Thank you for the comments and bumps, you guys. I had a wonderful time reading them, but I thought I'd better come back quick, what with Laira hunting me down and Spray loving me and hating me at the same time.
Seriously, I love reading all of your thoughts and I'm so glad that you liked the part even if it wasn't what you would have wished for. And I saw some new names out there which is so cool at this late date. Welcome to the party.I also want to thank all of you who have already nominated BTF for an award. It's always a shock and an honor to see my fics nominated for anything. Really, you have no idea. thank you.
Also, thank you to Liz, my lovely beta for getting this back so quick. Kisses.
So, with that said...on with the show.
Burning to Feel Part 14
Eight Months Later......
She stood nervously at the door, one hand coming up to push a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. She had let it grow in the last six months and it was getting a little out of hand in the blustery weather.
I should have worn it up, Liz thought, but he always liked it down so....
She stared at the brass doorknocker with butterflies in her stomach, having yet to knock. Every time she tried to raise her hand, her heart rose in her throat and she couldn’t.
This was ridiculous. She knew it was the right thing. She knew it. It had taken her eight long months to figure it out, but in the end, Liz had known what she needed to do.
Going back to Boston had been like stepping into someone else’s life. From the moment she stepped off the plane, Liz felt disconnected, as though she had been seeing clearly but then someone put a veil over her eyes making everything hazy.
Telling herself that it would just take time to adjust again, she had tried to pick up where she had left off, looking at job offers, attending functions with Richard, trying to recapture the comfort and surety she felt before she left for Roswell, but now everything just seemed ....off. What had once been fulfilling and important now seemed pretentious and mundane. Her cozy apartment no longer felt like home and her contented life no longer felt....contented.
The door in front of her suddenly opened without her having knocked and Liz tried to look normal despite the butterflies doing a jig in her stomach. Startled hazel eyes gazed at her from the doorway as if she were an apparition until she finally had to break the silence.
“Um....can I come in, Max?”
With a small shake of his head, Max stepped back from the door and allowed her to enter the foyer of his home. Liz looked around for a moment, barely taking in the décor before she turned back to the man standing silently in front of her.
The silence didn’t seem to matter to either of them. Liz could only stare up at him, her starved eyes hungrily absorbing every nuance of his appearance, the appealing curl of his hair, the lean beauty of his features, the muscular form, outlined to perfection in a dark green ribbed crew neck sweater and black jeans. The butterflies in her stomach became something altogether different and she wondered vaguely how after all these years, he could still make her body come alive by just......being. She barely registered him doing the same, his eyes lingering on her windswept hair before taking in the black turtleneck sweater and leather coat. Neither one realized that they had stood there for several minutes in the silence, just taking in each other’s presence.
Finally lifting her gaze hesitantly to meet his eyes, Liz tried to find words for all the things she wanted to say, not sure what she would find there. Anger? Indifference? That horrible blankness that had lingered there for so long?
She was not prepared for what was there instead. Her lips parted as the depths of glowing hazel gazed back at her with so much emotion, emotion that was reflected in her own heart. Longing...hope....love......
‘Max....,” she whispered, not realizing she’d even said it out loud.
And then his lips were on hers. They kissed like there was no tomorrow, hungry, frantic kisses, the long denied feelings rushing to the forefront before either of them could think. Her hands clutched his sweater, his hands curled in her jacket as seven long years of feelings that had been pushed aside for so many reasons suddenly could no longer be contained. Liz’s hands moved up into his hair to clutch him to her, a small sob escaping as she desperately tried to communicate the feelings crashing through her all at once.
Without a word, Max lifted her in his arms, striding down the hallway, his lips still locked to hers......
******************************
The room was quiet now, except for their soft breathing.
Liz lay on top of him, cradled in Max’s arms, her body fully pressed to his, every part of her skin that could be, touching him. She was tired, pleasantly sore, but utterly content. She smiled in wonder as she felt Max shift slightly beneath her. He had not lost any....volume no matter how many times they had made love that afternoon....and there had been many. She supposed it was understandable considering the circumstances.
Despite how tired they both were, neither one was asleep and Liz sighed, knowing the reason.
“We should probably talk,” she said, not shifting from her position. Not only because she didn’t want to, but because Max didn’t seem to want her to move either, his fingers threading gently through her hair as though he couldn’t get enough of feeling the soft strands on his fingertips.
“Yeah,” he answered, then seemed to hesitate a moment. “So....I guess you’ve left Richard.”
Liz started, then began to chuckle. “Um....yeah.” A twinge of sadness settled in her heart but she pushed it aside for the moment. That was for later. She lifted her head and looked down into Max’s face, her eyes tracing his beloved features. “I want to hear everything, Max. Don’t leave anything out.”
She lay her head back down on his chest and listened as he told her what she wanted to hear, starting from his research to find the ship to take him to Antar, all the way up through coming back home. He left nothing out, including retrieving his memories of his past life, the battles he fought and his time with Syndal, his painful reentry to earth and his subsequent downward spiral.
When he was done, Liz lay quietly, tears slipping silently down her cheeks, absorbing what he’d told her.
“You already knew about Sarah, didn’t you?” she asked huskily. He had told her that after his initial trip to Boston with Michael, he had been back several times just to be near her until he finally had to stop when it became too painful.
“Yes. The man I had keeping an eye on you told me almost immediately. I came to Boston to check on you, but she was already gone by then. You know I would have.....”
“I know that,” Liz answered, squeezing her arms around him. It felt strange to find out that he had been in her life for all of these years and she hadn’t known it. His house was located in a small Rhode Island town near Providence less than an hour away from where she lived, although he didn’t spend a lot of time there, usually traveling to where he was needed or spending time in Roswell with the family.
Having heard Max’s story from Michael once, it was still painful hearing it from Max’s own lips, especially listening to him talk about the first time he’d cut himself. His voice was remote when he spoke, but she could sense the underlying feelings of hopelessness he’d felt at the time as he had comprehended for the first time living his life without feeling.
Max tilted her head up from his chest, wiping his thumbs over the moisture on her cheeks and Liz lowered her lips to his. They spent several moments exchanging soft, healing kisses, before she lay her head back down.
“It really does sound like Tess changed,” she said eventually, trying to be forgiving, but finding it difficult.
She was also feeling an unreasonable jealousy for the unknown Syndal who had apparently captured Max’s affections for a time. Unreasonable especially in the light of her own much deeper relationship with Richard. But in spite of her jealousy, Liz also felt sadness. Max’s description of his relationship with this girl was brief, but Liz had picked up on the fact that it was formed completely out of loneliness and the need for contact with another person. She picked up on his deeper feelings as well through their connection and she realized that unlike herself, both of the physical relationships that Max had had with women were not born out of love, but out of loneliness and desperation. Neither one had been especially fulfilling or loving and neither one had done anything to fill the gaping hole left by her absence from his life.
“Liz, I’m sorry that what happened between Tess and me hurt you.” Max’s voice captured her attention and he finally shifted Liz to his side so he could look down at her earnestly. “And I wish I hadn’t let everything going on at the time get to me the way it did but...in a way...I can’t be sorry for what happened. That would be like saying I’m sorry for having my son and I just can’t be sorry for that. He’s a part of me and if I hadn’t had to search for him, then I wouldn’t have gone back and done what I needed to do for Antar. Can you understand that?”
One of Max’s hands was still laced in her hair, while the other was stroking her bare arm and Liz smiled briefly as she recalled his roughly whispered words during their lovemaking, telling her how he had dreamed of touching her, the feel of her skin and the way her hair felt on his fingers and how the reality was so much better. Indeed, he hadn’t let go of her since he kissed her in the foyer and Liz got the feeling that it would be a long while before he would. Not that she was complaining.
“Yes,” she answered his question. “I can’t say that it doesn’t still hurt, but I do understand.”
Max leaned forward to kiss her in gratitude and his lips lingered as they both closed their eyes, savoring the touch. No matter how many times they had kissed today, it was like the first time all over again.
Liz gazed up at him when they finally separated and asked hesitantly, “Do you think that what happened....I mean with us being separated instead of getting married like we would have and with Tess and everything....that maybe...it was a way of the universe setting itself right...and now that it has...we can be together?”
“Is that what you want?” Max asked softly. “To be with me?”
“I wouldn’t be here with you like this if I didn’t want that, Max.”
“You loved Richard.”
Liz nodded, looking away from his gaze, noting that there was nothing but gentle inquiry in his eyes and no censure.
“I did, I can’t deny it. But after seeing you again and everything....I knew I couldn’t be with him the way he wanted me to be.”
It had been hard telling him, but in the end, Liz knew that she couldn’t stay with Richard. As much as she really loved him, she also realized how much she had changed during those three short weeks in Roswell. Or maybe it was that she had become more herself again, but Liz found that, as much as they seemed to have in common before, they were also very different. Dressing for nights at the Opera and sitting for hours while he and his colleagues and their wives talked of politics and office gossip seemed suddenly inconsequential. Science was really their only mutual passion and it just wasn’t enough anymore. She suddenly couldn’t see herself doing those same things for the rest of her life.
But most importantly, Liz knew that he deserved someone who could give him her whole heart and she just wasn’t that person. She knew it when she realized that she had to forcibly stop herself from thinking about Max. Especially when she found herself frequently calling Maria just to make sure he was okay and to find out how he was adjusting to his new life.
However, it all came together for her when Richard started pushing her to make a decision about getting married. He had seen the changes in her as well and had deluded himself into thinking that it would be okay as long as she was still there with him. He wanted their tie to be permanent. And Liz balked.
Liz was truly heartbroken at having to tell Richard her decision. And she knew by his reaction that he wasn’t as shocked as she supposed he would be. Their goodbye had been tearful and sad and a little bitter and Liz really couldn’t blame Richard for his anger. Until her trip to Roswell, she truly thought she would eventually marry him and they would be together. But her words to future Max had been true and it hit home when she realized that she was settling for second best when her first choice was out there, still loving her, still wanting her.
That was two months ago. Even though she knew it was the right one, Liz had needed to spend a while living with her decision. She cared for Richard and had hurt him badly and she spent many nights grieving over their breakup and learning to be by herself again. She also had many talks with Maria, and even Isabel, eventually going to spend some time in Roswell to be with her friends. They both encouraged her to contact Max, but she’d been afraid. What if they just weren’t compatible anymore? What if they got together and discovered they had both changed too much? Or worse, what if Max had decided that he had pined for her long enough and now that he could have a relationship again, there were other fish in the sea waiting for him?
Maria and Isabel both told her she was crazy. Max had barely begun to move on with his life. He was still having trouble adjusting to things. Having lived so long with only the wish for death, it was hard for him to look to the future with hope when he’d only seen despair before. He was on hold for the moment, they told her, and she was just what he needed to get him out of his rut.
Liz lifted her gaze back to Max’s, her eyes now honest and loving. “You’ve always been in my heart, Max. Always...even when I thought I didn’t want you there.”
“I’m nothing like Richard,” he said, his own serious gaze looking back at her solemnly.
“I don’t want you to be anyone but you, Max,” Liz told him, reaching up to trace a finger over his eyebrows, his lips, just because she had to touch him. “But we might have to work on your sense of humor some.”
A small, crooked smile lifted Max’s lips, his gaze warming, but still a little wary. “I have a sense of humor. Anyone who’s put up with Michael and Kyle in the same family for as long as I have, has a sense of humor.”
His smile grew a little wider as Liz giggled, but there was still a tinge of uncertainty in it.
“My life will never be normal, Liz.”
Liz shook her head. “I’ve had normal, Max. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.”
“Are you sure, because as much as I might wish it, being king doesn’t just go away. I still have enemies that I have to fight and people are depending on me to....”
“Max, stop it, okay?” Liz put a finger to his lips to stop the flow of words. “Let’s just take it one step at a time. I know you have a job to do and I respect you for it. We just...need to take the time to get to know each other again. Although, I guess we did sort of go about it a little backwards.” She smiled ruefully as her gaze dropped to their distinct lack of attire. “I didn’t actually come here today expecting this.”
“Are you sorry?” Max asked, and Liz sensed him withdrawing a bit even though his hands stayed where they were. She sighed a little inwardly, knowing they had a ways to go before they were completely comfortable with each other again.
“No. I’m not sorry. I thought I was pretty clear about that for most of the afternoon,” she teased, and was rewarded by his slightly embarrassed smile. God, she would never grow tired of seeing that expression on his face. It amazed her how one smile from Max Evans could make her whole world seem perfect.
Max suddenly leaned forward to kiss her deeply before running his lips down over her cheek to the hollow of her neck. “We don’t have to stop getting to know each other this way while we get to know each other the other way, do we?” His husky inquiry sent shivers down her spine and Liz felt her whole body respond as Max pulled her closer, his desire boldly evident between them.
“N...no....” Liz stuttered, gasping as Max slid lower down her body to lave with concentrated effort at her sensitive nipples. “Definitely not...”
“Good,” Max murmured against her breasts, “because honestly, I don’t think I’m going to be able to stop touching you......ever.....” His mouth closed over a ridged peak as his fingers moved deftly across her skin, making it sing.
Liz dragged his mouth back up to hers and the touching went on and on.....just as he predicted.
