. Why would he care if Logan took me out? He’s not my boyfriend. Contrary to what I believe in my head he is not my boyfriend. I’m so confused.

He clears his throat, “It’s not because I like you or anything.” He’s quick to say. Gee thanks. “It’s just that well, he’s bad people. I’d hate to see you get all caught up in that mess.”

“Why do you care?” I lean back in my chair, “Why would you care what happens to me?”

He shrugs, “Because Michael would kill me if he knew I knew Logan would break your heart.”

I roll my eyes, “Oh please, like Logan would ever have a chance at even having my heart to begin with.” I wave him off, “Next excuse please.”

“Liz, I’m serious. I know how much you like him.” His voice is full of concern. Ugh. This is so not how I pictured this morning to turn out. I don’t want to be seen as the “little sister” type. I hate that!

“I don’t like him.” I say.

“Liz, it’s okay. You can tell me the truth.” He pats my shoulder, “I know you like him. Alex told me.”

“He WHAT!” I jump up to scream, “Alex told you what?”

“Whoa,” Max puts his hands up in defense, “I’m only saying what I was told.”

I am so going to kill Alex. His little hiney is mine. I’m gonna put the hurt on him so bad he’ll be walking bowlegged for weeks! My foot will permanently be stuck up his ass and we will become Siamese twins. I’m going to slap him so hard his teeth will fall out, I’m going to-

“Liz?” Max comes up to snap his fingers in front of my face.

I flinch, “What?”

“You okay?” He sits back in his chair but moves it forwards towards me.

I shake my head, “No, I’m not okay.” I snap, “I’m accused of liking a guy I don’t like!”

“Then why are you going to Blair’s party with him?” He says a bit too harsh for my liking.

So now I’m getting all riled up again, “Because he asked me!”

“Well… He needs to ask someone else.” He digs in his back pocket (which for a second I thought he was actually digging in his crack) and takes out his cell phone, “We are going to get to the bottom of this right now.”

“At 5 in the morning?” I raise a brow.

“We are going to get to the bottom of this at 9 o’clock!” He puts his cell back in his pocket. “Liz, I’m serious. Logan is my friend but he can be a major asshole.”

“Why do you care?” I snap, “Gosh Max you’re not my dad. You’re not my brother, and you’re not Michael so why do you care so much?” I all but yell at him. The two guys in the corner are watching intently, they even have the audacity to be munching popcorn.

“I care because you’re my friend.” He enunciates the friend part. My heart deflates. I was hoping for a different answer. One maybe like, ‘because I love you!’ But no.

“Fine. Whatever.” I say in defeat, “But for the record, I don’t like Logan and Alex is a base head.”

“Liz. You don’t have to lie, it’s-“

“Max will you please shut up about it!?” I scream at the top of my lungs, “The only reason I said yes was because I was high on crack.”

“I knew it!” One of the dudes from before jumps up, “I knew she threatened us because she was on drugs!”

I roll my eyes and Max tells them to mind their own business, “Liz. You were not on crack.”

“I was on something to have agreed to go with him. I don’t even want to go to that dumb party. And why is everyone suddenly my best friend? I don’t even like them!”

“Well if it makes you feel any better my sister hates your guts.” Max shrugs.

“Actually,” I say, “That does make me feel slightly better. It’s good to know I can count on Isabel to stay the same.”

Max snorts and starts to pick of his fingernails. Ew. I slap his hands apart, “Stop that is disgusting.” I scowl, so then he starts to bite his fingernails and I almost gag, “Max!”

“What!” He gives me an innocent look, “I was minding my own business.”

I sigh, “I’m bored and you’re being mean.”

“I am not being mean. You’re being the mean one.” He pouts in his chair. “I had all these fun things planned for us to do while we waited and here you are being a crab apple.”

“What kind of fun things?” I ask, “Like… kissing?” I tease him about his earlier slip up.

His ears turn red, “That was a mistake. At least I didn’t say vulva.”

My entire face heats up, “Okay shut up now.”

He grins, “It’s not fun to be the one embarrassed is it?”

I glare at him, “No. It isn’t.”

“So want to play cards?” He stares at me.

I burst out laughing, “Oh my god.” I stop cold, “You were serious?”

“Uh, yeah.” He even has cards in his hands.

I take them from him, “Okay how about this? I’ll read your fortune.” I spread the cards out on the ground between us, “Pick a number.”

“Seven.”

I pick out seven random cards, “Okay now pick another.”

“Five.”

I pick the fifth card out from my hand, “Ohhh this is interesting…” I say looking down at the © Silver Legacy, Las Vegas front price scanning card.

“What? What is it?” Max tries to look at the card in my hand. I refuse to let him see.

“Well. According to this I can tell you it doesn’t look so good.” I shake my head sadly and then look back up at him, still hiding the card, “Max. This card tells me that something is going to happen to you very soon. Something that will change your life forever.”

“For real?” He says in awe, “Because I’ve been having this reoccurring dream lately and… It’s strange.” He darts his hand out, “Let me see the card. I want to see my future!”

“No!” I yell and stick the card in my mouth, “All gone…” I say with a huge grimace on my face. I had totally faked that whole reading and he would know that the card I pulled meant absolutely nothing if he saw it. But he won’t know that if he never see’s it. See. I’m smart.

“My future!” He dives on top of me, “Liz, you cannot mess with people’s destiny’s like that!” He tries to pry my mouth open, “Liz, please open your mouth.” He begs.

If this had been any other time I would have happily opened my mouth to him. But as it was… I had to make him think something was going to happen. So that maybe he would oh I dunno… Break up with Blair maybe? One can dream! Don’t crush a poor girls dream!

“Get a room!” One of the goons snaps.

We both stop wrestling too look over at them, I spit out the card, “You know what? One more word out of you and I’m kicking some ass!” I point at them.

“Ignore her,” Max says, “She’s on crack.”

“That explains a lot…” I hear one of the goons say.

“Get off me!” I scream at Max.

He looks down at me, “Oh I dunno. I kind of find you comfortable. Like a mini pillow.” He grins.

Oh how I wanted so badly to kiss him. “Get off of me or… or…. Or I’ll curse you!”

“Liz, you couldn’t if you tried.” He laughs, “Face it Parker. You’re stuck and you ain’t going nowhere.” He wiggles his brows.

Oh that was it, I lifted my head up until our lips were inches apart, “Is that right?” I breathed across his lips, “Because… I don’t mind all that much.” I get the desired reaction I was hoping for and watch as Max’s Adam’s apple bobs in his throat. I give a little giggle.

“Uhh…” He swallows, “What?”

I nod, “Exactly, now get off me!” I scream and shove him away with all my might. He barrels over the side and lands on his back with a loud oomph!

“Is it 9 yet?” He groans.

I look down at him, “Not even close.”

Max rolls onto his stomach and lightly thumps his forehead on the ground, “I’m going to die of boredom. I swear it, either that or I’m going to die from spending too much time with you.”

“Ha. Ha.” I snort, “Like I would rather spend an entire day with you.” I lie. This is all such heaven to me, no matter how boring it is or how whiney Max is when he has nothing better to do. “I have an idea,” I sit down next to him and roll him over to his back, “How about—Max?” I lean over him, “Uhh, Max?” I shake him.

But he’s not moving, and it looks like he’s not even breathing! What the hell? Was the boy epileptic or something? Was he prone to zoning out at inappropriate times? I wanted to do the trademark Parker move (which was to slap him across the face) but thought better of it.

“Max are you okay?” I move closer to look at his face, to see if he’s still alive. I poke his cheek several times with a finger with no results. I know he’s faking it, I know it. I know he wants to get me back for shoving him off me earlier.

Michael does this to me all the damn time, he acts as if he’s passed out then right when I start to panic he jumps up screaming. Half of me wants to play along just for the fun of it, or to satisfy Max’s ego but that’s just not me. I don’t giggle and squeal like other girls who want to impress the guys they like, it had always made me think less of them.

I’d be damned if I would turn into a squealing high school girl. So like any girl who sees a good opportunity to cop a feel, I copped a feel! “Max!” I straddled his waist and slapped my palms down on his chest, “Wake up Max!” I shook him with my palms still spread out across his broad chest.

I seriously thought about just slapping him across the face sense this game of his was getting quite boring. There’s only so much chest you can feel before you want to feel more. I lifted up his eyelids and peered down into them.

“Max I know you’re faking it so just quit the act.” I sighed and let his lid flick shut.

“Fine!” He jumped up and shouted in my face. I flew backwards in fright (damn him!), his arms pulled me back to straddle his lap and bring us face to face.

“Sorry,” He laughed, “Couldn’t resist, I did enjoy the chest massage though, very nice.” He winked.

I blushed, “You’re an ass.” I rolled my eyes and unconsciously brushes aside a lock of hair that had fallen into his face, “You had a…”

“Hair thing.” We both said at the same time and laugh.

I shrug, “So what now?” I glance down then back up into his eyes.

“Uhh…” He gulps, “Okay that’s enough of that.” He shoves me off his lap, so hard that I fall back on my ass painfully.

“Ugh! How rude!” I snap at him and stand up to face him again, “You know what Max Evans? You’re… You’re…” Wait a second I’m thinking…


***


6 a.m.

“Liz?”

“Shut up.”

“Liz?”

“I said. Shut. Up.”

“Liz I didn’t mean to call you a brat.”

As you can see I’m pretty peeved. Just 20 minutes prior to your intrusion on my life, Max had called me a brat. A BRAT! I am so not a brat, if anything he’s the one who spoiled. I mean look at him, he has everything! He’s gorgeous, smart, athletic and has a family (minus Isabel) who is perfectly normal! He does not live above a family restaurant and he doesn’t have a pain in the ass cousin. His best friend lives in the same town as him and he doesn’t have to ever worry about a surprise period attack or cramps.

The asshole has it made.

“Liz, will you speak to me please?!” He begs once more, “Fine!” He shouts, “Maybe you are a brat then!” He pouts, “No, I was just kidding, Liz please talk to me. Say something!” He’s back to groveling.

I sigh, “Something.”

“Ah! Success!” He cheeses like Chucky Cheese, “Just three more hours you know until we call your little friend and cancel your plans for the weekend.”

I roll my eyes, “Max, give it up will you? I’m more determined now than ever to go with Logan to Blair’s shindig.” I shrug. “You’re just giving me more and more reason to go.”

He’s quiet, for once, then… “You know what? I don’t care if he’s asleep or if he’s on his death bed, I’m calling him right now.” He flips open his cell and dials, “Damn.” He sighs, “Voicemail… Yeah hey Logan it’s me. I’m just calling to let you know that your date this weekend with Liz? Not gonna happen. She’s sitting right here beside me and she’s been going on and on about how she should break the news to you so I decided to do it for her. Sorry man. Better luck next time.” He hangs up.

Ten minutes later it’s my cell that’s ringing, “Hello?” I answer cheerfully after seeing who it was on the caller ID. “Oh no Logan, ignore him. He’s just jealous because he wanted to go with you.” I sigh, “It’s a love that will never be. I told him that you were way out of his league.” I shake my head.

“I could have a Logan if I wanted!” Max yelps, “I could have an Alex right now if I wanted!” He says all snippy.

I cover my mouth to keep from laughing like a mad woman, “Yeah so anyways I’m still going with you this weekend and—“ I’m cut off by some unfortunate news, “Who told you that?”

Max’s ears perk up, “What’s going on?”

“What? Not uh!” I shout, “Oh my god! Not uh!”

Maria is busting up on the other line, “Is he buying this crap or what?”

“Logan! I can’t believe you would ask me such an important question so soon! I was hoping for maybe this weekend but YES! Yes I will marry you!” I shout out and jump to my feet, “Yes a thousand times yes!”

Max’s mouth hangs open and he slaps it shut. I grin happily and look to Max, “You are so evil.” Maria sighs, “I wish I had someone to toy with right now. As it is Preston is still asleep and it’s almost 10, he best get his ass up and milk those cows!”

Sadly, Maria is not joking about the cow milking. Her grandparents said it would be a learning experience for her, so every morning at 5 a.m. she milks all 12 of her grandpa’s prized cows and picks eggs from the hen house for breakfast. She’s already been scolded for throwing a shoe at the roster that crows outside her window every morning.

“Milk those babies bitch!” I laugh. Oh whoops! I forgot I was pretending to talk to Logan!

“WHAT!?” Max is on his feet and grabbing the phone from me, “You speak respectful when talking to a lady!” He bellows into the receiver, “Liz is not just some hussy! She deserves to be spoken to like a woman with the highest manners! Where did you grow up? On a farm!?”

“As a matter of fact… Yes.” I hear Maria say from her side of the world, “You must be Max, Liz has told me so much about you. So when are you going to break up with Blair and—“

“Okay that’s enough!” I snatch the phone back, “You are so dead Ms. Deluca. So dead.”

“I’m shaking.” She cracks.


***


7:15 a.m.

“That’s when Isabel started acting like such a queen,” Max sighs and leans back further in his chair, “It’s hard to believe she’s my twin sometimes. I mean, we don’t act anything alike and she’s blonde. I’m not.”

I shake myself awake, “Huh?”

He smirks, “Funny. Really.”

I grin, “Well if you ask me she needs a good slap in the face. I bet your dad spoils the heck out of her.” I lean back in my chair to mimic Max’s comfortable looking pose. “My dad spoils me, but that doesn’t make me a brat.” I’m quick to add, “My mom always ruins things after my dad lets me have my way.”

“You an only child?” He asks.

I nod, “Yep. But then again no. Not if you count Michael who’s been attached to my hip since I was born.” I sigh, “We played in the same play pen, shared Barbies—“

“He had Barbies!”

I laugh, “G.I. Joe’s, but what’s the diff?” I shrug.

“Oh there is a diff.” He moves forward, “G.I. Joe’s have weapons! They have helmets and camouflage gear! Not a pink convertible and high heels.”

“Don’t for get Ken.” I point out, “What Barbie is she without her Ken? Wait a second, I take that back. Barbie is an independent working woman now. Screw Ken.”

“Psh.” He waves me off, “They’re divorced anyways.”

I nod, “True, I mean I always preferred to use Michael’s G.I. Joe’s as her boy toy rather then Ken. I always had him somewhere at the bottom of the box. Michael would get so pissed when I used his toys. He used to cry.”

“He did?!” Max says excited, “This is all so new to me! Tell me more! I need to know that hard core Michael Guerin used to be a big cry baby.”

I shake my head, “Oh no, he was a cry baby. But he also was the meanest son of a bitch alive. In kindergarten he made all the boys give him their snacks at snack time. He had extra pillows when it was nap time and no one dared to touch his blocks.” I say, “Not even the teacher wanted to cross him because he would scream so loud that all the hall monitors would come running in the room as if he were being beaten!”

Max is laughing his fine ass off, “This is great. Keep it coming, you’re giving me great ammo for the next time he’s on my case.”

I smirk back at him, “I’ll stop there then. Anymore secrets and he’ll be on my ass.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.” Max winks.

OoOoh shibby! Anytime he wants to do that again is fine with me. It truly is a swoon-worthy event, not only because his face looks as if it were carved by angels but because his lashes are adorable. I have to dig my fingernails into my palms to keep from reaching out to touch the smooth skin of his face. Is it normal to want someone this much?

Okay, seriously. I’m a girl and I know that we are not supposed to think about sex. That’s a guy thing, but can I help it if every time I see Max I wonder what he would look like naked? It’s natural! It’s the way god intended things to be!

“Liz? Are you okay? You’re uh… You’re kinda staring at me funny.” He says and hugs his arms across his chest.

I shake my head violently, “I’m sorry, what?”

“You’re freaking me out!” He shouts, “I am not a piece of meat!”

I roll my eyes, “Oh don’t flatter yourself Evans.” I wave him off, whew! That was a close one! Can’t have him have the upper hand in things. Gotta keep things in perspective, gotta stop thinking about that time I secretly watched him from under the bleachers on day while he was practicing his soccer… with no shirt on! It was a sexy, sexy day.

He blinks in surprise, “I have to call Blair.” He blurts, “I promised I’d call her when it… I promised.” He says staring back at me.

“Then go call her.” I shrug as if I don’t care. I do care though, it was as of I had forgotten she ever even existed.

“Okay then, maybe I will.” He looks around for his phone, “As soon as I find my cell phone…” He gets down on his knees to look for it.

I sigh, “I’m bored. I can only sit still for so long.”

Max looks up at me from his place at the floor, “Well you ate my cards so—“

“It was one card! And besides, it wasn’t even really a card, it was the—oops…” My eyes pop open.

Max is oblivious to my slip up, “We could ask each other questions.” He says, having totally forgotten about his call to Blair.

I snort, “Yeah, cuz we all know those always ends up well.”

“I never?” He suggests.

“Had nasty thoughts?” I ask.

His brows raise, “Liz! Control yourself, are you trying to get me drunk?” He teases.

“You wish!” I lean back in my seat… And fall over backwards. I scream in fright and out of nowhere Max is there pulling me to my feet.

“You’re accident prone, do you know that?” He grins down at me as he hold me in a damsel in distress stance, “I’m gonna start calling you Scarlet O’Hara.” He laughs.

I’m not amused, “You can let go of me now, I know you can hardly resist me and all but please try to keep your hands and feet to yourself.” I place a hand on his chest and push away slowly.

“I can’t help it though Liz, you’re so cute!” He teases and pulls me back towards him, “Seriously.” He says more, well, seriously. His face is coming closer, closer… closer… Oh god!

You know, it’s really scary how fate works sometimes. Because just when I was about to throw all thought to the wind and lean into Max’s face, his cell phone started to ring. Breaking us apart faster than Michael can down a liter of Pepsi.

“Yeah-uh, h-hello? I wasn’t doing anything bad.” Max stutters into his cell, “Oh, hey Isabel.” He sighs. “I thought you were someone else… Yes… No… So? Gosh!” He snorts, “I told mom I was going to class early! Isabel, how was I to know you wouldn’t have a ride to school?”

I snicker at the thought of a stranded Isabel Evans.

“Iz, please don’t do that… Isabel Amanda Evans if you tell mom I ditched then I’m going to be forced to tell her what really happened to her diamond earrings. Don’t dare me Isabel, I’ll do it.” He’s quite for a while then, “Good girl. I thought you’d see things my way. Oh and by the way? I’m your brother so don’t think I don’t have about a hundred other dirty details about you. Leave Blair’s modeling contract alone.” He slaps his cell shut and smiles at me, “Now where were we?”

We were about to have a moment but I’m pretty sure that’s about toast now. I really really wished that Blair never existed. Is that evil? It is? Damn.

I shrug, “I can’t remember. Oh, weren’t you supposed to call Blair?”

His face lights up s if remembering for the first time, then it falls, “Eh, she’ll live.” He sits down on the grass, “C’mere.” He pats the floor beside him.

I hesitate for a second, just a second mind you because HELLO? Max Evans! Then I hurry my ass on over to sit next to him, wishing I had worn jeans instead of shorts because the grass on my ass is making me itchy! Max see’s my discomfort and pulls out a blanket for us to sit on. Why he hadn’t brought that thing out way earlier is beyond me.

“So,” He sighs and looks up at the sky, “What are we going to do about you and Logan?”

“Oh, were back on that again huh?” I smirk, “Max, get over it. I’m going with him and there’s nothing you can do about it. If you ask me I’d be more concerned about the fact that your girlfriend is going to be gone for most of the summer.”

“Oh, yeah. That. Well it’s actually a blessing in disguise because I’ve been thinking of ways to break it off with her. I feel so horrible that I don’t feel the same way she does. I mean she’s beautiful, smart, kind, fun, sexy—“

“Okay, I think I get the point.” I stop him and gulp the ball in my throat, “But…”

“But there’s no… no spark. My stomach doesn’t flutter when she walks into the room. I don’t lose my breath at the sound of her voice. Her touch doesn’t send chills up and down my spine.” He shrugs and looks down at me beside him, “You know what I mean?”

I nod, “Actually, I really, really do.” I hug my knees to my chest and pray that my ass cheeks aren’t showing. I can’t believe I wore these damn things this morning. What was I thinking?!

“I hope you’re not talking about Logan.” He grimaces, “Cuz… There will be none of that.”

I laugh softly to myself and yawn, I couldn’t help it. I hadn’t slept the entire night before, I kept thinking up ways to get Max to fall in love with me. You’d think that hearing Max say he didn’t want to be with Blair anymore would have been a good thing. But instead it made me weary.

He’s too chicken to tell Blair how he really feels so he’d rather stay with her, lying about his feelings, while she’s happily content with what she thinks they have. Plus, I have a feeling Max likes her more than he cares to admit. I see the way he looks at her, it makes my heart hurt every time. Man, life sucked.

“What are you thinking about?” Max says with a smirk.

“When did you turn into such a girl?” I crinkle my nose, “I can’t break up with Blair. She doesn’t make my foot pop.. What are you thinking?” I mimic him in what sounds way meaner than I intended for it to sound.

Max stares at me without saying anything for a while then he nods in agreement, “You’re completely right. I’m acting like a total chick. But what the hell is a ‘foot pop’?”

I laugh, “I’m sorry. I’m sleep deprived, I had no right to—“

“No, no I’m glad you said something. I hate when girls don’t say what they want to say. It makes it harder for us guys to figure out why we make you mad all the time.”

I roll my eyes, “Just don’t lie to us and we’re all good.”

“That really bothers you doesn’t it?” He says. “I didn’t know you and Blair were so close.”

“We’re not. I just don’t think it’s fair to her for you to lead her on like that. I’ve had it happen to me before. It sucks.” I shrug, “New subject, I’m having unsettling flashbacks.”

“Want me to kick his ass?” He says seriously.

I shake my head, “Nah, Michael already did.” I smirk.


***

8:30 a.m.

If I had to do a book report on Max Evans this morning I’d totally flunk, but now that we’ve talked and found that we have much more in common than I could ever imagine (we both love Green Day & The Foo Fighters, have read all of Steven King’s books, love to dip our pizza in Ranch dressing and can’t stand Katie Holmes & Tom Cruise), I think I’d fair pretty well given the opportunity now.

I had a little over an hour and a half left to get to know Max Evans before he would walk out of my life forever. Well, maybe not so dramatically but I knew that the connection we shared waiting in line would not last past this day and time. It sucked to know the cold reality of it but I chose to ignore it for as long as I could.

When 9 o’clock was vastly approaching I began to grow more and more restless about the fact that I felt this was my chance. Max didn’t really want to be with Blair, I wanted to be with him. It was now or never. Even if he didn’t feel the same way about me, I would always wonder if I didn’t asked now.

“Max…” I started to tell him but stopped when I saw who was coming over towards us from the parking lot. “Oh my god.” I gasped.

Max was still staring at me, “I know… We have so much in common it’s scary!” He laughs, “Listen Liz there’s something I think you should know. But don’t freak out okay?”

I nodded, “You gotta promise me that same thing.” I mutter staring at the person who was not 3 feet away from us.

“What are you talking about?” He chuckles and turns to look behind him. Then he snaps back around quickly with a look of fear. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” I mentally cock a pistol and hold it to my head. “It’s Blair.”

I pull the trigger.

\\\TBC....

*Here's hoping I spelled my title correctly, lol


Part 10 – No Llodes Mi Baby


“So it’s true then.” Blair says staring at the two of us. I try backing away but Blair spots me and gives me a death glare, “This concerns all of us Liz. You included. I thought you were my friend.”

“Uh, actually. I never said I was.” I shrug and look around at our audience.

“Whatever,” She waves me off and storms over to stand before Max, “I can’t believe you would do something this low Max. I thought you had more class than that.”

“Blair I—“

“Shut up. Just. Shut. Up.” She looks like she want to slap him across the face, “I can’t believe you told your sister I crash dieted two weeks before the modeling competition. Not only that but you!” She’s pointing at me now, “You lied about Isabel trying to get me kicked out, it was you who made up that ugly rumor that I slept with one of the judges!”

Was it just me or was this all just one huge ugly mess? I did what? First of all I am in no way near as cleaver as to come up with a rumor like that and second? I totally heard Isabel talking about that yesterday morning.

“Please remove your finger from my face.” I mutter as politely as possible considering the fact that I’m about two seconds away from drop kicking her skinny ass to the ground.

“Blair, baby what’s this all about?” Max pulls Blair away from me, “You know Liz would never do something like that. And I never told Isabel anything.”

“I know you want me to stay Max but to sabotage my contract in order to keep me in Roswell?” She dabs a tissue under her eyes, “I don’t even know how to react.”

“Blair, I’m not trying to do anything. I want you to go.” He even goes as far as to push her away an inch. I feel my hopes rising but shove them back down just in case.

“You really mean that Max?” Blair says happily. What a dumbass. But she’s not the only one who’s happy. Do it Max! I silently cheer, break up with her! Do it and be with me!

He nods, “You know I want you to be happy. And when you come back, I’ll be right here.” He kisses her forehead.

Blair throws herself at him like a damsel in distress and even worse? Everyone around us started to applause. I wanted to throw up. I did actually gag a little though. Does that count?

“I love you Max, you’re so good to me.” She kisses him once on the mouth and then turns to me, “I’m sorry Liz. I was angry, I know you’d never do something so horrible but when I confronted Tess and she said it was you I didn’t know what to think. I’ve known Tess since we were kids…” She pulls me into a hug (which then had all the guys whistling), “Are we cool?” When I don’t answer she pulls away to stare at me, “Liz?”

I nod, “Yeah. We’re cool.” I lie. We were never cool.

“How’d you know where I was?” Max asks suddenly.

“I asked Michael.” She says fixing his collar.

Michael is a dead man walking. Him and Alex both.

“Oh.” Max waves her hands away from his collar, “Can you not do that?”

She laughs, “We still on for tonight?” Her voice lowers to a whisper, “I have the house all to my lonesome.”

I look away but feel Max’s eyes dart my way. “Uh…” He stalls for time, “I dunno.”

“Oh Maxy!” Blair pouts, “You always get excited when my parents go out of town.” She kisses his chin, “Call me after you buy the ticket thingies okay? I’ll make us dinner like I did yesterday.”

“Fine. I’ll be there.” He says.

“I love you.” She kisses his lips lightly.

He pauses and I have to look away again to keep from crying. “You too.” I hear him mutter quickly.

“You what?” She says playfully.

“I…” He clears his throat, “I love you too.” She kisses his lips one more time and then waves at me as she leaves.

I’m standing there clenching my jaw shut to keep from yelling. Did he or did he not just tell Blair Florence that he loved her? Did he or did he not tell me earlier that he wanted to break things off with her?

I shake my head and laugh to myself at the hypocrisy. Typical male, he was just like every other guy on the planet. It sucked when you put your crush high up on this imaginary pedestal and then realized that he’s not all you imagined him to be. Dear god, that could have been me in Blair’s place. Happily in love with a guy who didn’t feel the same way.

“Liz.” Max takes a few steps forward and in turn I take a few steps back. “It’s complicated. I know I said—“

“It’s none of my business.” I interrupt him. “So I have no opinion on the matter. You go ahead and lie to yourself about how you feel about her. Because if you really did not want to be with her? You would have broken things off by now.” I drop down to sit in my lawn chair silently.

“I’m confused. I thought I did love her, but then…” He and slumps down into the chair beside me.

“But then what.” I sigh and lean my head back.

“But now there’s someone else.”

My heart stops, “Who?” I say as if I’m still annoyed.

I feel him move closer, “Let’s just say that she makes all those things Blair can’t do to me happen. The stomach flops, the heart flutters, the foot pops.” He teases.

I’m not laughing, “So now you’re a two timer?”

“Liz, will you quit the crap? You know who it is.” He’s so close I can feel his breath on my cheek.

I gulp, “I do?”

“Yeah.” He turns my chin to his face with his finger, “It’s you.” His lips graze mine lightly, as if asking for permission.

I want to give him it so badly. Instead, I shove him away, “We can’t do this.”

“Why not?” He says, “I like you Liz. I can’t believe I never saw how incredible you were to begin with.”

I laugh, “Oh this is grand. This is all just so fucking grand!”

“Liz, knock it off.” He’s angry now.

“You never saw how incredible I was before huh? What’s made you see it now?” I ask skeptical and pissed off beyond my normal limits, “Why are you so confused? You like me Max? You really like me? Then break up with Blair and be with me. I’m not a toy to be played with when convenient.”

He slumps back in his chair and sighs, “You don’t know all the facts. It’s complicated what I have with Blair. I can’t just end it. I can’t hurt her like that.” He shakes his head in his hands, “I like you but I can’t be with you. Not right now.”

Oh this is all sinking faster than the damn Titanic. Every last hope I ever felt for Max was melting away. If I looked closer I could actually see my crush fading away from Max to be replaced with pure hatred.

“So let me get this straight Mr. Evans just so I’m not confused.” I stand and cross my arms over my chest, “You like me. But you can’t be with me—whatever that means— so instead you’d rather spend all your days shacked up with Blair.” I shake my head, “I don’t get you Max. I really don’t, and right now this minute? I don’t even think I want to.”

“Would you just let me explain?” He shouts back.

I spin around; “Boy don’t you raise your voice with me. I am not Isabel, that’s for damn sure.” I point a finger in his face, “And another thing?” I pull his sweater up over my head and throw it at him, “Your sweater sucks!”

“Liz wait!” Max throws the sweater to the floor, “I’ve been with Blair for a really long time okay? We just recently went public with the whole thing. It’s not like we’ve been together for just a couple weeks, we’ve been together for two years.”

I breath catches in my throat, “What?”

“I’m sorry I never told you and I’m sorry that I never told Michael so he could secretly turn around and tell you.”

Uh, what’s that supposed to mean? I walk off into the parking lot with my cell phone in tow.

“Liz! Dammit!” I hear something crash behind me and don’t bother to turn around.

“You get my tickets?” Michael answered his phone on the third ring.

I clench my eyes, “Oh shit.” I curse my luck.

“Tell me you did not have a complete blow out with Max, causing you to forget all about the tickets and then have the nerve to call and ask me to come and get you!”

I gulp, “¿Que? ¿Hablas espanol? Oh, lo siento!” I quickly hang up and dial Alex.

“Nope, not gonna work he’s right here next to me.” Alex chuckles as soon as he answers his cell.

“Where are my tickets Liz?!” I can hear Michael scream in the background.

“UH…” Alex clears his throat, “Michael is interested in knowing where his tickets are being held.”

I cursed my luck again, “Tell him their up his ass.” I hang up and storm back towards the line where I then cut just about everyone in line. “Excuse me, pardon me, so sorry, hey! I like your shoes! Excuse me, pardon me. Could you scooch over just a tad? Thanks.”

“Hey!” Some young woman pulls me back, “Wait in line sister I’ve been here since this morning and ain’t no little girl gonna—“

I spin around, “I’m having a really bad day lady. So don’t start with me unless you hold the key to time travel and can go back to this morning so that I will have NEVER left my house to come here with Max Evans! A boy who in a single morning has ruined my entire life! I can’t even move on with Logan because he even screwed THAT up! So back OFF!” I scream.

“Damn,” She moves aside, “Chill out.”

So I move ahead. Max was nowhere in sight, not that I was looking for him anyways, but it would have been nice to have him buy the tickets instead of me. After fighting with just about everyone in line (some people!) I finally made my way to the ticket window and asked to purchase the two golden tickets Michael asked for. All for just the easy price of… 200 bucks. Each.

“What?!” I screech. “You’re kidding me.” I gasp, “I thought this concert was general admission!”

“I’m just messing with ya.” The guy laughs and hands me the tickets, “You really need to loosen up.”

“Bite me.” I snap and walk out of line, “I got your stupid tickets now come and get me.” I growl into my cell as soon as Michael answers.

“Shut up I’m down the street.”

When he pulls up to the parking lot (in his moms car) Alex pops out quickly to move from the front to the back. I toss the envelope with the tickets in Michael’s lap and buckle my seat belt.

“Thanks.” He drives off, “Now was that so hard? Huh?” He stops at a stop light, “Liz?” He turns to look at me, “Oh shit. You’re crying. Did I do that?”

I shake my head.

“Did he do that?” Michael asks. ‘He’ meaning Max.

I nod.

“His ass is mine.” He flips a bitch and heads back towards the parking lot.

“Michael stop!” I cry out, “Alex make him stop!”

“I can’t! He’s in his zone. I’m not messing with that.” Alex cowers in the backseat.

Half of me wants to allow my cousin to kick Max’s ass. Another part of me just wants to go home and cry. And then there’s the real me who’s about to take charge. “Michael forget it, I’ll deal with it when the times comes. Right now I really just want to go home and call Maria.”

“No way, I’m kicking Max’s ass for whatever he did to make you cry. No one makes my cousin cry and gets away with it.”

“Uh hello? You make me cry all the time.” I snap back at him, “Like the other day when you almost broke my wrist?”

Michael shakes his head, “That’s different. You pissed me off.”

“Liz is right man, I got a bad feeling about you pounding Max Evans into the ground.” Alex pipes up from the back. “Plus, I’m pretty sure your mom will kick your ass if you crash her car.” He says as he holds on for dear life to his seatbelt.

My cell phone starts to ring and when I look down to see who it is Michael grabs it from my hands and answers, “What the fuck did you do to Liz Max?” A pause, “No you can’t talk to her. What did you do?” Another pause, “I just said you couldn’t talk to her.”

I cry harder because I’m so pissed that no one is listening to me and suddenly it’s like I’m a balloon that’s been expanded to it’s limit, “STOP IT!!!” I scream at the top of my lungs.

Alex covers his ears in back, Michael swerves to the left to keep from running over a stray squirrel and right before the side of the car slides off road into a tree it stops. Inches away from my death I look out my window and stare at what could have been. Just three more inches and my brains would have been splattered everywhere. We all pant and try to slow our hearts as we listen to Max’s shouts coming from my cell phone. I grab it and snap it shut then open my door and fall out onto the grass.

“I told you something like this was gonna happen.” Alex gasps from his spot, “Your mom would have killed you had you lived.”

Michael nods, “Yeah.” He stares at the steering wheel then turns to look out at me, “Wanna do it again?”

I flip him my favorite finger.


***


“Maria you can stop crying now.” I sigh into the receiver, “I’m fine.”

“But you could have DIED Liz! Then what? I would have never found out because I’m like, all the way over here in no mans land!” She cries, “The reality of it all is freaking me out!” She screams.

“Hun, put Preston on the line okay?” I ask softly and wait for his voice, “Hey.” I say to him when he gets on.

“How was your day?” He teases and then has to apologize to Maria several times. “So Maria wants to come see you now. She’s in the other room begging her grandparents.” He suddenly starts bursting out laughing, “Oh my god she just promised them that she’d check all the cows to see if they’re pregnant! but only if they let her go.”

Ewwwwwww!!!! She must really want to see me if she’d be willing to stick her arm up 7 cows asses in order to feel for a moving calve. Disgusting. But at the same time it’s heartwarming. How twisted is that?

“They said no.” Preston reports, “They said they already checked this morning after Maria threw her fit about it.”

“Well that sucks.” I say.

“No wait, now she’s making them a deal. If she can get one of their cows to win at the county fair…” He stops, “Don’t you bring me into this Deluca!” He screams, “I’m not dedicating my time brushing and pampering a two ton lard ass! I already cater to you!”

I hear Maria screech and the line goes dead. Goodbye Preston, you will be missed.


***


I’m dreading going back to school incase I see Max. Michael refuses to speak with him and I almost feel bad since they were like, best friends and all. Things will blow over soon. I think. I hope. Do I hope? Nope.

Things have been sucking since then and I can’t seem to break out of my weepy funk. I mean, I’m not bawling or anything completely girly like that but I have been avoiding people and neglecting my job in the diner.

My mom tried asking what was wrong when I missed my third day of work in a row and I told her my foot hurt. My dad tried a more blunt approach and demanded I tell him what was going on. I told him that my dog died.

“But you don’t have a dog.” Dad had said.

“That you know of. He was a stray.” I explained as I hid my head in a mound of pillows.

“Liz. Please stop lying.” My dad had patted my back, “When you’re ready to talk, I’m here. I’ll be like that dad in Sixteen Candles. I swear.”

I started to cry then.

***

“And that is why I cannot be partners with Isabel.” I say to Mr. Roth, “I’m serious sir, her breath…” I shake my head, “I’m gagging just thinking about it.”

Mr. Roth covers his face with his hands and sighs, “Liz, I honestly don’t know what to think. On one hand I’m impressed you have enough imagination to come up with a story like that.” He holds up a hand to silence me when I try to speak, “On the other I’m very disappointed that you would come up with this just to get out of a partnership.”

“Gosh can’t anything go my way!” I shout back at him, “I’m going to the bathroom.” I snap, “And NO I’m not on my period!” I snap back at the giggling classroom.

“Boy that PMS sure is a bitch huh Liz?” Isabel snickers.

“But not as much as your breath.” I smirk back at her and point at the teacher, “You know what? I am feeling a little crampy. Maybe I should just go home.” I grab my bag from my seat and swipe my open grammar book from the table. But it goes flying across the room instead.

Mr. Roth moves to pick it up then brings it to me, “I’ll… Um, I’ll give you a pass.”

“Don’t bother.” I snap and exit the room. I’m half way down the hall when wouldn’t you know it… There’s Max. Talking with Blair. She’s up against the lockers smiling and so is Max. Gah! Could life suck anymore?

So what I do is march right past them as if I don’t see them. “Liz!” I hear Blair yell out my name and the clack of her heels against the floor. “Liz wait silly I’m coming after you!”

“Yes I can see that and the natural thing for me to do is walk away.” I snap.

“Liz, I… I don’t understand.” She backpedals when I spin around to face her.

“Let’s cut the bullshit shall we?” I glare, “I don’t like you. I never have. You have something I want only now I’m not so sure I want it anymore. And I don’t care if none of what I’m saying makes any sense to you because it makes all the sense to me.” I pause, “And that’s all that matters. Now, if you’ll excuse me. I’m on my way to pull my cousin out of class so that he may drive me home. Good bye.” I walk off.


***

My plan should have been flawless, only I didn’t think about the technicalities. Like that fact that Michael is on probation at school and can’t just ditch class to take my weepy ass home. And it’s not like I can just ask Alex because, let’s face it, he has no car. Damn him and his unwillingness to save up for a motor vehicle. How long does he plan to bum a ride off Michael anyways?

Well isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black? I think to myself. Then I think, Shut up. Then I think, okay, and I try to think of something else. Possibly something to pass the time from point A to point B. A being school and B being, well, home. Damn, what a walk.

I think you can guess what happens next, I mean, it was inevitable right? I practically (well, involuntarily) invited Max to come out and drive me home. I guess he pretty much figured that Michael could not afford to ever skip school again and since I’m the anti-social queen, I have no one else to ask. I made it about three blocks before I heard the familiar roar of Max’s Jeep approaching. I half expected Blair to start shouting for me but was relieved to see that Max was alone.

“Need a ride?” He idled next to me.

“Like a hole in the head.” I grumbled, I would not go easily.

He sighed, “Look Liz, I’m sorry okay. Will you just get in so we can talk?”

“Talk about what? There’s nothing to talk about.” I shrug and continue my brisk walk home. Who needs transportation? It’s a beautiful day!

“Liz knock it off will ya? Just get in the damn car.” He pounds a fist against the steering wheel.

Aggressive much?

“Piss off Max, I don’t want to talk to you. I thought I made that pretty clear when I ignored all your calls and had Michael threaten your life.”

“I must admit that Michael can be pretty intimidating when he’s mad.” Max agrees, “But that doesn’t change the fact that we have to talk about this.”

I stop walking, “Talk about WHAT?!” I shout, “It’s not like we were dating or anything. We were just two people who hung out for a day and got to know each other better. That’s what friends do.”

“You know as well as I do that we’re more than just friends Liz.” He parks and jumps out the car to stand in front of me.

I can feel the waterworks making their way into my tear ducts, “Why are you doing this?” I ask him, “What do you want from me?”

He dares to slide a thumb across my lips, “I don’t know.” He whispers, “I honestly. Don’t… Know.” He kisses me.

God it felt wonderful, his lips pressing against mine. His hand on the back of my neck, pulling me closer while the other slithered up the back of my shirt to caress my lower back. It was a small and tender kiss, but very intimate at the same time. I felt my cheeks flush immediately. I tried to pull back but Max held firm, so I just gave into temptation and kissed him back. Small pecks that turned into long lingering smooches. When his tongue slipped in between my lips I flew back as if struck.

“We can’t do this.” I said breathless. The lump in my throat grew stronger and caused my voice to quiver.

“I’m so sorry.” He placed a hand over his mouth, “I… Didn’t think, I just… Acted.”

I nodded, “Yeah, me too.”

A slight breeze flowed past, making my hair to fly in my face, he brushed it away gently. “God, you are just so… You are so beautiful.” He whispered.

I bit down on my tongue and looked away, “Shut up.” I muttered, “God.” I clenched my eyes shut to try and will my tears away. “Why did you have to say that?” I cried, “Damn you.” I looked away again and wiped away several tears that had escaped down my cheeks.

“Don’t cry Liz,” He turned my chin towards him, “Okay?”

I shook his hand away from my face, “Why her?” I said, “Why are you with her? Why…” I stopped before I could finish and cried silently to myself. I took couple steps away from Max for privacy. I wanted Maria to be here so badly, I needed her. It’s times like these where you really just need a shoulder to cry on.

As it was, I had no other shoulder to lean on but Max’s. So when he closed the space between us and pulled me into his arms, I let go. I bawled like a baby, I sobbed, I cried, I wept. It was pathetic. The only time I had ever cried over a guy and here I was, crying on his shoulder. Leaking mascara all over his white shirt.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I ruined your shirt.” I jerked back an inch.

“It’s alright.” He smiled down at me, “Want me to take you home now?” He asked and kissed my forehead sweetly.

I nodded and allowed him to walk me to my side of the jeep. We drove in silence, no one saying a word about what had just happened. No one asking questions or stealing sideways glances. Just silence.

And yet it was bliss.