Title: Bittersweet Memories
Disclaimer: I don't own anything Roswell.
Author: Hunter
Summary: Max reflects on his life with Liz...
Rating: Mature
Pairing: M/L
Author's note: This is a challenge by Shellbell_456, (Challenge 102)
Bittersweet Memories
I saw her video and I was really moved by it, knowing that I would never have written this without seeing the video. It's really sad for me to be writing this but it's a challenge. And Shell! Thanks for everything! Hope you like this!
This is going to be a short story. And I'm going to write this in Max's pov which might be very hard for me considering the fact that I've always written in the female perspective.
The italics will be flashbacks in Max's life.
I should warn you though. THIS is my one and only fic that will probably have you soaking the tissues away.
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Max's POV
Chpt One
They took her out of the car. I couldn't bear to acknowledge the actual term. Slowly, they removed her from the car and in their respective places, carried her towards the place. I grimaced as I walked with them, counting each step..
one, two, three.
Over and Over again, trying to numb out the quivering sorrow that drenched my eyes of it's tears. How could I possible be crying again after what seemed a lifetime of tears?
They lowered her into the ground, I held on.
"Max let go." Michael says, trying to pry my fingers off the cool metal handle.
I growled possessively, refusing to loosen my grip. Michael had done this before in the hospital. Max, leave her alone. She's not coming back. Stop trying. It wasn't just Michael. It was all of them. Even her, the best friend of his beloved who kept telling him to let go..let go..
ha!
Couldn't they see and understand that a body could not function without it's soul? How could I move one and continue with life when my soul wasn't in my body? I was incomplete.
Michael tore My fingers off the metal and had the coffin lowered. "Time for the burial." He said.
I shivered.
They all stepped forward and tossed the roses in, one by one..white roses..which she so dearly loved.
I sung to her in Spanish, late at night when she was sitting alone in her balcony. It was perfect. A beautiful summer's night. I had spent a week learning the Spanish song and paid a mariachi band to assist me in serenading her. She loved it.
"Oh Max!". She cried, descending down the ladders and running towards me before throwing her arms around me, kissing me senseless before the band could leave. Eventually they left and the night was perfect.
Perfect because we finally got to make love for the first time.
Layers by layers we undressed each other, the white roses laid on the dresser as we dropped onto the bed, performing our ritual of their love.
"I love you Max." She whispered as she lay beneath me.
"I love you too." Came my own whisper as I kissed her lips sweetly.
I looked at the single white rose in my hand and then felt a tug on my sleeve. I looked down to see my nine year old daughter looking back at me with sadness in her eyes.
"Daddy." She said almost inaudibly.
She was the reason why I was coping with this, well I still was in immense pain but I was trying to stay strong for my daughter, for our daughter. I looked at the white rose again and then slowly tossed it in, giving away the last of my happiness.
I had finished cleaning up in the UFO centre and there she was right before me. I smiled when I noticed my angel. "Hey Liz." Walking up to her, I took her in my arms and pressed a kiss to her forehead.
"Hey Max." She said almost weakly and wrapped her arms around me.
I noticed the subtle hint of worry in her voice. "What's wrong?". I cupped her cheeks, gently turning her face to look at me.
Her eyes slowly met mine. "I...I..have...something..important to tell you." She croaked.
Worried, my voice became tighter. "What is it Liz?". I hoped nothing was wrong. I could sense her fear through our connection.
"I don't know how to tell you this but....but...I'm...we're...we're going to have a baby." She let the words out.
At this point, the moment froze for me. My life had changed...for the good.
"What?". A smile broke out on my face, sure I'd be worried sick about how her human body could handle an alien pregnancy but it was my baby that was growing inside her womb, a fantasy I had worshipped before. She was pregnant with my child. The woman I loved so much was carrying my child, their was no words to describe the joy I felt at that moment. "We're having a baby?".
"Yes Max." She nodded, staring at me carefully.
"Oh Liz.." I pulled her into a hug. I knew we should have been more careful but I didn't regret getting her pregnant at all. "I can't believe this." I smiled. "I...we're going to have a baby together."
"You have no regrets?". She asked, surprised.
"No. Not at all." I answered, still wearing that dreamy smile. "Do you?".
"No I don't regret this at all." Was her sincere answer.
My daughter took his hand. I gently held onto my daughter's hand. The best thing that had ever happened to me and Liz. The symbol of our love, what we had left..or rather what I had left of my wife.
She used her other hand to show him the handful of soil. I let her pour it into my other hand. I had no intention of doing this but I knew I had to. Shaking my hand, I trembled and let the soil fall onto the coffin which sheltered my wife. In grains the soil fell. I was sealing my happiness away.
Everyone's gone already and my daughter takes my hand in hers. "Daddy let's go home." She tells me tearfully.
I listen to her and numbly walk towards the black jaguar. The driver opened the door and says. "I'm sorry Mr Evans". He tries to be empathetic but it's off no use.
My poor poor eyes stinging with an unbearable pain, my throat dried up and traps the air from escaping. I get into the car after my daughter who watches my every movement from the corner of her eyes.
We're on the road, I stare lifelessly out of the window, houses whizzing past us. The stages of life had passed so quickly and come to an end for us. How happy we were in our life, how content and peaceful everything was. Soon the houses are replaced by greenery and trees.
I was reminded of how quickly the earth consumes.
I watch her carefully as she moves about in her little aqua uniform and wearing the cute silver antenna. How busy she is serving the customers. I loved to watch her. I loved coming to the crashdown everyday to see the love of my life although she wasn't aware. It was better that way. I posed no danger to her life which was beautiful, innocent and well beautiful.
I couldn't take my mind off her. I would stare at her for hours on end. Michael was pissed off because I wasn't paying attention to what he was saying. Instead my entire focus was on Liz. Liz alone. She and Maria talk for a while and I look away as soon as Maria looks at me.
I'm nervous as I feel them stare at me. "Let's go." I whispered to Michael minutes later after the awkward silence. I'd see Liz in class tomorrow because I was so lucky, I was her lab partner which meant I got to sit next to her for an hour.
"Okay man."
Just before we got up, two men got into a brawl. I heard glass smashing and caught a glimpse of a gun in one of their hands.
"Liz watch out!". Maria screamed as soon as the gunshot went off.
We ducked under for cover, my hand on the table and I looked to see her legs poking from behind the counter moments after the two guys left.
"Oh god." My heart raced as I got up and rushed to her. Michael stopped me in the process but I shoved him out the way, how could I let the girl I loved die in front of my eyes when I could save her?
I push him out of the way and make haste towards Liz, my Liz. My soul mate. I turn around to notice Maria hover around. "Call the ambulance!". I order her and then make Michael block anyone from getting further. I turn to Liz, rip her uniform open and the sight of blood makes my heart wince in pain. She's dying..
"Keys now!". Michael orders.
I take the keys out of my back pocket and toss them to him.
"You have to look at me." I urge her, her lips are parted and her eyes are almost rolling back. I can't let that happen to her.
I place my palm on her slick blood and connect with her. Beautiful images of her beautiful life fills my eyes. She would have more memories in her life, I would make sure of it. Her life wasn't over yet.
No, not as long as I was around.
Then with the removal of my hand, her wound was gone, her skin intact. I feel myself sigh shakily in releif. It worked. I saved her!
But then she murmers and gasps. I have to cover up my powers. I just risked everything I realised. Thinking quickly I grabbed the ketchup bottle, smashed it and poured it over her. "You dropped and broke the bottle when you feel. You spilt ketchup all over your self." I said in a hurry, getting back up as she looks in confusion at me. "Please don't say anything!". I pleaded, backing away as she got up and held the two sides her uniform to cover her exposed chest.
Me and Micheal head out and I turn around to give her one last look before I go.
She looks at me back, innocently and I pause for a moment, capturing her gaze and then leave.
If I had known all of this beforehand, how the chain of events would go back then, if I could..I'd jump back in time and save my beloved Liz. I'd push her out of the way, out of harm's way as soon as the bullet was fired. I wish things were different. I wish I died instead of her.
But I know she would be alone and miserable just as I was. And then there was Lindsay, our daughter who needed both of us. Her mother had died and now all she had was me.
I sigh as I remember everything, the time when I drove her down the abandonded highway, how her smile warmed my insides, our first kiss on her balcony...me allowing her to see me...letting her share my memories and thoughts...me cradling our baby. I could even remember the time when I was drunk...I took her hand and walked with her...I touched the lamp post causing light to illuminate around us and her eyes glittered with fascination...and then there was the bad memories..
I'm dying Max.
Her words pierced my heart on the night of our anniversary. How she tried to hold back the tears and push me away when I tried again and again to heal her. To fix whatever was wrong in her.
I was stubborn. I would not let her die. I would do everything to keep her alive to myself. I wanted to live with her forever. I remembered her shutting the door and crying her heart out while I escaped to the river and looked down. Wanting to drown myself because I couldn't accept that I failed...
Failed to heal my love.
When we returned to Roswell, things were still sour between us. I stopped the jeep outside the crashdown because she wanted to see her parents and tell them.
But she looks at me with tears streaming down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry Max."
"Don't.". I grit my teeth. "Don't do this to me Liz." I warned her, my hands gripping the steering wheel.
"I want you to know whatever happens, I'll always be there. Just promise me you'll take care of yourself, Lindsay and the others." Her voice croaked.
"Oh Liz!". I cried, turning around and grabbing her before placing a desperate kiss on her lips. She does the same and the kiss feels so long although it's shortlived.
As soon as she walked into the crashdown, I let the tears freely flow. I just let myself cry.
Our dance at the prom, me proposing to her, us going skiiing on christmas..I cannot forget it all. One by one the trees dissapear as the car is moving forward but my memories play again and again endlessly in my mind.
"Fuck!" I yell in anger, pulling and tearing at the trash, just venting all my restrained anger up which I had bottled up for so long. Trash after trash, I can't stop myself tonight.
When I finally go limp, My back hits the wall and I slide slowly to the ground..crying again.
Feeling pathetic.
My wife was dying and there was nothing I could do about it.
Nothing.
I even tried to fix her that night using the stones and that stupid book. Nothing. She cried and told me to let it go, let her go.
Now I realise everything I did...made it even worse.
The time we had left of each other was spent me trying to fix her. Not enjoying the little moment we had left together...
My Liz was never going to come back again. Ever.
All I have is those Bittersweet memories...
THE END.
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