Eccentric One – Best damned beta in the world! Thank you for always being there and for your guidance and encouragement! And making sure there are no more stoves! Feel better! Love you!
out of this world
linliz68
Earth2Mama
anonymousarfan
VeronicB
Behrsgirl1230
roswell3053
begonia9508
Erina
FSUMSW94
Timelord31
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guelbebek
ILYMEFOREVER – Mary - Happy Belated Birthday!!
Ellie
BehrObsession
clueless
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Sweet Liz
lazza
Bixie
Jason's Lover
Cherie
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Mareli
Dreamer 4 Ever
rigel
babylisou – ANN! Gah! I’ve missed you around here! Hope you are doing well. I’ll have to catch you on MSN soon! Good to see you and I hope you do plan on continuing with your fic! Hugs
Poison Ivy
Itzstacie – Stacie…I wonder exactly what is running through your mind LOL! *hugs hope everything is going as well as can be at this point! Love you!
Mariael311 – Well damn that part brought out a lot of old faces. Where in the hell have you been? I hope you’re doing good! Missed you and your crazy ass!! Muah
Lurkers
*This part is for Tiffany...she forced me not to stare at pictures of Jason to finish this part. That took a lot of willpower, hope you know that I only did it cause I love you! *MUAH*
Chapter 26
Liz reached the double oak wood doors a few minutes later. Her breathing was heavy and her heart was pounding thunderously in her chest. She wasn’t sure what she would see once she opened the doors, but knew that she couldn’t hesitate a moment longer. Without warning she reached for both doorknobs and swung the doors open quickly.
“Max!” she whispered out cautiously when he didn’t move from his spot in the corner of the room. He was in exactly the same spot she had seen him in a few minutes ago on the monitor. He sat against the wall, looking like he had collapsed under his own weight, his head bent forward to rest against the arms that were folded over his bent knees. What was wrong? Was he hurt? She began to shake with fear. Taking a few steps closer she could see the tearstains running down the side of his cheeks.
“Max,” she kneeled down in front of him, placing a hand on his arm.
“Liz!” he jumped to his feet in surprise. What was she doing here? And how long had she been there? He quickly wiped the tears from his eyes and looked away from her piercing gaze.
“Max, what’s wrong?” she asked softly as she stood.
“Nothing. What are you doing here?” His voice was not accusing. In fact, Liz knew he was more embarrassed than anything.
“I called you…but…what’s wrong? Why were you crying?” she asked again raising her hand to his cheek.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” He brushed past her. She wasn’t supposed to find him like that. He was careless. He should have locked the doors.
Liz followed him with her eyes as he placed the brown leather bound book he had in his hands onto his desk. She took a moment to survey the room for the first time. She had never been in this room. No one had, she could imagine. Not even Michael. It was Max’s personal space. She knew he would come down to the room to be by himself. Almost every night since she moved in, he would excuse himself before bed to come down there. He had never told her she couldn’t go into the room, but she respected his space.
Just as she was going to speak once again, a photograph above the fireplace on the other side of the room caught her gaze. It was of a woman and man with dark brown hair. They were smiling and looked happy. She had to wonder if those were his parents. Taking a tentative step towards him, she changed her course and decided to have a seat on the long black leather couch in front of the fireplace.
His heart was beating so rapidly. What on earth had possessed him to come into the room? He knew why he typically came into this room. But Liz didn’t. Now, he would have to explain to Liz. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to share this part of his life with her, but it was personal. Very personal. It was something he had never shared with anyone. And to be honest he was ashamed that he had kept it from her. He cleared his throat when he saw her seated in front of his parents’ portrait.
“I had it made from a picture I found in her diary,” he began nervously. He watched as she nodded her understanding.
“Your mother was so beautiful, and your father was very handsome. I see where you got your looks,” she smiled to him over her shoulder. Liz was nervous. Obviously she had stepped into a private moment and wasn’t so sure she was welcome. Max hadn’t asked her to leave, but she wasn’t sure if he would even ask her. Maybe he was just being polite. Liz was about to excuse herself, but his soft broken voice stopped her.
“Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I almost believe they are still alive. I don’t know how I remember them as well as I do,” he began but his tears clogged this throat.
“I remember when I found out I was pregnant with Lexi. I was so afraid that I would fail, you know?” she looked to Max with a half smile. He had slowly begun to move across the room to join her on the couch.
“That must have been really hard,” he offered as he took a seat.
“It was. What if I let my child down? What if I wasn’t enough? I knew after the father wanted nothing to do with me or his baby, that I would be alone. Would my child resent me because she didn’t have a father?” Liz laughed halfheartedly but continued nevertheless.
“I remember while I was pregnant with her, I would talk to her as if she were already born. I apologized to her but I also promised her that I would never leave her. That I would always love her, no matter what.” Liz looked at Max and hoped that he understood what she was trying to tell him.
“Liz, Alexis adores you and loves you so much. She’s who she is because of you,” Max offered her with sincerity evident not only in his voice, but in his eyes. He placed his hand upon hers and gave it a gentle squeeze.
“And you Max, you are who you are because of them,” she nodded towards the portrait of his parents. Max nodded his head but there was something he wasn’t telling her.
“What is it Max?”
“I feel like I’m a disappointment,” he mumbled out, turning his face away from her.
“What? Why?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “Because I never tried to find her.”
“Who…your sister?” Liz deduced quickly that that was whom he was referring to.
“Yes. Liz, I have money. I could have hired someone to find her.” Max stood and began to pace in front of her.
“Max, you told me you only found out about her a short while ago.” Liz watched as he ran a frustrated hand through his hair. His features marked with anger.
“That’s not the point, Liz. I should have read her diary sooner! I could have found her but now it’s been years! She could be anywhere in the world.” He sighed dejectedly as he crossed the room to retrieve the leather book. He began to flip through the pages looking for the exact passage. The passage that would prove how much he let his mother down.
“Max, you’re not thinking rationally. She could’ve been anywhere in the world years ago, before you were even old enough to read.” Liz tried to reason with him. He seemed to ignore her as he flipped frantically through what she had assumed was his mother’s diary.
He gave up on his search. He would have to look again when his mind was clear. “I’ve let them down.” His shoulders slumped and a sigh of sadness escaped past his lips.
“Max…” She now stood with determination to not let him blame himself for something that wasn’t his fault.
“No. Don’t you understand? She is my only family that I know of and she’s out there. What if she’s suffering? What if…I could have helped her and I didn’t?” Liz wrapped her arms around his waist. She could feel his body shaking. She knew it was taking all his willpower not to break down in front of her. If she was honest she was grateful that he was letting her into this part of his world. But she couldn’t let him feel guilty for something that was out of his control.
“Max you don’t know that anymore than you know that she’s with a loving family.”
“She should be with me, Liz. Me! I’m her brother.” Instead of pushing her away, Max wrapped his arms around her and rested his head against her shoulder. The diary had fallen to the floor in his haste to take her in his arms.
He hated his moments of weakness. Moments where he couldn’t control his mind or his emotions.
“I’ll help you, Max.” Liz smiled into his chest, wrapping her arms around him tighter.
“Y-you will?” The tears he had been fighting to hold back finally began to roll down his cheeks. He pulled away slightly to regard her. He swallowed thickly and felt his defenses completely weaken at the tender look on her face.
“Thank you, Liz.” He pulled her that much closer and finally let his control on his emotions go. Liz whispered words of encouragement as they sunk to the floor in each other’s arms.
“I won’t let you go, Max. Not until you want me to,” she whispered out sincerely as she kissed his cheek softly.
“Never, Liz.” He whispered into her hair as his tearstains soaked through her cotton nightshirt. Liz closed her eyes and allowed herself to let go. To finally feel one true moment of being loved and surrounded by him.
****
“How are you doing?” Liz asked a few minutes later as she entered Max’s bedroom and found him ready for bed. They had just finished tucking Alexis in for bed. And although she was already asleep, she woke up just enough to receive both of their good night kisses. Max had reminded Liz of how much he wanted to see the pictures she had taken earlier of Alexis while they were cooking. Therefore, she had made a quick stop to her room to grab the digital camera
“Better. Sorry about…” He scratched behind his ear and blushed a little.
“It’s okay, Max. Everyone is allowed at least one breakdown in their life.” Liz smirked as she hopped on top of his bed.
“Oh really?” he asked with a gleam in his eyes.
“Yes.” Liz nodded as she handed him the camera.
“Thanks.”
“Welcome.” She smiled softly. She knew he wasn’t just thanking her for the camera.
Max began to scroll through the pictures. “She’s so damn adorable, Liz.”
“Isn’t she?” Liz giggled lightly as she rested her head against his chest.
“I can only imagine…” he trailed off which only succeeded in piquing Liz’s interested. She leaned up and rested her chin on his chest.
“What?”
“It’s just that…if she turns out looking anything like you, you better watch out for the guys.”
“Please! My daughter is beautiful. She might look a little like me but…” she narrowed her eyes when Max began to chuckle.
“What?” she asked sitting up completely.
“Nothing.” He shook his head and refocused his attention on the remaining pictures.
“Max Evans, tell me!” Liz pulled the camera from his hands and jumped off the bed.
“Liz, give me the camera back because I’m not telling you.” Max reached out but was pleasantly surprised to see Liz pull the camera to her chest with a laugh.
“Ha! I don’t think so!” She squealed a moment later when Max jumped from the bed to chase her around the room.
“No!” she half laughed, half yelled as he closed the distance between them.
“Give up Liz. I’m going to catch you and throw you over my shoulder again. You don’t want that do you?” his voice laced with amusement.
“I will never give up!” she dropped to her knees and crawled under his legs, but she wasn’t fast enough.
“Gotcha!” he shouted as he lifted her by her waist and deposited her on the bed with a bounce.
“Max! No!” Liz wriggled on the bed as he began to tickle her mercilessly.
“Not…until you give me the camera,” he continued to tickle her. The camera fell onto the bed forgotten.
“No! Tell me first!” she cried out with a giggle. He couldn’t contain his own laugher and fell to the bed next to her laughing as he pulled her on top of him.
“God, I love to hear you laugh,” he said as he hugged her to his body and kissed the top of her head.
“Me too. I love to hear you laugh.” Liz cuddled closer as she tried to regain a normal breathing pattern.
“Now, tell me Max,” Liz asked a moment later.
“I was just going to say that either you must be blind or in denial.”
“About what?” Liz lifted herself up to straddle his waist.
Max reached out and pulled her higher up on his chest and rested his hands on her exposed thighs. Soft to the touch, he almost forgot what he was talking about.
“Liz, Alexis is identical to you. Just a smaller version. But I know when she grows up she will look just like you,” he finished with a shake of his head.
“What’s that shake about?” Liz pointed her finger into his chest throwing him a lopsided grin.
“I wish you could see how beautiful you are in my eyes,” he finished softly watching as her eyes avoided his.
“Look at me,” he whispered out as he reached up and placed his index finger beneath her chin.
“What?” she asked hesitantly. The air in the room suddenly became suffocating and intense.
“You don’t see it do you?” He waited for her response, and just as he suspected she shook her head despondently. Max leaned up and cupped her face between his hands and kissed her lips softly.
“I wish I could make you,” he murmured against her lips before capturing them again. He ran his hands up her back as he began to caress her warm mouth with his tongue. Liz allowed herself to be consumed by his kiss, as she always was. She slowly began to lay herself flush against him, all the while allowing him to devour her mouth with his. A low moan rumbled in the back of his throat the moment he felt her lithe body flush against his.
“Perfect,” he whispered in her ear as she began to trail wet kisses along his jaw line.
“So…perfect,” he breathed out as he cupped the back of her head and fused their lips together once again. Liz’s entire body began to heat up. She was losing control as she did early downstairs. It could easily escalate and she knew it. Max was clad in only a t-shirt and a pair of boxers, and she in a t-shirt and a pair of boy shorts. She needed to pull away but found it completely impossible the moment she felt that part of him that was so different from her, pressing into the softness of her stomach.
Max felt the situation escalate and his body’s reaction was almost too tempting to stop. He began to kiss her voraciously, trying to pour all the love and want he had for her into his kiss. It was too much, and he knew they couldn’t go any further. Max knew that no matter how much he wanted her, and how much he longed for her, she wasn’t ready. Aside from that though, he had decided that being with her made him a better person, and in doing so, he wanted the next time he shared his body with anyone, that he wanted it to be out of love, not lust.
Reluctantly he pulled away a moment later. He placed a chaste kiss on her lips before pulling her into a tight embrace. Both of their breaths were labored as they clung to one another. There was a comfortable silence that filled the room as they settled into a more comfortable position.
Liz had rolled onto her side to face Max, mirroring his exact position.
“Max, can I ask you something?” her voice just above a whisper.
“You can ask me anything,” he offered with a soft smile.
“How…how do you stop?” Liz diverted her eyes as her cheeks burned. She had no idea why that was the question she wanted the answer to the most at that moment.
“You mean, how do I stop myself from…” he hedged on uncertainly. Was she really asking him why he stopped himself from trying to sleep with her?
“Yes. I feel like I have no control around you, but you…you seem like you are so in control of your ah…your…” she blushed profusely. Why had she chosen that question?
“Urges?” he finished for her.
“Yes.” She answered gratefully.
“It’s not easy,” he eyed her from head to toe and back up again.
“Not easy at all, but I respect you Liz. And besides I don’t want to push you to do something you’re not ready for and…” he nibbled on his bottom lip searching for the right words.
“And what?” Liz asked as her heartbeat began to speed up. She was nervous about his answer, but had no idea why.
Once their eyes locked he licked his lips and offered her a small smile. “I want…Liz, the next time I sleep with someone, I want it to be with someone that I love and that…and that loves me back. I want to experience the difference between love and sex. I may want to be with you, but I don’t want it out of lust.” He let out a deep breath.
“Does that make any sense?” he asked under thick lashes.
“It makes perfect sense. You want to make love with…” She found herself at a loss for words. There he was telling her he wanted to make love to her. That he wanted his next sexual experience to be with her. How could she possibly hold onto her resolve now, she wondered as she stared into his eyes.
“You. I want to make love to you, when you’re ready to love me.” I do! She wanted to scream. She wanted to tell him that she never loved anyone the way she loved him. That she never would. So many thoughts raced through her mind in that instant. If Max thought that he needed to make her fall in love with him, he was too late. She was in love with him, deeply and completely.
Liz had been so caught up in her own thoughts that she hadn’t realized how much time had passed. It wasn’t until she heard Max’s light snoring from beside her that she knew that he’d fallen asleep.
She gave a small smile and kissed his cheek softly before making her way over the bathroom. Once behind the closed door she let out a breath she hadn’t known she was holding in.
How did he know the right words to say to her? How did he know what words would affect her the most? Most importantly, if Max had never been in love before then she was afraid that the answer to both of those questions was something she wasn’t ready to deal with.
She laughed at the image she painted in the mirror above the sink. Why was Max interested in her anyway, she silently asked herself. What in the hell did she have to offer him?
Still, as she stared at her reflection in the mirror, she couldn’t help but ask could it really be true? If she allowed herself to not analyze every single situation then maybe she could believe it the way she longed to.
“So now what?” she mumbled to herself. She couldn’t just blurt it out to him. He had made everything perfect for her and so she felt the need to make things just as special for him. After all his speeches, as well as the moment they shared downstairs in his den, and now the kiss and the question she had just asked, her heart couldn’t take anymore. She leaned over and turned on the sink. She splashed the cool water against her heated skin and took another look in the mirror.
She broke down in that instant. It finally hit her…hard. He did love her, not because of Alexis or because of any other reason. It was still very difficult for her to understand, but she decided that when he kissed her that last time, that she couldn’t shield herself from getting hurt.
That was what held her back from telling him, wasn’t it? She loved him but was terrified that he could never love her the way she loved him. That he would get tired of her and not want to be with her. But how would she know if that were true or not, if she didn’t give their love a chance?
Liz shook her head as she backed away from the mirror. Once her back hit the door she found herself staring back at her reflection. Was that what she was doing now, reflecting? She tilted her head to the side, then up, and then left to right, studying herself. She was looking for something, something that maybe Max saw that she’d missed all those other times she stared at herself.
Unconsciously, her hand went up and fingered the delicate necklace Max had bought her. She knew that Alexis had helped him pick it out, but the fact that he wanted to know what she would like so much, was what really mattered. In addition to which he was always finding ways to make her feel special and she did. No matter where they were or what they were doing, when she was with him she felt like the most special person in his life. She smiled giddily at the thought.
Could she really be that lucky? Here she had found herself an amazing man. Not only was his heart amazing, but he was also rich, famous and sexy as hell. No girl got that lucky her mind screamed. Her heart though had finally told her it was her turn to really start to live her life. Not in fear, not in pain, but just to live it.
“You can’t control everything, Liz.” She muttered to herself as she dried off her hands and face. It was now or never. She turned to open the door, but took one last look at herself and smiled.
She was ready to let go of her past and embrace whatever future was in store of her. Good or bad, she would stop running away. Now all she had to do was work up the nerve to tell Max that she loved him. That, she knew would be easier said than done.
TBC…
FYI: Just a little note, as you can see in my sig I will be having an author's chat this coming Sunday. Hope to see some of you there
