This is a long one, I had three things I wanted to put in this update, but when I did the three separately, they were all longer than I anticipated, so super long update for you!
Oh, and in the deleted scenes of Knocked up there’s this tiny part that I took and adapted because I just couldn’t resist. It’s only slightly the same.
Novy- I love it when I update as well! It makes me feel slightly less useless. I love She’s The Man as well, if only for the character Eunice. She rocks my world. Plus, Channing Tatum...
Eve
MIY- I think the main thing that I was trying to portray with Maria was confusion and emotional distress, not that she was being an ungrateful bitch. I guess my writing fell short in that respect.
Nibbles2- Not quite coming to end, I just feel that I’ve sort of... gone over the hump, so to speak. After a few more things happen, I think I can skip forward in time a bit.
Zanity-
Not without being a hypocrite… I’ve done it too…Can you really blame me for wanting to get some entertainment value out of it??
Synera
Twilight
Laira- You know it’s funny. You know you laughed. My grandpa rocked your world.
Tequathisy
Sunrise102- Before the great server crash of ’08 as it shall be called hereafter, you mentioned that you were afraid of my avatar. Prepare to fall in love with Old Gregg! If you don’t like this, you do not deserve life, in my humble opinion.
Pijeechinadoll- Thanks and welcome to the story!
Steph- Thanks for beta'ing my part despite the fact that you were sick. You rule!
Part Thirty One: It’s All In The Delivery
Amy dug her spoon into the tub of ice cream that lay between them as she and Maria watched the opening credits of The Hills. Sean having declared that nothing in the world could induce him to watch “self indulgent filth” as he had called it, and was by Maria’s estimation, probably out stealing rims off of car wheels. “So, have you decided what you’re going to do about your father?”
Maria smirked, rolling her eyes. “Nice segue, Mom. Real casual.”
“Pfft, I don’t want to beat around the bush, I’d rather know what you were thinking and feeling.”
Maria smiled, touched by her mother’s concern, and then groaned as Spencer and Heidi came on the screen. In a simultaneous move, both mother and daughter picked up a cushion each and chucked it at the screen.
Shrugging, Maria licked the ice cream off her laden spoon. “I don’t know, part of me wants to know him better, but another part wants me to tell him to fuck off back to wherever he came from.”
Amy narrowed her eyes, then dryly stated with a hint of warning in her tone, “I’m going to overlook that profanity. Just like I overlooked your staying over at your boyfriend’s apartment, because I trust you and I know nothing happened and I know you needed to just have one fun night being a kid before dealing with all this heavy crap.”
“Your trust was entirely warranted,” replied Maria lightly, before scowling at the screen when Spencer said something to point out what a massive douche he was.
“I know.” Amy did trust her daughter, but the relief was evident in her voice when her daughter reassured her that trusting her had been the right thing to do.
There was a moment of silence before Amy brought up the one thing that had been weighing on her mind ever since Maria had come home after meeting Amos. “You understand why I didn’t tell you about his drinking and gambling problem, don’t you?”
Maria nodded, understanding it a bit better after having time to reflect upon it. “Yeah, I get it. You were trying to protect me. It just kinda sucked thinking that he left because he didn’t love me.”
Amy sighed, trying her best to explain as best she could why she had hid it from Maria. “It’s just that you had looked up to him so much when you were younger, I didn’t want to ruin that image you had of him, not when you were that young.”
“I think his leaving was going to ruin it either way,” Maria pointed out dryly.
“You were so young, Maria. So young. I just thought that if he cleaned himself up and came back after a year or two that it’d be easier for you two to reconnect if you didn’t know.”
“Except he didn’t come back in a year or two,” Maria remarked sadly, unable to silence the tiny part of her that mourned the loss of her father.
Amy sighed, wishing life wasn’t so complicated. “Maybe I went about it the wrong way, but-”
“Mom! It’s fine, honestly. You did the best that you could.” Once the initial pain had ebbed, Maria could honestly say that she understood her mother’s reasoning. “And it’s not like I would ever let you talk to me about it, so let’s just blame Amos and be done with it.”
Amy let out a laugh, feeling enormously relieved that Maria had adjusted enough to the situation to be at a place where she could joke about it. “Deal.”
“What would you do? If you were in my situation, I mean? Would you meet him?”
Amy stiffened on the couch, her eyes widening in fear. “Oh no, don’t go putting this decision on my head. I can’t be the one that chooses for you Maria, this has to be your decision alone.”
Maria groaned, her head rolling back to hit the couch. “But I don’t wanna decide! You choose!”
Amy was adamant. “No.”
“You know him better! Is it, in your opinion, worthwhile getting to know him?”
Amy softened to Maria’s earnest appeal. “Honestly?” Amy paused, considering the question as Maria waited impatiently. “Yes. From what I remember, Amos before drinking and gambling took hold was a really great guy. So if he’s like that again, maybe... maybe it would be ok to get to know him,” she finished softly.
Maria’s eyebrows drew together in a confused frown. “So what happened to him? Why’d he decide to drink and gamble?”
Amy sighed, trying to dredge up memories she’d long since repressed in an attempt to move on with her life. “I don’t think he consciously chose to do it, it’s just that back when I found out I was pregnant, Amos and I were so scared. Amos more than me. He was terrified of the responsibility. Then you were born and we both loved you so much, Amos got even more scared. He was so frightened that he was going to fail you as a father and as a provider. So in the end he turned to alcohol to forget his worries and then gambled trying to make up the money he spent on drinking.”
Maria mulled that information over in her head, frowning as she tried to figure out the logic behind his actions. “Wasn’t the smartest plan was it?”
Amy let out a little laugh at the irony of what she had just said. “No. I think it was a lot of self sabotage. In the end he realised that he’d become the thing he feared, so he felt he had to get away to sort himself out.”
Maria nodded and they both fell into a comfortable silence, each of them pleased with how they had cleared the air between them.
After a moment, Maria spoke. “Just one question?”
“Mmmm?”
Maria struggled to keep her straight countenance. “You do realise that you were dating a man named Amos and that your name is Amy, right?”
Amy glowered at her daughter. “It was commented upon.”
Maria continued on, ignoring her mother’s dirty looks. “I mean, your names are practically the same.”
“I’m aware of this,” Amy ground out.
“When Alex was drunk at the party he made the comment of how easy it would be to call out your own name accidently during sex.”
“I’m going to push aside the inappropriateness of that previous comment and focus on the fact that someone gave Alex alcohol. Did they not see the potential danger in letting him get drunk? I fear for the world with an even more uninhibited Alex in it.”
Maria laughed loudly and then smiled at the normalcy of this conversation; it was nice to have something in her life settle down. Now if she could only get through her issues with her father. She reasoned that it might take more than a conversation over an episode of The Hills to work through all their issues. It wasn’t something she was looking forward to.
***
It was moments like these that reaffirmed for Isabel just how much she loved Alex Whitman. When he looked at her while she was talking like he was totally engrossed in what she was saying, like everything she had to say was interesting, she knew she had lucked out.Going out with a whole string of guys before Alex, who had only been interested in getting in her pants had taught her the value of a boyfriend who actually enjoyed your company, rather than put up with it in an effort to get laid. Yes, Alex appreciated her looks physically, he wasn’t blind, but he appreciated her sense of humour, her kindness and her loyalty more.
She loved that when she was talking he was focussed on her and his normal crazy demeanour melted away, letting her see the real Alex beneath the laughter. It made her feel so privileged to see who he was underneath everything. She had never imagined she would have such a close bond with someone. And she now knew she wanted to take that bond even further.
“So... my parents aren’t going to be home for a couple of hours and Max is out with Liz on a date...”
Alex smiled. “Cool. Wanna turn up the music really loud and dance around in the living room?”
Isabel let out a nervous laugh, not knowing how to bring up the subject with him. “Not quite what I had in mind.” Taking Alex’s hand in hers, she led him towards the stairs. “Let’s go up to my bedroom.”
Alex gave her a knowing smile. “O-oh, you wanted to make out? All you had to do was say so, God knows I’d even race you there.”
Isabel laughed, closing the door behind them and sighing into Alex’s mouth as they both fell in a tangled heap on the bed. With practiced ease, they kissed each other, knowing exactly what the other wanted and how to achieve it.
It didn’t even register to Alex that something had changed between them until Isabel’s hands fell to his belt buckle. Feeling the unfamiliar tug on his buckle, Alex’s eyes snapped open and he wrenched his mouth from hers. “Isabel... what-”
“Alex,” she interrupted, her hand still lingering on his buckle. “I wanna... go all the way with you.”
Isabel could have winced at how inane she sounded. Go all the way? So Junior High.
Alex’s eyeballs would have fallen out of his sockets had they not been firmly attached, his eyes were that wide. “Are- are you s-sure?”
Isabel smiled at his stutter, feeling immensely relieved that she wasn’t the only one nervous about this. “I’m sure.”
“This isn’t the part where you laugh and say “just kidding” and then I go and cry in the bathroom is it?”
Isabel laughed heartily at that, despite the nerves in her stomach twisting and coiling like ropes. “Alex, I love you. I want to be with you.”
“I love you too,” Alex whispered, his face nearly torn in half by his grin before he pressed his lips to hers and lowered her back onto the bed.
Their hands roamed, exploring each new piece of flesh they could find as clothes slowly came off. Despite a few fumbles, they were doing fairly well in Alex’s opinion, until they got to the point where a condom was required.
“Shit!” Alex swore forcefully, his mind had been all too wrapped up in Isabel that he’d forgotten that he needed protection. And he wasn’t the type of guy to carry it around. He never thought he’d actually need it. So this was an entirely new conundrum for him. A devastating one at that. There was no way that Isabel was just going to wait around in bed for him while he ran to the nearest convenience store. She’d have time to think about it and that would spell disaster for him if she took time to really think about what she was doing.
“What?” Isabel panted, her dazed mind trying to grapple with the reason why Alex had stopped. Stopping was bad. Isabel didn’t like stopping.
“I don’t have protection,” muttered Alex, feeling like shedding a few tears. Why did shit like this always happen to him?
“Oh, here.” Isabel reached into her bedside table into her underwear drawer and pulled out a foil wrapper.
Alex stared at the condom like it was a godsend. “How...?”
“Maria gave me one at the party the other night, she said that we’d need it sooner or later.” Alex continued to stare at the condom until Isabel burst out in exasperation. “Alex! Hurry up!”
“Remind me to worship at Maria’s feet next time I see her,” muttered Alex, before tearing the packet open and fumbling as he put it on.
Alex let out one silent prayer before he began, praying to every deity he could think of.
Please, don’t let this end as soon as it begins.
***
Isabel lay curled up next to Alex, reviewing what had just occurred between her and Alex, loving the little things she was noticing. Their breathing occurring at the same pace, almost as if they were in total sync with each other, body and mind. And the silence was anything but awkward, there were no words needed, they knew exactly how the other was feeling.“I like sex,” commented Alex, his mind still fuzzy from not only the mind numbing pleasure he’d just received, but also from the all empowering knowledge that he had just made love to Isabel Evans. And that had been something he was fairly certain would never happen because she was far too good for him. So he planned to thank every single deity he could remember when he got home.
Isabel shut her eyes and nearly groaned in disbelief. In the end, she gave in and let out a laugh. Only her boyfriend could be so basic and silly at a moment like this.
“Oh God...” moaned Isabel. “My parents will be home in half an hour. We should probably get up.”
“I suppose they’d notice me lying naked and sated in your bed.”
“You suppose correctly,” she replied dryly, sitting up in bed as she searched for her bra.
“What if I told you that I don’t think I can move?” Alex smiled as Isabel laughed, but couldn’t help but feel that there was a large element of truth to his statement. He was numb all over and his limbs felt very heavy, Isabel’s bed was far too inviting. Especially considering the great memories he now had in here...
Alex’s grin was smacked off his face as his pair of jeans whizzed through the air and smacked him in the face.
“Get up, or I’ll never make love to you again.”
Alex groaned and sat up, pulling his jeans over his legs. The things he did for her...
***
Maria placed her lunch on the table, continuing their discussion from the previous period as the rest of the gang sat down. “Did anybody else find it ironic that it was based on a short story? I was in that cinema so long that my ass moulded to the chair.”“Was it really that long?” enquired Michael as he scarfed down the soggy French fries he had bought from the cafeteria.
“You didn’t see it?”
“I thought to myself, ‘Michael, you can either sit at home and watch the hockey game, or you can go to the cinema and pay fifteen bucks to watch two guys make out and have butt sex up in the mountains.’ I stand by my decision.”
“Did any of you see it?” Liz asked, looking around at Max and Alex who both gave answers in the negative. “You’re such homophobes.”
Michael snapped a soggy French fry in half, pursing his lips thoughtfully. “It’s not that I’m a homophobe, I just would rather not watch it on a large screen with surround sound. The idea of someone sticking their wang in my butt offends my delicate sensibilities, but I don’t really care if other people are doing it. I would be friends with a gay person, be totally ok with them holding hands and kissing in front of me, but I don’t want to see or hear about them doing the deed. Besides, who’d want to stick their special friend in a place that shit comes out of? For me, the butt is exit only.”
Max and Alex both nodded their heads in complete concurrence with Michael’s statement.
“I don’t know how you manage to come off like a backwards retard when you’re actually being as open-minded as you can expect a young, straight teenage boy to be. I think it’s all in the delivery,” mused Maria.
“One of the reasons I didn’t see it was because it sounded like over-budgeted gay porn,” interjected Alex before a fight broke out between Maria and Michael.
Isabel bristled, and stared at Alex with challenging eyes that dared him to defend himself. “Why, because two men had sex in it? Heterosexual sex is overrepresented in the media, but the minute a film with a bit of man loving comes out it suddenly comes under the gay porn umbrella?”
Alex waved his hand dismissively at her, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “Oh come on, that movie had gay porn cliché written all over it. Two cowboys stuck up in the mountains with only each other for company? I’m certain there’s been a gay porno like that before and it sure as shit wouldn’t have cost millions to make, nor would have won an Oscar.”
“Probably would have had more blowjobs as well,” added Isabel, unable to stop herself from laughing at Alex.
Maria frowned, remembering her original gripe with the movie. “I felt ripped off, I didn’t see a penis, but I saw Anne Hathaway’s tits. There were too many scenic mountain shots and not enough man loving scenes.”
“Yes, I think we’re all greatly saddened by this,” snickered Michael.
“Well I was! I happen to think two guys kissing is hot.”
“I agree,” said Liz, causing both Max and Michael’s eyes to snap to her. An exclamation like that wasn’t odd coming from Maria, but from Liz? It boggled the mind. Especially considering her previous reputation of being an ice vagina. “Especially if it’s Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhall. Poor Heath...”
“So you wouldn’t mind if Max and I made out?” queried Michael, unable to connect the Liz he knew with this new startling piece of information.
Liz snickered at him. “Get your own boyfriend, Michael.”
Michael wondered just how he had managed to have that turned around on him so quickly.
Isabel unwrapped the second half of her sandwich as Michael sat puzzled and slightly put out. “You know, throughout the entire film, every time someone said Heath’s character’s name, I whispered ‘rhymes with’ under my breath.”
“What was his name?” asked Michael as both Liz and Maria laughed.
“Ennis.”
Alex laughed. “Well that’s a very unfortunate choice of name for that character, especially in that film.”
“What are we laughing about ladies?” asked Tommy as he slid in besides Maria, effectively halting all conversation and killing the good mood as he leered at all three girls in turn.
“How much we don’t like you,” responded Isabel dully. “How about you head back to your table and let the grownups talk?”
“Can’t do that,” he replied, placing his arm around Maria’s shoulders. “Sugar here would miss me too much.”
Michael threw his napkin on the table and stood up as Maria shoved Tommy’s arm off from around her. “Ok, that’s it. There’s no way I’m overlooking you touching my girlfriend.”
“Wait... what are you doing?” asked Tommy, feeling the first stirrings of fear. He rose slowly and turned to face Michael who was standing behind him.
“Well first I’m going to punch you in the face, so you might want to watch out for that, then I’m going to give you a series of kicks and hits until you fall to the ground unconscious. And should you try to fight back, my friends here will be only too happy to hold you back. Then hopefully once I’ve administered the beating you so sorely deserve, you’ll think twice before you sexually harass someone in the future.”
Both Alex and Max rose to circle Tommy who was now past stirrings and well into fully fledged fear. What was worse was that his friends were way over the other side of the school and he couldn’t see anyone who would be willing to help him.
“Come on guys, be reasonable... I was just kidding...” Tommy was now just beginning to realise how stupid coming over to their table and hitting on their girlfriends in front of them was.
Michael grabbed a fistful of Tommy’s shirt and brought his face close to his. “Tell you what Tommy. Seeing as I’m so charitable, I’ll overlook it for today, but if you ever so much as breathe in Liz, Maria or Isabel’s direction again, I will find you alone and I will follow through on this threat. And believe me, I’ll do it with a smile on my face and a song in my heart.”
Tommy didn’t doubt the threat, he could see the effort Michael was putting in restraining himself.
Tommy stumbled back as Michael pushed him away from him. He was just about to flee when Max’s voice halted him. “Oh, and Tommy? If you try and do something stupid, like say, ganging up on us with your douche friends, let me just warn you that if you even think of trying it, I’ll inform Coach Grayson that you’ve been taking steroids.”
Tommy’s mouth dropped open. “How did you know about that?”
Max’s face remained impassive, but internally he was reeling in shock. He had just threatened to tell the coach so that he’d be forced to put him on probation while he investigated the claims, he never thought that there’d be any truth behind them. He just thought that he’d force him to sit out a few games and taint his name while he was at it. What a stroke of good luck this was. “I have evidence. Photographic evidence. You should really have been more careful.”
Tommy’s heart heaved in his chest. He couldn’t handle the shame of being caught out as a drug cheat and he definitely couldn’t handle not being able to play football anymore. He loved the prestige and power of being a jock, he couldn’t afford to lose that. Besides, there were plenty more chicks in the sea, those three weren’t that great. Though he’d regret Liz’s petite frame, Maria’s enormous lips and Isabel’s gargantuan boobs he knew that he valued his status over those particular attributes. Besides, they appeared to be frigid. Tommy knew it was better to cut his losses.
“Ok, you got it man. I’ll leave them alone. Just don’t tell anyone.”
Max could hear the fear in Tommy’s voice and it satisfied him. “Deal.”
As Tommy scurried off, Max sat down in a daze.
“How long have you known he was taking steroids for?” asked Liz, a little hurt that Max had kept that information from her.
“I didn’t, I just knew that the coach hated him and would jump at the chance to throw him off the team, whether the claims were real or not.”
The look of amazement on Liz’s face said it all. “So that was just... luck?”
“Yep.”
“Were you really going to beat him up?” asked Maria, looking at her boyfriend.
“Probably not. I can’t get suspended, so I would have just scared him a little. But had this been out of school hours, his ass would have been grass.”
Maria nodded, pleased with that explanation. She normally didn’t advocate violence, but if it was against Tommy and Courtney, whose intelligence rivalled a goldfish’s, then she could see the merit in using it.
“Do you think we should tell someone that he’s taking steroids? Or do you think he’ll just retaliate?” Liz asked the gang, not feeling quite right about blackmailing him into leaving her and her friends alone, especially considering that what Tommy was doing could not only hurt him, it could get someone else hurt too if he went into a violent rage as a side effect of the drug.
“Maybe we should talk to his parents,” suggested Alex. “They can be real militant. They sent Tommy’s older brother away to military school for smoking pot, maybe they’d send Tommy away as well.”
“That’d be nice. Then we wouldn’t have to deal with him,” mused Isabel, seeing the merits of that plan.
“Let’s just think it through first. We’ll sleep on it tonight, then discuss it tomorrow,” suggested Max. “I’ll also talk to my dad about legality issues and things like that. We’ll need to know how illegal steroids are and the complete side effects if we’re going to make an informed decision.”
General murmurs of agreement resounded, all of them falling into silent contemplation for a minute, until Alex broke the silence. “Man, he’s such a deadshit.”
“Great job, Captain Obvious,” snickered Maria, as Alex just grinned at her. Come to think of it, Maria hadn’t seen that smile come off Alex’s face for more than a minute all day. “Alex, you are looking very... glowy today.”
Alex faltered for a moment, then smiled wickedly. “I’m pregnant.”
“Who’s the father?” asked Liz, looking at Alex with interest and noticing the matching grin that both Isabel and Alex sported. She knew that since she and Max were out on a date the previous night and Isabel’s parents were out as well that Isabel and Alex had had the house to themselves. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what they were smiling about. Not that Max had noticed, but Liz figured he could stay in ignorant bliss. She was sure that his sister’s sex life was none of his concern and she was going to help keep it that way. Not that she wasn’t going to do some snooping of her own, she had to know if Isabel’s grin was warranted.
Alex shrugged nonchalantly. “Dunno, could be Michael, could be Max. Could even be the school janitor.”
“He’s a hottie, that Mr. Rodriguez,” commented Max. “But if I’d known you were such a slut, Alex, I might have used protection.”
“What can I say? I’m allergic to latex. Besides, everyone knows that unprotected sex feels better.”
Isabel pinched the bridge of her nose. “Ok, now that I have a fairly revolting image of my brother and my boyfriend together, can we please stop?”
Luckily for Isabel, the bell rang, stopping any other disturbing comment that Alex may have made. But despite her disgust, Isabel couldn’t help but feel a little proud of her boyfriend for keeping their sex life private. He hadn’t even told his best friends, despite ample opportunity all day. Isabel grinned to herself knowing that it must be killing Alex not to be able to shout it from the rooftops. She knew that out of respect for her that he wasn’t saying anything and it was such a change from the rest of the guys she knew whose exploits were known about around the school the morning after. She truly had found one of the good guys. Although she was going to have to rectify Maria and Liz’s lack of knowledge on what had happened between her and her boyfriend. She wasn’t sure she could keep this to herself and for the first time she had girlfriends that she could confide in. She was definitely going to have to host another girls’ night.
***
, and they’re called lamptrimmers.
I still prefer mine.