Kyle Valenti, Wedding Planner Extraordinaire [COMPLETE]

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crashed jewel
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Kyle Valenti, Wedding Planner Extraordinaire [COMPLETE]

Post by crashed jewel »

Kyle Valenti, Wedding Planner Extraordinaire
Rating: YTEEN
Summary: Jim and Amy decided to get married and Kyle offers to plan the wedding
Author's Note: Happens during Season 3 Isabel just got married
Disclaimar: I own nothing, nothing all. Hope you all like it!


So let’s review. Max and Liz are in love. Even though they are forbidden to see each other they still do. Soul mates, if you will.

Then there’s ditzy Maria and rebel/loner Michael. Caution: contents may explode. That’s all I saying about that.

Mr. and Mrs. Jesse Ramirez. Have not figured that one out yet but they look happy. And the wedding was quite lovely with a handsome wedding party if I do say so myself.

Finally there’s little old lonely Kyle. Who I might add has tried quite hard to avoid Liz, Maria’s and Isabel’s ideas to fix me up on blind dates with their girlfriends that they “say” I will like, when actually I would never even talk to.

I don’t have time for girls; especially not after what I just heard.
After facing the FBI special unit freaks, a backstabbing blonde alien witch and those damn skin things, they were a piece of cake compared to what I just heard.

No this is ten, twenty, a hundred times worse than anything I have ever had to deal with!

Dad and Ms. De Luca are GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


That’s right my father formally known as Sheriff and Ms. De Luca formally known as hippie are getting hitched. And I being the lovable and caring son had agreed to plan the entire thing. I mean how hard could it be? Isabel threw one together in like what two months! And if I do say so myself that was a great wedding. No problem, piece of cake, piece of wedding cake.

I WAS SO WRONG! This must be hell! Nothing is going right, the hall is double booked, the flowers are the wrong colors they’ll clash with the bridesmaids dresses, what?! They will, and them there’s the cake!

I ORDERED half plain white the other half plain chocolate! NOT STRAWBERRY! Ms. De Luca is ALLERGIC to strawberry!

And my tux is two sizes too small as is Maria’s dress which makes her chest...you know! Besides Guerin won’t like it either and he can blow stuff up. Need to add that to my list. Along with calling the caters, finalizing the agreement to the hall, the justice of the peace and the BAND! Where’s my LIST!

Okay found my list returned the tux and dress got the right sizes. Got the right cake with I might add a discount and the right flowers which cost me a pretty penny but oh well I’ll go all out for my...dad’s wedding…

T-minus two days till the wedding and just about everything is in order. The small problem with the hall turned into a big problem after I went over to the hall with Michael in tow. Mistake #1. Letting Maria also come was Mistake #2.

We got there and the owner was already in a bad mood. Not my fault. He snaps at us saying I should have booked earlier. And I politely informed him that the wedding was a last minute one.

So then he starts rating and raving about how all these spur of the moment weddings always end up in divorce and the bride is usually knocked up.

Not the best thing to say about Maria’s mom.

“Excuse me!?” Maria shouted to which the owner responded by standing toe to toe with and shouting what he had just said.

Which, once again did not go over well with Maria.

In the end Michael and I ended up dragging Maria kicking and screaming obscenities at the owner while the owner tore up my contact telling us if he ever saw us here again he would call the police.

But he wasn’t done yet. The owner then began making comments to Michael about his hair! Which we all know is a reasonable cause for death according to Michael. Michael let go of Maria and began to get in a shouting match with the owner about...stuff I shouldn’t repeat.

Anyways the cops were called in and tried to arrest us be thankfully it was Deputy Hanson, sorry Sheriff Hanson who came and after much begging by me I might add!(Michael just kept muttering “Deputy Dog is so not taking me to jail” and “I should just blast his...butt”), let us go.

So now the wedding will be held in my very own backyard.

Maria and Amy love the idea and Maria is going to get Michael and Isabel to “fix” it so the yard will look wonderful. Which means I don’t have to cut the grass! I love our aliens’ friends!

The wedding will be held around 7 p.m. which means it doesn’t have to look to fancy or anything! Isabel cut some stars out and with her hand waved them a very nice glittery silver.

I just love (sometimes!) our little alien friends!

Where’s my list? Where’s my list? Damn it! I keep losing that damn thing! Oh well I just jot this note down on my arm where I’ll be sure to remember. Now I have to go pick up the chairs and store them in our garage till the wedding.

Man tough work! Especially after Guerin flaked! Wait till I tell Maria! Someone’s in trouble and for a change it’s NOT me!

Okay now I needed to do something, what was it? I know I wrote it down because I’ve been writing everything down these past days.

OH NO! I remember where I wrote it! On my arm which is all sweaty! Now I can’t read what it says!!!!!!!!

What the hell did I WRITE THERE! Oh man! Stupid wedding! Stupid parents! Stupid list!

Well luckily the people called me back and it was the cater; what I wrote was some choices for the dinner.

I was supposed to ask dad and Amy what they wanted but I have a good idea. Chicken, can’t go wrong with chicken. Then green beans, mashed potatoes, bread, fruit and a platter of vegetables. And some champagne and soft drinks along with of course bottled water. You know just normal wedding food.

But now I have a bigger problem Amy finally caved in to dad to wear a tradition wedding gown only for me to accidentally misplace it.

Yes that’s right I lost the damn wedding gown! Man Maria is going to be so mad! Maybe I’ll just tell her Michael lost it.

No that won’t work. Think Valenti! Think! Where was it the last place I had it?! The car? No I had it at the bridal shop. Think, I took it to the car and went back in to flirt with the cute salesgirl. Okay yeah she was hot, got her number and everything, you stud Valenti. The dress! right, after the dress shop went to the store to buy some ribbons for the yard. Okay then I went to the grocery store. Went home took everything inside. So WHERE’S THE DAMN DRESS! I knew Amy should have put Maria in charge of the dress! Okay deep breaths, in, out. Call Isabel.

Well that went well. After Princess Isabel finished shouting at me for acting so stupid she joined me in the search for the dress. Luckily we found it in the hall closet where MARIA put!

Glad that’s done with Isabel is now in charge of the dress since in her own words “Maria and you are both incapable of doing anything.” The dress is now safely tucked away in the Ramirez’s closet. That was close.

T-minus one day till the wedding. Man I’m running around like a chicken with no head. This is craziness! It rained last night so all the work done to the yard has to be fixed which wouldn’t take long expect I can’t find Isabel, Max or Michael. And I can’t find Maria which means her and “spaceboy” are off somewhere doing god knows what and I don’t wanna find them!

But to make things worse I can’t find my dad!

Amy called twice asking me where he is and I don’t know what to tell her! But of course I didn’t tell her I can’t find him! I not an idiot! I’m not Guerin!

I’m trying to stay positive and keep taking deep calming breaths and telling myself dad’s just off having one last night out before the old ball and chain gets thrown on. Joking! I’m JOKING!

But I worried out of my mind that he’s gotten cold feet and ran off! After all the work I put into this damn wedding there might not even be one!!!!

Damit! Not everything I went through! Ordering the stupid flowers! Picking the cake out! Finding a tuxedo rental place where they actually wash the suits! And now its all for nothing! NO I DON’T THINK SO! Not with Kyle Valenti, wedding planner, planning the wedding! No mark my words: THERE WILL BE A DAMN WEDDING IF ITS THE LAST THING I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay I finally found my dad after asking just about every person in this dumb town! And some of the people were SO stupid I couldn’t believe them! Half of them still thought my dad is sheriff!

So then I had to explain that he’s not the sheriff and then they asked when the election was because had they known they would have voted for him. So then I had to re-fresh their memory about how my father was asked to leave the job. Dumb people. I can’t wait to get out of this stupid town, filled with such stupid people.

So everything is on track the flowers, the food, the hall, the GROOM! (Found him having one last hurrah with some of his old buddies, don’t worry there wasn’t a stripper there, they were all drunk trying to form a band! Whatever!) Everything’s looking good! Not a bad job if I don’t say so myself!

Bad news! VERY BAD NEWS! I was awoken way too early this morning by a ringing phone.

It turned out to be a near hysterical Maria yelling about a note her mom left. After opening my eyes I jumped out of bed realizing what she said. Amy had gotten cold feet and took off! OH NO! NOT AGAIN!

I immediately took charge and told Maria to get Max and Michael over to my house now! They would have to distract my dad while we both went off in search of her mom and my future step-mom.

Michael was over at my house in less than five minutes which made me think that he had “spent” the night with Maria. Major eww! Focus Valenti, focus!

“Well today’s the day,” Jim mumbled to himself as he walked into Kyle’s room only to find Max and Michael there, “Hey boys I wasn’t expecting to see you until later on today.”

“There was a change of plans Sheriff,” Max said looking apologetic.

“Everything’s ok right?” The Sheriff asked raising an eyebrow.

“Oh yeah everything’s peachy keen,” Michael said, “Now how about some breakfast at the Crashdown? Maxwell’s treat.”

Max just stared at Michael thinking how could he think of food at a time like this and also how he just offered himself to pay.

“Sure thing boys just tell me one thing where’s Kyle?” The Sheriff asked.

“He’s out doing some last minute things, don’t worry he’ll be back soon,” Max said hoping it was true.

“Ok well let’s get going!” The Sheriff said walking out of the room , “And remember it’s Jim.”

“Where the hell could she be?!” Maria shouted as she dialed yet another number on her cell phone.

“Always thought she was little batty,” Kyle said speeding down the streets of Roswell.

“Hey do not be calling my mom batty on her wedding day!” Maria shouted looking at Kyle.

“Ha! Doesn’t look like there’s going to be a wedding after all is there?!” Kyle shouted as Maria sat there in shock.

“Well don’t just sit there! You’re her daughter you should have SOME idea where she might have run off too!” Kyle shouted as Maria began to go thru her phone book on her cell phone.

“We checked all her girlfriends’ houses already! My aunt hasn’t heard from her! I haven’t seen Sean in months! She could be anywhere!” Maria shouted near tears.

“Ok you need to take a deep breath,” Kyle said patting Maria on her hand, “And get some of that cedar oil or something.”

“No! NO! She’s always doing this! My dad was no good for her but she chased and chased after him! Jim is an actually good and decent man! But of course she just has to run away! She always has to be wild and free spirited! I hate that! She never thinks of anyone but herself!” Maria shouted tears flowing freely from her face.

Kyle pulled over, turned the car off and turned to look at Maria, “Its ok Maria. We’ll find her.”

“I’m sorry it’s just she always does. The minute things get good and happy she runs away. I just don’t understand why she’s so scared of being happy,” Maria said wiping the tears away with her sleeve.

“Well that’s normal. When things are good you can’t help but wonder when their going to get bad because you’re never that happy and you feel like you shouldn’t be allowed to be that happy,” Kyle said.

“It’s just that I know! I know she wants this so bad! And so do I! For the first time ever I can have a real family. I haven’t had that in a long time,” Maria said sniffling now.

“I know what you mean,” Kyle said reaching out and holding Maria’s hand.
“Thank you,’ Maria said reaching over and hugging Kyle.

“Now,” Kyle said after the hug, “We still need to find your mom…”

“Our mom,” Maria said softly as Kyle grinned at her.

“Our mom. Any more ideas where she might be?” Kyle asked as he turned on the car and began driving again.

“Umm…Yeah! Take a left here and just keep driving straight,” Maria shouted.

“Ok,” Kyle said as he made the left, “Where are we going?”

“It’s this place she took me once…she took me there to tell me my dad was never coming back. I know she’s there. I just know it,” Maria said.
They drove for a good 20 minutes before Maria told Kyle to take a right and stop at a huge tree.

“This is it. I remember the tree,” Maria said as she got out of the car.

“What is this place?” Kyle asked also getting out of the car.

“It’s a little rest area with a pond. She always comes here when she needs to think about something,” Maria said walking away from the tree down a little path.

Future brother and sister walked side by side until they came to a little clearing. There was a small pond and Amy sitting by it.

“You found me,” Amy said once Kyle and Maria walked up to her.

“Yeah we did,” Maria said placing her hands on her hips, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“I don’t have to answer to you young lady!” Amy shouted as she jumped up and stalked over to the other side of the pond.

“She didn’t mean that Ms. De Luca,” Kyle tried.

“The hell I didn’t! Every time she meets a nice a guy she runs! She finally meets the nicest of them all and what does she do?! Leaves him standing at the altar!” Maria shouted at the mother.

“You have no idea what you’re talking!” Amy shouted.

“Ladies please!” Kyle shouted but it feel on deaf ears.

“I know exactly what I’m talking about! This is one of the best things that’s ever happened in your life! And what do you do? You RUN! Every time something good happened in your life you ran! You always run!” Maria shouted.

“I’m scared ok?! Is that ok?! I’m scared I’m not good enough!” Amy shouted crying.

“It’s not your fault dad left! Stop thinking that! He left because he didn’t want US! Nothing you could have done would have ever changed that!” Maria exclaimed as both her and Kyle walked over to Amy.

“Ms. De Luca my dad loves you so much he would never think you’re not good enough,” Kyle said.

“Oh kids,” Amy said blowing her nose with Kyle’s handkerchief, “I don’t know what I’m doing here.”

“It’s ok Mom everyone’s entitled to get cold feet, Isabel got them,” Maria said hugging her Mom.

“Yeah,” Kyle agreed thinking it was due to some crazy alien voodoo.
“I just really want this to work. I mean I don’t want to rush into this,” Amy said looking at both Maria and Kyle, “I intend to make this last.”
“So does my father,” Kyle said smiling.

“Good and Kyle since I’m going to be your step mother how ‘bout you start calling me Amy?” Amy asked as she out her arms around both Kyle and Maria.

“Sure Ms…I mean Amy I would really like that,” Kyle said as they walked to the car together and drove back to town where Amy and Jim where married.

And that concludes the wonderful story of how I, Kyle Valenti single handy (ok with SOME help) pulled off my dad and lovely new step mom’s wedding. I should go into business…hmm…



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crashed jewel
treading that thin line between a life of happiness and a dream unfulfilled.
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