Speak Your Name S/L 2/2 MATURE

[DMartinez]

Author: DMartinez
Email: shockerdm@icqmail.com
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Metz, Katims and the writing crew at Regency. UPN, WB. No infringement intended.
Category: S/L
Rating: MATURE
Summary: Some people you don't get over. Companion piece to Call My Name.

Speak Your Name

Clutching the wall, she choked back yet another sob. She had to keep silent this time. Maria had heard her last time and had asked her about it but she couldn't tell Maria what she had done. She let the water burn her back as she sobbed as quietly as possible. It would have been fine if she could have kept loving Max. She had gone to college in Florida and he had shown up and she thought it would be what she needed. To have him finally to herself. It was all over and done with and he was hers.

He had come back for her and tracked her down. Two weeks later they were in bed and as he made her scream, he froze. It wasn't flashes. No, not yet. It was the name that had tumbled off her lips as she screamed. It was too late to stop and when he came, the flashes told him all he needed to know and so much more.

She remembered the way Max had sat on the side of his bed in that run down apartment he was using and refused to turn around for what felt like hours. Max was not her first. Her first was in Roswell still. She had barely left with a goodbye because she had to go to school, to get out of Roswell where the memories of broken hearts and dearly departed friends was so fresh. "Do you love him?"

"I…" The lie wouldn't come out. When Max had gone in search of his son and left her alone, she had gone to Sean for comfort and many, many hours of sex in his bed. That's what she thought it was. Just sex. It was comfort because the one she wanted was wandering the country, searching for something that wasn't there. Somewhere things had been changed on her. Her rulebook had been revoked and suddenly she was in the middle of a relationship that no one had a clue about. How they had kept it a secret all that time, she had no clue but soon it was as if she were addicted, sneaking out to see him when she had just come home from 'hanging out' with him. "I love him."

"You should have told me." Max's shoulders sagged. "I just showed up and acted like I owned you and you don't even… care."

"I care." She corrected him firmly.

He turned to look at her and this time it was different. He had never looked at her like he didn't know her… not once in all their time together but that day, Max Evans stared at her as if he had never once spoken to her, never kissed her, never saved her life. "I came back for you. What am I going to do now?"

He was angry. She could understand that but she had the right to live her life with or without him as she chose because he had left her for something that wasn't there. "I waited for you. You left me." He turned away again. "It's been two years, Max."

"He's dating someone." Max bit out. He just wanted to hurt her, that's why he said that. She started to cry and he turned back. "If you love him so much, why are you here? Huh? Why aren't you with him?" She had no answer for him. "Did you get scared? Run away? Is that what you do?"

"Hey!"

"Hey!" Max yelled back at her. "You didn't make love to him and say my name. You were making love to me and you said his name. I'm the one with the anger here." Getting dressed, he kept shaking his head. "How'd you end it with him?"

"I told him I thought I was still in love with you."

"Well, that was a pretty little lie."

"I didn't think it was." The tears had never stopped as it was sinking in what she had done. "What am I supposed to do now, Max?"

He gathered her clothes and thrust them onto the bed. "Go home, Liz."

And she had. She had gone to her dorm and cried in her shower until the tears wouldn't run anymore. She had gone to administration and told them she was transferring back home. By the end of the semester she was home and excited to see him. She sat in the last booth and remembered that summer. Long talks and hours of being together. Laying with him on that pullout for hours when the others weren't home. When he walked into the Crashdown, she froze and remembered what Max had said. 'He's dating someone.' He barely looked twice at her.

Sean's girlfriend was tall, blond and had been given more than her fair share of curves. Maria had made some comment about the bimbo being one of the latest. That night, Liz cried in the shower, muffling her sobs with her wash cloth. She moved out of the house when the summer was over. She and Maria were making a go of it and because they shared a room, she could only cry in the shower after she saw him out with that girl.

Maria had suggested the blind date. Had heard Liz crying in the shower and wanted to make her forget Max. He was a nice guy but not for Liz, she said as much when they were in the bathroom after dinner. On the way back to their table, they ran into Sean and Sara. Sean could barely look at her, and why would he want to. She left him, saying she was still in love with Max and now he had the beautiful Sara on his arm. He wouldn't even address her in public and so she had to look away.

Staring at the drain, Liz wanted it all to go away. If only he could say her name, she might be able to get through a day without crying. If she had to see him one more time with the buxom Sara, she was going to vomit right at their feet. If only she could forget the way he used to touch her body, make her flesh scream… if only… if only. If only she could open her mouth to speak his name.

"Liz? You alright in there?" Maria. Liz tried to catch her breath. "It wasn't so bad tonight. Maybe I'll call them and we can do it again." Not another night of torture. "Liz?"

"I'm fine."

"You've been in there an hour."

"I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute." Liz stood and wavered when she thought of leaving the cold shower. "I'm fine," she whispered to herself. "I'm fine."

"Cookie dough and Steel Magnolias are waiting, chica."

Dropping the towel at the mirror, Liz stared at herself. Had Sean never cared about her? When he had said 'I love you' at the end of summer… was it something he had said to fill space or just a random lie that he figured would keep her in town. Did he say it so she would just go? "Sean looked serious about that girl." Had she said that out loud?

"Sean?" Maria huffed. "You know, I called him to invite him to our pity party cause I know he used to be good for you after this Max shit but he wouldn't answer his phone. I shudder to think how Slutinsky must be occupying his time. Hurry up."

Liz reached for the concealer and applied it liberally to the circles under her eyes. She hadn't slept a wink since she'd been back in Roswell "I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute."

"I talked to Isabel. She said that Max left Florida months ago. I guess he just stopped in to break your heart again and vamoose… onto the next state to look for that whore. Seriously, Liz. I'm gonna try to get Sean over here so he can fix you."

Maybe she didn't deserve to be happy after lying to the two men who had genuinely cared for her. She had been given not one but two chances and she had thrown them both away. Tears wet her eyes as she remembered the feel of a pair of arms encasing her in warmth, healing her broken spirit. Blinking to dry them, she opened the door.

"Sean. Pick up, pick up, pick up. Throw the ho out and come keep us company. I'm gonna keep calling until you call me back."

"Leave him alone, Maria." Liz shook her head at her friend and collapsed on the couch. "Just leave him alone."

The End.