Breakaway *AU. Adult. M/L.* Chapter 8 06/16/09 [WIP]

[obviouslyoksana]

Title: Breakaway
Author: Oksana
Rating: Mature
Disclaimer: The WB owns Roswell, the characters, and situations. No infringement intended. All songs are by Imogen Heap.
Summary: AU without aliens. Currently in college studying in the World Friends Program at Las Cruces, Liz Parker has always dreamed of helping others. But one thing has held her back, her love for her longtime boyfriend. But when he slips up and makes a mistake, Liz takes the chance of a lifetime, leaving everything and everyone she knew behind. When the world closed its eyes, she opened her arms.
Category: M/L with K/L at first…
Authors Notes: This will get very dark and deal with a lot of world issues, death and other such matters.

Chapter 1: Hide and Seek

“Iraq?” The words echoed off the walls, bouncing through the small room. Liz stared at her advisor wondering if he had lost his mind. He wanted her to go to Iraq. Now? When a major war was going on?

“It is quite safe, at least, it should be.” He pegged her with a look, a look she knew all to well. Both knew that Iraq was far from safe, but her and all the other aide workers safety would be given top priority. At least it would be compared to the civilians that were being killed.

“I don’t know,” Liz sighed, expelling a long breath of air. Sure she wanted to go, but there was so much holding her back. She had already completed all of her oversea missions, so the idea of leaving for another 6 months was not all that appealing, especially when she had recently returned. Plus, Liz knew that Kyle would be unhappy to find out she had taken another internship.

Kyle. Liz could only wonder how he would react at the news. He always hated it when she told him that she was taking off to a country in conflict. Each time he would beg her, saying he couldn’t bear to lose her and that he just wanted her to stay. Then they could get married and have children and she could stay at home doing all the wifely duties… only that was not what Liz wanted.

As a child Liz always knew she wanted to help people. Her parents told her to study microbiology. But that wasn’t in Liz’s future. She knew she was destined for greater things, much like her grandmother Claudia. She had the same drive to travel and help those in need.

So it only made sense to choose a degree in humanities.

When she had entered the Friends World Program at Las Cruces, she had wanted to go all over the world so as to help those in need. Sure her parents had fought her, begging and pleading that she rethink her major, but Liz had remained adamant. Even her best friend since childhood could not change her mind; to this day Maria still got in Liz’s case about her choice in careers.

Until she met Kyle Valenti.

Kyle was unlike any guy she had ever met. He was popular, loved to party, was a jock, and definitely not the typical guy that she dated. But opposites attracted and the next thing Liz knew she was in love. They had been together for three years and already Kyle was talking marriage.

Kyle was studying law enforcement; he planned to be a sheriff just like his father. He was on scholarship, brought in for his amazing football skills. He had led the team to numerous wins, which made Liz very proud.

She still smiled whenever she thought of their first encounter. Kyle had been stalking her; he said he had seen her from across the quad and just known he had to get to know her. Unfortunately two days later she had taken off for Costa Rica for her first of many field projects.

Six months later when she had returned Kyle was waiting. With roses. At her door.

She had been surprised to say the least. Finding a stranger at your door with flowers wasn’t the norm for Liz Parker.

Still, Liz accepted Kyle with open arms. Their relationship grew at an exponential rate. Maria continually urged Liz to dump the “scumbag,” but Liz remained loyal. She tried to explain Kyle’s appeal to Maria, but her best friend refused to see it. All Maria saw was a womanizing jerk that was holding Liz back from her dreams.

And to a degree it was true. For after their initial courtship, Liz did start to decline further field projects, opting instead to work within the offices nearby. She knew it was a step back and definitely not what she wanted to do, but the thought of leaving Kyle was unbearable.

Nancy and Jeff, Liz’s parents were also less then thrilled. They too noticed the sudden change in their daughters drive. Where had once been a young woman intent on changing the world, was now a lovesick girl who obviously was looking through rose-colored glasses. Sure they were happy that she had found a good guy who obviously adored her, but they also wanted their daughter achieve her dreams.

“Just think about it. Let it sink in,” Professor Seligman offered. He smiled at the young woman before him. He had watched her blossom over the last few years and hoped that she would take this opportunity. In the last few years he had noticed her decreased activity within the program, but he figured that was simply because Liz hadn’t realized the full intent of the program. However, now she was in her senior year and she desperately needed to log more internship hours overseas. “It is a wonderful opportunity; one that would help towards you graduating.”

Liz nodded. She grabbed the information packet and left her advisors office. In the back of her mind she knew she should go, but her heart refused. First she had to talk to Kyle, after all he did have a say in it as well, right? She knew he would refuse, stating it was too dangerous.

The memory of Kyle’s wrath after she had told him she was going to Afghanistan surfaced in her mind suddenly. He had been outraged upon hearing that she was going to Afghanistan on a campaign to help those in the line of fire between U. S. troops and suspected Taliban strongholds.

The sound of glass shattering just to the left of her head still resonated in her ears. He had thrown her favorite vase, saying that if she left then they would be over.

When she returned months later Kyle had been cold and distant at first. Liz was devastated. But over time, wounds healed and so did their love. Kyle apologized, insisting that he was just mad at the situation and not her. He knew that this was her job and he commended her for doing such a tough line of work.

But that did not mean he had to be happy about it. He was still prone to fits whenever she would leave, even for only a few days.

His controlling ways of Liz scared those who knew about it, namely Maria. She urged Liz to dump him, but Liz refused.

Now Liz couldn’t help but wonder. Maybe Maria was right, maybe Kyle wasn’t the man for her. No, he loved her and Liz knew it. Otherwise he wouldn’t care so much about her well-being.

Arriving at her apartment that she shared with Kyle, Liz climbed the steps, ready to face him and plead her case. She hoped that he would listen and at least give her a chance to try and convince him. As she approached the door the sound of loud music wafted past her ears. Her eyes rolled as she once again reminded herself that she needed to talk to management about their neighbors. It didn’t matter what time it was, they always seemed to be playing their music at unconceivable levels.

Where are we
What the hell is going on
The dust has only just began to fall
Crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling
Spin me around again and rub my eyes
This can't be happening
When busy streets a mess with people would stop to hold their heads heavy

But as she grew closer Liz realized that the music was coming from her apartment. Her curiosity piqued, Liz slowed her pace. The distinct sounds of grunts and moans reached her ears further intriguing her. Was Maria once again using her apartment for her extracurricular activities?

That thought was fleeting as Liz remembered that Maria was still in class.

Who the heck was in her apartment.

Hide and seek
Trains and sewing machines?
All those years they were here first

A moment later Liz would wish she had never asked that. For what greeted her when she opened the door was far from anything she ever expected.

Blonde curly hair, sickly pale taut skin, nails gripping into the table, moans of ecstasy, the kitchen table inching away from its original position with each thrust.

“Fuck… fuck baby,” came Kyle’s grunt. A think sheen of sweat lay over his skin as he pounded into the girl. “So tight. So fucking tight!”

Oily marks appear on walls
Where pleasue moments hung before
The takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this
Still life

All Liz could do was stare.

This wasn’t happening.

This couldn’t be happening.

Right?

Hide and seek
Trains and sewing machines
Oh, you won't catch me around here
Blood and tears they were here first

“Kyle…” Tess’ breathy moan broke Liz from her dream-like tranquility. Tess, one of Liz and Kyle’s joint friends, was currently fucking her boyfriend. Liz faintly recognized the fact that her boyfriend was fucking their friend.

But her heart refused to truly register what was really going on.

“Tess!” Liz definitely recognized that sound. He had just come. He had just fucked their friend and come inside of her.

Hmm what you say
Oh that you only meant well, well of course you did
Hmm what you say
Hmm that it's all for the best, of course it is
Hmm what you say
That it's just what we need, you decided this
Hmm what you say
What did she say

She watched as he hugged Tess to him, peppering her shoulders and neck with tiny kisses. Her mouth fell open. Tears welled up in her eyes.

And that was when he noticed her.

Ransom notes keep falling at your mouth
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs
Speak no feeling no i don't believe you
You don't care a bit you don't care a bit

“Liz?” The regret and shame in his voice was obvious. But Liz remained rooted to her spot, staring at the couple.

Was this really happening?

“Oh god,” Tess gasped as she turned and spotted her. Words escaped her as her mouth flailed open like a fish gasping for air. Kyle too fought for words, anything to explain what was going on.

And then it hit her. Hard.

But Liz remained cool and calm. At least on the outside.

“I have to go.” Those were the only words that left her mouth as Liz turned and closed the door behind her, leaving the two people she thought she could trust to ponder how everything had fallen apart so quickly.

You don't care a bit
You don't care a bit
You don't care a bit
You don't care a bit
You don't care a bit
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

[obviouslyoksana]

Chapter 2: Loose Ends

The hustle and bustle of the airport hardly even broke through Liz’s daze. Her parents and best friend stared on in dismay. None of them knew what to do. And no matter how much they tried to convince her that now was not the time to be accepting a field project, Liz refused to even listen.

Not that Maria blamed her. If she had caught her boyfriend of three years cheating on her, she knew that she would go ballistic. So Liz’s behavior was far improved from anything Maria knew she would be doing if in her situation. Somehow though, Maria doubted that Liz would castrate Kyle as Maria envisioned doing so in her mind.

Maybe once Liz was gone… Maria smiled conspiringly, a plan already forming in her mind.

Nancy and Jeff watched their daughter carefully. They desperately wanted to forbid her from going to Baghdad, but they knew that there was nothing they could do. She was a legal adult and they could no longer lock her in her room whenever she tried to rebel against them.

Doing everything by halves
You got a real flare with excuses
Meeting someone at the bar
Where loose ends still have uses

Off in the distance the group spied Kyle Valenti making his way over. In his hands were dozens of red roses. On his face was a look of total grievance and regret. Jeff and Maria had to fight the urge to go over there and hurtle the guy for breaking their loved one’s heart. How he could even think about cheating on Liz perplexed them. She was nothing but loyal to him and that was how he repaid her.

Bastard.

Maria stepped toward him, but Nancy stopped the girl. She pleaded with her eyes to not start a scene. It was obvious that Liz was still in shock. And doing something rash might just push Liz over the edge. Though Nancy could not deny that she thought Kyle definitely deserved a solid tongue lashing from Hurricane DeLuca, if not more.

We're kissing without kissing
And got it down to a fine art
Love's supposed to keep you young and frisky,
But we grew up and wide apart
Not now, not ever, no

“Honey, are you sure this is what you want to do?” Nancy asked as she squeezed her daughter’s shoulder and gave her a half hug.

When Liz did not answer the group gave a worried look to one another.

“Oh, don’t worry, Liz will be just fine!” Alex Whitman interrupted as he came up beside the group and wrapped his arm around his classmate and team member. He had been thrilled when he learned Liz would be joining him. The thought of heading off to Iraq alone was not exactly appealing.

Sure he and Liz were not friends, per-say, but he had some classes with her and knew that she was supposed to be nice. Plus she too was in her final segment of her training for her degree, so they would be graduating together, which Alex was glad of as well. Somehow, the idea of taking a sophomore with him was also not alluring. At least Liz knew what she was doing.

It's never a good time
How will the good times ever roll on?
Comparing photos
Then and now
Now and then
Just wondering
Where it all went wrong

Across the airport, Kyle watched as the young man wrapped his arm around Liz and immediately saw red. How dare another man even think about stepping on his property! Darting forward, Kyle dashed toward his girlfriend, and hopefully, soon to be fiancé.

His stride was purposeful. His resolve determined. He would make Liz see that he was the man for her. And that she was indeed his.

And then she would also get this stupid idea of going to Iraq out of that head of hers.

It's complicated
(This time I think it could be)
Triangulated
(It could be just what we need)
So what you say
We give it up and walk away?
Nothing to salvage anyway

The moment Kyle stepped in front of Liz she snapped out of her reverie and glared at him and the offending red roses in his arms. She hated red roses. That never stopped him from buying them for her. No matter how many times she told him that she loved white, he always got her red.

“What are you doing here Kyle?” Jeff seethed. His words came through gritted teeth. This young fool had not only broken his little girl’s heart, but also driven her to one of the most foolish things ever, at least in Jeff’s mind.

“I just…”

But Liz didn’t let him finish.

“Leave Kyle,” Liz stated lamely. While inside she saw red, her spirit was broken and she just felt no spirit or fire behind her words. Tears pooled in her eyes as she turned into Alex’s welcoming embrace. “We have nothing left to salvage…”

Want to, oh
Need to, oh
Try to, oh
None of the above

“That’s bul…”

This time it was the airline that interrupted Kyle.

“On behalf of United Airline, we would like to welcome our customer and invite rows 70 through 50 to start boarding.” Liz looked toward the kiosk and then back at her parents and best friend.

“I guess…” Liz choked out, unable to say more. Between saying goodbye to her three favorite people in the world and having to see the man who broke her heart, she was quickly losing her composure.

Want to, oh
Need to, oh
Try to, oh
None of the above

When she had agreed to go to Baghdad she knew her decision had been rash. But it really was a good opportunity. And while the idea of not seeing Kyle had been the driving force behind her decision, she wasn’t about to give up something like this.

Her decision had also partly been made as she knew there was a good chance she would die, which at the moment sounded very appealing. Being consumed by a giant black hole or something to that extent sounded very, very nice.

“Honey, are you sure…” The words wouldn’t even leave Nancy’s mouth. The idea of her only child going to a war-ridden country was extremely unpleasant. But she also knew that is was part of what Liz would be doing for the rest of her life.

Liz merely nodded. She moved forward and gave her family and Maria a long hug goodbye. She almost cracked a smile as she watched her mother pull Alex into a fierce, quick hug as well.

“Please take care of her, and yourself. I want both of you coming back to me.” Alex grinned at the woman. He wished his parents cared half as much as Liz’s.

Want to, oh
Need to, oh
Try to, oh
None of the above
Liar

With a last round of hugs and a tearful goodbye, Liz and Alex headed toward to the desk where they would check-in and finally board their plane.

She was barely three steps in when Kyle suddenly lunged forward and roughly grabbed her arm.

“Liz…”

“No!” Liz wretched her arm away and gave Kyle a stern glare. “Haven’t you hurt me enough?”

It was like a gun shot to the heart. Kyle stepped back, his expression wounded as he stared at the love of his life.

“I’m sorry,” Kyle whispered. But Liz didn’t hear him, she was too busy checking in. Alex stood behind her, acting a nice buffer or wall between the two. He turned around and scowled at Kyle.

It's complicated
(This time I think it could be)
Triangulated
(It could be just what we need)
So what you say
We give it up and walk away?
We're overrated, anyway

It wasn’t until they boarded the plane and were in their seats that Liz broke down and started crying. Alex easily accepted her into his arms. He stroked her hair, hoping to calm her down even just a little. While he didn’t know the whole story, he had a pretty good idea of what had happened.

“Shh, it’s okay, let it out,” Alex murmured. Liz continued to cry in his arms. When the flight attendant passed by to tell the two that they needed to have their seats forward, tray tables up, and that she would recommend that they sit in their separate seats, she quickly decided to just remain quiet. Instead she gave Alex an appreciative nod and walked on by, giving Alex’s shoulder a quick squeeze in the process. A few moments later they were airborne and on the first leg of a very long journey.

It's complicated
(This time I think it could be)
Triangulated
(It could be just what we need)
So what you say
We give it up and walk away?
Nothing to salvage anyway

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“We need three pints of blood, stat!” Max Evans yelled out to his coworkers as they ran a gurney into a makeshift medical tent. Inside the tent was a sight most would never be able to stomach. Men, women and children of all ages were in varying sized beds, cots, and any other types of mattresses. All were severely wounded.

The patient they were bringing in now was a seven-year-old girl. Her right leg had just been blown off when she had unsuspectingly had walked over a land mine. She was screaming. Blood was everywhere.

The US Army had passed her by when their medical crew had seen the explosion, opting to give their own men and women priority.

Max Evans was disgusted.

Here was a tiny helpless civilian that the US Army had just unwittingly maimed, and they wouldn’t even help her.

At the ripe age of 27, Max was just a few of the recognized doctors who had decided to join the doctors without borders program. He didn’t know why, all he knew was that when his advisor had informed him of the opportunity, he had jumped.

It was like he knew he had to come to Baghdad. Though he didn’t know why.

His family had been devastated. His girlfriend had been angry.

They were engaged at the time.

Not so much anymore. She had called it off when he had decided to continue with this “idiotic idea,” as she so gingerly put it. Pam had never been one for pro bono work. Money was one of her number one concerns.

And maybe that was why Max had always wondered why he had even proposed. Sure he enjoyed hanging out with Pam, but after a few months away from her, Max knew that he was happier not being in a relationship with her. They were two drastically different people; he wanted to save the world while she wanted to shop around the world.

“What have we got?” Max’s mentor, Doug asked as he looked over the young girl. Another piece of his heart broke as he stared down at her. She was crying, her body was covered in blood and her leg was completely gone.

“Walked over a land mine. From what we were told, she was thrown back at least a hundred feet, but no one is too sure. She was unconscious at first, but regained consciousness shortly after. She’s lost a lot of blood; I already ordered three pints. Pulse is dropping, blood pressure is low.”

Doug nodded as he listened to Max and then accessed the situation.

“Okay… let’s get her into surgery. If she stays out much longer, she’ll probably bleed to death. And let’s get something clean on that leg, I want to keep it as clean as possible; if she gets a secondary infection we could lose her.”

“Sounds good,” Max agreed.

Hours later, after doing everything they could for the little girl, Max and Doug sat outside at a small table overlooking the sparse desert before them. It was dark out. The stench of death and decay lay heavily around them. Two bottle of beer rested on a table between them.

“New recruits will be here tomorrow,” Doug suddenly said. He took a long drag of his cigarette followed by a swig of his beer.

Max processed the information and shrugged. The last time they got new recruits they ended up having to send them home early because they were more of hindrance then help. He sighed, grabbed his beer, but did not take a sip. Instead he placed the lukewarm beverage against his sweaty forehead, relishing the slight difference in temperatures.

“We know anything about the guys?” Max finally asked.

“Guy and a girl, actually. They were both top choices; the girl agreed at the last minute.”

Max chuckled; he didn’t blame her for thinking so long and hard on the decision to come to this place.

“Who knows, maybe she’ll be cute and I can finally release some of this frustration,” Doug joked, though both knew he wasn’t completely lying. Over a year without a woman was hard on two men who were both in their prime. Doug often voiced his frustrations about the lack of women.

That wasn’t to say they didn’t get offers. It just wasn’t what either one wanted.

“Keep on dreamin’, man, keep on dreamin’,” Max replied. Though in the back of his mind he too couldn’t help but hope.

[obviouslyoksana]

Chapter 3: Useless

It was hot, hotter than either Alex or Liz expected. And it did not help that Sunji’s car did not have air conditioning.

They were cruising across the desert at an amazing speed, though neither Liz nor Alex could argue, after all, there was no real road. The road had been blown up a few weeks ago, leaving nothing but rubble and blood stains in its wake.

They had landed in Amman only hours ago and upon arrival they were immediately picked up and whisked away. The journey from Amman to the Iraq border was 320 kilometers or so of barren wasteland. From the border it was a race at 150 km for 12 hours, non-stop to get to Baghdad.

I am a mirror, with no reflection
I am a razor, without my blade
I am the daylight, when the moon shines no
Who will want to make my sandcastle that’s already made

According to Sunji, they were almost there. Five more minutes.

That was eight, five minutes ago.

But this time he was right. Alex and Liz could just make out the city lights as they pulled up to the city border. It was fairly dark out. The sound of guns could be heard off in the distance, along with the sharp cries of the people as they fought to save their homes, to save their lives.

Alex and Liz stared in absolute horror at one another, unsure of the situation they had just placed themselves in.

I feel so useless, do you

Upon arrival at their hotel they would check in and once again immediately leave so as to meet their superiors. According to Professor Seligman, they would be working alongside two doctors and in a few weeks two more recruits would be joining them. Their main task was to aid the doctors while providing basic care for the civilians.

Sunji excitedly talked the entire ride through the city. He told them all the history he knew as well as some he just decided to make up. Not that Liz or Alex minded; they enjoyed his antics and funny banter; it helped to distract them from what was going on.

Alex and Liz had also had a chance to talk and get to know one another better. Despite their rocky and silent start together, they found they had a lot in common. And Liz really enjoyed Alex’s company. Alex was a great guy with a great heart who really cared about everything and everyone; he helped her forget her troubles back in New Mexico. For the first time since she left she was actually excited about being in Iraq.

Speak to an ear deaf to my voice
Look through your fear, still blind to my way
I reach to hold you, but I don’t feel you there, do you
Even realize I’m here am I just wasting away?

“Can you believe this?” Alex asked as they sped through the streets. To their right was a tanker with an American flag painted on it. Iraqis where running by its side shouting and throwing simple items at it, expressing their anger for the US’s presence in their country.

Liz simply shook her head as she stared on in completely awe. She had heard the stories of what it was like in Iraq, but it was nothing like what was really taking place. The place was in complete ruins. The streets could no longer be considered streets as they were nothing but garbled up concrete and asphalt, and the building were but rubble molehills.

“My god,” Liz sighed. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Alex shake his head in agreement.

No wasting away
Living, inside you play

The car slowed as they pulled up to a large make shift tent that Liz and Alex could only assume was to be their head quarters. There was much activity and people were scurrying about. Some were obvious aid workers or doctors; others were clearly civilians whom were under the care of the workers. Each patient had a sticker on his or her right arm of various color.

“That tells us the importance of treatment.” Liz and Alex turned at the sound of the American voice. “Hi, I’m Doug. I’m the head of this campaign region and I’ll be showing you around.”

Doug eyed his new recruits. He was a man of first looks; they always gave away what a person was thinking or feeling. The young man appeared bright eyed and eager and the young woman seemed almost in a trance. He didn’t quite know what to make of her first look. It was like she was shutting herself off, almost.

But she was pretty.

My dying prayer, sealed in a scream
Unwelcome, and a conscious dream
I am your whore, without a name
After helping Alex and Liz out of the vehicle, Doug ushered them inside, following closely behind them. His eyes remained trained on Liz’s behind. He appreciated her form and quickly decided she was very welcome at his camp and on his staff.

“So this is it,” Doug said as he gestured to the small area within the tent. “There are three other aid workers, but one will be leaving in a few days. Steve and Paco will remain with us, and Serena will return in a month or so.”

Liz and Alex continued to follow Doug around the tent, their eyes glued to the people lying motionless on their beds. The patients who were awake stared at the two new people with a look of distrust. Despite all of their previous work, the two understood why the people looked at them in such a manner. After all, if the roles were reversed they would probably be thinking the same thing.

“At the moment we have eight doctors and three nurses working, but that could change at a moments notice; we go where the organization needs us.” Suddenly Doug stopped and turned his gaze towards the newbies, more specifically, to Liz. “Hope you like hanging with the guys, because there is only one other female and she’s forty-three. Once Serena gets back you’ll have someone closer to your age.”

I climb to fall, to begin again, to begin again
I climb to fall, suffer, hatred, deceit and pain
Anger, regret, loving in vain

The next twenty minutes was spent showing Alex and Liz around and introducing them to some of their coworkers. Luckily it wasn’t too hectic, at least considering the circumstances. Doug also filled the two in on what was going on.

“The organization is sending in some people to assess the lack of cash and equipment, finally.” Doug gave a pointed look and shook his head in aggravation. “For months, officials have been trying to speak up about the woefully inadequate support they are getting from the international community, but the high ups could care less. They are happy as clams back in America in their safe homes.

“There is no fuel for cars so don’t expect for auto use, and never mind helicopters that they promised. Ammunition runs out all the time, so try to use everything for a purpose,” Doug explained as they three sat down at a small table. “Soldiers routinely show up at our compounds to ask if they can have some mosquito nets or even blankets. Civilian police officers walk around the camps unable to communicate with people because they have not yet sent them any translators.”

I am an arrow, with no direction
My life your tarot, my picture your fate
I'm your becoming, so ill always be nothing

At this point Alex and Liz were thoroughly spooked. Their professor had not mentioned any of this. In fact they were told that their camp was one of the best to go to in the area; the safest. Now they weren’t sure if they had been lied to or if it was true and this was simply the safest of what was available. Of course, what Doug told them next did little to reassure them.

“The worries about insecurity here are not exactly a figment of the overactive imagination either: aid workers prepping the area for the expected relocation have had guns pointed at their heads, while some of the local labourers digging latrines and boreholes have been killed, robbed and beaten on their way out there.” Doug didn’t want to scare the two, but he did need them to know the truth of what could and possibly would happen to them. “But for the most part, we are left alone. People are starting to understand that we are trying to help and that even though we are Americans...”

“We aren’t American soldiers.” Doug was suddenly interrupted by a laughing voice. It was deep and masculine. Coming to stand beside Doug, Max stared at the new recruits, his eyes catching on the young brunette before he turned amused eyes to his mentor. “Scaring them off already?”

“Just warning,” Doug laughed. “Alex, Liz, this is Max. He’s one of the doctors on staff; joined us over a year ago.”

“Hey, nice to meet ya guys. Don’t let Doug scare you off; it isn’t as bad as he says. Once the people trust you they really love you and will never stop thanking you,” Max insisted as he reached a hand out to Alex.

“Alex Whitman, nice to meet you.” Alex knew instantly that he would get along great with these two men. “Hope we can be of some help…”

“I’m sure you will be,” Max replied before turning his attention to Liz. He grasped her small hand within his own and smiled. He couldn’t believe someone so tiny and beautiful was coming to Iraq as an aide worker.

“Liz Parker…”

If I ever break away from you that day forth, you’ll be living
My hate

The moment their skin touched, Liz felt electricity jolt through her. The words caught in her throat. Her eyes snapped up to meet his and his smiling gaze took her aback. He was handsome, no doubt, and it was obvious he had felt something as well. They remained gazing at each other in silence.

“Nice to meet you…” Max whispered as his hand caressed her smaller one.

Unfortunately the moment was broken as Doug suddenly grasped Liz’s shoulder and gave her a slight shake. He had seen the way Max had been looking at her, and he was not about to give up his chance with Liz. She was cute and young, something Doug liked in his women.

“Well, we have to get going. Max, why don’t you have Alex shadow you while I take Liz,” Doug said, pointedly. If Max was going to make a play for Liz, then Doug knew he had to step up his game. And the best way was to spend as much time with the new recruit as possible.

Max watched as Doug and Liz disappeared without even saying goodbye. He sighed before turning his attention back to Alex, who was currently laughing.

“Want me to put a wig on and lose a few inches?” Max busted out laughing at Alex’s suggestion. Maybe he hadn’t been very sly, but at least his recruit had a sense of humor. Hitching his head toward the tent, Max continued to laugh as the two made their way back toward their post.

And just like that, suddenly the day turned out better than any other. Because Max Evans’ knew that things would get better.

Oh god help his fate
I'll watch you, watch you suffocate

[obviouslyoksana]

Chapter 4: Oh Me, Oh My!

The next morning, after getting a good night sleep, Liz and Alex finally felt ready to take on their respective tasks. However Doug had a different idea. Before the two new recruits could work they would need to pick up their volunteer badges from the embassy, which would give them clearance and some form of protection. He would be taking the two new recruits to the American Embassy and then take them on a tour of the city.

Or so Doug had hoped.

Minutes before he was to leave, one of the doctors called on Doug to help in a major case. And much to Doug’s despair, he had to send Max in his place.

Oh well, maybe he and Liz could hang out later that evening.

Quiet now in sleepy dreams
To me it seems the only time to be
Just me

Max came to Alex and Liz’s hotel that morning. He knocked on their door and waited patiently. He had been surprised when he had been told that he was to take the two new recruits and show them around and get them their paperwork. Originally Max had believed Doug would take them. Not that he was complaining. The idea of hanging out with and getting to know Liz better was very appealing, especially without Doug around.

Alex answered the door a moment later. He smiled and offered for Max to come in and take a seat while they waited for Liz.

“How was your night?” Max asked as he surveyed their living quarters. It was comparable to his own.

“Loud,” Alex replied as he took a sip from his water bottle and stifled a yawn. He desperately wanted a cup of coffee, but he didn’t trust the water and he didn’t have any instant coffee with him.

“Yeah, there was a small quarrel last night, nothing major,” Max said nonchalantly.

“Small? My ass.” Alex laughed along with Max. But Max’s laughter died in his throat when Liz’s door suddenly swung open and she appeared before them. Her hair was neatly tied back in a ponytail and she wore a simple pair of jeans and a long sleeve shirt. Even though it was hot outside, women still had to cover themselves completely. Max felt bad for Liz, but it was for the better. Besides, she could change once she was back on base.

Bombarded by the phone, in my own home
Can't get the space that I need
And how I need it, yeah

“Morning Liz,” Max squeaked. He blushed as he heard the words escape his throat, sounding higher pitched then he had hoped.

Liz stared at Max, slightly unnerved. She had noticed him the night before when they had first met and she couldn’t deny that he was handsome, and there seemed to be something about him that attracted Liz. But she was weary, especially after the way Doug had acted around her. Maybe Max was like Doug, and simply looking for a piece of ass.

Max bowed his head in embarrassment. Alex once again found himself laughing. Recovering quickly, Max stood up and opened the door. “Well, you guys ready to go?”

On their way down a busy dual carriageway, a humvee bounced over the median and pulled out directly in front of them. Max’s arm shot out and pulled Liz out of the goliath vehicles way. He nestled her close to him. Liz didn’t fight back, she was too scared.

The soldier in the passenger seat of the humvee held out his right hand to say stop and held the M16 in his left to say "stop or else."

They stopped, watching the scene closely.

Liz felt a chill watching the guns pointed at them. Alex wanted to take a photo -- the humvee was within 10 feet of them -- but he was too frozen in place, not wanting to provoke the soldiers. For a second it seemed so surreal, like these men -- boys really -- in their sunglasses and stone cold glares were impersonating Keanu Reeves in the Matrix or Will Smith in Men in Black .

Max rolled his eyes in a look of utter exhaustion, as if to say, this was how they always treat them; everyone. Two more hummers and a truck moved into the street directly in front of them before rumbling off. They were allowed to move again but Liz couldn't help but think that she had just left something there on that road for good.

The remainder of her innocence.

Oh me, yeah, oh my
Oh me, me, me, me oh my
Oh when I look
When I look at my life
Oh me, oh my
When I look at my life, yeah lalala


The skyline was punctured by four huge chimneys belching fire and smoke from the Baghdad Refinery. They passed a large number of men and boys in dishdashas selling containers of gasoline on the road.

"There are so many days that there is no gas at all," Max told them as he maneuvered expertly around the cities disorderly traffic.

Max went on to tell them that gasoline was 20 dinars a liter at the gas stations but the wait was eight or so hours. On the black market it was 150 dinars per liter, but the quality was poor. Frustration ran high. More than 70 percent of the gas was imported from Saudi Arabia, a painful irony not lost on Iraqis.

They drove over al Jadreeah, one of five bridges spanning the Tigris River, into the posh Qadseeyah District of southern Baghdad. The road was lined with palms. They then passed Al Abed Palace, destroyed by the coalition.

Crowded by the city, all around me
Need some silence from the loud
And noisy crowds

Next they passed al Maahmoon communications center.

“It was destroyed by the coalition,” Max informed the recruits.

“Were you around when it happened?” Liz queried, turning to look at Max instead of the destroyed structure.

“Yeah; we went without any form of communication for quite some time, which was hard because we really needed supplies. When we were able to get a hold of head quarters they laughed as they told us that we would have to wait until they could safely land in the area,” Max replied sadly.

He watched as Liz turned her eyes back to the road, a look of sadness crossing her features. He reached over and placed a gentle hand on her knee, giving it a gentle squeeze. What surprised him was when she looked back at him and smiled.

And I’m trying to catch a breath through the air of death
Can't see the sun for the clouds
Those dirty clouds

As they continued they moved into the Mansour, a district named after Baghdad's founder, the Abbasid Caliph Mansour, who built the city from the ground up in the 8th century A.D.

They drove by the city block that was wiped out when the Coalition tried to target Saddam with a missile strike. Max told them that more than 14 civilians died in the blast, which left nothing but a rubble-filled crater. Now it was nothing but a dirt lot.

Next they drove under an arch, which used to have the painted image of a smiling kaffiyah'ed Saddam on it. Someone covered Saddam's face with green spray paint and wrote "al Jaban," over it.

Loosely translated it meant, “The Coward.”

And the night has no compassion for your actions
When you're trying to get away
From the hard day, yeah

There was another huge landmark smack-dab in the middle of the Mansour: the shell of a half-built mosque called Grand Saddam Mosque, started in 1995 in the midst of a humanitarian crisis in Iraq which was still not over. The mosque, which was projected to cost more than $1 billion, was to be Saddam's greatest achievement, built on the site of the Muthena Airfield, destroyed by the Allies in first Gulf War.

Its minarets would rise 280 meters in the sky, so that the mosque would be the "closest to god." The mosque once built, would cast the illusion of floating on water, on a large manmade lake whose outline would take the shape, if viewed from far above, of the Arab World.

And I need someone to talk to apart from you
But I guess that's just the way
Come what may, oh

Finally they arrived at their destination. Max quickly jumped out and opened Liz’s door. He offered his hand to help her out, which she surprisingly took. He had noticed that she had been quiet since the humvee incident and since he had told her about the bombing of the center.

In front of the Iraq Forum Conference Center, U.S. soldiers stood beneath a thirsty-looking tree checking people's papers and identification. The three stood in line and watched some soldiers give an Iraqi man a hard time.

They yelled at him, pushed him a little. The other Iraqis behind him shifted on their feet. They were waiting to get in, Max told them, most likely looking for work with the Coalition Provisional Authority inside. Liz couldn’t help but think how she wished it were Kyle that the soldiers were yelling and pushing around.

After waiting a couple of minutes, growing more and more anxious, Max decided to by-pass the line to ask another soldier where to go to get the necessary credentials.

"If you don't have them already, you aren't getting in here," the solder insisted without looking at Max. His hands were on the gun that hung from his shoulder. He didn't say anything else. He wasn’t in charge.

Max scoffed and walked away. Here they were trying to do a good deed and they couldn’t even get any help.

Oh me, yeah, oh my
Oh me, me, me, me oh my
Oh when I look
When I look at my life
Oh me, oh my
When I look at my life

Ahead of their group there was a shorter and older man talking with a kind of easy authority to a woman trying to get in without the proper papers. He was full of energy, but he looked weighted down by his large helmet, his thick vest and gear. She wanted an answer from him. He was a captain, and he was giving her a story, an anecdote that led to the reason why he couldn’t give her what she wanted.

When Max, Alex and Liz approached the captain, they received a stern, "Where's your I.D.?"

Liz and Alex stood behind Max, intimidated by his rough, raspy voice and distracted by the rough treatment of the Iraqis. Max stood alone before the burly man for judgment.

In the 120 degree heat, sweat poured from underneath the captain’s big silver sunglasses. Max handed him Alex and Liz’s passports as well as his current credentials.

"You’re an aide worker?" the soldier asked with interest. “A doctor?”

When Max shook his head in acknowledgement, the captain shook his head and said, "A doctor! Man. I might have to change my mind about lettin' you in."

But he relented. Not before telling Max about his hometown and how he had known a doctor; a good guy who had always taken care of his patients.

While Max had the "hometown" talk with the Louisiana captain, Liz noticed that the Iraqis weren't getting anywhere with the other troops. What they were getting was plenty of reprimands and admonishments.

Finally, the captain escorted the three in. He smiled widely at Liz, giving her a wink and a sly grin.

"Enjoy your stay," the captain said as he watched the three walk through.

Oh God
Are you there
Are you there
Are you there
No, yeah

Once they were somewhat alone, Liz turned to Max and voiced her anger and questions about the treatment of the Iraqis.

“Why do they do that?” Liz asked, frustrated that the American soldiers were treating the people so poorly.

“It’s just what they do. A power trip of sorts,” Max shrugged, unsure of how to answer. He hated watching it just as much as she did, but he knew there was nothing they could do about it.

God
Are you there
Are you there
Are you there
Yeah

"I saw them. They pulled people by their shoulders and they yelled at them, 'Go out! Go out!' The Iraqis didn't do anything to these people," Liz said as she stared back toward the front gate. Max reached over and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. He gave her a reassuring squeeze as he softly spoke to her.

"There was a problem with their papers, that's all,” Max whispered. “The sad part is how they are not treated with dignity. Even Saddam's regime didn't treat the people like that, at least not in public. Even the biggest dictator in the world didn't do that to these people."

He released Liz from his grip and raised his finger in the air as if to punctuate his statement, but his round, amber eyes seemed too sad and tired to be too angry.

"That’s why I do what I can; I respect myself and the people. I help these people because I don't want to see or hear what the soldiers do; what they are doing to the Iraqi people."

Are you out there
Are you there
Are you there
Are you there
If so where are you hiding?
I'm having trouble finding you

With that said, Max, Liz and Alex continued onwards so as to register with the U.S. Consul, something all Americans were supposed to do when they came to Iraq. There were portraits of Bush, Cheney and Powell on the wall behind the front deskman. Alex and Liz filled out their respective forms with some real and feigned confusion. All the while they listened in on an interesting conversation happening in the corner of the room.

The head of the U.S. consul was talking with two military officers. Crime was going to prevent economic growth in Iraq, one said. All it would take was for one foreign businessman to be kidnapped for ransom to scare people from investing, to seriously stunt economic development and reconstruction. Kidnapping had been a problem in Iraq since the end of the war.

The woman and the two officers were agreeing that their offices weren't coordinated well enough, and that the soldiers in the field seeing and hearing about the crimes needed to be reported better.

Oh me, oh my
Oh me, me, me, me oh my
Oh when I look
When I look at my life
Oh me, oh my
When I look at my life

"They focus on the stupid stuff," the woman said. The head of the consul said she'd worked in Kuwait, Israel and Rwanda. The officers told her they were headed out tomorrow for Tanzania; their next assignment.

"Really," she said, leaning over her desk. "I was actually checking out Tanzania as a potential onward assignment."

She told them that she'd been in Iraq working for a year. She went on to tell them that it had been great talking, communicating with them, a relief really.

"We need this kind of continuity," she said. "A lot more of it."

One of the men asked her who exactly she answered to at the end of the day.

"I work for Bremer, who works for Rumsfeld, who works for Bush." Alex and Liz half-finished their forms at this point. The man behind the desk stopped them midway through. He suddenly interrupted them and asked to make a copy of the business card of their hotel.

"Great, now we know where to find you when we need to," he said.

Oh God
Are you there
Are you there
Are you there
No, yeah

Somehow his words didn't sound so reassuring. The officer continued to look over their forms before nodding in acceptance. He looked up and stared at the three. He noticed their interest in their surroundings.

"Some things are private. That's just the way they are. I don't go asking about your gay brother or you're mother with ovarian cancer, and you don't go asking about mine. Some things we got to keep to ourselves. Understand?" He rocked in his chair the way he probably had for weeks, months--a quiet assignment, but boring as all hell.

God
Are you there
Are you there
Are you there
No

Finally they filled out their registration form, something that showed they were in the country working as aide workers. When Alex asked about a badge, the Oklahoma officer laughed and replied by saying there was no official badge.

"If you got into the building today, then you're fine," he said. "You can come to as many briefings as you'd like."

The officer gave them a good smile and a half-wave and added, "Welcome to Baghdad."

Are you out there
Are you there
Are you out there yeah yeah
Are you out there yeah yeah
Are you out there hmm
Are you out there
Are you out there

[obviouslyoksana]

Chapter 5: Come Here Boy

I've now been in Baghdad for three months, and have finally managed to get the time to write a real journal entry. My good intentions of daily journal entries were destroyed immediately as I spent my first few weeks rushing from meeting to meeting, pouring over mountains of reports and websites, and yet going home late every night with a distinct feeling of not having grasped a single coherent thought about life in Iraq.

It’s exhausting to be here, physically and mentally. Even sleep is no release when you find it, and most of the time the heat doesn’t allow it anyway. With its frantic Lariam-induced dreams of missed airplanes, expired visas and urgent telephone calls, it doesn’t really offer much more respite than another long night hunched over the dimly-lit laptop, or, alternatively, over a bottle of dodgy whiskey with equally dodgy fellow aid workers.

After a week, I was ready to panic about all the things I still didn’t know or understand. Luckily I had Alex with me. I have to admit, at first I was a complete mess. After what happened with Kyle I was unable to function normally. But with Alex’s help and friendship I have slowly worked through some of my issues.

At first Kyle continued to bug me. He mailed me letters all the time. He tried to contact me via the main office, which was bombed shortly after I arrived. That did not help matters. For a while he was considering hopping a plane and coming over here, that is, until he found out that it would do no good, and he could possibly die trying to get here.

Surprisingly, Doug has also been a big help. At first I thought he was a sleaze bag who just wanted one thing. And he is. But once he learned what had occurred between me and my ex, he quickly changed. Now he is like a big brother. A very over-protective big brother. He has also helped in my acclimation to Iraq.

Three months on, I am calmer. Not that I suddenly get it – I’ve just realized that no one else here seems to have much of a clue as to what is going on either. Though Max and Doug sure do put on a good act of knowing.

Not that you would guess from talking to people of course. I have quickly learned to become very skeptical of anyone who sounds too confident or opinionated…most of the time, they are the ones who have spent the least time outside of their air conditioned offices, except for the time they spend talking themselves up to other aid workers at the all-important inter-agency meetings of course.

Still, I miss home. I miss Maria. And my parents.

There is a misconception among my friends and family back home that aid work is all about high-powered action and life or death experiences, but in reality, much of my job is made up of 'hurry up and wait' moments. Late nights behind the computer and in meetings are just as common as long waits for that airplane, that WFP helicopter, or that road from hell to just please be over with.

The one redeeming part of the bumpy treks in the 4WDs are the drivers, who scandalous gossip would put Maria to shame. They know everything and everyone, and rarely run out of weird and wonderful stories. As a woman, I’m told I miss some of the more raunchy ones but even the tame versions are enough to cheer up another long drive through dusty Baghdad.

Today, the driver told Max, Alex and I he had heard about a shooting within the city. A man was trying to rob another man’s home a few nights ago when he suddenly heard a noise on the other side of the property and promptly shot someone he believed to be the owner. The other guy, as it turns out, was also a thief trying to commit the same robbery - so he shot back.

Even though I fail to confirm whether it was really a house the robbers were after or if anyone was actually killed in the shoot-out, I can't seem to stop laughing.

More and more, I find myself giggling even when the stories are told in Arabic and I barely catch a word. It's just impossible NOT to join in when there are two or three people around you just pissing themselves with laughter.

It's a beautiful habit: freely and genuinely laughing at something that you don't really understand, or that isn't really that funny. Why not, I suppose…

The pen in Liz’s hand slowed as she heard footsteps behind her. She closed her journal and turned her head just as Max came and sat down beside her. He placed two bottles of beer on the table in between the two of them.

It’s dark in here
Visions are flashing into my head
As I reminisce
My reoccurring dreams and you said

“Hey.” His husky voice caused Liz to shiver as her eyes roamed over his form. While she was still hurt by Kyle’s actions and had sworn off men, she could not deny her attraction to her coworker. Nor could she deny that he seemed just as interested in her.

It was dusk and the sun was setting before them. The blanket of the Baghdad desert stretched beyond their field of vision, disappearing along with the sun. Waves of heat were still visible as it was close to 105 degrees even though it was after 7PM.

I'm falling, falling for you babe,
And my feelings are gettin stronger,
So why don’t you stay with me for a
For a little longer

A blush crept up Liz’s face, tinting her cheeks a lovely shade of pink as she saw Max give her a once over before grabbing his beer and taking a quick swig. After he set his beer down he scratched his ear; it was a habit he seemed to do whenever he was nervous.

“You done for the night?” Liz finally asked. She too grabbed her beer and took a sip. Despite not liking the taste of beer, Liz had found she had acquired a taste for the beverage after only a few weeks on the job.

Max nodded. “Yeah. Long day; even longer tomorrow.”

Liz knew what he was talking about. That morning one of the staff from Iraq had informed them that Iraq had finally brought in the new army recruits. Within that army was one man whom the staff had known; the recruit had raped and killed the man’s sister.

Despite having worked out in the field before, the real face of conflict surprised Liz, reminding her how ugly and frightening things could be sometimes.

Later on, after speaking with another office, the team found out that the army recruitment drives in Baghdad were basically a way of integrating the people responsible for Baghdad’s rapes and murders into official military ranks. This irked Liz to no end, especially when she would see the displaced women who had to walk through town to get water or food and had to literally be forced to stare their rapists in the eye. Even the children recognized those who butchered their families.

The towns people continued to hiss verbal abuse at the newly appointed military men. The only thing that had really changed in the eyes of the victims was that their killers had now been properly armed and uniformed. It was no wonder everyone was so terrified.

Turning to look at one another, both Max and Liz blushed as their eyes met each other.

Come here boy,
Oh come here boy,
Come here boy
Oh come here boy

While Max would not admit it aloud, he really did like Liz. She was beautiful, intelligent, smart, and extremely caring. At first sight he had been taken, but at first, Liz had been very closed lip. She barely said three words to him. But as time wore on she seemed to come out of her shell.

Then Max had learned about the disaster that had taken place in her life back in New Mexico with her now ex-boyfriend. Few details came out, still, Max didn’t blame Liz for being so introverted. He did however hate how much Doug seemed to dote over her. And as much as Max hated to label it as jealousy, it was just that.

Every night he would have to listen as Doug would tell him how he and Liz had shared one intimate moment after another. Of course now Max knew that Doug had been bullshitting him the entire time; he had simply been trying to rile Max up as he had seen the way Max had been looking at the new aide worker and wanted to get a rise out of him.

I know that my face
Is only too familiar to your sleep
I can see it in your eyes
I can tell by your body heat

But now they were friends. Which was fine, Max guessed. Sure he would love it if she wanted to go out on a date, but he didn’t dare ask her out. He knew she couldn’t possibly be ready. Could she?

God knew he was. Okay, so maybe a date wasn’t all he wanted.

Max couldn’t even count how many nights he had awoken from heated dreams that stared a certain brunette aide worker. On more than one occasion he had had to go and take a cold shower so as to relieve his ache.

But as much as he wanted her, Max refused to take advantage of Liz. He respected her.

Why are you taking so long
You need to come and find me, honey
To set your mind at rest
And let your dreams run free.

“You have this coming weekend off, right?” Max shook himself from his thoughts as he heard Liz ask him a question. Once again he found himself turning a bright red as his thoughts washed through him. But he quickly composed himself.

“Yeah. It should be nice; I was thinking of going into town and trying to catch up on things. And I was hoping to send my family some letters,” Max responded after a moment.

“Oh,” Liz sighed dejectedly. She had the weekend off as well and she had been hoping Max would be around to keep her company as Alex and Doug had to work.

You know, I’m no stranger in your dreams
I'm craving I’m howling I’m begging and pleading
Be mine tonight

“Wait, don’t you have the weekend off too?” Max asked as he thought back to the calendar he had stared at during his break. He had noticed all to keenly that he and Liz were on almost the same schedule. To any other onlooker it would seem like nothing too uncommon, but Max knew Doug had changed everyone’s schedule just so it was the way it currently was. Max made a mental note to thank Doug later on.

“Yeah,” Liz nodded. “I figure I’ll just hang out here and be lazy for once…”

“You could come with me, if you want,” Max offered, on a whim. After he had seen the schedule he had thought about asking Liz to see a movie or grab some dinner one night, but he chickened out. But now that she mentioned it and after he heard the disappointment in her voice he knew that she was eager to not be alone.

“Are you sure?” Liz asked, unsure if Max was just being nice or if he really wanted her to come with him.

“Of course! We could grab some dinner, maybe see a movie, you know…”

Oh and I’m waiting I’m dying, I’m wanting and needing
To show you a night

“Like a date?” Liz asked. A smile crept up her lips at the thought. But Max missed it as he suddenly looked down, nervous by inquiry.

“Well, I mean, it doesn’t have to be a date, but…”

“I’d love to,” Liz said, effectively interrupting his rambling. Max immediately shut up and his head shot up. His eyes locked with hers and he smiled at what he saw. They both reached for their beer, but missed and instead their hands found one another’s. Instinctively, Max’s larger hand curled around her smaller one, incasing it within his. When she didn’t immediately pull away, Max smiled even broader.

“Me too,” Max whispered, as he stared at their joined hands.

They remained that way for the remainder of the night as they watched the sun set before them, slowly sinking below the desert horizon.

Where I'll be touching and holding caressing and giving you
Your every fantasy
I'll get you dreaming and lusting burning and praying
For more of this ecstasy.

[obviouslyoksana]

Chapter 6

It’s that time. I get my first real trip to the big city—I’m off to Amman for a few days; land of inflated rental prices and overpriced Pringles. Or so Max says. But the thought of air-conditioning makes me swoon. Max said that there would be some good embassy parties and that the Swiss chocolate was to die for.

Ah, civilization.

More than anything I am actually looking forward to my date with Max. He insists that it is a surprise, but I am sure once we are in Amman I will be able to figure it out. After all, there isn’t much we can do.

A metropolis maybe, but glamorous it is not. At the Amman airport, it seems there is never anyone who bothers to clear away the wreckage of past plane crashes. As we land today, we glide over the crushed body of a wreck that crashed earlier this month—an aborted take-off that killed somewhere between 5 and 18 people depending on who you ask. I suppose it’s an improvement over the Baghdad airport where about three different wrecks are scattered along the sides of the runway, not exactly a reassuring sigh for a nervous flyer.

The heat wave when you step off the plane is a bit like a slow, wet slap across the face.

As soon as we got off the plane Max turned and simply stated that it was “Time to hit the parties.”

Being surrounded by other air workers does give you a certain sense of camaraderie, but just in case Big Brother left any doubts in your mind as to whether or not people who spend 24 hours a day together go completely nuts, and aid agency guest house here in Amman will confirm it.

Even the most reserved and docile colleagues have somehow turned into sexual predators: sex is on everyone’s mind, particularly on those eagerly awaited Thursday nights where home-made “Juice” quickly rids people of even their final inhibitions.

With her hand firmly encased within his own larger hand, Max led Liz through the throng of aid workers. Music pulsed loudly as bodies gyrated and grinded against each other. But Max kept Liz close, refusing to let anyone else grind up against her.

The only person who would be grinding against her in any way would be him, or so he hoped.

Like everyone else, Max normally joined in the hunt for fresh flesh.

Whenever he would get to Amman, and more importantly, the parties, he would eagerly scan each new face for some semblance of sexual chemistry. He would rejoice in ecstasy anytime he would find his stomach doing little flip-flops along the ‘yes, you’ll do just fine’ line. Of course, half of the time the stomach-churning was simply indigestion, but it was always exciting.

But this time he had already found his fresh new face.

As had every other male at the party.

Liz could feel the hungry gazes of numerous members of the opposite sex and she was glad that Max was with her to help thwart some of the advances she knew would come had she been alone. She pushed herself closer to him, if that was even possible, causing her to miss the smile that spread across his face at the feel of her tiny body pressed against his.

Wrapping his arm around her, Max guided her body so she was now standing in front of him. He kept his arm out in front to push through the people, but he could tell that she was uncomfortable.

“Do you want a drink?” His deep, husky voice brushed over her as he whispered in her ear. Liz felt her knees weaken as he remained close, his breath teasing her senses.

She nodded, suddenly unable to find her voice. She watched as he motioned towards one of the people in front of her and the next thing she knew two large glasses were shoved in their general direction.

Max gulped it down quickly, desperately wanting to feel the effects of the alcohol, if only to loosen him up enough to get the courage to finally really talk to Liz.

Sure they talked, but they always stayed safe and remained on subjects that never led to anything but silence.

And right now, Max wanted to know Liz Parker. What made her brain tick? What made her body tremble?

Liz Parker was not a big drinker. She could probably count on one hand how many times she had drank anything alcoholic. However, for some reason, on this night, something strong sounded like a great idea. After everything she had experienced over the last few weeks—after everything she had seen—she needed to feel normal. She needed to pretend that she hadn’t left her friends and family to go to a war torn country where she saw more death in a day then most people saw in a lifetime.

Taking a cue from Max, Liz took a sip of the beverage. Her lips puckered slightly at the overly alcoholic and offending taste.

Another sip and suddenly it didn’t taste so bad.

Twenty minutes later found Max and Liz on the make-shift dance floor, all inhibitions lost.

His arms protectively wrapped around her so none of the other males would get any ideas of trying to sneak in. Max groaned as he felt Liz’s ass press tightly to his groin before she descended down, her body trailing seductively down his. On her return upwards she turned in his arms and looked up at him, her eyes hooded and dark.

He watched as she licked her lips; her plump, red, very kissable lips.

God he needed another drink.

And it seemed like Liz felt much the same way. Grabbing his hand, Liz led them back towards the “bartender” and motioned for two more glasses.

This was great, Liz thought as she took a large swig of her beverage before turning and gazing hungrily at Max. Here she was, half way around the world with the sexiest man she had ever met, drunk, and dancing with said man. Could life get any better?

Well…

Liz didn’t get to continue that thought as she felt Max suddenly pull her in another direction.

Max suddenly wondered if bringing Liz to the party was such a good idea. She was beyond drunk, something that did not surprise Max in the least. Despite the fact that she had only had one and a half glasses, the locale “juice” was extremely strong. Even he had a good buzz going.

Going being the operative word.

“Where are we going?” Liz purred in his ear as she clung to his back, her hands wandering about his body. “I want to dance more.”

A grin spread over his face and his cheeks turned a fiery red as images of him and Liz dancing formed in his mind.

Shaking the thoughts from his head, Max continued towards the back door. He needed to get Liz out of here.

The hot air outside did little squelch the need coursing through Max. He was painfully hard and he had hoped that the cold air outside would help to cool him down as well.

Unfortunately they were in the middle of a desert.

“Maxxxx…” Liz drawled seductively. Her hand had found its way back to his abdomen while her eyes hungrily devoured him. Her tiny fingers danced over him as he let his head hit the wall behind him, silently groaning.

Originally he had thought that the party would be a great idea. He and Liz could loosen up, dance a little, maybe grab something to eat and then head back and finally talk. But now, Max could easily tell that Liz had other things on her mind.

Not that he would object, under normal circumstances. Sadly, she had just gotten out of a shitty relationship with a douche bag who really messed her up. And the last thing Max wanted was to be her rebound.

He refused to let anything happen in her current state, no matter how badly she might want something to take place—no matter how badly he wanted something to happen. She was drunk and he did not want her waking up regretting anything she might have done.

“Liz, we sh…” Her finger against his lips silenced him. She knew she was drunk and she could feel the fogginess clouding her mind, but that didn’t stop her one little bit. Nervously, Liz chewed at her bottom lip as she contemplated everything she wanted to do to the deliciously sexy man in front of her.

“You’re right Max, we should…” Liz whispered as her finger continued to trace his lips. Her finger moved its way down his body and stopped at the belt loops on his jeans. Using him to balance herself, she leaned up on her tiptoes and gently nipped at his lips. Max groaned in response, his arms coming up to steady her, as well as to bring her closer.

He felt tongue peak out and sneak a taste of him, and that was all the encouragement he needed.

While he was a responsible, grown man, he was also a man.

Switching positions and wanting some leverage, he pushed Liz forward against the wall as his lisps descended down on hers. She let out a small squeal which was drowned by his kisses; she barely had time to lift her arms to brace herself against him, and prevent her head from hitting the wall behind her. His fingers dug into Liz’s hips as he pulled himself into her, enjoying the feeling of her body against his.

It was a deliciously naïve kiss – all tongues and no subtlety – but it was terrifically erotic. Her lips were warm and wet and she still had the taste of her lip gloss that made her kiss taste like artificial strawberry-flavoring. Max instinctively ran his hands through her hair and down her back as they continued to kiss.

Knowing they couldn’t continue on this way here, Max pulled away, his eyes searching hers before glancing down at her puffy lips. The idea that he had made her so dazed and ravished filled Max with a sense of pride. He watched as her tongue darted out as she licked her lips causing Max to close his eyes and try to remember why he had pulled away from her in the first place.

He felt her lips on him again, only this time she nipped at his chin, then lower. He hissed as her tongue swirled over his neck. His blood felt like it was ready to boil over. His hands moved on their own accord. They were everywhere, searing into her, burning a trail of heat wherever they went.

The lights of a large tank passing by caused Max to suddenly pull away.

“Liz…”

Liz shivered at the sound of his husky voice. She was glad it was dark out otherwise she was positive that Max would see just how turned on she was right now. Their eyes met once again. She could smell his cologne as she pressed herself as close as possible to him. She could feel herself being drawn into him and she couldn’t help but wonder if this was normal.

Nothing made any sense to her.

After what seemed like forever, Max pulled away just enough. His mouth hovered over hers. He let her body slide down the wall, his hands remaining at her side the entire time, ensuring she would remain standing.

“Let’s go,” Max finally whispered. He had waited until the tank had passed before deciding to make a move.

[obviouslyoksana]

Chapter 7

They walked back to their hotel in total silence. It wasn’t necessarily an awkward silence, rather a silence whispering of what was in store. Still thinking with his lower anatomy, Max could already imagine their bodies entwining at his place, on his bed, or wherever they decided to venture to.

As soon as they arrived at the hotel they made their way up to Max’s room. The décor was very minimalistic: a bed, a desk, a chair, and not much else. Max offered Liz his bathroom, and some clothes, so that she could change out of her dirty and sweaty clothes into something clean. He also wanted the time to clear his mind and hopefully think of a way to get Liz to calm down a little and rethink things.

Inside the bathroom Liz peeled her clothes of her body, her hands dancing over her skin, relishing in the feel. Her senses seemed to be heightened and she enjoyed the feel of her fingertips on her body.

When was the last time she had been touched?

Remembering why she was here in the first place, Liz turned to put on the clothes Max had given her when she spotted a large robe hanging from a hook on the door. Smiling to herself, Liz draped the robe over her tiny frame. It swallowed her whole, but it smelled like Max. And, while she was positive that it was the alcohol getting the better of her, the thought that she was completely naked under the robe made her feel very sexy.

Liz walked out to find Max dressed in a pair of boxers and a loose shirt that revealed his chest.

He had grabbed two bottle of water and had turned on the radio to some more soothing music. He was trying to keep things low key. He didn’t want Liz to get the wrong idea, though Max wasn’t sure if he knew what that idea was.

Taking a seat on the bed, the two stared at one another, unable to tear their gazes away.

Feeling a little daring, Liz suddenly pressed her lips to his. Max was taken aback but reacted quickly. Their tongues dueled as he pulled her into his lap, enjoying the feeling of having her so close.

Liz relished in the feel of Max’s hands on her body. She moaned in pleasure as she felt his strong hands grabbing at her small but supple breasts, her round but firm ass and virtually anything else he could reach. The robe fell from her shoulders and her body shivered as the cool, air-conditioned air hit her skin. But she didn’t move to fix it. Instead she ground herself harder against Max, basking in the knowledge that the large bulge in his boxers was because of her.

Max knew this was wrong. He knew he shouldn’t have had so much to drink. And he knew that Liz would regret this in the morning, but he couldn’t stop himself. He felt her
pull back slightly as his hand moved towards her breast again. He reverently whispered how beautiful she was as he moved in to kiss her again, but something stopped him.

“Kyle…”

At least, he hadn’t thought he could stop himself. The whisper of another man’s name caused Max to rear back from Liz, his dazed eyes searching hers.

She wouldn’t look him in the eye. He could make out the tears starting to swell in her eyes. She burst out crying a moment later, her body wracked by her sobs.

Without even thinking Max crushed her to him. His hands buried into her hair as he tried to soothe and console her.

“Shhh,” Max whispered as he ran a hand up and down her back. He didn’t know what had happened, what had caused the sudden change in her, but he knew that it was something major.

He continued to hold her. While it hurt him that she had said another man’s name, Max also knew that something else was going on in her mind. Something had caused her to change moods so suddenly. The alcohol in her system undoubtedly did not help the situation.

They remained silent for awhile afterwards, except for the sound of Liz’s sobs.

So Max was surprised when Liz suddenly started talking. Her voice was soft and he could still make out the sound of an occasional sob.

“Why didn’t he love me?” Liz’s voice cracked as she started to breakdown all over again. “I loved him for so long; I turned down so many offers just so I could be with him, and in return he cheated on me!”

And here it was. Max sighed as he pulled Liz in closer.

He had heard through the grapevine that Liz had gone through a bad breakup before coming here. And even Liz had admitted that she and her boyfriend had broken up on very bad terms, but she had never been specific. While he didn’t know the details, the rumors around camp had been enough to give him a heads up.

However he had not expected this.

He knew the only reason she was even saying anything was because she was still pretty drunk. Obviously he had said or done something to remind her of her ex which had caused her to go over the edge. And while Max felt bad about causing her any pain, he also felt a rage start to build within him at the thought that someone had intentionally hurt her.

The thought that her boyfriend would cheat on her completely baffled Max. Why would anyone want to cheat on someone they supposedly loved? You don’t hurt the ones you love, at least not on purpose.

But Max kept himself in check. Liz did not need to deal with his angry thoughts as well as her own problems.

Unfortunately Max also knew that there was nothing he could say or do to make Liz feel better. The best thing was to just let her talk her peace, get her to go to sleep, and hopefully in the morning she would feel a little better. Hung over, but better.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“So I was like, no you didn’t, and he was like, yes you did, and I was like…”

“Alex!” Doug blurted out suddenly, pulling Alex from his long winded and over drawn story about… whatever. At this point he couldn’t even remember what the original point of the story was.

He enjoyed the young man’s enthusiasm and he definitely had a sense of humor that was always able to put a smile on his face, but sometimes Doug just wished that Alex would reel himself in a little.

“Sorry.”

Returning to their perspective jobs, the two worked in relative silence.

Dave had a lot on his mind. He had just received word from higher ups that things were about to get very crowded and tricky.

The big news in the camp was that their sister camp out to the north was bursting at the seams with hundreds of thousands of displaced families squashed into a long, narrow strip of land that ran about 7kms alongside the northern border. Previous head counts placed the numbers somewhere around 100,000 living there, but re-re-registration were claiming there were over a quarter of a million souls in there.

Due to the overcrowding, at least 25,000 of those living there were supposed to move. There was no doubt that the camp was too full. However everyone knew the real reason for the relocation: the Iraqi and American governments wanted to break up the monster camp and intimidate its inhabitants whom they suspect of sheltering anti-government rebels in its midst.

The only problem was that no one was willing to leave the relatively safety-in-numbers of the camp and start walking the few kilometers down the road to the new camp. Aid workers who had walked around the camp to explain the option of the move received a mixed response of outrage and complete and utter disbelief. There was also a lot of threatening words exchanged as the people of the land refused to cave in to their whims.

Unfortunately, the worries about insecurity at their site were not a figment of the overactive imagination. While Doug would admit that their camp was relatively safe, they were also right on the border of two warring sites and a multitude of rebels seemed to remain in the area. Aid workers prepping the area for the expected relocation have had guns pointed at their heads, while some of the local laborers digging latrines and boreholes had been killed, robbed and beaten on their way out there.

To make matters worse, the government recently announced that they will bulldoze down the entire camp in seven days if no one began to relocate.

Doug knew that things could easily get very messy if something didn’t happen soon. The only problem was that he didn’t know what to do.

He really needed Max here.

A smile lit his face as he thought about his friend and co-worker.

He and Max had discussed at length what he and Liz could do while they had their time off. And Doug really hoped that he and Liz had hit it off, he knew that Max deserved her. Besides, they seemed happy enough around each other, and Max certainly did know how to make their girl smile.

Hopefully their weekend away was proving to be fun!

[obviouslyoksana]

Chapter 8

Max opened his eyes slowly taking in his surroundings. His head throbbed slightly and once again he found himself cursing that damn “juice.”

It took him a moment to recognize that he was on his bed in his hotel room. The room was dark due to the curtains that were drawn in the corner. Not that there was much to see, just more misery and despair.

His attention was grabbed when he felt the shift of the slight weight that was sprawled on top of him. Memories from the night before flooded his mind. He groaned as he remembered how he had acted, worse yet, what they had almost done.

Luckily Liz was still asleep. Her head rested on his chest and she clung to him as though she were afraid he would leave. She looked so peaceful and serene, which Max was thankful for. After her confession last night, Max could only imagine how torn apart she really was.

The shrill sound of the phone on the nightstand caused Max to jump slightly. He quickly grabbed the offending object, hoping to not disturb Liz. The slight movement caused Liz to frown. She moved about in her sleep, cuddling closer to Max, if that was even possible. Max remained motionless and silent.

“Hello?” He heard the masculine voice through the line, but he waited until he was sure that she was still asleep before bringing the receiver to his ear.

“Hello?” Max answered.

“Max, son, how are you?”

“Hey dad!” Max kept his voice low, hoping to not wake Liz.

“How the hell are you?” Phillip Evans’ awaited his sons answer eagerly. He hadn’t heard from him in quite some time and he was starting to worry.

“Oh, you know, fine,” Max brushed the question off with a standard answer. How could he possible answer that question truthfully? His father had never understood why his Max had decided to waste all his years of medical school to go and work for some nonprofit group that constantly put him in danger. So Max tried to keep their conversations as neutral as possible. “How about you?”

“The usual. Stressed… fried.” Phillip groaned loudly as he thought about his law firm. “The partners have been down my back to bring in some fresh blood and expand on what we have, but I…”

“That’s great dad, but can I call you later?” It wasn’t that Max didn’t want to hear about his father’s problems, it was just that now was not a good time. Liz was starting to stir and the hustle and bustle of outside was sure to wake her at any moment. He didn’t want to be having another conversation with his father about whatever issues were suddenly coming to play.

“Sure, of course… take care of yourself… and call us back, your mother misses you. She wants to know when you are coming home for a visit… we haven’t seen you in over a year, and…”

“Bye, dad,” Max stated curtly before hanging up the phone. Freeing a hand from around Liz’s waist, Max pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed deeply as he contemplated his father’s words.

He loved his parents, he really did, but sometimes they could be overbearing. Besides, glancing down at Liz, going home right now was not an option.

“You could have talked to him longer,” Liz whispered.

Max looked down at Liz; she was looking right back up at him. She smiled shyly causing him to smile as well.

“I didn’t want to… I had more pressing matters to take care of,” Max said pointedly. “I didn’t know you were awake.”

Liz didn’t know what to say. Instead she sat up and ran her fingers through her hair, hoping to look somewhat presentable. She looked down at herself and blushed as she took in the fact that she was wearing nothing but a large white bathrobe. She pulled at the collar, shielding her body from Max’s hungry gaze.

“I, uh… I should probably head to my room. I need to take a shower… and, um… yeah,” Liz mumbled as she started getting up. But Max wasn’t going to let her off that easy.

“Hey, Liz, about last night…”

“No, Max…” Liz fought for the right words to say. Her memory fumbled with what had happened the night before. She had a good idea and she did not want Max thinking that she was normally that way. “I’m sorry… I just, I think the alcohol got to me.”

“Liz, it’s okay, really.”

“No, Max, it isn’t!” Liz cried out. She turned from him, refusing to let him see her cry yet again. “Look, it was a weak moment. No one was supposed to see it.”

Max couldn’t believe what she was saying. Here she had been through a very rough ordeal and obviously needed someone to talk to, to work through her problems, and she was insisting that it was just a weak moment.

Liz knew that she should say something else, but she wasn’t quite sure what. What could she possibly say to the man whom she had literally attacked in her lust filled alcoholic induced daze, only then to break down in his arms.

“You know, if you ever need to talk…” Max started only to have her interrupt him.

“Everyone’s got their own burdens, Max, and I’m not going to be one of those people who dumps mine on somebody else.” She moved toward the bathroom and started to collect her belongings.

Max stared after her, completely baffled by her statement. Did she really feel that way? Had this Kyle guy really messed her up so badly that she didn’t believe that she was worth bothering other people with her problems? He wanted her to burden him.

Max nearly choked on the breath he took as that last thought hit him.

He wanted her to burden him.

He had never felt that way about anyone before.

Getting up from the bed, Max wandered over to the bathroom and watched as Liz fixed her hair into a tight ponytail. Her clothes lay at her side. He could see that she was unsure of what to do about what she was currently wearing.

Coming up behind her, Max wrapped the robe tightly around her, ensuring she was comfortable and completely covered. He reached around and caressed his hand along her cheek, loving the feel of her soft skin against his. “You know, I remember something about us having a date tonight,” Max said as he looked down at her, his gaze reverent.

Liz smiled at how sweet he was. While she was still mortified by her earlier actions she also could not ignore her feelings completely.

“Yeah… you did promise me a good time,” Liz whispered, her eyes closing as he continued to touch her. She could feel his breath on her face as he leaned down to kiss her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Mom, Dad, and Maria,
Well, what can I say, I’m still in Baghdad. It’s been almost four months now and I still feel like I have yet to accomplish anything. Though, there has been plenty of excitement.

While in town I was reading in the local newspaper that the rebels attacked a UN cargo plane down near the Southern border earlier this week. With a bomb. Rebels were shooting at the plane, the article claimed. So they were shooting at the plane… with a bomb…?

I know that I should stop marveling at how nothing makes much sense here, but somehow I can’t. People still give me weird looks when I ask for clarification, or anything along the lines of who, what and when for that matter. There are no facts, only points of view.

Right now I am in Amman with one of my co-workers, Max. He is a doctor and from California. He is 27 years old and he, Alex, Doug and I have fast become friend. He and Doug are our supervisors and have been showing Alex and I the ropes.

Recently I have started working on my Arabic, but the locals keep laughing at me…

Max and I had gone to get lunch at a little sandwich stand and the whole time I was mentally preparing myself to place an order for a tuna sandwich, complete with greetings, pleases and thank yous. I was concentrating so hard that I let way too many people barge ahead of us, and once I was finally able to make myself heard with some garbled version of what I meant to be saying I was more or less ignored.

This of course caused Max to laugh. He has been here for so long that he of course has the language down and he took pity on me. He offered to order for us, so I told him what I wanted. He barked out something that sounded suspiciously like “tuna sandwich” to the guy behind the counter, so I told him that I was perfectly capable of ordering in English by myself.

This made him laugh some more.

He then went on to tell me that in this case the words happened to be the same as in English, but I still wouldn’t know how to order the right way. This of course infuriated me, so he told me to try it myself and to order him the same thing. Thinking I had the upper hand, I told the man behind the counter “etnein sandwich,” or two sandwiches, which provoked Max to laugh even harder. He then informed me that I did not have to say two, instead I had to say sandwich-ein as that was the plural form.

Not to be outsmarted I asked him what I would do if I had wanted three sandwiches as that was a plural too. How would the man know that I wanted two or three sandwiches?

I got another round of laughter as he informed me that I would then say sandwich-at, which is the plural for something you want three of.

What about four or five, I asked. To which he told me that I would then use the plural for things that I wanted more than three of. Unless of course I wanted more than ten things, in which case I would just go back to the singular.

At this point I didn’t know if he was serious or just making fun of me. Unfortunately the laughter from others told me enough. That’s really how it works in Arabic. So I told Max that I would get it right tomorrow to which he laughed yet again.

In the end, I’m not sure who I was really trying to convince more, me or him.

Nancy, Jeff and Maria laughed jovially as they read Liz’s letter aloud.

They could all just imagine how frustrated Liz was getting being unable to catch onto something as quickly as she normally did. It also amused them to hear about her lighter times in Iraq. It was good to know that while she was certainly facing some very trying time, she also had good friends who seemed to be helping her adjust to her new home.

“Have you heard from her?” Maria asked softly as she fingered her friend’s letter. She really missed her and hoped that she would come back soon.

“Once… we used to get e-mails, but ever since the communication building was bombed she hasn’t had as much access,” Nancy informed Maria sadly. “And, from what I’ve read, the government has really cut down on open media access, which would also explain why she hasn’t been able to get a hold of us while out in the field.”

“Dr. Seligman said that she has a month leave coming up… but neither she nor Alex had booked their trip home.” Nancy looked worriedly at Jeff wondering how to take that bit of news. They had really hoped that they would get to see their daughter sooner rather than later, or never again.

“I’m sure she’s just busy…”