Chapter Twenty
K’deem stirred from his place beside the entryway, silently approaching in direct conflict with that which was appropriate.
Kivar felt K’deem’s silent query and lashed out, sending him to his knees. “Out loud!”
“I am sorry,” K’deem spoke haltingly. He still wasn’t used to using speech and found it difficult to move his orifice in the necessary manner. It seemed like such a waste of time and an ineffective means of communication when thoughts were so much more precise.
“We must be ready. She will be uncomfortable with our means of communication,” Kivar reminded him sternly.
“Yes,” K’deem answered, nodding awkwardly in agreement. He would work harder to be ready. He understood how important this was. “You are troubled? She is not what you thought?”
“No, I’m just…..thinking,” Kivar answered slowly. “I will have to adjust, I think. She is…..very intuitive. She knew me.”
“That is good?” K’deem asked scrupulously adhering to the spoken word as his method of communication.
“That is as it should be,” Kivar agreed. He had known her the moment he had seen her. It hadn’t mattered that it was from Tess’s warped viewpoint.
Feeling the tumultuous mix of emotion leeching off of him, K’deem’s breathing slits widened in nervous reaction. “You are not pleased with this first meeting?”
“I forgot myself and I’m afraid I frightened her,” Kivar admitted then exuded amusement. “She thrust me out of her dream.”
K’deem’s elongated fingers fluttered in shocked surprise. It was unheard of that such a thing was possible. “She….is very strong then, yes?”
“Yes, very strong,” Kivar agreed looking at K’deem with great favor. “I have studied the prophecy my entire life cycle and still I am amazed. She is somehow more then I had expected.”
“What of her bonded?” K’deem asked too curious to prevent the question but wording it with the utmost care. It just wouldn’t be wise to refer to him as King. Lesser beings had lost their life force over less.
“He is of no concern to me. I have not seen anything to cause me to reassess my thoughts there. He’s just as foolish and utterly selfish as before but without his Cheveyo to protect him,” Kivar stopped, musing silently for a long moment before continuing. “The fissure that will be his undoing is already there. It needs no help from me to splinter him apart. He will do that all on his own, just like before. He almost lost himself after Tess. All I need is patience,” Kivar said turning just enough to watch K’deem’s reaction.
“She clings to him,” K’deem said softly.
“She cares for him, yes,” Kivar agreed. “They are bonded, they have offspring, she could do nothing else. That is not a disappointment to me, it is not a failing. She cares for many people in her life. I’m afraid he will prove to be her undoing if I allow it,” Kivar said, voicing only a smidgen of his thoughts but allowed his feelings to fill the space around him. Zan had destroyed his beloved minya as he had so many others but this time he was in a position to stop him. “He is so lax in his care of her. They will have a clear path to her if I do not move to close it off.”
“He cares for her as well?” K’deem asked, shocked Kivar was admitting the disposed King valued the K’liusi.
“Oh yes,” Kivar said, his eyes huge black voids. “Very much, I would imagine. She is extra ordinary. He is not such a fool that he wouldn’t recognize that. I would imagine he knew that on first sight, as did I.”
K’deem stood silently as Kivar drifted into his own inner world. Ever since she had been located Kivar turned inward more and more often, expanding great amounts of energy contacting his minions on Earth, keeping her in sight, learning her. Always a being of great power and force of will he had grown only more so, studying Earth and all its customs, doing everything to make the adjustments needed to fulfil his desired destiny.
Feeling the inquiry from below he spoke. “Have you decided on what you wish your form to be?”
“Not yet,” Kivar answered slowly. “It will be a few cycles yet. It is important that it is pleasing to her. Puts her at ease without being a reminder of….Max Evans. No dark anything I think,” Kivar said thinking of Kyle. She was at ease with him, maybe light hair and eyes. “I will try a few more forms with her before I decide.”
“Very well,” K’deem agreed relaying Kivar’s wishes to those in charge of designing his new body.
“Mommy?” Noah whispered crawling up onto the bed. When she didn’t answer he scooted closer and lay down on his side facing her. “Mommy, time ta git up. Daddy’s bwurning da pancakes.”
Liz forced her eyes open to see Noah looking back at her from only inches away. “What’s Daddy doing?” Liz asked sleepily. She felt groggy and every movement was an effort, even something so small as keeping her eyes open.
“He mak’in hwockey pukes,” Noah said seriously.
Liz’s lips curled into a smile despite the clinging fingers of sleep. “Pucks. I think you mean hockey pucks.”
“Dat what I said,” Noah agreed.
“Okay, I’m up. Tell Daddy that we need some berries to go with our breakfast. Okay?” Liz asked knowing Max would go to the store for them if he knew she wanted them. While he was gone she could make some edible pancakes.
“Kay,” Noah agreed but didn’t move, his fingers going to play with her necklace.
Reaching up to comb her fingers through Noah’s disheveled hair, she yawned, preparing herself to get up. “Where’s Erin?”
“She wit Pepe tak’in him potty,” Noah said focused on the sparkle of the pendant clutched in his fingers. “Daddy made her.”
“Mmmm,” Liz hummed in answer, her eyes closing briefly.
“Mommy? You tired?” Noah asked softly. He was always very tired after seeing the monsters.
“A little bit,” Liz agreed opening her eyes. Leaning forward she kissed his forehead trying to ease his concerned expression. “Maybe I’ll take a nap with you and Erin today. What do you think?”
“Naps awre good,” Noah agreed.
“Now you think so? What about all those times I have to wrestle you into bed for your nap?” Liz teased brushing her fingers over his ear and down his neck, chuckling when he wiggled. He was so ticklish.
“You not nap wit me den,” Noah pointed out logically. If he HAD to take a nap then napping with Mommy would be better. He could follow her if she went away.
Liz smiled as Noah’s lip pooched out in a mirror image of Erin’s famous pout. “You’re a little bit spoiled I think.”
“No, I jus vewry cute and you loves me,” Noah disagreed looking at her with his cutest face.
Liz laughed and tickled him, sending him into gales of laughter. “That’s true, but you’re still spoiled.”
Noah squirmed trying to evade her fingers even as he felt the warm glow of her love in his chest. Not having the vocabulary to express himself with words he just openly sent his feelings as he always had. His mommy always heard him.
Max scrambled to flip the pancakes and keep Erin from spilling the rest of the batter, but he wasn’t too busy to hear Liz and Noah in next room.
“You happy Daddy?” Erin asked seeing his big smile.
“Very happy, Baby,” Max agreed glancing over at his daughter.
Erin kicked her feet thinking about that for second. “Mommy’s happy too. Dey buwrning,” Erin said pointing to the smoking pan on the stove.
Max looked down at the pan and sighed, his second batch looked worse then the first. “We’re going to need more batter.”
Erin wrinkled her nose, silently telling Noah to hurry before she had to eat Daddy’s pancakes. They were yucky. “Juice pleawse,” Erin demanded distracting Max from pouring out more batter into the singed pan.
Max set the mixing bowel down and moved to the refrigerator, opening the door just as Noah’s pounding footsteps were heard coming down the hallway. “Orange or Apple?”
“Owange,” Erin replied her feet still kicking the cabinet under the counter.
“Daddy! Mommy’s awake!” Noah shouted as he skidded into the room in his socks.
“I heard,” Max answered turning to watch Noah, making sure he didn’t fall. “No running in the kitchen, remember?”
“I member,” Noah answered, then excitedly continued. “Mommy wants bearwies for brekfast, we got some? We gotta git some.”
Max stifled a chuckle as he set aside the juice and looked through the fridge. Noah had been waiting anxiously for Liz to wake up. He’d had to stop him from going in and waking her twice before he slipped past him. “I don’t see any berries. Okay, well, sit tight for a second okay? No going by the stove.”
Max turned the stove off, set the pan in the sink out of the way of any tiny hands, then poured two glasses of juice before heading down the hall.
“Why you took so long?” Erin asked, feet still kicking as she reached for her juice.
“Mommy’s tirwed,” Noah shrugged.
“Yeah, but I’s hungwy,” Erin pouted.
“We gonna go out ta give some flowers. You getta carry ’em,” Noah said, knowing Erin wasn’t mad about having to wait for breakfast. She just didn’t like being left out.
Erin’s feet stopped kicking and she lost her pout. “Who we given ‘em to? What kinna fwowers?”
“I dunno,” Noah answered the second question. “Mommy said we gonna go visit Uncle Alex while Daddy’s gone.”
“Oh,” Erin said softly confused about where they were going. She knew Javen’s daddy was dead cause that’s what everyone said, so where did they go to visit? “Do I getta pick ‘em? Da fwowers?”
“Yeah, Mommy said so,” Noah answered, watching Erin’s face brighten. “She said Uncle Alex in a park yike place wit lotta grass. She said it nice dere and she yike to go dere ta talk to him.”
“Pepe yike da park,” Erin said perking up even more.
Pepe looked up at the sound of his name, ears at attention, head cocked to the side in inquiry. Going bye bye? Did someone say park? Seeing the sock swinging at the end of the little kicking foot his eyes lit up.
Erin shrieked as Pepe jumped up and latched onto the end of her sock pulling it off and running away with his prize.
“Liz?” Max called as he walked into the bedroom.
“In here,” Liz called back turning off the water and putting away her toothbrush.
“Hey,” Max greeted walking up behind her and slipping his arms around her waist.
Liz smiled into the mirror, meeting the warmth of Max’s eyes. “Hey yourself,” She answered, turning around while running her fingers up the muscles defined so clearly in his arms.
Looking into her upturned face and seeing the happiness reflected back at him, he dipped his head and brushed his mouth over hers. “Hungry?” He asked against her mouth.
Liz nodded her head only enough to rub her lips lightly against his before letting her lips part.
Moving one hand up to her face, his thumb caressing her cheek as his fingers slid into her hair, he kissed her back slowly. The heat built quickly between them with the very through good morning greeting. Lifting his head he hugged her close while nuzzling her ear. “What kind of berries do you want?”
“Ummm do you have time?” Liz asked rubbing up against his chest. “I can make something else.”
“I have plenty of time. Dad’s just squeezing me in between clients. I’ll go to the store really fast and be back in no time,” Max murmured, distracted by the exquisitely soft skin behind her ear.
“Okay,” Liz almost moaned as Max’s mouth drifted over her skin. “Ummm blueberries and maybe some strawberries?”
“Sounds……good,” Max agreed between nibbling kisses.
It was Erin’s loud shrieking that finally broke them apart.
“Lego my sock!” Erin yelled chasing after Pepe.
Liz sighed, putting her hands on Max’s chest, resting her forehead on his shoulder for a second before pushing away from him. “I better…”
“Yeah. Right,” Max agreed, his eyes following her. “I’ll just….go get the berries.”
“See you when you get back. I might even feed you,” Liz teased smiling at him over her shoulder just before she ducked out of the bathroom.
Max just stood there for a moment trying to reign in his overexcited libido and listening to the noise generated by his family. Sometimes he still found it difficult to believe he had one. Then there were the times he couldn’t remember what it was like before he had them, how he had ever managed without them.
When he finally made it out of the bathroom, Liz had managed to track down Erin who was clutching one end of her sock while Pepe was tugging on the other with great relish.
“Lego Pepe,” Erin squealed.
“Erin, let him have the sock. We’ll get a new pair, okay?” Liz said hiding her smile at the fierce game of tug of war. Every time Erin yanked on the sock Pepe slid across the hardwood floor, but he refused to give up his prize. Out of all the dog toys, Pepe seemed to like socks better then all of them.
“But…but…is MY sock,” Erin protested. “He toowk it from my foot!”
“Yes, but today is a new day and you need clean socks anyway. Pepe was just helping,” Liz reasoned glancing up at Max who was biting back his own grin as Pepe mock growled, shaking his head back and forth trying to get the sock out of Erin’s hands.
Erin heaved a big sigh and let go, scowling as Pepe raced off with her pretty blue sock. “Can we go buy a new paiwr?”
“Maybe after we eat. Now, go pick out some new socks while I start breakfast,” Liz said steering Erin down the hall by her shoulders.
Max followed them, loving the various routines of being a part of a family. It gave him a purpose larger then himself.
“I dunno why Pepe gotta steal my socks. Dat verwy bad,” Erin huffed. “Noah’s wearing socks too.”
“Pepe thinks yours are pretty,” Max said lifting Erin up onto her bed.
“Pepe smart den huh?” Erin asked thinking of Noah’s ugly brown socks with the worn out heels. Hers were much prettier.
“Very smart,” Max agreed seriously. “With excellent fashion sense.”
Liz bit her lip to control her urge to laugh thinking that only Isabel’s brother could talk about a dog’s sense of fashion in such a serious tone of voice. Grabbing a pair of hot pink socks she walked over to the bed and handed them off to Erin.
Max stood up then seeing Liz was looking at him he lifted one eyebrow. “What?”
“I was just thinking,” Liz answered.
“Thinking what?” Max asked trailing Liz to the doorway, watching as she leaned against the door jam.
“Thinking about how much I love you,” Liz answered looking up at him.
“Enough to make me pancakes?” Max asked grinning.
“Uh huh,” Liz nodded. “I might even chop some jalapeño peppers to throw into yours.”
“Wow. You’re a keeper,” Max said playfully.
“So I’m told,” Liz answered softly.
Seeing an odd expression cross her face he turned serious. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, just…nothing’s wrong,” Liz blew off the small twinge of dread and tried to smile.
If she had thought about it she would have connected that feeling back to a similar statement Max had made the very first time they had had sex. Right before Tess had stepped in and wreaked havoc and destruction. That was the only thing she remembered enough to be able to connect it back to.
World In My Eyes (CC,M/L,Adult) Ch 54 - 08/22/06 [WIP]
Moderators: Anniepoo98, ISLANDGIRL5, truelovepooh, Forum Moderators
Chapter Twenty One
Chapter Twenty One
“Puwt’em hewre?” Erin asked skipping over to the big stone that she thought they were walking to. The feel of the flowers brushing her face made her smile, her earlier fit over not being able to bring Pepe forgotten.
“Yes,” Liz answered following a little slower, holding Noah’s hand in hers. The same twinge of heavy sadness she always felt when coming here settled inside her as they approached Alex’s grave.
It just didn’t seem right that she was visiting him here. That he wasn’t actually here twisting his arms into a pretzel to make the kids laugh or arguing with Maria over the merits of Britney Spear’s musical influence with that huge grin of his. She missed him so much, still.
“Mommy?” Noah called, tugging on her hand to draw her attention troubled that she was sad. “Why we come hewre if it make you sad?”
“Feeling sad isn’t always bad,” Liz answered seriously, drawing him to stop next to Alex’s grave. “It’s part of really living. I’m sad because I miss Alex but it reminds me of what a special person he was and how lucky I was to have someone so special in my life. I wouldn’t ever want to forget that, forget Alex.”
“Eben if it make you sad?” Erin asked, pausing in her fussing with the flowers.
“Even then,” Liz agreed.
“Arwe all des stwones people? Yike Uncle Alex?” Erin asked looking around.
“In a way,” Liz agreed. “They represent the memory of people that have died. The people that love them have the stones made to say something about their loved one.”
“Yike what?” Erin asked curious.
“Like when they were born, when they died, and usually something else like whether they were a father or brother. Something like that,” Liz said cautiously watching both of their earnest faces.
“Mommies too?” Noah asked feeling his fears stir inside him.
“Sometimes,” Liz agreed as she knelt down on the grass. “But I don’t want you to worry. Just because I choose to visit Alex here doesn’t mean he’s not with me always. I don’t believe people just disappear because they aren’t able to be here.”
Noah thought about that carefully, testing their connection. “When we’s were yittle babies you died huh?”
Liz’s eyebrow shot up in surprise before she nodded. “For a few minutes maybe.”
Noah nodded his dreams making sense with that answer. “I member dat. I felt you eben den. It be yike dat?” Noah asked thinking that wasn’t so scary cause he’d known he could follow her. He’d felt the change in their connection and had known to just wait. Something inside had told him.
“Maybe,” Liz replied cautiously, unsure of his true meaning but wanting to answer his question the best that she could. She always tried to be honest and answer their questions to the best of her ability so they wouldn’t be afraid to ask questions and look for answers.
Sitting Indian style she plucked at blades of grass idly, searching for a way to illustrate her point. “When I was younger, before you were born, my Grandma Claudia died. She was amazing. I loved her very much. I always felt like I could tell her anything and she’d understand. We were very close. After she died I was really upset and sad and I missed her lots,” Liz paused, searching both of their faces to gauge whether they understood what she was saying. They hadn’t ever discussed death and she didn’t want to scare them. She could feel Noah drawing on their connection, reading her.
“Cause she wud’ent eber coming back?” Erin asked softly.
“Yes, but what happened was that every time something big happened in my life that I needed her advise on, I felt it. I remembered all the things she taught me and I knew what to do. So she wasn’t really gone because I remembered her, felt her inside,” Liz explained.
“But she wudn’t der,” Erin pointed out.
“Not like we are but I think she is still here just in a different way,” Liz replied softly, searching for but not feeling any sense of fear from either of them.
“Yike God is?” Noah asked. “I cawn’t see him eiver but he herwe. Cause he love us right Mommy?”
“Yes, sorta like that,” Liz agreed smiling, marveling over how their minds worked.
“So Javen’s daddy hewre too den wight?” Erin asked starting to skip around Liz and Noah in a small circle.
“Right,” Liz answered relieved that they seemed to be taking it in without becoming afraid.
Noah didn’t say anything, satisfied that it was like he remembered from a long time ago and that he didn’t like it. He wanted his mommy right here like this. He’d keep a close eye on her just in case. The things that hadn’t happened yet changed sometimes so if he tried really hard he could maybe stop the bad things from happening.
Distracted by Erin’s string of lighting fast questions Liz missed Noah’s expression, which she would have recognized from seeing it on Max whenever he was intent on controlling his world and everything in it.
Drawing Erin onto her lap she replied to her questions by telling stories about Alex while keeping an eye on Noah as he wandered around looking at the headstones in the area. It was important to her that kids had a sense of Alex as a real person, a person who had contributed to their lives by getting everyone to here.
Noah listened to the murmur of his mother’s voice as he explored the area, gaining the meaning behind the story by filtering through the stream of communication flowing from her, automatically sharing things back and forth with Erin.
“Hey there little man.”
Noah looked up from the angel he was examining, squinting in the glare of the afternoon sun.
“Looks a little bit like your mom doesn’t it?”
Noah looked back at the angel and frowned. “My mommy’s pwettier and she don’t have dem wings.”
Alex grinned flopping down to sprawl out on the grass. Looking over at Liz giggling with Erin over something he was amazed anew at the women she was becoming. He understood that Noah’s comment included what to him was an integral part the person, the part he could just feel, and had to agree. Liz was beautiful. “Nope, no wings but she doesn’t really need them. She’d look kinda funny with a bunch of feathers.”
Noah grinned as he nodded, easily excepting the difference he could feel in this person. “You da Alex my mommy talk bout?”
“Yeah,” Alex agreed watching Noah think that through.
“It scawry being dead? You miss it hewre?” Noah asked interested.
“In some ways I miss it but it’s not scary. It’s just different. I do miss girl’s night,” Alex mused out loud watching with amusement as Noah wrinkled his nose like he’d seen Liz do a hundred times.
“You not a giwrl!” Noah exclaimed.
“Never said I was. Oh grasshopper. So much to learn,” Alex teased. “I didn’t get girls with my dodge ball skills.”
“I got Erin I down’t needa have anuder one,” Noah said with heartfelt conviction. “She vewry bossy.”
Alex laughed wondering silently if Max had ever had the same thought before seeing Liz. “I think she’d say the same about you and no one can have their way all the time.”
Noah just heaved a sigh stubbing the toe of his sneaker on the ground.
“You worry an awful lot,” Alex observed.
“I see tings,” Noah mumbled.
“Things that make you worry?” Alex asked softly.
“Yeah, and it down’t stay da same but mosta da time it verwy bad,” Noah said then looked up to the sky. “He coming. I needa watch ta keep tings right. Der awre tings I doun’t see.”
“Noah…..sometimes things happen that you can’t stop or control. Time is fluid but some things are just meant. He was always coming. Nothing can change that,” Alex said feeling the weight of the coming events. “All anyone can do is try.”
“Yike Mommy does?” Noah asked.
“Yes, like that. Everyone makes mistakes and misses stuff. You can’t see everything from down here. That’s one good thing about being me. I can help better from where I am,” Alex said hoping he was helping. He wasn’t sure about how much of this Noah was absorbing but he had to try. “You have to trust what you FEEL more then what you see. Listen to that little voice inside and you’ll be all right.”
“What bout Mommy and Daddy? Will dey be okay?” Noah asked.
Alex thought about how to answer that question for a long time, knowing that the standard for “okay” was different for everyone. “They’re pretty tough. They’ve already made it pretty far.”
“Noah?” Liz called shielding her eyes against the sun, trying to see what Noah was up to.
“Go on,” Alex urged. “She’ll worry.”
“Kay,” Noah agreed quickly feeling the shimmer of his mother’s worry solidifying already. “Bye Uncle Alex.”
Alex watched him tear across the grass toward Liz and lost his smile. He hoped that they remembered the lessons Tess had taught them about the enemy coming in unexpected packages. He wasn’t eager to follow through on his promise to Liz this soon.
Allowing her exhausted body to sink into the bed Liz let her eyes close feeling sleep start to dull her senses. The warm weight of the two small bodies resting against her and the loud snores of their new pet had a sense of peace stealing through her.
She excepted the slide into the dream world without alarm or even surprise. What did surprise her was the location of the dream. The Aladdin version of porn. Just as lovely as ever too. Where did her mind conjure these things up?
“Very nice Liz,” Tess said looking over her shoulder from her spot on the edge of the bed. “Romance on your mind?” Tess taunted.
“With you?” Liz smiled. “I don’t think so. Where’s Max?”
Tess snorted and shrugged. “He’s your……I have no idea. This is your dream, you tell me.”
“Huh,” Liz responded strolling around the no-tell motel room.
Turning on the bed and resting one bent leg fully on the mattress Tess studied her. “Maybe this isn’t for Max,” Tess said looking around. “That’s an interesting idea.”
“Riiiight,” Liz drawled amused. “You’re so funny. I just keep forgetting to laugh.”
Anger turning her cheeks red and pinching her features Tess glared at Liz’s back. “That wasn’t a joke. When are you going wake up? Why do you think Kivar is here? Isn’t it enough that you…..attached yourself like a leech to Max? You’re sick.”
“I’M sick?” Liz asked her eyebrows arching in surprise. “That’s….that’s funny! Coming from you? That’s just too much.”
“Let me tell you something you’re too goddamned BLIND to see. This isn’t a fairytale and you aren’t a princess. Max certainly isn’t Prince Charming. True love? Is that what you think you have? If I could manage to have the impact I did then what do you think will happen now? Max is an insecure little boy and he always will be. You have NO idea what flits through that head of his. One thing goes wrong and he’ll fuck up again. You even appear to make anything he views as even close to the mistake he made and he’ll fill in the blanks for you. Do you think he could ever forgive you for straying? I don’t think so. I KNOW he can’t. We saw that already,” Tess said in tightly controlled tone of voice.
“He has nothing to worry about,” Liz said frowning.
“Really?” Tess asked arching her eyebrow. “Maybe not from your viewpoint but then that’s not the important one. Is it? It’s a long fucking fall from sainthood, Liz, and Max has a habit of filling in what he sees. Kivar is….well….I guess you’ll see for yourself what he is. That carefully constructed world you’ve built? Kiss it goodbye.”
Feeling her chest tighten involuntarily she struggled to think and not buy into this game. “You seem unhappy Tessy,” Liz taunted. “What’s wrong? Running out of clever insults?”
Tess’s chin jerked up defensively, her eyes seething with hatred. “What’s wrong is the same thing that’s been wrong. Some how you manage to steal everything that’s rightfully mine. What’s wrong is that with one look at those big cow eyes of yours you manage to enslave whoever you choose. Kivar was MINE. Just like Max was mine.”
“Didn’t seem to me that he felt the same way,” Liz mocked her with relish. Tapping her chin with her finger in mock thought she watched Tess’s eyes narrow. “Also like Max. Huh. Funny how THAT works.”
“Yes, it is funny how that works. We’ll see if you’re still laughing later,” Tess said seriously. “I gotta go.”
“Go? What?” Liz asked shocked. Tess never just left.
“Yes, go,” Tess said impatiently. “Like I said before. This room wasn’t chosen for my benefit.”
Liz watched stunned as she opened the door to the room and walked out. Jumping when the door slammed closed she turned to find a man standing by the dresser watching her. Looking him over she noted his light sandy brown hair and hazel eyes, somehow the change in form barely registered. “How are you even here?”
“You called me,” Kivar answered watching her warily circling the bed, moving toward the door. “I can feel when you’re upset.”
“I didn’t “call” anyone,” Liz refuted firmly. “And even if I did, which I didn’t, I wouldn’t call you. I’d call for Max.”
“Maybe you did,” Kivar said easily spreading his hands in surrender. “I don’t think he heard you.”
“I didn’t call anyone,” Liz repeated stubbornly. “So what do you want?”
“I believe you asked me that before,” Kivar answered. “You didn’t like my answer.”
“And I don’t like you being here either,” Liz said looking around. “Wherever HERE is.”
“Can’t we just talk? No….bullshit? That’s the correct term isn’t? Bullshit?” Kivar asked moving to sink into the one chair in the whole room, leaving Liz the bed.
Feeling caught in her own dream and unable to just….wake up she sighed perching on the very edge of the corner of the bed closest to the door. “Fine. What do you want to talk about? Max right?”
“If you want,” Kivar shrugged again.
“Okay,” Liz agreed her eyes narrowing slightly. “He’s a caring father, one who isn’t afraid to comfort or play with his kids. He isn’t worried about showing he cares. He’s an amazing person and I love him very much,” Liz paused. “That what you’re fishing for?”
“If he’s so amazing why does he keep you from touching his soul? Of willingly opening himself to you?” Kivar asked more out of curiosity then anything else. He wanted to know everything about her, how her mind worked, all of the complex feelings floating through her eyes.
“He has his reasons,” Liz said looking down at the shag carpeting briefly.
“I’m sure he does,” Kivar agreed.
Feeling defensive at the tone of his reply she bristled. “You don’t understand.”
“So explain it to me,” Kivar offered watching her, feeling the rise of her emotions.
“You know. Don’t you? What happened?” Liz asked her tone accusing. “You made the deal so you must know what Tess did. You must have been pleased.”
“Far from it actually,” Kivar said his voice dropping. “That was not our deal. Stealing your child. That was never the deal and I was so very far from pleased. I know some, yes, but I’d like to hear what you have to say. My thoughts are sure to differ from your own.”
“Well, whether you think you know or not it doesn’t matter because that’s only part of the story. I hurt him first,” Liz admitted. “Just because I’m finely ready to move forward doesn’t mean I can expect him to be. He’ll be ready when he’s ready.”
“You are speaking of that other timeline? The other version of Max that came to you? That’s what you mean when you say you hurt him first?” Kivar asked his brows drawing together in a scowl.
“Yes,” Liz agreed.
“It isn’t really the same though is it? That was nothing,” Kivar waved off. “If he’s still smarting over that then he doesn’t deserve you.”
“You still don’t get it. To you maybe it would be nothing. To Max it was….it was arguably the worst thing I could have done. He trusted me. He didn’t trust very many people, not even his parents, but he trusted me and I hurt him,” Liz said looking down at her white knuckled fingers. “I undermined his self confidence, his faith in his own judgement. The circumstances don’t change that.”
“Okay, so what did HE say? When he found out the truth?” Kivar asked leaning forward to place his elbows on his knees, fascinated despite himself.
“He blew it off and wanted me back,” Liz mumbled. “But we’ve never really…..We’ve never really talked about it. I’ve tried to but he just acts like…..he deserved it. That because it was me it was somehow okay and it wasn’t. So if he needs time before he can trust me…..before he’s ready to fully trust me again then I’ll wait. I can’t just demand that he do everything on my schedule. I love him, really love him so much that it just….so I’ll wait for him,” Liz said talking about why she didn’t push Max for what she sensed he was holding back from her. “I’ll work on this because he’s what I want. He’s the one I want to be with so whatever you’re doing….whatever you want from me I won’t allow you to hurt him. Not again.”
Suddenly angry she bolted up and started placing. Trying to maintain a hold on the surging anger building inside. Stopping and putting her hands on her hips she glared at him in a clear accusation. “You won’t be able to play this game with me. I won’t betray Max. So whatever happened in the last life….the life where you KILLED him…is not going happen in this one.”
“No, I don’t think that it is,” Kivar said slowly then blinked. “I have no plan to kill him. He is not of importance to me now. That time is past. What I want you to know,” Kivar said rising from his chair and walking forward. “Is that I never wanted what happened to you. The deal was never for her to steal a child. Any child but certainly not yours. I would never do that to you.”
Liz studied him silently for a moment before shrugging. It didn’t really matter what he said or how he looked when he said it. It wasn’t his real face and everything he said could be lie. Probably was.
Backing away from him to keep some distance between them the backs of her knees suddenly hit the side of the bed. When he continued to walk forward her eyes widened in panicked fear.
“Mommy?”
Liz sucked in deep breath and blinked before looking around for Noah, the fear for herself of a second ago totally forgotten at the sound of his voice.
“Mommy?”
Pushing past Kivar she called back. “Noah? Where are you?”
“Wake up, Mommy.”
With a gasp she sat up in bed, fully awake. At Noah’s anxious expression she pulled him into her lap and kissed the top of his head, closing her eyes when he wrapped his arms around her neck.
“Puwt’em hewre?” Erin asked skipping over to the big stone that she thought they were walking to. The feel of the flowers brushing her face made her smile, her earlier fit over not being able to bring Pepe forgotten.
“Yes,” Liz answered following a little slower, holding Noah’s hand in hers. The same twinge of heavy sadness she always felt when coming here settled inside her as they approached Alex’s grave.
It just didn’t seem right that she was visiting him here. That he wasn’t actually here twisting his arms into a pretzel to make the kids laugh or arguing with Maria over the merits of Britney Spear’s musical influence with that huge grin of his. She missed him so much, still.
“Mommy?” Noah called, tugging on her hand to draw her attention troubled that she was sad. “Why we come hewre if it make you sad?”
“Feeling sad isn’t always bad,” Liz answered seriously, drawing him to stop next to Alex’s grave. “It’s part of really living. I’m sad because I miss Alex but it reminds me of what a special person he was and how lucky I was to have someone so special in my life. I wouldn’t ever want to forget that, forget Alex.”
“Eben if it make you sad?” Erin asked, pausing in her fussing with the flowers.
“Even then,” Liz agreed.
“Arwe all des stwones people? Yike Uncle Alex?” Erin asked looking around.
“In a way,” Liz agreed. “They represent the memory of people that have died. The people that love them have the stones made to say something about their loved one.”
“Yike what?” Erin asked curious.
“Like when they were born, when they died, and usually something else like whether they were a father or brother. Something like that,” Liz said cautiously watching both of their earnest faces.
“Mommies too?” Noah asked feeling his fears stir inside him.
“Sometimes,” Liz agreed as she knelt down on the grass. “But I don’t want you to worry. Just because I choose to visit Alex here doesn’t mean he’s not with me always. I don’t believe people just disappear because they aren’t able to be here.”
Noah thought about that carefully, testing their connection. “When we’s were yittle babies you died huh?”
Liz’s eyebrow shot up in surprise before she nodded. “For a few minutes maybe.”
Noah nodded his dreams making sense with that answer. “I member dat. I felt you eben den. It be yike dat?” Noah asked thinking that wasn’t so scary cause he’d known he could follow her. He’d felt the change in their connection and had known to just wait. Something inside had told him.
“Maybe,” Liz replied cautiously, unsure of his true meaning but wanting to answer his question the best that she could. She always tried to be honest and answer their questions to the best of her ability so they wouldn’t be afraid to ask questions and look for answers.
Sitting Indian style she plucked at blades of grass idly, searching for a way to illustrate her point. “When I was younger, before you were born, my Grandma Claudia died. She was amazing. I loved her very much. I always felt like I could tell her anything and she’d understand. We were very close. After she died I was really upset and sad and I missed her lots,” Liz paused, searching both of their faces to gauge whether they understood what she was saying. They hadn’t ever discussed death and she didn’t want to scare them. She could feel Noah drawing on their connection, reading her.
“Cause she wud’ent eber coming back?” Erin asked softly.
“Yes, but what happened was that every time something big happened in my life that I needed her advise on, I felt it. I remembered all the things she taught me and I knew what to do. So she wasn’t really gone because I remembered her, felt her inside,” Liz explained.
“But she wudn’t der,” Erin pointed out.
“Not like we are but I think she is still here just in a different way,” Liz replied softly, searching for but not feeling any sense of fear from either of them.
“Yike God is?” Noah asked. “I cawn’t see him eiver but he herwe. Cause he love us right Mommy?”
“Yes, sorta like that,” Liz agreed smiling, marveling over how their minds worked.
“So Javen’s daddy hewre too den wight?” Erin asked starting to skip around Liz and Noah in a small circle.
“Right,” Liz answered relieved that they seemed to be taking it in without becoming afraid.
Noah didn’t say anything, satisfied that it was like he remembered from a long time ago and that he didn’t like it. He wanted his mommy right here like this. He’d keep a close eye on her just in case. The things that hadn’t happened yet changed sometimes so if he tried really hard he could maybe stop the bad things from happening.
Distracted by Erin’s string of lighting fast questions Liz missed Noah’s expression, which she would have recognized from seeing it on Max whenever he was intent on controlling his world and everything in it.
Drawing Erin onto her lap she replied to her questions by telling stories about Alex while keeping an eye on Noah as he wandered around looking at the headstones in the area. It was important to her that kids had a sense of Alex as a real person, a person who had contributed to their lives by getting everyone to here.
Noah listened to the murmur of his mother’s voice as he explored the area, gaining the meaning behind the story by filtering through the stream of communication flowing from her, automatically sharing things back and forth with Erin.
“Hey there little man.”
Noah looked up from the angel he was examining, squinting in the glare of the afternoon sun.
“Looks a little bit like your mom doesn’t it?”
Noah looked back at the angel and frowned. “My mommy’s pwettier and she don’t have dem wings.”
Alex grinned flopping down to sprawl out on the grass. Looking over at Liz giggling with Erin over something he was amazed anew at the women she was becoming. He understood that Noah’s comment included what to him was an integral part the person, the part he could just feel, and had to agree. Liz was beautiful. “Nope, no wings but she doesn’t really need them. She’d look kinda funny with a bunch of feathers.”
Noah grinned as he nodded, easily excepting the difference he could feel in this person. “You da Alex my mommy talk bout?”
“Yeah,” Alex agreed watching Noah think that through.
“It scawry being dead? You miss it hewre?” Noah asked interested.
“In some ways I miss it but it’s not scary. It’s just different. I do miss girl’s night,” Alex mused out loud watching with amusement as Noah wrinkled his nose like he’d seen Liz do a hundred times.
“You not a giwrl!” Noah exclaimed.
“Never said I was. Oh grasshopper. So much to learn,” Alex teased. “I didn’t get girls with my dodge ball skills.”
“I got Erin I down’t needa have anuder one,” Noah said with heartfelt conviction. “She vewry bossy.”
Alex laughed wondering silently if Max had ever had the same thought before seeing Liz. “I think she’d say the same about you and no one can have their way all the time.”
Noah just heaved a sigh stubbing the toe of his sneaker on the ground.
“You worry an awful lot,” Alex observed.
“I see tings,” Noah mumbled.
“Things that make you worry?” Alex asked softly.
“Yeah, and it down’t stay da same but mosta da time it verwy bad,” Noah said then looked up to the sky. “He coming. I needa watch ta keep tings right. Der awre tings I doun’t see.”
“Noah…..sometimes things happen that you can’t stop or control. Time is fluid but some things are just meant. He was always coming. Nothing can change that,” Alex said feeling the weight of the coming events. “All anyone can do is try.”
“Yike Mommy does?” Noah asked.
“Yes, like that. Everyone makes mistakes and misses stuff. You can’t see everything from down here. That’s one good thing about being me. I can help better from where I am,” Alex said hoping he was helping. He wasn’t sure about how much of this Noah was absorbing but he had to try. “You have to trust what you FEEL more then what you see. Listen to that little voice inside and you’ll be all right.”
“What bout Mommy and Daddy? Will dey be okay?” Noah asked.
Alex thought about how to answer that question for a long time, knowing that the standard for “okay” was different for everyone. “They’re pretty tough. They’ve already made it pretty far.”
“Noah?” Liz called shielding her eyes against the sun, trying to see what Noah was up to.
“Go on,” Alex urged. “She’ll worry.”
“Kay,” Noah agreed quickly feeling the shimmer of his mother’s worry solidifying already. “Bye Uncle Alex.”
Alex watched him tear across the grass toward Liz and lost his smile. He hoped that they remembered the lessons Tess had taught them about the enemy coming in unexpected packages. He wasn’t eager to follow through on his promise to Liz this soon.
Allowing her exhausted body to sink into the bed Liz let her eyes close feeling sleep start to dull her senses. The warm weight of the two small bodies resting against her and the loud snores of their new pet had a sense of peace stealing through her.
She excepted the slide into the dream world without alarm or even surprise. What did surprise her was the location of the dream. The Aladdin version of porn. Just as lovely as ever too. Where did her mind conjure these things up?
“Very nice Liz,” Tess said looking over her shoulder from her spot on the edge of the bed. “Romance on your mind?” Tess taunted.
“With you?” Liz smiled. “I don’t think so. Where’s Max?”
Tess snorted and shrugged. “He’s your……I have no idea. This is your dream, you tell me.”
“Huh,” Liz responded strolling around the no-tell motel room.
Turning on the bed and resting one bent leg fully on the mattress Tess studied her. “Maybe this isn’t for Max,” Tess said looking around. “That’s an interesting idea.”
“Riiiight,” Liz drawled amused. “You’re so funny. I just keep forgetting to laugh.”
Anger turning her cheeks red and pinching her features Tess glared at Liz’s back. “That wasn’t a joke. When are you going wake up? Why do you think Kivar is here? Isn’t it enough that you…..attached yourself like a leech to Max? You’re sick.”
“I’M sick?” Liz asked her eyebrows arching in surprise. “That’s….that’s funny! Coming from you? That’s just too much.”
“Let me tell you something you’re too goddamned BLIND to see. This isn’t a fairytale and you aren’t a princess. Max certainly isn’t Prince Charming. True love? Is that what you think you have? If I could manage to have the impact I did then what do you think will happen now? Max is an insecure little boy and he always will be. You have NO idea what flits through that head of his. One thing goes wrong and he’ll fuck up again. You even appear to make anything he views as even close to the mistake he made and he’ll fill in the blanks for you. Do you think he could ever forgive you for straying? I don’t think so. I KNOW he can’t. We saw that already,” Tess said in tightly controlled tone of voice.
“He has nothing to worry about,” Liz said frowning.
“Really?” Tess asked arching her eyebrow. “Maybe not from your viewpoint but then that’s not the important one. Is it? It’s a long fucking fall from sainthood, Liz, and Max has a habit of filling in what he sees. Kivar is….well….I guess you’ll see for yourself what he is. That carefully constructed world you’ve built? Kiss it goodbye.”
Feeling her chest tighten involuntarily she struggled to think and not buy into this game. “You seem unhappy Tessy,” Liz taunted. “What’s wrong? Running out of clever insults?”
Tess’s chin jerked up defensively, her eyes seething with hatred. “What’s wrong is the same thing that’s been wrong. Some how you manage to steal everything that’s rightfully mine. What’s wrong is that with one look at those big cow eyes of yours you manage to enslave whoever you choose. Kivar was MINE. Just like Max was mine.”
“Didn’t seem to me that he felt the same way,” Liz mocked her with relish. Tapping her chin with her finger in mock thought she watched Tess’s eyes narrow. “Also like Max. Huh. Funny how THAT works.”
“Yes, it is funny how that works. We’ll see if you’re still laughing later,” Tess said seriously. “I gotta go.”
“Go? What?” Liz asked shocked. Tess never just left.
“Yes, go,” Tess said impatiently. “Like I said before. This room wasn’t chosen for my benefit.”
Liz watched stunned as she opened the door to the room and walked out. Jumping when the door slammed closed she turned to find a man standing by the dresser watching her. Looking him over she noted his light sandy brown hair and hazel eyes, somehow the change in form barely registered. “How are you even here?”
“You called me,” Kivar answered watching her warily circling the bed, moving toward the door. “I can feel when you’re upset.”
“I didn’t “call” anyone,” Liz refuted firmly. “And even if I did, which I didn’t, I wouldn’t call you. I’d call for Max.”
“Maybe you did,” Kivar said easily spreading his hands in surrender. “I don’t think he heard you.”
“I didn’t call anyone,” Liz repeated stubbornly. “So what do you want?”
“I believe you asked me that before,” Kivar answered. “You didn’t like my answer.”
“And I don’t like you being here either,” Liz said looking around. “Wherever HERE is.”
“Can’t we just talk? No….bullshit? That’s the correct term isn’t? Bullshit?” Kivar asked moving to sink into the one chair in the whole room, leaving Liz the bed.
Feeling caught in her own dream and unable to just….wake up she sighed perching on the very edge of the corner of the bed closest to the door. “Fine. What do you want to talk about? Max right?”
“If you want,” Kivar shrugged again.
“Okay,” Liz agreed her eyes narrowing slightly. “He’s a caring father, one who isn’t afraid to comfort or play with his kids. He isn’t worried about showing he cares. He’s an amazing person and I love him very much,” Liz paused. “That what you’re fishing for?”
“If he’s so amazing why does he keep you from touching his soul? Of willingly opening himself to you?” Kivar asked more out of curiosity then anything else. He wanted to know everything about her, how her mind worked, all of the complex feelings floating through her eyes.
“He has his reasons,” Liz said looking down at the shag carpeting briefly.
“I’m sure he does,” Kivar agreed.
Feeling defensive at the tone of his reply she bristled. “You don’t understand.”
“So explain it to me,” Kivar offered watching her, feeling the rise of her emotions.
“You know. Don’t you? What happened?” Liz asked her tone accusing. “You made the deal so you must know what Tess did. You must have been pleased.”
“Far from it actually,” Kivar said his voice dropping. “That was not our deal. Stealing your child. That was never the deal and I was so very far from pleased. I know some, yes, but I’d like to hear what you have to say. My thoughts are sure to differ from your own.”
“Well, whether you think you know or not it doesn’t matter because that’s only part of the story. I hurt him first,” Liz admitted. “Just because I’m finely ready to move forward doesn’t mean I can expect him to be. He’ll be ready when he’s ready.”
“You are speaking of that other timeline? The other version of Max that came to you? That’s what you mean when you say you hurt him first?” Kivar asked his brows drawing together in a scowl.
“Yes,” Liz agreed.
“It isn’t really the same though is it? That was nothing,” Kivar waved off. “If he’s still smarting over that then he doesn’t deserve you.”
“You still don’t get it. To you maybe it would be nothing. To Max it was….it was arguably the worst thing I could have done. He trusted me. He didn’t trust very many people, not even his parents, but he trusted me and I hurt him,” Liz said looking down at her white knuckled fingers. “I undermined his self confidence, his faith in his own judgement. The circumstances don’t change that.”
“Okay, so what did HE say? When he found out the truth?” Kivar asked leaning forward to place his elbows on his knees, fascinated despite himself.
“He blew it off and wanted me back,” Liz mumbled. “But we’ve never really…..We’ve never really talked about it. I’ve tried to but he just acts like…..he deserved it. That because it was me it was somehow okay and it wasn’t. So if he needs time before he can trust me…..before he’s ready to fully trust me again then I’ll wait. I can’t just demand that he do everything on my schedule. I love him, really love him so much that it just….so I’ll wait for him,” Liz said talking about why she didn’t push Max for what she sensed he was holding back from her. “I’ll work on this because he’s what I want. He’s the one I want to be with so whatever you’re doing….whatever you want from me I won’t allow you to hurt him. Not again.”
Suddenly angry she bolted up and started placing. Trying to maintain a hold on the surging anger building inside. Stopping and putting her hands on her hips she glared at him in a clear accusation. “You won’t be able to play this game with me. I won’t betray Max. So whatever happened in the last life….the life where you KILLED him…is not going happen in this one.”
“No, I don’t think that it is,” Kivar said slowly then blinked. “I have no plan to kill him. He is not of importance to me now. That time is past. What I want you to know,” Kivar said rising from his chair and walking forward. “Is that I never wanted what happened to you. The deal was never for her to steal a child. Any child but certainly not yours. I would never do that to you.”
Liz studied him silently for a moment before shrugging. It didn’t really matter what he said or how he looked when he said it. It wasn’t his real face and everything he said could be lie. Probably was.
Backing away from him to keep some distance between them the backs of her knees suddenly hit the side of the bed. When he continued to walk forward her eyes widened in panicked fear.
“Mommy?”
Liz sucked in deep breath and blinked before looking around for Noah, the fear for herself of a second ago totally forgotten at the sound of his voice.
“Mommy?”
Pushing past Kivar she called back. “Noah? Where are you?”
“Wake up, Mommy.”
With a gasp she sat up in bed, fully awake. At Noah’s anxious expression she pulled him into her lap and kissed the top of his head, closing her eyes when he wrapped his arms around her neck.
Chapter Twenty Two
Chapter Twenty Two
By the time Max got home it was late afternoon, the meeting with his father and Cal about starting up the joint business having run longer then he had thought it would. A million things were crowding his head, stray thoughts and details he needed to take care of or call Cal about later.
So lost in thought it wasn’t until he opened the front door and stepped inside that he registered the frantic barking and shriek of excited voices. Curious, he wandered through the house, following the noise to the screen door that led to the back yard. A smile crept over his face as he watched Liz and kids running around the yard throwing things at each other, with an overly excited Chihuahua in hot pursuit.
“What’s going on here?” Max called and watched Liz coming to an abrupt stop, arm posed to throw her Koosh ball.
“We’re playing a game of dodge ball,” Liz answered tossing her ball from one hand to the other.
“Dodge ball?” Max asked walking outside.
“Yep,” Liz answered tucking her flyaway hair behind her ear. “Wanna play?”
“Uhhh sure,” Max said studying her. Despite the image of lightness and laughter he could feel a note of discord there that put him on alert.
“Okay, watch this,” Liz said and turned to Noah. “Tell Daddy the rules first.”
“Kay, no hitting bove da belly. No hitting hawrd and ruwn weally fast so you doun’t get hit. You kin do it?” Noah asked ready to get back to the game.
“I think so,” Max answered stifling his urge to smile, seeing how serious Noah was taking the “rules”.
“Good,” Noah nodded then threw his Koosh, giving it a little boost with his powers, hitting Max at knee level. “You out Daddy.”
“Hey!” Max protested in face of Noah’s proud grin. “I didn’t even get a ball yet.”
Erin giggled dropping her ball and sending it rolling away with Pepe chasing it, jumping and yapping in outrage as the ball continued, unimpressed with his fierce barks of warning.
Liz took advantage of Noah’s apparent distraction to lightly toss her Koosh his way.
Max stopped talking mid sentence as Noah shielded in time to prevent the Koosh from hitting him. Looking over at Liz in stupefied amazement he found her with a slight half smile on her face.
“Neat huh?” Liz asked making light of this latest turn deep into the alien abyss. “Eyes in the back of his head,” Liz said then seeing the startled look on Max’s face she amended that statement with a grin. “Not literally of course.”
“Yeah, I know but….” Max turned from Liz to Noah, kneeling down to put himself at eye level. “How did you do that?”
Noah shrugged more interested in picking up the ball his shield had deflected then on his father’s question. “I dunno.”
“Max,” Liz warned him off with a shake of her head. “Come on. Let’s play.” She’d started this game in hopes of taking the twin’s mind off the scare they’d had at naptime. It had worked for more then its intended purpose though, and Max hadn’t even seen the half of it. “Erin honey, go get your ball.”
Max watched Liz coax Erin back into the game as she retrieved her own ball and tossing him one as well. “Ready?” Liz asked.
“Weady,” Erin agreed bouncing in her excitement and ready to run wild.
“Yep,” Noah agreed, silently reminding Erin to focus or she’d be struck out again.
Max just nodded waiting to see what Liz was trying to show him.
“Go,” Liz called and tossed a soft underhanded throw at Erin’s legs, knowing Max was watching.
Erin frowned and “bumped” the ball away automatically before trying to throw hers, squealing with delight as Pepe chased it undaunted by the fact that it was twice his size, running up on the ball then yipping in outrage as it rolled right over him.
Liz shared a brief look with Max, making sure he saw what she did, before dedicating her full attention to the game. Purposefully loosing herself in the game to keep from thinking about earlier and what that might mean.
As they played Max became more and more certain that something was wrong. He just couldn’t put his finger on what it was. Liz was smiling as much as normal but there was just something that wasn’t right. Erin seemed almost too hyper and by contrast Noah was too intently focused on what was only a game. Only it was really more of an exercise then a game.
Taking a break to cool down Max waited for his chance to catch Liz alone and was finally rewarded when she slipped into the house for a drink. Reminding the kids not to leave the yard he followed her inside.
“You thirsty?” Liz asked without turning.
“Sure,” Max answered going to get the glasses while she got the lemonade. Watching her pour he noticed that same intense concentration for her task that Noah had shown while playing. “What did you guys do today?”
“Ummm, we went to the cemetery and put flowers on Alex’s grave,” Liz answered slowly.
“How did that go?” Max asked watching her profile as he picked up his glass.
“It went good. They had a lot of questions but they seemed okay with it,” Liz supplied before taking a sip from her glass. Setting it down on the counter she kept her eyes on the glass, watching the condensation collect on the sides. “How did things go with your dad?”
“Good. I think good. Cal said to tell you to call him if you needed anything and he’ll try to be back by Monday or as soon as he clears his schedule for awhile,” Max relayed his message noting how her fingers tightened briefly around her glass before she released it completely.
Liz nodded silently, oddly reluctant to voice this latest problem. Tess’s words whispered in her head making her wonder if it was somehow her fault, that maybe she had caused him to come to her. The dream had been hers after all, maybe she had imagined him.
“Liz, what’s wrong?” Max asked concerned when she avoided his eyes.
“Something happened today,” Liz admitted, forcing herself to tell him. Just in case it was more important then she suspected it was. “During our nap.”
The phone rang cutting off what Max was about to say and sending an expression of sheer relief across Liz’s face. “I’ll just…” Liz said already moving to answer her momentary reprieve.
“Hello?” Liz breathed into the phone.
“Liz Parker, oui?” Pascal inquired politely.
“Yes, this is……Pascal? Is that you?” Liz asked surprise coloring her voice.
“Oui! This is he,” Pascal said with heavily accented English.
“How did you get this number? Wow! I can’t believe I’m hearing from you,” Liz exclaimed in complete shock.
“The Professeur, he asked me to contact you,” Pascal supplied glancing at his notes of what should be said during this conversation.
“Really? Why?” Liz asked wondering if there was some kind of problem. She’d finished her research study for him and had emailed him a detailed account of the project along with her results. Did she even have any of that stuff unpacked yet?
“He has been offered his own facilité,” Pascal paused frowning. He really should have written this out in English to keep from lapsing into his native French. “He would like to discuss with you his new project. He hopes to interest you in it so you will be disposé…enfer..Sorry, be willing to come back to work.”
“Oh, umm well I’d be happy to talk with him about it but I don’t see how it would be possible to work with him since I’m in New Mexico and he’s….Where is this facility anyway?” Liz asked interested despite herself.
“We are in the process of looking for a suitable building. One site is very close to you. One of his backers is based out of Roswell….MetaChem? You have heard of this place?” Pascal inquired.
“Oh! Yeah, I have,” Liz admitted.
“There are a lot of…military buildings that are vacant so I understand. The Professeur, he likes the security of them and thinks it would be to our advantage to relocate to one of them if it is possible. I have been improving my English in preparation for this,” Pascal admitted. Tapping his finger on the pages in front of him, he waited to hear her response.
“That sounds interesting,” Liz hedged gnawing on her lower lip. Glancing at Max she found him listening with interest to her side of the conversation his expression giving nothing away. “I can’t make any promises but I’ll talk to him. See what he has in mind and whether it’s something that fits in with what I can do at this point in time.”
“I will advise him to call then,” Pascal said with a broad smile.
“Okay, and Pascal? Your English is superb,” Liz said smiling. She knew Pascal wasn’t overly fond of much that was American. She couldn’t even imagine what the Professor had done to get him to agree to live over here.
“Thank you, Liz. I will be speaking with you again I am sure. Till then,” Pascal said and disconnected the call.
Liz slowly set the phone down her thoughts a whirl of questions that were abruptly cut off by the screen door sliding open.
“We eat soon?” Erin asked tired of being outside. “Pepe’s hungwy and wanna eat.”
Liz sighed and glanced at Max. “We’ll talk eventually. Promise.”
Max smiled and nodded, reassured that it wasn’t a life-threatening emergency. He could wait.
That night after bathes and all the bedtime rituals were completed Liz herded the twins into Noah’s room, gearing herself up for the coming argument.
“Why we in here?” Noah asked suspiciously.
“Because this is your bedroom and it’s time for bed,” Liz said hefting him into bed. Erin climbed up beside him wiggling under the covers and lifting them for Pepe to scoot under. “I’ll read you one story then it’s time to go to sleep.”
“I sleep in hewre?” Erin asked thinking that this bed wouldn’t be big enough with the way Pepe and Noah both hogged the bed.
“No, you’ll be in your bed but you can stay here for the story,” Liz answered watching Noah.
“I wanna sleep wit you,” Noah protested right away.
“You need to sleep here. In your bed,” Liz said firmly. She’d thought about this a lot and wasn’t backing down this time. It was time that they both learned to sleep in their own beds. Now especially. Her changing relationship with Max aside she wasn’t comfortable with the idea of one of the children accidentally being pulled into her dreams. Today had shown that it was a possibility. She couldn’t allow that. Her dreams weren’t something she ever wanted her children to witness.
“Noooooo!” Noah cried getting upset. “I donwanna!”
“Noah, stop,” Liz said firmly sitting on the edge of his bed. “You have your own room now, your own bed that you picked out and everything. There’s no reason to get upset. I’ll be right down the hall the whole night.”
“But…But what if da monswers sneaks in? What if you canw’t getta way?” Noah protested getting worked up as what ifs tumbled through his head.
“Noah,” Liz interrupted cutting off his protests. “It’ll be fine. Your daddy will be there and no one will sneak past him. You’ll be safe and I’ll be here every morning. You’ll see,” Liz soothed, torn between her desire to keep him protected and her feelings of guilt for causing him distress in the first place. Only her knowledge that this was the right thing to do held her firm. They both needed to be protected from her, from this, whatever this turned out to be.
Max stepped out of the shadows of the hallway, into the room to lend his support.
“You take cawre of Mommy?” Erin asked her dark plaintive eyes going to Max as her lower lip trembled with the urge to start crying. She could feel the strong clash of Noah’s feelings and they scared her. She didn’t want Mommy to go away either.
“I’ll take the very best care of her. See?” Max asked putting out his hand and throwing up his shield. “I have a shield too and I’ll keep Mommy safe. Promise.”
Noah’s mutinous expression didn’t change but he remained silent knowing that his best chance to get his way wasn’t to throw a tantrum. That never worked for Erin so he doubted it would work for him either. He’d have to be sneaky.
“Okay, let’s pick out a story,” Liz said smiling and brushing her fingers over Erin’s cheek, sending out a warm comforting burst of love to chase away her tears. “What does Pepe want to hear?”
Max watched as she retrieved the book Erin picked and settled on the bed, wiggling up between the twins and propping up the book up so they could both see the pictures as she read. He moved to join them by sitting at the foot of the bed so he could watch them slowly relax and fall asleep. This was one of his favorite parts of the day.
He loved watching Liz at any time but there was something special about watching her at times like this. She was usually so strong, graceful, articulate, perfect. Sometimes he felt like a shy clumsy dork beside her, especially when she smiled at him and he lost any semblance of cool. But here, with their children all of those traits were still present in her but softer, gentler somehow. Or maybe he just saw her differently he wasn’t sure. She always looked more relaxed, unguarded, natural.
Glancing up from the pages of the book she paused for the barest instant at the look on Max’s face. Her eyelashes drifted down to veil her eyes as if she could hide her self doubt behind that flimsy cover. Her nerves had steadily increased over the course of the evening as the time for her to explain grew closer. She had no idea of what she was going to say, how she was going to explain what were really just stray wisps of feeling. There were no details, nothing that would really help to figure anything out just her own vague sense of guilt and nagging inadequacy.
Forcing her mind back to her current task of getting the kids into a solid sleep free from nightmares, she used her voice to calm and sooth them.
Tonight sleep was a long time coming, as Noah was determined to out last the story, thinking of ways he could change his mommy’s mind. He blinked his heavy eyelids back open, scowl easing as Liz stroked his hair, her voice getting softer as she continued to read. He fell asleep to her silent reassurance that she would be there if he got scared in the middle of the night. He had only to reach for her.
When Liz shut the book Max scooped up Erin, easing her out from under the covers and carrying her out of the room while Liz smoothed out the blankets covering Noah, fussing until she was sure he was comfortable. Leaving his room with only the nightlight glowing softly to keep the monsters at bay, she eased the door to within a hare's breath of closed before going to wait for Max.
After tucking Erin in, with Pepe curling into a little ball at her side guarding her, Max made his way down the hallway wondering why Liz was suddenly pushing the sleep in your own bed thing. Not that he was opposed at all. It just made him wonder.
He found Liz in the living room staring sightlessly at the TV. She looked small and almost forlorn, swallowed by the huge piece of furniture. Sitting down he pulled her bare feet into his lap.
“That went better then I’d have thought,” Max commented as his thumbs stroked the arches of her feet.
“Hmm,” Liz hummed thoughtfully, slow to respond. “We’ll see where they both are in the morning.”
Max smiled, agreeing that it was a little early to call this one yet. “So what do you think about your phone call? Do you want to go back to work?”
“Not really,” Liz replied then at Max’s look of disbelief she smiled. “Really. Weird isn’t it? I just think that right now isn’t a good time.” She shrugged her smile fading. “You’re starting a business and with the kids…..it just doesn’t seem viable. I like being home.”
Hearing a slightly defensive tone he sighed. “I wasn’t implying you didn’t like being here with the kids. I’m just saying that if you want to work don’t let me stop you. Our parents are here and it’d be easier to find someone to watch the kids if that’s what you want.”
“Okay,” Liz agreed. “But what if I don’t want to? What if I want to stay home, barefoot and everything?”
“Then stay home,” Max answered. “Nothing’s changed, Liz. We talked about this before we moved and I’m fine either way,” Max said easily then glanced down at her naked toes. “I like your bare feet just fine.”
Liz smiled at his teasing, relaxing back into the arm of the couch. “I can’t ran away as fast barefoot huh?”
“Exactly my thinking,” Max agreed and grinned when she shoved him with her foot. “Michael gave me the idea. He’s started hiding Maria’s shoes.” After a brief pause his brow wrinkled in thought. “Although I think that was because she was throwing them at his head.”
Liz laughed believing that was entirely possible. Always volatile Maria was down right dangerous pregnant. She sobered as she remembered the other reason why she wasn’t sure that now was a good time to be away from home.
“Liz?” Max asked sensing the sudden shift in her mood.
“Umm I have something I need to talk to you about,” Liz said attempting her to pull her feet from his lap. An instinctive movement to pull away from him in preparation for his negative reaction to what she was going to tell him.
Max stilled her movement, his fingers circling her ankles to hold her. “Okay, shoot.”
“Today, during our nap I had this dream. At least I think it was a dream,” Liz hedged, her voice going soft and hesitant, unsure of what she believed and what his reaction to it would be. “I sort of….got stuck there, like I couldn’t wake up. Noah…..he woke me up.”
“What were you dreaming about?” Max asked suppressing his urge to tense up. Absently his fingers moved to stroke over her toes in soothing gesture, sensing how disturbed she was by the way her eyes slid away from his.
“I’m not….I think,” Liz took a deep breath and plunged forward. “I think I dreamed about Khivar. He was talking to me. In that gaudy motel room where we found Michael the time he stole the Jetta with Maria in it.”
“You were in a motel room with Khivar,” Max repeated in surprise.
“Uh huh,” Liz nodded. “I think so.”
“What were you talking about?” Max asked softly feeling his stomach knot up.
“I don’t….I’m not sure. I can’t remember,” Liz said slowly going over what she did remember in her mind. “What I remember most is…..that I felt trapped. He was there in that room and suddenly it was so small, and I was stuck.”
Max felt the knot tighten in his stomach as fear grew, twisting the small knot into a bigger one as he wondered what Khivar had done to her there. “What happened right before Noah woke you?” Max asked thinking that would the most likely thing for her to remember.
“He was coming to me. He was walking closer and all I could think about was that I couldn’t move. I don’t know if it was because I was afraid or because he did something to me but….then I heard Noah. As soon as I heard him it was like someone snapped their fingers and I could move,” Liz shrugged. “I woke up. It was weird because I knew I was dreaming at first but then it seemed so real. Tess said…”
Max’s eyes sharpened as Liz trailed off. “Tess was there?”
“No,” Liz shook her head then paused. “Not when he was. I don’t think she was.”
“What did she say?” Max asked prodding her to remember.
“That I picked the motel room,” Liz said looking at her fingers, shame flickering over her face. “That maybe I called him to me.”
Seeing that expression of shame and hearing the guilt in her voice spawned two very swift reactions in him. Rage flared to life inside him, burning through his blood and causing his pulse to race. Rage at Tess for planting demons that seemed to have a life all their own, at himself for giving Liz any reason to think for even a second that he would blame her for this, rage at anyone that threatened her. But tempering that was hurt, he hurt simply because she did. The reason was secondary.
“Liz, no,” Max said gathering her up and forcing her to look at him. “Don’t do that. Don’t listen to her.”
“Sometimes she’s right though,” Liz almost whispered. “What if I did? What if it was really him?”
“Then I failed you,” Max said bluntly. “If you called then I didn’t hear you so who’s fault is that? It’s my fault. You should kick my ass.”
Liz blinked in surprise, too shocked to respond with anything intelligent. “What? No…that’s not…”
“Yes,” Max said swiftly cutting her off. “That’s the truth. If you’re going to listen to Tess then follow it through. Is she right? Who knows you better? You or Tess?”
“Me but,” Liz started only to have Max cut her off.
“So what do YOU think?” Max asked and watched her think about that for a minute.
“I think that I don’t need to call for anyone else,” Liz answered her eyes meeting his. “I think that what I’m looking for isn’t out there somewhere, it’s here.”
When her forehead came to rest against his, her body molding itself to the hard lines of his, he saw his world in her eyes. The stars just didn’t hold the same fascination, they never had, everything he needed was here. Everything that was worth fighting for was right here.
Her eyes drifted closed at the soft brush of his mouth, her lips clinging to his, feeling the promise shimmer in the air around them, easing the cold weight she’d carried with her since waking.
By the time Max got home it was late afternoon, the meeting with his father and Cal about starting up the joint business having run longer then he had thought it would. A million things were crowding his head, stray thoughts and details he needed to take care of or call Cal about later.
So lost in thought it wasn’t until he opened the front door and stepped inside that he registered the frantic barking and shriek of excited voices. Curious, he wandered through the house, following the noise to the screen door that led to the back yard. A smile crept over his face as he watched Liz and kids running around the yard throwing things at each other, with an overly excited Chihuahua in hot pursuit.
“What’s going on here?” Max called and watched Liz coming to an abrupt stop, arm posed to throw her Koosh ball.
“We’re playing a game of dodge ball,” Liz answered tossing her ball from one hand to the other.
“Dodge ball?” Max asked walking outside.
“Yep,” Liz answered tucking her flyaway hair behind her ear. “Wanna play?”
“Uhhh sure,” Max said studying her. Despite the image of lightness and laughter he could feel a note of discord there that put him on alert.
“Okay, watch this,” Liz said and turned to Noah. “Tell Daddy the rules first.”
“Kay, no hitting bove da belly. No hitting hawrd and ruwn weally fast so you doun’t get hit. You kin do it?” Noah asked ready to get back to the game.
“I think so,” Max answered stifling his urge to smile, seeing how serious Noah was taking the “rules”.
“Good,” Noah nodded then threw his Koosh, giving it a little boost with his powers, hitting Max at knee level. “You out Daddy.”
“Hey!” Max protested in face of Noah’s proud grin. “I didn’t even get a ball yet.”
Erin giggled dropping her ball and sending it rolling away with Pepe chasing it, jumping and yapping in outrage as the ball continued, unimpressed with his fierce barks of warning.
Liz took advantage of Noah’s apparent distraction to lightly toss her Koosh his way.
Max stopped talking mid sentence as Noah shielded in time to prevent the Koosh from hitting him. Looking over at Liz in stupefied amazement he found her with a slight half smile on her face.
“Neat huh?” Liz asked making light of this latest turn deep into the alien abyss. “Eyes in the back of his head,” Liz said then seeing the startled look on Max’s face she amended that statement with a grin. “Not literally of course.”
“Yeah, I know but….” Max turned from Liz to Noah, kneeling down to put himself at eye level. “How did you do that?”
Noah shrugged more interested in picking up the ball his shield had deflected then on his father’s question. “I dunno.”
“Max,” Liz warned him off with a shake of her head. “Come on. Let’s play.” She’d started this game in hopes of taking the twin’s mind off the scare they’d had at naptime. It had worked for more then its intended purpose though, and Max hadn’t even seen the half of it. “Erin honey, go get your ball.”
Max watched Liz coax Erin back into the game as she retrieved her own ball and tossing him one as well. “Ready?” Liz asked.
“Weady,” Erin agreed bouncing in her excitement and ready to run wild.
“Yep,” Noah agreed, silently reminding Erin to focus or she’d be struck out again.
Max just nodded waiting to see what Liz was trying to show him.
“Go,” Liz called and tossed a soft underhanded throw at Erin’s legs, knowing Max was watching.
Erin frowned and “bumped” the ball away automatically before trying to throw hers, squealing with delight as Pepe chased it undaunted by the fact that it was twice his size, running up on the ball then yipping in outrage as it rolled right over him.
Liz shared a brief look with Max, making sure he saw what she did, before dedicating her full attention to the game. Purposefully loosing herself in the game to keep from thinking about earlier and what that might mean.
As they played Max became more and more certain that something was wrong. He just couldn’t put his finger on what it was. Liz was smiling as much as normal but there was just something that wasn’t right. Erin seemed almost too hyper and by contrast Noah was too intently focused on what was only a game. Only it was really more of an exercise then a game.
Taking a break to cool down Max waited for his chance to catch Liz alone and was finally rewarded when she slipped into the house for a drink. Reminding the kids not to leave the yard he followed her inside.
“You thirsty?” Liz asked without turning.
“Sure,” Max answered going to get the glasses while she got the lemonade. Watching her pour he noticed that same intense concentration for her task that Noah had shown while playing. “What did you guys do today?”
“Ummm, we went to the cemetery and put flowers on Alex’s grave,” Liz answered slowly.
“How did that go?” Max asked watching her profile as he picked up his glass.
“It went good. They had a lot of questions but they seemed okay with it,” Liz supplied before taking a sip from her glass. Setting it down on the counter she kept her eyes on the glass, watching the condensation collect on the sides. “How did things go with your dad?”
“Good. I think good. Cal said to tell you to call him if you needed anything and he’ll try to be back by Monday or as soon as he clears his schedule for awhile,” Max relayed his message noting how her fingers tightened briefly around her glass before she released it completely.
Liz nodded silently, oddly reluctant to voice this latest problem. Tess’s words whispered in her head making her wonder if it was somehow her fault, that maybe she had caused him to come to her. The dream had been hers after all, maybe she had imagined him.
“Liz, what’s wrong?” Max asked concerned when she avoided his eyes.
“Something happened today,” Liz admitted, forcing herself to tell him. Just in case it was more important then she suspected it was. “During our nap.”
The phone rang cutting off what Max was about to say and sending an expression of sheer relief across Liz’s face. “I’ll just…” Liz said already moving to answer her momentary reprieve.
“Hello?” Liz breathed into the phone.
“Liz Parker, oui?” Pascal inquired politely.
“Yes, this is……Pascal? Is that you?” Liz asked surprise coloring her voice.
“Oui! This is he,” Pascal said with heavily accented English.
“How did you get this number? Wow! I can’t believe I’m hearing from you,” Liz exclaimed in complete shock.
“The Professeur, he asked me to contact you,” Pascal supplied glancing at his notes of what should be said during this conversation.
“Really? Why?” Liz asked wondering if there was some kind of problem. She’d finished her research study for him and had emailed him a detailed account of the project along with her results. Did she even have any of that stuff unpacked yet?
“He has been offered his own facilité,” Pascal paused frowning. He really should have written this out in English to keep from lapsing into his native French. “He would like to discuss with you his new project. He hopes to interest you in it so you will be disposé…enfer..Sorry, be willing to come back to work.”
“Oh, umm well I’d be happy to talk with him about it but I don’t see how it would be possible to work with him since I’m in New Mexico and he’s….Where is this facility anyway?” Liz asked interested despite herself.
“We are in the process of looking for a suitable building. One site is very close to you. One of his backers is based out of Roswell….MetaChem? You have heard of this place?” Pascal inquired.
“Oh! Yeah, I have,” Liz admitted.
“There are a lot of…military buildings that are vacant so I understand. The Professeur, he likes the security of them and thinks it would be to our advantage to relocate to one of them if it is possible. I have been improving my English in preparation for this,” Pascal admitted. Tapping his finger on the pages in front of him, he waited to hear her response.
“That sounds interesting,” Liz hedged gnawing on her lower lip. Glancing at Max she found him listening with interest to her side of the conversation his expression giving nothing away. “I can’t make any promises but I’ll talk to him. See what he has in mind and whether it’s something that fits in with what I can do at this point in time.”
“I will advise him to call then,” Pascal said with a broad smile.
“Okay, and Pascal? Your English is superb,” Liz said smiling. She knew Pascal wasn’t overly fond of much that was American. She couldn’t even imagine what the Professor had done to get him to agree to live over here.
“Thank you, Liz. I will be speaking with you again I am sure. Till then,” Pascal said and disconnected the call.
Liz slowly set the phone down her thoughts a whirl of questions that were abruptly cut off by the screen door sliding open.
“We eat soon?” Erin asked tired of being outside. “Pepe’s hungwy and wanna eat.”
Liz sighed and glanced at Max. “We’ll talk eventually. Promise.”
Max smiled and nodded, reassured that it wasn’t a life-threatening emergency. He could wait.
That night after bathes and all the bedtime rituals were completed Liz herded the twins into Noah’s room, gearing herself up for the coming argument.
“Why we in here?” Noah asked suspiciously.
“Because this is your bedroom and it’s time for bed,” Liz said hefting him into bed. Erin climbed up beside him wiggling under the covers and lifting them for Pepe to scoot under. “I’ll read you one story then it’s time to go to sleep.”
“I sleep in hewre?” Erin asked thinking that this bed wouldn’t be big enough with the way Pepe and Noah both hogged the bed.
“No, you’ll be in your bed but you can stay here for the story,” Liz answered watching Noah.
“I wanna sleep wit you,” Noah protested right away.
“You need to sleep here. In your bed,” Liz said firmly. She’d thought about this a lot and wasn’t backing down this time. It was time that they both learned to sleep in their own beds. Now especially. Her changing relationship with Max aside she wasn’t comfortable with the idea of one of the children accidentally being pulled into her dreams. Today had shown that it was a possibility. She couldn’t allow that. Her dreams weren’t something she ever wanted her children to witness.
“Noooooo!” Noah cried getting upset. “I donwanna!”
“Noah, stop,” Liz said firmly sitting on the edge of his bed. “You have your own room now, your own bed that you picked out and everything. There’s no reason to get upset. I’ll be right down the hall the whole night.”
“But…But what if da monswers sneaks in? What if you canw’t getta way?” Noah protested getting worked up as what ifs tumbled through his head.
“Noah,” Liz interrupted cutting off his protests. “It’ll be fine. Your daddy will be there and no one will sneak past him. You’ll be safe and I’ll be here every morning. You’ll see,” Liz soothed, torn between her desire to keep him protected and her feelings of guilt for causing him distress in the first place. Only her knowledge that this was the right thing to do held her firm. They both needed to be protected from her, from this, whatever this turned out to be.
Max stepped out of the shadows of the hallway, into the room to lend his support.
“You take cawre of Mommy?” Erin asked her dark plaintive eyes going to Max as her lower lip trembled with the urge to start crying. She could feel the strong clash of Noah’s feelings and they scared her. She didn’t want Mommy to go away either.
“I’ll take the very best care of her. See?” Max asked putting out his hand and throwing up his shield. “I have a shield too and I’ll keep Mommy safe. Promise.”
Noah’s mutinous expression didn’t change but he remained silent knowing that his best chance to get his way wasn’t to throw a tantrum. That never worked for Erin so he doubted it would work for him either. He’d have to be sneaky.
“Okay, let’s pick out a story,” Liz said smiling and brushing her fingers over Erin’s cheek, sending out a warm comforting burst of love to chase away her tears. “What does Pepe want to hear?”
Max watched as she retrieved the book Erin picked and settled on the bed, wiggling up between the twins and propping up the book up so they could both see the pictures as she read. He moved to join them by sitting at the foot of the bed so he could watch them slowly relax and fall asleep. This was one of his favorite parts of the day.
He loved watching Liz at any time but there was something special about watching her at times like this. She was usually so strong, graceful, articulate, perfect. Sometimes he felt like a shy clumsy dork beside her, especially when she smiled at him and he lost any semblance of cool. But here, with their children all of those traits were still present in her but softer, gentler somehow. Or maybe he just saw her differently he wasn’t sure. She always looked more relaxed, unguarded, natural.
Glancing up from the pages of the book she paused for the barest instant at the look on Max’s face. Her eyelashes drifted down to veil her eyes as if she could hide her self doubt behind that flimsy cover. Her nerves had steadily increased over the course of the evening as the time for her to explain grew closer. She had no idea of what she was going to say, how she was going to explain what were really just stray wisps of feeling. There were no details, nothing that would really help to figure anything out just her own vague sense of guilt and nagging inadequacy.
Forcing her mind back to her current task of getting the kids into a solid sleep free from nightmares, she used her voice to calm and sooth them.
Tonight sleep was a long time coming, as Noah was determined to out last the story, thinking of ways he could change his mommy’s mind. He blinked his heavy eyelids back open, scowl easing as Liz stroked his hair, her voice getting softer as she continued to read. He fell asleep to her silent reassurance that she would be there if he got scared in the middle of the night. He had only to reach for her.
When Liz shut the book Max scooped up Erin, easing her out from under the covers and carrying her out of the room while Liz smoothed out the blankets covering Noah, fussing until she was sure he was comfortable. Leaving his room with only the nightlight glowing softly to keep the monsters at bay, she eased the door to within a hare's breath of closed before going to wait for Max.
After tucking Erin in, with Pepe curling into a little ball at her side guarding her, Max made his way down the hallway wondering why Liz was suddenly pushing the sleep in your own bed thing. Not that he was opposed at all. It just made him wonder.
He found Liz in the living room staring sightlessly at the TV. She looked small and almost forlorn, swallowed by the huge piece of furniture. Sitting down he pulled her bare feet into his lap.
“That went better then I’d have thought,” Max commented as his thumbs stroked the arches of her feet.
“Hmm,” Liz hummed thoughtfully, slow to respond. “We’ll see where they both are in the morning.”
Max smiled, agreeing that it was a little early to call this one yet. “So what do you think about your phone call? Do you want to go back to work?”
“Not really,” Liz replied then at Max’s look of disbelief she smiled. “Really. Weird isn’t it? I just think that right now isn’t a good time.” She shrugged her smile fading. “You’re starting a business and with the kids…..it just doesn’t seem viable. I like being home.”
Hearing a slightly defensive tone he sighed. “I wasn’t implying you didn’t like being here with the kids. I’m just saying that if you want to work don’t let me stop you. Our parents are here and it’d be easier to find someone to watch the kids if that’s what you want.”
“Okay,” Liz agreed. “But what if I don’t want to? What if I want to stay home, barefoot and everything?”
“Then stay home,” Max answered. “Nothing’s changed, Liz. We talked about this before we moved and I’m fine either way,” Max said easily then glanced down at her naked toes. “I like your bare feet just fine.”
Liz smiled at his teasing, relaxing back into the arm of the couch. “I can’t ran away as fast barefoot huh?”
“Exactly my thinking,” Max agreed and grinned when she shoved him with her foot. “Michael gave me the idea. He’s started hiding Maria’s shoes.” After a brief pause his brow wrinkled in thought. “Although I think that was because she was throwing them at his head.”
Liz laughed believing that was entirely possible. Always volatile Maria was down right dangerous pregnant. She sobered as she remembered the other reason why she wasn’t sure that now was a good time to be away from home.
“Liz?” Max asked sensing the sudden shift in her mood.
“Umm I have something I need to talk to you about,” Liz said attempting her to pull her feet from his lap. An instinctive movement to pull away from him in preparation for his negative reaction to what she was going to tell him.
Max stilled her movement, his fingers circling her ankles to hold her. “Okay, shoot.”
“Today, during our nap I had this dream. At least I think it was a dream,” Liz hedged, her voice going soft and hesitant, unsure of what she believed and what his reaction to it would be. “I sort of….got stuck there, like I couldn’t wake up. Noah…..he woke me up.”
“What were you dreaming about?” Max asked suppressing his urge to tense up. Absently his fingers moved to stroke over her toes in soothing gesture, sensing how disturbed she was by the way her eyes slid away from his.
“I’m not….I think,” Liz took a deep breath and plunged forward. “I think I dreamed about Khivar. He was talking to me. In that gaudy motel room where we found Michael the time he stole the Jetta with Maria in it.”
“You were in a motel room with Khivar,” Max repeated in surprise.
“Uh huh,” Liz nodded. “I think so.”
“What were you talking about?” Max asked softly feeling his stomach knot up.
“I don’t….I’m not sure. I can’t remember,” Liz said slowly going over what she did remember in her mind. “What I remember most is…..that I felt trapped. He was there in that room and suddenly it was so small, and I was stuck.”
Max felt the knot tighten in his stomach as fear grew, twisting the small knot into a bigger one as he wondered what Khivar had done to her there. “What happened right before Noah woke you?” Max asked thinking that would the most likely thing for her to remember.
“He was coming to me. He was walking closer and all I could think about was that I couldn’t move. I don’t know if it was because I was afraid or because he did something to me but….then I heard Noah. As soon as I heard him it was like someone snapped their fingers and I could move,” Liz shrugged. “I woke up. It was weird because I knew I was dreaming at first but then it seemed so real. Tess said…”
Max’s eyes sharpened as Liz trailed off. “Tess was there?”
“No,” Liz shook her head then paused. “Not when he was. I don’t think she was.”
“What did she say?” Max asked prodding her to remember.
“That I picked the motel room,” Liz said looking at her fingers, shame flickering over her face. “That maybe I called him to me.”
Seeing that expression of shame and hearing the guilt in her voice spawned two very swift reactions in him. Rage flared to life inside him, burning through his blood and causing his pulse to race. Rage at Tess for planting demons that seemed to have a life all their own, at himself for giving Liz any reason to think for even a second that he would blame her for this, rage at anyone that threatened her. But tempering that was hurt, he hurt simply because she did. The reason was secondary.
“Liz, no,” Max said gathering her up and forcing her to look at him. “Don’t do that. Don’t listen to her.”
“Sometimes she’s right though,” Liz almost whispered. “What if I did? What if it was really him?”
“Then I failed you,” Max said bluntly. “If you called then I didn’t hear you so who’s fault is that? It’s my fault. You should kick my ass.”
Liz blinked in surprise, too shocked to respond with anything intelligent. “What? No…that’s not…”
“Yes,” Max said swiftly cutting her off. “That’s the truth. If you’re going to listen to Tess then follow it through. Is she right? Who knows you better? You or Tess?”
“Me but,” Liz started only to have Max cut her off.
“So what do YOU think?” Max asked and watched her think about that for a minute.
“I think that I don’t need to call for anyone else,” Liz answered her eyes meeting his. “I think that what I’m looking for isn’t out there somewhere, it’s here.”
When her forehead came to rest against his, her body molding itself to the hard lines of his, he saw his world in her eyes. The stars just didn’t hold the same fascination, they never had, everything he needed was here. Everything that was worth fighting for was right here.
Her eyes drifted closed at the soft brush of his mouth, her lips clinging to his, feeling the promise shimmer in the air around them, easing the cold weight she’d carried with her since waking.
Chapter Twenty Three
Chapter Twenty Three
“You’re okay?” Max murmured, pulling away enough to see her eyes. “You feel fine?”
“I feel really good,” Liz replied, her eyes sparkling with a touch of mischief as she traced the shell of his ear with the tip of her finger.
Max’s lips curved at the edges even though worry still sat inside his gut like a lead weight. “You know what I meant,” Max admonished lightly.
“I feel better now,” Liz amended in deference to his worried expression. “I’m tired but otherwise I feel fine.”
“Can I….” Max hesitated briefly as fear and self-doubt fluttered inside him briefly before he trampled it down. This was more important then his fears. This was Liz’s safety, his family’s life. “Can I see?”
Knowing exactly what he meant Liz nodded, shifting into a more comfortable position she met his eyes straight on, opening herself and clearing her mind.
Feeling her arms tighten around his neck he smiled slightly, amazed at her faith in him. Reaching outward, he sought answers, forming the connection with care and a gentle touch. His breathing escalated as he struggled with himself, overcoming his ingrained doubts to form a solid connection while keeping back certain parts of himself. The warm fluid feel of sinking into the very essence of her was flooding his senses, almost causing him to forget his purpose and loose what little balance he had.
Her breathe left her on a shaky sigh, feeling as if she had just been thrown into a warm pool after being so cold for so long. It was a little uncomfortable at first, feeling him burning through every part of her, but that soon past leaving a remembered sense of rightness. She remembered this, how this felt, although it wasn’t all that she remembered it was close enough. It wasn’t the full merging that she remembered them having, he still remained wholly separate from her, but she could feel him. Whisps of his feelings drifted to her similar to being able to read his expressions, only it wasn’t his expression she was reading.
Flashes of thought, emotion, bits of their past and more flowed through him causing him to struggle to control the direction of the connection. It was almost too much at once. Narrowing his focus he tried to filter the stream down to see only what he was searching for.
Bits of her dreams washed over him, disturbing in their intensity so sharply painted that it deepened his concern.
They seemed more deeply rooted then a mere dream should be. He wished Isabel were here, she would know if something was wrong better then he would.
Feeling an increase in Max’s anxiety she reached for him, trying to understand the cause, and felt his instinctive withdrawal, a subtle closing off that she felt keenly. She retreated swiftly to prevent him from pulling further away, she was trying to relieve his anxiety not cause him more.
Her retreat shifted his focus immediately, forcing him to acknowledge her sudden tentativeness, the flash of pervasive hurt that she didn’t even seem to notice.
Smoothing her hair back, he shifted her closer, fitting her body to his chest as he allowed more of himself to bleed into her, trying to hold a delicate balance somewhere in between complete openness and holding onto his secrets. Trying to please her, give her what she needed.
The flare of heat was instantaneous, surprising her with its intensity. It seemed to come out of nowhere. Instead of fighting it she melted, almost moaning at the fingers of his essence drifting through hers, automatically rewarding his gift with a swell of honest desire.
When her lips met his, the tip of her tongue feathering over his lower lip in a moist caress before she moved to nuzzle the sensitive skin just behind his jaw, he lost the ability to focus on anything but the tempting weight on his lap, her desire swamping his intentions.
“Liz,” Max whispered a token protest. When she hummed in response the vibration went though his entire body destroying his ability to think. “I was….I thought we were…”
“We were,” Liz agreed her fingers playing with the hair trying to curl at the nape of his neck. “Now we’re….doing this too.”
“This?” Max asked dazed, feeling everything he was feeling from her and trying to follow her words too.
“Yeah, this. You remember. Baby steps? Meeting half way?” Liz asked between nibbling kisses. “You took a step so it’s my turn. Right?”
“Baby steps,” Max nodded in automatic agreement, latching onto the one thing he was able to decipher. He would have agreed to almost anything if it would keep her happy, even if he didn’t fully understand what she was saying.
His continued presence inside and sudden loss of focus allowed their bond to draw them closer unopposed, seeking to mend the fractures and restore the natural order.
The second time their lips met there was no teasing, no soft playful tasting, the heat exploded between them melding their mouths in a bold searching kiss fueled by the longing inside them both. Liz could feel the shift inside her, the broken pieces struggling to realign themselves with his even as she wanted to crawl inside him. He was so strong, bursting inside her with fierce energy, she needed him with a rising passion that almost scared her. She buried that thought before it could fully form, biting his lip with her teeth distracting them both.
Max carried her back onto the cushions of the couch, tangling his body with hers, his hands gliding up her leg fingers slipping into the bottom edge of her shorts to caress the firm roundness of her bottom. He forgot the reasons to remain apart from her, the promise of being complete shimmered just out of his reach tempting him into not thinking about the reasons to hold himself apart.
“Ohhhh,” Erin blurted out wide-eyed from the doorway. “Dat bad towches wight? Uncle Michael said. Noah, yook Daddy’s being bad and gonna get a time oouut.”
Max’s head popped up immediately, shock freezing him place and shattering his open connection to Liz. Noah’s accusing glare had him rocketing up to a sitting position tugging Liz with him. “No! We were….there’s not any…Ummm..Mommy was just….Liz?”
Liz blinked, a little dazed, swiping her swollen lip with her tongue before focusing. Her lips twitched at the equal parts horror and guilt plastered all over Max’s face. “What are you two doing out of bed?”
“We was thirwsy,” Erin answered eyes still huge, holding onto Noah’s hand tight for reassurance.
“Both of you? At the same time?” Liz asked motioning them closer.
“Yeah,” Erin said letting go of Noah’s hand to rush forward. “Noah said dat it was time for a dwink. Daddy not one a da bad peoples? Is he?” Erin asked in a rush, the lecture about bad people touching private places still fresh in her mind.
“No, of course not,” Liz soothed running her fingers through Erin’s hair as she climbed up onto the couch. “We were just kissing like Mommies and Daddies do.”
“Aunt Maria’s and Uncle Michael’s too wight?” Erin asked feeling better, that was something she was used to. Kissing was okay. That wasn’t bad or scary. Uncle Michael had explained about that.
“Right,” Liz answered shooting Max a look and nudging him with her elbow.
“Right,” Max piped up scratching at his ear nervously feeling Noah’s eyes resting on him.
“Why I call an you not come?” Noah asked his mother then shifted his eyes back to his father. He wasn’t teaching Mommy how to shut him out was he? Was that why he had woken up and not been able to feel her as much as normal?
“Because you didn’t really need me,” Liz answered. “You weren’t scared or hurt. You were just checking right?”
“Wight, but…” Noah protested.
“We’ve talked about this,” Liz reminded him gently. “About how I can’t always come right that second if it’s not an emergency. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong. Now what was it that Uncle Michael said about bad touches?”
“He said to tell him if any bad peoples touched us or,” Erin’s face scrunched up in thought. “made us…afraid and he’d fuwck dem up.”
“Erin!” Liz gasp in absolute horror, her stroking fingers freezing.
“What? Dat what he said,” Erin pouted. Why was she in trouble this time?
“Max!” Liz cried turning to glare at him.
“I didn’t say it,” Max protested helping Noah onto the couch.
“I swear I’m going to…,” Liz cut herself off, biting back her words for a moment until she was able to continue. “Uncle Michael was bad to use words like that. He’s in big trouble.”
“He getta time oouut?” Erin asked fluttering her lashes in innocent inquiry trying to deflect the trouble away from herself.
“Worse,” Liz said shooting Max angry look. “So don’t ever use bad words like he does okay?”
“Okay, Mommy,” Erin chirped, relieved that SHE wasn’t in big trouble like Uncle Michael.
“We should tell still? If a stwranger scare us?” Noah asked diverted from his brooding thoughts by Erin’s comments.
“If anyone scares you,” Max corrected seriously. “If anyone makes you feel funny or asks you to keep a secret then tell us. Or Michael umm any family,” Max expanded with a sidelong glance at Liz.
“Jus peoples?” Noah asked. “Or da ones dat arwn’t weally peoples too?”
Liz looked over at Max, seeing his serious expression she let him take the lead.
“Anyone, someone that you know, a stranger, a….person that isn’t like other people….anyone,” Max said looking between his children to see if they understood. “They might even look like someone you know but not be them. Anyone that wants you to keep a secret from us, scares you, touches you in any way that you don’t understand call us and we’ll come for you and take care of the problem.”
“Anytime that you need us call, okay?” Liz said cuddling Erin closer worried that this conversation might scare them. Cautiously checking their bond she relaxed not feeling any fear or undue anxiety.
Max ruffled Noah’s hair causing him to squirm in his seat as he parroted Erin’s okay.
“Now,” Liz said reverting back to the reason they were up. “Nice try but its back to your beds.”
Max stayed put as Liz herded both protesting children down the hall. His thoughts turned back to his worries for Liz. He had an uneasy feeling that there was something more going on then garden-variety nightmares. The very idea that Noah had to force her awake was frightening.
Unfortunately, this wasn’t his strong point and what little he had seen wasn’t really clear enough to help him. Isabel would be back on Monday though he could talk to her and have her check it out then.
Until then…..
“Max, this is your fault,” Liz declared plopping down on the couch.
“What is?” Max asked in a relaxed tone, a half smile on his face as he took in Liz’s vexed expression.
“Erin cussing like Michael. What in the hell was he thinking?” Liz demanded pulling her leg underneath her and turning to look at him.
Max smiled then sobered at her glare. “I don’t know,” Max shrugged. “He was trying to help I guess, but clearly forgot the swearing rule.”
“I can’t wait to see him in a few months,” Liz said scowling.
“He’ll learn,” Max replied. “On a poor defenseless infant.”
“I highly doubt that any infant created by Michael and Maria will be defenseless,” Liz softened slightly. “Cute but not defenseless. No more test runs on ours though.”
“Got it,” Max agreed smiling. He knew she was fast loosing her irritation with Michael. “Let him screw up his own kid.”
“Uh huh,” Liz nodded. “We can handle screwing up ours.”
“Exactly,” Max grinned.
Liz wrinkled her nose at him amused despite herself. “So….”
“So…Ummm I was thinking,” Max started turning to face her. “That when Isabel gets back she should….check out this dream thing.”
“Right,” Liz nodded seriously. “Because she’s already totally gotten over the creepy seeing her brother having sex in vivid Technicolor detail thing. She soooo enjoyed it the last time. What a great homecoming this will be.”
“Liz…” Max sighed running one hand through his hair in agitation. “You know that this is her thing, dreams. I just want to be sure. This could be something.”
“It could be nothing,” Liz pointed out. She didn’t want to share the intimate details of her inner demons with anyone, and certainly not with anyone but Max.
“I’m not willing to take the chance,” Max said his fingers stroking along the silken softness of her cheek. “Not with you.”
“Okay,” Liz sighed in defeat. “I’ll let her walk through my head if it’ll make you feel better. But when she gets all wiggy and won’t look at you, then it’s so your fault.”
“Deal,” Max said, snapping up her agreement no matter the cost. “Until then…..I’m keeping you close.”
Liz quirked her eyebrow in question, her eyes alight with mischief. “How close?”
“Very close,” Max answered leaning over to take her ankles in his hand, using them to pull her across the vacant space between them, causing her to smile.
“This close?” Liz asked with her legs resting over his lap.
“Not quite,” Max answered slowly, dazzled by her laughing eyes as she rested on her elbows waiting for his next move.
Liz squeaked in surprise as he picked her up like he would one of the kids and set her on his lap, her back against his chest. “Comfy?”
Max settled back into the couch, his arms wrapping around her to hold her as close as possible as she rested her head against his shoulder. “Yeah, now I am.”
She smiled and tilted her head back to look up at him. “I might get a little heavy if you keep me like this all weekend until Isabel gets home.”
“I promised that I would watch out for you,” Max reminded her with satisfaction. Using his bantering to keep her from knowing how worried he really was. “I’m willing to make the sacrifice.”
Liz’s eyebrow arched feeling his hand slipping under her shirt to caress the bare skin of her abdomen. “I can see that.”
Max smiled as she tangled her fingers with his, wrapping his arm tighter around her body. Nuzzling her hair while absently stroking her skin he worried.
Long silent minutes later Liz squirmed, tilting her head to see his face when his arms tightened to hold her in place. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“I want to call Cal,” Max said softly. “See what he thinks.”
“Max, he’ll be back in two days,” Liz protested. “It was a dream not an alien invasion.”
“I don’t think it was just a dream. Noah wouldn’t have had to do whatever he did to get you to wake up if it were just a dream,” Max replied, planning to talk to Noah in the morning, see if he could find out what Noah had actually done.
“He just called me,” Liz said upset that her stupid dreams were causing Max to worry so much. Dreams she didn’t even remember that well. “What are you thinking? That Khivar dreamwalked me from outerspace or another planet? You know that’s next to impossible it would take huge amounts of power and why would he do that anyway? Isabel couldn’t even do that when we were in Paris and she’s on Earth. She couldn’t reach you in New York or..”
“Khivar isn’t Isabel,” Max reminded her. “We don’t know what he can do, which is why I’m calling Cal.”
“He’ll be back in two days,” Liz protested again.
“Maybe, but a phone call won’t hurt,” Max said stubbornly, tightening his arms around her.
“But why would Khivar waste his time? He’s had three years to do something so why now? Why slip into my dreams like that? It doesn’t make sense,” Liz questioned, still trying to work Max around to her point of view.
“Maybe it’s taken three years until he could,” Max answered. “I don’t know but I’m not waiting to find out. I fucked up the last time. This time I’m not taking chances with you. Noah’s upset about something, Liz, now there’s these dreams. I don’t need a big crop circle on my lawn before I start to wonder okay?”
Liz squirmed around to straddle his lap. “Okay.”
“Okay?” Max asked surprised she gave in so easily.
“Uh huh,” Liz nodded a smile curving her mouth and softening her eyes. “You’re just so sexy when you’re all protective. How can I argue?”
Max rolled his eyes at her teasing and tickled her, trapping her under him when she tried to get away. Looking down into her shining eyes he brushed a stray strand of hair off her cheek, tenderness welling up inside him. “I love you, Liz. This time….I’m paying attention and it’s going to be different.”
Feeling a slow thrumming in their connection like it was actual cord stretched between them someone had plucked, then the softest shimmer of his feelings brushing up against her, she felt her throat tighten with her responding emotion. “I know it is. It’s already different.”
“Really?” Max asked searching her eyes for her meaning.
“Yes, it is. I believe you,” Liz whispered her finger going to stroke the stubble on chin. “I know that this is exactly where I belong and I’m not letting anyone tell me different. I won’t keep any secrets from you because I trust you. I love you too.”
Max felt a sharp pang of guilt, which hardened his resolve. This time would be different. It had to be.
Max looked around at the white walls, the white floor, down at his scrubs and started to panic. His heart raced and sweat broke out on his forehead as he scrabbled to find an exit. Someway out of this prison.
There was no way out. No exit.
When the men in the white suits came in he stopped and slid down the wall to the floor. He knew there was no longer any escape. Not this time. Not any time.
“You and I don’t need procedure. Do we Max?” Pierce asked pulling off his hood.
Suddenly strapped down on an ice-cold table, Max struggled against his bindings, his fear rocketing higher.
“Aren’t you going to say hello?” Pierce taunted stepping closer.
Max felt like he had when he was sixteen. Helpless, terror flowing through his veins chilling him.
“No? Well, maybe I can change your mind,” Pierce said walking over to the wall. White walls changed to clear, his table tilted allowing him to see into the next room.
“Nooooo!” Max roared fighting to get free.
Pierce leaned against the glass his hand flat against the transparent surface. “Cute kids,” Pierce stated turning back to look at Max. “They look like their mother.”
Max watched Pierce walk to another section of the wall, turning it transparent as well. The pain he felt then was so bad he couldn’t breathe. His fear by far surpassed anything he’d ever felt at sixteen.
“Lovely,” Pierce said looking into the next room.
Tears burned his eyes as he looked in at Liz laid out nude on a cold steel table, much like he remembered from Tess’s video. He fought harder, his wrists growing slick with blood, the pain going unfelt, his whole focus split between the two rooms and Pierce.
“Come on,” Pierce invited. “You don’t want to miss this.”
Suddenly he was in the room watching Pierce step up to the table. He fingered Liz’s hair, ignoring her frightened struggles, fingers drifted down her bare arm.
Max watched unable to move although he wasn’t strapped down anymore. Free but not free. His chest heaved as he struggled to draw breath. The sudden flash of the scalpel had sweat pouring off him, his terror escalating along with Liz’s screams.
Tess turned to look at him the scalpel playing between her fingers casually. “Here,” Tess said offering him the knife. “You get first cut.”
Max’s soul screamed even as he walked forward taking the knife from Tess’s cold fingers. The look on Liz’s face when he made that first cut between her breasts was the same one that had haunted him after their fight at the quarry after Tess had left. The red line grew larger as his hand dragged the scalpel along her skin, pushing deeper.
“No! Nooooo!” Max screamed, fighting himself. Forcing his hand to a stop, where it trembled against her pale skin while he waged his battle.
Fisting his hand around the knife, he looked up into Tess’s smirking face. With a sudden lighting fast movement he pulled his hand back and stabbed the knife into his own chest, watching Tess’s eyes go round with shock.
The last thing he saw was Liz.
“Max?” Liz asked her voice husky with sleep as Max suddenly sat up, his chest heaving sharp and fast.
Max didn’t, couldn’t answer her. His nightmare still fogging his mind, sheer terror an icy weight around his heart. He had to see. He had to know.
Seeing his face, Liz was suddenly wide-awake. “What’s wrong? Max, are you okay?” Liz asked rolling onto her back.
She didn’t protest as his hands pulled her shirt off. She had only seen him this way rarely, just after they had gotten him back from Pierce being the first, and that held her still as her confusion turned to understanding. “It’s okay. It was just a dream. You’re awake now,” Liz whispered as Max’s trembling fingers traced the flawless skin of her chest. Right where Pierce had cut him.
Adrenaline still rushed through him, cold sweat running down his chest as he shook, garbling with reality struggling to bring the waking world into focus. “The kids. Where are the kids?” Max asked unable to summon the strength to get up and find them.
“They’re fine,” Liz soothed, pulling him closer. “Still asleep.”
Max pushed at her boxers needing to SEE that she was fine, unharmed, then he would believe that it was a dream. He had to see.
Liz lay submissive as he stripped her in quick almost rough movements, understanding that he wasn’t really here yet. She watched him examine her, felt his hand running over her skin, not really believing his senses. When his eyes met hers she pulled him down to her, feeling his trembling breaths against her ear as she stroked the slick skin of his back. “It’s okay now,” Liz murmured, tightening her arms around him as tears leaked from her eyes, taking his weight as he sagged down onto her.
Max closed his eyes turning his face into her hair, breathing in her scent to dispel the odor of blood and fear.
“You’re okay?” Max murmured, pulling away enough to see her eyes. “You feel fine?”
“I feel really good,” Liz replied, her eyes sparkling with a touch of mischief as she traced the shell of his ear with the tip of her finger.
Max’s lips curved at the edges even though worry still sat inside his gut like a lead weight. “You know what I meant,” Max admonished lightly.
“I feel better now,” Liz amended in deference to his worried expression. “I’m tired but otherwise I feel fine.”
“Can I….” Max hesitated briefly as fear and self-doubt fluttered inside him briefly before he trampled it down. This was more important then his fears. This was Liz’s safety, his family’s life. “Can I see?”
Knowing exactly what he meant Liz nodded, shifting into a more comfortable position she met his eyes straight on, opening herself and clearing her mind.
Feeling her arms tighten around his neck he smiled slightly, amazed at her faith in him. Reaching outward, he sought answers, forming the connection with care and a gentle touch. His breathing escalated as he struggled with himself, overcoming his ingrained doubts to form a solid connection while keeping back certain parts of himself. The warm fluid feel of sinking into the very essence of her was flooding his senses, almost causing him to forget his purpose and loose what little balance he had.
Her breathe left her on a shaky sigh, feeling as if she had just been thrown into a warm pool after being so cold for so long. It was a little uncomfortable at first, feeling him burning through every part of her, but that soon past leaving a remembered sense of rightness. She remembered this, how this felt, although it wasn’t all that she remembered it was close enough. It wasn’t the full merging that she remembered them having, he still remained wholly separate from her, but she could feel him. Whisps of his feelings drifted to her similar to being able to read his expressions, only it wasn’t his expression she was reading.
Flashes of thought, emotion, bits of their past and more flowed through him causing him to struggle to control the direction of the connection. It was almost too much at once. Narrowing his focus he tried to filter the stream down to see only what he was searching for.
Bits of her dreams washed over him, disturbing in their intensity so sharply painted that it deepened his concern.
They seemed more deeply rooted then a mere dream should be. He wished Isabel were here, she would know if something was wrong better then he would.
Feeling an increase in Max’s anxiety she reached for him, trying to understand the cause, and felt his instinctive withdrawal, a subtle closing off that she felt keenly. She retreated swiftly to prevent him from pulling further away, she was trying to relieve his anxiety not cause him more.
Her retreat shifted his focus immediately, forcing him to acknowledge her sudden tentativeness, the flash of pervasive hurt that she didn’t even seem to notice.
Smoothing her hair back, he shifted her closer, fitting her body to his chest as he allowed more of himself to bleed into her, trying to hold a delicate balance somewhere in between complete openness and holding onto his secrets. Trying to please her, give her what she needed.
The flare of heat was instantaneous, surprising her with its intensity. It seemed to come out of nowhere. Instead of fighting it she melted, almost moaning at the fingers of his essence drifting through hers, automatically rewarding his gift with a swell of honest desire.
When her lips met his, the tip of her tongue feathering over his lower lip in a moist caress before she moved to nuzzle the sensitive skin just behind his jaw, he lost the ability to focus on anything but the tempting weight on his lap, her desire swamping his intentions.
“Liz,” Max whispered a token protest. When she hummed in response the vibration went though his entire body destroying his ability to think. “I was….I thought we were…”
“We were,” Liz agreed her fingers playing with the hair trying to curl at the nape of his neck. “Now we’re….doing this too.”
“This?” Max asked dazed, feeling everything he was feeling from her and trying to follow her words too.
“Yeah, this. You remember. Baby steps? Meeting half way?” Liz asked between nibbling kisses. “You took a step so it’s my turn. Right?”
“Baby steps,” Max nodded in automatic agreement, latching onto the one thing he was able to decipher. He would have agreed to almost anything if it would keep her happy, even if he didn’t fully understand what she was saying.
His continued presence inside and sudden loss of focus allowed their bond to draw them closer unopposed, seeking to mend the fractures and restore the natural order.
The second time their lips met there was no teasing, no soft playful tasting, the heat exploded between them melding their mouths in a bold searching kiss fueled by the longing inside them both. Liz could feel the shift inside her, the broken pieces struggling to realign themselves with his even as she wanted to crawl inside him. He was so strong, bursting inside her with fierce energy, she needed him with a rising passion that almost scared her. She buried that thought before it could fully form, biting his lip with her teeth distracting them both.
Max carried her back onto the cushions of the couch, tangling his body with hers, his hands gliding up her leg fingers slipping into the bottom edge of her shorts to caress the firm roundness of her bottom. He forgot the reasons to remain apart from her, the promise of being complete shimmered just out of his reach tempting him into not thinking about the reasons to hold himself apart.
“Ohhhh,” Erin blurted out wide-eyed from the doorway. “Dat bad towches wight? Uncle Michael said. Noah, yook Daddy’s being bad and gonna get a time oouut.”
Max’s head popped up immediately, shock freezing him place and shattering his open connection to Liz. Noah’s accusing glare had him rocketing up to a sitting position tugging Liz with him. “No! We were….there’s not any…Ummm..Mommy was just….Liz?”
Liz blinked, a little dazed, swiping her swollen lip with her tongue before focusing. Her lips twitched at the equal parts horror and guilt plastered all over Max’s face. “What are you two doing out of bed?”
“We was thirwsy,” Erin answered eyes still huge, holding onto Noah’s hand tight for reassurance.
“Both of you? At the same time?” Liz asked motioning them closer.
“Yeah,” Erin said letting go of Noah’s hand to rush forward. “Noah said dat it was time for a dwink. Daddy not one a da bad peoples? Is he?” Erin asked in a rush, the lecture about bad people touching private places still fresh in her mind.
“No, of course not,” Liz soothed running her fingers through Erin’s hair as she climbed up onto the couch. “We were just kissing like Mommies and Daddies do.”
“Aunt Maria’s and Uncle Michael’s too wight?” Erin asked feeling better, that was something she was used to. Kissing was okay. That wasn’t bad or scary. Uncle Michael had explained about that.
“Right,” Liz answered shooting Max a look and nudging him with her elbow.
“Right,” Max piped up scratching at his ear nervously feeling Noah’s eyes resting on him.
“Why I call an you not come?” Noah asked his mother then shifted his eyes back to his father. He wasn’t teaching Mommy how to shut him out was he? Was that why he had woken up and not been able to feel her as much as normal?
“Because you didn’t really need me,” Liz answered. “You weren’t scared or hurt. You were just checking right?”
“Wight, but…” Noah protested.
“We’ve talked about this,” Liz reminded him gently. “About how I can’t always come right that second if it’s not an emergency. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong. Now what was it that Uncle Michael said about bad touches?”
“He said to tell him if any bad peoples touched us or,” Erin’s face scrunched up in thought. “made us…afraid and he’d fuwck dem up.”
“Erin!” Liz gasp in absolute horror, her stroking fingers freezing.
“What? Dat what he said,” Erin pouted. Why was she in trouble this time?
“Max!” Liz cried turning to glare at him.
“I didn’t say it,” Max protested helping Noah onto the couch.
“I swear I’m going to…,” Liz cut herself off, biting back her words for a moment until she was able to continue. “Uncle Michael was bad to use words like that. He’s in big trouble.”
“He getta time oouut?” Erin asked fluttering her lashes in innocent inquiry trying to deflect the trouble away from herself.
“Worse,” Liz said shooting Max angry look. “So don’t ever use bad words like he does okay?”
“Okay, Mommy,” Erin chirped, relieved that SHE wasn’t in big trouble like Uncle Michael.
“We should tell still? If a stwranger scare us?” Noah asked diverted from his brooding thoughts by Erin’s comments.
“If anyone scares you,” Max corrected seriously. “If anyone makes you feel funny or asks you to keep a secret then tell us. Or Michael umm any family,” Max expanded with a sidelong glance at Liz.
“Jus peoples?” Noah asked. “Or da ones dat arwn’t weally peoples too?”
Liz looked over at Max, seeing his serious expression she let him take the lead.
“Anyone, someone that you know, a stranger, a….person that isn’t like other people….anyone,” Max said looking between his children to see if they understood. “They might even look like someone you know but not be them. Anyone that wants you to keep a secret from us, scares you, touches you in any way that you don’t understand call us and we’ll come for you and take care of the problem.”
“Anytime that you need us call, okay?” Liz said cuddling Erin closer worried that this conversation might scare them. Cautiously checking their bond she relaxed not feeling any fear or undue anxiety.
Max ruffled Noah’s hair causing him to squirm in his seat as he parroted Erin’s okay.
“Now,” Liz said reverting back to the reason they were up. “Nice try but its back to your beds.”
Max stayed put as Liz herded both protesting children down the hall. His thoughts turned back to his worries for Liz. He had an uneasy feeling that there was something more going on then garden-variety nightmares. The very idea that Noah had to force her awake was frightening.
Unfortunately, this wasn’t his strong point and what little he had seen wasn’t really clear enough to help him. Isabel would be back on Monday though he could talk to her and have her check it out then.
Until then…..
“Max, this is your fault,” Liz declared plopping down on the couch.
“What is?” Max asked in a relaxed tone, a half smile on his face as he took in Liz’s vexed expression.
“Erin cussing like Michael. What in the hell was he thinking?” Liz demanded pulling her leg underneath her and turning to look at him.
Max smiled then sobered at her glare. “I don’t know,” Max shrugged. “He was trying to help I guess, but clearly forgot the swearing rule.”
“I can’t wait to see him in a few months,” Liz said scowling.
“He’ll learn,” Max replied. “On a poor defenseless infant.”
“I highly doubt that any infant created by Michael and Maria will be defenseless,” Liz softened slightly. “Cute but not defenseless. No more test runs on ours though.”
“Got it,” Max agreed smiling. He knew she was fast loosing her irritation with Michael. “Let him screw up his own kid.”
“Uh huh,” Liz nodded. “We can handle screwing up ours.”
“Exactly,” Max grinned.
Liz wrinkled her nose at him amused despite herself. “So….”
“So…Ummm I was thinking,” Max started turning to face her. “That when Isabel gets back she should….check out this dream thing.”
“Right,” Liz nodded seriously. “Because she’s already totally gotten over the creepy seeing her brother having sex in vivid Technicolor detail thing. She soooo enjoyed it the last time. What a great homecoming this will be.”
“Liz…” Max sighed running one hand through his hair in agitation. “You know that this is her thing, dreams. I just want to be sure. This could be something.”
“It could be nothing,” Liz pointed out. She didn’t want to share the intimate details of her inner demons with anyone, and certainly not with anyone but Max.
“I’m not willing to take the chance,” Max said his fingers stroking along the silken softness of her cheek. “Not with you.”
“Okay,” Liz sighed in defeat. “I’ll let her walk through my head if it’ll make you feel better. But when she gets all wiggy and won’t look at you, then it’s so your fault.”
“Deal,” Max said, snapping up her agreement no matter the cost. “Until then…..I’m keeping you close.”
Liz quirked her eyebrow in question, her eyes alight with mischief. “How close?”
“Very close,” Max answered leaning over to take her ankles in his hand, using them to pull her across the vacant space between them, causing her to smile.
“This close?” Liz asked with her legs resting over his lap.
“Not quite,” Max answered slowly, dazzled by her laughing eyes as she rested on her elbows waiting for his next move.
Liz squeaked in surprise as he picked her up like he would one of the kids and set her on his lap, her back against his chest. “Comfy?”
Max settled back into the couch, his arms wrapping around her to hold her as close as possible as she rested her head against his shoulder. “Yeah, now I am.”
She smiled and tilted her head back to look up at him. “I might get a little heavy if you keep me like this all weekend until Isabel gets home.”
“I promised that I would watch out for you,” Max reminded her with satisfaction. Using his bantering to keep her from knowing how worried he really was. “I’m willing to make the sacrifice.”
Liz’s eyebrow arched feeling his hand slipping under her shirt to caress the bare skin of her abdomen. “I can see that.”
Max smiled as she tangled her fingers with his, wrapping his arm tighter around her body. Nuzzling her hair while absently stroking her skin he worried.
Long silent minutes later Liz squirmed, tilting her head to see his face when his arms tightened to hold her in place. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“I want to call Cal,” Max said softly. “See what he thinks.”
“Max, he’ll be back in two days,” Liz protested. “It was a dream not an alien invasion.”
“I don’t think it was just a dream. Noah wouldn’t have had to do whatever he did to get you to wake up if it were just a dream,” Max replied, planning to talk to Noah in the morning, see if he could find out what Noah had actually done.
“He just called me,” Liz said upset that her stupid dreams were causing Max to worry so much. Dreams she didn’t even remember that well. “What are you thinking? That Khivar dreamwalked me from outerspace or another planet? You know that’s next to impossible it would take huge amounts of power and why would he do that anyway? Isabel couldn’t even do that when we were in Paris and she’s on Earth. She couldn’t reach you in New York or..”
“Khivar isn’t Isabel,” Max reminded her. “We don’t know what he can do, which is why I’m calling Cal.”
“He’ll be back in two days,” Liz protested again.
“Maybe, but a phone call won’t hurt,” Max said stubbornly, tightening his arms around her.
“But why would Khivar waste his time? He’s had three years to do something so why now? Why slip into my dreams like that? It doesn’t make sense,” Liz questioned, still trying to work Max around to her point of view.
“Maybe it’s taken three years until he could,” Max answered. “I don’t know but I’m not waiting to find out. I fucked up the last time. This time I’m not taking chances with you. Noah’s upset about something, Liz, now there’s these dreams. I don’t need a big crop circle on my lawn before I start to wonder okay?”
Liz squirmed around to straddle his lap. “Okay.”
“Okay?” Max asked surprised she gave in so easily.
“Uh huh,” Liz nodded a smile curving her mouth and softening her eyes. “You’re just so sexy when you’re all protective. How can I argue?”
Max rolled his eyes at her teasing and tickled her, trapping her under him when she tried to get away. Looking down into her shining eyes he brushed a stray strand of hair off her cheek, tenderness welling up inside him. “I love you, Liz. This time….I’m paying attention and it’s going to be different.”
Feeling a slow thrumming in their connection like it was actual cord stretched between them someone had plucked, then the softest shimmer of his feelings brushing up against her, she felt her throat tighten with her responding emotion. “I know it is. It’s already different.”
“Really?” Max asked searching her eyes for her meaning.
“Yes, it is. I believe you,” Liz whispered her finger going to stroke the stubble on chin. “I know that this is exactly where I belong and I’m not letting anyone tell me different. I won’t keep any secrets from you because I trust you. I love you too.”
Max felt a sharp pang of guilt, which hardened his resolve. This time would be different. It had to be.
Max looked around at the white walls, the white floor, down at his scrubs and started to panic. His heart raced and sweat broke out on his forehead as he scrabbled to find an exit. Someway out of this prison.
There was no way out. No exit.
When the men in the white suits came in he stopped and slid down the wall to the floor. He knew there was no longer any escape. Not this time. Not any time.
“You and I don’t need procedure. Do we Max?” Pierce asked pulling off his hood.
Suddenly strapped down on an ice-cold table, Max struggled against his bindings, his fear rocketing higher.
“Aren’t you going to say hello?” Pierce taunted stepping closer.
Max felt like he had when he was sixteen. Helpless, terror flowing through his veins chilling him.
“No? Well, maybe I can change your mind,” Pierce said walking over to the wall. White walls changed to clear, his table tilted allowing him to see into the next room.
“Nooooo!” Max roared fighting to get free.
Pierce leaned against the glass his hand flat against the transparent surface. “Cute kids,” Pierce stated turning back to look at Max. “They look like their mother.”
Max watched Pierce walk to another section of the wall, turning it transparent as well. The pain he felt then was so bad he couldn’t breathe. His fear by far surpassed anything he’d ever felt at sixteen.
“Lovely,” Pierce said looking into the next room.
Tears burned his eyes as he looked in at Liz laid out nude on a cold steel table, much like he remembered from Tess’s video. He fought harder, his wrists growing slick with blood, the pain going unfelt, his whole focus split between the two rooms and Pierce.
“Come on,” Pierce invited. “You don’t want to miss this.”
Suddenly he was in the room watching Pierce step up to the table. He fingered Liz’s hair, ignoring her frightened struggles, fingers drifted down her bare arm.
Max watched unable to move although he wasn’t strapped down anymore. Free but not free. His chest heaved as he struggled to draw breath. The sudden flash of the scalpel had sweat pouring off him, his terror escalating along with Liz’s screams.
Tess turned to look at him the scalpel playing between her fingers casually. “Here,” Tess said offering him the knife. “You get first cut.”
Max’s soul screamed even as he walked forward taking the knife from Tess’s cold fingers. The look on Liz’s face when he made that first cut between her breasts was the same one that had haunted him after their fight at the quarry after Tess had left. The red line grew larger as his hand dragged the scalpel along her skin, pushing deeper.
“No! Nooooo!” Max screamed, fighting himself. Forcing his hand to a stop, where it trembled against her pale skin while he waged his battle.
Fisting his hand around the knife, he looked up into Tess’s smirking face. With a sudden lighting fast movement he pulled his hand back and stabbed the knife into his own chest, watching Tess’s eyes go round with shock.
The last thing he saw was Liz.
“Max?” Liz asked her voice husky with sleep as Max suddenly sat up, his chest heaving sharp and fast.
Max didn’t, couldn’t answer her. His nightmare still fogging his mind, sheer terror an icy weight around his heart. He had to see. He had to know.
Seeing his face, Liz was suddenly wide-awake. “What’s wrong? Max, are you okay?” Liz asked rolling onto her back.
She didn’t protest as his hands pulled her shirt off. She had only seen him this way rarely, just after they had gotten him back from Pierce being the first, and that held her still as her confusion turned to understanding. “It’s okay. It was just a dream. You’re awake now,” Liz whispered as Max’s trembling fingers traced the flawless skin of her chest. Right where Pierce had cut him.
Adrenaline still rushed through him, cold sweat running down his chest as he shook, garbling with reality struggling to bring the waking world into focus. “The kids. Where are the kids?” Max asked unable to summon the strength to get up and find them.
“They’re fine,” Liz soothed, pulling him closer. “Still asleep.”
Max pushed at her boxers needing to SEE that she was fine, unharmed, then he would believe that it was a dream. He had to see.
Liz lay submissive as he stripped her in quick almost rough movements, understanding that he wasn’t really here yet. She watched him examine her, felt his hand running over her skin, not really believing his senses. When his eyes met hers she pulled him down to her, feeling his trembling breaths against her ear as she stroked the slick skin of his back. “It’s okay now,” Liz murmured, tightening her arms around him as tears leaked from her eyes, taking his weight as he sagged down onto her.
Max closed his eyes turning his face into her hair, breathing in her scent to dispel the odor of blood and fear.
Chapter Twenty Four...repost up to chapter 30
Chapter Twenty Four
It was feeling her shuddery breaths underneath him that alerted him to her tears. Pushing up to see her face Max felt a stir of panic in his chest as she tried to hide her face from him while tightening her arms around him.
“Liz?” Max breathed, his thumbs wiping at the wet tracks running into her hair.
Liz shook her head trying to gain a handle on the surging blend of emotions, hers and his. Taking a deep hitching breath she blinked sending a new cascade of tears down her cheeks. He hid so much from her but he couldn’t hide this, not completely. “Don’t,” Liz whispered as Max tried to lift himself off of her. The desire to comfort him overwhelmed any whispers of warning about where this could go.
Sinking back down he moved more of his weight onto his forearms, thumbs still stroking her temples gently as he searched her eyes, becoming more and more aware of their position. “You’re crying,” Max said, his eyes dark with worry and lingering fear. “Did I hurt you?”
Liz shook her head at his halting inquiry, fingers still gliding over sweat dampened skin in a soothing motion. “I’m fine, really.”
“Uh huh,” Max mumbled not fooled. “You always cry for no reason.”
“I’m not crying for me. I’m not hurt,” Liz answered her eyes drifting away from his and down to his chin. The resonance inside her after one of his dreams was acute, his control shaken by whatever he experienced in his nightmares, it was strong enough to bleed over onto her.
It was strong enough to pull her from sleep and draw her to him even when they hadn’t been sharing a bed.
Max sighed softly bending to kiss her temple lovingly, comforted by her presence but disturbed by the idea of causing her tears. His inability to deal with this on his own was source of guilt, a reminder that his weakness caused her distress.
“Don’t,” Liz whispered again, looking back up into his eyes. “I have dreams too. Should I feel guilty?”
“No, of course not,” Max said quickly.
“Then you shouldn’t either,” Liz said simply.
Max looked at her and thought she was the most beautiful person he’d ever seen. “I forgot.”
“Forgot what?” Liz asked concerned about his dazed expression.
“That you cry at movies,” Max said slowly. Then smiled.
Her eyes narrowed on his in warning. “Are you implying that I’m soft?”
“Soft?” Max asked his hand inadvertently drifting over her hip. “Did I say that?”
“You did. You said I was soft,” Liz accused further distracting him from his dreams. A calculated wiggle to get more comfortable had him completely distracted, bringing them nose to nose.
“You are soft. In all the right ways,” Max said almost absently as he tangled their fingers, nuzzling against her softly.
A brief fleeting thought floated to the surface, a warning, reminding her that this was exactly how they had gotten to two and three fourths times. She’d been drawn to him after a nightmare and things had swiftly gotten out of hand. But then, like now, she had ignored her sense of self-preservation in favor of listening to something stronger.
Just because it hadn’t worked out very well that last time didn’t mean it would turn out the same way this time. Things were different now. Hopefully, they were different enough because this was no baby step. It was a giant leap.
In the middle of meditating Kivar was suddenly filled with a surge of feeling, breaking his concentration.
If he’d had lips he would have smiled.
K’deem felt the change, attuned as always to the sudden shifts in tone and mood. A huff of air proceeded his halting words.
“You are….well?” K’deem asked searching for the correct words. What Kivar was attempting was dangerous not simply to her but to himself. Some might even say unwise, the ones that had were no longer there to object. Kivar had seen to that.
What Kivar was attempting had never been done. It was extremely draining, so much so that a lesser being would not live through it. To give so much of his essence, so much of his life giving energy, left him open to all sorts of problems.
“Yes,” Kivar agreed slowly. It was a blessing to feel her so acutely. It was worth any price. It was not enough however. “I need to be there now, K’deem. She has great need of me. She’s struggling.”
“The council…” K’deem started then fell silent as Kivar’s eyes blazed, his inner lid sliding over the orbs in a clearly aggressive action.
“The council is no longer my concern. Or yours,” Kivar said firmly. “What is my concern is her. That is what matters here. You’d do well not to forget that.”
“Of course. I did not mean to imply…” K’deem gushed back pedaling fiercely.
“Enough,” Kivar said waving him to silence. “The treaty holding Earth as inviolate is void. They have broken it by moving against her despite my warnings. Now I will do as I wish. Whatever is necessary.”
“I understand,” K’deem bowed in assent.
“No. I don’t think you do,” Kivar mussed. He would go as far as needed. Expend all resources, level entire planets, get rid of any obstacle. His focus was total not even his own discomfort could sway him.
After all, there weren’t many that would give their very essence for anything. He would do that and much more. For one purpose.
“I will not fail. That is what you need to understand,” Kivar said calmly. “Now leave me. See that you speed things up as I have stated. K’deem?”
“Yes?” K’deem asked going absolutely still, his fear flooding the space around him.
“Do not disappoint me,” Kivar warned his will seeping out of him, making all space his. Bending everything in his space to his will.
Kivar watched K’deem take his leave, satisfied that he would perform his duty. K’deem understood loyalty, purpose, honor, and faith. Turning inward he listened. Listened for her, attuning himself to feel the faintest flicker of distress.
After one soft tentative kiss Max set his mind to pleasing her, to make up for the last time and every time before that.
Images from his dreams flashed behind his eyes driving him to please her, to make up for things that she wasn’t even aware of. As if by doing everything perfect for her this time it would somehow ease the guilt inside and provide the comfort he was seeking. That he’d feel his debit lessen.
“Max? Wh-what are you doing?” Liz gasp her eyes large and startled.
Instead of answering he silently rubbed his cheek over her inner thigh, trying to calm the chaotic whirl inside himself. Pulling her down to his mouth, holding her when she tried to wiggle away, instinctively fighting against the onslaught of pleasure when his tongue gently licked at her. He needed to make her feel incredibly good. It seemed to calm the fear still lingering inside him.
It was feeling that desire, that need transmitting so clearly from him that stilled her, relaxing her tense muscles and giving voice to a soft shimmering hope.
Feeling her relax, her legs opening wider under his coaxing hands had him sinking deeper, wanting to take her in, keep her safe. Do better, be better for her.
“Oh Liz, you are so incredibly gorgeous,” Max mumbled lost, pausing to nibble tenderly at her, pleased with the gentle roll of her hips accompanied by a breathless moan.
Tangling her fingers in the ends of his hair she whispered what she could feel flowing from him, returning the words he didn’t speak. “Love you, Max, so much.”
Following her tugging fingers, he crawled up over her as she curling up into him, too impatient to wait for her kiss. The path her fingers took as her arms slid around him left his nerve endings singing in their wake. Their lips met in soft slow kiss, a meshing of individual wants and needs that became something more.
Breaking away to rest his forehead against hers he wasn’t able to resist nuzzling her nose with his as she smiled into his eyes. He felt the fist clenching around his heart let up just the smallest bit.
There was a moment of hesitation when he shifted between her legs, his erection brushing her thigh. Just a moment when she felt a flutter of anxious fear. Looking up into his questioning eyes, so full of emotion, she swallowed back her fear committing everything.
Watching every flicker in the dark depths of her eyes he slowly pressed inside her, sinking deep before breathing. She was still smiling slightly, her fingers drifting over the hollow of his spine in encouragement and he’d never seen anything braver, never felt anything quite like this.
“Still with me?” Max asked softly, not taking any chances.
“Uh huh,” Liz nodded, feeling full, stretched to almost uncomfortable proportions. Taking a calming breath, her eyes clung to his seeking reassurance.
Hearing the hitch in her voice his focus sharpened, remaining still he feathered kisses over her chin, down the tender skin of her throat to her shoulder, smiling when she sighed. On the way back to her mouth, he nibbled at her ear feeling her move under him, rubbing against him deliberately as he whispered in her ear.
The sound of his voice and the gentle pull of his mouth had heat pooling inside her causing her to stir with restless need.
Pulling back and rising above her he was suddenly struck by what an act of trust this really was for her. Their eyes locked as he eased out of her before gliding smoothly back inside. Seeing her so open and vulnerable, it was a mystery to him where all her faith and trust came from.
The building rhythm began slowly, each of them testing the way, hands gliding over slick skin, lips clinging, straining against each other.
Feeling the beginnings of a loss of control as sensation built to climax, Max could feel his barriers trembling, threatening to crumble. Without thought he reinforced those barriers.
Liz immediately felt the difference. She stiffened, groping blindly for him through the swift yawning emptiness. Panic was quick, melting away the building hope inside her. What had she done wrong?
In the middle of a transmission requesting the meeting of a specialized team comprised of elite assigns Kivar froze, feeling the burst of panic clearly.
Cursing Zan’s idiocy and complete disregard, he broke off the communication. Taking deep breaths as he centered himself, reaching out across the vast distance to provide what should be hers by right.
The danger to himself was ignored, feeling the swirling void quickly consuming her. It couldn’t be allowed.
The swirling mass of emotion and fear built on itself, having no where to go. Liz tried to speak, to call out, but found her throat closed. The sudden warmth on her chest lost in the midst of the oncoming panic attack.
Then suddenly, she felt a presence easing the pressure building inside her. Giving her the outlet she needed.
Instead of calming her however, it sent her into a deeper sense of panic. The innate knowledge that it wasn’t the presence she was seeking had her battering herself against the closed connection to Max. Desperately she fled toward the closed pathway, ignoring the voice trying to call her back.
He wasn’t Max and therefore couldn’t be trusted.
Draining his strength Kivar absorbed as much of her panic as he could, trying to lessen her fear and calm her. Seeing the effect he was having he switched tactics, feeding her energy with his, lending strength to her attempt to break through the barriers holding her back from her bonded. Whatever the cost he would pay it.
Liz’s sudden cry came simultaneously with her thrust into his mind, forcefully breaking through his wavering walls. He grasp onto her enclosing her swiftly, blocking out the rest of the world as he blanketed her smaller form. Her tears warm against his chest.
For one suspended moment he stared into the mind of someone else.
It was feeling her shuddery breaths underneath him that alerted him to her tears. Pushing up to see her face Max felt a stir of panic in his chest as she tried to hide her face from him while tightening her arms around him.
“Liz?” Max breathed, his thumbs wiping at the wet tracks running into her hair.
Liz shook her head trying to gain a handle on the surging blend of emotions, hers and his. Taking a deep hitching breath she blinked sending a new cascade of tears down her cheeks. He hid so much from her but he couldn’t hide this, not completely. “Don’t,” Liz whispered as Max tried to lift himself off of her. The desire to comfort him overwhelmed any whispers of warning about where this could go.
Sinking back down he moved more of his weight onto his forearms, thumbs still stroking her temples gently as he searched her eyes, becoming more and more aware of their position. “You’re crying,” Max said, his eyes dark with worry and lingering fear. “Did I hurt you?”
Liz shook her head at his halting inquiry, fingers still gliding over sweat dampened skin in a soothing motion. “I’m fine, really.”
“Uh huh,” Max mumbled not fooled. “You always cry for no reason.”
“I’m not crying for me. I’m not hurt,” Liz answered her eyes drifting away from his and down to his chin. The resonance inside her after one of his dreams was acute, his control shaken by whatever he experienced in his nightmares, it was strong enough to bleed over onto her.
It was strong enough to pull her from sleep and draw her to him even when they hadn’t been sharing a bed.
Max sighed softly bending to kiss her temple lovingly, comforted by her presence but disturbed by the idea of causing her tears. His inability to deal with this on his own was source of guilt, a reminder that his weakness caused her distress.
“Don’t,” Liz whispered again, looking back up into his eyes. “I have dreams too. Should I feel guilty?”
“No, of course not,” Max said quickly.
“Then you shouldn’t either,” Liz said simply.
Max looked at her and thought she was the most beautiful person he’d ever seen. “I forgot.”
“Forgot what?” Liz asked concerned about his dazed expression.
“That you cry at movies,” Max said slowly. Then smiled.
Her eyes narrowed on his in warning. “Are you implying that I’m soft?”
“Soft?” Max asked his hand inadvertently drifting over her hip. “Did I say that?”
“You did. You said I was soft,” Liz accused further distracting him from his dreams. A calculated wiggle to get more comfortable had him completely distracted, bringing them nose to nose.
“You are soft. In all the right ways,” Max said almost absently as he tangled their fingers, nuzzling against her softly.
A brief fleeting thought floated to the surface, a warning, reminding her that this was exactly how they had gotten to two and three fourths times. She’d been drawn to him after a nightmare and things had swiftly gotten out of hand. But then, like now, she had ignored her sense of self-preservation in favor of listening to something stronger.
Just because it hadn’t worked out very well that last time didn’t mean it would turn out the same way this time. Things were different now. Hopefully, they were different enough because this was no baby step. It was a giant leap.
In the middle of meditating Kivar was suddenly filled with a surge of feeling, breaking his concentration.
If he’d had lips he would have smiled.
K’deem felt the change, attuned as always to the sudden shifts in tone and mood. A huff of air proceeded his halting words.
“You are….well?” K’deem asked searching for the correct words. What Kivar was attempting was dangerous not simply to her but to himself. Some might even say unwise, the ones that had were no longer there to object. Kivar had seen to that.
What Kivar was attempting had never been done. It was extremely draining, so much so that a lesser being would not live through it. To give so much of his essence, so much of his life giving energy, left him open to all sorts of problems.
“Yes,” Kivar agreed slowly. It was a blessing to feel her so acutely. It was worth any price. It was not enough however. “I need to be there now, K’deem. She has great need of me. She’s struggling.”
“The council…” K’deem started then fell silent as Kivar’s eyes blazed, his inner lid sliding over the orbs in a clearly aggressive action.
“The council is no longer my concern. Or yours,” Kivar said firmly. “What is my concern is her. That is what matters here. You’d do well not to forget that.”
“Of course. I did not mean to imply…” K’deem gushed back pedaling fiercely.
“Enough,” Kivar said waving him to silence. “The treaty holding Earth as inviolate is void. They have broken it by moving against her despite my warnings. Now I will do as I wish. Whatever is necessary.”
“I understand,” K’deem bowed in assent.
“No. I don’t think you do,” Kivar mussed. He would go as far as needed. Expend all resources, level entire planets, get rid of any obstacle. His focus was total not even his own discomfort could sway him.
After all, there weren’t many that would give their very essence for anything. He would do that and much more. For one purpose.
“I will not fail. That is what you need to understand,” Kivar said calmly. “Now leave me. See that you speed things up as I have stated. K’deem?”
“Yes?” K’deem asked going absolutely still, his fear flooding the space around him.
“Do not disappoint me,” Kivar warned his will seeping out of him, making all space his. Bending everything in his space to his will.
Kivar watched K’deem take his leave, satisfied that he would perform his duty. K’deem understood loyalty, purpose, honor, and faith. Turning inward he listened. Listened for her, attuning himself to feel the faintest flicker of distress.
After one soft tentative kiss Max set his mind to pleasing her, to make up for the last time and every time before that.
Images from his dreams flashed behind his eyes driving him to please her, to make up for things that she wasn’t even aware of. As if by doing everything perfect for her this time it would somehow ease the guilt inside and provide the comfort he was seeking. That he’d feel his debit lessen.
“Max? Wh-what are you doing?” Liz gasp her eyes large and startled.
Instead of answering he silently rubbed his cheek over her inner thigh, trying to calm the chaotic whirl inside himself. Pulling her down to his mouth, holding her when she tried to wiggle away, instinctively fighting against the onslaught of pleasure when his tongue gently licked at her. He needed to make her feel incredibly good. It seemed to calm the fear still lingering inside him.
It was feeling that desire, that need transmitting so clearly from him that stilled her, relaxing her tense muscles and giving voice to a soft shimmering hope.
Feeling her relax, her legs opening wider under his coaxing hands had him sinking deeper, wanting to take her in, keep her safe. Do better, be better for her.
“Oh Liz, you are so incredibly gorgeous,” Max mumbled lost, pausing to nibble tenderly at her, pleased with the gentle roll of her hips accompanied by a breathless moan.
Tangling her fingers in the ends of his hair she whispered what she could feel flowing from him, returning the words he didn’t speak. “Love you, Max, so much.”
Following her tugging fingers, he crawled up over her as she curling up into him, too impatient to wait for her kiss. The path her fingers took as her arms slid around him left his nerve endings singing in their wake. Their lips met in soft slow kiss, a meshing of individual wants and needs that became something more.
Breaking away to rest his forehead against hers he wasn’t able to resist nuzzling her nose with his as she smiled into his eyes. He felt the fist clenching around his heart let up just the smallest bit.
There was a moment of hesitation when he shifted between her legs, his erection brushing her thigh. Just a moment when she felt a flutter of anxious fear. Looking up into his questioning eyes, so full of emotion, she swallowed back her fear committing everything.
Watching every flicker in the dark depths of her eyes he slowly pressed inside her, sinking deep before breathing. She was still smiling slightly, her fingers drifting over the hollow of his spine in encouragement and he’d never seen anything braver, never felt anything quite like this.
“Still with me?” Max asked softly, not taking any chances.
“Uh huh,” Liz nodded, feeling full, stretched to almost uncomfortable proportions. Taking a calming breath, her eyes clung to his seeking reassurance.
Hearing the hitch in her voice his focus sharpened, remaining still he feathered kisses over her chin, down the tender skin of her throat to her shoulder, smiling when she sighed. On the way back to her mouth, he nibbled at her ear feeling her move under him, rubbing against him deliberately as he whispered in her ear.
The sound of his voice and the gentle pull of his mouth had heat pooling inside her causing her to stir with restless need.
Pulling back and rising above her he was suddenly struck by what an act of trust this really was for her. Their eyes locked as he eased out of her before gliding smoothly back inside. Seeing her so open and vulnerable, it was a mystery to him where all her faith and trust came from.
The building rhythm began slowly, each of them testing the way, hands gliding over slick skin, lips clinging, straining against each other.
Feeling the beginnings of a loss of control as sensation built to climax, Max could feel his barriers trembling, threatening to crumble. Without thought he reinforced those barriers.
Liz immediately felt the difference. She stiffened, groping blindly for him through the swift yawning emptiness. Panic was quick, melting away the building hope inside her. What had she done wrong?
In the middle of a transmission requesting the meeting of a specialized team comprised of elite assigns Kivar froze, feeling the burst of panic clearly.
Cursing Zan’s idiocy and complete disregard, he broke off the communication. Taking deep breaths as he centered himself, reaching out across the vast distance to provide what should be hers by right.
The danger to himself was ignored, feeling the swirling void quickly consuming her. It couldn’t be allowed.
The swirling mass of emotion and fear built on itself, having no where to go. Liz tried to speak, to call out, but found her throat closed. The sudden warmth on her chest lost in the midst of the oncoming panic attack.
Then suddenly, she felt a presence easing the pressure building inside her. Giving her the outlet she needed.
Instead of calming her however, it sent her into a deeper sense of panic. The innate knowledge that it wasn’t the presence she was seeking had her battering herself against the closed connection to Max. Desperately she fled toward the closed pathway, ignoring the voice trying to call her back.
He wasn’t Max and therefore couldn’t be trusted.
Draining his strength Kivar absorbed as much of her panic as he could, trying to lessen her fear and calm her. Seeing the effect he was having he switched tactics, feeding her energy with his, lending strength to her attempt to break through the barriers holding her back from her bonded. Whatever the cost he would pay it.
Liz’s sudden cry came simultaneously with her thrust into his mind, forcefully breaking through his wavering walls. He grasp onto her enclosing her swiftly, blocking out the rest of the world as he blanketed her smaller form. Her tears warm against his chest.
For one suspended moment he stared into the mind of someone else.
reposting Chapter Twenty Five
Chapter Twenty Five
Adrenaline rushed through him in response to the paranoid panicked thoughts chasing through his head as he tried to absorb the last twenty minutes. Now he knew. Kivar wasn’t just a dream. He was real and he was coming. It was Liz’s tiny hands pushing at his chest that broke him out of his paralysis. When he looked down at her his stomach sank at the leashed fury sparking out of their brown depths. She hadn’t looked this pissed since he’d climbed into bed with her and Maria.
“Get off of me,” Liz gritted out between clenched teeth backing up her command with a hard shove. “Get off now!”
Max scrambled off her quickly wincing uncomfortably as their sweat hit the air-conditioned chill of the room. “I’m sor..”
“Don’t even say it,” Liz warned scooted up against the headboard. She was in no mood for another in a long line of Max’s apologies. The riot of emotions inside her clashed, battling for dominance and right this second she couldn’t tell which would finally win out. Pulling her knees up to her chest to hide her nakedness her fingers curled around her pedant like a talisman, clinging to its warmth when she felt so cold and alone.
“Okay,” Max nodded treading softly around that touchy conversational topic. Still reeling from the force of her, he was scrambling to assimilate everything and come up with a response. “Are you okay? Do you hurt anywhere? I should..”
“Stop,” Liz snapped anger taking the lead. “Don’t even think about touching me. No, I’m not okay. I’m so far from okay that it’s ridiculous.”
Max’s heart started pounding so hard it felt like it was going to push right out of his chest. Suddenly sweating despite the chill he searched frantically for what to say. Whatever she’d seen inside him had her spitting mad.
Feeling almost sick with the level of emotional upheaval Liz struggled to keep her head. Spotting her tank she reached for it tugging it on while looking around for the rest of her clothes. “You want to keep your walls, Max, then you should feel great about the three walls between here and the couch where you will be sleeping.”
“What?” Max blurted feeling slow to react.
“What? You thought you’d trick me into leaving you?” Liz asked shooting him a nasty look as she tugged on her pajama pants. “Well think again! You left first this time so you get to leave. You can curl up on the couch with your stupid walls and make up new ways to make this incredibly fucking difficult!”
Max just gapped at her as she continued to rant at him.
“Call Michael! He’ll advise you I’m sure!” Liz vented yanking the sheet out of Max’s hands. “Tomorrow you can run home to YOUR parents house if that’s not good enough because I’ve had it! You made promises to me, Max, and I’m going to hold you to every last goddamned one of them! You can’t sleep in here and not try to keep them!”
“Wait a second!” Max shouted. “You can’t kick me out! He’s after you Liz! Are you blind?”
“The only one more blind and just plain dumb in whole state of New Mexico then you are is me!” Liz said whirling on him dropping the sheet to jab her finger at him. “I’m sure he’s too tired to do anything until I can get Cal back so go! I’m not in danger of getting sucked up into a UFO for a day at least!”
“That isn’t funny!” Max said feeling the heat creep up his chest and neck as he stepped into his shorts. “This isn’t a joke! Your safety isn’t a joke.”
“I can’t fight two battles at once and since you’re right in front of me you win!” Liz said her stomach squeezing as tears pricked the backs of her eyes. Tearing the rest of the bedding off the mattress she ignored them. “I’ll fuck him up when he gets here! Just like everything else.”
“Wh-“ Max started only to stop at the sound of the bottom sheet ripping under Liz’s fierce tug. Rubbing at the back of his neck he tried to calm down enough to think. He was in enough shit without fucking it up worse. His eyes widened as the sheet caught fire in Liz’s hand.
Liz burst into tears as Max quickly put out the flames and looked over her hands for burns. “Just go! Take the kids and go,” Liz cried yanking her hands out of his grip.
Hearing her telling him to take the kids away froze him in place as a sick sense of fear iced his insides. “No, I’m not going to leave. I can’t…..I won’t.”
“You’re already gone,” Liz said softly then shrugged. “I can’t feel you so you’re already gone.”
He watched her walk out of the room, rooted to the floor, his mind flashing back and forth over the twenty minutes that had changed everything.
Liz sat on the edge of the cold tub wishing the chill could bleed into her and numb her completely. She sat absolutely still, eyes open but unseeing, searching for some trick to camouflage the toxic nature of what was inside her. The kids were stirring, frightened by the shouting and what was surely seeping from her despite her best efforts to bottle it.
She wasn’t ready for this. The kids weren’t ready yet either. She hadn’t had the time to work with them, get them used to her closing off more. They didn’t have the filter built up that she was trying so hard to give them. Automatically her fingers sought the pendant resting against her skin, clutching at it like a security blanket feeling slightly calmer when it was held tightly against her palm.
Shame welled up along with her tears hearing Erin starting to cry loudly from down the hall. She was a terrible mother. Maybe when Max took them to his parents it’d be better for them along with safer.
Reaching Erin’s room he burst inside to find her huddled in the corner, Pepe frantically jumping up to lick the tears from her round cheeks.
“Daddy!” Erin wailed holding her arms up to him.
Max scooped her up quickly, closing his eyes as she buried her face in his neck sobbing uncontrollably. Rubbing her back in small circles to comfort her he reached out feeling a wellspring of pain and sorrow coming from Liz that shook him.
Slowly it dawned on him that Noah wasn’t there. In fact, Noah hadn’t made a sound.
Blind terror sent another burst of adrenaline rushing through him as he clutched Erin to his chest as he ran down the hall to Noah’s room shoving the door open so hard it hit the wall sinking the doorknob through the drywall.
Flicking on the light he searched for his son. “Noah? It’s Daddy come on out.”
“He idn’t hewre,” Erin wailed loudly.
“Honey,” Max said trying to keep his voice calm when he felt anything but. “Where is he?”
“He yooking for da monstwers,” Erin whispered in a trembling voice while pointing outside.
Liz heard Max calling to Noah but her attention was captured by something outside. Rushing to the window she saw Noah in the backyard. “Oh no,” Liz moaned noting his glowing hands as he shouted up at the sky.
“You kin not habe her!” Noah yelled between sobs. “She MY MOMMY! You kin not tawke her! I say so!”
Max skidded out the doorwall as Noah sent a faltering blast up at the sky.
“I say!” Noah screamed stamping his foot. Raging at what he couldn’t see but he could feel.
“Noah,” Max called, carefully setting Erin down on her feet. “It’s okay. It’s okay now.”
“Nooooo,” Noah wailed shaking his head. Daddy was lying. It wasn’t okay. Daddy hadn’t watched close enough now Mommy was so scared she was sending him away. “It not okay I down’t wanna goooooo!”
Liz flew out the door in her barefeet, sliding on the dew soaked grass but didn’t stop. Scooping Noah up and holding him tight she looked to Max with huge devastated eyes. “Noah, shhhh,” Liz crooned softly, feeling his hot wet cheek rubbing against her bare shoulder as his fingers latched onto her hair with panicked strength. “I’ve got you. I’m right here.”
No one was going to take him from his Mommy. Noah held on with all his strength, crying to hard to beg her not to send him away. He wasn’t scared of the monsters. He was much more afraid of loosing his Mommy. If he lost her he’d loose his Daddy too. Then he’d be alone in the dark with Erin.
Watching Liz rub her cheek over the top of Noah’s head, making low soothing noises even as tears slipped out of her own eyes, he noticed both of their hands rippling with bolts of energy that licked out over exposed skin joining briefly then drifting apart again. Their energy seemed as tightly woven as their connection.
Before he could say anything Erin joined them, tugging at Liz’s leg wanting to be picked up and held too. He sucked in his breath as Erin’s hands sent light flickering over the bare skin of Liz’s thigh then linked with Liz’s when they joined hands.
Walking across the grass Max scooped up Erin and wrapped his other arm around Liz and Noah, gently herding them into the house as he kissed the top of Noah’s sweat damp hair.
Suddenly he had a flash of his dream, of cutting into Liz realizing that, in some ways, he had. He couldn’t have caused more damage if he’d had a real knife. She’d trusted him to care for her and somehow he’d left her wide open to invasion. Almost worse to him was he’d let her down when he’d promised not to. She’d trusted him enough to take a step into the unknown and he’d faltered, not matching her as he’d promised.
For Liz to seriously consider sending the kids away, even for an instant, was unacceptable. For him to forget his promises, to put anything ahead of her for even a split second and causing her pain was a betrayal worse then anything he’d done in that dream and was completely unacceptable. His family came first. He’d promised himself that repeatedly over the last three years. He’d let himself down too.
Morning eventually came and Max rubbed at his tired eyes as the sun drilled into his skull like a laser. Lifting his hand he let his eyes wander over to Liz huddled at the other end of the couch with Noah still clutching her hair in his fist, both him and Erin wrapped around her like puppies piled on top of their mother, all of them sleeping soundly.
Feeling the warm weight on his chest stir he petted Pepe absently thinking about all the things that he’d seen last night, trying to organize it enough to make sense of it.
Thoughts drifting to Khivar he remembered the cold blast of anger he’d felt directed at him, the power that wasn’t Liz’s that had none the less melded with hers to break past his defenses then receded like the tide. Taking Liz with it.
Like she didn’t have the power to stay without it.
Looking over at her he found her watching him.
“I didn’t want to stay,” Liz whispered answering his unspoken thoughts. “You didn’t want me there. I never would have forced myself on you if I hadn’t been so scared. I’m not Tess forcing my way into people’s most private self. Normally, I’d wait for your invitation. If there ever was one.”
He felt the sharp pain that accompanied her words clearly and responded silently first, stroking her spirit softly in apology, ignoring the jagged shards of their frayed connection to get his point across in a way that she’d hopefully not misunderstand.
Liz teared up at the soft brush of him, blinking rapidly to keep these tears from falling, turning her face to nuzzle the top of Erin’s head until she was more in control. Using the reminder of her children’s presence to steady herself.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Stop me when I lost you?” Max asked softly when she looked up.
“You closed off so fast,” Liz whispered. “I was just drowning before I knew it. Then he was there.” She paused firming her resolve and quieting her volatile emotions. She wouldn’t risk her kids again. Not even for Max.
“I can’t do that again, Max. I get too upset so I think you should sleep out here or we should clear out the office for you or…..I can’t allow that to ever happen again. You can keep your secrets but you can’t keep me like this too. You just can’t. I’m not like you. I don’t those walls. Everything spills out and I can’t hold it in. The twins can’t filter anything out either and it’s just…..not going to happen again,” Liz said firmly choking herself off from saying more. The fear that Kivar could reach out through her and reach her children was a risk she wouldn’t take.
“Can we…talk about this?” Max asked softly his stomach tightening. “I won’t…I’ll just sleep with you. Nothing else.”
Liz’s lips tightened as anger stirred inside her like snake uncoiling. “You didn’t “loose” me. You bailed on me. You shut me out. So talk away but at least be honest. If you were afraid you should have told me. You should have stopped on your own instead of building your walls higher to keep me out. At least try to think about what you’re doing. What did you think I’d do? Pry into every little corner of your mind? That’s Tess. That’s not me and I don’t appreciate the comparison. I just want to share more then body fluids. I need to feel like I have a…” Liz broke off as Noah stirred against her in warning. “Forget it. I can’t do this,” Liz whispered rubbing at her temples and the headache forming there.
Max felt a sharp pain in his soul as he felt Liz struggling to shut down then finally sigh in defeat, instead she channeled her energy toward the kids focusing on them to the exclusion of all things that might upset her. Reassuring them with her presence and love, sending them into a deeper more restful slumber.
Understanding he stayed quiet. After last night he deserved nothing less. He knew she wasn’t punishing him, he could feel her self-recrimination as clearly as her pain. He also knew she was fragile in a way that he hadn’t paid enough attention to. If he had he would have stuck to those baby steps and saved everyone a whole of pain.
No, he’d stay quiet for now and work on keeping one of his promises. He’d watch over them while they slept.
Maria knocked at the door tapping her foot impatiently as she waited for it to open. It was late afternoon and she was late but she wasn’t worried. Ava was sure to be even later.
Maria shuddered as she relived the odd sounds coming from Sean’s room. She had to find a different place to crash. ASAP.
Maria’s eyebrow lifted as Max opened the door looking like hammered shit. “Hey, is Liz around?”
“Ahh yeah, she’s out back,” Max answered rubbing at his neck in a vain effort to relieve some of his tension.
When he didn’t say anything else or move aside for her to enter she cocked her head to the side studying him. “Can I maybe come in?”
“Yeah! Sorry,” Max said shuffling aside.
“You been drinking there, Moondoggie? Cause you don’t hold your liquor well. Take it from me. Not worth it,” Maria advised half seriously as she walked past him into the house.
Max smiled half heartedly in response as he shut the door. “Nope, that’s a lesson I did learn.”
“Okay, then,” Maria said following Max through the house to the back door. Walking back out into the sun Maria shielded her eyes with her hand, looking for Liz and the twins.
She smiled seeing the twins running through the sprinkler, Erin squealing every time, while Liz rested in the shade watching them. Walking over to Liz she took note of her damp bikini with a small stab of jealously that faded at the dark smudges beneath her eyes. “Lizzie? Sorry I’m late but Sean kept Michael and I up with the disgusting porn noises emanating from his room last night.”
“That’s okay. We’re getting a slow start today too,” Liz answered as Maria settled down onto the blanket carefully. “I take it by your description Ava will be even later?” Liz teased happy for the distraction Maria offered.
Maria groaned theatrically and rolled her eyes. “If she makes it at all. I swear, Liz. Sean’s just disgusting. I really think he did that on purpose!”
“Probably as a first defense before you and Michael grossed him out equally as much,” Liz agreed thinking Sean was actually pretty smart for that. The best defense was a strong offense. Once Michael and Maria got going all ears were assaulted for a three-room radius.
“Well Michael’s got a job interview today so hopefully we’ll be getting our own place shortly, thank God!” Maria answered watching Max digging up what looked like a burned patch of lawn.
“Really? Where at?” Liz asked curious.
“MetaChem,” Maria answered. “Just until they get the business going. I have to get out of Sean’s before I’m damaged for life.”
Liz hummed in response but before she could bring up MetaChem and the phone call she’d gotten Maria spoke again.
“What’s with the lawn? Max get too frisky with the barbecue?” Maria asked watching Max haul over some sod.
“Umm no,” Liz replied cautiously. Wary of bringing up upsetting topics when she was still off balance. “Noah burned it with a blast last night.”
“Wow, what brought that on?” Maria asked rubbing her hand over the barely there swell of her abdomen.
“He was upset,” Liz started then broke off seeing Ava letting herself in the back gate. The bounce in her step had Liz smiling faintly as Maria huffed in mock outrage next to her.
“You hussy,” Maria accused as Ava reached them.
“Jealous much?” Ava remarked with a smirk and an artfully lifted brow as she dug out pints of ice cream for each of them.
“Me too!” Erin squealed running over dripping wet from the sprinkler with Noah trailing after her silently.
“Here,” Ava said handing off the red, white, and blue Popsicle’s to both of them after carefully peeling the wrapper off of them.
“What do you say?” Liz asked the twin’s.
“Thank you,” Erin said between licks.
Noah parroted his sister’s statement softly, clutching his Popsicle tightly, trailing after Erin at more subdued pace as the Popsicle started dripping down his hand.
When they were out of earshot Maria pointed her spoon at Ava. “I’m not jealous. That’s SEAN you were..” Maria trailed off with a shiver.
“I like him,” Ava shrugged and smiled. “He was just messing with you. You’re so easy, Ria.”
The conversation continued as Liz’s attention drifted. Max was almost done laying down the sod and the twins were sharing a Popsicle now since Pepe was licking at the one Erin had dropped in the grass. Liz sighed as both Max and Noah kept glancing at her, checking on her more then paying attention to what they were doing.
“…….right Liz?” Maria asked jolting Liz back into the conversation.
“What?” Liz asked picking up her spoon.
“Ava should set her sights higher right? Try to find something more then a playmate,” Maria said tossing a smirk Ava’s way. “Like to someone who can actually satisfy a live women as opposed to a blow up doll.”
“Like I’d know?” Liz responded tossing her spoon back down and putting the top on her rapidly melting ice cream.
Ava and Maria shared a startled glance before Liz looked up.
“I mean, really. I’ve only been with Max. I wouldn’t have the slightest idea about what Ava should be looking for,” Liz finished.
“You dated other guys,” Maria protested weakly, not knowing what to say.
“Right, Sean for one,” Liz pointed out to remind Maria. “He’s not that bad, Maria. Let up. If Ava likes him,” Liz shrugged tucking her hair behind her ear.
“Come on Liz,” Ava teased trying to lightening things up. “You dated Kyle and Dane too. Dish girlfriend.”
“I did not date Dane,” Liz protested uncomfortable. “We never actually dated and I only kissed him once with you all there. So that doesn’t count.”
“Okay,” Maria agreed. “I’ll have to agree with Liz there. That’s not really dating. That was just a thing.”
“No,” Liz shook her head. “No, thing either. Kyle and Sean. That’s it. Don’t even try to inflate the numbers.”
Maria rolled her eyes but smiled. “Okay, not a thing either. But Kyle’s like a ton better then Sean! Come on!”
Ava grinned seeing Liz shift in her seat, glancing at Max and everywhere but at either her or Maria. “Come on Liz. Help me out here. Tell her.”
“They both have good points,” Liz hedged, wishing for an interruption of just about any kind.
“Kyle’s body is soooo much better,” Maria pointed out to needle Ava. “He’s funny, nice, and has good hygiene unlike Sean. Also, no criminal record. Definite plus.”
“You’re in a relationship with a criminal, Maria,” Ava jabbed right back. “How many times was Michael arrested?”
“He was never even charged!” Maria snapped.
“Details,” Ava shrugged. “Besides, he just never got caught due to Max’s help and yours. So don’t throw stones.”
“Liz? Help here?” Maria asked looking to Liz.
“What? Don’t look at me,” Liz said trying to bow out.
“Ohhh no,” Maria said shaking her finger at Liz. “Not until you give an opinion on Kyle verses Sean. Then I’ll shut up.”
“Okay,” Liz said then bit her lip. “Since Kyle’s the only one of the two to see me naked twice I’ll have to go with him.”
“WHAT?” Maria yelped while Ava snorted with laughter.
Liz got up and started toward the house with her ice cream giving a finger wave over her shoulder.
“She’s kidding right?” Maria asked.
“Maybe,” Ava said grinning. “Maybe not. You should know. Isn’t that in the best friend’s code or something?”
“Liz!” Maria yelled sending Ava into a fit of laughter.
“Spill!” Maria demanded as soon as Liz came back out.
Liz sat down and slowly arranged herself, torturing Maria before looking up. “What was the question?”
“LIZ!” Maria huffed.
“Okay. Okay, one time he had his eyes closed. I think,” Liz said vaguely. “The other was when he came out to California. It was not a big deal. He couldn’t even look me in the eyes for like a week. Like I said, not a big deal.”
“You so didn’t tell me this!” Maria chastised.
“Because you’d make it into something it wasn’t,” Liz pointed out calmly. “He asked me not to talk about the first time and since he was so sweet I don’t ever tease him about it. Relax. You didn’t miss anything.”
“Does Max know?” Maria blurted unable to stop herself.
“I don’t know,” Liz answered a shadow creeping over her face. “Probably. I’ve never tried to hide anything from Max since…. Not in a long time so he probably knows. So what? It’s not even a big deal so drop it.”
“What’s not a big deal?” Max asked casually.
“Kyle,” Liz answered tilting her head back to see Max’s face.
“What about him?” Max asked feeling the tension between the three of them.
“Seeing me naked,” Liz replied squinting up at him.
“Oh. Yeah. That,” Max said keeping his face neutral. “When’s he coming back?”
Ava smiled at that response and answered. “Any day now.”
“Good,” Max answered reached down to remove a stray wisp of hair that had blown over Liz’s eye. “Can’t wait.”
Liz quirked her eyebrow at him but he just smiled slightly.
Max knew he was treading on dangerous ground and wasn’t about to trip up over Kyle. They had a lot to talk about but now wasn’t the time and Kyle wouldn’t be one of the topics of conversation. Giving Liz a little space to think, thereby reducing the risk of upsetting either of the twins by upsetting her was only a good thing. Picking his battles and handling things better was definitely in order.
Liz relaxed when she felt Max’s reassurance float down through their tentative link. At least he trusted her that much.
Adrenaline rushed through him in response to the paranoid panicked thoughts chasing through his head as he tried to absorb the last twenty minutes. Now he knew. Kivar wasn’t just a dream. He was real and he was coming. It was Liz’s tiny hands pushing at his chest that broke him out of his paralysis. When he looked down at her his stomach sank at the leashed fury sparking out of their brown depths. She hadn’t looked this pissed since he’d climbed into bed with her and Maria.
“Get off of me,” Liz gritted out between clenched teeth backing up her command with a hard shove. “Get off now!”
Max scrambled off her quickly wincing uncomfortably as their sweat hit the air-conditioned chill of the room. “I’m sor..”
“Don’t even say it,” Liz warned scooted up against the headboard. She was in no mood for another in a long line of Max’s apologies. The riot of emotions inside her clashed, battling for dominance and right this second she couldn’t tell which would finally win out. Pulling her knees up to her chest to hide her nakedness her fingers curled around her pedant like a talisman, clinging to its warmth when she felt so cold and alone.
“Okay,” Max nodded treading softly around that touchy conversational topic. Still reeling from the force of her, he was scrambling to assimilate everything and come up with a response. “Are you okay? Do you hurt anywhere? I should..”
“Stop,” Liz snapped anger taking the lead. “Don’t even think about touching me. No, I’m not okay. I’m so far from okay that it’s ridiculous.”
Max’s heart started pounding so hard it felt like it was going to push right out of his chest. Suddenly sweating despite the chill he searched frantically for what to say. Whatever she’d seen inside him had her spitting mad.
Feeling almost sick with the level of emotional upheaval Liz struggled to keep her head. Spotting her tank she reached for it tugging it on while looking around for the rest of her clothes. “You want to keep your walls, Max, then you should feel great about the three walls between here and the couch where you will be sleeping.”
“What?” Max blurted feeling slow to react.
“What? You thought you’d trick me into leaving you?” Liz asked shooting him a nasty look as she tugged on her pajama pants. “Well think again! You left first this time so you get to leave. You can curl up on the couch with your stupid walls and make up new ways to make this incredibly fucking difficult!”
Max just gapped at her as she continued to rant at him.
“Call Michael! He’ll advise you I’m sure!” Liz vented yanking the sheet out of Max’s hands. “Tomorrow you can run home to YOUR parents house if that’s not good enough because I’ve had it! You made promises to me, Max, and I’m going to hold you to every last goddamned one of them! You can’t sleep in here and not try to keep them!”
“Wait a second!” Max shouted. “You can’t kick me out! He’s after you Liz! Are you blind?”
“The only one more blind and just plain dumb in whole state of New Mexico then you are is me!” Liz said whirling on him dropping the sheet to jab her finger at him. “I’m sure he’s too tired to do anything until I can get Cal back so go! I’m not in danger of getting sucked up into a UFO for a day at least!”
“That isn’t funny!” Max said feeling the heat creep up his chest and neck as he stepped into his shorts. “This isn’t a joke! Your safety isn’t a joke.”
“I can’t fight two battles at once and since you’re right in front of me you win!” Liz said her stomach squeezing as tears pricked the backs of her eyes. Tearing the rest of the bedding off the mattress she ignored them. “I’ll fuck him up when he gets here! Just like everything else.”
“Wh-“ Max started only to stop at the sound of the bottom sheet ripping under Liz’s fierce tug. Rubbing at the back of his neck he tried to calm down enough to think. He was in enough shit without fucking it up worse. His eyes widened as the sheet caught fire in Liz’s hand.
Liz burst into tears as Max quickly put out the flames and looked over her hands for burns. “Just go! Take the kids and go,” Liz cried yanking her hands out of his grip.
Hearing her telling him to take the kids away froze him in place as a sick sense of fear iced his insides. “No, I’m not going to leave. I can’t…..I won’t.”
“You’re already gone,” Liz said softly then shrugged. “I can’t feel you so you’re already gone.”
He watched her walk out of the room, rooted to the floor, his mind flashing back and forth over the twenty minutes that had changed everything.
Liz sat on the edge of the cold tub wishing the chill could bleed into her and numb her completely. She sat absolutely still, eyes open but unseeing, searching for some trick to camouflage the toxic nature of what was inside her. The kids were stirring, frightened by the shouting and what was surely seeping from her despite her best efforts to bottle it.
She wasn’t ready for this. The kids weren’t ready yet either. She hadn’t had the time to work with them, get them used to her closing off more. They didn’t have the filter built up that she was trying so hard to give them. Automatically her fingers sought the pendant resting against her skin, clutching at it like a security blanket feeling slightly calmer when it was held tightly against her palm.
Shame welled up along with her tears hearing Erin starting to cry loudly from down the hall. She was a terrible mother. Maybe when Max took them to his parents it’d be better for them along with safer.
Reaching Erin’s room he burst inside to find her huddled in the corner, Pepe frantically jumping up to lick the tears from her round cheeks.
“Daddy!” Erin wailed holding her arms up to him.
Max scooped her up quickly, closing his eyes as she buried her face in his neck sobbing uncontrollably. Rubbing her back in small circles to comfort her he reached out feeling a wellspring of pain and sorrow coming from Liz that shook him.
Slowly it dawned on him that Noah wasn’t there. In fact, Noah hadn’t made a sound.
Blind terror sent another burst of adrenaline rushing through him as he clutched Erin to his chest as he ran down the hall to Noah’s room shoving the door open so hard it hit the wall sinking the doorknob through the drywall.
Flicking on the light he searched for his son. “Noah? It’s Daddy come on out.”
“He idn’t hewre,” Erin wailed loudly.
“Honey,” Max said trying to keep his voice calm when he felt anything but. “Where is he?”
“He yooking for da monstwers,” Erin whispered in a trembling voice while pointing outside.
Liz heard Max calling to Noah but her attention was captured by something outside. Rushing to the window she saw Noah in the backyard. “Oh no,” Liz moaned noting his glowing hands as he shouted up at the sky.
“You kin not habe her!” Noah yelled between sobs. “She MY MOMMY! You kin not tawke her! I say so!”
Max skidded out the doorwall as Noah sent a faltering blast up at the sky.
“I say!” Noah screamed stamping his foot. Raging at what he couldn’t see but he could feel.
“Noah,” Max called, carefully setting Erin down on her feet. “It’s okay. It’s okay now.”
“Nooooo,” Noah wailed shaking his head. Daddy was lying. It wasn’t okay. Daddy hadn’t watched close enough now Mommy was so scared she was sending him away. “It not okay I down’t wanna goooooo!”
Liz flew out the door in her barefeet, sliding on the dew soaked grass but didn’t stop. Scooping Noah up and holding him tight she looked to Max with huge devastated eyes. “Noah, shhhh,” Liz crooned softly, feeling his hot wet cheek rubbing against her bare shoulder as his fingers latched onto her hair with panicked strength. “I’ve got you. I’m right here.”
No one was going to take him from his Mommy. Noah held on with all his strength, crying to hard to beg her not to send him away. He wasn’t scared of the monsters. He was much more afraid of loosing his Mommy. If he lost her he’d loose his Daddy too. Then he’d be alone in the dark with Erin.
Watching Liz rub her cheek over the top of Noah’s head, making low soothing noises even as tears slipped out of her own eyes, he noticed both of their hands rippling with bolts of energy that licked out over exposed skin joining briefly then drifting apart again. Their energy seemed as tightly woven as their connection.
Before he could say anything Erin joined them, tugging at Liz’s leg wanting to be picked up and held too. He sucked in his breath as Erin’s hands sent light flickering over the bare skin of Liz’s thigh then linked with Liz’s when they joined hands.
Walking across the grass Max scooped up Erin and wrapped his other arm around Liz and Noah, gently herding them into the house as he kissed the top of Noah’s sweat damp hair.
Suddenly he had a flash of his dream, of cutting into Liz realizing that, in some ways, he had. He couldn’t have caused more damage if he’d had a real knife. She’d trusted him to care for her and somehow he’d left her wide open to invasion. Almost worse to him was he’d let her down when he’d promised not to. She’d trusted him enough to take a step into the unknown and he’d faltered, not matching her as he’d promised.
For Liz to seriously consider sending the kids away, even for an instant, was unacceptable. For him to forget his promises, to put anything ahead of her for even a split second and causing her pain was a betrayal worse then anything he’d done in that dream and was completely unacceptable. His family came first. He’d promised himself that repeatedly over the last three years. He’d let himself down too.
Morning eventually came and Max rubbed at his tired eyes as the sun drilled into his skull like a laser. Lifting his hand he let his eyes wander over to Liz huddled at the other end of the couch with Noah still clutching her hair in his fist, both him and Erin wrapped around her like puppies piled on top of their mother, all of them sleeping soundly.
Feeling the warm weight on his chest stir he petted Pepe absently thinking about all the things that he’d seen last night, trying to organize it enough to make sense of it.
Thoughts drifting to Khivar he remembered the cold blast of anger he’d felt directed at him, the power that wasn’t Liz’s that had none the less melded with hers to break past his defenses then receded like the tide. Taking Liz with it.
Like she didn’t have the power to stay without it.
Looking over at her he found her watching him.
“I didn’t want to stay,” Liz whispered answering his unspoken thoughts. “You didn’t want me there. I never would have forced myself on you if I hadn’t been so scared. I’m not Tess forcing my way into people’s most private self. Normally, I’d wait for your invitation. If there ever was one.”
He felt the sharp pain that accompanied her words clearly and responded silently first, stroking her spirit softly in apology, ignoring the jagged shards of their frayed connection to get his point across in a way that she’d hopefully not misunderstand.
Liz teared up at the soft brush of him, blinking rapidly to keep these tears from falling, turning her face to nuzzle the top of Erin’s head until she was more in control. Using the reminder of her children’s presence to steady herself.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Stop me when I lost you?” Max asked softly when she looked up.
“You closed off so fast,” Liz whispered. “I was just drowning before I knew it. Then he was there.” She paused firming her resolve and quieting her volatile emotions. She wouldn’t risk her kids again. Not even for Max.
“I can’t do that again, Max. I get too upset so I think you should sleep out here or we should clear out the office for you or…..I can’t allow that to ever happen again. You can keep your secrets but you can’t keep me like this too. You just can’t. I’m not like you. I don’t those walls. Everything spills out and I can’t hold it in. The twins can’t filter anything out either and it’s just…..not going to happen again,” Liz said firmly choking herself off from saying more. The fear that Kivar could reach out through her and reach her children was a risk she wouldn’t take.
“Can we…talk about this?” Max asked softly his stomach tightening. “I won’t…I’ll just sleep with you. Nothing else.”
Liz’s lips tightened as anger stirred inside her like snake uncoiling. “You didn’t “loose” me. You bailed on me. You shut me out. So talk away but at least be honest. If you were afraid you should have told me. You should have stopped on your own instead of building your walls higher to keep me out. At least try to think about what you’re doing. What did you think I’d do? Pry into every little corner of your mind? That’s Tess. That’s not me and I don’t appreciate the comparison. I just want to share more then body fluids. I need to feel like I have a…” Liz broke off as Noah stirred against her in warning. “Forget it. I can’t do this,” Liz whispered rubbing at her temples and the headache forming there.
Max felt a sharp pain in his soul as he felt Liz struggling to shut down then finally sigh in defeat, instead she channeled her energy toward the kids focusing on them to the exclusion of all things that might upset her. Reassuring them with her presence and love, sending them into a deeper more restful slumber.
Understanding he stayed quiet. After last night he deserved nothing less. He knew she wasn’t punishing him, he could feel her self-recrimination as clearly as her pain. He also knew she was fragile in a way that he hadn’t paid enough attention to. If he had he would have stuck to those baby steps and saved everyone a whole of pain.
No, he’d stay quiet for now and work on keeping one of his promises. He’d watch over them while they slept.
Maria knocked at the door tapping her foot impatiently as she waited for it to open. It was late afternoon and she was late but she wasn’t worried. Ava was sure to be even later.
Maria shuddered as she relived the odd sounds coming from Sean’s room. She had to find a different place to crash. ASAP.
Maria’s eyebrow lifted as Max opened the door looking like hammered shit. “Hey, is Liz around?”
“Ahh yeah, she’s out back,” Max answered rubbing at his neck in a vain effort to relieve some of his tension.
When he didn’t say anything else or move aside for her to enter she cocked her head to the side studying him. “Can I maybe come in?”
“Yeah! Sorry,” Max said shuffling aside.
“You been drinking there, Moondoggie? Cause you don’t hold your liquor well. Take it from me. Not worth it,” Maria advised half seriously as she walked past him into the house.
Max smiled half heartedly in response as he shut the door. “Nope, that’s a lesson I did learn.”
“Okay, then,” Maria said following Max through the house to the back door. Walking back out into the sun Maria shielded her eyes with her hand, looking for Liz and the twins.
She smiled seeing the twins running through the sprinkler, Erin squealing every time, while Liz rested in the shade watching them. Walking over to Liz she took note of her damp bikini with a small stab of jealously that faded at the dark smudges beneath her eyes. “Lizzie? Sorry I’m late but Sean kept Michael and I up with the disgusting porn noises emanating from his room last night.”
“That’s okay. We’re getting a slow start today too,” Liz answered as Maria settled down onto the blanket carefully. “I take it by your description Ava will be even later?” Liz teased happy for the distraction Maria offered.
Maria groaned theatrically and rolled her eyes. “If she makes it at all. I swear, Liz. Sean’s just disgusting. I really think he did that on purpose!”
“Probably as a first defense before you and Michael grossed him out equally as much,” Liz agreed thinking Sean was actually pretty smart for that. The best defense was a strong offense. Once Michael and Maria got going all ears were assaulted for a three-room radius.
“Well Michael’s got a job interview today so hopefully we’ll be getting our own place shortly, thank God!” Maria answered watching Max digging up what looked like a burned patch of lawn.
“Really? Where at?” Liz asked curious.
“MetaChem,” Maria answered. “Just until they get the business going. I have to get out of Sean’s before I’m damaged for life.”
Liz hummed in response but before she could bring up MetaChem and the phone call she’d gotten Maria spoke again.
“What’s with the lawn? Max get too frisky with the barbecue?” Maria asked watching Max haul over some sod.
“Umm no,” Liz replied cautiously. Wary of bringing up upsetting topics when she was still off balance. “Noah burned it with a blast last night.”
“Wow, what brought that on?” Maria asked rubbing her hand over the barely there swell of her abdomen.
“He was upset,” Liz started then broke off seeing Ava letting herself in the back gate. The bounce in her step had Liz smiling faintly as Maria huffed in mock outrage next to her.
“You hussy,” Maria accused as Ava reached them.
“Jealous much?” Ava remarked with a smirk and an artfully lifted brow as she dug out pints of ice cream for each of them.
“Me too!” Erin squealed running over dripping wet from the sprinkler with Noah trailing after her silently.
“Here,” Ava said handing off the red, white, and blue Popsicle’s to both of them after carefully peeling the wrapper off of them.
“What do you say?” Liz asked the twin’s.
“Thank you,” Erin said between licks.
Noah parroted his sister’s statement softly, clutching his Popsicle tightly, trailing after Erin at more subdued pace as the Popsicle started dripping down his hand.
When they were out of earshot Maria pointed her spoon at Ava. “I’m not jealous. That’s SEAN you were..” Maria trailed off with a shiver.
“I like him,” Ava shrugged and smiled. “He was just messing with you. You’re so easy, Ria.”
The conversation continued as Liz’s attention drifted. Max was almost done laying down the sod and the twins were sharing a Popsicle now since Pepe was licking at the one Erin had dropped in the grass. Liz sighed as both Max and Noah kept glancing at her, checking on her more then paying attention to what they were doing.
“…….right Liz?” Maria asked jolting Liz back into the conversation.
“What?” Liz asked picking up her spoon.
“Ava should set her sights higher right? Try to find something more then a playmate,” Maria said tossing a smirk Ava’s way. “Like to someone who can actually satisfy a live women as opposed to a blow up doll.”
“Like I’d know?” Liz responded tossing her spoon back down and putting the top on her rapidly melting ice cream.
Ava and Maria shared a startled glance before Liz looked up.
“I mean, really. I’ve only been with Max. I wouldn’t have the slightest idea about what Ava should be looking for,” Liz finished.
“You dated other guys,” Maria protested weakly, not knowing what to say.
“Right, Sean for one,” Liz pointed out to remind Maria. “He’s not that bad, Maria. Let up. If Ava likes him,” Liz shrugged tucking her hair behind her ear.
“Come on Liz,” Ava teased trying to lightening things up. “You dated Kyle and Dane too. Dish girlfriend.”
“I did not date Dane,” Liz protested uncomfortable. “We never actually dated and I only kissed him once with you all there. So that doesn’t count.”
“Okay,” Maria agreed. “I’ll have to agree with Liz there. That’s not really dating. That was just a thing.”
“No,” Liz shook her head. “No, thing either. Kyle and Sean. That’s it. Don’t even try to inflate the numbers.”
Maria rolled her eyes but smiled. “Okay, not a thing either. But Kyle’s like a ton better then Sean! Come on!”
Ava grinned seeing Liz shift in her seat, glancing at Max and everywhere but at either her or Maria. “Come on Liz. Help me out here. Tell her.”
“They both have good points,” Liz hedged, wishing for an interruption of just about any kind.
“Kyle’s body is soooo much better,” Maria pointed out to needle Ava. “He’s funny, nice, and has good hygiene unlike Sean. Also, no criminal record. Definite plus.”
“You’re in a relationship with a criminal, Maria,” Ava jabbed right back. “How many times was Michael arrested?”
“He was never even charged!” Maria snapped.
“Details,” Ava shrugged. “Besides, he just never got caught due to Max’s help and yours. So don’t throw stones.”
“Liz? Help here?” Maria asked looking to Liz.
“What? Don’t look at me,” Liz said trying to bow out.
“Ohhh no,” Maria said shaking her finger at Liz. “Not until you give an opinion on Kyle verses Sean. Then I’ll shut up.”
“Okay,” Liz said then bit her lip. “Since Kyle’s the only one of the two to see me naked twice I’ll have to go with him.”
“WHAT?” Maria yelped while Ava snorted with laughter.
Liz got up and started toward the house with her ice cream giving a finger wave over her shoulder.
“She’s kidding right?” Maria asked.
“Maybe,” Ava said grinning. “Maybe not. You should know. Isn’t that in the best friend’s code or something?”
“Liz!” Maria yelled sending Ava into a fit of laughter.
“Spill!” Maria demanded as soon as Liz came back out.
Liz sat down and slowly arranged herself, torturing Maria before looking up. “What was the question?”
“LIZ!” Maria huffed.
“Okay. Okay, one time he had his eyes closed. I think,” Liz said vaguely. “The other was when he came out to California. It was not a big deal. He couldn’t even look me in the eyes for like a week. Like I said, not a big deal.”
“You so didn’t tell me this!” Maria chastised.
“Because you’d make it into something it wasn’t,” Liz pointed out calmly. “He asked me not to talk about the first time and since he was so sweet I don’t ever tease him about it. Relax. You didn’t miss anything.”
“Does Max know?” Maria blurted unable to stop herself.
“I don’t know,” Liz answered a shadow creeping over her face. “Probably. I’ve never tried to hide anything from Max since…. Not in a long time so he probably knows. So what? It’s not even a big deal so drop it.”
“What’s not a big deal?” Max asked casually.
“Kyle,” Liz answered tilting her head back to see Max’s face.
“What about him?” Max asked feeling the tension between the three of them.
“Seeing me naked,” Liz replied squinting up at him.
“Oh. Yeah. That,” Max said keeping his face neutral. “When’s he coming back?”
Ava smiled at that response and answered. “Any day now.”
“Good,” Max answered reached down to remove a stray wisp of hair that had blown over Liz’s eye. “Can’t wait.”
Liz quirked her eyebrow at him but he just smiled slightly.
Max knew he was treading on dangerous ground and wasn’t about to trip up over Kyle. They had a lot to talk about but now wasn’t the time and Kyle wouldn’t be one of the topics of conversation. Giving Liz a little space to think, thereby reducing the risk of upsetting either of the twins by upsetting her was only a good thing. Picking his battles and handling things better was definitely in order.
Liz relaxed when she felt Max’s reassurance float down through their tentative link. At least he trusted her that much.
reposting Chapter Twenty Six
Chapter Twenty Six
“Liz!” Maria cried in frustration. She was spending more time trying to draw her attention then actually holding a conversation with her.
“Sorry,” Liz said dragging herself back from the chaotic whirl of her thoughts and trying to focus only to realize she had no idea what they’d been talking about. Looking to Ava hoping for a hint she found instead a pair of troubled blue eyes looking back at her. “What was the question?” Liz asked glancing from Ava back to Maria.
“I didn’t ask a question,” Maria said pointedly. “What’s so interesting about watching Max water a patch of grass?”
“Wh- Umm nothing, really, I was just….Ummm yeah, so what were you saying?” Liz stumbled her eyes sliding back to Max unconsciously.
“I was telling you about my Mom’s new “boyfriend”,” Maria said making her low opinion clear in her tone. “A trucker! Can you even imagine! Liz, I swear it’s a miracle the guy can even walk upright! He answers the phone by grunting.”
“Sounds familiar,” Liz mumbled under her breath causing Ava to snicker in understanding. Michael was not the soul of polite phone greetings either.
“What? What was that?” Maria asked suspiciously.
“I was just saying that DeLuca women must like a challenge,” Liz said with the faintest flicker of a smile crossing her lips. “You had to work on Michael for…..well you’re still working on him so…”
“No, Liz, this is different,” Maria argued. “This is my MOM. She has the worst taste in men of anyone I’ve ever seen. Ava maybe can relate to that but even she’s got better taste. She meets this guy who knows where, I’m afraid to ask, and he, like, moves in two months later. What’s up with that?”
“I don’t….” Liz started only to be cut off by Maria.
“Then he tells her that it’d be “swell” if she widened the driveway for his rig. Rig Liz! Like his hog towing piece of shit is some great treasure! Is she crazy? Maybe it’s the early onset of…..I don’t know! What disease could this be?” Maria asked flustered looking back and forth between the two of them. “What disease makes you attracted to a beer belly and horrible hygiene?”
“Why don’t you just talk to her?” Liz asked then held up her hand when Maria opened her mouth. “Not by asking her if she’s got some sort of mental illness. You have this tendency to act a bit like you’re her parent when it comes to this subject. She’s been alone a long time, Maria. Maybe he’s not so bad. Just ask her what she likes about him. Maybe he’s funny or sweet. I don’t know, but asking her if she’s lost her mind isn’t going to get the conversation going in the right direction.”
“Fine,” Maria grumbled then huffed slightly. “But even Michael says the guys the missing link!”
“Sean doesn’t like him either,” Ava added softly.
“Ah ha! See? That’s gotta mean something!” Maria said turning to Liz.
Liz listened to Maria continue to blow off steam then blinked when she realized Maria had asked Jim Valenti to perform a background check on the guy. “You what? Maria!”
“What? You don’t know! This guy could be an axe-murdering rapist with twenty kids he’s not paying child support on! Inquiring minds need to know!” Maria defended.
“What you just asked him to do is against the law and a violation of…What’s his name?” Liz paused to ask.
“Larry,” Ava supplied helpfully.
“Larry’s privacy. It’s against the department’s regulations and he could get oh I don’t know…FIRED, AGAIN,” Liz finished.
Maria waved all that aside and rolled her eyes. “Well, Larry’s just gonna have to deal. Jim could have said no. I asked I didn’t blackmail him!”
“Maria!” Liz chastised.
“What? Larry’s the reason I’m at Sean’s instead of at my mother’s house. He’s the reason she’s redecorated the entire house. With her money that she was saving for a nice trip, might I add. She skipped Isabel’s wedding because “Larry” wanted to go to Vegas that same weekend. He’s the reason I can’t even stand to eat dinner over there! I thought I was gonna hurl right in his face when he asked me what the stork was bringing me. Like he’s part of my family or something! I swear!” Maria ranted unrepentant. Larry was a menace. He was a slimy bastard that was taking advantage of her clueless mother. Amy DeLuca was way too trusting for someone that attracted every dirtbag in a hundred-mile radius.
“What did you say?” Ava asked curious.
“That the stork was delivering me another life form of course,” Maria stated her eyes snapping with remembered temper.
Liz sighed and admitted defeat. It was pointless to try and reason with Maria when she was like this. The guy could be a Nobel Prize winner and Maria would still react the same way.
“Subtle,” Ava mused, humor lacing her voice. “I like it.”
Liz remained silent her eyes drifting back to Max even as her fingers moved to play with her necklace. Maria and Ava’s voices drifted into background noise as her attention wandered.
Watching him swing Erin up onto his shoulders while Noah hung onto his leg like a burr she admitted to herself that she was at a loss. Nothing she tried seemed to make a dent in the expanding scope of their problems. She couldn’t detach herself enough to see things clearly anymore. All the defenses she’d built up after Tess left seemed to have been worn away leaving her exposed and unable to shield herself. It made it very difficult to see past the pain to reason things out like she needed to.
She wasn’t sure if it was a result of Max healing her for the second time or her own decision to make an honest effort to resolve things between them that had left her unable to retreat from the overwhelmingly vulnerable state she often found herself in. It could also be her own stupidity, Liz admitted, she just couldn’t seem to stop herself from agreeing to things against her better judgement. She felt battered by the weight of the responsibility for fixing all that was wrong. She’d known that it wouldn’t be easy but she hadn’t realized that she’d be doing it alone either.
She’d logically understood that Max had held things back, held himself back to a certain extent, but she’d thought it was understandable. She’d developed her own methods of coping along the way too. What she hadn’t realized was how different those methods were, how different the reasons for them could be.
Feeling a sharp elbow jab her in the side, she blinked realizing how completely her attention had drifted away from the present. “Sorry,” Liz voiced into the silence.
“Chica, what’s wrong? You’ve been spacey all day,” Maria asked worried.
Ava watched Liz start to gnaw on her lip in a telltale nervous gesture while sliding her pendant back and forth on its chain.
“I’m sorry. It’s just….” Liz trailed off uncertainly. She wasn’t sure how to respond. There was so much going on, some of it personal, all of it complicated. “complicated. Cal’s coming home and Isabel’s going to be home Monday so….”
“Is it the kids?” Maria asked worried.
“It’s never just one thing,” Liz said slowly, oddly reluctant to discuss it. “It’s always everything at once. I’m a little….shaky so I don’t want to talk about it in too much depth. Noah will…freak again and…then Erin will and I already feel so…..”
Alarmed at the tears flooding Liz’s eyes Maria darted a glance at Ava who looked just as concerned.
“Max,” Maria breathed her eyes narrowing sharply. No one ever reduced Liz to tears as quickly as Max could. Jesus! What had he done this time?
Ava saw Maria going into best friend defense mode, darted a look at Max and felt a stirring of pity for the poor clueless bastard. Maria was going to rip him up.
“Maria, just don’t okay? Please. I can’t deal with anything else right now,” Liz said trying to forestall a scene. Wiping at her eyes she tried to stifle all strong emotion. She couldn’t afford to start a brush fire in her backyard and the kids were traumatized enough.
“I promise,” Maria assured her waiting until Liz relaxed to shoot Max a covert glare. “I’ve got your back girlfriend. I’m not going to damage him.”
“Riiiight,” Ava drawled then held her hands up in surrender when Maria turned her glare onto her.
“Just…” Liz started to attempt to diffuse Maria’s latest mood swing only to stop as Erin called for her.
“MOMMY! Yook what Noah did!” Erin squealed pointing at Pepe. “He gots Pepe all wet an him’s verwy mad!”
Ava watched Liz get up and rescue the miserable looking dog from the sprinkler. After talking quietly to both of the children she carried Pepe back to them and sat down.
“Poor little thing,” Maria cooed to the dripping puppy while watching Liz’s bent head.
Liz snagged her towel and started drying Pepe who quickly started to lick at any part of her within reach. “Noah said he was trying to make sure Pepe wasn’t hot,” Liz explained softly using the puppy to deflect a conversation she had no desire to continue.
“Liz, honey, just tell us what’s wrong,” Maria urged softly. “You’re freaking me out and that’s not good for anyone.”
“That’s a truism,” Ava agreed. “That baby’s going to be born dependant on essential oils for sure.”
Liz smiled briefly, kissed the top of the puppy’s head and put him down as Maria huffed lightly in feigned offense. “Let’s just all relax. I don’t want to upset the kids. I’m still trying to get a handle on things so…” She trailed off as Pepe turned around and around in circles before lying down beside her claiming a patch of sun for himself.
“You called Cal back?” Ava guessed softly.
“Yes,” Liz answered softly just as Noah’s silent query came. Sending Noah a smile coupled with a wave to show she was watching him she ignored the silent communication, waiting until Noah went back to playing before saying anymore. “He’s wrapping things up and coming back. Max talked to him.”
“What? Why?” Maria asked her eyes wide and filled with dread.
“Because we’re going to need him. Noah’s dreams are definitely not dreams. Kivar is real. He sort of…..contacted me and it freaked me out, which freaked Noah out, then Erin, and caused the burned spot on the lawn,” Liz supplied briefly. Strange that the Kivar details bothered her far less then the Max details.
“Oh shit,” Ava whispered her heart sinking only to rise up into her throat.
“Contacted you how?” Maria asked.
“Umm,” Liz searched for a way to describe what she’d felt. It had been so unlike anything else she’d ever felt before. She had no frame of reference adequate enough to explain it. “He sort of formed a connection, I guess. I don’t know. I don’t know what he did. Suddenly he was just there.”
Ava watched Liz go still, her hand even stopped playing with her necklace, as her attention turned inward. “Were you asleep? Was it like when you called out?” Ava asked referring to when Liz had drawn Cal to her.
“No, I wasn’t asleep and I didn’t have a chance to call out,” Liz answered her eyelashes lowering to shield her eyes. She remembered the building pressure, the chaotic build of emotion searching for somewhere to go, the abrupt swelling of the emptiness she carried. Searching for Max only to find him cut off from her, then Kivar’s presence reaching out to her, easing the horrible sense of drowning.
Ava saw Liz’s fingers tighten around her pendant, her knuckles turning white before her lashes lifted. Ava glanced at Max quickly before focusing once again on Liz. “So it wasn’t a dreamwalk cause you weren’t sleeping and he was still able to get in?”
“Yes,” Liz nodded.
“What did Cal say?” Maria asked frightened. That didn’t sound good. None of this sounded good.
“That Max should track down Brody and try to contact Larek. Find out if he has any information on where Khivar is or anything else that might give us an idea of what’s happening,” Liz said her brow furrowing. “He said not to mention that Khivar has established a…..link with anyone here. Larek is part of the ruling council, along with Khivar, and would be obligated to inform the rest of the council and that might not be in our best interests.”
“But he helped us last time,” Maria pointed out.
“That was with Tess, which is a totally different story,” Liz said tilting her face up toward the sun and closing her eyes. She was so tired, the warmth of the sun on her face soothing. Normal. “She was outside the realm of the council. One of us,” Liz said with a clear edge to her voice. “Or I should say one of the hybrids which none of the council have any treaties with or allegiances to. Max didn’t exactly impress anyone at the summit and they’re still a little pissed about that whole thing. It was in Larek’s best interests to help us at the time. Then he’d know if Khivar had broken any agreements or if the balance of power had shifted with the birth of an heir that could carry the seal and further solidify Khiver’s position. Plus, all he really did was to help translate the book and why wouldn’t he? Knowledge is power. This is different.”
“The council wouldn’t give a shit about Tess. They wouldn’t care what she did until it effected them. She had no real power in their eyes,” Ava said slowly. “Khivar is different. What he does everyone’s interested in.”
“Exactly,” Liz agreed. “The problem is that prophecy thing. Larek translated the book so he knows what it said. Cal wasn’t happy about that.” Liz tucked her hair back pausing as Erin squealed. Looking over she smiled slightly seeing Max running through the sprinkler with Erin still on his shoulders. “I don’t know. Anyway, when everyone’s back we’re going to get everyone together and discuss it, I guess.”
Before anyone could say anything else the metallic squeal of the back gate had them all turning to see who was coming in. Liz groaned almost inaudibly as Sean smiled and tossed off a wave.
“I did knock,” Sean said as he closed the gate behind him. “No one answered.”
Ava smiled in pleasure as he walked over.
“You invited him here?” Maria half asked half accused. “What the hell were you thinking?”
“What? He’s picking me up,” Ava asked looking between the other two. “What’s the problem? He couldn’t possibly have overheard anything he’s, like, all the way across the yard.”
“It’s just that Max, umm, he has this pathological thing when it comes to Sean,” Liz supplied slowly nibbling at her lip.
“Yeah,” Maria snorted rolling her eyes. “That you…” Maria was cut off by Liz’s sharp elbow jabbing the air out her lungs.
Liz smiled sweetly and gave Sean a friendly wave. “Hey, Sean. Long time no see.”
“Yeah,” Sean grinned as he reached them. “Looking good Parker,” Sean said with a smirk taking in her still damp bikini with a quick sweep of his eyes. Dropping down next to Ava he gave her a quick kiss on her upturned mouth. “You put on some weight since this morning M?” Sean teased Maria enjoying the flash of fire in her eyes. Nothing was more fun then yanking Maria’s chain.
“Sean, you..” Maria started only to have Liz jab her again.
“Maria! Little ears! Michael’s already expanded Erin’s vocabulary enough,” Liz said sending Maria a sharp look.
Maria sighed but subsided grudgingly. Michael had better get that job. That’s all she had to say.
“Speaking of,” Sean said his eyes on the two kids barreling down on them followed by Evans. His smile widened as he scooted even closer to Ava.
“Sean,” Max greeted stiffly.
“Evans,” Sean returned then looked at the two small children staring at him silently. “Hi, you must be Erin,” Sean said smoothly, a smile creeping over his face. “You look just as pretty as your mom.” Erin smiled back as he bopped her on the end of her nose. “And that would make you Noah. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
Noah nodded and stuck out his hand politely like he’d been taught to when meeting new people.
Sean shook it carefully while Noah studied him with dark solemn eyes. “I’m Sean.”
“You Aunt Maria’s browfer wright?” Erin asked causing Maria to gasp in horror.
Liz smiled and choked back a soft laugh. “Close enough anyway. Sean’s like Javen, honey, they just fight like brother and sister,” Liz teased struggling for lightness while resisting the urge to hold her breath.
“You Mommy’s frwiend too, huh?” Noah asked already knowing the answer.
“Yep, I can tell lots of stories about your mommy and Aunt Maria when they were little,” Sean offered grinning and giving Erin a wink causing her to giggle. Cute kids.
Noah smiled shyly back before scrambling into Liz’s lap.
Max watched Noah twirl a strand of Liz’s hair seemingly content to relax back against her chest and listen, no signs of distress at this new person. Looking back at Sean he found him grinning back at him.
“Mama’s boy huh? Smart kid,” Sean said breezily.
“Yeah,” Max agreed trying not to grind his teeth in response to Sean’s cocky grin.
“Now that you’re back we should all go bowling,” Sean said looking back at Liz and slinging his arm around Ava’s waist. “I’ve missed your gutter balls and trash talk, Parker. Roswell just hasn’t been the same without you. Now we’ve got some little ones to introduce to the true sport of bowling. Evans? You bowl?”
“Not so far,” Max answered evenly.
“Really? I can’t believe Liz hasn’t taken you. It’s a very…freeing game. Relieves tension and stress watching all those pins drop,” Sean supplied. “Wouldn’t you say so Liz?”
Maria’s eyes darted to Liz then to Max standing so rigid, not uttering a sound.
Liz rolled her eyes and stood up, setting Noah on his feet whispering into his ear before lightly kissing his forehead. After he took Erin’s hand and led her away she gave a sweeping look that encompassed both men. “You boys can play. I’m going to take a bath.”
“Great seeing so much of you Parker,” Sean called to her retreating back an innocent smile tilting his mouth as he waited for her response.
Liz turned, pausing long enough to rub her nose with her middle finger, and flashed Sean a killer smile. “Charming as always Sean. See ya around.”
“Wow,” Maria whistled. “It only took you five minutes to get a much deserved fuck you. Great job, Sean. Really.”
“Relax M. Liz’s cool,” Sean replied. “She wasn’t all tensed up like when I got here so just chill. She needed to tell someone to fuck off. Might as well be me, a friend who’ll take it in the spirit it’s given.” Leaning over to kiss Ava’s temple he wondered what they’d been talking about that made Liz look she’d take any reason to escape from the conversation. He was always happy to help out and lighten things up but Evans had NO sense of humor and he didn’t feel like tussling right now. Too damn hot.
“Liz!” Maria cried in frustration. She was spending more time trying to draw her attention then actually holding a conversation with her.
“Sorry,” Liz said dragging herself back from the chaotic whirl of her thoughts and trying to focus only to realize she had no idea what they’d been talking about. Looking to Ava hoping for a hint she found instead a pair of troubled blue eyes looking back at her. “What was the question?” Liz asked glancing from Ava back to Maria.
“I didn’t ask a question,” Maria said pointedly. “What’s so interesting about watching Max water a patch of grass?”
“Wh- Umm nothing, really, I was just….Ummm yeah, so what were you saying?” Liz stumbled her eyes sliding back to Max unconsciously.
“I was telling you about my Mom’s new “boyfriend”,” Maria said making her low opinion clear in her tone. “A trucker! Can you even imagine! Liz, I swear it’s a miracle the guy can even walk upright! He answers the phone by grunting.”
“Sounds familiar,” Liz mumbled under her breath causing Ava to snicker in understanding. Michael was not the soul of polite phone greetings either.
“What? What was that?” Maria asked suspiciously.
“I was just saying that DeLuca women must like a challenge,” Liz said with the faintest flicker of a smile crossing her lips. “You had to work on Michael for…..well you’re still working on him so…”
“No, Liz, this is different,” Maria argued. “This is my MOM. She has the worst taste in men of anyone I’ve ever seen. Ava maybe can relate to that but even she’s got better taste. She meets this guy who knows where, I’m afraid to ask, and he, like, moves in two months later. What’s up with that?”
“I don’t….” Liz started only to be cut off by Maria.
“Then he tells her that it’d be “swell” if she widened the driveway for his rig. Rig Liz! Like his hog towing piece of shit is some great treasure! Is she crazy? Maybe it’s the early onset of…..I don’t know! What disease could this be?” Maria asked flustered looking back and forth between the two of them. “What disease makes you attracted to a beer belly and horrible hygiene?”
“Why don’t you just talk to her?” Liz asked then held up her hand when Maria opened her mouth. “Not by asking her if she’s got some sort of mental illness. You have this tendency to act a bit like you’re her parent when it comes to this subject. She’s been alone a long time, Maria. Maybe he’s not so bad. Just ask her what she likes about him. Maybe he’s funny or sweet. I don’t know, but asking her if she’s lost her mind isn’t going to get the conversation going in the right direction.”
“Fine,” Maria grumbled then huffed slightly. “But even Michael says the guys the missing link!”
“Sean doesn’t like him either,” Ava added softly.
“Ah ha! See? That’s gotta mean something!” Maria said turning to Liz.
Liz listened to Maria continue to blow off steam then blinked when she realized Maria had asked Jim Valenti to perform a background check on the guy. “You what? Maria!”
“What? You don’t know! This guy could be an axe-murdering rapist with twenty kids he’s not paying child support on! Inquiring minds need to know!” Maria defended.
“What you just asked him to do is against the law and a violation of…What’s his name?” Liz paused to ask.
“Larry,” Ava supplied helpfully.
“Larry’s privacy. It’s against the department’s regulations and he could get oh I don’t know…FIRED, AGAIN,” Liz finished.
Maria waved all that aside and rolled her eyes. “Well, Larry’s just gonna have to deal. Jim could have said no. I asked I didn’t blackmail him!”
“Maria!” Liz chastised.
“What? Larry’s the reason I’m at Sean’s instead of at my mother’s house. He’s the reason she’s redecorated the entire house. With her money that she was saving for a nice trip, might I add. She skipped Isabel’s wedding because “Larry” wanted to go to Vegas that same weekend. He’s the reason I can’t even stand to eat dinner over there! I thought I was gonna hurl right in his face when he asked me what the stork was bringing me. Like he’s part of my family or something! I swear!” Maria ranted unrepentant. Larry was a menace. He was a slimy bastard that was taking advantage of her clueless mother. Amy DeLuca was way too trusting for someone that attracted every dirtbag in a hundred-mile radius.
“What did you say?” Ava asked curious.
“That the stork was delivering me another life form of course,” Maria stated her eyes snapping with remembered temper.
Liz sighed and admitted defeat. It was pointless to try and reason with Maria when she was like this. The guy could be a Nobel Prize winner and Maria would still react the same way.
“Subtle,” Ava mused, humor lacing her voice. “I like it.”
Liz remained silent her eyes drifting back to Max even as her fingers moved to play with her necklace. Maria and Ava’s voices drifted into background noise as her attention wandered.
Watching him swing Erin up onto his shoulders while Noah hung onto his leg like a burr she admitted to herself that she was at a loss. Nothing she tried seemed to make a dent in the expanding scope of their problems. She couldn’t detach herself enough to see things clearly anymore. All the defenses she’d built up after Tess left seemed to have been worn away leaving her exposed and unable to shield herself. It made it very difficult to see past the pain to reason things out like she needed to.
She wasn’t sure if it was a result of Max healing her for the second time or her own decision to make an honest effort to resolve things between them that had left her unable to retreat from the overwhelmingly vulnerable state she often found herself in. It could also be her own stupidity, Liz admitted, she just couldn’t seem to stop herself from agreeing to things against her better judgement. She felt battered by the weight of the responsibility for fixing all that was wrong. She’d known that it wouldn’t be easy but she hadn’t realized that she’d be doing it alone either.
She’d logically understood that Max had held things back, held himself back to a certain extent, but she’d thought it was understandable. She’d developed her own methods of coping along the way too. What she hadn’t realized was how different those methods were, how different the reasons for them could be.
Feeling a sharp elbow jab her in the side, she blinked realizing how completely her attention had drifted away from the present. “Sorry,” Liz voiced into the silence.
“Chica, what’s wrong? You’ve been spacey all day,” Maria asked worried.
Ava watched Liz start to gnaw on her lip in a telltale nervous gesture while sliding her pendant back and forth on its chain.
“I’m sorry. It’s just….” Liz trailed off uncertainly. She wasn’t sure how to respond. There was so much going on, some of it personal, all of it complicated. “complicated. Cal’s coming home and Isabel’s going to be home Monday so….”
“Is it the kids?” Maria asked worried.
“It’s never just one thing,” Liz said slowly, oddly reluctant to discuss it. “It’s always everything at once. I’m a little….shaky so I don’t want to talk about it in too much depth. Noah will…freak again and…then Erin will and I already feel so…..”
Alarmed at the tears flooding Liz’s eyes Maria darted a glance at Ava who looked just as concerned.
“Max,” Maria breathed her eyes narrowing sharply. No one ever reduced Liz to tears as quickly as Max could. Jesus! What had he done this time?
Ava saw Maria going into best friend defense mode, darted a look at Max and felt a stirring of pity for the poor clueless bastard. Maria was going to rip him up.
“Maria, just don’t okay? Please. I can’t deal with anything else right now,” Liz said trying to forestall a scene. Wiping at her eyes she tried to stifle all strong emotion. She couldn’t afford to start a brush fire in her backyard and the kids were traumatized enough.
“I promise,” Maria assured her waiting until Liz relaxed to shoot Max a covert glare. “I’ve got your back girlfriend. I’m not going to damage him.”
“Riiiight,” Ava drawled then held her hands up in surrender when Maria turned her glare onto her.
“Just…” Liz started to attempt to diffuse Maria’s latest mood swing only to stop as Erin called for her.
“MOMMY! Yook what Noah did!” Erin squealed pointing at Pepe. “He gots Pepe all wet an him’s verwy mad!”
Ava watched Liz get up and rescue the miserable looking dog from the sprinkler. After talking quietly to both of the children she carried Pepe back to them and sat down.
“Poor little thing,” Maria cooed to the dripping puppy while watching Liz’s bent head.
Liz snagged her towel and started drying Pepe who quickly started to lick at any part of her within reach. “Noah said he was trying to make sure Pepe wasn’t hot,” Liz explained softly using the puppy to deflect a conversation she had no desire to continue.
“Liz, honey, just tell us what’s wrong,” Maria urged softly. “You’re freaking me out and that’s not good for anyone.”
“That’s a truism,” Ava agreed. “That baby’s going to be born dependant on essential oils for sure.”
Liz smiled briefly, kissed the top of the puppy’s head and put him down as Maria huffed lightly in feigned offense. “Let’s just all relax. I don’t want to upset the kids. I’m still trying to get a handle on things so…” She trailed off as Pepe turned around and around in circles before lying down beside her claiming a patch of sun for himself.
“You called Cal back?” Ava guessed softly.
“Yes,” Liz answered softly just as Noah’s silent query came. Sending Noah a smile coupled with a wave to show she was watching him she ignored the silent communication, waiting until Noah went back to playing before saying anymore. “He’s wrapping things up and coming back. Max talked to him.”
“What? Why?” Maria asked her eyes wide and filled with dread.
“Because we’re going to need him. Noah’s dreams are definitely not dreams. Kivar is real. He sort of…..contacted me and it freaked me out, which freaked Noah out, then Erin, and caused the burned spot on the lawn,” Liz supplied briefly. Strange that the Kivar details bothered her far less then the Max details.
“Oh shit,” Ava whispered her heart sinking only to rise up into her throat.
“Contacted you how?” Maria asked.
“Umm,” Liz searched for a way to describe what she’d felt. It had been so unlike anything else she’d ever felt before. She had no frame of reference adequate enough to explain it. “He sort of formed a connection, I guess. I don’t know. I don’t know what he did. Suddenly he was just there.”
Ava watched Liz go still, her hand even stopped playing with her necklace, as her attention turned inward. “Were you asleep? Was it like when you called out?” Ava asked referring to when Liz had drawn Cal to her.
“No, I wasn’t asleep and I didn’t have a chance to call out,” Liz answered her eyelashes lowering to shield her eyes. She remembered the building pressure, the chaotic build of emotion searching for somewhere to go, the abrupt swelling of the emptiness she carried. Searching for Max only to find him cut off from her, then Kivar’s presence reaching out to her, easing the horrible sense of drowning.
Ava saw Liz’s fingers tighten around her pendant, her knuckles turning white before her lashes lifted. Ava glanced at Max quickly before focusing once again on Liz. “So it wasn’t a dreamwalk cause you weren’t sleeping and he was still able to get in?”
“Yes,” Liz nodded.
“What did Cal say?” Maria asked frightened. That didn’t sound good. None of this sounded good.
“That Max should track down Brody and try to contact Larek. Find out if he has any information on where Khivar is or anything else that might give us an idea of what’s happening,” Liz said her brow furrowing. “He said not to mention that Khivar has established a…..link with anyone here. Larek is part of the ruling council, along with Khivar, and would be obligated to inform the rest of the council and that might not be in our best interests.”
“But he helped us last time,” Maria pointed out.
“That was with Tess, which is a totally different story,” Liz said tilting her face up toward the sun and closing her eyes. She was so tired, the warmth of the sun on her face soothing. Normal. “She was outside the realm of the council. One of us,” Liz said with a clear edge to her voice. “Or I should say one of the hybrids which none of the council have any treaties with or allegiances to. Max didn’t exactly impress anyone at the summit and they’re still a little pissed about that whole thing. It was in Larek’s best interests to help us at the time. Then he’d know if Khivar had broken any agreements or if the balance of power had shifted with the birth of an heir that could carry the seal and further solidify Khiver’s position. Plus, all he really did was to help translate the book and why wouldn’t he? Knowledge is power. This is different.”
“The council wouldn’t give a shit about Tess. They wouldn’t care what she did until it effected them. She had no real power in their eyes,” Ava said slowly. “Khivar is different. What he does everyone’s interested in.”
“Exactly,” Liz agreed. “The problem is that prophecy thing. Larek translated the book so he knows what it said. Cal wasn’t happy about that.” Liz tucked her hair back pausing as Erin squealed. Looking over she smiled slightly seeing Max running through the sprinkler with Erin still on his shoulders. “I don’t know. Anyway, when everyone’s back we’re going to get everyone together and discuss it, I guess.”
Before anyone could say anything else the metallic squeal of the back gate had them all turning to see who was coming in. Liz groaned almost inaudibly as Sean smiled and tossed off a wave.
“I did knock,” Sean said as he closed the gate behind him. “No one answered.”
Ava smiled in pleasure as he walked over.
“You invited him here?” Maria half asked half accused. “What the hell were you thinking?”
“What? He’s picking me up,” Ava asked looking between the other two. “What’s the problem? He couldn’t possibly have overheard anything he’s, like, all the way across the yard.”
“It’s just that Max, umm, he has this pathological thing when it comes to Sean,” Liz supplied slowly nibbling at her lip.
“Yeah,” Maria snorted rolling her eyes. “That you…” Maria was cut off by Liz’s sharp elbow jabbing the air out her lungs.
Liz smiled sweetly and gave Sean a friendly wave. “Hey, Sean. Long time no see.”
“Yeah,” Sean grinned as he reached them. “Looking good Parker,” Sean said with a smirk taking in her still damp bikini with a quick sweep of his eyes. Dropping down next to Ava he gave her a quick kiss on her upturned mouth. “You put on some weight since this morning M?” Sean teased Maria enjoying the flash of fire in her eyes. Nothing was more fun then yanking Maria’s chain.
“Sean, you..” Maria started only to have Liz jab her again.
“Maria! Little ears! Michael’s already expanded Erin’s vocabulary enough,” Liz said sending Maria a sharp look.
Maria sighed but subsided grudgingly. Michael had better get that job. That’s all she had to say.
“Speaking of,” Sean said his eyes on the two kids barreling down on them followed by Evans. His smile widened as he scooted even closer to Ava.
“Sean,” Max greeted stiffly.
“Evans,” Sean returned then looked at the two small children staring at him silently. “Hi, you must be Erin,” Sean said smoothly, a smile creeping over his face. “You look just as pretty as your mom.” Erin smiled back as he bopped her on the end of her nose. “And that would make you Noah. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
Noah nodded and stuck out his hand politely like he’d been taught to when meeting new people.
Sean shook it carefully while Noah studied him with dark solemn eyes. “I’m Sean.”
“You Aunt Maria’s browfer wright?” Erin asked causing Maria to gasp in horror.
Liz smiled and choked back a soft laugh. “Close enough anyway. Sean’s like Javen, honey, they just fight like brother and sister,” Liz teased struggling for lightness while resisting the urge to hold her breath.
“You Mommy’s frwiend too, huh?” Noah asked already knowing the answer.
“Yep, I can tell lots of stories about your mommy and Aunt Maria when they were little,” Sean offered grinning and giving Erin a wink causing her to giggle. Cute kids.
Noah smiled shyly back before scrambling into Liz’s lap.
Max watched Noah twirl a strand of Liz’s hair seemingly content to relax back against her chest and listen, no signs of distress at this new person. Looking back at Sean he found him grinning back at him.
“Mama’s boy huh? Smart kid,” Sean said breezily.
“Yeah,” Max agreed trying not to grind his teeth in response to Sean’s cocky grin.
“Now that you’re back we should all go bowling,” Sean said looking back at Liz and slinging his arm around Ava’s waist. “I’ve missed your gutter balls and trash talk, Parker. Roswell just hasn’t been the same without you. Now we’ve got some little ones to introduce to the true sport of bowling. Evans? You bowl?”
“Not so far,” Max answered evenly.
“Really? I can’t believe Liz hasn’t taken you. It’s a very…freeing game. Relieves tension and stress watching all those pins drop,” Sean supplied. “Wouldn’t you say so Liz?”
Maria’s eyes darted to Liz then to Max standing so rigid, not uttering a sound.
Liz rolled her eyes and stood up, setting Noah on his feet whispering into his ear before lightly kissing his forehead. After he took Erin’s hand and led her away she gave a sweeping look that encompassed both men. “You boys can play. I’m going to take a bath.”
“Great seeing so much of you Parker,” Sean called to her retreating back an innocent smile tilting his mouth as he waited for her response.
Liz turned, pausing long enough to rub her nose with her middle finger, and flashed Sean a killer smile. “Charming as always Sean. See ya around.”
“Wow,” Maria whistled. “It only took you five minutes to get a much deserved fuck you. Great job, Sean. Really.”
“Relax M. Liz’s cool,” Sean replied. “She wasn’t all tensed up like when I got here so just chill. She needed to tell someone to fuck off. Might as well be me, a friend who’ll take it in the spirit it’s given.” Leaning over to kiss Ava’s temple he wondered what they’d been talking about that made Liz look she’d take any reason to escape from the conversation. He was always happy to help out and lighten things up but Evans had NO sense of humor and he didn’t feel like tussling right now. Too damn hot.
reposting Chapter Twenty Seven
Chapter Twenty Seven
Standing in the shower under the tepid spray she leaned her forehead against the cool tiles as tears slid down her cheeks. She cried silently, releasing her frustration, fear, and emptiness without an audience.
This was her sanctuary. The place where she didn’t have to be strong because no one was watching. Sometimes she wished she could live in the shower.
Automatically reaching for her pendent as her shoulders started to shake, she clutched it tightly, crushing it into her palm, and felt the restriction of her chest ease enough for her draw a shaky breath. Looking down, she studied the pendant, touching the winking stone with the tip of her finger almost reminded of a Mexican opal except the colors were wrong.
She jumped as the door banged open dropping the necklace and turning to peek out the shower door.
“What are you doing here, Max?” Liz asked irritated at the interruption. “If you’ve barged in here to give me flack about Sean then…”
“Yeah, I can leave. I already got that part from last night thanks,” Max returned watching her eyes narrow in response.
“It’s up to you. I never said you had to leave. I just said that you couldn’t sleep with me if you wanted to hide. There’s a difference,” Liz said then snapped the shower door closed.
Max walked over to the counter next to the sink and sat down on the edge of it. “So what did Sean mean anyway? Freeing? Why would he think you needed freeing?”
“I don’t know,” Liz fired back. “It must be my happy glow. Seriously Max, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out when I’m tense. I didn’t tell him anything. I never did, you know that.”
“I know it’s just…..he’s so….I’m just being stupid. Forget it,” Max sighed scrubbing at his tired eyes.
Pausing in the middle of reaching for her shampoo she spoke. “Sean isn’t even the problem.”
“I don’t like him. He keeps….looking at you,” Max grumbled his eyes flickering up to her outline behind the shower door then quickly away.
“Right, that’s the problem. He has eyes,” Liz replied rolling hers in exasperation. “Honestly, you’re being ridiculous.”
“I’m not. How am I supposed to feel? He’s not just some guy friend of yours. He’s…,” Max floundered unwilling to voice anymore and stir up the past. “He…just forget it. I can’t win here.”
“Maybe you need to think about what you’re trying to win,” Liz suggested softly. “If you don’t know that then you’ve already lost.”
Max thought about that for long quiet moment before speaking. “I’m just being stupid. I know what I’m fighting for. I’m just fucking it all up. I didn’t mean to shut you out like I did. I never meant to hurt you like that, but I did. I didn’t control it and…..I didn’t want you to see….anything like before, but I lost it. I could feel it coming, the rush of…..I just looked away for minute to get a grip.”
“Max, you’re not being honest with yourself. There are things that you keep hidden even from yourself. I can feel them. I can’t prove to you that I love you. I can’t swear I’ll stay and make you believe it. I’ve tried. I keep trying and you keep pushing me away. Do you really want me to leave? Is that what’s hidden? Is that you can’t forgive me for….” Liz stopped feeling the throat tighten dangerously. Unconsciously rubbing the stone and metal of her necklace she tried to just breath.
“No! That’s not…No, I don’t. I don’t want that. I want to make this work. I’ll open up right now if..” Max started sweating as his anxiety skyrocketed. “That’s what it takes. I know I screwed up. I didn’t mean to turn away from you. It’s just that it was so fast. I couldn’t control what was happening and I….I just messed up. Maybe if I open up when we’re not…it’ll be better.”
“I’m not trying to force you to do something you’re not ready for. All I ask is that you do the same,” Liz said quietly. “Because I love you I want to give you what you want. I’ll put myself in situations that aren’t….Max, I try to be strong for you but…I get scared too. I need your support, your full presence. If you can’t give me that then don’t go any further. Don’t leave me like that.”
Max drew in a shaky breath as he recognized how badly he’d mishandled things. Taking this chance he pushed back the urge to let his usual internal monologue take over and just tried to listen so he could start making a move in the right direction. He needed to find the strength to be there for her.
“Max,” Liz sighed, slicking back her wet hair as she tried to put together the stray wisps of things she’d felt inside him but hadn’t been able to fully process. “I think you’re misunderstanding what I need from you. When I say I need you to open up I don’t mean that I want excess to every thought, every feeling you’ve ever had. I just need to feel you, that you’re there and not off somewhere in your head. I need your support and comfort. It’s scary for me too. I can’t do this by myself,” Liz stopped feeling her chest constrict down painfully tight. After a few deep breaths she continued. “The only thing that got me through what happened before was that you were there. Now, I don’t even have that. I don’t know what to do anymore. Every time I try, you back away. I don’t want control over you. I don’t want to riffle through your head to gain the advantage. It hurts that you think that of me. I experienced the absolute violation of having Tess strip me of control over my own memories and….force herself where she had no right to be. I would never do that. Do you even know me? Who do you think you’re in bed with? Why would you even think that’s what I want…I don’t understand.”
“I don’t think that,” Max said in surprise. “I don’t think you’re anything like Tess. It’s just, I know you get flashes and some things….I don’t want to hurt you like I have before. I’m not trying to shut you out. I’m just trying to protect you. I’m afraid that if you keep seeing things like before that you’ll….”
“I’ll what?” Liz asked curious.
“Really see me and be disappointed,” Max answered his voice so low that when she didn’t answer right away he thought she hadn’t heard him. “That you’ll stop wanting to be here.”
“Have I ever actually explained what I see? I mean, how the flashes actually work from my end?” Liz asked avoiding an immediate answer to that statement that he wouldn’t really listen to anyway. It was strangely easier to talk to him since she couldn’t really see him as more then a foggy outline outside the shower doors.
“Uhhh I guess not,” Max answered nervousness causing him to rub at the nape of his neck as her arms lifted to finish washing her hair. Looking down he shifted on the countertop trying to get comfortable.
“Who’s watching the kids?” Liz asked before continuing such a deep conversation.
“Maria,” Max admitted with a grimace.
“What’d you have to do for that?” Liz asked her lips curving at the corners when Max just groaned in answer. “That bad?”
“She’s vicious,” Max complained. “We’re all going bowling.”
Liz’s eyebrow arched in surprise. “With who?”
“Sean,” Max mumbled scowling. “She said I should just get over myself.”
“Huh,” Liz answered chewing on her lip as she worked conditioner through the long strands of her hair. “Okay, a little lane walking might be fun. If you can put aside your unreasonable dislike of Sean long enough that is.”
“Maria threatened to move in if I don’t get it together,” Max added softly his eyes darting up then quickly away from the shower. “She said she was starting to think I needed constant monitoring. She’s more then willing to take on a challenge since she’s got a lot of free time before the baby’s here.”
Liz could just picture Maria with her hands on her hips as she bitched at Max. Threatening to break him in like she had Michael. “Anyway,” Liz said while smiling. “Back to the flashes thing.”
“Okay, the flashes,” Max agreed more then willing to switch topics.
“The best way I can explain it is that it’s like I’m pulled underwater and suddenly there’s this school of fish, darting through the water so fast that I only get brief glimpses of them. I don’t have to dig for anything, it just happens. I think that it depends on what’s going on with each of us. Some times if you’re directly thinking about something I’ll see it or if you’re afraid of a particular thing I’ll see. For example, the first time you reversed the connection I saw me. How you saw me, felt about me, things from when you were little. I’ve also seen bits of your nightmares when I’m touching you after one of them, I think because it’s so present in your mind. I don’t see it like a movie. I don’t see all of it. It’s more like an impression, a quick glimpse of different pieces of the picture. Sometimes with your thoughts and feelings attached and sometimes not but I’ve never dug around in your head to find out more. I think that some of the flashes come when I have a question and you’re open to me when we touch. The answer is just waiting there I don’t have to push for it. I didn’t push Nesado for anything either, it was just there. I can’t help it. I don’t mean to invade your privacy,” Liz said trying to alleviate some of his fears. To explain how it was intrinsically different from Tess’s invasion. It was something that she treasured even though it sometimes resulted in pain. It was the two of them, together, seeing deeper then the surface, sharing whatever they were able to honestly. More then anything she wanted his trust, she missed what used to be so much a part of them.
“Liz, I don’t feel like you’re picking me apart. That’s not….I’m just worried that…..Every time you get upset it snowballs. I don’t want to add to it. I don’t want our kids upset any more then you do. I don’t want YOU upset, Liz. You shouldn’t have to carry me,” Max said his voice communicating a buried intensity. “Every time I feel like my control is slipping I start to worry. I remember when it wasn’t like this, before I let you down. Before I let Tess almost kill you. But it’s not like it was. I’m not like I was before. There are things that I don’t want to relive and I sure as hell don’t want you to relive them over and over either.”
“Neither of us are the same,” Liz admitted turning off the water. “We relive those things anyway whether we’re doing it together or separately. We can’t help it. It’s part of our past, it lives in our nightmares. That’s just how it is. I’d rather do it with you then do it alone. I don’t want what we had before. I want more then that.”
Max’s eyes were glued to the shower door as Liz pushed it open enough to poke her head out.
“Can you toss me my towel please?” Liz asked pointing to the neatly folded towel next to him on the counter.
Max picked it up and hopped off the counter carrying it to her, careful to keep his eyes averted until she’d wrapped the towel around her like a toga.
Waiting until he lifted his eyes to hers she met his eyes steadily, hoping to get through to him. “Max, if you let me I would give you everything I have. If it were just me at stake I would risk it all but it’s not. Every time we fail and things get worse our children suffer. That I can’t allow. It would be the worst form of selfishness and sheer abuse of their trust.”
“I know that I’ve left you more then once so you have reason to doubt that I’ll stay. You have reasons for all the things you fear, we both do.” Studying his eyes for his reaction she continued. “Every time I left I thought I was doing the right thing under the circumstances but I didn’t talk to you first. So this time I’m talking before I make any decision. What I’m saying is that I love you and I want to stay but we can’t go on like this. We’re hurting ourselves, and even worse then that, we’re inflicting harm on our children. Neither of us wants that. The only thing that will make me leave you is our children’s welfare,” Liz stopped seeing his stricken expression. “Max, you have to see that this isn’t right for anyone. It’s not safe. It’s gone from just us having nightmares to our children waking up screaming because of me. I’m starting fires because I can’t control my powers. It’s not safe for them to live in an atmosphere like this. That isn’t even including Khivar.”
Max watched her duck her head briefly before looking back up at him.
“You want to talk about loosing control? He reached out and I couldn’t stop him. I don’t have any defenses to block him out. What if he can reach all the way through my connection to our children? To you? What if he hurts them or you through me? You have reason to be afraid. I’m afraid. I’m not strong enough on my own,” Liz admitted softly ashamed of her inability to prevent what was happening. Guilt, old and new, was a weight on her chest restricting free breathing. Reaching up she grasp onto her pendent, drawing a deep calming breath. “So you need to think about that. Opening up to me now might not be in your best interests. It might be best for you to take the kids to somewhere safe. Cal can help you protect them, teach them how to close off when they need to, to protect themselves. I’ve started trying to teach them but…”
“Liz, stop,” Max said, his hands moving up, fingers sinking into her wet hair as his thumbs moving back and forth over her temples. “Just stop. I’m not leaving. I will not let anyone hurt you. As soon as Michael gets here I’ll go find Brody like Cal suggested while Michael stays here with you and the kids. Cal will be here tonight and by then I’ll be back with that thing I gave to Valenti.”
“What thing?” Liz asked her brow crinkling in confusion.
“That artifact that Brody used to strip us of our powers. Remember?” Max asked combing back her hair with his fingers.
“In the UFO Center,” Liz nodded. “I remember.”
“Right, you can use that to strip yourself of powers if you have to or if a large group comes to….” Max stumbled feeling his stomach churning as he frantically tried to think of ways to keep her safe from everything. From himself, Khivar, anyone at all, and every scenario that he hadn’t yet imagined.
“That’s a great idea,” Liz said having forgot all about that device. “I can’t start fires without powers. I wonder if it dims down connections too? I’ll have to see if…”
Max breathed a sigh of relief now that she wasn’t talking about anyone leaving. He would figure this out. Even if he had to track down every alien on the planet.
~~~~~
Cal exited the plane he’d chartered and swiftly strode across the tarmac to the waiting helicopter. He spent the whole ride bracing himself, going over everything he needed to accomplish.
Once they arrived he told the pilot to wait and took the 4x4 the rest of the way to isolated, very unremarkable house. This is where he’d stored everything he’d scavenged from the crash, all the technology he’d managed to collect from the unfortunate aliens they’d succeeded in hunting down.
He’d used it all to build this.
Funny. He’d never had the desire to return home or even establish contact. Until now. He’d never had reason to. It had always been safer to stay hidden.
They weren’t hidden anymore, not with Khivar contacting Liz. That changed things. It changed everything.
Gearing up he put out the signal and waited patiently for an answer.
“Designation?”
“Project 12-1054,” Cal answered grateful that he could at least remain unseen.
“Repeat please with subtext.”
“Project 12-1054 subtext unit 3 requesting audio with the K’xusia. Urgent request for assistance,” Cal supplied and waited while his request was considered.
“This is K’xusia. What type of assistance is required? You have not heeded your mission perimeters. There has been no contact since landfall.”
“I have found the K’liusi. She is in dire need of protection,” Cal answered ignoring the rebuke for straying from his original mission perimeters.
“You are her advocate?”
“I am,” Cal agreed sealing his fate.
“What of your status as it relates to your mission? You have abandoned those duties?”
“Not entirely. The encoding holds true to the missions specifications. The primary….you know Zan is alive. I’m sure the council is well aware of the status of the hybrids,” Cal said breaking with protocol out of sheer annoyance. He hated these fucking people. What good was watching if you never actually did anything?
“The council is in hiding. The five planets are in a state of chaos. Khivar is openly attacking two of the five planets and is suspected of assassinating Sero along with his entire line. He will topple one of the planets in less then one cycle.”
Cal tried to speak and found himself simple without words. “Why?”
“I do not know. It is believed he disputed action taken by the individual council members.”
“Obviously!” Cal burst out pissed off.
“You sound human.”
“Thanks,” Cal said snidely his irritation growing. “Look. Surely you have all the Seers remote viewing. Give me something I can use.”
“This is the time of the Prophecy. If you have found the K’liusi as you claim then you know the path that will be taken. It can not be altered.”
“I do not accept the path. My concern is not for the path it is for her,” Cal said clearly, almost defiantly.
“You once did. You were chosen to guide Zan for that reason. What is it you wish?”
“I want you to stop sitting there and actually DO something. Worlds are being ravaged as you sit, people dying when it doesn’t have to be that way. What is the point of Seeing if you don’t act? You expect her to follow the path while you sit. You and Zan both are spectators instead of leaders. That’s how we got to this place. The old ways are dead,” Cal spat disgusted. Royalty. Absolutely useless. Content to let the masses die as long as they weren’t inconvenienced. This was a sharp reminder of why he’d abandoned the Way.
“Then there is nothing left to say is there?”
“Not to you,” Cal agreed and disconnected. Fuck.
Standing in the shower under the tepid spray she leaned her forehead against the cool tiles as tears slid down her cheeks. She cried silently, releasing her frustration, fear, and emptiness without an audience.
This was her sanctuary. The place where she didn’t have to be strong because no one was watching. Sometimes she wished she could live in the shower.
Automatically reaching for her pendent as her shoulders started to shake, she clutched it tightly, crushing it into her palm, and felt the restriction of her chest ease enough for her draw a shaky breath. Looking down, she studied the pendant, touching the winking stone with the tip of her finger almost reminded of a Mexican opal except the colors were wrong.
She jumped as the door banged open dropping the necklace and turning to peek out the shower door.
“What are you doing here, Max?” Liz asked irritated at the interruption. “If you’ve barged in here to give me flack about Sean then…”
“Yeah, I can leave. I already got that part from last night thanks,” Max returned watching her eyes narrow in response.
“It’s up to you. I never said you had to leave. I just said that you couldn’t sleep with me if you wanted to hide. There’s a difference,” Liz said then snapped the shower door closed.
Max walked over to the counter next to the sink and sat down on the edge of it. “So what did Sean mean anyway? Freeing? Why would he think you needed freeing?”
“I don’t know,” Liz fired back. “It must be my happy glow. Seriously Max, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out when I’m tense. I didn’t tell him anything. I never did, you know that.”
“I know it’s just…..he’s so….I’m just being stupid. Forget it,” Max sighed scrubbing at his tired eyes.
Pausing in the middle of reaching for her shampoo she spoke. “Sean isn’t even the problem.”
“I don’t like him. He keeps….looking at you,” Max grumbled his eyes flickering up to her outline behind the shower door then quickly away.
“Right, that’s the problem. He has eyes,” Liz replied rolling hers in exasperation. “Honestly, you’re being ridiculous.”
“I’m not. How am I supposed to feel? He’s not just some guy friend of yours. He’s…,” Max floundered unwilling to voice anymore and stir up the past. “He…just forget it. I can’t win here.”
“Maybe you need to think about what you’re trying to win,” Liz suggested softly. “If you don’t know that then you’ve already lost.”
Max thought about that for long quiet moment before speaking. “I’m just being stupid. I know what I’m fighting for. I’m just fucking it all up. I didn’t mean to shut you out like I did. I never meant to hurt you like that, but I did. I didn’t control it and…..I didn’t want you to see….anything like before, but I lost it. I could feel it coming, the rush of…..I just looked away for minute to get a grip.”
“Max, you’re not being honest with yourself. There are things that you keep hidden even from yourself. I can feel them. I can’t prove to you that I love you. I can’t swear I’ll stay and make you believe it. I’ve tried. I keep trying and you keep pushing me away. Do you really want me to leave? Is that what’s hidden? Is that you can’t forgive me for….” Liz stopped feeling the throat tighten dangerously. Unconsciously rubbing the stone and metal of her necklace she tried to just breath.
“No! That’s not…No, I don’t. I don’t want that. I want to make this work. I’ll open up right now if..” Max started sweating as his anxiety skyrocketed. “That’s what it takes. I know I screwed up. I didn’t mean to turn away from you. It’s just that it was so fast. I couldn’t control what was happening and I….I just messed up. Maybe if I open up when we’re not…it’ll be better.”
“I’m not trying to force you to do something you’re not ready for. All I ask is that you do the same,” Liz said quietly. “Because I love you I want to give you what you want. I’ll put myself in situations that aren’t….Max, I try to be strong for you but…I get scared too. I need your support, your full presence. If you can’t give me that then don’t go any further. Don’t leave me like that.”
Max drew in a shaky breath as he recognized how badly he’d mishandled things. Taking this chance he pushed back the urge to let his usual internal monologue take over and just tried to listen so he could start making a move in the right direction. He needed to find the strength to be there for her.
“Max,” Liz sighed, slicking back her wet hair as she tried to put together the stray wisps of things she’d felt inside him but hadn’t been able to fully process. “I think you’re misunderstanding what I need from you. When I say I need you to open up I don’t mean that I want excess to every thought, every feeling you’ve ever had. I just need to feel you, that you’re there and not off somewhere in your head. I need your support and comfort. It’s scary for me too. I can’t do this by myself,” Liz stopped feeling her chest constrict down painfully tight. After a few deep breaths she continued. “The only thing that got me through what happened before was that you were there. Now, I don’t even have that. I don’t know what to do anymore. Every time I try, you back away. I don’t want control over you. I don’t want to riffle through your head to gain the advantage. It hurts that you think that of me. I experienced the absolute violation of having Tess strip me of control over my own memories and….force herself where she had no right to be. I would never do that. Do you even know me? Who do you think you’re in bed with? Why would you even think that’s what I want…I don’t understand.”
“I don’t think that,” Max said in surprise. “I don’t think you’re anything like Tess. It’s just, I know you get flashes and some things….I don’t want to hurt you like I have before. I’m not trying to shut you out. I’m just trying to protect you. I’m afraid that if you keep seeing things like before that you’ll….”
“I’ll what?” Liz asked curious.
“Really see me and be disappointed,” Max answered his voice so low that when she didn’t answer right away he thought she hadn’t heard him. “That you’ll stop wanting to be here.”
“Have I ever actually explained what I see? I mean, how the flashes actually work from my end?” Liz asked avoiding an immediate answer to that statement that he wouldn’t really listen to anyway. It was strangely easier to talk to him since she couldn’t really see him as more then a foggy outline outside the shower doors.
“Uhhh I guess not,” Max answered nervousness causing him to rub at the nape of his neck as her arms lifted to finish washing her hair. Looking down he shifted on the countertop trying to get comfortable.
“Who’s watching the kids?” Liz asked before continuing such a deep conversation.
“Maria,” Max admitted with a grimace.
“What’d you have to do for that?” Liz asked her lips curving at the corners when Max just groaned in answer. “That bad?”
“She’s vicious,” Max complained. “We’re all going bowling.”
Liz’s eyebrow arched in surprise. “With who?”
“Sean,” Max mumbled scowling. “She said I should just get over myself.”
“Huh,” Liz answered chewing on her lip as she worked conditioner through the long strands of her hair. “Okay, a little lane walking might be fun. If you can put aside your unreasonable dislike of Sean long enough that is.”
“Maria threatened to move in if I don’t get it together,” Max added softly his eyes darting up then quickly away from the shower. “She said she was starting to think I needed constant monitoring. She’s more then willing to take on a challenge since she’s got a lot of free time before the baby’s here.”
Liz could just picture Maria with her hands on her hips as she bitched at Max. Threatening to break him in like she had Michael. “Anyway,” Liz said while smiling. “Back to the flashes thing.”
“Okay, the flashes,” Max agreed more then willing to switch topics.
“The best way I can explain it is that it’s like I’m pulled underwater and suddenly there’s this school of fish, darting through the water so fast that I only get brief glimpses of them. I don’t have to dig for anything, it just happens. I think that it depends on what’s going on with each of us. Some times if you’re directly thinking about something I’ll see it or if you’re afraid of a particular thing I’ll see. For example, the first time you reversed the connection I saw me. How you saw me, felt about me, things from when you were little. I’ve also seen bits of your nightmares when I’m touching you after one of them, I think because it’s so present in your mind. I don’t see it like a movie. I don’t see all of it. It’s more like an impression, a quick glimpse of different pieces of the picture. Sometimes with your thoughts and feelings attached and sometimes not but I’ve never dug around in your head to find out more. I think that some of the flashes come when I have a question and you’re open to me when we touch. The answer is just waiting there I don’t have to push for it. I didn’t push Nesado for anything either, it was just there. I can’t help it. I don’t mean to invade your privacy,” Liz said trying to alleviate some of his fears. To explain how it was intrinsically different from Tess’s invasion. It was something that she treasured even though it sometimes resulted in pain. It was the two of them, together, seeing deeper then the surface, sharing whatever they were able to honestly. More then anything she wanted his trust, she missed what used to be so much a part of them.
“Liz, I don’t feel like you’re picking me apart. That’s not….I’m just worried that…..Every time you get upset it snowballs. I don’t want to add to it. I don’t want our kids upset any more then you do. I don’t want YOU upset, Liz. You shouldn’t have to carry me,” Max said his voice communicating a buried intensity. “Every time I feel like my control is slipping I start to worry. I remember when it wasn’t like this, before I let you down. Before I let Tess almost kill you. But it’s not like it was. I’m not like I was before. There are things that I don’t want to relive and I sure as hell don’t want you to relive them over and over either.”
“Neither of us are the same,” Liz admitted turning off the water. “We relive those things anyway whether we’re doing it together or separately. We can’t help it. It’s part of our past, it lives in our nightmares. That’s just how it is. I’d rather do it with you then do it alone. I don’t want what we had before. I want more then that.”
Max’s eyes were glued to the shower door as Liz pushed it open enough to poke her head out.
“Can you toss me my towel please?” Liz asked pointing to the neatly folded towel next to him on the counter.
Max picked it up and hopped off the counter carrying it to her, careful to keep his eyes averted until she’d wrapped the towel around her like a toga.
Waiting until he lifted his eyes to hers she met his eyes steadily, hoping to get through to him. “Max, if you let me I would give you everything I have. If it were just me at stake I would risk it all but it’s not. Every time we fail and things get worse our children suffer. That I can’t allow. It would be the worst form of selfishness and sheer abuse of their trust.”
“I know that I’ve left you more then once so you have reason to doubt that I’ll stay. You have reasons for all the things you fear, we both do.” Studying his eyes for his reaction she continued. “Every time I left I thought I was doing the right thing under the circumstances but I didn’t talk to you first. So this time I’m talking before I make any decision. What I’m saying is that I love you and I want to stay but we can’t go on like this. We’re hurting ourselves, and even worse then that, we’re inflicting harm on our children. Neither of us wants that. The only thing that will make me leave you is our children’s welfare,” Liz stopped seeing his stricken expression. “Max, you have to see that this isn’t right for anyone. It’s not safe. It’s gone from just us having nightmares to our children waking up screaming because of me. I’m starting fires because I can’t control my powers. It’s not safe for them to live in an atmosphere like this. That isn’t even including Khivar.”
Max watched her duck her head briefly before looking back up at him.
“You want to talk about loosing control? He reached out and I couldn’t stop him. I don’t have any defenses to block him out. What if he can reach all the way through my connection to our children? To you? What if he hurts them or you through me? You have reason to be afraid. I’m afraid. I’m not strong enough on my own,” Liz admitted softly ashamed of her inability to prevent what was happening. Guilt, old and new, was a weight on her chest restricting free breathing. Reaching up she grasp onto her pendent, drawing a deep calming breath. “So you need to think about that. Opening up to me now might not be in your best interests. It might be best for you to take the kids to somewhere safe. Cal can help you protect them, teach them how to close off when they need to, to protect themselves. I’ve started trying to teach them but…”
“Liz, stop,” Max said, his hands moving up, fingers sinking into her wet hair as his thumbs moving back and forth over her temples. “Just stop. I’m not leaving. I will not let anyone hurt you. As soon as Michael gets here I’ll go find Brody like Cal suggested while Michael stays here with you and the kids. Cal will be here tonight and by then I’ll be back with that thing I gave to Valenti.”
“What thing?” Liz asked her brow crinkling in confusion.
“That artifact that Brody used to strip us of our powers. Remember?” Max asked combing back her hair with his fingers.
“In the UFO Center,” Liz nodded. “I remember.”
“Right, you can use that to strip yourself of powers if you have to or if a large group comes to….” Max stumbled feeling his stomach churning as he frantically tried to think of ways to keep her safe from everything. From himself, Khivar, anyone at all, and every scenario that he hadn’t yet imagined.
“That’s a great idea,” Liz said having forgot all about that device. “I can’t start fires without powers. I wonder if it dims down connections too? I’ll have to see if…”
Max breathed a sigh of relief now that she wasn’t talking about anyone leaving. He would figure this out. Even if he had to track down every alien on the planet.
~~~~~
Cal exited the plane he’d chartered and swiftly strode across the tarmac to the waiting helicopter. He spent the whole ride bracing himself, going over everything he needed to accomplish.
Once they arrived he told the pilot to wait and took the 4x4 the rest of the way to isolated, very unremarkable house. This is where he’d stored everything he’d scavenged from the crash, all the technology he’d managed to collect from the unfortunate aliens they’d succeeded in hunting down.
He’d used it all to build this.
Funny. He’d never had the desire to return home or even establish contact. Until now. He’d never had reason to. It had always been safer to stay hidden.
They weren’t hidden anymore, not with Khivar contacting Liz. That changed things. It changed everything.
Gearing up he put out the signal and waited patiently for an answer.
“Designation?”
“Project 12-1054,” Cal answered grateful that he could at least remain unseen.
“Repeat please with subtext.”
“Project 12-1054 subtext unit 3 requesting audio with the K’xusia. Urgent request for assistance,” Cal supplied and waited while his request was considered.
“This is K’xusia. What type of assistance is required? You have not heeded your mission perimeters. There has been no contact since landfall.”
“I have found the K’liusi. She is in dire need of protection,” Cal answered ignoring the rebuke for straying from his original mission perimeters.
“You are her advocate?”
“I am,” Cal agreed sealing his fate.
“What of your status as it relates to your mission? You have abandoned those duties?”
“Not entirely. The encoding holds true to the missions specifications. The primary….you know Zan is alive. I’m sure the council is well aware of the status of the hybrids,” Cal said breaking with protocol out of sheer annoyance. He hated these fucking people. What good was watching if you never actually did anything?
“The council is in hiding. The five planets are in a state of chaos. Khivar is openly attacking two of the five planets and is suspected of assassinating Sero along with his entire line. He will topple one of the planets in less then one cycle.”
Cal tried to speak and found himself simple without words. “Why?”
“I do not know. It is believed he disputed action taken by the individual council members.”
“Obviously!” Cal burst out pissed off.
“You sound human.”
“Thanks,” Cal said snidely his irritation growing. “Look. Surely you have all the Seers remote viewing. Give me something I can use.”
“This is the time of the Prophecy. If you have found the K’liusi as you claim then you know the path that will be taken. It can not be altered.”
“I do not accept the path. My concern is not for the path it is for her,” Cal said clearly, almost defiantly.
“You once did. You were chosen to guide Zan for that reason. What is it you wish?”
“I want you to stop sitting there and actually DO something. Worlds are being ravaged as you sit, people dying when it doesn’t have to be that way. What is the point of Seeing if you don’t act? You expect her to follow the path while you sit. You and Zan both are spectators instead of leaders. That’s how we got to this place. The old ways are dead,” Cal spat disgusted. Royalty. Absolutely useless. Content to let the masses die as long as they weren’t inconvenienced. This was a sharp reminder of why he’d abandoned the Way.
“Then there is nothing left to say is there?”
“Not to you,” Cal agreed and disconnected. Fuck.
reposting Chapter Twenty Eight
Chapter Twenty Eight
Maria was driving her crazy and there wasn’t a word to describe Michael’s effect. Ever since Max had abandoned her to chase after Brody Maria’s mouth had been running non-stop with Michael throwing in a choice word here or there.
“Liz? Come on! Give it up,” Maria urged eagerly leaning forward in her seat. “The silent routine is getting old.”
“Which question am I supposed to be answering? There were like twenty,” Liz noted looking to Michael and begging for help with her eyes.
“You could start with her question about Kyle,” Michael suggested helpfully. “I’d like to know the answer to that one.”
Liz rolled her eyes and gave up hope of Michael helping her out. He was just as nosy as Maria was. “What does naked mean to you Michael? What further explanation is required?”
“So it was you and Kyle,” Michael questioned trying to picture the encounter in question. “And you were naked? Was he?”
“Did I say he was?” Liz asked her eyes flashing as her frustration increased. Why was she always getting pinned down with questions that were…..intrusive? She didn’t remember signing a full disclosure contract.
“No, but you could have left that part out,” Michael noted.
“Could I? My bad,” Liz said with a raised eyebrow clearly warning Michael not to continue with this line of discussion. “Imagine. Me, leaving out such an important detail.”
“Yeah, imagine,” Michael said sarcastically. “So where was this? Where was Max?”
Throwing up her hands Liz shoved out of her chair feeling cornered and not missing Michael’s almost hostile vibe. Shooting Maria a dirty look as she passed by on the way to the fridge she tried counting to ten instead of just throwing Michael out of her house. She was still pissed at him anyway. “Max was…I don’t KNOW! Okay? Jesus Michael! It’s none of your business. So someone other then Max saw me without clothes on! Get over it!”
“I’d like to know about Max. What was going on that shook you enough to bring Khivar?” Maria asked tracking Liz around the kitchen reading the restless avoidance in her movements.
“Nothing okay? Just drop it,” Liz cried thoughly frustrated and so tired she felt like she could just snap in half.
“You were having sex!” Maria declared studying Liz’s body language. “Bad sex apparently.”
“I didn’t say that!” Liz yelped glancing into the living room at the twins.
“We can fix that,” Maria nodded as Michael coughed to cover a laugh.
“Maria! I’m sure Max’s fine…Ummm I don’t really….I don’t want to talk about this! Whether his technique is good or not isn’t the point!” Liz stammered flustered.
“I’d say it is the point,” Maria disputed with a quick shake of her head ignoring Liz’s red face and the way she was pinching the bridge of her nose. “If he was doing what he should be I doubt some other alien would be stepping in.”
“Stepping…?” Liz started only to stop. Replying would only encourage her at this point.
“I could talk to him for you,” Michael offered, smirking when Liz shot him a nasty glare.
“No, thank you,” Liz answered her voice layered with barely muted anger and frustration. “I really don’t think that’s necessary. It isn’t a performance problem. If it were you’d be the first person I’d send Max to for help.”
Michael’s smirk turned into a scowl in record time.
“So if it’s not performance then what is it?” Maria asked, knowing she was pushing it but going for broke. Liz was wound way too tightly. She’d take a blow out over the freeze out any day. She wanted to help but she couldn’t if she didn’t know what was wrong.
“It’s just stuff,” Liz answered vagely. “It’s complicated.”
“Liz, honey, sex isn’t complicated,” Maria disputed watching Liz’s face, the thoughts flickering under the surface.
“You aren’t me, Maria. You don’t understand because you haven’t been where I’ve been,” Liz said trying to evade upsetting topics and keep the details private. Why did everyone keep pushing her? Why was it that every problem that came up forced her to give away private details of her life? Some things should be between her and Max and no one else, not even Maria.
“What I understand is that Khivar is being drawn here by you, Liz. So whatever the problem is you need to fix it,” Michael observed.
“Really Michael? Wow, thanks for that brilliant observation,” Liz snapped. “I’ll get right on that.”
“Max doesn’t need this crap. Haven’t you put him through enough hoops yet?” Michael asked irritated that everything was about Liz and what she wanted, how she felt. Max had gone through two lifetimes’ worth of shit and enough was enough. “When are you going to say it’s enough huh?”
“Maybe you should ask Max that question. Nobody punishes Max as well as he does,” Liz replied, the only thing keeping her from loosing it was the twins. Noah was already peeking into the kitchen more then he was watching the TV.
“Michael, don’t make me hurt you. I’m this close and I don’t think you want to know what to. Got me?” Maria asked pinning him with a pointed stare. She didn’t need Michael mouthing off and getting Liz all defensive.
“Fine,” Michael huffed gruffly crossing his arms over his chest.
“Okay then, back to what I was saying,” Maria chirped turning back to Liz. “I know what happened with Tess was….and this Khivar thing is….scary but if you just..”
“If I just what?” Liz asked fed up. “What should I do? Tell me. Tell me you understand and know just how to fix everything that’s wrong. I’d love to know what to do, I really would. Why do you all think I know exactly what to do and just choose not to do it? Do you think I like this or…That Max wants it to be this way? Well you’re wrong. I live this everyday, you don’t. Max lives this everyday, Michael doesn’t. You don’t understand how it is. How you can look at yourself and not even recognize the things that you’ve done. The person you are, so stop telling me you know.”
“I don’t think that I know everything, Lizzie. I just want to help you. Be there, you know? So you always have someone that’s on your side,” Maria soothed watching the fight drain out of Liz leaving her shoulders slumped with exhaustion.
“I know. I’m sorry. Just please don’t pick at Max okay? I don’t want hear it. This is his house too and it’s not right to…..,” Vastly relieved when the phone rang Liz dove for it, answering before the first ring ended. “Hello?”
“Liz!” Isabel almost shouted over the noise of the airport.
“Isabel? What’s going on? You’re on your honeymoon. I really didn’t expect a call,” Liz teased trying to sound normal but having trouble switching gears so quickly.
“Tell Max we got a flight back tonight. I’ll call when we land,” Isabel said glancing over at Dane who was wrestling the luggage out of the taxi.
“Wait a second! Max called you?” Liz burst out in surprise.
“You know, I can’t really talk long,” Isabel hedged rolling her eyes. Clearly her darling brother hadn’t informed Liz that he’d called her home. Good move Max.
“Isabel! What did…” Liz started only to have Isabel interrupt.
“Yeah, gotta go! The phones cutting out. See you when we get back,” Isabel broke in blithely. “Try not to sleep too much till I get there okay? Bye.”
Liz stared at the receiver actually feeling light headed for a second.
Maria jumped as Liz slammed the phone down. “Whoa! Don’t kill the phone. We love the phone. It’s our friend.”
“I’m gonna kill him,” Liz mumbled. “He actually called Isabel home. Did you know about this?”
Michael’s eyes widened as Liz turned to glare at him. “Ummm no?”
“I thought you said you agreed to letting Isabel…” Maria waved her hand as she searched for a non-inflammatory word.
“I did!” Liz cried furious. “On Monday!”
“Uh huh,” Maria said confusion wrinkling her brow. “Sooooo?”
“Is this Monday? I don’t think so!” Liz pointed out sharply. It was so typical. Max just doing whatever and not even telling her first! It was still her head and if someone was going to walk around in it she’d at least like to be prepared. Isabel deserved a goddamned honeymoon! It was hopefully the only one she’d ever have and Max had ruined it. Was one more day really that big of a deal? Khivar wasn’t even that close!
“Liz? Babe, you’re going to rub the skin right off your hand if you don’t stop,” Maria pointed out watching Liz rubbing the stone of her necklace against the palm of her hand in agitation.
Liz started as the doorbell rang. With a sigh she dropped her hand and went to answer it.
“Ummm Michael?” Maria said prodding Michael out of his thoughts with her foot.
“Huh?” Michael grunted his expression unreadable.
“Shouldn’t you be going with her? Max did ask you to protect her remember?” Maria noted with an expressive eye roll.
“Right. On that,” Michael agreed pushing out of his chair and trailing after Liz.
“I have to do everything, I swear,” Maria muttered following them both to make sure no kiddies ran into the fray. If there was any fray.
Liz lifted up onto her toes trying to see out the peephole.
“Out of the way short stuff,” Michael said gruffly nudging her out of the way. Leaning closer to the door to see who was outside a flicker of a smile passed over his mouth as he heard Liz huff in response to being called short. “S’okay.”
“Michael?” Diane asked surprised to see him answering her son’s door. Looking past him she saw Liz and her maternal instincts went on alert. Liz looked wane and pale with dark exhausted shadows under her eyes, almost gaunt like she’d lost weight in the few days since she’d last seen her.
“Gamma!” Erin shrieked ecstatic, racing forward.
Liz smiled as her daughter raced by her and started jumping up and down in excitement. “At least let her come in before you attack okay Sweety?”
“Come on Gamma! We’s watch’in da damniations on TV,” Erin said pulling on Diane’s hand. “Pepe yike it lots. He talk’in ta dem.”
“101 Dalmatians,” Liz supplied with indulgent smile. “For the thousandth time. So, what brings you by?”
“Hi, Mrs. Evans,” Maria greeted forcing an appropriate amount of cheer into her voice. Backing away from the doorway to allow Max’s mother to enter the living room she shared a glance with Liz trying to figure out how they were going to handle this. She didn’t think anyone had talked to the parents yet so she interpreted Liz’s barely discernable headshake as confirmation of her thoughts.
Diane glanced between all of them quickly finally settling on Noah, who hadn’t moved from his spot in front of the TV. He seemed to be waiting, looking to Liz to see what to do before doing anything. Diane watched as Liz walked over and crouched down to softly stroke Noah’s hair.
“You wanna say hi?” Liz asked Noah quietly her fingers drifting down to brush over his ear, so much like his fathers that it never failed to move her.
Feeling reassured by the quiet strength in his mother’s eyes he nodded slowly, automatically returning the love that had anchored him his entire life. Turning to his grandmother he smiled. “Hi Gamma.”
“Hi, honey,” Diane returned as she scooped up Erin to stop her jumping. “Whatcha watching?”
“A movie wit puppies. Bad peoples take’em an der Mommy an Daddy go a yong way an find dem. Bring all da puppies home eben da ones dat aren’t dere babies,” Noah explained seriously as he crawled up onto the couch to sit next to his sister and grandmother.
“Really? That sounds like a very good movie,” Diane agreed smiling as Noah nodded enthusiastically in agreement. “What’s your favorite part?”
“Maybe when da Daddy take care of da Mommy after da puppies’re taken away. I tink maybe dat part or maybe when da man rubbin da sick puppy ta make him alive. Dat part is good too,” Noah suggested looking up at her from under lowered lashes waiting for her reaction.
“Yes, that part sounds very nice,” Diane agreed taking note of Liz’s involuntary reactions. Getting more worried as she realized the possible reasons for Max’s absence while Michael was stationed in his house, protecting his family. The tension was thick in the air, expectant, waiting for what she was going to say. “I just stopped by to visit since Phillip took Javen for some evening fishing. It’s been such a long time since Max and Isabel were that age. I’d forgotten how consuming it is. I haven’t seen the house since you moved in.”
“Oh, umm Max went out to….see Brody so he’s not here but as you can see Erin and Noah are always happy to have a visit,” Liz answered with a teasing smile. Erin was practically bursting with the wait before she could talk her “Gamma’s” ear off.
“Yeah, I show you my room! I gots ta pick out my verwy own bed and Mommy said I could change da color on da walls too,” Erin gushed tugging at Diane’s sleeve. “I show you.”
Diane allowed herself to be led down the hall listening to Erin chatter but taking note of Noah’s hesitation before leaving Liz. Noah had always been a little clingy but this seemed to be heightened by something. She debated what to say and took the opportunity offered to think about it before saying anything.
She just loved Liz and hated to see her looking so worn out. It seemed odd to her that Max would leave her to visit his old boss when it was obvious that she could use some help. After seeing Michael with the kids she didn’t see him as much help at all so that wasn’t the reason he was here. Answering the door showed he was more then a guest.
“See?” Erin asked sending a burst of coral out from her hand in a swirling pattern. “I kin change da colors. Noah wants pictwers but I yike yots and yots of colors.”
Diane blinked in surprise but after a second she smiled. “That’s lovely, honey. Did Daddy teach you that?”
“Yeah, dis morning,” Erin agreed happily. “He wanna show us yots of stuff and we play games and everwy ting.”
“Wow,” Diane said impressed with their growing abilities.
~~~~~~
“What emergency brings you here summoning me in this manner when you know of the dangers?” Larek asked frowning.
“I need some information,” Max answered. “Things have changed here and I need to know where Khivar is.”
“Things have changed here as well,” Larek agreed. “Kivar now controls two of the five planets. Soon it will be three. He is everywhere.”
“I need more then that. I’m not talking about his influence. I’m talking about his physical body,” Max said shaken by Larek’s information but pressing forward. “His influence is present even here. What I need to know is…if he really is here. I need to protect my family and to do that I need information.”
“So do we all,” Larek agreed. “I don’t have any solid information. I have rumors. I’m under my own pressures here. Kivar has infiltrated all of the planets in the system it’s just a matter of degrees at this point. Talking to you isn’t going to grant me any favors.”
“What are these rumors? Can you at least tell me that?” Max asked.
“Why the sudden urgency?” Larek asked watching the other man with intense focus.
“It’s not sudden. I’ve been slowly eliminating the threat to my family for years,” Max asserted.
“So I’ve heard. The point remains that to go to this length there must be a reason. How is your bonded? Your children?” Larek asked trying to decipher an answer in his reaction to the questions.
“They’re fine. I’ve just received some new information. Things are changing, Larek. The time for playing both sides is over. There won’t be any hedging of bets here. Khivar doesn’t seem to be interested in half measures.”
Larek mulled that over briefly before nodding. “That is true. Kivar doesn’t deal in half measures. What I hear is that he’s been experimenting with the Hybrid program. Improving on the technology available. I have no direct information on the program or his sudden interest. I do know that he hasn’t given up his vessels so determining his exact location is almost impossible. He can take possession of one his vessels like I do of this one and lead his forces in multiple battles. Kivar has enormous amounts of power. Hanar fell in less then one cycle already weakened from years of attacks by Sero’s forces. We are all at risk. I can’t afford to squander my energy. I have to focus on the threat to my people, my rule. I can’t help you.”
Max watched the confusion seep into Brody’s face and knew Larek was gone. Just like that.
~~~~~~
“Liz, their powers are amazing. They’re so young,” Diane commented listening to the sounds of Maria and Michael in kitchen cooking dinner. Looking to the children arguing over the puppy and who got to hold him she smiled remembering many similar arguments between Max and Isabel.
“Yeah, we’re really trying to work with them. Making it fun to learn how to control their energy. I don’t want them to be afraid of it,” Liz explained, automatically defending their decision hearing implied criticism.
“I think that’s a very good idea. I will never forget Max’s face when I started questioning him after that kitchen fire when he was in high school. I would hate to see that in Erin or Noah,” Diane replied noticing Liz’s fingers relaxing their grip on each other. “Helping them to understand what they’re capable of and who they are is a good thing. Teaching them caution is also good. They don’t seem to be afraid of that part of their lives when it’s voluntary. Is Noah doing better?”
“Umm not really,” Liz admitted. “His dreams or visions are very strong and they scare him. I’m hoping that by him learning control in other areas and using his abilities it’ll help him there too. Cal’s going to help us work with them.”
“That sounds like a good plan,” Diane remarked not so worried about that aspect. Both of them had proven they were good parents, adjusting things to ensure the children’s welfare and improve their lives. She was more worried that Liz would neglect her own welfare in favor of the children’s. Something was very wrong, it was as clear as the shadows under her eyes.
Then there was Michael’s behavior. Checking the locks, looking out the windows at regular intervals. Liz’s nervous fidgeting that she was trying so hard to suppress with limited success.
The sound of the front door opening had Liz’s eyes flying to the door. She almost sagged in relief when Max walked in, his eyes searching her out immediately.
“Hey, Mom,” Max greeted his eyes flickering from Liz to his mother. “This is a surprise.”
“I just popped by for a visit. One of the privileges of having you close,” Diane smiled as she took inventory with a mother’s eye.
“Where’s Dad?” Max asked coming to sit on the arm of the couch by Liz.
“He took Javen out for some fishing. Something about them biting at dusk or something,” Diane supplied with a vague hand flutter expressing her lack of fishing knowledge.
As the conversation continued Diane sat back and waited for the right moment to really talk to her son. She took her chance when Liz excused herself to get the kids washed up for dinner.
“Honey, what’s going on with you guys? You both look…” Diane paused groping for words.
“We’re tired, Mom. With Noah’s nightmares and everything it’s been hard. We’re having some problems that we’re trying to work out in middle of all this,” Max stopped to rub at his eyes. “I don’t know. There’s a lot going on right now. I’m so worried about Liz and I just seem to be making it worse.”
Diane saw the strain flickering through his eyes, the helplessness as he explained about Khivar and the last few days, editing out some details that he knew Liz would be uncomfortable with him sharing.
“Max, I think what you need to work harder to understand is how vulnerable you both are. What’s happened, what Tess did, makes you both have certain vulnerabilities that aren’t the same, because what happened to you wasn’t the same. You need to be aware of that and deal with it not pretend it doesn’t exist. Just because Tess is gone doesn’t mean the damage she did vanished. Pain doesn’t go away just because you turn a blind eye to it. You have to be aware of it to heal it. And that’s your gift. Healing. Just listen to what your heart is telling you is right. Not your fear, your heart,” Diane cautioned.
“You’ve done wonderful things in your life, Max. The world is a better place because you’re in it. You have a beautiful family, which needs you to be a part of it, not holding yourself separate from it. Don’t let fear blind you and imprison you. I admit I don’t fully understand the connection you and Liz share but I do know love when I see it. I also know the man I helped to raise and I’m proud of you. Honey, I love you, you’re my son and good person no matter what you tell yourself. I’ll always be here to talk to when you need me. You have an amazing support system if you choose to accept it. Liz is a part of that support system just as you’re a part of hers. You have a tendency to beat yourself up over things long past the time you should. Everybody makes mistakes. You have to learn from them and move on, not hold onto them fearing a repeat of those same mistakes. You miss so much that way.”
“While raising you and your sister I learned a hard lesson. Children learn by example more then anything else. They see more then you can imagine. So don’t teach them fear of life and mistakes. Show them what you want them to learn by your example. Show them how to love their future partners and children,” Diane said trying to speak to the man he was and convey how much she loved him, believed in the man he was and the one he was growing into.
“How did you learn that lesson?” Max asked a slight smile curving his mouth.
“When Isabel wouldn’t leave the house until she was perfectly made up,” Diane admitted sheepishly. “At six.”
Max grinned remembering the shared misery of being a male in his parent’s home and sitting with his father waiting to go out to dinner while his mother and sister fussed over their appearance.
“Don’t look so smug. You picked up a few of your father’s traits. I’ve seen your closet, the same exact shirt in two colors and you have three or four of both,” Diane said with a pointed look. “I bet I could walk back and find those same pants in your side of the closet right now.”
“You’d be right,” Liz answered as she herded the kids back into the room. “Two in that same color.”
Max sighed but smiled as Liz sat down next to him. “What can I say? I’m not a fashion risk taker like you guys are. I stick to what I know I like.”
“Does he put his wallet in the same place every night with the change placed neatly beside it, taking out all receipts each and every night?” Diane asked, turning to Liz who nodded silent confirmation. “Because a wallet shouldn’t be the outward sign of an unorganized mind,” Diane parroted her husband’s wallet motto.
“Point taken,” Max surrendered with a good-natured smile as the phone rang.
“Hey Maxwell. Cal’s on the phone for you,” Michael called out from the kitchen.
Maria was driving her crazy and there wasn’t a word to describe Michael’s effect. Ever since Max had abandoned her to chase after Brody Maria’s mouth had been running non-stop with Michael throwing in a choice word here or there.
“Liz? Come on! Give it up,” Maria urged eagerly leaning forward in her seat. “The silent routine is getting old.”
“Which question am I supposed to be answering? There were like twenty,” Liz noted looking to Michael and begging for help with her eyes.
“You could start with her question about Kyle,” Michael suggested helpfully. “I’d like to know the answer to that one.”
Liz rolled her eyes and gave up hope of Michael helping her out. He was just as nosy as Maria was. “What does naked mean to you Michael? What further explanation is required?”
“So it was you and Kyle,” Michael questioned trying to picture the encounter in question. “And you were naked? Was he?”
“Did I say he was?” Liz asked her eyes flashing as her frustration increased. Why was she always getting pinned down with questions that were…..intrusive? She didn’t remember signing a full disclosure contract.
“No, but you could have left that part out,” Michael noted.
“Could I? My bad,” Liz said with a raised eyebrow clearly warning Michael not to continue with this line of discussion. “Imagine. Me, leaving out such an important detail.”
“Yeah, imagine,” Michael said sarcastically. “So where was this? Where was Max?”
Throwing up her hands Liz shoved out of her chair feeling cornered and not missing Michael’s almost hostile vibe. Shooting Maria a dirty look as she passed by on the way to the fridge she tried counting to ten instead of just throwing Michael out of her house. She was still pissed at him anyway. “Max was…I don’t KNOW! Okay? Jesus Michael! It’s none of your business. So someone other then Max saw me without clothes on! Get over it!”
“I’d like to know about Max. What was going on that shook you enough to bring Khivar?” Maria asked tracking Liz around the kitchen reading the restless avoidance in her movements.
“Nothing okay? Just drop it,” Liz cried thoughly frustrated and so tired she felt like she could just snap in half.
“You were having sex!” Maria declared studying Liz’s body language. “Bad sex apparently.”
“I didn’t say that!” Liz yelped glancing into the living room at the twins.
“We can fix that,” Maria nodded as Michael coughed to cover a laugh.
“Maria! I’m sure Max’s fine…Ummm I don’t really….I don’t want to talk about this! Whether his technique is good or not isn’t the point!” Liz stammered flustered.
“I’d say it is the point,” Maria disputed with a quick shake of her head ignoring Liz’s red face and the way she was pinching the bridge of her nose. “If he was doing what he should be I doubt some other alien would be stepping in.”
“Stepping…?” Liz started only to stop. Replying would only encourage her at this point.
“I could talk to him for you,” Michael offered, smirking when Liz shot him a nasty glare.
“No, thank you,” Liz answered her voice layered with barely muted anger and frustration. “I really don’t think that’s necessary. It isn’t a performance problem. If it were you’d be the first person I’d send Max to for help.”
Michael’s smirk turned into a scowl in record time.
“So if it’s not performance then what is it?” Maria asked, knowing she was pushing it but going for broke. Liz was wound way too tightly. She’d take a blow out over the freeze out any day. She wanted to help but she couldn’t if she didn’t know what was wrong.
“It’s just stuff,” Liz answered vagely. “It’s complicated.”
“Liz, honey, sex isn’t complicated,” Maria disputed watching Liz’s face, the thoughts flickering under the surface.
“You aren’t me, Maria. You don’t understand because you haven’t been where I’ve been,” Liz said trying to evade upsetting topics and keep the details private. Why did everyone keep pushing her? Why was it that every problem that came up forced her to give away private details of her life? Some things should be between her and Max and no one else, not even Maria.
“What I understand is that Khivar is being drawn here by you, Liz. So whatever the problem is you need to fix it,” Michael observed.
“Really Michael? Wow, thanks for that brilliant observation,” Liz snapped. “I’ll get right on that.”
“Max doesn’t need this crap. Haven’t you put him through enough hoops yet?” Michael asked irritated that everything was about Liz and what she wanted, how she felt. Max had gone through two lifetimes’ worth of shit and enough was enough. “When are you going to say it’s enough huh?”
“Maybe you should ask Max that question. Nobody punishes Max as well as he does,” Liz replied, the only thing keeping her from loosing it was the twins. Noah was already peeking into the kitchen more then he was watching the TV.
“Michael, don’t make me hurt you. I’m this close and I don’t think you want to know what to. Got me?” Maria asked pinning him with a pointed stare. She didn’t need Michael mouthing off and getting Liz all defensive.
“Fine,” Michael huffed gruffly crossing his arms over his chest.
“Okay then, back to what I was saying,” Maria chirped turning back to Liz. “I know what happened with Tess was….and this Khivar thing is….scary but if you just..”
“If I just what?” Liz asked fed up. “What should I do? Tell me. Tell me you understand and know just how to fix everything that’s wrong. I’d love to know what to do, I really would. Why do you all think I know exactly what to do and just choose not to do it? Do you think I like this or…That Max wants it to be this way? Well you’re wrong. I live this everyday, you don’t. Max lives this everyday, Michael doesn’t. You don’t understand how it is. How you can look at yourself and not even recognize the things that you’ve done. The person you are, so stop telling me you know.”
“I don’t think that I know everything, Lizzie. I just want to help you. Be there, you know? So you always have someone that’s on your side,” Maria soothed watching the fight drain out of Liz leaving her shoulders slumped with exhaustion.
“I know. I’m sorry. Just please don’t pick at Max okay? I don’t want hear it. This is his house too and it’s not right to…..,” Vastly relieved when the phone rang Liz dove for it, answering before the first ring ended. “Hello?”
“Liz!” Isabel almost shouted over the noise of the airport.
“Isabel? What’s going on? You’re on your honeymoon. I really didn’t expect a call,” Liz teased trying to sound normal but having trouble switching gears so quickly.
“Tell Max we got a flight back tonight. I’ll call when we land,” Isabel said glancing over at Dane who was wrestling the luggage out of the taxi.
“Wait a second! Max called you?” Liz burst out in surprise.
“You know, I can’t really talk long,” Isabel hedged rolling her eyes. Clearly her darling brother hadn’t informed Liz that he’d called her home. Good move Max.
“Isabel! What did…” Liz started only to have Isabel interrupt.
“Yeah, gotta go! The phones cutting out. See you when we get back,” Isabel broke in blithely. “Try not to sleep too much till I get there okay? Bye.”
Liz stared at the receiver actually feeling light headed for a second.
Maria jumped as Liz slammed the phone down. “Whoa! Don’t kill the phone. We love the phone. It’s our friend.”
“I’m gonna kill him,” Liz mumbled. “He actually called Isabel home. Did you know about this?”
Michael’s eyes widened as Liz turned to glare at him. “Ummm no?”
“I thought you said you agreed to letting Isabel…” Maria waved her hand as she searched for a non-inflammatory word.
“I did!” Liz cried furious. “On Monday!”
“Uh huh,” Maria said confusion wrinkling her brow. “Sooooo?”
“Is this Monday? I don’t think so!” Liz pointed out sharply. It was so typical. Max just doing whatever and not even telling her first! It was still her head and if someone was going to walk around in it she’d at least like to be prepared. Isabel deserved a goddamned honeymoon! It was hopefully the only one she’d ever have and Max had ruined it. Was one more day really that big of a deal? Khivar wasn’t even that close!
“Liz? Babe, you’re going to rub the skin right off your hand if you don’t stop,” Maria pointed out watching Liz rubbing the stone of her necklace against the palm of her hand in agitation.
Liz started as the doorbell rang. With a sigh she dropped her hand and went to answer it.
“Ummm Michael?” Maria said prodding Michael out of his thoughts with her foot.
“Huh?” Michael grunted his expression unreadable.
“Shouldn’t you be going with her? Max did ask you to protect her remember?” Maria noted with an expressive eye roll.
“Right. On that,” Michael agreed pushing out of his chair and trailing after Liz.
“I have to do everything, I swear,” Maria muttered following them both to make sure no kiddies ran into the fray. If there was any fray.
Liz lifted up onto her toes trying to see out the peephole.
“Out of the way short stuff,” Michael said gruffly nudging her out of the way. Leaning closer to the door to see who was outside a flicker of a smile passed over his mouth as he heard Liz huff in response to being called short. “S’okay.”
“Michael?” Diane asked surprised to see him answering her son’s door. Looking past him she saw Liz and her maternal instincts went on alert. Liz looked wane and pale with dark exhausted shadows under her eyes, almost gaunt like she’d lost weight in the few days since she’d last seen her.
“Gamma!” Erin shrieked ecstatic, racing forward.
Liz smiled as her daughter raced by her and started jumping up and down in excitement. “At least let her come in before you attack okay Sweety?”
“Come on Gamma! We’s watch’in da damniations on TV,” Erin said pulling on Diane’s hand. “Pepe yike it lots. He talk’in ta dem.”
“101 Dalmatians,” Liz supplied with indulgent smile. “For the thousandth time. So, what brings you by?”
“Hi, Mrs. Evans,” Maria greeted forcing an appropriate amount of cheer into her voice. Backing away from the doorway to allow Max’s mother to enter the living room she shared a glance with Liz trying to figure out how they were going to handle this. She didn’t think anyone had talked to the parents yet so she interpreted Liz’s barely discernable headshake as confirmation of her thoughts.
Diane glanced between all of them quickly finally settling on Noah, who hadn’t moved from his spot in front of the TV. He seemed to be waiting, looking to Liz to see what to do before doing anything. Diane watched as Liz walked over and crouched down to softly stroke Noah’s hair.
“You wanna say hi?” Liz asked Noah quietly her fingers drifting down to brush over his ear, so much like his fathers that it never failed to move her.
Feeling reassured by the quiet strength in his mother’s eyes he nodded slowly, automatically returning the love that had anchored him his entire life. Turning to his grandmother he smiled. “Hi Gamma.”
“Hi, honey,” Diane returned as she scooped up Erin to stop her jumping. “Whatcha watching?”
“A movie wit puppies. Bad peoples take’em an der Mommy an Daddy go a yong way an find dem. Bring all da puppies home eben da ones dat aren’t dere babies,” Noah explained seriously as he crawled up onto the couch to sit next to his sister and grandmother.
“Really? That sounds like a very good movie,” Diane agreed smiling as Noah nodded enthusiastically in agreement. “What’s your favorite part?”
“Maybe when da Daddy take care of da Mommy after da puppies’re taken away. I tink maybe dat part or maybe when da man rubbin da sick puppy ta make him alive. Dat part is good too,” Noah suggested looking up at her from under lowered lashes waiting for her reaction.
“Yes, that part sounds very nice,” Diane agreed taking note of Liz’s involuntary reactions. Getting more worried as she realized the possible reasons for Max’s absence while Michael was stationed in his house, protecting his family. The tension was thick in the air, expectant, waiting for what she was going to say. “I just stopped by to visit since Phillip took Javen for some evening fishing. It’s been such a long time since Max and Isabel were that age. I’d forgotten how consuming it is. I haven’t seen the house since you moved in.”
“Oh, umm Max went out to….see Brody so he’s not here but as you can see Erin and Noah are always happy to have a visit,” Liz answered with a teasing smile. Erin was practically bursting with the wait before she could talk her “Gamma’s” ear off.
“Yeah, I show you my room! I gots ta pick out my verwy own bed and Mommy said I could change da color on da walls too,” Erin gushed tugging at Diane’s sleeve. “I show you.”
Diane allowed herself to be led down the hall listening to Erin chatter but taking note of Noah’s hesitation before leaving Liz. Noah had always been a little clingy but this seemed to be heightened by something. She debated what to say and took the opportunity offered to think about it before saying anything.
She just loved Liz and hated to see her looking so worn out. It seemed odd to her that Max would leave her to visit his old boss when it was obvious that she could use some help. After seeing Michael with the kids she didn’t see him as much help at all so that wasn’t the reason he was here. Answering the door showed he was more then a guest.
“See?” Erin asked sending a burst of coral out from her hand in a swirling pattern. “I kin change da colors. Noah wants pictwers but I yike yots and yots of colors.”
Diane blinked in surprise but after a second she smiled. “That’s lovely, honey. Did Daddy teach you that?”
“Yeah, dis morning,” Erin agreed happily. “He wanna show us yots of stuff and we play games and everwy ting.”
“Wow,” Diane said impressed with their growing abilities.
~~~~~~
“What emergency brings you here summoning me in this manner when you know of the dangers?” Larek asked frowning.
“I need some information,” Max answered. “Things have changed here and I need to know where Khivar is.”
“Things have changed here as well,” Larek agreed. “Kivar now controls two of the five planets. Soon it will be three. He is everywhere.”
“I need more then that. I’m not talking about his influence. I’m talking about his physical body,” Max said shaken by Larek’s information but pressing forward. “His influence is present even here. What I need to know is…if he really is here. I need to protect my family and to do that I need information.”
“So do we all,” Larek agreed. “I don’t have any solid information. I have rumors. I’m under my own pressures here. Kivar has infiltrated all of the planets in the system it’s just a matter of degrees at this point. Talking to you isn’t going to grant me any favors.”
“What are these rumors? Can you at least tell me that?” Max asked.
“Why the sudden urgency?” Larek asked watching the other man with intense focus.
“It’s not sudden. I’ve been slowly eliminating the threat to my family for years,” Max asserted.
“So I’ve heard. The point remains that to go to this length there must be a reason. How is your bonded? Your children?” Larek asked trying to decipher an answer in his reaction to the questions.
“They’re fine. I’ve just received some new information. Things are changing, Larek. The time for playing both sides is over. There won’t be any hedging of bets here. Khivar doesn’t seem to be interested in half measures.”
Larek mulled that over briefly before nodding. “That is true. Kivar doesn’t deal in half measures. What I hear is that he’s been experimenting with the Hybrid program. Improving on the technology available. I have no direct information on the program or his sudden interest. I do know that he hasn’t given up his vessels so determining his exact location is almost impossible. He can take possession of one his vessels like I do of this one and lead his forces in multiple battles. Kivar has enormous amounts of power. Hanar fell in less then one cycle already weakened from years of attacks by Sero’s forces. We are all at risk. I can’t afford to squander my energy. I have to focus on the threat to my people, my rule. I can’t help you.”
Max watched the confusion seep into Brody’s face and knew Larek was gone. Just like that.
~~~~~~
“Liz, their powers are amazing. They’re so young,” Diane commented listening to the sounds of Maria and Michael in kitchen cooking dinner. Looking to the children arguing over the puppy and who got to hold him she smiled remembering many similar arguments between Max and Isabel.
“Yeah, we’re really trying to work with them. Making it fun to learn how to control their energy. I don’t want them to be afraid of it,” Liz explained, automatically defending their decision hearing implied criticism.
“I think that’s a very good idea. I will never forget Max’s face when I started questioning him after that kitchen fire when he was in high school. I would hate to see that in Erin or Noah,” Diane replied noticing Liz’s fingers relaxing their grip on each other. “Helping them to understand what they’re capable of and who they are is a good thing. Teaching them caution is also good. They don’t seem to be afraid of that part of their lives when it’s voluntary. Is Noah doing better?”
“Umm not really,” Liz admitted. “His dreams or visions are very strong and they scare him. I’m hoping that by him learning control in other areas and using his abilities it’ll help him there too. Cal’s going to help us work with them.”
“That sounds like a good plan,” Diane remarked not so worried about that aspect. Both of them had proven they were good parents, adjusting things to ensure the children’s welfare and improve their lives. She was more worried that Liz would neglect her own welfare in favor of the children’s. Something was very wrong, it was as clear as the shadows under her eyes.
Then there was Michael’s behavior. Checking the locks, looking out the windows at regular intervals. Liz’s nervous fidgeting that she was trying so hard to suppress with limited success.
The sound of the front door opening had Liz’s eyes flying to the door. She almost sagged in relief when Max walked in, his eyes searching her out immediately.
“Hey, Mom,” Max greeted his eyes flickering from Liz to his mother. “This is a surprise.”
“I just popped by for a visit. One of the privileges of having you close,” Diane smiled as she took inventory with a mother’s eye.
“Where’s Dad?” Max asked coming to sit on the arm of the couch by Liz.
“He took Javen out for some fishing. Something about them biting at dusk or something,” Diane supplied with a vague hand flutter expressing her lack of fishing knowledge.
As the conversation continued Diane sat back and waited for the right moment to really talk to her son. She took her chance when Liz excused herself to get the kids washed up for dinner.
“Honey, what’s going on with you guys? You both look…” Diane paused groping for words.
“We’re tired, Mom. With Noah’s nightmares and everything it’s been hard. We’re having some problems that we’re trying to work out in middle of all this,” Max stopped to rub at his eyes. “I don’t know. There’s a lot going on right now. I’m so worried about Liz and I just seem to be making it worse.”
Diane saw the strain flickering through his eyes, the helplessness as he explained about Khivar and the last few days, editing out some details that he knew Liz would be uncomfortable with him sharing.
“Max, I think what you need to work harder to understand is how vulnerable you both are. What’s happened, what Tess did, makes you both have certain vulnerabilities that aren’t the same, because what happened to you wasn’t the same. You need to be aware of that and deal with it not pretend it doesn’t exist. Just because Tess is gone doesn’t mean the damage she did vanished. Pain doesn’t go away just because you turn a blind eye to it. You have to be aware of it to heal it. And that’s your gift. Healing. Just listen to what your heart is telling you is right. Not your fear, your heart,” Diane cautioned.
“You’ve done wonderful things in your life, Max. The world is a better place because you’re in it. You have a beautiful family, which needs you to be a part of it, not holding yourself separate from it. Don’t let fear blind you and imprison you. I admit I don’t fully understand the connection you and Liz share but I do know love when I see it. I also know the man I helped to raise and I’m proud of you. Honey, I love you, you’re my son and good person no matter what you tell yourself. I’ll always be here to talk to when you need me. You have an amazing support system if you choose to accept it. Liz is a part of that support system just as you’re a part of hers. You have a tendency to beat yourself up over things long past the time you should. Everybody makes mistakes. You have to learn from them and move on, not hold onto them fearing a repeat of those same mistakes. You miss so much that way.”
“While raising you and your sister I learned a hard lesson. Children learn by example more then anything else. They see more then you can imagine. So don’t teach them fear of life and mistakes. Show them what you want them to learn by your example. Show them how to love their future partners and children,” Diane said trying to speak to the man he was and convey how much she loved him, believed in the man he was and the one he was growing into.
“How did you learn that lesson?” Max asked a slight smile curving his mouth.
“When Isabel wouldn’t leave the house until she was perfectly made up,” Diane admitted sheepishly. “At six.”
Max grinned remembering the shared misery of being a male in his parent’s home and sitting with his father waiting to go out to dinner while his mother and sister fussed over their appearance.
“Don’t look so smug. You picked up a few of your father’s traits. I’ve seen your closet, the same exact shirt in two colors and you have three or four of both,” Diane said with a pointed look. “I bet I could walk back and find those same pants in your side of the closet right now.”
“You’d be right,” Liz answered as she herded the kids back into the room. “Two in that same color.”
Max sighed but smiled as Liz sat down next to him. “What can I say? I’m not a fashion risk taker like you guys are. I stick to what I know I like.”
“Does he put his wallet in the same place every night with the change placed neatly beside it, taking out all receipts each and every night?” Diane asked, turning to Liz who nodded silent confirmation. “Because a wallet shouldn’t be the outward sign of an unorganized mind,” Diane parroted her husband’s wallet motto.
“Point taken,” Max surrendered with a good-natured smile as the phone rang.
“Hey Maxwell. Cal’s on the phone for you,” Michael called out from the kitchen.
reposting Chapter Twenty Nine...End reposting at this point
Chapter Twenty Nine
Cleaning up after dinner with Maria Liz reminded herself that eventually Maria had to go home. All she had to do was to wait her out. It wasn’t nice to hurt pregnant women. It wasn’t nice to hurt your very best friend since birth either. She just had to wait a little bit longer then Maria would be going home.
She could do it.
“Liz?” Maria asked sharply realizing that Liz wasn’t even listening to her.
“Erin?” Liz called loudly as it occurred to her that Maria didn’t really have a home right now. Wiping her hands on the dishtowel she turned as her daughter came running into the room with Noah hot on her heels.
“What I do?” Erin asked her eyes big. She didn’t remember being bad. Well, maybe Mommy didn’t like her using her lipstick on Pepe but he looked pretty now so that wasn’t bad was it?
“I was just thinking that Aunt Maria hasn’t heard that song I taught you. Why don’t you sing it for her?” Liz asked a smile lighting her face. “Really loud like she taught you.”
“From da belly?” Erin asked clapping her hands with excitement. She loved to sing. The louder the better.
“Just like that,” Liz agreed. Looking over at Maria’s puzzled expression she smiled, her evil streak showing in her eyes.
“Okay,” Erin agreed and sucked in a deep breath.
“HUSH! Just stop! Der noting you kin do or say,” Erin sang bouncing up and down.
Maria shot Liz a look of pure horror. No way was Erin singing Britney Spears at the top of her lungs.
Liz smirked as she calmly turned to finish loading the dishwasher. She hummed along with Erin’s rendition of “Stronger” delighted. This was the best idea she’d had all day. Seeing Maria wince she silently encouraged Noah, smothering a laugh as Noah joined his sister for the chorus, both of them dancing around and singing at the top of their lungs bolstered by her silent encouragement.
“’Cause now I’s stwronger den yestewday! Now it noting but MY way!”
“Liz, you are truly demented,” Maria remarked astonished by Liz’s sick devious mind. “What have you done to these poor children?”
“Me? They like this song,” Liz answered smiling sweetly. “There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a song about personal strength and empowerment.”
“You are so full of..” Maria started but was cut off by Liz.
“Oh look. Pepe likes it too,” Liz observed as Pepe started frantically barking, running around and around the dancing children, taking the noise up that extra notch until it was ear piercing.
“You might tink I can’t take it but you’s wrong ‘cause now I’s STRWONGER.”
“Oh god,” Maria moaned in misery, struggling to look like this wasn’t sheer torture.
Liz grinned satisfied with Maria’s moan of pain. Fair was fair. This was just the right payback for the day of misery Maria had put her through. Maria could deal with a few minutes of torture and hopefully she’d have second thoughts next time. Next time maybe a boy band song, she’d have to give that some thought.
As the volume increased and chaos reigned in the kitchen Liz blocked out the noise and quietly set about putting things in order, grateful for the break from Maria’s continued questions.
~~~~~~
Michael poked his head into the kitchen drawn by the noise. Taking it all in with one quick glance he stood frozen as he wondered if all kids were this noisy frightened by the idea that this was a glimpse of his own near future.
Did the dog have on lipstick? Narrowing his eyes he decided that yes, that was lipstick. Jesus these kids were scary.
Leaving Maria to enjoy the impromptu concert he sat down on the couch glancing at Max who seemed to not even register the noise. “Maxwell, did you realize your son is belting out a Britney Spears tune in the kitchen?”
“Yeah, Liz taught them that song,” Max answered absently. “They like it.”
Michael rolled his eyes in response, sliding further into the cushions. “That’s just disturbing.”
“I’ll tell you what’s disturbing,” Max said shooting Michael a pointed stare. “Liz didn’t look at or speak to you once all the way through dinner. What’s up with that?”
Michael shifted in his seat and shrugged.
“Uh huh, what did you do?” Max asked. “Teach Erin a new swear word? I told you to be on your best behavior. Liz was ticked off about that Michael.”
“I didn’t use any objectionable language. I swear,” Michael added when Max looked back at him with a disbelieving stare. “So what did Cal have to say?”
“He didn’t say a whole lot. Asked more questions then he answered,” Max muttered frustrated, going along with Michael’s distraction. For now. “He seems to think something’s up with Larek.”
“Like what?” Michael asked.
“He doesn’t have a high opinion of Larek or of the ruling council. You know how he feels about Royalty,” Max reminded him then frowned. “He said he was going to try and contact a few more people. See if he could get a bead on what set Khivar off.”
“Like he needed to be set off?” Michael snorted in disgust. “This was the plan all along wasn’t it? To take over?”
“I think Cal’s right,” Max mused. “The council did something that Khivar disagreed with strongly enough to try and wipe them out. Some of them anyway. All these years and he hasn’t done that so why now?”
“Because he had to build a power base? Put all the pieces in place to pull this off?” Michael suggested with mild annoyance lacing his tone. He hated not knowing. It was part of his job to know. But how was he supposed to do his job if Max wouldn’t share information?
“But what exactly is “this”?” Max asked. “He’s in a major conflict against entire planets, leading forces we have no concept of, it’s interesting to me that he’d stop in the middle of all that to come to Liz. That shows focus, Michael. To split his attention like that is….it worries me.”
“What really happened, Max?” Michael asked, watching Max with focused intensity. Trying to get some answers that might tell him something. Help him to understand.
“I fucked up,” Max said shortly. “Again.”
“What does that mean?” Michael asked frustrated.
“It means he can feel her. He can feel her even when I don’t. He knew when she was faltering and moved to….” Max paused thinking about exactly what had happened. “He reached out to her. He knew she was drowning and reached out to her. I saw him, felt him through her.”
Michael watched Max’s fingers beat out an unsteady rhythm on the arm of the couch. “She call out?”
“No, I don’t think she did,” Max answered slowly. “He just knew. Noah said that he watches her. All the time,” Max turned to look at Michael, watched his eyes widen, and slowly nodded. “Yeah, I didn’t understand what Noah meant either until this.”
“You’re sure Liz didn’t….” Michael stopped seeing Max’s eyes narrow at the implied criticism of Saint Liz. “It’s possible, Maxwell. You said you didn’t THINK she called out.”
“I was there,” Max snapped. “What does it matter anyway? If she was upset enough to call then I made a serious mistake.”
“Really? Maybe she just doesn’t like…” Michael paused, momentarily wondering if Max was gonna slug him. “Maybe the problem isn’t you. Maybe it’s her.”
“Don’t say one more word, Michael. Not one,” Max warned, his tone telegraphing his fury as clearly as the red creeping up his neck and lighting his ears. “This was a bad idea. As soon as Cal gets back you need to leave.”
“What?” Michael asked his brows snapping together.
“I can’t have you around Liz. Cal will protect her and when Kyle gets here..,” Max started only to have Michael cut him off abruptly.
“You’ve gotta be shitting me! You’d let KYLE stay here with her? You trust him with her more then me?” Michael asked incredulous.
“Yes,” Max nodded glaring at Michael. “HE won’t get her upset. YOU don’t seem to get it! I will not allow you to put her under more stress. In case I haven’t made it clear before now, I’ve made enough errors in judgement here. I can’t afford another one. Liz is upset enough without you giving her a hard time. So if Kyle is the one who can be around her and not have her setting things on fire then that’s what’s going to happen.”
“What are you talking about? What fires?” Michael demanded.
“I’m talking about the same thing I’ve been talking about! The same reason I asked you to look out for her. You just don’t listen! I didn’t ask you here to make this situation worse. I asked you here to make sure Liz and the kids are protected, so she feels safe in her own home. How do you think SHE reacted to what happened last night? Did you ever think about that?” Max burst out with increasing irritation. “She set the blankets on fire. She wanted me to take our kids away from her to keep them safe! Since Kyle makes her laugh and has the sense not to badger her to death then he’s clearly the choice I’m going with!”
“Fine. Whatever,” Michael barked out more pissed off then he’d admit to. “Give Valenti full access because whatever Liz wants is what goes.”
“Glad we agree,” Max snapped back feeling decidedly hostile. Some times Michael was just an asshole. This was one of those times.
“Pussy,” Michael muttered under his breath.
“What?” Max bit out having heard him just fine, suddenly itching for a fight.
“I said you’re a pussy,” Michael stated slowly and very clearly. “She leads you around like you’re on a leash Maxwell. Get some balls. You don’t have to pay for the rest of your life over a mistake you made in high school!”
At first Max wasn’t sure that he wouldn’t just start punching Michael in the face, he was sick of his shit. It was a close call, but he almost instantly realized that Michael couldn’t be expected to understand. He wasn’t there. He hadn’t seen it, felt it.
Besides, Michael had never understood his feelings when it came to Liz. Whenever he tried to talk to Michael about anything that had to do with her he felt defensive. Like he had to defend Liz along with his own choice to be with her. That pattern had been set early on and had never really changed. He wasn’t sure if Michael criticized just to be argumentative or what. He knew Michael’s relationship with Maria was completely different from his with Liz. It had always been that way and it couldn’t be any different, based on where they were both coming from and the type of people they were. That Michael loved Maria was a certainty. He just loved her in his own way and that seemed to work for them. That didn’t give him any insight into other relationships however. Michael had a little trouble with empathy as a rule.
“Why not? Liz is,” Max asked causing Michael to scowl. “You’re acting like Liz asked for this. She didn’t. You don’t understand. Khivar walked right in, Michael, just like Tess. It was uninvited and it scared her, badly. You can’t understand that like I can,” Max continued softly trying to make him understand. “This isn’t about before, it’s really not. It’s about what’s happening now. I’ve been so wrapped up in myself that I’ve missed so much. I haven’t paid enough attention and she’s in real trouble because of it. I can’t do anything about the past but I can do something about now. I’m going to do what’s best for Liz. If that’s Kyle being here helping out then that’s what it’s going to be. I….like…..Kyle.”
“Weak finish there, Maxwell,” Michael observed, one side of his mouth quirking up as Max shot him an annoyed glance. “All I’m saying is that enough’s enough. Don’t be Liz’s bitch for the rest of your life.”
“Nice,” Liz remarked from the doorway shooting Michael a scathing look with one hand over Erin’s ear while the other waved the phone. “Max. Phone.”
Max sighed at Liz’s arched eyebrow. Goddamn Michael. “Who is it?” He asked as he got up.
“Isabel. Her connecting flight left her stranded,” Liz remarked with a tone. “She won’t be here until tomorrow. Still a day early.”
Oh hell. Taking the phone from Liz’s outstretched hand he could see her eyes simmering with temper. “I sort of…forgot to mention that didn’t I?”
“Yeah,” Liz said curtly. “That must be it.”
“Why you say my Daddy a bi…” Erin started only to have Max clamp his hand over her mouth before Liz went postal. Goddamn Michael.
“I should mention that I sort of talked to Kyle too,” Max mumbled as he put the phone to his ear. “Iz! Hi!”
Liz rolled her eyes just as Erin succeeded in getting her mouth free. “What’s a bi..”
“Hey! Come on over here,” Michael cut her off swiftly, scratching at his eyebrow under Liz’s subzero gaze. “The TV’s calling you. I heard it.”
“Weally?” Erin asked skipping over to him and lifting her arms automatically.
“Yeah, really,” Michael grunted lifting Erin up onto his lap. Using her as a shield.
“Just so the “TV” doesn’t teach her anything she shouldn’t know,” Liz warned eyeing Michael like she would a potential criminal and corrupter of little girls. Which he was. On both counts.
“Got it,” Michael agreed swiftly. When Liz hesitated in the doorway he turned to the first station that had cartoons on it settling back almost stiffly as Erin fingered his hair.
“Prwetty,” Erin noted wondering if she could get away with braiding it.
Liz’s lips curved faintly at Erin’s intent scrutiny knowing what Michael was in for. Spinning on her heels she shot Max a look that told him she’d talk to him later then disappeared back into the kitchen where Maria was deep in conversation with Noah about why he couldn’t feed Pepe chocolate.
“Is that my lipstick?” Liz asked looking at Pepe closer.
~~~~~~
After spending over an hour putting the kids to bed Liz was drained. Curled up in the living room chair she found herself unable to pay attention as Michael and Max discussed everything and nothing, snapping at each other more then really talking.
Seeing Liz yawning repeatedly Maria broke in. “Come on Chica. Let’s go.”
“What? Where are we going?” Liz asked as she got up, thinking she must have zoned out and missed something.
“To bed,” Maria answered steering Liz down the hall toward the bedroom.
“It’s early,” Michael protested.
“Oh you can stay up but we’re going to bed,” Maria responded not even pausing. “There won’t be any creeping tonight either. You guys get the couch.”
Liz glanced over her shoulder just as Max opened his mouth to protest sending him a helpless shrug.
“Max, you know you were gonna be on the couch anyway,” Maria warded off his protest before he could even voice it. “Now you just have company.”
“What?” Michael bit out his scowl deepening. Just great. “What did I do?”
“You need to think about your communication skills,” Maria answered before snapping the bedroom door shut.
“Oh hell,” Michael grumbled sulking.
“It’s a comfortable couch,” Max assured him, smiling slightly when Michael treated him to a black scowl.
~~~~~~
“Maria,” Liz whined, feeling Maria’s concentrated stare from her side of the bed.
“What? I didn’t say anything,” Maria replied pleased that Liz responded to her silent request for communication.
“You’re staring at me so hard you don’t have to,” Liz grumbled squirming down deeper into the covers.
“I just….Can we talk? Michael’s not here so…” Maria started.
“Yeah, thanks for that by the way,” Liz accused. “I can’t believe you did that.”
“That was bad,” Maria agreed. “I’m so sorry about that. I just sort of forgot he was there until…”
“You were just too busy interrogating me. I understand,” Liz chastised pointedly, smiling when Maria sighed.
“I was a little….overzealous,” Maria admitted sheepishly.
“Okay, forgotten,” Liz said easily then waited. When Maria sighed in frustration Liz’s smile widened. Letting the silence stretch she counted the seconds before Maria couldn’t stand it anymore.
“Liz!” Maria yelped frustrated. “I hate it when you do this.”
“I know,” Liz admitted her amusement clear in her voice.
“Don’t be thinking you can stonewall me. Michael tried it and failed. You’re no match for me,” Maria huffed a reluctant smile tugging at her lips.
“I know that too,” Liz admitted.
“Liz, he didn’t….hurt you did he?” Maria asked, tentative but worried enough to ask.
“No, Max wouldn’t….not how you mean,” Liz answered feeling guilty that Maria would even consider that a possibility. Searching for a way to explain she was silent for a moment. “Have you ever felt….ashamed after….like it was just all wrong or you were insufficient?”
“Oh Lizzie, no,” Maria moaned horrified. “That’s not true. You’re not..”
“These are feelings Maria. Not logic remember?” Liz broke in before Maria could go off on a tirade. “I’ve tried to…I’m just…it’s how I feel when…”
“Just spit it out. I won’t say anything to anyone. I swear,” Maria promised.
“I don’t know if I can explain this. I’m not sure I understand,” Liz said frustrated with trying to express something that she just felt, struggling to find words that would express those feelings.
“Okay, let’s start from the beginning,” Maria suggested. “I vividly remember finding you on Michael’s couch. Then you said it felt right.”
“It did,” Liz agreed remembering that clearly. “That’s the thing. Right from the second I really saw Max it felt right. Like I’d been sleeping all that time. I wasn’t ashamed because it was right.”
“What about before Max? With Kyle? Did you feel like this with Kyle?” Maria asked softly.
“No, I didn’t. I mean….It wasn’t that serious. It was just….” Liz hand fluttered on the bed expressing her struggle. “It was Kyle. He was nice. I liked him but I wasn’t thinking about having sex with him. It wasn’t like that. It was dating.”
“In other words, normal,” Maria pointed out.
“Yeah,” Liz agreed. “Max was different. It felt like this tide drawing me to him. It just was, it was so strong, and right. I could feel it in him too. I could see it in his eyes and no matter what he said, I knew. It was so simple and pure, right. It wasn’t the flashes of stars that drew me, it was him.”
“Okay,” Maria said mulling that over. Nothing so far had surprised her. “So when did that change? When Tess did what she did?”
“No, I don’t…” Liz nibbled on her lip searching through the bits of memories, the niggling doubt about what was really true welling inside her as she sorted through everything. “When Max first kissed Tess I believed him, that it wasn’t what he wanted. I believed it because I felt it. I felt him. By Christmas it was more difficult to find him through all the murk. When that guy got killed and Max felt so guilty for not saving him….that was the first time in a long time that he came to me. Not for help with some scientific explanation but just for me, because he needed me. It wasn’t him having sex with Tess that did this. It started before that. It’s still here even though I’ve let go of all that. It’s something wrong with me.”
“I don’t believe that, Liz,” Maria stated firmly. “Don’t you see? It’s not you. Noah and Erin feel you and you feel them. Cal felt you. There’s nothing wrong with you. Max doesn’t think there is either.”
“So why is this so hard? Why can’t I just…” Liz stopped as her breath hitched in her throat.
Maria scooted closer reaching out to tuck Liz’s hair back behind her ear to see her face better in the darkness. “Lizzie, what happened, everything that happened, was hard. Some of that you weren’t ready to deal with then. It took you months to really get into the Alex part of it. What Tess did to you was…” Maria broke off wondering if they really knew what Tess had done. What if what they knew wasn’t the full extent of it? “Well, there just aren’t words. But that doesn’t mean YOU’RE wrong or there’s something wrong with YOU. What was done to you was wrong.”
Liz lay there listening, feeling Maria’s intensity but remained unconvinced. Maybe when she’d shut him out after Alex she’d somehow lost the ability to find him again. Maybe she deserved his lack of trust, his fear of giving himself up to what they could be. She had made so many mistakes. Combine hers with his and maybe all he could see were more mistakes then he could handle dimming his hopes for the future.
“Okay, let’s deal with this another way,” Maria decided sensing Liz’s disconnection and wandering thoughts. “You’ve had sex with Max and it felt wrong to you, right? Those were your words. How did it start? How did you feel when you started getting close?”
“Ummm it was okay. It was good. Look, I know that with Michael you’ve never had doubts like I have. I understand that what Tess did by forcing or pushing things between Max and I that it damaged something, took something from us. I’m not as sure of Max and I’m more afraid. It’s there when he kisses me. I’m looking for something. For a little while it’s there you know? Then he just…goes away and I’m left there like when she made him…When we…It feels different. It feels like he’s not seeing ME. I can’t feel him and all this stuff just…..builds inside me and there’s no one there to help me. I just alone there,” Liz said in a rush over her shuddery breaths that could almost be sobs.
Maria’s first thought was that she was going rip into Max until she reached his soft chewy alien center and totally annihilate him for being so selfish and stupid. Now she could see how Khivar was able to reach Liz, she didn’t have anyone else.
She shoved that aside to focus on Liz, holding her hand until she calmed down slightly. “Liz, it doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you because you need more from Max then he’s giving you right now. You’ve been through so much. It’s understandable that you need care and an emotional connection. You’ve always been emotional.”
“That’s not true!” Liz exclaimed in surprise.
“It is true,” Maria protested with an eye roll. “Listen to what you just said. Right from the beginning you were emotionally attached to Max. It wasn’t his body that drew you. It was after you connected to him that you felt drawn to him, the body probably didn’t hurt though.”
Liz rolled her eyes in response but a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.
“You recognized something in him that had you responding. When you were making out all the time and driving me crazy with all the PDA’s it was clear to everyone that there was more there. That whole…” Maria waved her hand almost smacking Liz with her enthusiastic movement. “…look into my eyes thing.”
“It wasn’t always like that,” Liz protested. “I didn’t always have flashes and all that. Sometimes we actually did just kissed.”
“Uh huh, but that was before Tess did whatever she did. It was just you two naturally finding your way, what you were comfortable with, that kind of thing. Michael and I had our own issues if you’ll remember so it wasn’t always easy and we didn’t have Tess fucking around with us,” Maria pointed out. “Everything we did happened at our own pace and at a level we were comfortable with.”
“I mean seriously Liz, Michael was sooo not ready for soul gazing,” Maria drawled. “Neither was I really. It took time for us to get there. See? It’s an individual thing. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.”
“So what if what Max needs as an individual is the direct opposite of what I need? What then?” Liz asked softly.
“What do you think Max needs?” Maria hedged inwardly cringing. If Liz said he needed some bizarre sex thing she really was going to kill him. Pig.
Liz shrugged looking away. “Maybe he’s not ready or able to be any different then what he is. Maybe he can’t. Maybe he’s like Michael was at first. I’ve tried to do that. I just can’t. I just screw it all up by getting upset and then it just snowballs. The kids start crying and….I can’t do it, Maria. I’ve tried to wait for him but….I need to feel safe. Not that I’m afraid Max would hurt me because he totally wouldn’t ever do that but….look at what’s happening. I set the sheet on fire last night because I was so…..upset and yelling at Max. It was horrible. Kivar, he was just THERE. I swear I didn’t even have time to call for anyone. Max just pulled away and then everything went crazy. It was like….all sudden all that feeling just changed,” Liz snapped her fingers. “Just like that. It turned on me and then Kivar was there bleeding some of it away. I was so scared. I just….broke past Max’s defenses and…”
“Whoa,” Maria said stopping Liz. “Khivar bled away what? Your fear? Or was he trying to do something to you like Tess?”
“No, it wasn’t like Tess. Not really. I mean, it scared me because I wasn’t in control and I didn’t invite such an intimate thing with a….person I don’t know but he wasn’t hurting me, not that I waited to see if he would, because I didn’t,” Liz replied slowly remembering what it had felt like. “What it reminds me of is when you shake a pop can. That’s what I feel like when Max….does what he does. To feel that pressure and pent up energy turning into a huge drowning void is….terrifying. Kivar poked a hole in the pop can.”
“Huh, so he helped you,” Maria said thoughtfully.
“I….I guess. Maybe,” Liz stumbled caught off guard. “He gave me a boost to be able to get past Max’s walls. I thought it was because….that he might want to hurt Max but…”
“He didn’t,” Maria finished, her mind racing. Pulling her thoughts back in line she blinked, focusing on Liz’s worried expression. “So what did you decide to do about Max?”
“I didn’t decide anything. I just told him I couldn’t do that again. Sooo….nothing’s changed. That feeling of rightness isn’t there, not when we get to a certain point and I can’t…do that. I don’t want to feel that empty again. We’re not ready to be together or something,” Liz finished, her nibbling turning to downright gnawing at her lip. “I miss him though. I really do.”
“I know you do, Babe,” Maria agreed softly feeling angry and near tears at the same time. She hated feeling helpless when all she wanted was to help. This sucked. She’d have to think about this. Maybe something would come to her.
“Thanks, Ria,” Liz whispered then yawned, skootching down into a more comfortable position under the warmth of the blanket.
“For what?” Maria asked a slight frown marring her brow.
“For listening. Just listening, not pushing.”
“No prob,” Maria sighed into the darkness, listening to Liz’s breathing even out.
She’d never thought of Liz’s situation like this before. She should have but hers was so different. She didn’t need such a deep connection every time. When Michael did open up and show her things it was so special, completely wondrous. It wasn’t all the time, a lot of the time sex was just sex, great and whole lot of fun that was for sure but neither of them wanted that sort of connection all the time. She understood that he loved her, and that was enough.
Liz and Max were different. Then there was always the trauma of Tess.
~~~~~~
Liz’s breathing picked up as she realized that she was laying on her back completely exposed. The burning sensation of hot metal on her chest was excruciating.
Looking down she cried out seeing the long deep cut down the center of her chest, her pendant seemed to be burning into the gash. Slowly sinking deep into her flesh.
Jerking awake with a frightened cry Liz vaulted into a sitting position her hand going immediately to her necklace. Fear made her fingers tremble as she tried to work the catch on the chain.
Her fear skyrocketed when she couldn’t remove it. Feeling the chain tighten around her neck choking her she stared to panic.
When the burning started she looked down to see the metal melting and being absorbed into her body.
Liz sat up with a soundless gasp her breathing coming in pants as she slowly orientated herself. Maria slept peacefully beside her, her hand curled under her cheek.
A dream. Just a dream.
Leaning back against the pillows she lifted chain and found it tangled in her hair. Relief rushed through her as she worked it free. It must have been caught, slowly tangling as she moved in her sleep, tightening around her neck.
Slipping from the bed silently she padded down the hallway, checking on each of the children, unsettled by her nightmares. Erin was snuffling softly in her sleep, Pepe barely opening his eyes as the door creaked open. With a sigh the small dog stretched, licking Erin’s nose before closing his eyes, completely ignoring Liz.
During her quick peek into Noah’s room she didn’t notice his eyelashes flutter as he cracked his eyes open just enough to see, pretending to still be sleeping, so careful to not allow a surge of awareness drift down their connection. When the door closed he waited.
Creeping on silent feet, needing to check on Max, she walked into the living room and stopped.
Michael had taken possession of the couch, sprawled out with the remote still clutched in his hand that dangled off the couch onto the floor.
Max was in the chair in an uncomfortable tangle. She winced at the impossible angle of his neck. Moving to his side she hovered for a moment before leaning closer to move his head into a more comfortable position then rested her fingertips on his chest, comforted by the steady rise and fall of his breathing.
Michael watched silently as Max moved restlessly in his sleep muttering something unintelligible, settling when Liz delicately shifted her fingers through his hair and over his ear.
The unidentified tension seeped out of her slowly. Max was fine. No bad dreams or anything to worry about. Softly kissing his forehead she went and got a drink before shutting herself in the spare room that was still filled with half unpacked boxes.
Powering up the computer she started quietly poking through the boxes looking for the one that had her files in it. Knowing she wouldn’t sleep she decided to take another look at the file she had sent to the Professor. Working always calmed her down, figuring things out, and absorbing new knowledge was consuming, taking her into a new world with set rules that could be defined if given enough information.
Cleaning up after dinner with Maria Liz reminded herself that eventually Maria had to go home. All she had to do was to wait her out. It wasn’t nice to hurt pregnant women. It wasn’t nice to hurt your very best friend since birth either. She just had to wait a little bit longer then Maria would be going home.
She could do it.
“Liz?” Maria asked sharply realizing that Liz wasn’t even listening to her.
“Erin?” Liz called loudly as it occurred to her that Maria didn’t really have a home right now. Wiping her hands on the dishtowel she turned as her daughter came running into the room with Noah hot on her heels.
“What I do?” Erin asked her eyes big. She didn’t remember being bad. Well, maybe Mommy didn’t like her using her lipstick on Pepe but he looked pretty now so that wasn’t bad was it?
“I was just thinking that Aunt Maria hasn’t heard that song I taught you. Why don’t you sing it for her?” Liz asked a smile lighting her face. “Really loud like she taught you.”
“From da belly?” Erin asked clapping her hands with excitement. She loved to sing. The louder the better.
“Just like that,” Liz agreed. Looking over at Maria’s puzzled expression she smiled, her evil streak showing in her eyes.
“Okay,” Erin agreed and sucked in a deep breath.
“HUSH! Just stop! Der noting you kin do or say,” Erin sang bouncing up and down.
Maria shot Liz a look of pure horror. No way was Erin singing Britney Spears at the top of her lungs.
Liz smirked as she calmly turned to finish loading the dishwasher. She hummed along with Erin’s rendition of “Stronger” delighted. This was the best idea she’d had all day. Seeing Maria wince she silently encouraged Noah, smothering a laugh as Noah joined his sister for the chorus, both of them dancing around and singing at the top of their lungs bolstered by her silent encouragement.
“’Cause now I’s stwronger den yestewday! Now it noting but MY way!”
“Liz, you are truly demented,” Maria remarked astonished by Liz’s sick devious mind. “What have you done to these poor children?”
“Me? They like this song,” Liz answered smiling sweetly. “There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a song about personal strength and empowerment.”
“You are so full of..” Maria started but was cut off by Liz.
“Oh look. Pepe likes it too,” Liz observed as Pepe started frantically barking, running around and around the dancing children, taking the noise up that extra notch until it was ear piercing.
“You might tink I can’t take it but you’s wrong ‘cause now I’s STRWONGER.”
“Oh god,” Maria moaned in misery, struggling to look like this wasn’t sheer torture.
Liz grinned satisfied with Maria’s moan of pain. Fair was fair. This was just the right payback for the day of misery Maria had put her through. Maria could deal with a few minutes of torture and hopefully she’d have second thoughts next time. Next time maybe a boy band song, she’d have to give that some thought.
As the volume increased and chaos reigned in the kitchen Liz blocked out the noise and quietly set about putting things in order, grateful for the break from Maria’s continued questions.
~~~~~~
Michael poked his head into the kitchen drawn by the noise. Taking it all in with one quick glance he stood frozen as he wondered if all kids were this noisy frightened by the idea that this was a glimpse of his own near future.
Did the dog have on lipstick? Narrowing his eyes he decided that yes, that was lipstick. Jesus these kids were scary.
Leaving Maria to enjoy the impromptu concert he sat down on the couch glancing at Max who seemed to not even register the noise. “Maxwell, did you realize your son is belting out a Britney Spears tune in the kitchen?”
“Yeah, Liz taught them that song,” Max answered absently. “They like it.”
Michael rolled his eyes in response, sliding further into the cushions. “That’s just disturbing.”
“I’ll tell you what’s disturbing,” Max said shooting Michael a pointed stare. “Liz didn’t look at or speak to you once all the way through dinner. What’s up with that?”
Michael shifted in his seat and shrugged.
“Uh huh, what did you do?” Max asked. “Teach Erin a new swear word? I told you to be on your best behavior. Liz was ticked off about that Michael.”
“I didn’t use any objectionable language. I swear,” Michael added when Max looked back at him with a disbelieving stare. “So what did Cal have to say?”
“He didn’t say a whole lot. Asked more questions then he answered,” Max muttered frustrated, going along with Michael’s distraction. For now. “He seems to think something’s up with Larek.”
“Like what?” Michael asked.
“He doesn’t have a high opinion of Larek or of the ruling council. You know how he feels about Royalty,” Max reminded him then frowned. “He said he was going to try and contact a few more people. See if he could get a bead on what set Khivar off.”
“Like he needed to be set off?” Michael snorted in disgust. “This was the plan all along wasn’t it? To take over?”
“I think Cal’s right,” Max mused. “The council did something that Khivar disagreed with strongly enough to try and wipe them out. Some of them anyway. All these years and he hasn’t done that so why now?”
“Because he had to build a power base? Put all the pieces in place to pull this off?” Michael suggested with mild annoyance lacing his tone. He hated not knowing. It was part of his job to know. But how was he supposed to do his job if Max wouldn’t share information?
“But what exactly is “this”?” Max asked. “He’s in a major conflict against entire planets, leading forces we have no concept of, it’s interesting to me that he’d stop in the middle of all that to come to Liz. That shows focus, Michael. To split his attention like that is….it worries me.”
“What really happened, Max?” Michael asked, watching Max with focused intensity. Trying to get some answers that might tell him something. Help him to understand.
“I fucked up,” Max said shortly. “Again.”
“What does that mean?” Michael asked frustrated.
“It means he can feel her. He can feel her even when I don’t. He knew when she was faltering and moved to….” Max paused thinking about exactly what had happened. “He reached out to her. He knew she was drowning and reached out to her. I saw him, felt him through her.”
Michael watched Max’s fingers beat out an unsteady rhythm on the arm of the couch. “She call out?”
“No, I don’t think she did,” Max answered slowly. “He just knew. Noah said that he watches her. All the time,” Max turned to look at Michael, watched his eyes widen, and slowly nodded. “Yeah, I didn’t understand what Noah meant either until this.”
“You’re sure Liz didn’t….” Michael stopped seeing Max’s eyes narrow at the implied criticism of Saint Liz. “It’s possible, Maxwell. You said you didn’t THINK she called out.”
“I was there,” Max snapped. “What does it matter anyway? If she was upset enough to call then I made a serious mistake.”
“Really? Maybe she just doesn’t like…” Michael paused, momentarily wondering if Max was gonna slug him. “Maybe the problem isn’t you. Maybe it’s her.”
“Don’t say one more word, Michael. Not one,” Max warned, his tone telegraphing his fury as clearly as the red creeping up his neck and lighting his ears. “This was a bad idea. As soon as Cal gets back you need to leave.”
“What?” Michael asked his brows snapping together.
“I can’t have you around Liz. Cal will protect her and when Kyle gets here..,” Max started only to have Michael cut him off abruptly.
“You’ve gotta be shitting me! You’d let KYLE stay here with her? You trust him with her more then me?” Michael asked incredulous.
“Yes,” Max nodded glaring at Michael. “HE won’t get her upset. YOU don’t seem to get it! I will not allow you to put her under more stress. In case I haven’t made it clear before now, I’ve made enough errors in judgement here. I can’t afford another one. Liz is upset enough without you giving her a hard time. So if Kyle is the one who can be around her and not have her setting things on fire then that’s what’s going to happen.”
“What are you talking about? What fires?” Michael demanded.
“I’m talking about the same thing I’ve been talking about! The same reason I asked you to look out for her. You just don’t listen! I didn’t ask you here to make this situation worse. I asked you here to make sure Liz and the kids are protected, so she feels safe in her own home. How do you think SHE reacted to what happened last night? Did you ever think about that?” Max burst out with increasing irritation. “She set the blankets on fire. She wanted me to take our kids away from her to keep them safe! Since Kyle makes her laugh and has the sense not to badger her to death then he’s clearly the choice I’m going with!”
“Fine. Whatever,” Michael barked out more pissed off then he’d admit to. “Give Valenti full access because whatever Liz wants is what goes.”
“Glad we agree,” Max snapped back feeling decidedly hostile. Some times Michael was just an asshole. This was one of those times.
“Pussy,” Michael muttered under his breath.
“What?” Max bit out having heard him just fine, suddenly itching for a fight.
“I said you’re a pussy,” Michael stated slowly and very clearly. “She leads you around like you’re on a leash Maxwell. Get some balls. You don’t have to pay for the rest of your life over a mistake you made in high school!”
At first Max wasn’t sure that he wouldn’t just start punching Michael in the face, he was sick of his shit. It was a close call, but he almost instantly realized that Michael couldn’t be expected to understand. He wasn’t there. He hadn’t seen it, felt it.
Besides, Michael had never understood his feelings when it came to Liz. Whenever he tried to talk to Michael about anything that had to do with her he felt defensive. Like he had to defend Liz along with his own choice to be with her. That pattern had been set early on and had never really changed. He wasn’t sure if Michael criticized just to be argumentative or what. He knew Michael’s relationship with Maria was completely different from his with Liz. It had always been that way and it couldn’t be any different, based on where they were both coming from and the type of people they were. That Michael loved Maria was a certainty. He just loved her in his own way and that seemed to work for them. That didn’t give him any insight into other relationships however. Michael had a little trouble with empathy as a rule.
“Why not? Liz is,” Max asked causing Michael to scowl. “You’re acting like Liz asked for this. She didn’t. You don’t understand. Khivar walked right in, Michael, just like Tess. It was uninvited and it scared her, badly. You can’t understand that like I can,” Max continued softly trying to make him understand. “This isn’t about before, it’s really not. It’s about what’s happening now. I’ve been so wrapped up in myself that I’ve missed so much. I haven’t paid enough attention and she’s in real trouble because of it. I can’t do anything about the past but I can do something about now. I’m going to do what’s best for Liz. If that’s Kyle being here helping out then that’s what it’s going to be. I….like…..Kyle.”
“Weak finish there, Maxwell,” Michael observed, one side of his mouth quirking up as Max shot him an annoyed glance. “All I’m saying is that enough’s enough. Don’t be Liz’s bitch for the rest of your life.”
“Nice,” Liz remarked from the doorway shooting Michael a scathing look with one hand over Erin’s ear while the other waved the phone. “Max. Phone.”
Max sighed at Liz’s arched eyebrow. Goddamn Michael. “Who is it?” He asked as he got up.
“Isabel. Her connecting flight left her stranded,” Liz remarked with a tone. “She won’t be here until tomorrow. Still a day early.”
Oh hell. Taking the phone from Liz’s outstretched hand he could see her eyes simmering with temper. “I sort of…forgot to mention that didn’t I?”
“Yeah,” Liz said curtly. “That must be it.”
“Why you say my Daddy a bi…” Erin started only to have Max clamp his hand over her mouth before Liz went postal. Goddamn Michael.
“I should mention that I sort of talked to Kyle too,” Max mumbled as he put the phone to his ear. “Iz! Hi!”
Liz rolled her eyes just as Erin succeeded in getting her mouth free. “What’s a bi..”
“Hey! Come on over here,” Michael cut her off swiftly, scratching at his eyebrow under Liz’s subzero gaze. “The TV’s calling you. I heard it.”
“Weally?” Erin asked skipping over to him and lifting her arms automatically.
“Yeah, really,” Michael grunted lifting Erin up onto his lap. Using her as a shield.
“Just so the “TV” doesn’t teach her anything she shouldn’t know,” Liz warned eyeing Michael like she would a potential criminal and corrupter of little girls. Which he was. On both counts.
“Got it,” Michael agreed swiftly. When Liz hesitated in the doorway he turned to the first station that had cartoons on it settling back almost stiffly as Erin fingered his hair.
“Prwetty,” Erin noted wondering if she could get away with braiding it.
Liz’s lips curved faintly at Erin’s intent scrutiny knowing what Michael was in for. Spinning on her heels she shot Max a look that told him she’d talk to him later then disappeared back into the kitchen where Maria was deep in conversation with Noah about why he couldn’t feed Pepe chocolate.
“Is that my lipstick?” Liz asked looking at Pepe closer.
~~~~~~
After spending over an hour putting the kids to bed Liz was drained. Curled up in the living room chair she found herself unable to pay attention as Michael and Max discussed everything and nothing, snapping at each other more then really talking.
Seeing Liz yawning repeatedly Maria broke in. “Come on Chica. Let’s go.”
“What? Where are we going?” Liz asked as she got up, thinking she must have zoned out and missed something.
“To bed,” Maria answered steering Liz down the hall toward the bedroom.
“It’s early,” Michael protested.
“Oh you can stay up but we’re going to bed,” Maria responded not even pausing. “There won’t be any creeping tonight either. You guys get the couch.”
Liz glanced over her shoulder just as Max opened his mouth to protest sending him a helpless shrug.
“Max, you know you were gonna be on the couch anyway,” Maria warded off his protest before he could even voice it. “Now you just have company.”
“What?” Michael bit out his scowl deepening. Just great. “What did I do?”
“You need to think about your communication skills,” Maria answered before snapping the bedroom door shut.
“Oh hell,” Michael grumbled sulking.
“It’s a comfortable couch,” Max assured him, smiling slightly when Michael treated him to a black scowl.
~~~~~~
“Maria,” Liz whined, feeling Maria’s concentrated stare from her side of the bed.
“What? I didn’t say anything,” Maria replied pleased that Liz responded to her silent request for communication.
“You’re staring at me so hard you don’t have to,” Liz grumbled squirming down deeper into the covers.
“I just….Can we talk? Michael’s not here so…” Maria started.
“Yeah, thanks for that by the way,” Liz accused. “I can’t believe you did that.”
“That was bad,” Maria agreed. “I’m so sorry about that. I just sort of forgot he was there until…”
“You were just too busy interrogating me. I understand,” Liz chastised pointedly, smiling when Maria sighed.
“I was a little….overzealous,” Maria admitted sheepishly.
“Okay, forgotten,” Liz said easily then waited. When Maria sighed in frustration Liz’s smile widened. Letting the silence stretch she counted the seconds before Maria couldn’t stand it anymore.
“Liz!” Maria yelped frustrated. “I hate it when you do this.”
“I know,” Liz admitted her amusement clear in her voice.
“Don’t be thinking you can stonewall me. Michael tried it and failed. You’re no match for me,” Maria huffed a reluctant smile tugging at her lips.
“I know that too,” Liz admitted.
“Liz, he didn’t….hurt you did he?” Maria asked, tentative but worried enough to ask.
“No, Max wouldn’t….not how you mean,” Liz answered feeling guilty that Maria would even consider that a possibility. Searching for a way to explain she was silent for a moment. “Have you ever felt….ashamed after….like it was just all wrong or you were insufficient?”
“Oh Lizzie, no,” Maria moaned horrified. “That’s not true. You’re not..”
“These are feelings Maria. Not logic remember?” Liz broke in before Maria could go off on a tirade. “I’ve tried to…I’m just…it’s how I feel when…”
“Just spit it out. I won’t say anything to anyone. I swear,” Maria promised.
“I don’t know if I can explain this. I’m not sure I understand,” Liz said frustrated with trying to express something that she just felt, struggling to find words that would express those feelings.
“Okay, let’s start from the beginning,” Maria suggested. “I vividly remember finding you on Michael’s couch. Then you said it felt right.”
“It did,” Liz agreed remembering that clearly. “That’s the thing. Right from the second I really saw Max it felt right. Like I’d been sleeping all that time. I wasn’t ashamed because it was right.”
“What about before Max? With Kyle? Did you feel like this with Kyle?” Maria asked softly.
“No, I didn’t. I mean….It wasn’t that serious. It was just….” Liz hand fluttered on the bed expressing her struggle. “It was Kyle. He was nice. I liked him but I wasn’t thinking about having sex with him. It wasn’t like that. It was dating.”
“In other words, normal,” Maria pointed out.
“Yeah,” Liz agreed. “Max was different. It felt like this tide drawing me to him. It just was, it was so strong, and right. I could feel it in him too. I could see it in his eyes and no matter what he said, I knew. It was so simple and pure, right. It wasn’t the flashes of stars that drew me, it was him.”
“Okay,” Maria said mulling that over. Nothing so far had surprised her. “So when did that change? When Tess did what she did?”
“No, I don’t…” Liz nibbled on her lip searching through the bits of memories, the niggling doubt about what was really true welling inside her as she sorted through everything. “When Max first kissed Tess I believed him, that it wasn’t what he wanted. I believed it because I felt it. I felt him. By Christmas it was more difficult to find him through all the murk. When that guy got killed and Max felt so guilty for not saving him….that was the first time in a long time that he came to me. Not for help with some scientific explanation but just for me, because he needed me. It wasn’t him having sex with Tess that did this. It started before that. It’s still here even though I’ve let go of all that. It’s something wrong with me.”
“I don’t believe that, Liz,” Maria stated firmly. “Don’t you see? It’s not you. Noah and Erin feel you and you feel them. Cal felt you. There’s nothing wrong with you. Max doesn’t think there is either.”
“So why is this so hard? Why can’t I just…” Liz stopped as her breath hitched in her throat.
Maria scooted closer reaching out to tuck Liz’s hair back behind her ear to see her face better in the darkness. “Lizzie, what happened, everything that happened, was hard. Some of that you weren’t ready to deal with then. It took you months to really get into the Alex part of it. What Tess did to you was…” Maria broke off wondering if they really knew what Tess had done. What if what they knew wasn’t the full extent of it? “Well, there just aren’t words. But that doesn’t mean YOU’RE wrong or there’s something wrong with YOU. What was done to you was wrong.”
Liz lay there listening, feeling Maria’s intensity but remained unconvinced. Maybe when she’d shut him out after Alex she’d somehow lost the ability to find him again. Maybe she deserved his lack of trust, his fear of giving himself up to what they could be. She had made so many mistakes. Combine hers with his and maybe all he could see were more mistakes then he could handle dimming his hopes for the future.
“Okay, let’s deal with this another way,” Maria decided sensing Liz’s disconnection and wandering thoughts. “You’ve had sex with Max and it felt wrong to you, right? Those were your words. How did it start? How did you feel when you started getting close?”
“Ummm it was okay. It was good. Look, I know that with Michael you’ve never had doubts like I have. I understand that what Tess did by forcing or pushing things between Max and I that it damaged something, took something from us. I’m not as sure of Max and I’m more afraid. It’s there when he kisses me. I’m looking for something. For a little while it’s there you know? Then he just…goes away and I’m left there like when she made him…When we…It feels different. It feels like he’s not seeing ME. I can’t feel him and all this stuff just…..builds inside me and there’s no one there to help me. I just alone there,” Liz said in a rush over her shuddery breaths that could almost be sobs.
Maria’s first thought was that she was going rip into Max until she reached his soft chewy alien center and totally annihilate him for being so selfish and stupid. Now she could see how Khivar was able to reach Liz, she didn’t have anyone else.
She shoved that aside to focus on Liz, holding her hand until she calmed down slightly. “Liz, it doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you because you need more from Max then he’s giving you right now. You’ve been through so much. It’s understandable that you need care and an emotional connection. You’ve always been emotional.”
“That’s not true!” Liz exclaimed in surprise.
“It is true,” Maria protested with an eye roll. “Listen to what you just said. Right from the beginning you were emotionally attached to Max. It wasn’t his body that drew you. It was after you connected to him that you felt drawn to him, the body probably didn’t hurt though.”
Liz rolled her eyes in response but a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.
“You recognized something in him that had you responding. When you were making out all the time and driving me crazy with all the PDA’s it was clear to everyone that there was more there. That whole…” Maria waved her hand almost smacking Liz with her enthusiastic movement. “…look into my eyes thing.”
“It wasn’t always like that,” Liz protested. “I didn’t always have flashes and all that. Sometimes we actually did just kissed.”
“Uh huh, but that was before Tess did whatever she did. It was just you two naturally finding your way, what you were comfortable with, that kind of thing. Michael and I had our own issues if you’ll remember so it wasn’t always easy and we didn’t have Tess fucking around with us,” Maria pointed out. “Everything we did happened at our own pace and at a level we were comfortable with.”
“I mean seriously Liz, Michael was sooo not ready for soul gazing,” Maria drawled. “Neither was I really. It took time for us to get there. See? It’s an individual thing. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.”
“So what if what Max needs as an individual is the direct opposite of what I need? What then?” Liz asked softly.
“What do you think Max needs?” Maria hedged inwardly cringing. If Liz said he needed some bizarre sex thing she really was going to kill him. Pig.
Liz shrugged looking away. “Maybe he’s not ready or able to be any different then what he is. Maybe he can’t. Maybe he’s like Michael was at first. I’ve tried to do that. I just can’t. I just screw it all up by getting upset and then it just snowballs. The kids start crying and….I can’t do it, Maria. I’ve tried to wait for him but….I need to feel safe. Not that I’m afraid Max would hurt me because he totally wouldn’t ever do that but….look at what’s happening. I set the sheet on fire last night because I was so…..upset and yelling at Max. It was horrible. Kivar, he was just THERE. I swear I didn’t even have time to call for anyone. Max just pulled away and then everything went crazy. It was like….all sudden all that feeling just changed,” Liz snapped her fingers. “Just like that. It turned on me and then Kivar was there bleeding some of it away. I was so scared. I just….broke past Max’s defenses and…”
“Whoa,” Maria said stopping Liz. “Khivar bled away what? Your fear? Or was he trying to do something to you like Tess?”
“No, it wasn’t like Tess. Not really. I mean, it scared me because I wasn’t in control and I didn’t invite such an intimate thing with a….person I don’t know but he wasn’t hurting me, not that I waited to see if he would, because I didn’t,” Liz replied slowly remembering what it had felt like. “What it reminds me of is when you shake a pop can. That’s what I feel like when Max….does what he does. To feel that pressure and pent up energy turning into a huge drowning void is….terrifying. Kivar poked a hole in the pop can.”
“Huh, so he helped you,” Maria said thoughtfully.
“I….I guess. Maybe,” Liz stumbled caught off guard. “He gave me a boost to be able to get past Max’s walls. I thought it was because….that he might want to hurt Max but…”
“He didn’t,” Maria finished, her mind racing. Pulling her thoughts back in line she blinked, focusing on Liz’s worried expression. “So what did you decide to do about Max?”
“I didn’t decide anything. I just told him I couldn’t do that again. Sooo….nothing’s changed. That feeling of rightness isn’t there, not when we get to a certain point and I can’t…do that. I don’t want to feel that empty again. We’re not ready to be together or something,” Liz finished, her nibbling turning to downright gnawing at her lip. “I miss him though. I really do.”
“I know you do, Babe,” Maria agreed softly feeling angry and near tears at the same time. She hated feeling helpless when all she wanted was to help. This sucked. She’d have to think about this. Maybe something would come to her.
“Thanks, Ria,” Liz whispered then yawned, skootching down into a more comfortable position under the warmth of the blanket.
“For what?” Maria asked a slight frown marring her brow.
“For listening. Just listening, not pushing.”
“No prob,” Maria sighed into the darkness, listening to Liz’s breathing even out.
She’d never thought of Liz’s situation like this before. She should have but hers was so different. She didn’t need such a deep connection every time. When Michael did open up and show her things it was so special, completely wondrous. It wasn’t all the time, a lot of the time sex was just sex, great and whole lot of fun that was for sure but neither of them wanted that sort of connection all the time. She understood that he loved her, and that was enough.
Liz and Max were different. Then there was always the trauma of Tess.
~~~~~~
Liz’s breathing picked up as she realized that she was laying on her back completely exposed. The burning sensation of hot metal on her chest was excruciating.
Looking down she cried out seeing the long deep cut down the center of her chest, her pendant seemed to be burning into the gash. Slowly sinking deep into her flesh.
Jerking awake with a frightened cry Liz vaulted into a sitting position her hand going immediately to her necklace. Fear made her fingers tremble as she tried to work the catch on the chain.
Her fear skyrocketed when she couldn’t remove it. Feeling the chain tighten around her neck choking her she stared to panic.
When the burning started she looked down to see the metal melting and being absorbed into her body.
Liz sat up with a soundless gasp her breathing coming in pants as she slowly orientated herself. Maria slept peacefully beside her, her hand curled under her cheek.
A dream. Just a dream.
Leaning back against the pillows she lifted chain and found it tangled in her hair. Relief rushed through her as she worked it free. It must have been caught, slowly tangling as she moved in her sleep, tightening around her neck.
Slipping from the bed silently she padded down the hallway, checking on each of the children, unsettled by her nightmares. Erin was snuffling softly in her sleep, Pepe barely opening his eyes as the door creaked open. With a sigh the small dog stretched, licking Erin’s nose before closing his eyes, completely ignoring Liz.
During her quick peek into Noah’s room she didn’t notice his eyelashes flutter as he cracked his eyes open just enough to see, pretending to still be sleeping, so careful to not allow a surge of awareness drift down their connection. When the door closed he waited.
Creeping on silent feet, needing to check on Max, she walked into the living room and stopped.
Michael had taken possession of the couch, sprawled out with the remote still clutched in his hand that dangled off the couch onto the floor.
Max was in the chair in an uncomfortable tangle. She winced at the impossible angle of his neck. Moving to his side she hovered for a moment before leaning closer to move his head into a more comfortable position then rested her fingertips on his chest, comforted by the steady rise and fall of his breathing.
Michael watched silently as Max moved restlessly in his sleep muttering something unintelligible, settling when Liz delicately shifted her fingers through his hair and over his ear.
The unidentified tension seeped out of her slowly. Max was fine. No bad dreams or anything to worry about. Softly kissing his forehead she went and got a drink before shutting herself in the spare room that was still filled with half unpacked boxes.
Powering up the computer she started quietly poking through the boxes looking for the one that had her files in it. Knowing she wouldn’t sleep she decided to take another look at the file she had sent to the Professor. Working always calmed her down, figuring things out, and absorbing new knowledge was consuming, taking her into a new world with set rules that could be defined if given enough information.