Pieces Of A Dream (CC, M/L, Teen) – AN 3/14/07 [WIP]

[FallenMagic]

<center></center>

Title: Pieces Of A Dream
Disclaimer: The characters of "Roswell" belong to Jason Katims, Melinda Metz, WB, and UPN. They are not mine and no infringement is intended.
Pairings: Max/Liz
Rating: Teen
Summary: The story picks up from right before the episode "Crash". It assumes that Tess never came back to Earth to give Zan to Max. Max and Liz still got married right after graduation and the story picks up around five years after their graduation.
Liz, sick and tired of Max’s obsession to find his son, divorces him and heads away on her own. Nearly two year later Liz is suprised and shocked to find a visitor waiting for her at home. And what she wants from Liz is something Liz never expected... (The entire story is told from Liz's POV)
Author's Note: This story is one that I got inspired to write during the middle of the night and it's one I feel passionate about. I don't know if this has been done before or not, I just know I had to write this one for myself. The story does not show Max's and Liz's relationship in a positive light. I've picked and pointed out a lot of flaws I saw in their relationship on the show. I hope that during the course of this story I can find solutions to those problems but at this stage I'm unable to promise any happy endings...just a promise that I'll try.
Many thanks to my beta Maya for helping me out with this one! I know I bug her a lot lol And thanks to Anniepoo for making my absolutely stunning banner!



<center>Prologue</center>


Roswell, New Mexico
2007


Its nearly dawn and I wake to find myself alone, once again, in my bed. It has ceased to surprise, or hurt, me anymore. It’s been a long while since I have woken up reaching for him. It’s been even longer since I’ve woken up in his arms.

As I move silently through the house, I can’t help but think that this wasn’t the life I had envisioned for myself when I married him. I never would have expected us to have become distant strangers to each other. And yet, here we are….

I know where I will find him. He’s nearly always there, hardly coming out except to eat or maybe go off on another wild goose chase. As I reach out to push open the door to the garage I find myself pulling back, wondering if I will even find him there at all. I wouldn’t be surprised to find him gone. He has stopped to even bother to tell me when he goes off on another trip to find his son.

Dimly I wonder why that thought doesn’t bother me anymore. It doesn’t hurt or make me angry to know that he might have left. It should have hurt; it would have only a few years ago but so much has changed between us.

We have changed.

But no matter how unaffected his comings and going make me, I do feel slightly relieved to find him inside the garage when I open the door. He’s standing hunched over a table, pouring over some information that he has been gathering. A map hangs from the wall above the table, red dots covering an entire portion of its surface. Hastily scribbled notes are pinned to the soft board next to the map and I notice a few new ones.

He hasn’t noticed me yet, and I’m not surprised. When he’s working to find his son, which is almost all the time, he loses track of everything and everyone around him. The world ceases to exist for him.

I cease to exist for him.

I take my time looking at him, watching him as he straightens and runs a hand through his already tousled hair. His clothes are wrinkled and dirty and I know his eyes must be red and bleary with sleep but it would be useless to even ask him to rest.

Initially I tried to get him to rest, tried my best to support him, to be there for him, even going on road trips with him, but it wasn’t long before I realized that it didn’t matter to him whether I was there or not. His sole focus was finding his son and I was just slowing him down.

I don’t know how long I stood there just watching him. I watch as he moves from the table to the map and back. I watch him make some notes and make a few calls. He moves to the calendar to mark something and for a moment I wonder if he will notice, if he will remember.

But when he just continues with his work, I feel the pain cut through me like a knife. Maybe I am not as unaffected as I thought. I close my eyes in a desperate attempt to push back the tears but they slip past through my tightly shut lids and I don’t bother to reach up to wipe them away. He wouldn’t notice them anyway.

There was a time when he would have cared that I was upset and hurting. There was a time when he would have known when I walked into the room. There was a time when I meant the world to him, when he would have died for me…when he loved me.

“Max.” When he doesn’t turn at my voice, I call out again, a little louder this time. “Max.”

He turns then, startled out of his work. I can see the faint edge of annoyance in his eyes at being disturbed and once again I’m reminded of just how much has changed between us.

“Liz, what are you doing up?”

I ignore the question, already seeing his mind begin to drift back to his work as he shoots another glance at his work table.

“Max, come to bed…please.” I need to ask him, I need him to come to me today of all days. And yet, even as I ask, a part of me recoils at the desperate note I hear in my own voice.

“Liz, I’m busy,” Max answers, the annoyance now creeping into his voice. “I’m so close this time, I feel it! I can’t leave right now.”

“Max, you always feel you’re close!” I cry. “And every time it turns out to be another dead end.” When he remains silent, I move closer to him, reaching out to him. “Max, please, just tonight…come to bed with me.”

Max stands there silently for a long moment, his eyes riveted to his work. For one hopeful moment I think that maybe I got through to him and maybe he will leave, remember what today is. But when he lifts his eyes to pin me with a cold look, I feel all hope flee.

He does not remember.

“Liz, how can you expect me to waste my time when I could use it looking for my son?” he asks, his voice low and cold.

I wince as I fight back the sob clawing at the back of my throat. With those words I realize that I was giving him a chance to redeem himself to me, to help me salvage this sham of a marriage that we have. To have him throw it back in my face is the final blow. It is about time I come to accept what I have known already for months now.

I close my eyes briefly to gather strength. “Since when did I become a waste of time to you, Max?” I ask softly. When I open my eyes I know they are brimming with tears of hurt.

“I-I didn’t mean that…” Max stutters.

“Yes, yes you did.” I wrap my gown tighter around myself as I take a small step back from him. “You don’t even remember what today is, do you, Max?” When Max just stares blankly at me I feel a tear slide down my cheek.

“What are we doing, Max?” I ask him softly, shaking my head. I look back up at him to find him unable to fully understand what is going on. “What have we become except strangers to one another?”

“That’s not true!”

“Isn’t it?” I ask, my eyes probing, demanding. “When was the last time we made love, Max? When was the last time we touched, kissed, held hands…talked?”

“Liz, I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you lately but it’s this new information I just found,” Max says, “I know I’m right this time and I just want to find my son and…”

“And then what?” I ask. “Then we’ll be a happy family together? Is that what you think?” A small, sad smile crosses my lips as I shake my head. “I tried being there for you, Max. I did my best to support you in finding your son but I can’t do it anymore. I can’t stand being invisible to you.”

“What do you mean?” Max asks, surprised. “You’re not invisible.”

“Yes I am,” I cry softly now, hurting over what I now know I have to do if I want to save myself from misery and pain. “In all these five years of us being married I’ve never been your first priority. It has always been your son. I thought when I married you that I could understand that, could support you but that truth is, Max, that I can’t!”

I am crying openly now and it just hurts me even more to realize that Max hasn’t once made a move towards me. Once he would have held me to stop my tears. Now he just stares at me, offering me no comfort, no support.

“I don’t understand why I can’t be more important to you. I don’t understand how I can be a part of your life and make you love me.” I wipe away the tears furiously as I look back at my husband.

“Liz, I do love you…I have always loved you!” Max protests, his eyes filled with surprise and panic.

“You haven’t loved me in a long time, Max,” I tell him sadly. “There was a time when I meant the world to you, when you loved me with all your heart. There was a time when you fought to have me by your side, to be able to call me yours…” I spread my arms out for him, to him. “Well, here I am, Max! I’ve always been here by your side…you just stopped noticing, or caring.”

“Liz…” Max’s voice is a strangled cry as he moves towards me, desperate to stop what he knows I’m going to say but I just move away from him and shake my head.

It hurts more than I ever imagined. I want to cry out and tell him that I want to give us another shot but I know it’ll be useless. We’ll only be making ourselves miserable. Max would hate me for not letting him look for his son and I would hate him for still wanting to.

No, I couldn’t do that to him, to us.

“Max, I think we should get a divorce.”

“A-A…divorce?” Max asks in shock. “Liz, don’t say that! We can work through our problems…I’ll try to be more attentive, I swear…just don’t say that!”

I’m crying once again now but I know that this is the best thing to do. “We can try but it won’t matter. Max, I can’t stay married to you and be happy. And I want to be happy.”

And I know that’s the truth. I thought being with Max would make me happy. I thought that as long as I was with him it would be all right. I forgot that there was more to marriage than just love and passion. There had to be something deeper than that to take its place when that love and passion waned.

After everything we had been through, after every battle that we managed to survive, the trust that had been there in the initial months only got weaker and weaker. It has come to a point where I love him but I’m not sure I trust him with anything, especially with my heart. And without trust there is no relationship.

“Liz, please…we’ve been through so much to be together. You can’t give on us. We can make this work!”

“Don’t you see, Max? We both started to give up on each other the day Tess came to Roswell. We’ve been moving apart ever since and I think we got married in hopes of saving what we once had.”

I pause, suddenly realizing the truth behind my own words. I had never thought about it, never seen our marriage that way but now it is more obvious than ever. And, by the expression on Max’s face, I think he knows I’m right too. We both know that what I’m doing is the best move for both of us, that it is the only way to keep ourselves from ending up hating each other.

But to think that I can leave Max without remorse or regret would be foolish. We have been together for nearly nine years and, no matter how much our relationship has deteriorated, this can not end without heartache and pain.

Feeling my heart cry out for him, I make myself step closer to him, reaching out and touching his cheek lightly.

“Max, this had to end sometime…” I whisper, smiling sadly through my tears. “We both knew it the day we got married.”

Max moves his hand to cover mine and he pulls it away to kiss my fingers lightly. The once familiar move has a sob slipping past my lips and I have to try hard to rein back the fresh tears.

“We were meant to be together,” Max tells me achingly and I can see the grief in his eyes. “I-I don’t want you to leave me. I don’t know what I’ll do without you.”

“I told you once that I wanted to help you find your son so that I could be with you and keep you from slipping away from me,” I remind him. I pull my hand away from his now, knowing that I have to put some distance between us. “I’ve come to realize that somehow you’ve managed to slip away anyway.”

I take another few steps back, keeping my eyes on his, trying hard not to notice the sheen of tears in his eyes, eyes that once shone with love and never ceased to pull me into them.

“I love you, Liz!” Max blurts out, desperation tingeing his voice and I know he’s desperate to hold on to me, to us but it is already late, so very late.

“I’m sorry, Max…” I whisper as I turn to flee back to my room.

I don’t think I can be near him any longer and not suggest forgetting everything I just said. I have to leave right now, get out of this house. I am almost out of the garage before I turn back abruptly to look at him.

“I was hoping you remembered Max…but…” I swallow the bitter regret in my mouth. “Happy anniversary, Max….”

<center>TBC. . .</center>

Please tell me what you think. I'll try updating within the week but I can't promise I'll be very regular because this story is still a WIP

[FallenMagic]

Wow, look at all this response I've gotten for my story! Seriosuly guys, wasn't expecting such wonderful reviews from you all. Thank you so much!

Flamehair - Thanks! Hope you won't be disappointed by the next few parts

Kat - Lol, that one I told you about still has some ways to go but don't worry it'll get here And angst...moi?...

Liz - As much as I hated having to write Max that way, the sotry demanded it. I'm glad you thought so too.

Lisa - I can't believe you're reading my story! *does a happy dance* What can I say, I'm exicted! And no, there is nothing wrong with you...I think it's just our way of ...er...enjoying other people's pain for a change!

Rhazie - Hope you didn't have to wait too long!

rie482 - Didn't you just wanna smack him?

frenchkiss70 - Thanks! I don't think anyone, not even Liz, would want to be in such a marriage.

LovinGuerin2Much - If Max isn't obsessed about one thing then it's another lol

Cam - Nag me for updates? Honey,wait till I start nagging you! As I just saw you've got tons of stories all over...

Emz80m - Erm...angsty...nope, no clue what you're talking about

Icequeen - Thanks, I hope Max coesn't put you too off...

Itzstacie - Strong women ...

belleoftheball - My plan is working...I've got you hooked muahahah

begonia9508 - Well you won't have to wait any more!

Sharmeen - You and I are on the same wave length most of the time Have you been sneaking peaks into my private files again? Hehe...and kiyaa...I told you, it's not going to be so angsty from here forth...what? stop looking at me like that

behrluv32 - What happens...well, you won't have to wait too long to find out

83 AlienAngel - *bites nails anxiously* I hope things turn out better too cuz I have some dreamer fans who are ready to kill me lol...seriously I have no clue how this story is going to come about

Anyway, thank you all once again for your wonderful reviews. Now, without much further ado...




<center>Part One</center>

Albuquerque, New Mexico
November 2008


What’s so great about normal?

A naïve sixteen-year old girl had once asked a boy that question, believing in the magic of love and soul mates. She based her whole life on the one belief that nothing in the world was worse than being apart from the one you loved.

But what she didn’t know then was that there are things far worse than being apart from the one you love. She didn’t know that it was much worse watching yourselves drift apart and being unable to do a thing about it. It was much, much worse watching someone you loved become the person you had begun to despise and resent.

That was what Max had started to become to me in those last months. I know now that had I not left him last summer I would have come to hate not only him but myself as well. I would have hated myself for not being enough for Max. I would have hated myself for not being strong enough to leave and would have hated myself even more for wanting to.

It was not an easy decision I made. It involved a lot of heartache, grief, hurt and misery on both sides but I truly believe that it was for the best. I needed to move away from what I had become, had needed to break away from the boundaries the marriage to Max had trapped me in.

It has taken me well over a year to get my life on a path that I had once wanted. It took weeks of soul searching and months of heart-wrenching grief to be able to find the courage to let go of my past and find the Liz Parker that I had been before my marriage…before Max Evans.

And though I still feel that I have a long way to go, I’m getting there….

“Liz!” My musing is cut short by a pretty blonde, Cassie, who comes up to me, grinning excitedly. “How would you like to join me for a celebratory drink after work today?”

“Sounds tempting,” I smile, “What’s the occasion?”

“Well,” Cassie folds her arms on my work table and leans forward slyly, a smug glint in her eye. “My snagging a date with that cute new lab assistant should be reason enough to celebrate, don’t you think?”

“You’re kidding!” I laugh happily. “With Tom Saunders?”

Cassie tosses back her short blonde curls smugly. “Yep, the one and only.” Then, a grin splits her face. “We’re going out this weekend!”

I instinctively reach out to hug her. “That’s great! I know you’ve been eyeing him for weeks now!”

“As it turns out, I wasn’t the only one doing some eyeing,” she laughs. “So, how about those drinks, Liz?”

I bite my lip apologetically now as I say, “I wish I could, Cass, but Maria’s coming to stay with me for a couple of days. She said she’d be here by six. Maybe some other time?”

Cassie waves aside the excuse as if she hadn’t even heard it. “Bring Maria along. It’s been ages since I met her,” Cassie insists.

“She’s got Jake with her,” I reply. “And you know how temperamental three-month old babies are!”

“No less than her husband,” Cassie laughed. “Maria must have had tons of practice with Michael!”

I can’t help but laugh at that too and nod. “It’s a wonder those two are still together and married with a kid at that!” I pause, mulling over it, a tug of sadness washing over me. “It’s funny how things work out sometimes…”

I can feel Cassie eye me cautiously; trying to figure out if I was dwelling on Max. Coming here, I had found myself instantly forming a friendship with her and had one night confessed how my marriage had turned to shambles, minus the alien parts of course.

It feels good to be able to talk to someone who isn’t a part of that aspect of my life, who doesn’t know Max and me as teenagers and can look at our life together as just that – a young couple trying to make things work for them. Often I’ve had Cassie point out the various mistakes Max and I made over the years and yet still be able to offer me comfort when needed. It’s an aspect of our friendship that I’ve come to be deeply grateful for. At the moment, however, I’m unwilling to have her launch into a well-meaning, if slightly tire-some, speech on how I don’t need Max. So, I quickly fix a smile on my face.

“Maybe next week or something?” I suggest. “That way you can tell me about that date too!”

Cassie thinks about it for a moment before nodding. “I guess we could do that.” She agrees and then wags a finger at me. “But I won’t hear any excuses later, you hear?”

“I promise.” I glance at the clock above the door and sigh tiredly. “Lunch break’s over. Time to get back to work before Dr. Steadman threatens to make me work overtime…again!”

Grabbing a couple of files of my desk, Cassie and I begin to head back to the lab. “You know, back in high school it was my dream to molecular biologist,” I tell Cassie. “I always knew it was a tough job but never thought that it would be this tough!”

“Ah, the rose-tinted views of a teenager,” Cassie grinned. “Do you really dislike your job, Liz?” she asked seriously.

I think about that statement for a moment, considering it. I’ve only been working here a few months and it’s the first time that I actively got to pursue what I had wanted to do before I met Max. I never really got a chance to work in a lab before now.

“I don’t dislike it,” I say finally. “It definitely has its moments but sometimes I wonder if maybe I outgrew my dreams and didn’t even realize it.”

“This isn’t some analogy of how you always thought Max was the one for you and you guys just…fell out of love, is it?” Cassie asks bluntly.

I stop to stare at her, her words hitting me hard and yet I can’t help the small smile on my lips. If it had been anyone else other than Cassie I might have been hurt and offended but she’s fast become such a good friend to me that I know it’s just like her to say such things. Cassie often reminds me of Maria in more ways than one. And because of that, I shrug and resume walking again.

“Maybe…” I murmur more to myself than her as we head into the lab.

Max and I got married when we were barely out of high school, and by then Max had already begun searching for his son. With all the road trips and the dangers involved I was never able to concentrate on my studies. I graduated with a decent GPA but circumstances constantly prevented me from getting a job.

Besides, in order to work in a lab we would have to move out of Roswell and Max had made it clear that he was not willing to do that. He believed that if Tess ever came back, she would first come to Roswell and he wanted to be there when she did.

By then things between Max and I had begun to deteriorate and after we separated I finally took the step to move to Albuquerque. I shifted here within weeks of leaving Max. I knew that had I stayed in Roswell I would have been inadvertently pulled back into his life one way or another and we’d be back to where we were before. Albuquerque was just far enough to ensure I didn’t have to run into Max or hear about him too often and yet just close enough to head on home when the mood stuck.

So far the mood hasn’t struck that very often.

By the time I get off work, it’s five and I wrap up my work, eager to go home and be able to see Maria again in another hour. It seems like it’s been forever since she and I have been together and been able to talk and just hang out. That’s the disadvantage of living away from Roswell; I don’t get to see my friends and family very often. Though my friends do come to Albuquerque whenever they are able to, it’s not the same.

Being new to the city I don’t know that many people and it gets dreary at time. When you’ve lived all your life in a small town you get used to having people know you, and though the anonymity that this place provides me is a blessing most of the times, there are moments when it does get to me.

I am just pushing my files into the car when my cell phone begins to ring and, checking the caller ID, I see its Maria.

“Hey!” I answer happily. “Where are you?”

Maria sighs on the other end and I can hear the apologetic tone in her voice. “Liz, I’m sorry but I can’t make it to Albuquerque today.”

“Oh.” Disappointment and a feeling of loneliness begin to settle deep and I have to force myself to keep it out of my voice. “Is-is everything okay? I mean, I thought you’d be on the road by now.”

“I know but I’ve been trying to call you for a while now but your cell kept coming off and no one was picking up in your office,” Maria replies.

“I was in the lab working on something so I had switched my cell off…” I frown now, sensing the worry in Maria. “Maria, honey, what’s wrong?”

“Oh, Lizzie!” She cries out then, “It’s Jake! He’s not feeling well at all!”

“Oh my God!” I gasp, worry for Maria’s son instantly grabbing me by the throat. “Is he all right? What’s wrong with him?”

“He’s got a fever! Liz, he’s not supposed to get sick! Why is he sick?”

Maria’s voice hitches with fear and I can understand her worry. Max, Michael, and Isabel never got sick in their life, at least not the way we humans do and since Jake is half-alien it makes sense that he would get the same traits as his father.

“Well, maybe it has something to do with the fact that he’s also part-human,” I suggest, my mind clicking into the most logical explanation.

“That’s what Max said…” Maria admitted, sounding a little better now.

Hearing Max’s name I find myself pausing. An ache forms deep in me at the mere thought of him and how we’ve become virtual strangers to each other. There was a time I knew everything about what was going in Max’s life and now…now it’s like I never knew him at all.

“Is-is he doing okay?” I ask hesitantly. “Max, I mean?”

Maria and I have made it a point not to talk about Max. In fact none of my friends ever talk about him to me and try to avoid using his name around me as much as possible. It’s a little ridiculous, if I think about it. I mean, I had been married to him for nearly six years. I can’t just stop talking about him, thinking about him, but I guess my friends feel uncertain how to deal with the situation. They are still his friends, and in Isabel’s case sister, too after all and since I don’t want to put them in a situation where they feel they have to choose, I let it go. And, if I’m being honest to myself, I don’t think I’m ready or comfortable enough to talk about him so causally just yet.

“Yeah…” Maria replies, sounding a little uncertain how to talk about Max to me. “He’s…handling it.”

“So, when do you think you can make it to see me?” I ask, unwilling to really know just how badly I might have screwed up Max’s life and hurt him.

If Maria is surprised by the sudden change, she doesn’t let it show. “As soon as Jake’s better,” she promises.

“Give him a hug from me and tell him I miss him!” I smile then wistfully add. “I miss you too, by the way.”

“I know. So do I.” Maria pauses for a moment before venturing, “Liz, come to Roswell for Christmas. You haven’t been here in months.”

“I know. It’s just been so busy at work and you know I couldn’t take time off—”

“Liz,” Maria cuts me off, her voice knowing yet sympathetic. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

I fall silent, unable to lie to Maria. She’s always been able to see right through me. These are all excuses and we both know it. The truth is that I’ve been avoiding going to Roswell for fear of having to face Max. When I continue to remain quiet, Maria sighs.

“Look, I won’t force you. But I think it would do you good to come back here for a while.” She adds quietly, “We all miss you over here.”

Feeling the lump of tears clog the back of my throat, I swallow hard. Hearing Maria say that just made me realize how much I miss Roswell too.

“I-I’ll think about it,” I promise.

I don’t know if I have the strength to go back to Roswell, especially over Christmas but I’ve still got a month to find the courage to go and I really do want to go back to Roswell, even if for a little while.

Maria and I say our goodbyes and I disconnect my cell. I place my head on the steering wheel, sighing deeply. I’m disappointed that Maria can’t make it today. I understand her problem but I was really looking forward to seeing her again. I think about the fun weekend I had planned for us and I shake my head.

“Guess I’ll be spending another lonely evening with myself,” I mutter as I pull out of the parking lot.

I could take Cassie up on her invitation but I really don’t feel like going out anymore. Right now I just want to go home and maybe curl up with a book and take a long hot shower.

I don’t know what it first was that had me instantly knowing something was wrong when I got to my apartment. I am reaching for my keys when I feet a strange sense of warning tug at me and though I try to shrug it off, it just becomes more intense as I open the lock.

I find myself hesitating and stiffening when I push open the front door. I stand outside, staring into my darkened apartment, every instinct in me screaming that something wasn’t right.

Having lived with Max for so long, I have stopped questioning my gut instincts. This time also I poise for attack, raising my hand up as I tread softly inside, leaving the door open behind me. I don’t want to make a noise lest whoever is inside hears me.

My eyes take a moment to become adjusted to the dark as I try to take a quick and cautious look around. But, before I even have taken two steps further, the lights switch open, briefly hurting my eyes as I try to look at the person standing in my living room.

“Hi, honey! I’m home!” The person grins at me while I can only stare in abject disbelief and a sense of fear.

Oh shit! This can not be happening!

<center>TBC. . .</center>

[FallenMagic]

Looks like I've got a lot of people curious as to who's Liz's visitor. Well you won't have to wait any longer ...

begonia9508 - Like I said, it's just Liz POV...

LovinGuerin2Much - I think Jake's gonna be fine

frenchkiss70 - As much as I love Max and Liz happy I really didn't think it would be realistic to write Liz as happy after her divorce

Emz80m - Heyy...I like the FM scenario!!

belleoftheball - You're gonna find me evil-er after you read this ending!

Kat - Hehe...I have to start learning to be more obvious now

rie482 - Hmm..read ahead and find out

kittens - Max can be quite short sighted at times

Stacie - Hehe I think I know where you read it...

Icequeen - You may just be right

Cam - I happen to like a drunk Max...he makes things glowand sparkle and he often confeses his true feelings

guelbebek - thank you!

Steph - Thanks!!

Flamehair -

cardinalgirl - Darn it you've nearly figured my writing style out...ill have to change lol

LadyInfamous - You don't haveto wait more!

Thanks once again for the wonderful feedback guys. Sorry this is a little short but I'm still trying to figure this story out in my head...


<center>Part Two</center>


I feel the blood drain from my face as I stare at the person standing in front of me. My mind refuses to believe who I am seeing. My hand flutters back down to my side as I forget about defending myself. I’m in too much of a shock to do anything but stare.

I don’t understand how this can be. I don’t understand why, after so long, she’s here to see me. She is the last person I would have ever expected to see standing so casually in my living room. It’s impossible for her to be standing here, looking almost exactly as she had more than six years ago.

“Well, Liz?” she asks with a sly grin. “Aren’t you even going to say hello?”

And with those words, I’m snapped back to reality. Without waiting a beat, I raise my arm up again and flick my wrist, using my powers to fling her across the room. Her body is propelled into the air and is thrown against the far side wall with a force that has her breath coming out in a long, painful gasp but I couldn’t care less. As she struggles to sit up, she winces and holds her arm against her chest. I don’t give a damn if I’ve hurt her. I’m just sorry I didn’t injure her more.

“Well, it’s good to see you too.” She manages a short, pained laugh as she gets up.

I just flick my wrist again and push her back down against the wall.

“What the hell are you doing here, Tess?” I ask, my voice ice cold.

“I just wanted to drop by and see how you were doing,” Tess replies, and I can see the glint of smugness in her eyes as she adds, “I hear you and Max aren’t the love birds you once professed to be.”

“I’m going to ask you just one more time, Tess, otherwise I’ll simply throw you out the window,” I threaten, not releasing my hold on her. “And don’t think I won’t do it. What the fuck do you want?”

“You know how hard you were to find?” Tess asks, purposely ignoring my question. “I searched for you for months, Lizzie…. Imagine my surprise when I heard you’d left Roswell and your husband behind!”

If Tess thinks that I feel an ounce of sympathy for her or if I’m not willing to go through with my threat, then she’s dangerously wrong. She has no idea just how far I can go when it comes to her. I know she’s toying with me right now, seeing how far she can push me. Well, she’s about to find out.

I’ve honed my powers quite well over the years and it doesn’t take too much effort for me to increase the invisible grip I have on Tess. Lifting her slowly I shift her towards the window and can see her eyes widen as she realizes just what I’m doing.

“All right! All right!” she cries out, struggling against the hold I have on her. I can see a hint of panic in her eyes and am pleased by it. “Let me go and I’ll tell you.” When I just glare at her dubiously, she quickly adds, “I swear, Liz…I’m not going to do anything funny.”

Unsure whether to believe her or not, I cautiously drop her back down and lower my hand. “If you try anything, Tess…so help me God…”

“I won’t! I promise!” She rubs her arm carefully, a rueful yet amused smile on her face. “So, you’ve developed powers now. And from the looks of it, you’re pretty good at handling them. Why am I not surprised?”

I clench my hands tightly by my side as I glare at her, still unable to really believe that Tess is standing here with me. I had never expected to see her again, no matter what Max believed. But what bothers me more right now is why she’s here. It doesn’t make sense and I have a sinking feeling that I’m about to be thrown back into the alien abyss whether I want to or not.

“As much as I would love to stand here and chat with you, Tess, how about you just get to the point,” I reply.

I think Tess’s realizes that if she doesn’t talk now she wouldn’t get another chance. “I need your help,” she blurts out hurriedly.

I stare at her blankly for a moment, unable to believe what I just heard her say. She couldn’t possibly have asked what I think she has. A hysterical laugh bubbles forth as I look at her incredulously.

“You have got to be kidding me!” I exclaim. “What makes you think I would ever want to help you?”

Tess takes a step towards me now and for the first time I see a hint of vulnerability in her as she says, “You don’t understand, Liz. You’re the only one I can ask.”

I stop laughing now to look at her with the pure hatred that I feel for her shining in my eyes. “Let’s get something straight, shall we?” I say, venom dripping from my voice as I pin her with my hard gaze. “I hate your guts. I wouldn’t so much as blink if someone came in here and shot you point blank in the head. In fact, I would probably just say thanks and head on my way. Given a reason, I would kill you myself. You’re a cold, lying, murderous bitch who doesn’t deserve anything from anyone, whether on this planet or off! Now you tell me, why the hell would I want to help you?”

“Because,” she says quietly, her blue eyes downcast, “I think that no matter what’s happened between you and Max, you’d want to help save his son.”

<center>TBC. . .</center>

[FallenMagic]

Thanks guys for all the wonderful feedback. It's interesting to hear the different opinions you all have about Tess, Zan, Liz and Max. I just hope you guys aren't too disappointed by the next part

Kat - You know Liz...

g7silvers - I hope this part answers your questions!

frenchkiss70 - And I have a great time writing such scenes I think it's a given for every story of mine

Sharmeen - Your affection has been noted And did I mention how glad I am you recommended those stories to me! I just sat and watched the Grand Prix because of them

Icequeen - I'm glad you liked that part because I'd assume that Liz wouldn't just take Tess's crap

Cam - Hahaha...I can maybe still fit in a drunk Max in here somewhere...hmmm..

As for everyone else, I know you have tons of questions and I just hope this next part answers them at least partially for you for now

Lisa
Timelord31
Buffsteraddict
rie482
Eve
behrstars
Emz80m
Flamehair
83 AlienAngel


<center>Part Three</center>


I’m stunned speechless and for a long minute I can only gape at her. I don’t know what to make of what she just said. I should be angry at her for even assuming that I’d be willing to help her of all people. And yet, she’s not wrong. No matter what has happened in the past, I would still help Max’s son if the need ever arose.

But what does she mean by that? Does it mean that Max’s son is here on Earth or back on Antar? And why is he in danger? It couldn’t be Khivar because Larek had come to tell Max years ago that he was dead. And why does Tess think that I’m the one who can save him?

“Why-why haven’t you gone to Max with this?” I ask her. “Why come to me?”

“Going to Max would only put him in more danger,” Tess replies. “You’re the safest person I can bring Zan to.”

“Why?” I ask again, unable to understand. “Max has been looking for him for years. Why wouldn’t he be safe with Max? Does Max even know?”

“No, he doesn’t and I don’t want him to,” Tess replies with a shake of her head. She takes a step closer and all her previous smugness is gone as she pleads, “Don’t you understand, Liz? Don’t you see how dangerous it will be for Zan if he’s with Max? Everyone knows Max is looking for his son. It’s the most obvious place for me to leave him. It’ll be like placing Zan in their hands.”

“Who’re they?” I ask, confused and bewildered by all of this. “Larek told us Khivar was dead. Who else is out for Max?”

“Not Max but Zan,” Tess corrects. “And Khivar is dead. I’m talking about the leaders of the other planets, the Council. They all want Zan and I’m not going to let that happen!”

By now I’m totally confused and unsure of what’s happening. I hate Tess, the last thing I want to do is help her…but how can I turn my back on a child? It’s even more confusing because I don’t know the whole story and what has prompted Tess to come to me.

“Where is Zan?” I ask. “On Antar?”

Now Tess smiles. “No. We were on Antar for only a couple of months after he was born before I realized what a fool I had been to bring Zan to Antar. With Larek’s help I managed to steal a ship and come back here to Earth.” Tess glances back at me. “We’ve been here for years.”

“Larek helped you? Why?” I ask, feeling as if everything has been turned around on me. “And if you’ve been here all these years, why didn’t you ever contact Max?”

Tess falls silent for a moment, looking away from me. She doesn’t answer my question but rather she begins to walk towards my bedroom. I begin to tell her to stay still when she looks at me over her shoulder.

“Relax, I’m not doing anything. I just want to check on Zan. I put him down in your room. Poor kid was really tired.”

“He’s here?” Surprise is etched in my voice as I find myself following Tess. I can’t deny that I’m very curious about Zan.

Tess stops just inside the room and I can see the genuine smile on her face as she stares at the small, sleeping form on the bed. I stop just behind her and stare with an odd mixture of curiosity and reluctance at Max and Tess’s son. Though I can’t make out much I can see the familiar crop of dark brown hair and it’s then that I know instantly that he really is Max’s son.

It is then that I realize just how much I had been hoping for all these years that it was all just a mistake, that Tess had mind warped Max into sleeping with her, or that it wasn’t his son at all. The hurt and pain is sharp and immense as I step back a little, finding myself brutally having to face that Max did sleep with Tess and he really does have a son.

Tess, apparently unaware of my grief, continues to look over her son as she says, “To answer both your questions Liz, Larek helped me and I didn’t come to Max in all these years because I really do love my son.” She turns around to face me then and for the first time I see true devotion and love in her eyes for the little boy. “It may have started out as a ploy but it only took me seeing him for the first time to fall in love with him. I was scared that if I came to Max and told him about Zan that he would take him away from me.”

She moves out of the room and walks over to the nearest window, propping herself on the sill. “Liz, I know you hate me and you have every right to but please, Zan’s just an innocent little boy,” Tess pleads. “Don’t punish him because of me. He really needs your help. You’re the only one who I can leave him with.”

“If you love your son so much, then how come you’re willing to give him up so easily?” I ask acidly, and yet, having already partially forgotten that Tess is the last person I would want to help. I can not deny that Tess does love her son. I saw the emotions in her eyes the moment I saw her looking over him as he slept. No one, not even she, is that good an actress.

“You think this is easy for me?” Tess asks a little angrily. She gets up to pace before whirling around to face me. “You have no idea how much this is tearing me inside. I don’t want to leave him, he’s my son! I don’t exactly like you either but I have to do what’s right. I can’t screw up my son’s life because I have problems with you.”

“You’re not helping your case, Tess,” I reply snidely but then I sigh as I realize that at the moment Tess and my problems are the least of my concerns. “Why do they want him? Like you said, he’s just a little boy.”

“They want him for the same reason Khivar wanted him,” Tess says in disgust. “Because he’s Max’s son. Zan’s the future king of Antar and the Council feels that if they raise him on Antar according to their own principles then maybe they can undo the damage that Khivar and Zan before him did to the kingdoms. They think that if they raised him he would be more Antarian than human.”

The prospect of having this boy be raised by people who are adamant on taking him away from his mother, from his home, fills me a quiet rage. Why can’t these people let the alien hybrids live their own lives? Why do they feel the need to play God with all their lives, and thus inadvertently us humans as well?

“I still don’t understand how you think I can help.”

“Look, I just want you to look after him till I come back. You’re the last person the council will expect that I have left Zan with,” she smirks as she adds, “And with good reason…. Look, as it turns out, you have powers, so does Zan. He can protect you if it comes to that but I need to know that Zan is safe before I can go do what I have to.”

“And what is it that you have to do, Tess?” I ask, in a way already knowing.

Tess looks away from me for a moment before taking in a deep, shaky breath and replies, “I’m not sure…”

I know she’s lying. She knows exactly what she has to do and I’m afraid I know too. She’ll have to kill them. As much as I hate Tess, at this moment I can’t help but feel pity for her. In a way I guess I can understand her drive to save her son.

“Have you considered the fact that you might not come back, Tess?” I ask. “You could die.”

“I know…” She says it softly and when she looks back at me I can see the pain in her eyes and I know it’s for her son.

“Mom?” A small voice comes from the direction of my bedroom.

Tess and I both turn to find Zan standing in the doorway, looking nervous as he glances from me back to his mother. Almost instantly I notice the startling blue eyes that resemble his mothers but that is the only feature of her he has. His face is almost exactly like Max’s. And it’s another twist in my heart to see that.

Tess goes to him immediately and scoops him up in her arms. “Hey there,” she coos as I watch in surprise. I never really thought she was the cooing type. “Did you sleep okay?”

Zan nods, his eyes still fixed on me and I can’t help but pass him a smile. Zan averts his gaze from me instantly, tugging at his mother’s hair as he asks, “Who’s she?”

Tess’s glaze flickers to mine before settling back on Zan as she puts him down. “That’s Liz. She’s…an old friend.”

I smile at the irony of that statement.

“Oh,” Zan looks nervous once again as he shifts closer to Tess. “Is she the one you told me about? The one I have to stay with when you go away?”

Tess’s eyes rise up to meet mine now, as if asking me what to tell him. But I can only look on silently, unable to respond. Too much is happening around me too fast for me to catch up. Tess crouches down next to Zan and hugs him.

“Yes, she’s the one but I still have to talk to her first.” Tess gets up and moves closer to me now. “Liz, what do you say? Will you help us?”

I pause, looking at Tess first and then looking at Zan. I’m torn between wanting to help him and wanting to tell Tess that after everything she has ever done to my friends and me, I don’t want to help her, that she and her son can both go to hell. I want to be vindictive; I want to watch her suffer and go through the hell she put me through when she betrayed us by killing Alex and sleeping with Max. I want her out of my life for good and I don’t want to help her in anyway.

But then what about Max’s son? What has he ever done except be born to this vile, evil person? It isn’t his fault that he’s caught in this inter-galactic war, just like Max, Isabel and Michael didn’t have a choice. Can I really turn my back on him?

But can I really survive the pain of having proof of Max’s betrayal around me constantly?

It’s too much of a decision to make at a moment’s notice. The emotions I am feeling are too intense, too confusing for me to be able to think clearly. I can’t make this decision. I shouldn’t have to, goddamn it!

“I-I…” I stammer, taking a step back, away from Tess and Zan.

My eyes swing back up to Tess. She’s nervous and she’s waiting. What do I tell her? How can she ever expect me to make such a decision? The implications are too great. How can I be expected to do this…?

“I need some time to think about this…” I finally manage to say. “I-I need to get out of here…”

With that, I turn and flee out of my apartment, not caring that I have just left Tess, my nemesis, inside, alone.

<center>TBC. . .</center>

[FallenMagic]

Hey guys, looks like I'm delayed in my shifting so I just thought I'd drop by and post up a new part

Buffsteraddict - Zan is roughly around 8 years old.

rie482 - I hope you're not disappointed by how Liz reacts to having Zan around. It was extremely difficult for me to get just right and I'm still questioning it

Elizabeth Kivana - Hopefully she'll be the good stepmom

Eve - Yes, it's safe to say Max might not take this twist well...as for how much Tess told Liz is the truth...

L-J-L 76 - All your questions will be answered in due time Thanks for reading!

frenchkiss70 - I've not decided Tess's fate just yet. I'm writing this without any prior groundwork so I'm just as cleuless as you lol...as for what Max is up to, you'll find out as the story progresses

Cam - Now wouldn't that have been just perfect if Zan really was Kyle's son And you didn't have to stalk me this time around too but it seems I might have to stalk you for a new part for your stories! As for a drunken Max...I think we might have a deal hehe

Flamehair - On the show even I never really believed that Tess didn't love her son. She wouldn't have risked her life to save him if she didn't love him.

tiredmuse - Thanks so much for that! That's just the kind of Liz I was trying to write

Luvya - Hehe I'm doing my best to have drunken Max make an appearance

Timelord31 - Hmm...I'm not saying a thing!

LovinGuerin2Much - Thanks!

Icequeen - Who knows...liz just might "suprise" Max hehe

Thanks for all the wonderful feedback guys and don't forget to check out the wonderful banner Anniepoo made for me!




<center>Part Four</center>


By the time I return back to my apartment, it’s dark outside. I have taken my time thinking things through, assessing every aspect of Tess’s story. I can not be certain that what she has told me is the truth but so far I have no reason not to believe her.

She can not have any ulterior motive for asking me, at least not one that I can see. If she is using Zan to her advantage then the best option would have been for her to go to Max or maybe even Michael and Isabel. Instead she chose to come to me, knowing that Max and I aren’t together anymore.

Zan is so much like Max that it’s almost torturous seeing him. Somehow, in all these years of searching for him, it never really seemed like he was real. Max’s son seemed like a fantasy, like he never really existed. Seeing him in my house, sleeping on my bed has suddenly made him so much more real to me. It’s made me unable to blind myself to the fact that he really does exist and that he really is just a little boy. Until I saw him today, I had continued to think of him as a brainwashed child who looked exactly like his mother. I just had never counted on him being so…innocent.

Tess is waiting for me when I get back, Zan playing quietly in corner. I glance at him as I walk in, once again noting how normal he seems, how much like any eight-year-old boy. Just how normal would he continue to be if the Council gets a hold of him?

When I finally look away from Zan, I find Tess looking at me patiently. I can not forget who she is and all that she has done but am I really willing to place a child at risk because of things that happened nearly a decade ago?

I stare at Tess for a long moment, still debating. “I don’t like you, Tess,” I say finally. “In fact, it’s safe to say I feel nothing but hate for you.”

Tess shrugs nonplussed. “The feeling’s mutual, Liz.”

“I swore to myself that if you ever came back, that if I ever saw you again I would make you pay for everything you did. I would make you pay for hurting Alex, for coming between Max and me and for destroying what we could have had.”

Tess regards me curiously as she asks, “Do you really believe that I was the one who ruined your relationship with Max?” When I remain silent, she begins to laugh, much to my surprise. “After all these years I can’t believe you’re still that naïve.” She shakes her head in amusement as she says, “I wasn’t the reason you and Max drifted apart. I may have been the catalyst but I was never the reason. It was always the both of you.”

That statement has me stunned and flabbergasted. “How dare you!” I seethe. “Max and I were doing fine until you came along! If you hadn’t come in with your hue and cry about how you two were made for each other, the problems would never have started!”

“Maybe not right then but they would have,” Tess replies confidently. “You two were so caught up in the romance of it all, in the blind belief of soul mates that you never really worked on your relationship.” Tess pauses then to look archly at me. “Did you ever do that, Liz? Even after I was gone?”

“Of course we did,” I insist, but that sounds weak even to my ears. “It took us a long time to put everything behind us and start again. We couldn’t have done that unless we worked at building our relationship.”

“By that I guess you mean you both swept everything under the carpet. And look where that has led you…” Tess trails off with a shrug, her gaze flickering to Zan. “No matter what you may want to believe, Liz, I never forced Max to come to me that night. I didn’t force him to do anything he didn’t want to do himself.”

Tess’s gaze comes back to me and sees the devastation there on my face. A part of me wants to turn around and not hear what she has to say but a greater part of me knows I have to know, I have to stop wondering. It’s the only thing I’ve never been able to ask Max. I didn’t ever want to face whatever the truth may have been. But maybe now it’s finally time.

I have no way of knowing that what Tess tells me will be the truth but, somehow, deep inside, I think I’ve known the truth all along. I’ve always known that Max went to Tess on his own accord. Tess is only telling me what I’ve managed to block out from myself. Though it makes me ache, makes me want to clamp my ears shut and cry, I don’t. I don’t say anything; I can’t even if I wanted to. I’m sorely afraid that if I open my mouth to speak I’ll break down into tears and never be able to stop. Thankfully Tess doesn’t need me asking questions as she goes on.

“You can try to blame me all you want, try to make me be the bad person in all of this but the truth is all I ever really did was be there for him,” Tess tells me. “He needed a friend and I was there for him…you weren’t. You pushed him away when he needed you the most and he ended up turning to me.”

“I didn’t have a choice,” I whisper, looking away to hide the tears that are threatening to spill down my cheek.

“Ah, yes, future Max made you do it, right?” Tess asks and I whip my head around to look at her in shock. I never had told her or anyone else, about him. How could she possibly know? Tess, apparently reading my mind, smirks. “I wondered about it for many years; about why you suddenly were so eager to push me to Max, why you tried to help me out with him. It wasn’t until I was almost ready to leave Antar that Larek told me what had happened. He knew, of course, everything that has ever gone on here. And I can’t say I was really surprised by your actions. You always were Saint Liz Parker.”

“I couldn’t do anything!” I clench my hands into fist as I try to rein back my anger. I can not believe she is downplaying what I had to do. She can never understand what that day was like for me. “I couldn’t let a whole world die because of us.”

“And so you let him go.” Tess rolls her eyes at me and there’s derision in her voice. “That’s what I mean when I said you didn’t work at your relationship. You didn’t fight for him. Someone asked you to give up Max to save the world and you did. You didn’t stop to question, to think…to fight. Things might have been different if you had. There are, after all, more than one ways to win a war….”

Tess’s gaze flickers to mine for an instant before she shifts, shrugging and moves away from me and heads to Zan and gently coaxes him back into my room with his toys.

“I couldn’t be selfish.” I feel the need to explain myself to Tess and though I don’t like it, I go on. “I couldn’t be responsible for the death of the entire human race! You might be okay with it but I’m not.”

Tess glances up at me to pin me with a look of disdain. “Don’t make yourselves out to be the helpless victims in this, Liz. The world didn’t end because you two got married. It ended because I left!” She pauses for a moment before saying, “You two got married in this life time too and I left once again…the world hasn’t ended so far, has it?”

The thought has bothered me on more than one occasion but I’m not about to let Tess know that. “The world ended fifteen years after Max and I got married. We’ve still got some years left to go.” I wrap my arms around myself and look away as I mumble, “Besides, Max and I aren’t married anymore.”

“You changed a lot of things when you tried to alter the future.” Tess walks up to me, lowering her voice to whisper almost arrogantly, “But you couldn’t change destiny….” She moves back then and laughs. “You kept trying to do the right thing by keeping me around but you didn’t understand that I was meant to leave. No matter how hard you would have tried, I would have left anyway.”

Anger is now fast creeping up in me. For Tess to come in here, asking for my help, and then insulting me in this way, is just too much.

“So, you feel that none of this is your fault?” I ask through clenched teeth. “You think that Alex’s death, Khivar’s attack, Nasedo, and Max’s obsession with finding his son…none of it is your fault?”

“Oh, I take full credit for Alex’s death but other than that I don’t think I caused that much trouble.”

My hand is up in an instant, fingers sparking green energy as I feel the rage sweep through me. How could she be so off-hand about murder? How could she talk like that about Alex?

But the instant Tess sees me ready to attack; her hand comes up too, her eyes flashing a stormy blue as they lock on to mine in warning.

“Don’t think that since I let you hit me once, I’ll let you do it again,” she says in a low, deadly calm voice. “I may need your help, Liz but that doesn’t mean I’m unwilling to hurt you if I have to.”

“Go look for help somewhere else, Tess.” I don’t lower my hand, keeping her in my sights as I say, “I will never help you!”

“You and I both know that you will.” Tess replies.

“I’m not the person you knew back in Roswell, Tess,” I remind her coolly. “You have no idea just who I am.”

“Maybe not,” Tess aggress with a shrug. “But you can’t change who you really are deep down inside. And you, Liz Parker, are still that same do-gooder who believed in everything being black or white.”

“Are you suggesting that you’re the shade of grey, Tess?” I ask with faint amusement. It’s ridiculous for her to even think that I can see her as anything but the evil person she is.

Tess falls silent and something close to regret flashes in her eyes but that is gone as soon as it had come. She sighs then, dropping her hand back down to her side, looking back at me with resignation.

“Look, I know that coming here to ask you for help was the riskiest thing to do. I don’t know if you’re going to turn around and call Max and let him take Zan,” she pauses nervously. “But, considering everything between us, I still came to you. I wouldn’t have unless I really needed your help and trust me, Liz, I do.”

I can feel my resolve faltering. I can see the genuine desperation in Tess’s eyes and for the first time I find myself actually considering helping her.

“Why should I show you an ounce of sympathy or pity?” I ask.

“I’m not asking for sympathy or pity,” Tess replies a little angrily. “I’m asking for help. I’m asking you to help save Max’s son from the same fate you tried so hard to save Max from! It doesn’t matter if he has powers, Zan is still human. If the Council gets a hold of him, then he’s going to be forced into becoming someone he’s not! How can you not understand that?”

Gnawing at my lip in utter turmoil and confusion, I find myself looking in the direction of my room where Zan is. It’s ironic the way Max’s son’s life is starting to mirror his own. Is it poetic justice in some sort of way? Is this fate’s way of correcting what Max refused to let happen before? He was always meant to go back to Antar, to lead his people and then I stepped in and he fought it, he fought his destiny. Is this destiny stepping in and taking the reigns once more?

Almost unconsciously I begin to walk slowly to my bedroom. I can feel Tess’s curious eyes following me but at the moment I don’t care. Pushing the door open to my room, I find Zan lying sprawled on the floor, his back pack open and coloring pencils spread out next to a coloring book lying open in front of him.

He glances up at me from his work and passes me a shy yet vibrant smile. In the smile I can see a reflection of Max and it has a sob tearing at my throat. But even then I find myself smiling back at him. It’s impossible not to.

Turning around to look at Tess again, I ask quietly, “What if you don’t come back?”

The question implies a lot more than the obvious and Tess is well aware of it. She appears momentarily stunned by my decision and it takes her a moment to speak. When she does, there is a silent grief in her eyes over the possibility that she might die and never be able to be a part of her son’s life.

“Then it’s up to you to decide whether you want Max to take him or not,” Tess replies. “I’m not going to place the burden of having you raise Zan if you don’t want to…and I’m not sure if I want you to even try….”

Something close to panic settles deep in me at the thought of having to see Zan every waking hour of every day for God knows how long. How will I ever be able to be around him and not have my heart torn apart every time I look at him?

I know I will have to cope because I’ve already made up my mind but I know it’s going to be one of the most difficult things I will ever have to do.

<center>* * * * * </center>

“It’s time.”

I look up from my place near the window, where I have been sitting all night, and find Tess slinging a bag across her back. She glances towards my bedroom from where she has just come out from and I see her wipe at her eyes discreetly. When she turns back to look at me I can see that her eyes are red-rimmed from crying. For a moment I feel my heart go out to her. No matter what she has done before, right here in this moment she’s just a mother being separated from her child.

I get up from the chair and wrap my arms around myself, unsure what to do or say.

“What do you intend to do when you leave?” I ask.

“I don’t know…try to contact Larek, see if I can find the bodies the Council members use…” Tess shrugs. “I’ll have to figure this out as I go along.”

“Do you really think you can kill them all, Tess and make everything okay?” I ask, wanting to know.

Tess just glances up at me and for the first time I see the cold glint in her eyes that I had seen only once before. “What do you think, Liz?” she asks, her voice edgy and dangerous.

Feeling the hair prick on my arms, I fall silent.

“Did you talk to him?” I ask finally after a moment, gesturing with a nod to my room where Zan is.

Tess nods, rubbing her eyes once again, the cold edge replaced with resignation. “Yeah…” she whispers. “He’s known for a while that this would happen. He told me he understood…he’s a great kid.”

“Yeah, I can see that,” I reply quietly. I hesitate for a second before asking, “Are you okay?”

Tess manages a watery smile. “Of course…,” Then, with a slight laugh, says, “He told me he’ll miss me…” And with that her voice breaks and a tear slips down her cheek.

She reaches to wipe it away, turning her face away to save herself the humiliation. I have never seen Tess cry, never seen her weak in such a way before and I’m not sure how to take it. A part of me feels sorry for her and wants to comfort her and yet another part can’t help but feel a vindictive sense of smugness settle in me. I can’t help think that she deserves this, that she deserves this pain.

Feeling my face flush with shame for such thoughts, I bite at my lip, wondering what to do now. I opt for waiting for Tess’s move. I let her cry, let her grieve yet find myself unable to do anything to soothe her. Something inside of me just won’t let me and, though it makes me feel guilty and ashamed, I know that Tess understands.

Tess takes a moment to compose herself and then walks over to me. She stops just a few feet away and stares at me for a long moment. I shift uncomfortably under her gaze. It’s penetrating, probing….

“What?” I snap, crossing my arms across my chest defensively.

Tess pauses before a wry smile spreads across her face. “I think I just might be ruining your life again.”

A lump forms in my throat at that and I have to look away. Pushing my hair behind my ears I shake my head. “No, Tess,” I reply honestly. “I think you’re giving me a piece of a dream I had a long time ago.”

“What dream would that be, Liz?” Tess asks curiously.

The door to my room opens then and Tess and I both turn to find Zan standing there, staring at his mother with sad eyes.

“That. Him.” I whisper, referring to Zan. I give Tess a small smile. “You’re giving me Max’s son.”

“You never cease to surprise me, Liz Parker…” Tess laughs. She hesitates for a long moment before shocking me by giving me a quick hug. Before I even had a chance to react she let go and moved back. “Thanks, Liz.”

“See you, Tess.” I stammer, still astonished by the hug.

Tess turns to give Zan a final look, lifting her hand in a small wave. “Bye, Zan. I-I’ll see you soon, okay?”

Zan nods, his blue eyes tearing up even as he stands rooted clinging to the door. “Bye mommy. I love you.”

“I love you too, sweetie,” Tess chokes out. Then, with a last hurried look, she walks out the door, firmly shutting the door behind her.

I let out a deep, long breath, hardly able to believe that all of this happened in the span of twelve hours. Not only did I come face to face with Tess and my past but suddenly I’ve got a child I have to protect.

Max and Tess’s child.

Running a hand through my hair, I go to Zan, crouching down to his level and giving him a smile. I briefly note that his eyes turn wary almost instantly but I know I would be wary too of some stranger. It’s about time I changed that and I really met the boy.

“Hey there,” I say softly. “I don’t think we’ve been introduced properly. I’m Liz.” I reach out hesitatingly to push back a strand of dark brown hair from his face, smiling as I say, “You and I, we’re going to have a great time together. And I promise I’m going to protect you, no matter what.”

<center>TBC. . .</center>

[FallenMagic]

Hey everyone! So sorry this is so late but would you believe I'm still without a net?! Anyway, I am doing this real quick so I apologize for not replying to your fb! Hopefully the next part will be up sooner! On we go...


<center>Part Five</center>

It’s not easy taking care of a little boy, especially one who just got separated from his mother. I glance at Zan, sitting so silently in the living room, and I wonder what he’s thinking. Is he thinking about his mother? Is he wondering what’s going to happen to him now? Does he believe he’ll be safe with me?

Do I believe that he’ll be safe with me?

I don’t know. I don’t know anything except for the fact that I’ve suddenly got a little eight-year old boy to take care of. A little boy who happens to be Max’s son.

Maybe I have gone insane. What was I thinking helping Tess? Maybe this divorce from Max has really screwed with my head, more so than I thought. I know that I still think about Max more than I should, that I still miss him, wish for him. By agreeing to take Zan in am I, in some way, compensating Max’s absence from my life? Do I really think that by having Zan around I won’t feel the need to miss Max?

And, oh dear God, I’ve totally lost it. I groan inwardly to myself, putting my face in my hands. I need to stop this monologue going in my head. I need to stop analyzing myself. There is a boy who needs my attention. He doesn’t need a crazy lady taking care of him.

Rubbing my face wearily, I glance at my watch and with a start realize that I’m going to be late for work. Biting my lip I look at Zan and it strikes me that with him around my life will change. I don’t know how long he’s going to be here. I don’t know what its going to be like, if I’m even capable of raising a small child.

What if he and I don’t get along? I wonder with worry gnawing at me. What if I can’t get over the fact that he’s Max and Tess’s son? How am I going to explain his presence in my life to everyone? How long until I can keep this a secret from my parents and my friends? How long before Maria senses something is fishy?

And what about my work? How can I leave him home alone? Can I take him to work without having people raise questions? What about school? Shouldn’t a boy his age be going to school? Tess didn’t leave me any guidelines on how to go about this. She didn’t tell me anything about his education and his health. Hell, something as basic as his likes and dislikes has me disoriented.

“Oh God!” I whisper to myself, blown away by the magnitude of what I’ve just stepped into. “What am I going to do?”

I force myself to take a deep breath, letting everything flow out of me for a moment and I let myself relax. I need to tackle this all one thing at a time or else I’ll go crazy.

“All right, Liz,” I mumble to myself as I reach out for the phone. “First things first; call Dr. Steadman and call in sick.”

Not looking forward to hearing the disapproval in his tone, I call the lab and, to my relief, find that Dr. Steadman isn’t in yet. Cassie is there though and I quickly inform her to tell Dr. Steadman that I’m going to have to take a few days leave.

“I’m sorry for this being so last second but something just came up,” I tell Cassie.

“Family problem?” Cassie asks with worry.

I pause, turning to look over at Zan. “You could say that,” I reply after a moment.

After ending the call, I turn my attention to the next task: breakfast. Checking the cabinets and fridge it once again strikes me that I know nothing about what Zan likes or dislikes. What does he eat? Is he allergic to something? Does he have the same taste quirks the others did?

There is only one way to find out.

I go to him, smiling at him as he looks up at me curiously.

“Hey,” I say, “How would you like to head over to the supermarket with me? We could buy all sorts of things that you like to eat.”

Zan pauses, as if thinking about it before shrugging. “Okay.”

“You-you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” I tell him, feeling nervous and not wanting to push.

“It’s okay,” he replies, getting up. Then suddenly he looks up at me nervously and asks, “It…it’s safe to go outside, right?”

Concern instantly fills me and I nod, “Of course. Why do you ask?”

Zan just remains silent, looking down at his shoes but I catch him sneaking a glance out the apartment window and I can see the hesitation on his face.

“Zan?” I ask gently, crouching down to his eye level, “What’s wrong, sweetie?”

“Nothing,” Zan mumbles.

“You can tell me.”

He looks at me in annoyance as he snaps, “Look, can we just go?”

I reach out to place a soothing hand on his shoulder, but he just jerks himself away from my touch and rushes off to get his jacket. Feeling rebuffed and lost as to how to handle the situation, I straighten, watching Zan as he pulls on his jacket and then gets busy putting his sneakers on, purposely avoiding eye contact with me.

“Well?” Zan asks brusquely, “Are we going?”

Letting myself look over at him carefully, I notice for the first time the wary look in his blue eyes. As he shuffles from foot to foot, I catch the nervousness in each gesture and I’m surprised I didn’t notice before now. Maybe I was too caught up in Tess to really notice anything about her son. And now that I do, I can’t help wondering what has happened in his life to make him so afraid.

“Zan, what have you and Tess been through?” I find myself asking in almost a whisper. “Was it really so bad?” I ask him gently.

For a moment Zan looks startled by my question, his gaze snapping up to meet mine. Fear and panic is all over his face and for a moment I wonder if he’s going to flee. But then he looks away, and I can almost feel the wall that he’s thrown up. It makes me ache to think about what he has been through that’s forced him to be so grown up. He’s only eight and yet it’s like talking to someone much, much older.

It reminds me so much of Max. I recall how Max had always been so careful and wary of others, even as a kid. Is it a surprise that his son is the same way? Is this due to alien genetics or sheer fate that both father and son have to go through the same problems, the same danger?

“All right,” I say, making my way over to him and picking up my keys and jacket. I touch his shoulder lightly in support, not wanting him to feel pushed into talking. “We don’t have to talk about this now,” I assure him and smile down at him. “For now we’ll just concentrate on breakfast. Now, tell me, what do you prefer? Waffles or pancakes?”

Zan looks over at me with relief in his eyes before he follows me out the door. “Waffles,” he replies, the fear and panic replaced with a young, almost shy, boyish smile. “Definitely waffles.”

<center>* * * * * </center>

It’s almost midday and Zan and I are currently browsing the mall. Seeing that Zan hadn’t really brought a lot of stuff with him, I decided it would be a good idea to take him on a shopping spree. I try not to think about why he doesn’t have a lot of stuff like any normal boy would. If I think about it then it’ll hurt all the more to realize just what his life has been like.

I’m not stupid. I know Tess and Zan have probably been on the run ever since they’ve come back to Earth. And, having a deep understanding of what kind of life that may be like, I can safely say it isn’t the most pleasant of experiences. But it’s not his time on earth I am concerned about. It’s the life he had before he came to Earth that has me most unsettled.

From the little that Tess told me, I know they managed to escape from Antar when Zan was only a couple of months old. But I have no doubt that the constant fear of the Council, the sheer terror I saw in Tess’s eyes when she mentioned them must have had some, if not a great effect on Zan.

I don’t know how or why I’m able to feel what I am feeling for him. I’m not really sure why it pains me so much to even think about the difficult life Zan has had to face. It shouldn’t have mattered to me. I shouldn’t have cared what has happened to him. I shouldn’t be able to look at him and find myself wanting to reach out and soothe all his fear. And yet, though I barely have known him for more than a few hours, that’s exactly what I want to do.

What is it about this boy that has me wanting to reach out to him? I wonder, watching as Zan rushes into a toy store, smiling and full of awe. What is it that makes me forget that he’s Tess’s son?

Maybe it’s easy to forget. Maybe it’s simpler to think of him as Max’s son instead. Had he looked more like his mother then maybe that would have made a difference but his resemblance to Max is so striking that he’s the first person I think of when I see Zan. Not Tess but Max.

In parts it’s a blessing in disguise for me and in parts a curse. I don’t know if I would have been able to take him in so easily if he had been a carbon copy of Tess. I don’t know if I would have been strong enough to get past the hate I felt, and still feel, regardless of the situation, towards Tess. But then again, is it any better for me to see Zan and be reminded of Max at every moment?

Zan’s every gesture, his every smile and features are echoes of Max’s and as much as I try to ignore it, a voice inside me whispers that this, he, is the reason my marriage to Max couldn’t last. This boy is the reason Max kept pushing me away until both of us forgot what it was to love one another.

Intellectually I know that Zan is not to blame for my divorce, that’s he’s just a boy who happened to become entangled in this mess that each and every one of us have made of our lives and even then I can’t stop the pain from engulfing me. Every time I can’t stop the nagging voice pointing out the irony that fate has given to me the one person that Max, at the expense of our marriage, spent the last six years searching for.

Stop it, Liz! I scold myself, giving my head a shake. I can’t let myself hold Zan responsible for Max and my mistakes!

But even then I have to clench my hands tightly by my side to keep from shaking. Just how much more twisted can my life get? Somehow I’ve ended up being given the very person because of whom my trust in Max began to fade.

Somebody up there is sure having a good laugh at my expense. I close my eyes with a sigh, letting all my thoughts settle. It will do me no good to obsess over them. What’s done is done. Zan is in my life now. I don’t know how long I have him for or if I’m even capable of taking care of him. What I do know is that he’s someone who needs my protection and I don’t plan to shirk from that.

With that thought in mind, I spend the next few hours just concentrating on him, buying him what I think he would need and allowing him to indulge in his own wishes. It doesn’t go past my notice that Zan doesn’t speak much, only offering to say something if asked a question directly. I’m not sure why that is, but I don’t push it, realizing that maybe he’s still upset about Tess’s departure.

But one thing that does bother me are the wary glances Zan keeps throwing around, especially if someone gets too close to him. It makes me wonder again just what he’s been through. It makes me wonder if he will ever feel safe.

It’s on the way back, however, that Zan allows me my first glimpse into him. I am fiddling with the car radio, doing my best to initiate a conversation with Zan that lasts for more than two sentences.

“It was nice today, wasn’t it?” I ask Zan with a smile.

Zan shrugs, glancing at the bags piled in the backseat. “Yeah, I guess,” he pauses and then offers me a shy smile. “Thank you, by the way.”

Feeling my heart turn over at that familiar and yet touching smile, I smile back in return. “You don’t need to thank me, Zan,” I tell him. “Just remember, if you want anything all you have to do is ask.”

Zan nods, before turning his attention back out the window. I continue to drive in silence, letting the music from the radio fill the gap. I’m not too worried about getting him to be more open. I wouldn’t expect him to want to be very frank with me from day one. If he’s anything like Max was then he’s going to take his time trusting me, and that’s okay. That’s why I’m surprised when Zan speaks up suddenly.

“You’re not like what I thought you’d be.”

I whip my head around to look at him in surprise, not sure if I really heard him say something. “What?”

Zan is looking at me with quiet, appraising eyes. Where only an hour ago they had been filled with youth and humor, they are now serious and suddenly ages old.

“You’re…different.” Zan says, after a careful, considering pause.

“What do you mean, different?” I ask with a puzzled frown.

Zan shrugs. “Just…different.”

“Is that good or bad?” I ask, a little amused by this entire conversation and yet puzzled by what Zan actually means.

Zan smiles at me now. “Good. Definitely good,” he pauses, looking down into his lap, his voice meek and hesitant, “Mom doesn’t like you too much.”

Why am I not surprised? I think to myself. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that Tess and I despise each other but I’m curious about what Zan just said. Has Tess been saying something about me to him? Has she been feeding him vicious stories about me? Has she portrayed me out to be the woman who ruined his parents’ relationship?

Curious to know yet not wanting to sound so, I ask as casually as I can, “Oh? Did she tell you that?”

Zan looks over at me and shakes his head. “No, but I could tell she didn’t want to leave me with you but she told me she had no choice.” Sadness and ache fills Zan’s face as he thinks of his mother.

“Is that why you think your mom doesn’t like me?” I ask with a frown.

Zan considers my question for a moment before shaking his head again. “No.”

He stops there, not offering anymore and from the look on his face, I know he’s not willing to say more. Then, as if abruptly changing his mind, he turns around to look at me with probing eyes. The look makes me uncomfortable. The way he’s watching me makes me think that maybe he’s not so young and innocent after all. It’s so…discerning.

“Liz, can I ask you something?” When I nod unsurely, he asks, watching me carefully all the while. “Were you married to my dad? Were you together when I was born?”

The question stuns me and I have to force myself not to slam the brakes in surprise. My grip on the steering wheel turns fierce and I keep my eyes on the road, forcing myself to take deep, calming breaths. Such a simple question and yet its answer is beyond complicated. How Zan even knew that is something I’m not even going to consider. I can only think that Tess mentioned it and yet I’ve got the funniest feeling that she didn’t, that Zan’s more perceptive than I gave him credit for.

I don’t answer him until we’re back at the apartment. I can feel him watching me but I don’t turn to look. I don’t know what to expect, don’t know what he expects. Pulling the car into my parking space and turning off the engine, I finally find the courage to answer him, knowing I have to say something.

“Zan, your father and I…” I stammer, unsure what to say to him.

If I were to tell him that we were married that would essentially make me out to be the person because of whom he never got to know his father. How can he understand that things weren’t as simple as that? How can I tell him what had happened eight years ago without introducing him to one of the darkest moment on my life? How can he be expected to understand something that I, even so many years later, haven’t still understood?

“You were, weren’t you?” Zan asks, noticing my discomfort. “It’s all right. I kinda figured.”

I turn to look at Zan now, distressed. “Zan, just because your father and I were together doesn’t mean that he abandoned you or that he loves you any less.” I struggle with finding the right words. This has got to be the most absurd and toughest conversation I’ve ever had to sit through. Who would have ever thought that I’d be defending my relationship with Max to his son? “Max has always accepted you as his son, he has always…”

“He’s always been searching for me,” Zan finishes for me, nodding. “I know.”

“You do?” I ask in surprise. And the conversation keeps getting weirder. For a kid who barely said a word to me all day, this sure is a lot of information he’s giving me.

“Yeah, mom knew that too,” he tells me. “The Council isn’t the only reason we’ve had to move about so much. Every time mom thought Max was getting to close to finding us, we’d move.”

It’s not until I feel the sharp pain in my hand that I realize that I’ve been clenching my hand in a tight fist, not until I feel my nails biting into my palm. The surge of anger I feel at this revelation surprises me.

I’m angry at the fact that somehow, without even being a part of our lives, Tess once again managed to come in between Max and me. Tess knew; she always knew that Max was looking for Zan, always knew that he was desperate to find him and even then she kept him away from Max. Even then she allowed him to become blindly driven, obsessed, with this search, a search which would always be fruitless because she made sure it was. She inadvertently made sure that Max and I would never be together….

But then was she lying to me when she said that she was scared that if Max found Zan he’d take him away from her? Was it just another lie in the countless number of lies she had already fed me? Was the genuine love I saw in her eyes a deception?

God, I don’t know what to think anymore, what to feel… I cry silently to myself, wondering yet again how I’ve managed to get stuck in the middle of this.

I’d thought moving away from Roswell, leaving Max would have freed me from this web I had gotten entangled in. How was I supposed to know that I was only going to be pulled in deeper?

“Why, Zan?” I find myself asking him, tears shimmering in my eyes. “Why’d she do it? Didn’t you want to meet Max? Didn’t you ask her? Didn’t you ever want to meet someone who was ruining his life searching for you?”

I know it’s an unfair question to ask him. He is just too young to understand truly what his mother was doing or its consequences but how could he never have asked? How could he never have wondered about his own father?

But, seeing the tears in Zan’s own eyes, I curse myself. I know I’ve crossed a line with him that I shouldn’t have crossed. I’ve asked him the one question I had no right to ask. And I’m ashamed because of it. How could I ever have done that?

“Zan,” I whisper apologetically, “I-I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have…” I reach out tentatively to touch him but he shrinks back from he, hurt in his eyes. Cringing inside and all the while hating myself, I pull my hand back. “I’m sorry…”

Zan just stares at me with contempt, hurt and utmost sadness before opening the door and getting out of the car.

“Zan!” I call out to him but my shout is cut off by the slamming of the car door. I can only watch in helpless shame and regret as Zan runs across the lot towards the apartment. Letting my head fall into my hands, I let a tear slip down my cheek.

“God, I don’t think I can do this…”

<center>TBC. . .</center>

[FallenMagic]

Hey everyone

Thanks for all the wonderful feedback. I see a lot of people have varying reactions to that last part. I just hope the next few parts don't disappoint.

I have a suprise your you all...since I'm going to be out of the country till late august and won't have a chace to post, I'll be updating the story on thursday night as well so that you guys aren't left hanging But for now...on to the new part...


<center>Part Six</center>


The atmosphere in the apartment is tense all afternoon. Zan has been unusually quiet and withdrawn ever since we got back and I know it’s my fault. It’s not like he was very talkative before but at least he didn’t avoid me like he is doing now. He barely acknowledges my presence, let alone gives me the opportunity to apologize. Not that I would know where to start anyway.

I can’t help but cringe every time I think about what I said to him in the car. What the hell was I thinking, asking a eight-year-old such probing, accusing questions? These were question I should have asked Tess, not Zan! There were just so many moments with him in the car where he seemed so mature and grown up that I just forgot that in reality he is still just a little boy. He is a boy that is still upset over his mother’s departure, a mother he obviously loves deeply.

I want to apologize, I know I should but where do I begin? How can I make Zan even remotely trust me after this? It was going to be difficult enough to earn his trust and after this brilliant blunder, I doubt he’s going to be any easier to convince.

Fantastic move on your part, Liz. Just fantastic! I chide myself with an inward groan. When I should have been trying to help him feel at ease here, I have ended up alienating him all the more.

I notice that he hasn’t eaten anything since we got back more than three hours ago from the mall. I may not know a lot of things about raising kids, but the one thing I do know is that kids need to eat.

Determined to establish some form of contact, I pick up the plate of turkey sandwiches I made and head over to Zan who is currently sitting near the terrace doors, his action figures spread around him. I can see him tensing slightly when he sees me but, adamant not to let that deter me, I square my shoulder and stride up to him.

“Zan, you haven’t eaten anything. Aren’t you hungry?” I ask bringing the plate of sandwiches in front of him. “I just made these. Would you like some?” When he continues to ignore me, I sigh. “Zan, I know you’re angry and upset but I just…” I trail off, feeling helpless in front of him. Pushing aside all pride and ego, I sit down opposite from him, forcing him to meet my gaze. When he reluctantly does so, I plow on.

“I’m really sorry about what I said in the car,” I say quietly. “I didn’t mean any of that.”

When he continues to look at me with a distrustful gaze, I close my eyes in silent prayer. There has to be some way to reach him, to make it easier for us to get along without having me goof up at every given opportunity.

“I know I hurt you; I know that you probably hate me right now and you have every right to,” I begin, my voice soft and gentle.

I don’t know what to say or how to go about it but maybe the best way to go about this is to be honest. After all, I’m in this mess because I forgot for a moment that he’s not an adult. Maybe I need to apologize keeping that same thing in mind.

“Zan, you have to understand that this is still all very new to me. I have so many questions…. I want to know more about you, about Tess, about your life….” I break away now, finding it difficult to go on without choking up. I look away briefly, my vision blurred because of the unshed tears. When I look back at Zan, I find him watching me silently with those amber eyes and it’s even harder to go on, but I know I have to.

“When your mom left us in Roswell there were so many things we still wanted to ask her about, so many things that I wanted answers to but I never got the chance to ask for them. And now, when I finally did get a chance, I was blindsided by a new surprise…you…. Maybe I should have made Tess stay; maybe I should have forced the answers out of her rather than from you.... I’m just so very sorry, Zan.”

For a long moment Zan doesn’t say anything, his eyes down cast. Then he turns his head up to look at me with eyes full of tears. “I want to go home. I want my mom back…”

Feeling my throat clog with tears at the quiet yet heartfelt words, I pull Zan into my arms. “Oh Zan,” I murmur, stroking his hair as I feel his body curl into mine. “Oh sweetheart…I know you do….”

I expected Zan to push me away, to pull out of my embrace but he surprises me by clinging tightly to me, almost desperately and it pulls at my heartstrings to know that he’s scared to loose anyone else. I may not understand Tess or even remotely like her but I know that’s not how her son feels. He loves her just as any child would love his mother and he’s aching for her.

“I tried to be brave, like she asked. I tried really hard but I’m scared,” he whispers, his cries subsiding to sniffles.

“You are being brave,” I tell him, pulling away to look at him directly. “Your mom’s going to be very proud of you.” Smiling at him gently, I brush his bangs off his forehead, remembering with a bittersweet smile how often I did the same thing with Max. “Why are you scared, Zan?” I ask him. “Tell me.”

Zan hesitates for a long moment but doesn’t make a move to leave my embrace. Instead, he shifts so that he’s sitting sideways on my lap.

“Are you scared about the Council?” I ask, gently prodding him. When he shakes his head, I ask, “Do you feel that you’re not safe here?”

Zan shakes his head, looking up at me. “I know I’m safe here.”

Something about the quiet yet confident way he says that has a lump forming in my throat. There’s so much trust there, so much…belief. Even after everything, even after I made a mess of things he is still able to trust me. And that, if nothing else, is most telling. If Zan can trust so blindly, so unwaveringly, then he’s not allowed himself to be affected by his dangerous life. He’s not allowed himself to become broken, bitter or disillusioned. Even if he’s only eight years old, for someone who’s had to go as much adversity as I know he’s gone through, that’s an achievement in itself.

And a nod off to Tess, I suppose… I admit reluctantly to myself.

Turning my attention back to Zan, I frown slightly. “Then what?”

Zan’s gaze shifts from mine as he says with a voice full of tears, “I’m scared that mom won’t come back.” Finding myself unable to form words, I can only stare with tears shining in my own eyes as Zan looks back at me, “What if they get her? What if they take her away from me?”

“They won’t. She won’t let them.”

“But what if they do? They are so strong. They have so much power. How can mom be safe if I’m not there to help her?”

“That’s because she knows she has to keep you safe.” Cradling Zan’s tear streaked face in my hands, I wipe at the tears. “Your mom loves you very much. She left you here with me because she knew it was the only way she could stop the bad guys without having to worry about something happening to you.”

When Zan nods, I give him a smile. “Now, how about you finish off these sandwiches for me and we’ll see what we can do about your bedroom. After all, you need a room of your own.” I pause then, fidgeting as I say, “Zan…I really am sorry about what I said.”

“I know, and it’s all right.”

I shake my head furiously, unable to understand how he could forgive so easily, so simply. “No, it’s not. God, you must hate me…” I murmur to myself, letting my face fall into my hands.

I feel soft, small hands reach out to me, pushing back my hair before curling around my neck for a hug. “I don’t hate you, Liz,” Zan replies. When I look back up at him, he’s smiling at me boyishly. “I like you.”

An embarrassed laugh bubbles forth and I sigh deeply, returning the hug. How can this sweet boy be Tess’s child? I wonder in awe as I watch Zan get up and grab a sandwich.

<center>* * * * * </center>

It’s late and I’m exhausted. My body aches and I can barely keep my eyes open. Yet, I’m unable to move. I’ve been watching Zan sleep for the past hour and I’m not ready or willing to move just yet. I have put him in my own room temporarily until we can get around to converting my office into his bedroom. I sat by his side until he drifted off to sleep and even after he’s long asleep, I’m still unable to leave his side.

His long lashes lie softly against his cheeks, his hair mussed lightly from sleep. His hand is curled under his pillow and as he sleeps I can’t help but compare him to the Max that I knew so may years ago. There is no doubt in my mind that he really is Max’s son. The resemblance is too striking for me to deny.

It’s odd. Only yesterday when Tess brought him to me, I had thought that seeing Zan around me would only cause me heartache and pain. Instead, when I look at Zan all I feel is a quite sense of longing and maybe even love. It doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t haunt me like I had assumed. It just makes me question….

Had Max and I made a child together, would he have looked like Zan? Would there have been this same innocence about him? Would we have been able to shield him from the dangers of our lives? Would he have been the one who the Council would have been after instead of Zan?

I don’t know and I don’t think I ever will.

Does that make me sorry that Max and I never shared this one magical, blissful joy? Maybe.

Do I regret not having tried to stick it out with Max, just so we could maybe eventually come to a point where we would have made a child together? No.

No matter how much I may have wanted it, I don’t think it would have been right for us to have brought a child into our rocky marriage. I don’t think it would have gotten better with time. In fact, after nearly a year of having thought about it, I’m convinced that it was the first right move I’ve made in a long, long time.

But that doesn’t mean that this doesn’t hurt…it doesn’t mean that I don’t ache for a child of my own…. My eyes fall close as the tears unexpectedly brim my eyes. It’s been a while since I’ve felt the urge to cry over what Max and I’ve lost. There had been a time, the initial months, where all I could do was cry. I cried over what had happened, I cried over what I had lost and I cried over having taken the final step away from Max.

I loved Max, even as I realized that we had grown so very far apart, I couldn’t find it in me to hate him. I still can’t. I’m not sure whether I’ve fallen out of love with him even today. But I do know with all certainty that I’m not willing to go back. I’m not willing to be Mrs. Max Evans again….

With a deep, shaky sigh I scrub back the tears that have fallen unnoticed down my cheek. There was a time when Max brought a smile to my face, brought a light skip in my steps. Even when things were at their worst between us, he never ceased to make my heart flutter, to make a smile find its way through my tears. Somehow, I’ve come to a point where all he can do now is make me cry….

The sharp ring of the phone cuts of my depressing thoughts. Startled, I glance at the clock hanging over the TV and frown. It’s late and I feel tendrils of worry begin to unfurl as I grab the phone off its cradle, anxious not to let it wake Zan up.

“Hello?”

“Liz? Did I wake you?”

Upon hearing the familiar voice, I relax before once again stiffening in fear of there being bad news.

“Maria? No, you didn’t wake me.” The grip on my phone increases as I ask anxiously, “What happened? Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine…” Maria trails off and I can instantly hear the hitch in her voice. It has me immediately on the alert.

“Maria, tell me what’s wrong!” I practically cry. Something is horribly wrong. Why else would Maria be calling me at this hour? Why else would her voice be teary with panic?

“Nothing…” Maria begins to say before her voice breaks and a sob bubbles forth. “Oh God, Liz…I-I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to call you like this…”

“Like what?” I ask, my heart hammering in my chest as I imagine all the possible reasons for Maria’s state. “Maria, you’re scaring me!”

I hear Michael’s voice from her end mutter something darkly to Maria and I hear a small cry as the receiver is snatched from Maria’s hand. Michael’s voice fills in the other end, brusque and impatient.

“Liz?” He says, “You here?”

“Michael? Yeah, I’m here,” I reply, more bewildered now than scared. What the hell is happening over there? I wonder. “What’s going on, Michael? What’s wrong with Maria?”

Michael sighs and I can almost see him rolling his eyes. “Nothing. She’s just being emotional…and Maria! Look, there’s nothing to worry about. I told her not to call you until she was more settled but she wanted to talk to you.”

“Talk to me?” I parrot, now thoroughly confused. From the way Michael is talking I don’t think anything is overtly wrong. “About what?”

“It’s Jake.” Michael sighs again but when he speaks I can hear a hint of pride in his voice. “I’m sure Maria told you about his being sick. Well, we just found out why he was so sick. Apparently it was just his body trying to adjust to some changes happening inside him.”

“Changes?” I frown, “What chang—” Then, as a possibility hits me, my eyes widen and a smile splits my face. “Wait a minute, are you telling me Jake’s developing powers?”

“Yep.” I can hear the smile in Michael’s voice. “He just blasted his Scooby-Doo bowl…his first show of powers. Max figures that’s why he was sick and he checked him out a while ago and sure enough, the little guy has powers.”

“Blasting things, huh?” I ask with a smile. “Just like his dad?”

“Exactly like his dad.” Michael laughs and that surprises me more than anything. I’ve rarely heard Michael laugh so…joyously. “He’s made quite a mess of the place.” He pauses, and I hear him say something to Maria and I hear her insistent voice. Unable to help but be amused, I wait till Michael comes back on line. “Liz? Maria wants to talk to you.”

“Okay. Put her on. Oh, and Michael…congratulations.” He mumbles his thanks and a moment later Maria’s back on line, still sniffling but sounding more in control.

“Sorry about that,” she mumbles in embarrassment. “I’ve been crying ever since I found out a couple of hours ago.”

“God, Maria! Don’t ever do that to me again!” I scold her without any real heat. “I was thinking that maybe something had happened to you or Michael!”

“I couldn’t help it!” Maria cries now, “I was so shocked at first. I mean there’s my little baby, sitting in his high chair quietly having his dinner, and then his hand is glowing and his plate is in pieces!”

“But crying?” I ask with amusement tingeing my voice, not really surprised by Maria’s reaction. “Are you that upset about him having powers?”

“Of course not. I knew this was a very good possibility when Jake was born.” Maria sighs then and her voice wavers as she bursts out, “Liz, my baby is growing up so fast! He’s not even a year old and already he’s crawling, trying to sit up and now this! I don’t want him to grow up!”

Now understanding what had Maria in such a state, I can’t help but laugh. Hearing the laugh, Maria stops in mid-hysterics to ask darkly, “You’re laughing? How can you be laughing? Don’t you know how…how…worried I am?”

Trying hard to reign in my laughter, I manage to choke out soothingly, “Of course I do, honey. But Maria this is what babies do. They grow up. He is going to learn how to walk, talk and even develop powers further. You can’t stop him from doing so.”

“But he won’t need me anymore then…” Maria trails off in a whisper. “Liz, it feels so good to be able to take care of him, to do even the simplest of tasks for him. It’s nice to know he needs me.”

Maria’s words have my heart twisting in my chest from want and I forcefully ignore the feeling. “He’ll always need you, Maria,” I tell her. “Even when he’s a grown man, he’ll still need and want his mother. Besides, he’s still got a long way to go.”

“I guess you’re right…” Maria sighs. A silence falls between us for a few seconds before Maria says, “Well, now that we know Jake’s okay, how about we both come down and visit you next weekend?”

Instantly my thoughts fly to Zan. If Maria will come here she’ll know about Zan. It won’t take a genius to figure out who he is and I am not sure I’m ready to let anyone know about him just yet. Besides, if what Tess told me is true then the longer his being here is a secret, the better. And, if I’m being honest with myself, I’m not willing to see the reactions my friends will have. I’m not sure if they will be as accepting of him as me.

“Um…I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, Maria,” I stammer. “I’ve just started a new research project this week and I-I’m really going to be tied down with it.”

“Oh,” disappointment filters in Maria’s voice but she quickly reins it back. “Well, maybe you could come home for Christmas, like we discussed?”

I close my eyes against the onslaught of mixed emotions I feel at the thought of going back to Roswell. Zan is just another reason I have for avoiding it. But I know if I flat out refuse I’m going to hurt Maria’s feelings so I reply, “Yeah…maybe.” Rubbing my eyes wearily, I sigh. “Look, it’s been a really long day and I’m exhausted…why don’t I give you a call tomorrow? See how Jake’s doing?”

“Yeah, you do that,” Maria agrees. Maria pauses then, and what she asks next has me stunned. “Liz…everything’s all right at your place, right?”

“Y-Yes…why wouldn’t it be?” I stammer.

“I don’t know…just a thought….” Maria mumbles. We both say our goodbyes then and hang up.

I let my head rest against the wall, feeling more burdened than ever by my life. I don’t know how long I will be able to hide Zan’s presence in my life from the others. I don’t know if I can hide him from Max. I don’t even know if it’s fair to either Zan or Max that I keep them away from one another.

Max is his father, no matter if he’s never seen Zan. Max deserves to know about him, doesn’t he? He deserves to see the child he’s been searching for for over eight years. And yet, though the guilt at keeping both father and son away from each other pounds into me, I know I can’t do it. I can’t let Max know I have Zan.

What was it that Tess had said to me? That by leading Zan to Max, I would lead him straight to the Council? Intellectually I know she’s right, I know the risks outweigh any argument to the contrary but my heart is twisting nonetheless at the thought of having to do this to Max. No matter what has happened between us, I can’t deny that Max would move heaven and earth to protect his son. He’d want to know about him. He’d stay away if he had to if just to protect him…. He’d hate me if he ever found out that I’ve been keeping him away from his son.

But Max isn’t the one who has to protect Zan…. I am.

Tess gave him to me; she left him under my care and without knowing any facts about what exactly they have been running from I can’t take the risk of even calling Max to tell him about Zan.

I’d do anything to protect Max’s son too…because in my eyes that’s who he really is. He’s no longer Tess’s son…he’s Max’s. And if protecting Zan means keeping him away from his father, then that’s what I’ll do. To hell with consequences.

<center>TBC. . .</center>

[FallenMagic]

So I seem to have made a lot of you angry with Liz for what she is doing. I was expecting that actually but I could have made it simple and easy but somehow I figure that over the years Liz might have become...slefish I guess. She won't go running to Max when she's faced with any sort of problem...no matter what that problem may be given the way they left things...I just hope you guys won't be too upset or disappointed in the way I've penned this one out later on...Rest assured a lot of problems from the show and from this story will be tackled.
Kat, thanks for the wishes I leave tomorrow morning and am bursting with excitement!


<center>Part Seven</center>


The next two weeks pass by in a flurry of activity. With Zan and I having come to a truce, I realize for the first time just how many things I have to take care of if Zan is to stay with me; his school being the first priority.

Tess didn’t leave me anything remotely useful that would allow me to help him enroll in a school. I knew I was going to have a problem without his previous school records and I wasn’t sure where exactly to start looking for them.

One morning, while pouring over the various options I had between schools, I ask Zan, “Do you know if you mom gave you any documents? Or if your old school was going to mail your records or something?”

When Zan shakes his head, I sigh in frustration. He’s told me what school he’d gone to but it isn’t much use. I can’t ask the school to forward his documents to me without showing them a legal document declaring me Zan’s guardian. I am convinced that I will have to use a little alien magic to produce some fake records but, much to my surprise, I get a parcel from Tess a couple of days later.

It has all of Zan’s school records and even medical records, which I am willing to bet, are faked. There is even a document that declared me Zan’s official guardian. The slight trembling that I felt upon looking at that document surprised me but I guess the reaction is natural. It just brought home the reality and the finality of the situation.

After getting the documents I didn’t waste time getting Zan enrolled in a nearby school. Already he had missed nearly four months but, with the help of a test the administration conducted, they surmised that Zan was an exceptionally bright child and would have no problem catching up.

But it wasn’t the school that was my biggest problem…it was my work.

I’ve taken as much time off as I can dare. I know I have to go back or else Dr. Steadman is going to start docking my pay. So that’s why, after dropping Zan off to school today I’m making my way to the office. I would have preferred having had another week off so as to settle both myself and Zan to our new routine but I know that isn’t even an option.

Walking into the lab, I breathe in deep. The sights and smell around me is a familiar welcome and part of me is glad to be back. I had missed this, I had actually missed work. I smile to myself as I think about how Maria would have just rolled her eyes if I told her that.

“Hey, Cassie!” I greet, dropping down on the stool next to her.

Cassie startles, clearly not having expected me, but then a warm smile spreads across her face. “Liz! Welcome back! I hope things are settled at home?”

“Mostly,” I answer vaguely. I gesture to the files sitting on the table, eyebrow raised in surprise, “Is that the work I have to catch up on?”

Shooting the huge pile a grimace, Cassie turned her head to look at me sympathetically. “Get ready for some late after hours. Can’t say I envy you.”

Barely able to stifle the groan, I drop my head down into my hands. I’ve not even started my day yet and already I know that I can’t continue on as I had before. Ordinarily, I would have seen this as a challenge and would have thrown myself into my work. But things changed. I have other priorities. I love my work and am grateful for it but I don’t know if I can work at the same pace I had only two weeks ago.

I will have to make changes. I know I will have to cut back on my hours and that means talking to Dr. Steadman, something I am not looking forward to. He can be a real hard ass at times, especially when it comes to work, and I am not sure if he’ll allow me to cut back my hours. I am one of his key lab assistant and he depends on me for a lot of things but this is not something I am willing to compromise on.

“What is it, Liz?” Cassie asks, concern lining her voice.

With another sigh, I sit back up. “Nothing,” I mutter, shaking my head. But Cassie won’t hear that.

“Liz?”

I don’t think I’m ready to tell her about Zan. With Maria, I had different reasons. I chose not to tell her because I wasn’t sure yet of what was going to happen, of what this meant for all of us. After all, having Max’s son, who was the heir to his throne, back into our lives would scare, if not worry, all of them. Besides, considering everything Tess told me about the Council, the last thing I want is for Max to find out. I know him well enough to know that he’ll insist on meeting Zan and that could be dangerous for both Zan and Max.

With Cassie, it’s different. She knows about the more…human aspect of Max and my relationship. I don’t know how she’ll react to the news that I’m now essentially Zan’s guardian. Would I see disappointment in her eyes? Would she see this as me allowing myself to be pulled back into the crazy, mixed up life I had with Max?

Shoving my fingers into my hair to push it back, I shrug wearily. “I-I don’t know, Cass.” I tell her. “I’m going to have to cut back my hours. I need to speak with Dr. Steadman about it.”

She just looks at me with quiet appraising eyes and asks bluntly, “Liz, what’s going on?”

Startled, my gaze swivels to hers. “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean!” she replies. “First you suddenly take a leave of absence, something you have never done before; then you refuse to pick up your phone whenever I called to check on you and now you’re thinking of cutting back your work hours?”

Feeling a faint blush stain my cheeks, I mumble, “I wasn’t ignoring your calls. I was just…distracted.”

“Yeah, right!” Cassie snorts. “I know you, Liz. This isn’t like you. You love your work. Sure, you have your moments when you curse this all to hell, we all do but you can’t convince me that you hate your job! Tell me, what’s really going on?”

“Just some family problems, I told you that,” I reply, shifting to move across the table and pick up the files. “I’m just going through some stuff and I just need time.” When I can feel Cassie’s disbelieving gaze boring into me, I look up to offer her a reassuring smile. “Trust me, Cassie. That’s all there is to this.”

Cassie gives me another long stare before looking away. “All right…” Gesturing with a nod of her head towards their work table, she says, “Well, how about we get back down to it?”

We work steadily together for close to three hours, carefully adjusting measures, making notes of the changes we see. I move then to the stack of files I have to go through, preferring to take them to my office rather than to work at them in the lab. I won’t need any lab equipment for them as the notes basically have to be given some summarized form.

It’s tiring, and often frustrating work, especially since a lot of the jotted notes aren’t my own but some other lab assistants who had filled in for me during my absence. But I keep at it meticulously, making sure not to make any mistakes. When I look up at my watch, it’s with some surprise that I note its lunch time and nearly time for me to go pick Zan up from school.

I can delay taking my lunch, timing it so that it coincides with the time I have to go pick up Zan. That way I can avoid a lot of questions of where I’m going from both Cassie and Dr. Steadman himself. But I know it’s only a matter of time before I’ll have to deal with this. I can only hide this from my colleagues for so long. It might be easy to avoid telling Maria and the others about Zan since they live in Roswell, but the people I work with, the ones I interact with on a daily basis are a different matter.

“Let’s just get this over and done with, Liz,” I mutter to myself, pushing back my hair as I get up and make my down the hall to Dr. Steadman’s office. Reaching it, I find myself pausing nervously before knocking lightly on the open door.

Dr. Steadman looks up distractedly from his work and upon seeing me, waves me in. “Come on in, Liz.” He gestures to a chair across from him and once I’m settled in, sets his glasses aside to regard me. “Good to see you back here, Liz,” he says with a small smile. “What can I do for you?”

I play nervously with the edge of my shirt, before clasping my hands tightly in my lap. “Dr. Steadman, I’m very grateful that you hired me, especially considering the other options you had. I know I didn’t exactly have the best grades…”

“But you were – are - one of the smartest people I know.” Dr. Steadman assures.

I flash him a grateful smile, feeling suddenly very unsure about asking him what I came here for. “I love my work here. I love the challenge in each and every project…”

“But…?” Dr. Steadman prods, fixing me with his quiet, disconcerting stare.

I shift my gaze from his and say quietly, “But I can’t continue taking on so many projects…”

“Are you telling me you’re leaving, Liz?” he asks, shock edging his voice.

My eyes snap up to look at him, furiously shaking my head. “No!” I assure him. “Of course not! I just…I just need you to re-work my hours. I can’t work full time anymore.”

“Is there any particular reason why, Liz?” he asks. “You’re very good at your work. If you continue as you have so far, I have no doubt that within the next few years you’ll find yourself heading a team of your own.”

Flushed with pleasure at his compliment, I smile. “Thank you for saying that. It means a lot to me, but,” I shake my head remorsefully, “There are circumstances in my life that I can not, nor will not, ignore.”

“I think I have a right to ask you what those circumstances are. Don’t I?” Dr. Steadman asks. “After all, I’ll be losing out on a lot with you working fewer hours.”

I’m not sure I’m comfortable telling him the reason, not when I’ve not told anyone else. I would have refused politely to tell him but he’s looking at with an odd mixture of understanding and acceptance that I do feel that I owe him an explanation. I will be leaving him out on a loop by cutting back my hours. And, I’ve got the oddest feeling, that by telling him, I’ll just be making my life simpler. He may be hard at times, but he was the first person who believed that I could get far in my work, who took me into his team when other doctors were unwilling.

Yes, I do owe him.

Biting my lip, I look at him cautiously. “I-I don’t want this to be common knowledge…”

“I can promise you that what we talk about here won’t step out of these four walls.”

Nodding, I venture, “A…friend’s son is going through a rough patch with his family and needs a place to stay till things settle with his parents. His mother’s asked me to take care of him till then…” I say, giving him the almost accurate version of the story. “I-I just need to shift my priorities now that I’ve got him living with me.”

“And this boy is your priority.” Dr. Steadman states rather than asks. When I don’t say anything, he sighs, squeezing the bridge of his nose in thought. When he finally looks back up at me, he smiles faintly at me. “I guess we can find ourselves a schedule that would suit us both.”

And with that I feel a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders.

<center>* * * * * </center>

I pull my car in front of the school, automatically scanning the kids pouring outside for Zan. I feel a smile tug at my mouth when I see him bounding down the steps, animatedly talking to a boy with sandy blonde hair. Sitting back in the car, I wait patently for Zan to finish talking. It’s nice to know that Zan has made friends already. I know it must have been tough for him to have gone to a new school and make new friends.

Zan glances around the parking lot and catches sight of the car. He smiles brightly, raising his hand to wave at me before turning to say something to his friend. He hurries over to the car then and scramble inside.

“Hi!” I smile at him. “How was school?”

Zan brushes back his hair from his face impatiently before saying excitedly, “It was great! I made a friend today, Matt! He’s cool!”

“Was he the one you were just talking to?” I ask, pulling out of the parking lot.

Zan nods. “Yeah,” He then glances outside and frowns. “Where are we going?”

“I thought we could head over to some shops and pick a bed for you.” I reply, “We haven’t really done anything about your room yet. How’d you like that?”

“Oh, can we get those X-Men sheets, the one that we saw the other day at the store?” Zan asks, his eyes full of excitement.

I smile at him. “Sure, why not?”

It’s while we’re at the store that I first notice the man. He’d been browsing the fabric section and I wouldn’t have thought too much about it had not I caught him staring over at us a number of times. He looked fairly normal, with an average build, gray eyes and dressed in jeans and a brown over coat. It was the way his eyes roved over Zan’s face that had me noticing. It was steely, cold…assessing.

A little unnerved, I quickly pulled Zan into another section, forcibly pushing the man from my thoughts. But when he simply seemed to turn up in whatever section we were in, something close to fear began to unfurl in me.

“Zan,” I say to him quietly, so as to only he could hear. “Let’s leave now, sweetie. We’ll come back tomorrow.”

Zan turns to me from his perusal of a night lamp, confusion etched across his face. “Why, Liz? I thought we had tons of time!”

I shoot the man a nervous look from the corner of my eye. He’s still watching us, moving closer each time. The fear blooms into full blown panic as I grip Zan’s arm tightly.

“Zan, we’re leaving. Now!” I say through clenched teeth as I start to lead him around the displays to the exit.

Zan, apparently catching the fear in my voice, doesn’t argue. I can’t keep myself from shooting looks over my shoulder, sure that I’d see the man running out after us. But no one follows us. It’s not until we’re safely back in the car and back on the road that I let out a breath I hadn’t even known I was holding.

Shakily running a hand through my hair, I turn my attention to Zan. God, how must I have scared the kid? I don’t know what happened to me back there. I could sense the danger, could sense that we had to leave and I didn’t think…I just acted on instinct. I’d done this too often with Max to know that often doing just that was the best solution. I’m not sure if the man even was following us or not, he just unnerved me by the way he watched Zan.

And that’s enough. I tell myself. I force myself to keep the tremble out of my voice when I ask Zan, “You all right, Zan? Sorry if I scared you back there…”

I trail off, not sure how to explain my reaction. If I tell him what I felt back there it would scare him, make him worry about the Council. He’s just begun to forget about the dangers that lurks so close by. And if the man really was harmless, it’s useless for me to make him worry.

“What happened, Liz?” Zan asks quietly. And from the look he’s giving me, I have a feeling he noticed the man too. I wouldn’t be surprised as I haven’t as yet forgotten the fear in Zan’s eyes that first day when he had asked me if it was safe to go outside to the grocers.

Not wanting to put that fear back in his eyes, I force myself to rein back the fear in my voice and tone. “Nothing. I just wasn’t feeling too well back there, that’s all.”

But even as I lie to Zan, the fear seems to have become lodged permanently in my throat. I’ve been through enough to know when to expect trouble and right now every cell in my body is screaming at me that that man is trouble. I just hope I’m abe to keep both Zan and myself as far away from it as possible.


<center>TBC . . .</center>

[FallenMagic]

Hey everyone! I'm back! Sorry this was so long in comin but I just got back a few weeks ago and was still adjusting to being home and catching up on my studies! Thanks for being so patient and for the wonderful feedback. Hopefully the next parts won't take so long! For now enjoy part eight...


<center>Part Eight</center>


Dropping my keys on the table near the door, I take off my coat and take Zan’s as well, my eyes already moving over to the insistent, flashing red light of the answering machine. I bite my lip in trepidation, already knowing whose left the messages and why.

This thing has been going on for the past few days now. Every day I come home to find six, seven messages on my answering machine, each more threatening than the other. I’ve ignored them so far but, acknowledging the fear I feel, I realize that maybe I’m not going to be able to continue doing that any longer.

Almost wanting to delete the messages before I even listen to them, I force my way over to the phone, my finger hovering over the play button. Do I really want to do this? Do I really want to hear what I know is going to be on the tape? Do I really need to go through this once again? I could just ignore them, ignore the calls, ignore everything. But then the repercussions could be much, much worse. I don’t want to be taken by surprise, especially now that Zan’s here with me.

Bracing myself, I press the play button, leaning back against the wall for support as the machine whirls to life and Maria’s voice fills the apartment.

* Beep *

“Liz, I’m sure you recognize my voice from the fifty million messages I’ve left over the past two days but…this is Maria. I’ve been trying to reach you for days! Why aren’t you picking up your cell? Call me when you get home.”

* Beep *

“Liz, it’s me again. Where are you? Is Dr. Steadman keeping you tied to your chair in the lab because that’s the only excuse that will be a good enough reason for me not to kill you! Call me!”

* Beep *

“Liz Parker, I swear to God if you don’t pick up this phone right now and talk to me, I will fry your ass, without the help of powers, and then personally put you on the next spaceship to orbit the planet for the next fifty years! I doubt you’ve been kidnapped by evil alien scum so that can only mean you’re ignoring me! Why the hell are you ignoring me? Liz, I’m worried. Please, please pick up your damn phone!”

* Beep *

“All right, that’s it! You’re officially not my best friend anymore! Go find yourself a new friend. And just for the record, you’re no longer Jake’s godmother. I deny you of that privilege!”

* Beep *

“What? That threat didn’t work? Don’t you care about me? Or Jake? God, if only I can reach out through the machine and strangle you, I would! Do you know how frantic you’re making me! Michael’s actually telling me to stop bouncing off the walls! Michael noticed and he doesn’t notice anything! Why are you ignoring my calls, messages, emails and texts?”

* Beep *

“Liz, this is Michael. God, just get over whatever is your problem and call Maria! She’s driving me insane with her nagging!”

* Beep *

“All right, since you won’t call me or pick up I might as well tell you through this abominable thing…Liz, in case you haven’t noticed, Christmas is only a week away. Come. Home. We miss you! We want you here!...Just don’t expect any presents after this stunt of yours!”

* Beep *

“Okay, one last time to make sure you got it. Next week. Christmas. You. In Roswell. No discussion about it. I’ll pick you up from the airport. Let me know your flight details…and Liz, you are coming! I won’t hear a ‘no’!”

* Beep *

God, how could I forgotten that Maria could be that scary and persistent. Letting my head bang against the wall, I sigh and rub my face as the machine clicks off. I don’t think I can ignore her for much longer. I’m sorely afraid one of these days I’ll open my door and find her at my door step, ready to drag me to Roswell. I wouldn’t put it past her either.

When I open my eyes, I find Zan staring with a mixture of amusement and nerves at the machine.

“Wow, she was sounding angrier than yesterday.” He says. He turns to look at me. “She’s…”

“Annoying?” I ask with an amused smirk.

Zan grins but shakes his head. “Scary. I don’t want to make her mad!”

I laugh at that, pushing away from the wall and coming to ruffle his hair. “Yes, that Maria can be!” I sigh once again, looking over at the phone. “Think I should call her?” I ask Zan.

Zan pauses to think about it, his face scrunching up and his eyes intense. He nods after a moment. “You should.”

“All right. After dinner, then.” I promise.

All through dinner I’m nervous. I keep going over what I need to say to Maria in my head. It’s not going to be easy to convince her that I’m not coming to Roswell for Christmas, especially when I have no intention of telling her the actual reason why. I know she’ll be disappointed and probably even hurt but it’s just too risky to go to Roswell right now.

And admit it; you’re scared of meeting Max… A small voice in my head points out. I bite my lip, unable to lie to myself.

Max was the reason I left Roswell, and he’s one of the reasons I’m unwilling to go back. Because I’ve made it a point never to ask about Max, I don’t know what’s going on in his life. I don’t even know if he’s not off searching for Zan, the son who, ironically, is here with me.

This year would have been my first Christmas without him and suddenly I’m more grateful than ever for Zan’s unexpected arrival. I know I’m not ready to go home but I’m not sure I would have made it through Christmas without my family and friends. Last year’s Christmas doesn’t count because it had barely been two months since I left Max and we were still foolish enough to believe we could be around each other and not hurt. I hadn’t been alone last year, this year I would have been.

How many Christmases will I spend avoiding Roswell? How many more before I am able to just let go? How many before I’m able to love someone again…?

God, I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling as if I’m never going to move past this, past Max. He’s the first boy I’ve loved, the first boy who managed to make me believe that I was beautiful, someone to be cherished and loved with passion and devotion. How could it have ended this way? I was so sure we were meant to be together. We were together in the other timeline. How drastically did I manage to change time?

Feeling my cheeks wet with tears, I wipe at my eyes. I’ve not been this emotional in months. Maybe it has something to do with Zan. It’s not easy seeing Max’s face reflected in his day in, day out. I’ve learnt to shut out the connection my heart tends to make but there are weak moments when I can’t see beyond the resemblance. Most often it’s at night, while Zan sleeps next to me on my bed, that I find myself staring at his face for hours, thinking about the children I never had, thinking about the man I loved and lost.

But, what the most ironic thing is, that though Zan may remind me of Max, though he may remind me of why Max and I couldn’t last, I can’t hold him responsible. I know Zan is the reasons why Max and I are not together anymore. I know that if Tess had never come to Roswell, never gotten pregnant, Max and I would have been together even now. And yet knowing all that, I don’t hate Zan.

With everything that’s ever happened in our lives, I’ve learnt to accept that it is our own actions, our own mistakes that lead us to where we are today. It isn’t Zan’s fault that I’m divorced; it isn’t his fault that Max and I were never able to get past this one obstacle when we managed to get past everything else. Though it’s painful to admit, Tess was right. Max and I are entirely to blame for the situation we are in now.

“You’ve got to stop this, Liz. Don’t think.” I mutter to myself as I feel the sadness wash over me. “It’s only misery and heartache.”

Pushing Max as far back from my mind as possible, I dial Maria and she picks up after only two rings. I’m assuming she saw my number of caller ID because she didn’t even bother at a greeting before launching at me.

“So, you finally deemed me worthy enough to call.”

“Maria…” I sigh, in no mood for her dramatics but Maria cuts me off sharply.

“Don’t ‘Maria’ me, Liz Parker! You’re gonna sit through my lecture and stop acting like you don’t give a damn about me.”

Because I can hear the hint of hurt in her voice, I am instantly contrite and filled with regret at my childish behavior. “I do give a damn about you, Maria!” I tell her. “You know I love you.”

“And I love you too,” She sighs in resignation. “But, damn it chica, you’ve got to stop running.”

“I’m not running.” I know exactly what she’s talking about and though I don’t want to get into it, just having spent the past fifteen minutes crying over Max Evans, I know I’m about to be pulled in anyways. “I just don’t want to…” I trail off, not sure what I don’t want to do.

“Face him?” Maria finishes for me. “Liz, you have to sometime.”

“I’m not ready, Maria.” I reply softly, not sure if my unwillingness is really because I’m not ready or because I don’t know how I’ll handle explaining Zan and thus Tess to everyone.

Maria is silent on the other end before she sighs wearily. “Look, Liz. I’m not trying to push you into something you’re not ready for. I just…Sometimes I wonder if you don’t get over this…fear of yours, you never will.”

I don’t reply, her words hitting me hard.

“He was the love of your life, Liz. Your soul mate. The guy you’ve been in love with since the third grade!” Maria goes on, her voice filled with sympathetic understanding. “I understand why this must be hard for you but are you sure that waiting longer will make it any easier for you to face him?”

“It can’t make it any harder,” I grumble but then reply, “I’ll get over it, Maria. I know I will.”

“Are you really sure?” Maria’s voice is quite and knowing. “Liz, you and I both know you have this habit of running away from your problems, especially when that problem is related to Max.”

Shocked, and a little hurt, I flare up. “That’s not true! How can you say that, Maria?”

“Look at your history, Liz! What did you do when Max and the others got that message from their planet? You ran away to Florida. What did you do when Future Max asked you to save the world? You tried to run away to Sweden! This time you’ve run away to Albuquerque!”

“I came back, didn’t I?” I find myself snapping. “I came back from Florida, I took Max back even after everything!”

“You came back because you didn’t have a choice then…” Maria falls silent before she goes on. “And maybe you went back to him because the decision to leave him was not made by you, at least not exactly. This time the decision to leave was your own, Liz, and I’m not sure if you’re going to be able to face the consequences of that, nor if you want to.”

“I think…” My voice trembles with unshed tears and I pause to control it. “I think that I’ll find the courage to see him again one day because it was my decision to leave. I’m just not sure when that will be.”

“I’m worried about you, Liz.” Maria insists kindly and I find myself feeling bad for having snapped at her earlier. She is just trying to help. “I’m not asking you to go back to him. I’m just asking you to come visit your family and your friends for Christmas. That isn’t too much to ask, is it?”

Closing my eyes and leaning my head tiredly against the back of the sofa, I sigh. I don’t know how she can do that, how she can make me feel so guilty about things. “No, it isn’t Maria,” I reply. “Look, I’ll think about it, okay? And I really will…”

Maria considers it before sighing as well. “All right. I guess that’s good enough for me.” She pauses and I can almost picture her hesitation as she debates something.

“What?” I ask.

“I-I…I’m sorry if I hurt you with some of the things I just said right now.” She apologizes in a rush.

She had hurt me. Some of the things she had called me out on hit me hard but I also know that she had only said what was true, what I myself had recognized and accepted a long time ago. I had been a kid then, I hadn’t been perfect. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt now hearing it.

“It’s all right.” I tell her. “It’s about time I heard that from someone.”

“So, we’re okay?” She asks hesitantly.

“We’re okay.” I smile then. “And Maria? Thanks…”

“For what?” She asks, surprised.

“For giving me a good dose of reality every now and again.” I laugh before adding softly, painfully, “And for not letting me push you away.”

<center>* * * * *</center>

My breath comes in short, painful gasps as I find myself running through the vast, abandoned fields. It’s dark, the stars providing the only light for me. The breeze whispers slightly through the tall grass and I can hear my heart pound maddeningly in my chest as I whip my head around to see if I’m being followed.

I can hear him, I can hear his footsteps as he follows me through the field and I feel the fear rise like bile in my throat. He can’t get to me. I mustn’t allow him to come close. Yet, even as I try to run faster, I stumble, a cry falling past my lips. The footsteps stop and I curse myself. He’s heard me, I know it. Even as I push myself off and begin to run again I know it’s too late. I know he’ll find me. Somehow, he always does…and this time I know I’ve got more to fight for, more to protect….

With the fear still lodged in my throat, my eyes fly open. For a second I wonder where I am and it takes a while for my eyes to become adjusted to the dark. I can feel my heart still beating fast in fear and, sitting up in bed, I pry back the sweat soaked covers and pad over to the bathroom to splash my face with cold water. Feeling shaky, I grip the sink tightly, the dream still clear in my head.

It’s been years since I’ve had a nightmare such as this one. It’s been years since I’ve woken up screaming. I’ll never get used to it. I’ll never get used to waking up with the terror still clawing at me, the panic settled deep within. The last time I had the nightmare had been right before Larek had come to tell us that Khivar was dead. After that, the nightmares had just stopped. Neither Max nor I had understood then why they had, I had been too grateful that I wouldn’t have to go through them anymore to care about the reasons.

God, what’s brought them back? I wonder as I run a hand through my hair. It’s been years…so why now?

I go back into my room and stop when I see Zan’s silhouette on my bed. I had forgotten for a moment that he was there and am glad my dream didn’t wake him. I know I’m still too unsteady and won’t be able to go back to sleep. I need to get some air, clear my head and the images of the dream from my head. Pulling my robe on, I slip my feet into my slippers, ready to head out to my small balcony.

Just as I am about to pull open my bedroom door, however, a small sound outside catches my attention. I freeze, my fingers gripping the doorknob. It distinctly sounded like someone had slid open one of the windows. I feel the alarm bells go off in my head.

Someone’s in the apartment! I realize with fear. My gaze instantly swivels to Zan, the fear I felt in my dream turning into something more tangible and deadly.

Straining to hear, I stifle a gasp when I hear more movement outside the hall. For one terrifying moment I think that who ever it is will come barging into my room and, though I know I should do something, I’m unable to move. I can hear my own heart beat loudly and ridiculously wonder if the intruder can hear it as well.

When I hear the person move into my office a few door downs, I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. I know I can’t keep standing here. I have to move or else it’ll be too late. I’m not foolish enough to think it’s a robber. With the kind of life I’ve known, that’d just be expecting good luck. Added to the fact that I know I locked all the windows earlier, I’m pretty sure that whoever is in the apartment is not human. He could not have picked the locks on the window without triggering the alarm. I know that whoever is here is someone who’s out to get Max…or who’s out to get Zan.

“Damn it!” I hiss to myself as the possibility strikes me.

I don’t know just how real the danger is. I don’t know if whoever is here is really here for Zan or not but I’m not going to wait to find out. I whirl around and run to Zan. I have to get us out of here. Shaking Zan awake, I place a hand over his mouth so he doesn’t cry out.

“Come on, honey! We have to leave!” I whisper urgently to him even as I pull him out of bed and grab his shoes.

Zan’s eyes are instantly alert. Though I can see the fear in them as he hurriedly pulls his shoes on, there’s calmness in his moves that make me wonder how often he’s done this before; how often Tess has woken him up in the middle of the night because they’ve had to run.

Even as I’m grabbing my own shoes, my ears are straining to hear where the intruder is. I can still hear him moving about in my office and I wonder what he’s looking for. I wonder why I’m not scared.

Once Zan has put on his shoes, I make a motion for him to remain silent and I cautiously make my way to the door. We have to get out of the apartment. How we’ll do that without being heard or seen is beyond me but pushing my worry aside I crack the door open and peek outside. Right now, it’s just about getting Zan and I out of here as quickly as possible.

It’s still outside. Though I can’t see anyone, I know the intruder is still inside. Mentally mapping out the apartment in my head, I figure that the best option is to use the fire escape but for that we have to cross the hall…and my office.

“Damn it, damn it, damn it!” I chant to myself, forcing myself not to shake with fear as I grab Zan’s hand. I don’t fear for myself, I fear for Zan. “Zan, stay close and keep quiet. And when I tell you to run, run! Got it?”

Zan nods, his hand anxiously clutching mine as his gaze shifts to the hall outside and back to me. Taking a deep breath, I pull open my door and step out in the hall. I pause for a second, making sure that whoever it is, is still inside. When I don’t hear any movement, I pull Zan behind me as we begin to creep silently towards the balcony.

I resist the urge to glance inside the office to see who it is. Maybe it would be better if I just sealed the office door shut with my powers but I don’t know how long that will hold whoever it is off, especially not if they have powers. And, in doing so, I would just be warning them about us. If we can make it out of the apartment without being heard or seen, so much the better. We have just made it to the balcony when I feel my blood freeze. I hear a shout and I know we’ve been spotted. Not hesitating, I push Zan outside.

“Zan! Go!” I cry out even as I turn around to blast blindly at the person rushing down the hall towards us. It’s too dark to even see make out if it’s a man or woman but there is something eerily familiar about the person.

I don’t have time to analyze it though and shaking my head I throw another blast. It barely grazes the shoulder, much to my frustration. Somewhere in the back of my mind I wonder why the person hasn’t made a move yet, why they haven’t deflected any of my blasts or thrown one of their own.

I want to check to see if Zan’s safe, if he’s made it down but I don’t dare turn around. I don’t want to be taken off guard and I know that, regardless of what Tess might have thought, my powers are not strong enough. I am not even able to bring up a shield like Max could. I have to follow Zan, I have to keep him safe but how do I do that without being caught by this man? Worse, how do I know that someone isn’t downstairs, just waiting to grab Zan, having already anticipated our escape?

“What do you want?” I shout as I take a step back, almost fearfully. “He’s just a kid! Leave him alone!”

“What we want with him is so much bigger than you, human.” The intruder growls. “Give him to us.”

The voice is male but even though I can’t place it, the man once again strikes me as eerily familiar. Though I can see his face in the moonlight, to my frustration he’s wearing a mask. Before I’m able to think about it however, the man stops and pulls something out of his jacket, raising it to take aim at me.

The sharp glint of metal has me going cold. It’s funny how I can face aliens and powers and hold my own but shove a gun in front of me and I find myself unable to move. I’m reminded of yet another moment in my life when I saw a gun pointed in my direction, heard it go off and hit me. Max had been there to save me then…who will save me from dying today?

“Don’t do this…” I choke out, knowing deep down that this is no idle threat. “Please…”

“Why not?” The man asks, and I can hear the amusement in his voice. “No one can stop me, can stop us! You’ve been a hindrance for a long time, Liz Parker. We should have done away with you a long time ago.” When I can only stand rooted to my spot filled with growing panic, the man shrugs. “Doesn’t matter…I’m here to finish this today…make it look like a robbery…no one will know…especially not the useless police.”

“Max will know.” I manage to spit out, knowing instantly that he would. “He would know and he’ll stop you even if you kill me today!”

“This plan has been put in motion years before you were even born.” The man replies, cocking his gun. “It is meant to be. Zan is meant to be ours. Who are any you to try and stop us?”

“Who is us?” I cry out, wanting to know even when faced by my imminent death. I can only hope Zan’s managed to get away, out of reach of this man. “Why would the Council do this to their own king?”

“Our king died the day he deserted us!” The man spat. “And it’s time you died as well!”

The sound of the gun going off is softer than I imagined it would be. Everything seems to go in slow motion as I see the bullet speed its way to me. A scream is lodged in my throat but I can’t open my mouth to even scream, the fear paralyzing. Any second now I expect to feel it tear through my flesh, feel my life ebb away from me. Instead I find myself cocooned in a warm green shield and watch in shock as the bullet crashes into the shield and splinters into pieces as if made of only glass.

“Liz!” I hear Zan’s voice and I can hear it falter and I know instantly that Zan’s the one who did this. He’s the one who saved me. And, by the way the man turns around to flee; I know he knows he’s just lost his chance.

I know Zan won’t be able to hold the shield and I instinctively press my hand against the shield, feeling the gooey texture of it. Through the shield I concentrate on blasting the man before me, desperate not to let him get away. But even as I hit him, he manages to deflect my blast with a shield of his own and is out the front door before I can do anything more.

The minute the man is gone, the shield drops and I whirl around. I know I should probably go after him but right now my main concern is Zan. I find him slumped against the window and looking totally drained. I gently pull him through the large window and into the apartment. Letting myself slide down to the floor, I gather his small body close to mine. He lets me hold him close, curling into me. I can feel his heart still pounding with fear and I finding myself trembling at my close call.

I pull away slightly and brush away his bangs from his face. “Are you okay?” I ask, fighting to control the fear in my voice. “Are you hurt?”

When he shakes his head, I feel relief erupt in me. His face is tired and his blue eyes still wide with fright. Pulling him against me once more, I take comfort in the fact that aside from being rattled, Zan is okay.

“God, why did you come back?” I chide him now. “You should have run, found someplace safe to hide. Don’t you know how dangerous it would have been if that man found you?”

“He was going to kill you.” Zan replies and I can hear the tears in his voice. “He-He had a gun…he shot at you…”

Once more realizing just how close I came to dying, I close my eyes, forcing back the shaking in my body. I run a comforting hand through Zan’s hair, at once grateful for him not having listened to me. I would have been dead otherwise.

I pull back to wipe the tears that have spilled down his cheek and feel my heart clench in my chest when I realize just how deeply attached I’ve become to the boy and how much he cares for me as well. I had never expected to but somehow, somewhere in these short two weeks, Zan’s become one of the most important people in my life.

“You saved me, Zan.” I murmur. “You saved my life…”

Just like your father once did… Not daring to voice that thought however, I glance around the apartment. “We can’t stay here…” I say. “It’s too dangerous. That man may try to come back. We have to go someplace safe, someplace where we won’t be found…”

“Where will we go, Liz?” Zan asks, looking so young and vulnerable in the pale moonlight that I find myself holding him tighter to me, desperate to protect him at any cost. “The man will find me again.”

“No, he won’t!” I promise Zan fiercely. “I won’t let him.”

Pulling both myself and Zan off the floor, I nudge him in the bedroom. “Come on; we have to get out of here fast! I don’t know if that man won’t send someone else here. It’s not safe here anymore.”

Zan quickly puts some of his things into his back pack and I pack some of my own stuff and grab the emergency bag I’ve always got at ready, stashed away in my closet. I can’t help but wonder how the Council found Zan this fast. Neither Tess nor I would have thought that they would figure out so soon where Tess had left her son.

The thought plagues me all through the silent ride through the city. I can feel Zan’s worry grow with each passing minute and I force myself to turn my thoughts away from the man and onto Zan. I reach out and grab his hand and give it a quick, reassuring squeeze.

“It’s going to be all right.” I say quietly. “I’ll figure something out.”

Zan doesn’t say anything but nods, turning his attention back out to the dark streets. Watching him, I bite my lip, once more wondering where we can go at this time of night. Somehow nothing seems safe anymore. We could always go to a hotel but I feel uneasy going there. I already know I have to go back home to gather up some stuff that I don’t dare leave behind. We can’t go back there, at least not for a while, not until its safe again.

Whenever that may be…I think to myself. But I can’t let myself think about right now. Right now, I have to get us to someplace safe.

And suddenly, without any more thought I know just where to go. The answer leaves me feeling jittery and cold.

It’s so obvious that I can’t help wonder if it’s just a coincidence or fate’s love for the ironic. After all, wouldn’t it be just like something that would happen to me? Wouldn’t it be just like fate to force me to go back to the one place I have been desperate to avoid? Even the thought of going back home to Roswell has the nerves spearing through me. My mouth goes dry and I find myself consciously having to stop myself from tugging at my hair in sheer panic.

It looks like I’m going home for Christmas after all…


<center>TBC. . . </center>

[FallenMagic]

I know, I know i'm a horrible person for making you guys wait so long for a new part but I've discovered that university wrecks havoc on your regular life! But I've finally managed to write something, get it beta-ed and posting it here...so on with the show!


<center>Part Nine</center>


The sun is just beginning to peek from above the desert hills as my car speeds down the Roswell highway. It’s been close to three hours since I left the city and headed straight on to Roswell and I’m nearing my hometown. I didn’t want to waste any time in starting my journey home. I didn’t want to give myself a chance to think about it too much…or to change my mind.

Zan is fast asleep on the seat next to me and, as I glance over at him, I can see the utter tranquility on his face. Seeing it there, I feel oddly resentful. Why can’t it be just as easy for adults to let go of past traumas and experiences? Why can’t I just close my eyes and relax, not worry about what is going to happen now, or what to do next? Why can’t it be just as easy for me to let go and forget?

Sighing deeply, I fiddle with the radio tuner, letting music float through the car at a low volume. I’m really not interested in listening to music but I need the distraction. If I don’t have anything to divert my mind, I’m going to end up thinking about things I’d rather not. I’ll only end up obsessing over the break-in at my apartment and, at the same time, needlessly worry about coming face to face with people I have successfully managed to avoid for nearly a year.

The tactic only works for a few minutes. I can not stop thinking and worrying. I can’t believe that this madness has started again. I can’t believe that I am once again pulled into something I have tried so hard to run away from, something that Tess once again has instigated…

And yet, this time around, both she and I have willingly allowed ourselves to be pulled headlong into this abyss because of the same reason…Zan. She knew and, to be fair, she warned me of the dangers I would be facing taking Zan in. I didn’t care then because all I had to do was see Zan and know instantly that I’d allow myself to be pulled in. He was – is – all that matters.

Even as I think that, I turn to look at him with a small smile and startle when I find him watching me with quiet, thoughtful blue eyes. I smile wider at him.

“Hey,” I say softly, “Sleep well?”

Zan nods, content to remain curled into the seat. “Are we in Roswell yet?” he asks.

I shake my head. “Almost. I think we’re nearing city limits.” I pause, feeling anxious to prolong the moment when I’m back in Roswell. “You want to stop somewhere, get something to eat maybe or use the restroom?” I ask Zan, hoping he says yes.

“No, I’m fine.” He assures me and I struggle to push away the helplessness and the panic. So much for buying myself some time.

Zan sits up now, curiously looking out the window, trying to catch a glimpse of the town. It’s still far away though and, disappointed, he settles back down in the passenger seat. The next few miles fly by and the closer I get to Roswell, the more desperate I feel to turn around and run back to Albuquerque.

I’m not ready. I don’t know if I can face everyone. What will I say? What will they think about me being back with Zan? What will Max say?

Oh God! I groan inwardly, chewing my lip in panic as I see the city limits approach. What if I’m not welcome any longer?

It’s a ridiculous thought and I know it, and yet, I can’t stop from thinking it. I force myself to recall the numerous times Maria and Michael have invited me over. I try to think about the times Kyle has insisted that I come stay with him a while. Even Isabel and Jesse have been courteous enough to call on me. I have no reason to fear being turned away, no reason at all…except that when I think about going back to Roswell all I can think of, can see is Max’s face as I walked out the door, walked out on him.

I don’t want to go back and see what I’ve done to him. I don’t want to go back and see the hate in his eyes for me…especially when he finds out that I’ve been keeping Zan away from him for the past three weeks.

“Where are we staying?” Zan asks, bringing me out of my thoughts abruptly.

Glancing over at him, I pause, not having thought about that. Where would we stay? Normally I might have asked Maria but with Jake I don’t know if she’d be able to put us up. Or if she would even want to.

“Probably with my mom and dad.” I smile at Zan then. “You’ll love it. I used to live right above a restaurant that my parents owned and, let me tell you, it has the best pies in the whole of Roswell!”

“Really?” Zan’s eyes light up. “Can I have some whenever I want?”

Laughing, I nod. “We can work something out, I’m sure.”

The rest of the drive thankfully passes away with relative ease thanks to Zan’s lively chatter. He bombards me with all sorts of questions about my friends, the Crashdown and the sights. I answer whatever I can, and with each answer I feel the ache for home more deeply than before. I hadn’t realized just how much I missed Roswell until now.

Before I even have time to prepare myself I see the familiar sign up ahead and I can’t help the smile that touches my lips.

The Crashdown…home.

A quick scan of the building shows me it hasn’t changed much at all in the past year. I don’t know why I expected that it would have. A little jittery and a little excited I park my car just near the front and turn to give Zan a nervous smile.

“Ready?”

Zan just flashes a bright, mischievous grin and nods. “Whenever you are, Liz.”

“Here we go, Liz.” I whisper to myself as I clutch Zan’s hand protectively in mine and lead him in through the doors and into a place that is as familiar to me as my home.

For a moment we just stand there, both unsure and lost. Its then I realize just how much distance I’ve created between myself and this place. I may have grown up here but somehow this place feels foreign to me now. I don’t know how exactly to act. Do I announce my arrival? Do I wait quietly at a booth until someone sees me? There aren’t many customers around in the first place. Looking around it occurs to me that I don’t see a single familiar face. The waitresses, the cook, all have been changed.

I’m disappointed but I do know that one thing won’t have changed. I know I’ll still find my dad puttering about at the back, probably hassling the new cook. And sure enough I hear his voice come belting out of the kitchen and I have to smile.

“Come on, Zan.” I tug on his hand lightly. “Let’s go meet my dad.”

I cautiously push the backdoor open and then walk in. A girl rushes in right behind me, her arms full of empty plates. She pauses to give me a curious look.

“Can I help you? You know you’re not allowed back here.” She tells me.

“Actually, I’m looking for Jeff Parker. I’m his…”

“Liz?”

My dad’s incredulous voice cuts me off and I whirl around to find him standing right behind me, an absolutely thrilled yet surprised look on his face. “Liz! Honey, when did you get here?” he asks even as he pulls me into a hug. He barely lets me go before he turns around and hollers up the stairs, “Nancy, come down quick. You won’t believe who’s here!”

Grinning a little at his antics, and pushing back the choke in my throat, I reply, “Just now. Thought I’d surprise you people.” I wink at him. “Are you surprised?”

“I’m about to roll over in shock.” My dad grins affectionately at me before his gaze suddenly shifts to Zan, who’s now moved slightly behind me. “Who have you got there, Liz?”

“Well…this is…”

Once again I’m cut off, this time by my mother. She comes down the stairs, her hair swept up in a messy bun and an irate frown on her lips. “Jeff, you should know better than to yell like that. Now what is so important that it couldn’t wait…” Her voice trails off as she finally looks up and notices me. Her eyes go wide with surprise and just a little teary as my presence registers with her.

“Liz?” She cries out. Then her eyes move down to Zan and the color drains from her face as she stares from Zan then back at me, her face white and knowing.

“Zan…” She whispers.

So much for hoping to keep his identity a secret….

<center>* * * * * </center>

“Are you going to tell him?”

I don’t look up at my mother yet, choosing instead to watch her fingers clench themselves tightly around her powder blue coffee mug. Both my parents had sat silently as I related my entire story to them. But all throughout I could feel my mother’s accusing eyes staring at me, silently asking me the same questions I had asked myself over and over again in the past months.

How could I have agreed to Tess’s idea? How I could have trusted her word?

I may tell myself that those questions don’t matter anymore but I also know that not many people would agree with me.

Running a hand through my hair, I sigh and look up at her and shake my head. “I can’t, mom.” For reasons I can’t explain even to myself I feel tears prick the back of my throat. “I know he will hate me for it but I just can’t…. I don’t know how to.” I trail of in a whisper, feeling guilty and conflicted over what’s best.

My mom doesn’t say anything for a long moment; the silence between us breaking only by the occasional squeals and giggles from Zan who is busy with my dad.

“He looks just like him…”

The awe and wonder in my mom’s voice has me looking up at her and I find her watching Zan with conflicting emotions in her eyes. When she finally turns to look back at me there is reluctant acceptance in her eyes.

“How do you plan to keep people from figuring out he’s Max’s son?”

I turn to look at Zan who is enraptured by a story my dad’s telling him. The vibrant smile on his face and the giggle caught on his lips has me smiling as well. “I don’t know.” I shrug. “I haven’t exactly thought this through.”

“Liz…” The tone in mom’s voice has me instantly on the alert. I already know what’s coming. “Will you go meet him?”

Even having braced myself for the question, the punch in it is sharp and painful.

“Should I?” I stare into my mother’s eyes, searching for some guidance. Instead she just smiles at me gently.

“It’s your decision, Liz.”

“That’s not exactly the answer I was looking for.” I tell her accusingly.

“I know. But I can’t make that decision for you. It has to come from you.”

The mere thought of having to see Max, to meet him and know that I know where his son is, is too distressing a thought. And, if I am honest with myself, I don’t want to know what has happened to Max after I left him. Because if he’s still obsessed with finding his son then maybe that would mean that it didn’t matter to him that I left. It would only prove to me that I had never mattered to him at all….

<center>TBC. . .</center>