That One Moment, AU, M/L, TEEN ~{COMPLETE}~

[willowbv]

TITLE: That One Moment

Category : AU M/L

Rating: TEEN

AUTHOR: willowbv



a big thanks to Liz, aka, IAmLongTimeFan, for this fabulous banner. Thanks chica,

Summary: this is AU, time frame: senior year. No aliens. No destiny. Liz Parker and Max Evans have loved each other since they first met but neither dared make the first move. It's Graduation day and they are all headed in their own directions and then Max gets shot and Liz's life changes forever.

AN : Hey all, I don't know if you'll remember this fic, it was purged during the, well purging weekend, anyway, I'm posting it up again with an update!!! So for those of you who have read this fic, scroll down to to Part 6, Max's POV (part 3).

I want it to be a ten parter and right now we're on part 6, so the end is nigh, lol.

I thought it would be interesting to see what would happen if Max got shot instead of Liz, BUT no aliens, no destiny.

It's another experimental fic 'cause I haven't done POV before and just a hint, while it is dreamer insured, I have to say that everything is not as it seems in this fic and where needed I will give warning. Don't know what I mean? well read it, find out and enjoy .

Anyway, back to the fic, lol: This story is just about, a boy and girl who loved each other forever and weren't going to do anything about it till circumstances stepped in....

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my daydreams

****
LIZ’S POV

Part 1

People say it all the time, that there's always that one moment which changes your life. Some say that you can pinpoint it and that it just suddenly happens...but I think if you look hard enough you can track the small events and incidences that culminate into one big explosive moment...

Mine was on Graduation day.

I, Liz Parker, had just graduated from West Roswell High and was on my way to the higher education institution of my dreams. Harvard. A step to fulfilling my dream to be head of molecular biology there. The Crashdown, my parent's restaurant and official post-graduation hang-out, was packed with: laughing students in graduation gowns relieved that it was finally over and proud parents relieved that their kids had actually made it.

My eyes scanned the crowd and our eyes met at the same time. Maria jumped from the booth and bulldozed me into a hug.

"We finally did it Lizzie!" she enthused joyously, her green eyes sparkling, "Asta lavista small town, look out big wide world!".

Laughing, I managed to disentangle myself from her hug and allowed her to lead me to the booth where, Alex and Kyle sat already stuffing themselves with food. I sat down and observed my table of friends, who were more like family. Together, we had survived the pitfalls of high school and celebrated the victories.

Maria grabbed a Saturn ring from Alex's plate, laughing and waving away his protests. "By the way," she glanced at me with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes, " Max Evans is staring at you again".

My cheeks instantly flamed.
Max Evans.
Mr Tall dark and extremely unattainable. The boy with the soulful eyes. The one I had declared to be my soulmate and the love of my life, since...forever. The one who...wasn't interested in boring Liz Parker.

I frowned at her in disbelief but slowly turned around to his booth where he sat with his sister Isabel Evans, the object of Alex's high school fantasises and all around dream girl and his friend Michael Guerin, the object of Maria's venom. Personally, I thought that they would make a great couple because when they argued, sparks didn't fly, they exploded.

My eyes finally settled on Max, who was staring intently at his menu. My unfounded hope as usual, plummeted right back down to reality. I turned back to Maria. "Max Evans?", I pointed to my face, "this? Uh uh, 'Ria. Max is soo way out of my league, he has never dated anyone but every girl wants him."

Maria rolled her eyes, "That's because he's been waiting for you silly".

"I have to agree with that Liz, the guy does have a thing for you," said Kyle, " and I am a guy, I know the signals."

That one remark was all Maria needed to get going. "He's shy, we all know it. So it's time for you to take it in your own hands. This is it Lizzie, graduation, last chance, go talk to him." The last statement was emphasised with a forceful shove out of the booth.

Grabbing a hold onto the edge of the table to keep from flying into the middle of the floor, I turned to face her. "Talk to him? Maria I've had a thing for Max since like forever, we were partners in lab for years and we just made small talk..." my gaze returned to his table just in time to see him smile. My heart raced and my throat went dry. I turned back to Maria. "...I can't just go up to him."

"Yes, you can!"she argued. "Look, he's getting up to go to the counter,." I was faced with another forceful shove. "...go, go after him!"

"What?! no-"

Our argument was disrupted by louder, angry arguing.

Drunk with jubilation, everyone had failed to notice the two men arguing in the corner. Now they were standing and the appearance of a gun demanded our attention. The other man lunged for it, they struggled. Taken aback and incredibly unprepared for such an occurance, we watched. It was the fast thinking of someone, whose shout of "Everybody down!", shocked us into ducking for cover.

Everybody ducked, except Max that is.

The shot went off.

Surprised screams rang through the air and then, terrified, shocked gasps and one memorable phrase uttered by a fearful Isabel Evans. "Oh my God, Max!"

****

Instantly, forgetting terror or fear, I moved from under the booth to the motionless body of Max Evans laying on the Crashdown floor. I reached him at the same time as Isabel and Michael. My eyes jumped from his paling face to the dark red colour soaking through his gown.

"Call the ambulance." I somehow found my voice.

Isabel who had been kneeling down talking to him finally acknowledged my presence and looked up at me with tear filled eyes.

"Now", I ordered. Without a sound, she nodded and spotting the Crashdown phone, raced to it.

I saw the growing crowd. "Keep them back!" I ordered Michael and he obeyed.
Never in my life did I act with such authority and expected people to obey, but seeing Max lying there, shot and possibly dying...something just happened, shyness disappeared and all I cared about was making sure he was okay.

Thankful for my days of hospital voluntary work, I scanned the vicinity looking for something to keep pressure on the wound. There was nothing on the counters and table tops, I knew there were some towels around the back but I didn't want to leave Max alone. Stripping off my graduation gown I took off the jeans jacket I was wearing underneath and applied pressure to his wound.
"Max, Max" I called but no answer came. I positioned his head on my lap, keeping my other hand placed firmly on his wound, I gently stroked his hot cheeks.

This was not the way I wanted to have Max Evans on my lap.

At some point Maria and Alex came to my side. I dispatched them and Kyle to keep the crowd away. Max needed space. He needed help.

His eyes fluttered open and met mine.

"Liz?" he registered faintly.

I sighed with relief. He was conscious. "Yeah Max, it's me."

"What happened?, I'm-I'm" he struggled to get up and grimaced at the pain, "... it hurts"

"Sshh, lay still...," I told him softly, "... you were shot but you're going to be okay."

As if my words were a guarantee, he relaxed and rested his head back on my lap. "Oh," he muttered.

Then his eyes, his deep amber eyes started to close and that was when my autopliot was switched off and allowed panic and fear to enter.

"Max! no, Max wake up..." I stroked his forehead, willing his eyes to open. "... Stay with me!".

And once again as if obeying my commands, they fluttered open. "Liz" he smiled, a smile which captured me into a world where I was much more than a lab partner. His next words stunned me. "...you have really beautiful eyes".

"Wha-wha-What?" I breathed. Maybe he was delusional, but I wasn't going to stop him.

"...and your hair," he reached up and touched it. I had dreamed about it time and time again, imagined what his touch would feel like, my eyes closed in exquisite torture because though my dreams were coming true, I was fully aware of the reason we were in this moment. "...it's soo soft."

"Max..." my voice trailed away as I was drawn into his eyes. We were locked in a moment where the world faded and we were the only people that existed. His eyes saw into me and explored me to my very core and in his eyes, I saw him. For the first time, I was really seeing Max Evans...to put it succintly, our souls connected and all I felt was...love, powerful and pure...and the really surprising thing was that it was aimed at me.

"I may not get a chance to say this", his voice was barely a whisper and I had to lean closer to hear him, "... but I really wanted to date you...".

I was beyond stunned, I felt like a truck had just rammed into me, but in a surprisingly good way.

"...to hold your hand in the hallways...". My dazed eyes met his, a small smile crept along his lips as his fingers lightly touched my lips. "...to touch your lips...and to tell you that-". I could barely breathe as I waited for him to finish"...that..."

But he never got to finish his sentence, instead his gentle fingers dropped from lips and his eyes closed.

"Max?", I whispered, willing him to reply. " Max?!".

He wouldn't answer, his eyes wouldn't open. I gingerly felt for his pulse. Barely there and weakening every second. It was at that moment that Isabel came back beside me.

"The ambulance is on it's way," she told me. Her attention was focused on Max. " How's he doing?"

I met her anxious eyes, tears blurring my vision. "He's...he's um, not doing too good" I managed.

The next few moments felt like years moving in slow motion.

Max lay in my arms, his life slipping away and all I could do was stare at his peaceful expression with a heart full of regret. Then, the ambulance came and I vaguely remember someone telling me to let Max go, someone gently removing my hands, the urgent steps of the paramedics and medical jargon, someone asking me questions I automatically answered. My feet following the stretcher, the ambulance doors closing in front of me and the siren echoing in the growing distance.

And then he was gone.

And the world went back to normal, time was corrected and normal speed resumed.

****

"Liz, are you okay?".

That was Maria standing next to me.

I turned to her with tears in my eyes, my voice thick with emotion, I managed to reply. "Maria, I maybe losing the love of my life just when we finally have a chance...", then the tears started to fall "... I'm not okay, I'm worried...and-and I'm scared and I just want to be there with him".

"Chica...what happened in those moments you were with him?" she asked in awe.

I glanced her and told her the absolute truth. "I came to life," I replied.

****

You'd probably think that the moment that changed my life was when Max Evans told me all the things he did.

But you'd be wrong.

The moment my life changed was the moment I heard Isabel scream his name. The moment I realised that Max was shot, because in that instant, I realised that I didn't just love him in a fleeting infatuation sort of way, my complete disregard for my own safety and over-ridding concern for his, was confirmation of what I already knew...that my heart belonged to Max Evans. Whether he asked for it or not, it was his.

****

[willowbv]

Part 2

Max's POV

Getting shot sucks.

I know that's stating the obvious but I think that it needs to be reiterated, what are the odds of getting shot in small town Roswell, New Mexico? No really, I mean there I was trying to nonchalantly get a better glimpse of the beautiful Liz Parker, while at the same time trying to ignore Michael and Isabel's annoying comments and snickers, and the next thing I knew, something sharp and powerful lodged itself in my stomach, sending me crashing to the floor in agonizing pain. And I know it's a melodramatic statement especially by me since the bullet wound wasn't even fatal, but I think that I probably would have died if not for her.

I felt all those things: my life flashing before my eyes, my 18 years on this planet summarized in seconds, drifting off, leaving this reality going somewhere else, but she kept pulling me back. That, applying pressure to my wound and of course the medical expertise of the doctors pretty much secured that I would be in a hospital bed, recovering.

The last thing I remembered about being in the Crashdown were her eyes, a deep worried brown. The next thing I saw when my tired bleary eyes opened again where the anxious, joyous faces of my family. My mum, dad, Isabel and Michael. Isabel and I had been friends with him since we were little, he had become an extension to our family, hence we considered him our adopted brother. The great thing about nearly dying, is that you get a second chance to live and not take things for granted, even your somewhat annoying family. My mum and Isabel cried, My dad and Michael cracked a few jokes, all an indication of their absolute relief of my recovery.

****

I had to stay in hospital for a few more days, which would have been extremely boring if not for her. The drugs they gave me meant I drifted in and out of consciousness and it was during one of these drifts that my eyes opened to find her warm brown eyes staring into mine.

"Hi".

I nearly sat up startled when the apparition spoke. The pain I promptly received from my wound told me that she was no apparition and neither were Alex, Kyle and Maria.

She immediately reached for my arm and gently but firmly held it. "Are you okay?" she asked.

Was I okay? No, I was shocked, surprised, momentarily stunned. Another thing about recovering from a gun shot wound I quickly realised was that the senses were extra sensitive, so when she removed her grasp on my arm, I could still feel her.

I had talked myself into a cocoon of denial, that she wouldn't come to see me. That way, I could stop feeling nervous about talking to her but of course that wasn't Liz. Her kind loving heart would not have allowed her to stay away, which was great for me because I really wanted her to come.

"I'm fine," I replied settling back into bed. "I uh , just can't make any sudden movements," I joked.

"Oh" they all said.

It was then that my gaze drifted to Maria, Kyle and Alex. I studied them, as they shifted uncomfortably not sure what to do or say. To say that I was pleasantly surprised by their visit was putting it mildly. We had exchanged a few conversations through our high school careers but none worthy of a hospital visit.

I bit back a smile as they gave me tentative smiles. "Thanks for coming to visit me," I said.

That was enough to break the ice.

"We had to make sure you were okay...," said Maria. She pointed to a large collection of flowers,".... we got you some flowers".

My eyes settled back to the monster bouquet. They had really gone all out, I could make out carnations, white roses, which I presumed had been chosen by Liz because they were her favourite and tulips.

"We umm didn't know which ones you liked, so we kinda went for a...variety," said Alex sheepishly.

"Thanks," I chuckled.

A big mistake because shearing pain followed.

A warm hand squeezed mine. "What's wrong?" she asked.

For a moment I was speechless as a surge of electricity, as it had so many times with Liz, shot through me. My eyes met hers, she looked at me with such wonderment that I momentarily considered if she felt it too.

But that of course, I rationalised, was just a wish of an eternally hopeful high school graduate in love with his former lab partner.

"I guess laughing is out too," I quipped.

"Oh," she grinned.

I noticed her fingers were still wrapped around mine and that brought a smile to my face.
****

I don't remember how long we held each other's gazes for, I vaguely remembered Maria saying that they were leaving us alone to talk. I do remember the door closing because it broke our connection and then I was alone in a room with Liz Parker.

Now nothing about that would be strange, we had been lab partners for years, except, this time while my life had been slipping away on the Crashdown floor, I had told her in an indirect way that I loved her.

From the moment I had laid eyes on her, it had always been and always would be Liz...but I was shy .... basically a coward fearing rejection because she was Liz Parker, close friends with Alex Whitman, dated and was now friends with Kyle Valenti and best friends with Maria Deluca, who I secretly thought Michael had a thing for. Liz was smart and beautiful and I was...Max Evans, the quiet guy with big ears. Okay the last remark was founded in one of my many moments of self-indulgent-pining-over-Liz-self-pitying sessions, I actually liked my ears.

I said those things to her because what the heck, I was dying if she rejected me, I would die soon enough but now I was alive and had to deal with the consequences. It wasn't momentary delusion, I meant every word and those moments with her, her fingers stroking my cheek, the soft silkiness of her hair, be it near the brink of death, were priceless to me.

I told her how I felt and she said nothing. That was the problem.

Only something in me wouldn't let me forget that brief time when our eyes locked and the world faded, and all I could feel and see was her. It was the strangest experience of my life, through her eyes, I saw her, her inner beauty and everything she was and I think...I think I saw love for me. Like maybe she felt the same...but she didn't say anything and I was near death and prone to hallucinations, but looking into her smiling face in that hospital bed, I hoped that maybe what I had seen was true.

"I'm glad your okay," she said finally letting go.

My fingers yearned for hers instantly.

"Thanks to you," I said, "you saved my life."

She blushed,"you're welcome".

Time passed as I struggled to tear myself away from her face. Reluctantly, my eyes landed on the brown paper bag next to my bed. I gingerly reached down and pulled out her blood stained jacket.

"Um...sorry about your jacket, I can get you a new one," I offered.

"No!" she protested "... actually, could I-could I, keep it?" she asked.

The request puzzled me. "You want to keep a bloodstained jacket?" I asked raising a quizzical eyebrow.

"I'll wash it out," she blushed with an amused roll of her eyes, "but I want the memory..." she trailed off.

"...Of me getting shot," I queried as I handed it over.

She opened her mouth to speak but failed, I watched mystified as she flushed and tucked her hair behind her ears. "Um...so do you remember anything?" she asked briskly changing the subject.

"About the shooting?"I asked innocently.

She nodded.

My pulse raced.

This was it, I could say: yes I did, everything I said to you, and see what happened. That's what you're supposed to do after a near death experience right? Not take anything for granted, just go for it?

And I would have, expect for a little tiny fact. After years and years of secret adoration, I had finally confessed how I felt and she said nothing. Absolutely nothing. Surely if I was near death, she too would declare her love for me because it could be the last time that she would see me alive right? Right.

So instead I said: "From the shock and trauma, it's all a blur, I remember getting shot, you telling me to stay with you...." she stood still, her eyes fixed the movements on my lips, I think she was holding her breath, but then again, I was eternally hopeful ,"...then I remember waking up here."

I also remembered thinking that if I died in the arms of the girl I loved, even if we didn't actually have a relationship, then it still would be as Michael phrased it, "all good."

"Oh" she said in a tone I couldn't decode the meaning of.

"Why" I asked, "... did I say something incredibly embarrassing?".

I held my breath as I waited for her reply, still hoping that maybe...

"No..." she met my eyes with an expression I couldn't read, "...not embarrassing".

"Oh" I said crestfallen.

We stayed like that for a while, our eyes locked, our breathing shallow. It was like we were communicating but I couldn't understand what we were saying, what I could understand was the electricity following through me and my rapid heart beat.

****

"Well, I better get going," she said finally.

I nodded wordlessly my eyes never leaving hers. Again she smiled shyly, flushed and tucked her hair behind her ear and headed for the door.

"Thanks for coming," I called as she reached it.

She opened the door.

This was the part where I was supposed to ask her to stay, ask her out, tell her I loved her and see what happened, instead she did it for me.

She opened the door and turned to me. "Max, do you want me to stop by tomorrow?... bring you some real Crashdown food?" she added with a bright smile.

"Yes please, but sadly I have to lay off the tabasco sauce." I replied.

"It's a good thing, all that hot sauce almost everyday cannot be good for you" she nodded.

"Thank you Doctor Parker," I quipped.

"You're welcome patient Evans," she retorted with a smile, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow," I waved as the door closed behind her.

My head dropped onto the pillow thrilled by our conversation but not exactly sure why, a smile I couldn't suppress burst through.

****

I thought near death experiences were supposed to get rid of things like fear of rejection, but I was wrong.

What my near death experience did was force me to come out from behind the trees, a place Isabel and her psychology books said I had been hiding all my life; and letting Liz Parker hangout with me in hospital was step one.

****

[willowbv]

P.S. I loved the line in Smallville where Chloe said "I'm the love of your life masquerading as your best friend", so I just had to use it in this fic.

****

PART 3

Liz's POV

Most people have obsessions and passions: cars, TV shows, bands, stamps. My passion was Max Evans. My journal entries throughout my high school years were filled with "Max Encounters", what what he said, what I said and what I should have said. My obsession grew to secretly collecting Max Evans memorabilia. In biology, he used to chew on his pencils when he was nervous and one day...I took it. I used it at home when writing, it was like having a piece of Max Evans with me and when it got too small to be used, I placed it in my memory box.

The next addition to the Max Evans collection was the blood-stained jacket. After I washing it, I hung it to the back of my closet so everytime I opened it, I would remember those moments when Max Evans lay wounded on my lap, touching my hair and my lips, momentarily making my fantasies real.

When the ambulance took him away that day, I wanted to go with him, make sure he was okay, but I had to stay at home and wait. I left a message on his home answering machine and sat hoping and praying. I remember getting the call, my whole body was wound as tight as a coil and when I heard "he's going to be okay", I smiled, tears streamed, life was bliss.

****

Seeing Max fragile and weak in that hospital bed, I knew that I wasn't going to let him go.

I almost lost him.

I think he lied when I asked him if he remembered anything about our time together when he was wounded. I guess I was holding onto the hope that he just wasn't delusional when he had said those things and that he felt it all for me and was just as Maria said, shy. So was I, but the fact that I almost lost him caused me to throw shyness out of the window. If he didn't feel the same way then fine, I wouldn't have to see him again after the summer, but I had to find out. So I visited him for the rest of his stay in hospital.

We talked and laughed and still had those awkward moments of silence, I would always feel this palpable energy between us, as if we were communicating in a way that neither of us could comprehend, but it no longer became awkward. We just sat enjoying whatever it was in those comfortable silences.

****

After he was discharged, we saw each other daily. Like some unspoken rule, he would come to the Crashdown and sit at his booth with Michael and Isabel. Maria pointed out that he always did.

"Yeah, but now I know he's coming to see me", I retorted with a smile.

Our visitations were a reciprocal thing, when I was free, I would drag Maria with me to the UFO center.

For a while, Max came in without Michael and Isabel started coming in with a few friends. This worked out perfectly because it allowed Alex to hang out with Max because he came to see Isabel. See being the key word, he watched her as she chatted with her friends, never having a full conversation with her . Kyle soon joined the visitation because one of Isabel's friends, Grace Daniels, caught his attention.

Soon the separate booths merged as Isabel and Grace became part of Max's table, to Alex and Kyle's delight. When Michael returned to the group, my days of waitressing were guaranteed to never be boring because of his constant banter with Maria.

"He is so infuriating," she fumed.

"Then why do you keep talking to him?"I asked.

"Because he would just love for me to shut up," she replied.

I shook my head amused, wondering when these two were going to get together. It wasn't long, but I'll get to that later.

Because of our large group, Max and I never got one on one time till evenings. We developed a habit of sitting on my balcony and staring at the stars in my telescope. Sometimes we'd talk or sometimes we'd just sit in silence in our own thoughts. Mine were mostly focused on him. We sat on my bed and watched films, t.v. shows and medical documentaries, which I usually watched on my own since Maria, Kyle and Alex had outlawed them when hanging out. We talked on the phone about ridiculous, pointless things and when we had nothing to say, we just did our own thing whether it was flipping through a magazine or staring at the ceiling just to hear each other breathing. That summer, most of my wages contributed to the phone bill but it was worth it.

****

I invited Max to a group movie night and he came with Michael, Isabel and Grace. The night to say the least was atmospheric. Michael and Maria banter was rampant, while Alex, Isabel, Grace and Kyle were jumpy. I concluded that something must be going on. My suspicion was confirmed when Isabel ambushed me in the kitchen while I was refilling a popcorn bowl.

"Liz?"

"Yeah?"

"You know your little friend Alex."

I turned to her with an amused smile. My little friend Alex? "What about him?".

"Is he seeing someone?".

"Uh no, why?".

"No reason."

I nodded incredulous. "Okay."

The controlled Isabel demeanor returned. "Well thanks."

"You're welcome," I called to her retreating figure.

The night got even more interesting when in search of Maria and Michael, Max and I stumbled upon the pair in Alex's bathroom in the midst of jaw dropping, cheek burning passionate kissing.

"Liz!".

"Max!".

"It's not what you think!", they protested in unison.

"Uh huh," we nodded as we swung the door shut.

****

After that night, Maria and Michael became an official couple. Kyle and Grace followed suit. Alex and Isabel tentatively went on a few dates, Isabel had some issues about letting someone in but eventually they got it together.

Max and I...well we continued with our "something." I call it that because we were in the middle of friendship and something more. I would catch him looking at me, he would catch me looking at him but neither of us said anything and it really wouldn't become real till one of us redefined it.

It all came to a head when Max invited us over to his place for a game of pool. Maria promptly gave me a lecture on how I should stop dancing around. How we both had to get over being shy. She asked me if I loved him. I told her of course.

"Then why not just go for it, whether you see it or not, he loves you too. Love is all about risks Lizzie."

"Fine," I relented, "What do you think I should do?".

"Tell him how you feel of course!" she said.

"When, tonight?"I asked suddenly fearful.

Maria lit up, an apologetic expression swept across her face, "about tonight..."

****

That night, it was me and Max. Maria and Michael canceled, Alex, Isabel, Kyle and Grace had gone stargazing. To say I was not best pleased is an understatement. Maria was underhanded and scheming, they all were and it was incredibly obvious, but I was going to take full advantage of this time with Max.

I had my hair out, strawberry scented. Wearing a dark red three-quarter length v neck top and a pair of low riding jeans- selectively chosen by Maria, I nervously knocked on his door. I'm guessing my look had the desired effect because Max stood at the door just staring at me. That unspoken communication between us intensified and I felt myself redden.

"Do you play pool?" he asked once we were settled.

"Once or twice, I'm not very good," I lied. "You?"

"I'm pretty good."

"Remind me how it's done again?" I asked.

I know I was acting bimbo blonde but Maria and I had agreed that I should not pass up the opportunity to be in Max Evans' arms, having body to body contact as he showed me how to play.

****

Playing bimbo blonde went out the window as the game got more serious and as the Dorito stakes rose.

I won two games in a row.

"I'm getting the feeling that you've played this more than once or twice", he said grinning.

I brushed past him and smiled, "Maybe".

"See, I know all about you Liz Parker," he said.

I looked up at him before taking a shot.

"Really, like what?" I challenged. "Red ball side pocket".

The ball went in smoothly. I grinned at him triumphantly.

"Like the fact that you've kicked Kyle's ass so many times that he won't play pool with you," he grinned.

Ah, I blushed, foiled. So he knew all along. Ah well, it was nice while it lasted.

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me Max", I said instead.

"Like what?" he challenged with dancing eyes.

The microwave sounded interrupting our playful banter.

"I'll get the popcorn" he said.

I nodded and turned back to the game.

"Then we'll get back to what I don't know about you Liz Parker," he called.

I grinned, "Well for one Mr Evans, you don't know that I'm the love of your life masquerading as your best friend."

"Actually, I didn't know that but I was hoping for it."

****

I cannot describe what I felt when I heard his voice. I cannot express the sheer panic I felt as I slowly turned around to see him standing at the entrance of the door.

" I-I-"

"I forgot the bowl," he said.

I mutely nodded as my eyes searched for an escape, another door to run through, the ground to open up and swallow me, anything.

"Did you mean it?- What I just heard?" he asked.

I covered my face with my hands and ran my shaking fingers through my hair.

Why not? I concluded, it couldn't get any worse.

"Yes," I confirmed, "Max I am completely in love with you and have been since I've known you and from your stunned reaction, I'm guessing you don't feel the same way..." I placed the pool stick onto the table,"...so I'm just gonna go...somewhere else now."

I never made it out of the room. I was too focused on my humiliation to notice Max crossing the room, we met in the middle when he held me by the shoulders to stop me from leaving. The next thing I knew, hands were cupping my face and we were kissing.

At the part where I usually opened my eyes and realized that it was a dream, nothing changed. Max Evans was still kissing me and I returned his kisses with equal fervor . Kissing Max Evans in my subconscious had felt great but reality was so much better than a dream.

****

[willowbv]

Part 4

Max's POV

I cannot describe how it felt to be kissed, to be touched, to be loved by Liz Parker.
To be in her presence, knowing that she felt the same way as I did, that she loved me, was heaven.

The night she came over to play pool, I wasn't planning on kissing her. I opened the door and there she stood, her beauty accentuated by the porch light and like always when I was around Liz, I stood speechless for a few seconds. I opened the door and she looked beautiful, we played pool and I couldn't not try to get close to her. Then she said the words I never thought I would hear from her and that was it. I snapped, but in a good way, I disengaged from logic and let my heart control me, a decision never to be regretted.

After that night, my whole life glowed and everything was brighter. The reaction to the news that we were finally together?

Maria, Kyle: Well it's about time...if you hurt her, we'll kill you.

Iz: She's not bad.

Michael: The Liz pinning is finally over, amen to that.

My parents were ecstatic because I never had a girlfriend and never went out much except with Michael or Isabel, I think they thought I would turn into some sort of recluse and provide them with no grandchildren.

****

Meeting her parents as her boyfriend was nerve racking. I knew they liked me as a friend of hers but would they like me as her boyfriend?

Fortunately yes. The evening went smoothly and at the end of the night, Liz and I went up to her balcony and danced under the stars to Sheryl Crow's "I Shall Believe", it was playing on the radio as we talked.

"I love this song," she said.

I stood up and held out my hand to her. "Dance with me?".

With a smile, she stepped into my arms and the world became our own personal creation.

That night, "I Shall Believe," became our song.

****

We saw each other everyday, of course we did that before, but this time it was different. This time, we could kiss, hold hands, be comfortable and secure knowing that we loved each other. For us, the rest of the world wasn't as real as what we felt for each other. Separately we were whole, but together, we were better and stronger, that's why we decided that our love could overcome distance. Liz was going to Harvard, I was going to Columbia.

"I could transfer," she offered.

We were in my room, sitting cross-legged on my bed opposite each other.

"You would do that for me?" I asked astounded and humbled by her love.

"Max, you mean everything to me," she replied earnestly.

"I could move for you too," I began.

"But..." she said, she knew me too well.

"But we have these dreams Liz, Harvard and Columbia. I won't let you sacrifice your dreams for me," I took her hands in mine, " and I know you won't let me do that for you," I finished.

We looked at each other silently yet all the while, our eyes communicated our thoughts and we came to a final conclusion.

"I'll miss you," she smiled sadly.

I moved and sat next to her, placing my arm around her, I pulled her into a hug. "I'll miss you too."

After that we made plans.

"You gotta have plan," said Liz as she drew up a chart of the distance between the two universities, traveling costs and anything else we could think of.

Our parents of course grew uneasy about our growing intimacy. We were ambushed separately and together and we told them the simple truth.

"We love each other," explained Liz, "I don't want anyone but Max-"

"And Liz is the only girl I've ever wanted to love, " I finished.

That got them even more worried as they speculated just how close we were.

This led to separate, awkward conversations.

Liz and I, as I told my mum were virgins and were not intending on changing that anytime soon. Liz had shyly told me once that she had always wanted to wait till her wedding day and I was only happy to oblige. Marrying Liz Parker was on my top ten list of things to do.

I've heard people say that sex is the highest form of intimacy but that summer, I contested that theory. Being in Liz's arms, her head nestled against my chest, watching her breathe, watching her sleep, in a simple smile or a gentle squeeze of the hand, I felt the highest form of intimacy. We were secure and content in knowing each other, our hopes, dreams, weakness and strengths. That was the best summer of my 18 year old life.

Then it all went horribly wrong.

The cause?

One person. Two words. Tess Harding.

[willowbv]

PART 5

LIZ’S POV ( part 1)

Tess arrived three weeks before we all headed off for our new adventures at university. She arrived on the day the letter from Harvard arrived. I picked up the post, sorted through which were mine and there it was. I took it upstairs to my room, closed the door and then stared at it. If it had arrived before Max got shot, then I would have stared at it for a minute maximum and then opened it, but it took longer this time because if the letter was a rejection, then I’d be disappointed but I’d be fine, but if it was an acceptance, then my life was going to be a whole lot complicated. I finally opened the letter and you can guess what happened, my life got a lot complicated.

****

“Honey, that was Tess on the phone, she’s at the airport,” said my Dad. I was still thinking about me, the letter and Max.

“Now?” I asked shocked, which I really shouldn’t have been because I knew Tess. The black sheep of our family, my cousin from New York, had a habit of showing up unannounced, visit for a week and then leave. Her spontaneity was refreshing, I liked her, Maria didn’t.

“She’s a just a lot NYC,” I argued.

“No, she just a lot evil and scheming,” she countered.

Maria had this paranoid idea that under her bright smiles, Tess was poison, that she was out to make everyone around her unhappy if she could.

I should have believed her, that way I could have stopped what happened by not leaving Max in her clutches. Instead, I picked her up from the airport and helped her settle into the spare room.

“You look different Liz, what’s up?” she asked as we headed down to the restaurant.

“Um…nothing,” I said.

“Not nothing, you keep smiling, you’re like glowing, what’s the good news?” she persisted.

I just smiled. Maria spotted us, she met my eyes and frowned, I returned her reaction with a helpless pleading look. Maria and Tess didn’t mix well.

“Maria,” said Tess coolly.

“Tess, when did you get here?” asked Maria levelly.

“Just finished unpacking,” replied Tess.

“Will you be staying long?” asked Maria.

“A week,” she replied.

Just then the door to the Crashdown opened and in stepped Michael and Max.

“Who are rugged and dark and handsome over there?” asked Tess.

I smiled with pride.

“Rough is my boyfriend Michael and dark and handsome is Liz’s boyfriend Max, “ replied Maria sweetly.

She turned to me in surprise. “Liz, you scored him? No wonder you keep smiling, he’s on fire,” said Tess.

“Thanks,” I replied.

Our eyes met, he smiled, the café disappeared, our lips greeted each other and life was just that little bit better.

"Hi," he smiled.

"Hi," I grinned, with our fingers linked, we finally acknowledged our surroundings.

"Max, meet my cousin Tess, Tess this is Max," I said.

"Nice to meet you," he said with an outstrecthed hand.

"It's nice to meet you," she replied silkly.

Maria elbowed me, I met her eyes and her raised eyebrows. I could read her mind, she thought Tess was after Max but she was ridiculous. Tess knew he was my boyfriend and I trusted Max completely, we were each others and no one elses.

****

I didn't tell Max about the letter, I wanted to bounce my two options off Maria first, who had news of her own.

"You go first," she insisted.

We were in my room, I was sat on the edge of my bed and Maria stood in front of me.

"Um, I got accepted to the molecular bio summer school," I told her, "I get to work in the labs and directly under the head of the department and other great professors".

"That's fabulous!," she said, " it's what you've always wanted and didn't you say it was very competitive?"

I nodded.

"And you kicked some ass and got in!."

I nodded again.

"So why aren't we celebrating?" she asked.

"It starts next week, for two weeks, that would mean leaving Max now and I'm not ready to do that," I explained.

Max nodded and then crounched down in front of me. "Liz, what you and Max have is unspeakably intense, but this is like a step closer to your dream, I'm sure Max would understand," she said.

"I know he would," I agreed, " and he'd want me to go and I do....but if I have to make a choice between the two...then I choose him," I said finally.

"Are you sure?" she asked rising.

"Positive," I replied. The ridiculous thing was that I didn't need to have the conversation with Maria, my mind was already made up, I just needed to tell someone and have their support and make sure that I wasn't insane.

"It's a great opportunity," she said.

"Yeah, but opportunities come and go, there will be more when I get there, but right now, time is precious and I want to spend it with Max... do you think I'm crazy?" I asked.

"Crazy in love, but it's a good thing, especially for me," she replied.

"How come?" I asked.

"Remember Rose Red, Annie's band?" she asked.

I nodded. Of course I remembered Rose Red, an all girl band who had blazed into Roswell for two weeks and proceeded to rock every teen hangout here. Maria had somehow managed to meet them, they had all hit it off and she had convinced them to let her play a few sets with them. It had been a blast watching her up on stage.

"Yeah," I answered.

"Well, Lisa lost her voice and they're playing like five gigs this week around New Mexico, one at the University of Las Crucses, and they've invitied me to fill in for her. Mum's all for it as long I have a responsible gal pal, meaning you...so will you come?" she pleaded.

"Sure," I smiled, "It should be fun."

"Can you bear to be away from Max for a couple of days?" she asked melodramatically.

"I'll have two weeks with him, I need to spend time with my best friend too," I replied.

"Cool, we leave tomorrow", she headed for the door, " and I'll go pack now."

"Okay, oh and 'Ria?" I called.

"Yeah?"

"Don't tell Max about Harvard, we promised that we wouldn't make dream sacrifices if we didn't have to, he'd just make me go and if I don't, he'd feel responsible and...I'd rather not tell him," I finished.

"You're secret as always is safe with me," she grinned.

****

The gigs were great, Maria as expected, did a great job. Moving from place to place was tiring, but the cheers of the crowds made it all worth it, even to an observer like me.

We arrived back in Roswell on Sunday morning. We were both tired but the adrenaline rush of the anticipatory reunion with our boyfriends perked us up. I wanted to stop by Max's first, but Maria convinced me that having a good breakfast and cleaning up would be the best thing to do. I keep thinking that maybe if we'd gone straight there, things would have been different. Instead, we parked, walked into the Crashdown and found my dad already up.

"Hey girls, did you have a good time?" he asked.

"The best!", replied Maria.

I gave him a goodmorning kiss on the cheek, "She was brilliant," I added.

"Well it's good to have you home," he said, "Can I rustle you ladies up some breakfast?".

"Yes please," enthused Maria.

"Uh huh," I agreed.

"Oh and by the way Liz, Max came over yesterday and left something for you on your bed, he also brought some flowers which we put in a vase for you," he said.

"Thanks, " I grinned before racing up to my bedroom anticipating what romantic gesture he had left for me.

The flowers were beautiful, a dozen white roses, my favourite, placed in a vase on my bed side table. Placed on the centre of my bed was a white envelope with the words Liz, in Max's handwriting. I opened the letter and read it.

That was the morning my whole world fell apart.

I read the letter a dozen times, trying to convince myself that I was hallucinating, that it couldn't be, but the words stayed the same.

Liz,

I love you with every fibre in my being, you are everything to me. Tess told me about the Harvard summer school, that it was your dream and that you'd given it up...for me.

I can't let you do that Liz, I want to see you glow with that satisfaction that comes from fulfilling your purpose. I talked to Tess and she helped me decide that I couldn't stand in the way of it. It was the biggest and painful decision of my life, but I realised that if I didn't do this, there could be a lot of things that you would give up for me and I couldn't live with myself if you did.

I'm not strong enough to be there with you, to tell you this in person or even over the phone because, just as you didn't want to tell me about the summer school because you knew that I would want you to go and that you would go, if I was there and looked into your eyes and heard your voice, my resolve would crumble. I'd forget everything and I wouldn't be able to let you go but I have to, to let you go and to let you grow.

Remember our love, remember our song and know that you are in my heart always.

forever yours,
Max

I couldn't breathe, movement led my blurred vision to land on the culprit of the destruction of my world, Tess.

"Welcome back," she said brightly.

****

[willowbv]

Part 5 continued

Liz's POV (part 2)

"What did you do?", I whispered fearfully.

"Okay Liz, lets see what Mr. Romantic has come up wi-".

I'm not sure if Maria broke off because she sensed the tense atmosphere in the room or if I stopped hearing her.

"What's going on?".

I heard her say that, but my attention, my fury wasn't directed at her. I saw red and went beyond that. I could feel the blood rushing, pulsating along with my heartbeat.

"What lies did you tell him?" I demanded advancing on her.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she replied innocently.

Maria stood in my way at that point, "Liz what is going on?" she demanded.

Possessed by a silent, cold anger, I thrust the letter into her hand, my eyes never leaving Tess. "Read it."

Maria moved aside to read the letter, I reached for my cell and dialed his number. Shock hit me with the force of a truck when I discovered that he had changed it. A feeling of overwhelming dread that made me feel sick ,gripped my stomach as I dialed his home number.

He had to be there.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Tess take a step back.

"Oh no, homewrecker," Maria grabbed her arm, pulled her into my room and closed the door, "You're not going anywhere."

I gave her a grateful smile before turning my full attention back to the dial tone. I was just about to give up when someone picked up.

My heart soared with hope.

"Hello?".

And then came crashing down.

Isabel picked up the phone, if Max was there, then he would have picked it up, he wouldn't know that it was me. I was irrational, I know, because Isabel might have just been the closest one to the phone.

"Isabel, it's me Liz," I said.

"Oh, hey," she said. She seemed somewhat uncomfortable, Isabel was never uncomfortable.

"Max won't pick up my phone, can I talk to him?" I asked.

Her reply was hesitated. "I'm sorry Liz, I can't...he's not here".

Something slammed into my chest. I blinked. "Where is he?" I asked.

"I can't tell you," she replied.

"Isabel please," I pleaded.

"I'm sorry...I'm promised him I wouldn't tell you where he was," she replied sadly.

"Isabel, don't do this to me please," I begged.

"I'm sorry Liz, I...have to go."

I could tell that it was painful for her but it was worse for me.

"No!", I protested, "Isabel? Isabel?".

All I got in response was the dialing tone. I was desperate, I afraid, I was angry, I was livid but somehow I could see everything clearly, my every move seemed calculated.

I slowly turned to face Tess and Maria. Tess now stood against the wall with her arms folded while Maria stood next to her as if to prevent her escape.

"What did Isabel say?" she asked quietly.

"Max left," I answered her.

"Left as in..."

"Isabel won't tell me where he is," I headed for the door, "I'm going over there." Maria aside to let me get by.

I paused at the door, turned and locked eyes with Tess. Her eyes were cold and hard, why had I never seen that before?

"Max means everything to me, he is the love of my life. If I can't get him back...I will end you."

The words were simple and to the point and I meant every word. If I came back and Tess was still there, I could clearly see myself driving something, anything, through her.

I have never seriously threatened anyone in my life before and I'm not usually a violent person, maybe that's why she frowned in disbelief and made a move to get past me.

I snapped and slammed my arm against the wall preventing her from going any further. I stared at her hard. My words were slow and veiled with a threat she now knew I could execute. "Tess, Max is everything to me...You better not be here when I get back."

I opened the door and raced over to Max's, there was no time to analyze what had just happened in my room.

****

The car seemed to take forever to start, traffic lights were an endless torture and getting from my car to the Evans' door was the most terrifying walk of my life. As my trembling fingers rang the door bell, I battled between hope and despair.

Isabel opened the door. "Hey," she said and stepped aside to let me in. I guess she was expecting me.

"Isabel, there's been a big misunderstanding," I said as I stepped into the hallway, "I need to see Max."

"He told me everything Liz, he feels that he's doing what's best," she shrugged helplessly, "and when my stubborn brother finally chooses to do something," her features softened,"he goes all the way."

Denial is an interesting thing, I think it's extreme hope because even when it was obvious what had happened, I heard myself ask, "What do you mean?".

"He's not here Liz," she said.

"Where is he?" I asked.

"I don't know," she replied, " he arranged for storage for his stuff and left."

"I don't understand," I told her.

He couldn't leave because of this, he had to be somewhere I could reach him. We would talk and everything would be fine.

"I'll take you up to his room," said Isabel.

I felt like it was happening to someone else, that I was just borrowing someone else's life, that I was just looking through their eyes as Isabel swung open his door and we walked into his room.

The bright morning light lit up his neatly made bed, his walls were void of his favorite posters and his desk was missing a computer. I opened his drawers and found that a considerable amount of clothing was gone. All that was left in his top drawer, was a picture of us he'd had Maria take of us. We were standing outside the cinema and I was wrapped comfortably in his arms. I remember Maria told us to focus on the camera and not each other, we laughed, she took the picture and it was perfect.

My eyes traveled to his night stand. It was empty, void of the picture frames he'd had of us. My blurred vision settled on Isabel who stood at the door.

"When did this happen?" I asked.

"He arranged it on Wednesday, he left early this morning...I'm sorry Liz."

"Could I be left alone please?" I asked.

"Sure," she nodded.

The door closed, my composure fell apart, I wasn't living someone else's life or borrowing someone else's body, it was all real and happening to me. I made it as far as the bed before my knees gave up the fight. I sank onto the bed and felt nothing and everything all at the same time.

It hurt to breathe, it hurt to move, so I just sat there. Morning light turned to afternoon heat and I still sat there.

****

"Liz, are you okay?". It was Isabel.

I didn't answer, speaking hurt too much.

****

"Liz." That was Maria. I felt warm hands squeeze mine. "Liz, it's getting late, your parents want you home."

I didn't answer, I couldn't answer.

****

The afternoon heat cooled down, light faded, stars twinkled.

"Liz, honey, you need to eat sweetie...come home." That was my parents, someone must have called them. My eyes finally left the carpet and focused on the people around me, they settled on Isabel who stood at the door.

"Is it okay if I stay here tonight?" I asked.

"Sure," she replied softly.

My attention returned to my concerned parents. "Is that okay with you?" I asked.

They looked at me and were wordless, they probably felt powerless, I knew I did.

"Okay honey," they agreed.

" We love you honey," they said softly before I was once again left in the quiet moonlit room, alone.

I heard whispers, concerned tones and none of it mattered. Max was all that mattered and he was gone. As I crawled into his bed that night, every cell in my body cried out for his touch, his voice, his smile, for his presence. Laying in his bed, his scent invading every part of me yet knowing that he wasn't really there, I felt hollow and empty, yet the tears came and kept coming till I escaped into sleep.

At one point, I woke up, my body finally conceded to hunger and while dragging myself to the kitchen, I heard hushed whispers by Isabel's open door.

"How do you think she's doing Max," she whispered harshly, "she's a wreck."

Max! She was talking to Max!

I stood by the door listening, maybe she would say where he was while talking to him.

"I know you think it's best but...fine...where are you?...I love you...call me."

I heard her place the phone on its hook and heard a heavy sigh.

I pushed open the door.

"Liz!"she said surprised.

"Where is he?" I asked.

She opened her mouth, then closed it before coming out with the truth. "A motel somewhere, he won't tell me where...I guess he figures I'd crack."

I nodded.

"He said that he loves you, that he's doing the right thing for you," she said.

I nodded. Of course he did, that's why I loved him, he would do anything for me.

The numbing shock and surprise gave way to anger. I was angry at him for making this decision for me, for just leaving without saying in goodbye in person, without even talking to me about it!

He wasn't here to shout at or be angry at, so the pain returned.

A glass of milk and a muffin and I was back in bed and escaped back into my dreams.

[willowbv]

PART 5 continued

Liz's POV ( part 3)

When I got back home, Tess wasn't there, I didn't ask questions. Maria filled me in on what she had said that she had done.

"Basically, she wanted Max as a week of fun, even if he was taken by you. So if she couldn't have, she decided that you couldn't either. She eavesdropped on our Harvard conversation and when we left, she laid it onto Ma about how close you two were...She said you were like sisters." Maria bitterly spat out the words. "Then she manipulated him into thinking that him being with you, was holding you back, that you would ultimately give up everything for him and that you would eventually resent him. Max being Max, took it all to heart and did...well you know and she was left happy because neither of you had him."

She shook her head in disbelief, "I knew that girl was evil but I didn't know that she was evil."

"I wish I did," I told her sadly.
****

I took up the summer school, Maria convinced me that that would be the only way that Max's departure would mean anything. I went, had a great time, met wonderful people, but, I still missed him and it still didn't compare to being with him.

Harvard, was what I had hoped for and more. I made great friends and after a year, I dated a little, but none of my relationships evolved to anything more, they all became friendships because Max was still in my heart. He was present and unaccounted for, he was the only one I wanted to be with, which was strange because I didn't even know where he was.

Isabel had finally told me that he'd driven aimlessly around the country, before the start of the semester and as far as she knew, he was at Columbia. I went there and they had no record of a Max Evans. Isabel didn't know where he was but he kept in touch and somehow over the years had managed to avoid me while visiting his family during the holidays.

****

When I was 21, my friends had an intervention concerned about my lack of opposite sex relationships and my fixation on Max. I was told to move on with my life, that it had been three years, if he was going to come back then he would have already. That maybe what we had had was just for the summer and nothing more.

Three years had passed so I believed them, logically, what I was doing was irrational, there was no evidence to show that Max still loved me, that he dreamt about me. There was no voice-mail, no message. So I took their advice and dove in head first. I finally agreed to go out with Scott Jones, a nice guy who had had a thing for me since my freshmen year and who I had a good time with.

I slept with him.

I went out with Jacob Matthews and slept with him. Martin Stevens, Gabe Nash, Mark Silverman, Nat Williams, Noel Hunter, Dennis Lewis, Parker Lane and Andy Carter.

I think- no I know that in the corner of my mind it was all motivated by Max. I convinced myself that sleeping with Scott, then with Jacob, Martin, Gabe and the rest of them, would get rid of Max from my mind and from heart. That by taking the plunge, going that far, I would leave Max behind.

Guess what? It didn't work. He was still there and I wished that I'd saved myself for him. So my relationships ended the same way, we broke up and Max continued invading my life and my dreams. I still read his letter and tears still flowed at his last words. forever yours, Max.

I was doomed to live a life without him. My life was horrible, it was great, it was going according to plan and I was enjoying it, but there was a Max sized place by my side waiting to be filled.

****

At 22 years old, I, along with two other molecular biologists working along side Professor Alice Walsh, the Head of Molecular Biology, were selected to be interviewed for Behind The Ivy, the highly regard yearly magazine produced by the New York Times. Every university department around the country strived to be featured in it. It was the best form of advertising and that year, Harvard's Molecular Biology department had been selected as a feature.

We flew to New York where we were going to be interviewed by an apparently up and coming reporter. There were departments and students from all over the country and the excitement was palpable.

Our group, along with the astronomy group from Brown, was led to a room with a buffet to keep us busy while the reporter arrived.

"What's his name?" I asked Carla, as we talked by the door.

"Evans," she replied.

My heart stopped. It couldn't be my Max.

He wasn't a reporter, he wasn't interested in journalism, I rationalized, but that extreme hope resurfaced again. "What's his first name?" I asked.

Before she could reply, the door opened and we quickly moved aside. In stepped, Dr Lennon, one of the coordinators of the event followed by-

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move.

The hair had changed, it was cut short, gelled for that not-spiky-but-almost look. The face had grown more alluring and his eyes, they were somehow different but still the same.

"Sorry, we're late," said Dr. Lennon, "Max had to fly from Sanfransico to get here."

"Not a problem," said Carla.

I was focused on Max, the moment our eyes locked, they never let go.

He was here, he was really here! And they way he looked at me, I could feel that unspoken language between us ignite into a blaze of incredible energy.

"Let me introduce you," he said, "Max Evans, meet Liz Parker, from the Harvard delegation."

His eyes never leaving mine, he took and step closer and held out his hand. I automatically took it and the familiar current surged through my body. Dr. Lennon and Carla disappeared, we were all there was to know.

"We've met," he said with a smile, his eyes delved into my soul, reviving the part of me that I never knew had died, "nice to see you again."

I smiled dazed, "Nice to you see again too".

It's funny how life works.

He adjusted his shoulder bag with his left hand and that's when I saw it. Shining, glittering for all the world to see. A wedding band. He was married.

Time stopped and heartwrenching sorrow plunged me into a whirling abyss of thought.

I had waited for him, saved my whole self for him and he was married?! Everything he said to me that summer had been a lie, I wasn't his, he had broken my heart and gone on to meet the girl who he truly loved, they probably had had a beautiful wedding and such joy, while I was left in the past! I had spent years trying to get closure while he obviuosly had it and gone galvanting around with some perfect beautfiul wife, who unlike me, had actually successfully achieved her decision to wait to have sex till her wedding day.

The silver disappeared, which meant movement of the hand, which meant back to reality.

"Liz?".

I met his concerned eyes and I was hurt.

I was also in pain, felt betrayed and very angry.

I raised my hand and struck him hard across the face.

It is funny how life works. Its humor is dark, black and mocking.

****

[willowbv]

Part 6

Max’s POV ( part 1)

I went through the interviews with a stinging cheek. The pink finger imprints faded away, but the emotion behind them stayed. I don’t know how I got through the interviews, but I did. I guess I was working on autopilot, my body was involved in asking the questions but my mind was thinking of how to explain, of what to say.

“Start from the beginning.” That was what Alison had told me the day before.

“Tell here that you were a complete coward, a jerk, an ass-“

“I get the picture Allie,” I interrupted.

“Sorry, but you know how I feel about you and the Liz issue Max. You overreacted and weren’t fair to her,” she said.

“Yeah, I know that,” I responded.

“You’ve know for years,” she persisted, “ but you’ve been too afraid to do anything, you can’t hide from this anymore Max.”

A small reluctant smile swept my face. “I was getting a little bit tired of hiding anyway.”

“Of course you were,” she nodded teasing.

After the interviews, Allie’s words echoed in my head as I raced after Liz. In the minutes it took me to catch up with her, memories flashed in my mind of passionate kisses, of fingers trailing in soft silk, of gentle caresses, memories of that summer.

My heart was in my throat. An obvious feeling in my situation, but I had learnt that the obvious should be stated.

I was afraid. Afraid of losing her, afraid of her hating me.

I was petrified. I had avoided this for so long, but now, now it was time to stop hiding.

I caught up with her as she left the hotel and hailed a cab.

“Liz.”

She viciously broke out of my grasp as if I was the enemy and whirled around to face me. The look on her face stopped me from saying anything else. Her eyes were devoid of the Liz of that summer, I saw helplessness and something else that created feelings of heart-wrenching sadness within me. Knowing that I had put that there hurt me more than anything she could have said.

“I don’t want to hear it Max.” Her voice was filled with a cold anger which masked the pain that was evident in her eyes. “I really don’t.”

She slid into the cab and it pulled out leaving me standing there, wishing that I was dead, that the ground would open up and swallow me whole because I didn’t deserve to live. All this time, I had convinced myself that I was doing what was best for her, but I had actually caused more damage than I could have ever imagined.

I had taken something away from her, a hope, a thirst for life, the essence of Liz Parker. I had robbed her of that and I feared that there was no way I could even begin to give it back.

Words weren’t enough and at that moment, as I watched the cab drive into the heavy New York traffic, I didn’t think that anything would be enough to heal the wounds I had made.

****
I returned to my room to find Allie waiting for me. She assessed my body language and didn’t even have to ask. That’s what I loved about her, she knew me. I was in her arms in a heartbeat, her warm soothing voice filtered into my ears.

“It’s going to be alright, everything with Liz is going to be fine” she assured me.

“No, I don’t think it will,” I said despondently.

“Did you explain?” she asked.

I shook my head.

“Did you tell her about the wedding, about the house, about the baby?”.

I shook my head. “Words aren’t enough,” I replied.

“True,” she agreed, “but they’re a start.”

****

I was trying to get to sleep when the call came, I remember being irritated because I was just drifting off.

It was 5am in the morning.

It was Isabel on the phone.

“This better be good Iz,” I mumbled into the phone.

Beside me, Allie stirred. Not wanting to disturb her, I took the phone and headed into the other room.

“Max,” she sighed. What little sleep I had managed to acquire was no more, I was instantly awake. Something was very wrong.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

Maybe something had happened to our parents, maybe something was wrong with Isabel herself.

“We’ve all been debating on whether to tell you this but…Alex had a call from one of Liz’s friends…she’s in the hospital Max,” she replied.

That was not the news I had been expecting. It took me a while to fully comprehend what she had just said.

Liz was in hospital. They had been debating over whether to tell me. Isabel’s voice was worried, strained. All the evidence led me to the conclusion that something very bad had happened to Liz and that I probably had something to do with it.

“What happened?” I asked barely able to breathe.

Isabel sighed but remained quiet, which only went further to confirm my theory.

“Isabel, what happened?” I demanded.

“She was really upset over seeing you, Carla, the girl who rang up Alex, told him that Liz had told her that it was over…”

What was over? Us? Her life? , I wondered confused.

“… then she disappeared for the rest of the night…they found her unconscious on her bathroom floor.”

No.

That single word echoed through my mind.

She wasn’t dead, Liz wasn’t dead, she couldn’t be dead. She couldn’t have tried to kill herself or anything, not Liz.
Maybe she fell and hit her head.

Denial is a very powerful thing.

“Why was she on the bathroom floor?” I asked.

“She drank, a lot…and Max, they think she tried to take an overdose…”

I stopped breathing for some time, mainly because my heart stopped for a few seconds. I stopped thinking, I just stood there, holding the phone to my ear, thinking and wishing that the whole situation was happening to someone else.

“…Max are you there?” came Isabel’s worried voice.

“I’m here…which hospital is she in?” I asked.

“Queen Mary’s,” she replied and as if reading my mind added, “Max, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Iz, being away from her isn’t helping her,” I said, “I did this, I did this to her, I have to try and fix it.”

****

[willowbv]

Max’s POV (part 2)

The first thing I got when I entered the hospital waiting room, was a heated “You did this you piece of scum!” and a fist in the face, all of which I fully and wholeheartedly deserved.

I stumbled back at the unexpected attack but quickly prepared myself for the next as Chris advanced towards me again. Before I could say or do anything, a small body stepped in between us. It was Carla, Liz’s best friend at Harvard. It was then that I became aware that the room was filled with six people in total excluding me.

Why are they all here? I wondered.
How long has Liz been here?
Long enough for them to get here, I concluded grimly.

“Chris, take it easy,” said Carla as she struggled to keep him back, “we don’t want to get thrown out of here.”

I met his gaze. “I need to see her,” I told him simply.

“Over my dead body,” he replied with a steely gaze.

“If I have to, I will,” I replied honestly.

That of course set him off. It took Eddie, Steve and Carla to keep him restrained and away from me. Once they had him settled a corner of the room, Carla turned to me.

“I’m not your biggest fan. In fact, I would love to tell you to get out and would love to wish you dead or let Chris beat you to a pulp for what you’ve done to Liz, but that wouldn’t help because,” she rolled her eyes and sighed in helpless frustration, “ you’re Max, and you need to be alive for her and…” her voice was thick with unshed tears, “ you need to talk because…she needs it.”

“Carla!”, exclaimed Steve.

“You’re not seriously supporting this guy!” protested Chris.

“Guys, you know I’m right,” she said silencing them. Her gaze returned to me, “We’ve all been to see her, she’s in room 209, the last room down the hall to your left.”

“Thank you,” I nodded gratefully.

“And Max?”. That was Shannon.

I stopped at the door and glanced at her.

“If you make this worse, we will have no problem loosing Chris or Steve or both on you,” she warned.

I nodded my head in understanding. They were good friends and had every right to say what they did, but it wasn’t needed, if I didn’t fix this, I would never be able to forgive myself.

****

I stood in front of her room, my feet weren’t ready to move yet. I had thought about this moment countless times but never had I imagined that it would happen in those circumstances, with Liz in a hospital bed. I looked through the blinds, she had her back to me, her breathing was shallow and rhythmic. She could have been awake but I went into the room hoping that she was asleep.

I quietly stepped inside and not yet ready to make my presence known, I just stood there and watched her tiny body enveloped in the glaringly white hospital bedding. I watched her like I always did, only this time, I couldn’t just watch. It wasn’t good enough, definitely not for her and surprisingly, not for me either.

No more hiding, I reminded myself.

“Liz?”, I whispered. Not wanting to disturb her sleep, I planned to just stand and watch her for a little while and then talk to her while she slept. It seemed safer than talking to her awake.

Of course life, when you ruin someone else’s life, doesn’t work that way. I heard her whisper my name and my heart stopped.

She was awake!, we were going to talk!

I wanted to run and hide and just go back to my fantasises of us. She lifted her head to glance at the door and saw me instead. A brief look of surprise swept her face before being replaced by an expression of utter defeat and helplessness.

“Go away,” she groaned, turning away from me.

Those words made me stay because they reminded me that this wasn’t about me, this was about her. I was scared, who wouldn’t be?, but I was also responsible for this. I had to, as Allie put it, “step up to the plate.”

“I can’t,” I said approaching her bed.

“Yeah you can, you did it before,” she said despondently, “ and pretty well too,” she added bitterly.

I made my way to the other side of the bed, where she was facing. She turned over to face the other side.

“I said go away Max,” she said with her back to me.

“Why?” I asked.

It was a stupid question I know, but I didn’t know where to start, I was just following the suggestions of my heart.

“Because I don’t want you to see me like this,” she replied.

I stood, staring at her back wanting to go over to the other side to see her face but knowing that I couldn’t just yet, I graduated to a two worded question.

“Like what?”.

She sighed, “Pathetic and ugly and so screwed up.”

The guilt exploded, it was in and around me. I don’t know how I remained standing. “You are not any of those things Liz”, I said passionately. “ I’m here because I want to be here,” I added softly.

“Of course you do,” she responded sarcastically.

“Liz, I know-“

“You have no idea how I feel Max,” she spat angrily.

I flinched as the angry darts of her words pierced into my heart, but continued because I wanted to, because I had to. “Then tell me,” I said softly.

She lifted her head and turned to face me with blazing eyes “You wanna know how I feel? I feel like I want to be dead, like I don’t want to exist. I feel like my life is once again falling apart. I feel like a pathetic idiot for thinking that you would come back for me, like you loved me!. I feel like my life has been nothing,” panting breathlessly, she continued, “ That is just a little glimpse into how I feel Max. Of course you wouldn’t know any of this because you’ve been too busy getting married and all,” her eyes narrowed, “how’s the wife by the way?”.

With that she turned away from me once more.

After finally finding my voice again, I answered her question. “She’s fine actually.”

I saw her stiffen as I slowly went around the bed. “She’s beautiful both inside and out. We have a beautiful house in Boston and during the summer, we have barbecues with our friends out in the back garden.” I came to a stop in front of her. “ I love her more than anything in this word.”

I sat on the chair next to the bed, her eyes were filled with tears but she didn’t move away from me, the little hope that I had ignited into a blazing fire from that one act.

“Why are you doing this?” she asked her voice thick with emotion.

“Because I want you to know about me…” I replied honestly, “we’re expecting…she’s pregnant,” I held her hand. I think she was too shocked to move it away. “I’m going to be a father Liz,” I paused, “We’ve been married for a year now, I don’t think that life can get any better…would you like to meet her?”

Now anyone who had been listening in on our conversation would have probably punched me for being a complete insensitive, twisted ass and then some but I had no choice, I had to start from a place that she wasn’t expecting me to.

She pulled her hand slowly away from mine. “Nooo, can’t say I would.”

“That’s too bad because she’s here,” I said.

“Where?” she asked in a monotone voice.

I smiled. “Here in this room with us right now.”

“Max, I’m tired and in case you haven’t noticed, I nearly died…”

“You have no choice but to meet my wife Liz, because,” I couldn’t control the smile that swept my face, “ I’m looking straight at her.”

“Excuse me?” she asked.

“It’s you Liz,” I replied as I let the tears finally flow, “ that’s the fantasy I have of us…well realistically engaged maybe because we’re only 22, not yet married.”

She sat up on the bed. “What about the ring?” she asked glancing at it.

I glanced at it and smiled. “It was Allie’s idea,” I explained. Noticing the quizzical look on her face, I elaborated, “ she’s my best girlfriend. She said it was the universal hands off sign, that I should wear if…,” I feel my cheeks and ears heat up, “…if I was really serious about saving myself for you.”

“So you’re not married?” she asked.

“Only in my dreams and only to you,” I replied.

I waited for her reaction, if she told me to get out, then I could possibly die of a broken heart.

She smiled, relief flooded her face and mine too. She laughed, a healthy happy Liz laugh. It was medicine to my heart and music to my ears. Tears of what I hoped was joy flowed down her cheeks as she suddenly threw herself at me. The chair tumbled back slightly but I managed to keep us upright. “Oh God, thank God,” she said hugging me, “I’m so glad,” she added.

My fingers found their way back to the hair I loved to touch. “Me too,” I said.

We stayed like that in each others arms, memories washing over us, savouring the body to body contact, breathing life into each other.

Finally she withdrew from me, her eyes were filled with confusion and pain.

“Why Max? why did you leave me like that? Why didn’t you call me? Why didn’t you tell me that you cared?…Why nothing?

****

[willowbv]

Max’s POV (part 3)


I sighed and bit my lip nervously. I had practised an explanation so many times in mind but at that exact moment in time with Liz searching me for an explanation, I didn’t even know where to start.

“Max” she called my name, demanding an answer.

You have to tell her the truth, I told myself.

The truth was I was an idiot, I made mistakes and I had spent years without Liz paying for them. Of course I couldn’t tell her that, that wasn’t enough but I had to start somewhere, so I came up with the answer that I had used to justify my actions to myself.

“Because I thought I was doing what was best for you,” I replied.

That of course, understandably angered her.

She withdrew further from me, her body taut with repressed anger.
“What was best for me?!” she shouted. “ You left me with a letter! and that’s it. You avoided me during the holidays-“

I flinched as her rage became a palpable physical force.

“-do you know how it felt to see your room empty?! to hear that you’d been to Roswell and not stopped by-to know that you didn’t want me to know where you were and what you were doing?! Do you have any idea what it was like for me?!”

I looked away hoping that she wouldn’t catch the look of guilt in my eye.

No such luck, nothing was getting past her.

“What aren’t you telling me?” she asked.

“I asked Isabel about you, “ I replied. It was a half-truth and I was tire of living with half-truths, so I gave her the other half. “…I um came to Harvard.”

“You came?” she asked surprised.

I finally forced my fearful eyes to meet hers. “I uh watched you for a while and you seemed happy.”

That was the truth. No more half truths remember?
She had looked happy, academically she was a success and personally? Well, I had seen her with different guys on different occasions and she looked like she was having a good time. Like she had forgotten all about me.
So I guess that was another reason I stayed away from her for so long, I felt sorry for myself. I drowned myself in a sea of self pity telling myself that she didn’t need or want me.

That was the worst lie I had convinced myself of as truth. I was horribly wrong.

“Well if you had even attempted to speak to me,” she seethed, “ you would have known that I was a wreck Max! How dare you make that decision to just end our relationship without talking to me- and then you watch me, without me knowing? How fair is that Max ?!,” her voice faded, pained and barely audible,” You could see me but I couldn’t see you.”

“I am so sorry Liz.” I apologised with every ounce of passion that I had.

She smiled, sadly and slowly. “The thing is, I know you are Max…but what I don’t understand is how you could listen to Tess- I mean what happened in the days that I was away that made you think that cutting yourself out of my life was best for me.”

It was a good question. I had asked myself that numerous times and I had come to a conclusion, I was in love and highly gullible.

“When you left,“ I told her, “you didn’t tell me about the letter, because you knew I’d make you go. Tess and I…“

I couldn’t help but clench my jaw at the mention of her name. That girl was a piece of work.

“…spent quite a bit of time together and she told me how you were like sisters and how close you were. She talked about the dreams that you had, what you wanted to do with your life and then she brought up the letter. She told me everything, that you were going to give it all up for me.“

I smiled bitterly at the memory of her watering blue eyes. “She was so sincere. She told me that how important it was to you, how it was a step closer to your dream and she asked me how I could let you give it up for me.”

I shook my head in disbelief. What a fool I had been.

“She insinuated that because of me, you would give up a lot of your dreams to be with me. And I didn’t want that Liz, I didn’t want you somewhere down the line to resent me from holding you back from becoming what you’d always dreamed of being.”

There it was, that was it. That was why I had done what I had done. It was rash and I didn’t take long term effects into account. The worst mistake of my life.

“So you’re big plan was just to abandon me?!” she shouted.

She was still angry. I could understand that and I deserved to be there for her to aim her anger at but I was just going to sit there and let her miss the point that mattered the most to me.

“Liz, I love you and I wanted you to achieve all you wanted to,” I told her.

“Max,“ she looked at me in shocked disbelief, “you could have talked to me about it, we could have come to a decision together but to do what you did?…It wasn’t your decision to make, you weren’t the only person in the relationship.”

“I know, I know that now!,” I said getting out of the chair. “ I knew it a while ago. What I did was drastic but Liz, it was because I loved you.”

“Well Max,” the light in her eyes flared up, “ I gotta tell you, it didn’t feel like it. I felt rejected, I felt used, unloved, I was destroyed.”

“I know that, now,” I told her again. “ I realise now, that what I felt isn’t comparable to what you felt or went through Liz and I wish I could go back and do things differently but I can’t!. All we have is right now and the rest of the time after this.”

Her shoulders dropped, her posture dropped, she sank despondently onto the bed.

“I’m not a virgin,” she said quietly.

My heart stopped momentarily. I was disappointed and hurt, yet I had no right to be.

“What?” I asked.

She was looking anywhere but me, playing with her fingers.

“I didn’t wait for you.” she said.

I stood there, battling my with emotions, watching her battled with hers. I had hoped that she would wait, but that was ridiculous because I had wanted her to live a life without me.

But it still hurt to know that I hadn’t been her first and I was equally sad because she hadn’t waited till her wedding, the way she would have if I hadn’t messed up her life.

I realised then that I was being selfish, it wasn’t about me. It was about Liz. She slept with other people. It hurt but I still loved her and still wanted her.

She raised her head, her tear-filled eyes sought to explain.

“I didn’t love them”, she said, her voice strained, “I wanted so much to get over you- to forget because I thought you’d obviously had forgotten about me…” she trailed off as sobs overcame her.

Instinctively, I crossed over the space keeping us apart, sat on the bed and gently embraced her. It felt good to have her in my arms again and all I wanted to do was to make her pain stop. “Ssshh, it’s okay,” I told her softly, stroking her hair, “ You didn‘t know.”

She pulled away from the embrace and shook her head vehemently. “No it’s not okay. Are you a virgin?” she asked pointedly.

I didn’t answer but that was an answer in itself.

“I thought so,” she pursed her lips grimly.

“That’s different.,” I objected.

“I didn’t do it for the right reasons, Max, it was just sex and I couldn’t get you out of my mind or my heart- “ her voice broke, “…I betrayed you.”

I moved further onto the bed, closer to Liz. Her hands lay out in front her, I covered them with mine, coaxing her to look at me again. “Liz, we weren’t together.”

“I wanted it to be you,” she said whispered in shaky tone.

I moved closer to her and fixed my eyes entirely and powerfully at hers. I spoke slowly and earnestly. “Liz, look at me. You have me here now. I love you…“

I could help but gently wipe away the tears that were travelling down her cheeks. “…all of you,“ I smiled softly, “what you’ve told me, it doesn’t make me hate you or want you any less. I forgive you and because of that, I want you to forgive yourself.“ I waited to make sure that everything I had just said had been processed. “Okay?”.

I watched the battle within her but eventually, I got a definite nod in reply.

“Okay.“ she replied. “I love you Max. Always.”

I adjusted my seating, so that for all intensive purposes, I was kneeling. I captured her face in both hands. “Never, ever doubt my love for you Liz,” I whispered back fiercely.

Being that close to her, it felt natural to move closer, to move our lips closer to each other but before they could touch, I had to know one thing. “What happens now?” I asked.

The question startled her and broke the connection that had once again powerfully drawn us together. I dropped my hands from her face and we both moved slightly away from each other. “I want to kiss you,“ she replied,“ I want you to lie next to me- to be honest, I probably want to jump you too, but I’m not okay yet. You being here, makes it better but I need to get me sorted before we can be a we again.”

I nodded. I had expected as much . I would have loved to make love to her, to do every that she wanted to do, but we weren’t ready.

“I understand that,” I said, “We’re not 18 anymore, we need to get to know each other again.”

“As friends,” she agreed.

She held out her hand, “Hi Max, it’s been while,“ I took it and shook it. “How about after I’m out of here we go for coffee?”

“I’d like that a lot Liz,” I said grinning, “ we have a lot of catching up to do.”

Still shaking my hand, she leaned in closer, our noses almost touched, our foreheads did. “ Just so you know, you’re still the love of my life Max Evans.”

I felt explosive happiness, not only because of what she had said but because by the end of that conversation, I saw Liz. The real Liz.

“And so are you Liz Parker,” I told her.

****