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WARNING: Severe Sarcasm
Roswell Revisited: Pilot Episode
ROLLING REVIEW COMMENTARY
Chapter 2: Main Titles/ Lab Test
The next scene, amidst the words announcing who is responsible for this production are flashed across everyone’s chest, begins with Liz explaining what happened to her dad and that she is fine and it is catsup. Yeah sure, the paramedic next to her cannot tell the difference between blood and catsup, let alone the obvious hole in her uniform. Which brings me to a thought, why did not Max clean the blood off her uniform and seal the hole…huh... right forgot we would not have the ill-conceived plot line that follows.
In the background, Deputy Blackwood is interrogating Maria who is behaving like a wacky no brain teenage valley girl sniffing her prescribed cedar oil. Then the mood changes as evil enters their presence, the sheriff walks in coolly, majestically in his shades and stoic disposition. The whole café trembles with fright, okay maybe not but Sheriff Jim Valenti’s entrance is dramatic.
Deputy Blackwood reviews the facts with the sheriff, "The suspects ran out right after the incident occurred. A couple of outsiders. There's no apparent robbery, no injuries other than the girl that fell. Just seems like an argument that got out of hand." Open-and-shut case! Let us go home open a six-pack, put the feet up and watch WWF. Therefore, in Roswell do they just slap the good old boys on the wrist and tell them next time to aim upwards. A gun was fired, in a public location, putting lives at risk; also, a bullet is lodge somewhere. Hello,…a crime was committed. I’ll bet that Jimmy Hoffa is probably buried in full view with a stature dedicated to him and the cocaine train pulls right though town at noon with announced stops.
The stupidest part of the supposed investigation is the whole dialogue and scene with Larry showing the sheriff where the gunman was firing and that they found no bullets, damn Mrs. Fletcher has returnth, next we should see Amos come rambling in with the Doc. Then a dramatic pause as Larry pulls out the fake photo, absolute proof that this was a rogue government plot set up to kill Liz. Where were the other 20 or more witnesses and the fact that not one of the many adults came forward to see what was going on and let a teenager handle a potentially fatale gunshot victim. Please…even Michael could not hold them all back.
Then we get another dramatic pause as the sheriff stops to examine two Tabasco bottles on a table. Yes, that is a clue, for nowhere in the southwest would you find two empty bottles of Tabasco on a café table. In an attempt to counteract the accusations made by Jennifer and Larry that the boys sitting at that table with the suspected Tabasco bottles knew her, Liz lied big time: “See me, see this innocent face… I am lying like a dog about this. The boy was Max Evans and he ripped my clothes off before healing me….”
The scenes changes as Liz retires upstairs where she examines the bullet hole then stuffs it, blood, catsup and all, into her school backpack—perfect hiding place. Then she returns to the mirror where by some mysterious act a silver handprint has appeared between the times she took off her dress and turned around to look into the mirror. Notice the horror and shock on her face…that’s right another bland stare. Where is the shower scene where she attempts in vain scrubs off the “paint”, she simply accepts that she now has this surreal mark on her body? Where are the screams of horror or at least some emotion?
And where does that lead us to Bio class of course with Ms Hardy….Now why does Max run to the bathroom since the teacher hands the toothpick to Liz as she is right he would had been vegetable. Oh almost forgot that is because the scene needed to show he is an ALIEN. Therefore, he leaves the pencil that was in his mouth against his cheek, to be made available for Liz to examine.
Liz checks out her cheek cells (would it be that hard to show a sample of real cheek cell). It is clean, nice and red. So then, she sneakily takes Max’s pencil and checks out his cells. Does she suspect something is not quite kosher? Does she suspect he is non-human? I would had thought a psychic healer.... but nah that is too common. She looks, adjusts the microscope and .....Wow!! They are different cells entirely. Could not have anything to do with the fact she used two solutions on his and only one on hers could it. And yes we have it absolute proof: GREEN non-human epithelial cells.
Basic science would dictate that the alien blood supply must be a hemoglobin carrier since Max appears to be breathing oxygen without signs of hypoxia. Therefore, the difference would have to be in surface molecules and not in the color as the color as the difference is indicating. No further comments on science, but surely how much would it had cost to double check with a professor at the local university?
Liz is convinced that something is odd about Max, not due to the fact he healed a gunshot wound, made a bullet vanish, or even the silver hand tattoo that now graces her belly, no it is those damn aberrant cheek cells that gave him away. So what is Max.. Liz id off to find out.
WARNING: Severe Sarcasm
Roswell Revisited: Pilot Episode
ROLLING REVIEW COMMENTARY
Chapter 3 – Not of this Earth
The bell rings and Liz chases Max down. Didn’t he ever come back to class, just where was he, in the eraser room and with whom? Anyway, she practically drags him into the music room, which obviously is never in use. only to be confronted by the earring clad Kyle playing the tympanies. Instead of turning around and leaving quietly and finding another more private location Liz yells out “Kyle” as he turns around in his father’s borrowed shades.
Kyle gives Max the “what the fuck are you doing with my woman” look as he coyly asks Liz if she got his message. Kyle “buys” the we are looking for a place to study for our bio mid-term in September when school just started, plus does a library ring a bell for studying. Kyle is not fooled one bit, just look at that annoyed “my girlfriend is sneaking around on me” look as he pouts and scurries off like a good poodle.
Then we get the classic line from Max, “So...you're going out with the Sheriff's son?” Hint Max keep your mouth shut—sheriff is the enemy – girl is dating said son… no one is listening here are they…alas. Liz brushes off poor Kyle who she has been lip locking and sliding into second base with all summer, with the “it’s only casual” comment.
Now Liz has this very distinctive ilver mark on her tummy and she wears a shirt that if she raises her hand in class will reveal all—real smart there Liz. Anyway, she slowly and seductively lifts up her shirt to show the mark to Max and he looks surprised, never healed anyone before? On the other hand, do just humans get silver marks? Check out Max’s face, the poor guy just got a hard on looking at her luscious stomach, guess he forgot he had an eyeful the day before. And all he can say is “Wow”.
Then she explains the abnormal skin cells because those are more miraculous remember than that healing, the room issuddenly bathed in celestial light, glowing heavenly angels singing on high as Max points heavenwards. Liz then utters those immortal words, “You're not an -- an alien -- are you?" while Max responds: "I prefer the term ‘not of this earth.’" Of course, he is an alien look at the light, look at the glowing ears, look at the invisible antennae….
Liz freaks on out in a very calm and collected manner by attempting to leave, but Max intercepts her and warns her before she escapes, "Liz, listen to me. You can't talk to anyone about this. Not your parents, not Maria, no one. You don't understand what will happen if you do. Liz, please, my life is in your hands." Max… Max… Max… did I not warn you to keep your mouth shut? This has to be one of Max’s best moment, you can almost feel there is something hidden just beneath the surface: the need to be obeyed, anger, you will do as I say feeling. A true alien moment…... Kodak please.