Anyway, thank you guys for all your comments, especailly those who have been reading this from start to finish - you know who you are
Part twenty one
I wake up with a gasp, my eyes flinging open as I launch myself into an upright sitting position. I take in huge deep breaths as I bring my hand to my throat. There are no scratch marks there. I frown as I breath in normally, not the rasping that I had become accustomed to just hours before.
No.
I instantly take in my position; I’m on the floor, again. I’m in my familiar white gown, naked underneath, again. I look around me and all I see is white, white padding.
I’m in my cell again.
I look around me in complete and utter shock, as I start to scramble backwards to the wall for my usual comfort. I’m back in my cell. I dig my nails into the padding and yank at it; a huge clump of material comes out in my hand. Tears start to well in my eyes as I bring the ball of padding to my face, inspecting it then throwing it half way across the room with a scream.
How can I be here? The last thing I remember I was being lifted from the floor by Max, his strong arms around me as I suddenly just fell into a deep sleep. I was going home, back to my family. I was going to be there forever, and wake up in my nice soft bed.
I’d have Max there, Maria to talk to, Michael to grumble at me and Isabel to give me the ice. Kyle… Kyle would make me laugh, bring me back to sanity with a few jokes here and there before telling me it was that bitch’s fault… that I should forget her.
How can I be back here?
Oh god. I sob. It was all a dream, again. All a simple, evil little dream.
“DAMMIT!” I scream out loudly before I launch myself onto the floor, curling into a ball. My arm wraps round my head as I heave heavy sobs into the padding, again – like I always do.
“Liz?” I hear my name being called softly.
I look up to see in the door way is Serena, her sad eyes looking at me.
“What?” I croak at her.
“We need to take you back to room 60.” She says solemnly.
I peer at her from under my arm. “No.” I mumble as I snuggle deeper in to my own body.
“You know that isn’t the way it works Liz.” She says to me, her voice more adamant this time. “You have to go.”
“No.” I say more forcefully. They aren’t doing that to me again, never again. I’d rather be screamed at rather than strapped to a table and have electricity shot through my brain. It hurts. They don’t tell you how much until you are actually there, the electrodes on your forehead.
“Leave me alone.”
“You are coming with us Liz.” I hear Tess’ voice say. I turn to stare at the door just to find a pair of legs standing in front of me. I move my head up to see the face and there in all her glory is Tess, her hands on her hips as she smiles demonically at me.
“No.” I say again as I stare up at her. “I’m not going. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever again.”
She crouches down to my eye level, smiling sweetly at me. “It’s not going to hurt Liz, I promise you that.”
“Bullshit.” I snort at her. “I’d NEVER trust any promises you dish out.”
“Fine.” She says as she stands up and grabs my arm. Together Serena and Tess start pulling at my body. “If this is what has to happen… then that’s the way it shall be.”
“NO!” I scream as I turn quickly, my arms pulling out of their grasps. I dig my nails in to the padding. This time they grab for my legs and start to pull. “NO!” I scream again as they start to pull me across the room, my nails breaking inside the padding as they leave claw marks in the softness beneath me. My fingers bleed as I desperately hold onto anything I can get my hands on, acting like a child being taken to their bedroom.
I latch myself onto the doorframe and drag myself literally onto the door frame, the top half of my body wrapped around it. “No.” I mumble into the frame as they pull at me, but I’m not moving. They can’t have me.
They just swiftly close the door into my side and I instantly let go, my body going limp.
I scream no all the way down the corridor as they drag me into room 60. I thrash around as they place the electrodes on my forehead.
“NO!” I scream as loud as possible as they pump electricity into my brain.
“Liz!” He whispers in to my ear as he shakes my body lightly. “Liz, you need to wake up. Liz wake up, it’s just a dream.”
My eyes flip open instantly and in a second I’m off the bed and scrambling back into my safe corner. My eyes can’t see who it is in the darkness of the room, I know who I dream about but I cannot trust what I see or hear – not any more.
“Liz?” He says again. “Liz, it’s me, Max.”
“Liar.” I whisper tearfully in the dark as my eyes adjust to the lack of light around me. “He doesn’t exist… he’s dead!” I say angrily as tears form in my eyes again. “Or you’re Tess, your playing with my mind again.”
“Liz, Tess is dead.” The soft voice pauses in the darkness. “It’s me, Max. I’m not dead.”
A silhouette starts to form in the darkness, the light of the moon coming through a window. It’s a tall dark silhouette, the figure of a man I once dreamt about.
Or a man who was real? Still real?
“Max?”
“Yes Liz, it’s me.” He says quietly as he starts to approach me slowly.
I bring my knees up into my chest and I lay my head upon them. Tears fall silently as I wait for whatever fate will befall me… will it be Max? Or will it be Tess?
His hand rests on my shoulder making me look up at those deep brown eyes that are looking down at me with so much feeling. I sob out loud as he brings his hand to cup my cheek. “Liz.” He exclaims as he sees the tears. “It’s okay now.” He pulls me into his arms and starts to play with my hair as sobs rack my body. For the first moment in months, I feel completely and utterly safe, loved and cared for. “It’s okay, you’re safe now.”
“You are real aren’t you?” I ask gently as I snuggle myself further into his arms, feeling the life of a loved one wrapping itself around me. It’s warm, it’s inviting; it isn’t pure white.
“As real as aliens.” He says with all seriousness, which makes me laugh softly. It’s the first laugh that has gently come to the surface in a while. It’s not a snort or a scoff, it’s a real laugh.
I lift my head off his chest, instantly missing his warmth, but bring my hand to cup his cheek. “I have something to tell you.” I whisper coarsely. “You know, just incase this is all another dream… or if you disappear in a minute…I have to, you know, tell you this or I’m gonna regret it.” Tears fall down my cheeks as I stare into his wonderful hazel eyes, the ones I want to stare into for the rest of my life. It makes my heart feel warm as his concern falls from his eyes, a few tears in the corners of his lids. “No matter what either of us have done to each other… No matter what I’ve told you about not dying for you, for wanting normal boys and a normal life, which I’d like to point out I didn’t mean by the way… well what I want to say was… well you know.”
His finger rests onto my lips. “You’re rambling.” He chuckles with a slight smile.
I stop for a second, the air around me electrified by our bodies finally together, here on the floor in the corner. “I - I love you Max.” I whisper to him with tears rolling down my cheeks, emotions finally breaking me down again. But this time, its relief I feel. Happiness and relief.
“I love you too.”
As I take in his words and as his lips seek out my own I’m filled with a warmth I have been missing for a while. It’s comforting the moment his lips touch mine, soft and delicate but with a passion that reminds me that at the end of it all I belong to this man, body, heart and soul. Completely.
And you know what scares me? It feels so real, so right to be sat on the floor, my lips locked with an alien who I thought for a moment didn’t really exist. He has one hand in my hair, playing as he kisses me slowly healing from the inside out; the other hand is splayed on the bare part of my back just above my pajama top, his skin bringing my tired body back to life.
I can feel a solid chest all around me, legs underneath my body.
It feels so normal.
It feels so real … and to be honest, I think it is reality
But like every part of my life, nothing is what it seems. I just suppose only time can tell, right?
The end.