Ghosts of Yesterday (UC,Mi/L,MATURE) Ch 7...August 13 [WIP]

[Polarchica516]

Title: Ghosts of Yesterday
Author: Polarchica516
Summary: Five years after To Live Again. Continuation of the Picture Series.
Rating: MATURE
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Author’s Note: I know that I keep saying this series will end but I just can’t stop! This time, I promise, this will be the last one. I think….And one more thing, thanks to my beta for the title idea!

http://69.57.180.2/efiction/viewstory.php?sid=551 (NGYU)
http://69.57.180.2/efiction/viewstory.php?sid=414 (Picture)
http://69.57.180.2/efiction/viewstory.php?sid=356 (To Live Again)




Prologue: The Wrong Place
Five Years After The Fire (2009)

“You came back,” he said, taking in her presence. His weepy eyes noted her long brown hair, withdrawn eyes, and sad smile with a familiarity. He sucked in a harsh breath and pushed back the urge to touch her. Instead, he turned his eyes back to the cold slab of stone in front of him.

Her soft laughter reached his ears. “I never left.”

Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore and he stood up, his outstretched arms reaching out to her. She stepped back, her smile turning into a tight lipped frown. “Then again, I’m not even here. Am I?” she half-taunted.

He dug his knees back into the cold ground and together they stared at the nameless tombstone. “It wasn’t safe to put your name on it. You understand, don’t you?” his pleading eyes searched for hers. His mind struggled to figure out which one was real. The woman buried in the ground or the one looking at him now with a cool indifference.

“You’re a dream,” Max finally said, sadness twanging his hoarse voice.

Liz’s lips curled into an amused smile. “I’m dead, Max. Of course I’m a dream.”

Or was she a ghost? She constantly haunted him every second of the day.

“Liz, I--” he began only to have her cut him off.

“You didn’t bring me flowers,” she said blankly and in front of Max’s eyes the lone tombstone had her name on it. Her year of birth and her year of death carved into the heavy marble and weighed Max’s heart down. He choked back a cry and two similar headstones appeared on either side of hers. Isabel Evans and Michael Guerin.

Tears overflowed his eyelids. “I couldn’t find you, Liz. There were so many flames and….I couldn’t find you. I’m so sorry,” came his tearful apology. Max flinched when cold arms wrapped around him and he clenched his teeth at the realization that she was not his Liz.

He didn’t move from her empty embrace. Max looked at the tombstone. “I took your life away. All I wanted was for you to be happy. But you weren’t happy, were you?”
“I am now.”

Max looked at her in confusion. But before he could speak, she pointed towards the tombs. “You aren’t looking in the right place.”

The grass around the tombstones suddenly began to burn. The smoke filled his nostrils and he covered his eyes from the stinging air. When he opened them, he was back in the hotel room from that night. He remembered the bed stand, the lamp, everything.

He remembered the flames.

A hand reached out to him and he turned to see Maria standing in front of him. Her eyes were wide and panicked. “Max, where’s Michael?” she asked frantically and then began to cough violently.

Realizing that the tombs were gone, he realized that Liz was too. “Where’s Liz?” he asked to himself under his breath. His heart stopped when Maria let him go and looked to him for answers. She wouldn’t find him. She wouldn’t find either of them. He closed his eyes as anguish washed over him. Max could no longer see Maria but he knew where she was.

She was running back into her room to double check for Michael. That’s when the blazing flames explode from her room with Michael in it. “Max, where’s Michael?” he vividly remembered her asking him. Max remembered the look of pure terror on her face when she realized there was no way Michael would have survived.

Painfully, he recalled the feeling of running frantically back into his own hotel room and putting out the flame with his powers. Max recalled unlocking the stuck bathroom door and catching a glimpse of Liz’s wedding ring on the floor, but not seeing her. Then, he would run out to catch his breath before going back in to find Liz. But he would be too late and the flames would be too big to put out with his powers and too strong to pass through without killing himself.

As Max remembered this, Liz was standing behind him. “You weren’t looking in the right place,” she said in almost a whisper. Max whirled around to confront her and ask her what she meant but she was gone.

The feeling of someone watching him pulled at the back of his mind and he shifted his eyes to the window, looking out. Suddenly a thought as suffocating as the fire gripped him.
Why did she take off her wedding ring?

When his mind clicked on that overlooked fact, the fire disappeared and he was left to stand in the room alone.

“I think we should go to New Jersey,” Maria was saying when he woke up. He was still groggy from sleep and was trying to push his dream in the back of his mind. Maria was sitting next to him on his small bed in their small apartment.

“Why New Jersey?”

Maria skittered her gaze away from him. This couldn’t be good. Max knew everything about Maria by now. For the last five years, they were all the other one had. He knew for sure that something was going on in her head. Something was wrong.

“My mom is there, Max. I talked to her last week.”

Max bristled a bit at her words but bit his tongue. Even though the FBI had made no appearances, it didn’t mean they weren’t still watching. “I thought that you liked Vermont,” he said quietly, trying to stall the inevitable words he knew were coming.

Maria shifted her weight so that the bed creaked a bit. “I want to go home, Max. I can’t live like this forever. Besides, you and I both know that it’s safer now.”

“How do you--?”

“They’ve done enough damage, don’t you think, Max?” she bit off curtly. Maria still thought that the FBI had started that fire but Max knew it wasn’t them. He knew that they’d want to keep them around for experimentation all too well. But Maria needed someone to blame so he didn’t stop her.

Maria had changed, anyone could see that. Michael and Liz’s deaths had mellowed her out, broken her. She never actually admitted that she felt guilty for her and Liz’s falling out but it didn’t change the fact that it was there.

And now she was tired and worn out.

She wanted to leave him.

Max rubbed his eyes. “What am I going to do?” he asked softly, knowing that Maria had made up her mind.

Maria gave him a weak smile. “What do you mean? You could come with me.”

Max just grunted and looked away from her. “I can’t do that, Maria. You deserve to *really* be home and happy. All I’ll do is remind you of the past.”

“What about you deserve?” Maria asked in a soft voice.

“I don’t know if I deserve much of anything.”

Maria didn’t deny it. “We’ve been through a lot, Max.”

Max felt numb as Maria rambled on with her goodbye speech. All Max could think about was that he had no one left now.

For the next two hours, they talked about their adventures--the good and the bad. She told him that she was preparing to leave in three days. Max lied and told her that he would stay in Vermont for a while and sell the apartment for cash and then find some place to live. Max knew that he would probably stay in the apartment.

Finally, after Maria had talked herself out, she got up to prepare lunch. “Max, where did you put the pan?” she asked him loudly.

Max just stared at the wall thinking.

“Are you even looking?” she joked with a small laugh. Max’s blood ran cold.

*You aren’t looking in the right place*

“Maria!” he yelped, jumping off the bed to find her. He was losing his mind, probably, but the thought that had just crossed his head…

“What’s wrong?” she asked when he came into the kitchen. She took in his wild glazed eyes and frowned. “Max, what’s--?”

“When had Liz ever taken off her wedding ring?” he blurted out. Maria stood rigid and her hand began to shake at her best friend’s name.

“Max, I don’t know,” she said, wanting him to drop the subject.

“Why didn’t we find them?” he asked, his glazed eyes searching hers. Maria felt like crying and she wondered why Max was suddenly bringing this up. For the first time in five years, hope was shining in Max Evan’s eyes.

“I fell asleep with Liz by my side, Maria. When I woke up and I saw the flames, she wasn’t there. Where was Michael, Maria?” his determined gaze was fixed on her. Maria’s head began to spin.

“He was next to me,” she whispered. “Max, why are you asking me these things? They’re dead.”

Max seemed to flinch but he reached out and gripped Maria’s arms. “They were right next to us when we fell asleep, Maria. Where did they go? Why couldn’t we find them?”
Maria was shaking her head furiously now. She didn’t want to hear this. She pleaded with him in her eyes to not say it. “Max--”

“What if the FBI took them while we were sleeping?” he hissed.

“NO!” Maria shouted. “You are losing your mind. I was there, Max. I saw the flames and they were in the rooms when the flames--”

“They weren’t in the room.”

His words hung in the air. They were spoken with certainty but at the same time, they were filled with doubt. Max was mindful of the can of worms he had just opened.

“It’s been five years, Max,” Maria said quietly. “We’ve gone over all the possibilities.”

“No we haven’t, Maria. We just accepted it and talked about why it happened and who did it. How come we never considered the fact that maybe it never happened at all? No bodies were found.”

Maria was crying hysterically and threw her arms into the air. “They burnt to death, Max! They are *dead*. Why are you doing this? Are you trying to hurt me for something? I don’t understand why you would do this!” and with that, she ran into her room, slamming the door behind her.

But Max was crazed now. Ideas were running through his head at a mile a minute. It could be false hope spurred by some random dream and he knew that. But he didn’t have time for that.

In her room, Maria was bursting into tears every two seconds. She didn’t understand what Max was doing.

Max had had his mood swings before. There were days when he was in complete denial or days when he was crying like a child. But today, just moments ago, Max had lost mind.

Despite her better judgment, she thought about his words. She wanted to believe him. But all she did know was that Max would do anything for Liz Parker. She knew that was probably scheming up ways to find her right now.

Even if she was already dead.

If she knew anything about Max Evans, it was that when he found something to cling on to, he didn’t let go. If he thought that it would make things better, he would never stop. That’s what he did when he was searching for Zan. Then, he had destroyed the people around him.

Now, he was just going to destroy himself.

[Polarchica516]

Chapter One-Part A: The News
Five Years After the Fire

“Of course, I’ll tell them, Dad,” Kyle Valenti was whispering into his cell phone. “They are out right now but when they get back…I won’t forget.”

He said his goodbyes and hung up his phone. He looked up into a nearby mirror and noticed the deep frown on his face. Kyle was worried and scared witless. All he had to do now was figure out how to not frighten Michael and Liz with the news.

Kyle felt small in the empty house. Michael and Liz had gone out with Bella about an hour ago, leaving Kyle to his lonesome. Well, he and the television anyhow.

Kyle stretched his stiff leg and began to walk around the house. His eyes landed on their most recent family picture. It was almost a year ago, if he remembered correctly. Kyle stood next to Michael who had his arm wrapped around Liz’s waist. Next to her was the beautiful Bella, the apple of everyone’s eye.

She had Liz’s hair, eyes, and small nose. Kyle smiled at bit at the notion that she most definitely had Michael’s temper and lack of patience. At a little bit past four years of age, she had shaken up the Guerin household.

He had only been living with them for about two years now. It had been his idea and he couldn’t deny that it helped.

Drinking yourself into oblivion was something to be done in a dark hotel room but doing it in a house with an impressionable four year old around, wasn’t his style. Kyle had been sober now for six months. Michael and Liz decided it was best to keep him out of a rehab center due to the fact that his powers acted up when he was drunk. Kyle knew it was safer to be with them but sometimes when he couldn’t stop shaking in the middle the night or when Michael had to physically hold him down to make him put down a drink, Kyle didn’t believe there was a safe anymore.

But now he knew there was. And he’d be damned if he was just going to sit back and let Max Evans ruin it.

Slowly, his mind began to reach back to when he had last seen Max.


***Somewhere in Kansas, 2005***
“Another shot, please,” Kyle slurred unattractively to the female bartender in front of him.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough, sugar?” she asked politely but firmly. Kyle looked around him. Everyone else had come and gone and it was a half an hour until closing time. Kyle groaned when he realized he still had to walk back to the hotel and knew it was time to leave.

“Dammit,” Kyle grumbled as he grabbed his coat. “I was just beginning to have fun.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw something and froze. It was her. “Isabel..” he whispered. The women with short dark hair and light eyes brushed past him and went into the crowd.

Kyle quickly got up and began after her, his feet shuffling. He was beginning to get dizzy from walking so fast but he had to catch her. He loved her. He missed her. He had to tell her that.

Finally he caught up to her and grabbed her arm.

“Can I help you?” a very un-Isabel voice said. Kyle stumbled back and felt his heart drop. It wasn’t her. Tears threatened to spill over and he brushed them away, quickly.

“Sir, are you okay?” she asked again.

“I’m sorry…I just..” Kyle stammered and turned around causing beer to spill on the shirt on the guy behind him.

The burly man stared down at him with a warning. “Watch it, asshole.”

“Whatever,” Kyle said, trying to get past him.

“No,” he said loudly, pulling Kyle back. “You going to buy me another drink or what?”

Kyle shoved him back and growled out, “Fuck off. It wasn’t my goddamn fault.”

“What did you just say?” the man bit off, getting in Kyle’s face. Kyle rubbed his eyes and in his drunken state, the guy didn’t look that dangerous, so he took a step closer too
.
“I said to fuck off.”

The man swung to hit him and caught him in the jaw. Kyle staggered back and next thing he knew, he was engaged in an all out fight. Suddenly, he was being pulled away by another guy, whose voice was kind of familiar.

“Come on, Kyle,” another voice said. This one was more feminine and again familiar.

Kyle looked around him, dazed. He raised his arms to push the guy away only to have the guy push him against a wall. “What the hell is your problem, Kyle? Your hands are glowing!”

Kyle blinked several times to find that he was in the back alley. He also saw who the voice belonged too, which made him fight harder against him. “Butt out, Max,” he growled, pushing against him.

Max narrowed his eyes and frowned at Kyle. His hair was tousled, his lip was bleeding, and he was drunk out of his mind. “What the hell happened to you, Kyle?” Maria gasped from behind Max.

Max ignored Maria and focused back on Kyle. “You could have exposed us.”

Kyle just shrugged and wiped some blood off his lip. “Max, we can’t leave him like this,” Maria said to Max. “Just look at him.”

Max reached out his hand to Kyle. “Come on, you can come home with us and sober up.”

Kyle stared at Max’s outstretched hand. “Wow, Max the giver. I’m not the only one who changed apparently.”

Max’s eyes clouded at his comment but didn’t say anything. “You can’t drive home.”

“I walked here, Maxwell. I can take care of myself.”

Max blanched and winced as if we were in pain. Maria put a hand on his shoulder. “He doesn’t know, Max.”

“Doesn’t know what?” Kyle asked, his eyes switching from Max to Maria.

*****
“So you’re an alcoholic,” Maria said once they arrived at their apartment. Max was about to give Maria a scolding look when Kyle snorted and flopped down on the couch.

“Something like that. I get drunk easily but it wears off pretty quickly. I think it’s an alien thing,” he explained. Which was true, even though he had downed twelve shots in the past two hours, now all he had was a hangover.

Maria began to speak again but Kyle pinned her with a glare. “You can take a couple wild guesses about why I drink. It’s no big secret.”

Maria ducked her head. “You could have come to us for help.”

“I left you guys for the exact reasons why I wouldn’t come back. Why did you guys settle in Vermont? It’s not the usual desert graveyard you guys like to live in.”

Max pierced his lips together. “It’s safer now.”

Kyle looked down. “I know. It just seems like they got what they want, you know,” he said quietly.

Maria swallowed and sat down next to Kyle. “Kyle, they killed Michael and Liz.”

“What?” Kyle said, his body tensing. “When?”

“It’s not like that. Maria thinks that the FBI had something to do with the fire. But we haven’t found any proof..” Max began to tell Kyle about the fire and how they hadn’t been able to find Michael and Liz.

All Kyle would comprehend was that Liz was dead. He’d put a block on any dream walking because he didn’t want anyone to see what he had become. He never thought that Liz was dead.

Max and Maria were both in tears when they finished the story. Kyle stood up numbly. “I’m going to go now.”

They looked at him incredulously. “What? You can’t just leave.”

“What reason do I have to stay?” he asked quietly.

“It’s been so long, Kyle. Just stay and talk with us,” Maria pleaded.

Kyle almost felt bad. He could see how much they had changed. However, all he remembered was how they were those years back, demanding and stubborn. He could only imagine how Michael and Liz were living before the fire.

“I miss them too, Kyle. All of them but maybe we could stick together,” Max tried.

Max’s comment pushed the fact home that Liz and Michael were dead. Kyle needed a drink. God, he needed a drink. He needed someone to blame. “I shouldn’t have left her with you. I thought she’d be safe.”

Max grew angry at Kyle’s accusation. “Where were you? You didn’t call or visit. Liz tried to dream walk you several times. You shouldn’t have left at all!”

“What would that have changed? All Liz would have seen was that I a fucked up drunk, traveling city to city to find the best bar,” Kyle spat out, self-loathing evident in his voice.

“You made yourself this way, Kyle.”

Kyle shook his head and knew in that moment that he never wanted to see these people again. “I hated you when I left. Both of you. I hated you for what you did to me and Liz. I hated that I could go for weeks without seeing Liz smile or laugh. And I still do hate you. I may be a drunk and have severe emotional problems that could drive any therapists up the wall, but I’d rather be that then what I would have become if I had stayed with you.”

And he left and never returned.
~~~~~

Two months after that, Kyle contacted his father and found out that they were alive. Since then, he had to rebuild himself from the ground up and he finally mourned for Isabel and moved on. Thinking about those years, made Kyle weary and uncomfortable.

“Honey, I’m home!”

Kyle beamed a smile as a small brown-headed Bella came through the front door and ran for her ‘uncle’. Kyle picked her up quickly and spun her around. “My name is Kyle, not honey,” he scolded teasingly.

Bella crinkled her nose and reached up a hand to trace his forehead. “You have worry wrinkles,” she said with concern in her voice.

Kyle placed her on her feet and met Michael’s eyes from across the room. He had heard Bella’s words and judging by Kyle’s serious expression, he knew something wasn’t right. “Bella, go help Mom bring in the bags, OK?”

Bella ran outside and as soon as she was out the door, Kyle spoke. “My dad just called. Max called him and asked him for records of the fire or any dirt he could get on that night.”

Michael blanched and pulled Kyle into the kitchen. “What are you trying to say?” he asked gravely.

Kyle’s heart broke at Michael’s devastated expression. It took some getting used to so actually see Michael happy and smiling. But now, it was like he was looking at an 18-year-old Michael.

“Michael, I don’t know how to say this,” Kyle faltered. “Max thinks you and Liz are alive.”

*****
“You’ve been quiet all night, Michael. Is something wrong?” Liz asked before she turned off the lamp in their bedroom. The stars had been out for a while and she had found her husband facing the window, his eyes glazed.

Michael had been going through the motions all day. He and Kyle were whispering when she was in the room and not telling her anything. She knew something was wrong. Liz crossed the room and pressed her cheek to his back. “Baby, please tell me what’s wrong,” she pleaded. Michael didn’t respond and Liz frowned against his back.

“You really shouldn’t make me worry, you know. Shane will be able to tell,” she said with a small smile.

“That’s cheating,” Michael deadpanned, his body vibrating. “Shane is barely a fetus.”

Liz laughed and poked her husband with her protruding belly. “Well you tell him that because I sure as hell look six months pregnant.”

Michael finally relented and turned around to face her. “I thought this was your cute bump stage.”

Michael couldn’t help but smile. Liz had coined that phrase as soon she started to get really big. Liz, being very petite, didn’t start showing with Bella until five months and all you could see was a very small bump.

Instead of finding her smiling, her brown eyes flew to his and she sucked in a deep breath. “Is it really that bad?”

It wasn’t that Michael didn’t want Liz to know, but he just didn’t want Liz to worry over nothing. He had been thinking about it all day and all he had come to was that if Max wanted to find them, he would.

Michael could feel his world coming apart. He had a family--one he wanted to keep far away from Max. He was happy. For once in his life, he was happy.

Then he told Liz the news.

[Polarchica516]

Hi, y'all! I just wanted to pop in and say that the feedback for this story has been better than I expected. So thanks! I love you guys!

Chapter One--Part B: On the Road Again… But Different

“You didn’t have to drive me, Max,” Maria said softly as she and Max flew down Route 278. Max fumbled with the radio station and glanced at her from the rear view mirror.

“We only have one car,” he pointed out with a slightly amused smile.

“I could have taken a bus. Or a plane. I just--” and Maria stopped, dropping her head in her hands. Max slowed down a bit and pulled over to the shoulder. He looked at Maria and suddenly it hit him very hard. Her bags were filling the trunk and the rest of the back seat.

Maria was actually leaving. Max sucked in a deep breath. “I just want to make sure you get there safely,” Max said, finding his voice thick with emotion. He twisted around to face her to find her large blue eyes filling with tears.

“I don’t know how to say goodbye,” she admitted.

Max felt his heart twisting painfully. “Max, I’m afraid of what will happen to you when I’m gone. I don’t want you to try to find Michael and Liz. You won’t even find them.”

Max grew defensive and pinned her with a hard glare. “Did you love him, Maria?”

“Yes. But I’ve moved on with my life. He’s gone and even if he wasn’t, his death showed how much we weren’t meant to be together.”

“Is that what you think?” he asked in disbelief. “You can’t just give up hope like that.”

“Or maybe you just have too much of it.”

Max winced as if he had been physically hit. “Maria, what is it exactly that you’re trying to say?”

“We were horrible people to them, Max. How could we expect them to not hate us by this point? If they were still alive, Max, they’d hate us just like Kyle does. I mean, how many times did I have to play Michael like a yo-yo before he left me? And-”

Maria looked at Max before saying it. She knew he needed to hear it but she didn’t know if he was prepared to. “We might as well have killed Liz ourselves, Max. We all hated living the way we were. I abandoned my best friend. I was too jealous to be there for her. And you were pushing her too much. Why didn’t we stop? At what point would we have stopped?”

Max was shaking his head vehemently. “You can’t really think that.”

“Why won’t you accept it?”

Max’s head was spinning and he jammed a hand into his hair nervously.

*You weren’t happy, were you?”*

*I am now.*

He jumped out the car and began to pace. He quelled back an urge to run. Max knew she was right. He was pushing her into having a child that she didn’t want. He ordered her around like she was--not his wife. Liz was his wife and he treated her like a minion.

Maria scrambled out of the car after him. “Max, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Was Liz better off dead? Max thought to himself and the thought brought tears to his eyes.

“So I was a bad husband. Is that it?” he yelled over the traffic. “I’ll make it better when I find her. I’ll make it better!”

“You can’t!” Maria screamed back. “We can’t take back what we did. You can’t make her love you. Max, a week ago, you weren’t even thinking about any of this. And now, you’re obsessed with finding something that may not exist anymore.”

“It’s complicated. Liz was in my dream and--”

Maria looked at him in disbelief. “This is all over a dream? You’re placing everything on the line here over a dream?”

“I know it sounds crazy.”

“No, Max,” Maria said softly. “You’ve done crazy things before. This is downright impossible. You have no evidence or anything. All you’re going on is your feeling,” Maria tried to reason with him.

Maria couldn’t believe that she was actually entertaining the thought that Michael and Liz could be alive. But considering it was making her realize that if they were alive, they wouldn’t want to come back.

“If she’s alive, Maria, I have to find her. I’m not going to give up until I find her.”

Maria looked at him sadly and went back into the car, out of words to say to the alien king. “That’s what I’m afraid of,” she said under her breath.

The rest of the car ride was silent.

“I didn’t want us to fight like this today,” Maria said, biting her lip. Tears were sitting on the brims of her eyes. Max closed his eyes and tipped his head back. They were standing in front of her mom’s house and Maria was about to knock on the door.

But she couldn’t. Not without saying goodbye.

“It doesn’t change anything,” Max said honestly. “We’ve fought before.”

Maria reached over and grabbed Max’s hands. “Max, I was serious about what I said though.”

Max’s eyes darkened and Maria prepared herself for another argument. Instead, he dropped his hands and hugged her tightly. “I’ll worry about you too, Maria.”

Maria began to cry. The idea of leaving Max suddenly seemed very suffocating. So many times she had wished for an out of the life she had led for the last seven years yet now, when the moment counted, she didn’t know if letting go was the right thing to do.

“I love you, Max,” she whispered.

Max pulled himself out of the embrace. “I love you too, Maria. Now go live the life you so desperately want.”

Maria placed her hand on the door knob and fingered the key her mother had sent her. “What about you, Max? What about what *you* want?”

Max gave her a small smile and placed his hand over hers, opening the door for her.

*********
“What do you have for me?” Max asked Valenti over the phone. Once, he left Maria and got back to Vermont, he had practically ran to the phone. Now with Maria out of the apartment, he wouldn’t have to sneak phone calls anymore.

Valenti was silent and then sighed. “Absolutely nothing.”

Max bristled at Valenti’s harsh tone. It was no secret that Valenti harbored less than pleasant feelings for Max. “So you’re telling me that there were no holes in any of the reports?”

“No, Max. I’m telling you to let this go. I talked to Maria and she’s very worried about you. All you’re doing is hurting those around you.”

“Don’t you care that Liz and Michael could be in danger? Or dead? Someone has to pay for this.”

“If your theory is true--”

“It is, dammit,” Max ground out, his knuckles turning white from gripping the phone so hard. “I know that you don’t like me and I don’t blame you for that, Sheriff. But if Liz and Michael are out there, I need to help them.”

“Here’s all I know, Max. Michael Guerin and Liz Parker died five years in a fire. They were incinerated and probably died before the hotel was engulfed in flames. Why can’t you just accept the facts?”

Max was clenching the phone tightly. “Just help me. *Please*.”

Valenti was silent again. “Good bye, Max,” and then he hung up.

Max screamed in frustration and threw the phone against the wall. Now, Max had nothing to go on. He had no solid evidence and no support from anyone. He knew that dredging up the past probably wasn’t the best idea but he had to find them.

Suddenly, an idea popped into his head. If no one was going to listen to him, then he make someone listen to him. Max was going to Los Angeles to find Cal Langley.

[Polarchica516]

Chapter Two: No More Running

“He’s going to find us.”

Michael’s eyes met Kyle’s across the kitchen table and he took a deep breath. “I know that. It’s only a matter of time.”

Michael compressed the urge to hit something. It had been a week since Valenti’s phone call to Kyle. Michael and Kyle had been on the edge bordering insane. They would check every corner and close every window and door. But Max had not shown up.

Liz, on the other hand, was the only one with the right mind set. She wanted Max to find them. Liz felt that she was sick and tired of running from him. Michael was scared shitless.

“Dammit!” Michael screamed in frustration and he thrust his face into his hands. “I just keep thinking that there was something I could have done to prevent this. Maybe if we had thought our plan through more or--”

“You can’t think like that,” Kyle gently scolded him. “You have a family now and a wife. You live in a house in a *normal* neighborhood free of any impending danger. It’s not that I’m not with you on this one. I don’t want to see Max anymore then you do.”

“It’s not the same, Kyle. You hate Max.”

“I don’t hate him,” Kyle lied. Michael raised a questioning eyebrow. “OK, maybe just a little bit.”

Michael barely cracked a smile and Kyle frowned. “Look, man, she’s isn’t going to leave you for him.”

“I know that,” Michael bristled too quickly. “I do.”

Kyle opened his mouth to speak again but Michael’s death glare stopped him. “Alright, maybe it was a shot in the dark,” Kyle conceded raising his hands in surrender. “All I’m saying is that Liz has the right idea about all of this. Max was apart of our lives during a time that we’d all rather forget and no one is happy to see him enter this one. But that doesn’t change the fact that shaking in our hybrid boots is going to help anything. Sounds to me like Liz has dealt with her Max issues but *somebody* else hasn’t.”

“You say that as if I’m the only one with unresolved issues,” Michael replied smartly.

“Oh please, Michael, I’m very resolved in my Max issues.”

“Not those issues,” Michael prodded. “I haven’t seen you talk to that Buddha thing in years, Kyle. I almost miss your annoying optimistic backwards comments.”

Michael kept a light smile on his face to make it sound like a joke. Kyle, like him, could be very closed off at times. He hardly talked about Isabel or his sudden misplacement of his once coveted religion. Michael wouldn’t dare to forwardly ask Kyle about it because then he’d close like a clam.

Michael knew that Max, to Kyle, was a stark reminder of those past years. He knew that Kyle wanted to forget and move on; the idea of seeing Max again wasn’t easy for Kyle either.

“I’m not the same guy I was when I was seventeen, my friend,” Kyle almost hissed out. “I’ve changed.”

“For the worse, Kyle, *and* for the better. You have to give yourself credit for that.”

“I’m an alcoholic at the ripe age of twenty-four, what’s there to be proud about?”

“You’ve been sober for six months now, Kyle. That’s something that few people can do,” Michael argued. He wasn’t just going to stand there and let Kyle berate himself.

Kyle stood up quickly and slammed his hands on the table. “I get that, dammit! Buddhism, to me, used to be about having something stable. It helped me deal with finding out aliens truly existed and everything *up* until that point that I got into that van. Somewhere I lost that optimism and Buddha stopped talking to *me*.”

“I think, Kyle, that we all lost ourselves out there,” Michael said gently.

Kyle frowned and shook his head. “I know that. I just don’t think I’ve found myself yet.”

Their short but emotional conversation settled in both of them. It was good enough for now.

“Daddy,” Bella’s voice rang throughout the house.

Michael’s entire face brightened noticeably and he got up from his seat. “Coming, Bella Bear. Is Mommy trying to give you a bath again?”

The sound of small footsteps coming down the stairs reached their ears. Bella stopped running once she got to the bottom steps, saw her daddy, and ran behind his leg. Her small hands tugged on his pants. “You have to hide me, Daddy.”

“Why?”

Bella looked up at him and stuck her bottom lip out. “Because Mommy says that I’m dirty and I’m trying to hide. Please,” she whined. Michael pushed his daughter behind him and made a shushing noise. Liz was coming downstairs.

Kyle stood next to Michael so Bella couldn’t be seen. “Don’t worry, kiddo. Your daddy doesn’t like to shower either.”

Michael sent him a dirty look just when Liz reached the bottom step. “Bella won’t take a bath,” she said, pushing her hair behind her ear. “Have either of you seen her?”

Both men shook their heads guiltily and Liz narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “So you’re telling me that my daughter just disappeared into thin air,” she sighed in disbelief. Small giggled erupted from behind Michael and Liz smiled, beginning to name off places Bella could be hiding. Michael held in his laughter and continued to pretend to not know where Bella was.

Kyle, however, was in his own zone. The exchange between Michael and him left a bitter taste in his mouth. He didn’t think that he could find himself at all. Maybe he had changed too much to a point of no return. Michael, had been right, though. Everyone who got in that van somehow lost themselves and began to fall. Only problem was Kyle had nothing to hold to and no one had noticed he was falling far quicker than everyone else. Watching how happy Michael, Liz, and Bella were right now, made his heart hurt. He wanted that; a family of his own.

Kyle couldn’t dig up the courage to speak in depth about his experiences with his father. Valenti expected great things of his son and rightfully so. Kyle, however, didn’t feel like he deserved that faith and didn’t deny that things between him and his father had been distant.

He closed his eyes tightly as a vision of a blonde haired child ran through his head. No, he thought to himself. Don’t go there. Luckily his cell phone rung, taking him out of his train of thought.

“Hello?”

“Kyle, Maria just called me from her mother’s,” was his father’s reply. Kyle pointed a look at Michael and mouthed ‘Max’ to him. Michael drew his daughter out from behind him.

“Bella, honey, why don’t you go upstairs and I’ll convince Mommy to not give you a bath,” he cooed. Bella nodded excitedly and run upstairs blurting out a hurried, “Thanks, Daddy!”

“Kyle, you still there?” Valenti asked.

“Yeah,” Kyle mumbled, gesturing for Michael and Liz to come closer.

“Max is going to California to find Cal Langley. Do you remember him?”

“His protector, right?”

“Yes, him. Maria said that Max called her a couple days and told her this. He hasn’t talked to her since and she thinks he may have found him. Kyle, this isn’t good.”

Kyle clenched his teeth and cursed Max’s determination. “Cal hates him, Dad. He isn’t going to give him any information.”

“But Max can order him to. Then Max will have a shape shifter looking for you guys as well as him. Cal has resources and ways to find you.”

Valenti then told Kyle he’d call him if anything new happened and hung up. Kyle slowly looked at the couple in front of him. “He’s going to Cal Langley for help.”

“Cal won’t help him,” Michael said.

“He won’t *want* to but he will. We both know that.”

Kyle caught the look between Liz and Michael of impending doom. He let out a heavy sigh as it dawned on him.

Liz took a deep breath. “Cal hates Max. It doesn’t take a genius to see that. If he can’t physically hurt him, then he’ll take anything he can get.”



****Hollywood, CA.****
“Did you really think that you could get away with this?” Cal asked the two people in front of him. “Did you think that I wouldn’t find out?”

His two interns looked at their hands guiltily. Lisa opened her mouth to speak but Cal held up a hand to stop her. “Don’t. You disgust me. Get out of my sight. Damn kids put my coffee in the green mug instead of the red one!” he bellowed. They scurried out and Cal laughed at their stupidity.

His office was huge with designer everything in it. Grudgingly, he picked up the coffee mug and sipped the coffee. “I can’t taste the shit, anyway,” he mumbled to himself. He only had one person to blame that on. Before his thoughts could drift, his mind sensed an unearthly presence. It was in his coding to be able to tell when one of his charges were near.

Cal’s hair rose and his rage couldn’t help but boil to the surface. The coffee in his hands quickly turned to ice at the change in Cal’s emotions. When Cal raised his head, Max Evans was standing in front of him. Cal’s hands itched to throw the hard cup at Max’s skull.

“I need your help and then I’ll leave,” Max said immediately.

Cal feigned indifference and replied coolly, “I’m not here to clean up your messes, your Majesty. You wouldn’t happen to have any more illegitimate children you need to find do you? Just a word of advice, Max--keep your dick in your pants.”

“This doesn’t concern my son,” Max spat out.

Cal flattened his palms on his desk and regarded Max with a cold look. “What do you need?” he asked, eager to get Max out of here.

“Information on a fire that took place about five years ago and the location of the Special Unit,” Max answered simply. “Then I’ll be gone for good.”

Cal, not being able to resist the opportunity to stick it to Max, smirked at him. “No can do.”

“What?” Max roared. “You are going to help me. Tell me--”

Cal stopped Max mid-command, his eyes burning with fire. “I’m not your fucking 411, got it? The Special Unit doesn’t exist anymore.”

“You’re lying to me.”

“You want to hear a story, kid? Sit down and listen.”

Max hesitantly sat down in the chair across the desk and folded his arms across his chest. “I’m listening.”

Cal leaned forward. “You would think you’d know all of this. Don’t tell me you’ve been running from an imaginary enemy.”

Max was shocked that Cal knew so much when he had practically told him he wanted nothing to do with him. Cal, reading Max’s reaction, continued. “It’s no secret that I don’t like you but that doesn’t mean I don’t check on you every once in a while. Tell me if I’m telling the story wrong and please feel free to add your own bullshit. About seven years ago, the FBI paid a surprise visit to Roswell High’s graduation and shot up the place. You and your little friends tucked your tails between your legs and drove as far as you could get. The funny thing is Max,” Cal laughed, as he got up and stood in front of Max. “The Special Unit wasn’t even looking for you. You see, they had your destined wife in custody and were drilling her for information. That whole time, they were looking for your son and could care less about you. The FBI was looking for you but the Special Unit wanted Zan.”

Max’s face was paper white with rage. “Why didn’t you tell me this? They were after my *son* and you forget to tell me?”

“How could have I contacted you? I’m your protector, not the kid’s goddamn babysitter!” Cal yelled even though his words were lies. He was bound to protect the kid just as much as he was to protect Max. But Max didn’t need to know that.

“Is he alright? They didn’t get him, did they?”

Cal scratched his eyebrow, unsure of how to tell the King the truth. “He’s safe,” he answered cryptically.

Max’s jaw tightened and balled his fists. “Cal, where is my son?”

Before Cal could stop it, the words came out of his mouth. “Providence, Rhode Island. I had him taken to another home.”

Max’s expression almost softened and he blurted out a quick, “Thanks.”

Cal seemed to ignore him. “Anyway, once Tess escaped, the FBI went after looking for her and gave up on finding Zan. They no longer had a hybrid in custody and needed another one for investigation. The Special Unit got a lot of flack for how the graduation went down. The FBI thought that it was too public, even though the half-wits in Roswell thought up of an excuse quick. Needless to say, they never found another hybrid to keep in custody and FBI shut them down. Sure, there are rogues out there and independently worked alien hunters but--”

“When did the unit shut down?” Max asked impatiently. Cal’s words were circulating in his head. It was painfully obvious that the FBI had not taken Michael and Liz. But it didn’t rule out possible alien hunting groups or old Special Unit employees. There was still a chance.

“About five years ago. Whatever you’re looking for the Special Unit has nothing to do with it,” Cal said with curiosity in his voice. “So the question is: What are you looking for?”

A pained expression painted itself onto Max’s face. He was still reeling from the idea that this might actually be a dead end. Could he really just accept that Liz and Michael were really dead?

Cal’s gaze was heavy upon him. “I thought that the FBI kidnapped Michael and Liz,” Max admitted. “There was a fire about five years ago--”

“I know, kid. I told you I’ve been watching you.”

“But why?” Max asked. “I mean, if you can’t kill me yourself that’s what’s stopping you from stepping aside and letting something else happen to me?”

Cal frowned. “I can feel when you’re in trouble. When you feel fear, I can feel it. It’s in my encoding to somehow come to your aid or at least check up on you.”

“I’m sure you hate that,” Max snuffed.

“I do. There’s no use denying it,” Cal said solidly. “I don’t like you.”

“I get that,” Max offered. He briefly thought to the last time he had seen Langley. Max, himself, even knew that his actions were selfish and unfair to Cal. He understood why Cal hated him.

Just when Max was beginning to feel sympathetic for Langley, an evil smile spread across Cal’s face. It reminded Max of Nasedo. “So I’m going to enjoy the next words I say an awful lot. I’m not just your protector. I’m the protector of all of the Royal Four. I can feel more things than fear, Max.”

Cal paused and took in Max’s eager expression with satisfaction. He wanted to plan his next words carefully so Max would feel each one. Cal wanted Max’s world to fall apart just like he had destroyed his.

“I can feel death. I felt it when you died the first time. I felt it when Isabel died. I felt it when Tess died. That night, Max, five years ago, all I could feel was your fear.”

Max’s eyes were wide. Cal almost wanted to take a picture, something he could put on his desk.

These were the moments he wanted to savor.

[Polarchica516]

Chapter Three: What We Owe To Those We Hurt
About two weeks later

“Michael, stop pacing.”

Michael feigned innocence and stopped running a hole into the carpet. He turned and faced his wife. Liz was sitting on the bed wringing her hands. Michael’s nervousness was making her nervous and jumpy. Her feet were swinging over their bed and her hand on her stomach protectively.

“I’m sorry. I’m just--” Michael stopped, not able to find the words.

Liz took a deep breath and prepared herself for the conversation that was about to take place. “Take your time, Michael. I really want to hear this.”

They both looked at each other, almost realizing at the same time, that this had to be done. When Michael told Liz about Max, her response had been eerily calm. They discussed briefly and all they had got to was that Liz wasn’t afraid. Which worked out well, considering how edgy Michael was.

Michael looked upon his indifferent wife and exploded. “I just don’t understand why you can be so calm about this!”

“I’ve never felt *calm*, Michael. Just because I’m not looking over my shoulder doesn’t mean that this doesn’t scare me. It does, Michael. Sometimes when I think about Max and Maria, it makes me feel eighteen again,” she admitted.

Michael ducked his head slightly and scratched his eyebrow. “I see where you’re going with this.”

Liz squinted her eyes at her husband. “Do you? Because you seem to be missing a major point here. We aren’t eighteen anymore. In those two years, Michael, we changed tremendously and it goes without saying that it wasn’t for the better. We did what we did because we felt we had no options left. Looking back on it, yes, it was rash and maybe not thought out enough. But, to me, that was the beauty of it. We finally did something for us and I wouldn’t change it for anything.”

“I wouldn’t either,” Michael assured her, rushing over to her side on the bed.

Her brown eyes looked into this. They’d been through so much together so if anything could bring Michael back to Earth, it was her.

“But we are twenty-four years old now and we have a daughter. Michael, we have everything that we ran away for in the first place. We, as adults, have to deal with the consequences of our actions. Maybe in more ways than one. I’m not worried about Max finding us, Michael. I’m more worried about what’s going to happen once he does.”

“Why? Because I’m not going to let him hurt us again. I won’t let that happen,” Michael vowed, taking Liz’s hands.

“Like we hurt him?” Liz shot back. She wriggled her hands out of his and looked away from him.

“He’s done far worse to us,” Michael argued, not understanding Liz.

“I know that, dammit! This isn’t one of those ‘Liz has too much faith in Max’ things, I swear. But we did things back then we aren’t too proud of--”

“We were eighteen. We all made mistakes.”

“But we weren’t normal teenagers, Michael! Our mistakes could not be afforded. Max made a mistake by sleeping with Tess and it cost him everything. You and I, Michael, made mistakes in *succession*. You’re right that we all made mistakes but no mistake anybody makes is punishable by the actions we committed.”

“You make it sound like we killed somebody,” Michael mumbled.

A guilt-ridden Liz stood up and looked down at Michael. “Max and Maria think we’re dead, Michael. Is it wrong that suddenly I’m realizing that our freedom came with a price? They’ve been by themselves for the last five years, fighting for their lives. You saw what Isabel’s death did to Kyle. How do we know that we didn’t do that to them?”

Michael was heavily thinking on her words. As much as he wanted to admit it, she was right. From hindsight, did their actions cross the line into selfish? They could have, in all actuality, just gone to Max and Maria. But the fear of dealing with those consequences was deafening.

“Why didn’t we just got into their rooms and tell them, Michael?” she asked him.

Michael reached out and pulled Liz on his lap. She tucked her head under his chin and gazed at their intertwined fingers that rested on her stomach. “You’re afraid that they’ll hate us,” Michael said out loud.

Liz nodded her head. The irony was not lost on either of them.

Liz closed her eyes tightly and thought of the encounter that would occur between she and Max. “They’ll wish we were dead.”

They were both silent for a moment. “Things can’t go back to the way they were.”

There were too many friendships to heal. There wasn’t enough time in the world.

Liz sniffled and snuggled closer to him. “They never seem like they can,” she replied dully.

Michael wrapped his arms around her and hugged her. “I’m afraid that Max will hate me too. As much as I try not to, I can’t stop thinking it. It’s not about him taking you away from me because I know that that won’t happen--”

“Damn straight,” Liz intervened with a small giggle. She squeezed Michael’s hand because she knew he was only telling a half-truth. Even if that was a very small part of it, Michael’s insecurities when it came to Max were timeless.

“But seriously, Liz,” and he tugged on her chin so that she was facing him. “We’ll get through it.”

“Michael,” Liz drawled. She leaned forward and kissed him on the lips sweetly. “Tell me something I *don’t* know.”

******
“Kyle, are you alright?” Liz asked as she came down the steps the next night. Bella was staying over a friend’s house so Liz knew it wasn’t her that was causing the noise downstairs. She froze when she heard Kyle’s muffled reply followed by the very distinct sound of a glass bottle being placed loudly on the counter.

“Liz, just wait by the stairs alright?” Kyle shouted. Liz couldn’t see him but she could hear the tears in his voice.

“Oh, god,” Liz gasped when she saw him in the kitchen. Kyle was sprawled out on the floor with tear tracks on his face. Liz’s suspicion had been right also. A bottle of vodka sat on the kitchen counter. When Kyle saw her, he got up quickly and wiped his face with the back of his hand.

“I’m fine,” he said hastily and went to walk past her.

Liz reached out and grabbed his elbow. “You were drinking, Kyle,” she said slowly. She took a good look at Kyle’s face and saw that he had dark circles under his eyes. “God, Kyle, did you even sleep last night?”

Kyle jerked away from her grip. “I don’t want to talk about it right now,” he brushed off.

“Talk about what, Kyle? Tell me what’s wrong! Your own father has been trying to talk to you and you keep ignoring him. You’re hardly here anymore and when you are, you‘re just so distant.”

He looked away from her concern-filled eyes. “I wasn’t drinking. I haven’t been drinking.”

“I want to believe you,” Liz said sadly.

Kyle tried to ignore the hurt that ran through his system at her words. “I’ve been dealing with some stuff lately.”

“By drinking?”

“No!” Kyle exploded. “I told you that--never mind, you aren’t going to believe me anyway.”

Liz bit her lip. “What’s happening to you?” she asked helplessly.

“Can you just not look at me like that, please?” Kyle asked harshly.

“Like what?”

“Like you pity me! Be mad! Be fucking *pissed* off but do not stand there with that look on your face,” he demanded. He was almost shaking from the emotion of it all.

“Ok then,” Liz soothed almost as if she were talking to a child. “What is it that you’ve been thinking about? Tell me what’s been going on. Please.”

Looking away from her, Kyle sat down on the couch.

“I feel like I’m losing you again,” she said in an almost-whisper.

“I’m moving out.”

Liz stood frozen while Kyle watched her and waited for her to speak. “I love you, Liz. I love living with your family but that’s just what it is-- *your* family. How can I rebuild my life when I don’t have a life of my own?”

“But *now*? With all that’s going on?” she squeaked out.

“I’m not going far, Liz.”

“How do I know that you won’t start drinking again? At least when you’re here--”

“You can keep an eye on me? I know that and I don’t have an honest answer for you.”

“If you think for one second that I’m going to let you slip into your past mistakes, Kyle, you are in for a very rude awakening,” Liz said angrily. “I care about you too much to let you do that.”

“Then let me make mistakes, Liz. Just have enough faith in me to know that I’ll bounce back. Did I ever tell you why you could never contact me those years ago?”

Somehow, Liz had made her way next to Kyle on the worn couch. “No, you didn’t,” she choked out.

“I hated myself and I feared that if you saw me, you’d hate me too. At that time, I was in a very dark place and a part of me never left it. A part of me is still afraid that I’m a monster.”

Both Liz and Kyle were in tears now. “I don’t think you’re a monster. I never did.”

Kyle covered her hand with his and squeezed it. “I know. Liz, I’m not going to leave you again. You understand that, right?”

Liz blinked away tears. “What am I going to tell Bella?”

Kyle’s heart lurched. “Liz--”

“No,” Liz said softly but her voice was steadily rising. “I don’t understand and I don’t get it. Why won’t you let Michael and I help you? You don’t have to do this on your own.”

“That’s the thing though, Liz. I don’t know what I need.”

Liz was beginning to see how upset Kyle was getting. It was hard to miss the hitch in his voice that screamed of desperation. The truth was that deep down, Liz was afraid that Kyle would leave her again. So it made no sense to push him away by questioning his decisions.

“Why don’t you just say what you really feel, Kyle? It’s my hormones, isn’t it?” Liz joked forcibly.

Kyle almost laughed at her strained joke but instead was overwhelmed with emotion. If Liz had learned anything from being married to Michael, it was the ability to say exactly that she was thinking at the exact time she thought it. Kyle knew Liz wanted to scream at him but she was going to stay quiet for him. This was what he needed and Liz accepted it for his sake.

Liz noticed Kyle’s silence. “You didn’t drink tonight, did you?” she asked, feeling guilty for accusing him of it.

“No.”

“But you would have if I hadn’t come down stairs,” Liz stated.

“Yeah. What kind of person does that make me?”

Liz put a supporting arm around Kyle and kissed his cheek. “The kind of person who needs more help than I thought I could give him. The kind of person who maybe needs to help himself more than he realizes.”

“Since when did you get so deep, Parker?”

Liz smiled widely at him and leaned in as if telling him a huge secret. “You see, about ten years ago, I was healed by an alien.”

Despite the fact that Kyle was emotionally worn out and dreadfully tired, a smile spread across his face none the less.

“Your hormones are driving you insane, Liz. Aliens don’t exist,” Kyle tossed back.

Liz rolled her eyes. “I think, Kyle, that there’s a little bit of alien in all of us.”

[Polarchica516]

Chapter Four: Welcome Home, Max

Roswell, New Mexico looked exactly the same as it did all of those years ago. Not a single shop had closed down nor had a road been redone. This town was timeless as was its appeal to overzealous alien fans. But to Max, driving through his hometown was painful bordering traumatic.

He quickly was drifting back into the life of the shy, introverted, slightly controlling eighteen year old Max Evans he hardly remembered being. As he was driving, it felt like he was rushing to the Crashdown just so he could watch Liz. Or maybe he was racing towards home because Michael and Isabel had called him with an emergency. Max wished it was that way.

Instead, he was a man who hadn’t set eyes on this town for seven years. He was looking for answers as to why Michael wasn’t dead and who had him--where he was. Max was clinging to the hope that if Michael was alive then so was Liz. But he knew one thing for sure.

He needed Valenti to help him. Cal was useless.

Finally Max arrived at Valenti’s house. He briefly wondered if this would even work. Valenti wasn’t beyond slamming the door in his face and Max wouldn’t blame him if he did. Hopefully, Valenti would want to help him find Michael.

Max stepped out of his car and took a deep breath. This had better work, he thought.

But when he knocked on the door, a woman answered instead of Valenti. She was shorter than Max with red hair and freckles. “Hi,” she said in a soft voice and her friendly eyes set on Max.

“I’m looking for Sheriff Valenti. I’m an old friend and I was sure he still lived here.”

“He does. I’m Natalie, his fiancée.”

She laughed at the shock on Max’s face. “Obviously the two of you haven’t spoken in a while. Come in.”

Max followed her inside and couldn’t help the rush of nostalgia that almost consumed him at being inside Valenti’s house. Natalie disappeared into the kitchen.

“I’m fixing some coffee. Would you like some?”

“Yes. Thanks,” Max mumbled.

Max sat down on a nearby chair and waited until Natalie emerged with two cups of coffee. “You look Kyle’s age,” she observed as she set them down.

“Actually, Kyle and I graduated together.”

Natalie’s interest increased and she looked at the man in front of her. “Really? The town still talks about that day. It’s almost like an urban legend around here. I think it’s very adventurous, don’t you think? A SWAT team breaking into your graduation?”

Not when you’re the one they are shooting at, Max thought to himself bitterly. “So what do they say happened?”

“That’s the funny thing,” Natalie mused. “Everyone says that they were looking for aliens.”

Max smirked. “Funny,” he deadpanned.

Natalie smiled and leaned forward. “But here I am telling you all of this and you got to experience it, didn’t you?”

“It’s not as exciting as it sounds.”

There was a sharp edge to his tone that caused Natalie to change the subject. “Anyway, Jim should be home soon. Can I ask why you’re here?”

“Valenti and I need to catch up on some things,” Max half-lied. “Besides, I haven’t been back here in years.”

“Since the graduation,” Natalie stated. Before Max could say anything, Valenti came through the door and froze at the sight of Max.

Natalie caught his reaction and realized that maybe there was something going on here. “Jim, he came by earlier and--I never caught your name, did I?”

“Max,” Valenti said in a cold voice. “His name is Max.”

Natalie rose from the couch and cleared her throat. “I’m going to go out to the market and leave the two of you alone,” she said as she looked between the two. She normally saw Valenti laid back and she had never seen him react to something so strongly. She grabbed her purse, kissed Valenti on the cheek, and left.

“So you’re engaged,” Max said, trying to make small talk.

Valenti just pinned him with a glare and pursed his lips together tightly. “Get out of my house.”

Max was surprised by the amount of hatred that was in his voice. “Will you just let me explain?”

Valenti was shaking in rage and he advanced on the alien king. “Explain *what*? I tell you that I won’t help you and want nothing to do with you after what you’ve done--and instead, you show up at my house! How dare you!”

Max almost expected Valenti to hit him but instead he stopped right in front of him. “I’m sorry to drop in like this but I need your help.”

But his plea was brushed off. “I need you out of my house.”
It was then that Max realized that Valenti hated him more than Kyle did. Max, himself, knew that he deserved it and knew, on some level, that it probably was the best he could hope for. But it was in moments like this when he was so blatantly reminded of his past mistakes, that Max would grow largely defensive.

He crossed his arms and glowered at the Sheriff. “Michael’s alive. Hate me all you want but don’t take this out on him. He’s out there somewhere, Valenti.”

Valenti noticeably faltered and his eyes went from full of rage to curiosity. “Who told you Michael was alive?”

“Cal. I found him but all he knows is that Michael is alive. I need a location,” Max ground out.

In that moment, Valenti wanted nothing more than to tell Max the truth in the most cruelest of ways. He wanted to see his face when he realized that Michael and Liz were alive and happy without him. Valenti wanted Max to feel that pain, just as Valenti had his own regarding how Max had contributed to ruining his son.

“Please don’t take this out on him,” Max pleaded one more time.

“I know what you did to them,” Valenti revealed with face contorting with anger.

Max flinched at the tone of voice Valenti used. He was accusing him of breaking all of his friends and wife. Valenti made it sound like he had murdered them. Max’s anger rose.

“Whatever it is that I did, it doesn’t change the fact that I need your help,” Max forced out. He would have to take the blows if it meant finding Michael.

“Help yourself,” Valenti spat out.

Max snapped.

“What the hell is your problem? Are you willing to put Michael’s life on the line because you have a grudge against me?”

“I don’t know where Michael is and I don’t have the resources to help you. And if I did, I guarantee you that wherever Michael is, he’s better off without you.”

“Just like Kyle would be?” Max countered. “Maybe you forgot but I saved his *life*. You should be thanking me!”

Valenti pinned him with a hard glare. “Thank you?” he scoffed. “When should I have thanked you, Max?”

“When are you going to stop blaming me for Kyle?”

“I don’t have any reason to stop.”

“I didn’t ask to be the leader, you know. I’m so sick and tired of being blamed for everything that went wrong during those two years. Do you think they were easy for me? I had enough shit to deal with. So don’t turn to me when you can’t place the blame where it belongs.”

“Is that what you think I’m doing?” Valenti asked in disbelief. “You can’t seriously believe that you are a victim here.”

“Oh? And Kyle is? I didn’t force drinks into his hands, alright? That was on Kyle and Kyle only. Yes, I saw that he was developing a problem but so did everyone else. I’m not his god damn keeper. I was too worried about the fact that my fucking sister had died. So stand there and tell me that I was a controlling cold bastard because I won’t deny the truth. But how dare you accuse me of your son’s alcoholism?”

“I trusted you to take care of him,” Valenti said softly.

“He’s alive, isn’t he?” Max said. There was no arrogance in his reply for it was not meant to be sarcastic. But there was a sense of bitterness at the realization that, yes, Kyle was alive. Isabel and Liz were dead; Michael was missing.

So the two men stood facing each other, their anger fading.

Max took a deep breath and looked away from Valenti’s evasive gaze. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t save him. Help me save Michael.”

Valenti hadn’t expected Max to apologize. But hearing it, made his resolve fade the tiniest bit. Now, it was time to keep his word to Liz and Michael. Don’t tell him anything, had been Michael’s words, just give him our address.

Even they were done with running from Max, Valenti realized a bit shamefully. When had be grown more bitter towards Max than those directly affected?

“I know someone who is good at tracking people down. I can give you the address.”

Max’s eyes widened with hope. Valenti wanted to shake his head because Max didn’t know what he was getting into.

Max, on the other hand, was inwardly bursting with joy. As Valenti was writing down an address, Max couldn’t hold back a smile any longer. Now he could find Michael.

When Valenti handed him the address, Max thanked him. “This guy is in Jersey,” Max said in disappointment. He noted that he would have to drive back up again and that would take two days tops.

“He won’t take long.”

Max looked at the man who had once helped him and his friends through major binds. “Thank you,” he said again.

Neither said goodbye as Max simply walked out of the house. Valenti stared at the door for a moment, still reeling from the fact that, Max was back in Roswell. It reminded him that his own son hadn’t returned to him. His thoughts were of Kyle as he waited for someone to pick up the phone at the Guerin residence.

“Hello?” Liz picked up.

“He’s on his way.”
*************

The seniors at West Roswell High were graduating in ten days. It was the first thing Max noticed as he was driving past the high school because it was on the bulletin board outside of the school. Something made Max drive into that familiar parking lot and walk over to the bleachers overlooking the football field.

It was a weekday so some of the students were still there. They were bright-eyed and eager for the future; a quality that Max remembered possessing himself. He pressed his back against the hot step behind him and thought about the day of his graduation.

He had nothing to show for it. No diploma, no drunken after party.

He had never talked to anyone about this, but that night, he had been prepared to sacrifice himself. That’s why he made that speech. If Michael hadn’t shown up, they would have killed him. But the rest of them would have been safe. They would have escaped.

They've had each other to cling to, he remembered saying. But tonight, that's all coming to an end...

It would have been true. When he got up there, he had every intention of making something up. But standing before all of his peers, all of the people he had been hiding from all of this life, was when he realized that he needed to say something. So he spoke about the group of people who had meant the most to him, the people he was willing to die for.

But that night was the beginning of the end for all of them.

Max saw that now clearly.

He could admit now that his mistakes were what led them down that path. But not all that had happened had been his fault. Max took responsibility for his treatment of Liz. When it came to her, he could pinpoint everything that he had said or did wrong.

Max had even accepted the fact that he’d manipulated Maria over to his side of things, knowing that she would be the swing vote.

But his actions hadn’t caused everyone to drift and grow apart.

Suddenly the drive to Jersey didn’t seem so bad. The further it was from Roswell, the better. The more time Max spent here the more he realized it just reminded him of who he used to be. It almost physically hurt him to see what he had become.

When he reached his car, his hand gripped the steering wheel tightly as he pushed back tears. Finally, he stopped fighting and cried.

[Polarchica516]

Chapter Five: Forgiveness

It was around two o’clock in the morning when Michael came home. Liz had been in the kitchen watching television, chewing on some Pringles.

“Took you long enough,” Liz teased as she turned the television off.

Michael sauntered over to her, stretched out on the couch, and laid his head on Liz’s thigh. “I’m beat. Who knew Kyle had that much shit he had to move?”

Liz laughed and began to idly play with Michael’s hair. “I can’t believe it’s just us in the house again. It almost feels empty without him.”

Michael became silent as it sunk it. Kyle had moved out.

He sat up, suddenly tense, and rubbed his eyes. “It does.”

They both were thinking the same thing in their silence. Kyle is and always had been a part of their little family. But missing Kyle was a step neither of them had gotten to yet.

“He’s going to be OK, right?” Liz finally asked. “He said that this would make it better.”

Michael put an arm around her shoulder and nodded. “He’s going to be fine eventually.”

Michael had expected today to be a male bonding moving day type of thing. Instead, it had been sobering for both men. Michael expressed to Kyle that he was genuinely worried about him and confessed that Kyle was like his brother.

But that was forgotten as Liz spoke her next words. “Max is coming soon, Michael. And maybe with all of this Kyle stuff going on you haven’t thought it about it but..what are we going to tell him?”

He didn’t respond.

“Are you afraid?” Liz asked almost inaudibly. Michael looked up at her to find her biting her bottom lip and her brown eyes large and imploring. It was that age-old ‘Liz’ look that made her appear young again. When she was full of curiosity, back before her life was tainted.

Michael lifted himself up from her lap. “When we first left, I felt guilty.”

Liz furrowed her eyebrow and reached out to comfort him. “I did too, Michael. We talked about this already.”

“No. Not that kind of guilt. It was different. I just felt like if anything happened to either of them, I knew it would have been my fault.”

“Michael, you don’t have to play that role of protector anymore,” Liz reminded him.

“I’ve never had to play it. It’s who I was--who I still am. I don’t know if I can go back to that. And I’m afraid that with Max around, that comes out--the need to put him first.”

On some level, Liz knew that was inside of her too. But she kept quiet, Michael had enough issues with Max. “But I won’t let you,” Liz said firmly. “You got your girls to protect now.”

Michael shrugged. “Sometimes I think you guys can take care of yourself just fine. Sometimes.”

“Michael,” Liz said softly. “What about Maria?”

When Michael just looked at her with question in his expression, Liz frowned.

“Max will tell her,” he replied sourly.

Liz just dropped the subject. Michael had had a long day. She kissed his forehead and smiled gently at him. “Let’s go to bed.”

Michael looked at her gratefully and stood up. He gazed down at his wife whose eyes were already closing shut.


********
“Dad, I’m doing fine, OK? I’m not far from Michael and Liz. If anything happens..,” Kyle was explaining to his overly concerned dad. His apartment was still littered with boxes and the only thing that was set up was his TV. After moving in with Michael last night, he had crashed. He awoke to his phone ringing and the loud voice of his father.

“But if your powers act up, people could see you,” Valenti expressed his concerns.

“I can control my powers, Dad.”

“When you’re sober.”

It hit him like a ton of bricks. So that is what this is about, he thought. Kyle clenched his jaw and said in a calm voice, “Well I’m doing everything I can to stay sober. So it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Son..,” he began.

“I have to go, alright?” Kyle said quickly. “I’ll call you later.”

“No! Wait--”

“I’m really not in the mood right now, Dad.”

“I want you to come home so you can visit,” Valenti rushed out.

“You know I can’t right now with the whole Max thing going on,” Kyle quickly excused.

Kyle felt bad for dodging his father’s attempts but he wasn’t ready for this yet.

“But I want you to come home. I want you to meet someone…,” and his voice trailed off, anxious for his son’s response.

“Natalie,” Kyle stated dryly.

He heard Valenti take a deep breath and he rushed out. “Before the wedding.”

Kyle’s face went pale and his hands squeezed the phone unmercifully. “You’re going to fucking *marry* her? Dad, what the hell are you thinking?” he found himself yelling.

“We’ve been engaged for six months now, Kyle. I wanted to tell you but you never *talk* to me and..,” but Kyle couldn’t hear anymore. Had his father planned this? It wasn’t as if Kyle hadn’t felt like everyone else was moving faster than him before, but now it was just driven home. *Into* his home with his new soon-to-be mother. Kyle was too mature to have a can’t-replace-my-mother complex and he knew that. Even so, Kyle couldn’t help the reaction he had nor the first question that can out of his mouth.

“So when are you planning to tell her that her new son is a half-alien?” Kyle demanded. “Don’t you see that it’s dangerous to bring anyone else into this?”

“You’ve said yourself that it’s safe now, Kyle,” Valenti pointed out to battle his son’s worries. “But even if it wasn’t, I deserve this, Kyle. I love her. I really do.”

“Enough to risk her life?” Kyle spat out without thinking.

“You know I’m not doing that.”

Kyle rubbed his hands over his eyes, fully aware that his father wasn’t seeking his permission. “Do what you want.”

“Son, when Max was here, he told me that I shouldn’t be blaming him for you. He said that I should be grateful you’re safe and alive.”

Kyle snorted. “He’s got some balls.”

“He’s right,” his father said solidly. “What happened to you that you won’t come home to me?”

“We need to talk about this later. I can’t do this right now.”

Luckily for him, before his father could convince him anymore, someone knocked on his doorbell lightly. “I’ll be right there!” he shouted. “Dad, I have to go,” and he hung up the phone.

As soon as he opened the door, he wished he hadn’t. “We need to talk about Max,” the unwelcome visitor said.

“No, we don’t. I’m not his god damn keeper,” Kyle spat out.

“Well I am. Can you just hear me out?”

“Fine, Maria, come on in.”

The door clicked as it closed and Maria stepped in hesitantly. “I called your dad,” she said while looking around. “He told me you were moving. I’m basically just around the corner, you know.”

At Maria attempt at small talk, Kyle paled. “What else did he tell you?”

“I know Max is coming,” Maria replied. “I know that you could care less about him but I do.”

Kyle crossed his arms. “Good to know he has somebody,” Kyle remarked. He wasn’t sure what Maria was getting at yet.

“Valenti said that he gave Max a PI’s number down here.”

A sense of dread was beginning to brew in Kyle. Was it possible that Maria knew the truth?

“I can’t stop him, Maria.”

Maria clenched her jaw tight, faint anger in her stance. “I want you to stop him before he gets hurt.”

Kyle recognized that tone. It was the same tone he had used with Maria and Max long ago. Maria made it sound like this was his responsibility and his fault.

“What do you mean?”

“After everyone left us, Max was a wreck. He hardly slept or ate. He acted like a damn zombie and for once we never moved to a different town. He didn’t *care* anymore about anything. If he loses her again, he won’t make it. And I can’t lose *him* so here’s the deal. You stop him from finding them. I don’t care how you do it or if you get your father and Cal to help you. He doesn’t get anymore information or anymore leads. I don’t fucking care if you get bodies to show him to prove to him that Liz and Michael are dead.”

Suddenly Kyle realized that the ranting raving Maria was gone. She had been placed into the role of Max’s protector, serving as the barrier between him and the real world.

“You won’t find any bodies,” Kyle said in a monotone voice. “And that PI doesn’t exist.”

“Then where did Valenti send him to?” Maria asked in confusion.

“To Liz.”

Maria lost all the color in her face. “To Liz? What are you talking about?”

“And Michael.”

Maria froze and she let out a loud gasp. “Max was right the entire time.”

“Yeah. He was.”

Kyle noticed that Maria had tears in the corners of her eyes. “And they just--do they *know* that Max and I thought they were dead? Are they safe?”

Kyle realized he had probably said too much. But it was too late to take it back now. “They’re safe.”

And in love and happy--but that wasn‘t Kyle‘s place to reveal that much.

“They left like you did, didn’t they?” Maria slowly forced out.

“It’s more than that,” Kyle quickly defended them.

“No,” Maria said. “They wouldn’t just disappear like that. Why would they do that?”

“To get away from you!” Kyle exclaimed. “They don’t have to explain their actions to either of you--you or Max.”

“You hid them from me, you bastard!”

“Maria, calm down. When I found out, I was angry too,” he tried to reason with her.

“You have no idea--”

“I mourned for them too. I felt grief and guilt like you did. I cried and I screamed. And some nights it was like the loss was too much..all of the loss,” Kyle said hauntingly. “But I forgave them.”

Cold eyes pierced into Kyle. No forgiveness there. “Max won’t.”

They were still bound together, all five of them. No space between them could change that. They would always be reaching out, looking for some kind of forgiveness. Maria and Max needed Kyle’s, while Kyle just needed his own. In that moment, Kyle realized that Michael and Liz probably weren’t going to get any from Maria and Max.

Not a damn ounce.

[Polarchica516]

Chapter Six: Whose To Blame?

Kyle felt the impact of what he had done the minute he stepped into the Guerin household. Before Maria had left, she had agreed to not tell Max. They both knew that he wouldn’t believe it unless he saw it. So the plan was to let him find out and they it all play out from there.

As he used his old key to open the door, he casually walked in and knocked on Michael and Liz’s bedroom door. “You guys decent in there?” he asked, barely restraining a smile.

“What do you want, Gargoyle?” Michael grunted in reply when he appeared, grumpy as usual at the doorway. “I was sleeping.”

“It’s twelve o’clock. Tell me how the hell you keep your job,” Kyle joked. But instead of scowling at him, Michael frowned and closed the bedroom door.

“Bella’s sick.”

“But I thought that you hybrids couldn’t get sick,” Kyle replied in confusion.

“Maybe it’s the half-human side,” Michael mused. “She doesn’t seem deathly ill or anything.”

“But you’re worried.”

Michael gave him an incredulous look. “Of course I’m worried. So I’m taking the day off to keep an eye on her. She’s been out like a light.”

“Where’s Liz?” Kyle asked. He had been hoping to break the news to Liz who would tell Michael. She was much tinier and less scary.

“She insisted on running out to get medicine,” Michael grumbled. “I tried to stop her.”

“Michael, I need to talk to you about Maria,” Kyle rushed out so fast, it sounded like one huge word.

“Did Liz put you up to this?” Michael groaned, looking annoyed.

“What?”

“She’s been up my ass about Maria since last night. Liz keeps giving me these *looks* like she’s waiting for me to explain it to her or something.”

“Explain what?”

“I don’t want Maria to found out from us. I always wanted Max to tell her. I can’t really put it into words.”

“Don’t you think she deserves to know?” Kyle implored.

“Of course. I still think she’s better off not knowing.”

“But the two of you were together for years. Granted, you never wanted to be with her, but it doesn’t change what she thought you guys had,” Kyle tried to reason with him. He knew what Michael was going to say next. It was obvious that he thought Maria was better off not knowing for a lot of reasons. It wouldn’t take long for Maria to realize that Michael never really loved her. And that wasn’t exactly a realization that would come with warm fuzzy feelings.

“Well maybe I should stay a memory, you know.”

“She knows. Maria came by my new place earlier and she wanted my help to keep Max away from his search. It kind of just slipped, man. I’m sorry.”

Kyle looked at his shoes, afraid of Michael’s reaction. He knew he would be angry. “I can’t believe you told her, Kyle. What if she tells Max?”

Kyle looked up to see that Michael was shaken, almost horrified that Maria knew. His eyes are beginning to show signs of anger, however, and Kyle knew his shock wouldn’t last very long. “She won’t. He needs to find out for himself. We both know that.”

“And what about her? Don’t you think we’ve planned this out--Liz, Valenti, and I! It wasn’t time yet!”

“Well maybe you shouldn’t have planned this at all!” Kyle found himself shouting at Michael. ‘You could have just come clean to Max in the first place instead of making him take a cross-country road trip. Until now, you haven’t given a rat’s ass about Maria in all of this either.”

Michael’s jaw was clenched tightly and he regarded Kyle with a glare. “It’s what we had to do.”

“Well that’s what you do best, isn’t it Michael? Make decisions for everyone else and as long as it works out for you!” and Kyle regretted the words the minute they escaped his mouth. He believed them and it wasn’t until that moment that he realized it. Maria’s reaction to the news earlier hadn’t been of anger initially but of shock. Had anyone really expected Michael and Liz to be so selfish? To be capable of such a self-absorbed decision? Despite Kyle’s better judgment, there was a small part of him that understood her anger. “You know what you actually could have done to avoid all of this? Not *die*!”

Michael bristled under the verbal attack. He knew he deserved all that Kyle was saying but taking it was an entire different matter. “You don’t know a damn thing about you’re talking about. You left too, remember?”

“That was completely different, dammit! You just don’t get it, do you? You left for Bella and Liz and I get that. But what about the rest of us? Maria and Max treated me like shit too, alright. Don’t forget that I was right there with the both of you. But we all had to mourn for you--”

“Kyle..,” Michael started.

“No. Listen to me. Didn’t you think that maybe I had gone through enough with Isabel and my own issues? Did you think for one *second* that maybe what you did would kill me? What would have happened if Max or Maria killed themselves because they just couldn’t do it without you guys? Would a ‘I’m sorry’ make it all better?”

While Michael had no idea why Kyle was getting so worked up and couldn’t see past his own anger, neither he or Kyle saw Liz at the door. She had been listening to Kyle’s impassioned speech and saw the message Kyle couldn’t physically say.

“Kyle,” Liz said in a soft hesitant voice. When he turned to her, his eyes wide with anger and pain, she knew she was right. “Tell me you didn’t.”

He looked away in embarrassment and tried to control his emotions. He knew Liz would be able to sense it and if she got too close, she might see flashes. Kyle couldn’t let that happen. “I didn’t have anyone left,” he whispered raggedly. “I couldn’t go back to my father a alcoholic and even if I could….Roswell would’ve been too painful. I couldn’t be normal again and when I thought you guys had died….,” and he paused his chest feeling heavy. “My dad never would have known and no one would have found out what really happened. I may have been kidnapped or something creative like that. No would have known about the bottle. Or the pills. No one but me.”

Michael and Liz stood with looks of horror on their faces. Kyle had a faraway look on his face. The room was deathly quiet until Liz’s sobs came out of her mouth. Before Michael could put an arm around her, she was enveloping Kyle in her arms. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked into his shirt.

Kyle’s grip was just as tight as Liz’s as he whispered back, “Didn’t want you to know.”

“I’m so sorry. We didn’t even think…..”

“I‘ll be in my room,” Michael clipped, anger apparent in his voice, and he marched into his room and slammed the door.

Liz withdrew from Kyle. “What was that?”

“I think he’s still mad that I told Maria,” Kyle confessed, gauging Liz’s reaction.

“Oh,” she said sadly. “I was going to tell her.”

Kyle gave Liz a very solemn look. “I don’t want you think that I’m weak, Liz. I’m not. I just need you to know that. We’ll talk later, alright? Find out what stick is shoved up your husband’s hairy butt.”

Liz had to admit a streak of fear went through at the prospect of leaving Kyle in the room by himself. “You stay here. I’ll be back.”

When Liz found Michael, he was pacing back and forth, his fists clenched. “We aren’t monsters, Liz.”

Liz looked down shamefully. “Well we aren’t exactly angels either. I mean, did you hear what Kyle just said, Michael?”

“Yeah, Liz, I did. But I don’t think we heard the same thing.”

“I don’t understand why you’re angry with me, Michael,” Liz said, trying to hide the hurt in her voice.

“Because you’re ready to tuck your tail in between your legs and take the blame for this, aren’t you? I can see it in your eyes, Liz. We haven’t even dealt with Maria and Max yet.”

Placing her hands on his biceps, Liz stopped his pacing. His turbulent gray eyes latched onto hers. “What. Are. You. Talking. About?”

“When we talked about the consequences of our actions that night, Liz. I thought we were on the same page.”

“We are,” Liz stated firmly.

“No, Liz, you’re on the page where everything anybody says is somehow our fault. Just now, out there, what Kyle tried to do is not our fault. But you were apologizing to him for both of us--”

“Well what was I supposed to do?” Liz screamed in frustration.

“What are you going to do with Maria and Max are here? All they are going to do is tell us that we were wrong--that our life together is a mistake.”

Michael plopped heavily on the bed and Liz followed suit. “I apologized because I love Kyle and the thought that we almost lost him kills me. If for any reason, small or miniscule, I contributed to that makes feel guilty. Michael, I will never apologize for us, for Bella, or for what we have.”

“Look, Liz, I don’t mean that you don’t want this,” he began, gesturing to their surroundings.

“I know,” Liz said gently. “But we keep hurting everyone. Maybe Max is better off not knowing. I don’t want to feel like this is wrong, but I don’t have an explanation to give anyone. All I got is that we *ran* and I don’t think that’s good enough.”

When Liz looked at Michael, he looked at her with a expressionless countenance. “It is for me. Always has been. I *care*, Liz, about all the shit we caused. I worry about what’s going to happen but I don’t care what we could have done. All of this is good enough for me. It never had to be good enough for anyone else.”

“Yeah, well, tell that to the angry mob that’s going to be knocking down our door any day now,” Liz snipped.

“I’m going to. I just hope that I’m not the only one saying it.”

[Polarchica516]

Chapter Seven: Guilt All Around

“Maria, tell me what’s wrong,” Max pleaded with her. He had been driving down the road, overly excited at having a new lead, when he had decided to call her. Part of the reason was to rub it in her face because she thought he was going down nothing but a dead end. But Maria was being unusually silent and Max knew something was amiss.

“Nothing is wrong, Max,” she denied.

“Aren’t you happy, Maria? I mean, this could be it. I could find them.”

“Or you couldn’t and you could be getting your hopes up for nothing,” Maria snapped harshly. She was about to utter an apology but Max spoke first.

“You know, you keep thinking like that, and I’ll be using a wheelchair to get around and find them,” Max chastised.

“Can you just stop, Max?” Maria exploded suddenly. It was too much for her. This conversation was happening too soon after she had found out the truth. She didn’t know why she didn’t just *tell* him but lying to him was a completely different matter.

At first there was silence on the line and then Max’s cold voice reached her ears. “Tell me that you don’t want to find them. Tell me that if I’m right, the day you see them---that it *won’t* be the happiest day of your entire existence.”

Maria bit her lip to keep from crying. It would have been before she had known the truth. Now, she never wanted to see them again. She felt betrayed but most of all, she was sad for Max. The words he had just spoken to her was something he believed, something that was holding him together. She didn’t want him to fall apart again.

So she lied to him. “I believe you can find them, Max. I just don’t know what you’re finding.”

She could practically hear Max’s smile over her forced admission. “I know you’re worried about me. And I was too, for a while.”

“What changed?”

“I didn’t think that I *could* change. It’s been five years since I saw her, Maria, and I know that she doesn’t want me in her life. Liz is too smart for hero worship. If I save her, it won’t change what I had done. It would kill me to find her and then have to let her go, you know that…,” Max trailed off.

Maria took a shuddering breath. “But you would,” she whispered in near-amazement.

“It’s what I deserve for all those years of being completely incapable to do that exact thing. But I can let her go now. But I just need to find her first.”

Maria’s blue eyes looked up at the ceiling, suddenly feeling very low. “I want to be there with you if you find them.. Can you come and pick me up before you go to the PI’s office?”

She knew he would be surprised and Max stumbled over his words. “You….are you serious?”

It wasn’t about protecting Max….or being there to get her two cents in. If Max could let go, then maybe she could give it a try.

They made arrangements and Maria numbly hung up the phone. It was a slow walk to her bedroom, placing one foot in front of the other, trying not to fall. Her room was still austere, a far cry from the bare spare room it had once been. At first, Amy had been reluctant to admit that she had kept it like that, especially for Maria.

But now this was Maria’s room, littered with what Amy had saved from her old room back in Roswell. Alex’s guitar, a couple knickknacks, pictures of her friends--of how they used to be. Clutching a picture, of her and Liz in her hand, she sunk onto her bed. She was reminded very harshly in that moment of how far away those days had been. That was back when Max was the control freak, the mighty leader; yet now, he was talking the higher path. Maria wasn’t even walking.

She had pushed her best friend away, her jealously consuming her. She always saw Max and Liz, as one unit, the only two people who didn’t have to worry about being alone. So she had forced Michael into a relationship he didn’t even want. Maria wasn’t stupid. She knew that he was reluctant but she also didn’t want to feel so alone. She needed someone.

He had left her, ran as far away from her as his legs could carry him. And she understood.

Suddenly anger seemed better than the guilt she could not fight.

Snapping out of it for a moment, she rushed to get into the shower. Max was coming in a half an hour.


Guerin Residence

Kyle sat in the living room wondering how all the shouting hadn’t woken Bella up. Michael and Liz’s random muffled argument was enough for Kyle to piece the majority of it together. He should have never mentioned it at all. Now, he was just causing more problems.

Michael reappeared from the guest room without Liz. Kyle raised a questioning eyebrow. “She alive in there?” he teased lightly.

Michael had the decency to look embarrassed. “She’s tired and stressed. It’s been a long day. Besides, I want to talk to you alone.”

“Let me just start by saying that I didn’t mean to--”

Michael held up a hand. “I know.”

There was an awkward silence until Michael spoke again. “You shouldn’t have told Maria,” he said simply, not accusing him.

Kyle hung his head slightly. “I get that now.”

“But then again,” Michael drawled out. “I should have told her myself--a while ago. But I haven’t done a lot of things the way some people want me to.”

“You never were one to do as you were told,” Kyle tried to joke.

“Yeah, I tend to shy away from the sensible thing,” Michael said while grinning rakishly. Then he said somberly, “But this is the last time I’m going to say this, so listen up. The things I did five years ago and things I’ve done since then, have never been about me. It’s been about my girls and protecting them from whatever or whoever I thought would hurt them.”

Wishing he could take back his harsh words from earlier, Kyle looked away from him.. “I know that. I just--”

Michael held him with a stare that would yield no arguments. “You’re like a brother to me and if I had known what you would have…I wish we would have found you and told you the truth so you didn’t feel alone. We didn‘t realize that you would think we were dead too.”

Kyle looked at his friend with open affection at his words, knowing it was all he would get. But as far was Michael’s apologies went, it was the best one he had heard yet. “But you were right,” Kyle said in understanding.

Michael looked mildly shocked. “Right about what?”

“What you just said means so much to me, Michael. But you couldn’t have known and it wasn’t…..,” Kyle stopped, dark clouds forming in his eyes. “I was in a dark place and it felt like I had no one. But I would have felt that way despite what you had done. I should not have made it sound like it was your or Liz’s fault.”

“Why didn’t you do it? What changed your mind?” he asked cautiously.

“I tried and I was too drunk, so I passed out before I could pop the pills. Apparently, I overestimated the liquor to pill ratio,” Kyle admitted. Then the clouds in his eyes began to storm and he looked down at his hands. “And then the fucking gun wouldn’t work. I forgot to turn the god damn safety off.”

Michael’s face was blank but inside everything was churning. It was difficult hearing his best friend talking about trying to kill himself. “Maybe it was a sign,” he offered, his countenance softening at last.

“We don’t know that. I would like to think it was, but it was probably just my drunken stupidity ,” Kyle finished softly. “No one around me could have made me feel like I wasn’t alone. I didn’t want to push this on Liz. I never even wanted her to know, I swear.”

Michael let out a defeated sigh. “Liz will be alright.”

“Liz takes all of this on her shoulders because that’s just the way she is. It doesn’t really have anything to do with you,” Kyle offered. “If it helps…”

“Well it doesn’t, “ Michael snapped.

“She doesn’t want to hurt them.”

“She should!” Michael yelled in frustration.

“But why do you want to? You planned all of this, you and father, to some extent to hurt them. And I don’t understand *why*. No one asked you to protect Max. Liz married him because she knew we needed him to be stable and you could have walked away from Maria at any time. They were in the wrong a lot, Michael, you made the decision to stay there. Liz feels too much guilt, I’ll give you that, but you aren’t feeling any.”

“They don’t deserve it,” Michael said, lacking the strong conviction he once had.

“And that’s fine. But don’t go looking for forgiveness if you can’t dish any out yourself.”

“I don’t want any--” Michael began to protest. But he was cut off by the doorbell ringing.

“Are you expecting…,” Kyle started to ask.

Michael paled and his entire body tensed. “No.”

“Oh shit.”

*********

Outside the door, Max and Maria waited for someone to answer. Max was bouncing on the balls of his feet, excited and anxious as to where this new lead would take him. Maria, on the other hand, was sweating bullets. She wondered if Max would forgive her for not saying anything to warn him about what was on the other side of that door.

Maria was beginning to realize how domesticated this house looked. White picket fence and all, it was obviously not just one person living here. It just screamed ‘family’ to her and that’s when she began to panic.

Michael and Liz had never really spoke to each other, never got along even. They should have been the last two people banding together and planning a mutiny. And Kyle hadn’t known when she and Max would told him about their demise those years ago. Why had Michael and Liz kept it from him? Gone to such extremes to not leave a trail of any kind?

*When had Liz ever taken off her wedding ring?* Max’s words echoed in her mind. They way Kyle had worded his declaration of their existence…..God if it were true, Max couldn’t know.

“Max,” Maria blurted out, her panic at a full level now. “We can’t do this.”

“What?” Max asked in surprise.

“Can we just go? This was a bad idea. This could get us nowhere.”

Max’s lips formed into a tight line, his anger apparent. He rang the door bell again. “No,” he said stubbornly. “He’s here. He’s going to help me find them.”

Maria began to pray she was wrong, convince herself out of the possibility she now could not ignore. Slowly the door started to open and Maria could barely hear over the erratic beating of her heart.

“Oh my god.”