Time to put them to bed so to speak. It's very hard. You've all been so great and I can't convey how much I appreciate all of the encouragement and support and feedback over the years. Oh, and you're not going to believe this but I actually came up with an idea for a sequel.
I have no idea when I'll have time to write it or if I'll have time, especially because I want to get started on my new fic. But maybe in the future, we'll come back to this Max and Liz. Thanks again. All of you.
Everything And More Part 2
Liz shut the bedroom door behind her and leaned against it, closing her eyes, feeling the tears in them running down her cheeks. She wanted to just sit there and cry her eyes out, but Lilly was obviously hungry and not in the mood to wait to allow Liz to let out her hurt and frustration with her father.
Sniffing at the tears, Liz went to the rocker in the corner. She sat down and opened her blouse and a moment later, Lilly eagerly latched on to her mother’s breast. As she smoothed her daughter’s soft, dark hair, Liz grabbed a tissue and wiped at her eyes, still feeling the emptiness where her connection to Max should have been. Actually, it was still there, just terribly muted as though there was a huge distance between them.
An ocean.
If Liz were honest with herself, she knew that she couldn’t lay all of it at Max’s feet. As hurt and frustrated as she was with him, it would be easy to blame Max completely for the way things stood between them right now. Yes, he was the one who put up the wall between them and he was the one who was hiding behind it, but Liz knew in her heart that she could have done something about it before now....she just hadn’t.
It was Maria who had told her the details of what had happened during Lilly’s birth. Liz had been unconscious throughout most of it and it was Maria who told her what happened afterward.
Liz closed her eyes, the image of it marked indelibly in her brain. Max standing in the middle of their bedroom, covered in her blood, clutching their baby girl to his chest. His eyes....Maria had gotten teary eyed when she tried to explain to Liz the look on Max’s face, but that wasn’t even the worst of it. The worst was when he’d suddenly shoved the baby into Isabel’s arms and ran into the bathroom, the sound of violent retching immobilizing them all a few moments later. She and Michael finally hurried into the bathroom finding him huddled against the wall next to the toilet, his hands over his face.
They managed to get him to his feet. By the time they convince him to change his clothes and to try and rest to recover from draining his powers in order to save his wife and child, Max was been back in control.
And he had been ever since. When Liz had woken up several hours after the baby’s birth, Max had been there holding Lilly, waiting for her. She’d asked several frantic questions as she worriedly looked over every inch of their baby to make sure she was okay, but Max had calmly and lovingly assured her that everything was fine. He’d told her the bare minimum of what had happened, then he sat watching and holding her as she and Lilly became reacquainted and Liz tried to feed her for the first time.
Liz knew now that his calmness had been an illusion, put there for her benefit, but she had been in no shape to recognize it at the time, after their ordeal. And even though Max had healed her completely, she was still too exhausted and too consumed with taking care of their new daughter to realize what was happening. On top of that, all three sets of parents, her father, then the Evans, then her mother, had come to visit in the next few weeks. Having to deal with them had also kept her from seeing what was happening right in front of her.
Max put up a good façade, acting as if everything was fine, being there as much as he could be while working a little extra to make up for her cut back in hours at her own job. And he spent lots of time with Lilly, holding her and playing with her, changing her and rocking her.
No, it had taken her a couple of months to realize that all was not as it seemed. To realize that Max had shut her almost completely out of their connection, only barely allowing her access to his thoughts and feelings.
To realize that, despite the fact that he’d managed to remain calm in the midst of crisis and save them both....he was coping with the emotional aftermath of almost losing her and Lilly by completely shutting away his feelings on the subject....and in the process....shutting her out as well.
Liz swallowed back more futile tears and gently detached Lilly to switch her around to the other breast. She wondered what Max was thinking right now, and with a sharp pain, realized once again that, if things were normal, she would already know.
She thought back to her conversation she’d had with Maria earlier that afternoon, remembering what they’d talked about, aside from what she’d told Max. Maria could tell something was wrong and had done her Maria brand of coercing, until Liz had finally cracked and told her what was happening between them.
For the last several weeks, despite giving him every chance to talk to her, and making sure that he knew that she was open and there for him as she always had been, Max wouldn’t talk about what happened or give any indication that anything was wrong. When she tried to deepen their connection, he blocked her and when she tried to touch him, other than light kisses or just holding each other.....
“We haven’t made love since before Lilly was born, Maria.” Liz’s voice cracked as she confessed what had been happening to her best friend. Lilly was lying against her shoulder as she patted her back.
“You haven’t......” Liz knew that Maria wasn’t trying to sound as surprised as she felt, but it came across clearly on the phone.
“No, and we could have a long time ago. Max healed everything while he....you know..... I was fine almost right afterward.”
“Liz....I don’t know what to say. Have you talked to him?”
Liz felt sick to her stomach as she closed her eyes. “No.”
“Why not?”
“Because....I was trying to let him come to me. I didn’t want to push. I thought....”
“Well that obviously isn’t working. Listen to me. I know I told you what happened but....Liz....you just don’t know. I mean....I don’t have a connection to Max like you and Isabel and Michael do but even I could feel.....when Michael and I went into that bathroom and saw him on the floor....it was worse than that time in The Observatory, Liz. I didn’t have to be connected with him to know that he wanted to just ...just.... dissolve. If it had been me or even Michael, we would have screamed or cried or.... but instead he just...it was like he turned to stone. I’ve never seen him like that before.”
The tears Liz had been trying to hold back were now streaming from her eyes and she couldn’t hold back the small hiccup that came out as she got up to go change Lilly’s wet diaper. Lilly was fussing now too and she knew that part of it was because she was upset.
Maria heard her small distressed sound. “I’m sorry, Liz. God, I’m so sorry.”
“No, I needed to know. He’s not letting me in at all, Maria. And now....” Liz could still feel the pressure in her head from earlier when she’d called him and knew that whatever was bothering Max had not gone away. “He’s on his way home and something’s wrong, I can feel it.”
“Oh Liz...”
“No, it’s okay. We’ll be okay. I’ve let this go on too long. Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it.”
“Well, you know I’m here for you if you need me.”
“I know.”
Thinking about it now, Liz admitted that she’d only told Maria a partial truth. It was true that she hadn’t wanted to push Max into coming to her and let him do it on his own, but.....she had also been hurt and angry that Max had reverted to his old ways and had shut her out rather than deal with his feelings. That was mostly why she hadn’t pushed the situation. She had let her hurt feelings guide her actions rather than her heart.
Tonight when Max came home, she could see, despite his best efforts, that he was hurting. Something happened today that had obviously gotten to him. It must have been something truly bad to penetrate the wall he’d put up between their feelings these past few months. For a moment, Liz thought he was going to give in and finally let her in so she could give him the comfort he obviously needed. But then....
Taking a deep breath, Liz determinedly pushed away the last of her tears. This had to stop. She loved Max and she knew, in spite of how it looked, that he wasn’t deliberately trying to hurt her.
What had happened with her and Lilly had been his deepest, darkest fear since they found out she was pregnant; that something would go wrong and he would lose them. Just like Zan. No matter how far he’d come in the years since that horrible time, Liz knew that the hurt.... the guilt.... and just sheer trauma of Zan’s death, his own captivity and his rape by Tess, would never completely go away. He’d dealt with it, learned to live with it and go on in spite of it, but those things were a part of him and the person he was.
He had reverted to form because he’d been trying to protect her from having to deal with his pain again after so many years as well as being afraid of it himself and now they were both paying the price. The fact that he should have known better was beside the point, and when the time was right, Liz would point that out to him. Right now, Max needed her to help him break down the wall he’d erected between them.
The last of Liz’s anger and hurt dissipated with the thought. He needed her. She knew right now that he must be out there beating himself up and most likely thinking that she was never going to forgive him, but she also knew that when he thought about it, he would realize how utterly ridiculous that was.
They were bonded mates, connected to each other’s soul. No one would ever take his place in her heart. She belonged to him and he belonged to her.
Liz let out a sigh. She missed him. She missed their closeness, their natural tendency to touch and kiss and just be in each other’s feelings. And she missed their lovemaking, the indescribable feelings that only Max could invoke… the feel of his soul touching hers, the feel of him filling her up inside.
She wanted that back. She wanted all of it back.
Lilly was through and Liz gently lifted her up to pat her back until she released the air in her tummy. As she placed her on her lap, Liz gazed down into her daughter’s eyes, so much like her father’s, and smiled faintly.
“You need your Daddy too, don’t you, Angel?” Despite the amount of time Max spent with her, Liz could tell that he was holding a part of himself back from Lilly too, as though allowing himself to feel the fierce love he had for his child would somehow make all of the rest of his emotions come pouring out as well.
Getting up, Liz went into Lilly’s room to change her diaper and put on her pajamas. She loved the little gowns that Isabel had bought her, with little drawstrings at the bottom to keep Lilly’s feet warm. She’d had her bath earlier so she was ready for bed. She usually woke up at least once a night to feed, sometimes twice, but other than that, she was very content.
What was she going to do? Liz straightened up Lilly’s room a little and thought about it. First, she was going to take a bath. She needed to relax and regroup. And Max hadn’t had any time with Lilly yet this evening so she would let him have their daughter while she tried to figure out what she was going to say and do to get him to finally open up to her.
Liz stopped her movements, her hands still holding the cloth she was folding, a little of her frustration with Max creeping back in. Yes, he needed her to help him break down the wall between them, but he needed to do the work. He had promised her a long time ago that he would never do this again, and yet here they were. Her heart broke for him that he was doing this to himself, and her love dictated that she reach out to ease his pain, but at the same time.... she needed him to be the one to fix it.
Going to find Max, Liz walked through the kitchen and saw that he’d put the food away and put the dishes in the dishwasher. Making her way into the living room, she found him sitting on the couch, staring rather dejectedly at the TV.
“I’m going to take a bath. Will you take Lilly?”
Max looked up at her, the expression on his face tightly controlled, but Liz could see the underlying remorse and worry underneath. He silently held out his arms for their daughter. Liz handed her over and Max settled her on his lap in the crook of his arm, her warm, sweet, baby scented little body like a balm against him. Lilly garbled nonsensically, and Liz couldn’t help but smile at how adorable she was in her little pajamas, sitting on her daddy’s lap.
“She’s ready for bed, so you can just put her down when she falls asleep,” Liz told Max. He lifted his gaze from watching Lilly try to lift her hands to her mouth, and nodded. Liz leaned down to kiss her daughter goodnight, then impulsively lifted her hand to Max’s face and kissed his cheek.
“I love you,” she said softly. She met his gaze briefly before straightening up and turning to head back toward their bedroom and the attached bathroom. But not before she saw the surprised look of relief mixed with longing on his face at her impulsive gesture. Liz’s heart gave a little leap. Maybe there was hope after all.
A little while later, Liz was lying in the bathtub, her hair piled on top of her head as she leaned back against a bath pillow. Her eyes were closed and she idly ran her fingers through the fragrant water, thinking about Max and how she was going to approach him. He obviously wanted to come to her, that much she could tell. He just couldn’t seem to make himself take that first step. Maybe if she.....
Liz’s eyes sprang open as a stab of anguish suddenly ripped through the veil of her connection to Max, before being snuffed out. Gasping, she sat up.
Lilly! Liz jumped from the tub, barely taking time to cover her naked body with a thin robe before dashing into the living room. Relief burgeoned for a moment at the sight of Lilly safely asleep in Max’s arms, but it was quickly replaced by worry as she took in the look on Max’s face.
“Max?” She followed his gaze to where he was staring at the TV set and she immediately recognized the local news anchor from the evening news they normally watched.
“.....Mr. Carpenter was arrested at his home,” the news anchor’s dispassionate voice intoned. “Mrs. Carpenter would not speak to reporters, but Sergeant Lawson of the Boston PD, had this to say:”
The TV suddenly went black before the news program could switch to the police officer’s comments, and Liz turned back to see Max with his hand out, obviously having turned off the TV with his powers.
“Max?” Liz said again, this time with more force as she saw him start to tremble. Lilly started moving restlessly against him and he suddenly looked up at Liz.
“Take.....take.....”
He couldn’t seem to get the sentence out, but Liz knew what he wanted. She reached out and took Lilly from him, cradling her for a moment before looking back at Max, who was now sitting with his head in his hands.
“I’ll be right back,” Liz said, hurrying into Lilly’s bedroom to put her down. She lay her carefully on her back, and covered her with a small blanket, then turned on the baby monitor.
Hurrying back into the living room, Liz found Max the way she’d left him and she went to kneel in front of him, unable to take another moment of watching him torment himself.
“Max....God, please.....just tell me what’s happening. Please....I need you to let me in...”
Lifting his head, Max looked at her, then sat back on the couch. Liz still couldn’t feel his emotions, but she could see him struggling to keep them in and it hurt almost as much. He finally spoke.
“Ashley Carpenter died today.”
Liz gasped. “Oh my God, Max. How....what happened?”
“Mrs. Carpenter called me at work, hysterical. I could barely understand her, but a nurse took the phone and told me that Ashley had been brought in to the emergency at Mass General unconscious. They were working on her, and I told her I would get there as soon as I could.” Max paused to take a trembling breath.
“When I got there, Mrs. Carpenter just...she was crying and told me that her husband had come home unexpectedly from work, drunk and.....”
Max stopped as his voice cracked and Liz reached out to take his hand, grateful when he let her, seeming to take comfort from it in spite of himself.
“He....Ashley was crying and he got angry and told her to shut up and she.....he grabbed her and sh...shook her....and hit.......
“Oh Max.”
Liz got up, unable not to comfort him and she was relieved when he allowed her to sit on his lap and wrap her arms around him. His own arms wrapped tightly around her waist as he buried his face in her neck, his breath warm on her skin.
She couldn’t believe it. Ashley Carpenter was a little girl of about three, almost four, who had unfortunately shown up frequently at the shelter with her mother whenever her father was on a drunken rampage. Liz knew that the workers at the shelter had tried to counsel Mrs. Carpenter to get help and police involvement, but she’d refused, too afraid of her husband to do more than get Ashley away when her husband was out of control. Liz had actually met the little girl once while visiting Max at the shelter and her heart had gone out to her, so small and so sweet, smiling at everyone who spoke to her, despite how her family life must have been. And Liz knew that Max was drawn to her because of her obvious need for companionship, lapping up the attention that he lavished on her while in his care.
Since he’d been working in shelters, having volunteered during college for credit, Max had seen a lot of the worst of humanity in the horrible things that people were willing to do to one another and it always tore away a little of his soul every time something tragic happened. Liz had comforted him more than once when he’d come home raw and wounded by what he’d seen.
“I saw her....in the cubicle afterward...” Max’s voice was a hollow whisper and Liz had to swallow against the lump in her throat at the sound of it and the thought of that poor little girl. She soothingly ran her hands up into Max’s hair, tilting his head back a little to look at him.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, leaning down to kiss him lightly on the lips, before pulling back. She gazed down into his eyes, seeing for just a moment the pain he’d been hiding so deeply and the vulnerability he was trying so hard not to feel. Her fingers came up almost of their own volition to run lightly over the crease in his forehead and the strain that showed around his eyes. She leaned down slightly to kiss those marks, her lips warm and soothing on his skin.
Something inside Max snapped. Before she knew what was happening, he was dragging her lips back to his, a groan of almost agony coming from his throat as he kissed her desperately, like a drowning man taking his last breath and Liz could only gasp and take the onslaught. Flashes sparked through her mind in too much of a rush to grasp, as Max held her in an almost bruising grip, her soul suddenly inundated with his thoughts and feelings. Pain.....love.....guilt.....
As suddenly as it started, it was over. Suddenly realizing what he was doing, Max pulled away, cutting their connection so abruptly, that Liz gasped in pain at the sudden emptiness. Max stood up with her and let her go, crossing the room rapidly to put distance between them.
“Don’t.”
Liz’s voice stopped him, but Max kept his back to her, struggling to control his rapid breathing.
“Don’t do this, Max. Don’t hide from me any longer.”
Head down, Max stood clenching his fists, unable to even turn and look at her.
“You promised me Max.” Liz’s voice was trembling with tears and Max suddenly had a vision of her face in the CrashDown, that day when he got back from LA. The look of disbelieving hurt when she realized that he’d almost left the planet without calling her. Like he’d crushed the life out of her.
“You promised me that you would never do this again.”
Pain lanced through him at her words and for a moment, he couldn’t breathe because of it.
He heard her take a deep breath.
“Do you love me, Max?”
That brought him around and he looked at her in unbelieving dismay, expecting to see that wounded expression on her face. That look he hadn’t seen since before they broke up. But to his surprise, despite the tears hovering in her eyes, the expression on her face was resolute...determined.... anything but wounded.
Did she really mean that?
“Because I can’t feel it in here anymore,” Liz continued, laying her hand over her heart. “Not like I used to. And what about Lilly? Do you think what you’re doing is fair to her? You hold yourself back from her.”
Max shook his head in denial, but Liz’s gaze pierced him with the truth.
“You do Max. I know you love her, but you don’t allow yourself to feel it the way you should...the way I know you can. Because you’re doing the same thing to me.”
Staring at her mutely, Max trembled, feeling her words like knives in his heart and he wondered why he wasn’t actually bleeding.
The tears hovering in Liz’s eyes spilled down her cheeks and she shook her head, her expression wavering from its determination more toward despair.
“I know you’re afraid to let go.... but could it be more painful than what we’re going through right now?”
That stopped him in his tracks, the truth of those words hitting Max like a sledgehammer. Nothing could be more painful than how he felt right now, separated emotionally and physically from his wife and child…. hurting the ones he cared most about in the world.
As usual, Liz’s clear-headed logic hit the nail on the head, whereas, his own screwed up wiring had got it backward once again. His soul was crying out to her from behind his self-imposed prison, begging for release, begging for its other half and it hurt like hell.
With sudden clarity, he knew that Liz realized it. That she felt the same way. That she wanted to come across the room and touch him... hold him... and force him to give in.
But she wasn’t. She wasn’t making the move toward him. She was making him choose. Making him take the first step to end this torture for both of them.
To give them their life back.
Striding forward, Max pulled her hard against him and they both gasped as the dam broke, his feelings overflowing through their connection, inundating them both. He crushed her slight form to his harder one, breathing raggedly as his pain and anguish... his fear and guilt.... all came pouring out.
Liz held onto him, knowing that she would have bruises the next day from his grip, but she didn’t care. He was letting her in.
Lifting his head to hers, Liz kissed him and Max responded instantly, his lips taking control as he kissed her roughly, not feeling the tears coursing down his cheeks, not hearing the harsh sobs coming from his throat. They were on the floor now, without knowing how they got there.
The flashes were disjointed and out of control, the accompanying emotions painful and sharply brutal in intensity.
Max’s reaction to Lilly’s birth... his desperation to save them and the aftermath as he buried the pain.
His guilt and remorse when he saw the hurt he was causing her every time he pushed her away, at the same time, too afraid to let her in.
Ashley Carpenter’s death and his rage that a man could do that to his child and his anguish at his own inability to do anything about it.
It hurt. It hurt so much.
Liz absorbed all of them, her own tears flowing as she held him and kissed him back with all the pent up passion of the past few months.
Desire rose sharply between them. Liz felt her center go liquid as Max’s body responded to the soft feel of her nearly naked form beneath him. The long denied passion that was so much a part of their relationship flamed to life. Liz held his head, her tongue mating wildly with his, both of them moaning at the feel of him rising hot and hard and ready.
What was he thinking? Shame flooded through Max, pushing aside the desperate need to lose himself in Liz’s love.... in her body. How could he be thinking of making love to her when he had hurt her so badly. He needed to beg her forgiveness.
Feeling him start to pull away, Liz reacted by tightening her arms around him. “No Max.”
She cupped his face, dragging his gaze to hers. “Love me. I need to feel you.”
“Liz...we...I......” Max shook his head, even as his traitorous flesh reacted to her words, hardening to the point of pain, but Liz stopped him again before he could pull away.
“Yes...I want you to. Now...” She reached out to kiss his chest, his throat, nipping and teasing at his lips, at the same time sliding her hand down to cup him through his jeans, stoking the fire that was already burning out of control inside him.
Letting out a harsh breath, Max lost the little bit of restraint he had left. Grasping Liz’s hair, he yanked her mouth back to his, kissing her desperately, his tongue clashing with hers even as he reached down to help her rid him of his clothing, stopping their kisses only long enough to pull his shirt off.
Max fumbled with the tie of her robe, then dragged it off of her, groaning at the feel of her naked skin against his. It had been too long. Neither one of them could wait for their joining.... for the intermingling of their souls that they had been without for far too long.
Without preliminaries, Max sank into her, gritting his teeth in acute pleasure at the tight fit, shuddering as his soul reached out to hers. Liz moaned underneath him, in pain and pleasure, her body struggling to accommodate his after so long. She felt Max hesitate, feeling her pain, but she wouldn’t let him pull away, not now that she had him again.
“Just....give me....” Liz tried to relax her muscles, tilting her hips and wrapping her legs around him, wrenching a deep groan from Max as he slid in further. Their souls intertwined.
Home. Oh God, how had he lived without this for so long. Max felt the tears running down his cheeks as he realized with sudden clarity just what he’d been doing to them these last few months. Denying them this incredible feeling.... this necessity to their bond. How could he have been so blind.... so selfish.
“Yes.... oh yes....” Liz moaned out her need as Max finally began to thrust, his thickness penetrating her deeply, the ridges of his swollen flesh rasping along her slick walls, making her nerve endings stand on end. At the same time her soul rejoiced in glory at being one with his, making the pleasure almost too much to bear.
As it was, lasting was out of the question, neither one of them was able to hold out after so long. Max tried to wait but lost the battle when Liz’s nails suddenly dug into his back. She arched to him, crying out as she came in a blinding rush, dragging Max with her, the velvety muscles coaxing his seed, forcing his own guttural cry from his throat. It went on and on, neither one of them able to stop, even as the alien energy whipped through them both, making them shudder against each other in otherworldly pleasure. When it finally dissipated, they could only lay limply in each other’s arms, gasping for breath.
He was still hard. Max rolled them over, pulling Liz on top of him, keeping her hips tightly joined to his. She winced as she settled on him, sore after their quick, rough joining, and Max reached down to sooth her, sliding out of her long enough to ease her pain. Liz moaned as his gentle fingers healed her, then again when he immediately slid back in.
“I love you,” she breathed out, arching her back to take him in further, needing him again as much as he needed her.
“Liz.... I....” Max bit off his words on a groan as Liz’s silky walls slid over his hardness, her legs opening wider over his hips to feel all of him as deeply as possible.
“I.... love you...” he managed to breathe out, between panting breaths. “I’m.... so... sorry....”
“Shhh,” Liz whispered, reaching down to kiss him. “I know.”
And she did. Their souls were joined again, just as they were supposed to be, and their connection was wide open. Max’s feelings had come through loud and clear, and Liz didn’t need him to say the words. She knew how sorry he was and how much he wished he could go back and change what had happened. They still needed to talk about things, but there was time for that later. Now was the time for loving...for re-connecting, emotionally.... physically.
“Just love me, Max,” Liz whispered against his lips, moving her hips against him, feeling him filling her up to the brim.
“I do...” Max answered hoarsely, and he proceeded to show her just how much.
******************************
It was a few hours later that they lay together in their bed, Lilly just about asleep again after having woken up for her feeding. Liz held her against her breast, watching her eyelids flicker, fighting sleep, her long eyelashes, dark and thick against her flushed cheeks. She would really be thankful for those one day, Liz thought with a small smile.
She and Max had made love again on the floor, then had moved to their bed to make love again before finally being able to stop, at least temporarily, having assuaged their need for one another. Lying wrapped together afterward, they had finally talked, Max apologizing again, despite Liz’s words and having already demonstrated her forgiveness.
“I don’t want to go through this again, Max.” Liz looked up into his shadowed eyes, knowing that, despite what they had gone through tonight, it would be a while before he fully recovered from what happened. “I can’t be without you like that again. Not after so long....” Liz’s voice choked off and Max pulled her tightly against him, still feeling the hurt he’d inflicted upon her in his selfishness.
“Me either,” he said after a few moments, swallowing to make his voice work. “I’m not.........,” His own voice broke and Max buried his face in her hair, holding her convulsively.
“You are, Max,” Liz said, hearing his unspoken words, his doubt in his own strength. A left over from Tess’s handiwork that always made Liz wish she could have blasted that bitch back to the hole she crawled out of. “You are strong.” She lifted his head up to make him look at her. “You are one of the strongest people I know.”
She used their connection to remind him of all of the times when she and others had relied on him as the only one who could get them through. Everyday he went to work and selflessly helped others who were so much less fortunate then they were. He gave to people who, if they knew what he was, would probably run screaming in horror and he knew that, yet he did it anyway.
He just felt things so deeply...too deeply sometimes. It was his greatest strength and his greatest weakness.
“Do you remember the trial?”
Hershel Jenkins trial had been an ordeal that neither of them wanted to remember. Both she and Max had to testify and Liz vividly remembered sitting on the stand while the man glared at her, smiling sickeningly and licking his lips whenever her eyes flicked upward at him. Max’s reassurance through their connection was the only thing keeping her together, and afterward, Liz had barely held on until they’d made it home to their little apartment before breaking down in his arms.
“I would never have gotten through that if it weren’t for you. You are my strength, Max.”
“And you’re mine,” Max said, gazing down at her, tracing her features with almost desperate intensity.
“Then let me be that strength for you. Don’t shut me out....ever......”
“Here, I’ll take her,” Max said, getting up and slipping on his pajama bottoms. He reached out to take their daughter from Liz, leaning down to give her a kiss in the process. Liz kissed him back, smiling at him as he carefully put Lilly against his shoulder, holding one hand under her bottom and the other gently on her back.
Liz loved watching Max hold their daughter, the sight of her small body snuggled against his bare chest, such a contrast to his hard masculinity, but also so perfect at the same time. He rocked her, walking around as she snuffled against his shoulder before finally settling down, secure in her father’s arms.
A moment later, Max sat back down on the bed to rest against the headboard, swinging his legs up. At Liz’s surprised look, he smoothed a hand over Lilly’s downy head. He gazed down at her peaceful little face for a moment before looking at Liz solemnly. “I just want to hold her for a few more minutes.”
She nodded, still feeling his feelings of remorse for holding himself back from her and their daughter, but also his contentment at Lilly’s trusting slumber in his arms and his love for them both. She curled into his other side, letting him hold both of them, blinking back tears at the sudden realization that this was the first time they had done this as a family.
“I’m so sorry, Liz.” Max’s regretful voice came from above her, but Liz shook her head, wiping her face against him before tilting her head back to look up at him.
“Don’t, Max. Don’t be sorry. Just hold us...and love us. That’s all we need. That’s all we’ll ever need.”
She reached up to kiss him and Max met her half way...and Liz knew they would be all right.
A little while later, Max got up to put Lilly in her crib. When he came back to their room, his expression told her everything and she silently held the covers for him, taking him in her arms. His tears fell on her skin as she opened herself to him, taking him inside.... soothing his soul with her forgiveness and sheltering him in her love...and in return Max gave her his greatest gift. All of himself.
***************************
“Oh look. There’s my little namesake,” Maria cooed as Liz brought Lilly outside after her nap. It was a beautiful fall day, perfect for a barbeque. They were at Isabel and Jesse’s house, celebrating Michael and Maria’s move.
“She’s so gorgeous, Liz.”
Liz smiled in silent agreement at Maria’s assessment. Her daughter was indeed gorgeous, but how could she help it, inheriting her father’s beautiful eyes. Her other features favored Liz, but the eyes....
“Max looks happy,” Maria observed, watching her husband standing between Max and Isabel as they talked, while Jesse grilled.
“He is,” Liz answered, glancing his way, seeing him smile at something Michael said.
Since their confrontation, and despite a couple of days of wallowing in guilt, Max had devoted himself completely to showing his family how much he loved them. He decided, after much discussion with Liz, to request a change at his job as well, something to take him away from the trenches for a while. He wasn’t giving up his work with children by any means, just taking a break from the constant struggle for life that he saw everyday. He needed to more happy surroundings for a while.
It was like a breath of fresh air had blown through their house, taking with it all of the tension and pain.
Thinking about it later, Liz realized that what happened had been inevitable. They had grown complacent in thinking that Max had fully recovered from the wounds of his past. Obviously they were wrong. It had taken a near tragedy to bring it out into the open, but despite how painful it was, Liz wasn’t sorry. It had made them stronger... and even more appreciative of the love they shared and the life they had.
“And how about you? Are you happy?” Maria asked.
Still staring at her husband’s smiling face, Liz smiled herself. “Definitely.”
Her smile grew wider as Max looked over at her. She could feel his contentment at being with his family, his pleasure at seeing her and their daughter and his love encompassing them both.
Maria followed her gaze, watching the three aliens joking and talking with each other.
“Did you ever think we would be here...like this? Did you ever think you would live to see that?” Maria gestured toward their husbands and Isabel.
“No.” Liz answered honestly. It was hard to believe that after everything, they were still together...alive.... safe.... happy. At least for now. They never let themselves forget how easily it could all be taken away from them. That’s why they all tried to savor every precious moment of happiness.
“Mommy! Daddy!” Everyone stopped suddenly as Marissa’s voice rang out from across the yard, from the sandbox where she and Esteban had been playing.
Hurrying over, they all stopped short at seeing the two children sitting in a pile of sand that was bright green.
“Watch!” Marissa squealed out excitedly, plunging her hand into the sand. It shimmered for a moment, then turned bright pink.
“See!” She turned to Esteban. “Him can do it too,” she said and they all watched as Esteban demonstrated, plunging his little hand into the sand. It took longer, but the sand changed to orange.
“Shit!” Michael said, and Maria automatically reached out to smack him on the arm, even as she stared at her daughter in trepidation.
“Daddy said the bad word,” Marissa explained to Esteban, who was looking a little frightened at the adults who were staring at them in shock.
Isabel seemed to realize that they were frightening her son and reached out to pull him from the sandbox. “It’s okay, Honey. We were just....surprised, that’s all.” She hugged him close, her eyes seeking Max’s in fear at what just happened.
Max shook himself out of his daze and tried to look reassuring. “Um...we’ll talk about this later.”
They ushered the children to where the food was waiting.
Michael ran a hand through his hair, gazing at his daughter who was now sitting at the picnic table asking for a drink. “What the hell are we going to do, Maxwell?”
“We knew this might happen. We just have to figure out how we’re going to deal with it and how we’re going to get it across that they have to be careful.” Max tried to sound calm, but his own insides were suddenly too tense to think of food. He saw Liz standing to the side, cuddling Lilly, a worried frown on her face. He went over to them.
Liz looked up as Max approached, a small smile of resignation curling her lips at the worried expression on his face. He took Lilly from her, needing the reassurance of her small body sitting so trustingly in his arms.
“You’re not sorry, are you?” Max asked and Liz knew what he meant.
Was she sorry they had chosen to have children, knowing what could happen? She gazed at her baby girl, so sweet, so beautiful, and shook her head. How could she possibly be sorry that she and Max had created this miracle?
The small half smile that came to Max’s lips made Liz’s heart swell with love, and she smiled back, leaning up to kiss him.
Just then, there was a commotion at the table and they turned simultaneously to see what happened.
“Shit!” Michael’s agitated voice rang out as he looked down at his clothing. The plain white shirt he’d been wearing a moment ago was now purple.
“Marissa, stop that!” Maria ordered her daughter, even as she reached out to smack Michael on the head for his language.
“Daddy said the bad word again,” Marissa explained again to Esteban, who was once again looking wide eyed at the two adults, now arguing with each other.
Liz couldn’t suppress a giggle and she saw Max’s smile widen as well. Isabel suddenly looked over at him, her face telling him to get over there and help her out. He shook his head, handing Lilly back to Liz before making his way to the table.
Liz followed more slowly, taking in the scene. She looked at Max as he knelt next to Marissa, talking to her quietly. She watched Isabel, who was frowning at Michael, who was growling at Maria, who was lecturing him about his language..... and she smiled.
No, she wasn’t sorry. As she gazed at her family..... at the love of her life, who held them all together.... she wasn’t sorry. She had everything she’d ever wanted.
Everything and More.
The End.