Special thanks to Rae for always knowing the right things to say to keep me motivated.
*
Chapter 10
As Michael and I grew closer, my life seemed to grow more hectic. It seemed that every night my parents got louder and louder. It was to the point where I almost couldn’t keep their fighting a secret any longer, because the entire town had to have heard them already. Maria and Isabel had made a habit of showing up at the Crashdown together, and I knew they were both trying to get back at me. I never imagined Maria had so much anger inside of her. But she did, and it seemed she was suddenly turning every little negative thing that had happened to her on me. As if I’d caused it all.
At night I often snuck away. Once my parents brought their arguing into their bedroom, I’d climb down the fire escape and run to the park. Sometimes Michael would meet me there, sometimes he wouldn’t. But I would always be there. I had taken to bringing a journal with me on those nights. I would sit there, under a tree or on the swings and write out all of my emotions. All of my pain.
Michael had given me the idea. He’d once suggested that I pick up drawing. He’d said that painting and sketching often helped him sort through his thoughts. But I couldn’t draw, not like Michael could. So I picked up a journal from the store. It’d taken me hours to find one that didn’t have an alien or a UFO on it. Roswell really was just a tourist town, and it was beginning to get to me.
I wanted out of Roswell. I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go. Anywhere but here sounded perfect to me. Somewhere far from here…
I looked up at the sky and the stars. Michael always loved to look at the sky. He knew all of the constellations and mythology behind them. Seemed he wanted to be far away just as much as I did.
“Never gets old does it?” I heard a voice come up behind me and whisper into my ear. His voice had brought an instant smile to my face.
“I didn’t think you were coming.” I turned my head around so that I could kiss him fully. When I pulled back I noticed the black and blue bruise under his right eye. It had been faint, but I had memorized every imperfection… and I knew that this had been new.
“What happened?” I reached up and gently traced the outline of the bruise with my fingers. It couldn’t have been too bad; he hadn’t flinched when I touched it. But that didn’t change the fact that it shouldn’t have been there at all.
“Some punk-ass tried to take me this morning.” He smirked, and I could tell that he was lying to me. “He’s lucky he got the one hit in.”
“What happened?” I asked again. I wasn’t even going to acknowledge the scenario he’d just given me. I wasn’t in the mood for games. I wanted to know what had happened to my boyfriend.
“Parker, you’re just going to have to live with the lie.” He sighed, giving up on making up another excuse for me.
“Michael!” I stood up and began to pace angrily. “You can’t just lie to me and think I’m going to accept it.” I glared at him. Did he have any idea how infuriating he could be sometimes?
“Sometimes the truth is too much. Please, just leave it at that.” He looked at me pleading desperately for me to just accept his answer. I wanted to be outraged, after everything that had happened, they shouldn’t have secrets. She certainly didn’t have any from him. Why should he be able to have secrets from her? But one look into his desperate eyes and all the anger from my body had vanished.
“You can’t lie to me forever.” I sat back down and placed my head on his shoulder. He needed me just as much as I needed him. He was as broken as I was, and I was determined to help him. If that meant living with lies for a little while longer, I would. But he’d have to eventually tell me. They had to be able to trust each other with everything. And she couldn’t trust him if he was keeping secrets and lying to her.
*
I sat in Chemistry class third hour next to Max Evans. He had been assigned as my lab partner yesterday after Chelsea Monroe dropped the class. To say the situation was awkward would have been an understatement. I often caught him staring at me, and I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do. I couldn’t just ignore him; we were expected to work together.
Michael hadn’t been all to pleased with the situation either. Max had told him yesterday about the switch, and had gone into brooding mode. No matter how many times I told him that I didn’t feel for Max, his insecurities had convinced him otherwise. I wasn’t sure how I would be able to prove to him that he was the only guy for me.
I could feel Max’s eyes on me, but I just continued to stare at my book. I wasn’t used to anyone looking at me with such intensity. Michael was hardly allowed to look at me in school at all. Michael, he was the one that I really wanted. We hardly saw each other anymore, and when we did it was to sit in the park at night and sooth each other’s fears. I couldn’t remember the last time we had done something that was just fun.
Fun, the word seemed so foreign to me. Since I’d started training at the Crashdown, I hadn’t had time for much else. Not that I had any money to do anything fun with. Every cent of my tips was currently going to my parents. I couldn’t be too mad at them anymore; they really did need the money. If business didn’t pick up soon, we would probably have to sell it.
But tonight was my night off, and I was going to go out. Michael and I both needed some time away—some time where we didn’t have to worry about a single thing. Perhaps I could talk my mother into giving me some money to take Michael out. She always had been the more reasonable one when it came to boys. If I had some money, I could finally take Michael somewhere. Help repay him for all of the sweet things he’d done for me.
Planning my date with Michael had certainly helped me get my mind off Max Evans. I had hardly even paid attention to his insistent staring, and before I knew it, the bell had rung.
Tonight Michael and I would finally have a night off.
*
“Mom?” I walked into the kitchen making sure to use my most innocent voice. I had already made sure that my dad was occupied downstairs before approaching my mom. If my dad were to find out about this, then he would never allow me to go out with Michael.
“Yes?” she looked up from the stack of bills she had been going through. She looked exhausted, her eyes were red and puffy and if you looked close enough you could see the black circles under her eyes even through the make-up she wore. Her hair was falling out of her carelessly pulled up ponytail, and she was already wearing her pajamas.
“Um… you know Michael. The boy that helped me with English in summer school?” I felt bad already for asking my mom to not only give me money, but to lie to my dad and allow me to go out on a date with a boy she knew very little about. But I was used to guilt, and I wasn’t about to let it stop me. My mom could only nod her head. “Would it be ok if he and I went out tonight?”
“On a date?” I bit my lower lip and nodded guiltily. She just sighed. “Your father wouldn’t want you going out and you know that.”
“I know.” I paused; my next sentence would be hard. If she agreed then I would just be asking for a fight from my parents. If she didn’t, then I would probably spend the entire night in a lecture. “That’s sort of why I came to you.” I had to close my eyes. I didn’t even want to imagine the look on my mother’s face.
It was silent for a long time. I had to open my eyes just to make sure that she hadn’t left the room. But she was still there, and she wasn’t angry. At least she wasn’t angry at me. Her eyes were blank, and I had no idea what she was thinking. Or if she was even thinking at all.
“Ok.” She said softly and nodded her head. She looked up at me, and I knew that she wouldn’t tell dad. I would be allowed to go out with Michael, and I wouldn’t have to lie about it. One question down, one to go.
“Um… Michael doesn’t really have money to do anything. I kind of wanted to take him somewhere… Do you think it would be ok if I…” I hadn’t even finished my sentence when my mom stood up and walked out of the room. I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I hadn’t even asked the question and she just left. Had it really been such a horrible request from me? I instantly felt guilty. We didn’t really have the money to spend either, but it was Michael. And she had agreed to let me go out with him…
She walked back into the room holding a twenty dollar bill in her hand, saying only one thing. “Use the back door, and don’t get caught.” And then she was gone again.
*
I didn’t bother calling Michael before heading over to his house. I knew that if I called his foster father was likely to pick up the phone, and I learned last time I called. I did not want to talk to Hank. So I decided to walk to his house, and settle for the hope that Michael would be outside already. If he were even home.
I remembered him telling me something about a basketball game with Max, but I couldn’t remember if that had been planned for today or not. I hoped not. It was already seven thirty, and if Michael had gone to a game, he wouldn’t be back until 10:45 or 11:00. My mom had told me that I had to be home by 12 or I would never go out again. ‘We wouldn’t be able to do anything with an hour.’ I sighed annoyed. A sudden blush crept into my cheeks. ‘Well, there were a few things we could do…’ I allowed my imagination to go wild, it was a long walk and I had been getting bored.
When I finally reached Michael’s home, all of the lights were off. I knocked on the front door just to be sure, but nobody answered. He had to be out with Max; and Hank… well I didn’t really care where the hell Hank was at the moment.
I turned around and steeled myself for the long walk home. I had no desire to spend my night off at home locked up in my room, but it seemed that was my only option. Alex was in Santa Fe for the weekend visiting his grandma. Kyle was likely at the basketball game as well. I could have gone to see him, school spirit was beyond me, but Michael would be there. The two of us could sneak away for a little while; I’m sure I could find something to be spirited about. I quickly found myself blushing again.
The walk to school shouldn’t have been too bad. It normally only takes about ten minutes to get there from Michael’s side of town. I should have been there already. But the gods didn’t seem to want me to be happy tonight, despite all the earlier efforts in my favor. Not even five minutes into the walk, I literally ran into Maria and Isabel.
The look Isabel shot me could have burned a hole right through my skull. But the look Maria shot me was even worse. Had the time she’d spent with Isabel really hardened her heart that much? Or had I been the one responsible for her sudden change in character?
“Michael won’t be needing any of your…services tonight. I know you probably need the money and all but, well…” Isabel giggled. I recognized that giggle; it was the sound that was supposed to make you feel inferior. And it was working. Her words hadn’t affected me that much. I had gotten used to her accusations that I was Michael’s whore. But that giggle had the power to break me every time.
“Michael? Guerin?” Maria looked between Isabel and I confused. I had assumed that Isabel would have told Maria the truth about Michael and me, but apparently I had been mistaken. Maria didn’t know a thing, and I knew that I was about to endure her wrath for lying to her.
“Yeah, It seems Perfect Lizzie Parker isn’t really so perfect anymore is she?” Isabel smiled down at me—she was enjoying every second of this. “It seems that Mr. Guerin has been enjoying Miss Parker’s services for some time now.” Isabel watched Maria’s face go from confusion to shock. It only made her happier, “How long has it been Liz? Two, three months? Why don’t you tell Maria how long you’ve been lying to her?” Isabel gave a heartless laugh, leaving Maria and me alone to talk.
“How long Liz?” Maria glared at me. I had never felt so bad in my entire life. I just wanted to crawl in a corner and die, anything to get away from this situation.
“Maria…” I tried to talk but I couldn’t. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. All of the guilt and pain of the last year had suddenly resurfaced and I couldn’t breathe. My heart was pounding in my ears, and it took everything out of me not to just crawl up in a ball and die right there.
“How long Liz!” She yelled at me this time. It only made it worse. Tears had started to form in my eyes, but I couldn’t let them fall. I wouldn’t be able to stop them. And if I started I would probably drown all of Roswell with my pain and sorrow.
“June.” My voice cracked, and I barely got out a whisper, but it had been enough. Maria had heard me and by the looks of it, she would be ranting for awhile.
“June! Liz, June! How the hell did you keep this from me? I’m supposed to be your friend! I knew you were hiding something, I thought… God, June? What the hell were you thinking? Were you thinking? Why didn’t you tell me? I’m not important enough to you, you think that it’s not important to tell me little details like the fact that you’re sleeping with Michael Guerin? God, Michael Guerin! Why Liz? What the hell is so great about that little piece of trailer trash that you threw ten years of friendship out the window for?” Maria began to rant.
“Don’t call him that!” I yelled back at her finally finding some of my voice.
“Liz, that’s what he is. He’s a piece of trash from the wrong side of town. But that doesn’t matter to you does it. I guess if I were putting out to just about anybody, Michael would make the list, but god Liz. You can’t get much lower after that! Was it really so good? So wonderfully orgasmic that you thought, well hey it doesn’t really matter if I loose all of my friends. I’m getting laid.” Maria had tears running down her face, and so did I at this point.
“What is this really about Maria? Is it really about the fact that I lied to you? Because I was wrong and I’m sorry. I’m really really sorry. And if it’s only about the fact that I lied to you, then I will do everything in my power to make it up to you. But if you’re just ranting on and saying these things because of some sick and twisted form of jealousy, then shut the hell up and get over it.” I had been Maria’s friend long enough to know the truth. She wasn’t ranting because I had lied to her, although I’m sure that fact alone would have pissed her off. She was mad because of the fact that I had Michael and didn’t need her.
“Where the hell do you get off saying that crap to me? God, you really have changed. First you’re a slut, now you’re just plain full of it. It’s strange how you can think you’re better than all of us, when you’re screwing the town screw up. Call me when you decide I’m good enough for you… Better yet, don’t call me at all.” Maria spat out at me and left.
*
I walked into the gym towards the end of the forth quarter. Maria’s ranting had held me up and now not only had I missed the entire game, I looked like crap. I didn’t go past the entrance doors, for fear that the entire school would see me in my desperate shape, but luckily I didn’t have too. Michael had seen me, and made his way over to me.
“You’re a little late for the game, Parker.” He smirked down at me. Stonewall Guerin, that was the act.
“Thanks, but I think I can read the scoreboard.” I smirked back and turned around. Starting to head towards the parking lot.
“We going to your place?” He quickly caught up with me, unaware that my anger wasn’t just an act.
“I thought you were spending your time with Mr. Evans.” I snapped back at him. I was fuming mad and I just had to let all of my aggression out. He seemed the best target at the moment; he was the one that told me not to tell Maria. He was the one who got me in this whole mess. He could only look at me like I had grown a third eye.
“He’ll get over it.” He stated, still confused as to why I was acting so callous.
“Will I be paid for my services tonight? Because I was under the impression that this was our night off.” I smirked, turning all of my guilt and pain into words. Heartless, painful words that I knew would hurt him as much as I had been hurt.
“What the hell kind of bug is up your ass?” He turned to me bitter and angry. He was starting to put up his stonewall again and this time it wouldn’t just be an act, it would be real. And damn near impossible to break down.
“Nothing.” I smirked. I knew that I was risking driving him away; part of me honestly did realize that. But the other part of me, the pained and tortured little girl in me, just couldn’t stop myself.
“Have you been crying?” He looked into my eyes concerned. I had to have realized that Michael would have known I had been crying.
“Just forget it ok?” I had been pushed to my limits, and now I was simply defeated. There was no fight in me and it would be no use trying to hide from Michael.
“No I’m not gonna just forget it.” He grabbed my arm and forced me to stop. We were only about a block from the Crashdown.
“Maria knows.” He didn’t need any more explanation. He knew what I was talking about; Maria had found out about us.
“You told Maria?” He looked down at me, and I couldn’t read his emotions. I couldn’t tell if he was just shocked, or hurt. Maybe he was angry, or scared. I couldn’t tell.
“No. I didn’t tell Maria anything. Isabel told Maria.” I laughed bitterly. “Actually, she said that I was your whore. Maria’s a smart girl—she sorted out the rest.”
“Isabel called you a whore?” He looked at me and I could see exactly what he was feeling. Anger, pure bitter anger. The weird thing was, it was comforting. It even turned me on a bit.
“In more or less words, yeah that was it. And then I got to endure the wrath of Maria. Where I got to listen to her tell me what a stupid slut I am. Tell Isabel thanks, by the way.” I smiled snidely and began walking the short distance to the Crashdown’s back alley. I desperately needed to lie down and sleep. My head was pounding and my eyes were burning.
“Liz, Isabel was wrong to call you that and I’m going to let her have it. But you have to realize that she didn’t honestly mean any of the things that she said. I know her, and yeah she can act heartless at times. She’s just scared. She doesn’t want us together, and she thinks if she treats you bad enough then you’ll leave me. She doesn’t think you’re a whore.” Michael leaned up against the brick walls of the alley with me, taking my face in his hands.
“Yeah, but that doesn’t change things with Maria and me.” I snorted bitterly.
“I don’t know what you want me to do.” He looked at me honestly. I smiled lightly.
“Just be with me.” I leaned in, or up really due to Michael’s extreme height, and kissed him passionately. I needed to feel the intensity, the heat, the little security to know that I had at least one thing going for me at the moment. But that was soon shattered when I heard my dad’s shouts from behind me.
“Elizabeth Parker, inside right now!”
Pre-Life (UC,Mi/L,PG/ADULT) Ch 11 - 10/30/04 [WIP]
Moderators: Anniepoo98, ISLANDGIRL5, truelovepooh, Forum Moderators
-
anotherdestinyinc
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 12
- Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2004 2:50 pm
- Location: Lost in the Polar Universe
For story updates, sneak peaks, poetry, and just random ramblings... visit my Live Journal
http://www.livejournal.com/users/anotherdestiny/
-
anotherdestinyinc
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 12
- Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2004 2:50 pm
- Location: Lost in the Polar Universe
There is just one thing that I need to say about this chapter. When you read it, you probably won't like one of the situtations that I put Liz in. It may seem out of character (and it is), but you'll have to keep in mind that this is all PRE-cannon. And about a whole year before cannon starts. A lot can change over a year, and so you'll just have to go with me. Trust me that I have some sort of purpose for it. And, yes, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We just have to get there (and it may take awhile)
So... on with the chapter.
Brittney
*
Chapter 11
To say that I was grounded would have been an understatement. Grounded usually meant not going out with friends, no TV for a week, normal restrictions. This was just plain child abuse. I was working myself into the ground. I had more hours at the Crashdown than I knew what to do with. When, by some miracle I wasn’t on the schedule, I had homework to do, and housework to do. It was prison with better food.
Alex had returned home on Monday, and I was hoping he would be able to help soothe things over with Maria and me. But I hardly saw him at school anymore, and my phone privileges had been stripped away. I would simply have to wait until I wasn’t grounded any longer and go talk to Maria myself. A situation I wasn’t looking forward to.
But I wasn’t completely separated from the outside world. I still had Kyle, and I still had Michael. During the day, and usually during my afternoon shifts at the Crashdown, Kyle was there with me. We had begun to hang out more often. Kyle had taken on the title of knight in shining armor, and it seemed that was the only thing holding him together. He still hung out with his jock friends, but lately it seemed the only person he could be around without losing his sanity was me.
Michael had started up his old habit of visiting me on my balcony late at night. If my parents had known, they would have been furious. But they were just as clueless as before. And every night, around midnight, I could expect Michael’s light tapping at my window. And tonight was no different.
I had been writing in my journal when I’d heard the tapping, and my mood instantly brightened. I quickly opened the window and allowed him inside. The weather was horrible, and we would not be able to sit outside tonight. The second Michael stepped into my room, I was surrounded by the energy that I had learned to associate with Michael. Nobody else in the world could surround me with energy like him. But then again, everything with Michael was unique.
“Isabel hasn’t been giving you a hard time, has she?” He always got straight down to business. I don’t think he even knew how to say hello. But I’d grown used to it, and it didn’t faze me so much anymore.
“She hasn’t talked to me, no.” I shook my head ad moved to sit on the bed. I knew that he was still angry at her for calling me a whore. And it was comforting. At least I knew he cared about me enough to stand up to his friends; his family.
“I talked to her today—told her to back off before she really did lose me. I think she got the picture.” He tried to smile, but I knew Isabel’s lack of approval was killing him. And if she didn’t approve, than Max never would. And our chances of ever going public were slim.
Not that we would really be able to hide any longer. Maria knew about us, and my faith in her ability to keep a secret like this was weak. She was angry, and would just as soon tell the entire school just to spite me. Isabel had a least understood the need for secrecy, and had forced all of her friends that knew into silence. Maria did not posses that kind of tact. If we could pull off keeping this from Max, it would be nothing short of a miracle.
“What are you thinking about?” He sat down next to me on the bed and whispered in my ear seductively. I felt instant heat wash over my body, but I couldn’t give in. Not just yet, we needed to talk.
“Michael, I’m not sure that we’re going to be able to keep this a secret any longer.” I looked up at him and the flirty look in his eyes was gone, and he had reverted to stonewall Guerin. “I just meant that Maria’s pretty pissed off right now, and I don’t think she’ll be in the saving-our-asses kind of mood.”
“Talk to her.” He commanded me. I just rolled my eyes. After seeing how Isabel reacted to me, I could understand Michael’s need to keep us from Max. What I couldn’t understand, was how he felt he had the right to command me.
“She won’t listen to me.” I sighed. He was supposed to be helping to relieve my stress, not cause it.
“Who will she listen to then?” He sighed. I could tell that he was sick of all the arguing as well, but that didn’t change the fact that we needed to have this conversation.
“I’m hoping she’ll listen to Alex. But I don’t know anymore. She’s changed so much, I’m not sure she’ll care about what he has to say if it’s for our benefit.” I rubbed my temples trying to relieve the pounding headache that I seemed to always have. He moved my hands out of the way, and replaced them with his own. He really did have hands of a god.
“I’ll talk to Alex. And if that doesn’t work then I’ll talk to Maria. Don’t stress over it, I’ll handle it.” He whispered. I think he felt guilty for the entire situation, and he was trying to make up for it. It really wasn’t his fault. But I didn’t tell him that. I was too distracted by his lips on mine.
*
“Liz, you look like death run over.” Kyle met me at my locker before school started. I just glared at him.
“Thanks Kyle. Really know how to win a girl over don’t you?” I smirked, but took a look in the mirror anyways. My hair was pulled back in a lazy ponytail and I already had hair falling out of it. The bags under my eyes were especially noticeable today without the aide of make-up to keep up the perfect illusion. And if that weren’t enough, somehow I had ended up with Michael’s t-shirt on, and my baggiest pair of jeans. I just hoped Max didn’t recognize the shirt. But boys were dense in that way and I doubt he’d be able to make the connection.
“Who’s the party responsible?” He sighed and grabbed my books out of my locker for me. No doubt concerned by the confused look I had been giving my locker. I couldn’t concentrate, and for the life of me, I couldn’t remember what my first hour class was.
“Michael came over last night.” I smiled and allowed Kyle to lead me through the crowded hallways of the school.
“Aren’t you grounded?” He smiled at me knowingly.
“Thus the late night rendezvous.” I nodded my head. I stayed close to Kyle; I knew that we couldn’t afford to be overheard. But mainly it was for the protection. I was too tired to be walking in general, and if Kyle hadn’t been guiding me through the school, I was likely to run into someone. Or something, I giggled to myself when Kyle grabbed my arm and pulled me away, about two seconds before I ran into a wall.
“Parker, you slut.” He laughed and I knew that he was just kidding. I just laughed along with him. “That’s his shirt then I’m guessing?” When I started to blush, he just laughed harder.
“It’s not like we did anything.” I said growing redder by the second.
“Yeah. Ok. I believe you.” He nodded his head trying his best to contain his laughter.
“Kyle…” I just brought my hands up to my face trying desperately to hide from his suspicious eyes. “Ok fine. So his shirt came off. That was the only thing that did. I haven’t turned into Pam Troy.”
“Yet.” He continued to tease me. I just shook my head.
“I hate you.” I tried to glare at him, but it only came out in another giggle. Oh yeah, I was slap happy.
“Anyways, I wanted to ask you. If you can get away tonight and your up for another sleepless night… my dad’s gonna be out all night, and I’ve got a party going on at my house. I know it’s not really your kind of scene. I normally wouldn’t ask. But if you wanted something to do, to relieve the stress… well… you know where my house is.” He shrugged. He was right; parties really weren’t my kind of thing. But if it meant getting out of my house, I was willing to try it.
“Will Max be there?” So long as Max would not be there I didn’t see a problem with it.
“Evans? Why would I invite him?” Kyle stopped and looked at me as if I had grown a third eye. It was making me nervous.
“I’m just wondering if I’d be able to bring Michael.” If Max wouldn’t be there, and there was nobody else that we were hiding from, we might be able to do something public together. For the first time in all of the four months that we’d been dating.
“Well you’re more than welcome to. But I’ll just tell you that there’s going to be a lot of drinking. And drunken teens can’t really guarantee a secret kept.”
“Noted.” I nodded. Of course I wouldn’t be able to be with Michael in public. I never would be able to. “I’ll think about it.” I smiled.
“Like I said, you know where my house is. If you show up, then you show up. If not, well then I’ll see you later.” He stared at me for a few more minutes before laughing at me again.
“What?” I looked up at him confused.
“Well are you going to go in?” He smiled. It was nice to see him smiling so often now.
“Oh,” I laughed realizing for the first time that morning that we were standing in front of my classroom. “Yeah, it’s gonna be a long day.” We both laughed and Kyle took off towards his own classroom.
*
I hadn’t told Michael that I decided to go to the party. We couldn’t go together, and I didn’t think he would have allowed me to go to a party with a bunch of drunken boys. But I had to get out of my house and do something for once. And maybe a little part of me was only doing it to spite my parents, but I really did want to have a night where I could just forget it all. Forget all of the pain and guilt, forget everything and have fun for once.
And I vowed that I would have fun tonight. No reservations. I would do whatever it took to forget reality for a few short hours, regardless the possible consequences. I couldn’t possibly get in more trouble than I was already in. And I was fifteen; I was supposed to mess up. Why else would they call them the rebellious years?
So when the first boy poured me a coke mixed with some vodka, I drank it, no fear. It tasted horrible in my throat, and it took every once of strength that I had to finish the first glass, but I had. Tonight I would not be Perfect Parker any longer.
I finally spotted Kyle in his kitchen about three glasses later, and I was starting to feel lightheaded. But it was nothing that I couldn’t handle. From what I’d heard I should have been feeling the full effects already. I had downed all four of my glasses within a thirty minute time span, but I wasn’t feeling carefree yet. I could still feel the pain; I still couldn’t get my parents and Maria out of my head. I would just have to drink a little more.
“Hey Liz. I didn’t think you’d show up.” Kyle walked away from the group of cheerleaders he had been talking to in order to keep me company.
“Well I needed some time away.” I laughed bitterly and walked over to the cabinet above the refrigerator, where Kyle had told me his dad kept the strong liquor. “Have you been drinking?” He looked at me in shock. I just pulled down the first bottle I could reach and started to unscrew the cap. I couldn’t read the label, but from the smell of it, it had to be strong.
“Why don’t you slow down a little, Liz?” Kyle grabbed the bottle out of my hands. “I didn’t invite you here to get you drunk.”
“But you did invite me. And, oh, all there seems to be to drink is alcohol, so.” I tried to reach for the bottle, but Kyle just held it out of my reach.
“If you’re thirsty, I’ll get you some water.” He glared at me, knowing damn well that I didn’t want water.
“Kyle, please. I know it’s just a temporary release, but it’s a release all the same. And that’s what you promised me when you invited me here.” I pleaded with him to give me the bottle back. If I didn’t get hammered soon, I was likely to break down right there in front of the entire school. “Please…” I looked at him broken.
“Just tonight, Liz.” He handed me a shot glass and poured some for me. “Only for tonight. But when you wake up tomorrow morning with the world’s worst hang over, and you realize that it did nothing for you, you are not going to drink ever again.”
“Just tonight.” I nodded my head in agreement with him. Because tonight was all that I needed. Just one night, and I would go back to my own hell of a reality.
*
I couldn’t remember when it all went fuzzy. But I did remember it all getting better, easier. The drinks had stopped tasting so funny in my mouth, and I had even started to enjoy the burning sensation they gave me as they went down my throat. I wasn’t so shy anymore. And the pain that I felt before was gone.
Kyle had been watching me constantly since he’d allowed me to take the first shot. But I didn’t mind anymore. I could feel everybody’s eyes on me, but I still didn’t care. Perfect Parker was gone, and I was glad. If it made them all suspicious or not, it didn’t really matter to me. I wouldn’t have to live up to the reputation any longer.
I was in the middle of dancing when I first heard them yelling. It was coming from the bedrooms, and nobody else was paying attention to the argument going on. But I would have recognized his voice anywhere.
“What the hell did you do to her?” I heard Michael yell at somebody, and I continued to slowly make my way towards the voices. It was taking me awhile though, it was taking serious concentration to stay on my feet and not pass out on the floor.
“She was already drunk when I saw her.” I heard Kyle bite back. So that was who Michael was fighting with. He was yelling at Kyle.
“So you let her continue to drink?” I didn’t know why Michael was so angry. I was happy; shouldn’t that have been all that mattered to him?
“It was let her stay angry drunk, or let her get buzzed enough to forget it all. I didn’t want her having a break down in front of all these people, and if she’s going to be hung over tomorrow morning anyways… well at least she had a few carefree hours.” I stopped right outside of Kyle’s bedroom door. I wasn’t trying to spy on them, I wanted to go inside and join the discussion, but simple motor movements were beyond me at this point.
“Doesn’t that actually sound right to you in that small ass head of yours?” I just rolled my eyes. Michael always would be the first to resort to insults.
“It’s not like you’ve done anything to help her stress.” I tried to shake my head, tried to defend Michael. He had been trying to help me, really. He just wasn’t very good at it.
“No, but at least I don’t allow her to destroy herself.” I sighed. I knew that Michael wouldn’t have approved of me being here. He wouldn’t understand my need to drink away my problems. And whatever rational part of me was left knew that he was right. In the end, Michael was right. I shouldn’t have come. But I needed the release so badly.
“It’s one night—it’s not like I’m gonna let her do it again.” Kyle really didn’t deserve to be yelled at. I was the one Michael was pissed off at. Because, well, I was the one who was pissed.
“She could get alcohol poisoning you jackass. And it’s not like you could stop her if she wanted to do it again.” Michael sounded as if he was ready to start pounding Kyle, and I knew I had to get in there fast. Motor skills or not.
“Michael?” I stumbled into the room, ready to defend Kyle in case of attack.
“Liz, what the hell were you thinking?” Michael turned to me with eyes of fury. I’d never seen him look so angry. Except for that one night. When he’d come to my room, when he’d thought I was running away.
“Guerin, just leave her alone.” Kyle stepped in front of me. It wasn’t fair. If I had been able to stand without holding the wall, Kyle wouldn’t have to protect me. He wouldn’t have to endure Michael’s wrath.
“What? Leave her to your care? I don’t think so.” Michael shoved Kyle out of the way and I just rolled my eyes. They were both too protective for their own good.
“I’m more than capable of taking care of Liz.” Kyle stepped in front of me again and shoved Michael back.
“I can take care of myself.” I shook my head trying to convince them to stop fighting. All I needed to do was sit down, and I would be able to talk this over with them rationally. I just need to have a seat. But when I went to sit down, I missed the chair. Michael just rolled his eyes and picked me up in his arms.
“A little public don’t you think?” Kyle spat back bitterly.
“I’m taking her home before she hurts herself.” Michael started towards the door.
“I can walk ya know.” I rolled my eyes and tried to get out of his arms. But the alcohol had made me weak, and I barely put up a fight. I was growing too tired.
“Yeah Liz, I know. You’re doing a wonderful job too by the way. You know, until the whole land on your ass part.” He snapped at me.
“I didn’t land on my ass.” I rolled my eyes.
“Enlighten me then; what were you doing on the ground?” Michael looked at me amused.
“The chair decided to move.” I shrugged as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
“Thanks for this Kyle. Really, you’re a real good friend.” Michael turned around and was almost into the hallway when Kyle barked back.
“At least I’m not embarrassed to be with Liz in the public! I mean you two are a great couple, really. Besides the whole being ashamed of her and all, I think you’re perfect.” Kyle smiled sarcastically.
“I’m not ashamed of her.” Michael snapped back so fast I couldn’t be sure if he was telling the truth or trying to cover it up.
“Really, then what is it?” Kyle raised his eyebrows, amused.
“Yeah, what is it?” I smacked Michael in the chest demanding an answer.
“Go to hell, Valenti.” He set me down on the ground, but kept a strong arm around my middle, so that I wouldn’t fall.
“You kiss your mother with that mouth?” Kyle laughed at him.
“I don’t know, you kiss your mother…” Michael made a pained face. “Oh, yeah. Seems your mother left. What was the matter? Didn’t you take care of her as well as you have Liz?” I could see Kyle’s face go stark white at the mention of his mom. But he quickly covered it up, and came back at Michael fast, with a vicious insult.
“Ouch, that hurt. Or at least it would have. If, you know, it had come from somebody with room to talk. Seems to me that, you never got adopted. Mommy and Daddy didn’t want you, and nobody else here does.” Michael’s energy had suddenly become almost unbearable. He was hurt and I didn’t know how to stop it.
“I want you Michael.” I bit my bottom lip and smiled up at him seductively. Michael just shook his head at me. I couldn’t tell if he was amused or angry at me.
“Valenti, come near Liz again, and I’ll castrate you.” He started at Kyle with an intensity I had never known existed. I was scared for Kyle. Michael had gotten his bad ass reputation for a reason, and I knew he would kill Kyle if they fought.
“Do I threaten you?” He crossed his arms amused.
“I don’t really get jealous of three foot midgets, no. But, never the less, stay away from her.”
“You can’t talk to him like that.” I smacked him in the chest again.
“You are the most bi-polar drunk I have ever met.” Michael snapped at me. I just shrugged. He was probably right. But I didn’t care enough to think about it. I was too tired, and I couldn’t stay awake any longer. I clasped into his arms and tried to stay on my feet, but I started to fall.
“And you’d know, wouldn’t you? What with living with a drunk and all.” Michael picked me up again, before I hit the ground. Michael got really close to Kyle and gave his most intimidating look.
“Ditto.” He whispered with the most venomous voice he could manage. And then everything started to go black.
So... on with the chapter.
Brittney
*
Chapter 11
To say that I was grounded would have been an understatement. Grounded usually meant not going out with friends, no TV for a week, normal restrictions. This was just plain child abuse. I was working myself into the ground. I had more hours at the Crashdown than I knew what to do with. When, by some miracle I wasn’t on the schedule, I had homework to do, and housework to do. It was prison with better food.
Alex had returned home on Monday, and I was hoping he would be able to help soothe things over with Maria and me. But I hardly saw him at school anymore, and my phone privileges had been stripped away. I would simply have to wait until I wasn’t grounded any longer and go talk to Maria myself. A situation I wasn’t looking forward to.
But I wasn’t completely separated from the outside world. I still had Kyle, and I still had Michael. During the day, and usually during my afternoon shifts at the Crashdown, Kyle was there with me. We had begun to hang out more often. Kyle had taken on the title of knight in shining armor, and it seemed that was the only thing holding him together. He still hung out with his jock friends, but lately it seemed the only person he could be around without losing his sanity was me.
Michael had started up his old habit of visiting me on my balcony late at night. If my parents had known, they would have been furious. But they were just as clueless as before. And every night, around midnight, I could expect Michael’s light tapping at my window. And tonight was no different.
I had been writing in my journal when I’d heard the tapping, and my mood instantly brightened. I quickly opened the window and allowed him inside. The weather was horrible, and we would not be able to sit outside tonight. The second Michael stepped into my room, I was surrounded by the energy that I had learned to associate with Michael. Nobody else in the world could surround me with energy like him. But then again, everything with Michael was unique.
“Isabel hasn’t been giving you a hard time, has she?” He always got straight down to business. I don’t think he even knew how to say hello. But I’d grown used to it, and it didn’t faze me so much anymore.
“She hasn’t talked to me, no.” I shook my head ad moved to sit on the bed. I knew that he was still angry at her for calling me a whore. And it was comforting. At least I knew he cared about me enough to stand up to his friends; his family.
“I talked to her today—told her to back off before she really did lose me. I think she got the picture.” He tried to smile, but I knew Isabel’s lack of approval was killing him. And if she didn’t approve, than Max never would. And our chances of ever going public were slim.
Not that we would really be able to hide any longer. Maria knew about us, and my faith in her ability to keep a secret like this was weak. She was angry, and would just as soon tell the entire school just to spite me. Isabel had a least understood the need for secrecy, and had forced all of her friends that knew into silence. Maria did not posses that kind of tact. If we could pull off keeping this from Max, it would be nothing short of a miracle.
“What are you thinking about?” He sat down next to me on the bed and whispered in my ear seductively. I felt instant heat wash over my body, but I couldn’t give in. Not just yet, we needed to talk.
“Michael, I’m not sure that we’re going to be able to keep this a secret any longer.” I looked up at him and the flirty look in his eyes was gone, and he had reverted to stonewall Guerin. “I just meant that Maria’s pretty pissed off right now, and I don’t think she’ll be in the saving-our-asses kind of mood.”
“Talk to her.” He commanded me. I just rolled my eyes. After seeing how Isabel reacted to me, I could understand Michael’s need to keep us from Max. What I couldn’t understand, was how he felt he had the right to command me.
“She won’t listen to me.” I sighed. He was supposed to be helping to relieve my stress, not cause it.
“Who will she listen to then?” He sighed. I could tell that he was sick of all the arguing as well, but that didn’t change the fact that we needed to have this conversation.
“I’m hoping she’ll listen to Alex. But I don’t know anymore. She’s changed so much, I’m not sure she’ll care about what he has to say if it’s for our benefit.” I rubbed my temples trying to relieve the pounding headache that I seemed to always have. He moved my hands out of the way, and replaced them with his own. He really did have hands of a god.
“I’ll talk to Alex. And if that doesn’t work then I’ll talk to Maria. Don’t stress over it, I’ll handle it.” He whispered. I think he felt guilty for the entire situation, and he was trying to make up for it. It really wasn’t his fault. But I didn’t tell him that. I was too distracted by his lips on mine.
*
“Liz, you look like death run over.” Kyle met me at my locker before school started. I just glared at him.
“Thanks Kyle. Really know how to win a girl over don’t you?” I smirked, but took a look in the mirror anyways. My hair was pulled back in a lazy ponytail and I already had hair falling out of it. The bags under my eyes were especially noticeable today without the aide of make-up to keep up the perfect illusion. And if that weren’t enough, somehow I had ended up with Michael’s t-shirt on, and my baggiest pair of jeans. I just hoped Max didn’t recognize the shirt. But boys were dense in that way and I doubt he’d be able to make the connection.
“Who’s the party responsible?” He sighed and grabbed my books out of my locker for me. No doubt concerned by the confused look I had been giving my locker. I couldn’t concentrate, and for the life of me, I couldn’t remember what my first hour class was.
“Michael came over last night.” I smiled and allowed Kyle to lead me through the crowded hallways of the school.
“Aren’t you grounded?” He smiled at me knowingly.
“Thus the late night rendezvous.” I nodded my head. I stayed close to Kyle; I knew that we couldn’t afford to be overheard. But mainly it was for the protection. I was too tired to be walking in general, and if Kyle hadn’t been guiding me through the school, I was likely to run into someone. Or something, I giggled to myself when Kyle grabbed my arm and pulled me away, about two seconds before I ran into a wall.
“Parker, you slut.” He laughed and I knew that he was just kidding. I just laughed along with him. “That’s his shirt then I’m guessing?” When I started to blush, he just laughed harder.
“It’s not like we did anything.” I said growing redder by the second.
“Yeah. Ok. I believe you.” He nodded his head trying his best to contain his laughter.
“Kyle…” I just brought my hands up to my face trying desperately to hide from his suspicious eyes. “Ok fine. So his shirt came off. That was the only thing that did. I haven’t turned into Pam Troy.”
“Yet.” He continued to tease me. I just shook my head.
“I hate you.” I tried to glare at him, but it only came out in another giggle. Oh yeah, I was slap happy.
“Anyways, I wanted to ask you. If you can get away tonight and your up for another sleepless night… my dad’s gonna be out all night, and I’ve got a party going on at my house. I know it’s not really your kind of scene. I normally wouldn’t ask. But if you wanted something to do, to relieve the stress… well… you know where my house is.” He shrugged. He was right; parties really weren’t my kind of thing. But if it meant getting out of my house, I was willing to try it.
“Will Max be there?” So long as Max would not be there I didn’t see a problem with it.
“Evans? Why would I invite him?” Kyle stopped and looked at me as if I had grown a third eye. It was making me nervous.
“I’m just wondering if I’d be able to bring Michael.” If Max wouldn’t be there, and there was nobody else that we were hiding from, we might be able to do something public together. For the first time in all of the four months that we’d been dating.
“Well you’re more than welcome to. But I’ll just tell you that there’s going to be a lot of drinking. And drunken teens can’t really guarantee a secret kept.”
“Noted.” I nodded. Of course I wouldn’t be able to be with Michael in public. I never would be able to. “I’ll think about it.” I smiled.
“Like I said, you know where my house is. If you show up, then you show up. If not, well then I’ll see you later.” He stared at me for a few more minutes before laughing at me again.
“What?” I looked up at him confused.
“Well are you going to go in?” He smiled. It was nice to see him smiling so often now.
“Oh,” I laughed realizing for the first time that morning that we were standing in front of my classroom. “Yeah, it’s gonna be a long day.” We both laughed and Kyle took off towards his own classroom.
*
I hadn’t told Michael that I decided to go to the party. We couldn’t go together, and I didn’t think he would have allowed me to go to a party with a bunch of drunken boys. But I had to get out of my house and do something for once. And maybe a little part of me was only doing it to spite my parents, but I really did want to have a night where I could just forget it all. Forget all of the pain and guilt, forget everything and have fun for once.
And I vowed that I would have fun tonight. No reservations. I would do whatever it took to forget reality for a few short hours, regardless the possible consequences. I couldn’t possibly get in more trouble than I was already in. And I was fifteen; I was supposed to mess up. Why else would they call them the rebellious years?
So when the first boy poured me a coke mixed with some vodka, I drank it, no fear. It tasted horrible in my throat, and it took every once of strength that I had to finish the first glass, but I had. Tonight I would not be Perfect Parker any longer.
I finally spotted Kyle in his kitchen about three glasses later, and I was starting to feel lightheaded. But it was nothing that I couldn’t handle. From what I’d heard I should have been feeling the full effects already. I had downed all four of my glasses within a thirty minute time span, but I wasn’t feeling carefree yet. I could still feel the pain; I still couldn’t get my parents and Maria out of my head. I would just have to drink a little more.
“Hey Liz. I didn’t think you’d show up.” Kyle walked away from the group of cheerleaders he had been talking to in order to keep me company.
“Well I needed some time away.” I laughed bitterly and walked over to the cabinet above the refrigerator, where Kyle had told me his dad kept the strong liquor. “Have you been drinking?” He looked at me in shock. I just pulled down the first bottle I could reach and started to unscrew the cap. I couldn’t read the label, but from the smell of it, it had to be strong.
“Why don’t you slow down a little, Liz?” Kyle grabbed the bottle out of my hands. “I didn’t invite you here to get you drunk.”
“But you did invite me. And, oh, all there seems to be to drink is alcohol, so.” I tried to reach for the bottle, but Kyle just held it out of my reach.
“If you’re thirsty, I’ll get you some water.” He glared at me, knowing damn well that I didn’t want water.
“Kyle, please. I know it’s just a temporary release, but it’s a release all the same. And that’s what you promised me when you invited me here.” I pleaded with him to give me the bottle back. If I didn’t get hammered soon, I was likely to break down right there in front of the entire school. “Please…” I looked at him broken.
“Just tonight, Liz.” He handed me a shot glass and poured some for me. “Only for tonight. But when you wake up tomorrow morning with the world’s worst hang over, and you realize that it did nothing for you, you are not going to drink ever again.”
“Just tonight.” I nodded my head in agreement with him. Because tonight was all that I needed. Just one night, and I would go back to my own hell of a reality.
*
I couldn’t remember when it all went fuzzy. But I did remember it all getting better, easier. The drinks had stopped tasting so funny in my mouth, and I had even started to enjoy the burning sensation they gave me as they went down my throat. I wasn’t so shy anymore. And the pain that I felt before was gone.
Kyle had been watching me constantly since he’d allowed me to take the first shot. But I didn’t mind anymore. I could feel everybody’s eyes on me, but I still didn’t care. Perfect Parker was gone, and I was glad. If it made them all suspicious or not, it didn’t really matter to me. I wouldn’t have to live up to the reputation any longer.
I was in the middle of dancing when I first heard them yelling. It was coming from the bedrooms, and nobody else was paying attention to the argument going on. But I would have recognized his voice anywhere.
“What the hell did you do to her?” I heard Michael yell at somebody, and I continued to slowly make my way towards the voices. It was taking me awhile though, it was taking serious concentration to stay on my feet and not pass out on the floor.
“She was already drunk when I saw her.” I heard Kyle bite back. So that was who Michael was fighting with. He was yelling at Kyle.
“So you let her continue to drink?” I didn’t know why Michael was so angry. I was happy; shouldn’t that have been all that mattered to him?
“It was let her stay angry drunk, or let her get buzzed enough to forget it all. I didn’t want her having a break down in front of all these people, and if she’s going to be hung over tomorrow morning anyways… well at least she had a few carefree hours.” I stopped right outside of Kyle’s bedroom door. I wasn’t trying to spy on them, I wanted to go inside and join the discussion, but simple motor movements were beyond me at this point.
“Doesn’t that actually sound right to you in that small ass head of yours?” I just rolled my eyes. Michael always would be the first to resort to insults.
“It’s not like you’ve done anything to help her stress.” I tried to shake my head, tried to defend Michael. He had been trying to help me, really. He just wasn’t very good at it.
“No, but at least I don’t allow her to destroy herself.” I sighed. I knew that Michael wouldn’t have approved of me being here. He wouldn’t understand my need to drink away my problems. And whatever rational part of me was left knew that he was right. In the end, Michael was right. I shouldn’t have come. But I needed the release so badly.
“It’s one night—it’s not like I’m gonna let her do it again.” Kyle really didn’t deserve to be yelled at. I was the one Michael was pissed off at. Because, well, I was the one who was pissed.
“She could get alcohol poisoning you jackass. And it’s not like you could stop her if she wanted to do it again.” Michael sounded as if he was ready to start pounding Kyle, and I knew I had to get in there fast. Motor skills or not.
“Michael?” I stumbled into the room, ready to defend Kyle in case of attack.
“Liz, what the hell were you thinking?” Michael turned to me with eyes of fury. I’d never seen him look so angry. Except for that one night. When he’d come to my room, when he’d thought I was running away.
“Guerin, just leave her alone.” Kyle stepped in front of me. It wasn’t fair. If I had been able to stand without holding the wall, Kyle wouldn’t have to protect me. He wouldn’t have to endure Michael’s wrath.
“What? Leave her to your care? I don’t think so.” Michael shoved Kyle out of the way and I just rolled my eyes. They were both too protective for their own good.
“I’m more than capable of taking care of Liz.” Kyle stepped in front of me again and shoved Michael back.
“I can take care of myself.” I shook my head trying to convince them to stop fighting. All I needed to do was sit down, and I would be able to talk this over with them rationally. I just need to have a seat. But when I went to sit down, I missed the chair. Michael just rolled his eyes and picked me up in his arms.
“A little public don’t you think?” Kyle spat back bitterly.
“I’m taking her home before she hurts herself.” Michael started towards the door.
“I can walk ya know.” I rolled my eyes and tried to get out of his arms. But the alcohol had made me weak, and I barely put up a fight. I was growing too tired.
“Yeah Liz, I know. You’re doing a wonderful job too by the way. You know, until the whole land on your ass part.” He snapped at me.
“I didn’t land on my ass.” I rolled my eyes.
“Enlighten me then; what were you doing on the ground?” Michael looked at me amused.
“The chair decided to move.” I shrugged as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
“Thanks for this Kyle. Really, you’re a real good friend.” Michael turned around and was almost into the hallway when Kyle barked back.
“At least I’m not embarrassed to be with Liz in the public! I mean you two are a great couple, really. Besides the whole being ashamed of her and all, I think you’re perfect.” Kyle smiled sarcastically.
“I’m not ashamed of her.” Michael snapped back so fast I couldn’t be sure if he was telling the truth or trying to cover it up.
“Really, then what is it?” Kyle raised his eyebrows, amused.
“Yeah, what is it?” I smacked Michael in the chest demanding an answer.
“Go to hell, Valenti.” He set me down on the ground, but kept a strong arm around my middle, so that I wouldn’t fall.
“You kiss your mother with that mouth?” Kyle laughed at him.
“I don’t know, you kiss your mother…” Michael made a pained face. “Oh, yeah. Seems your mother left. What was the matter? Didn’t you take care of her as well as you have Liz?” I could see Kyle’s face go stark white at the mention of his mom. But he quickly covered it up, and came back at Michael fast, with a vicious insult.
“Ouch, that hurt. Or at least it would have. If, you know, it had come from somebody with room to talk. Seems to me that, you never got adopted. Mommy and Daddy didn’t want you, and nobody else here does.” Michael’s energy had suddenly become almost unbearable. He was hurt and I didn’t know how to stop it.
“I want you Michael.” I bit my bottom lip and smiled up at him seductively. Michael just shook his head at me. I couldn’t tell if he was amused or angry at me.
“Valenti, come near Liz again, and I’ll castrate you.” He started at Kyle with an intensity I had never known existed. I was scared for Kyle. Michael had gotten his bad ass reputation for a reason, and I knew he would kill Kyle if they fought.
“Do I threaten you?” He crossed his arms amused.
“I don’t really get jealous of three foot midgets, no. But, never the less, stay away from her.”
“You can’t talk to him like that.” I smacked him in the chest again.
“You are the most bi-polar drunk I have ever met.” Michael snapped at me. I just shrugged. He was probably right. But I didn’t care enough to think about it. I was too tired, and I couldn’t stay awake any longer. I clasped into his arms and tried to stay on my feet, but I started to fall.
“And you’d know, wouldn’t you? What with living with a drunk and all.” Michael picked me up again, before I hit the ground. Michael got really close to Kyle and gave his most intimidating look.
“Ditto.” He whispered with the most venomous voice he could manage. And then everything started to go black.
For story updates, sneak peaks, poetry, and just random ramblings... visit my Live Journal
http://www.livejournal.com/users/anotherdestiny/