No Such Thing As Gone (CC)TEEN-MATURE 5/21-complete

[m14]

Here's the repost! Enjoy!

Thanx to roswelllover for the beautiful banner!


I thought that it was about time for another fanfiction and seeing as how this was the only thing that I could not get out of my head (against my better judgement) I'm posting it in hopes that someone will read it.
You may know me as the author of Don't put your spell on me (probably not..had about 5 readers lol) or A lesson you will never forget.
Title: No Such Thing as Gone
Disclaimer:This is my idea but the characters and the show and everything else that I use(roswell related) is not mine and sadly will never be mine
Couples: it's a dreamer fic with a small focus on Alex, Maria/Michael (that's seperate focuses not a threesome which would so not be in this category lol)
Rating: About a YTEEN for now. not a lot of romance for the moment.. focusing on the science but definitely later we will have the dreamer qualities that we all know and love.
okay ... I think that's about it... The graduation episode did not happen like they aired it. they did not leave on the bus and get discovered. everyone went their seperate waYs but now a new theory by Liz brings them all back together again in Chicago where Max is located. It focuses on Liz.
Summary: It's a dreamer story with only a small mention of the other couples. Basically Max decided to give up his love for Liz and follow his destiny with Tess. But now about 5 years after Graduation the gang is getting back together again because Liz has a new plan for how to bring Alex back from the dead. It's a complicated plan with Max and Liz getting closer every minute of it. The rest pretty much is included inside the story... take a peek!



March 1st 2004
Michael’s apartment
Roswell, New Mexico

It took a while for the news to settle in. They really had something on him now. It certainly had taken a long time for the message to travel back to him. But when it did Max was furious.

“How can they know?” he shouted and almost flung his fist at the wall, but missed and hit a lamp shade instead.

“Max you need to calm down,” Michael stated in a peaceful voice as he caught the shade in his right hand.

“Michael’s right Max, it’s really not as bad as it seems,” Isabel said with a look that told him that he better believe her. Max sat on the couch and rested his face in his hands.

“Okay show me again Michael, I need to see it again.”

*************Liz’s Journal*************
That wasn’t how it all began, how it all started.
But that was the day Max’s personality changed, the day he gave in to the leadership role.
The final string in our relationship unraveled itself.

January 28th 2004
Max’s living room
Chicago, Illinois

Maria

I sat there staring at Michael anticipating if he would say anything to me tonight. Usually I am able to understand why he’s uptight and in a bad mood but tonight? Tonight I am off in la-la land busily sniffing my oil. I’ve only been married to space-boy for the past 2 years and still have yet to find my place in his heart. I know he cares for me but I want what Liz and Max had, or maybe still have, I don’t know what’s going on anymore.

This whole thing makes me nervous. If we get caught there is no coming back. I may have grown up a lot in the past five years since that same first day Liz told me that Max was an alien. I remember how panicky and upset I felt at the Crash festival. The day I was opened up to this world. Wow, it’s really been that long. After Graduation everyone just kind of slipped away. It was gradual but even our friendships were lost in the mix. I guess Liz and I haven’t been the same since Alex’s death. He was the best friend we ever had. The future’s dim without him and many clouds are now covering the sun, the joy into my world. Liz would think I’m over-exaggerating. She seems to have this idea that with science and technology and our Czechoslovakian friends we can bring Alex back. I’d love to believe her but it’s just not possible. After everything I’ve seen I would not be surprised if I woke up in an asylum tomorrow and faced the real world. I’d probably welcome it right about now. It would be a comfort compared to waiting for space-boy to open up and let me in.

Max came up with the plan in the beginning. Him and his brown eyes and dark hair. I don’t know what Liz sees in him but that’s another story. Anyways he has been talking to Liz way too much. They figure that since their dupes existed than maybe our’s do too. Confused? So am I.










January 28th 2004
same meeting
Max’s living room

Liz

I once read this story and a quote really stuck into my mind. The girl was going through a rough situation and I recall her saying that “you have to confront your past to make way for the brighter future that is destined for yourself”. It’s always been with me somewhere in the back of my brain and as I sit here and think of all that has happened I know that it’s true. I could never have gotten this far ahead without trying at least once or twice to show the world who I am. I’m not the Liz Parker that used to hang onto her daddy’s sweater when he walked in the hardware store and pick up the screws and lay them onto the floor in a line. I can walk on my own now and I sure as hell would not play around in a hardware store especially after that one time the can of paint practically fell onto my head from the third shelf. I’m not even the same Elizabeth Parker that didn’t miss a single day of school in 7th grade and had to look out into the audience at my mother crying as I accepted the award. I’ve missed plenty of days over the past few years, all Czechoslovakian related. And the Liz Parker that was known as Max Evan’s girlfriend all throughout high school? I haven’t seen her in 4 years. She was a big part of my life. Not only because of the feelings that I had for Max but because she was special. There was something that he saw in that Liz that made it seem like maybe he could see through her exterior and look at the interior of me. And just me. But even today I know that could not have been possible. Do you want to know why I am the Liz Parker that I am today. The woman who is known as an individual and does not follow in the footsteps of others to make her path just that much easier? I’m that Liz because of one lady. One lady who continually would not give up and tried her way at everything. She pushed and shoved, killed and stole to get where she is today. If you have to admire anything about her than you have to admire that determination. The persistence that made her who she is today and shaped my life as I know it. The woman? Tess Harding.

I suppose that if I really do not have the same feelings for Max than I would admit that it’s okay and the better person won. But can you really call her a person when she killed my best friend? The one man that was by my side through thick and thin. He knew my secrets and he looked deep inside myself and still loved what he found. She destroyed Alex Whitman and she has to pay. She has to know that whether or not I still love Max it doesn’t matter. She can have him and love him and even have him love her too (God I HOPE NOT) but she cannot take my savior. The man that I live for and have my career for. Alex’s death will not be avenged because when I get through with this there will have been no death. Because as you can see I am not going to confront my past through a mirror or a window. I’m going to kick the door down and push my way back through windstorms and snowstorms and find Alex and save him. It’s my turn to be the luminary and I’m not going to come back until I have succeeded. Max will have to stand by in awe as I push back the threshold and reveal exactly what happened in these past 5 years and just show you all who the real Liz Parker is.


Graduation The class of 2000

Max

I’ve been thinking a lot about what we have right now and what lays in store for the future. Who are truly your friends and the people that come and go. While I know deep down that Liz would always be there for me what happens when the day comes that we get called back? What can I do or say that will make her let me go? Or even what will I have to do to myself to convince my heart that it’s time for me to see what home is. Home may be where the heart is but what happens when your heart doesn’t want to go home? I have to face the fact that sooner or later this day is going to come and I just don’t think I’ll be able to make it. I am like the kid on the roller coaster that can’t go on that ride if I’m not those extra 3 inches tall. Liz is my extra 3 inches. I cannot and I repeat CANNOT ask her to come with me. She needs this life, these friends, Maria and Serena whom we have just met a few days ago but proves to be kindhearted and incredibly trustworthy. Liz doesn’t need me as much as I need her. I’ve seen it in her eyes, the way she looks at me. Not so much as a passing amusement but as a love for now. A love not for a lifetime. I can imagine growing old with her but she doesn’t think that far ahead. I admit that she is incredibly gifted and talented and a true genius but she doesn’t think of that day. I don’t think anyone wants to think of that day. So I have to be the leader of the group once again, the role model who will sacrifice himself and his wishes just to show what truly needs to be done. But can I do it? Can I let the woman of my dreams, my soul mate, the true love of my life, my destiny and my other half just disappear? Can I really be so strong that I’ll break her heart in two and just walk away? Can someone actually throw away their life and say that it’s the best thing they have ever done? I don’t think I can but I must. This is my chance. My moment. And I have to step up to that plate before that ball hits me dead in the face and I wake up on the morning when I have to be the king of Antar and lead the country to greatness. We have to take everything we have learned from Earth and put it to good use. This is not a vacation this is business and you cannot mix business with pleasure, it just is not done. And even when it is? Everyone is hurt in the end. Everyone. So can I save them all from their fate now and lose myself in the pure bliss of darkness? Or will I just let Alex’s death be for nothing? I know the answer and I will accept it. I have to. It’s my destiny to be the leader, the boss and to show you all just how strong the strong willed are and just how fearful the brave can really be. I Max Evans am going to take on Tess’ offer of the fate, the love and the caring that she wants to give me. Maybe even release an heir to the throne. But never ever will I forget you Elizabeth Parker. Never will I forget the day that you were standing at that playground with a friend or the day that I healed you in the restaurant. Or even our first kiss , a moment of passion in the wind. I will not forget the love you have given me. It’s made me this strong. I am doing this for you and even when you hate me and are in a different place, even another reality where the name Max Evans does not cross anyone’s mind I pray that you will be happy. That you will live life to it’s fullest. I need you to do that for me. It’s the best for us all.



2:00AM
January 29th 2004
Max’s den

Max’s stomach rumbled and his eyes shifted to the blinking red light of his clock. It was still 2 in the morning. He could have sworn that it had been 2:00 at least for 30 minutes now. That’s how long it seemed to him. He just could not seem to get any sleep tonight. There was something about all of them being here, all of them willing to help. The whole gang back together again and it made him want to cry. He had missed them so much. Being a king is not all that it’s cracked up to be. It seemed like the only thing he could do was hurt those around him. No more best friends, not since the day about 2 years ago when Michael refused his destiny and chose to be with Maria. Oh how secretly Max wanted to commend Michael for doing Max’s dream. Not marrying maria but actually going for what he wanted. Max had been waiting 5 long years since that graduation decision and still no contact. There was nothing with his home planet and he was left wondering. Wondering what would become of him and Tess if he had to grow old with her.

He got up and slid out his feet into his slipper that were sitting on the cool wooden floor. Tess was snoring softly beside his spot on the bed and he had to keep a chuckle down as a snort came out of her small mouth. Slowly but steadily he tiptoed to the kitchen and to his surprise there was Liz sitting at the table working on some papers.

“Don’t you ever get any sleep or are you the first scientist to discover a vaccination against tiredness?” he asked with a dry sense of humor and grabbed the milk carton and a glass.

“I just need to get some things done” she replied without even so much of a glance up. He felt a familiar stab at his heart. It was the ache that had been there yesterday when she hadn’t looked at him once during the meeting. He recalled telling the others about the plan while she sat and seemed to be pouting in the corner. It was the look of a child in time out but it didn’t make sense to him. What was wrong with her? Shouldn’t he be the upset one? After all he was the man that sacrificed the greatest love ever known since Jack and Rose on the Titanic. She was the one that insisted she was over him. He awoke almost every other night with the remembrance of a past smile.. A flicker of sunlight across the room that gleamed on her hair. The radiant hair that was so soft. Oh, he couldn’t do this anymore.

“Liz..” he started before stopping himself when she looked up. Moonlight was flickering through the window shades and he saw something in her eyes that was not supposed to be there. Almost remorse, or hurt. He wasn’t sure if he was still in bed next to his fiancee or actually standing here.

“What is it Max?” she asked with a worried tone. It was unlike him to not finish his sentences. Everyone knew what was on his mind. She would die if they knew what was on her’s. Her arm slid to the left to cover up some of her detailed work. He couldn’t see the full sketch of the plan yet. It would work him up way too much and he needed to be calm for it to work. It had to work! She needed Alex’s warmth and charisma around again.

He sat down across from her and smiled, “I’ve missed you Liz.” his finger ran across the edge of his glass and she watched it circle it again and again. The cool surface underneath his smooth skin. Liz looked up and his eyebrows curved, “I’m sorry, I just had to say it. It’s the truth and you need to know that I feel awful about that day.” Liz looked back at her paper and remembered his stinging words of goodbye. Every night she heard them again and again, wrote them in her journal and spent endless hours with Maria chatting about it. Just endless nonsense to keep her heart from saying what it really thought. Max Evans had never loved her the way that she loved him. She got the visions, the flashes, the really jumpy pulse and all of the love symptoms while he stayed cool and collected in his hot body. She blushed and turned away from his gaze.

“Max, we can’t. I can’t... and you? Well look at Tess’s hand Max, you most definitely cannot.” Then she pushed her chair back to stand up and collected her papers. He rose too and came across the table in no time so that when she took that turn there he was, those same deep vibrant eyes staring at her. Always they seemed to be never ending, just pools of energy that she felt herself drowning in. Well not this time.

“I made a mistake and I’ll be the first one to admit that to you but I know that it’s the time to really change my life for the better. The better is you Liz, you are always my shining light at the end of the tunnel.” His hand reached out for her’s and when they touched his words flowed into her mind. It was always the words that got to her.

I can never sleep with Tess. I’m saving myself for Liz.

Liz is my soul mate, I need to find her.

I will always love you Elizabeth Parker, you will never leave me. You are half of my spirit, half of my heart.

And then the images flashed through her body, coursing deep into her blood.
<A scene with him proposing to Tess yet his mind was on Liz>
<Max graduating college with a full bachelor degree in Education>
<Max buying his apartment in Chicago trying to run from his past but never quite catching up to his future>
and lastly a picture of< Max laying in his bed one night with a picture of Liz in his hand making a vow to find a way back to her without causing the destruction of the world.>


She pulled her hand away. Max stared at her with confusion written all over his face.

“You think everything will change now? You think that because you work your magic and your Evans’ charm that I will just come running back? Max you have to grow up. This was your decision. Live with the consequences.” She began to walk away before he stopped her again with a soft tug on her arm.

“What can I do to prove to you that this thing with Tess is not real but you and me will always be forever? That my destiny is with you, I was wrong, I’m so sorry Liz, I was wrong.” He gasped a breath and she searched his eyes a little deeper.

“Just help me with Alex, Max. That’s all I need from you,” was the reply. “Goodnight Max” she said, and closed the door to his guest bedroom.

11:00AM
January 29th 2004
The Chicago Airport

Isabel and Serena walked off the ramp and hurried down to the escalators. Max was waiting at the bottom and he grabbed a bag from Serena with a smile before embracing his sister with a hug.

“It’s been way too long Izzy,” he murmured. They walked to the car, passing several glances around them as they did. It was lucky enough that they made it off the airplane undetected. The men had been watching them since a few months back with a near escape from a bank in Los Angeles.

“Serena can sit in the back and Isabel in the front.” Maria stated when they opened the door to the car, “ It’s been a while huh Rena?”

Her long time friend gave her one of those heart stopping, traffic holding grins, “Right you are Ria.” Serena was on the run from the police. Her and Isabelle turned to the life of crime about a year back and have managed to earn the name the sensational snakes because after all the one thing they did at every bank was illuminate the room with light from their eyes. Everyone thought the bankers were crazy at first but after a spree of these cases opened up, well the minds changed and the opinions started to become less differential.

Liz shot Max a hard to read gaze as Serena sat down next to her. At least it was hard to read for everyone except Serena who had her own bewitching powers. She had the energy to read your mind and discover your inner most secret thoughts.

“You still love him don’t you?” she asked quietly.

Liz glanced down, “No, it’s over. This is the way he wanted it.” she fumbled with her seat belt before clasping it together. They all had to find a spot to hide out and the sooner the better for them all.

“Don’t try this with me Liz, don’t shut me out too. It was his idea and not your’s. You want him back and I can tell from his eyes that he feels the same way about you. Can’t you forgive and forget? We all have with Tess, you can with Max.” Serena brushed a strand of hair away.

“You think this plan with Alex will really work? We have never pulled anything this big off before.” Isabel looked at Max as he drove down the street, farther and farther from the airport. A shiver of fear went down her spine. She didn’t know if they could pull this off. “100,000 dollars is a lot of money to carry out without getting noticed. We may have the whole eyes shooting light thing down but what if some one was there? What if they were ready and waiting? What if word got out somehow?”

“Calm down Isabel,” Maria and Serena said in union before giggling hysterically. Liz just looked out the window, waiting for a signal, a sign of some kind. Max looked through the dashboard mirror and saw her, the look on her face. It was enough to show him her true feelings, he would need to talk with Serena later, maybe she could help in a way.

“So... you and Michael? How’s it going?” Rena asked Ria with a smirk.

“Don’t you even try that with me Miss. Cleo, I know very well that you are doing that mind thingy right now. Don’t even try to pretend that you don’t know how things really are.” She was always such a fiery pistol. But still they were the best of friends.








Liz

It’s true. I still have feelings for Max. and Serena was right. God I hate how she is always right.

Of course everyone forgave Tess. It wasn’t her fault that she killed Alex. Wait, I know how weird that sounds even in my own mind but it’s true. We received news several weeks after his death about Khivar’s landing on Earth. There was even a big war between us and him. That was when my powers kicked in and I knew I was different. That somehow Max Evans had made us all different. Khivar managed to escape and we haven’t seen him since. Michael insists that he can feel him/ feel the damage that he’s doing to their home planet. He wasn’t the only changed one. Maria states that she’s getting reactions during sex. Reactions to the war. I don’t know about them two but I know what I feel. I’m feeling the pull towards Max like never before.
There was a scene with my dupe. Her name was Raven and we met a while back. 2 years at the most, it was a few months before Maria’s wedding. She slipped inside me and showed me my true place as Liz Parker. The keeper of the secret and the key to it all. I suppose that’s some kind of riddle for something but it’s not making much sense at this time. I need to straighten things out.

It’s not Tess’s fault because Khivar controlled her body just the way that Raven is controlling mine. Only I suppose mine was voluntary. I guess it’s different to hate a woman because she stole your man and she’s an evil wrench who deserves to be living in hell with her relatives. It’s the complete opposite to hate this woman because she’s with the love of your life who wanted to be with her and is really just as innocent and scared as the rest of us. We trust her. I think that’s a good thing right now, at least I pray that it is.

The plan will be put to action soon. Next week in fact. That’s when Isabel and Serena will perform the heist. They need to operate the first stage of the plan. The bank robbery is crucial in every way because that money funds our needs to bring Alex back. Max just didn’t know that in order for Alex to come back from the dead someone needed to take his place. She couldn’t go back to Max now, not when she needed to go to another land. Another world, a dimension away from here where Liz Parker was just that, Liz Parker.








Max
We are located at an apartment we are renting for the time being down on Caroline avenue near Pine street. It’s a nice little place and by little I mean that with all of us it’s cramped. We decided that my apartment was just not going to cut it, plus at this time we needed to drive closer to the bank’s main region. After we had picked them up from the airport Michael and Tess followed us in the car to this new place. We figure it will take about a month to actually host the robbery and then mix the chemicals for the pill. Liz has only laid down some general details about this concoction but I trust her.

“Has anyone seen my toothbrush?” I yelled from the bathroom. I’ve been looking for it everywhere and just can’t seem to locate it.

“Check the garbage?” Michael yelled back and when I glanced down at the basket it was in there.

“Do you want to tell me why my toothbrush is in the garbage?” I asked as I walked into the living room area where Serena and Isabel were spending the night. There were two other rooms and Maria and Michael were in one while Tess and I had the other. Liz insisted on sleeping on a chair near the desk. But I figure that she won’t get a heck of a lot of sleep over there. I admire her ambition but maybe she’s taking it too far for once.

“Well I accidentally knocked it in the toilet after I finished my business and ...” I shook my head for him to just finish right there. Obviously I did not want all of the details.

“Hey Max, can you come here for a second?” Liz called to me. Michael’s eyebrows waved and I tossed my brush at him and walked over.

“What’s going on?” I asked her. She was seated at the desk and there were papers thrown about all over it. Her long brown hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail and her dark brown eyes had blue rings around them.

“I’m concerned about you Liz, maybe you should eat something, you’re looking pale. Have you been sleeping well?” She rolled her eyes at me and groaned.

“I didn’t call you over to lecture me about my health Max. I need some help with this formula.” I looked at the paper she handed me and saw a mess of equations all over it. There were some chemicals I had never heard of identified in her familiar scrawl.

“When you add Magnesium Iodide and basic carbon you should conclude to a formula base of..” she went on with her method as I listened intently. Obviously she had been studying this a great deal. We talked it over for the next 10 to 15 minutes until we found the answer. It was a matter of deducting the right amount of ions from the atoms.

“Thank you Max,” she was still staring at her paper but I smiled widely. Maybe she was finally opening up.

“Liz, maybe we can talk sometime? You think later tonight would be good? I need to discuss some matters of this procedure with you,” I cleared my throat softly. Somehow just being around her made my heart flutter. Although it did not help one bit that she still had some hard feelings. And who can blame her? What I did hurt her. But it was no less pain than when I thought she had slept with Kyle. Of course the whole matter came out eventually when we learned of Khivar’s evil trades. Unfortunately it was he who had shape shifted into the future of me and had caused great distress to Liz’s life. She loved me then and she loves me now. I just know it.

“Yeah, tonight. Sounds great Max, see you then.” She was still reading the paper but I nodded and wandered over to Serena. This was going to take a lot of control on my part not to shake things out of her.

[m14]

Serena

I looked on as Max talked to Liz. She was blocking me out of her mind. Of course everyone knew how to do it but she was the only one with something to hide. It was a simple defensive maneuver. But Liz was making so much more of it then that. Was she deliberately hiding some kind of truth from us? Some important fact that she somehow had gotten a hold of? I had tried to read her mind back in the car but after I realized she still loved Max and that she was in so much pain just watching him with Tess I felt the push of her. That rush that makes you dizzy for a second and then I was out. Of course her mind’s padlocked right now. No way in even if I wanted to force it. Then again what kind of friend would do that to her? Obviously she needs her space.

Max stood in front of me and asked me to talk with him in his room. Tess was in the kitchen making a sandwich and if I didn’t know any better I would think that she was keeping her distance on purpose. She may be as friendly as the rest of us but I doubt that she would pass up an opportunity to tell Liz that it was time to back off. Tess wants to keep him as much as Liz must want him back. And somehow whenever I get down to it all I see is Max at fault. Maybe it’s time for him to explain his side of the story.

He closed the door and sat down on the bed.

“What’s going on with her Rena? Why is she locking me out?” I looked at him with my eyebrows furrowed.

“Max, I need to know something before I can tell you. I need to look inside, can you just show me why you’ve done it all? Why you’ve let her go and now of all times want her back?” I asked him gently, not wanting to upset our leader of course.

“Yes, okay,” he sighed, obviously not comforted with the fact that I did not trust him enough to tell me. But I needed to see it for myself. To actually experience the emotions and the truth behind this mess of what we call a relationship.

Inside Max’s Mind
There was a flash of white lights as she transported herself deep inside her friend’s head. Back to the beginning when he had left Liz. When he was still doubtful of his future, always wanting to be that leader that everyone would respect. He never wanted to lose the power, never wanted to succumb to Michael and all of his beliefs that there was another family but he did that day. There was a feeling that maybe it was all going to be better somehow. That maybe Tess was his right choice. The one woman who understood where he had come from. Because of course Liz never could. Her with her family who would always be her family. She had no secrets except for him. All she had known about him was what he had allowed her to see. What about the other side of Max Evans that was just as afraid as Izzy and just as curious as Michael. Tess knew those sides. She could relate! She had the powers, the love, the abilities. And worse yet she would never betray him the way Liz had.

The next time she was in Max was when he had learned of the way Khivar had deceived them all. She felt Max’s anger and rage towards the uncontrollable tyrant. The way that he wanted to kill him so badly. Not only was Liz a victim of his spite but so was Tess. Both woman he had ever cared about and he had been blinded by lies. There was no sex with Kyle and he couldn’t have been more relieved but knew that now more than ever he couldn’t go back to Liz. She didn’t need him now. He saw the way that she looked at him. Almost felt it in his mind when he went to bed at night. He conjured up all kinds of conversations that he would have with her in the back of his mind. And the one thing they all seemed to have in common was her telling him that she hated him. That she loathed ever having anything to do with him and his alien friends. Max couldn’t bear to hear those words from his love herself. Those words could never come out of her tender mouth. Those lips of pure rubies. He needed to keep his distance. He couldn’t hurt her again. What would he do if her life was put in jeopardy just one more time because of him and his native planet.

Then she caught up with Max again as he proposed to Tess. He was hoping for a way out of all of the pain. He was hoping that one day he would be happy with Tess and wouldn’t have to lie. But deep inside he knew that he was playing her just the way Khivar had played them all. He was as bad as him. And he couldn’t fight it off. The uncontrollable determination to just end his life. Suicide could not be an option. The others needed him for survival. He was the one that would tie them all together in the end.

He knew of the dupes, the stones and the pill Liz was working on. She was in his eyes as he saw Liz and in his eyes Liz was beautiful she was radiating beauty from the inside out. Almost as if she was a .. A... key!

Serena jumped back in shock and looked at Max. A tremor coursed down her spine and she shivered. This was too much for her. Liz was a key? A key to what? And were they meant to use it?
“Well? What did you see? Do you believe that it’s not my fault now? Well not entirely. I had the right..” a tear slipped down his cheek and he brushed it away softly, “I’ve had the right intentions. You have to believe me Serena. You just have to!”








Liz’s Journal

I’ve been looking at past entries lately. It all seems so foolish now. In the beginning when I thought about aliens being green, wanting to invade our planet. Those ideas seem so ridiculous now.

And the night of Alex’s death? All I could think about was what was the truth and what was a lie. How could things have gotten so messed up? I was standing on my balcony looking straight up at the sky trying to sort it all out. Khivar didn’t even have to mind warp me for his plan to work. It’s sad that I bought into all of it, hoping that I’d be so important that someone would want to change the way I was thinking. But it’s always about Max, he just wanted to keep me away from him. Ans somehow my mind keeps on replaying every image that I had thought about aliens since my meeting with Max in that band room. The images of green bodies with killer eyes and stingers for hands. For a wannabe scientist I sure had all of my own theories about these things. But when Alex’s death hit me I couldn’t help but have the distinct impression that I was right all along. They may have human physical characteristics but if any of the ‘Czechoslovakians’ were involved with my best friend’s murder (which it was) then they are those sickly, green bodies inside.

This is my center of self expression. But I feel so wrong inside. Like for once, I’m empty, a hollow shell of a human being. This happened long after Max abandoned me. This happened when Raven and I connected. It was as if she was supposed to complete me but made me only half of my former self. She took something away from me. It can’t be my ability to feel pain because I feel it every day. Just haunting me. When I went off to find the real Liz Parker was I really looking for an empty person?

It’s about time that I remind myself that I live in the real world. Not every, solitary thing that occurs in my lifetime will be Antar related. Their home planet, what a joke. It’s time I get back to what I’m here for, back to Alex. I miss him so much at times, how I made it this far I just don’t know. That could be what’s so wrong with me. I miss him terribly. Even the first few weeks after his death I went crazy looking for his killer. Only to discover long after that Tess was the culprit. My own enemy. To my dismay she was not at fault for her own actions. When we discovered the tapping of the fingers as a symptom of mind warps it was because of Kyle and Maria’s mother. But Tess picked up the habit. If I was a true detective I would have looked into it closer, made sure that what she was expressing was genuine.

There was no need for that, Max had it all covered. Just like every other time Max assumed things were all about him. There was a whole gang of us and they were the 4 that mattered. He trusted her enough for the rest of us and that was the way it was going to be. No ifs, ands or buts about it. The aliens counted as two and each os ‘normal’ people only counted as one.

I’m so tired of this life, so tired of knowing the difference in them and keeping it a secret. This is not the life I was meant to live. I feel it inside, there is something I have to fulfill. Whether it was part of Raven before or has always been there I don’t know. I’m just sitting at this desk thinking of all that I’ve seen, all that I’ve experienced. When is the changing point in my life? When I accomplish my task? Can I have a personal duty right now?

Max is still talking with Serena. They think I don’t notice them, but I know they’re always watching me, always keeping track. I am not a little child but I feel so helpless, so vulnerable inside. Food isn’t necessary, I eat when I work, which is surprising because I work all of the time but haven’t eaten anything today. I know the whereabouts for all of them. They think I’m out of it, but I have the observation of a full scientist. Tess is eating in the kitchen, I feel pity for her having to keep up with Max. he’s so controlling, so in charge. Isabel’s watching the tube, she must miss him as much as I because I doubt the Isabel I know would be watching Sports for a straight thirty minute period. I’ll bring him back for her. Michael’s walking around. Pacing is more like it. He must hate this whole idea. Ever since he found out who he was, what his planet’s name was and all of the little amounts of information we have from their home he’s acted anxious. On the edge of his seat. I know this through my source-Maria. I miss her too, how can I not? We’ve had the best of times together. No one can replace her. Although my work seems to have done just that. I feel awful but don’t know what to say, where to even begin.

I’ve blocked Serena from my mind for these reasons. How can she know that way I really feel? How can I expect her to keep it from max, the boss himself? Maria and Serena re the closest of friends. Possibly closer than Maria and I used to be. It’s good though, the time will come for them to connect soon.

There are so many things that I know. So many details hat I cannot even try to explain to the others, let alone how I know it. It must have been Raven. She had the information on the dupes: Serena, Rath, Lonnie, Ava and Zan.

I remember first meeting Serena when she arrived in town. It was May so the temperature was rising and the amount of clothes on people were reducing. Maria’s favorite time of the year. Serena moved into an apartment near Michael’s and looked me up. She saw the similarities in us all. I remember the day, we were all gathered round in Michael’s open room.

May-2000-Michael’s apartment-Roswell

“So there are others, more?” Michael asked while giving Serena a completely curious look. There was this way he had of staring that brought her to the edge of her seat. She was taught to stay cautious.

“Yes,” Serena picked a picture out of her wallet,”see for yourself.” Max and Isabel walked over to where Michael was standing and they all looked at the photo of their duplicates.

“Michael, your look alike is Rath, Max is Zan, Isabel is Lonnie and you Tess,” she glanced over at the blonde, “are Ava.” Serena had talked it over with Liz before and she promised not to mention anything about Raven. Liz had her secrets but Serena did not want to test her powers out on her now. She was most definitely stronger since the connection. Liz and Maria were seated on the couch in the far left corner of the room.

“Oh great, another Michael, just what I need,” his girlfriend exclaimed.

“What you have to watch out for are the little things that you notice that may not seem right,” Serena explained.

“How do you mean?” Max asked her as he handed the picture over to Tess. She looked at it briefly before passing it to Maria. The girl gasped and the rest of the group looked over.

“Look at Michael! Good lord he looks spicy,” she cried out and then clasped her hand over her mouth dramatically, “sorry, just noticing.” Liz kept herself from laughing as Serena tried to explain Max’s question.

“There is an ability among a few very powerful aliens. It only exists in the elite few,” Serena turned and stared at Tess, “you should feel privileged to have one of them with you on this journey.” Everyone gazed at Tess and Serena in wonder.

“What power is this and why should we watch out for it?” Max asked again.

“The power to warp your mind into believing what they want you to believe. The powers can be used against each other and there is no definite way of knowing for sure if you are under this mind warp. We have experimented and through very difficult complications we discovered one symptom. The tapping and drumming of your fingers. No reason for why it occurs,” she picked up her Snapple and took a brief sip, “ but Khivar has the gift so we must be careful.”

“You said that we had to notice the little things, what’s wrong with the picture?” Michael asked her.

She nodded before answering, “usually they tend to mess up, you see a picture on the table that you moved somewhere, or they might bring up a memory that you haven’t experienced yet because they can see forward in the future and then use what happened then to change the now.”

Liz caught on and whispered, “Like telling you what they know and then using it against you to change the now.” Max looked over at her, she was staring at her lap.

“Did something happen Liz?” Serena asked in confusion.

“Wha?” Liz glanced up and wiped her eyes, “No, no. . it just sounds horrible.” Then she got up, “I need some air.” The door closed behind her with a slam and everyone seemed to look at Max like he had to be the one to talk to her.

Max and Liz stared at each other for a minute. Liz was hoping he would start the conversation. She had nothing to say to him. They had met in his room just a minute or two earlier. An hour ago was when he had asked to talk to her so she had time to think about what to say.

Obviously not enough time, Liz scolded herself.

“Liz, I”m worried about you,” Max looked out the window and then turned back at her, “maybe you’re taking this too seriously.” The moment the words were out of his mouth he regretted it. Liz’s head snapped back as if she had been slapped.

“Too seriously?” she repeated him with a glare.

“No, what I mean is that,” Max scratched his scalp and searched for an answer.

“I know what you mean Max,” her voice was firm and had an angry tone, “you mean that once again you and Isabel and Michael and Tess are the most important. That just because you’re trying to find your home,” she glared at him, “means that no one else can come in your way. It all makes me sorry that I even asked for your help.”

“No, you have it wrong Liz, I just meant that you need to breathe, sleep, eat a little. This kind of stress isn’t good for your system.”

“My system? Don’t even pretend to seem like you still care for me Max. I’ve had enough of all the games, all of the lies,” she lowered her voice not wanting the others to hear this conversation, “I just want the truth. I only asked for your help. That’s all.”

“But I know that I can be more than just a help if you’d let me Liz,” Max reached out and ran his index finger along her cheekbone, “what happened to us Liz?” He noticed her face change from the hard, stone features to softer ones. His hand smoothed down her hair which was messy from her raking her fingers through it too many times.

“You know what happened to us Max, it was things like Khivar and Tess that changed our mindframes,” Liz moved an inch closer. It may not have seemed like much to any other person but Max felt it.

“I love you so much, do you know that?” Max asked to receive a nod from Liz.

“I managed to hurt you when that was the last thing on my mind,” he continued.

“But you did hurt me Max, and I hurt you,” she interrupted, “you may think I don’t notice but I can feel it when I’m not with you. It’s not entirely your fault. I never should have believed Khivar that day.” he winced in memory of the day when she told all of them about how their enemy shape shifted into a form of future Max. She told about how he mentioned Serena and a wedding but she had been so confused. She knew Max wouldn’t act like that but instead of trusting her instinct she went with her head.

“I’m so sorry, I promise he will never do anything to you again,” Max rested his left hand on her hip and brought her body closer. By now she was sobbing and her face was wet with tears. Max knew how bad she felt for believing Khivar. He knew that Khivar had been desperate for a way to get closer to Max, to try and bring the king down again. He must have been pushing him away from Liz to get him where?

“It’s all so complicated, why would Khivar do that?” Max was the first to ask the question and Liz pulled back in surprise. Everyone else had been just relieved that Khivar’s plan had worked, they were all safe.

“Why do you ask now? After all this time?” she muttered before sitting down behind him.

Max began to pace back and forth as he though out loud, “if he was trying to convince you to stay away then he must have wanted me to do the same. But then shouldn’t he have attacked?”

“Not if he was pushing you to someone else. Some one who would destroy you for him,” Liz broke into his though and he stopped and suddenly exclaimed, “or tried to keep me distracted while he ruled.” Liz stood up and pulled her shirt down slightly as Max stared off into space.

“Tess?” Liz asked and Max responded, “who else?”


Isabel stared at the map of the bank. It was the largest in the area and she was determined not to screw this up. There were two security guards, one at each door. They shouldn’t have a problem with thos ebut Max always wanted to be cautious. They had to get in during a shift change and these people worked like machines. Every day there was a change at 4:00 am, 12:00 noone and 9:00pm. The only problems with this schedule were that at 4:00am and 9:00pm the bank was closed with tight security.

“No doubts about it, we’ll have to do it at noon,” Serena interrupted her thoughts. Isabel looked behind her and smiled slightly.

“Maybe you’re using your power too much for your own pleasure,”Isabel said as her friend sat down.

“Oh pisha, it’s not like we’re the charmed ones or anything, let me have a little fun.” Serena joined Isabel with studying the map and pointed out a few key places where the cameras were.

“I think we should stand here,”Izzy pointed at a location in the far left of the paper, “the cameras should be shifted out of our way before we ‘slither and slide’.” Rena giggled a little, ‘slither and slide’ was always their key phrase for block out the cameras, get rid of the guards and find the money. Kind of like rock and roll. Ever since they were nicknamed the sensational snakes they loved finding ways to use it to their advantage.

“So where is the vault at?” Serena asked and Isabel responded but drawing a large square in the back to the right.

We have to get from here to there, Izzy thought and Serena agreed, yes but how?, inside Isabel’s head. Sometimes it freaked her out that her friend always could tell what she was thinking. But for them it helped to not get detected while performing their stunts. It seemed like the week before a big recital, they both had butterflies although they had done this many times before.

“Maybe...” Isabel drifted off and stared at the square.

“Maybe what?”

“Well have you ever seen Ocean’s Eleven?” Isabel asked and when Serena looked up at her their eyes locked and their minds clicked.

“Okay but that was entirely different! This isn’t a big hotel and there is not a big case that we can just roll in there,” Serena exclaimed in confusion.

“Yeah, but you’re forgetting about the air vents,”Isabel grinned with her finger tapping one that led directly to the front of the vault.

Later that night
Max’s bedroom

Tess slid into bed where Max already laid and she rested her head on his shoulder. He tried not to tense up just thinking that she might have something to do with destroying his and Liz’s relationship, their future, the foundation of his very life. Tess ran her hand down his chest, rubbing him softly and murmuring something about how good he felt. He didn’t hear, wasn’t fully aware of what she wanted until he felt her leg sliding against his and her lips upon his neck.

“I’ve been thinking about you all day,” her husky voice filled his ear as she nibbled the lobe.

“Really? Same here,” he muttered out and shifted over an inch away from her.

“Max,” she began as her hand moved under his muscle tank, “I’m so in the mood for you right now. I know we said that we would wait until we were married and I respect that but I’ve been saving myself for the longest of time.” he nodded softly and she continued, “I love you and I’ll admit it. You turn me on in every way possible. I’d get married right this moment if it meant we could get closer,” his eyes widened at her words but still she continued,” let’s make love Max. if not for the sake of getting rid of the sexual tension that we’re both feeling but because I love you. I want to marry you Max. we’ll have such a wonderful life together.”Max brushed Tess’s hand away swiftly.

“Now is not a good time Tess,” he couldn’t believe that she wanted to do this now, of all times!

“It’s never a ‘good time’ Max,” she mimicked him and sighed in frustration, “I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of you always pining over her. When will it end?” Tess stood up and walked to her dresser where she picked up a brush. Max watched her silently, trying to think of the right thing to say in his mind. She had changed her mood so abruptly, maybe it was all just an act.

“I’m not pining Tess,” she glared at him in the mirror, “I just think that we should talk about this at another time. We have guests!” Tess turned to face him and he flinched as she threw her brush across the room, knocking over a book that was on the desk.

“It’s never going to come, that time that we’ll talk about this,” she lowered her voice, “there just aren’t enough excuses are there, Max?” He could see how angry she was but he didn’t attempt to move towards her, didn’t even try to comfort his fiancee! That really ricked her off.

“Do you honestly have any feelings for me at all Max? Don’t even pretend to know me at all Mr. Evans,” she hissed. Tess glared at him as he opened his mouth to speak but closed it again.

“No one can replace Liz, I know that!” Tess sighed and sat down on the bed, “but at least I love you Max. I know how you really feel, I’m not stupid.” He looked down at her before telling her how sorry he was, “I don’t know why I’ve gotten so far into this. But don’t think it’s all been a lie Tess. I do care deeply for you and know that at the most you have been a great friend to me. To all of us.” She ran her fingers through her long blonde strands as a sob came out. He wasn’t lying though, she was the only person that knew how he felt. She had stayed by his side since Graduation.

“You know the one thing that bothers me the most about this Max?” She took her ring off of her finger and placed it down on the bedspread. He grabbed a fistful of Kleenex tissues as her crying became worse.

“It’s the fact that she doesn’t even care about your feelings anymore. It’s like she’s a total stranger to love now, Liz does not love you,” she dabbed her eyes with the soft tissue, “and you just lost the one person that really did care.”

Then Tess sniffled loudly, picked up the box and left the room as quietly as she had come in. Max groaned and smacked himself on the forehead. Every time that he tried not to hurt people’s feelings it happened anyway. He just couldn’t understand it. Was she telling the truth about Liz though? Or was that just a last minute attempt at getting what she wanted?

There was a knock at the door and then it swung up and closed but he didn’t look up for he already knew who it was. A familiar dizziness was filling his head but he raised his hands up in front of his face.

“Please not now Rena, I’ll tell you myself,” he felt the feeling vanish as soon as the words left his mouth. Serena looked at Max closely, he looked exhausted. He must be physically and emotionally drained.

“Max, I’m worried about you. I know how important Liz is to you and how important this plan is to her therefore to you but you can’t sacrifice your health for it,” she sat at the desk and looked on as he carefully clasped a ring in his hand.

“Do you know what this is Serena?” She shook her head no and he continued, “it’s Tess’s engagement ring. We’re over, I couldn’t pretend anymore and she deserves better. I’d sacrifice my own life for Liz. Don’t tell me what I can and cannot do,” he lowered his voice to a whisper, “what I cannot feel. All I feel is pain. Is it so much to ask that I be happy for once?” Serena shook her head again, just listening to him. He was hitting rock bottom but maybe she could somehow pick him up. Show him that this world is really not as bad as it seems at times.

“I want Liz, I need her. Do you know that all I’ve done is think about her? She’s 95% of me and it’s consumed my mind and my heart. This isn’t just her plan, it’s our plan. Isabel needs this too incase you haven’t noticed,” he always knew where to turn the conversation. When to prove his point. Serena reached her hand over and firmly grasped his with it.

“What do you say to a new plan? A plan within a plan?” He looked up and she smiled wide for her was smiling too.

[m14]

February 1st 11:55 am
Pine street and Maple

“Are you sure about this?” Max asked Liz as he raised his hand to her face.

She nodded, “I’ve already done this for the past week. There’s no backing out now. Besides the plan won’t work without me.” She liked being needed to pull things off. It made her feel important. And with the nod Max’s hand brushed against her cheek. She felt her long auburn hair get chopped into short black strands, almost an inch past her shoulders. Her face contorted, her cheekbones became slightly more visible and her brown eyes changed to bright green. The chap stick changed to dark pink lip gloss and her eyelashes grew out. Then a light shot down her body and her khakis and t-shirt vanished. In their place came a red slinky skirt that fell to her knees and a low v-necked shirt that had a buckle strap that snapped behind her neck. The top revealed her bust and the top corners of her pink bra. She bought it at Victoria’s Secret and would have blushed right now if she didn’t have this absolutely amazing feeling inside. It was as if she was another person, this whole new side of herself that she had been getting used to over the past couple of days and she loved it. It was similar to Raven, the low clothes and the attitude. The slinky and sexy way that she felt. Liz felt like she was finally free.

“So how do I look?” she asked Isabel the queen of fashion.

“Totally hot, not like yourself at all,” then the girl frowned, “I’m sorry, I just meant that..”

“I know what you meant, it’s fine.”

“Well knock him dead girl.” Max frowned nearby and Liz looked away. She did not need to feel guilty just because he was feeling hurt. It wasn’t her fault that they were over. Well it partly was, she could have fought for him but here they were, about to start phase one and she couldn’t concentrate on him. She would just have to make due with the way that things were at the moment.

“I’m going,” Liz said and opened the sliding door but a hand caught her first on the elbow.

“Be careful.” Max’s curt statement almost made her want to assure him that she was always there for him but she looked away and stepped down onto the sidewalk. Crossing the street was easy but getting to the front door with her shaky legs was quite a challenge. She was scared as all hell. Jesse was the security guard in the front. If this didn’t work than they were all screwed. Of course there was that guy in the back that Ria and Mikey were gonna take care of. Their plan was that the two lovebirds were going to have this big fight and then knock the guy unconscious. They had to gag him and put him in the back of the car. Both of their faces were already changed by Max and they were waiting for the signal from Serena who was in the van with Max and Isabel at the moment. She had a television that showed where all of them were located. The tiny cameras on their shoes insured that. It seemed kind of weird that they already had enough money to buy this equipment but that wasn’t the complete truth to it all. They had used their credit cards, although that was traceable they felt that they would not be tracked. It was nearly impossible seeing as how all of their physical features had been changed. The witnesses would not recognize them. Anyways Serena was going to give them the go as soon as Liz and Jesse got situated. Then Isabel and Tess would enter. They would need Isabel’s new power of orbing for transporting the money more efficiently. Also her mind warp would come in handy incase some one came and spotted them. Hopefully that wouldn’t happen.

“Hey baby,” Jesse greeted her with a quick kiss and she led him to his sports mustang. He was also a stunt double with the part time job as security guard, that’s how he earned the money for this luxury.

“I missed you,” she lied and turned the small time talk into long smooches. They sat in the back and he laid down on the bottom with the seat resting underneath him and she laid on top of him. The tinted windows made it so that no one could spot them. The roof was down and she murmured little phrases like how good he tasted. Then her hands went out of control and so did her mind because apparently she was fantasizing doing this with Max. Her and Jesse had gotten quite intimate over the past couple of days. It didn’t matter if he was a player because she wasn’t in it for the long haul. She just wanted a little fun and this body certainly helped her achieve that goal. They had only gotten to about 3rd base. She wasn’t ready for having sex with someone else, even in the body of someone else. His hands brushed her skirt up and his smooth hands ran over her hot thighs. She envisioned Max’s face as he would kiss her. She moaned at the thought of the hot alien rubbing his hands along her hot spot and she moved her fingers under Jesse’s shirt. She just couldn’t help it. This was her moment to shine and she lost all thoughts of the camera on the shoe.

Back in the van Max’s eyes were glued to bottom right corner of the screen where Liz was getting hot with that guy.
Serena motioned Isabel to hurry and the girl shimmered out of sight. Tess was already in location and Serena watched the screen as a voice crackled in her ear, ‘In motion and ready to go,” it was Maria signaling that Isabel had appeared.

“Go ahead,” Serena replied and the couple started their argument. It would take a few minutes before the guard would appear and like clockwork it happened. The small outline of Isabel and Tess crawling through the vents was visible. They had out circuited the security hand print device on the back wall when the man came out to Michael and Maria. Silently they made their way overhead of the vault room undetected and dodged a couple of laser rays on the way down. The man got knocked out and they placed the cloth in his mouth and shoved him in the car. His hands were tied and his feet bound. They made sure that his eyes were covered with a bandana so he couldn’t see them if he awoke too soon. Then they stood outside the vehicle and waited, this was the most frustrating part for Michael. He hated not knowing what was going on.

Tess shoved the money in bags as Isabel counted when they
went in. Serena could tell when they reached the amount because the bag was suddenly thrust into Isabel’s hands and she orbed into the van.

“We did it!” she exclaimed but Max stopped her celebration short.

“It’s not over yet.” Liz was still making out with the guy in the right corner. In the left corner it was Tess crawling back through the vent and making sure that they had left not a thing behind. The top right was Michael and Maria standing in front of the car. They had a few more minutes until the guy became conscious again. Serena’s watch showed that they had 4 minutes to be exact. The top left was the one on Isabel’s shoe and she dismantled it there so the corner went fuzzy.

Tess made her way out and she closed the door, snuck back in the bush and watched as Maria and Michael brought the guy out. They moved him slowly to the door but quickened the pace when Ria’s watch showed two minutes left. Michael took the gag out, removed the ties and the rope from his feet and left him sitting right by the door with a blindfold on his face. The guard toppled over and they raced to the car and sped across the street. Tess moved only when the guard awoke and by the time she was across the street it was 12:20 and the man had no idea what had just happened. Their plan worked. Now they just needed to remove Liz. She was the last straw.



“Mmmm...Raven I gotta go,”Jesse moaned. She smirked at the name, it seemed fitting at the time when she had introduced herself.

“Yeah, I know,” she tried to sound disappointed.

“Call me later, we can hook up, maybe finish where we left off?”

“Yeah, definitely,” Liz answered and they straightened themselves up and left the mustang. Jesse went back to the bank and Liz made her way back across the street.

“Do we have it?” she asked when she entered and the victorious grins answered her question.

“Yes!” she cried out and hugged Max tight, “whoops, sorry.” The feeling of being Liz again overwhelmed her and she motioned him to change her back. In a matter of seconds she was back to her normal self and felt the weight of everything crush down again. She wasn’t really empty now, she felt relieved to be the one person that she knew the most in the world. And she knew that whether she was Raven or Liz she was still important to this plan.




Max

I’ve been watching her too much. I’ve been noticing the little details, they seem extreme in my head, the way her hair looks when the afternoon sun glints upon it. I know I shouldn’t get wrapped up in the little things, the ones that always seem to get me into all that much more trouble. The way I feel when I watch her, sometimes I stare and I know she knows, how can she not? She must feel my eyes on her back, me imagining, envisioning back in the old days. I remember everything, I pretend I don’t, want to make it all that much better for her. Maybe if she thinks that I don’t recall every minute, that I don’t wish I could go back then maybe she’d be better off. She is supposed to lead a better life.

I don’t read a lot, I never understand why in every book there is a happy ending. They don’t tend to lose a thing, never come out in the end alone and dead, maybe starved and cold and homeless. I feel that’s the way I’ll leave this planet that I like to call home. I’ll leave it alone, Isabel will want to stay once Alex is back, Michael has Maria. I understand that leaves me with Tess but I don’t know if I should trust her anymore. What if our suspicions are right? But then again what if they’re not, and I’m throwing this all for nothing? Is Liz that, nothing? She can’t be counted as something right now, she’s a prospect, a choice. But it’s her decision not mine and my heart’s left hanging in the balance, the middle, the dividend. I don’t know where to go, the crossroads of my life and the map’s thrown out of the window. My car’s totaled, I lost my money and I need to walk my way. There’s a gas station behind me and a repair shop ahead, but where do I turn? Where should I go, walk on Max, walk on. I feel lost in my own head and don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong.

There’s this fantasy in my head, this one where none of this happened and there was no such thing as gone. No such thing as home, or death or even heartbreak. It’s my paradise and Liz and I sit on the beach all day sipping our cool, tropical drinks and bathe in love. It’s a nice place to vacation in my head for a while but I fear maybe I’ve spent too much time there. Is this what happens to those insane people? Do they just lose themselves in that big blot of space between reality and fantasy? Have I gotten a sunburn and stomach ache from being in “paradise” too long? Maybe I have no idea what the real life looks like, maybe I have no idea how to make up after the heart breaks, how to cope after death, what’s the right amount of grieving time and what just goes way past grief and into suffering. When will it hit me that everything I’ve done is my own fault? Because I firmly believe that it’s not up to me. Is life predestined? Circumstances and coincidences, where does everything happen, can you push a control button? Are we truly mere mortals with far more advances control systems or is there something greater out there or inside us that we haven’t fully tapped into yet.

Whoa, I am getting way too far ahead of myself, this is the talk of psychologists and enlightenment believers from history class. I’m Max Evans, a freaking Antarian not God. There’s no reason to ponder this, no matter what happens I don’t know the future, don’t understand the meaning of life. Is this all just a cruel sick joke or are we meant to serve some greater purpose in life?

We watched the late night news last night after dinner, saw that the vault was reported broken into but the guard had no answers as to how it could have happened, Jesse hadn’t seen a thing and had nothing to say. The bank officials thought it was all very “unusual.” Maria thought we were the most clever bunch of bank robbers that had ever lived. Liz actually looked ashamed for a few minutes while watching it, I’m not sure but there was a way her eyes followed the money being passed around the room and then the tv set where police officers were searching for evidence. I almost felt bad too but we needed this money for a higher cause right? A bigger purpose. The other criminals (yes we are criminals now but hey Isabel and Serena have been for a while now) use the money for expensive and luxurious lives.

I’m at the gym right now, just punching the lights out of this bad full with what appears to be rocks, my hands are numb, it’s too hard. The bag must be like life, you keep on throwing all you got at it and then all of a sudden you turn your head when it’s still swinging and you’re knocked out cold. It’s too hard for your mere fists and after a while your body gets swollen and you have no time to think, it’s reactionary only. You act in life, every second you’re doing something and it’s getting you somewhere. Maybe someone would like to clue me in on where I’m headed. Is there a future with Liz? If so then why can’t we forget everything, if everything’s so goddamn precious and every second counts then why can’t she just be with me? Why does it all have to be so damn hard and frustrating? I’d like to have one thing just handed to me, make everything all that easier. But whoever’s the only soul in charge hates me. They’re out to get me, most of them are. Not just back on Antar but they bring it here, home. They’ve ruined my past life and they’ll ruin this one too. Even when future me came to tell Liz things my life was ruined there. Where is my life good? Where is this paradise that I envision every time I have a moment of free air? I remember the way Liz’s eyes looked when she told me about the flashes and the memories that he shared with her. It was Kivar, we know that now but what if he spoke of the truth? We don’t know now, everything has changed. But if that was the way he saw things then my life will most definitely always be intense, terrible, maybe even dangerous. The people around me put their lives in jeopardy daily and I have lost everything I ever had to show for myself. And for what? I won’t receive anything back. No gold medal of honor or bravery by throwing Liz away, for wanting something better for her. No bronze medal for being the best leader I know how to be, I’m no JFK, I’m not even a Lincoln, Washington, Jefferson, Franklin. I can’t get a silver medal of making my life the best I could. For accepting the destiny and trying to work it out with Tess. For wanting things to get solid between us, to gain her trust and respect and to protect her more than Nasedo ever could. Tried so hard, I can’t get any award, no blue ribbon, I’ve tried so hard, too hard? Is it plausible that maybe I am meant to coast on by in life? Can I sit down and let others work for me? Can I wait for Liz? I’m a man of action aren’t I? Well, what’s left? What kind of step can I have left? There has to be something, a small piece of me that knows the way back in, where’s the key Liz?

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. What was that Serena had said before I shut her out, cut her off? “A plan within a plan,” the words were there, now I needed the story. The gym was left behind as I ran out to my car. This had to be it, nothing else could work.







Liz

It’s been several days after the successful bank operation. I can’t get the look from Max’s eyes out of my mind. There was something in them, a gleam of some sort when I had returned to the van. There’s no doubt in my mind that it was something other than jealousy. He would never feel that way about me with some other guy. The Max that’s here now...well he’s not the same Max that I once new. Not the same guy that I remember. I want him to be that guy, I so want him back. I recall every moment in my brain, where did I make the mistake, where is the moment where I faulted? I can’t seem to find it. I thought we were in love. How could we be in love when he was doing all of these calculations in his mind? Was he figuring out how to break my heart every time that I was with him? When we kissed was he thinking that would be our last one?

I have to stop tormenting myself. I need to move on. I thought I had but being here again, seeing him, it’s brought it all back. I can stop this. At least for now I can push him out of my mind, although Max has never been fully out of my head I will push him down.

I step up the stairs to the front of the building. Looking up I see the clear night, half a moon in the sky but that’s all. Not yet a huge glimmer of stars, possibly they sense the danger in coming out on a night like this. Then I have to laugh at myself, stars aren’t living, they can’t sense things and they’re there. It doesn’t matter that I can’t see them, they’re up there. And at this moment someone is sitting on one of those stairs and looking down at us, of course I’m not visible but they know we’re here too. Maybe they miss Max, are looking for their loyal leader who has sacrificed himself time and time again for the country that’s but a speck of light from here.


“Liz? Are you ready to go in?” Maria asked me as everyone else looked on. It seemed like I had been thinking to myself and the sky for minutes and now I was embarrassed, not one to show it I nodded and we moved on. The doors were easy to bypass, I had a security tag after all and on the back was my bar code. Of course if someone was to look at all the scanned codes of the night they may be wondering why mine was here this late. I’ll have to make some excuse for that later. There are no guards on duty. That may seem a little hard to believe but the preconceived notion was that no one could break in. With your bar code you open the doors. If you don’t have a card, the doors won’t budge, after all they’re solid steel, no one can crash into those beauties.

“Which way?” Michael asked and I pointed in the direction. The others stepped back a little and let me pass, I was going first for only the reason that I was the one who knew where things were. It was me, Michael, Max, Maria and Serena. Tess and Isabel had stayed at home. It was good because with all of us it felt way too vampire squad from Buffy for me. We weren’t an army, just a group.

“I’ll need some blood,” I spoke out as we turned into the room and I placed my hand on top of the screen protecting the top secret door from trespassers. We may not have security people but the rest of the building was air tight. No one was coming in or going out unless authorized. But then again once they were in they could let anyone else, another reason why we have to trust our dedicated staff.

“Blood? What for? And from whom?” Max questioned. He sounded upset that I hadn’t mentioned it earlier and I mentally kicked myself for only bringing it up just now.

“To make the pill, you need blood from two and tears from another. I’ve done the tears,” my face was turned from them not wanting them to see my face, how sad this ordeal made me. I cried for hours on end and only caught a few drops when I was near sleep from exhaustion. The pain of Alex’s death and the loss of Max were so much ... it was the easy task.

“Okay, but from whom?” Maria repeated his question with impatience. She wanted to know what was going down and why.

“Me and,” I looked her in the eyes before placing the kit on the counter, “you.” Maria gasped and swore under her breath.

I frowned, “what’s the matter?”

“Liz, this all seems so weird, why my blood? Why your’s? Why tears? Where are you getting this knowledge from? Frankly, and yes this is now me being frank, you’re starting to scare me. This all is too creepy,” she was clearly uncomfortable with the thought of taking blood. I had never known that about Maria, she got woozy from this stuff?

“Maria, you’ll have to calm down. We were the closest to Alex, remember? It has to be me and you. We were the first to find out about the mind warp, we were the two that felt it the most, I believe we want this the most too. I know I do, don’t you?” she nodded and Michael paced up and down the front of room. It was a sterile place with signs hanging on the white walls. There was a poster of the periodic table and one of human anatomy. Racks of tester tubes and chemicals were placed on counters surrounding the walls. A table and a Gurney were placed in the back towards a refrigerator that didn’t hold my lunch in it per say. I had been busy testing chemicals and potions for weeks. This breakthrough was just that. A break through. It was one night at the lab and I was frustrated. A tear went in and the potion bubbled. It wasn’t exactly a miracle because upon swallowing I got nauseous. It was definitely not going to get an approval by the FDA.

“So when did you find out about the blood?” Serena was the one to ask now and as I removed two sterilized needles from the kit I spoke aloud, remembering every detail vividly.

“I was researching online and came across these things, artifacts from books, witch books. I didn’t believe in the stuff until one particular search caught my eye. I had written the distinct words of ‘time portal’ in the computer and it pulled up a site of opening one portal into the next. Every lifetime is different,” I sat down on the moving chair that was located by the desk. “There can be us in this lifetime with this situation but in another portal it’s as if we’re doing different things. We’re different people. So in another portal Alex is alive and he’s well. I know it.”

“And we’re going to take him from that portal and bring him to this one,” Max finished my thoughts. He sighed and rubbed his forehead like the whole thing was causing him pain. I had no idea why he was so upset, he hadn’t thought of anything, there was no risk involved for him, he didn’t even know of the exchange. And upon looking at all of their worried faces I wonder what they would think of me giving my life for his.

“I don’t know, it all sounds a little too Charmed for me,” Michael replied and stretched his back before hopping onto the counter and sitting there.

“A little too easy maybe,” Serena said.

“Easy?” Maria’s voice screeched through the room, “you’re not the one that has to give up some of your blood!” I pulled the cover off and then got up. The fridge was bright and the blue contents in a jar in the back seemed to taunt me as I pulled them out. It was like learning to ride your bike. You fall down but have to get back up again and know that you might fall down one more time. Man I hated my first bike. I hated my first potion for this too. After the potion is finished I’ll have to solidify it in the star black box on the counter in the right of the room. It’s located next to several medical charts of some animals we’ve been testing down the hall. They are feisty creatures but the products are beginning to work their wonders. Still no cure for the common cold, no stop to AIDS and no certain end to cancer. Just one friend coming back. I can deal with that.

“Ready?” I asked her as I set it down. Max was standing in front of the desk and looked at the potion curiously before glancing my way.

“Are you sure about this?” He asked and when I nodded he held it up, “may I?” I had to nod again and he tied the not on the rubber carnicit around my arm and I could feel a slight pressure increase. The needle slid into me and I watched it fill with blood. He had it about half way when I told him it was enough. Maria damn near fainted on the spot. I didn’t know if she’d be able to handle it.

“My turn?” she asked weakly after I had set it down and picked up the other needle. Max pulled the carnicit off and then retrieved another for Maria’s arm.

“Want me?” Michael asked and pointed at the needle.

“There’s no freaking way I’m trusting you with that thing!” she hissed at her husband and I chuckled softly. They were so cute together. There was no way Michael would hurt her but Max drew the blood anyway. For someone who wasn’t in this profession he was pretty good with the needle and equipment. Obviously science classes with me in high school were not the tip of the iceberg. The blood tubes sat there in a menacing fashion. Okay that was my imagination again but now was the real moment. The moment of truth. If it worked how would we know until we were ready? We’re obviously not ready now, not after everything I’ve learned. In order to open the portal you have to reach your full potential, all your powers must be in tap. We had to meet the dupes, they are out there somewhere. Eight pods Michael had said. Obviously he was wrong. Raven wasn’t part of the eight. It was Rath, Zan, Lonnie and Ava. Maria should have a duplicate, and of course Serena would figure in somewhere. The only problem is locating them.

“Liz? Are you okay?” Max asked and waved his hand in front of my face. I had drifted off again I realized. Of course I wouldn’t tell them what I was thinking about. Gaining all of this knowledge from the internet and my dreams, yes I have dreams, not visions. They’re motion pictures in the back of my brain when I’m asleep, showing me things that I believe Raven inside me wants me to know. I can’t shake it off that she’s just waiting in me, waiting to show me something. We haven’t connected yet, how can we when I feel like two lost girls instead of the one I’ve been ever since the day I was shot.

“Yes, fine,” I muttered and gazed past his worried face to the two tubes of blood and the jar of the mixture.

“What are you thinking about?” Serena asked me with a curious glint in her eyes.

“Don’t you already know?” I asked, suspicious of her.

“Did you feel anything that would suggest that?” she asked back and I noticed Michael and Maria exchange a look.

“no,” I replied but kept eye contact. “Just what exactly do you know that you haven’t shared with us?” ‘The questions would keep on coming,’ I gathered.

“What makes you think that I know more than you do?” I was right, she was going to make this difficult.

“Call it a sixth sense,” I smiled and she appeared thoughtful while her eyes scanned the room and the faces of our friends inside it. No one had any clue what we were talking about, even I was puzzled.

“What’s going on Serena?” Max was the one that asked, I supposed that she would answer for him but it wasn’t until Maria asked her if she was hiding something that she spoke up. I guess Maria’s friendship means more to her than Max being the king does.

“Okay, I may not have been completely honest and open with you guys,” she glanced my way before turning back to Maria, “but I never lied.”

“So what have you not told us about?” Michael chose his words carefully. He sounded like a freaking defense attorney questioning a witness on the stand. He was never one to wait until someone told him news, he wanted to question people to death. Always has, never really calms down until he can find out the full truth. It was enough to make me want to laugh, good for me that I didn’t because her answer was definitely not funny.

“I used to hang with the dupes, your clones. There’s a second set of pods out there. Your royal family that sent you,” Max’s eyes opened wide when she looked directly at him when stating that, “had another batch sent. It was like a practice run but they didn’t have the complete bone structure of humans. You do.”

“So, they are more alien then human?” Michael asked again and she nodded which caused him to sigh loudly.

“How can we not have known about this? Why did you keep it from us?” Max asked.

“I came to Roswell on a mission and that would have interfered with it,” her reply was totally brief and to the point. It was like she didn’t want us to know what her mission was.

“What did you come to do?” I asked suspiciously. By now Michael and Max were standing closer to her and Maria had sunken into a chair. This didn’t look like it would end well if she didn’t come clean soon. Michael advanced closer when she hesitated to answer.

“This is ridiculous, I’m your friend Liz!” I knew she was right but I couldn’t get rid of this feeling that was in the pit of my stomach. There was something else going on here. But I could trust Serena, couldn’t I?

“Serena if you know something else about these clones then you have to tell us. It might be the key to going home,” Michael was obsessed with home, he talked of it religiously in high school. Like if he went home all of his problems would go away.

“Trust me, they can’t help you,” was her reply. I looked away and studied a chart of I’m not sure what. It was as if I was in a trance. There were images floating through my mind. That had never happened when I was awake. Raven was trying to tell me something, I was sure of it. But what? There were images of Serena walking along with some guys..... guys who looked oddly familiar yet very different. Then a girl left, she was standing on the sidelines and I couldn’t see her face just brown hair clipped up on the back of her head with a tattoo on her neck of a butterfly. Then Serena left too. It was just those guys that now went into an apartment building.

“Someone left...and you’re looking for her,” I spoke aloud. Max gave me a weird look and Serena’s mouth gaped open.

“Yes,” she said when she gained composure, “it was you.” Now it was my turn to gape, hell even Max was in shock.

“What do you mean it was me?” I asked her.

“It was your duplicate, her name was Raven. I knew that she wanted to find you, all of you,” her eyes shot over Max and Michael. Maria was sitting like a stone statue in the chair behind them and I wondered how she was handling this news.

“But I’m not an alien!” I protested.

“You were changed, she told me that she felt it. The only one that has powers to do that is the king.”

Max looked at me and then spoke to Serena quietly, “when I healed her, are you saying that I created a duplicate for her?” Our friend nodded and replied, “ Raven came to us complete with her own pod. We routinely went there every Sunday, it was like church for us,” she cracked a small smile, it must have been a memory.

“Then Raven shared some feelings she had with me, she didn’t belong, wanted to know where you were. I tried to talk her out of it but one day she just took off, Zan was devastated.”

“Zan?” Max questioned, he sounded a little jealous. Well hurrah for me.

“Your dupe,” she answered him and I sighed. We made it in that lifetime I suppose. So what happened in this one that screwed everything up?

“Your dupe’s name is Rath,” she said to Michael, “Isabel’s is Lonnie, Tess’s is Ava, Kyle’s is Tye and well you Maria,” everyone looked over at her and then we all gasped. Michael ran to her side. She had fainted in the middle of that sentence. Clearly it was all a little much for my poor friend. I grabbed one of her vials she had lent me off the counter, unscrewed the cap and then held it under her nose. She awoke about 20 seconds later leaving Michael to cradle her.

“Are you alright?” he asked with concern and she nodded slightly.

“You nearly worried me to death,” he added and then hugged her tighter.

“I have a duplicate?” she asked Serena. She nodded and Maria let out a large breath of air that had been consuming her.

“Is she nice?” Maria asked quietly and looked at her for an answer.

“It all depends on your opinion,” Serena said while running her fingers through her messy hair, “do you think I’m nice?”

“What do you mean? You’re my twin? My dupe? Whatever?” Maria was beyond shocked but she was also hurt. Serena had never offered this information before, she thought they were best friends.

“Here, take calm, deep breaths,” Liz said and handed her a vial of her oil, it was strawberry, scented to calm her nerves.

“Maybe we should go talk about this somewhere else,” Max said while looking only at Serena and Michael.

Liz was pissed, “You just don’t seem to get it do you Max? We’re part of this now,” she pointed at herself and Maria, “there are no more secret meetings. Hell even Kyle’s a part of this, no matter how much he has to pretend with himself that it never happened. You’ve done it somehow, everyone’s in it Max, isn’t this what you’ve always wanted?” she sighed loudly, “now you’re not an outsider. Maybe you should just change everyone, then we can all connect and get it over with, see the stars, feel the past, embrace the future. That’s what this is all about.”

“What are you talking about Liz?” It wasn’t Max but Michael who answered. “No one said anything about a connection.” Liz gasped a little when she realized her mistake.

“What do you know Liz?” Serena asked her strangely.

“Not much more than you.” Liz stumbled over to the cupboard and located a can of Pepsi inside. Serena was staring at her as she gulped the contents down.

“I’ve already connected,” she mumbled.

“What!” Maria exclaimed before jumping to her feet and simultaneously knocking Michael to the ground.

“This is too much for me, I’m gonna lose it, how many years of psycho alien drama and my best friend since about 1st grade turns on me. It’s all over,” Maria’s voice ran on and all of the words flowed together.

‘She is turning paranoid,’ Liz thought. Maria headed to the corner of the room muttering to herself and holding the bandaged section of her arm as if in disbelief. Liz heard her mutter about everyone turning against her before she realized that maybe she was like a stranger to Maria, even Liz didn’t know who she was anymore.

“It was a while ago, probably a month after she left,” Liz looked over at Serena but continued her story. She needed to get it out. “The experience was unbelievable. That was the time in my life when everything was going wrong.” She wiped a tear off her cheek.

“Oh my good god,” Max sighed and rubbed his forehead. He was having a hard time keeping up with all of the information tonight was destined to upload on him.

“The actual thing was purely simple, it was as if I was hallucinating. I felt like liquid and she walked right through me. It must have been some sort of power that she possessed, there wasn’t even an explanation!” Liz shuddered with remembrance of the dark haired beauty that would have easily passed for her twin. She had a duplicate. The girl had seemed like a hallucination all until she had drifted into her and practically taken hold of her body with those foreign memories. For days afterwards she had felt so different, lost and confused. And yet no one seemed to notice, it only made her feel worse. She had thought that she could count on her best friend for support but no one seemed to think she mattered, no one thought she was important.

“And we have these duplicates too?” Michael added to make sure and checked behind him to see if Maria was alright. He had changed so much, Liz remembered times when they would fight constantly. It was always on again and off again. Now he was a changed man almost, they still fought a little but Liz thought of them as a super-couple compared to her and Max. Michael gave up his destiny with Isabel to be with Maria, Liz couldn’t say that for Max.

“Yeah...” Serena stared at Max who was looking down at his feet, “did you already know about this Max?” He glanced up with a look of puzzlement.

“What?”

“Well when I looked in your head that other day when...” her gaze drifted to Liz, “well when we were trying to figure out a problem. I saw that you knew about the duplicates. . .I could have sworn that you knew. So why are you acting so strange today, like it’s all a surprise?”

“What are you talking about? I didn’t know anything about this. Why is today the one day that everyone tries to accuse everyone else of something? Everyone’s so damn suspicious,” He practically yelled out but sustained his voice with all the self-control he had left. “I have a question then, what were you going to do when you found Raven? Did Liz spoil your plan? How do we really know that you’re telling the truth? We don’t.” His voice sounded final and Liz sighed a little. This could all get blown out of proportion if they didn’t stop accusing each other and try to find the logic in everything.

“Okay, let’s stop!” Michael shouted and pushed himself between Max and Serena who seemed to be mad at each other. If he had to be the mediator it must be getting out of control. “There’s only one thing I want to know, why does Maria have a dupe? She was never healed, Liz was healed at the Crashdown and Kyle at the UFO center but what’s this deal with you and her?”

“She wasn’t healed?” Serena voiced back with concern.

“That’s what I said,” Michael groaned and looked at the clock impatiently. They should be getting out of there soon.

“Well she must have had a connection in some kind of way, think Michael, you’re the one that knows her best. What kind of powers did you use on her that changed her?”

“Well...” Michael started going back in his memory. Something must have happened.

“They had sex, they connected, Maria saw into his mind,” Max stated like it was the obvious.

“Well then that has to be it,” Serena sighed and then looked at the clock also, “we should be going huh? We’ve been here way longer than we were meant to.” Michael nodded, agreeing, and walked over to where Maria was sitting and staring straight up at the ceiling.

“I think I’ll stay awhile, research things and find out the most I can about all of this,” Liz said and caught Max’s eye before looking over at her laptop computer that was positioned on her desk by a pile of cd’s and discs.

“Maybe I should stay with you,” Max said more than suggested and they said goodbye to Serena, Michael and Maria before sitting down to talk.

“I feel like I hardly know you, there’s these secrets that for some reason popped out tonight, I’m not even sure if I should trust Serena but then again what kind of leader would I be if I dismissed anything she said right now?” Max asked Liz, his new confident.

“It’s alright not to trust people up front, they have to earn it, it’s a privilege not a right Max.” Liz was tapping through the computer’s search engine until she found what she was looking for. It was the FBI database. She remembered vividly when Alex had found it as the web page on Topolsky’s computer, he would be so much better at this than she is.

“So what was it like Liz, finding out about her?” Max asked as he wondered intently why she hadn’t informed anyone of this. Did this change who she was? He couldn’t imagine what she must have gone through. Liz stopped typing and closed her eyes as she let the images pass through her.

“It’s like I don’t have any control anymore, I feel as if she’s going to take over soon and then I’ll be left in the dark of the back of my mind screaming until I die because no one will hear my cries,” She took another sip of the soda and leaned back in her chair. “The whole sensation of it was different than anything I had ever felt. Even more phenomenal than our kisses and when I’d have the flashes. It was like I was being taken over and somehow I had no choice in the matter, awful really. Then the images flooded my mind, the pictures that took over, I saw her whole life Max. You can’t possibly imagine what it was like for me. I knew about the dupes but didn’t know what to believe, it was all coming apart. The aliens, you and your family, it’s too much Max. I don’t think I was meant for this life but it’s too late. You changed us all.”

“I’m sorry, god how I’m sorry, I never meant to, I just wanted to save your life, I needed to let you live Liz. Was it too selfish of me to have you live?”

[m14]

1:00 AM February 7th
The University of Scientific Studies
Liz’s office

It was an hour since Max and Liz had been left alone at her science office. She had been researching the FBI database for any of the dupes’ names. Figuring that if the special unit still existed than maybe they would be keeping tabs on any strange sightings even outside of Roswell, New Mexico.

“Find anything?” Max asked as he walked back into the room with snacks from a vending machine in his hands.

“Not much, just a couple extra agents assigned in New York city which may be unrelated. What did ya get?” Liz asked and he flung a bag of Doritos her way.

“You were right, no one’s here. The hallways are so quiet I heard my heart so loud I almost thought it was a radio!” Max held a grin as he tugged the wrapper off of his candy bar. She hadn’t seen him smile in days, maybe they were finally getting to the point of friendship. Earlier he had turned the conversation intense and she was forced to relive all of those high school memories that used to haunt her dreams.

Liz moved the mouse down and stared intently at the monitor screen until suddenly her gaze riveted to Max who was busily chewing and exclaimed, “I think I’ve got something!” He almost choked on the chocolate as he hurried to where she sat. Liz explained that the same agents that were employed by the special unit had been assigned from New York City over to Chicago and weren’t allowed to leave until the president of the unit told them. There was a documented file that she some trouble hacking into and appeared to be in code. The only words that broadly stood out were “follow”, “destroy” and the word “neila” which backwards was alien. Liz had caught a lucky break, apparently Max was living in the same city as other extraterrestrial life.

“Now where will we find them? This city’s huge!” Max exclaimed in frustration. He was right, the city was huge and they didn’t have much time either. Liz sighed and clicked off the website, the computer hummed as it shut down. They wouldn’t find the information they needed there. So far the only plan Liz had was no plan.

“Do you think that Serena knows they’re here?” Max asked her, practically taking the suspicions right from her mind.

“I don’t know what to think anymore Max. It’s all so extremely complicated.” Liz had always been the practical one, the girl that got them out of trouble. She was the amazing, brain-powered brunette with the science skills that could blow your mind away. So why was it now that he needed her to have the answers that she was just as clueless as he?

“You think I should step up and be the leader, am I right?” Max asked her slowly. Her answer was a nod. They packed up silently and left the same way they came in. The others had took the van home and Max groaned loudly when he realized they didn’t have enough money for a cab. But Liz didn’t mind the walk, even for a late February night in Chicago it was relatively warm. Maybe mother nature was off this year, or maybe global warming was finally settling in. She recalled the groundhog said winter was over, he could be right.

They walked side by side in silence for a while until Liz suggested a bagel or coffee at the all-night diner they had come across. It was warm inside but not very comfortable. Pictures hung on the walls in places that she suspected the paint was beginning to tear down. There were booths located along the walls in the back and the windows in the front, it was nearly empty that night and Max and Liz picked a booth nearest the jukebox which seemed to be stuck on the same old country song.

“Well, this is nice,” Max started as he fingered a hole in the cushion. “I hope our waitress get’s here soon. Places like this make me uneasy.” Liz laughed at the thought of her alien friend being nervous in a broken down rest-stop.

“We should start searching for them. They could be anywhere,” Liz said as the door swung open. She didn’t turn around to look, for all she knew it could be a serial murderer. Liz actually was starting to get why Max was a little uneasy, the man in the corner hadn’t stopped staring at her for a full 5 minutes, it was creeping her out.

About halfway through the meal, which was a cheeseburger and coke for both of them, Max got up to use the bathroom. Liz warned him against it but being desperate he left anyway. She smiled as she watched him walk away but then it quickly went away too. The man who had been staring at their booth earlier had just taken Max’s place. Liz was startled and suddenly very scared. She didn’t have any powers, well none that she could tap into. Raven hadn’t lent her access yet and she was starting to think now would be a good time.

“We don’t have much time, I know who you are and what you’re looking for Raven. They thought you’d come back,” his gaze was intense but he broke it when worriedly he looked behind him for Max. “Let’s go, I’ll take you to them.” Liz was beyond afraid, now she was genuinely interested. What if this man knew who she was? He had called her Raven, maybe he could tell her where the others were.

“Where’s Zan?” she asked him, this was the moment that might define her career and the hunt to save Alex.

“You want to know where the very man who’s heart you destroyed is hiding out? How bout this, I bring you to him, and then you tell us why you’re hanging out with the likes of him,” he pointed over at the bathroom door. Liz wondered if she could trust him, and what his problem with Max was. “We don’t have much time Raven, they need to see you, they’re in danger. You’re the only one who can help. Ava is dying.” He said it so low she almost thought she hadn’t heard him right, but his tone of voice was serious and in pain. If she could help keep someone alive then she had to go. But what about Max?

“Can I tell Max where I’m going, he can help too,” she made sure not to let it slip that he was the healer.

“No, no one can know about this. What are you crazy? You go for the first guy that you meet and forget about where you’ve come from, who your real family is?” she thought about it for another second and then stood with him, his hand grasped her’s tightly and as the bathroom door finally opened the man shoved her out the front door. When they reached the sidewalk corner, she was sure that Max would follow them, he must have seen them leave. But then all hopes were lost, the man and her dissolved in a cloud of smoke, he had some special traveling power. There was no way that she’d be able to find her way back to Max now!

Max searched up and down that street with his eyes, he was completely numb. He couldn’t feel the breeze of cool night air slapping against his face or the pain that would show soon, his heart letting him know he’d blown it again. Was everything connected to him doomed? Each person he’d come in contact with destined to be in pain? With reluctance he paid the waitress who was standing out with him; threatening to call the police. Then Max began his dreadful walk back to the apartment where he was sure no one would like his news.

Liz felt herself land somewhere, the ground was soft but the man’s hand was still gripping her arm.

“Wh-where are we?” she asked her kidnapper. It was so dark around her that all she could make out were the distinct lines of hardness and anger on his face. His eyes were piercing and dark, she recalled that he had been wearing prominent clothes at the diner. Those certainly had stood out among the drunks and the tired. A blue, maybe light black suit and a long brown coat. It didn’t matter if he had a lot of money or a great job, he was still committing a crime. She may have agreed to go with him, but now he was starting to make her look and feel like a victim.

“You’ll see in a minute, until then keep your mouth shut,” he ordered her before placing a piece of duct tape on his mouth that apparently had come from no where she had seen. Liz tried not to make him angry and calmed herself down with long, deep breaths. Having been friends with Alex; who was a major fan of adventure and crime shows, she had watched a lot of movies. The one main thing that she had to do was remember every detail about this place and this man. Liz also remembered hearing not to leave with your attacker, she groaned inwardly hoping he wouldn’t kill her. ‘Physical evidence!’ her mind screamed at her. They always caught something that the guys left behind like blood, semen, even a tooth or a piece of gum. Those people worked wonders.

They walked ahead, possibly they had been here for ten minutes when he stopped abruptly and she heard a door lock click open. The duct tape was removed the minute the door was closed. Liz watched as the man flicked a switch and the whole room lit up in a flourescent white light. It was amazing inside. There were large white couches located along the back wall, each separated by a door, they had the names that Serena had said were their dupes on each one. She guessed this was their place, those were their bedrooms. A huge tv sat along the wall where she was and she spied the stereo system that went along with it. There was no doubt about it, these guys had the hook ups, their place was set up like they were billionaires living large.

“Raven?” The male voice came from behind her and sounded a little like...

“Max?” I called out and turned around to find the biggest surprise ever. The dupes look like us, but not really like us. Like with Raven. It was different because she had my face but the rest of her was what bad-ass Liz would be like. The tattoos and piercings that she had on her body were also incorporated onto Zan (A.K.A. the other Max) only with more leather and a goatee.

“Oh my god, Raven, it’s you!” he exclaimed and reached out to hug me, I stood there silently with his arms around me contemplating what to do.

“Actually, it’s Liz,” I told him when he stepped back. There was a low whistle and then he turned to look at the man that had brought me here.

“Liz? Did they...” he glanced my way and then stopped talking only to drag the man out of the room. “We’ll be right back, make yourself comfortable,” Zan informed me and I sat down on one of the white couches. It was kind of obvious I had foiled up their plan but I still had no idea what that was. The door opened behind me, the one with the name Lonnie on it and I looked on as a girl resembling Isabel, but with choppy blonde hair and a ton of mascara, stepped out.

“Oh my god, Raven!!” she exclaimed just as Zan had a few minutes earlier. I was getting beyond freaked out. “Wait a sec gurl, ya changed yur look, why’d ya do that? Rave... Prep ain’t in this year,” she so kindly informed me.

“I’m Liz, Liz Parker,” I told her slowly. Her eyes widened and she looked me up and down. The door immediately shut behind her and she grabbed a tennis ball off of the couch next to the one I was seated at.

“You’ve connected with her haven’t you?” she asked while bouncing the ball off of the ceiling. I nodded slowly, not sure where this was headed or even how she knew about it. She didn’t seem that different from Isabel even though I hardly knew either of them that well. They both appeared to be completely self-confident and had the same good looks. It was mainly the taste in fashion that was lacking on well, Isabel’s part. Lonnie had the bad girl style down to the heeled boots she was wearing.

“Ya know, that was all Raven wanted, the connection. How was it? Didn’t hurt did it? I’ve been meaning to connect myself just your damn Roswell, New Mexico is too damn far away for a girl like me. It’s whack how we all got separated like this. I keep telling Zan that but he don’t wanna hear nothin, thinks he owns everybody.” Well at least Max and Zan had something in common also.


Max had just finished telling the others of what happened and let’s just say that there wasn’t a calm one among them. Especially not Maria, who always freaks out but today decided to take it to a new level.

“What would someone want with Liz?” she blurted out as everyone was sitting around murmuring some ideas of how to find their friend. “She’s a great person but let’s think for one minute that this isn’t alien related. Then what? A killer, a serial rapist, an escapee? Someone completely delusional? Where do our options lead to a good place?” Max looked over at her, she had this deranged look on her face. Her hair was messed up, face pale without make-up and she looked like she had thrown on in a hurry. He was starting to worry about her.

“Oil, who has her oil?” Michael shouted out in obvious concern. Max looked on as Maria pulled the oil out of her pajama pocket and took a big whiff. She quieted down after that and Michael tossed her a small smile.

“What are we going to do?” Max asked the group.

“Don’t even worry, I gotcha covered,” Serena assured them. They all gave her blank stares. “Hello! My mind-reading power. Are you all living in some other dimension?” She chuckled and then closed her eyes, suddenly very serious and in total concentration. Isabel always needed a picture to connect with her dream-walks, however Serena knew Liz. Her aura had a strong pull and she was there right away. But the images were a blur. Serena couldn’t determine what was actually happening at this moment. Her mind appeared to be cut off into two sections, Serena chose a path and stuck to it, determined to find her friend. She traveled deeper into her mind, rushing past images of streets in the city and .. ‘Was that Zan?’ she wondered and then it materialized, ‘this is Raven, her memories.’

Liz was still sitting there when Zan came back, the man was gone though. Just when she was going to ask where he went and what was going on she lost control. It was like she was in her body and aware of her movements but she didn’t have any power as to what was going on. It didn’t take long for raven to jump on Zan and shower him with kisses. In fact Liz almost wondered what had been restraining her all along. Then her hands sent out some shock waves and even pushed Lonnie back into her room. These powers would have seemed totally awesome to Liz, well if she wasn’t stuck, trapped inside the one person who was using them.

Serena watched in horror as images of Raven’s life passed through in front of her eyes. Serena remembered most of them, even saw herself in some. Her and Raven had been so close. They were like sisters, she couldn’t even begin to imagine what had gone wrong. But during the last few months that Raven had been with him they’d grown so far apart. Things had gotten tense, Raven isolated herself from everyone. She had broken it off with Zan who had been devastated. She’d watched the aftermath first hand, the guy was grieving and she hadn’t been able to help him out. Rath was always the cold one but when Raven separated herself he opened up with Zan, they grew tight. Even Serena started confiding her secret fears and desires with Lonnie.

She watched as one of her closest friends broke down and cried herself to sleep. This same image played over and over as if she’d done it many nights in a row. Serena’s body shook in horror as she rewound back to an image that had escaped her earlier. There was a man standing before her, his eyes dark and mysterious, his face resembling Max’s hard set features. Only this man was older, wiser, he was saying something but that’s the funny thing about images, there’s no sound. She couldn’t read his lips but he looked serious, there must have been a major problem. Then they were standing in front of a mirror, Raven was crying, Serena could feel the pain. The sadness that etched at her heart as this man kept talking, sharing his position with her. There was an importance of this meeting. Like it was the key to why Raven left, why she went searching for Liz and the others. If only Serena could figure it out, she needed to let the past rest and finally close it. It was far from dead, didn’t some one once say that the past always comes back to bite you in the butt?

Liz felt so horrified, lost and alone as Raven’s feelings washed over her, as her motions swept past any kind of activity that Liz was trying to do with her own body. She was trying not to panic but this went against every law of physics she had ever read of. There can’t be two people in own body, one lost and the other taking over. It was physically impossible, the brain can’t function this way! ‘Although,’ she had to tell herself, ‘the human race does only use 10 percent of their brain. What if Raven had taken over the other 90?’ Then things would be going too far, how would she make it back? Could she even manage to gain control again? ‘And what would happen to Raven,’ she couldn’t help but wonder, ‘she lost her identity when she connected with me. That’s quite a sacrifice to make.’

Raven marveled as she kissed Zan like she had never kissed him before. It was like eating candy the day after lent, she had missed it so much and just enjoyed the sensations that it brought to her body. She knew it wasn’t right but technically she was gone, dead forever. Anything she did now would not break the promise that she had made with future Zan. He wanted her to give up everything that was sacred in her heart, to start all over and to connect with Liz. He hadn’t even told her the whole truth, what would happen if she didn’t but the look in his eyes was enough, she knew it was something big. There would have been devastating effects if she hadn’t have left behind everyone she cared for. Raven was trying hard not to let all of her emotions out as she kissed Zan deeply, sighing intently when he pulled his lips away and breathed deeply against her face, their foreheads touching. She licked her lips slowly, savoring his taste, his touch. It was all too much for her, she didn’t know what she would do if she had to stop being with him for one minute. And then she remembered, she was technically still away, she was temporarily here. Zan would slip away from her again. But how fair could she be to Liz who would lose Max, her Zan.

When she had connected with Liz it was like finally breathing for the first time in months. She was on the right path, it would only take a little longer to actually accomplish the plan. It would all be worth it, it had to be. She deserved that much, to have a normal future. But memories from Liz’s own mind tried to twist their way inside her. She started fighting them off, desperate to keep sane and not live another person’s life. She didn’t want what Liz had. Liz had nothing. At least Raven could look back and see what she was missing out on, see all of those moments when she and Zan had just laid in his room, looking up at the ceiling and discussing what they remembered from Antar. The flooding rainstorms, the powers Kivar had, what he would do if they met again, it was all in the past. Raven had to accept that her other life was gone too. Just like this one.

“Ava, she’ll want to see you... she’s dying Raven,” Zan whispered. His husky voice floating at her ears in slow motion, the words filling in one by one until Raven got the message. Her friend was dying, there was no way Max could come and save her.

“What does she have?” She asked. The worry for her friend rushing into her heart.

“The same tha’ Kaeth had,” his tone was low, she could tell he was close to crying, “She aint gonna make it Rave, say your byes, she’s weak but will preciate it.”

Kaeth was the dupes’ protector. He was the man that had stuck by them through thick and thin, set up this pad for them and eventually even told them the stories of their former lives, of the replicas they had walking around on this planet. He as a protector was as loyal and strong as they come, but as a friend wasn’t as good. Kaeth had a problem with overstepping the privacy boundary. All of the time he’d come out and blurt what he was thinking, telling the girls if they looked bad, the guys how out of shape they were. So when the day came that he came down with what the called the PYGI (read as : piegey) no one was really distraught. It was the Pale Yellow Green Illness.

The dupes called it that because those were the symptoms of the terrible illness. First Kaeth had become terribly pale, even when he was out in the sunlight it wouldn’t help. And then about a week later it worsened as his skin turned a deep yellow. Almost the color of the large bowls they bought for him to vomit in. The week after that he became this ugly shade of green. A few days later he died.

“It was an alien illness,” Kaeth had told them during the first week. “It’s caused by for longed separation from your replica.” What Raven didn’t understand was why Kaeth had come down with the illness.

“What week is she at?” Raven asked him as they strode over to Ava’s room. It was the same as Raven remembered it. The carpet was a deep blue, the walls even darker, with a large, red light on her ceiling. It was an expensive chandelier they’d managed to fix up after taking it out of the garbage. Ava loved photography and had many books filled with beautiful landscapes scattered around her room. The red light gave you the feel of being inside a dark room.

“Green,” Zan whispered at the moment she saw for herself. Ava had never looked worse. Her multi-colored hair that was naturally blonde was swept back away from her face. Her forehead was pasty with sweat and a deep green, the color of broccoli. The bedspread covers were pulled up to her chest but Raven could see that she was wearing pink pajamas.

“Raven?” the girl moaned and fluttered her eyelids. “Is it really you?” Her voice sounded so young and innocent, unlike the rebel she had loved to tease. The child-like face had never matched Ava’s wild side. But now Raven was thrown off, her friend seemed so vulnerable.

“Hey ya Ava, you’re looking great,” Raven mustered out. “I’ve missed you girl.” She sat down on the floor next to her bed and held her hand tightly.

“Go on Zan, I need to talk to my girl alone,” Ava said and then smiled after the door closed. Raven was almost positive it was a smile but her cheeks were tight, her jaw clenched. “I’m so scared Rave. I don’t want to die, where have you been?” Tears were rolling down her colored face and Raven brushed one away silently.

“I found my duplicate Ava, I know where they all are. I’ve connected, you can too. You should save yourself, why are you staying all cooped up here?” Raven tried to avoid the subject of death. it was an uncomfortable subject, she had no idea how to console Ava.

“Zan would be so mad,” she gasped out breaths of fresh air before pushing the blanket down. “So...hot...,” she sighed, breathing loudly. It appeared she couldn’t pull in enough air to breathe normally.

“Come on,” Raven said and stood up reching for Ava’s other hand. Then she pulled her sick friend into a seating position. Raven wasn’t that strong but she lifted Ava with little effort. ‘Ava must be about 90 pounds,’ she assumed. The curtains fluttered in the breeze from the window. Raven walked slowly to the curb, Ava’s hands held tight together around her neck. The street wasn’t busy, a few bums here and there, taxis were flying down the street at illegal speeds. A low chevy corvette that was a dusty red stopped in front of them.

The door opened and a male voice called out, “need a ride?”

“Yes,” Raven answered, pushing any warnings about getting in a car with a stranger out of her mind. Ava went in first, coughing her way to the right side of the backseat. Then Raven pulled the passenger’s seat cushion back in place before buckling up.

“It’s a nice night for an escape,” the driver said.

Raven frowned, “an escape?” she looked over and then broke out into a huge grin. “Oh my fuck you look different!” she cried out before embracing him in a bear hug. “Man, I’ve missed you Tye.”

“I’ve missed you too girl, when the hell’d you get back?” he asked. His voice was deep and manly, his features prominent. The ashen hair he’d grown out so long ago was now short and styled in spikes. His right earlobe was pierced with a silver stud and she noticed the symbol for royal near his collarbone. A white muscle tank and a pair of ripped jeans was a new ensemble for her close friend but at the same time caught her attention in a good way. Tye was definitely looking fine.

“Tonight actually,” she considered the house were they’d just ran from. Zan would find out they were gone any minute now. “Can we talk on the way?” she asked.

“Sure, sure,” Tye revved up the engine and they soared down the street. “Where are you two lovely ladies off to?” he asked her, still not looking towards Ava in any way.

“Pine and Maple,” Raven said, constantly looking back at Ava in the rearview mirror. The ride was short, fifteen minutes at the most but Tye was going about 80 miles an hour.

“So you just want me to... connect? With her?” Tess asked to make sure. She couldn’t believe this was happening. It wasn’t even 20 minutes ago that she had learned of the connections and already she was meant to make it happen? Just poof, and she’d lose her identity? She saw what Raven was going through, constantly losing focus, maybe Liz was desperately trying to regain control. How long was Tess supposed to do that? She’d give up, lose all of her determination by that time.

“Yes, you have to. She needs you,” Tye said. He was trying to sound as sophisticated as them but losing his punk-rock edge made him feel almost naked. “By the way, where’s my ‘replica’?”

“Umm, Kyle’s on his way. We called him earlier today, he should be on a flight by tomorrow morning,” Max answered.




Kyle
I hate airplanes.
I hate flying.
I hate flying airplanes to somewhere I don’t want to go.
And I definitely don’t want to go THERE.
I hate Max.
I hate killers.
I hate Max who is a killer, he’ll be there.


I wonder what I’ll do when I see him.

Zan
I can’t believe Raven would just do that to me.
Leave without a word? Why?
Ava is seriously in trouble here, it’s not the time to be showing her off to her friends.
To force her to meet and greet these people that never gave a damn about us.
Fuck that.
They want to connect so badly then we’ll connect.
But I ain’t doing it for them.
I’m doing it for me, for Lonnie, for Ava and Rath and Tye.
We can’t sit around here and wait to get the PYGI.
I ain’t going to sit around and wait for my friggin’ death like I’m nobody special.
I’m the friggin’ king of Antar and ya better show some respect.
It’s not like we’re the bad batch.
I’ll never forget what Kaeth told us, what a true protector he was.
Unlike the traitor Nasedo was, the duplicate to Kaeth.
We found it out a short while after he died.
That was some time after Raven left.
After she pushed a stake in my heart and I was left bleeding on the ground.
We found the book around a month after Serena left.
Things have been moving so quickly.
I don’t know how I’ve kept up with this fast pace.
The roller coaster ride from hell.

Tess
My hands are shaking. I wonder if they notice.
When will everything be normal?
When will everything that I’ve strived so hard for be within my grasp?
I can’t eat.
I can’ t sleep.
I just know that he loves her.
I wonder why I never noticed sooner.
How could I have been so naive?
All of that time... such a waste.
She doesn’t even love him.
She doesn’t deserve him.
Only I deserve him and I’m left out here in the cold.
I’ll get to have this though.
My own moment to shine.
To play the hero in this play of life.
Play of life, ha!
Where have I heard that one before?
We’re not actors, this isn’t just another scene with people backstage for hair and make- up.
I’m stuck here in this pig stye.
The only way I’m getting out is with this plan.
Have to stick to the plan Tess.
Kivar’s depending on me?
No, I’m depending on Kivar.

Serena
I am so suspicious of her.
She’s up to something.
It can’t be good.
I won’t forget the past, the past always changes the future.
But it can’t be the same in two worlds.
One lifetime, one outcome.
What will she do?
Kivar isn’t here.
He isn’t dead, but light-years away.
Things cannot change in a few years.
I’ve learned that throughout the war.
If you were a traitor in the beginning, you’re a traitor in the end.
It’s as simple as that.

Liz
This is becoming too much.
One simple idea is escalated.
We’re bringing feelings into the equation.
That’s never good.
I can’t think about feelings right now.
I have to keep my mind on the objective.
That’s the focus, bring Alex back.
Nothing else matters, nothing else counts.
Tess has to do this.
Tye, Kyle, Rath, Michael, Max and Zan and even Serena and Maria have to do this.
I won’t be released until something happens.
I know what’s going on out there.
I’m trapped but not cut off.
If I was in control they wouldn’t have a choice.
I don’t want to think about the opinions of others anymore.
I’ve spent so much of my life thinking of everyone else’s feelings.
I don’t give a damn anymore.
It’s all or nothing now.
And I’m not going to stop until I have everything I’ve dreamed of.
If that includes connecting my mind with Raven’s then so be it.
Alex will be avenged, I’ll make certain of it.

Max
Once this is over I’m going to ask Liz if she would ever consider giving me a second chance.
We’re meant to be together.
I just know it.
Fate would never be so cruel to separate soul mates.
That’s what Liz is.
My soul mate.
If only she wasn’t inside Raven.
Or Raven inside her?
When did everything get so confusing?
When did I lose my view of what was real and what was fantasy?
Max, get a grip, we need a leader right now.
It’s time for Ava and Tess’s connection.

[m14]

The connection

Ava wheezed and coughed from the far right of the couch where Raven was trying to help her up.

“So how exactly does this work again?” Tess asked for about the fifth time. Michael groaned as Tye explained what he had learned from Kaeth and Raven. Raven’s experience was mind blowing. Even Tye’s jaw had dropped when she’d explained her first hand encounter with the trouble connection.

“Water..,” Ava moaned, her greenish head thrashing from side to side as she struggled to stand. Maria ran off to the kitchen, lucky not to see as Ava fell to the ground. Her body flailing out as if she was having a seizure. Raven and Tye collapsed to the ground next to her, obviously unsure of what to do. Tess covered her mouth with a perfectly manicured hand. Her face almost as green as her duplicate’s. Ava moaned and then screeched out in torture, trembling as a sheet of sweat covered her body. It was awful to watch it and not be able to help. Raven was crying softly as her friend mumbled incoherently. It was pitiful, she had no way of helping. Maria arrived with the water just as Ava’s eyes closed, her heartbeat fainter and her breath weak.

“What’s happening to her? Can’t we go to a hospital?” Maria asked.

“Of course not, everyone back up, give her air!” Tye ordered loudly. Max and the others took several steps back but it was unnecessary. Ava was dying. She was gasping for breath.

Then Ava’s body shimmered brightly. It was a deep blue. Glitter specks floated throughout the air, shining their way over to Tess. Her eyes were wide, still staring at the spot where Ava’s body had just been. And then they hit her, little blue stars into her arms, legs, stomach, chest, head, feet. Everywhere on Tess’ body shone a light blue as her feet came up off the ground.

“Holy...” Maria gasped as Tess started to spin around in mid-air. Her hair flying freely just below her shoulders, her skirt gushing out above her knees.

Flickers and sparkles lit up the room. Raven brushed tears away as she stared up. Her connection hadn’t been anything like this. What was happening to Tess? And just exactly where had Ava’s body gone?







Zan

Why is it that no one listens to their leader until he raises his voice? I feel like I have to make everyone fear me in order for them to actually follow me. Everything was going perfectly just several minutes ago. I had Raven back! No one else could ever know how absolutely wonderful it felt to hold her in my arms again. To know that everything was alright. That she was safe. It’s all pointless to have that feeling if she’s gonna vanish afterwards.

We’re driving like 80 down the street. I know where we’re going though. Ava’s aura is leading us straight to her. Every alien can use the other percent of their brain, that humans leave alone, and feel the essences of others. Other aliens of course. Or else I’d be like walking around in every which way. But as we reached the end of the street I felt it slowly wisping away. Like she was separating. Separating how though? She can’t be becoming human. That would make no sense. But if she was connecting wouldn’t it be getting stronger? Everything we’ve worked so hard for out the window. Developing plans against Kivar and Nicholas and their followers. Against the duplicate named Tess who by definition is evil. Now I’ve lost Ava and Raven, the two women I’ve ever felt anything for. There’s always Lonnie, but she’s just my sister. Raven was my everything and Ava, my rock. Not together of course. I could never feel what I have with Raven for Ava.

Never.






Serena- The next day

Kyle’s flight should be arriving shortly. I’ll have to pick him up at the airport. I wonder if a fifteen minute drive will be enough time to explain everything that’s going on to him.

I’m having a hard enough time explaining it to myself. I can’t even begin to sum up everything that happened last night. I just keep seeing it again and again in my mind.... The look on Zan’s face when he arrived and saw me. It was pure torture. It made me feel like I had somehow betrayed him. Leaving to find my friend had nothing to do with him! He wouldn’t have wanted to go. It was like “Raven who?” around him. When he was rejected he’d somehow suppressed all of his raven memories. But I could see it last night. I could see his pain and torment. They’d been let out. I hoped he’d have a guilty conscious and he did. She was in pain too. I don’t know why she did it. Some things I’ll never know. I’ll never know why he did it either.

There was no talking, no arguing or even discussions. I stood back and watched as Zan walked into the room, my family behind him, and formed with Max. It was unlike him. Usually he wants to appear all heroic. Zan is the type of man that doesn’t want to be leader to make things better. He wants to be leader so people will respect him and do what he says. All the wrong reasons to have him as the head of Antar. On the other hand Max is the man that can get the job done. He wants his people to be happy.

Unlike that creep Kivar. I suspect that he’s working with Ava somehow but I don’t know how to prove it. Especially since she had died and then united inside Tess’ body. The girl was still floating in the air when Zan and the others arrived. A tension in the air that couldn’t be won over. I felt the dread in everyone’s face when Zan stepped out. Him being the first that night. Now Raven is working on a bond between her and Liz. I’m trying to talk Maria out of hysterics while Tye and Max glance anxiously at the clock for Kyle’s flight to arrive.

Raven has no success.

“No, I will not, this is completely crazy!” Maria shouts loudly in my face.

I’m having no success.

And last but not least there’s a delay on Kyle’s flight. One more hour to go.

“Are you afraid?” I ask Tye as Maria walks calmly, a little too calmly, to the kitchen for a soda.

“Should I be?” he asked back. I shrugged and looked away. He and I had never been really close. Just as Kyle and Maria aren’t.

“Maybe we should hit the road,” Isabel suggested. She was appearing rather flushed, perhaps hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep last night. It almost seemed like everyone was on edge now. The worst was over, I wanted to tell them. But I kept my mouth shut. Instead I just got up with the rest of them to go out to the car. Max and Raven would stay behind. They weren’t exactly adjusting well. I could tell that something was up with Max though. He was being quiet, secretive, mysterious.

We left all together in the big van. Somehow I felt like a felon again in that vehicle where we’d created our crime against the bank.

Back in the apartment

It had only been hours since Zan’s connection with Max, yet it had begun to take toll on his body. All he felt was the rapid beating of his heart whenever Liz was around and memories flashing through his mind like a slide show in fast forward. Blurs upon images of single frames, all Liz or even Raven. It didn’t matter, she was beautiful.

Maybe he was beginning to hallucinate because he could see her in front of him, coming closer with her arms stretched open. It had been the longest time since him and Liz had been close like that, intimacy was buried in this world where she was one with science and he was alone. He didn’t want to go on further by himself. He felt the biological urge encompass his body and he needed to have her close to him, feel her lips on his. She was perfect.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked. Before she had any time to protest, or he, a minute to answer, his mouth was on her’s with an urgent, passionate kiss. It was as if Zan took complete control over his mind and his body was left there, kissing the love of his life. It was like nothing he had ever experienced before. His fingertips sliding down her petite frame as her hands ran up his back and landed on the back of his neck. Goose bumps shimmered down his arms at the heat of their bodies molding together like it was their first time, or the last time. Her tongue slipped through his lips and he felt a twirling sensation in his stomach, he was so scared this would end and so nervous as to what would happen next.

“Max? Zan? I’m so confused,” Liz muttered as he nibbled her earlobe.

“Max,” he whispered and tilted his head back to see the grin creeping across her face. “Liz or Raven?” he asked back.

“A little of both I think,” she said before capturing his mouth again with her’s. It was obvious she did not want to pursue that conversation. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to. But once again in his pathetic life, his mouth didn’t listen to his brain... or his heart.

“I..I want to. Believe me, that’s all I want,” he muttered as she kissed his chin, his neck, his collarbone. That is, until he pulled away. “I love Liz. So if you’re Raven in even the smallest way then it won’t work out. No offense, but she’s my soul mate. I can’t keep on living without her.”

He watched her closely, looking for any signs of his true love. It was extremely important that he patch things up. He needed to get everything off his chest. There were so many apologies, yet not enough time. Raven’s eyes welled up. At least he thought it was her. And in the next moment he knew for sure.

“I’m so afraid,” she whispered.

“Liz?” he gasped as his eyes worriedly scanned her own.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen. I feel so lost. What if what happened to Tess happens to me?” she sank down on the bed with a cry. Max sat next to her and rubbed her shoulders. He was overcome with emotion. He wanted to help her so badly, to assure her that everything would indeed be fine.

“I never, never wanted to change you. You have to believe it wasn’t my intention. But now that I have, I can see the good in it. I love you Liz. I’ve never trusted anyone as much as I trusted you that moment in the Crashdown. We have good memories too. It’s not all bad.” He stroked her hair lightly and noticed a white glowing in her hand. It reminded him of the time she’d gotten all of those flashes of the crash when they’d been intimate. He’d made her glow and she’d been so happy. Things change so quickly.

“I remember every minute of it.” He looked her deep in the eyes. Those eyes that made him melt, that made him wish he had never crashed in Roswell. The sorrow, the pain.

He sat there quietly and watched her. She was so beautiful, deep in thought. Her chocolate colored but strawberry-scented hair cascading down her back. Her pale, pink lips semi-parted as she bit the lower one nervously. Her eyes were closed but he could practically see through them. All of this time he had been so concerned with following the plan and wanting to bring Alex back for Liz that he had been missing the obvious. Liz needed a different kind of help, a push in the right direction.

Slowly, silently, his palm laid on top of her’s and he savored the moment that she accepted, linking her fingers with his. Then he pushed every memory of them together in his mind through their fingers and hopefully to Liz, wherever she was deep inside.

*Flash* Max and Liz’s first kiss. He had been so wrapped up in the moment. It was better than anything he had ever experienced. The whole moment, her body, the balcony. But more importantly because he had wanted to do that for so long.

*Flash* The moment he’d been thinking about minutes before. They had been getting so close, he’d almost felt like they were out of control. They had no idea what could happen if they grew intimate. But it was the first time in his life that he’d ever been truly happy. She knew his secret and still loved him for it.

*Flash* His first date with Liz. They had danced and played pool. He had felt like a boyfriend that night. But things always interrupted them.


The door slammed open and Max, startled, jumped up.

“What are you doing to her? Get up, you murderer!” A voice shouted from behind him. Max shuddered in realization. It was Kyle Valenti. The ex of Liz parker, the son of Sheriff Valenti and the second person Max had saved from a fatal gunshot wound. He raised his hands in the air and almost in a trance, stepped back. Out of the corner of his eye Liz’s worst fear came true. She was reacting the same way Tess had last night. Her body floating in the air and shimmering different colors. Kyle stared up, wide-eyed with a mixture of fear across his hard-jock features. His hands were soiled, probably from his job as a mechanic. He was dressed in a blue, button down bowling shirt and faded jeans. To Max he looked older, tougher, almost like you’d expect him to arrive on a motorcycle. In fact the only thing that would have set him and Tye apart were the tattoos and piercings.

The second Kyle’s attention had turned to Liz was when Max struck. He shot a shield out in front of him. Through the green, twisted vapor he saw the pistol waver in Kyle’s grasp. It reminded him all too well of the Sheriff. So young, and brave. He remembered when they had first sought his help against the Special Unit of the FBI. Kyle’s eyes reflected the anger and resentment he must feel for not being able to say goodbye to his father. Of course Max was also to blame. He hadn’t been there in time to heal the Sheriff. It was all he could do, just call Kyle and tell him what had happened. Liz’s ex boyfriend did not appreciate it at all. There was nothing max could say to make it better. All Kyle wanted was revenge. He still had no idea why, to this day, Kyle had never ratted him and the others out. He couldn’t have known that he was an alien too. But maybe he did it for the others. Why after all, should they get punished for Max’s mistake, for his failed timing? Max almost dropped his shield in order to take his very deserved bullet. What good was being an extraterrestrial when you couldn’t use it to your advantage? He had failed himself. He’d failed Liz, Sheriff Valenti and Alex. His own sister lived far away and turned into a criminal just to escape the likes of him. Even Michael had been pushed away. And Tess? Considering he’d broken off the engagement and she was seriously in a weird state right now, he couldn’t count on her to support any decision he made. But something inside him made him keep it up and wait it out. Like maybe luck was on his side for once. He always trusted his gut feeling. Well always with the one exception. The time that he had let Liz go. That would be ruled a bad time to listen to your head. Max could see how he had let it pass him by, all of the warnings and true love feelings. He just wished that he hadn’t, that he could go back and fix it somehow. Which wasn’t at all possible... unless, unless he made some adjustments to the spell that Liz was working with. She only wanted Alex to come back in our world. But what if he switched some of the words? They were in Latin, she would never notice! But when would he be able to get it without her noticing? And where would he learn Latin? This was all getting so confusing. All he wanted was a second chance. Maybe it would work out with them better. And with Alex back there wouldn’t be any of that tension there was the first time she had accused an alien of the killing. But they all knew it was Kivar’s doing now. Pretty damn obvious seeing as how he was the biggest villain on Antar.

But still he couldn’t help feeling worried about Tess.

All of these thoughts, they were screaming at him, like he finally had a moment of peace because of the shield and it was consuming him. It was taking over his body. They were garbled up thoughts and mumbled answers that made no sense. Tess could not be evil. She could be nothing more than she said she was. Unless of course Liz had been right. And wasn’t it about time to start trusting her and gain her trust in return? He had to start looking into it. Maybe Serena could help. She could look inside her mind, Serena was good at that, she could always figure out people. Too bad she hadn’t had him figured out that well. Otherwise she might have been able to stop him from pursuing his destiny. What a load of crap.

Oh my goodness, was that Liz shooting out sparks across the room? He could hear the others hitting the door. Apparently they hadn’t known about the gun. But seeing Liz, possibly the one person that Kyle had never doubted out of the group. That he had kissed, and shared secrets with, been Buddhist with, was now using her body as a weapon. Her fingertips were guns, ammunition of blue power jolts sent flying around the square bedroom. And his gun had went off. How had he gotten that gun on the airplane anyways? Didn’t the security personnel like frown against that kind of thing? But then again it could be easy to hide things in under compartments of your suitcase, buried underneath clothes. His life was in jeopardy and now so was Liz’s. Would this ever end?

Kyle dropped to the ground, the pistol landing a few feet away from him, scattering slightly under a chair in the corner. Max dropped the shield and jumped over to his side. He was still alive, a racy heartbeat and shallow breaths but he would make it. He had to. Max was not about to lose anyone else. He wondered for a brief moment if anything would happen to Kyle emotionally if he had to have his life changed by the very man he had just tried to kill. He also wondered if he wasn’t feeling the least bit disappointed knowing that Kyle was still alive. Wouldn’t it be easier if he had died by accident and connected with Tye that way? And then Max looked up at Liz and cursed himself.

Of course it wouldn’t be easier. He would probably end up like that. All floating in the air and shooting out testy powers would not help their predicament. Max needed someone to help them carry out the plan. He also needed to get to a library and check out some spells to turn back time. This would be a long week by the looks of it. And they had to return to Roswell by the time March came around. The 5th of the month was when they were going to execute their plan. That was the day they’d bring back Alex. Liz had picked it just over a month before Alex’s death in the other world. It was almost alternate reality like. He was scared and somewhat lost by how everything worked out. It was like a 5 year old child reading Tom Clancy. They just wouldn’t understand. And neither would he. Liz was always the best at these kinds of things.

The door opened as he turned the knob and Maria was the first to pop her head in, then Isabel and Michael. Serena must be checking on Tess. That was good. Someone ought to. The girl must be so lonely and terrified. He watched as they examined the scene. Liz must be feeling helpless. He hoped that he hadn’t failed her again.

“We’ll need to do something about him,” Max motioned to Kyle. “He seems a little angry at me.” There wasn’t even a chuckle. Max frowned and stepped out of the room. He needed a breather, desperately. Everything was getting a little dramatic.

“Perhaps we should pick him up,” Isabel said. Max left a note on the counter that he would be back in 20, he just needed to pick up a few things. He felt horrible about leaving them there but once again he couldn’t deal. They had just ruined everything. It wasn’t fair to blame it on them but that was how it felt. Liz was finally breaking through and now she appeared worse. And Kyle? Max thought that after all of this time he would have coped but he seemed to have the same fired up techniques he had years ago. It was depressing. Everyone else changed yet, he was still Max Evans. The Max Evans who was meant to rule a whole other world but couldn’t even get the girl of his dreams. Had one destiny but wanted something else entirely. The one guy that just wanted to be... normal.





The next day :

Kyle awoke in a chair. Maria noticed first. She was sitting at her post on the living room couch. It was strange how, well strange, everything had gotten lately. What with Liz and Raven, and now Tess and Ava and even Kyle. He was the same old Kyle. She had heard him praying to Buddha in the van on their way back to the airport but had thought nothing of it. And now? Well now she was a little scared of being alone with him to say the truth. her eyes darted around in search of Michael.

“What the fuck is going on!” Kyle screeched out loud. She almost jumped or peed her pants and then she giggled. It would have been funny if she’d done both. “Maria? What the hell is so goddamn funny?” ‘Well nothing anymore,’ she thought to herself and spotted Michael entering the room. He had on his white sleeping shirt and blue and white checkered boxers. My, he looked yummy.

“Michael? Or should I say Rath?” Kyle spit out at him, with a glare.

“Kyle, or should I say the future Tye?” Michael shot back just as bad and then pecked Maria on the cheek. She groaned and got up to go to the kitchen. This was not a good time for morning banter. Especially between Kyle Valenti, the former captain of the varsity football team and her boyfriend, Mister cheerful and morning person.

“There is no way in hell that I am an alien!” kyle shouted at the top of his lungs before demanding to be let out of the chair.

“Ahh, denial!” Maria said as she took a bite out of an apple, “been there, done that.”

“Bought the T-shirt and moved on?” Kyle joked back before turning serious. “Why does everyone think that I am one of you?” The way that he said it made it sound like they were freaking Nazis or something.

“What’s so bad with being one of us?” Michael asked before Max appeared in the hallway. He was rubbing his eyes rapidly like he was shocked to see the three of them actually up this early.

“Max... I’m going to kill you for what you’ve done to me and my father!” Kyle shouted and Maria covered her ears. She was definitely not off to an early start. Michael watched as she sat down in the kitchen and started leafing through the newspaper. How sexy, those legs in those short shorts... He had to focus!

“Can you do that after I take a whiz?” Max shot back with sarcasm dripping from his voice. Michael cringed as he thought of how it was a very Zan thing to say. Max must have noticed too because he flinched and then turned abruptly and walked into the bathroom. It was just another day with his clan, his crew, his posse. Oh god, Michael needed a life.

“How’s Liz?” Kyle asked. His mood was changing drastically from outraged to funny, back to outraged and now... concerned?

“She’s slowly coming out of it, remembering things. You know?” Michael said. “What do we have to do to make you connect?”

“There’s nothing you can do. Just let me speak with Liz when it’s over. When you’ve all worked your hocus-pocus magic and return one of my old friends to me. She’s the only one I trust. The only one who’s kept contact,” he shot a glare at Maria’s back.

“Will do Buddha boy,” Michael muttered and then joined his wife in the kitchen.

In the nearby room was Tess/Ava and Serena. Serena had been watching them all night. It wasn’t getting better. Every couple of hours her body would shake and she’d have a seizure only to return to a near comatose state of being. It was scary. Serena had no powers to use with this, nothing to help her friend. And then there were the black-outs. When Ava would just shut down completely. The first time Serena had been so afraid that she had died but before she had been able to run to the other room for Max, Ava shifted again and sighed. It was so awful, amazing, yet horrifying. Black-outs and seizures, how would she ever get out of that? There was no way Serena could even check out Max’s suspicion of Tess being against them. She might be a traitor. Serena had been suspicious of that herself, yet no proof. Nothing to go on. It just didn’t seem right.







Kyle

It’s hard to meditate on something when you’re tied to a chair. Should I connect and help these people that caused the death of my father? Or stay in this insane, normal existence that we call life?

“Lokavidu means the seer of the world. He sees everything as it really is, with regard to this world. He sees all the conditions that bring about a situation, that bring about a dhamma, the root causes, the proximate causes, and the results that can come, that can flow from that situation. All that is his knowledge or his ability to see the world as it really is.”

If I was to connect, it would be following Lokavidu. He can see the results of my situation. How am I meant to see the world if not in my true form? Yet how can I be true to myself when I really don’t know who I am?

“You can talk to her now. She actually requested you,” Max said, disappointed. I looked up and glared at him as he untied me. My wrists ached to be away from the confinements of the rope. I was almost shocked that they had decided to let me loose. I mean, I had used a gun on him. I hadn’t meant to have it loaded, just wanted to scare him a little. Give him a dose of his own medicine. Buddha does not allow violence or weapons. I guess I still have a lot to learn. But Liz does understand, she even read some Buddha to identify with me on that level. She’s a true friend. And like I had said before, the only one to actually keep in contact.

“Don’t look at me like that. You were the one who almost cost me my life,” he growled.

“You cost me my father’s life! And his job,” I added. And for once, it seemed like Max Evans had nothing to say back.

I walked on down the hall, following Max to the room Liz was staying in. The apartment was actually a little big for one they were only going to rent for a little while. I wondered if the landlord knew the situation. Or maybe one of them was going to stay here. After all Max and Tess probably wouldn’t want to continue living together now that the engagement was off.

“Hi Kyle, can you shut the door please?” Liz said when I got into the room. Max cast her a look like ‘if you need me, just scream,’ and I couldn’t help but feel angry. He was the traitor here, not me!

“So, that was quite a night we had huh?” I started out and she smiled faintly. She looked awfully pale, I noticed when I sat on the bed beside her. Feeling like I was in a hospital with the injured, I struggled for something to say.

“The quality of araham means that he has completely destroyed all greed, aversion and ignorance,” Liz quoted the Buddhist guide. I gazed at her, trying to find the meaning in the words. My mind was a blank, or a chaos of the last 24 hours in fast forward.

“You’re ignoring your destiny Kyle,” she told me. I tried to deny it out loud but in my head I was agreeing with her. “It’s hard to think that something you have known all of your life is now false,” her eyes brimmed with tears, “but we have to go on. We have to make a difference in the world. I need you to help me with that Kyle.” She said my name like it was important. Like I meant something to her. I wish that I did. I wish I had never treated her so awful in high school when she’d gone after Max. I was so jealous. I did a lot to help her out afterwards. Meditation of course. But after my dad’s death, well I couldn’t deal with everything. Liz has been having a hard time too. Aliens can mess everything up. Everything that some people have worked for an entire lifetime to make come true. It’s not fair.

“You’re avoiding yourself. This is what you were meant to be Kyle. There are no second chances in life,” and then she stopped. I looked over at her and realized the tears running down her cheeks. She didn’t believe it.

“You’re second chance with Alex, it goes against my religion,” I stated. She nodded and I tore my eyes away. I pushed the tissues closer to her, it was half empty like she had been crying a lot. And when I took a closer look I noticed the puffiness of her eyes, how they were all red. Yes, she’d been crying. But why? What had Max Evans done now? He was just meant to hurt everyone in his path, wasn’t he?

“I’m sorry, I’m just... I don’t know. Really emotional?”

“It’s alright,” I told her. We sat there for a few minutes. Her sniffling and me just pondering it all. Life’s choices, our second chances. It wouldn’t be fair to let another alien destroy one of us. It was bad enough what Max had done but I didn’t need my father back. I have come to peace with his death. Alright, his death, not what Max had done. There is a huge difference there.

“I don’t know what to say anymore. I don’t know how to change your mind. I can’t even assure you of what will happen. It’s all,” she paused to find the word.

“Screwed up?” I suggested and she smirked.

“Yes, very much so.”

“What am I going to do?” I asked her.

“What ever you feel is right,” she answered with a squeeze of my hand. And then I couldn’t reply. I was so choked up. Here was this girl who had once been a summer fling blown way out of proportion. She was a classmate, a friend, and now a fellow alien? But she was the strongest of them all. I saw it in her eyes, she is a fighter. Liz Parker follows her dreams and is loyal to those around her. I used to be part of the gang of Roswell people in the know all that ends all about Max and his posse. And I saw how emotionally heart-wrenching it was for Liz. She saw the most, experienced the most, and somehow she’s managed to still be alive. I don’t know how badly it’s all messed her up inside. I wonder if some part of her is in denial like I am. But I don’t think that’s so. She’s strong, she’s powerful. She can make it. I just hope that like her, I can too.


Max

It’s been over a week since Liz convinced Kyle to connect with Tye. I personally don’t know how she did it. She’s been so untalkative lately. Not like she was ever the Queen of Conversation just that now she’s quiet and tired all of the time. She stayed in her room a lot. Now she can’t of course because we’re back in the van. We’re on our way to Roswell, New Mexico. Hometown of everything extraterrestrial. It’s part of the plan to connect with the other realm of time while you’re in a place of absolute higher power. And what came to our minds when we read that? The Granolith . Of course, it has absolute power. Too bad we don’t know how to use it.

I’m not driving the van. I’m kind of happy about that because it gives me a chance to think and not have to concentrate on road signs. Michael and Maria are in the front, they’re speaking in hushed tones so I can’t hear them but Maria is not happy. Then again, they never seem to be totally in sync with each other. Yet they made it and Liz and I didn’t? I wonder why that is.

I glanced her way, she was staring out the window as usual. Then as if she sensed me looking at her, she looked back.

‘Hi,’ I mouthed and she whispered back, “Hi.” And to my complete surprise, her hand reached for mine and she held it tightly. I wonder if she sensed I was looking for comfort or if she needed it herself. I was just so pleased to finally touch her. It was nice, like a piece of the past. The past... that reminds me of the spell I did. If Liz doesn’t find out and go ballistic than things will be perfect. I can finally convince her of how much I love her. And maybe, just maybe, me and Liz can be together again. If only I weren’t such a dreamer. This trip might not be so bad after all.

[m14]

March 1st 2004
Michael’s apartment
Roswell, New Mexico

It took a while for the news to settle in. They really had something on him now. It certainly had taken a long time for the message to travel back to him. But when it did Max was furious.

“How can they know?” he shouted and almost flung his fist at the wall, but missed and hit a lamp shade instead.

“Max you need to calm down,” Michael stated in a peaceful voice as he caught the shade in his right hand.

“Michael’s right Max, it’s really not as bad as it seems,” Isabel said with a look that told him that he better believe her. Max sat on the couch and rested his face in his hands.

“Okay show me again Michael, I need to see it again.”

Then Michael picked up the letter and handed it to him. It was from Khivar, the ultimate villain. The worst alien Max could even think of. He made Nicholas and Nasedo seem like Mister Rogers. It said that he had Serena, he wanted Liz and he would do anything to get her. Max was beyond scared. He was beyond angry. He didn’t even know if there was a word for the fury that triggered within him.

How would they get Serena back? It was too late for him to play the hero. They needed a serious plan, and soon, before something really terrible happened to her.

“Maria needs to connect with her,” Michael said of his wife. Max looked at him sharply. Had he just understood him right?

“It’s the only way to get to know where he’s hiding her out,” Michael explained. Isabel nodded. The others were out with their families and Kyle was shopping for groceries with Tess. Max would have to wait for them to get back before they started a new plan. But with every second he grew more worried. He hoped that for the first time in his life, he was doing the right thing.

*************Liz’s Journal*************
That wasn’t how it all began, how it all started. But that was the day Max’s personality changed, the day he gave in to the leadership role. The final string in our relationship unraveled itself. And by unraveled, I mean from the string to the sweater. The best day ever. Of course it started in the worst way. The news from when I got back from home. My visit with my parents had gone surprisingly well. They were doing alright and so was the café. No immediate worries or pains of guilt for leaving them..

I even visited the Whitman family. Although seeing me must have brought back old memories they smiled and were extremely polite. I don’t know how I would have been in their position. they look older. I know they’re parents and they are supposed to but age hasn’t done them well. Or maybe it was the death of their son Liz, stop being insensitive.
I didn’t know how to act around them. Part of me wanted to tell them Alex would be back soon. I don’t think the others would have gone for that idea. But everything got to be okay. We just had to go through that day. And what a day it was. Serena , well she was with Khivar. How much worse could it be? And the only solution that Michael had was to send his wife after her? Something makes me think that he won’t be getting laid anytime soon.

Look at me, making jokes, sharing emotions, getting intimate with Max. Well more about that later. First Serena’s capture.


Maria

He’s just sitting there, not saying a word. Doesn’t he even want to know my view on the situation? It can’t be, ‘let’s all forget about Maria’s opinion and formulate a plan.’ what are they going to do? Kill me?

My eyes worriedly scan his face for any signs that he’s about to break my heart. Our relationship has been based on heartaches. Some of them bringing us closer together like Michael’s past with his foster dad, Hank. And after Alex’s death I needed Michael to comfort me while Liz began an unbelievable quest with the unknown.

We knew Khivar, Alex’s killer, was still out there but to have me face him, on my own? No way Jose. Not now, not ever. Maria DeLuca does not confront all powerful alien murderers at secluded warehouses, or alleys, or anywhere for that matter. It just does not happen. Everyone, on to Plan B!

“There is no Plan B?” I asked, to make sure.

And everyone’s eyesight suddenly seems to be on individual objects like a lamp, the refrigerator, and none even close to my wandering eyes.

“I finally know what’s wrong with all of you,” Kyle said, to my joy. I waited patiently as he moved closer from the doorway. Maybe he had a better idea. I’m all ears! Well not literally, but hey, wouldn’t that be something?

“You’re all too scared to even think straight! That monkey in the made for Disney movie could do better than this!” Kyle’s voice rose and I watched Max give him an evil look.

“Actually I think it was a chimpanzee,” I told him.

“Whatever, same difference,” he replied.

“There is a difference! And what does same difference mean exactly?” I asked. He stared at me, clueless; trying to figure out a meaning, I suppose.

“Why are we even talking about this?” Oh no! The volcano erupted, my husband finally had something to add.

“I’m just trying to lighten the mood,” I answered, innocently.

“You’re right Kyle, we do need a better plan,” he ignored me.

Just what we had to find out was what that plan would be.






Michael

They think of me as the stone wall. I’m the barrier. The warrior, Max’s second in command. Here to defeat the evil forces. And what am I doing? I’m sending my wife in to do our dirty work. Maria, who freaks out at every little thing. I just have to believe that she’ll make it. I’d never be able to live with myself if she didn’t.

“We could have Isabel dream walk her,” Liz said. I looked at her, semi-surprised. The first full sentence she’d said around me all day. Maybe it was a sign that this connection thing wasn’t so bad.

When Rath entered my body and mind I felt a little light-headed but it only lasted a few minutes. No shift in appearance, mix-up of language or New York accents, I never even flinched. I have to say that I was about the only lucky one. Could it be because I shut myself down? Isabel, who had allowed herself to love Alex and fall head over heels for Grant, took my life as an idolistic example. But still, we can’t take chances.

"And how is she supposed to get in Serena’’s mind?" I asked. Liz seemed taken aback and I winced at the harsh tone of my voice. But no apologies. There was never any time.

"Well how is Maria supposed to get in there if even Isabel can’’t?" Kyle shouted.

Max started arguing with him about the differences between dream walking and connecting. Isabel and Tess remained quiet. Tess, or even Ava, seemed a little off today. She was nervously biting her lower lip as if sustaining a big secret. I shrugged it off like no big deal and pushed my way through the chaos. Quiet Liz Parker was even throwing around a few choice words of her own.

‘Now really isn’t the time for us to turn on each other,’ I thought, pushing open the door.

‘When had my apartment gotten so cramped?’

"Probably the same day they all showed up," I murmured, aloud.

"Got room for one more space boy?" a friendly whisper interrupted my thoughts. Not wanting to be sappy or ruin my reputation, I nodded and we began to walk aimlessly.

"It got kind of weird in there," she said. I nodded again, biting my tongue slowly to keep the dreaded words from floating out for the whole world to see. Of course you can’t be quiet forever when conversing with Maria.

"Speak up Guerin. What’s your take?" She had lightly punched my arm after Guerin and I wondered how long it would take before she’d be mad at me again. Maria always blew things way out of proportion. It was like her entire system reacted wilder than anyone else.

"You know this is getting really old," she muttered. I gazed her way, just enough to catch the frown forming on her lips. She was not joking anymore.

"What is?" I broke my silence. Immediately I regretted it. She took her hand from mine and crossed her arms.

“This whole game of our relationship!" she struggled to keep her voice down, "it’s like I don’t even matter to you. I’m one of ‘your kind’ now and I can still feel this huge blockade between us."

I glared at my feet and trudged along. I wanted to dispute her whole theory but it’s best to let Maria carry on when she’s having one of her ‘spells.’

"I don’t want to see you get hurt," I admitted. She gave me a funny look as I contemplated saying more.

‘Should I risk it?’ I asked myself. Then deciding against my better judgment, I did.

"You’re right. I haven’t been fair to you. We got married Maria. You vowed to accept me as I am."

"But at the time I thought I could change you! Besides, where in love, honor, cherish and obey does it say "take Michael as he is"? Because I must have missed that part." I rolled my eyes in her direction which gained a little giggle. Astonishment crept over my face.

"Don’t start with me Guerin. I love but I can’t take much more of this fighting."

"Sometimes I just don’t understand women," I muttered.

"Sometimes?" she asked, and kissed me. There’s one thing I love most about Maria, her kisses. Makes me feel like less of this outcast. She’s the only person I’ve felt close to on this planet and I just don’t know if she realizes that. it takes a few minutes but the kiss ends and she steps back, her eyes still closed.

"You think the plan will work?" she asks. I take the moment to breathe her in, all of her beauty. I may not see her again after tonight.

"We know what we’’re doing," I assure her. She opens her eyes, wide and full of fear.

"Alright." And for the rest of the walk, she’s quiet. I, however silent I am on the outside, am screaming all over on the inside. The plan better work because I can’t lose Maria. That must be far worse than death, capture and a skin attack.






Ava

They haven’t noticed. Years spent with her and they never noticed. Not our fearless leader Max, the ruthless second in command Michael or even Isabel, our princess. She’s in cohorts with Khivar and Nicholas. Doesn’t strike me as a shock, I have had the recurring thoughts of our past life.

But a plan to kill Liz? To return to Antar? I can’t just ignore that.


And they still haven’t noticed.



```````````````````````````~*~`````````````````````~*~````````````````````````

Serena remained motionless. She felt frozen, weak, her body aching for food, water, comfort. It was so hot in there. She was sweating putridly, everywhere. Her body sinking into an abyss. Yet, she kept going at it. She had to remain strong for the others. Their lives were at stake. But she was getting so weak. Fighting Nicholas’ mind rapes and Khivar’s combat questions had not been easy. Serena was failing at keeping her strength up. All she wanted to do was sleep it off. Wake up from this horrible nightmare. Even dealing with the constant bickering of Michael and Maria was better. She could not have imagined anything like this. Every time she and Isabel had performed a bank heist, she’d been so careful, totally in denial that anything could happen to her. Prison had to be far better than facing the wrath of Khivar and Nicholas. They were beyond the rage and anger. She was terrified that they would kill her.

Kivar, who had been a former lover of Vilondra’s, who had convinced her not to betray her family on Antar. The beautiful princess had been so unsure of herself, her reign as heir to the throne. She’d thrown it all away on sweet whispers, midnight rendez-vous and a newfound confidence. Serena had been hurt in that life. But seeing Isabel/Lonnie now, she had come to grips with that pain. A pain like no other. It would be alright on this planet. ‘Rena could trust her not to make the same mistake again. She had been living with Isabel for years. They’d broken the law together, numerous times. You can’t just form a bond like their’s.

And then there was Max. So different from his former self. She had never let herself examine the leader in all his entirety before. But having this precious time to think to herself, she pictured her face in her mind. All of the physical attributes were the same. He was more of a heartfelt leader on Earth than he had ever been on Antar. Poor, sweat Max. everything that he wanted was so difficult to achieve. Yet she wished him all the best.

Immediately scolding herself for practically saying her good-bye’s, Serena forced herself to look around. No one was in sight. So the coast was clear and she couldn’t even think of a plan, much less carry one out.

Maybe the others have a plan, she thought. But not wanting to let her own hopes up only to be disappointed again, Serena examined her body. No major injuries, black and blue bruises to her arms, cuts up and down her legs. Her soles of the feet were killing her, undoubtedly sliced apart from walking all over the broken window glass earlier. She winced at the memory...

Khivar had been so angry, tossing chairs at the walls and throwing papers from his desk. Nicholas insulted him, asking why a vein was popping out of the center of his forehead. We have energies, like globes of essences on Antar. The human body is different and unfamiliar to us. Nicholas must still be learning about the condition of the body. Khivar threw a blast in his direction and shattered the window behind his ally. I was forced over the glass to get to the chair where I’m bound to now. There are no ropes tying me to it like we used with Kyle. Nicholas used a special binding ability he had acquired. I have no idea how destructive he can be. But I am unable to move, use my powers or even open my mind up without feeling a blast of energy surround my very being.

I don’t know what’s going to happen to me once they have Liz. Although Max would never give her up, Kivar is more powerful than almost all of us. Combined we might do some damage. But right now I’m sitting bait. There’s the possibility that Liz might get captured and we’ll die together. Or they could let me go, I have no idea why, and then I’d have to live with the fact that I’m partly responsible for my fellow friend’s death. what’s the better scenario? I have no idea. All I know is that I’d never wish this kind of torture on anyone. Not even my worst enemy. Then I rethink that decision as Kivar storms through the door. Maybe he does deserve something like this to wake him up. What a horrifying leader he must be. It’s no wonder people fled Antar. Of course all I remember are minute details. But my pod experience never would have prepared me for this life. Even being among the second batch of duplicated, it’s something else. I feel close to all of them, some more than others, that’s a given, but they’re my family.

Kivar is not alone. Nicholas is behind him, followed by... Liz! No, I can’t believe this. But closing and opening my eyes several times doesn’t make any difference. She’s here, terrified, but alive for now. I have yet to see any more followers of these two. Granted that they’re extremely dangerous alone but still no followers means more enemies. Maybe even some here on Earth! If only the others could find them.

My optimistic approach gave me little reassurance, for what happened next was more of a shock to my system. Liz was pushed against the wall and then cuffed to the chains that were hanging out. The top two for her arms and the bottom two for her legs. Her face was ashen white and a grim expression colored her face. I watched as Nicholas taunted her with a smirk across his face. He was enjoying this! I was outraged, kicking my feet out at the invisible field and shouting obscenities.

My power threw out strong bursts of electricity but nothing phased those two. Even the shield wouldn’t budge. In my weakened state I would never be able to defeat this. I was doomed.

Nicholas cackled away as I hung my head in defeat. Kivar yelled for him to shut the hell up as they figured out their plan. What exactly did they want with Liz? I was too far away to even make out their hushed whispers. They stayed with their backs facing me, their heads close together.

Then in my far left I noticed a shimmer. Could it be a shimmer of bad or good? Either way I saw that I was the only one to notice it. Whatever it was seemed to get brighter and brighter, reminding me emotionally of Ava’s connection. Afterwards her body had seemed to be glowing, only from the inside out. It had scared me so much but somehow it was comforting. And then it emerged, billions of tiny molecules of a being. All drifted together as one. The face, the arms.. the legs.. they all formed individually, until they became her. With the long blond hair streaming down her back and a pair of red pants that only she can carry off. Pastels and red leather, an unusual combination.

‘Only Maria,’ I thought, and gave her a smile. But of course I was instantly worried. Maria? Granted, she is my duplicate and we should probably connect. But why would Max and Michael send her in their place? She’s human, besides they have Liz. What good can our connection do? I sit there, silently, waiting for the ambush. But it doesn’t come. She’s alone. My sole heroine, ready to fight for the good cause. A little piece of hope trickles it’s way up my spine. ‘Maybe she can pull this off,’ I think as she steps towards me. All the way her optimistic voice is in my head, warning me to be quiet and telling me it’ll be alright. I wonder how much cedar oil she inhaled before she began this mission. Maybe that’s what gave her the strength.

*Flash*

An image of Michael erupted through my mind. She was sending me one answer. I could only wait to hear the rest. And when she was within reach of me, my fingertips stretching out to tap into her, she vanished. Vanished physically. I felt her inside of me, becoming us, unifying into one. The most stimulating experience of my entire existence. Nothing could compare to the wave of energy I now felt. No drug, no caffeine, no sugar, no anything. From my time out of the pod in that make-shift home of our’s in the Big Apple, all the way to this week on the road. Nothing gave me so much power, so much strength.

It’s hard to describe as it’s happening. I could just feel it, surging withing me, waiting to combust. I could see the light from my extremities. I know everything about Maria now, all of her doubts, her fears, her love for Alex and Liz. And mostly Michael. I had never seen him the way she does. It’s amazing. Breathtaking. And for a minute it allows me to leave this horrid place and expand. I’m elsewhere. No one can reach me now. And as maria blends into me, as our lives become one, I can feel the peace. The spiritual resting that I believe Kyle had spoken of. It’s hard to tell with him. He’s always speaking gibberish something or other.

For the first time, since I’ve been captured, I feel strong. Like I can beat them. I don’t need a new alien weapon or some connecting powers of the universe. I’m Serena, I’m Maria, I’ve got heart, wits, strength. And mainly I’ve got something they don’t. I’ve got a soul.

The barrier is nothing now. It’s just there, and I kick through it like a bird in the air on a perfect summer day. I run like Forrest Gump in the movie when he got all weird with the long beard. And lastly I fight. Matrix style. Shooting off sparks I never knew I contained. They hit Kivar and Nicholas unexpected, knocking them off balance and onto the ground. The secret skin attack, a swift kick to the lower back and he’s dust. I almost smiled to admire my handiwork but I can’t let Kivar go so undamaged. He needs to pay. Unfortunately I have no idea how to kill him. True that it’s the most powerful and destructive extraterrestrial leader in merely human form. Yet I can’t do anything about it. I want to torture him endlessly like he had to me. But where would that leave us? We need answers. We’ll never be able to figure out anything if I kill Kivar. Of course I can’t just leave him here. Quickly I grab the papers that Nicholas and him had been laying out on the desk. They’re scattered all over but I pile them together and fold them tightly into my pocket. Next is Liz. But as I look over at her worried face, something weird happens. Like a television screen during a storm, she flickered in and out of my sight. I stood there, dumbfounded, as she too disappeared. A mind warp! The others had sent Maria in unprepared, and Liz was safe!

The smile crept around the corners of my mouth until it broke out into a full-fledged grin. Now it would be finally over. One last step. And as my hand touched the cold cement of the side of the building I had to contain the laugh that wanted to emerge, full course, from my lips. The wall shook as I formed all of my power into a ball. And then with great might I let it loose, shaking through the cement easily.

I broke into a run, the ground rumbling beneath me. ‘Almost like an earthquake,’ I thought, as I leaped out of the nearest exit, tumbling downhill. The wet grass soaked my pants and raindrops splattered upon my face. I was out! And with a look back at the collapsing building I realized another thing. I was free!





March 2nd 2004-7:15 am
Michael’s apartment-spare bedroom
Roswell, New Mexico
Liz

I rolled over on the bed and stretched out my arm. It hit something hard. My eyes opened and I glanced over. Max... I sighed, loudly, and felt the tiny butterflies float around my stomach. It was so early, the sun still rising out the window. I examined his face, my sleeping warrior. That’s what it felt like. He is my hero.

His chest rose and fell, I left my hand there. His strong, muscular body. Then all of the flashbacks of our night together flooded my mind. It was amazing how he had made me feel. Nothing could compare to it. And me dying today certainly wasn’t making it any better. I guess there was no better way for me to have spent my last night on Earth.

We had been celebrating in the fact that Serena got home alright. Let’s just say that everyone had been flipping out for a while. They didn’t know what to think. Even Tess, who had done the mindwarp, didn’t know whether it had worked or not. Not very reassuring, if you ask me. Thankfully, no one had. So Miss. Pessimistic-new-Liz didn’t have to share her views and I was perfectly content with all of them living in a hopeful world. And she showed up. Her fact that of a soldier, just out of battle. And the background? It was beautiful. All of their faces, the grins, the relief... you can’t even picture it without having been there. We all hugged her, several times. All of us except Michael that is. He slipped through, unnoticed by everyone, but me. I can’t even imagine how he’s dealing with this. It can’t be that comfortable to be around Serena now. At least I think it’s Serena. really if we all just became more powerful, more connected to our past, then shouldn’t we use our Antarian names? Serena, Raven, Rath, Tye, Vilondra, Ava and Zan. Aah, Zan...

He groaned, and fluttered his eyelids, until they remained open and set on me. I couldn’t smile or say ‘Good Morning’, my heart was caught in my throat. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and suddenly I was very embarrassed. Lying here down to my underwear, it was very self-consciousy. Look at me, so caught up in this look that I can’t even form basic words.

“Hi,” he said, with absolutely no trouble at all. How does he do that? He has this major effect on my body yet he remains completely perfect. And he doesn’t even realize. He has no clue how much he means to me. How much last night meant to me.

“What’s going on in that gorgeous head of your’s?” he asked me, breaking the look, with a brush of his hand against my hair.

“Not much,” I answered, wanting to tell him so badly. Tell him about all of my thoughts, my dreams, my fear of dying that I will overcome in only a couple of hours. I wanted to share all of the plan with him and have a good cry, to hear him tell me he loved me, over and over. But fate always has something else in mind, as does my body, which snuggled up against his. He caressed my cheek, oblivious to the oncoming pain we’d all undoubtedly face.

“I love you,” he seemed to make one wish come true. And I couldn’t help it, not after five long years of heartache. I said it back. And maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe he had changed. Then I reminded myself that it didn’t matter. I wasn’t expecting to have the Max and Tess relationship or the Zan and Raven love of a lifetime. A marriage in a small country home with a white picket fence, two kids and a Golden Retriever were far from my mind. I just want today, I just want now.

That’s probably why my mouth attacked his. Why my hands clutched his neck. Why my lips savored his taste. I was drowning in the middle of the ocean and Max was my oxygen tank. He kissed me back just as hungrily. It felt so good. And I feel shamed to admit it, but I never wanted to let go. We could stay in this bed forever, just us two. I don’t need food or any material items. All I need is Max. and maybe he felt it too. I have so many ‘maybe’s in my head. so many ‘what if ’s and ‘almost’s and ‘I wish’s. It’s not fair. Why couldn’t things have turned out differently? Why hadn’t he believed in us back on our Graduation Day? Why did he have to abandon what we had so preciously shared, like it was a piece of junk?

Stop it Liz. Just stop it. You finally have him, don’t screw this moment up with your little paranoid questions. And I stopped, I kissed him, I felt the love. Oh, wow. It surged through me, a huge dose of electricity.

His hand rubbed my leg and I grinned through the kiss, my lips baring my teeth and I couldn’t help it. I let out a nervous giggle. It was one thing to share a completely romantic moment in the bed, during the night when no one could hear. But it was completely different to have a morning after experience when everyone else could very well be wide awake and you’re highly ticklish. Yeah, he got me, I started laughing hysterically. It was so uncool but his fingers kept lightly running their course down my skin and pretty soon I was pushing this handsome man away from me. Away from my body. And although that was the last thing in the world my heart wanted, my brain seemed to think that it was a better situation. I needed to focus on today. I couldn’t become the feelings girl again. One night of my fun, my romance.

“Liz...” he started and then was interrupted with a knock on the door. I prayed to God that it was nothing serious. Another distraction wouldn’t help us today. We needed our energy for the spell. But it was only Serena, saying that she was going out to buy some incents and candles. I’m going to say that it’s Serena because she doesn’t posses very Maria-like qualities. The cedar oil hasn’t touched her nose since she got here, she’s avoiding Michael like the plague and she’s not perky, high-strung or incredibly weird with Kyle.

“We better go get ready,” I said, my back to him, pulling my shirt over my head.

“Liz,” he began once more and stood before me, full glory, just Max and his boxers. A heavenly sight but not the thing that’ll get me focused on my work.

“Max, I think we need to remember that today is plan day. We have every other day for this,” I lied. It made it so much easier that he accepted it and began to get dressed. I stepped out of the room and made my way to the living room where I had the feeling that everyone would be waiting, for me.

And they were waiting for me. We managed to get a lot done although I snuck glances over at Max every few minutes. I tried to force myself to concentrate for Alex’s sake. That’s what got me through the rest of the day. Just thinking about what would happen once he got back. I wouldn’t be here. Of course. I wouldn’t be able to say anything to him. To apologize for countless things, to wish him the best, to tell him how much he meant to me. As a friend, a brother I never had and as a fellow Scooby Gang member. Alex was the best.

So that’s where I am now. One hour until we arrive at the Granolithe. One hour until I’m not Liz Parker anymore. One hour until I’m one with nature as Kyle would say. Buddhism, the way of life. Not necessarily a religion. Just a different way of looking at things. And I think of all the times I adjusted myself to adapt to everyone else. Every time that I lost a little piece of myself to make sure that I’d fit in, that I’d always be one of the group. It was sad really, I had only begun to be myself when I was with Max. And of course Alex, he knew me, the real me. You can’t overestimate Alex. He’s the greatest.

I sit down at the table and begin my letter to him. A letter of progress and grief. A letter filled with love, with hate, with surprises and discoveries. A letter that explains and forgives and regrets. And mainly a letter that tells a story of a girl. A girl named Liz Parker who managed to overcome obstacles and find her way to the treasure chest.

Max

The jeep swerved again, forcing me to jerk to the left and knock Michael in the arm.

“Sorry,” I mumbled and straightened myself up. My thoughts were completely jumbled and I was finding it hard to think about “the plan” when Isabel was driving like a mad woman.

“Please tell me that I’ve died and gone to roller coaster hell,” Michael pleaded, with Kyle, who was sitting next to him. Kyle shrugged and raised his hands in the air, made a face like you see on all the commercials for the Six Flags companies with the people screaming, and let a huge “Whoo-Yeah!” to our shock. I grinned a little when Michael shoved him, not that hard.

“Oh please, it’s not that bad and you know it. Besides who else could get you here this fast?” Isabel yelled towards us in the back. I rolled my eyes over at Liz to show her that I was having about no fun on this trip. She smirked and let out her ponytail only to have her long brown hair whipping around in the breeze. I watched her carefully as she struggled to get it all under control. She was so... I don’t know. There’s no word for someone like Liz Parker. She’s not just brains or beauty like most girls. She’s a wonderful combination. And if my plan works perfectly... she’ll be my wonderful combination.

“We’re here!” Isabel shouted and the jeep screeched as she hit the brakes. Liz grabbed my arm and I clutched the side of the jeep with one hand and wrapped the other around her, she was sitting on my lap, as we were pummeled every which way. It really was crazy that Isabel had gotten her licence.

“Thanks Bella, we hadn’t noticed,” Serena said to her. I smiled half-heartedly and we all got out to walk to the cave entrance where the greatest piece of technology existed. I couldn’t believe that it was already time. I wanted this for Alex, I wanted it for Liz and as selfishly as it sounds, I wanted it for myself. Being responsible for the deaths of several civilians is not exactly the way I want my tombstone to read and if Alex comes back, and we do go to the past..well everything will be great. I can do this. I just need to keep it a secret for a few more minutes, and then, well we’ll be somewhere else in a different time. I hope. Wow Max, you should do spells more often, look how your confidence level goes up.

“Ready?” Liz asked. I nodded and took her hand. Just her mere touch gave me a tingle and I remembered the way I had held her in my arms just hours before. It seemed so long ago.

Maybe I was addicted to Liz and going through withdrawals.

We climbed up the rocks and went inside the hidden cave where our pods had formed. I stood there examining the shreds that were left. It seemed so surreal. Everything in my life was tied to these four things. And looking around at the others I saw the way they tensed up, looking at the remains. It was something that made you think more about your whole life and as Liz’s hand slacked in my grasp I felt a twinge of pain sour through my heart. This had to be horrible for her. This same area was where my mother had once stood and told me my destiny. She had let us know who we were, who we are. Only I can never be that guy that she wants me to be. It shouldn’t have taken me this long to figure that out, but it has. I needed the time away from Liz to know how much I really needed her and after today I will never let that happen again. Not because of our past lives or forgotten dreams. Not because of Tess or even Michael and Isabel and Antar. If Liz was made into raven, or formed Raven, or however this process worked, then she’s an alien now. Then she is just like me. And hasn’t our entire problem, all along, been our genetical difference? Have we overcome that obstacle now?

[m14]

Michael

Our ship crashed in 1947. We incubated in the pods for about forty years and came out looking like we were six years old. Max and Isabel were discovered by the Evans parents. I was scared off by the unfamiliar headlights and hid behind a dry, desert brush. That is probably my biggest regret. If only I had been up-front and open like those two. Then maybe I would have turned out differently. I don’t want to be all romantic, responsible leader-type like Max. I don’t even want to be a warrior princess with an attitude and a flare for fashion like Isabel. All I know is that being raised in these hard-ass situations led me here, to this moment.

If I hadn’t have had a tough childhood I could have been different. I might have been able to express my feelings better. I might have been able to let Maria know the way I feel. I can’t go back in time. My powers don’t extend that far. Every so often I let my emotions carry me through. And where did that get me? My powers freaked out and I blew random things up. I’ve learned how to control it better. I can push every feeling down so deep that I wonder if it was ever really there. I can suppress tears and repress joy. But I’ll never go back. I’ll never get a second chance at the past. What’s the point in looking back if i can’t change it? Why torture myself?

Torture. That’s something completely staring me down right now. Serena...the duplicate of Maria. My Maria. You would never have thought it by looking at her. I know that they’re the same person, like a clone. But it’s as if you and your twin are separated at birth. There is no way you’ll make the same style changes. Well, unless you’re really connected spiritually or something.

So Serena’s hair is a different color, she has a tattoo as Rath did and a nose ring. She definitely dresses different than ‘Ria. All in all they looked different. And seeing as how we didn’t even know of the dupes, their things in common just seemed kind of uncanny. Maybe the old me would have joked about how awful it was to have two Marias. Never before did I realize how much she contributed to the group.

The first few days that she learned our secret... man I was so pissed. It was like Max didn’t care anymore. Like he’d just blurt it out to anyone. Being an alien is way more complex than any of them could have possibly understood at that time. I think they’re starting to get it now. I think it’s finally sinking in. And I realize there were never two Marias. There can never be another Maria. She’s the joker, the paranoid girl. She’s original, creative and gorgeous. I rethink every moment that I never told her I cared. I wonder if every time she flipped out, over nothing, if it was truly my fault. Should i have apologized over and over? But then we wouldn’t have had what we had. Alright, so we fought a lot. So I never let her in. So she complained about me using my powers on the TV but not doing the chores. But we had something special in my mind. Possibly better than Max and Liz could ever have.

And this song pops into my head. now of all times. Maria sang it to me one anniversary. They all blur together but her singing sticks out.

Don’t tell me it’s not worth fighting for
I can’t help it, there’s nothing I want more
Everything I do, I do it for you...

There’s nothing that I want more than to have her back. But another part of me says, what are you talking about Guerin? She’s right next to you. And as Serena chants a mantra while lighting a white candle, it smells like chocolate, vanilla chocolate, my senses are on overdrive. The spell is going to take place soon. We chose the Granolithe chamber because of the excess of powers. And today? Well next month Alex died five years ago. We’re hoping that the day we do it will also be the day that the other realm is on. If we can stop it from happening over there also.

I’m not entirely sure how it all works. I think that it’s like every time period is playing a the same time and we can be in the past, present, and future all at once. Like we’re constantly in motion, cycling from one place to the other. Although I could have it wrong. Let’s face it, I practically dropped out of high school. You think I understand to the same height as Liz? Yeah, right. And I’m Mother Teresa.

Speaking of Liz, she’s starting. I suppose I better get in position. This is how it’s all going to work. Liz begins her chant in some ancient language, which she’s doing now. The huge book, that she bought at some witch type store, balanced in her arms, her eyes closed, letting the words take their course. Max pulls out the bag of healing stones and passes them around. One by one we take a colored stone for power purposes. Liz holds an orb after placing the book down. She chants the memorized spell, making her way around our make-shift circle. Now Serena’s turn. The candles are lit, illuminating the surface of the rock ceiling with light flickers. She opens the pouch of special sandy flakes. Those were bought at the same shop. What we’re doing looks like something right out of “The Craft” and I’ve got to say it, I’m a little spooked. Suppose we open the portal to hell or something? None of these goody-two shoes would be able to handle that. especially not Kyle. There’s no way I am going to listen to his Buddha beliefs if it does happen. Maybe I should just push him in and close it really quick.

“Shah mia, tia, hohm,” Lis raises her voice to a full shout. I close my eyes along with the others and concentrate hard. I wonder at what point she has to take that pill that we made. It looks like something straight out of “Fear Factor.” I try and get my mind off the grossness of that. the healing stone, ultimate power. Connect to the stone, connect to Rath. Connecting is more tiring than anyone thinks. I allow my mind to flow, a river, a stream, an ocean. I open the door, a drawbridge, a canal. Soaring outwards into the open, a bird, an eagle, a butterfly. And let the spirits of the past greet me. I spread my arms visually and let myself fly free.

Timing’s everything Guerin, I tell myself, sensing movement near my left. That could be Tess. She was standing next to me. Feeling myself fading from the spirits, I open my eye a little. Yes, it’s Tess, but what is she doing? I seem to be the only one still here on this plane, all the other stones are lit. even Liz doesn’t feel anything happening. The orb must really be capturing her.

I want to know what Tess is doing but if I speak up the connection will be broken. So, I watch, quietly. Tess steps up to the Granolithe. It’s huge, a large gray structure in the middle of the area and it looks like the largest metal you’ve ever seen. Of course the multi-colored aura forming around it proves that it’s no ordinary metal. Definitely not of this planet. And Tess is dangerously close to crossing the boundary. I can’t stop her without ruining everything. But she steps back to rethink her decision, I suppose. Her hand touches the pocket of the pair of faded jeans that she is wearing. Then Tess pulls out an envelope and places it on the ground next to Liz. My mind wanders freely as she just stands there, her back to me. I force myself to keep my eyes open. Everything she’s done lately has seemed a little off. I wouldn’t necessarily mind floating to Max that we were right about her. However, if she was connected to the sudden appearance of Kivar and Nicholas then I’ll kill her myself.

The connective spirits are trying to drag me in. I spend my energy fighting them off but the others are too far in. It’s no use, I can’t fight all of them. It was worth a try...

My eyes close again and I drift away from Tess and Kivar and I focus on Maria. Maria’s face before me. She’s not a spirit but it’s all I’ve got. Her hand reaches out for mine and as I grab for it, the healing stone lights in my hand, sending off a low tremor.

The next step is for Liz to take the pill. It has to be, because then the portal opens. Around there the plan gets kind of hazy. Liz didn’t give us many details about how Alex would appear. And boy, I was curious! Probably more so than expected because I pulled my eyelids open with sheer determination. The most strength that I can afford to disburse without screaming in agony.

So Tess is still there. Liz pulls the pill out of her pocket. She’s acting like a zombie. Slow movements and she is keeping her eyes closed now. The mantra still being chanted from her lips but I stop listening. In fact I think I’ve stopped everything. No heartbeat, no breathing, no pulse, no movement. My body is in shock while my mind races. What a horrible combination.

Why have I stopped everything? Why do I will myself not to blink, but to scream at the top of my non-cooperating lungs? Well because Tess is moving. She wasn’t far away from the aura before but now she’s closer. And within one long, expanded second, I see Liz open her eyes only to meet mind. She frowns and turns, to Tess. The pill has been swallowed. Tess notices, Liz sees her and I shout despite my resolve not to.

“NO!” I scream, as loud as I can. I don’t need to watch everyone’s faces to know they’re confused and surprised at my outburst. But I do need to see this. To form a reasonable explanation in my mind for why this is happening. But I can’t find an answer. I can only watch. Watch as Tess jumps forward, leaping into the Granolithe. Watch as Liz’s face falls first and then her body, crumpling to the ground.

Colors upon colors fill the room and Tess’ image floats off somewhere. I’m not the only one puzzled by this turn of events. I’m not the only one that doesn’t understand. Because the room is spinning? No. because I suddenly can’t see anything anymore? No. and not even because of the screams of my friends. I’m puzzled by Liz’s face. The weeping, frowning, pitiful tears flowing a river down her cheeks. She fell to the floor and she began bawling, literally bawling, her eyes out. Why would that surprise me? Well, for starters, she was never that close to . . . . .





The day after Prom
Whitman Residence
Alex’s bedroom
Roswell, New Mexico


“Yeah it was a great night for me, too,” Alex said, from the bed. He was drumming his guitar softly while talking on the phone.

“Yeah? So what are you doing tonight?” Isabel’s voice came through the receiver.

“Tonight?” Alex repeated. Liz and Maria started shaking their heads and waving their arms as a no.

“I can’t..,” he sighed.

“Why?” she asked.

“I have , a, uh.,” he struggled for an answer as Liz grabbed a book from his desk. She held it up.

“I’m studying,” he told her. A sigh followed.

“Alex, an ‘A’ is the best you can get,” was her reply.

“Yeah, I know... but I’ve got a monstrous final in, Robert Frost?” he answered, looking at the book Liz had chosen.

“Oh, English, English!” he recovered. Maria and Liz smiled at each other from their side of the room. Alex, their friend, just back from Sweden as a new man. Isabel Evans was certainly looking at him in a new light.

Maria’s cell phone rang. She shrugged at Liz and waved to Alex, stepping out of the room to answer the call.

It was Mr. Parker saying that their shift had started ten minutes ago and the place was packed. Liz and her hurried out the door. Maria’s mother’s Jetta drove down the street, just passing the Thai delivery guy on Cherry Road. He was getting towed down the street, apparently the car had broken down. Too bad Alex was left alone, chatting with Isabel, losing his will to be strong against her and play hard to get. So lost up I the conversation that he had completely forgot about his food.

Later on that evening. . .
The Crashdown Café


“Alex!” Maria called out loudly. Everyone, mainly Isabel, swung in their bar stools to the front entrance. And Alex grinned, shouted that the party was here and embraced Isabel. So he had gotten eroded down. It had taken a while but Isabel had convinced him to change his mind. The beginning of a new relationship.

“Who wants a burger?” Michael asked, loudly, from the back where the grill was. A couple different answers followed and he groaned loudly, making one thing for them all. Maria stepped past Liz who was shaking her head at Alex, already stepping back into his former shell. Then she swung her hips all the way to the kitchen window.

“Grab me a cup spaceboy?” she asked. He leaned over to hand her one but she had something else in mind. Her lips brushed against his, taking him by surprise, as her hands pulled his head gently towards her’s. The kiss was sweet, short, but sweat and Maria broke it off and Michael handed her the cup.

“What was that for?” he asked. To which she replied, “Since when do I need a reason to kiss my boyfriend?” An on and off relationship that only time can change.

Maria handed the cup off the Liz who was sitting alone at a corner booth. Alone until Max joined her.

“Where’s Tess?” Liz asked, still remembering the kiss Tess and him had shared at the prom the night before.

“She’ll be here soon, I think she’s driving.” Max’s eyes trailed up and down her face slowly, almost to make it seem like he wasn’t.

“Liz, I’m sorry about last night. The way things turned out,” he stared deep into her eyes as he said these words.

“The way what turned out?” she asked him.

“It’s not very important. It’s just,” he paused. “You mean the world to me Liz. One night, one dance, one anything doesn’t mean something to me. You’re everything in my world. You’re what makes me human, what makes me keep going. Even before all of this, there was you. Why do you think I saved you that day?” His hand clasped her’s on the cool surface of the table. His eyes soulful and true, not caring if anyone heard his confessions.

“There can never be anyone else for me. You’re my soul mate Liz Parker.” She blushed at his words, letting them sink in fully. The kiss had meant nothing to him? but she didn’t have a moment to think about it or answer. There was a loud crash of plates against the floor and a scream that sounded like maria’s. Liz and Max jumped up. Michael got there faster, hugging Maria gently. Sheriff Valenti appeared from the kitchen door.

“Tess is dead. There was a car accident not far from here,” he told them.

“How bad?” Max asked, wanting to know if he could heal the body.

“Almost unrecognizable. But it was definitely her. The clothes, the car, the licence and registration,” the sheriff answered.

The gang slumped back. They’d have to go through was to cover up the blood that was at the scene. To stop everyone from asking questions. But they’d find a way, they always did.


One week later . . .
Liz’s Bedroom


And sure enough, they found a way. Just like they knew they would.

“Liz, mail!” her father called, from the kitchen. She ran to retrieve the plain, white envelope.

“Who do you know in Chicago?” her father asked. It was post-dated here in Roswell, yet the return address had no name, just an address. Chicago? Liz tore it open when she had returned to her room. Inside were two letters. One addressed to her and one to Alex. Quickly she opened her letter.
Dear Liz,
You were going to jump. It was pretty obvious. You don’t have to be Serena to know that. don’t be mad because you couldn’t sacrifice yourself. You’re a hero. You’re a soldier. Max loves you. He always has. He just needed to find himself with Tess. Even Zan knew there was something missing before Raven appeared. She was the first. That must mean that Max trusted you first. It means more than you can know.
I have to say I’m sorry. Apologize for the heartache on behalf of my other self. She was destroyed, unstable. Tess was raised by a killer. Naturally they’re her first choice of company. She was taken advantage of. No amount of psychobabble could change her ways and I couldn’t fight it off any longer. She was struggling to gain control. She would win. I couldn’t let you die. Not you Liz. So strong..
Take care of our beloved leader. I know he’ll treat you well.
Love always,
Ava


Liz scanned it several times. It hardly made sense, yet she knew what to do. Liz picked up the phone and dialed the seven numbers.

“Max? It’s Liz. Can I come over?” she asked, then listened for his response.

“Alright, I just need to drop something off at Alex’s first.” They hung up and she put the letter in her pocket before running out of the house.


An old love, a forgotten feeling, beginning anew.


THE END
~*~Michaela~*~