Introspective (CC/All)(Teen) COMPLETE - 12/7/06

[majiklpooh]

Title: Introspective

Rating: Teen

Authors: Majiklmoon and TruelovePooh = MajiklPooh

Disclaimer: Roswell, and it’s characters belong to Melinda Mets, Jason Katims and 20th Century Fox. She created them, he killed them, and they pulled the plug. We’re just borrowing them.

Author’s Note from Majiklmoon: This story has been a long time coming. Pooh and I have been talking forever about collaborating on a story. Finally, we just said what the heck, and did it, and majiklpooh was born. Amazingly, this story is almost finished. It’s only three parts. Part two is being tweaked and Part three is a work in process. Working with Pooh has been a blast. We joke about sharing one brain, but I swear, with this story, it was true. And a HUGE thanks to Anniepoo98 for the incredible banner.

Author’s Note from Pooh: This story has been in the making for months, I have so many stories going that I didn't want to start it at first. However you must follow the muse. I have felt this story needed to be told, and most of you know why. Working with Tracie has been a dream come true for me, she's a wonderful writer (we all know that) but her perspective on this has helped me to make this a story I'm the most proud of. I hope you all enjoy this as much as I have writing it! BTW all future stories written between Tracie and I will have this name.






The room was silent, except for the monotonous beeping of the machines that recorded the beating of the patient’s heart. She’d heard it for so long, she didn’t even notice it any more. Almost unconsciously, she reached out and straightened the covers before moving up to brush a stray lock of dark hair away from the face that looked so peaceful.

Peaceful, Isabel thought. There wasn’t any peace. There hadn’t been in such a very long time. Sighing soundlessly, Isabel got up off of the chair that had been placed next to the bed and walked across the hospital room to the window. She stared unseeingly through the glass and wondered how she’d gotten here. If only Max were here, he’d know what to do. He’d know how to fix this. She couldn’t fix it. She’d tried, but that particular ability was Max’s alone. But Max was dead, or worse than dead, she thought, looking at the figure in the bed.

Her hand reached out and toyed with the curtains. They were an ugly blue color, and their only redeeming quality was that they broke up the seemingly endless expanse of white in the hospital room.

“Good morning, Isabel,” said Debbie Manners, one of the many nurses who worked on this floor. “And how’s our patient today?”

Isabel watched as Debbie leaned over the bed, checked temperature, pulse and respiration and noted them on the chart before she responded.

“Our patient,” she snapped, “Is in a coma. She’s not anything.

“That’s not true,” the nurse said, frustrated with Isabel’s attitude. “She’s in there, Isabel, and she’s probably aware of what’s going on around her. Talk to her; let her know you’re here. Let her know you care. She needs that. And you do care. I can tell. It’s why you’re here, every day, all day. You’re not as hard and uncaring as you want everybody to think you are. Let her see that. Let her know you care about her, because honestly, Isabel, I think you need her as much as she needs you.”

Isabel’s hand reached out and gripped the curtain tightly, as she willed herself not to lash out. She had to remain in control. She had to keep herself in check. If she didn’t, she didn’t know if she’d survive. It was the only thing that had helped her to get this far. For as long as she could remember, she’d forced herself to keep a part of herself locked away from the rest of the world. It’s what kept her safe. Still, maybe the nurse was right. Maybe should try. She owed it to Max.

She sat back down and looked at the figure on the bed. Why she was here was actually kind of ironic. They’d been on the run forever, but no matter where they went, Kivar’s men managed to find them. One by one, they’d been killed until only the two of them were left. They’d stopped at a small store to get some food and walked right into a robbery. The trigger happy kid spun around as they opened the door, the bell jangling cheerfully to announce their arrival and fired. The bullet stuck Liz right in the stomach. In exactly the place she’d been shot before. It was almost as if fate were playing some enormous practical joke on them.

“Do you remember that day, Liz? Do you remember the first time you were shot, and Max healed you? God, I hated you that day,” Isabel said, softly. “I hated everything you represented. Not only were you putting us in danger, but you were a threat to me. I was so afraid you were going to take Max away from me. And I needed Max. All my life, Max was there, and I was afraid to lose him. Max was everything to me. He was the only constant in my life. We had sworn never to tell anybody about ourselves – ever. Not even our parents. God, Liz, that killed me. I wanted to tell my mother so bad, but Max said we couldn’t. That secret was always between us. Max said we couldn’t tell them. It would change everything. But Liz, they were our parents. What was he afraid of? Was he afraid that if they saw the real us, they’d hate us? Maybe they would. Maybe they’d be totally disgusted but the truth.”

Isabel paused and reached for the pitcher of water that was located on the table next to Liz’s bed. She’d wondered previously at the point of keeping a fresh pitcher of water in the room of a coma patient, but now she was glad it was there. She filled the glass with the fresh cool water, drained it and filled it again. It did a lot to quench her thirst, but nothing to fill the hole in her heart.

“You became such a big part of our lives,” Isabel continued. “Not that anybody but Max wanted you in our lives. God, Michael was always so rude to you, and I wasn’t much better. We were just nasty to you. To Maria and Alex too, but at the same time, I was so envious of you, Liz. You had this great relationship with your parents, and best friends you could talk to about anything. I couldn’t have any of that. I couldn’t tell my parents our secret, and much as I love Max and Michael, there were just some things I couldn’t say to them. I remember the day I really started to feel for you. That was the day your grandmother went into the hospital. I may have been kind of self-absorbed back then, but even I could see how badly you were hurting. And how badly Maria wanted to be your best friend and take all your pain away. The thing is, nobody could take that pain away. Though I’ll never forgive Maria for making me wear that hideous uniform. Still, I did convince Max that he needed to go be with you. I think that was the first time I ever really focused on somebody else’s needs instead of my own, I mean, outside of my family. Maybe that makes me sound shallow and superficial, and maybe, back then I was, but I think I had a reason.”

Isabel sighed and looked once again at Liz, how ironic that Liz and Isabel were the last ones. Well hopefully they were. The doctors did not have much hope of Liz coming out of the coma. Isabel feared being alone, which was also ironic.

“Liz do you remember when Michael got sick? I was so worried we would lose him, I knew in my heart when Michael was lying there sick that I loved him, I loved him just as I loved Max. You were so brave to go to River Dog yourself. Of course I was mad at you, mostly because it should have been me that went. In many ways I wanted to find out everything about us and then when we started to I was so scared. I liked my life and I felt selfish for that, but I couldn’t help it. I had such a hard time opening up to people, those friends at school never knew how I really felt about anything. I had to put up a wall so my guard would not be let down, no one could find out about us.” Isabel paused taking another drink of water.

“This is why I had to push Alex away. He knew me, and that scared me at first.” Isabel giggled a little, she stopped to cover her mouth with her hand to stop the giggle before she began again. “I don’t mean to laugh, but thinking about Alex in those first few months, I can’t help but laugh. He was so adorable. I knew he watched me and I have to admit I felt so safe when he had his eyes on me. When Michael and I started having those horrible dreams, Alex was so…Alex, he loved unconditionally. Of course I know you know this Liz, Alex was one of your best friends. I’m not sure if Max ever told you this, but I told him we should tell Alex, I knew we could trust him. I think Max was shocked, that was the first person I ever agreed should be told. Alex was a lot of my firsts actually.”

“Excuse me, Ms. Whitman?” a voice behind Isabel said. “I’m Dr. Houston, and I’m going to have to ask you to step out for a minute.”

“Why, what’s wrong?” Isabel asked, fear creeping into her voice.

“I’m sorry, nothing’s wrong,” the doctor said, smiling. “I just need to check Ms. Maxwell’s stitches. It will only take a few minutes. Why don’t you go get yourself a cup of coffee, and by the time you get back, I’ll be done.”

“You’re sure she’s okay?” Isabel asked.

“Ms. Maxwell is doing as well as can be expected under the circumstances,” the doctor said. “Of course, the longer she remains unconscious, the more concerned we become. I heard you talking to her when I came in. That’s a good idea. Keep it up. Is there anybody else who can come in and help you?”

“No, there isn’t,” Isabel said, sadly. “Not anymore.”

[majiklpooh]

Title: Introspective
Author: Majiklpooh (Majiklmoon and Truelovepooh)
Rating: Teen
Disclaimer: Roswell, and it’s characters belong to Melinda Mets, Jason Katims and 20th Century Fox. She created them, he killed them, and they pulled the plug. We’re just borrowing them.

Thanks for all the wonderful Feedback, it will be answered by Majiklmoon after this part!


Part 2


Isabel stationed herself in the lobby, directly across from Liz’s room, while she waited for the doctor to finish doing whatever it was he was doing. A forgotten cup of coffee cradled in her hand. She’d ignored the doctor’s advice and hadn’t gone down to the cafeteria, but instead helped herself to a cup of the foul brew from the nurse’s station. As she sat, she allowed her mind to drift over memories she’d long suppressed. She forced herself to remember the message they’d received from her mother. The message that told them of their destiny. The message that brought their enemies to Roswell, and forced her to pull away from Alex.

“Alex.” The name escaped her lips without her even realizing it. The man who’s name she now used, even though she had no claim upon it. The moment Nescado had told them that they’d probably lead all their enemies right to them; she knew she had to set Alex free. She just didn’t realize how hard it would be. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Alex. She wanted to protect him – to keep him safe, and the only way she knew how to do that was push him away.

And push him away she did, but letting Grant Sorenson into her life. She’d figured if she just went back to casual dating it would serve two purposes. It would make Alex think she was moving on – thereby keeping him safe, and it would, in a way, keep her safe because she wasn’t willing to become emotionally involved with anyone else. Alex was the only person she’d ever really opened up to. She wasn’t about to share her heart with anybody else.

“Ms. Whitman, you can go back in now,” a voice said, pulling Isabel from her reverie. She jumped involuntarily, causing the now cold coffee to spill all over her sweater.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Ms. Whitman,” the nurse said. “I didn’t realize you were sleeping. I just wanted to let you know the doctors were done in Ms. Maxwell’s room.”

“Thank you,” Isabel said, ignoring the stain on her sweater. It seemed so unimportant compared to everything that had happened lately. “Did the doctor say anything?” Isabel asked, walking toward the door.

“There’s no change, ma’am,” the nurse said. “But don’t lose faith.”

“Faith,” Isabel said, returning to the chair beside Liz’s bed. “I never was very good at taking things on faith. Do you remember Liz, how foolish I was to keep everything I’d learned about Vilandra from Max? Maybe if I’d told him as soon as I’d learned about it things would have been different for all of us. But I didn’t because I didn’t have faith in Max. I didn’t have faith in my own brother to believe in me, because I didn’t have faith in myself. I’d become so good at hiding my real self away and only showing the world the Isabel they wanted to see that I forgot who I was and how to believe in myself. And if I couldn’t believe in myself, how could I expect any of you to believe in me?”

Feeling restless, Isabel pushed herself up off the chair and began to pace the narrow confines of Liz’s room, the monitors that measured Liz’s heartbeat setting the pace for her steps. “God, Liz, everything went to hell that year. Michael killed Pierce, the Skins killed Nescado, I killed Whitaker, you slept with Kyle and Tess – no, I don’t think I’m ready to go there, Liz, not even for you,” Isabel said. “Let’s just forget about that, Liz. Let’s talk about Vilandra instead. Did I ever tell you how I learned about Vilandra?” Isabel turned toward Liz almost as if waiting for a response. When none was forthcoming, she continued her monologue.

“Whitaker told me about her at first, and I didn’t want to believe her. I didn’t want to believe that I could be a part of someone who would betray everybody she loved. Maybe that’s why I didn’t tell Max, because I couldn’t believe it myself. Then Nicholas basically told me the same story Whitaker did, and still, I didn’t want to believe it. It took meeting Lonnie, and seeing myself in her to realize what I was, and why I was here. I was here because of what I did on Antar, Liz. I thought I betrayed everything I knew and loved and it took Michael to help me see the truth and realize it was all a lie. And STILL deep down, I feel responsible. You know, I was so glad Alex left for Sweden then, because I couldn’t stand the thought of him looking at me. I knew that he, out of all of you would be able to see through the wall I put up. He’d be the one to figure out what I’d done. I was certain he’d despise me for it, though no more than I despised myself.”

Isabel stopped pacing and returned to her seat beside Liz’s bed. “Did I ever tell you, Liz that I tried dream walking Alex while he was in Sweden. It never worked though. At the time, I just assumed it was because he closed his mind to me, but now…dream walk. Liz, maybe if I dream walk you, I can help!” Isabel said. “I know we can do it. We’ve done it before.” Isabel reached out and took Liz’s hand in hers and tried to enter Liz’s mind but instead of finding herself walking around in Liz’s dreams, she found herself it total darkness. She waited for several minutes, hoping and praying that she’d find something, but even as she did, she knew it was futile. Wherever Liz was, it wasn’t here.

She pulled herself out of Liz’s mind and struggled not to cry. She was so positive that she’d be able to dream walk Liz and help her find her way out of her coma. When it didn’t work, she felt worse than ever before.

“God, all I ever wanted was a normal life,” Isabel said, softly, cradling her head in her hands. “Was that too much to ask? It just never happened. No matter how much I tried, it never happened. Even Christmas, the one time of year people are practically entitled to normalcy I go overboard and become the Christmas Nazi. You didn’t think I knew about that, did you? ‘All hail the Christmas Nazi,’ Michael used to say. I used to get so mad at him for that. Now, I’d give anything in the world to hear him say it again.” A small sob escaped from Isabel as she thought about Michael, and how she’d never see him, never see any of them again. “Damn it, Liz. You have to live. I don’t think I’ll survive if you don’t,” Isabel said.

“Excuse me, Ms. Whitman?” Debbie the nurse, who’d encouraged Isabel to talk to Liz, spoke from the doorway. “I’m going to lunch, can I bring you anything?”

“No – no, I’m fine,” Isabel said, trying to brush the tears away. “I – uh – I’ve been talking to her, like you suggested. “But I don’t think it’s making a difference.”

“You need to give it a little time, Ms. Whitman,” the kindly nurse said. “Are you sure I can’t bring you anything?”

“No, I’ll be fine,” Isabel said. “Enjoy your lunch.”

Isabel waited until the nurse left the room before she resumed talking to Liz.

“Do you remember the Prom, Liz?” Isabel asked. “That’s a stupid question, of course you remember the Prom. You looked beautiful. We all looked beautiful. Did you know that I almost didn’t go? I bet you didn’t know that, did you?” laughed Isabel. “That’s right, Isabel Evans almost didn’t go to the Prom because she almost didn’t have a date. Alex didn’t want to take me. Did he tell you that? I hinted and hinted and hinted. God, I was about as transparent as a pane of glass. Finally, he told me he wasn’t going to ask me. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go with me, it’s that he was afraid that if he did, he’d fall right back into his liking me, and my ignoring him. But the funny thing is Liz, I’d finally realized, after watching you and Max, and Michael and Maria screw everything up, that I needed Alex in my life. He completed me. I think all of us, well, me, Max and Michael were kind of like baby geese. You know how baby geese bond with the first thing they see after their born? Well we all bonded with the first people we fell in love with. I mean, come on, think about it. Michael and Maria, despite all their fights and arguments belonged together, and there is no doubt in anybody that ever saw you and Max together that you two were soul mates. I think Alex and I belonged together too, and I finally realized it after he came back from Sweden. I only wish now that I hadn’t realized it. Maybe if I had,” she paused to catch her breath. “Maybe if I had, Tess wouldn’t have killed Alex.”

Isabel paused, overwhelmed by the rush of emotion that rushed through her body. She reached out blindly for the glass of water she’d poured early and took a deep sip. She hadn’t meant to think about Tess, she’d tried not to think about her at all – ever, and she’d been successful. But now, all the hurt, all the pain, all the deception came rushing back.

“You know Liz, at first, I was so excited to find out who Tess was. I so much wanted, no needed her. I needed her to be my friend. I wanted what you and Maria had. That bond the two of you shared. I know both of you tried to be my friend, and we were friends, but I so much wanted someone who really understood what I was going through. You and Maria tried, but it wasn’t the same. But Tess – she betrayed me – she betrayed us all. She brought so much pain and destruction into our lives. I know you and Max worked it all out between you, what happened with Tess, but Liz, in case there was any little bit of doubt in your mind, you need to let it go. Max loved you. My brother loved you with all his heart and soul. The way Michael loved Maria, and the way I loved Alex.”

Isabel yawned as a wave of exhaustion over took her. “I’m getting tired Liz,” she said to her friend. “But I’m not leaving. I’m just going to close my eyes for a minute.” The nurse came in to find her sleeping and covered her with a blanket. Isabel mumbled as she tried to get comfortable. “Alex” she said softly before drifting into a deeper sleep.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

The days past in an endless succession of sameness for Isabel. Every day found her at the hospital talking to Liz, but there was no change. The doctors were beginning to talk about moving Liz to a long-term care facility, and Isabel was scared. She didn’t know what she’d do if she lost her last connection with her old life. Alternately begging and pleading, Isabel managed to squeeze a bit more time out of the doctors, and Isabel vowed that she’d stay with Liz around the clock until her friend regained consciousness. The nurses were a wonderful support to Isabel, bringing her food, and lending her their courage and strength when her own flagged. She didn’t know how she’d get through it all without them.

“Isabel, you really need to get some fresh air,” Sheila, the night nurse said. “I’m going to give Liz a quick sponge bath, and I want you to go take a quick walk while I do it. I’ll be about fifteen minutes.”

“You’ll call me if there’s any change?” Isabel asked.

“You know I will,” the nurse said. “Now, go, before I get cranky with you.”

Isabel gave her a wan smile and left the room. Once clear of the hospital, she took a deep breath, enjoying the smell of the cool night air. It was a clear night, but the smell of rain was in the air, and Isabel reveled in it. She took another deep breath and allowed the air to chase away the antiseptic smell of the hospital that seemed to clog her senses. Without a plan in mind, she waked across the street to the small playground that was overshadowed by the hospital. During the day, she’d seen plenty of families here, but for now, the park was deserted.

Isabel walked around aimlessly for several minutes. She paused at the merry-go-round and gave it a small shove, watching without really seeing, as it spun around and around. She jumped up on the ride and spun around slowly. After several revolutions, she jumped off and continued walking through the park. At the swings she paused and sat down. Slowly, she pumped back and forth going higher and higher. Acting on instinct, she waited until the swing was at its highest arc and jumped. She landed on her feet, but the momentum sent her tumbling to the ground. She rolled and rolled and finally sprawled out on her back looking up into the star filled sky. Out of habit, she searched the sky until her eyes came to rest on Orion, and she remembered that night in Frazier Woods. It was the first time she ever let Alex in, but it wasn’t the last.

Her cell phone began to ring and she fumbled for it, her hands shaking uncontrollably.

“H-hello,” she said.

“Ms. Whitman, this is Sheila. We need you to get back here right away.”

Isabel jumped up and ran, her phone falling unnoticed to the ground. She crossed the street, ignoring the wailing horns of the cars in the street. One of them stopped just before it hit her, its driver screaming profanities at her. She ignored him and continued running to the hospital. She tore through the lobby and past the elevators, too impatient, and afraid, to wait for the next car to arrive. Once she reached Liz’s floor, she flew down the quiet hallways running as if death were on her heels, and afraid that death was already in Liz’s room.

“Liz, what happened is she all right?” Isabel yelled before she entered the room.

“Isabel, Isabel, I need you to stop,” Sheila said, holding out a restraining arm. “We need to talk.”

[majiklpooh]

Sorry about that people...we had a crisis of epic proportions going on.

Introspective



Author’s Note by Pooh: I've enjoyed this working on this story so much and I'm very happy to see for the most part you all are enjoying the story with me. Working with my BFF was a dream, it's nice to write with someone and have them know what your thinking with just a few words. This was a project in the making for a long time and because of Tracie's guidance and wonderful writing ability it happened. This is the first story I've finished so it's bitter sweet but oh so perfect to have it be this one. I will answer all FB over the course of this story sometime soon ( I'm having internet issues) and Tracie will tell you about the next thing we are working on. Thanks for reading!

Author’s Note by Majiklmoon: This has been a total blast for me. I’ve never collaborated with anybody before, and can I just say, writing with my BFF was a fantastic way to start. Pooh and I always joke about sharing one brain, but GOD, we do. One of us would write something and send and the other would be like OMG, I was just writing that. Thanks Pooh, * smooches * you’re the best BFF – evah! Okay, Pooh say’s I’m supposed to tell you what’s up next for Majiklpooh. We’re toying with writing a series of one parters, focusing on the deaths of Max, Kyle, Maria, and Michael.

Part 3

“Liz! What happened, is she all right?” Isabel yelled before she entered the room.

“Isabel, Isabel, I need you to stop,” Sheila said, holding out a restraining arm. “Liz is fine, now, but it was touch and go for a while. She went into cardiac arrest.”

“Oh, God,” Isabel cried, the color draining from her face. “She’s okay? She has to be okay. God, please tell me she’s okay?”

“Isabel, listen to me!” Sheila shouted, grabbing Isabel by the shoulders. “She’s okay now, I swear, but before you go in, I want to prepare you. She’s hooked up to a lot of machinery, just like before, but she’s also on a ventilator. We put a breathing tube in her, but if everything goes well, we’ll be removing it shortly.”

“Breathing tube? Why, isn’t she breathing? You’re not using machines to keep her alive, are you? Liz would hate that,” Isabel cried.

“Isabel, you have to calm down,” Sheila said, “And listen to me. Liz went into cardiac arrest. Her heart did stop beating, but we were able to get it started again almost immediately. She can breath on her own, the respirator is to help her breath so there isn’t any additional strain on her heart. She still has reaction to stimuli, meaning if we prick her toes, she can feel it.”

“What does all of that mean?” Isabel asked.

“It means that Liz is really not any worse off than she was before. We got her heart started again so quickly that she probably won’t suffer any after effects,” Sheila explained.

“Probably won’t,” Isabel said, picking up on the word. “But you don’t know for sure?”

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” Sheila said, sadly. “We won’t be sure of anything until Liz wakes up.”

“Can I go back in with her?” Isabel said, her voice thick with tears.

“Go ahead,” Sheila said.

Isabel entered the room slowly, steeling herself, for what she didn’t know, but steeling herself nevertheless. She approached the bed and reached out a hand and tentatively touched Liz’s hand.

“Hey, Liz,” she said, her voice shaky. “You’re really starting to freak me out, and I think, you need to stop it. God, Liz, I was so scared when they told me what happened. I don’t understand. You’d think by now, I’d be immune to death. We’ve lost so many people that we love. But Liz, they only time I ever felt like this was when Max tried to bring Alex back and couldn’t. We stood there, all of us waiting, and when Max climbed out of the back of that ambulance, my heart- well my heart just died. I swore I’d never love anybody again. I missed Alex so much. Did you know I used to see him after he died.” Isabel blushed and looked around, afraid someone would overhear her comments to Liz. “I probably shouldn’t say that out loud,” she continued. “Or they’ll be strapping me into a bed right there beside you.” She giggled a bit self-consciously. “I really did though. I mean, I don’t think it was me just imagining him. I really think it was him.”

Isabel sighed and sat back in the chair. There wasn’t any point in rehashing it. The only thing it did was open old wounds – wounds she had tried so hard to heal with another man.

“I wish I knew you could hear me, Liz. I wish I had done this before. Talked to you, trusted you. You were always there for me, and I always held back from you, from everyone – even Jesse.”

Isabel sighed, thinking about Jesse – her husband, the love of her life – only he wasn’t.

“I didn’t love Jesse,” Isabel said. “Not the way I should have. He was another attempt at normalcy for me. I remember one time, when I was so confused about our relationship. Alex came and talked to me. Liz, it had to be him. I was trying to explain how I felt about Jesse, and I said – I said that I- I never felt that way about anybody before. Liz, Alex said ‘Ouch!’” “If he’d just been a figment of my subconscious, he wouldn’t have said ouch. He would have known what I was talking about. Right?” Isabel looked hopefully at the unconscious figure on the bed before her, as if hoping for an answer. When none was forthcoming, she continued her disjointed ramblings.

“See, Alex just didn’t get it. I dated so many different guys, never letting any of them get close, and Jesse, well Jesse fell in to that category. I’d date a guy, date another guy. There was no connection, no spark. I couldn’t wait until they were gone, because I knew that Alex was always there, waiting for me to make up mind and allow myself to accept that he and I were destined to be together. But then Alex died, and there was Jesse, and he started out as one of those guys I’d date, and then I was going to move on, but I had a small spark…something I couldn’t understand. So, I tried to push him away and he stuck around. I loved him, but I didn’t LOVE him. Jesse wasn’t my great all consuming passion. That was, and always will be, Alex. But Alex was gone, and Jesse wasn’t. He was there, and he asked me to marry him, and the thought of being alone for the rest of my life, it scared me. So I said yes, and I married him, and when we left in the van and I left him standing there I knew then what it was I saw in Jesse. He was like all the men in my life. I think he had a little bit of every single one.”

Isabel exhaled, with a loud whoosh at the confession finally passed her lips after all those years. She finally said it out loud. She just couldn’t figure out why she didn’t feel any better. She remembered someone once saying confession was good for the soul. Well she wasn’t feeling very good right now.

“Excuse me,” a voice behind her said. Isabel turned to see yet another nurse, and a doctor standing in the doorway. “We’re here to examine Ms. Maxwell,” the doctor said. “If you wouldn’t mind waiting in the hallway, it shouldn’t be long.”

“Are you sure you’re old enough to be a doctor?” Isabel asked, taken aback at the young age of the woman standing in the door.”

“I promise,” the doctor said. “Now if you’ll excuse us, this should only take a few minutes.”

“Isabel, I want you to go get something to eat,” Sheila said. “I know you’re not going to leave, but you have to keep your strength up. You’re not going to do yourself, or Liz, any good if you wind up in the bed next to her.”

“But I,” Isabel began.

“Isabel, I’m serious,” said the kindly nurse. “Now go get some food. We’ll be done in about ten minutes.”

Reluctantly, Isabel got up from the chair and left the room. She made the short journey to the hospital cafeteria and helped herself to a muffin and a cup of coffee. Locating an empty table, Isabel sat down and unwrapped the muffin. It stared back at her unappetizingly, but she choked down several bites. The muffin tasted like sawdust in her mouth, and she quickly wrapped it back up, grabbed her coffee and exited the cafeteria.

“You can go back in, Ms. Whitman,” the doctor said, noticing Isabel standing in the hospital room door. “Someone will be back to check on her in a while.

“Thank you,” Isabel said. She stepped back into the room cautiously, as if she were afraid she’d disturb Liz.

“Idiot,” Isabel said to the silence. “They removed a tube, it’s not like she woke up.”

Still holding the coffee in her hand, Isabel reached out and adjusted a stray strand of Liz’s hair, pushing it back away from her face. Without warning, Liz’s hand shot out, knocking the cup of coffee Isabel still held. A wave of the cooling liquid spilled over Isabel’s front, staining her pale green sweater.

“Oh my GOD!” Isabel cried. “Sheila! Somebody, help! I think she’s waking up!”

The sound of footsteps running down the hall filled the air, and a nurse rushed into the room. Without a word to Isabel, she began calling Liz’s name, and shaking her gently. A doctor soon followed and he lifted up the covers at the foot of the bed and gently stuck a pin into various places on Liz’s foot.

“What happened?” he asked Isabel, while carefully studying Liz’s reactions.

“I – I was leaning over, pushing her hair off of her face when her hand reached out, and hit me.” Isabel said. “It was hard enough to send my coffee flying.”

“I’m sorry, Ms. Whitman,” the doctor said, his voice kind. He looked at the girl compassionately. “Unfortunately, Ms. Maxwell simply experienced an involuntary muscle spasm. It’s perfectly natural, but it doesn’t mean she’s coming out of her coma.”

“Oh,” Isabel said, her voice and her expression flat. “I’m sorry I disturbed you.”

“You didn’t disturb us, Ms. Whitman,” the doctor said, touching her gently on the shoulder as a sign of comfort. “I only wish I had happier news for you.”

For several minutes after they left, Isabel simply stood, in the center of the room, while her tears fell unchecked.

“I don’t even know who I’m crying for anymore,” she finally said. “For me, for you, or for the others. God, Liz, I’m so sick of being afraid, and alone. I tried with Jesse, I did. But I wish I had waited. I knew I’d never find what I had with Alex, which is why I settled for Jesse. I didn’t know I’d find anybody else. But I did. You never knew. None of you ever knew, but I did find someone – Liz, I found Kyle, and now he’s gone too.”

Isabel reached down and smoothed the covers back over Liz’s still exposed foot while she tried to think of what to say next.

“We fought it for so long, we both did,” she said finally. “Kyle once told me that he started falling for me right after Alex died, but he didn’t say anything because he felt he would be dishonoring Alex’s memory. And then there was Jesse, and he was so normal, and cute, and so not a part of our whole situation. You know, when I married Jesse, I knew it wasn’t for the right reasons, but I didn’t think I’d ever consider betraying him for another man, but I almost did. It was New Year’s Eve. Do you remember that New Year’s Eve, Liz? Max and Maria went searching for Enigma, and you took care of Michael after his encounter with the beer keg, and Kyle and I, well, I fell in love with him that day, but I still didn’t know how much he loved me. Not until that time I was shot. I was so sick, but I could hear him, Liz. I could hear him pleading with me to get better, to fight, to live, and I did. It was his voice that pulled me through. Damn it Liz, why can’t my voice pull you through this?”

Isabel leaned forward and rested her head in her hands, a picture of utter dejection. She continued to speak but this time so softly that even if Liz were conscious, she never would have heard her.

“We did finally get together, though,” she whispered. “And it was so perfect and so wonderful, and so honest. It was real – it was love. And then he died, and I was alone again. There were only two things I ever wanted in my life. I didn’t want to be alone, and I wanted to be normal.”

Isabel looked up and allowed her eyes to focus on the small figure in the bed, and her voice grew louder.

“All I ever wanted was to be normal, Liz. All those years, I was struggling to have the perfect normal existence, but the thing is, all this time, I really was normal. I just never got it until now. It was knowing you – you, Alex and Maria. You’re what made us – made me normal. But Liz, if you stay like this – if you don’t wake up, I’ll be alone. Liz, I don’t want to be alone.”

Tears streamed down Isabel’s face. She felt so empty and alone. But the shield that she had painstakingly built up to protect her heart was gone. She didn’t need it any longer. She laid her head down on Liz’s chest and hugged her. She was so upset that she didn’t feel Liz’s arms move around her and hold her.

“Isabel, it’s all right. It’s going to be all right. We’re both going to be all right.”

Isabel looked up, a smile lighting her features for the first time in a very long time.

“Liz, you’re awake,” she said, inanely.

Liz leaned over and put her hand on Isabel’s. Isabel was speechless as a wave of images and feelings begin to hit her-

Flash--
ALEX
MARIA
MICHAEL
MAX
KYLE…



“Take care of Isabel, she needs you…you need each other.”

End Flash--



Liz didn’t speak, instead she reached out and waved her hand across the front of Isabel’s sweater, removing the last vestiges of the spilled coffee – cementing a friendship that was formed over another spilled cup of coffee so many years ago.