Thanks for your patience.
Hugs,
Tanya
Chapter Eleven
Secrets Aren’t Forever
1 Week Later
Liz jumped at the sound of the knock at her door. She knew it was Serena, because even if she hadn’t called her best friend to come over, she sure as hell knew it wasn’t going to be Max. Still, she looked through the peep hole before unlocking the door and letting her friend in.
Serena burst through the door, “What happened? This had better be an emergency. I love you but…”
“I’m late.” Liz blurted out because she couldn’t hold it back any longer.
Serena’s tirade about leaving her husband in bed died and silence filled the room. Only the sound of the slink of the door behind her being shut, well that and the sound of her heart thrumming in her chest could be heard.
Obviously, she’d heard wrong.
“Liz, explain what you mean by late.” Serena looked at her friend, saw the tears swimming in her eyes and knew. She just knew.
“I don’t know if I’m pregnant or not, I just know I’m late.” Liz walked past her and slumped onto her couch.
Serena pushed her hair back, pulled on the elastic from around her wrist and twisted it in her hair. This was serious…not bad, just serious. Because if Liz was pregnant and she and Max weren’t talking how in the hell was that going to ever work? Biting the inside of her lip she tried to hide the excitement that if it were true, Max would be so damn happy about it Liz wouldn’t be able to walk away and push it under her proverbial rug.
“Start at the beginning. You and Max used protection right?” Liz didn’t respond. Serena asked again.
“Well hell. So there is a good chance that you are.” Serena paced, and paced some more.
Finally Liz said, “I’m on the pill. I never forget to take it.”
Serena nodded, stopped in front of her friend and kneeled down. Taking Liz’s hand in her own, she smiled reassuringly. “Okay, well chances are then that you’re not. You have been stressed lately and that is definitely a cause of lateness.” Liz nodded again but she couldn’t stop the tears from leaking out of the corner of her eyes.
Serena rested her hand against Liz’s knee and told her to look at her. “This is going to be okay. I promise. What we need is to get you a test and see what it says. There is no reason to panic before you even take a test. Okay?”
Liz took a deep breath and agreed.
“Where are you going?” Liz asked when Serena stood and grabbed her purse.
“I’m going to get you a test…make that two just in case and then I’ll be back.”
“No!” Serena stopped in her tracks and turned to look over her shoulder.
“Why not?”
Liz wrung her hands together, “because, I’m not ready for the answer.”
Serena sighed and put her purse back down and faced her friend. “Tell me what’s going on.” And the moment Serena thought it, she hoped she was wrong.
“Did you…God…Liz did you sleep with someone else?”
Liz’s eyes grew accusing, “Oh my God! How could you think that? I didn’t sleep with anyone but Max.” Serena waved her hands at her, palms up apologizing.
“I’m sorry. It’s just that I don’t know why you wouldn’t want to know. If you’re not, you’re not. Nothing to worry about.”
“But what if I am? How in the hell am I going to even tell Max. He doesn’t even talk to me anymore.”
Serena mumbled under her breath.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“That was not nothing. If you have something to say, say it.”
Serena looked her friend skeptically. What the hell? Liz would get over it.
“I said: whose fault is it that Max isn’t talking to you?”
“His.” Liz crossed her arms diffidently.
Serena tried to keep an open and calm mind, but the drama of Liz and Max’s complicated relationship could wear on anyone’s nerves. She loved them both, they obviously loved each other, so why couldn’t they just communicate, let of their fear and be together?
She searched for the right words, but honestly what could she say that would sound any better?
“Liz, you need to ask yourself something. I need you to be honest with yourself. I love you so don’t forget that, but I’m a newlywed and I plan on getting right back to my husband. I don’t think you have anything to worry about regarding the pregnancy, but in case in the morning I will be here with breakfast and the test. What I need for you to think about tonight is, what if you keep pushing Max away and one day when you finally decide to own up to your true feelings for him and you’re ready to be with him; he’s already found someone else who isn’t afraid to show him her true feelings? Max might be a man Liz and he’s not all about discussing his feelings, he is a person with a heart that is beyond repute and he deserves to be loved openly. Don’t let your feelings for Max be your biggest secret.”
Liz sat and listened to everything her friend was saying, and while she knew it was true, she wasn’t so sure she was capable of going to Max and telling him how she felt. What if she did and things didn’t work out, she would have lost him. Sure, right now they weren’t on speaking terms, but she knew that was only a temporary setback. Max would forgive her.
What if he doesn’t? her mind nearly shouted at her.
Serena watched the emotions play across her best friends face and knew that Liz wasn’t going to be an easy sell. She was still convinced she would lose Max if she put herself out there. They are wasting so much time, she thought with a heavy heart.
“Liz?”
Distractedly Liz responded.
“I’m going to leave now. I’ll see you in the morning…maybe you want to call Max? Let him know what’s going on with you?” She tried one last time, but Liz wasn’t having it.
“No. I’ll wait until I take the test, then I will take it from there. Thanks Sere.” Liz reached out and pulled her friend into a tight hug.
“Tell that lucky husband of yours that he better appreciate how wonderful you are.”
Serena stood and winked at Liz, “Oh rest assured dear friend, he has no problems telling or showing me exactly how wonderful I am.” Liz laughed out, a genuine laugh and slapped Serena’s arm as she stood to show her friend out.
“Night.”
Liz responded in kind before locking the door and heading to her big lonely bed.
She missed Max. She had to figure out how to fix this…thing between them.
Deciding that a peace offering was necessary, he stopped by Liz’s favorite bakery, grabbed two coffees and made his way to her place. He actually had a smile on his face, things would work out. For the first time in nearly a month, he felt some hope.
Standing in the doorway of the bathroom, Liz felt defeated. This test…it was like a real actual test. This would change her life completely if the answer was positive. She wasn’t sure if the flutter in her belly was from nervousness about a negative…or a positive response.
She just wanted it over.
But she wanted Max back.
Life was so complicated. She wished she were back in high school. That was easier. Everything was so much more complicated the older she got.
“Okay. I’ll have some coffee. Let’s sit outside.” Serena agreed and followed Liz onto the small balcony off the dining room. That was one of the main things Liz loved about Serena’s old place.
It had to be no more than thirty seconds from the time they stepped outside that Liz heard the front door slam. She turned to Serena at the same time her friend looked at her.
“Hello!” Max! Oh my God! Liz scurried back through the sliding door to see Max place a box on the kitchen counter. He smiled up at her, and Serena stumbled into her back, mumbled an apology.
“Hi Max,” Serena said and pushed Liz forward.
“Hi…Sere…Liz. I hope it’s okay I’m here. I come baring pastry.” His smile, wide and perfect, Liz couldn’t tear her eyes from him. It felt like so long since she’d laid eyes on him.
“Hi Max. How…How have you been?” she stuttered and shuffled further into the kitchen. His eyes met hers and she literally got teary eyed. She missed him with an ache she didn’t even know she was capable of.
“I’ve been okay, Liz.” He popped open the box and held out a delicate pastry filled with sweet cream cheese, her favorite. She made it to his side and took a bite from it and smiled.
“Good eh?” he asked and she nodded, reaching for another piece. She took her time with the flaky goodness.
“Max, good to see you. I was beginning to think you forgot where Liz lived.” Cheeky girl, Max thought with a shake of his head.
Speaking of heads… “I didn’t forget. I’ll be right back.” He excused himself and left the girls to their sweets as he made it to the bathroom.
He smiled at the flower print of the shower curtain, and shook his head. This bathroom was just too girly. Pink flowers and ribbons…and…what the hell? He’d zipped himself, flushed the toilet and was washing his hands when he noticed it. It nearly blended with the white of the sink counter top and other feminine products.
Slowly he picked up the purple and white stick, looked down and realized he was holding a damn pregnancy test!
What the hell?
He swung the door open with his other hand and was met with two worried gazes.
“Serena, did you forget something?” he asked with a small smile. He wondered if Jared knew his wife was taking pregnancy tests.
“Uhm…yeah…” Serena looked to Liz who looked completely shocked. But why would Liz be shocked, obviously she knew Sere was taking a test.
He looked from Liz to Serena and then he froze. His eyes narrowed and his eyes met Liz’s and he knew. He just knew.
“It’s yours?” he swallowed hard.
“Max…”
“Mine?” he asked, this time, the prospect that she would say she was taking the test because she was sleeping with someone else caused physical pain to his chest.
“Max…”
His voice even, he said, “Tell me.” She didn’t speak, just looked at Serena and then back at him and nodded.
Without looking at Serena, Max asked her to leave them alone for a little while. Serena, walked to the balcony and closed the glass door behind her.
Max’s gaze never wavered and Liz literally had to mentally tell herself not to run.
“Do you want to see the results? Or do you already know?” he asked, holding the stick out to her. With a shaky hand, she reached for it, but he took it back.
“Do you want to know?”
“Of course, why else would I take it?” she asked, getting a little defensive. Why was he going to torture her?
Max walked around her, took the test and threw it in the trash.
“Max! Why would you do that?”
“Because, I know the answer and I want to know something before I tell you.”
Exasperated and downright nervous at the same time, she waved her hand for him to continue.
“How long did you suspect you were pregnant?”
“Not long. I was late and I thought it was a good idea to take a test. There are lots of reasons for me to be late.”
He seemed to consider her answer and nodded his head. Max crossed his arms over his chest and watched her carefully.
“Aren’t you going to tell me the result?”
“What if it’s yes? Then what?”
“I thought you said you had one question…that’s more than one.”
“I reserve the right to change my mind. Answer me. What if I tell you that you are pregnant?”
Liz sighed and dropped onto the stool at the counter, in front of Max. She honestly didn’t know. She didn’t expect him to be here.
Yet, he waited for her response.
“Okay. Liz. I get it, you didn’t think that far. But then just answer me this. If I didn’t show up here and the test read negative, would you have told me then?”
She answered quickly, without thought, “No.”
Max grew angrier by the second, “I see,” was all he said, before he dropped his arms and walked around the kitchen and out towards the door.
“Hey! Where are you going?” she called after him.
Max didn’t meet her eyes, he reached for the door knob and said, “I’m leaving. I should have stayed gone because it’s pretty fucking obvious that I don’t mean shit to you Liz. The result was negative, by the way. Now you don’t have to worry what you’ll say to me, we can pretend this…like everything else, never happened.”
With that the slam of the door was enough to make her jump out of her skin.
“Oh Liz…what did you do now?” Serena came up behind her, wrapped her arms around her shoulders and hugged her.
Liz sat accepting the condolence, but knew deep down there was no way that Max would ever forgive her for keeping that secret. Whether he found out or not, whether the test was positive or not, he deserved to know. They were friends above all else, isn’t that why she couldn’t let things between them get serious? Isn’t that what she was fighting for? To not lose him?
Suddenly she realized, she had no idea why she pushed him away that morning. Why, when it felt so right. And now…now he’d never trust her.
And that thought was crushing.
TBC…