Rod:
Probably not. But he definitely wouldn’t be okay with that, so yes, that’d be very hypocritical of him.I wonder if it's ever crossed Michael's mind what it would be like if someone treated his little sister the same way he treats women?
Yeah, it really should be a wake-up call to everyone involved. And I agree, when you love someone, you show it by doing the little things like that.Second. ...Michael's inability to fathom why Kyle can spend time just listening to Tess talk, in person or on the phone, for hours is perfect example to me on his immaturity and non love for Isabel. If you love someone like Kyle does Tess than you love doing things with them no matter what it is......talking on the phone. ....or dancing with them at a school dance.
Yeah, he’s not very self-aware, but he definitely tends to do the same things with Maria that Kyle does with Tess.Plus......Michael can't fathom Kyle talking to Tess on the phone or why Isabel wants to do something boring like dancing .BUT......he can sit at the Crashdown or the library for hours doing nothing as long as Maria is there.
Eva:
Yeah, lots of stuff happened in that chapter! The M+M dance scene stands out as one of my favorite scenes from this story, and the scene where Michael tells Maria he loves her is one that I agonized over. I ultimately decided that it seemed in character for him to just say it spontaneously at a moment when he was really feeling it.Whoaw! In so many ways: Maria who came to the dance, the sensual 'dance' between M&M, Jim & Diane and last but surely not least: Maria vocalising her worries and Michael declaring his love for her! What a chapter!
Carolyn:
Michael references his victory of Snowball King quite frequently in this story.And congrats to the Snowball King.....
Sara:
Oh, I think it’s safe to say he genuinely loves her. He’s feeling things for her he’s never felt for anyone. And sure, sex is on his mind—always is—but more than that, he just . . . loves her.And the fact that he told Maria he loves her...I don't think that was just to get her into bed. I think he genuinely loves her....or am I an idiot??
Michael:
I had mixed emotions when I was writing all of this, too. On the one hand, I could feel M&M’s attraction/feelings for each other . . . like feel it in my gut as I was writing it because I got so into it; but on the other hand . . . it’s always this bittersweet thing.I have to say that I should be appalled that Michael and Maria are doing the worst kind of cheating... you know... the Emotional kind... but honestly, I'm not.
Isabel is on a slow downward spiral as long as she’s with Michael. It’s as frustrating as it is unfortunate, so it makes sense that you would stop feeling sorry for her. Yes, she’s constantly lecturing her mother . . . probably because that’s much easier than lecturing herself.Isabel was stupid to take him back and she's even stupider for putting up with this much and all my sympathy for her has run empty a looong time ago... so, I hate to say this but she kind of deserves what she's getting from Michael and I think it's hilarious that she thinks she can lecture her mother about her own behavior when she's in the exact same situation.
Cheating obviously has a huge negative stigma attached to it. Does it make it any better—or worse—if the said cheating also involves falling in love?As for the whole Michael and Maria thing... I don't know what to think I have always thought cheating was cheating no matter how you slice it but even with cheating there is a grey area. I think I wouldn't be so confused if they were just having sex and then developing feelings but there not... there developing feelings way before sex has entered the picture.
Thank you for the feedback! I really appreciate it!
Part 41
Desperate times called for desperate measures. Or, in Maria’s case, perplexing times called for perplexing measures. Her mind lately had been a constant whirlwind, trying to wrap around everything that was happening or had the potential to happen in her life. And Michael’s most recent declaration had only made the whirlwind whirl harder. Since Maria wasn’t sure what to do or even how to figure out what to do, she decided to ask for help. But for some reason, she decided to ask her mother.
“Mom?” she called as she walked into the tiny shop called Amy DeLuca’s Alien Collectibles. “Mom, are you here?” Sure, they by no means had a close relationship, but the woman had given birth to her. At some point, that had to count for something. Besides, it wasn’t like she had anyone else to talk to. The only other people in her life she was super close to were Michael and Dylan, and since Dylan was three and Michael was the root of the confusion, neither one of them was an option. She couldn’t talk to Krista, either. As much as she liked the woman, it would just be too weird to talk to her about falling in love with her son.
As she wove her way through the crowded little shop, she saw her mom standing in the back at the counter, facing away, her shoulders shaking with each sharp breath. “Are you okay?” she asked. It looked like she was crying.
Not turning around, Amy wiped off her cheeks. “Now’s really not the best time for a visit, Maria.”
“What’s wrong?” Maria asked, though it didn’t take a genius to figure it out. It had to be a Jim thing.
“I said it’s not the best time,” her mom reiterated.
Of course she would be closed off. That was just her defense mechanism when she got upset. But maybe it was for the best. Maria hadn’t come there to discuss Jim Valenti anyway. “Okay, well, this is gonna sound really weird, but . . . I need to talk to you about something.”
At last, Amy whirled around, her eyes puffy and red, tear tracks staining her face. “Maria, I just found out my boyfriend cheated on me. Forgive me if I don’t feel like sorting out all your problems.”
Maria took a few steps back, holding her hands up as if to say she’d meant no harm. Just like that, her mom had gone from closed off to combative. There would be no advice from her. Which was fine, because it might not have even been good advice.
She so wished they had the kind of relationship where she could tell her anything, anytime, and feel loved and supported in return. But they just didn’t, and they probably never would. Besides, she couldn’t tell a clearly distraught woman about something that would make her even more distraught. The conversation would probably start with, ‘Hey, Mom, I know Jim cheated on you, so it’s probably not the best time to tell you that Michael’s cheating on Isabel with me, but . . .’ And then it would end with her getting kicked out of the shop.
Much to her surprise, her mom managed to whimper an apology, “Honey, I’m sorry.”
Maria just shook her head, not wanting to hear it, and turned around and left. This had been a failed attempt at forging some kind of mother-daughter relationship. Now she knew better than to try it again.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
On Monday, Michael was on a mission: find out what, exactly, Topolsky had seen, and see if she intended to say anything to Isabel about it. If his and Maria’s little tryst was going to be exposed, he sure as hell didn’t want it to happen that way.
He popped into her office that morning, surprising her.
“Michael,” she greeted, sounding chipper. “What’re you doing here?” She gave him a look and asked, “Did you get in trouble?”
“No, for once. I just . . . thought I’d say hi.” He cringed inwardly. Lame. So fucking lame.
“Well . . . hi,” she returned unsurely.
He stood awkwardly in the doorway to her office, realizing he should have rehearsed this a little more. He just didn’t know how to bring it up.
“Are you sure that’s all you want?” she asked. “Because I’ve known you for a few months now, and you’ve never once come in here voluntarily.”
“Well . . .” He shrugged. “It’s not so bad in here.” And he actually meant that. He would have preferred sitting in there with her to sitting in his teacher’s classrooms. They all hated him and thought he was a loser. She didn’t seem to.
“Is this about the dance?” she deduced.
Well, this worked. He didn’t know how to bring it up, so she was bringing it up for him. “What, you mean . . . oh, you mean when we ran into each other in the hallway? Well, yeah, I was kinda wonderin’ . . . what exactly did you see?”
“Look, Michael . . .”
“Because that was my friend that I was with. Maria. She’s . . . we were dancing.”
She laughed a little, and he could tell by the look on her face that he wasn’t fooling her with that flimsy lie. “Listen, Michael, it’s really none of my business what you choose to do with your personal life. As long as it’s nothing illegal or criminal, I’ll stay out of it.”
He breathed a small sigh of relief. Good, so she wasn’t going to tell Isabel. “Alright,” he said. “Thanks.” He turned to leave, taking just one step before turning back around hesitatingly. Conversation over. Ended. Why was he lingering?
“Michael?” she said questioningly.
He set his backpack down on the floor, shut the door, and sat down in the chair across her desk. “Alright, I need some help,” he admitted, stunning even himself with the admission. He never asked adults for guidance. But hell, this woman was his guidance counselor, after all. Maybe it’d do him good to talk to her.
“With what?”
“With . . .” It felt weird to talk about it out loud. He hadn’t told anybody about what was going on with Maria, not even Kyle. “Lately, I’ve been . . .” He made a face, just knowing that he wouldn’t do it justice attempting to explain it. What he felt for Maria was something pretty much beyond words.
Except for maybe the three he’d said last night.
“I’m cheating on Isabel,” he blurted, surprised how low it made him feel to say it. “I’m cheating on the Princeton-bound cheerleading student body president.”
“With the girl from the hallway?” Topolsky asked.
“Maria, yeah.” It still sounded too casual, though, too not serious, so he came right out and confessed, “I’m in love with Maria, and I wanna be with her. And I think she wants to be with me, too.”
“But you’re with Isabel,” Topolsky recapped.
“Yeah. So . . . I know I have to break up with her, and I know I’m going to, but . . .” He shifted uncomfortably, feeling like a mental patient getting professional help at a clinic. “I already cheated on her once, and when she found out, it broke her heart. I don’t wanna do that to her again.”
“Well, Michael, I think you know you have to tell her. This isn’t fair to her. The longer you let it go on, the more it’s gonna hurt.”
“I know, but . . . I know it’s hard to believe, but I actually do care about her a lot, you know? And so I was just wondering . . . is there a way to break up with her without hurting her?”
Topolsky gave him a skeptical look. “I doubt it. You two have been together for quite a while now, haven’t you?”
“Yeah, but . . . maybe I could just, like . . . I could break up with her, and say it’s ‘cause of the college stuff. ‘cause she’s goin’ all the way to Princeton, and I could say I don’t wanna do the long-distance thing. And then maybe, like, a couple months later, then Maria and I can come out as a couple. She doesn’t need to know I’m breakin’ up with her to be with someone else.”
“Michael, this really isn’t my area of expertise,” Topolsky informed him, “but if you want my opinion, you need to be honest. Because she’s a smart girl, and she’ll figure it out. And then you’ll feel even worse.”
He nodded, taking it into consideration. He’d feel even worse, huh? Even worse than he did now?
Feelings. Stupid damn feelings. He wasn’t supposed to be dealing with any of those, and at the beginning of the school year, he hadn’t been. But now, all because of one girl, he was consumed by them, and they weren’t making his life easy.
After school that day, he hit the weight room with Kyle, hoping it might help to focus on something as mind-numbing and dull as exercise. It didn’t, though. In fact, he was distracted and not able to put much focus or effort into what he was doing. As he was bench pressing, he was barely able to get the bar back up after he lowered it, and Kyle eventually had to grab it and put it back in the holder for him.
“That’s it, I’m done,” he pronounced, sitting up on the bench.
“Let’s just take ten pounds off each side,” Kyle suggested.
“No, I’m not feelin’ it today.”
“Yeah, I can tell.” Kyle walked over to the thundering CD player and turned off the hard rock music they’d had blaring. “Everything alright?”
“I’m fine.”
“ ‘cause you seem stressed.”
Michael sighed. At this point, he couldn’t very well hide it. It was becoming increasingly difficult to just do the little things, like sit next to Isabel at lunch, or say something to her when he passed her in the hallway.
Kyle sat down across from him at one of the leg machines, adjusted the weight settings, and started extending his legs out straight, hauling up an unthinkable amount of weight before putting them back down again. He repeated the maneuver several times before stopping altogether, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees. “I think I know what this is about,” he said.
Oh, shit, Michael thought. I didn’t hide it well enough. “You do?”
“Yeah. It’s kinda obvious.”
Michael nodded, figuring there was no point in even trying to cover it up. “Well, listen, I know you can’t understand--”
“I can’t?”
“No, because you’re so sure. You’ve got it figured out; you know who you wanna be with.”
“Who I wanna be with?” Kyle echoed. “Wait, aren’t you freakin’ out about college?”
“What?”
“I thought . . .” Kyle frowned, puzzled. “I thought that’s what you were stressed about.”
Well . . . that was interesting. Dodged a bullet there. “I am,” he lied easily. There was no sense in spilling the beans when they didn’t need to be spilled. For now, it was all still his and Maria’s not-so-little secret.
“Then what do you mean by--”
“Well, it’s just . . . it’s confusing, you know?” he sputtered, trying to be as vague as possible now.
“Yeah, it can be. But you’ve got some options. You’ll be fine. You’ll figure it out.”
“Yeah.” He honestly didn’t care, though. He didn’t give a rat’s ass about college, because wherever he went, whether it was Alabama or New Mexico State . . . it wouldn’t be worth going if Maria and Dylan weren’t there with him.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“Maria, can you come here for a minute?”
“Yeah.” Having just put Dylan to bed, Maria trotted into the kitchen when Krista called for her. “What’s up?” she asked.
Krista was hard at work on some cupcakes for Tina to take to school tomorrow. There wasn’t any special occasion, just the fact that every kid in Tina’s class signed up to bring snacks once a month. As fun as it was for the kids, Krista had mentioned on more than one occasion that it was a major headache for the moms. “I was just wondering,” she said as she finished frosting the top of one, “have you been able to talk to Michael about his college plans yet?”
Maria bit her bottom lip, embarrassed to admit that she hadn’t. “Not lately, no.”
“That’s okay,” Krista assured her quickly. “You’ve been busy.”
Busy making out with your son, she thought. “I will, though,” she promised sincerely. “I really think he’s gonna go.”
“Oh, I hope so.” Krista licked the excess frosting off her thumb, then tossed the knife she was using into the dirty dishes side of the sink. She rinsed off her hands quickly, then said, “Oh, before I forget . . . you should take a look at these . . .” Trailing off, she searched through a stack of mail on the counter, eventually locating a small binder of photos . . . of Michael.
“Are those . . . senior pictures?” Maria asked, stepping in closer to get a better look.
“Yeah, I finally convinced him to have them done.”
“When?”
“Oh, a few Saturdays ago. I think you might’ve been at work. We just went to a little place here in town. Nothing fancy, but I think they turned out nice.”
“Yeah,” Maria agreed, smiling adoringly as Krista flipped through. Most of them had just been taken against solid backdrops—solid white, solid black—but there were a few pages of pictures taken out around town, and those were definitely the sexiest. In one, Michael was leaning against a concrete wall in what appeared to be a back alley, wearing torn jeans and a white t-shirt. In another, he was wearing that same outfit, but he was sitting atop the hood of an old car, eyes smoldering as he stared at the camera. No need to smile when you had that kind of expression.
“Damn,” she found herself saying as she practically salivated over the images.
Krista gave her a surprised look.
“I mean, they’re really good,” she quickly recovered. “Damn, that’s . . . good photography.” Perhaps the most arousing thing was that she could now claim that she’d seen that look in Michael’s eyes, when he looked at her. Especially at the dance the other night.
“Michael doesn’t even care about them,” Krista said, handing the book over to Maria. “He doesn’t even wanna hand them out. I keep trying to explain to him, it’s tradition.”
“Yeah, well, you know Michael.” Maria laughed a little when she saw a completely outlandish picture set against a black backdrop, except there were Metallica posters hanging up there now. Michael stood in between two of them, mouth open, tongue hanging out, both hands up in the air, and both middle fingers sticking straight up. She pointed to it, giving Krista a questioning look.
“Oh, that one.” Krista rolled her eyes. “The photographer said Michael insisted they do that picture. I think it’s ridiculous.”
“It is,” Maria agreed. “But it’s so him.”
Krista smiled a little bit. “It is, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.” She had just flipped to another page of sexy pictures—white backdrop, tighter-fitting black t-shirt this time—when Michael himself came downstairs.
“What’re we doin’?” he asked, plucking an apple off the fruit bowl next to the refrigerator. “Oh, lookin’ at pictures of me? Good, you should never do anything else.”
“These are nice, Michael,” Maria commented.
“Thanks.” He bit into the apple and asked, “Did you see the Metallica one? That’s my favorite. That’s the only one I wanna order.”
“We are not ordering that,” his mom hissed decidedly as she shook sprinkles onto the tops of Tina’s cupcakes.
“Why not?”
“You’re giving the finger! You’re giving the fingers—you’re giving the finger twice.”
“Those are number one signs,” he corrected.
“Oh, ha, ha, you’re hilarious.”
Maria finished browsing through the booklet and then handed it back to Krista. “Good luck choosing,” she said.
“Yeah, I’m pretty photogenic,” Michael openly bragged. “But tell me, Maria, which ones should I order? Which ones do you think I look the best in?”
She gave him a hard look, noting the mischief in his eyes. Oh, she knew what he was doing here, trying to put her on the spot, get her flustered. “I think you look nice in all of them,” she answered evenly.
“Okay, let me rephrase: Which one do I look the hottest in?”
“I don’t know, maybe you should ask your girlfriend,” she shot back.
“Oh . . .” He winced, lacking a comeback for once. “Got me there.”
Maria smirked.
“My goodness, you two,” Krista cut in. “You’re bickering a lot tonight.”
“Oh, it’s all in good fun,” Michael assured her. “Maria and I know how to have fun together.”
She stared at him sharply, wishing he’d cut it out now. A little light teasing was okay, but if he kept talking like that, his mom was going to catch on.
Before his innuendo could continue, Tina came rushing downstairs, yelping, “Mom! Mom!”
“What is it?” Krista asked.
“Mom, come quick!” Tina cried. “It’s Dad! He won’t wake up!”
“What?” Krista ran out of the kitchen so fast that she knocked over the entire cupcake tin. It fell on the floor with a clang.
Michael and Maria both followed after at a slower pace as Krista raced upstairs with Tina. They stopped about mid-way up the stairs, though, waiting. Maria listened as Krista shouted her husband’s name a few times, then yelled downstairs, “Michael! Call 911!”
Michael zipped back downstairs and into the kitchen to get the phone.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I shouldn’t be here, Maria thought as she hovered near the doorway of Andy’s hospital room that evening, holding a sleeping Dylan in her arms. This is a family thing. No one had given it much thought, though. The ambulance had shown up in a matter of minutes after the 911 call, and after working on Andy upstairs a few minutes, the paramedics had loaded him on a stretcher and hauled him off. Krista and Tina had gotten in one car; Michael, Maria, and Dylan had gotten in the other, and they’d all driven to the hospital, not sure what would happen once they got there.
Luckily, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. The paramedics had managed to revive Andy pretty easily—he’d still been breathing; he’d just been unconscious. And now he was sitting up in his hospital bed, fully alert and functioning while his family stood on either side of him and the doctor stood near the foot of the bed, explaining what had happened.
“I’m fine,” he insisted, looking mostly at Tina as he spoke. “I just got sick. That’s all.”
Maria shuddered. His complete dismissal of what had just happened was unnerving. She hadn’t gone upstairs to see him, but Michael had, after calling 911. In the car, he’d mumbled a few things about it, only what he’d been able to manage to say. There was a pill bottle on the nightstand, he said. Empty. Usually full, or at least somewhat full, of some pretty strong painkillers he took for a back problem he’d developed after years of working construction. And of course, there were always plenty of empty alcohol bottles up there, too. Not a good combination.
“Perhaps she should leave the room,” the doctor suggested.
Krista nodded in agreement. “Yes.”
“No, I wanna stay with Daddy,” Tina whimpered, reaching out to hold her father’s hand. He smiled at her a little, and for the first time since she’d known him, Maria thought he actually looked like he loved that little girl.
“You need to go out in the waiting room,” Krista instructed. “Maria, would you take her?”
She could barely even hear her own response when she said, “Yeah,” and held out her hand for Tina.
“I’m gonna go, too,” Michael decided, following them out of the room. Who could blame him? No one wanted to stay in there and listen to . . . that. Whatever it was going to be. Suicide attempt? Accidental overdose? Either way, it wasn’t good.
“Here,” Michael said, digging around in his pockets once they were in the hallway. He found a crumpled five dollar bill and handed it to his sister. “Why don’t you got get somethin’ from the machine.”
“Do you want anything?” she asked him.
“No. Go ahead.”
Looking like a little girl who had in fact just lost her father, Tina sulked down the hall with the money in hand.
Maria patted Dylan’s back, feeling like she didn’t want to let go of him. As sad as the situation was, it also enraged her. If Andy had taken all those pills on purpose, knowing what the outcome would be, then it was disgusting. Any father who would knowingly leave his kids like that . . .
But if it was just an accident, and he’d taken too many because he’d been in a drunken stupor . . . then that was just sad. Sad and stupid.
“Are you okay?” she asked Michael.
He stared blankly at . . . nothing. Not the floor, not the wall, not at her. His eyes were glazed over, yet thoughtful. “I don’t know,” he mumbled.
“Well, they said they pumped his stomach, so . . . it should all be out of him now.”
“For now,” he grumbled resentfully.
“And . . . I don’t know if I heard it right, but did he say something about treatment?”
“In-patient treatment,” Michael elaborated. “For a few days.” He laughed angrily. “A few days? That’s gonna solve all his problems?”
Gazing at him sympathetically, she reached out to caress his cheek. She wished she could do something more to make him feel better.
When Tina came back, she quickly pulled her hand away.
“I wanna go home,” Michael blurted suddenly, glancing down at his sister. “What do you think? Let’s go home.”
“What about Dad?” she asked.
“He’s gonna stay here tonight. Mom’s probably gonna stay with him.”
“I wanna stay, too,” she insisted.
“He’s probably just gonna sleep. You can come see him tomorrow.”
“When’s he coming home?” she asked.
“A few days.” He took the keys out his pocket and announced, “Let’s go.” Poking his head back into the hospital room, he quickly announced their departure before they walked off.
At home, they attempted to make things as easy for Tina as possible. She was tough, held it together pretty well, only cried a little bit. But there were constant tears in her eyes. They stayed up for a little while and watched TV together in the living room until she couldn’t help but fall asleep, and then Michael carried her upstairs and put her into bed. And by the time he was done with that, he looked exhausted, too.
It was an unusual circumstance. Had it just been a normal night, Maria would have gone downstairs to sleep on the couch. Or she would have at least put up that stupid pillow wall. But not tonight. She didn’t want him to be alone.
He sat on the side of his bed, staring off into nothingness again, but she could tell that his mind was spinning. He wasn’t used to this. This was drama beyond being unfaithful to a girlfriend. This was a father who had issues to the point of life and death. This was a man who Michael was terrified of becoming.
She sat down beside him, unsure of what to say. Maybe it was best not to say anything?
They sat in silence for at least a full minute before Michael, surprisingly, was the one to say something: “I hate him.”
She tensed, because she knew that he meant it.
“I hate him,” he repeated, “but . . .” Trailing off, he shook his head.
“But he’s your dad,” she filled in. It wasn’t like there was a replacement waiting right around the corner. You only got one. Ever.
“How could he . . . ?” Once again, he was unable to finish the thought. “I mean, I don’t care if he doesn’t give a shit about me, but . . . Tina? I mean, he was really gonna leave Tina? She’s eleven years old, for Christ’s sakes.”
“We don’t know what happened,” she reminded him softly. “Maybe it was an accident.”
“Maybe it wasn’t.”
She lifted one hand to stroke his hair. “He said it was.”
“You can’t believe a word he says. And even if it was . . . he still got drunk enough to get to that point. So either way, it’s all his fault.” He grunted, shaking his head, and emphasized, “It’s all his fault.”
She frowned, studying him closer. The way he said that . . . it was like he was talking about something bigger than this, if that was even possible. Years of anger and frustration between the two of them had left them both damaged, wounded. Vulnerable. Their relationship, she realized, was far more complex than whatever issues she and her mom had, and it had played a big part in making Michael who he was today.
She wrapped one arm around his shoulders, slipping the other around his waist, and held him, resting her chin on top of his shoulder, knowing that she was too close but no longer caring. Not tonight. Just not tonight. “What can I do?” she asked quietly.
He closed his eyes, and she knew he was probably doing that to get rid of the tears that were building up. He was the type of guy who would refuse to cry.
When he opened them again, he had made up his mind. “Just lay with me.”
Just this once, she thought. He needs it. “Okay.”
She felt him exhale a sigh of relief.
He lay on his back, his one arm outstretched as it wound around her, and she curled up against his side, her legs blanketing his, her hand atop his chest, feeling his heartbeat. Whether he would manage to fall asleep or not, she wasn’t sure, but even if he stayed awake all night long, she wasn’t going to move.
TBC . . .
-April
when you see it if you would like to listen.
but I feel like this Isabel could do an equal amount of damage because of how hurt she is by michael...
) but she is certainly very hurt right now and might lash out. Her feelings towards Michael have always been very consuming, and they will continue to be that, even though they're no longer a couple.
Wow will wonders never cease!
if you’d like.