Roswell Fanatics

That Which Hath Made Me. . .




by Chione

Rating: MATURE

Category: Max/Liz

Disclaimer: I don't own Roswell.

Note: This story popped in my head when I was so pissed at how everything in S3 played out, because it so didn’t solve anything. So, I’m solving it. The glowing hickeys, Khivar, the powers, etc. I already have it planned, and this is the first of about 10 parts.

At the end of this chapter, don’t go jumping to conclusions about anything. There’s a lot to be explained.

Chapter One

“People do a lot of dumb things when they’re drunk.” I’d once told Max after he’d stupidly kissed me on stage while totally wasted after only a sip. We’d been broken up at the time, which seemed to be the case more often than not in our relationship, and kissing his ex-girlfriend he’d taken a ‘step back’ from wasn’t the brightest move, even for an alien.

But dumb didn’t begin to cover what I’d done.

Drinking was something I, as a previously straight-A student, would never dream of doing, particularly in large amounts, and at parties when I was completely, irreversibly depressed. But for the first time in too long, I was being a teenager, a normal one, who made stupid, irresponsible decisions just for kicks, and went out and had a good time like normal teenagers do. With normal friends. At a normal party. I wasn’t thinking about the consequences, and I wasn’t thinking about anything but having fun, enjoying life.

Not like I could’ve resisted anyway, seeing as my roommate, Eileen Burrows, was almost as stubborn as Maria, and a lot less inhibited by morals. It was nice, though, to have normal teenage things to worry about, like the Dean catching Eileen smoking in our room my first day. Not running from the FBI Special Unit and jumping off bridges.

Or getting arrested in Utah while helping my boyfriend find the son he conceived with the bitch who murdered my best friend.

I’d left Roswell to get back to normal. So when Eileen suggested the party at the mansion of one of the richest students in the school, I accepted.

“It’ll be fun.” she assured me as we approached the door. Already I could feel the beat of the music through the walls of the mansion and the cool night air. Vermont certainly wasn’t Roswell. It was freezing, and even with all the layers of coats I wore, I was shivering.

She didn’t bother knocking, and we walked right in, her confident and aloof, me trailing behind significantly less sure of myself. What were we supposed to do? I’d honestly never been to anything remotely like it. The thought was exhilarating and bone-chilling.

Lights were dimmed, and the music surrounded everything, seeping into every pore and crevice. People twisted about in clumps, their bodies moving with the pulsing music, or else with some more primal, simpler beat only they could hear. My head started to pound in time with everything else, and when Eileen handed me a cherry red plastic cup of something alcoholic, I was sure, I didn’t hesitate to tilt my head back and drink. Sure, it was only my second experience with alcohol, but I knew from the first time it would numb everything.

And it did. After the first cup was gone, my head was pleasantly swimming through fluffy clouds that blocked out any thoughts of Max or Tess or the rest of the alien chaos. For the first time in more than three years, I felt myself opening up to strangers, relaxing while my gaze stopped eternally drifting over my shoulder. I was a normal, seventeen-year-old girl having a good time. What did I have to be paranoid about anymore?

Eileen introduced me to the boy who lived at the mansion, when he wasn’t rooming at the boarding school. I found myself curled beside him on the couch moments later, another beer in my hand and giggles escaping my throat at every opportunity. He was cute! And funny, and best of all: he wasn’t Max.

“Beth,” he called me, twirling a strand of my hair around his finger and bringing in to his face to kiss. “Beth, aren’t you glad you came to Winnaman? Bet you didn’t have this kind of fun back home.” His breathe was strong, hot against my skin and I shuddered, telling myself it was because I was enjoying it, not repulsed. Maria was wrong, I wasn’t ruined. I could like a guy who wasn’t green around the gills, and I pictured Max with gills, floundering in a bowl of water with green skin, and little, bulging alien eyes. I burst out laughing.

“You have no idea,” I was able to answer between giggles and sips of my chilled beer. Why hadn’t I ever done this before? It felt wonderful, and so freeing! And I felt happy, content, like laughing and celebrating instead of crying all the time.

There was sudden commotion by the entrance, and we turned to see what was up. If Max himself had walked through that door I don’t think it would’ve mattered to me, I was so plastered. Everything was numb, gone, and I was just kind of suspended in the world as things moved on around me. The boy I’d been curled with, Daniel, pulled away, standing clumsily and with a choked laugh at his own antics. He grinned at me, grabbing another man from the crowd by the door and dragging him forward.

“Beth,” he started, “meet Peter, my good buddy. He--” Daniel paused to wrap an arm around Peter’s shoulders, overly proud. “He is da man.” Daniel leaned forward slightly, obviously unbalanced and he rocked back and forth as Peter gave a laugh, steadying him.

I just giggled at them both, rolling my head to rest against the arm of the couch. I blinked up at Peter slyly, feeling bold from the alcohol racing in my system. Nothing like a little drinking to lower ones inhibitions, I was quickly learning. And Peter was just the guy I wanted to lower them with, at that moment.

Not Max, I thought as I stared up at Peter’s bright, hazel eyes. What was I thinking, being with Max again? I could never give him something as precious as my virginity, because he had nothing to offer in return but Tess’s sloppy seconds! The thought would’ve hurt if my heart wasn’t so weighed down with beer and whatever else I’d consumed earlier.

God, would I never escape him? Even wasted and on the other side of the country, he was all I could think about. Even surrounded by hot guys, willing to be with me, flirting outright with me, and all I could think of was damn Max Evans! But no more, I swore to myself foolishly. As if I could ever actually let him go. That didn’t mean I wouldn’t try with everything I had left.

So I smiled at Peter with my head tilted to the side, resting against the red, silk pillow adorning the couch. He was perfect. Anti-Max in every way, from the bleach blonde hair to the cocky smirk and hazel eyes that knew well I was completely drunk and he was loving it. Taking the seat Daniel vacated, he relaxed back against the couch beside me, an arm coming to rest around my waist. It was a bold move, and I didn’t mind. It wasn’t something Max would’ve done.

The shivers running across my skin were from enjoyment, I told myself.

Knowledge of Peter’s goals for the night filled my clouded mind as his hand trailed up to my shoulder in a lingering caress. Another reason I could never truly be free of Roswell, of Max. The strange, alien ability I’d gained for reading people’s motives and emotions with a simple touch. One afternoon in September, long ago, Max Evans, alien king turned half-human high school student, touched me in a way no one before him ever had. Or ever would. And because of that one moment, regardless of how far I run, I’ll never be free of the alien abyss.

I was changed.

But it didn’t take a psychic to guess what was running circles in Peter’s head. Drunk girl. Not bad looking, kind of desperate. Definitely on the rebound. Drunk. Boobs, small, but existent. Drunk. Where’s the nearest bedroom? Or any available surface, really.

The choice stared me down. Peter knew what he wanted, hell, I knew what Peter wanted. The question then was, what did I want? Not him, but feelings were dulled and inhibitions drowning in alcohol, frightening the part of me still capable of rationalizing.

It was a very small part.

I snuggled back in Peter’s embrace, feeling his arms tighten around me and dismissing my sudden nausea. Eileen was telling a story, something grossly exaggerated no doubt, wildly gesturing along with her words. I tuned back in, throwing my head back, laughing as logic floundered in my newly refilled, red cup.

--

The next reasonable thought to touch my brain was an urgent need for pain-reliever. My first experience with a hangover, and not only was my head shattering with each and every pounding of my heart, but I was not in my dorm room, and the only clothe against my skin was the silk of the bed sheets. I shivered as the warmth of another body seeped into my side.

I did not want to know what I’d done.

Actually, I knew exactly what I’d done and who. I didn’t want to acknowledge what I’d done because then I was even worse than Max. He, at least, cared for Tess.

And, like everything else in my life, it always came back to Max.

When I awoke, and realized from the pain between my legs, the smooth, sticky flesh against my own, and the memories muted but not forgotten, what I’d done, my immediate response was just as expected. I cursed my predictability and Max Evans, cursed the unbearable ache that welled at the thought of him and Tess, now eclipsed by shame and guilt of my own making.

I glanced over at Peter, still lying contentedly asleep. Maria would be proud, at least. He was gorgeous, and I’d chosen him over Max. Hadn’t she been encouraging me to leave Max? That he didn’t deserve me and would only hurt me again?

I should’ve been ecstatic. Hadn’t I wished for months to no longer be the only virgin left in our little ‘I know or am an alien’ club. Well, now I wasn’t.

But I wanted it back, whatever mythical purity or innocence associated with virginity. I wanted it back. Because then I wouldn’t have betrayed Max. And even though I’d sworn never to get back with him, while on my cross country bus ride, that’s exactly how I felt. Like I’d spat in his face, on his love for me, and betrayed him.

By the time I worked up the nerve to stand, sheets wrapped tightly around me, I was crumbling. Falling all over myself, my feet too clumsy to move right and my body too heavy, too pained, to do more than stumble into my clothes strewn about the floor. I fervently prayed Peter was a deep sleeper. Facing him was the last thing I was ready to do. I must’ve looked frightening, crawling madly across the room, clutching at articles of clothing as I convulsed in sobs. Quiet sobs, stifled by my trembling lips I pressed together until they were numb to keep the sound in. The last thing Peter needed was a hysterical one-night-stand on his bedroom floor.

Tingling shot up my arm in tiny pricks of sensation, familiar and stinging. I shook it off, scanning the room frantically for my shoes, the last barrier to my leaving.

Max, at least, had been willing and able to face Tess afterwards. What did that make me?

Green lightning flickered under my skin and across my palms, spiraling out my fingertips and on to the carpet. Not catching fire, but singeing it to a nice, crispy brown. I reeled in my shriek just before it could wake Peter. Gaping at the electricity flowing within my veins, I gave an audible cry, biting my lip to dampen it. It burned! Like fire scorching the inside of my flesh and I couldn’t stop it!

I shook my head back and forth, rising to my feet in a tangled movement of arms and legs that I couldn’t seem to control properly. Nausea swept through me in steady currents, tripping me as I staggered out the door. Forget shoes. I needed to go home. I needed my mom, or my dad, or my old room, something familiar to tell me that this was all a horrible nightmare. I needed Max to make all this pain go away!

My dorm was as I left it the evening before. Eileen wasn’t anywhere in sight, but I gave it no thought, staring idiotically at my tidy bed, my little desk where everything was in its place, my scarf thrown hastily on the dresser. Remnants of a happier Liz. A better Liz.

Dumb didn’t begin to cover what I’d done.

--------------------------------

Dreamer Insurance, anyone?

OKay, just wanted to say thank you so much for all the wonderful feedback!

Kath7
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Liz Parker Evans
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cocopucks--Don't worry, I'm not offended. All my fics are Dreamer guaranteed though, because I can't stand it any other way. And I wouldn't be so sure she did it out of spite, yet.

And I plan on updating my other story, Children of Eden tomorrow. School's been kicking my butt lately, so sorry for the slight delay on that one.

Here's the Dreamer Insurance some of you wanted. It will, without doubt, end happily-Max-and-Liz-after.

That Which Hath Made Me. . .

Chapter Two

If I ignored it, it would go away, right? I mean, that’s what it always did in the past. The green, tangled sparks up and down my arms that seemed to spread each and every time they appeared. Originally it had just been my hands. Now, I was in up to my shoulders.

I could see it now: Liz Parker, the walking, talking glow stick who lost her virginity in a drunken stupor to a stranger.

Was he still a stranger if I knew his name?

God, when had my life fallen apart without my knowing? One moment I was the happiest I ever believed I could be, and then everything was shattered. Over and over and over again. Was this all some intergalactic joke? Haha, the silly human girl who loves an alien king. She can be practice for when he meets his real destiny! Oops, she was a lying bitch, well, toss ‘im back to the human then!

Or was this my punishment, karma, for trying to mess with time, both the future version of me who no longer existed at all, and the present me, left to wallow in our combined mistakes?

I snorted, half choking on the sound as I strangled my sobs. Swapped the end-of-the-world for this. And the sad part, I wasn’t sure which was worse. At least in that other timeline, Max and I had never fallen to such lows as giving our virginity away, him to a murderer, me to a stranger. My stomach heaved in protest, but the bathroom was too far away, so I rolled to the side in a ball, praying it would all go away as I swallowed back bile.

I actually slept with him.

Wiping a hand down my face, I marveled at the feel of my own skin. It no longer felt like me. How could one action change me so much? How could I have even done something so-so not me? I was totally against sex with someone you don’t love! That’s why the thought of Kyle and I was so absurd!

Maybe it hadn’t been me at all, maybe I’d been possessed. I knew well it was possible.

Sure, I laughed at myself bitterly, blame it on the aliens, Liz. You dug your grave, now lie in it. You walked out of Max’s life first, you pushed him, abused him, drove him so far away from you he couldn’t even be a friend.

But I hoped. If he loved me as he said, knew me as he had, he’d push right back. Hadn’t he known how much I loved him? I could never even conceive going to Kyle, or giving up Max for a normal life. Didn’t he know, hadn’t he understood? I gave up my normal life for him. And it had been worth it!

I guess I always hoped he’d see through the lies.

But he hadn’t, he’d given up on me, and dwelling on the past only made me cry harder, curl around my knees just a little tighter.

I needed to be clean. Crawl in the shower and scrub until all that was left was the old Liz, clean, pure, and never-been-drunk. But I couldn’t bear to pick myself up from my bed, where no on could touch me unless I let them.

There was knocking on the door, and I realized with mounting dread I had no choice but to open it. Let the outside world in. If the Dean thought I wasn’t in my room, I’d be sent home. Turning impatient, the knocking grew louder. The Dean was too polite, conservative for that. Eileen must’ve forgotten her key again.

I tumbled from the bed, unsure on my feet but moving forward. I didn’t have the motivation or the energy to compose myself. Since I was already up, as soon as I let her in the room, I’d head to the shower, soaking as long as the hot water lasts. With that pleasant thought in mind, I ran a hand through my hair, reaching for the knob with the other. I threw open the door, fully prepared to turn away, only to crumble in the arms of a grinning Maria standing in my doorway.

The real world had shown its face much too soon for me to handle.

In proper best friend fashion, she held me as I cried before firing questions. Knowing exactly what I needed when even I couldn’t figure it out. She waited until I was calm enough to do more than clench my eyes and will the world away to ask gently, a cool hand smoothing the hair from my forehead, “Lizzie? What’s wrong, chica? If I had known you needed me, I’d have been here sooner.”

“God, Maria,” I managed to speak, still raw from crying. “I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’ve messed everything up. God, I-I can’t believe I actually slept with him!”

I lay, head on her lap, where she’d taken to stroking my hair calmingly, combing through the tangles absently. Her body tensed at my uttered statement, hand stilling its movement. She paused, urging me to explain with her silence. I knew she was reining in her rising panic and instinctive need to protect.

I took a deep breath, knowing my lungs would cease functioning the moment Maria heard my confession. In all the years we’d been friends, never once would I have doubted her support until recently, when I couldn’t trust my own reaction much less hers. Doubt and paranoia, foreign things had become closer to me than the people I’d always had faith in.

“I-” I coughed, clearing my throat to start again. “I made a mistake, Maria. I gave my stupid virginity to a stranger last night after a party where I got drunk. And now I’m glowing again, and I feel so--I feel so guilty! And I really need to throw up.” With that, I flew from the bed, dry retching into my hand before I even reached the bathroom. Maria followed, kneeling by my side and rubbing her knuckles up and down my back, cooing soft reassurances.

I finally leaned back, head reeling, legs quivering beneath me, and arms trembling to hold my balance. My sobs overpowered my coughs.

It was the lowest I’d been in my life, but it would get worse. It only ever got worse.

Gone was the optimistic scientist who always had a plan. Gone was the girl who’d convinced the alien trio to stay behind and fight rather than run. My first instinct now was to flee.

Look at where that had gotten me.

Maria returned to my side, curling my fingers around an open bottle of water. I hadn’t noticed her leave.

“Liz, look at me.” she said sternly, cupping my face and turning me to her eyes. “You know I’m here for you. I’m not disappointed or angry. God knows you deserve a lot slack. Everyone makes mistakes, chica. I had celebratory sex with Michael then left for New York. For nothing.” In two words, she told me plenty about why she’d shown up. I made a mental post-it to inquire when I had the patience and peace of mind to listen to her problems. For the moment, mine were quite enough.

“I got drunk, Maria.” I stated blandly. She loved Michael, even if she denied it, and she’d known exactly what she was doing beforehand. Not to mention it wasn’t her first time. She had nothing to be ashamed of, and I had everything.

“Liz, you’re strong. Sometimes I think too strong. You’ve been bottling up all this stuff and it had to come out sometime, in someway. You never really forgave or even dealt with the Max/Tess thing--” I started to protest and she shushed me. “You never got over the Max/Tess thing, you never really mourned for Alex, and you have not fully accepted these new powers. You need to, soon. This whole thing only happened because you’ve got too much inside you right now to think rationally like the Lizzie I know. Now, I have some questions, and I just want you to promise you’ll answer honestly. We’ll work through this, you know I love you Lizzie.”

I nodded, and she relaxed, satisfied. She slouched beside me, our backs leaning against the cabinet, legs outstretched.

“Okay,” she began, “first and foremost, did you use protection?”

I snorted. “No. That’s one thing Max and I have in common: when we fuck up, we fuck up all the way. No, we didn’t use protection. Too drunk and stupid for that.”

“Alright, well, we can deal with that. I’ve got a pill to take care of it, courtesy of a paranoid, suspicious mother. It’s in my purse, I’ll get it for you when we’re done here. Now, second question, and don’t lie to me, chica, cause I know you and you suck at lying. My opinion of you will not change based on your answer and--”

“Maria, just ask.” I couldn’t help the laugh that formed at her rambling. At least she was as nervous as I was.

Twisting at her waist, she clasped my hands between her own. There was silence for several breathes, and her lips were pursed. I knew this question would hurt.

“Liz, did you do this to get back at Max?”

And that was the question. One I didn’t know the answer to, didn’t want to know but desperately needed. How could I put what I was feeling into words for her?

“I hope not,” I replied, gazing off at the pale blue wallpaper that peeled where it met the trim. My throat burned, and the water failed to dispel the foul taste in my mouth. “I know that I went to the party to be normal. I know that I got drunk because it made me numb and I wanted that. I know that when Peter showed up, I compared him to Max, and he was his opposite in every way. I was attracted to that. And when he started flirting, I was thinking that I was lonely. I have been ever since Future Max. Even recently, when I was with Max, I could tell he wasn’t really there. Like he took for granted that I’d be there. But he spoiled me when we first started dating. I wanted to feel that way again, like I was the only one. Like I was beautiful, and I mattered, and he’d go against destiny, against responsibility, against family, for me. And I admit that briefly, yes, I wanted to “experiment” with my own kind, like Max had.

“Did you know that was his explanation? ‘Oh, I was attracted to her because she was like me, and I had to see what it was like, but I’m over it now!’ God, I wanted to smack him!

“Well, I thought I wanted to do the same thing. It was only fair, right? But then, then I realized that I didn’t want him to have that kind of power over me. I was not going to throw away my first time just to hurt Max the way he hurt me. But I was drinking, I was drinking, Maria, and I was so lonely, and I wanted to feel normal and loved so badly that I let him kiss me. Then, then I don’t know what happened. I mean, I remember what I did, just not why, or what the hell I was thinking. I never meant to. . .”

“I know you didn’t, Liz.” she said. I prayed her questions were over, and at the same time, that there were many more to come. It helped. I could focus on something else entirely, I could analyze this situation and not fret over it. Questions were scientific. Questions had a definite purpose, and a definite solution.

So unlike real life.

“I just have one more question, and then we’re gonna go out and do something fun, alright?”

I nodded, bracing myself.

“Okay.” Maria paused, drawing out my torment with her quirky grin. “Was he cute?”

I exploded in giggles and tears. Somethings never changed, and I thanked God for small favors. Throwing my arms around her, I pulled her tight. “Thank you, Maria. You really are the best, ya know?”

She patted my head. “I know. But come on, get up. You’ve got a pill to take, and we’ve got stores to hit. There is shopping in Vermont right?”

----------------------

It took us longer than anticipated to get on our way, but as soon as I was ready, Maria dragged me off to the nearest mall she’d spotted on her way into town. I had no idea what she intended to buy, because clothing in Vermont was designed for frigid temperatures, not the desert. And inevitably she’d be going back. My return was the only one in question. Still, she marched determinedly through the crowds to the nearest store.

“Pick something, Liz. We’re spoiling ourselves today, got it? And once we’re done here, we’re hitting the chocolate store I spotted as we walked in.” Maria said, staring me down as she continued, “And two major rules: no thinking of anything remotely Czechoslovakian, and no thinking of last night. Only happy thoughts today.”

I nodded somewhat sheepishly, determined not to disappoint her again. She was right, anyhow. It wouldn’t do me any good to dwell on the past, and that’s all anything was. The past. Over, gone, and done with.

Three hours later, we exited the mall, shopping bags hanging from both arms and a bag of Godiva chocolates in our hands. Mine stuffed to the brim with hand-dipped, chocolate covered strawberries, and even though they reminded me painfully of a better time, they were the best comfort food money could buy. Because they were chocolate, they were my favorite, and they did bring up fond memories, ones I could cherish even if those times eventually led to heartache. For awhile, they had been heaven. So for me, I had chosen chocolate covered strawberries, and Maria went with dark chocolate covered almonds.

Sadly, our tastes in chocolate tended to mirror our tastes in men.

And it was a happier, freer Liz who walked back into her dorm room that afternoon. No longer Beth, trying to outrun a past that was always miles ahead of her, and no longer broken shards of a lost Liz.

Best friends made everything in life just a little easier.

But not even Maria, the best friend any planet had to offer, could protect me from the sight sitting cross-legged on my small, rumpled twin bed.

Peter, alert, grinning and piercing me with his stare, sat waiting for me. It wasn’t a friendly, or even cocky, look on his face. And the eyes that watched me weren’t the pale blue they’d been the night before. Instead, from one corner of his eyes to the other, were solid black.

And suddenly, not even chocolate offered much comfort.

Got this out pretty fast if I do say so myself. I just couldn't wait, because I've been getting such wonderful feedback! Thanks so much! I'm glad people actually are enjoying this.

Again I warn you not to jump to conclusions at the end of this. That's what I love about POV fiction.

Chapter Three

He slammed the door shut with a casual toss of his hand, dragging me and Maria to the center of the room with a will not our own. Eileen was still missing, and I was grateful. No one else needed to be sucked into the abyss with us. And we were definitely back in, head first.

I didn’t want to know what he was doing here, what he wanted or who he was. I had a pretty good guess and I just wanted whatever confrontation he was after to be over. If he thought to get at Max through me, he was wrong. Max was in Roswell. Max did not, and would not, have any knowledge of what had recently occurred.

I would die before I let him use me against Max. Maybe it seemed strange for me to be so adamant about that, but if my life was never going to be normal--the fact had slapped me across the face just then--and even if Max and I never worked through our problems, I still loved him. It wasn’t the same love I’d had for the sweet boy who risked everything to save me, it had grown, evolved, faced destiny and challenges, and ruined my heart in the process, but it was there. And it was strong. Love isn’t something you can turn off just because someone hurts you. If it was, there wouldn’t be all those poems and songs of love and its woes that seem so cheesy until you can actually relate to them.

I wanted to protect Max, whatever the cost, because of that love. If you’d asked me last night if I would ever do anything for Max again, I’d have vehemently denied it. But you can never honestly say how you’d react to a situation until you’re faced with it. And staring down at the man who’d murdered Max once already, I was floored by the realization that I didn’t want history repeating itself. No matter what he’d done to me, he didn’t deserve to die.

And, God, I didn’t want him to!

I sensed from Maria she’d figured out what was going on. Despite being blonde and wacky, she was intelligent. She knew an alien when she saw one, and having always been talented at reading vibes, the aura of malice and arrogance emanating from the smirking man was hard to miss. From my descriptions of Peter, the obvious conclusion wasn’t a stone’s throw away.

“You know who I am, and I know who you are, so lets skip the pleasantries, hm?” Peter, more commonly known as Khivar, reasoned with a smile. There was a universe full of aliens he could’ve been, but coincidences didn’t exist in my world. My instincts, too, had always known when there was a threat to our aliens.

Except for Tess, and it cost Alex his life. A mistake I wouldn’t make again.

I kept quiet, wondering if Maria would answer. Anything said would confirm who we were and I didn’t want to lose any element of control we might’ve had. Neither of us were equipped to handle Khivar; it had taken Max, Michael, and Isabel together to beat him on Isabel’s honeymoon, and that had been a tentative victory at best.

Somehow I knew it wouldn’t be as simple as shoving him through a portal this time.

“Quiet, aren’t you? Quite a change from last night.” he said, and I flinched. I hadn’t allowed myself to associate him with the night before yet. Max and I had a lot more in common than I’d ever thought. We screwed the enemy without protection for our first time. I, at least, had the option of the morning after pill. I welcomed the rush of relief that flowed through me at the thought. Amy DeLuca had my eternal thanks for being an overprotective mother.

It didn’t erase what I’d done though. My nausea returned in full, bringing with it the green flickering across my skin.

How could I have missed it? Looking back, even drunk I should’ve felt his motives, his plans as I felt them now. He wasn’t blocking his mind from me. But last night, I had only seen what he’d allowed me to see. How could I have been fooled? How had he known I could see into him?

Even if I’d been mindwarped, the events of the night were stark in memory. I’d slept with him, trick or no, and I knew it as sure as I knew my own face.

The thought ignited fury. “What do you want?” I demanded. My fists were clenched, bones straining beneath the surface of my skin. Poised to punch.

“She speaks!” he gasped, a dainty hand over his mouth, eyes laughing. “Good question, what do I want. You’d be amazed how few ask that of me, considering I’m a king. But I want what any man--oops, alien, I suppose--wants, really. Power. Love. Wealth and loyal subjects.” His eyes gleamed. “Children.”

Maria beat me to it. “Well, you won’t find any of that here. I’d say sorry, but I’m really not. So you can go now.”

“Don’t you have questions, Elizabeth?” He ignored her. “I’ve been told you’re the inquisitive one. Aren’t you curious? You obviously haven’t figured it out yet.”

Suddenly, every normal I’d achieved over the past week evaporated. Not because it had been fake, because it hadn’t, but because the alien abyss had never truly let me free of it. These changes Max had caused in me hadn’t ended, and it was the only thing I could think of that he would have an explanation for. But if asking him was the one choice, I could forgo the answers.

“Not asking about it won’t change anything. And you need to be ready, seeing as the child you now carry is the heir to the throne.” Khivar announced. His grin turned smug.

Beside me, Maria stood a little straighter, uttering a small squeak of protest or shock I wasn’t sure. My hand shot out to grip her arm, urging her to be silent with light pressure from my nails. If he thought I was pregnant, he wouldn’t harm me. I wouldn’t let him near Maria, so we were covered. And if by some alien miracle I was pregnant, well, I’d deal with that later. I was beginning to suspect that aliens and sex weren’t a good mix. Alien babies and heirs and--

Heir to the throne. Wouldn’t that be Max’s child, because he had the seal, not Khivar? Had Tess hidden her baby from Khivar or had she mindwarped her whole pregnancy? Because I was under the impression that that was the deal: Tess returns to Antar pregnant with Max’s child, for the very reason that the baby would be the heir. Either way, Khivar knew and I didn’t.

We were at his mercy. Our options were my fledgling powers, which at best could set a book on fire and at worst could knock out my hearing at just the wrong time. Or I could try to reopen the connection with Max, dormant for more than a year and stretched across the country.

It wasn’t strong enough. Once upon a time, I never would’ve questioned the strength of our bond, never doubted in its ability to overcome anything. Once upon a time ended with Tess. And later, the Future Max who wanted nothing more than to be free of me.

Our connection simply wasn’t strong enough.

Still I called to him, reaching out with invisible strands of my soul, praying with everything I thought I’d lost that he would answer. That he would hear me. I let myself remember how it felt the night in the Crashdown, as he cradled my head in his hands, opening his soul to mine, laying his heart at my feet for me to hold, to cherish and love. My eyes closed of their own accord. It made sense that only the greatest of loves could cause the pain that had been destroying me steadily. In order to follow through with the plan to make Max fall out of love with me, I’d had to shut off my heart from the memories of his soul touching mine, the way his eyes would look at me, certain I was the only one worth looking at, and loving me with everything inside of him capable of loving. I could never have let him go otherwise. But to reawaken our bond, one as foreign to the aliens as it was to me, I had to remember. That didn’t mean my heart wasn’t ripped, beating and bloody, from my chest with dull sticks in the process. Every pleasant memory soured at a single thought of the blonde-haired, blue-eyed bitch who’d corrupted everything I loved in the span of a year.

The tiny fragment of our connection I’d managed to salvage shattered anew. My eyes snapped open to Khivar’s face inches from mine, his breathe hot, sweet, and nauseating.

“Don’t fret, my dear,” he said, eyes alight and lips smirking. “The old king is already on his way. I made sure of that. He must be quite anxious for news of his son.”

One thing Tess hadn’t lied about, and the one thing I wished she had. Max had a son, that I wasn’t part of. And Khivar knew about him, held everything he needed to break Max for eternity. He had Max’s son, and he had me, my virginity. Khivar would see to it that Max knew every detail.

“The ironies of real life are always more amusing than those dreamed up by your human writers.” he commented, moving away from me to sift through the books piled on my desk. “It is amusing, don’t you think? Ava, my queen, bore the son of Zan, and now you, his queen, will bear my child, my daughter.”

“Must be disappointing.” Maria said, undaunted by his holding our lives in his hands. “Max got a son, and you get stuck with the daughter.”

“Actually, a daughter is what I wanted.” he replied. “Sons are much too confrontational. Sons pick too many fights, too often challenge their fathers. It is so much easier for a father to instill lasting loyalty in a daughter.”

Maria leaned in to whisper in my ear, “Who does he think he is? Freud?”

I smothered a slightly hysterical grin, grateful for her presence. But Maria was my best friend, and even if she was helping to soothe my nerves, I didn’t want her there. I mean, I did, because being alone with Peter, Khivar really, scared me more than I wanted to admit, but I couldn’t, wouldn’t bear it if she got hurt because of me. Khivar was here for me, after all. I could’ve easily convinced him to let her go. The only thing preventing me was Maria’s hand on my elbow, her glare piercing the back of my head. She knew exactly what I was thinking, and wasn’t liking it.

I cleared my throat. “I’m not his queen. Tess was.”

He laughed outright, throwing his head back dramatically and cackling. “No. That’s where you’re wrong. Tess was never his queen, Ava’s place as ruler ended with her death. He never gave her the seal. He couldn’t give her the seal. He’d already given it to you.”

If I were staring at a mirror, I would’ve seen how pale my cheeks turned as my stomach rolled all over again. But I wasn’t, and all I could do was feel all the blood rush away to my feet. I wondered briefly if it would pool on the ground if it could, then shook myself mentally. It was not a good time for my mind to start off track. I was playing with fire and intergalactic politics with a blindfold, and a potential heir to a throne potentially growing inside me.

Yet all I could concentrate on was the rotations in my stomach. I was going to be sick before this ordeal was over.

“What do you mean, he gave me a seal? He never gave me any seal!” I nearly shouted, the urge to flee to the bathroom overwhelming all thought of subtly. Just when I thought my life could get back to normal, I could get my priorities back in order, something alien comes up. This time, the something alien was a little more permanent.

And it nearly knocked me into the wall when it hit me.

I’d given my virginity to the man who’d killed Max, Michael, Isabel and Tess. The man who sent the skins after us, who ruined Isabel’s honeymoon, who made the deal with Tess to get pregnant and turn over Max to a public execution.

And Max was on his way here, to save me, or to save his son, whichever. It didn’t matter, because he’d fail. He wasn’t strong enough, never had been, to face Khivar. Zan had an entire lifetime of training and knowledge at his disposal, and he’d been killed.

Max had seventeen years and a few incidents with the FBI and the skins.

If Max couldn’t stop him, no one could. Was this what Future Max meant when he’d said the end of the world? Their enemies? Had everything been in vain?

I wanted to scream, and when the pain of the green lightning returned, burning its way through my very soul, I did.

I was changing into something I didn’t understand. There was a slim possibility, but still a very real one, that I was pregnant with an evil alien’s baby. Max and I would never again have what was so magical, so blindingly powerful that everything else had ceased to exist save each other. He’d slept with Tess. Created a child.

Alex was dead. Because if he wasn’t, he’d be standing beside me, hand on my back in support as we faced Khivar. And he’d know just the thing to say to cheer me up, or at least distract me enough for reason to kick in.

Everything I’d ignored or pushed back came pouring over the handmade walls in my heart, my legs giving beneath me and tears breaking free of my restraints. Maria collapsed too, once again stepping up to wrap me in her arms. I’d lost everything, and as long as Maria made it out alive, I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t have the strength to, nor the will to stand up and face Khivar. Let him see me weak. It wouldn’t change anything, and it wouldn’t bring back the dead. Wouldn’t erase the past.

I already tried that one, and look where it had gotten me.

Broken, lonely, and jaded past the point of return.

Thanks for all the lovely feedback, I really appreciate it.

I love POV fiction, have I mentioned that? The readers only know what the narrator knows, or believe they know.

Enjoy! Lurkers, feel free to say hi!

Chapter Four

I may have been ruined, but Maria was not.

Maria had to live. She was the only thing I had left of who I used to be, the only thing unspoiled by Tess. She’d lost Alex, but bounced back like the Teflon she always claimed to be. Having been able to do what I couldn’t, she’d stayed Maria throughout the past year’s trials. I would make sure she made it through this one too.

But Alex would want me to live. Alex would want us both safe. Tess had wrecked more than I could undo, but even if it took my life, I would set things right. If I hadn’t pushed Max away, even at his own request, none of this would’ve happened. So it was up to me to fix it. To set it back.

The harder I cried, the more painful the green flecks became. I hugged my arms to my chest, eyes squeezed shut. Maria’s hands tugged at my wrists, trying to get the harmful sparks away from my vital organs. Her thoughts betrayed her concern. She worried I might hurt myself.

In fact, it was the opposite. If I could gather that power, whatever it was, and hide it from Khivar with my huddled body, I could gain the upper hand. I had the element of surprise. He wasn’t expecting trouble from a hysterical, human girl with her heart in tatters. He was mumbling to himself, but it sounded distant, fogged in my ears. I didn’t have a clue what my powers could do. They lit a fire in my interview book, and they were excruciating at times. Throwing it at Khivar, if at all possible, would distract him just enough to run. I wanted to warn Maria, but I held back. Anything remotely suspicious could ruin my plans.

I prayed. To the deity who watched over me that afternoon when I was shot, and to Alex, who I knew beyond doubt was hovering his ghostly self just over our shoulders. I hoped he knew I was sorry. I hoped he had forgiven me.

I threw my hands forward, jolting my elbows and flinging sparks this way and that. Focusing, I willed the lightning to release its hold on my skin. It shot from my fingers, no longer green but blending with the air when it touched it. I could still feel its movement through the air, with the same part of my mind in which I’d always felt Max.

As I spun on my heel, already rising to my feet and stumbling toward the door, I could feel the energy slam into Khivar. I didn’t know how, but I knew it had knocked him backwards, and ungraceful flop over my bed. Resisting the urge to look back, I grabbed Maria and took off. Our feet pounded the tile hallway, then down the spiral stairway, echoing in the open space. No looking back, I reminded myself, knowing it would only slow me down and force me to stray from my determined, forward path. We had a matter of seconds to escape the area before Khivar stormed after us, faster and angrier than ever. Neither of us knew the city, but on one of my trips to town with Eileen, I’d caught sight absently of an abandoned building on the main shopping strip. It was, at most, a mile. We could run it as long as Khivar had no way of tracking us, which I wasn’t counting on. My luck never lasted that long. We’d gotten free, but I knew it was only temporary.

There was no safe, but there were degrees of danger, and we’d be in the least if hidden. And it would give Maria a chance to call Michael or Max.

It wouldn’t be me calling, because the moment my adrenaline slowed, I’d crumble like stale, dry bread. My stomach was floating somewhere between my throat and mouth, biding its time. For the second time that day, I’d be emptying an already empty stomach.

And to think I’d gone all through middle and high school without getting sick once.

The September of two years ago irrevocably changed my life, and now, it had been spun around once again. Not back the way it had been, but in an all new, doubly frightening direction.

The harder I fought it, the closer my breaking point clawed its way to the surface. Maria had been right in her assessment of my mental state, this whole incident had happened because I was holding in too much. If a meltdown was required to get the old me back, at least in part, then I would have one, consequences be damned! I didn’t have another virginity to lose, but there were other, worse, things.

He wouldn’t think to look for us in the center of the town, right? I questioned myself, even as I angled my feet to turn down Central Avenue, pushing my way through the throngs of people mingling on the sidewalk. Trailing in my shadow, Maria clutched my wrist. Her breathing was heavier than mine, and I no longer felt stupid about the runs I’d begun taking since Max had been captured by the FBI. I was in better shape than I had been when I was chased by Pierce. But I’d rather be hunted by FBI over evil alien kings any day.

I ignored the looks we got, two frantic girls racing down the street and darting into a shadowed alley in late-afternoon. Breaking and entering was about to become yet another mark on my once pristine record, if I could actually manage to pick the lock on the backdoor.

Hopefully the landowner wouldn’t be stopping by anytime soon, I thought, placing my palm over the lock. It was some type of heavy duty padlock. If I couldn’t figure out my new powers, we’d be set back to the running stage of my plan. It was pressing my luck to have expected these powers to work against Khivar, much less obey me. Still, I concentrated, chest heaving from the exertion. Locks were simple mechanisms, twist just a tiny bit and it would release the clasp. With eyes closed, I pictured the green energy, no longer flickering up my arms but waiting beneath the surface for something to set me off.

“Come on,” Maria chanted in my ear, rocking back and forth on her heels. She rubbed her hands together, breathing into them for warmth. I’d forgotten how cold it was in Vermont once the sun went down.

I heard the click, and didn’t hesitate, ripping the lock from the door and throwing it open. We flew up the staircase, not having known there would be stairs, but prepared for anything. We were once again fully submerged in our ‘abyss mode,’ expecting the unexpected. I just prayed the apartment above was as empty as the store space downstairs. We’d had two lucky breaks already.

My pumping adrenaline began to fade away as we reached the top. A door stood ajar, beyond which a bare room and kitchenette lay waiting. My heartbeat echoed in my stomach, nausea rolling through me and bringing me to my knees. Immediately, Maria caught me in her arms, heaving me up and over to the sink. I was shivering before she even placed a hand cooled by water on my forehead, my body unable to scrounge the energy to give in to my protesting stomach. But I didn’t have the strength to fight it either, and the desire to collapse warred with illness, leaving me shuddering and retching into the sink, Maria’s arms holding me upright.

Afterwards, she ushered me to the far wall, laying me on the floor and removing her jacket to pillow it under my head. “Don’t worry, Liz. You can’t be pregnant, you took the pill, remember? Khivar might not be human, but you are. And anyway, the real Khivar is stuck on Antar, right? Peter’s just a puppet, like Brody and Larek. Everything’s gonna be fine, Max and Michael will be here in no time, and let me tell you, Max is going to kick Khivar’s green, scaly ass for touching you. God, remember how bad he was with Kyle? And he was one of the good guys!”

“He’s gonna hate me,” I mumbled, rubbing a fist against my teary cheek. My stomach rumbled, having settled down; I had nothing left in me but weariness. Max would be pissed at Khivar, yes, and furious with me, and I didn’t have the strength to care anymore. I’d rather he never found out, because I wasn’t cruel enough to wish that pain on him. If it had been anyone but Khivar, Max would never have to know.

If it had been anyone but Khivar, I wouldn’t have been in this position anyway.

“Liz,” she said, stern. “I’m not going to lie to you, chica, he’s gonna be hurt. And probably angry for a little bit. But Max loves you. The two of you have been through so much, but you both still love each other. This? This is nothing. And if it comes down to it, I’ll deal with him, because he has no right to cast stones. He’s the one who got that bitch pregnant. You’ve both made mistakes. But you know what I realized? Those mistakes were only made when you were apart.”

Her gaze softened, knowing I didn’t want to hear anymore and caring, but not halting. “Together, the two of you were the happiest you’ve ever been. You know me, Liz. If it wasn’t in your best interest, I wouldn’t be suggesting it. But you and Max have got to work through your issues. I’m not saying you have to get back together with him. Not in the romantic, soulmate, kissy sense, anyway. What I’m saying is, whether you’re a couple or just friends, when the two of you work together, you can beat anything. I really believe that, Liz.”

Instead of responding, I changed the subject. “What do you think he meant when he said Max gave me his seal?”

Cowardly, maybe. But the knowledge that I’d be facing Max shortly wasn’t registering. Life felt surreal without him in it, like a dream or a story that wasn’t really me. Seeing him, talking to him about what had happened would mean that it was all real. It would make everything finally feel real. Because as it was, I was hoping to open my eyes to his own amber stare, in a life where we had made love the night of the concert. I imagined waking up in his arms, knowing we’d been married in Vegas, that everything I was living now was only a long, torturous nightmare, disappearing in the light of day.

Facing Max meant facing my mistakes. And fixing them.

When did I become so weak? It wasn’t so long ago that I’d gone to see River Dog alone, that I’d gone to confront Tess and Ed Harding, before we knew the truth about them, that I’d jumped off a bridge in the middle of the night, that I’d gone to all lengths to find Alex’s murderer. Liz Parker wasn’t a coward. So why was I?

“I have no idea.” she answered, stirring me from the track my thoughts had taken. Leaning back, she adjusted her legs to make herself more comfortable. “I mean, he’s got that king seal in his head, right? So it makes sense that there’d be a seal for the queen. What I don’t get is why you have it and not Tess? Not that I’m complaining, mind you. I think you’d have noticed Max giving you a seal, is all. Come to think of it, I think Max would’ve noticed. So either Khivar’s pulling shit out his ass, which isn’t a great feat if you think about it, or he knows more than we do, which is probable anyway.”

I didn’t reply, choosing to bask in the quiet. The room was small, dark with a single window off to the side shedding light. Outside, the sun was going down, casting a violet hue through the glass and tinting my world in cooler, serene colors. I’d always been told that the three cool colors of the wheel were calming, but I never understood how a painting’s colors could make that much difference. I’d never been an artsy person, but laying in that room, in the blues and purples of the evening, my frantic heart was calmed, my mind quieted. Quiet was good. Quiet allowed me to pick up the strands of me that had come undone since the previous night.

A soft thrumming against the wood broke the atmosphere. Maria jerked, startled from a trance, and reached for her bag. I didn’t know how she’d managed to keep it, but Maria had a gift for things like that.

Her phone, set on vibrate, was buzzing in her purse. She hit the glowing call button. “Hello?”

I closed my eyes again. I didn’t need to see her expression to know who’d called. The gentle tug in the hidden corner of my mind told me plenty.

Once again the real world intruded on my sanctuary before I was ready.

Maria’s eyes glanced down at me, squinting. “Yeah, she’s right here, why?”

“She’s fine.”

“Well, now that you mention it, yes, we could use your help.” Her face was too serious for her tone. “Khivar showed up in her dorm room. We got away, but we’re kind of hiding out.”

She started to shake her head, “I don’t think she’s--”

“Let me talk to him.” My voice was somewhat hoarse. At least it didn’t crack.

She hesitated in handing me the phone, so I grabbed it.

“Max?”

“Liz?” The first I’d heard of his voice in weeks, sounding strained and weary. “Thank god. I got a call from Langley. He said you were in trouble.”

I winced, grateful for the distance between us. Cal Langley knew what had happened? “You could say that.”

“Are you alright?”

“Not really.” I was sick of lying.

He didn’t say anything, and we sat, listening to the other breath, glad for the proof that we were safe. Suddenly, I hated the gap between us, hated only hearing him and not seeing him. Looking him in the eye was the only way I could tell him about my stupidity. And maybe then we could both work toward forgiveness.

“We’re on our way there, just Michael and I. Isabel couldn’t get away, Jesse, he’s been suspicious lately. Poking around and stuff. But Michael and I caught the first flight, we’re in the car now, a rental. Where are you? I take it you’re not at Winnaman?” There was a difference in his voice already from when I’d picked up. It wasn’t anything I could name but there was something there that had been missing for a long time.

His tone said ‘I love you’ without the words.

I swallowed, trying to smile so it’d reflect in my voice. I didn’t want him worrying about me while driving. In case something bad happened, like Khivar finding him before we next spoke, he needed to be focused. “No, we’re in an empty apartment on Central. Central Avenue.”

I didn’t bother with proof of who he was. In reaching out to him earlier, I’d broken through the mutual barriers to our connection; I could feel him again, just at the edge of my consciousness. Neither of us questioned who we were talking to. We knew.

“What happened, Liz?” he whispered. No questions about which building or how to get here. The closer he got, the more I was aware of him. It had been at least a year since I’d felt anything remotely similar.

I sighed. “Max, we can’t talk about this now, okay? Just, get here soon. And be careful, please.”

There was a pause. “I will. You aren’t still--changing, are you?”

“I--yeah, I am. It’s worse, actually. He said, Khivar said you’d given me a seal.”

Rustling on the other end of the line, and a muffled curse. “A seal? Are you sure?”

I nodded. “Yeah, apparently there’s a seal Tess is supposed to have but I have instead. And,” I braced myself to say the words that never ceased to stab me each time they were sounded. “he mentioned your son. I just wanted to warn you. But Max, you can’t face him yet. Don’t try to find him, promise me. There are things you have to know first.”

“Liz--”

“Promise me.”

Sighing, he gave in. “I promise. I have to go,” There was a smile in his voice again. “Michael's glaring at me.”

Our silence was comfortable.

“I love you,” he said abruptly.

Comfortable took a running leap out the window.

I love you too, but--

I didn’t say anything.

After several minutes, he whispered, subdued, “Bye, Liz.”

“Bye, Max.”

-----------------------------------------

It was an unwelcome realization that the building’s heat wasn’t on. No heat, no blankets, only the clothes on our backs which weren’t selected to keep us warm over night. The light too had gone with the sun, streetlights frittering out at about nine o’clock. I kept a careful mental eye on Max’s location, growing steadily nearer, so we wouldn’t be taken by surprise. Khivar could be standing outside the door and we wouldn’t know until he wanted us to. As long as I knew where Max and Michael were, their showing up wouldn’t be mistaken for his.

Resting my head back against the wall, I tried to sleep despite the shivering cold. Whatever the green energy was, it drained me. Well, I assumed it had been the green energy, that and a combination of the day’s stress. But there was always a possibility for worse things. I knew that better than anyone.

Maria had been wrong, earlier. It was entirely possible, even probable, that I was pregnant. Khivar knew what he was doing when he planned this. I knew he wouldn’t have let us go without a reason, and he had let us go. We wouldn’t have escaped him, otherwise. With nothing else to do, I’d spent the afternoon and evening just thinking. Twisting and analyzing, and figuring out why.

I took me awhile, but I did figure it out.

I’d thrown up not four hours after taking the pill.

OKay, this part's somewhat shorter than the others because I'm going out of town for a week and didn't want to leave without posting it. I also updated my other two stories today!

This is only part A of chapter 5. After that there are only about 5 chapters left to go!

Thank you for the wonderful feedback!
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Chapter Five
Part A

Electricity charged the air at dawn, rousing me from the light doze I’d fallen to around midnight. A faint, pink light illuminated the apartment from the window, not making a difference in the cold I’d become numb to. I didn’t know how I’d managed to sleep but I knew what had woken me up. Max hovered just behind the door, our connection blaring in my head.

Maria was snoring beside me, though she denied it by day; she was curled under her coat. It always puzzled me how Max and I had this-this thing between us yet no matter how close she got with Michael, they had nothing like it. I knew it bothered her at first, then when things blew up between Max and I, and not in a good way, she’d been relieved. For her, relationships were transitory, thanks to a good-for-nothing father, and it scared her that she might’ve gotten in as deep as I had and not been able to get back out.

It had to be the seal that made the difference. Isabel and Jesse didn’t have the connection either, though I’d be curious to see how they explained that to the poor man. I pitied him. I would rather Max betray me with Tess than marry me without telling me the truth about him. Still, I understood Max’s need for caution. I shared it.

“Come in, Max.” I called softly through the wood. The door opened, and Max’s shadow stretched across the floor, backlit by the glow of Michael’s hand. Michael’s presence confirmed what I already thought; despite their intimacy, Maria and Michael didn’t share what Max and I did.

Then I saw him again, stepping out from behind the door, and all my shame and guilt I had just been able to set aside, came spilling over. His relief was tangible as he rushed over to kneel at my side, pulling me against him and fitting his face in the curve of my neck. He breathed, chest expanding, and released it slowly. Pressing his hands to the back of my head, his fingers caressed my hair.

“When Langley called, and said something had happened to you, I couldn’t breathe. I was too far away, I couldn’t have gotten to you in time, it’s a miracle you were able to get away when you did.” I could feel his breath across my neck, hot, spicy, and addicting. “I would’ve been too late.”

I wrapped my arms around him, mimicking his position by burying my face in his shoulder and hands fisting in his hair. And I was home. A broken one, pulled in all directions by tension, guilt and secrets. But even after all the hurdles we’d tripped on, losing our footing, there was no other comfort in the world like being in his arms. I loved him for it, the ability to calm me even as my nerves buzzed, heart thudding against my ribs as it sunk low with the knowledge that I’d be the one to break him, break us, this time.

“Promise me, Liz,” he whispered, “Please, promise me that no matter what, you’ll never go that far again. If you need space, I’ll give it to you, if you need to get away from me, you can, just, please, don’t go so far that I can’t get to you quickly if you need me.”

I fell apart, sobbing and clutching at him desperately. It would be so much easier to hurt him, disappoint him, if he was a jerk like he’d been during what Maria dubbed “the Fallout.” But he wasn’t, since Tess left he’d been nothing but loving, gentle Max, sincere and apologetic. That didn’t help! It hadn’t taken away the pain when I kissed him and realized Tess had also, when I realized she’d known him in a way I didn’t, she’d taken part of him that I could never have. Some of that ache went away when I slept with Peter, with Khivar, and I hated that. Because every little piece taken from me was multiplied, and laid on Max by my own hand. I wished I could view sex as casually as my peers, maybe then I’d be able to get over Tess, and maybe forgive myself as well.

Max’s fear washed through me, fear for my physical safety, and mixed with my own fear and dread for him emotionally, together making a complete whole. This was how it had always been, we balanced each other. I’d never find this with anyone else, but it hurt so that much more when it fell apart.

“I promise, Max.” I managed to say once I’d calmed. He drew back enough to smile down at me, cupping my face and wiping away stray tears. His own eyes were red and damp, but nothing escaped. I couldn’t bear the thought of hatred in those eyes, not aimed at me. But it would grow there, when I told him. I didn’t have a choice, I wouldn’t let Khivar take him by surprise with the knowledge at a crucial moment.

And I needed him to see if I was pregnant. Normally, it could potentially be a week and a half before an egg was fertilized. But according to Max, and thus Tess which cast barrels of doubt right there, an alien pregnancy only lasted a month. For that to be possible, everything in the process had to be expedited. On a scientific level, the pregnancy fascinated me. On an eighteen-year-old girl level, it horrified me. I knew how much pain it would cause Max to check, but I had to know for sure, one way or the other. Knowledge was a weapon against Khivar. Plus, I needed all the time I could get to decide anything if I was pregnant.

I’d gotten arrested for Max’s son. He could scan me to see if I was pregnant. It was no more than he’d asked of me, and we were partners, at least.

“Hate to break up the touching moment,” Michael cut in sarcastically. “But can we get serious here?”

Max glared, “Michael--”

Maria had been staring at us knowingly, and I hadn’t even noticed her waking up. She interrupted Max before the usual tug-of-war could begin between the two. “Michael, Max and Liz have some things to discuss alone. It’s very important that this happens now, so don’t even finish that thought, Spaceboy.” Her voice softened, sounding mournful and determined. “Besides, you and I have to talk too. We’ll just be out on the stairs.” she added to me. Slamming the door behind them, Max and I were left in silence.

“Liz, what aren’t you telling me?” he asked, not raising his voice above a murmur.

“Look,” I began, “I’m not going to ask you not to get mad, or for you to try to understand, or for forgiveness. And I’m not gonna make excuses, because there are none, and I know that this really isn’t a good time but--”

“Liz.” His eyes begged.

My gaze focused on a point across the room, voice no more than a strangled whisper. “I went to a party the night before last and got drunk. I slept with this guy I didn’t know, and it turns out he’s Khivar.” My heart pounded in my ears and throat, overriding everything else until my vision spun. I couldn’t do this anymore, I couldn’t finish it but I had to! I wet my lips. “And he said I’m pregnant but I’d already taken a Morning After pill so I should’ve been fine except then when we got away, I threw up and probably the pill too. If it were a normal pregnancy, I’d have plenty of time before I technically conceived, but Khivar said the child would be heir to the throne--because of the seal--, and alien pregnancies are only a month.” I ran out of breath, but I didn’t want to stop. I wasn’t ready to deal with Max’s reaction.

But he didn’t react. At all. His arms remained locked around me, his chin resting on the top of my head. Not a single muscle shifted at my revelation, and I wished he’d just blow up at me already. Get it over with, now that I’d been able to put to words what I’d done.

“Liz,” he spoke after awhile, softly. “it’s okay. I can’t be mad at you, Liz.” He kissed the crown of my head, his hands stroking through my hair once more. “I’ve made so many mistakes in all this. Maria, and Michael, Isabel, and Alex too, we’ve all made so many mistakes, trusting those we shouldn’t, not trusting the people we should’ve been first to trust. But not you, Liz. You’ve keep us all sane, and alive, and you were the one who always knew who was an enemy or a friend. I was the one who ruined things between us. I fucked up. It hurts, Liz, to know that I can’t be your first, but, I don’t really have the right to expect that, do I?” There was a scoff in his voice, and so much self-loathing that I wanted to take away but couldn’t. Because I shared it. “God, I got you into so much trouble, put you through so much for this son of mine that I don’t even know. You’re right, there aren’t any excuses, Liz, but this is partially my fault too, and I’m sorry. If it hadn’t been for me, you’re life would’ve been so much better. It hurts, I won’t lie about that, about anything anymore, but I can’t be mad at you, or hate you. I’ll help you with whatever you need, I’m through lying, and-and avoiding things around each other just to spare our feelings. No more. We can get through anything, Liz, I know it. I forgot for a little while, and I’m sorry for that. We can’t change the past, you don’t know how much I wish we could go back and set things right, but we can’t. All we can do is go forward, and I know we can make things better if we’re together, Liz. I love you, and I know you love me, I can still feel it. That’s all that matters. If we’re together, we can face anything. That’s when we’re strongest. You’re what makes me strong. You’re what keeps me going.”

Of all the ways he could’ve responded, that was the one I should have expected but hadn’t. It was as if the past year and a half had vanished, leaving me with the pre-Tess Max. The one who never raised his voice at me, who loved me unconditionally, who held me above the world on a gilded pedestal. I couldn’t see his expression, but I could hear it in his voice. He was struggling not to cry.

A small, vicious voice in my head whispered, it was only fair.

I didn’t have time to dwell on the cruelty of that thought. Before I could turn my head, there was a flash of light and a voice mocking, “Well, isn’t that sweet.”

Khivar.

Max jerked back, shoving me behind him and stumbling to his feet. He flung his fist against the wall, the resounding bang hopefully enough to alert Michael and Maria. The glare on his face echoing everything I felt. There were only two people in existence I truly hated, and Khivar was one of them. Take a wild guess for the other.

“Forgiving her so quickly? I underestimated you, Zan. Pity. This had the making for wonderful drama. Doesn’t it just kill you to know I’ve been inside her, and you haven’t? That my daughter will be her daughter? Not yours.” Khivar taunted with a wicked smirk. Max looked thrown, Khivar obviously not acting the way he expected. He seemed more bent on stirring up trouble than honestly hurting anyone.

I knew better.

Pounding on the door interrupted the moment, and Michael’s yell was heard through the wood. “Maxwell! What the hell? Why is the door locked?”

Khivar shook his head, tsking. “Such a shame. Rath was never very intelligent, I must say. He’s only gotten dumber. Why you ever chose him as your second is beyond comprehension.”

“What do you want, Khivar? Because you’ll never touch Liz again, or her child.” Max spat.

Khivar sighed hugely. “Noble to a fault. You haven’t changed.” His countenance brightened. “Aren’t you curious about your son? I asked Liz, but she didn’t seem very interested. In fact, she was rather quick to run away.”

The muscles twitched in Max’s neck. He was clenching his jaw, though I couldn’t that from behind him. Khivar had Max exactly where he wanted him, and I was helpless. I was always helpless.

“What about my son?” Max asked, quiet but tense.

“Well, he was a darling little boy. Until he didn’t have the seal that I wanted, and I was forced to kill him. It was putting him out of his misery anyway, humans are hardly adapted for the Antarian atmosphere--” Max didn’t let him finish, lunging across the room with a fierce snarl. His movements were wild, savage, the desperate movements of a man who’d lost a child.

Even one he didn’t know.

But the thought of his child with Tess no longer hurt. Not because I possibly had my own, but because I couldn’t blame a little child for being born, and I couldn’t blame Max anymore. I’d forgiven him somewhere between telling him I’d slept with his enemy and learning his son was dead.

I felt the air in my lungs grow stale. How could anyone kill a child? Over a stupid seal? Surely Tess hadn’t allowed that, why hadn’t she protected her son? Was she that heartless, even her own flesh and blood didn’t mean anything to her but as a pawn for the throne? I hated Tess, for what she did to Alex, to Max and me. But I never imagined she’d let her son be killed so cruelly, so casually. Then again, Tess was easy to underestimate. We’d all done it before, many times.

I was really sick of how much she’d messed up our lives. Even gone, she haunted us.

The door rattled from Michael’s abuse, his hollering going unheard by the wrestling aliens on the floor. Max was clawing and punching, roaring obscenities like I’d never thought he could. I didn’t know how Khivar had managed to seal the door even from Michael, but I hoped I could fix it. I darted over to the door, examining the handle only to pull my hand away before it closed over a glowing, orange, metal lump.

He’d melted the lock, and it was smoking where it met the wood. I couldn’t even touch it.

“Michael,” I shouted, “Khivar melted the lock! See if you can just blast the door!”

I spun around to keep an eye on the fight, alternating between a wince when Max took a hit and a cheer when he gave one. Why they weren’t flinging blasts and shield and alien shit was beyond me, but I was grateful. It kept me somewhat safe, and meant Max had an equal footing.

The door exploded, wood splintering across the room and I ducked, avoiding most of it. Risking a glance upward, I expected to find Michael on the other side, hand raised, only to meet the gaze of a stranger, bald and stern. Michael was no where to be seen, and when the man held his hand out to me, I knew it wasn't an offer of help.

Light blinded me until the world spiraled away into darkness.

I'm writing this as I sit in NYC. I love the city.

This chapter is should answer just a bit.

Thank you
Smac
frenchkiss70
crazeesmilee

I thought that was so funny! It's because Max is a fruit and Michael's a nut, isn't it?

That made me laugh. Never thought about it that way.

Emz80m Maybe. But Khivar does know what he's doing. Probably.
Ellie
Kath7
JO
roswellluver
Jason's Lover
LVB

That Which Hath Made Me. . .

Chapter Five
Part B

My head throbbed as I crawled back into the world. I put a hand to my head, not risking opening my eyes to determine my surroundings. Was I hung over? I’d only been hung over once before and that was just after--

Just after I’d slept with Peter. Or Khivar, as I’d recently discovered.

And all my memories came flooding back.

Once I remembered how I’d lost consciousness in the first place, I listened hard to the low murmur of conversation around me. Either Max lost against Khivar, and if that was the case I was in trouble, or Max won, beating both Khivar and whoever that bald man was, and then I was hopefully safe and on my way home.

I opened my other senses rather than my eyes. The slight, continuous hum of traffic. The smell of leather and gasoline, overpowering a more pleasant cinnamon. My head rested on something stiff and lumpy, not all together comfortable, but warm. There was a well of love bubbling in the back of my mind, urging me into wakefulness and warming away my developing headache.

Someone’s--no, not someone’s, Max’s, hand brushed through my hair, twirling it around his fingers then letting it fall, and starting all over again.

He was alright.

I blinked up at him, relieved to see his smooth, uninjured face hovering inches above mine.

“Hi.” he whispered, a small, half-smile adorning his mouth.

“Hi.” I mouthed back. I glanced around, brow furrowed just a bit. “Where are we?”

He smoothed the hair away from my forehead, his fingers continuing down to stroke the side of my face. “In a car, on our way back to Roswell. Sorry about what Cal did, I never would’ve let him near you but I was--”

“Preoccupied?” I offered.

He nodded sheepishly. “Yeah. Khivar’s gone for now, we kicked him out of whoevers body he stole, but he’ll be back as soon as he figures out another host. Cal is gonna stop at the next motel, it’s almost nine and we’ve all got some things to discuss.”

Then it clicked. “The bald man who knocked me out? He’s Cal Langley?”

Max nodded again. “Yeah. I told him not to hurt you again, or mess with you at all, actually. He has to obey me, so he’ll do it. He also took out Michael and Maria because he didn’t want to have to ‘deal with them,’ as he put it.” He pointed his chin to the back, and I followed his direction; Michael and Maria were laid side-by-side in the farthest back seat of the mini van we were in. I looked to my other side, noting Cal behind the wheel, appearing cranky and out-of-place. A big time Hollywood movie producer driving four teenagers across country in a soccer mom’s dream car.

His gaze met mine through the mirror and he jerked the car to the side, then back on the road where it belonged. “So, her highness is awake.”

I ignored him, twisting my neck to burrow my face in the back of Max’s knee. Max was sitting in the middle seat of the van, my head pillowed by his jean-clad, crisscrossed legs. Her highness? When did I make the transition from simply small-town Liz, on-and-off girlfriend of Max Evans, king of Antar, to his queen, with a seal and everything? I would’ve noticed receiving a seal, right? I didn’t even know what this seal was, exactly. Just that Max had one too.

“You never answered my question, Cal. I thought you wanted nothing to do with me, or any of us. Why show up now?” Max asked, also ignoring Cal’s comment. He resumed his caressing of my hair, soothing me this time instead of satisfying his own love for my hair.

“To save your ass, why the hell else would I come all the way out here?” He dodged the question, voice scratchy and deep. His voice didn’t suit his appearance, on the street I would’ve mistaken him for a slimy rich boy, and his glasses didn’t help any.

“Gee, didn’t know you cared.” Michael muttered from behind me, holding his head gingerly and sitting up.

Cal snorted. “About you? I don’t.”

“Then why bother?” Michael said, glaring and rubbing the back of his head.

“Because it isn’t just your ass on the line!” he snapped, turning his head sharply to focus on the road. His knuckles were white, emotions about to crack. He was a jumble of hate, anger, fear, and a strange sense of obligation.

Max narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean? How are you at risk?”

Cal was silent, avoiding Max’s eyes in the rearview mirror. Finally, he turned off the interstate and onto a winding, two lane road with only one glowing sign along its side: Holiday Inn. Pulling the van into the parking lot, he shut off the engine before commenting. “We’ll talk in the room. Get the blonde girl, Guerin. Max, you’re responsible for your queen.”

“His queen?” Michael demanded, halting his movements to lift Maria. He glanced rapidly between me and Max. “Care to share with the class, Maxwell?”

Max sighed, hand dragging through his hair. “Not now, Michael. I don’t know either. That’s one of the things Cal is going to explain when we get inside.” he added with a significant glare in the shapeshifter’s direction. Cal rolled his eyes in response, but didn’t deny it.

I just wanted a warm shower, a decent meal, and a good night’s sleep. None of which I was going to get anytime soon, if our little meeting lasted as long as I anticipated. But I had too many questions myself to sit out, and I was buried in the alien abyss at this point. Besides, I was curious. Too many things didn’t add up correctly.

Our rooms were easy to secure, with Cal’s money and Max’s ability to manipulate drivers licenses. We’d donned our Vegas names, Shirley Roy for me, so Max, as Rob Roy, and I could share a room: Maria, Margarita Love, as Michael’s, Dr. Love’s, new bride. Cal was Cal. My best friend was still passed out, her head cradled against Michael’s chest, his arms holding her possessively. The hotel staff eyed him wearily for it, but he grumbled at them until they turned their heads.

Cal wouldn’t give out the keys to the other rooms until we were settled in his own, Maria was laid out on the double bed, and Michael sitting by her side. Max and I stood off the to the side, next to the window with blinds drawn shut. With a wave of his hand, Cal closed and locked the door. He eyed us all through dark, beady eyes covered by a sheen of glass and metal.

“To answer your question, yes, Michael, Liz is now the queen. Has been for some time, actually. I’d say almost three years.” Cal leaned back against the wall, casually talking about my life like I wasn’t in the room.

“Three years?” I echoed, trying out the words to see if they made more sense coming from me. They didn’t.

“How is that possible?” Max asked, glancing from me to Cal. Concern for me, impatience for Cal.

The bald man rolled his eyes to the ceiling in exasperation. Well, forgive us for not knowing everything, Cal, I thought, it’s not like you ever did your job to inform them about their past, their responsibilities.

“Is it because of the healing?” Maria asked, scaring me. I stared at her, now sitting against the headboard. When had she woken up? She looked over at me and smiled reassuringly. “Cause that would be really romantic, you know?”

Expelling the breath in his lungs, Cal shook his head. “It wasn’t the healing, if that were the case, the seal would’ve been transferred to that Valenti boy and his father, all those children in Phoenix as well, which was foolish of you, might I add. No, the seal can’t be given with just a healing.”

“Then how?” I demanded, stepping forward. He was holding back on purpose, and it was information that was about me. I had every right to know.

Cal met my stare. “Was there ever a time when you kissed, and you saw the seal? That would’ve been the beginning of the transfer.”

“Saw the seal? Like a flash?”

He nodded. “Something like that. You know what the seal looks like, right? The V formation of stars?”

Had I ever seen that in a flash? I scoured my memories, I’d seen the red giant of the whirlpool galaxy, flown through stars, been in Max’s mind the night they’d hatched and been found in the desert. No, I was almost positive I hadn’t. So then was Khivar wrong, and I didn’t have a seal at all?

It hit me just as I opened my mouth to answer. The night of the blind date, on stage. Our kiss in front of a crowd, that he didn’t remember last I knew. I remembered the six glowing stars, in a V shape just as Cal said.

I nodded slowly. “Yeah. On my blind date, when we were on stage, I don’t know if Max remembers or not, because he was drunk, but I saw--I saw the seal then.”

Eyes closed, Cal smirked. “That explains it. He was drunk, huh? It had to have been because of that that the transference took place. He had no control, I’d bet, and the alien part of himself acted without inhibition. Giving the seal to the woman he loved, not even knowing or considering the consequences. That’s Zan for you.”

Max stopped him from continuing his rant on Zan. I got the feeling Max had already heard all about his previous self’s transgressions. “You said that’s when it started, with that kiss. What finished it? We never--we’ve never been--” Max couldn't finish, ears reddened and tripping over his words as he glanced at me from the corner of his eyes.

Cal threw his head back, nearly banging it against the wall, laughing. “Oh, of course not. Can’t even say the words, can you? What happened to the bold, desperate man bursting down my door to get to his son? Surely you had to do the deed sometime to achieve that feat. But, no, having sex with Liz wasn’t what completed the transfer of the seal. It was your connection.”

“So, the connection existed before I had the seal? Then why--”

Maria cut in, completing my sentence for me. “Why don’t Michael and I have a connection like that? Or Isabel and Jesse, for that matter?”

Obviously torn between confusion and sorrow, Michael just looked at her, then Cal, for an explanation. But I couldn’t read him like I could the others, he was too tightly closed and I was too tired.

“Max and Liz skipped a few stages, the rest of you haven’t gotten there yet.”

“Skipped a few stages?” we both asked in unison, sharing a glance. If anything, Max and I hadn’t reached a few stages.

“Is all you humans think about sex? It has nothing to do with physical intimacy, Antarians view sex much as you do kissing. Nothing dramatic or permanent, rather fleeting really. That would be the stage you skipped.” Cal said, laughing. Not happily either, bitter and sarcastic. What had happened to make him so full of hate and cynicism? Why had he been a protector if he was so against Zan? The Antarians obviously hadn’t been very adept at judging people. Nasedo and Cal, the perfect pair to protect a king and his family. One a traitor, the other a deserter. “The spiritual, the mental and emotional connection you have is the most intimate bond a couple can achieve, according to Antarian society. When your connection was solidified, probably involving those flashes you mentioned and some glowing special effects, Liz was made the queen. Irrevocably.”

“So Tess never had a chance.” Maria whispered, probably to herself but we all heard it. Michael looked to her in askance.

“That happened before Tess even came to town.” she added. “I would know, I walked in on it.”

We fell silent, not sure what to say. It didn’t matter that Tess never had a chance, she took her chance, and because of it, we were here.

But what Cal was saying didn’t add up. Not with what I’d held true since last year’s October, when Max, but not my Max, appeared on my balcony to warn of the end of the world. If Tess wasn’t the queen, was she still part of the foursquare? Why was she so important, if she could never take her place as queen? They were questions I couldn’t ask, because Max and Michael still knew nothing about Future Max.

Or had the world ended, not because I was with Max the night of Gomez, but because he’d given me the seal, months before Tess disrupted our lives?

Would the world still end?

“Look, fascinating as this is, shouldn’t we be worrying about Khivar? The guy is gonna come back. He wants something here, or he wouldn’t go through all that trouble. We have to be prepared for when he does, that’s twice now he’s caught us unaware.” Michael interrupted the silence. Back to business.

Cal threw his hands up. “What does it matter? You’ll never beat him, not as you are now. You’d have all been killed, and quite easily, too, if I hadn’t shown up.”

“What do you mean, we can’t beat him? It’s hopeless and we should just give in?” Maria demanded, hands on her hips despite being seated.

Cal raised an eyebrow at her, but nodded. “Essentially.”

“What if the foursquare was complete, would we be able to stop him then?” I asked. I had to know. I had to.

He eyed me for a moment, tilting his chin back to look down upon me. Something in his eyes threw me. What did he know? “Don’t you mean, with Tess would the four still be enough to prevent the end of the world?”

I choked on my breath. There was no way that was a lucky guess. The twinkle in his eyes, the quirk of his lips, mocked me.

He knew. He knew about Future Max.

Hehe, Happy April Fools! Now, for a tidbit of historical information, because I am a total history dork with a brain full of useless tidbits: ya know why it's called April Fools? Because the early Christians celebrated Christmas on April 1, and when the Church officially made Christmas in December, people who still celebrated it on April 1 were called April Fools!

Okay, now, seriously, thanks for all the lovely feedback!

Ellie
begonia9508
Kath7
harroc83 Nope, Michael doesn't know yet.
Jason's Lover
Amy2344
frenchkiss70
Smac
Emz80m
Beautiful86 Don't worry, Liz is human in this. No secret past lives. Thank you.
mmcherron
crazeesmilee
Eliz


And warning: in this part, it was really difficult to explain certain things--you'll see what. But if you don't understand, please tell me and I'll see if I can make it clearer in the next few parts.

PS: Control being one of the few Roswell episodes I’ve never seen, Cal here is purely my own interpretation of what I’ve read from transcripts and other fanfiction, and what I need him to be for my own purposes.

Again, I warn you not to jump to conclusions and not to worry, there’s still more to the FM story than what Cal is going to say here. And lots more to be discussed.

That Which Hath Made Me. . .

Previously. . .

“What if the foursquare was complete, would we be able to stop him then?” I asked. I had to know. I had to.

He eyed me for a moment, tilting his chin back to look down upon me. Something in his eyes threw me. What did he know? “Don’t you mean, with Tess would the four still be enough to prevent the end of the world?”

I choked on my breath. There was no way that was a lucky guess. The twinkle in his eyes, the quirk of his lips, mocked me.

He knew. He knew about Future Max.

Chapter Six

Cal knew about Future Max. The thought made my mouth drop open, flapping idiotically until I got my composure back. He had better not have read my mind. If that was even possible. My newly acquired psychic abilities extended only so far as emotions, not actual thoughts.

I met his gaze. If he was going to push me, I was going to push right back. I was through being walked on by aliens, Max included. “Answer the question.”

He pursed his lips. “Fine. No, Tess wouldn’t have made a difference.” Cal shifted his stare to Max, then back with a smirk. “Max isn’t the brightest king. He jumps to conclusions out of stupidity and a desperate need for control. The problem was never Tess.”

Maria and I just looked at each other, ignoring the stares from Max and Michael. Max knew I’d never slept with Kyle but we’d avoided the conversation about why I’d set something like that up. I guess Max was right when he said we’d been evading things for the stability’s sake. He didn’t know the world might end because he’d let Tess go, because I hadn’t warned him. Except, Cal said Future Max was wrong. Was it possible that my life had been ruined, permanently, for no reason at all save paranoia? An assumption? Why would we have ever gotten that desperate?

But it made sense in a sick and frightening way. Max and I both had this--this control complex. We’re control freaks, admittedly. So if the world was ending, wouldn’t we feel as if it was something we could go back and change, if we knew time travel was possible? The only thing it was plausible to alter was our own life, our own relationship. So our future selves ruined everything.

I wanted to scream, and tear down the skies, and ruin everyone else’s world so I wouldn’t have to suffer alone. I’d destroyed myself, and all for nothing, too.

“How do you know about that?” Maria asked, turning away from me to Cal.

“Know about what?” Max demanded, flitting his gaze between the three of us. Michael came up to stand behind him, arms crossed and position clear. Just when I thought our trust could be built back, the hope shatters once more. I knew I should’ve told him sooner. I just didn’t know how. How could I put into words the desperation, the agony, and the guilt in Future Max’s eyes as he pleaded with me for help, or the shame I’d felt at being so selfish because my immediate thought when Future Max explained was ‘Screw the world, I want to be happy’?

“What the hell are you guys talking about?” Michael added. He wanted answers too. Maria would have to answer to him later, after just patching their always rocky relationship. She’d kept the secret for my sake.

Cal scoffed at the questions, eyeing me up and down. “Don’t you know? Or has your queen been less than forthcoming about her knowledge of the end of the world?”

Everyone turned to me: Michael accusing; Max hurt and concerned; Maria supportive; and Cal cocky, satisfied. I resisted the urge to smack him, instead defending myself. So Max wouldn’t look at me like that anymore. So I wouldn’t feel so damn guilty all the time. “I didn’t think it mattered anymore. The Granolith is gone, and Tess went back to Antar. Too many things were changed, I didn’t think it would make any difference. Even if the world was still going to end, we’d have no idea what to do because everything has changed.”

“You knew the world was going to end and you didn’t say anything? How the hell did you know that anyway?” Michael shouted, moving around Max to get in my face, towering above me threateningly. I wasn’t intimidated. Maybe if he wasn’t Michael, but despite his gruff exterior, I also knew he wouldn’t touch me. I remembered a time when Maria was terrified of him, certain he’d use death-ray eyes on her. But even then, I knew he was softer than he appeared, and when he returned my journal, it was only reinforced. Michael put on a good show, was all.

I lifted my chin, blinking away the tears pooling in my eyes. I did not need more stress. I was about to break down, again, and I hadn’t even found out for sure if I was pregnant. If my moods were an indicator, the answer was a definite ‘yes.’ “Look, it’s really complicated. I didn’t make the decision not to tell you, I promised I wouldn’t tell anyone!”

“Who did you promise who’s so much more important than we are?” Max asked, an unreadable expression on his face. I couldn’t look at him.

Finally, I sighed. “You, Max. I promised you.”

I had to explain, but it was hard. Future Max was something of mine, something left over from a different Max and Liz, something I didn’t want to let go of even if it was to Max and Michael. “The night you sang to me on my balcony, I got another visitor. You, Max. From fourteen years in the future. He told me the world was going to end because we got together. So I set up the thing with Kyle, and you--” I gestured helplessly, “you know the rest.”

Furrowing his brow, Max let his arms fall from where they’d been crossed against his chest. He gazed at me in disbelief. “That-that isn’t possible.” he croaked. I knew the feeling.

I nodded sympathetically. “That’s what I said. But he was you. He knew things, he couldn’t have been a shape shifter or something.”

“Time travel isn’t possible.” Michael stated bluntly.

“Oh, like aliens don’t exist?” Maria countered, defending me.

Cal shook his head, getting impatient with us. “This argument is irrelevant. Don’t show your ignorance, Zan. Time travel is as possible as everything else. I too had a visitor from the future.” He eyed me wearily, starting a slow smirk. “Otherwise I wouldn’t be here.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Michael demanded, spinning around to interrogate Cal instead of me. “Who the hell thought time traveling through time would do a damn thing? And who decided what to change?”

“Max and Liz. Well, future them. I guess they never saw all those movies were messing with the past only made things worse.” Maria smiled at me to show she was joking. I didn’t mind, though I disagreed. If the world was ending, changing time would’ve been the only way to reverse or undo it. And if it really was our fault, how could we be so selfish as to let everyone die?

“Hm, indeed. The King can’t seem to make up his mind in any time.” Cal commented, brow raised.

Max threw his fist through the wall, wood and plaster splintering with a resounding crack! under his anger. His face was flushed, neck straining as he growled out, “Cal, stop talking in fucking riddles! We don’t have time for this! Tell us what the hell you’re talking about! That’s an order!”

“It’s your orders that got me in this mess in the first place!” Cal shouted, lurching from his rest against the wall. “I never wanted to leave my nice, comfortable home to drive to the other side of the fucking country just to save your damn queen, because you were too much of a coward to stand by her and trust in her to complete the foursquare!”

“What? I trust Liz!”

“Apparently not enough to let her stand beside you, rather than behind!” Cal responded. “It was you, Max, who came to me the October before last. It was you who appeared in my house and destroyed my human life, that I quite liked! It was you who warned me that the world would end in fourteen years, and informed me of Liz receiving the seal. He was a future you, dumbed by time and war, but you nonetheless. And he was the one who ordered me to protect Liz at all costs, no matter the circumstances.”

I felt like an outsider in the conversation, like it was another Liz they were discussing. How could I complete the foursquare? I was human, through and through, seal or no. Why hadn’t Future Max mentioned any of this to me? He knew about the seal? And why would Future Max visit Cal? How did he know about him? How much had he told Cal, and why had he trusted him? Why call upon Cal’s inability to disobey a direct order from his king, simply to keep me safe? The Future Max I’d known was set on having me out of the aliens’ lives. Which would mean my safety. Why had he felt the need to order his own protecter to baby-sit me?

How did the foursquare work? Or better yet, what was the foursquare? No one had really explained it other than being powerful, and the four aliens.

Everything was surreal, and for my life, that’s saying something. Something big. This had gotten out of control. This whole alien abyss had been allowed to grow too wide, and I was stuck in it for life.

“Okay, time out!” Maria cut in, hands outstretched like she was breaking up a fight. “Cal, what is so important about this foursquare? I’ve never seen it, and I’ve seen the so-called Royal Four fight together. Nothing invincible, if you ask me. Not even close. Then secondly, are you saying Future Max didn’t trust Future Liz, or some other combo of the two? Because I’m pretty sure he trusts her. I’m right, right?” she added, glancing toward Max.

He nodded, and my breath came easier.

Cal rolled his eyes, sighing. His reluctance to talk was overruled by his annoyance and will to end this. “The Foursquare wasn’t anything invincible. Nothing is. It was simply what it was because the four trusted in each other, knew their strengths and weaknesses, and had faith that the others would do their job while they did their own. Nothing difficult, nothing hard to come by. Except apparently, you idiots can’t even get that right. It doesn’t matter if Tess is part of it or not. Liz has her own powers, and Maria hers. It could have even been six, if you hadn’t fucked that up as well. They are human gifts. Antarians are shape shifters. We have similar abilities, but not quite the same. And it was Future Max who had little faith in both Liz of the present and of the Future. She was, and is, his queen. Queens on Earth are weak, they stand behind their king, either holding him up or being sheltered. Either way, they are weak and useless. On Antar, the Queen was as powerful, as respected, as the King. Neither was worth anything without the other. They were partners which was why Ava was so important to their previous foursquare. But Future Max didn’t know that, and neither do you, and because of it, the foursquare was never completed in this lifetime and Khivar had a guaranteed victory. No one in that future ever told them that Liz could be part of the square. They didn’t find out about the seal until too late. And voila, end of the world.”

Amazing how you can learn in less than a minute everything you’d wanted to know for two years. Three, I guess, if you count the first naive year when we’d have taken any scrap of information we could find.

“Okay, my head is spinning.” Michael muttered, shaking his hair from his eyes. “So let me get this straight: Max came back in time to prevent the end of the world--really dumb move, by the way, Maxwell, I have to agree with Cal on this one--which ended because he wouldn’t let Liz act as his queen and he should have in order to complete the foursquare, but he didn’t know that. Then not only did he force Liz to push Max into Tess’s bed, he came to you to tell you what he was doing, and order you to protect Liz, even though he’d let her go. So he was more concerned for Liz even faced with the end of the world. And now we’re screwed and even more worse off because of all this.”

Cal, Maria and I nodded.

“So, then the way I see, this is all your fault for not doing your job in the first place! If you’d done your job as protecter and told us what we needed to know, none of this would’ve happened!” he continued, jabbing a finger at Cal.

The shape shifter shrugged. “And? I was quite happy living my life. I didn’t need four alien brats to look after. What’s that saying, better to have lived life and lost than to never have lived at all? I could not care less whether your lives are happy-go-lucky or not, so long as my world doesn’t end either.”

I smothered a grin. Cal was growing on me. He reminded me of Kyle, actually. Gruff, reluctant, and filled with sarcastic humor. Not to mention his obvious disdain for Max. If only I could feel the same. I wondered what had happened between him and Zan to create such hostility. And for him to be at Max’s beck and call, well, I totally understood his attitude. “It’s love, Cal, not life. Better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all.”

He shrugged again.

“Can we focus please?” Max asked, voice tight. His hand was scrapped and bloodied as he ran it through his hair roughly. The hole in the wall behind him was a dark splotch on the otherwise white walls. “We need to know when Khivar is--”

Cal waved a hand, interrupting. “Khivar isn’t an issue right now.”

“The hell he isn’t. He could now be anyone at anytime, and we have no way of knowing until he makes his move first. Any idiot knows that’s not good for us.” Michael said, forcing Cal further into the corner of the room farthest from the door.

Snorting, Cal stared down at Michael, glasses sliding down his nose and eyes narrowed. “Khivar isn’t an issue. You have a lot more faith in Antarian technology than Antarians themselves. You think it’s easy, and cheap, and simple to send an essence temporarily across space to a specific mind, on a specific planet, much less city? You are ignorant.”

I hadn’t thought of it like that, and I should’ve. That was my role, the scientist. I came up with the logic and the rationality, explaining things that couldn’t be explained. Yet I’d missed something so fundamental. Of course, it must expend tons of resources and energy just to accomplish the task once. Space was indefinably large, with countless planets just between here and Antar. And hadn’t Larek mentioned having to prepare the human host? I should’ve known the laws of science still applied to aliens. But sometimes, it’s easier to forget.

“Of course,” I breathed aloud, “it must take an incredible amount of work and energy. Is there a way we can stop it? They have to have a way of finding that specific mind, right? Can we stop them from being able to do that?”

At my suggestion, Max straightened. “She’s right. There has to be some sort of signal, or-or something that lets Khivar know where to focus. If we can block it, we can stop him from--”

”Still coming in second, Zan. I’m about three steps ahead of you.” Cal held up a small, brown sack that hung with a heavy weight. “Planning, where you are now, researching, which you could never do on your own, and implementing, which you’re not capable of.” As he listed the stages, he tugged open the strings on the bag. A casual flick of his wrist sent the contents rolling across the desktop, clattering and clanking as round, black pentagons bounced to a stop.

I’d never seen them before, but they were adorned with alien symbols and it was obvious they were important. I didn’t, however, know why Max and Michael froze, identical expressions of confusion and panic.

“That’s that thing Brody has, that stops our powers!” Michael burst, glaring accusingly at Cal.

There were six of them, laid out on the wood haphazardly.

My sudden bad feeling echoed through the connection with Max, resounding in the empty silence of our emotions.

Thanks to everyone reading this, and especially those who left feedback!

As for the pregnancy: weeeeeeeeell, you'll find out. Soon.

And the usual warning, nothing is as it seems at first. Or is it?

For those who are curious, I'll be updating Children of Eden this weekend. Hopefully tomorrow, probably Saturday.

On with the show. . .

That Which Hath Made Me. . .
Chapter Seven

”Everyone knows not to stare into the sun. It’s something your mother tells you as a kid: don’t look at the sun, or you’ll go blind. But sometimes, you want to understand something so badly, you’ll risk going blind for just a glimpse of what it might all really be about.” --Allie, Taken

Curiosity’s a funny thing. It had always separated me from my peers; I had it in spades and others simply let things go. It’s why I never understood how people could be bored with science, could fall asleep in class, or not do the assignments. And it had nothing to do with me wanting to get good grades, or go to a good college. Science, but any learning really, fascinated me. If I had a question, I couldn’t rest until it was answered.

Which was why throughout my ordeal with the aliens, I’d managed to accept their need for answers. I shared it. Even as it tore apart my normal, content existence--because it hadn’t been happy--I couldn’t help but cling to this conspiracy, because I had so many questions without answers. And a lot of it also had to do with my love for Max, which even after everything, I refuse to deny. When I pushed him away because of Future Max, I never once denied it.

These things Cal dropped on the desk ripped my curiosity wide open. How did they work? What did they do, what were they made of? How did they do whatever it was they did?

“They do a hell of a lot more than block your abilities. They’re trithium amplification generators, and only seven exist on this planet. Obviously, one is missing here. But I believe you know where that one is.” Cal explained. He didn’t offer anything else.

“What do they do?” I asked, crossing my arms. Whether it was to express my stubborn refusal to ignore whatever he withheld or to hug myself in comfort, I didn’t know. I was having a hard time getting anything straight in my head, much less my heart, and I’d always been one to have more control over my head. The pregnancy was haunting me along with everything else. Was Max wondering about it too, or had he forgotten with everything going on? As soon as we got to our room for the night--I didn’t expect anything to happen, seeing as the room had two beds and Max and I had yet to work through our differences. The sharing rooms was more for comfort’s sake than anything--I would get him to check to see if Khivar was right. No one else save Max and I would ever have to know, because I hadn’t informed Maria of my suspicions. So Michael didn’t know it was a possibility that I was pregnant with Khivar’s child. Hell, I wasn’t sure if it would even be Khivar’s child seeing as he’d been using a host when impregnating me.

I frowned. It hadn’t occurred to me to take that into consideration. But of course, if I were pregnant, the child would be whoever Khivar had used as a puppet’s. Not his. Unless he’d found some way to transport alien sperm along with his essence. Which I didn’t want to think about.

Cal looked at me, silently appraising. “Without one of these, Khivar has no way of gaining a human host. The amplifiers direct the essence to the nearest host. They’re like homing beacons, sending a signal to Antar so Khivar knows where to focus.”

“That doesn’t tell us how to stop him. Can’t he just focus on these or whatever? And then there’s one more out there. Khivar could still be anywhere.” Michael growled, his own arms crossed against his chest, fists clinched at his elbows. He brushed the hair out of his eyes, then returned to his defensive stance.

Snorting, Cal began stuffing the amplifiers back in the bag he’d gotten them from. “Idiot. I disabled these, they’re no longer sending any signal. And the remaining device is in the hands of Zan’s boss, Brody Davis. I believe you’ve met the one intercepting that amplifier's signal.”

”Larek?” Max asked, all of us already knowing the answer. He glanced at me, something in his eyes warm even as they froze Cal in his place.

“Yes, Larek. Zan’s trusted follower.” he spat bitterly.

“What did Zan ever do to you that gives you the right to be such an ass to all of us?” Maria demanded, lurching from her position on the bed. Max flinched out of the corner of my eye, and I reached out a hand to place it on his arm. His eyes darted to mine, thankfully, apologetically.

He knew what Zan had done. Maria brought up the question I too was wondering, but I’d seen how Max reacted. Whatever it was, Max didn’t want us knowing.

But he wasn’t Zan. Max had his own fair share of mistakes, many of them not his fault, but he wasn’t responsible for Zan’s too. He of all people, as my Bio lab partner, should remember that he was only a clone of Zan, not the man himself. DNA didn’t automatically equal personality. But we’d all been pushing him to be someone who died long ago, pushing him so hard he had no choice but to accept the role and live in it. And in the process, we’d forgotten he was still just Max.

Some of it was my fault, too, I realized. I’d left him that day in the desert for him to fulfill another man’s life, the supposed destiny with Tess. And I’d broken his heart for it, knowing he was Max, and not Zan, and still not seeing the difference. Until now, it had never occurred to me that Zan maybe hadn’t been a wonderful man like Max. What if he’d been a horrible king? A horrible husband? What if Vilandra had betrayed him not because she was bad, or evil, but because he was?

I could finally view them as two separate people, and I wondered why everything in my life seemed to come too late.

“Cal, whatever Zan did, you have no right to blame Max. They aren’t the same people.” I said. Max Evans was not on the top of my people-to-defend list, if I had such a thing, but he wasn’t on the bottom either. No, Khivar had taken that position along with my virginity. And I wasn’t sure who was to blame for what anymore. I’d found a way to forgive Max for the Tess thing, apparently, but that didn’t mean I instantly forgave him for everything else. Forgiving him was different from forgetting the bruise I’d had on my arm for two weeks after he’d grabbed me in the hallway, or the pain as he’d ripped new holes in my heart as he dragged me down in the search for his son. He’d never even said sorry.

I didn’t know where I wanted to stand with him, where I wanted things to go, but for the moment I was at his side, and I couldn’t change that.

What I needed was a good cry, my mom would say. But my mom was safe at home, secure in her belief that I was far away from Max Evans, and striving to repair the damage I’d done to my chances at Harvard while at boarding school in Vermont.

God, I wished it were that simple.

“What did Zan do?” Cal laughed, loud, boisterous. Malicious. “Zan ruined everything. And he never gave a damn for anyone or anything but himself.”

“That doesn’t answer her question.” I cut in, preventing Maria’s tirade as Michael’s hand held her back. “You’ve been an absolute jerk this entire time, and whined about how horrible Zan and Max are, yet you abandoned your responsibilities, and are, even now, refusing to tell us what we need, what we deserve, to know! Answer the question, honestly and completely, for once!” Maybe I was taking my anger at the situation out on Cal, but I had plenty for Cal himself anyway. Why had he felt it was okay to ruin our lives because of something someone did long ago, someone who died? And what else did he know that he wasn’t saying? Did he know the key to stopping Khivar, the key to preventing the end of the world? How much did he know about what Khivar had done to me? Did he know if I was pregnant, and if I was, if it was really Khivar’s?

I took a deep breath even as Max’s hand closed over mine, still gripping his arm. He gave my fingers a light squeeze, and turned his attention back to Cal.

“My daughter was killed because of him, and he never so much as noticed!” Cal snarled at me, throwing his arms out as the lamps in the room exploded. “My entire family served as guards to the Royal House, for generations! We were slaves, no choice but to obey those with the seal! The entire Royal Guard was genetically bound to obey the king’s every whim. I was forced to watch as my daughter, my only child, died because she was ordered to protect your precious king! We never had any choices! I was forced to leave my mate, my wife, leave everything I knew and I didn’t have a say in anything! I never had a say in anything! All for a silly boy king.” He spat at Max’s feet. “A silly, stupid boy.”

“So if you were ordered to protect us, how the hell could you abandon us like you did?” Michael responded. He’d stepped in front of Maria to put a barrier between her and an unpredictable shape shifter who only cared for himself. Max and I were safe from him, because he couldn’t hurt us, but Maria wasn’t.

Cal’s anger was reined in, and his smirk returned. “I wasn’t ordered specifically what to do once we got to earth. It was simply assumed we’d do our jobs, because it was meant to be an honor. But we got here, and for the first time, we knew freedom like we’d never known. We had choices. We had options. We had freewill. What did you expect us to do? Unlike Nasedo, however, I never had any intention of returning to Antar. Going back meant giving up all our new found freedom. There’s no way in hell. In fact, the only reason I’m here is because of my damn genetics. Future Max made sure of that.”

There was silence apart from Michael’s snort of disbelief. Max still clutched my hand, taking it from his arm and cradling it between his own. Through our connection, I felt his fear, his anger, and his love for me which filled my spine with the strength to stand just awhile longer.

But we had to focus, Max was right before. Cal’s personal problems with Zan would have to wait, because our calls kept getting closer and I was sick of being so damn uncertain all the time. Our first priority was defeating Khivar, and until we had a plan for that I wasn’t going to worry about anything else. Maybe Maria was right, and I pushed everything aside in favor of one goal, rather than dealing with things as they come. But that was the only way I knew how. And right now, I didn’t have the time--we couldn’t afford the time for me to have my good cry and work through everything weighing on me. So after we stopped Khivar, I’d do just that.

“None of that is important right now. Max was right, we have to focus on Khivar first and foremost, regardless of whether or not you agree, Cal.” I said, meeting his eyes. He glared back, and I stepped up so my arm brushed against Max’s. “I’m sorry, Cal, that your live has been like that, I really am. But honestly, stop acting like a child. Did Zan alter your genetics to enslave you himself? No, and even if he had, Zan isn’t here. Max is no more Zan than I am my parents, or grandparents. What matters now is stopping Khivar. Can these be destroyed?” I gestured to the bag of amplifiers with my free hand.

Cal rolled his eyes, but his voice was significantly subdued. “Of course they can. But they’re disabled so your concern should be the one in Roswell. It will take at least a week for him to return, should you fail to take the amplifier.”

“And Roswell is another two days drive.” I added. We’d be going faster than a bus, but it was still a long, long way.

“Why should we trust a word you say?” Max demanded softly. He had every right to, we were all distrustful, with good reason. Just because I sympathized with Cal did not mean I trusted him, or that I forgave him for what he’d done, or rather, not done.

“You shouldn’t. You can’t.” Cal stated, not bothering to hide the twinkle of glee in his eyes. But he was wrong, there was one way we could be sure.

“Max,” I nudged him. His gaze flickered to mine in understanding.

“Cal, you will tell us the truth. I don’t want to order you around, but I will because I can’t trust you. Everything you say to us will be the entire truth, and you will help us defeat Khivar. And you’re to protect Liz and Maria from now on, no matter what.” Max ordered, stern. His resolve seeped through our connection, all the fear and anger he’d been feeling was smothered.

Cal snorted, no longer quite so sarcastic but resigned. “So what now, King Max?” he taunted. We all winced. Cal knew exactly where to hit.

“Now we plan.” Max ignored him, reaching for the bag with one hand, the other clinging to mine at his side. He held the bag out slightly, as if weighing it in his palm, before placing on the desk. “Khivar is going to come back, so we know he’ll be in Roswell. How long will it take for him to come back? And when he does, will he be using Brody?”

Sighing, Cal waited as long as he could to answer. “It will take about a week. I have no way of knowing exactly. And yes, he’ll be using Brody if he is the one in possession of the device.”

Max nodded. “Okay, so if we get the amplifier and disable it before Khivar has the chance to return, he won’t be able to? At all?”

Cal was more hesitant. He chose his words carefully, eyes narrowed and fixed on Max. “He won’t be able to use another human host, no.”

“But that doesn’t mean he won’t come back at all, or find another way.” Michael concluded. Clapping his hands to bring them together, he paced forward. “So how are we supposed to get him to leave us alone? It’s not like we’re a threat to him, and even if we had a way off this planet, we wouldn’t take it.”

“He wants an heir, or the seal, or something.” I said. If Michael and Cal didn’t know what had happened, I wasn’t going to explain. When Michael been alone with Maria, she’d been too preoccupied with the state of their own relationship to worry about filling him in on me. Or, more specifically, what I’d done. Michael wasn’t good at hiding things like that, he’d have made it quite public if he knew. Cal was the wildcard.

“I thought he already had both. Wasn’t that the whole point to Tess’s plot? Khivar wouldn’t kill her in exchange for Max’s kid, the heir, who has the seal?” Michael questioned, his eyes switching from Cal to Max and me. He knew we were hiding something, but that was all I could read off him.

Maria leaned back against his chest. “Michael,” she warned, eyeing me in concern.

This time Cal was more forthcoming, jumping at the chance to rub in Max’s mistakes. Pushing his glasses up his nose with a single, bony finger, he threw all his mirth in one long, slow grin. “Oh no, see, Tess was a fool. She thought she had the Queen’s seal, left over from her life as Ava. But she didn’t, and only a child of both seals will inherit the throne. So only a child of Max and Liz will have a seal. Antarians aren’t stupid. The king and queen both are allowed to take others to their bed and the ancients didn’t want to risk an illegitimate child becoming heir. Khivar likely killed Max’s son when he failed to have the seal.”

“So he wasn’t lying.” Max croaked. His voice was hoarse, but not choked. He wouldn’t let himself cry in Cal’s presence. I tightened my grip on his hand, bringing my free hand up to hold his between them. “My son is dead.”

“Max--” I started, “Max, you don’t know that. Khivar would’ve lied no matter what, and Cal only said it was possible. Think about your connection with him, you’d have felt it--”

“I did. I didn’t want to believe it. But I felt it. That’s why I went to LA in the first place.” It was why he was so desperate not to fail. Because he knew he already had. He held himself responsible for the life of a child on a whole other planet, one in the hands of Tess. Tess, who murdered Alex under all our noses, and we hadn’t a clue until too late.

I stepped closer, putting my chin on Max’s shoulder and looping my arms through his. Our relationship always worked better in a crisis. Max and I are good at putting things aside for the sake of each other. It’s only after the threat is gone that we doubt.

Maria was the best friend anyone could even imagine, and I loved her and totally appreciated everything she’d done for me. But sometimes her mouth ran away with her. “Then why did Khivar think a child from him and Liz would have the seal?” We both wanted to know, but she asked. I didn’t, because it was one more piece of information Cal would have about me that he had no right to know, and to Michael, who was already suspicious, the puzzle would become much clearer. Why I’d been so messed up since they found us that afternoon. Why Max and I had to talk alone. What Khivar had been doing in the first place.

Cal’s smirk would’ve driven a saint up the wall. “Oh, Khivar didn’t think that. He was just amusing himself with irony. Max and Tess. Liz and Khivar. It’s a classic. People would pay good money to watch your lives.”

“Liz and Khivar?” Michael demanded, raising his voice effortlessly. “What the fuck? Maxwell? Did you know about this?”

Blankly, Max stared at his second. “Yes, Michael. Drop it.”

“Drop it? I don’t think so, Maxwell. Have you forgotten who Khivar is?” Michael paused, face distorted with anger and his emotions rolling into me when he’d been blocked all evening. He glowered at me, and an expression I couldn’t read grew in his eyes. This was the reaction I was expecting. This was what I wanted. To be yelled at. Because then I could feel like I was getting what I deserved, and not getting off easy like I had been so far. With Max and Maria, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Trust Michael to drop them both at once. Still, I couldn’t bear the disappointment that he made sure to show. “God, you fucked Khivar, didn’t you? After all that crap with Tess, you go and fuck our other enemy. You and Max are really a pair, you know that? Fucki--”

“Michael, enough.” Max’s hand nearly crushed my fingers in his grasp, his voice gruff. I couldn’t look at him, but I couldn’t meet Michael’s eyes anymore. I stared at the carpet.

When did I become so weak?

“I hope to god you were at least smart enough to use some goddamn protection. I’m sure Khivar would just love to have you helpless and knocked up with his son.” Michael finished with a curse, running a hand through his hair and whirling on Maria. “Did you know about this? What a minute, dumb question, of course you knew about this. This is seriously fucked up.”

“Actually, Michael, Khivar wants a daughter.” Maria corrected him, chin high and eyebrows raised in challenge. “And yes, it’s fucked up. But hasn’t it always been? This-this whole alien abyss is seriously fucked, and it’s messed up all our lives. And I’m getting really, really sick of it. Liz does not need this right now, so back off. If anyone has the right to be angry, it’s not you.”

“But it doesn’t matter either way,” I said, making up my mind to tell them. “Because even if I am pregnant, the child won’t be Khivar’s genetically. Not if he’s been using a human host, see? So I don’t think it’s even an issue.” And I didn’t. The more I thought it through, the more absurd the notion was. Of course Khivar couldn’t get me pregnant, not from across the universe. Any child resulting from the night before last would be human, and if that was the case, I was off the hook because I had plenty of time to take precautions to prevent a pregnancy in the first place.

I should’ve known nothing in my life would ever be that simple. When Cal opened his mouth, I braced myself. His expression was mocking, superior like it had been at first. No longer resigned to Max’s orders. “That’s not entirely accurate, Liz. You’re a scientist. If Max can alter molecules with the wave of his hand, what makes you think Khivar can’t do the same with genetics?”

This is relatively short, but it answers the big question.

Thank you for all your wonderful feedback! Thanks for reading!

The usual warning still applies.

Chapter Eight

“Are you saying Khivar could alter the genetics of that guy’s--erm, seed? Without having to actually do the deed in his own body?” Maria asked, glancing in my direction but intent on Cal.

Cal spread his arms wide, grinning. “Exactly. Handy, isn’t it?”

I nearly threw up for the third time, and I knew I must’ve looked sick because Maria took as step toward me. “Liz--”

“Wait, if Khivar was using a human host, how the hell did he use powers?” Michael demanded.

“They’re human abilities, Michael. You’ve been told that many times.”

“Look, I’d know a hell---”

Max lifted his head from where he’d been staring at the floor, cutting Michael’s response. “Enough.” He left no room for debate. “We’re not getting anywhere with this, and it’s late. We’re all exhausted, and we’ve been on the move all day. This is getting pointless. We’ll sleep, and finish when we’re all in a better mindset in the morning. Then we go back to Roswell.”

“Very well, Your Highness.” Cal tossed the plastic cards, our keys, on the desk. “Now get out of my room.”

Our transition was silent as Max and Michael picked up the keys and Maria and I trailed behind, side-by-side. Our room arrangements hadn’t even been discussed but we all knew who was sharing with who. Michael and Maria would reconcile, if they hadn’t already, and they wouldn’t want to be separated. So Max and I inevitably were together. A long time ago, that would’ve bothered me, spending the night in a hotel room with a guy, even if it was Max. But I knew him too well, we’d been through too much, for something so juvenile to bother me.

And he would finally be able to confirm one way or the other if I was pregnant.

He slipped the key in the door, pulling it back out as the little square of light flashed green. Nodding to Michael, he led me inside.

I waited for him to start. I’d already laid everything out for him, all that was left was his reaction. It had been a very long time since we’d so much as held a conversation. We’d just kissed, and skirted the things we really needed to say up until today.

But he made no attempt to talk, setting the key on top of the TV and flopping back on his bed. There were two queens, and I cringed at the thought of what was on those bedspreads. You always hear stories about how infrequently they’re washed. At that point, though, I was willing to sleep on anything. The adrenaline and the few hours of sleep I’d managed to steal last night had long worn off.

“Max?” I asked, hesitantly, not sure how to start, or if he’d even be willing.

He didn’t reply, patting the bed next to him and swinging his legs over the side to sit up. His expression gave nothing away, but I felt the tumultuous storm of his emotions through our thinly veiled connection. I also knew how hard he was trying to hide it from me; his anger, his fear, his frustration and hurt. There was only one emotion flowing freely between us.

Love.

“Come here,” he said softly, gesturing beside him for me to sit. I did, resting my hands between my knees to keep them still. I hadn’t felt this insecure, this nervous around Max since the afternoon he revealed what he really was. I never had a reason to, but suddenly, it seemed like my entire life hinged on this moment.

“Max, I’m sorry.” The words were so inadequate for how I felt, for what I owed him but there weren’t enough words in the English language to express it. Instead, I opened that part of me to him, telling him with emotions and abstract ideas what I felt.

He reached across both our laps to take one of my hands. Intwining our fingers, he gazed at the combination of his darker, tanned skin and mine, pale and light. I chose to watch him, the stubborn set of his jaw, the gentle warmth of amber in his eyes.

Then his hand trailed down, resting on my stomach and moving under the fabric of my shirt to caress the skin there.

“You know the drill.” he whispered, moving his eyes to meet mine. He let our connection do the rest.

And I was flying through the stars, the wonder I’d always found in his eyes and his kisses. I cherished the memories of a small boy, watching me with longing by day, crying himself to exhaustion at night. We hadn’t had flashes sine the kiss in Whittaker’s office, with Future Max hiding in the back room.

Then I saw an older, teenage Max, loving me. Kissing me. Kissing Tess. Their son, when he’d connected with him. It didn’t hurt as much as I’d expected, a dull ache now, that would’ve killed me a week ago. And it gave me peace, because above all that, was his love for me, his sorrow at all we’d been through, together and apart.

Slowly, the images faded from inside Max’s mind and heart to what he was seeing. The glow of his hand on my womb. A faint shifting, movement, within me.

My world, which had until recently been hovering above the ground, came crashing down in pieces.

I was pregnant.

All my life, I’ve been one to trust science over religion. Though I’ve had my own issues with the concept of abortion, I’d always thought it should be left up to the individual. After all, there were circumstances that made abortion perfectly acceptable, even recommendable. Rape, for instance. But I’d always held a certain disrespect for girls who simply acted irresponsibly and ended up pregnant, and got an abortion.

My first thought after realizing I was pregnant was that I didn’t have to be. Both the thought of carrying the child, and destroying it, made me sick.

How could I turn around and do the same thing? I wasn’t raped, I was drunk. I made a choice, and it was a bad one. I’d always hoped I was responsible enough, mature enough to face the consequences should I chose to make love with someone. Up until recently, I’d only ever imagined it’d be Max.

But it wasn’t.

Tears were already flooding my eyes as I opened them to the real world, the intensity of my connection with Max fading to normal levels. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want to be pregnant, and I did not want to have Khivar’s child. Under any circumstances. Was I that horrible of a mother already, that I didn’t want my child?

“God,” I choked, sobbing and fighting to breathe at the same time. “My parents are going to kill me. They sent me to boarding school to get my priorities straight, and I’ll come back pregnant by an evil, alien king.” My laugh was hysterical, and I knew it, but my mind wasn’t working right. Nothing was funny about my situation, but it was so absurd, and it just wasn’t sinking in. Was this how Max felt, when Tess told him she was pregnant? Or had he been happy, because at the time they’d been together, and she hadn’t been revealed as a killer?

He pulled me against his chest, arms wrapping around my shoulders to hold me tight, and rubbed my back for several minutes. Finally, one of his arms reached out to yank back the sheets. Gently lifting me in his arms, seemingly without effort, he settled me back on the bed, fluffing the pillows behind my head once he let me go. Without meeting my eyes, he straightened.

“I’m gonna take a shower so the two of us won’t have to fight over it in the morning. Go to sleep.” He didn’t look at me the whole time, maneuvering about the room fluidly and depositing his shoes by the door. He took extra time locking the window and door, holding his glowing hand over the latches. Keeping me safe even if I didn’t deserve it, even if he couldn’t bear to look at me.

My eyes burned from tears and lack of sleep. “Max,” I called, hesitantly.

He froze, back to me in the doorway of the bathroom. The florescent lights left him no more than a stiff silhouette. “I can’t do this, Liz. Not right now.” His voice was drawn with tears and pain, everything he tried to hide from me but couldn’t.

I didn’t know what I wanted, expected, but any type of reaction from him would’ve helped. Was he okay? Angry? Hurt? Would he be able to forgive me? Why couldn’t he look at me?

“Max, please,” I begged. For what, I didn’t know.

“I told you, Liz, I can’t do this with you now. I need--” he tripped over the words, searching for just the right way of explaining. “I need to think.” He lowered his voice to a hoarse whisper. “I had no idea it hurt this bad. I-I had no idea what if felt like. I’m so sorry that I ever put you through that. I’m so sorry.”

“Max--”

The door clicked shut behind him, echoing in the lonely silence I was left in. If only my thoughts could’ve quieted, respecting the silence. But they didn’t, and all too quickly my head was whirling with things I didn’t want to think. I fought it, and the more I did, the more pronounced it became.

I’d stopped classifying the child as an it, a thing, and instead had begun to think of her as a her. A daughter. My daughter. A tiny piece of me, with thoughts and feelings, and fingers and toes. Already with an irrevocable connection to my heart and soul, all while still a handful of growing cells. Smaller than my fist yet beginning to encompass the world.

Thoughts of abortions evaporated, and I fell back on the bed.

Over the course of twenty-four hours, I’d gone from little Lizzie Parker, smallest of small town girls, albeit with slight glowing problems, to Liz, Queen of another planet, and mother of an alien baby. And we weren’t even back to Roswell yet.

If only I knew where I stood with my king. We were both so stupid. It would’ve been nice to have one stable thing to rely on,when everything else was so up in the air. At least I knew for sure I was pregnant, but that alone drudged up all sorts of questions and uncertainty.

How was a human girl supposed to raise an alien hybrid? How could I pass off a month’s pregnancy as normal? Would Max help, or would he hate me? Would my child always be a sore reminder of his own, that Khivar killed? The father of my baby killed.

I rolled over to the side, reaching out for the trash can beneath the bedside table, retching violently. At least I knew why my stomach was so volatile. I just prayed the rest of the month would go smoother.

How was I ever going to tell my parents? Did I really have to go home, or could I just run away and never look back? I shook my head almost immediately. No. Running was what got me into this situation in the first place. I’d take things one thing at a time, and first thing was to figure out what was going on with me and Max. When he got out of the shower, I’d ask. Even if he didn’t answer, I had to ask.

I’d forgotten about my powers. As I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling and counting the stains, the hairs on my arms stood as electricity, or whatever it was, gathered in my hands. And I had yet another worry. Another question.

Sleep closed in on me from all sides, despite the rambling questions in my head, and I welcomed it. Everything would be easier to handle in the morning.

Just dropping in to answer some questions:

su-lyn Yup, only a child of Max and Liz will have the seal. Liz's child with Khivar would only be Khivar's heir, if that makes sense. Not necessarily heir to the throne. And nope, you're not mistaken: Khivar wants Max dead because Max has the seal and thus has a legitimate claim to the throne. Only problem is, what happens to the seal if Max dies? Thanks for reading, I'm glad you like it!

Beautiful86, Ellie and Kath7 First, the abortion option isn't completely out of the picture. At the moment, Liz is really tired, really stressed, and can only process so much. Besides, remember that she's only an eighteen-year-old girl who still hasn't finished high school. She hasn't even begun to think about the consequences with Khivar. But I also think Liz is, as often stated by Max, a relatively pure person, and her instinct would be to love the child regardless. Look at how quickly she jumped at helping Max find his son. She didn't blame Baby Zan, and she was there comforting Max when he gave him up. So, just keep in mind that, as always with this story, nothing is quite as it seems. Things'll work out in the end, though. And as much as I didn't want to make Liz pregnant, because honestly, it's making this story a lot longer than I ever intended for it to be, Khivar did know what he was doing when he started all this.

AN:The next part should be out soon, I hope. There's a lot to cover in the next few parts and real life is kicking my butt. I've been focusing on my new story, Vegas, Blondes, and Amber-Eyed Aliens because I need something less heavy for the moment. But I promise I'm still working on this, and Chapter Nine will be popping up within the next week or so.

Thanks for all the feedback, though, I really appreciate it.