OFF TOPIC: HOWEVER IMPORTANT Cherie Walley comes here...

[alienmom]

i got an e mail, after we all got the news about cherie, from our very own BDT asking how i was doing and that she was looking for me posting on this thread about cherie. we reminised about the sonoma film festival trip and the santa barbara (cali cherry poppin' tour) trip. my response ended up being rather long winded...go figure so with J's permission i'm posting my babbling:

from J

How are you holding up, Sweetie?? I've been watching for you on the boards. I'm still in shock. I thought we had more time! I didn't have any idea it had gotten that bad, that quickly!! I knew she was in pretty bad pain in TX. I don't know if she was trying to spare us knowing or if she didn't know how bad it was herself?! But she had LOTS of plans for stories and trips and lots more life!

I got my copy of Happily, Even After on Friday and watched it and thought of our wonderful time in Sonoma and how amazing Cherie and her family were to just open her home without ever having met us before!! I CHERISH that "first time" Ros-adventure with Debbi, Teresa, Kara, James, Cherie and you too, Darlin'!!

I'm glad we got to spend as much time with her as we did! She was such a joy to be around! Such fun!!

Hope you're doing alright! Talk to you soon, Sweetie!
x0x0x, Jeannine

hey babe!

Well, I’m not doing so good. But that is to be expected and it sucks! I’ve been lurking on the boards. But I can’t bring myself to post about her just yet. It’s to new and hurts too fucking much. The thread for her on RF is beautiful…writers, gotta love ‘em! Hehe!

I talked to her just before she went to TX and I got the impression that she felt she could kick this just like she always did. I do know that surgery worried her. She told me many times, pfft, cancer didn’t scare her, been there done that! Hehe! But surgery did. Just the fact that you can go in and anything could go wrong. It wasn’t the basis of our conversations. If she felt like talking, I’d listen but her health issues were just a footnote in her life. She had much more interesting things to talk about….like Jason, rosfanfic, Jason, roswellians, Jason, roswell, Jason, writing, Jason, road trips, and oh, yeah, JASON!! Hehe! That girl had it bad!! Hehe!

Yep, she had every trip planned out from now to next madi gras and to finish her 4 stories she had lined up by the end of the year! That girl knew how to have fun no matter what! Nobody, but nobody could write like her! Kath, Angel and the RF crew made her author’s page a sticky and none of her stories will ever be deleted.

Sonoma was so much flippin’ fun!! Even if all I did was squeak!! LOL right after it was announced that HEA was going to show in Sonoma, I called her and told her I’m coming up, I’m staying with you and we are going, damnit! She said hell yeah and it snowballed from there! You & debbi, Teresa, Kara flying in, James saving our butts repeatedly! Dinner with the whole group that showed up. The best part… Kara’s party room! Hehe! When Cherie found out you & Debbi were coming, she called me wondering if you would want to get together or even stay with her?, do you think it would be a good idea? , do you think they would do it? Etc. Can you imagine her being worried & insecrue? Hehe! I said debbi & J, OMB!! Of course invite them! It will be great. Those girls are the coolest! Roswellians are the best, kindest, craziest, funniest, most generous, bunch of freaks on this planet or any other! LOL All I could think about was, “omb! I’m going to meet breathless!!”……. I think I scared her with my gushing fanishness! Hehe! And if you tell her that, I will kick your hiney!! Somewhere in there we actually saw a couple of films! LOL

Let’s not forget about the cali cherry poppin’ trip either! Mistress linds & family, fem, Rosvina & 285 south, 3 am giggle fits (ok, that was just me), sexcapade stories, posting, chatting, talking, killing cell phones, smiling 4 days straight & general silliness. Cherie and me (you heard correctly) brainstorming on a new fic on the drive home! Gotta love a good road trip!

Smooches & big squishy hugs

Squeak

p.s. seems like I DID talk about our girl after all! Hehe!

[smokie]

My sincere condolences to Cherie's and the entire Rosfanfic family. We have lost a fine person and a talented writer. I never met her personally but her writings made me feel as if she were an old friend. Anyone who wrote such soul-stirring poems and beautiful stories had to be a fantastic person. I deeply regret never meeting her and am saddened by her passing.

May all of you be blessed.

"She is not dead - this friend - not dead,
But in the path we morals tread
Got some few steps ahead,
And nearer to the end;
So that you, too, once past the bend,
Shall meet again, as face to face, this friend."
Robert Louis Stevenson


Smokie

[alienmom]

i'd like to post this essay. it explains a lot!

Fandom-In Lieu of Life
By hesychasam

Fandom is focus. Fandom is obsession. Fandom is insatiable consumption. Fandom is sitting for hours in front of a TV screen a movie screen a computer screen with a comic book a novel on your lap. Fandom is eyestrain and carpal tunnel syndrome and not enough exercise and staying up way, way past your bedtime.

Fandom is people you don't tell your mother you're meeting. Fandom is people in the closet, people out and proud, people in costumes, people in T-shirts with slogans only fifty others would understand. Fandom is a loud dinner conversation scaring the waiter and every table nearby.

Fandom is you in Germany and me in the US and him in Australia and her in Japan. Fandom is a sofabed in New York, a roadtrip to Oxnard, a friend behind a face in London. Fandom talks past timezones and accents and backgrounds. Fandom is conversation. Communication. Contact.

Fandom is drama. Fandom is melodrama. Fandom is high school. Fandom is Snacky's law and Godwin's law and Murphy's law. Fandom is smarter than you. Fandom is stupider than you. Fandom is five arguments over and over and over again. Fandom is the first time you've ever had them.

Fandom is female. Fandom is male. Fandom lets female play at being male. Fandom bends gender, straight, gay, prude, promiscuous. Fandom is fantasy. Fandom doesn't care about norms or taboos or boundaries. Fandom cares too much about norms and taboos and boundaries. Fandom is not real life. Fandom is closer than real life. Fandom knows what you're really like in the bedroom. Fandom is how you would never, could never be in the bedroom.

Fandom is shipping, never shipping, het, slash, gen, none of the above, more than the above. Fandom is love for characters you didn't create. Fandom is recreating the characters you didn't create. Fandom is appropriation, subversion, dissention. Fandom is adoration, extrapolation, imitation. Fandom is dissection, criticism, interpretation. Fandom is changing, experimenting, attempting.

Fandom is creating. Fandom is drawing, painting, vidding: nine seasons in four minutes of love. Fandom is words, language, authoring. Fandom is essays, stories, betas, parodies, filks, zines, usenet posts, blog posts, message board posts, emails, chats, petitions, wank, concrit, feedback, recs. Fandom is writing for the first time since you were twelve. Fandom is finally calling yourself a writer.

Fandom is signal and response. Fandom is a stranger moving you to tears, anger, laughter. Fandom is you moving a stranger to speak.

Fandom is distraction. Fandom is endangering your job, your grades, your relationships, your bank account. Fandom gets no work done. Fandom is too much work. Fandom was/is just a phase. Fandom could never be just a phase. Fandom is where you found a friend, a sister, a kindred spirit. Fandom is where you found a talent, a love, a reason.

Fandom is where you found yourself.

And I believe Cherie found true happiness in our Roswell Fandom.

[alienmom]

I know I’m slow in writing this up. My apologies. It has been very difficult for me for 2 reasons. One: I have been inundated with death in the last several years and I haven’t been coping very well with it. My heart is broken. An aunt I really, really liked (you are stuck with family, but actually liking them is always a plus), a cousin, my daddy, another aunt & a few months later my uncle, her husband. All on the same side of the family (both aunts were dad’s sisters). My husband’s beloved grandmother a month ago and then Cherie. Two: it was Cherie, for reasons listed below.

Many of you don’t know me or know that Cherie & I were very good friends. I was the first Roswellian she met. We first started pm-ing each other while she was posting her first story, Carnival of Souls. I found out that she also lived in California and she found out that I lived 20 minutes away from some of her family. After coercing, begging & pleading, (and yes, bribery was involved) with her for a while, we met up over lunch with James tagging along (for protection from the crazy internet lady, I’m sure ) and instantly became more than friends, closer than family, soul mates. Like she was a big puzzle piece of my heart and she fit in perfectly. Cherie told me on several occasions that I reminded her (& James too) of a relative they cared for, who had passed away. Which would explain why we felt so close, so connected so instantaneously. We had obviously known each other for years! We had shared the same opinions of Roswell, fanfics, family, and so many other things that it was scary. We didn’t talk as much as we both would have liked (chasin’ Jason is busy work), but when we did, we picked up right where we left off and laughed our way through hour-long phone conversations, visits and road trips!

Hooking up was such a fun experience for her (me too for that matter, first fanfic author I met!) with the giggling (ok, that was me), the gushing (me, again), the autograph seeking (uh…yeah…me), the discussions, and the presents. It lead her to meet more Rossies and become the country hopping, Jason chasin’ road trip queen we all know & love! Hehe! That’s right folks, it was me, I did it. I. Unleashed. A. Monster!!

Cherie told me that Roswell (& Max Evans, hehe!) had healed her. She discovered Roswell after it was canceled and was in reruns on the Sci-Fi channel. She found the Crashdown, which lead Fan Forum and to Roswell Fanatics and started her writing fan fics, which lead to us discovering each other. These things helped bring her out of a deep depression. Life was kicking her butt with family drama and health problems. The lymphoma had returned after being in remission and she had to resume chemo & radiation therapies. She told me that the extra big dose of unconditional love, praise, support, encouragement, fun & silliness she received in Rosland gave her the strength to fight again. She had things to do, people to see, a boy to chase and stories to write! She wasn’t giving in! Nothing was going to stop her!


I was the first to usher her into her Rosventures I thought it fitting I see her off to her next big road trip…

My Adventures at Walley World:

Welcomed with open arms lots of hugs & how are you doings. A very casual affair, beer & BBQ, puppies & babies!

James, our knight in a shinning car that worked? The other half of the Ghetto Crew!! He was more than patient playing chauffer to us that entire weekend of the Sonoma Film Festival. He had enough fun to hang out with us too! Well, maybe because we fed him & took him to movies…LOL I swear that boy has gotten taller! He had to come way down here for hugs. I got to finally meet Brittany, his tall, statuesque, lovely, blonde, fiancée. She was very sweet.

What can I say about his brother, Chuck, except that he’s so cute you just want to stick him in your pocket, take him home and feed him cookies!

Mr. Walley is a bear of a man. You get sucked into a big hug instantly. He said, Cherie was no angel…I knew that!! And the things she told me! I said. He asked me where I lived. When I told him, he said…so you’re the one she was always going down to see all the time..yes, sir, guilty as charged!! I replied. (Cherie stayed over several times and I was the perfect pit stop on her way down to LA, if she had time to stop for a few hours) He told about Cherie sitting at the desktop computer, her laptop on one side, another laptop on the other side…all running, writing, posting, chatting, at once!! Hehe! I can picture it. So very Cherie!

Sis Myrle first words to me were, ”I’ve seen your picture!”…it wasn’t me, I claim, my evil twin…I deny everything…Cherie made me do it! I figured that disclaimer should cover my behind! I was told, “Cherie’s a bad influence!” Don’t I know it! Hehe!

Tammy was very gracious & thoughtful to open her home to perfect strangers. Beau had such sadness in his eyes that I had a hard time looking at him without tearing up. Carla said she was doing ok, but her eyes betrayed her. And she is so much prettier than that pic that was posted…

There was a huge picture board covered with pictures…some photos seemed to twinkle at me, draw my eye to them. They were the ones where Cherie was having the most fun! Or showing off babies! I think Cherie was pointing those out to me!

Before the memorial was started rolls of TP were passed out because tissues in pretty little boxes weren’t available. No biggie, the rolls worked just as well. I sat a roll on my knee the entire time. I guess, Carla, thought I might needed the whole roll when she tossed it to me! Yes, I looked that pitiful! LOL Not to worry, I’m always prepared with fresh, pressed hankies in my purse (what? I was a girl scout, alright).

Cherie’s words were brought to life as Carla & Myrle read. Songs were sung. We watched the DVD life of Cherie & the family she loved. Adorable, cute, inspiring, funny, by the end there was lots of sniffing and TP passing…and then the beeping…and more beeping…everyone is looking around, wondering huh? what?, where? After a few moments, Tammy takes off into the house at a dead run followed by beau and a couple of others…while mumblings of ‘smoke alarms?’ skittered across the crowd. We heard cursing & giggles from inside the house….

Cards had been placed on the top of the fish tank. Candles had been lit on the top of the fish tank….paper…flame…not a good combo. The only card to burn was the Roswellian card. One hand delivered by yours truly from another Rosfriend. There was a gasp, a choice swear word or 2, and giggles from myself & my partner in crime as we planned our escape before we were found out and hauled off in handcuffs! The entire group decided that was a sign from Cherie herself because we were being too sad, serious & morose for her liking so she thought she would liven up the party!!

News flash: Roswellians attempt arson…film at 11:00!

Yep, that’s our girl!!

That would also explain several inappropriate, stress relieving things that were blurted out to complete, slightly (ok, quite) inebriated strangers by my cohort and myself! (that’s a whole other story). Again, I’m blaming Cherie…that’s my statement, Officer and I’m sticking to it.

I would like to personally thank the Walleys for opening their home and hearts to the Roswell community and letting us share in our grief & love of all things Cherie.

Michelle aka Alienmom

P.S. In Cherie’s honor, I actually used caps! And it was tough, I tell ya!

[femmenerd]

Thanks for posting that, Momma.

*loves*

[cherisis]

Alien Mom,
You are right, Her addiction to Roswell and the Roswellians and Jason brought my sister out of a horrible depression. It made her relize her own worth and that she was somebody in ways we, as family, could never do. She came to Texas, wanting to stay, even tho she hated the Texas weather, because of problems. We had it all set up, a small house across from our Mom, family to help her, and all the love we could give. But she could never leave her beloved children and grandkids, and yes, even Charlie. Charlie, who at the end proved his love and worth to her, who was the first person she asked about when we would visit her at the hospital, and wanted to make sure he was alright. Charlie, who was there and hardly left her side. I am worried about him, I do not know what he will do now that the one love of his life is gone.
Someday I am going to write my sister's story! What a strange and wonderfoul journey it will be, for the writer as well as the reader.

[majiklmoon]

Michelle - that was perfect - simply perfect

[alienmom]

hey Csis!

family can only do so much. we can love them with all your heart, but sometimes that isn't enough. cherie wanted to write, neeed to, more than anything. being an "author" didn't happen for her in real life. she was an author here. accepted & loved. cherie told me that when complete strangers are touched, moved to laughter or tears by words you write, and tell you tell you so openly, repeatedly and begged for more, was like really great sex!

cherie confided lots of things to me that she didn't want everybody to know about, personal stuff. she didn't want pity, she didn't want to be known for being poor, sick, depressed girl. so you didn't know unless she decided to tell you. i didn't even know for a while. she told me it just didn't seem to be center of her life any longer (especially now that she had a new obsession LOL). i found out when she causually mentioned having to do another round of chemo during a phone chat, i said, ok, but more imporantly, where is our new chapter, have you read this, did you see the new picture of jason, etc. that kind of acceptance, no questions asked, made her realize her illness wasn't that all comsuming 'big deal'.

i'm expecting a smack in the back of the head any time now for even disclosing any of this information! but i really felt it proved how much she loved roswell and writing and how much that helped her. she said, it was just the kick in the butt she needed! LOL

[cardinalgirl]

Thank you so much for writing that, mom. Like Tracie said, that was just perfect.

And thank you for all your insights, too, cherisis.

[rar1942]

Alien Mom,
--some snippage---
Someday I am going to write my sister's story! What a strange and wonderfoul journey it will be, for the writer as well as the reader.

Need a Beta reader? I'm sure the trip will be worth it for all of us who loved her - and I'd be delighted to be the first exposed.

I'll even send music....