Empty (AU, ML, MATURE) (Complete)

[Evelynn]

Winner - Round 11





Winner - Round 10


Liz

Winner - Round 9




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<center>
Banner By Max and Liz Believer.
My other banner.</center>

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Author: Evelynn
Disclaimer: I own only what my mind conjures up and intend no infringement.
Category: AU (without aliens), M/L, Liz POV
Rating: MATURE - for some language and sexual reference
Summary: Liz Evans feels nothing but emptiness as she sits on the balcony of her one bedroom apartment, letting life pass her by. Will she ever feel whole again?
Beta(s): Smac, BelevnDreamsToo
Banner by: Max and Liz Believer

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Prologue:
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I love it when it rains.

It feels like there’s a shadow blanketing the whole world. It feels like the heavens are crying.

There’s a chill in the air and I can just sit there in a folding chair and think of everything and nothing all at once.

Two years ago he would have joined me out on the balcony. We would have sat together under a blanket, just sharing the moment.

But he doesn’t do that anymore.

And now I sit on the balcony of our one bedroom apartment on a cold metal folding chair, feeling the chill against my skin, listening to the rain fall, and thinking of everything and nothing all at once.

How did it get to be this way?

Two years ago, I knew I loved him with every fiber of my being. Two years ago I would have died for him. I would have given up everything just to be with him. Two years ago I married him.

And now … now, I don’t know who he is anymore.

What happened to the man I loved and cherished? What happened to the tender and caring person who could show me that he loved me with just a glance or a smile?

And now … I don’t feel loved. I don’t feel anything. I feel cold. Cold and empty.

But why?

Another burst of wind hits me and I sit there and take it, letting it beat my skin.

The door opens behind me.

I don’t turn.

I wait.

“It’s cold,” he says.

I nod my head.

I wonder if he is going to join me. I wonder if he felt my loneliness and wants to make it go away. I wonder if he’ll hold me and tell me that nothing has changed. That our love is still the forever kind of love that he promised it would be two years ago.

The door closes.

I am left alone again.

It rains harder.

When did life become like this?

Empty.



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[Evelynn]

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Chapter One:
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“I don’t know what you thought married life was going to be like. It isn’t a bed of roses, you know. Especially for us women,” she rambles on while she makes us Sunday tea.

She puts the kettle on the stove and turns towards me, leaning against the counter. She scrutinizes. The way mothers do. The way she stares, when I was little I used to be so scared that she could see right inside my brain and hear everything I was thinking. I’m not so scared anymore. And I’m not so little either.

“Is he having an affair?” She crosses her arms. My mother isn’t the most comforting of people.

I don’t say anything. I normally don’t. My mother talks enough for the both of us.

“I think you should get your hair cut.” She pulls down two teacups. “You’ve had the same haircut since you were ten. Besides, married women don’t have such long hair. They do something with it. They wear it up. They curl it. Long hair like yours just doesn’t show that you’re married.”

I don’t understand her logic. And I thought the ring on my left hand would speak louder than my hairstyle of my marital status.

The kettle whistles. She turns off the stove and makes our tea. I sit and wait for her to start up again.

“You never should have married him.” She sets a cup in front of me before sitting down herself. “You were too young.”

I was.

“I knew it would have ended like this. That Max is just,” she pauses while she thinks of the words, “he’s too good-looking. Those good-looking men don’t make good husbands. You were better off with that last boyfriend of yours.”

Alex.

“You know he’s a millionaire now?” She never loses a chance to mention him. “He bought his mother a new car. He’s a good boy. A good boy.”

I think she’s rubbing in the fact that she and Max don’t exactly get along. But she and Alex got along together really well. She knows his mother. They play bridge together.

I sip my tea.

“You two were really good together. He would have taken care of you,” she says it so matter-of-factly.

I put my cup down. “Just say it, mother.”

She puts her cup down too. “You should have married Alex.”

I sip my tea again. I couldn’t marry Alex. I couldn’t be with Alex. “I didn’t love him.”

“Love?” she laughs at me. “And you love Max now?”

I loved Max.

“Alex has been asking about you,” she throws the words out.

I look up from my tea, “he has?”

“He gave me his number. He told me to give it to you and to tell you to call him some time,” she says with a smile. “Do you want it?”

I stare at her. She knows what she’s doing. She’s scheming me. Do I want it? “No.”

“Liz,” her cup thuds on the kitchen table. “I’m not telling you to have an affair. I’m just saying you should call him. Have coffee or something.”

“I have to go, mother.” I pick up my purse and stand.

She gets up too, pulls a piece of paper out of her pocket and crams it into my hand. She doesn’t let go. Her stare is intense. “Romance dies, Lizzie. It’s sad, I know. But it doesn’t mean you have to be.”

I stick the piece of paper in my jacket pocket. “I have to go, mother.”

She walks me to the door. “Just think about what I said, will you?”

I grab my keys and walk out of the house I grew up in.

I hate these Sunday teas.



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I didn’t have to go. I had no where else to be. I just had to get out of that house. I had to get away from her.

I drive home. Max doesn’t get home until late.

Usually.

I park my car beside his. And I walk up the stairs to our apartment.

I’ve always wondered if one day I’d come home and find him in bed with another woman. I wondered how I’d react.

But Max wouldn’t do that. He’s too smooth to let that situation happen. He’d get a hotel room.

I enter to find him in the kitchen, making himself a cup of coffee.

He lifts his head to throw a glance my way. “How was tea with your mother?”

“Fine.” I walk past him through the hallway into the bedroom. I drop my purse and jacket on the bed right next to an open suitcase filled with clothes.

Where is he going?

I grab a sweater from the closet

His good suits are gone. Must be an important trip.

I pull the sweater on and head out towards the living room. He’s sitting on the couch, stirring his coffee with the paper on his lap.

He looks up while I pass. “Where’s the mailbox key?”

“In my jacket.”

He folds the paper. “I’ll be out of town for a few days. On business.”

I nod my head and head out to the balcony, closing the door behind me and sitting on the cold metal folding chair that we leave outside.

There used to be two chairs.

Used to be.

It’s still cold. The wind still blows. The earth still turns.

I watch the sun go down.

Sunsets are sad.

The door opens.

I don’t turn.

“I’m leaving.”

I nod my head.

I don’t turn.

The door closes.

I hear him leaving through the front moments later.

And I wonder at the part of me that’s relieved to be alone for the next few days. It’s not that there’s tension between us. It’s that there’s nothing between us. And that’s what bothers me.

The door opens to the balcony of the apartment next door.

The guy comes out and nods to me with an unlit cigarette between his lips. He lights it up and takes a puff.

Eddie is his name. He’s huddled down in heaps of clothes.

I’m just wearing a sweater over my jeans and t-shirt.

“It’s chilly, isn’t it?” He’s smiling over at me.

I nod my head.

He takes another puff of his cigarette. “You look cold.”

I nod my head.

“Do you want my jacket?” He starts to shrug it off.

I shake my head.

He tosses the cigarette. “How’s Max?”

“Good,” I nod. The wind hits again and I shiver.

Eddie sees. “Now I know you need my jacket.” He takes it off and waits for me to accept it.

I had to. It would have been rude not to. I smile and turn towards him and he tosses it over. I drape it over me. It’s warm.

“So I saw Max leave with a suitcase,” he’s leaning against the railing, facing me.

I nod. “Business trip.”

His eyes go toward my balcony door. “I think I hear your phone ringing.”

I hear it too.

“You aren’t going to get it?” He’s smiling at me.

I shake my head.

His smile widens. “So … anyway … um … I’m having some friends over for dinner tomorrow night. You should come if you don’t have any other plans.”

I’m not naïve. I can feel his interest.

But it’s not mutual.

I hear the phone start to ring again and I smile apologetically to Eddie. “I should get that.”

“Some other time then,” he takes the rejection gracefully. But what did he expect? I’m a married woman.

I toss him back his jacket and go back inside.

I walk past the ringing phone and into the empty bedroom.

Let the machine get it.

The suitcase is gone from the bed. Max has moved my purse onto my vanity.

My jacket still lays on the bed, the folded up piece of paper with Alex’s number on it unfolded on the bed beside it.

Max went through my jacket pocket for the mailbox key.

I guess I wanted him to find the number. I wanted him to… what? To what? To find another man’s number in his wife’s jacket pocket and get upset?

What good would that do?

He hadn’t said anything. So he didn’t care.

And neither do I.



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[Evelynn]

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Chapter Two:
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“Honey, I forgot to tell you, I deposited some money in your bank account. It’s getting cold. You should get yourself a new coat.”


The two missed calls last night had been Max’s.

A few days is three to four, according to Max. He won’t be back again until Wednesday or Thursday. He’ll be back by Friday. Will he remember?

I woke at seven and was out of the apartment by seven thirty.

I make a quick stop by the coffee shop on the corner. The girl behind the counter recognizes me. She should. I’ve been coming here for seven years now.

She smiles and makes me two cups to-go, two coffees, both black.

I grab them and leave. I don’t pay. It goes on a tab that Max handles at the end of the month.

The coffees go into the cup-holders between my driver and passenger seat and I drive to our usual Monday coffee spot.

I park my car in the same spot and walk as far along on the paved path as I can go until I have to venture into the grass in order to meet him.

One black coffee gets placed in front of him before I take my usual seat on the bench with the other black coffee in my hands.

It’s a cloudy day. Still cold.

Coffee Mondays are filled with silence. It’s calm and peaceful. There was always a calm and peaceful air around my father. I think this is a good spot for him.

I sip my coffee.

His gets cold.

No words are spoken but I think he hears them anyway. He never pried. He always waited.

Problems and woes used to spill from me during these coffee Mondays and he would ask me questions in ways that made me figure out the answers on my own.

He wasn’t the forceful type. And he believed completely in allowing me to make my own mistakes. And hopefully, I would learn from them.

Which is why, even if he had the chance, he wouldn’t have stopped me from marrying. Even at such a young age.

My father never met my husband. I think he would have liked Max.

Maybe that’s why I gave in so quickly to Max’s proposal. And I jumped too soon into marriage. Because I knew my father would have approved then.

Max was everything my father would have wanted in a son-in-law. He had charm, intelligence, and class and he made me feel like I was the most beautiful person in the world.

I think … I don’t regret marrying him. It was good while it lasted. In the circumstances, when I look back, I can see how I fell so hard and so fast for the man.

Feelings fade.

I hold an empty coffee cup in my hands for hours. The other black coffee still there, cold and untouched.

Footsteps approach.

I don’t turn.

“Hi there, Liz.” He gives me a smile. His name is Kyle. He comes around this time on Mondays. “Are you all done here? Let me get that for you.” He takes the empty cup from my hand and picks the full one up off the ground.

The first coffee Monday I spent in this spot, he gave me a warning. Leaving cups around was littering, he said.

I think he understands now.

I stand up to go.

“See you next week, Liz.” He gives me another smile.

I nod my head. My hands go into the pockets of my jacket and I walk to my car.

I can see Kyle wave to me again as I pass through the cemetery gates.

My cell phone rings. It’s my mother calling. I don’t pick up.

Coffee Mondays are lonely.

I don’t work on Mondays. I don’t work at all. I haven’t for two year now. I took off of work for two weeks for our honeymoon. I never went back.

I’ve thought about going back time and time again. It’s not as though we couldn’t use the money. But Max makes enough for us to live off of to where I don’t have to work, or so he tells me.

The apartment is cold.

I leave the heat off while Max is away. He hates coming home to a cold house.

I don’t mind so much. I spend most of my time on the balcony anyway. Life goes by quicker out there.

There are three messages on the machine.


“Liz, it’s me. Just calling to check in. I’ve run into some … trouble here at work. I’m going to be gone for longer than I thought. I’ll call you again later.”


Max. His message doesn’t surprise me. What surprises me is whether I imagine the girly giggle I hear in the background to his message.

I hit the delete button before I can think about playing it back again.

I don’t care.


“Liz. It’s me, your mother. Why don’t you ever pick up the phone when I call? I left you two messages on your voicemail. I want you to come over for dinner this week. You’re getting too skinny. You don’t eat enough. Call me back.”


I hit the delete button again.


“Um … Hi, Liz … I’m not sure if you remember me, but it’s Alex … Whitman. Well, anyway, Nancy gave me your number, I hope you don’t mind. But I think we should get together sometime. Get coffee or something. Catch up. Give me a call back. Three eight nine, zero three one four.”


Alex.

I push the delete button.

Coffee Mondays are quiet.



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[Evelynn]

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Chapter Three:
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Laurie Dupree is the closest thing to a friend I have.

We went to high school together.

She says that we were close friends during school. I know differently.

I don’t remember liking her so much in high school.

I’m not sure if I like her so much now.

“I swear, my brain doesn’t wake up until it’s consumed three cups of joe.” She isn’t being sarcastic. She bought three cups that are sitting in front of her. She chugs the first one. “Are you going to get any?”

I only have coffee on Mondays. Today is Friday. She knows this, but she asks anyway.

“So is Max not back yet?”

I shake my head again. But it’s Friday.

“Isn’t today Friday?” She tosses the first empty cup on the ground. She starts on her second.

Yes. It’s Friday.

She makes a face. “Isn’t today your anniversary?”

Yes. It’s Friday.

“And Max isn’t back? Where is he by the way?”

It may seem like she’s prying. But that’s how she is. She insists that I tell her everything. We always seem to just talk about Max.

“On business.” Nonchalant. I don’t care.

“On business, huh?” she hints. I don’t need hints.

She opens up her pack of cigarettes and holds it out to me.

Max doesn’t approve of smoking. I’ve told Laurie this. She said she could care less what Max thinks. She said this. But I know different.

I take a cigarette from her and she lights me up. I take a drag.

She smiles. I think she likes the idea of trying to turn me bad.

I’m not that naïve.

“Does Max know you smoke yet?” she asks, lighting one up herself.

I shake my head. “I don’t smoke.”

“Earth to Liz,” she says that a lot. “You do.”

“Only with you,” I say and that’s the truth. And she knows it.

“Here, I got you something.” She digs into her bag and pulls out a pack of lights, puts it on the table in front of me, and smiles a big toothy smile. “Happy anniversary.”

Her big black bug sunglasses don’t hide her sarcasm.

“Thanks.” But I don’t touch the pack.

Max doesn’t approve of smoking.

I take another drag.

”… divorcing …”

“What?” I look up. She was talking. That’s the only word I picked up.

She looks annoyed. “Earth to Liz. I said, have you ever thought of divorcing Max?”

I take another drag.

“No.”

She makes a face. “Well, did he at least get you anything nice? I mean, it’s your two year anniversary.”

“Yes.”

“Well?” She insists I tell her everything. “What is it?”

“A new coat.”

“Really,” I think she knows better. “How much did he give you for it?”

I put my cigarette out. She hands me another one. I light it myself with her lighter. “Five thousand.”

“Wow.” She’s working on her fourth cigarette. She goes through them a lot faster than I do. “And I bet it’s still sitting in your bank account.”

Same as the dress money he put in my account for my birthday.

She shakes her head and throws the third empty cup on the ground. “How can he just throw money around like that on you?”

I am his wife.

“So,” she dumps the ashtray on the ground. “How much is Max worth, anyway?”

I shrug.

“Earth to Liz. Don’t give me that. You should know. You’re married to him.”

I shrug.

“Fine,” she seems upset, “hold out on me. I see how it is.”

She insists I tell her everything.

The coffee shop girl has to come out from behind her counter to pick up the trash around our table.

She smiles at me. Her name is Tess. I know because I’ve been coming here for seven years now. I only have coffee on Mondays.

She puts her fourth cigarette out. I’m still working on my second. “We should double date some time.”

Max doesn’t double date.

“So what are your plans for the rest of the day?” She insists I tell her everything.

“Dinner with my mom.” I lie.

“Good luck with that.” She picks up her purse. “Anyway, I got to get going. I’m getting my hair darkened. I’ve been a blonde long enough. I think I’ll go brown. Not as dark as yours though.” She makes a face.

Max likes brunettes.

“Later.” She stands up. “Oh, and don’t forget this.” She puts the pack in front of me and walks off.

Max doesn’t approve of smoking.

I leave the pack on the table.



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[Evelynn]

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Chapter Four:
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The doorbell rang at ten thirty that night.

I stayed in bed.

The door opens.

I contemplate calling the police.

I hear the heater being turned on.

Max walks in through the bedroom door with his suitcase.

He knows I’m not asleep.

We don’t talk.

He steps in closer.

A rose is pulled from behind his suitcase and put on the bed beside me.

We don’t talk.

He takes his suitcase into the closet and comes back out without his jacket on.

I watch him.

He rolls up his sleeves.

“You thought I forgot.”

I nod. He knows.

“I didn’t.”

He stares. I watch.

He leaves the bedroom. I don’t follow.



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He was gone again by morning. His suitcase and expensive suits with him.

I woke up at seven. I was out of the apartment by seven thirty. The rose in a vase by the bed.

He didn’t say he was leaving. He usually does. Usually.

Saturdays are dreary.

I jog in the park on Saturday mornings.

It was raining. I jog anyway.

I ran in high school. I wasn’t on the track team. But I was in a group that ran at least three miles every morning. There were five of us. We’d wake at dawn.

I can’t go as far as I used to.

I stop after two laps. The rain doesn’t stop. It’s cold.

No one sits outside the coffee shop on rainy days.

The coffee girl smiles at me from behind the counter. Tess. I’ll see her again on Monday.

There are two messages on the machine.


“I wanted to catch you before you left. It’s raining. Stay inside today, okay? I’ll be back shortly.”


Shortly means two days to Max.


“Liz. It’s mom. I don’t know why you have a cell phone when you never answer it. Don’t you go running today, young lady. It’s raining and you’ll catch a cold.”


I hit the delete button.

I turn off the heater and take a shower.

The apartment is cooler by the time I’m done.

I pull on a sweater and sit on the balcony.

I love it when it rains.

One more day until Sunday tea. Mother will talk. I’ll sit.

Life is routine. Week for week. Day after day.

The sun goes up and then falls down and nothing changes.

Time passes whether you’re ready for it or not. When did I stop chasing it?

Eddie comes out to his balcony next door. He smiles at me with an unlit cigarette in his hand.

He blocks the wind, lights it up, takes a drag.

I stare.

He smiles. “I know. Bad habit.” He puffs again. “So is Max back yet?”

I shake my head. “When are you leaving again?”

“Can’t wait to get rid of me, huh?” He smiles a lot in person. Not so much on TV. “I head out again in a couple of days. Vegas is fun this time of year. You should come some time.”

I shake my head.

Eddie is a professional poker player. He takes risks. He gambles.

“You missed out on a really good dinner the other day,” he says and laughs. Another drag.

I only smoke with Laurie.

“So what do you do all day when Max is away?”

I shrug. “Same old, same old.”

Saturdays are dreary.



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[Evelynn]

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Chapter Five
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One hour until Sunday tea.

I spend it on the balcony.

It’s still wet outside. It stopped raining this morning.

I started seeing spots in front of my eyes.

They’re small and grouped together. When I try to focus on then, they move away.

And then, they come back again.

Mother would say I’m not taking good enough care of myself. Mother would tell me I don’t eat enough.

Maybe she’s right.

I get up from the folding chair to leave.

After all, it’s Sunday.

The drive over was quiet.

Pulling up to mother’s house was strange.

There were two cars in the driveway.

I wonder if I should just leave.

But it’s Sunday.

I park my car in the street and walk up to the house. The front door stays unlocked.

My mother is seated at the kitchen table. There is a man sitting beside her. I hesitate at the door.

“Here she is,” my mother stands up from her chair. She smiles at me. “Come sit down. I’ll get you your tea.”

She goes into the kitchen and I’m forced into awkwardness.

“Hello, Liz. I’m Richard.” He smiles.

He shakes my hand.

I sit down at the table.

“Your mother talks about you a lot.” He winks at me.

“Oh, stop it, Richard.” Mother comes back out with a cup of tea in her hands. “I do not.”

“I’m just messing with her.” He smiles and stands up. “Well, I should get going.”

She puts the tea down. “You’re leaving already?”

“Yeah. I just stuck around to meet Liz.” He winks at me again.

“Well, isn’t that nice, Liz?” She looks my way.

I’m forced to nod.

“It was nice meeting you, Liz. I think we’ll be running into each other a lot.” He winks at me again.

“I’ll walk you to the door.” Her whole attention is towards this man.

“Thank you for tea, Nancy.” His lips go to her cheek. I turn away. “I’ll see you tonight.”

She finishes up with him and I stay in my seat, waiting.

I feel like leaving too. But it’s Sunday.

“Well,” she finally sits down. “Wasn’t he nice?”

“Who was he?” I take my teacup.

“Richard Pierce. I met him at church.” She doesn’t have a cup in front of her. Richard’s tea is still on the table.

“How long has this been going on?” She knows I would ask.

But she sighs anyway. “I’ve known he’s been interested for a while. But I’ve only been seeing him for a week now.”

A week.

I eye her.

She sighs again. “Your father has passed away for over two years now, Liz. Did you expect me to be alone for the rest of my life?”

“Yes.”

She doesn’t say anything. She looks upset.

I sip my tea and put the cup down. “This isn’t my usual tea.”

“I know. Richard brought it over.” She says his name a lot. “He got it in Thailand. I thought you might like it.”

I don’t like this.

“It tastes funny.” I push the cup away.

“It tastes fine.” She looks upset. “Richard is a nice man, Elizabeth.”

I stand. “I’m leaving.”

She lets me go.

This isn’t our usual Sunday tea.

The drive home was quiet. I tried not to think.

I want a smoke.

I only smoke with Laurie.

I park my car. Max’s parking spot is empty.

I don’t usually come home at this time.

Eddie comes out with a suitcase. “Hey, Liz.”

“Hi.”

He stops at his car. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” I walk to the park. I’m not usually home at this time.

It’s wet out.

The park is filled with people. Many are jogging along the path. On Saturdays I’m the only one jogging at seven thirty.

One girl stops in front of me. She’s walking a dog.

“Hi Liz.” It’s the coffee shop girl. Tess. I see her on Mondays.

She’s smiling. “Call it intuition but I had a feeling I was going to run into you today.” She digs in her bag. “You left these on Friday.” She holds out the pack of cigarettes.

I take them from her and head home.

Max’s car is in his parking spot.

He’s not usually home at this time. I’m not usually home at this time.

The door to our apartment is unlocked. I walk in to him making coffee.

He looks at me. I look at him.

“How was tea with your mother?”

“Fine.” I drop my purse next to the couch and head out to the balcony.

This isn’t my usual Sunday.

The balcony door opens.

I don’t turn.

“Where’s the mailbox key?”

“In my purse.” My chair was moved. It’s wet now. I sit anyway.

He leaves the door open.

I want it shut.

He comes back out. “Um … I took a week off from work.”

I turn.

He’s leaning against the door frame.

“Why?”

He pulls out our other folding chair and puts it beside me. “I wanted to see what my wife does all week.”

This isn’t my usual Sunday.

Max has the pack of cigarettes in his hand. He’s looking at me. “You smoke?”

This isn’t my usual Sunday.



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[Evelynn]

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Chapter Six:
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“Do you want some coffee?”

It is coffee Monday. But not here. And not now.

I woke up at seven. I was stopped in the living room at seven thirty.

Max wakes up before I wake. He also leaves before I wake too.

I stare.

“I told you yesterday, I took off for a week,” he stirs his coffee. “Did you forget?”

I didn’t forget. I was hoping it was a dream.

He leaves his cup on the counter and gets his jacket off the kitchen table.

He stands in front of me.

I have a sweater on, my purse and keys in my hand.

He has keys in his hand, wearing his jacket. And jeans. When was the last time I saw him in jeans?

I can’t even remember.

I stand there.

It’s seven thirty four. “I have to go”

“I know. I’m going with you.” He opens the door and walks out.

I lock up.

He’s leaning against the passenger side door of my car.

I unlock the driver’s side and get in.

He knocks on the passenger window.

It’s coffee Monday.

It’s seven thirty nine. I have to go.

My driver side door opens. He pushes up on the unlock knob. He gets into the passenger side.

I turn on the engine and put the car into reverse. We go.

I park in my usual spot at the coffee shop.

The coffee girl behind the counter has my two coffees ready, black.

She smiles at me. “I was wondering where you were. You’re ten minutes late.”

I nod. I know. I grab my coffees and go.

He’s still in the passenger seat.

I put the coffees in the cup holders beside me.

He picks one up.

I look at him. “It’s not for you.”

“Oh.” He puts it back down.

I drive to the cemetery and park my car in my usual spot.

Max is out of the car when I close my door, cups in hand.

My father has never met Max. I think he would have liked him.

I head towards my usual spot. Max is walking ahead of me. He sits down before I do.

I stand there and stare. How does he know where to go?

Max looks up. “You think I’ve never been here before?”

I stare.

He sighs. “I’ve paid my respects to him before. After all, I married his daughter.”

I turn.

It’s coffee Monday. I put my father’s cup before him and take my seat.

Max is beside me.

It’s quiet. I sit.

The cup I’m holding warms my hand. I can’t drink it. Max is beside me.

Can my father feel the distance between us? Can he sense the tension?

Would he still approve of Max?

There are flowers on his grave. I didn’t put them there. White roses.

My coffee gets cold.

Coffee Mondays are quiet. But Max is beside me.

I look at him. He looks contemplative.

Is my father listening to his thoughts right now too? Are they talking about me? Would my father still approve?

I think he would.

Footsteps approach.

But my cup isn’t empty. My coffee is cold.

“Hi there, Liz.” Kyle smiles. He picks the cup off the ground. He takes mine from my hands. “It’s full. Huh, that’s different.”

Max stands up and sticks his hand out. “I’m Max, Liz’s husband.”

I feel for the ring on my finger.

“Kyle.” They shake hands.

They talk.

I stand and walk away.

Max meets me at the car. The passenger door is still unlocked for him.

I start the car. He gets in. I drive off.

My cell phone rings. It’s my mother.

Max hands it to me. “Are you going to answer it?”

It stops ringing.

I drive back to the apartment. Max’s car is still in his parking spot.

I go inside.

There is one message on the machine.

I press play and drop my purse on the couch. Max comes in and locks the door.


“Liz, it’s your mother. Why do you never pick up your cell phone when I call you? Anyway, I’ve been talking to Alex. He needs a new receptionist for his company. I told him you’d be perfect. Now, I’m not saying to go and sleep with him or anything. I just think it’s a good idea for you to go out and do something with yourself. And Alex is a really nice boy.”


You should have married him instead. She didn’t say it, but you can hear it anyway.

I hit the delete button.

I look at Max. He’s leaning against the front door, eyeing the answering machine.

I turn for the balcony. He stops me.

“Liz, wait.”

I stand and stare.

“Who is Alex?”



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[Evelynn]

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Chapter Seven
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It’s Thursday. Max has spent every moment of each day with me so far.

It’s unnerving.

I’m out on the balcony, an empty folding chair beside me. I stare at it.

He hasn’t gone into his office at all. He hasn’t mentioned work all week. He hasn’t opened any files or answered any calls. His cell phone has been off.

It’s unlike Max.

The door to the balcony next to us opens. Eddie comes out with an unlit cigarette.

He lights it up and inhales, letting out a puff of smoke.

“Hi, Liz.” He smiles at me.

I stare at his cigarette. Tomorrow is Friday. I meet with Laurie for smokes and coffee on Friday. I only have coffee on Mondays. She knows this.

Will Max be there tomorrow too? He’s been with me every moment so far.

I look at the empty chair beside me. He’s been inside for ten minutes now. He’s left me alone for ten minutes now. It’s unnerving.

“So I got knocked out early.” Eddie laughs. “I guess you can’t win all the time.”

Eddie takes another puff. The smoke drifts my way this time. I smell it.

“Sorry.” He smiles again. “But I still made off with fifty thousand, so I guess I can’t complain, huh?” He laughs again too.

He flicks the ash off his cigarette.

“So how’s your week been?” He’s leaning across the rail towards me.

I shrug.

The wind blows. I shiver.

Eddie shrugs off his jacket. He holds it out to me.

I shake my head.

He smiles again. “Take it. It’s cold. You’re cold.”

I shake my head.

He throws the jacket at me. It lands in the empty chair.

The wind blows again.

I put the jacket on. It’s warm.

“I told you, you were cold.” He smiles at me a lot. “So what are your plans today?”

I shrug.

“Well, I planned on being in Vegas still. But since I’m not, I don’t have anything to do either.” He’s hinting.

I look at the empty chair beside me.

“Do you want to go get dinner or a drink or something?” He’s leaning closer. “I know a really great place.”

I look at the chair beside me.

Max has been inside for fifteen minutes now. He’s spent every moment with me so far. It’s unnerving.

I’ve gotten used to it since Wednesday.

The balcony door opens. Max comes out and takes his seat. He looks at me and eyes the jacket.

“Oh, hey Max.” Eddie strands up from the rail.

“Eddie.” Max nods at him.

I shrug the jacket off, throw it over, and go inside.

Max follows.

“So your mother called.” He closes the balcony door and locks it. “She wants us to come over for dinner in an hour.”

I look at the machine. There aren’t any messages.

“I told her we’d be there.”

I turn to look at him. “I see my mother on Sundays.”

He shrugs. “She insisted.”

Max doesn’t say no to my mother.

I don’t answer her calls.

I go into the bedroom to get my jacket.

Max follows. He leans against the door frame. “Alex called too.”

I look at him.

“He said for you to call him back.” Max looks nonchalant. But I know better.

I sit down on the bed. He steps in closer. “Do you want to work for him?”

I look at him. Max wouldn’t stop me. But I shake my head.

He nods.

I think that’s what he wanted to hear.

I stand up.

He grabs his keys. “Let’s go.”



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[Evelynn]

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Chapter Eight:
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We take Max’s car to my mother’s. It’s nicer than mine.

“Well, I haven’t been here in a while,” he says as he pulls up to the house.

He parks the car in the street because there are two cars parked in the driveway. This isn’t good.

“I wonder who else is here.” He eyes the strange car. I don’t have to wonder. I know.

He waits for me on the sidewalk. I pull my coat tighter. I feel cold.

His arm goes around me and we walk up to the house together.

My mother answers the door.

“Liz. Max. So glad you could make it.” She’s chippery. It makes me uncomfortable.

She closes the door behind us.

I look straight at the man seated on the living room sofa. He winks at me.

“Max, it’s been so long.” She smiles at Max.

He gives her a kiss on the cheek. “Was it your birthday, the last I saw you?”

“Yes, yes.” She smiles at him again and pats his arm. She was pleasant with him then. She’s being pleasant toward him now.

I know she wishes I married Alex.

She motions toward the living room. We come in closer to the man on the sofa.

“Max, I’d like you to meet Richard.” Her hand goes to his shoulder.

Richard stands and shakes Max’s hand. “Richard Pierce. It’s very nice to meet you.”

“Pierce?” Max gives the man a closer look. “Of Pierce International?”

“Was,” Richard smiles. “Now my son runs the company.”

“Daniel, right?” Max goes into business speak. “I’ve met him. Very talented man.”

“Liz,” my mother calls. “Why don’t you help me set the table?”

I follow her into the kitchen.

The table is already set. I know this. She knows I know this. I bet things are going just as she planned.

“Well, they’re getting along great.” She says it conversationally, but there’s meaning behind her words.

This is what she expected. Max can talk to anyone.

“You know,” she starts wiping at invisible dust on the counter, “Richard’s son is looking for a new company attorney. Maybe you can talk Max into the job.”

I eye her.

She’s trying to weave him into our lives. “Where are you going with this?”

“I just think that Max would do well at that job.” She isn’t avoiding the conversation. She’s plotted this out.

She waits for me to say something.

I don’t.

She moves on. “Let’s call the men in, shall we?” She leaves to the living room. I stay in the kitchen.

I follow Max while they head into the dining room. I sit down beside him.

Richard heads for one seat, but my mother puts him in another. “Richard, why don’t you sit here?”

There’s meaning behind what she does.

I eye her.

I want to leave.

Max’s hand covers mine.

She can’t replace my father.

I want to leave.

“Are we waiting on someone?” Max notices the fifth place setting. I notice too.

“Oh, well, Alex was supposed to join us,” my mother just throws the tid-bit out.

“Well, I hope we won’t be waiting on him too long. I’m starved.” Max smiles. But his hand goes to my knee.

I stare at it.

“It’s a good thing we won’t have to wait then,” Richard smiles too.

“Yes,” my mother adds in. “He called in saying he had to work late. He’ll be by for a drink afterwards, if at all. So, let’s eat.”

The rest of dinner went by pleasantly, as my mother planned.

I want to leave.

She has me help her clear the dishes.

The men go to the liquor cabinet.

I put the dishes in the sink and leave the room.

I can’t be around her. I want to leave.

“This is a very good selection you have here, Nancy,” Richard says into the kitchen to my mother.

I sit next to Max on the sofa.

“Thank you.” She comes out to the living room. “To be honest with you, I don’t know a thing when it comes to drinks.”

And she wouldn’t. It’s my father that has good taste.

Max’s arm goes around me.

“So, Max. Are you a scotch drinker?” Richard pulls a bottle out of the cabinet.

“Not usually.” Max is pleasant. “But I’ll have a glass.”

Richard makes himself and Max a drink. “What will you have, Liz?”

I want to leave.

Max stands up. “Have a seat, Richard. I’ll get Liz her drink.”

Richard sits down next to my mother. His arm goes around her.

I want to leave.

Max hands me a glass and sits down beside me. I stare into it.

Max smiles at me. “You like sherry, don’t you?” He rubs my leg and starts a conversation with Richard.

I hold the glass, but I don’t drink it.

The first alcohol I ever tasted was sherry. Max ordered it for me on our first date. I liked it then.

He had the same bottle sent up on our honeymoon. It was a romantic gesture.

I eye it, but I don’t drink.

“I wonder what’s keeping Alex.” My mother says. She’s sitting beside Richard. His arm is around her.

“Work can keep a man very busy,” Max jokes.

I stare into my glass.

“Well, it’s a good think I’m retired then.” Richard winks. He squeezes my mother’s shoulder.

I swallow the sherry. And cough.

Max rubs my back.

I want to leave.

Richard’s cell phone goes off. He stands. “If you’ll excuse me while I answer this.” He heads into the kitchen.

I look at Max. I want to leave.

Max nods.

He turns towards my mother. “It’s getting late, Nancy. I think Liz and I should be going.”

“Alright.” She stands. “Wait a moment. I have something for you Liz.” She goes into her bedroom.

Max goes to get our things.

They both come back into the living room at the same time. Max hands me my jacket. Mother hands me an envelope.

I put it in my purse and head for the door.

Max makes our goodbyes.

I’m ready to leave.

I wait for him on the porch.

He comes out and my mother closes the door behind him, giving me a look as we leave.

“Well, that was …” he doesn’t finish his sentence.

We walk towards the car.

Another car pulls in front of us.

I stand still.

Alex steps out and closes his door. “Liz.”

I stare.

He looks older.

“It’s been a long time.” He gives me a hug.

I watch Max.

He’s turned away.

Alex lets go. “Are you all leaving already?”

Max steps in. “Liz isn’t feeling well.” He grabs my hand. “I’m Max, by the way.”

“Alex Whitman.” They shake hands.

“I think Nancy is still waiting for you inside.” Max gestures to the house. “We have to get going, but it was nice meeting you.”

“You too.” Alex nods. “Hope to see you again soon. Bye Liz.”

Max opens my door for me.

He gets into the car and turns on the engine. We’re almost home before he speaks. “You didn’t touch your food.”

I nod. I know.

“You haven’t been eating much all week.” He stops at a red light.

I know.

He sighs. “So what did your mother have to give you?”

He turns into our apartment complex.

I pull the envelope out of my purse.

I look at the paper inside and put it away.

He parks the car.

He looks at me.

He waits.

“She bought me the cemetery plot beside my father.” I leave the car.

Max follows.

He stops me. “You aren’t going to die, Liz.”

But it isn’t up to Max.



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[Evelynn]

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Chapter Nine:
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It’s five in the morning.

The sun will rise in an hour.

Max is still in bed.

He started a fire in the fireplace late last night.

It’s still burning.

I’m seated on the couch.

The nights are getting colder.

I couldn’t sleep.

I’ve been staring at the fire for over an hour.

Max loves fireplaces.

It’s why we chose this apartment.

Max liked the fireplace. I liked the balcony.

It’s Friday.

The rose in the vase by the bed is dead, withered, and dried out.

I’ll throw it away tomorrow.

The balcony is tempting me. It’s cold out there. It’s warm inside. Max is asleep on the bed.

I sit.

Half an hour later I get my sweater and go outside.

There are two folding chairs.

I take a seat in mine.

The wind blows and hits my cheeks hard, but I can see the sun start to rise.

It’s welcoming, the sun. Every morning brings a new day. It’s a cycle. My life is a cycle. Life is easier that way, when you can go through movements and not have to think about it, not have to think about anything.

Life goes on without you.

The balcony door opens. Maxwell steps out. It can’t be past six. The sun is still barely making its way up.

He sits in his chair beside me, wearing the sweater I bought him last Christmas. It doesn’t surprise me that he’s up. It doesn’t surprise me that he’s out here, with me.

He’s been with me all week. I must be used to it. Because I wonder at the part of me that was waiting for him.

I feel for my wedding ring. I look at his hand for his.

I remember sliding it on his finger.

I remember being so happy.

What happened to us?

Max doesn’t look at me. He stands up and goes inside.

It makes me wonder.

We used to watch the sunrise together. We used to do a lot of things together. We used to be happy. Together.

Did I let things get this way? Or did he?

It’s Friday.

His week with me is almost over. Did he find out what he wanted?

The balcony door opens.

I don’t turn.

His folding chair is moved closer to mine, an arm goes around me, a blanket is draped over my lap and his.

He feels warm.

The sun inches up higher.

Two years ago this would have been normal.

It isn’t now.

I can feel him breathing.

He coughs. “Maybe we should get a bench.”

I don’t say anything. He doesn’t speak for the rest of the morning.

I lay my head on his shoulder.

The wind is cold, but Max is warm.

It’s Friday. The week is almost over.



--------------



I park my car in my usual spot at the coffee shop. Max goes inside. Laurie is seated at our usual table. She’s already on her second cup. I’m late.

It’s a first.

I sit down.

Her pack of cigarettes is already on the table, an empty coffee cup is already thrown on the ground. The girl behind the counter, Tess, will come out later to clean up.

“Earth to Liz,” Laurie’s talking. I look up. “I said, where have you been?”

I look at the pack of cigarettes. I look at her. Her hair is brown. I don’t like it.

“I called your cell and your house phone.” She looks annoyed. “You didn’t pick up. You almost had me worried.”

I don’t believe her. I look at the pack of cigarettes again.

She opens it up and holds it out to me.

I don’t take it.

“Did Max find out you smoke?” She has one eyebrow lifted, a smirk on her face.

The coffee shop door opens. Max comes out with a cup of coffee in his hands. Laurie doesn’t see him until he walks up to us and pulls a chair over.

Laurie looks startled. “H-hi.”

She has only met my husband once, passing by. I think that one time was enough.

He sits. His eyes go to the open pack of cigarettes in Laurie’s hand.

She looks at them too. “Oh, I was just giving Liz back her cigarettes. She left them the last time we were here.” She closes the pack and puts them in front of me.

His eyes go to me and then to her. I say nothing.

“Do you smoke?” He doesn’t ask me, he asks her.

Laurie makes a face. “No. It’s a bad habit.”

I don’t think he believes her.

She turns to me. “You really should quit, Liz.” Her voice sounds more giggly than normal.

I look at her. What is she playing at?

Max clears his throat. “I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Max, Liz’s husband.” He holds his hand out to her.

They have met. She was blonde then. He doesn’t remember.

“We have met. I’m Laurie.” She shakes his hand. She smiles. It’s a weird smile.

Max sips his coffee. “Sorry, I don’t remember.”

Laurie has been to my apartment once. She came in when Max was leaving on a business trip. She suddenly became my best friend then. Or so she says.

I know better.

“So … no work today, Max?” It’s funny the way she looks at him.

I stare down at the pack of cigarettes in front of me.

It’s Friday. I smoke on Friday. With Laurie.

“I wish Liz would have told me you were going to be here too, I would have bought you a cup as well.” Laurie pouts and puts one of her coffee cups in front of me.

I stare at it. I only drink coffee on Mondays. She knows this.

Max takes the cup and hands it back to her. “That’s okay, Liz only drinks coffee on Mondays.” He smiles at her. He’s being pleasant.

There’s tension at the table.

Laurie finishes her second cup and stands up to throw it in the trash.

It’s Friday. I smoke on Fridays.

I pick up the cigarettes.

Max takes it from me. He takes one out and picks up the lighter.

Laurie sits down in time to see him light it up and take a drag.

I think it shocks us both.

He looks at his watch.

Laurie starts on her third cup.

Max stands up, cigarette still in hand. “I’m sorry to cut this short, but Liz and I had other plans.”

“Oh.” She puts her cup down. She looks at me and then at Max. “Some other time then.” She smiles at him.

“Yes.” He doesn’t smile back. I think he’s done being pleasant.

He picks up my purse and takes out my keys. He heads to the car.

I follow.

He puts out his cigarette and gets into the driver’s side. The passenger side is unlocked.

I get in. It’s a first.

Max starts my car and drives back to the apartment. He parks the car and takes the key out of the ignition.

He looks at me.

I look at him.

“I don’t like her.”



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