Something To Sleep To *Part 20* (M/L,MATURE) 5/23 [WIP]

[truman11883]

Hey everyone,

Part 10 is finally ready. Thank you so much for the feedback and nominations. I can't believe I'm actually nominated for something! Needless to say I was a little and :multi: in my seat after I saw that!

~Sarah


Damaged
TLC

I know I'm kinda strange to you sometimes
Don't always say what's on my mind
You know that I've been hurt by some guy
But I don't wanna mess up this time

And I really really really care
And I really really really want you
And I think I'm kinda scared
'Cause I don't want to lose you
If you really really really care
Then maybe you can hang through
I hope you understand
It's nothing to you

My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that I've been damaged
I'm falling in love
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged

I might look through your stuff for what I don't wanna find
Or I might just set you up to see if you're all mine
I'm a little paranoid from what I've been through
Don't know what you got yourself into

And I really really really care
And I really really really want you
And I think I'm kinda scared
'Cause I don't want to lose you
If you really really really care
Then maybe you can hang through
I hope you understand
It's nothing to you

My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that I've been damaged
I'm falling in love
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged

My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that I've been damaged
I'm falling in love
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged

And I really really really want you
And I think I'm kinda scared
'Cause I don't want to lose you
If you really really really care
Then maybe you can hang through
I hope you understand
It's nothing to you

My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that I've been damaged
I'm falling in love
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged

My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that I've been damaged
I'm falling in love
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged


Part 10

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Max shifted from one foot to the next, his palms sweating furiously in his pants pockets. He shifted his eyes across the park, searching for her, and then sighing when he didn’t see her. He glanced at his watch checking the time, and found that it had only been two minutes since the last time he checked. He ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

He just wanted to get this over with, he thought. To tell her what he needed to, and then let her be, to make her own decision. That’s what Maria had told him to do. To just be honest and then let her think. “Let her come to you,” Maria had said. “You’ll see. Sometimes, she just needs time.” Well, time was something Max didn’t necessarily have.

He had been, needless to say, completely surprised when Maria called him the previous night on his cell phone while he was at the bar with Michael. He had suspected his mother, his father, even Isabel. And if he really let himself hope … Liz. But it had been the very last person he would have guessed. She had chewed him out for letting Liz run out on him, and then apologized profusely soon after. Just because Liz was hurting didn’t mean it was his fault. Maria had told him that she had a tendency of self-sacrifice.

Max had listened to Maria’s monologue outside the bar with keen interest, even though he had to cut through her jumbled and chaotic thoughts while battling intoxication at the same time. He saw Liz in a whole new light, through her best friend’s eyes. He learned secrets and hidden meaning and parts of Liz’s heart that Max hadn’t had the time or opportunity to discover on his own. And if this didn’t work, he never would.

If only Liz would finally get to the park, he thought for not the first time. Maria had said Liz took Rachel to the park every Saturday afternoon around three. He glanced at his watch again. It was 3:08.

Maybe she changed her mind. Or maybe she saw him and turned around. Maybe she didn’t ever want to see him again.

“Max?”

He turned around startled, to find an inquisitive Liz with a smiling Rachel in her arms. Max just stared while words escaped him. He honestly thought he would never see her again.

“Max, what are you doing here?”

“Oh, um … I was hoping I’d find you here. I need to talk,” he swallowed hard, “…to you.”

He shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. He couldn’t tell if she was happy or furious to see him. She just stared. Was that a good thing or a bad thing?

“I … I thought we did enough talking last night.”

Liz moved away from him, no longer able to be so near and she diverted her gaze as well. She noticed that his face had healed significantly in the past couple of days. There was only swelling, and a greenish tint around his nose. But he was still so handsome and kind and unsuspectingly generous. He gave without demanding anything back. How could she take anything from him when she didn’t deserve it? When she had nothing to give in return?

He trailed behind her, not letting her escape this time.

“No, Liz. You talked. You never let me say anything. You … you ran out before I could.”

She stopped at that, a little startled that he would be so blunt, and he secretly smiled. Maria’s tips were already working. ‘Rule Number One: Be blunt.’

Liz dropped the diaper bag on the bench, the same bench that she and Max had shared just a few days ago, and set Rachel down on her feet. She wasn’t wobbling as much now, and soon made her way to the nearby sandbox.

Max was close behind and when he neared her, he came a little too near, and when he spoke his lips grazed her right ear.

“I have a lot to say Liz,” Max said in a hushed voice which gave his words emotional significance. His voice was smooth and husky and made Liz shiver, even in the blazing temperatures. “And I think its something you want to hear.”

She didn’t say anything, instead retrieved Rachel’s sand toys. She was too anxious, she needed to busy her hands. Just Max’s very presence was distracting. But add to it his intention – whatever that might be – she was exceedingly jumpy.

After making Rachel happy, she had nothing else to distract herself with, so she sat on the bench trying desperately not to make eye contact. She smoothed her unwrinkled skirt several times, and pulled her hair behind her ears.

Max took a seat next to her, not too close, but not too far away either.

Liz was quiet, wanting so much for him to leave, but wanting him to stay even more. It felt like her insides were being pulled in fifty different directions, and she wasn’t sure which she wanted to win. On the one hand, Max could walk out of her life forever, and she might never know true happiness. On the other, Max could win her mind over, like he had won her heart so easily, and make her the happiest woman on the face of the planet.

She wanted to be happy, but she wasn’t quiet sure how to get there.

Max realized she had no intention of speaking, or relaxing, or even looking at him. He sighed, and then looked down at his hands in his lap. Where to begin…

“I think I understand where you’re coming from, Liz. You’ve been hurt, and you’re afraid of getting hurt again.”

He stared at Rachel as he spoke, and then chanced a look at Liz. She hadn’t moved, her elbows perched on knees and her gaze anywhere but at Max. Her hair hung in the slight breeze, and Rachel’s childish laughter reached their ears.

When Liz didn’t say anything, he continued.

“I’ve been hurt too Liz. And I’m afraid of getting hurt again. But … I’m willing to take the chance. With you.”

She sucked in a breath at that. Why was this hurting so much? Why was her heart beating so hard and her chest aching? Kyle never did this to her either. He made her heart break, but Max was making her heart sting, stop … die.

“I know that we don’t know a lot about each other. But … I think I know you better than you think I do. You’re smart, and funny, and responsible … and beautiful.”

Liz closed her eyes. What was he trying to do, literally kill her before he finally walked away? She didn’t know this would be so hard. She had only anticipated one fun-filled night with a handsome man. Someone who didn’t know her or pity her or judge her. Someone who she could be herself around, and then when he left she wouldn’t be filled with even more baggage then before. No regrets. But that harmless date had turned into something so much more.

“I think you’ve gotten the wrong impression. When you asked me about my intentions, I never really gave you an answer. I ended up kissing you instead. Yes, I think you’re beautiful, but that’s not all I think about you.

“I’m not out to have a fling and then leave the next day. That’s not who I am. And I know that’s not who you are either. You and Rachel deserve better. And if you give me a chance, I might just be able to give that to you.”

He discreetly moved closer, and he slid his arm along the backrest. Liz had closed her eyes by the middle of his speech, and he prayed that Maria’s tips were helping and not hurting. “Rule Number Two: Use her emotions to your advantage. Make her see the obvious.”

Max looked at Rachel again, and couldn’t help himself from saying, “You are so lucky to have her.”

Liz didn’t say anything, but she didn’t have to. He knew she agreed. He looked at Liz again, and his heart broke when he saw tears in her eyes. This wasn’t going as well as he thought it was. Should he leave her be or should he bring her into an embrace and kiss her tears away?

Then he remembered Maria’s third rule. “Rule Number Three,” she had said, “When you’re done, walk away. Make her come to you. It sounds insane, but it works every time.”

He sighed heavily, wanting nothing more than to not say the words, but knowing he had to.

“I’d understand if you were trying to let me down easy. Or if you don’t want me around Rachel. You don’t really know me. And … and I won’t fight you. If you really want me to go, I’ll go. I told my family I would leave soon anyway, and I only paid for my hotel room until checkout the day after tomorrow. Pretty soon you won’t ever have to think about me ever again.”

He turned to her then, wanting her to believe every word he said. “But I want you to know, there will never be a day that I won’t think about you. No matter what happens, you and Rachel are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Max stood, not surprised to find his legs wobbly with emotion. It felt like goodbye, and he could only hope that it wouldn’t be.

“It looks like Rachel is done with the sandbox. I’ll leave you two alone.”

He stoically passed her as he turned to leave the park.

She never looked up, her eyes fixed on the blurry image of her daughter. Silent tears that had formed in her eyes slowly fell down her cheeks.

Rachel made her way over to her mother, and handed her a pretty yellow dandelion. Her toothy grin made Liz cry even harder. What if Max really meant what he said? What if he did want her? Was it so wrong for her to want the same thing? Was it really so wrong for her to be happy?

She wasn’t so sure anymore.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“You talked to Max, didn’t you?”

Maria looked up from her spot on the floor and the toy in her hand froze in mid air. Rachel continued playing, but Maria’s thoughts were now anywhere but on Malibu Barbie or SpongeBob SquarePants.

Liz’s tone was threatening, insinuating. Damn, Maria thought. Liz had found out.

She had only called Max last night after she could tell that Liz had no intention of calling him herself. If Maria knew Liz, which she did very well, Liz was as loving as her father and as stubborn as her mother. Maria loved her like a sister, but she wished that Liz wouldn’t always put herself second. It seemed that after Kyle came in and out of her life, Liz was doing nothing but shutting down and turning away.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she hedged carefully.

“Don’t you?” Liz closed her bedroom door behind her and crossed the distance between them with a menacing stride. She wasn’t sure if she was incredibly pleased or incredibly embarrassed that Maria had interfered. At the moment, all she wanted was Maria to confess. “Max was waiting for us at the park today. How could he have known that we would be there?”

“Maybe he just went for a walk and found you there,” Maria offered, diverting her eyes to Rachel. Liz’s wrath could rival her own at times. This could only get worse.

“No, he was waiting for us. He was expecting us to show. Something tells me he was told that Rachel and I play at the park every Saturday.”

Maria didn’t say anything. She wasn’t good at lying, especially to her best friend. She couldn’t say she was surprised that Liz had somehow put two and two together. Maria had ‘stolen’ Max’s telephone number without Liz’s knowledge. Maria had called Max. Maria had told Max where to find her. Maria had told Max how to win Liz over. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. She chanced a look at Liz, and internally winced. She was seriously second-guessing her logic.

“Maria! What did you do?”

“Nothing. I just … called him,” she mumbled the last part under her breath. But it didn’t matter. Liz had heard. Uh oh.

“You what?! You called him? Why would you do that Maria? Why? Are you trying to humiliate me?!”

“Humiliate you? Liz, come on. Of course not.”

“Then why?”

“Because I knew you wouldn’t.”

Liz stopped her tirade. Of course she wouldn’t have. That was the point. She had the plan already worked out. Max was supposed to leave. Max was supposed to have a wonderful life with someone who deserved him. Max was supposed to be happy. And now Maria had meddled and confused the plan. This was not good. Because now Liz was confused.

“Look,” Maria said, turning to face Liz. It seemed like lately they were having these conversations over and over. Liz saying crazy things and Maria trying to convince her she was wrong. The novelty was wearing thin. “I called him to hear his side of the story. All I keep hearing from you is this sad story, and I wanted to get some perspective. Somebody needed to.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that you have this emotional tunnel vision that only lets you feel certain things and allow certain people in your life.”

“Maria, I was doing fine.”

“No, you weren’t. You were crying your eyes out for two days. You were depressed and sullen and a drag to be around. When you’re with Max, you’re a better, happier person. Can’t you see that?”

Liz sighed, pulling at one of the last straws she had left. “But … he’s leaving tomorrow. What kind of relationship is that?”

Maria looked pointedly at Liz. “He’s only leaving if you let him leave.”

A moment of silence elapsed, Liz considering Maria’s point of view and Maria hoping that she was finally talking some sense into her delirious best friend.

“He must have said something pretty profound to get you so upset.”

Liz nodded, still somewhat lost in thought. “Yeah, he did.”

Maria gave her a minute. It was obvious Liz had about a million and one things going through her mind. Hopefully one of those things was that Max wasn’t a bad decision. If Maria could see that, surely Liz would eventually.

“All I’ve been hearing from you lately is how Max deserves better and he thinks this and he assumes that. Who are trying to convince?”

Liz’s voice grew tiny, a stark contrast from the one she started the conversation with. “But … but what if I make another mistake? What if it turns out to be Kyle all over again? I don’t think I could survive that Maria.”

“You don’t have to. I’ve talked to Max personally. He is nothing like Kyle. Don’t tell me you don’t see that.”

Liz didn’t deny it. Of course she had seen that. She had seen that the first day, the moment she looked into his eyes and took his order. Even then, with absolutely no knowledge of who he was, she had known he was the exact opposite of Kyle and every other man that had come into her life.

“You don’t have much time left Liz. Why don’t you make it count?”


TBC...


FYI ... This fic won't be very long. Only another five parts at the most to go.

And I don't know if you all read my A/N, but I added songs to each part. I hope they flow well.

[truman11883]

I'm sorry it took so long for me to update. I started writing this chapter and half way through had serious doubts about it.

I think it turned out okay, but tell me what you think. You can probaby guess what the next chapters going to be.

Thanks to everybody for the great feedback! It keeps me motivated.

~Sarah



Don’t Wanna Lose You Now
Backstreet Boys

I never thought that I would lose my mind
That I could control this
Never thought that I'd be left behind
That I was stronger than you, baby

Girl if only I knew what I've done
You know, so why don't you tell me
And I, I would bring down the moon and the sun
To show how much I care

Don't wanna lose you now
Baby I know we can win this
Don't wanna lose you now
No no, or never again

I've got this feeling you're not gonna stay
It's burning within me
The fear of losing, of slipping away
It keeps getting closer, baby

Whatever reason to live that I've had
My place was always beside you
And I wish that I didn't need you so bad
Your face just won't go away

Don't wanna lose you now
Baby I know we can win this
Don't wanna lose you now
No no, or never again
Don't wanna lose you now

I never thought that I would lose my mind
That I could control this
Never thought that I'd be left behind
That I was stronger than you

Don't wanna lose to loneliness
Girl I know we can win
Don't wanna lose to emptiness, oh no
Never again

Don't wanna lose you now
Baby I know we can win this
Don't wanna lose you now
No no, or never again


Part 11

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Hello?”

She hesitated, her heart leaping into her throat, and then ventured with a tentative, “Max?”

He sat up quickly in his bed, the covers falling away from his naked chest. His eyes were round with surprise as the sleep that had been there only seconds before faded rapidly. “L-Liz?”

She nodded, even though he couldn’t see. “Yeah. Its me.”

Max leaned back on the headboard, running a hand through his disheveled hair. Was this really happening, he asked himself? Or was he still dreaming?

He honestly never thought he would see or hear from her again. Sure Maria had given him advice, and he had followed it even though it killed him to do so. Liz had been so adamant about not wanting a relationship before, he had just assumed that his pushing her away with his ‘speech’ would just confirm her thoughts.

Apparently not.

Apparently he needed to get down on his knees and kiss Maria’s feet.

He had been lying in bed wondering when his life had gotten so crazy. Even when he had been in college working full time and studying even more, or when he had been told that his sister and he were suddenly millionaires, or even when his father suggested he take a year off and see the country, Max had never been so uncertain, or tentative, or even scared. The state of limbo he had been living in for the past few days was wonderful and horrible all at once.

“Um … hi,” he said, and then rolled his eyes in disgust. That was the best he could come up with?

“Hi.”

The pregnant silence was heavy and uncomfortable. He wasn’t sure why she called, so he didn’t want to start the wrong conversation and get her mad.

“Um,” Liz started uncertainly. “Di-Did I wake you?”

“No. No, you didn’t.” It was true, she hadn’t woken him. He had never really fallen asleep the previous night. Ever since he left her in the park, he hadn’t been able to. Or maybe it was since their first date. Or even when he first saw her. He couldn’t remember. Anything before Liz came into his life didn’t seem to matter anymore.

“Oh, good.”

Liz shook her head. This seemed like a good idea at the time. Why couldn’t she get the words to leave her lips?

“You’re, um … you’re leaving tomorrow. Right?”

Max hesitated sadly. He was leaving tomorrow. He didn’t want to. He didn’t want to leave Liz and Rachel. But checkout was tomorrow at noon. His eyes fell to the corner of the room where his luggage lay. He had already packed his bags.

“Um, yeah. I’ll leave around one I guess.”

“Oh.”

He heard her sigh, and wondered what she was thinking … why she had called. He could tell she had something to say. Probably something important.

He offered some relief. “How’s Rachel?”

This time her sigh was light. “She’s perfect. She’s actually starting to talk some.”

“Really? Like what?” He didn’t notice the smile creeping on his face. Even if he did, he wouldn’t have been able to stop it.

“Well, this morning when she was eating breakfast, she pointed to her bear and-”

“The bear I gave her?” he interrupted.

She nodded into the phone. “Yeah. She pointed at it and said, ‘Beebee.’ ”

“Beebee?” he asked. What did that mean?

She laughed. “Yeah. I think she was trying to say ‘bear’, but it just wouldn’t come out. I have a feeling it will take her a while to say her R’s. I had the same problem when I was young.”

“Oh, yeah, that makes sense. I’ve heard those things are hereditary.”

“Yeah.” She didn’t really want to talk about heredity or genes, because then she’d have to think about the parent that contributed once and then never again … the parent that wasn’t around anymore.

Sometimes Liz would stay up late at night wondering what she would say to Rachel when she finally asked about her father. What could she say? That he didn’t want her? That he walked away the moment he found out? That he left her and her mother to fend for themselves? That he was never coming back? That he didn’t want her or love her?

How could she say those things? It didn’t matter if they were true, they would hurt her more than anything. Liz knew how it felt to be rejected. That was the last thing she wanted for Rachel.

But this wasn’t the reason she called Max.

“Max … about the other day,” she began. “Everything you said, it’s all true. I am scared. I’m terrified, and sometimes the easy thing to do is run away. But that’s not fair to you. You haven’t done anything wrong yet.”

“Liz,” Max said. “I would never hurt you. Or Rachel. You need to believe that. You both already mean so much to me.”

She surprised him a little when she laughed. “If anyone else had said that, I would think they were lying. But when you say it, I actually believe it.”

“What, that I care about you guys?”

“Yeah. Max, you hardly know us,” she reminded him gently.

“I know that.” He leaned his head on his hand, and closed his eyes picturing Liz in front of him. It wasn’t that difficult. He had been doing it a lot lately. Practice really does make perfect. “But … haven’t you ever gotten that feeling like you knew the person before you even met?”

Her voice was soft into the phone. “Yeah. Once.”

“And, you can’t help but follow your instincts about that person, right? I mean, sometime you just have to follow your gut and throw caution to the wind. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t do it that often … well, hardly ever. Okay, never.” He heard her laughter again, and it made him smile. “But sometime, you just can’t help yourself. It just feels right. Right?”

She nodded again, and brought a strand of hair behind her ear. “Yeah. You are right.”

“God, I don’t even know what I just said. Did that make any sense at all?”

She laughed. “Yes. It made perfect sense.”

“Good.”

“I think that’s why it scared me so much … when I felt that way. It was the first time that I felt that I could completely trust another person. You know, after … after Kyle. I was so scared of being wrong that I couldn’t see how right it felt.”

Somewhere along the line he realized she was talking about him. He swallowed hard. “And now?”

“And now … I’m not so scared anymore.”

Max leaned back on the headboard, suddenly having the weight of the world lifted from his shoulders. “Really?”

“Really.”

Liz was surprised that the words had come out so easily. She already felt so much better, now that Max knew how she felt. It had taken her awhile to actually figure out what she was feeling, and then once she did, it had taken her even longer to convince herself to tell him.

But it turned out it wasn’t as hard as she thought it would be. That was another thing that made her smile. He was so easy to talk to. Kyle never wanted to talk, and when they actually did it was about sports or cars or something else that didn’t really matter. This new, real ‘relationship’ she had with Max was exhilarating … to know that he would listen and help and sympathize. That he really cared. If she ever had to, she wouldn’t be able to explain how wonderful it felt.

“Do you have plans tonight?”

Max shook his head. “No. I was planning on laying low until tomorrow. But now … I’d love to do something. How about we go somewhere fun, like the zoo or something? All three of us. It’ll be fun.”

“Oh. Yeah, I guess we could do that.”

She sounded disappointed, and for the life of him he couldn’t figure out why. “Did you have something else in mind?”

“Yeah. I did.”

“Like what?” He heard a knock at his door, and silently cursed. Not now. “Um, can you hold a second?”

“Yeah, sure.”

He grabbed a shirt and threw it on quickly, and walked to the front of the hotel room still holding the phone.

“Liz, you still there?”

“Yeah.”

“So … what did you want to do?” he asked as he opened the door, and nearly dropped the phone in surprise.

She stood before him in a summer dress, with a halter-top and slip on sandals ... and a cell phone in her hand. Her hair was loose and her makeup was subtle. She looked perfect, and he wasn't sure if he had just conjured up her image. She was beautiful, and here, and looking at him like…

“This,” she managed to say before launching herself into his arms, stealing his breathe with her kiss.

They stumbled inside, both making sure to never break contact. The door closed behind them with a soft thud.

[truman11883]

Hi everyone.

I'm so sorry that I haven't updated in two weeks, but I have been stressing over this part, for obvious reasons. I am INCREDIBLY nervous about it because its my first attempt at NC-17. Scary, I know. Be gentle with the feedback, but still tell me if its too cheesy, like something out of a romance novel.

So, a warning to everyone: the following chapter is rated NC-17. You won't miss anything if you skip the part. It only adds to the love Max and Liz share.

~Sarah


Take My Breath Away
Berlin

Watching every motion in my foolish lover's game
On this endless ocean finally lovers know no shame
Turning and returning to some secret place inside
Watching in slow motion as you turn around and say
Take my breath away
Take my breath away

Watching I keep waiting still anticipating love
Never hesitating to become the fated ones
Turning and returning to some secret place to find
Watching in slow motion as you turn to me and say
My love
Take my breath away

Through the hourglass I saw you
In time you slipped away
When the mirror crashed I called you
And turned to hear you say
If only for today
I am unafraid

Take my breath away
Take my breath away

Watching every motion in this foolish lover's game
Haunted by the notion somewhere there's a love in flames
Turning and returning to some secret place inside
Watching in slow motion as you turn my way, and say
Take my breath away
My love
Take my breath away


Part 12

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He mumbled and moaned against her lips, as they stumbled into the hotel room. She was aggressive, attacking and claiming, marking him as her own. Her lips sought out his flesh with every touch, leaving loving bites and pleasurable sensations, his cheeks, his neck, his ears and lips.

Max groaned and brought his hands up to cup her cheeks, angling her head to drive his tongue further into her mouth.

Liz clung to Max, her arms tightening around his neck. Her mind was a flood of sensation and no logical thought entered.

They were living in the moment, two souls clinging to one of the only things they had in common – their love.

Her body leaned into him, and his arms went around her slim waist, holding her to him. Her body’s heat soaked into his chest, streaming to his arms and legs and low in his stomach.

Her feet nearly left the ground, literally.

Max returned her affections, bringing his lips to her neck, sucking and nipping. Her body molded against his as he sampled her, tasted her, claimed her.

“Max,” her breathy voice said. Her nailed dug into his back through his t-shirt and then sifted through his raven hair. This was what she needed, to feel, to love, and to be loved. It had been so long.

Unknowingly, or perhaps just unconsciously, she led him through the hotel room, down the dark hallway, and into the master suite as they clung to each other. The king size bed was both intimidated and arousing. She didn’t bother to shut the door behind them.

Their lips met again. Neither acknowledged the need to breathe, allowing the fire in their lungs to fuel the inferno in their bodies.

Liz’s skin tingled everywhere his fingers grazed. Her shoulders, her back, her neck, her stomach.

Max’s heart raced and stopped repeatedly, racing at her touch and then stopping when he realized it was real. She was there with him, and she wasn’t pushing him away.

He sucked in a surprised breath when his back connected with his mattress, and then lay helpless as she rid him of his shirt. The sheets were in disarray and the lights were off from when he had been sleeping before her phone call. He wanted to say something profound, something meaningful. He wanted to make the moment special with some heartfelt proclamation.

But his lips wouldn’t move. His voice was gone. All that he could muster were groans and moans and sighs of pleasure.

It was as if loosing his speech heightened his other senses.

His skin was alive with sensation, erotic jolts danced down his arms and legs.

He heard Liz’s panting in his ears, as it echoed with a romantic murmur.

He could smell her perfume. It engulfed him and sent his libido skyrocketing, even further than just moments before. A perfect mixture of vanilla and strawberries, and something else altogether unique. The scent of Liz.

He could taste her still; her sweet flavor remained on his lips and tongue.

And he could see her. Max wouldn’t have been able to pull his eyes away from Liz if he had to. He was every fantasy he had conjured up, every erotic dream, ever wishful thought he had ever had in his lifetime rolled into one.

She hovered above him, her chocolate hair cascading her shoulders in a darkened waterfall. Her lips were rosy and swollen from their passionate escapade. Her chest heaved with deep breaths allowing the inferno to withdraw somewhat, the fire in her lungs diminishing and another propelled. Her eyes were glassy with emotion, and seemed to look into his soul from her position above him.

He stayed on his back, allowing her to decide their next move. Again he wished his voice would work. So many things were left unsaid between the two of them. We don’t have to. I want to. We shouldn’t. We should. Are you sure? I am.

I love you. I love you, too.

With what sounded like a happy sigh, she smiled and brought first one knee, and then the other, up to the bed, kneeling before him, straddling his hips. Her dress rose with her movement and showed more of her olive colored legs. Max couldn’t help himself, and he didn’t try to stop his hands from caressing her thighs.

The quiet moment prolonged with silent gazes. Their eyes locked as she settled into her aerial position.

Max stayed still and allowed her the privilege of looking and inspecting him. Her small hands came up to his face and smoothed his cheeks, followed each eyebrow, circled each cheek and then poked the dimples that rested there.

With reverence, she worshipped him. He was everything she needed, wanted, and desire. Her fingers lowered to his neck, and then swept up to his ears. The physical feature gave him a boyish look, and when she pushed them slightly to lay flat on his head, they sprang back. A small grin tugged on her lips, and he matched it with his own and a shrug of helplessness.

His shoulders were next. Each curve and valley was searched. Lower then, to his chest and stomach. She delighted in his beauty, but he intuitively knew that it wasn’t the reason she was here. She didn’t want to have sex with a physically beautiful man. She wanted to make love to a man who wanted to make love to her. He stirred with the desire that rushed through him. His hands clenched the sheets, trying desperately to not stop her and finish what they had started.

Her fingers journeyed north again, back to his shoulders and then swept out to each arm. His muscled bunched with the effort to stay still and another grin pulled on her lips and she watched. Biceps, elbows, forearms, and wrists. Finally coming to his hands, she wove her fingers through his, relieving the strain they were under in the bunched sheets. Her thumbs swept over the back of each hand and then his palms. Closing her eyes, she brought first the left and then the right up to her lips and endowed a tender kiss to each.

Her eyes opened and met his as she settled his hands on her shoulders where the tie to her dress lay. It remained unspoken, but both understood.

Keeping his hands from trembling was the hardest thing he had ever done. It felt as if he was learning and experiencing the act of love all over again. He had thought that he had loved before, and had shown that love to women before. But never had it shook him like this. Never before had he trembled with anticipation and pleasure and adoration. He wanted her but didn’t deserve her.

As if reading his thoughts, Liz smiled and all of his self-doubts evaporated.

The tie was undone with ease, now that his fingers no longer shook. Skin was revealed, more skin than he could imagine. The blue cloth floated down her body, clinging to her breasts, and then finally resting at her stomach.

He stopped breathing. His hands hung in the air between them. Her beauty left him breathless and rendered him immovable. The shadows of the room seemed to accent her beauty rather than diminish it. Her skin was smooth and satin and had an opaline shine. Her figure was slim but feminine. Very feminine. Her breasts rested on her chest, rising and falling with every breath she took. Her nipples showed darkly against her pale skin, round and high.

She was a masterpiece, a beautiful painting or sculpture crafted by a brilliant artist. And he was afraid to touch her.

But he didn’t have a choice. Liz lifted her hands to his immobile ones, and slowly inched his closer, and finally resting them on her shoulders. She offered a squeeze of reassurance on his forearms, silently communicating that this was what she wanted, needed … to feel whole again. To feel alive again.

His hands moved of their own accord, offering Liz the same reverence that she had shown him. Glazing her shoulders, her neck, the pulse point at its base. His hands lowered and brushed the sides of her breasts on its journey to her stomach. It concaved and then swelled at her hips. Her flat abdomen was explored with his fingertips, brushing lightly and then laying one hand over the place that had held Rachel for nine months.

Her shoulders sagged with a sigh of happiness, and he looked up to find her eyes closed, her mouth slightly open, and her breathing rapid and irregular. Imitating her, he smiled his own beam of tenderness.

Following the same pattern that she had just moments before, he allowed his fingers to travel back north. His breasts called to his fingers, and he was hopeless not to answer. First the underside of her breasts were touched, the sensitive area where full breast met flat torso. She shivered.

Next the tops where the swell began, sloping away from her shoulders. He circled down the sides, skimming the sensitive flesh, but stopped when he felt a dimple in the perfect flesh. His brows furrowed and he examined further. And then he knew.

Max sat up slowly, bringing their bodies closer and their heat mingled in the air between them. He ran one finger down each hollow of blemish on each breast, waiting for Liz to open her eyes.

And she did, with a look of embarrassment residing in them. “Oh,” she whispered. Her stretch marks. She had forgotten about them, but it didn’t matter now. Because he had found them.

Before she could pull away and hide herself, he bent and kissed the stretch mark on her right breast. His tongue caressed the dimpled skin that ran from the base of her breast to the last curve before her nipple. He mirrored the action on the left breast where a similar mark lay.

A tear escaped her eye, and she cuddled closer to him, wanting to fall into him, to be one with him.

He didn’t stop. He engulfed her nipple with his lips, loving each peak with warm kisses and wet caresses. She sighed and then cried out, the beauty and the pleasure causing bright lights to explode behind her eyelids. Her fingers gripped his hair, and unknowingly twisted when he sucked hard on her distended nipple.

Finally needing more, his lips came to meet hers in another passionate kiss. His hands shaped and molded her breasts, and then circled around to her back, pulling her closer to him. He wanted her closer but she couldn’t get close enough.

He lay down on his back, bringing her with him without ever breaking the embrace. Skin to skin, chest to chest. Her lap settled into his and she caught his groan in her mouth.

Their hands wandered, now with no hesitation, and soon they became frustrated with the remained barrier of clothes separating them. They wanted more.

Liz shifted, lifting her lips from his and sitting back on her knees. She ran her fingers under the waistline of his boxer shorts. She gripped them and without having to ask, he lifted his hips and allowed to shed the garment. It fell with a soft thud on the carpeted floor.

His thighs were hard with muscle, just as she knew they would be. Every inch of him was masculine and strong and hard. Her fingers explored the new flesh just as she had before. The hair on his thighs was scattered and dark, accenting his firm muscles. Lower to his knees and then down to his feet. Each toe was touched and explored, the soles of each foot, the heel, and then up again.

The underside of the legs were charted, the back of his knees, the swell of each muscle and the valley after them. She reached his butt, and let her nails skim over the plump, sensitive flesh. He sucked in a breath and held it.

Next, the inner side of each thigh. Once again, he clung to the sheets, his knuckles turning white. His eyes were closed just as hers had been, and she smiled as she bent forward and placed a kiss at the edge of the crinkly hair on his lower abdomen. The muscles below her lips bunched and jumped, and she continued her caress of each thigh higher and higher as she kissed his body lower and lower.

Soon there was nowhere else to touch or kiss but where it was needed most. He stood firm and tall, his penis weeping precum with anticipation. Her right hand grasped him first, and his breath shot out of his lungs and his eyes opened wide.

Her thumb swept over the head and then traveled down the length to the base. Her left hand traveled lower to his sacks that were tight and full. Her right hand moved up to the tip and then down again while her left massaged and rubbed.

Max’s breath was choppy and broken; the only sounds coming from his throat were moans of pleasure with her name following soon after. His body moved with restlessness. His hips reacted with her movements involuntarily, lifting, pumping. His hands and feet dug into the mattress below him. His eyes were closed tightly one minute and then opening wide the next.

Liz watched in fascination, never having had the liberty before. Her touch not only aroused him, it propelled him into another dimension. He couldn’t speak, could barely breathe, and shuttered with pleasure with ever pump of her hand. Her left hand abandoned its position and caressed his taut stomach, his hips, his thighs.

He brought his hand to hers, and their fingers wove together tightly. “Liz,” he sighed.

There was nothing else he could say. His voice stopped working again the moment her lips touch where her hand had been only seconds before. She kissed him softly, and then ran her tongue down the sensitive vein down to the base, and then up again. Liz barely noticed his other hand coming up to grasp her hair. She continued to suck and kiss, his penis hardening ever more under ministrations.

She took as much of him as she could, and then withdrew, and then repeated the action over and over. Her rhythm accelerated in time with his breathing.

“Liz,” he sighed again. His body went slack, and then tightened at his released. She closed her eyes and focused, swallowing the fluid that shot into her mouth. She continued until he softened and his body quieted from its shuddering.

Max grasped her arms, pulling her up quickly, and kissed her hard. She clung to his naked body and didn’t protest when he settled her below him. His tongue mingled with hers and his hands wandered over her body, removing her remaining clothes.

He explored as well, smoothing his hands over her legs, the soft skin setting his nerves on fire. Her knees, her shins. Her feet were examined, her painted toenails, the arch on the soles of each foot. Their eyes met, no words spoken.

The underside of each leg was caressed, massaging as he went. Each muscle in her legs was squeezed and loved with his fingers. The backs of each knee, her thighs, and he squeezed her butt just as she had to him. The reaction was the same.

He kissed her flat stomach and dipped his tongue into her navel as his fingers danced along her thighs higher and higher. She panted in anticipation, waiting for the inevitable, when his lips would touch hers. She had seldom received such a caress, never having had a partner who enjoyed the act. It required giving, instead of selfish taking.

And then he kissed her, parting her lips with his tongue. His breath mingled with her scent. He lifted her legs with his arms and placed them on his shoulders. He nuzzled her trim hair with his nose. She cried out and clutched the sheets when his tongue took one long stroke over her folds. Her hips bucked, but his large hands gently kept her from moving out of reach.

Her eyes tears. Her mouth opened, silent cries of ecstasy escaping. Max used his fingers, entering, probing, preparing her. Soon her climax hit as he sucked greedily on the distended bundled of nerves. She quivered and shook with its intensity, clawing at his hair. He didn’t stop until she had quieted, until her hands tugged at his hair to bring him up to her.

“Max,” she sighed quietly into his lips, before kissing him softly. Her body was satisfied, replete, perfectly tranquil. Their kisses were leisurely, reacquainting themselves with each other.

She gently pushed him back, and she settled on top of him once again. Her hair cascaded around them as their lips ate at each other. Their hands roamed, one body moving against the other, soft sounds of contentment escaping their throats.

Their lips never broke contact as he slipped inside her, only moaned with pleasure. She moved with him, drawing him deeper, pumping her body against his. Their tempo was slow, not wanting to rush.

Max brought his hand up to her back to pull her closer and their chests collided. He pumped harder in response to the skin-to-skin contact.

She levered herself, pushing back into him as he pumped forward. Their bodies gyrated, sweat beading on their overheated skin.

Liz nipped at his neck and then sat up, groaning as he filled her. Her walls began to close around him, tightening and milking. His hands held her hips to guide her.

He watched her with lidded eyes. Her beauty grew with every second he watched her. Her cheeks were flushed, her nipples budded and stood erect, her skin glowed. Her eyes were closed, but he could see the emotion shimmering behind them. She was an angel hovering over him. His angel.

“Max.”

She was close; they both could feel her walls trembling around him. Max gritted his teeth against the pleasure it caused. He pumped harder into her, trying desperately to outlast her.

And he did. She wailed as she came, her shoulders shook and trembled. Max followed soon after, sighing and then shaking with his climax. They both saw stars behind their eyes, sharing the experience together.

Liz collapsed onto him, heaving gulps of air into her lungs. She closed her eyes, and pressed her ear against Max’s chest and listened to his heart race. She hugged him, and sighed when his arms enfolded her.

Their breathes settled, their hearts calmed.

As their bodies cooled, Max brought a blanket up to cover them.

Her head rested in the crook of his neck and soon fell asleep nestled in the warmth of his embrace.

“I love you Liz.” He murmured the words before following her into slumber.



TBC ...

[truman11883]

Hi guys,

Sorry it took so long to post this. But I was really reluctant to break the perfect image of Max and Liz. I hope you don't hate me after this.

~Sarah




Let Me In
Save Ferris

I've been watching you and all you do
For quite some time
Knowing all the ins and outs of you
I should’ve known what was on your mind
But all the world is spinning round and round
Inside my head tonight
I will fall into the darkness
And I fear I will never see the light

I’ve been watching you and all you do
For quite some time
Knowing all the ins and outs of you
I should’ve known what was on your mind
But all the world is spinning round and round
Inside my head tonight
I will fall into the darkness
And I fear I will never see the light
The light

So let me in
All that I wanted from you
Was something you’d never do
So let me in
Oh please tonight
Don’t let this end tonight
I will fall

Through no light the darkness seems to be
So very strong
How does one alone against the world
Find the strength to carry on?
What happened to the way we used to love?
It seemed as though life had just begun
But now that love has come and gone to fade away
Like the setting sun
‘Cause you won't

Let me in
All that I wanted from you
Was something you'd never do
So let me in
Oh please tonight
Don't let this end tonight
‘Cause I’m starting to fall
So let me in

It was all that I wanted from you
It was something you never knew
To let me in
But not tonight
For this is the end tonight
I fall


Part 13

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Six months later…

Sporadic coughs and restless movement permeated the anxious crowd in the little church.

The mother of the bride sniffled into her handkerchief, grateful that her child would be able to have such a beautiful wedding. The mother of the groom was thankful her son was marrying into such a wonderful family.

The wedding had been anticipated for several months, since the announcement in the paper soon after the engagement. It had been the talk of the town, no aspect of the couple left untouched by the gossip train.

But the families involved were quite used to speculation. The negativity never fazed any of them as the bride and groom’s family had prepared the small, intimate ceremony.

The afternoon sun shown brilliantly through the stained glass windows, and the sweet fragrance of roses and lilies wafted to Max’s nose.

He sighed. The quaint, little church. The fresh flowers. The minister. The tuxes and dresses. Everything was perfect.

But then, the bride would have never had anything less. Everything from the minister’s shoes to the flower girl’s basket had been handpicked.

The wedding march startled Max out of his reverie. The guests, consisting of close friends and family, rose and turned to the back of the church, expectant looks on their faces.

Some cried at the sight of the beautiful bride, as she emerged through the large cedar doors, clinging to her father’s arm.

She wore a brilliant, toothy smile of happiness behind an intricate veil that hung to her shoulders. Her hair was pulled back in a diamond tiara perched at the top of her head, and small white flowers were laced throughout her hair.

Her gown was an extravagant sight, with a beaded bodice and a long satin train. Her father had mumbled about the expense, but had been enthusiastic as possible when she had been looking. He would do anything for her, Max knew.

She held a bouquet of white lilies in one hand, and gripped her father’s arm tighter in excitement with the other, as tears threatened to fall from her eyes.

She never thought this day would come.

But it had. Finally she was happy.

Her soon-to-be husband was dashing in his black tuxedo. She knew his father must have helped him with the bowtie. He had complained just the night before that he would never be able to get it tied right. His radiant smile only intensified her own.

She was walking towards her future, towards her love. With ever step, her happiness grew and grew.

The altar grew near, and soon she was kissing her father on the cheek, and stepping up to the man that she would spend the rest of her life with. Her stomach did a flip-flop and her heart raced even more at the thought of ‘forever’. She couldn’t wait.

“Dearly beloved,” the minister began.

The couple at the altar barely heard a word, so fixated on each other, that when the question, “Who gives this woman today in holy matrimony?” was asked, the bride startled when her father spoke.

“Her mother and I do,” Philip said.

The minister smiled and nodded, and opened his Bible to begin the sermon. Isabel stood holding her fiancé-soon-to-be-husband’s hand in a tight embrace, waiting impatiently for the moment when they would officially be man and wife.

Max sat in his seat next to his mother, trying desperately to at least appear happy. How he wished he could be genuinely happy for his sister. He wanted to wish her well. He wanted her to have many years of blissful marriage with Alex. He wanted…

He sighed. It didn’t matter what he wanted. He wasn’t getting it. He wasn’t getting her. It didn’t matter how much he called, or agonized, or dreamed, or prayed. She wasn’t going to be his.

Ever.

End. Of. Story.

The fact that Isabel was getting married only reminded him how sad he was. How alone he was. Seeing Isabel glowing in her happiness only made him feel darker and colder inside.

The only happiness that he had felt had been in St. Louis. That’s where his life was. That’s where his heart was.

And that’s where the love of his life was.

She had teased him with the illusion of happiness, held the picture-perfect fantasy just outside of his grasp, always one step away. Adoring wife. Beautiful daughter.

And every time he had gotten close, she had twisted the knife a little deeper, until there was nothing left.

No light. No life. No love.

The only thing that he had wanted was a family. He wanted Liz. He wanted Rachel. And he wanted to be theirs.

He supposed he was happy for Isabel and Alex somewhere deep inside, but he was too depressed to search for it.


Maybe, given time, he would be able to embrace it. Years from now, when he had forgotten how she had walked into his life, made him fall in love with her…let him make love to her…and then walked away in the middle of the night while he slept…all without ever saying goodbye.

How she wouldn’t answer his calls, how she didn’t see him off when he left for New Mexico.

No goodbye. No I love you.

Nothing.

Maybe when he finally forgot how it felt to wake up alone that morning, he would be able to feel just a fraction of the happiness that everyone else in the church felt.

Maybe when he finally forgot how it felt to say I love you and not hear it back, he would be able to embrace his sister’s marriage with open arms.

Maybe when he finally forgot how it felt to loose everything to a beautiful, brown eyed girl in St. Louis, and her just as strikingly beautiful daughter, he would be able to breathe again without wishing he could hold her one last time.

“By the power vested in me by the state of New Mexico, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

Max watched as the couple kissed enthusiastically, and then giggled in response to whistles and applause coming from the crowd.

The newly married couple ran down the isle, eager to start their new life together.

Max shuddered as he felt the knife twist a little deeper.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“How many is that for you tonight?”

Max turned a little too quickly, and his glass of champagne splashed over the rim onto the hardwood floor.

His vision was sluggish, his brain a little foggy. But that’s what he wanted. He wanted to miss as much of the party as possible. He didn’t want to have to play the loving brother, graciously excepting compliments on Isabel’s behalf, about how beautiful the wedding was, or how moving the sermon was, or how they make a handsome couple.

Max didn’t want to have to make his speech wishing them a long and happy life together. He didn’t want to dance with his mother or smoke a cigar with his father, or give his new brother-in-law Alex a hard time.

He didn’t want to be there period.

And he was sure God would strike him dead with the thought. He was actually wishing his sister hadn’t gotten married at all. He was wishing that everyone else was as miserable as him.

He was wishing that there had been a different bride, and that he had been the groom.

He took a long gulp of the bubble beverage to douse the latter thought.

“What does it matter?” he asked. “It’s a party.”

Michael shook his head, and watched as his best friend downed what had to have been his fourth glass of very potent champagne, and then eagerly reach for another.

“Yeah, it’s a party. But not a pity party.”

“Don’t start Mike.”

Max turned away abruptly, partly from anger and partly because he knew Michael knew. Max didn’t need to be reminded about how he had ‘royally fucked up’ and how he ‘needed to get his head out of his ass for two seconds and wake up.’

He relived it every day. Every second.

Michael wasn’t far behind, trailing Max only a few feet as they headed toward the closest exit. Max breathed in a deep breath of desert air. It was already after sunset, and the stars showed brightly against the black sky.

He had loosened his bowtie and unbuttoned his tuxedo jacket. What he had wanted to do was burn the offensive ‘costume’ as soon as his sister and Alex had said ‘I do.’

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Maxwell? Getting drunk off your ass at your sister’s wedding isn’t exactly brotherly.”

“I said, don’t start,” Max said back, mid-drink.

“What are you going to tell your mom when she walks out here and finds you puking your guts out in the rose bushes?”

Max sighed. He honestly didn’t know. He hadn’t thought that far ahead. He stopped thinking any further than about twenty minutes into the future the day he came home six months ago. There wasn’t anything special on the horizon, waiting for him. Just loneliness. He had plenty of that.

He was actually surprised his parents or Isabel hadn’t figured something was wrong. He was never smiling. He wasn’t sleeping. He hardly ate anything at all.

The wedding had distracted them for the most part. But now with the event over and nearly done with, and with Isabel gone on her honeymoon for two weeks, Philip and Diane Evans would have ample time to realize that their son was wallowing. And even worse, they would try to help.

God forbid.

“I just…I needed some air.”

Max leaned against the balcony railing, and Michael mirrored his stance. He had been invited to the wedding more as family than friend. Ever since his first visit to the Evans household years ago when Max and he were still in college, he had been considered part of the family. A brother. A son. And as his brotherly duty, he knew he had a responsibility to call Max on his bullshit. Starting now.

“So I take it she hasn’t called back.”

Max took a long swig of champagne in answer.

Michael considering telling his brother about his encounter with the ‘dream girl’ he had heard so much about that night in his bar. Should he tell Max that he had stopped by the small café to confront the woman that had torn out Max’s heart? Should he tell Max that she looked worse than Max, with dark circles under her eyes and tear stains on her cheeks? Should he tell Max about the plan that was brewing between himself and the pixie blonde he had met there?

No. Not yet.




TBC...

Please don't kill me. Please don't kill me.

[truman11883]

Here's the update.

~Sarah



Save Yourself
Sense Field

Turn out the light
Just say goodnight to yourself
May I remind you when you find you
You’re all alone is when you

You’ve got to be strong
‘Cause that’s when they call you in the night
He’s got your picture in his mind
He’s got your number on a paper at his disposal anytime

Is it really true?
Could you save yourself for someone who
Could love you for you?
So many times we just give it away
To someone who, someone who

You met in a bar
The back of a car
And for a moment you felt important
But not in your heart

My self esteem, it’s been low
Go ahead and count it’s been lower than low
I know the feeling
Of it stealing life out from under me

‘Cause I want to learn how you save yourself for
Someone who could love you for you
So many times we just give it away
To someone who couldn’t even remember your name
Could you save yourself for someone who
Loves you for you, loves me for me
Give it away to someone who
Someone who will cherish your name

‘Cause I want to learn how you save yourself for
Someone who could love you for you
So many times we just give it away
To someone who couldn’t even remember your name
But you save yourself for someone who
Loves you for you, loves me for me
Give it away to someone who
Someone who will cherish your name
Cherish your name


Part 14

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

She didn’t want to be here.

The last thing on Earth she wanted right now was to stand on that porch, knock on that door, and talk to the man who would answer it. She didn’t want to see his face, look into his eyes. She didn’t want to feel things she knew she would feel.

She didn’t want to admit certain things, say certain things … ask for certain things.

She didn’t want to, but she had to. There wasn’t a choice.

Everything in her life came down to today and what happened.

She had left Rachel with her mother back home. Maria had agreed to cover her shifts for the weekend. Everything had gone smoothly on the drive here. No traffic. No rain. No worries.

And now, faced with the reality of what she was about to do, Liz couldn’t seem to get herself out of the car.

She had vowed to herself to never get hurt again. Not by another man. Especially not him.

And she hadn’t. She had made sure of it. Never dating, rarely even showing interest in another man for months. Years, even. Only going out on dates to appease Maria.

And then Max had walked into the café and sat in that booth, and had stolen her heart in the process.

So, why was she about to allow someone to hurt her all over again? Not just someone…him?!

She sighed heavily, and rested her forehead on the steering wheel. Her knuckles were white from gripping and clutching anything within her grasp so tightly.

If only she hadn’t walked out on Max that night…

She had said that phrase in her head so many times. If only she hadn’t, maybe he would be with her right now. Maybe she wouldn’t have to go through this alone. Maybe he would still love her. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

But she wasn’t even sure of that anymore. Despite Maria and Nancy’s best efforts, they had not been successful in convincing her to accept his phone calls. It wasn’t just that she didn’t want to talk to him, although that was part of it. She didn’t want to talk to him yet. Not until she could without guilt or shame. Without something hanging between them. Not until she could cut those strings and let her past fall away forever.

Besides, she honestly couldn’t bear to hear the malice that she knew would be in Max’s voice. She deserved it, and she didn’t deny it. But she also knew that he would demand an explanation, some sort of reason why. She knew why, but how was she supposed to explain her reasoning before she had every card in her hand? He wouldn’t understand until she had proof, a symbol of her love for him and for Rachel, right in front of his face. He might not believe her or even agree to the plan she had, if she didn’t have that proof for him.

And that’s why she was here, in Florida, trying desperately to calm her breathing and exit the small, blue Ford Escort and make the perilous trek to the front door just thirty feet away.

“Oh God,” she mumbled under her breath.

Her muscles were jelly and barely held her up as she exited the vehicle. The sun was shining, and she had to shield her eyes from the bright rays. Beer cans, plastic cups, and cigarette butts were strewn along the lawn. There must have been one hell of a party, she thought.

The neighborhood was quiet, with only a few cars on the street. It was barely ten a.m., and Liz knew that she would probably wake him up when she knocked. Not that she cared. She only wanted to get this over with and get back home to the people she loved.

Her stomach lurched to her throat when she stepped up to the small porch. Her feet wanted to turn and run as far away as possible. Her head was telling her to give up, to leave and go back to Rachel and never think about this idiotic plan of hers again.

But her heart kept beating in a hasty cadence, telling her to keep going. To not give up. That the pain she was feeling, and surely would be feeling when the door opened, even Max’s pain, would be worth it in the end.

Clinging to that small voice of incentive, she rang the doorbell, and held her breath.

The seconds seemed like hours. Ten…twenty…thirty seconds. No answer.

She exhaled sharply and starting breathing again, although quite shallowly. He had to be here. She rang again. And again.

No answer.

“No,” she whispered to herself.

Finally she knocked loudly, desperately.

He had to be here. This was her only chance at the life she wanted, and Rachel needed. This was the only day she had in Florida to convince him to agree. And if she had to sit on his damn porch all day, she would. If she had to beat the damn door down with her bare hands, she would. If she had to–

She lifted her hand a third time to knock, when it was pulled open and he stood in front of her.

“What the hell is it?! Do you know what fuckin’ time it is?”

She swallowed. He was hungover, obviously. His eyes were squinted closed and he had only a pair of boxers on, nothing else. Shirtless, senseless…and Liz was scared shitless.

For the life of her, she couldn’t get her mouth to work. It just hung open in surprise, and then she bit her bottom lip in nervousness. It was her first look at him in over two years. And he looked like hell.

He rubbed the sleep in his eyes with his hands, and attempted to focus on the body in front of him.

“Fucking hell.”

“Hello to you too Kyle.”

He shook his head from side to side, trying to clear the image of Liz Parker from his brain. It couldn’t be. It had to be a dream … no, nightmare. Some horrible nightmare. He was still asleep on his bed with that gorgeous blonde with big tits from last night beside him. Or was it the red head? Fuck, he couldn’t remember which one of them he had hooked up with. Not that it mattered.

But when he looked out the door again, there she was.

“What … what are you doing here?” he asked incredulously.

“May I come in?”

“No! No you may not come in. What the fuck are you doing here?!” he reiterated.

Liz hesitated under his outburst. She had known he would be less than pleased to see her. But he didn’t have to be so cruel. Seeing him, really seeing him, brought so much back. The pain, the loneliness, the despair she had felt when she had realized how wrong he had been for her, and what a horrible mistake she had made.

And not only that, but it reminded her of just how right Max was. How kind, and loving, and generous he was. How he had taken her and Rachel into his heart without a second thought. How he loved his family, loved Tabasco, loved Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and the color green.

It reminded her of how much she loved Max. Of how much she wanted him to be a part of Rachel’s life forever, even if he refused to be a part of Liz’s.

She was doing this for Rachel, she reminded herself. She wasn’t backing down.

She would get Kyle to agree, even if she had to take his verbal abuse all over again. Even if she had to bite her tongue to stop verbally retaliating. Even if she had to lie through her teeth.

If he agreed in the end, it wouldn’t matter anyway. She would never have to see him. And Rachel would never see him period.

“I came to talk to you,” she said in a quiet, subdued voice.

He gave her a withering look. “You came all the way to Florida to talk?”

“Yes.”

“Ever heard of a phone?”

“Yes.”

“How did you even find me?”

“Your parents.”

Kyle rolled his eyes and gave an exasperated sigh. His shoulders sagged in semi-defeat. “No wonder they acted so strange,” he mumbled. When he caught Liz’s questioning look, he continued, “Never mind.” He reluctantly walked away from the door, throwing over his shoulder, “Close the door behind you. You’re letting the all the air-conditioning out.”

She mumbled a curse under her breath, and walked through the doorway cautiously, as if something was going to jump out and attack her. In truth, she wouldn’t have been surprised if something had.

Her movements were slow and deliberate, and unsure. She knew what she wanted, what she needed, but she wasn’t sure if she would get it. Kyle had always been unpredictable, and in the beginning, that had been the main attraction. Now, it peeved her. And scared her a little too. She hated having to ask him for anything, and not knowing whether or not he would give it. She hated having her entire future ride on whether he was inclined to feel gracious or not. She hated laying her pride out for him to trample over, because it was one of the few things she had salvaged when he had left.

How ironic that the one person she would gladly have stayed away from for an eternity was the one person that held Rachel’s future in the palm of his hand.

She turned and took in the small house Kyle called home. It was nothing spectacular, and not the least bit homey. The air was muggy and acrid, from lingering cigarette smoke and too little air freshener. A tattered couch sat in front of a spectacular entertainment center, equipped with PlayStation, DVD player, a flat screen TV, stereo system, and a wide collection of video games and DVDs. There was a bar by the bay window outlining the deck, and the kitchen was only large enough to fit two kegs … which were still prominently displayed like trophies from the previous night’s party. A bachelor pad if Liz had ever seen one.

Liz watched Kyle swallow two aspirin with a cup of coffee. He wasn’t happy, and from what she knew of him, he wouldn’t be until he either sobered up or got rid of her.

The situation reminded her of the day she had told Kyle that she was pregnant. She had performed the test with trepidation, her fingers trembling, much as they were now, as she stared at the pink lines. Her heart had sunk deep into her stomach with the confirmation. Twenty years old, single, and pregnant.

Looking back, Liz had realized that she wasn’t scared so much about being pregnant. She had actually been rather excited. Sure, she had been daunted by the thought of diapers, and burping, and two a.m. feedings, but … scared? No. Not of becoming a mother.

She had been scared, however, of Kyle’s reaction. He had been less than excited, less than anything but furious. He had ranted and raved about how it wasn’t his, calling her every filthy, slutty name in the book. “That brat’s not mine, damn it! I want a paternity test. And you’re not getting a dime out of me! I’m not paying child support when the kid’s not even mine!”

She shuddered at the memory. No, she hadn’t cried for becoming a mother so young. She had cried her tears because she knew she would be a single mother. No father. Just her and the baby. And thank God it had turned out that way. If she could go back, if Kyle was suddenly willing to claim his child, she wouldn’t let him. Not now. Not ever. Period.

“Well, start talking. You must think it’s important, if you drove all this way.”

She sat down at the bar stool across from him, putting her purse and manila folder on the counter. She folded her hands over the top of them, and attempted to steady her breathing before she opened her mouth.

When she hesitated, he spoke, “What did my parents have to say? I’m sure they were surprised to hear from you.”

“Yes. They were.”

He nodded. “And what did they say about me?”

“That they miss you and love you.”

He gave a dismissive snort and swallowed another mouthful of coffee. How could she have ever thought him to be anything but horribly vile? He didn’t love anyone but himself. Nothing had changed in the two years he had been away.

“I’m sorry I woke you up, but this is really important.”

“We’ve established that.”

“I need to ask you for a favor.”

He peered at her through narrowed eyes. He could sense her fear, her hesitancy. Something wasn’t right. Kyle knew the next words to come out of her mouth would probably not bode well for him.

And then it clicked.

“No. No! Hell, no. I’m not paying child support. I told you Liz, no!”

“That’s not–”

“I don’t care what you say,” he interrupted, “or how much you beg. I’m not doing it. End of story. N. O. No.”

“Kyle, please listen–”

“Is that why you called my parents? Jesus, Liz. You know how much I hate them, and what do you do? You go behind my back and try to butter them up to the idea and then drop a bomb on me! Damn it, I don’t need this!”

“Kyle, I’m not here to ask you for child support. If I wanted your damn money, I would have hired a lawyer. Its not that.” When he seemed appeased for the time being, she continued. “Its something else.”

“What then? What on Earth would make you drive thousands of miles in the dead of summer to bang on my door and wake me up during the worst hangover known to man?”

“I want you to relinquish custody of your daughter.”

He stopped his ranting. He stopped his pacing. He stopped breathing.

“Say again.”

She didn’t look at him. She couldn’t. She stared at the folder in front of her and rushed to get the words out before he cut her off again. “I had papers drawn up. They’re all right here, ready for you to sign. You don’t know her, you don’t want to know her. We both know that. If you relinquish custody, she can have a father who loves her. And a father that she can love.”

She brought her eyes up to his disbelieving ones. “This is for the best Kyle. If you sign, you’ll never have to think about us again. You’ll never have to worry about child support or visitation rights … nothing. You’ll never have to see me again.” She swallowed the lump in her throat hard. “And that is what you want, right?”

He didn’t answer, only stared at her with a blank expression. That had not been what he thought she was going to say. The exact opposite, in fact.

Liz pulled the papers out of the folder and set them in front of Kyle, laying a pen on top of them. “Sign, Kyle. It’s what’s best for all of us. You don’t want us, and if you sign, you won’t have us.”

“You mean is I don’t want my daughter.”

She only nodded.

“Wow,” he mumbled under his breath. He hesitantly thumbed through the papers at first, and then eagerly read the passages, nodded here, mumbling in agreement there. Liz’s heart did a flip-flop when he didn’t say no right away. Usually that meant he could be persuaded. A direct negative meant no inside and out, forwards and backwards, no matter how many times you asked. But if he hesitated, that meant there was something in it for him worth considering.

This was one of those times.

“What if … what if I sign this, and then I change my mind?” he asked. He looked at her with peering eyes. “What if I decide I want to know…” his eyes darted to the page in front of him, “Rachel Claudia Parker. What if I decide I want to be her dad after all?”

“Do you?” she choked out, while everything inside of her was screaming No, no, no!

He didn’t answer, only stared at her, challenging her.

“Kyle?”

He finally looked away, and lifted the pen to his hand to sign.

"No."

[truman11883]

Hi everyone,

Sorry it took me so long to update. Like I said, my computer wasn't working at home. It finally is now. I'm almost done with this story. I was shooting for 15 parts total, but its going to end up closer to 20.

~Sarah



Dare You To Move
Switchfoot

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next
What happens next

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
Tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before


Part 15

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Liz hadn’t realized how wrong she could be in one lifetime.

Sure, people make mistakes. Sometimes a lot of them. Sometimes they redeem themselves through repentance and scruples and good deeds. Sometimes they never fully atone for them and end up suffering for the rest of their lives, never living down their past.

Her? Liz Parker? Well, she really didn’t think there was any comparison.

Even after adding all the blunders together into an insurmountable sum, she had had every doubt that she would be able to dig herself out of the fifty-foot grave she had found herself in.

She was paralyzed, unmovable, sitting in a fog of surprise on the motel bed, wondering what in the hell she was supposed to do, or say, or how to act.

Liz supposed she should jump for joy, thanking God that Kyle had indeed signed the papers.

Or call her mother and Maria to tell them the news; that she was on her way home and that Rachel was now legally fatherless.

But she didn’t. She couldn’t.

She wasn’t happy. She hadn’t realized before, but a small part of her had wanted Kyle to say no, to claim his daughter, to love her.

While that fact was mostly wonderful, the knowledge that Kyle had had no qualms of giving up Rachel actually made her heart break.

A tear escaped and fell down her cheek. The papers were in her hands, Kyle’s signature mocking her.

He had taunted her in the final moments, using his own daughter as leverage, seeing if there was anything more he could squeeze out of the situation.

He hadn’t asked about Rachel, what she looked like, how old she was, if she was talking or walking. He hadn’t asked to see one of the many pictures she kept in her wallet. He hadn’t asked to say goodbye to her before he signed his guardianship away.

Now that she had what she wanted, she felt even more alone than before. There were no arms to rap around her and chase her sorrows away. There were now gentle words whispered into her ear.

She sat alone on the queen size bed in the motel room, wanting nothing more than to scream in outrage…or cry herself to sleep.

Yes, she had made a mistake and slept with Kyle. She had had a daughter, raised her alone, and finally had decided that clinging to the false hope that Kyle would one day come around and profess his undying love for Rachel was worthless. She had traveled to Florida in hopes that she and Rachel would be rid of the man forever, and they were.

So, why was she crawling underneath the covers, and crying her eyes out?

Maybe because she didn’t have anyone to celebrate with yet.

Maybe because the easiest part of her plan was already over.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Is she back yet?”

Maria shook her head, as Nancy came up from behind her. “No, but she just called saying she’ll be here any minute.”

“Did she say…?” Nancy left the question hanging.

Maria shook her head again, and readjusted Rachel who was perched on a booster seat in the booth. “No, she didn’t say.”

The restaurant was quiet in between the lunch and dinner rushes. Only a few sparse patrons were present. The cook had been sent home, leaving Jeff in case another order was placed.

Nancy sat across from Maria in the booth, nervous energy running through her veins. She bounced her knee underneath the table, she tapped her fingers, she chewed on her bottom lip.

She had been this way for the last two days. A ball of anxiety, a taut rubber band ready to snap. Liz hadn’t offered any information while she had been gone, and even when asked she still had been close-lipped. This, undoubtedly, had left her parents in a tension-filled state of limbo, wondering if their daughter was finally rid of the sadistic, self-serving asshole that knocked her up and then high-tailed it to Florida like the coward he was…is.

Nancy clenched her fists. How she wanted to punch Kyle right in the mouth. She would give just about anything to see the surprise on his face right before she punched his lights out. She could think of several ways to serve up proper justice: public humiliation, castration…the list was never-ending.

If Nancy had it her way, she would have served Kyle’s balls on a plate two years ago when he accused Liz of being a slut and sleeping around…of trapping him with her pregnancy on purpose.

She literally growled in frustration, drawing Maria’s surprised attention. “I should have never let her go alone!” she practically yelled. “I should have gone with her. I should have protected her!”

“Mrs. P.…” Maria hedged, only to get cut off.

“There’s no telling what he did to her down there! He probably didn’t even sign them just to spite her! God, I hate him!” she said miserably. Nancy covered her face with her hands. “He hurt my baby. God Maria, he hurt her so much.”

Maria’s eyes filled. “I know,” she whispered.

And she did know. She knew more than anyone how much Kyle had hurt Liz. The two friends had spent countless hours talking and crying and cursing the man that had hurt Liz so badly. Maria knew more about the situation than she might like, but that never stopped her from asking questions and offering the shoulder to cry on.

She hugged Rachel, who was thoroughly entertained by the now favorite bear in front of her. The right hear was mangled from slobber, and the eye was a little loose, but it was wear from love.

The little girl was oblivious to how many people loved her, and would do anything for her. She was so lucky to have a mom and grandparents and a quirky aunt who cared about her and her mother more than themselves.

But she knew how not having a father changed who you were. Or having a father that didn’t want you. That was even worse. Having a father that left because he just didn’t love you anymore. Left because he found something better; a new wife, a new family, a new life. Never measuring up. Never feeling good enough, but trying your damnedest to win approval. Maria knew better than anybody that that was no way to live.

I flash of blue caught her eye, and she saw Liz’s car pull up, with a somber Liz in the driver’s seat.

“Nancy,” she said. When the older woman looked up, she caught Maria’s eye, and turned to see her only child climb from the car.

She was out of the booth and outside the restaurant before Liz could even reach the sidewalk. Her arms came around to engulf her daughter in bear hug.

Tears came then, in tidal waves down their cheeks. Soft sobs and mumbled words.

“Rachel,” Liz muttered when she saw Maria standing behind her mother. “Rachel.”

She disengaged herself from Nancy long enough to cross the three feet to her daughter. Rachel clung to her just as tightly as Liz did. The words “Momma” and “Rachel” were like a mantra on their lips, having missed each other in the hours Liz had been gone. It had been the longest period that the two had spent apart. If everything went to plan, there wouldn’t been many more times that would happen.

Maria ushered the three inside and up to the apartment. She collected Jeff minutes later and asked the waitresses to get her to cover the kitchen if an order was placed.

She quietly entered the apartment, finding the small family huddled together on the couch. Maria didn’t want to intrude, but she knew Liz wanted her there. She had said as much on their earlier phone conversation.

Nancy stroked Liz’s dark hair as she tentatively asked, “Did he…? Did he sign?”

Liz never took her eyes off her daughter as she nodded, fresh tears escaping down her cheeks.

Nancy’s immediate reaction was to curse a blue streak and thank God for miracles. Kyle was now out of their lives, Liz was free to raise Rachel alone. They were now ready to move on without anything coming between them. It was finally over.

“Not completely over Mom,” Liz mumbled, still holding a tired Rachel close to her chest.

Nancy stopped mid-tirade. “What?”

“There’s one more thing I have to do.”

Nancy looked at Jeff, who appeared to be just as baffled as she felt. “What on Earth are you talking about Elizabeth? He signed the papers. He’s not Rachel’s father. What else is there to do?”

“I only came home to get Rachel. I’m leaving in a minute.”

Nancy stood staring blankly at her daughter, while Jeff still sat by Liz. “What do you mean you’re leaving Lizzie?” he asked.

Liz looked up at Maria, who was standing quietly by the door.

“I have to get Rachel’s father back.”

[truman11883]

I worked on this at work and just finished it a few minutes ago. It might be a little rough to read, and I might change a few things tomorrow. But its posted. Yea!

~Sarah



The Reason
Hoobastank

I’m not a perfect person
There’s many things I wish I didn’t do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I’m sorry that I hurt you
It’s something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That’s why I need you to hear

I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you

I’m not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I’ve found a reason to show
A side of me you didn’t know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you


Part 16

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“What am I doing here?” she mumbled, handing her daughter another slice of orange.

The park they sat in had several other families and small children. Boys and girl were swinging on swings, playing tag, and sharing whispered secrets to one another. Rachel wasn’t quite old enough to join in yet, but Liz knew eventually she would be. Someday, her daughter would go off and grow up. And Liz didn’t know where that would leave her.

“What am I suppose to say to him? Huh?” she inquired of her daughter. “What if he doesn’t want to see me? What if…what if he doesn’t want us anymore Rachel?”

“Mamma!” Rachel exclaimed. The huge, toothy grin made a similar one appear on Liz’s face.

“How can he not want you!” she said haughtily. “You’re so cute…I could eat you up!”

The tickling adventure that ensued lasted for several moments, until Liz was out of breath and Rachel’s laughter had died out. Liz’s spirits might have taken a several blows since leaving for Roswell, but she knew it would be all right in the end. She knew Max’s heart, and had seen the love he had had for Rachel in his eyes. Once she explained everything, he would understand. And if there was no hope for the two of them, and she wouldn’t be surprised if there wasn’t, then she would have to live with that. She just had to have faith…

As long as her daughter had a father that loved her, Liz told herself. That was how she had lived her life for so long, finding happiness through Rachel’s happiness. She would do the same now.

The drive across the country had been eventful with a toddler in tow, to say the least. It had taken several days because of the countless stops Liz had had to make. To eat, to bathe, to sleep. She had forgotten how many times the smell of a spoiled diaper had startled her awake in the driver’s seat in the dead of night. What Rachel produced in her diapers was more potent and startling than a slap on the face. Especially when she had had a McDonald’s cheeseburger for dinner.

But actually, Rachel had been surprisingly comfortable in her car seat for the duration of the journey. She had her bear and her mother and the window to look out of and her toes to play with. The only time she had made a fuss was when she was either dirty or hungry.

And with few distractions given, Liz had had seventeen plus hours behind the wheel to recount the speech she planned to give Max Evans over and over and over…and over.

She had worked herself up into such a frenzy that when they finally arrived in Roswell, she had cried for two hours straight. Her tears were more out of frustration and weariness than actual grief. She was bone tired and her eyes seemed permanently crossed. When her head finally hit the pillow in the small motel room later that day, she had found oblivion and slept for twelve hours.

Now, sitting in the small park just one mile away from the Evans’ residence, Liz’s bones were quaking all over again. How would he greet her? With a smile or with a slam of the door? What if she couldn’t convince him? What if he didn’t want either of them anymore?

Rachel became fascinated with the grass at her toes, and quickly ignored her mother.

Liz let her play, watching as she drew herself up and took several steps before stumbling over her feet and falling to the ground on her bottom…only to start the process over again. Rachel was determined to catch a butterfly that somehow always seemed to be just out of her grasp.

As she played, Liz turned her attentions to the subsequent conversation that she would be having.

Neither noticed the eyes watching them from across the park.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

What is she doing here?

For the second day in a row, he watched as the love of his life and her daughter played in the quaint park not five minutes from his house.

Yesterday when he had seen them, it had been purely by accident.

He had left his house in anger, after a heated argument with his parents. His mother had confronted him yet again about his attitude.

“Max, I don’t understand. All we want to do is help.”

“I don’t want your help! Leave me alone.”

“Max,” Philip had said. “Don’t talk to your mother that way! We’re trying to help, and you’re acting like–”

“You’re acting like I’m fifteen years old! I’m an adult. I don’t need you breathing down my neck!”

Philip began to loose his temper. Max had always been an even-tempered child and young man. And now for months he was depressed…morose, but then turning explosive within seconds. It didn’t add up and he and Diane were starting to worry.

“Is it drugs?” he had asked wearily. “Is that it?”

Max shook his head and rubbed his eyes tiredly. “No, its not drugs.”

“Then what Max?” Diane had asked. “Please, tell us.”

“Its nothing,” he had said dully. “You can’t help me. Just let it go.”

He had left and walked aimlessly; letting his gloomy thoughts direct him, ending at the park. Max had noticed how similar the park was to the one in St. Louis. Children playing, benches with parents watching on, swings, slides. It even had a sandbox…

And then he had seen her. Rachel playing in the sand.

At first he had thought he was dreaming. He was so sure he was visioning the little girl from St. Louis playing just thirty feet away in front him. She had grown, he noticed, almost two years old now. Her dark hair was longer and held in a ponytail on top of her head. Her curls dangled around her smiling face. He heard her laughter, and it made him smile.

And then he saw her mother.

He swallowed hard, remembering all the emotions that had coursed through him at that moment. Pain, surprise, longing, love. His heart had started feeling for the first time in months just at one look. He had watched from across the park, hidden by a tree, as the two ate their lunch and built a shaky sandcastle. He even laughed himself when Rachel enthusiastically ran into it, demolishing their hard work. “Awl gone!” she had said proudly.

They had stayed for about an hour that day, Rachel playing while Liz looked on. Max had watched Rachel for as long as he could, and then he surrendered and his eyes turned to Liz. She had changed also, her hair longer, her face paler, her eyes…

Even from a distance, he could tell that her eyes were sad, almost haunted…like his. When he looked in the mirror every morning, he rarely recognized himself. He would stare at his reflection, wondering where the carefree Max went and why he had to be replaced with the miserable sap that wore his face.

His hands had itched to run through her hair, to feel her skin. Several times he had caught himself about to intrude on their moment.

What would he have said if he had, he wondered? Hello? How’ve ya been? Why the hell did you leave me alone in the hotel room after our night together and then never even saying goodbye when I had to leave the next day or not answering my phone calls or–

He muttered a curse under his breath. He had to stop thinking like that. That was why he had been depressed for so long, probing and examining his actions in St. Louis and wondering what he had done to drive her away.

But she wasn’t away anymore, he reminded himself. For some reason, she was here, in New Mexico, and he didn’t have to examine himself to death anymore. He was quite content to just stay hidden behind the tree and watch the two-year-old play happily in the park.

The voice that questioned, What is she doing here?, wouldn’t go away, though.

What was she doing here?

Max guessed she was here to see him, deciding that she probably didn’t know anyone else in New Mexico. She had said once that she had rarely ever been outside of Missouri, so a trek across the country to Roswell was quite a journey.

Was something wrong, he wondered? Was she sick? Was Rachel sick? Did they need his help? Maybe legal advise? He had no idea. He stopped short of thinking she was here to reconcile. That would be too much to hope for. He figured it was probably better to not think about it at all, considering how he wanted just that and how it drove him insane thinking about it.

Liz stood up then, and moved to the bag she had left at the bench, leaving Rachel to play. He watched as the little girl would dig in the sand and then throw it up in the air. Then something would catch her eye and she would forget all about the sandbox.

So innocent, he thought. He loved her more every second.

He watched, as she stood up, much more sturdy now, and half-walk half-ran to the bear sitting lopsided in the grass. Not just any bear, he realized. His bear. The one he had given to her. It was a little worse for wear, but he could tell it was well loved.

She wandered again, finding a flower and picking it. She struggled carrying the bear and the flower, and before he even realized, he was standing in front of Rachel.

When his shadow hit her, she looked up at him. Slowly he lowered himself to the ground, crouching. She looked at him, and when he smiled, so did she.

“Hi Rachel.”

“Hi,” she said enthusiastically.

“That’s a pretty flower.”

She nodded. Her smile never wavered. He wondered if she remembered him.

“What color is that?”

She looked at the flower again, and he could tell she was trying to think of the word.

“L…lellow?”

“Very good. Yellow. It matches your shirt.”

She smiled again, and then handed the flower to him. “Fowr you.”

He reached to take the flower from her. But he couldn’t leave just yet, and he held her hand and smiled inside when she let him.

“Are you here with your mom?”

She nodded.

“Why don’t we go find her?”

“Okay.”

As they walked, he said without reprimand, “Rachel, you shouldn’t wander off. You might get lost.”

“I sowry.”

He picked her up then, and held her on his left side. She clutched her bear to her. “I know sweetie. Its okay.”

“Rachel? Rachel?!”

Liz’s frantic voice made the two turn toward the sandbox. Max saw Liz anxiously looking and calling for her daughter. He could imagine how she felt. Loosing someone you love so much…

Without realizing it, he hugged Rachel close.

“Mamma!” she called out.

“Rachel!” Liz screeched. Hearing her daughter’s voice, she didn’t see anything else but her daughter safe and alive. She ran towards her with tears in her eyes.

“Rachel…oh, I was so…” She trailed off when she realized someone was holding her daughter, and lost her breath when she saw who it was.

“Max…”

“Hello Liz.”

[truman11883]

Yikes!! I'm two days late!!!!!!!

So sorry. But, I am here with an update, and...hopefully...one that you all will enjoy.

~Sarah


Breakaway
Kelly Clarkson

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I just stared out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I’d end up happy
I would pray

Trying not to reach out
But when I’d try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray
I could breakaway

I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly
I’ll do what it takes ‘til I touch the sky
I’ll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won’t forget all the ones that I love
I’ll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away
And breakaway

I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly
I’ll do what it takes ‘til I touch the sky
I’ll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won’t forget all the ones that I loved
I’ll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don’t know where they’ll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly
Though it’s not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won’t forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway, breakaway
Breakaway


Part 17

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

She swallowed hard, the ball of fear that had been in her stomach for the past week now seemed permanently lodged in her throat.

This wasn’t how it was suppose to happen. He wasn’t supposed to surprise her. She was supposed to surprise him! She was supposed to have the upper hand.

She was supposed to woo him over to her side and make him Rachel’s father.

His penetrated gaze wasn’t helping any, either. She couldn’t look away even though she desperately wanted to. He sucked her in and refused to let her gaze fall away.

“Hi Max,” she said in a shaky voice.

His stared back, his piercing eyes so acute and omniscient, she was sure he knew her every secret.

What would he say when she finally was able to get the words out? What would he do?

She was afraid to ponder too long on that subject. She wasn’t sure where it would lead her.

Instead, she looked her fill of the man she had grown to love in the past months, and had come to miss terribly. He was still tall, still striking. His hair dark, his eyes the same honey color they were back home.

But something was different. She couldn’t quite decide what it was. Maybe it was the dark circles under those beautiful eyes. Or the fact that they didn’t sparkle anymore.

They were guarded, like hers she realized. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for disaster or disappointment. Waiting for her to walk away again.

She knew that feeling. And she hated knowing that he did too.

She would have given anything to spend the past six months with him, in his arms, in his life. But at the time, it wasn’t right. It hadn’t been feasible. But now…

Her heart was suddenly hopefully. He wasn’t yelling, or demanding her to leave. He wasn’t verbally cursing the day he met her, and her heart sped up. Maybe she still had a chance. Maybe it wasn’t too late.

“Momma, da budderfly wen’ ‘way.”

Liz turned to her pouting daughter who was still perched in Max’s arms. Whatever her daughter had said had sounded a garbled mess. Her ears were ringing, and it took a second for Liz to orient herself again.

“What baby?”

“Da budderfly, it wen’ ‘way.”

Liz smiled despite herself. “Butterfly?”

“Uh huh.” Rachel nodded vigorously. “But he’s too fast. So I got da flowehr cuz its perty.”

“Yes, it is.”

Rachel quickly snatched the dandelion in Max’s hand. “Fowr you, Momma.”

“Hey, what about me, huh?” Max asked, teasingly. He jostled her in his arms to get her attention.

Rachel looked genuinely confused, and then her eyes brightened as she said, “I git anodder one.”

She squirmed to be put down, and Max conceded. She scampered away, and nodded absently as Liz called, “Don’t wander too far this time.”

The two adults were left horrible alone, the tension between them so thick it was difficult to take a breath.

When there was nothing left to do, Max finally took a deep sigh and asked, “What are you doing here Liz?”

She couldn’t look at him. His voice, the rich, deep, soul-piercing voice that she remembered was gone. And in its place was something void of emotion, its timbre too dull, its resonance too detached.

She shivered.

“Um…I…I wanted to talk…to you,” she stumbled.

“Talk?” he hedged.

He sounded doubtful, and she thought for a moment that he might turn her away as she had feared. But he simply stood there, with his impossibly hard stare, waiting for her to continue.

Her throat quit working. Liz struggled to answer him. To say something.

When she didn’t, Max asked, “Liz?”

“Um…yeah. So, I…I’ve been thinking a lot since…since you left, and I realized that…”

She trailed off. Her eyes glazed over as she relived the months she had worked night and day to pay the lawyer she had hired. The confrontation with Kyle. The uncertainty in her parents’ eyes. The sadness in Maria’s. Rachel hadn’t felt it yet, but Liz knew she would. It was only a matter of time.

Liz’s eyes connected with Max’s then. Hers glazed with tears, his intent.

“I missed you Max.”

He sucked in a breath, but said nothing. He seemed to tremble, but she couldn’t be sure because she couldn’t look away.

“I want to explain everything. I want to tell you…everything, but…”

“No. No buts. Explain it…now.”

She nodded, partly because Max seemed ready to pick a fight and she knew she deserved it, and partly because she needed to explain. And more than that, she wanted to get it over with.

“Where do you want me to start?”

It only took Max a second before asking, “Why did you leave that night?”

“I left because…because I wanted to be with you.” She could tell he didn’t believe her. His eyebrows and mouth scrunched together in a disbelieving frown. Liz sighed. “I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's true.”

“No, what’s ridiculous is you letting me make love to you and then leaving in the middle of the night. That’s ridiculous.”

“Max, you were going to leave for New Mexico soon after that. I didn’t want to commit myself to you until it was actually possible.”

“Then why did you even come to my hotel room that night?” he demanded.

She looked at him, slightly disappointed. As if he should already know. “Because I loved you.”

His eyes changed then. The dim, sheltered look vanished. They glimmered in the sunlight. They danced. Unshed tears gathered.

They mirrored her own.

“You what?” he croaked. His voice was rough, as if his throat was tight.

“I loved you.” She hesitated a second, before admitting, “I still do.”

A deep breath was released from his chest. His mouth worked up and down, as if he wanted to say something. But he didn’t. He waited instead.

“I wanted to be with you. But not until I could completely, without miles between us. I didn’t want a long distance relationship Max. I wouldn’t have been fair to either of us. Or to Rachel.”

He nodded absently, turning to look at the little girl as she hesitantly began playing with two other small children. She was leery, unsure. But slowly she accepted their presence. She welcomed their attention.

Liz continued, knowing that Max was listening even if his eyes were elsewhere. “She needs something stable. Someone stable. Max…she needs a father.”

He turned to look at her, his eyes so emotional she almost cried. “What if I had wanted that? What would you have said?”

“I would have said that…that is wasn’t possible. Yet.”

“And now it is possible?”

“No. At least, not yet.”

They stared at each other for several moments. Liz’s hands were shaking, and disbelief was coursing through her. Was she really going to ask him? Could she actually do it? She still had no idea what he would say. She had only hope. And faith that he was the man she believed him to be.

The diaper bag had been forgotten on the bench behind her, and she turned to retrieve it. The folder inside held her wildest dreams. If only he would sign them.

She handed the folder to Max without explanation. Their fingers gently collided at the exchange. Neither spoke, but both felt the impact.

Max hesitated only slightly before opening the folder. He was genuinely surprised when he saw legal documents. Custody documents. Signed by…

“Kyle Valenti.”

“I…I went to Florida, and…um, asked him to sign those.”

He only half listened to her while he read.

Relinquish custody…

Kyle James Valenti…

Rachel Claudia Parker…

He shook his head in bewilderment and asked, “Why?”

“Because he’s not her father.” Liz’s voice was troubled, her throat tight. She sniffled slightly. “He never was. He left before she was even born. Pretty soon she’s going to be wondering why she doesn’t have a dad and…what am I supposed to say to her? Sorry Rachel, but Daddy took off and doesn’t want us anymore. How could I do that to her?!”

Liz wiped her eyes, angry that she was still crying tears over Kyle. “I didn’t want him in our lives anymore. He doesn’t deserve to be her father.”

Max nodded. He agreed.

“But…um, I’ve been thinking that…someone else does.”

She reached for the document he had been reading, and pulled it away. Below it was another.

“Oh my God,” he mumbled.

“I want you to be her father, Max. You love her. You’d never hurt her. You’d never leave. Please say yes. Please say you’ll sign.”

She had reduced herself to begging, but she didn’t care. If it got him to sign, then she would gladly walk over hot coals, or crawl over broken glass. Anything. Her pain didn’t matter. Rachel’s did, and if Max signed, Rachel would never feel what it was like to be deserted.

Max shook his head, and Liz assumed it was out of bewilderment, until he spoke.

“I don’t know Liz.” She sucked in a breath when she realized he was saying no. “It’s still not right. You still live in St. Louis. I…I couldn’t do that to her. I can’t be a part-time dad. I mean, it would be different if…if I moved there or …or you lived here.” He raked a hand throw his disheveled hair.

Her heart had sunk so fast she hadn’t been able to breathe, until he had mentioned…

“Well, I guess it’s a good thing we’re moving to Roswell then. Isn’t it?”

Max’s eyes grew to the size of golf balls. “What?” he said incredulously.

She nodded. “I, um…I’m planning on signing a lease on an apartment tomorrow. I have an interview at the clinic down the street after that. I’ll have to put Rachel in daycare. But, it’s worth it.”

“You’re moving?”

Liz nodded again. “I know it seems crazy, but I got an incredibly long lecture from my parents, so you don’t have to tell me I’m crazy because I know I’m crazy. And, I know you probably weren’t expecting this but…” Liz stopped herself from babbling further. She needed to say this right.

She collected herself before continuing. “I went to Florida to see a man I never wanted to see again and begged him to sign those papers. I argued with my parents for days about moving and left on pretty bad terms because of it. I left everyone and everything I’ve ever known to come here, to see you.

“Max, Rachel needs you. She needs a father who loves her. And…I know you would probably prefer to never see me again.” She lowered her eyes for a minute, unwilling to see confirmation in his eyes. She missed the look of unadulterated love pass over his face. “But, I would do anything for Rachel. Even beg. Please, Max. Please sign.”

“You got a pen?”

[truman11883]

I Shall Believe
Sheryl Crow

Come to me now
And lay your hands over me
Even if it’s a lie
Say it will be all right
And I shall believe

I’m broken in two
And I know you’re on to me
That I only come home
When I’m so all alone
But I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won’t give up on me
And I shall believe
And I shall believe

Open the door
And show me your face tonight
I know it’s true
No one heals me like you
And you hold the key

Never again
Would I turn away from you
I’m so heavy tonight
But your love is alright
And I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won’t give up on me
And I shall believe
I shall believe


Part 18

Liz held Rachel on her lap on the picnic table in the park; the two facing Max who sat directly across from them. He was still reading the papers, pen in hand, examining each document with what Liz thought bordered enthusiasm.

The breeze gently whipped at Rachel’s hair, while she played with her Barbies. She was talking gibberish, one Barbie talking to another. Occasionally a giggle would escape her, and she would bring her little hand up to cover her mouth in an attempt to stifle the volume. Max would sneak a glance at his soon-to-be daughter and a contented smile would grace his face. He attempted to be covert, averting his gaze quickly, but Liz noticed.

What was he thinking, she wondered? She couldn’t tell and he hadn’t spoken a word since requesting a pen, which she had whole-heartedly proffered. He was reading every aspect of the legal document, going through it with a fine-tooth comb. Did he think she would try to rip him off? Cheat him somehow? It didn’t matter to her that he was wealthy. She had gone over two years without any financial assistance. Liz knew how to budget her money. While she was by no means well of, her transition to her new life in Roswell wouldn’t be fraught with financial problems.

The silence was comfortable between them, but in Liz’s chest, her heart did a flip-flop every time he turned a page without signing. What did it mean? When he had asked for a pen, she had thought that that would be it. That he had made his decision and that it was final.

But apparently she had been wrong. While she didn’t blame him for reading the document before signing, she was somewhat discouraged when she realized that he hadn’t taken her request honestly. She had meant everything she had said. She loved him. She wanted him for Rachel’s father. She wanted him in Rachel’s life. His stability, his support, his love. And if she was completely honest, she wanted him for herself also.

But she wouldn’t push. She wouldn’t drive him away from Rachel just because she was desperately in love with her daughter’s soon-to-be father. She would bide her time, make him see how much she really did care for him. Maybe then, when he had had plenty of time to become accustom to their arrangement he would want more. Maybe then, they could be a real family.

Over the last months she had thought of it many times. Max coming home after a tiring day of work. Liz greeting him at the door, with Rachel at her heals. Hearing their daughter call Max “Daddy.” A boisterous dinner filled with Rachel’s laughter and special, silent glances sent across the dinner table between father and mother, promises of more later that night. Reading to Rachel before bed. Tucking her in, and turning out the light. And then fulfilling their promises all night long in each other’s arms.

She sighed quietly, and leaned her chin on her hand. Her gaze was faraway, focused on a future that could be, if only she could convince Max that it was possible. That is was probable. That it was meant to be.

She missed the similar glance Max sent her from across the picnic table. And she didn’t realize that he had had very similar dreams. Ever since he had visited St. Louis and had come home empty handed.

“Liz?”

She came out of her daydream, and the grin that had been on her face disappeared. “Yes?” She had to blink several times to fight back the unexpected tears that burned her eyes.

Max had a perplexed look on his face, and she could tell that he wasn’t sure what to say. He scanned a couple of pages again, looking for an answer that he couldn’t find. “You, um…there’s nothing in here about…well, about…financial…assistance,” he struggled to get out.

She slowly shook her head. “No, there’s not.”

He nodded, and slowly asked, “Well…why?”

Liz smiled an easy smile. “Because Max. Rachel doesn’t need your money. She needs your love.”

A moment passed between them, a silent moment of agreement. They understood each other in that moment, and all the bitterness that Max had felt melted away. His depression and anxiety and restlessness were obliterated by her smile in that moment.

A shiver crawled down Liz’s spine. She knew that look; she’d seen it before. Her daydream was fresh in her mind, and the look he had just sent her from across the picnic table seemed very similar to the one she had fantasized about not five minutes earlier.

She didn’t want to assume something and have it not be true, though. She didn’t want to get her hopes up. Liz knew she had mountains to climb to reach Max on the level of intimacy. It had taken all she had had to even come to Roswell, not to mention ask…no, beg…him to sign the custody papers. Which by the way, she reminded herself, he hadn’t done yet.

She was getting ahead of herself. She needed to stay focused, but it seemed that whenever she was around Max, her levelheaded nature flew out the window.

“Liz, she already has it. But…”

When he trailed off in thought, Liz couldn’t help but prompt, “But…?”

“Love won’t pay the bills, Liz.” Before she could reply to his statement, he continued, “What job did you apply for at the clinic? Which clinic is it?”

Liz decided that, despite that fact that the questions he was asking were hardly pertinent, she would answer them. Especially if she thought it would get his hand to sign the damn papers.

“Assistant nurse at Eastern New Mexico Medical Center for now. Eventually I’d like to work as a nurse at a larger hospital. I guess the one in Albuquerque is the closest,” she added absently.

“Is that what your degree is in?”

She nodded. “Yes. There weren’t many openings in St. Louis for nurses, and the ones that were available required working long, odd hours. It wasn’t worth it. The pay is awful and I just…I didn’t want to miss Rachel’s childhood. Working at the café was the best option at the time.”

“I don’t want Rachel in daycare.”

Liz looked up at his face, surprised. He had said it with such finality, it had startled her. “Why?”

“I’ll watch her, or my parents can watch her while we’re at work. We shouldn’t have to pay someone else to watch Rachel.”

“We?” her quivering voice managed to choke out.

“I plan on signing the papers, Liz. But I want to get a few things straight first. I have conditions.”

“Oh.” Her mind was a whirl of confusion and anxiety and nerves. It was hard to keep herself planted on the picnic table seat. She felt like any minutes she would float away on the breeze that continued to blow.

“One, no daycare. Two, I meant what I said. I don’t want to be a part time dad. Its not fair to anyone, especially Rachel.” He waited a moment, an agonizing moment that seemed to stretch for years, before he continued, “I want us to get an apartment together.”

Liz felt like she might cry. She had actually stopped breathing and if she didn’t cry she knew she probably die from shock. Live together? Was he serious?

But he never noticed her shock, or if he did he didn’t acknowledge it. “I want Rachel to know me. I don’t want visitation or every other weekend. I want to see her every day. I want to wake her up in the morning and take her to school. I want to kiss her goodnight and do it all over the next day.” His throat became tight, and he couldn’t help the catch in his breath.

“I want that too Max.”

“So then…you understand that we’ll have to live together.”

She nodded, because she wasn’t sure what else to do.

“You could stay with me while we go apartment hunting. My parents can watch her during the day, get to know her. That way you can start your job, get used to the routine, and not worry about Rachel. I was planning on working at the office with Dad soon. It’s been a while since I’ve taken a case. But I’ll start slow so Rachel and I can get to know each other.”

“Max…”

He hadn’t realized he was staring off into space until he heard her say her name. When he turned to look at her, he saw the tears threatening to fall. “Is…is that alright? M-Maybe we can keep the apartment you found. I just…I guess I just assumed it wouldn’t be big enough for the three of us. Is it? If not, we can look for something else. But, I guess we could just stay with my parents. That’s where I’m staying now. The guest house is big enough for…the three…of…us.” What did that look mean, he wondered? Why was she crying? Did he say something wrong? He hated it when he rambled; he sounded pathetic and stupid.

Liz swallowed as hard as she could to force the lump from her throat. “I’m sure the…guest house, is fine,” she managed to spit out. Guest house? He was wealthier than even Maria had thought. Good Lord, what had she gotten herself into?

“Yeah?”

She nodded. “That way, Rachel and I can meet your parents and get to know them. I’m sure they’ll want to meet their granddaughter.” She offered a half-smile in an attempt to lighten the mood. How ironic, she hadn’t even met his family yet and they were talking about living together. Raising a child together.

Max swallowed hard then. “Their granddaughter,” he said, looking at Rachel.

At that moment, it didn’t matter where they lived, or where Liz worked, or what he and Liz felt for each other. All that mattered was that he was a father. Well, almost.

He remembered the pen that was still poised in his hand, and when his eyes refocused from the emotional outburst his heart…his body…his soul had undergone, he hastily scribbled his signature in the lines provided. He felt Liz’s eyes on him, but didn’t look up until he was finished. Until his life was bound to the two females in front of him. With his final signature, he made himself a father of a beautiful two-year-old girl.

He didn’t know it, but with those signatures, he was making Liz the happiest woman on the face of the Earth. Rachel would have a beautiful future now. She would grow and be loved, be safe. Liz’s heart sighed in relief.

“Rachel,” she whispered to her daughter. “Baby, I’d like you to meet someone.”

Rachel looked up from her playing. She had been content with her Barbies that she had blissfully missed the heated, emotional discussion. Liz loved her innocence and was thrilled when she realized that she would stay that way longer than she had suspected. She wanted her baby to stay a baby for as long as possible.

“Rachel, this is Max.” Liz pointed to Max and watched as he gave Rachel a timid, shy smile that Rachel returned. She was usually guarded around strangers but Rachel had warmed to Max from the beginning.

“He’s your daddy,” Liz whispered.

Rachel rested her cheek on Liz’s chest while she peered at Max. Liz could tell that she was shy, so she didn’t push. She waited, instead, for her daughter to respond. Liz didn’t want Rachel to shut down at this important time. She didn’t want Rachel and Max’s relationship to be over before it began.

“Hi Rachel.” For some reason, the two adults felt it was an appropriate time to whisper. As if shouting the new relationship from the rooftops (which was what Max was aching to do) would bring the surreal experience to a crashing halt. It was a tentative, cautious start to what would hopefully be a loving, long-lasting bond.

He watched Rachel as she watched him. He kept the smile on his face, trying to ease her somewhat. Eventually she relaxed and offered a shy, “Hi.”

He nearly laughed with his jubilation. “Hi!” Breathing became a very difficult task, and he barely choked out, “You’re very pretty Rachel. Just like your mommy.”

Rachel seemed to open up then, facing him fully and engaging in conversation that only she seemed to understand. But she didn’t notice that neither parent was paying attention. The two only had eyes for each other…and the future that lingered ahead of them untold and unscripted.

[truman11883]

Sorry I'm late, but I have an update as promised. And you didn't have to wait three months for it either!!

~Sarah


Say Anything
Edwin McCain feat. Maia Sharp

Say anything, save everything
If we say nothing this love will die
Give me just one word, you can scream or whisper
If you want to stay with me, tell me why
Say anything

It’s not that the words aren’t there
But they’d only fail my emotions
Just want to feel this way
Without chaining you down to some old cliché
You want water in my hands
And we stand waist deep in the ocean
It’s bigger than the sea
It won’t let me

Say just anything, because I feel everything
I’d rather say nothing than the same old lines
I think I give you more, something there’s no words for
You don’t have to hear me to feel me trying
To say anything

Baby I know you try
But sometimes I still want to hear it
Even when the waters calm
But lately it’s just when there’s something wrong
Why can’t we splash around
And hold on to that playful spirit
Oh like we used to do
And won’t you

Say anything, save everything
If we say nothing this love will die
Give me just one word, you can scream or whisper
If you want to stay with me tell me why
Say anything

This love is true
Even if you call it by a different name
And it’s still the same, so we’ll

Say anything, feel everything
I want to be with you so this love can fly
We’ll hang on every word and we’ll scream, we’ll whisper
This moment is waiting for you and I
Say anything
Say anything




Part 19

“Max, wait.”

He halted right before opening the door to his parent’s house.

The walk home had been content and quiet. He had held Rachel and had listened to her talk about anything and everything. She had opened up quickly to him and the new situation, accepting him into her life. She had always been friendly, but now it seemed as if Rachel was allowing him access to her heart as well. She would smile at him and her eyes would sparkle. He was the happiest man alive.

Max had felt Liz’s eyes on him the entire walk from the park to the house, but he hadn’t looked up. He wasn’t sure what she was thinking, and if it turned out to be something negative he honestly didn’t want to know. He was too happy, his life was too perfect in that moment to allow anything to destroy it.

And even as he tried to banish her words from his mind, he couldn’t. She had said that she still loved him. That she never stopped. She had moved here, leaving everything she had ever known, to be closer to him. She had made the first step to reconciliation, and she had offered something she had never given anyone else…her daughter’s heart.

Now if only he could somehow give Liz his heart in return. He had been so ready in St. Louis to do just that. The morning after, he would have gladly started a life with her, he would have woken up blissful and refreshed and ready to start a day without being alone. But that was exactly how she had left him. Alone and unbelievably hurt.

He didn’t want to feel that way anymore. The past months had been torture for him, thinking about her and Rachel. Agonizing over where he had gone wrong. What had he done? But he hadn’t done anything. And he couldn’t have done anything to make it right, he realized later. She had walked away of her own volition. And she had needed to redeem herself. At least in his eyes.

Max wanted to give her his heart again, or at least of piece of it, to see what she would do. And he supposed he had already done just that, to a certain degree. He had accepted Rachel as his own flesh and blood. He had promised, by signing the papers, that he would never abandon his daughter or her mother, emotionally, physical, or otherwise.

What would Liz do with his heart now, he wondered? How would she react this time? While he now knew that her motives in St. Louis were genuine, his hurt was still embedded. And even if it did heal completely, he would still always remember the scar that would remain.

But Liz knew all about heart ache too. She had been loved and left cold before. She knew what it was like to be alone. To feel unloved. To have to start over without knowing where to go or what to do. Thank God she had had a family to help her every step of the way and a best friend to help her heart open again.

If he were completely honest with himself, Max would admit that he was very eager to let Liz have his love and trust again. He wanted that intimacy of a close bond. A soul mate. He wanted to know that he was hers and she was his. He wanted to know that when he came home it wasn’t only his daughter that would be eager to see him. He wanted to be called “Honey” and “Baby” just like any other person. He wanted to be special in her eyes. He wanted a family of his own. He wanted Liz.

When he finally turned to look at her, though, he noted her anxiety. “What is it?”

“Um…well,” she hesitated. Her eyes danced with uncertainty and he wasn’t sure what it was from. “Your parents…what do you think they’ll say?”

“Say about what?” he asked, genuinely clueless.

“About us? What are you going to say to them?”

Well, damn. He hadn’t thought about that.

He shrugged, “The truth, I guess. If they don’t like it, that’s tough. We’re a family now,” he said, gazing down at Rachel. “Right Rachel?”

“Wight!” she said, excited.

“Do you want to me your grandma and grandpa?”

She thought for a minute, before asking, “I alweady hab one.”

“Sweetie, you know my parents. Grandma Nancy and Grandpa Jeff. But now you’ll be meeting your daddy’s parents. They’re your new grandma and grandpa,” Liz offered.

“I get mowre?” she asked, in wonder.

“Yes, and they’ll love you. I bet they can’t wait.”

“Max,” Liz interjected softly. “You can’t honestly believe they’ll be excited. They’ll probably think I’m doing this for your money.” It didn’t matter if she knew it wasn’t true, or Max knew it wasn’t true. Liz was sure his parents were going to be less than thrilled. And even though that did hurt, she knew it was an instinctive reaction.

It was a natural thing, wanting to protect you children.

“You’re probably right. But I’m not a child and they can’t tell me what to do. It’s too late for them to talk me out of it. I already signed the papers.”

Liz nodded, still unsure. Her heart was racing in her chest. She had thought confronting Max would be difficult. She hadn’t even thought ahead to the confrontation she was about to endure. She would be lucky if she didn’t faint.

“Hey,” he said softly, reading her expression. She seemed near tears and he was genuinely moved by it. She was nervous about meeting his parents. It was such a surreal moment. He had never really brought a girl home before, and certainly never a daughter. Yes, his parents would be shocked and probably a little territorial. But he really wasn’t too worried.

He drew Liz closer to him, putting his left arm around her shoulders. His voice dimmed to a whisper as he tried to reassure her. “Don’t worry, okay? If for some reason they decide to be completely unreasonable, we’ll leave and let them cool down. They will be surprised, but I really don’t think they’ll give us a hard time. They’ll love you and Rachel,” he said, and then with a smile, added, “once they get to know you.”

Liz sighed, goofily returning his grin. How could she argue with him when he was holding her, and touching her, and whispering in her ear? She was putty in his hands.

“You seem so sure.”

“I am,” he said. He brought his hand up away from her shoulder to place a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. “Liz, you and Rachel are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. They’ll see how happy I am, how happy you both make me. That should be explanation enough.”

She was staring at him now, mystified, and completely unaware that her eyes were glazed over with unshed tears. “Really?” she was able to utter before her throat tightened up again.

His was gazing at down at her, with a look she didn’t think she would have seen so soon. His eyes weren’t guarded or wary. They weren’t accusing or dejected. The sun shone brightly through them now. They sparkled and danced. She was in awe of the transformation, and she gradually felt her heart reacting to it, reaching out for it, claiming it as her own.

His thumb grazed her cheek, and then his hand settled to stroking the back of her neck. He realized all most too late that she was leaning into him. Her lips were parted and her eyes were fixated on his lips. Her tongue came out to wet her bottom lip. Her breath was staccato, and before he knew it, he was leaning down, closing the gap between them.

They’re noses touched. They’re foreheads skimmed each other. Cheek to cheek. He could feel her breath on his skin. Her hands rose, clinging to his waist, and even through layers of fabric her touch burned him. They were hesitant and eager all at once.

“Liz,” he managed to plead, before taking her lips gently, softly. Lips grazing and reacquainting. Mixing their breathes and flavors. He still smelled spicy and masculine, and she still reminded him of flowers and cinnamon.

His fingers ran through her hair, clinging to the soft tresses. She moaned softly and he went to deepen the kiss when Rachel started bouncing in Max’s arms, startling them out of their trance.

“Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” she chanted over and over.

The two adults came out of the kiss breathless, and unable to speak for several moments. Their eyes clinging to each other, wordlessly exchanging sentiments, requests, and promises.

She had to clear her voice twice before finally saying, “What sweetie?”

Rachel merely held out her hands with a disgruntled look on her face, indicating she wanted to switch parents. Liz gingerly took her daughter, and then, like a magnet, her eyes found Max’s again.

“A little territorial, huh?” he attempted to joke. It seemed like Rachel didn’t want to share her mother with anyone.

Liz found his hand with hers and wove their fingers together. She gave his hand a squeeze before saying, “Yeah.”

The slight grin on his face dropped. She was still leaning into him. Her body heat was adding to his already high temperature. His whole body felt overheated. And with the way they had just been kissing, he could definitely relate to staking his territory. Actually, he thought that was a really, really good idea.

“Um,” he squeaked, and had to clear his throat. “Why don’t you hold her while we’re here. She might get nervous being around so many new people.” Liz nodded. “And, um…I’ll ask to speak to my parents alone first, and then I’ll bring them in to meet you and Rachel.”

“Okay.”

As they walked through the door, Liz’s eyes took in the entryway. The ceilings were twenty feet high, and every wall was decorated with mirrors or paintings. There was a large chandelier hanging above them, with what seemed like hundreds of tiny light bulbs lighting their way. Fresh flowers scented the air. The formal living room that they walked into just a few moments later was even more beautiful, with brown leather sofas, a plasma screen TV, and sculptures lining the plush carpet.

Liz had never seen anything so beautiful or extravagant. Even when she had concluded that Max had come from money, she had never even considered that it might have been this much. Every individual piece probably cost more than her car, she decided. She felt very small in the large room, inadequate. Who was she when compared to this?

“I’ll be right back. Go ahead and help yourself to the kitchen if you want. There’s soda and water, whatever you need. Its right through there,” he said, pointing across the room to the large, open kitchen.

Liz could only nod, too distracted by the scenery to give a vocal answer.

Max stepped away after giving Rachel a kiss on the head. When they were alone, Liz couldn’t help but walk around some, inspecting certain pieces of artwork or family portraits that adorned the walls.

“Is big,” Rachel whispered, her eyes as large as quarters.

“Uh huh,” Liz whispered back, her eyes just as big.

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Mom? Dad?”

He knocked before opening the office door. Max found his parents, in what looked to be the tail end of an important conversation, seated in the office chairs on opposite sides of the desk. They both seemed weary and tired. Max assumed they hadn’t expected him back after their fight earlier. He had left angry when all they were trying to do was to help. But he hadn’t been compliant at the time. He had been inconsolable.

“Um, can I talk to you both?” he asked timidly.

Both Diane and Philip exchanged a surprised look, before his mother hastily said, “Of course. Here, sit down.” She offered Max her seat and walked around the desk to stand next to Philip.

“What’s this about son?”

Max took a deep breath, before admitting, “I have some news.” He swallowed hard. His parents were looking at him expectantly, their stance cautious.

“I want you to meet someone. Someone special.”

Diane and Philip exchanged a look. They had both assumed Max’s foul mood the past months was due to a girl. He had always had a big heart, capable of so much emotion. Diane had suspected that he had given his heart to someone, and gotten hurt in the process. But with the look on her son’s face, it seemed as if Max had made peace with whatever had happened.

Maybe the “someone special” he wanted them to meet had been the source of his distress. Or perhaps it was a new someone that had been able to break him free of his depression. Either way, Diane was very relieved to see the fatigue had vanished from his features. He seemed happy, and not at all like the depressed, morose son she had known.

“Well,” he father cleared his voice. “Who is it?”

“A girl. Well, actually two girls,” Max said with a secret smile.

Diane’s eyebrows shot up. Two girls?

“They’re both waiting in the living room.” When neither parent made any movement, Max rushed on, “I know you’re probably wondering what’s going on, and I just want you to know that, whatever you might think or say won’t change the fact that I’m happy. I’m very, very happy. Please…just try to keep that in mind.”

He stood then, moving toward the slightly ajar door and stepping into the hallway, waiting anxiously for his parents to follow.

Diane hastily whispered to her husband, “What do you think this is about?”

“I don’t know.” Philip shook his head hopelessly, and stood from his chair.

“Well, he’s been acting very strange lately, Philip.”

“I know that Diane. But the son that walked out of the door this morning is not the son that was just in here talking to us.”

“I agree,” Diane confessed. “I hope he doesn’t get hurt anymore than he already has. Who is this woman?”

Philip shook his head. “He hasn’t said anything to me about any woman, and I know he hasn’t been dating. I honestly have no idea.”

They followed him to the living room, all three in a suffocating silence. Max’s eyes immediately searched out his new family, and found Liz holding Rachel on her hip as they both looked at a photograph of him and Isabel on a family vacation. They were young at the time, before the inheritance had changed their life. While the vacation to the beach had been by no means extravagant, it had been fun. It was still one of his fondest childhood memories.

“Liz?”

Liz turned at the sound of his voice. Max approached them and, when she caught sight of his parents, tried her damnedest to offer a smile.

“Liz, I’d like you to meet my parents. This is Diane and Philip Evans.”

“Hello,” she said softly, and offered her hand to Philip. He shook it, his eyes darting between the beautiful girl in front of him and the beautiful girl in her arms.

“Mom, Dad, this is Elizabeth Parker.” Everyone in the room except Max noticed how his arms encircled Liz’s shoulders, the bright smile that lit his face.

“Its nice to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Evans.”

“You too Elizabeth.”

Diane approached them and, with a genuine smile on her face, slightly bent to ask Rachel, “And who is this beautiful little girl?” She tugged at Rachel’s feet and was able to coax a smile out of the shy girl.

Max’s chest tightened, with anticipating of his parent’s reaction and pride in his daughter. “This is Rachel, my daughter.”

Diane stood up quickly to stare at her son open-mouthed. Philip’s jaw seemed to lay on the floor in a split second.

“Daughter?” Diane whispered.

Max could only nod.