Chapter Thirty
‘Night lift up the shades let in the brilliant light of morning
But steady me now for I am weak and starving for mercy
Sleep has left me alone to carry the weight of unraveling where
we went wrong
And all I can do to hang on, to keep from falling into old familiar shoes.
How stupid could I be
A simpleton could see
That you’re no good for me
But you’re the only one I see
Love has made me a fool set me on fire and watched as I floundered
Unable to speak except to cry out and wait for your answer
And you come around in your time speaking of fabulous places
Create an oasis that dries up as soon as you’re gone
You leave me here burning in this desert without you
How stupid could I be
A simpleton could see
That you’re no good for me
But you’re the only one I see
Everything changes everything falls apart
I can’t stand to feel myself loosing control
In the deep of my weakness I know
How stupid could I be
A simpleton could see
That you’re no good for me
But you’re the only one I see
Curled up in the massive leather chair behind her desk Liz gently massaged her temple, her eyes aching with exhaustion, allowing the music to wash over her. She was too tired to work anymore but was afraid to go to sleep.
She’d tried to take her mind off of things by reading through her files, trying to discover why the Professor would be so anxious to talk to her but hadn’t found anything that had sparked her interest. Tired but knowing she couldn’t sleep she’d tried unpacking, setting up the entire room before exhaustion had forced her to stop.
Thoughts crowded her head giving her no respite from her problems despite the late hour. Fingers lifting to clutch her pendant she tried to think of something, anything she hadn’t tried. Something that would make things better.
When she’d suggested moving back she’d really believed that she was doing the right thing. That she was ready to move forward, with Max. Oh, she’d known then that there were problems that they hadn’t dealt with but she was sure that together they could sort it all out, become a real family.
Clearly she’d underestimated the scope of their problems.
The instinct to draw away and protect herself from further pain was nearly overwhelming, but she resisted. Knowing that hiding wasn’t going to fix anything, or prevent the pain from coming.
She could handle pain, what she couldn’t handle was this barren existence. There had to be a way, something she could do to fix this, to make Max understand.
She couldn’t except anything else. Especially now.
As everything went around and around in her head she felt more and more powerless. Unable to break out of the pattern that had been set over time.
Pulled from another dream Max sat with his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath.
God. Oh, God. He could still see Liz’s face, the expression on her face as she lay under him, Tess’s mocking voice in the background. Fuck. Running a shaking hand through his sweaty hair he forced those images away, deep inside, down into the dark hiding them away in hopes that they’d never surface again.
Consumed by what he’d seen and the repressed emotions the dream had stirred up Max pushed to his feet needing to see her. Just to make sure that she really was okay and it was just another dream.
Passing the couch without a glance he didn’t see Michael’s eyes tracking him as he followed the faint sound of music away from the bedrooms.
Stopping in the partially open doorway his eyes swept the room, taking in the changes with a swift glance, landing on Liz and taking in every detail.
The strength that usually surrounded her, that usually shown from every line and curve was absent, like she didn’t have the energy to maintain it with no one there watching. She was curled up into a small ball in the chair giving the impression that she wanted to hide. Her eyes, when she slowly opened them again, glistened, their expression woebegone, almost bleak.
She looked beyond tired, too pale, the smooth skin beneath her eyes smudged with dark shadows. She’d chewed her lip until it looked tender from the repeated abuse of her teeth. She was very soft and vulnerable in a way that struck a cord inside him reminding him of times he was desperately trying to forget.
She was still absolutely beautiful to him, as always, because she was beautiful from the inside out. He knew that first hand.
Seeing her caused a paradox of relief and tension to sweep through him, allowing the ice coating his heart to warm while tightening the muscles in his shoulders.
“Was the music too loud? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…” Liz trailed off when he shook his head.
“No, I was already up.”
Looking at his disheveled appearance she didn’t bother to respond to his obvious lie, knowing as she always did when he’d had another nightmare. She wasn’t sure how she knew but just looking at him told her more then he probably wanted her to know.
“So what are you doing up?” Max asked walking in and almost closing the door behind him so the music wouldn’t wake Michael.
“Isabel’s coming. I’ll sleep then,” Liz reminded him.
She was clearly still piqued. “Yeah, umm….about that,” Max winced. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but Cal agreed with me about calling her back. I was going to tell you.”
“I’m sure,” Liz agreed softly still slightly miffed that he went behind her back like this. “When she knocked on the front door. I’m so happy you and Cal agreed, then it doesn’t matter what I think. It’s only my head we’re talking about.”
“It matters but you agreed to let her try to help,” Max pointed out.
“Uh-huh, I did,” Liz nodded uncurling when Max sat down on the edge of desk, close but careful not to touch her. “But I would like to prepare myself a little so I’m not so….I’m a mess okay? Why can’t you understand that? I have no control over anything. You control every little piece of yourself that you give out but I have nothing. No control over anything. I just…forget it. I did agree. I’d just like the time to put myself together a little. That’s all.”
“I do understand,” Max responded quietly, hating the way she was looking at him, frustration and hurt lurking in her dark eyes. Seeing it from her side he did understand but more then that he realized how far short he’d fallen from where he needed to be. Where he had to be. He’d made promises to her and to himself, some spoken, and some silent but no less important because of that. “I’m sorry. I just want to do whatever is needed to keep you safe. I wouldn’t force you to….that’s not what…I didn’t think. I’m so sorry, about everything lately.”
“I know,” Liz agreed. “So.”
“So, umm, about Michael,” Max started his eyes falling from hers. Might as well get it all out at once. “He’s leaving as soon as Kyle gets here so…”
“You want Kyle here? In our home? Why?” Liz asked surprised. “He doesn’t have Michael’s powers.”
“I know but he’ll be here for you.” Max looked up, shifting uncomfortably under her gaze. “When I can’t be, I mean. With everything going on Michael just…He has his own stuff going on and Kyle’s just the better choice I think.”
Liz looked at him, searching his eyes for some hint of what he was thinking. “Max, when Tess….when she did all those things to me. Taking the twins and….I know you watched that tape but you know what?”
“What?” Max asked, puzzled about where this was leading. Guilt a lead weight in the pit of his stomach, images from the tape streaming through his head in vivid detail. The blood, her screams, Tess laughing and taunting her.
“There was nothing you could do for me then. You couldn’t have stopped what happened or changed the outcome even if you had known what was going on. I need you more now then I did then. I don’t know how to make you see that.” Liz felt the helplessness well up inside her bringing tears to her eyes. “I don’t need Kyle, Max, I need you. I can’t seem to make you understand that. Kyle isn’t the same and neither is Isabel.”
Speechless, utterly unable to express himself verbally as Liz drew her knees back up to her chest protectively, looking very lost with huge fragile eyes, he knew he had to be as brave as she was despite his fears. She was the one person that made him weak but strong at the same time. She had taught him what true strength was and now it was time to use it. Lowering his defenses he reached for her, unable to allow the pain he could feel from her to go unanswered.
Stricken by the abrupt, tentative flow of him, her eyes flew to meet his, wide with astonishment. The fits and starts in the flow of him didn’t matter. He was trying. For her. Because she needed him.
Hope filled her wiping away her melancholy mood.
Max thought the wavering smile she gave him then was better then any he remembered seeing before this moment. He strengthened their connection, ignoring the shards of pain behind his eyes, his own ingrained fear of hurting her, and held onto the hope trembling in that connection between them, allowing it to grow inside him and overflow.
He tried to put all that he didn’t know how to say into that connection, everything that words just couldn’t express. Saying he loved her didn’t come close to the feelings that had shaped his very person. In the end it was simple. He loved her, that love was stronger then reason, stronger then his fears, stronger even then any preordained destiny.
Neither of them remembered moving, suddenly they were just leaning toward each other, drifting closer with every breath. Inching her chair closer still, Liz stretched up between his parted thighs, brushing her lips softly over his while lacing their fingers.
When his mouth hovered for a moment over hers Liz felt a brief twinge of fear. A moment where she wondered if she shouldn’t use a bit of caution and put some distance between them.
But she didn’t.
Instead she closed the gap and touched her lips to his in gentle kiss, reading what she felt from him and letting that guide her.
Joined by that basic union, her lips soft and tentative, his cautious but exploring, something awakened gently inside them both melting them together. Her lips parted and she felt the soft sweep of his tongue over her ravaged lower lip, everything happening so slowly, it took forever before her curves yielded to his hard angles.
She returned his kiss like a women deprived of the feel of her mate, ignoring the warning in her mind to stop, the warm melting sensation pooling in her body priming her for more a intimate joining. All that mattered was Max, she could feel him so close inside, feeding the pleasure of his touch, overriding conscience thought.
“Oh hell no,” Michael’s gruff voice broke in. “Maria’s already pissed. If she finds you guys creeping…”
Anchoring Liz to his chest to prevent her from breaking contact, Max reluctantly raised his head sending Michael a killing glare. One wave of his hand snapped the door shut in Michael’s face making Liz muffle her surprise giggles against his chest.
“He is so out of here,” Max grumbled, secretly pleased by Liz’s spontaneous amusement.
“But they don’t have a place yet,” Liz reminded him before closing her eyes and breathing him in, her lips drifting over his neck helplessly.
Almost groaning at the strength and clarity of the feelings bathing him, he sank his fingers into her hair to hold onto the source of all that emotion, not listening to Michael’s continued grumbles from the other side of the door. “I’ll find them one but he has to go,” Max mumbled, struggling to reign himself in. The last thing he wanted was to make things worse with Liz by loosing control of his desire for her. He focused on maintaining that tenuous thread that connected them instead, blocking the things that swam in the deepest darkest parts of himself, afraid of harming her unintentionally.
He was always afraid of harming her, causing her more pain by allowing flashes of the past to leak through. He’d spent the last three plus years blocking those parts of himself, not just from her but from himself. He wanted to deny those parts existed but his dreams wouldn’t allow him to.
At first, after recovering most of the memories Tess had stolen from him, he’d believed that some of those memories would eventually fade. The taste of Liz’s skin, the flood of pure sensation that raced through his body as he came inside her, the silken feel of her skin as she cradled him to her that first time. Those beautiful moments had given way to darker ones, ones where he’d been powerless, where he’d hurt her by not being able to stop Tess or himself, to stop what was happening.
Those memories haunted him the most. Because despite everything he remembered how it had felt, the pleasure in being ruled by primitive urges, of having Liz under him, warm and submissive. He remembered trying to protect her and failing miserably. He remembered Tess digging through his head for more ammunition, of shutting off parts of himself to keep her from reaching them and corrupting what he held as sacred.
What kind of mate was he that he couldn’t protect her? That he was often the instrument that caused her pain? He was supposed to be a powerful leader, a king, yet he was as powerless to protect her now as he had been back then.
Drawn into the tail end of his thoughts through their open connection Liz answered him. “You’re the one I chose, back then and now. That’s what you are. I wasn’t looking for a king, or a powerful leader. I just wanted you. That’s all I ever wanted, just you.” Pulling away enough to search his eyes, she searched for the source of the shame she could feel permeating him.
Seeing her thoughtful scowl he wondered just what she’d been able to pick up from him. “I know but you didn’t just get me. Did you?” Max asked thinking of Tess, the FBI, and the alien chaos that came with him.
“No, I got much more then that,” Liz agreed then grinned. “I got Michael.”
“Yeah, I know how happy you are about that,” Max teased back lightly, not truly feeling it but trying to deflect her interest.
“Hmm,” Liz hummed turning serious. “I am. I wouldn’t change that. I know better now. Not all of what’s happened is bad. Can you really imagine a life without Noah and Erin? I love being a mother and you’re a really great dad, Max. You really are.”
“I love our kids, you know that, but don’t you wonder sometimes if it would have been better if they’d come about some other way?” Max asked seriously. “Like when we were ready or made that choice for ourselves?”
“But they didn’t,” Liz responded her heart twisting at the flash of shame and guilt that he still carried. She knew he didn’t wish the twins away but the guilt and pain for how they were brought into this world was a weight he couldn’t seem to set down. “They’re the good out of all the bad that happened. I don’t think about how to change the past if I could go back. Not after….Alex and…I just don’t. I wanted them from the moment I knew about them. I don’t let the circumstances reflect in my feelings for them. Those are two separate very different things in my mind.” Liz paused as she caught a flicker of something from Max, concentrating on that brief hint of pain trying to bring it closer, draw it away from him and into her. “It wasn’t your fault. I never blamed you or thought you did anything wrong. Tess forced you just as much as she did me. Is that the reason for the question? You think that I blame you or think you forced me? Because you’re wrong. I’ve got the memories to prove it. So maybe if we match mine to yours then…..”
Feeling her drawing closer to the ugly truth he started to backpedal. Sick at the thought of her experiencing his memories, of revealing his most shameful secret, he sought to distract her. “Liz, relax. I just wondered if you ever thought about it. That’s all.”
Looking at him she didn’t believe him. That wasn’t all. “So did you actually listen to my answer? Or did you edit it to fit whatever’s going on in your head? It’s late and I’m too tired for another argument sooooo.”
Max’s heart beat faster as he felt her unfold inside him, making room inside the very core of him. Suddenly he was her, he felt what she’d felt the first time she’d touched the rough surface of Erin’s pod. He felt the jumble of panic and fear that had driven her to his room, to Tess’s journal where she’d discovered the existence of their child. Her first impulse had been to call him back home, to her. He felt the swell of love breaking inside her the first time she cradled Noah’s small fragile body to her chest, taking note of every detail, his tiny fingers, the softest hair she’d ever felt, his ears that reminded her of his father’s.
What he didn’t feel was more important.
Easing back from him slowly, Liz blinked coming back into herself. “Now try and edit that.”
Max couldn’t stop the smile that broke over his face at her defiant tone coupled with the stubborn tilt of her chin. “I love you too.”
After a brief pause Liz nodded slowly. “I know. I can feel it.” And she could, it felt like a constant stream of warmth that relaxed something deep inside her. It felt like she’d been holding her breath until now.
Leaning down to her he took her face between his hands and brushed his mouth over hers in thanks for the gift she’d shared with him. “I’m going to make sure you can. I’m trying to take those baby steps. I think you were right about those. If I work on our connection just in small stages, regular moments, then maybe when you really need it it’ll be there.”
“You’ve thought about it huh?” Liz whispered softly staring at his mouth.
“Yes, I have. So what do you think? Does this qualify as a baby step?” Max asked watching her nibble on her lower lip. He was mesmerized by the sight, unable to look away from her teeth biting into the soft sensual bit of flesh. He imagined what her teeth would feel like on him.
“I would say it does,” Liz agreed wondering what this meant. Did he do this because he thought she would leave otherwise? Was he finally coming around? Or was it because he wanted her to take another baby step?
That last thought sent a shiver of nervousness through her. Or maybe it was due to his thumbs stroking over her cheeks.
“Okay, well, I guess I better get back to my chair. Wouldn’t want Maria to have a hissy fit about me creeping into your….desk chair.” Planting a quick but through kiss on her lips he stood up.
Flustered now that his crotch was at eye level she pushed her chair further back. “What about me? Maria snores.”
Max’s lips twitched at the whine present in Liz’s voice. “Well, I could tell Michael to sleep in our bed with Maria. Then the couch would be free.”
“Uh-huh, so you wanna share it with me?” Liz asked cut off from saying more by the huge yawn that took her by surprise.
“I’d really like that,” Max told her, drowning in his feelings of loving protectiveness. There was nothing he’d like better then to hold her for the rest of the night. Taking her hand he pulled her to her feet and turned off the radio as they passed by. Opening the door he wasn’t surprised to see Michael leaning against the wall with his arms folded over his chest, not surprised but certainly irritated.
“Michael, what do you think you’re doing?” Max asked striving to keep his voice level. Feeling Liz lean into his side, fingers stroking his bare arm, went a long way to soothing his irritation.
“Watching out. That’s what I’m here for right? I don’t want to be on the couch forever ya know,” Michael said gruffly pushing away from the wall. Why did he even try to understand them? No matter what Maria said they were both certifiable. They didn’t even understand themselves. Still if Maria found out he’d let Max set Liz off again his ass would be stuck on the couch indefinitely.
“I think I can handle it. Go to Maria and leave us the couch okay?” Max answered hanging onto his patience by a thread, as usual when dealing with Michael. His selective way of choosing how he interpreted things was annoying sometimes. He seemed to pick the worst moment to intrude in the guise of helping.
Knowing a good deal when he heard one, Michael gave a mocking salute and wandered off toward the bedrooms already preparing his excuse should one be necessary.
Max led Liz to the couch, waiting for her to get settled before covering her with a blanket. Lying down at the opposite end he listened to Liz squirm around for several minutes smiling when she heaved a frustrated sigh.
Dragging the blanket with her Liz scooted around, crawling up to snuggle into Max’s chest. “There’s only one blanket,” Liz murmured sleepily feeling Max wrap his arms around her. “But I can share.”
Max hugged her closer as she stroked her fingers over his neck in soft brushes designed to soothe herself into sleep but it always soothed him too.
Just before she slipped into sleep she felt the softest of touches stroking through her hair accompanied by a tender rush of love. Burrowing her face into the crook of his shoulder she was content with her place in this world, she loved baby steps.
The song featured at the beginning of this part is by Sarah McLachlan titled “Stupid” from her album “Afterglow”. This could be the album for this story it fits so well. No infringement intended.
World In My Eyes (CC,M/L,Adult) Ch 54 - 08/22/06 [WIP]
Moderators: Anniepoo98, ISLANDGIRL5, truelovepooh, Forum Moderators
Chapter Thirty One
Chapter Thirty One
“Here, take this,” Isabel commanded slinging her carryon bag into Max’s chest as she walked past him and out into the airport terminal.
“Oomph,” Max grunted softly as the bag impacted.
“Max,” Dane greeted without bothering to hide his amusement. “Want me to take that?”
“No, I’ve got it,” Max shook his head, very used to being Isabel’s pack mule.
“Now. How’s Liz?” Isabel asked as both men caught up to her long purposeful strides.
“She’s…okay. She says she’s fine but she’s not really sleeping much,” Max answered juggling her bag as he walked. What did she have in here anyway? Gold bricks?
“Uh-huh, you didn’t call me and ask me to cut my honeymoon short because she’s fine,” Isabel pointed out, reading the signs for baggage claim as she spoke. “How bad is it? Has he contacted her again?”
“No, I don’t think he’s had the opportunity since she isn’t sleeping much.” Max paused, flicking a glance at his sister. “She’s afraid to sleep.”
“What does Cal have to say?” Dane asked, well aware of the shapeshifters gruff but obvious affection for Liz. Cal would make it his business to get to the bottom of whatever was going on.
“He’s trying to find out what he can but we’ll have to see what he comes up with. I haven’t heard from him since late yesterday,” Max admitted his voice laced with concern.
They gathered the mountain of luggage and proceeded to the car with little real conversation. Each of them aware of the people surrounding them and keeping their comments to lighter topics. Isabel peppered Max with questions about Javen’s activities and seemed satisfied with his responses, her overprotective nature curbed for the moment. All the while her mind went over what she’d discussed with Dane on the trip here.
It wasn’t until they were in the car on the way back to Roswell that Isabel brought up Liz again.
“So how pissed was she that you didn’t tell her you called us back?” Isabel asked with a pointed look at Max, grateful for Dane’s warm fingers clasping hers. Her honeymoon may have been short but it had been wonderful for as long as it had lasted. She thanked God for Dane’s understanding nature, of course he loved her family almost as much as she did, especially Liz. She was the reason they’d met after all.
“Pretty pissed,” Max admitted sheepishly. “Michael didn’t help any either.”
“Does he ever?” Isabel asked in affectionate exasperation. She may have developed a close relationship with Liz but Michael never really had. Michael still seemed to resent Liz’s influence over Max, which was funny considering how much Maria influenced him. He just didn’t seem to see it that way.
“Not that I’ve noticed lately.”
Dane listened silently as Max and Isabel talked observing Max’s uneasy body language and wondering about the source of it. He didn’t understand the connection between Max and Liz, the mystical ties that bound them together, but he didn’t doubt one existed. When he’d first met Liz she was the one who was more difficult to read, but slowly over time the tide had turned. Now that Max had within his grasp all that he’d seemed to want Dane was left to wonder what held him back. His brother-in–law struck him as his own worst enemy. No matter what Liz did or didn’t do she couldn’t fix that. Neither could his wife.
“Haven’t you ever wondered if I’ve tried to dreamwalk you, Max?” Isabel asked, suddenly shifting the conversation. Focusing on what she could see of Max’s profile from the backseat, she watched for something, some sign of what he was thinking. “With all the trouble you’ve had with nightmares…..didn’t you wonder?”
“Of course it occurred to me,” Max answered slowly, his fingers dancing in a nervous rhythm over the steering wheel.
“I couldn’t get in,” Isabel supplied softly. “Not once. I’ve been thinking about that. I’ve never had that problem with Liz, not even when she was very uncomfortable with the idea of me seeing inside her. I was wondering if maybe Tess somehow….if what happened caused a block of some kind, either an unconscious or a conscious one.”
“Isabel…”
“No, it’s possible, Max,” Isabel cut him off, determined to make him listen this time. “She wouldn’t have wanted me to be able to accidentally stumble onto what she was doing and she certainly didn’t want Liz to be able to reach you on any level. She made a point to cut you off from the rest of us but I think she did more then that. She cut you off from a part of yourself. You’ve never been the same.”
“No, I haven’t been,” Max admitted. “But that doesn’t mean that there’s any particular reason other then what we know happened. None of us are the same.”
“You know what I mean,” Isabel brushed off frustrated with his obtuseness. She’d had the entire trip home to think about this and Max was going to listen. “You were never completely closed to me until Tess messed around with your head. Even when you wouldn’t let me all the way in I still felt you. I felt you, your presence, from before we even broke out of the pods.”
“Okay, then why wouldn’t she have done the same to Liz?” Max asked playing along. “If she did do something to block anyone from connecting to me that is.”
“Because Liz was supposed to be left behind. There wouldn’t have been anyone left on Earth trying to reach inside her. You, on the other hand, were supposed to be in the granilith with me on your way to Khivar. She didn’t treat you the same as she did Liz and there’s a reason for that. Maybe she wanted Erin to be able to reach Liz to draw her out into the open. She did need Liz to get your heir and knew the pods would reach for her. Or maybe she wanted Liz to feel the absence of you, of your connection to her. Who knows with that sick bitch, the point is that it’s a real possibility. One you should think about. You never would let Cal take a look to make sure that Ava and I didn’t miss anything.”
“Isabel has a point,” Dane said speaking up thoughtfully. They’d discussed this at length, each of them trying to come up with different possibilities. “Liz is a part of you isn’t she? Since you…What do you call it? Cemented your bond or whatever? That was before most of the other stuff went down so if Tess did manage to shut you off from Liz then it could explain some things. Like some of the changes in both of your behavior after that.”
“Oh my God,” Isabel whispered, more to herself then anyone else. “He’s right. Max! You both would have felt it and not known what it was. Cal said as much but I didn’t realize….Tess took the memory of your bond but she couldn’t take away the bond itself. Then all those fake memory retrieval sessions….she did build blocks around certain things…like memories so what if she built them around other things? Like your bond to Liz?”
“No,” Max shook his head. “I still…felt Liz after that. I remember feeling her.” Besides being able to feel Liz he had worked with Cal. Cal had helped to regain more then just the memories that Tess had taken from and he’d never indicated anything like what Isabel concerned about. Of course most of the details of those sessions Max hadn’t chosen to share so Isabel had no way of knowing that.
“But she didn’t feel you,” Isabel said bluntly. “I know she didn’t because I saw it. We talked about it. She said that she used to feel a thread connecting you across any distance. She said that she had a voice that told her you were the one but it fell silent, and that was before…the observatory. I just didn’t think….I didn’t know what it was. She waited for it. All that time she waited to hear that voice, feel that force connecting you, and all along it was you. How stupid am I?” Suddenly sitting upright she whacked Max on the arm. “How stupid are you! The bond is the thread and you’re the voice. Or something like that. Whatever.”
“Isabel, wait a second. You don’t know that. I don’t think you’re really thinking this through, look, we weren’t even bonded until near the end of junior year so to say those things is gigantic stretch. She said she’s always had a voice guiding her. That doesn’t have anything to do with me,” Max pointed out, shaken none the less. What if he was the one to build the wall? Cal might not have detected it if that were the case. Slowly over time, building it stronger and higher from when Tess first arrived and used her powers against him. What if when he’d tried to keep Tess out he’d also managed to shut Liz out? He’d been trying to keep Tess out of his mind, to keep her from reaching the places where only Liz should be, he’d wanted to make sure that there was no repeat of that kiss in the rain or the daydreams that had assaulted him and thrown him off balance. Never once had he intended to block Liz out. Had he really felt Liz that deeply since?
“You’ve always been guided by something too, Max, even though you never called it a voice. Just because a bond to Liz was cemented at certain point in time doesn’t mean that’s when it started to form. Maria’s alien imprinting theory aside, something drew you to Liz from the first time you saw her. Something told you to set aside a lifetimes worth of hiding to save her. Something told you to trust her. So what was it?” Isabel asked oblivious to the turmoil of Max’s thoughts.
“I loved her. That’s what it was,” Max answered with his standard response. A response he didn’t even have to think about anymore.
“You didn’t know her. Before you walked off of that bus you had no idea who Liz Parker was or that she even existed. So how did you know? Why were you so certain?” Isabel questioned despite his pat answer and the fact that she could see he was getting a little twitchy the more she questioned him.
“I just was. I just knew,” Max snapped in exasperation. “I saw her and….I did know her. I mean, I saw her and I knew. It wasn’t like when we saw Michael and knew who he was, that’s not what I’m saying. Michael was more like I remembered him. I knew I should know him. Liz I did know, I could see below the surface to who she was or something. I don’t know how to explain it. It was something I never questioned. Sort of like how I knew we were different, it just was.”
“Liz didn’t question the voice either,” Isabel pointed out mildly while wondering why Max was fighting this idea so hard. It was just a guess at this point. “Because it was always a part of who she was.”
Max remained silent thinking back to that first moment. He remembered stepping off the bus so scared his knees felt weak, clutching Isabel’s hand in his afraid to let go of the only person he could feel inside, the only other person that didn’t feel alien to him, utterly overwhelmed by the sheer number of other children running around. They might look like him but they weren’t alike at all. Then he saw her and everything went still. She glanced at him for just a split second but he felt her excitement, the burst of laughter, of life that filled her. So different from anything he’d ever felt before, calling to something in him. A desire to be like her, to feel what she felt, and to protect this wondrous shining being that had so completely filled him just by looking into his eyes. Suddenly he wasn’t so afraid. He didn’t want to go home anymore, wherever that was. Maybe tonight he wouldn’t need the little house the woman, his new mother, had given to him because he had found her, the reason he was here. Then she looked away and Isabel kept pulling at his hand but he was okay now because he knew he’d see her again. Every day in school and it was enough.
Clearing his throat he struggled to breathe normally and focus on the blurry road in front of him.
“Michael!” Liz screeched bolting upright. “You scared the crap out of me!”
“Sorry, need any help?” Michael asked self-consciously, scratching at his eyebrow to avoid looking directly at her.
Liz stared at him, blinking in surprise, absolutely sure she’d heard him wrong. Michael? Asking her if she needed help? No way. “Umm, sure?”
Grunting in response he moved to the other side of the sandbox and helped to remove the lid and put it out of the way.
“Thanks,” Liz said softly before smothering a yawn with her hand. “Did Maria send you out? Because I’m fine. It’s just the backyard. I’m not going anywhere.”
“No, she didn’t send me. Look,” Michael started then stopped having no idea what he wanted to say or how he wanted to say it. “I know Max is all fucked up.”
Liz’s eyebrow arched sharply in surprise but she stayed silent, her arms folding over her chest as she waited for whatever was about to spill out of his mouth. But so help her God if he started in on Max she was gonna rip his face off.
“I saw him last night. After he woke up,” Michael clarified. “I know he’s not thinking right but are you?”
“Excuse me?” Liz retorted already peeved. This was bullshit. First, he wakes up the entire household at six friggin’ AM, slamming doors like a jackass, then he gets into a squabble with Maria over God only knows what, now he questions her thought process?
“You guys have had three years to get this shit straight. One minute you’re all cuddly the next you’re crying foul. You kick him out of your bed then snuggle up to him on the couch? What’s the thinking there?” Michael asked bluntly, crossing his arms over his chest.
“This is your business how exactly?” Liz responded her body language shifting, becoming clearly confrontational.
“It’s becoming everybody’s business at this point. I’ve just gotta wonder why now? Why is this coming to head now and not two years ago? Or a year ago? You guys do this advance then retreat thing that I don’t think even you understand.” Michael struggled to put together the questions that had been bothering him for some time now. “Now is not the time for playing head games.”
“It’s happening now because…..We’re finally dealing with it instead of just ignoring it and hoping it would go away,” Liz said softly and shrugged, ignoring his last comment. “It took time to adjust to everything and make any sort of a relationship work between us. There was no way that we could have been more then friends, even that was hard at first. Max wasn’t ready and neither was I. Asking either of us to trust each other enough to open ourselves up to more was impossible for a long time. You have no idea how hard it was to take the first few steps, it was hard for both of us.” Liz drew in a deep breath, looking away briefly as she remembered that sick sensation that accompanied those first few steps, the coppery taste of fear that filled her mouth after every nightmare.
“What makes you think you can make it work? If it hasn’t so far after all this time?” Michael asked, frankly surprised Liz was answering any of his questions.
“I’m not sure,” Liz admitted truthfully, all the doubts of the last few weeks still present, no problems resolved despite the effort put forth. “What are you hoping for, Michael? That it works? Or that it doesn’t?”
“Hey, don’t put this off on me!” Michael argued. “I don’t have anything to do with what’s going on.”
“Exactly my point,” Liz agreed then smiled when Michael scowled darkly. “The state of my relationship with Max isn’t the reason Khivar is coming. He was always going to come. That’s the issue you should be concerning yourself with, not the state of my relationship with Max. You can’t shield him, Michael. He doesn’t need it. He’s more then capable of handling it on his own.”
“Do you really believe that?” Michael asked, interested in her response.
“Yes, I do. He’s not my bitch,” Liz answered with a sardonic lift of her eyebrow. “Believe it or not he’s more then strong enough to handle himself. He’s carried more then his own weight when he needs to. He needs to remember that and so do you.”
“Well, it’s been awhile,” Michael grunted, looking away from her sheepishly. He couldn’t remember the last decision Max had made on his own. Well, one that had turned out all right anyway.
“Not that long,” Liz protested. “I didn’t force him to do any thing, Michael. He could have…..his choices are his own. He chose to move to Paris with me, despite your protests, despite everything. I didn’t give him an ultimatum. I’ve never done that. I went and talked to him and we decided what to do together.”
“Right,” Michael drawled eyes narrowed. “You think that he could have let you go on your own? He was practically begging on his knees for you to let him back in the door. He’d have followed you anywhere and you knew it.”
“I would have waited for him, Michael. I did wait,” Liz said her chin lifting in an automatic reaction to his tone. “He did whatever he wanted for over a year and I didn’t say a word. Not one. I didn’t date or….find anyone else. I didn’t even look because…When the opportunity came up I went and talked to him. I told him what I wanted to do. I didn’t tell him what he should do and whether you believe that or not I don’t care.”
Hearing her defensive tone, backed up by her body language, he didn’t immediately respond. He had to admit, even if only to himself, that in all likely hood Liz couldn’t have stopped Max from following after her like a stray dog even if she had tried. It’s what Max did. Instead he latched onto her unfinished thought. “Why didn’t you? Look I mean. Maria certainly pushed you in that direction hard enough.”
“Do you really want to know? Seriously?” Liz asked eyeing Michael dubiously. Michael just wasn’t touchy-feely and this bordered on uncharted waters here. Actually this entire conversation was unheard of. Michael must really be worried about Max for him to talk to her like this.
“Yeah, I asked didn’t I?” Michael commented with a saturnine edge.
“I didn’t look for anyone else because there couldn’t be anyone else, not for me. I’ve loved him since I was sixteen, since that first connection that never changed, not even when I tried so hard to turn it off. It doesn’t turn off because he does something that I don’t like, obviously. We may not have understood what we were doing at the time but….it stuck. It’s him or it’s no one,” Liz shrugged then walked away a couple of feet before dropping down onto the grass. “I tried that dating thing remember? It doesn’t matter how great the guy he’s not….he’s not right. The right one isn’t interchangeable for me. I think I’ve always known that,” Liz admitted then sighed. “Whether we can make it work or not is still up in the air. I have to try, Michael. Until I know that it won’t work out, I need to try. What Max feels….What Max chooses to do is up to him. I’m not perfect anymore then he is I just love him and I’m trying to do better. I just have hope that he loves me as much because this isn’t going to be easy, if it’s even possible after everything. I don’t need you in my face about it either. I’m not stupid. I can see that Max’s fucked up okay? So am I.”
“Well, okay then,” Michael said plopping down next her. “As long as you know.”
“Oh shut up,” Liz groaned. “You and Maria are both seriously fucked up and you don’t have any excuse for it.”
“That’s not true,” Michael protested smirking. “I had a dysfunctional upbringing. I have fear of intimacy issues.”
“Michael, this isn’t The View. I don’t give a damn about your issues,” Liz responded with an eye roll, laughing when he elbowed her, shoving her over onto her side. “You’re creeping me out with all this stuff.”
“Liz? They’re here!” Maria called out then pulled up short. “You two aren’t wrestling to the death or anything are you? Because I need him for that birth coaching thing so if you take him out then you gotta do it. After that feel free.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Liz said standing up and brushing herself off.
“Who am I kidding? You’re already gonna have to do that,” Maria huffed eyeing Michael critically. “Take him.”
“Maria!” Michael bellowed.
“Well really, Michael! You aren’t on time for anything! Like you’ll even make it to the birth. You’ll probably be painting Pam Troy’s walls,” Maria sniffed still put out over this morning’s argument.
“Christ!” Michael yelled fingers plowing through his hair, ripping and tearing out his frustrations. Looking at Liz he wasn’t amused by her pointed eye roll. Yeah. Okay they had issues but did she really have to find it so damned funny? “That was not what I said! I never agreed to….”
Liz smothered another yawn with her hand as she trailed after them into the house. Just to rub it in she made a soft whip cracking noise behind Michael’s back, smiling sweetly when he turned to glare at her.
“Here, take this,” Isabel commanded slinging her carryon bag into Max’s chest as she walked past him and out into the airport terminal.
“Oomph,” Max grunted softly as the bag impacted.
“Max,” Dane greeted without bothering to hide his amusement. “Want me to take that?”
“No, I’ve got it,” Max shook his head, very used to being Isabel’s pack mule.
“Now. How’s Liz?” Isabel asked as both men caught up to her long purposeful strides.
“She’s…okay. She says she’s fine but she’s not really sleeping much,” Max answered juggling her bag as he walked. What did she have in here anyway? Gold bricks?
“Uh-huh, you didn’t call me and ask me to cut my honeymoon short because she’s fine,” Isabel pointed out, reading the signs for baggage claim as she spoke. “How bad is it? Has he contacted her again?”
“No, I don’t think he’s had the opportunity since she isn’t sleeping much.” Max paused, flicking a glance at his sister. “She’s afraid to sleep.”
“What does Cal have to say?” Dane asked, well aware of the shapeshifters gruff but obvious affection for Liz. Cal would make it his business to get to the bottom of whatever was going on.
“He’s trying to find out what he can but we’ll have to see what he comes up with. I haven’t heard from him since late yesterday,” Max admitted his voice laced with concern.
They gathered the mountain of luggage and proceeded to the car with little real conversation. Each of them aware of the people surrounding them and keeping their comments to lighter topics. Isabel peppered Max with questions about Javen’s activities and seemed satisfied with his responses, her overprotective nature curbed for the moment. All the while her mind went over what she’d discussed with Dane on the trip here.
It wasn’t until they were in the car on the way back to Roswell that Isabel brought up Liz again.
“So how pissed was she that you didn’t tell her you called us back?” Isabel asked with a pointed look at Max, grateful for Dane’s warm fingers clasping hers. Her honeymoon may have been short but it had been wonderful for as long as it had lasted. She thanked God for Dane’s understanding nature, of course he loved her family almost as much as she did, especially Liz. She was the reason they’d met after all.
“Pretty pissed,” Max admitted sheepishly. “Michael didn’t help any either.”
“Does he ever?” Isabel asked in affectionate exasperation. She may have developed a close relationship with Liz but Michael never really had. Michael still seemed to resent Liz’s influence over Max, which was funny considering how much Maria influenced him. He just didn’t seem to see it that way.
“Not that I’ve noticed lately.”
Dane listened silently as Max and Isabel talked observing Max’s uneasy body language and wondering about the source of it. He didn’t understand the connection between Max and Liz, the mystical ties that bound them together, but he didn’t doubt one existed. When he’d first met Liz she was the one who was more difficult to read, but slowly over time the tide had turned. Now that Max had within his grasp all that he’d seemed to want Dane was left to wonder what held him back. His brother-in–law struck him as his own worst enemy. No matter what Liz did or didn’t do she couldn’t fix that. Neither could his wife.
“Haven’t you ever wondered if I’ve tried to dreamwalk you, Max?” Isabel asked, suddenly shifting the conversation. Focusing on what she could see of Max’s profile from the backseat, she watched for something, some sign of what he was thinking. “With all the trouble you’ve had with nightmares…..didn’t you wonder?”
“Of course it occurred to me,” Max answered slowly, his fingers dancing in a nervous rhythm over the steering wheel.
“I couldn’t get in,” Isabel supplied softly. “Not once. I’ve been thinking about that. I’ve never had that problem with Liz, not even when she was very uncomfortable with the idea of me seeing inside her. I was wondering if maybe Tess somehow….if what happened caused a block of some kind, either an unconscious or a conscious one.”
“Isabel…”
“No, it’s possible, Max,” Isabel cut him off, determined to make him listen this time. “She wouldn’t have wanted me to be able to accidentally stumble onto what she was doing and she certainly didn’t want Liz to be able to reach you on any level. She made a point to cut you off from the rest of us but I think she did more then that. She cut you off from a part of yourself. You’ve never been the same.”
“No, I haven’t been,” Max admitted. “But that doesn’t mean that there’s any particular reason other then what we know happened. None of us are the same.”
“You know what I mean,” Isabel brushed off frustrated with his obtuseness. She’d had the entire trip home to think about this and Max was going to listen. “You were never completely closed to me until Tess messed around with your head. Even when you wouldn’t let me all the way in I still felt you. I felt you, your presence, from before we even broke out of the pods.”
“Okay, then why wouldn’t she have done the same to Liz?” Max asked playing along. “If she did do something to block anyone from connecting to me that is.”
“Because Liz was supposed to be left behind. There wouldn’t have been anyone left on Earth trying to reach inside her. You, on the other hand, were supposed to be in the granilith with me on your way to Khivar. She didn’t treat you the same as she did Liz and there’s a reason for that. Maybe she wanted Erin to be able to reach Liz to draw her out into the open. She did need Liz to get your heir and knew the pods would reach for her. Or maybe she wanted Liz to feel the absence of you, of your connection to her. Who knows with that sick bitch, the point is that it’s a real possibility. One you should think about. You never would let Cal take a look to make sure that Ava and I didn’t miss anything.”
“Isabel has a point,” Dane said speaking up thoughtfully. They’d discussed this at length, each of them trying to come up with different possibilities. “Liz is a part of you isn’t she? Since you…What do you call it? Cemented your bond or whatever? That was before most of the other stuff went down so if Tess did manage to shut you off from Liz then it could explain some things. Like some of the changes in both of your behavior after that.”
“Oh my God,” Isabel whispered, more to herself then anyone else. “He’s right. Max! You both would have felt it and not known what it was. Cal said as much but I didn’t realize….Tess took the memory of your bond but she couldn’t take away the bond itself. Then all those fake memory retrieval sessions….she did build blocks around certain things…like memories so what if she built them around other things? Like your bond to Liz?”
“No,” Max shook his head. “I still…felt Liz after that. I remember feeling her.” Besides being able to feel Liz he had worked with Cal. Cal had helped to regain more then just the memories that Tess had taken from and he’d never indicated anything like what Isabel concerned about. Of course most of the details of those sessions Max hadn’t chosen to share so Isabel had no way of knowing that.
“But she didn’t feel you,” Isabel said bluntly. “I know she didn’t because I saw it. We talked about it. She said that she used to feel a thread connecting you across any distance. She said that she had a voice that told her you were the one but it fell silent, and that was before…the observatory. I just didn’t think….I didn’t know what it was. She waited for it. All that time she waited to hear that voice, feel that force connecting you, and all along it was you. How stupid am I?” Suddenly sitting upright she whacked Max on the arm. “How stupid are you! The bond is the thread and you’re the voice. Or something like that. Whatever.”
“Isabel, wait a second. You don’t know that. I don’t think you’re really thinking this through, look, we weren’t even bonded until near the end of junior year so to say those things is gigantic stretch. She said she’s always had a voice guiding her. That doesn’t have anything to do with me,” Max pointed out, shaken none the less. What if he was the one to build the wall? Cal might not have detected it if that were the case. Slowly over time, building it stronger and higher from when Tess first arrived and used her powers against him. What if when he’d tried to keep Tess out he’d also managed to shut Liz out? He’d been trying to keep Tess out of his mind, to keep her from reaching the places where only Liz should be, he’d wanted to make sure that there was no repeat of that kiss in the rain or the daydreams that had assaulted him and thrown him off balance. Never once had he intended to block Liz out. Had he really felt Liz that deeply since?
“You’ve always been guided by something too, Max, even though you never called it a voice. Just because a bond to Liz was cemented at certain point in time doesn’t mean that’s when it started to form. Maria’s alien imprinting theory aside, something drew you to Liz from the first time you saw her. Something told you to set aside a lifetimes worth of hiding to save her. Something told you to trust her. So what was it?” Isabel asked oblivious to the turmoil of Max’s thoughts.
“I loved her. That’s what it was,” Max answered with his standard response. A response he didn’t even have to think about anymore.
“You didn’t know her. Before you walked off of that bus you had no idea who Liz Parker was or that she even existed. So how did you know? Why were you so certain?” Isabel questioned despite his pat answer and the fact that she could see he was getting a little twitchy the more she questioned him.
“I just was. I just knew,” Max snapped in exasperation. “I saw her and….I did know her. I mean, I saw her and I knew. It wasn’t like when we saw Michael and knew who he was, that’s not what I’m saying. Michael was more like I remembered him. I knew I should know him. Liz I did know, I could see below the surface to who she was or something. I don’t know how to explain it. It was something I never questioned. Sort of like how I knew we were different, it just was.”
“Liz didn’t question the voice either,” Isabel pointed out mildly while wondering why Max was fighting this idea so hard. It was just a guess at this point. “Because it was always a part of who she was.”
Max remained silent thinking back to that first moment. He remembered stepping off the bus so scared his knees felt weak, clutching Isabel’s hand in his afraid to let go of the only person he could feel inside, the only other person that didn’t feel alien to him, utterly overwhelmed by the sheer number of other children running around. They might look like him but they weren’t alike at all. Then he saw her and everything went still. She glanced at him for just a split second but he felt her excitement, the burst of laughter, of life that filled her. So different from anything he’d ever felt before, calling to something in him. A desire to be like her, to feel what she felt, and to protect this wondrous shining being that had so completely filled him just by looking into his eyes. Suddenly he wasn’t so afraid. He didn’t want to go home anymore, wherever that was. Maybe tonight he wouldn’t need the little house the woman, his new mother, had given to him because he had found her, the reason he was here. Then she looked away and Isabel kept pulling at his hand but he was okay now because he knew he’d see her again. Every day in school and it was enough.
Clearing his throat he struggled to breathe normally and focus on the blurry road in front of him.
“Michael!” Liz screeched bolting upright. “You scared the crap out of me!”
“Sorry, need any help?” Michael asked self-consciously, scratching at his eyebrow to avoid looking directly at her.
Liz stared at him, blinking in surprise, absolutely sure she’d heard him wrong. Michael? Asking her if she needed help? No way. “Umm, sure?”
Grunting in response he moved to the other side of the sandbox and helped to remove the lid and put it out of the way.
“Thanks,” Liz said softly before smothering a yawn with her hand. “Did Maria send you out? Because I’m fine. It’s just the backyard. I’m not going anywhere.”
“No, she didn’t send me. Look,” Michael started then stopped having no idea what he wanted to say or how he wanted to say it. “I know Max is all fucked up.”
Liz’s eyebrow arched sharply in surprise but she stayed silent, her arms folding over her chest as she waited for whatever was about to spill out of his mouth. But so help her God if he started in on Max she was gonna rip his face off.
“I saw him last night. After he woke up,” Michael clarified. “I know he’s not thinking right but are you?”
“Excuse me?” Liz retorted already peeved. This was bullshit. First, he wakes up the entire household at six friggin’ AM, slamming doors like a jackass, then he gets into a squabble with Maria over God only knows what, now he questions her thought process?
“You guys have had three years to get this shit straight. One minute you’re all cuddly the next you’re crying foul. You kick him out of your bed then snuggle up to him on the couch? What’s the thinking there?” Michael asked bluntly, crossing his arms over his chest.
“This is your business how exactly?” Liz responded her body language shifting, becoming clearly confrontational.
“It’s becoming everybody’s business at this point. I’ve just gotta wonder why now? Why is this coming to head now and not two years ago? Or a year ago? You guys do this advance then retreat thing that I don’t think even you understand.” Michael struggled to put together the questions that had been bothering him for some time now. “Now is not the time for playing head games.”
“It’s happening now because…..We’re finally dealing with it instead of just ignoring it and hoping it would go away,” Liz said softly and shrugged, ignoring his last comment. “It took time to adjust to everything and make any sort of a relationship work between us. There was no way that we could have been more then friends, even that was hard at first. Max wasn’t ready and neither was I. Asking either of us to trust each other enough to open ourselves up to more was impossible for a long time. You have no idea how hard it was to take the first few steps, it was hard for both of us.” Liz drew in a deep breath, looking away briefly as she remembered that sick sensation that accompanied those first few steps, the coppery taste of fear that filled her mouth after every nightmare.
“What makes you think you can make it work? If it hasn’t so far after all this time?” Michael asked, frankly surprised Liz was answering any of his questions.
“I’m not sure,” Liz admitted truthfully, all the doubts of the last few weeks still present, no problems resolved despite the effort put forth. “What are you hoping for, Michael? That it works? Or that it doesn’t?”
“Hey, don’t put this off on me!” Michael argued. “I don’t have anything to do with what’s going on.”
“Exactly my point,” Liz agreed then smiled when Michael scowled darkly. “The state of my relationship with Max isn’t the reason Khivar is coming. He was always going to come. That’s the issue you should be concerning yourself with, not the state of my relationship with Max. You can’t shield him, Michael. He doesn’t need it. He’s more then capable of handling it on his own.”
“Do you really believe that?” Michael asked, interested in her response.
“Yes, I do. He’s not my bitch,” Liz answered with a sardonic lift of her eyebrow. “Believe it or not he’s more then strong enough to handle himself. He’s carried more then his own weight when he needs to. He needs to remember that and so do you.”
“Well, it’s been awhile,” Michael grunted, looking away from her sheepishly. He couldn’t remember the last decision Max had made on his own. Well, one that had turned out all right anyway.
“Not that long,” Liz protested. “I didn’t force him to do any thing, Michael. He could have…..his choices are his own. He chose to move to Paris with me, despite your protests, despite everything. I didn’t give him an ultimatum. I’ve never done that. I went and talked to him and we decided what to do together.”
“Right,” Michael drawled eyes narrowed. “You think that he could have let you go on your own? He was practically begging on his knees for you to let him back in the door. He’d have followed you anywhere and you knew it.”
“I would have waited for him, Michael. I did wait,” Liz said her chin lifting in an automatic reaction to his tone. “He did whatever he wanted for over a year and I didn’t say a word. Not one. I didn’t date or….find anyone else. I didn’t even look because…When the opportunity came up I went and talked to him. I told him what I wanted to do. I didn’t tell him what he should do and whether you believe that or not I don’t care.”
Hearing her defensive tone, backed up by her body language, he didn’t immediately respond. He had to admit, even if only to himself, that in all likely hood Liz couldn’t have stopped Max from following after her like a stray dog even if she had tried. It’s what Max did. Instead he latched onto her unfinished thought. “Why didn’t you? Look I mean. Maria certainly pushed you in that direction hard enough.”
“Do you really want to know? Seriously?” Liz asked eyeing Michael dubiously. Michael just wasn’t touchy-feely and this bordered on uncharted waters here. Actually this entire conversation was unheard of. Michael must really be worried about Max for him to talk to her like this.
“Yeah, I asked didn’t I?” Michael commented with a saturnine edge.
“I didn’t look for anyone else because there couldn’t be anyone else, not for me. I’ve loved him since I was sixteen, since that first connection that never changed, not even when I tried so hard to turn it off. It doesn’t turn off because he does something that I don’t like, obviously. We may not have understood what we were doing at the time but….it stuck. It’s him or it’s no one,” Liz shrugged then walked away a couple of feet before dropping down onto the grass. “I tried that dating thing remember? It doesn’t matter how great the guy he’s not….he’s not right. The right one isn’t interchangeable for me. I think I’ve always known that,” Liz admitted then sighed. “Whether we can make it work or not is still up in the air. I have to try, Michael. Until I know that it won’t work out, I need to try. What Max feels….What Max chooses to do is up to him. I’m not perfect anymore then he is I just love him and I’m trying to do better. I just have hope that he loves me as much because this isn’t going to be easy, if it’s even possible after everything. I don’t need you in my face about it either. I’m not stupid. I can see that Max’s fucked up okay? So am I.”
“Well, okay then,” Michael said plopping down next her. “As long as you know.”
“Oh shut up,” Liz groaned. “You and Maria are both seriously fucked up and you don’t have any excuse for it.”
“That’s not true,” Michael protested smirking. “I had a dysfunctional upbringing. I have fear of intimacy issues.”
“Michael, this isn’t The View. I don’t give a damn about your issues,” Liz responded with an eye roll, laughing when he elbowed her, shoving her over onto her side. “You’re creeping me out with all this stuff.”
“Liz? They’re here!” Maria called out then pulled up short. “You two aren’t wrestling to the death or anything are you? Because I need him for that birth coaching thing so if you take him out then you gotta do it. After that feel free.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Liz said standing up and brushing herself off.
“Who am I kidding? You’re already gonna have to do that,” Maria huffed eyeing Michael critically. “Take him.”
“Maria!” Michael bellowed.
“Well really, Michael! You aren’t on time for anything! Like you’ll even make it to the birth. You’ll probably be painting Pam Troy’s walls,” Maria sniffed still put out over this morning’s argument.
“Christ!” Michael yelled fingers plowing through his hair, ripping and tearing out his frustrations. Looking at Liz he wasn’t amused by her pointed eye roll. Yeah. Okay they had issues but did she really have to find it so damned funny? “That was not what I said! I never agreed to….”
Liz smothered another yawn with her hand as she trailed after them into the house. Just to rub it in she made a soft whip cracking noise behind Michael’s back, smiling sweetly when he turned to glare at her.
Chapter Thirty Two
“Isabel, God, I’m so sorry about this,” Liz breathed as Isabel walked past her into the room. Her nerves were kicking in now that she was closing the bedroom door. Ten feet from the bed where she was supposed to go to sleep and open herself up to….whatever.
Whatever happened to be waiting.
Isabel watched her nervous movements, the way she lingered by the door, managing not to make direct eye contact and felt a flutter in her own stomach. Seeing Liz so obviously unraveled underscored the seriousness of the problem. She suddenly got the feeling that Max had downplayed the situation.
“I mean, it’s your honeymoon! Max should have..”
“Done exactly what he did,” Isabel broke in quietly drawing Liz’s eye. “Why didn’t you call me? You know I wouldn’t mind.”
“You were going to be back in two more days, one now actually, so I didn’t think it was necessary. Believe it or not, I don’t think my problems should become everyone else’s world. Besides, it’s not like I don’t have help. Max’s here and Cal’s doing what he can,” Liz shrugged. “I’m not alone. Besides this isn’t exactly the perfect beginning to your marriage.”
Isabel snorted in response as she perched on the edge of the bed. “You don’t even know where Cal is, Liz. As for my marriage…Dane loves you, you know that so that’s no excuse.”
“Well, okay but still,” Liz sighed reaching automatically for her necklace. “Max’s here. I have help.”
“You should have called me. Is it the nightmares again? Is that what started this?” Isabel asked steering her onto the subject that she was avoiding.
“Umm yeah, the nightmares,” Liz nodded her eyes dropping away from Isabel’s. She hated having to go back over this. It felt like she’d covered this ground a thousand times. “They’re bad this time. More real I guess. They started off as a variation of the same old thing but then…..”
“Then what?” Isabel asked patiently waiting for Liz to settle somewhere. She had learned to read Liz a lot better after living with her. She was using every bit of that ability now.
“Then Tess started talking to me. Like she was here, now. She told me….She told me I was drawing Kivar to me. Then he was there and I couldn’t wake up. I forgot I was dreaming and…..it was so real, Isabel. If Noah hadn’t…..I don’t think I could have woken up on my own,” Liz admitted, moving to sit cross-legged on the bed next to Isabel.
“Well, this time, I’ll be here with you.” Isabel reached over and closed her hand around Liz’s, stilling the back and forth motion of her necklace that telegraphed her agitation. “Since Javen’s out with Dad trying to catch Jonah the Great White Whale, I have all day.”
“I’m sorry, we just didn’t know when you’d get here so we didn’t want to tell Javen until we knew and…”
“Liz. Relax, okay? How are you ever going fall asleep if you’re this tense?” Isabel brushed aside Liz’s apology since there wasn’t anything to apologize for. She’d talked to Javen last night and encouraged his fishing trip.
“Right, okay, so tell me about your trip,” Liz said lying down and making an effort to relax. “Nice tan by the way.”
Isabel smiled brightly in amusement, stretching out beside Liz to dish like they had when they were roommates, thinking that would go a long way to easing Liz’s tension. “Thanks to a little alien hocus pocus. I sure didn’t get any sun.”
“You didn’t see any sights at all?” Liz teased not bothering to temper her answering grin.
“Oh I saw some sights. Just not the ones in any tour guide.” Isabel laughed when Liz shoved her while rolling her eyes. Satisfied that Liz was relaxing she continued the conversation, telling her about all the things Cal had put in place to make it an over the top fantastic trip.
It didn’t take long before Liz was openly yawning, eventually exhaustion weighted down her eyelids until she drifted into sleep. Isabel watched her quietly until she saw her eyes moving under closed lids in the classic sign of a dreamer.
Shutting her own eyes Isabel took long measured breaths, gradually matching hers to Liz’s, focusing wholly on the sleeping form beside her.
The seamless transition from waking into Liz’s dream gave her a moments pause. The loud music and dancing bodies was not what she was expecting.
Taking in her surroundings Isabel was reminded of an old cathedral, sky high vaulted ceilings, huge stained glass windows now dark, ornate interior complete with carvings and tapestries. The illusion wasn’t spoiled by the pounding music or dancing throngs of insubstantial people. Whenever she tried to focus on them, bring them into sharper relief, they blurred even further so she switched to searching for Liz.
Hampered in her efforts by the dark interior Isabel started shoving her way through the masses, ignoring the jostling she received as the music struck a cord, wondering at Liz’s choice of songs. Turn Out The Light by Nelly Furtado. Well, the lights were certainly out here Isabel thought silently as the song began to repeat itself, increasing in volume until she could feel it pounding inside her, stronger then her own heartbeat.
Reaching the wall she pressed her back into the cold stone, raising up onto her toes for a better view as the dreamscape seemed to throb in time with the song, wavering and dancing before her eyes.
But none of that mattered as she caught sight of Liz dancing by herself next to the pulpit.
She looked almost carefree, unaware of the other dancers she had created, lost in her world. It was like the years had fallen away and she was looking at the girl Liz had been before everything went bad.
But something was still off, wrong with the picture Liz had created. What it was she couldn’t pinpoint. Something about the song or the location of the dream maybe. The pictured appeared one of carefree happiness but Isabel didn’t feel happy. She felt hyper alert, like these were the moments before a storm.
It started with a change of music. Nelly faded into Seal.
Liz froze in confusion, listening to the new music as if she hadn’t made the change but it was her dream. The world she had created.
Isabel’s heart beat faster, feeling the energy around her changing even as the lyrics of the song sank in.
“How am I supposed to be the King without you? Oh oh it’s true. Everyone is just the same. They touch me but I can’t say. There has been no one brighter then you. I can’t deny these things that I do. Feels like the worlds at stake. Cause I have been waiting. I’ve been waiting for you.”
Under her fingers the stone rippled, changing into something else. Frantically her eyes raced over the room searching for the source of the change.
It wasn’t Liz, who was shaking her head in denial.
No, not this time Liz swore to herself. Not with Isabel trapped here with her.
She had tried to create the most benign atmosphere she could. One where she felt safe and anonymous. She had chosen one of the churches that she had loved in Paris, one that had withstood wars and disaster, seeped in history with a sense of peace that enfolded you the moment you walked inside. Combining that with dancing, which accompanied some of the happiest moments of her teenage years. But this wasn’t her vision. This song or the reddish light bleeding through the dimness.
No, this wasn’t her dream anymore.
Throwing up her hands and sending her power out after them she fought for control, halting the music mid note.
Silence fell like a thick blanket, smothering with its heaviness.
Starting to sweat Isabel pushed away from the wall, the idea of joining Liz a half formed thought in her mind. She hadn’t walked more then a dozen feet before her feet were rooted to the floor like it had melted in the sudden heat trapping her where she stood.
As a new song started Isabel noted the changes around her. The carvings weren’t of angles or demons locked in a heavenly battle for the soul any longer. They were of symbols that reached for recognition in the buried memories of another world. Another life.
The haunting notes of ‘Fascination Street’ by The Cure saturated the very air, drowning out the silence as if it had never been. Demanding that she move to the enticing beat with a partner that suddenly filled the space behind her, his heat burning through her like a furnace, driving away the cold fear that seeped inside the very core of her.
“You cause yourself needless fear,” Kivar remarked directly into her ear. “I am not the boogeyman, stealing you away in your sleep.”
“Really? You can’t prove that by me,” Liz answered, strangely reassured by his solid presence in an otherwise insubstantial world. She had no doubts that he was real and there.
“I have only done my best to help you. Still you persist in seeing me in this way. Interesting choice of music yes?” Kivar asked taking pleasure in the smile that formed on his face in this body. Humans were so strange and beautiful. A rare puzzle.
“Why? Why did you come here? Why are you claiming to help me?” Liz asked unknowingly leaning back toward him, drawn by a power she didn’t register.
“I am giving you what you need. What should be yours by right, given to you by your…what is the word? Soulmate? That is as good as any other I suppose,” Kivar conceded not allowing his anger for someone else to seep into his dealings with her.
“Max?” Liz asked confused.
Kivar’s features tightened unseen by her since he was still positioned behind her. “Yes.”
The clipped way he answered her caused a smile to flicker over her mouth. “Soulmate is a good word,” Liz agreed softly, knowing he could hear her no matter how loud the music. “Why should you care? Why would you even step in when you hate him so much?”
“He is not my concern. You are. I have told you this but you insist on not believing me,” Kivar grumbled. “What he is doing is an abomination to the very thing he committed to. You are his…soulmate, his reason for everything he does but he treats it like he has everything else. As if it’s his right, given to him for his pleasure when he chooses. That is not the way.”
“Okay,” Liz mumbled confused by his vehemence but not frightened. “But the question still remains. Why is this any of your concern?”
“He is weakening you. Dangerously so. There are people that would take advantage of that weakness. I believe that I am doing what I need to. That is all. Your advocate would explain this but.."
“My what?” Liz interrupted.
“Cal. Cal is your advocate. He has declared himself as such to the Council.”
“You mean the very same Council that you are now at war with? The one that you are also a part of? That Council?” Liz asked stopping all movement.
“Yes, that Council,” Kivar agreed, not backing away from his actions. “But you are getting distracted by what Cal will explain to you when he returns. You will trust his answers more then mine so let him answer your questions. I am here because of what is going on with you, not what is happening worlds away. You have been far too patient with Zan…Max,” Kivar corrected himself. “This surge of your powers is dangerous. I do not understand why he does not see this for himself. He was always blind and…but this….this should be plain to even one so dense. It was plain to me worlds away. Your bond is a pathway, a natural pathway between soulmates,” Kivar supplied using the words of her understanding. There was no translation into English for the bond Zan had formed with her. Soulmates would have to do. “When one has suffered a tragic event, an injury or abuse, it is natural to seek comfort from that bond. Energy has to go some where, it doesn’t just disappear. Yours is going everywhere but down the path it should because that path is closed to you. Open only when he choices which an abuse of his commitment to you, one he made of his choosing. It was not forced on him.”
“We didn’t know what we were doing! He didn’t understand anymore then I did!” Liz burst out, defending Max automatically.
“Understanding is built into him,” Kivar refuted. “He knows he is fighting an instinct older then the recorded history of our people. It’s not something that we are taught. It’s part of who we are. Even one such as he. Manufactured out of bits and pieces of things or not, it’s there. If he can create the bond, cement what was already started then it’s there inside him. Confusion and lack of knowledge are not acceptable answers.”
“Do you think I do not see what he is doing? I see better then he does apparently. They will wait until you are weakened and then they will strike. He is giving them all the opportunity that they need. I am just trying to give you enough of what you need until I can reach you. That is all. I can’t be what he is to you. All I can do is what I have been and hope it is enough.”
Moving around her to study her expression he hoped that she would listen and not fear what she should not. She would need all of the energy she had to reach that insufferable idiot that had selfishly tied her to him while excepting none of the responsibility. Much as he had in his last life, only this time he had latched onto a new soul, wearing away at her until she was a shadow of what she could be. It was a disgusting abomination of all that a joining was meant to be.
“No, I don’t want you to come here,” Liz said firmly. “You can destroy your world and the planets around you but I don‘t want you here doing the same thing. You aren’t what you’re trying to make me believe that you are.”
“Why? Because a version of your Max told you so?” Kivar demanded. “You can’t say to me that he hasn’t been wrong. What he asked of you then was wrong. A burden that wasn’t yours to carry. Instead of doing what was right he tried to take into his hands the future using you as the tool. He once told you he wasn’t God and then he turned around and tried to play that role. Putting in the hands of a sixteen year old girl the fate of every living and unborn soul, giving you faulty guidance and making you believe it was your duty. A duty to a husband that was throwing you away by his very actions. I am not the person that he painted me to be. I very much doubt that the future was what he claimed that it was. I would never hurt you knowingly. You can’t know what you are, not just to me, but to thousands of beings you haven’t even met.”
“I’m just me,” Liz argued frightened by his claims. “Liz Parker of Roswell, New Mexico.” The smallest of small town girls.
“No, that is not all you are. Not anymore.”
Watching who could only be Khivar with Liz, Isabel started trying to disrupt the dreamscape, to force it to crumble and wake all the participants inside but the power that had reshaped it was enormous and not easily distracted by her efforts.
Not until he wanted to be anyway.
Seeing that he wasn’t getting his point across with Liz he gave up. For the moment. It was time to greet old acquaintances. Sending Liz into a deeper state of rest, willing her heart into a slower steady rhythm, so he could turn his attention to other things.
“Hello Isabel,” Khivar greeted as he walked across the distance between them, the crowd parting at his whim.
“Is that what you have to say to me? Hello? After you….did something to Liz!” Isabel shrieked.
“She’s just resting. She’s too tired to be getting upset,” Khivar answered as he reached her. “You look good.”
“I’m married,” Isabel blurted out.
“Yes, I’d heard that,” Khivar agreed smiling. “Congratulations.” When Isabel just stared at him his smile slipped. “That is what you say yes? Congratulations?”
“Look. I don’t know what game you’re playing but…”
“Not again,” Khivar groaned. “I just went over this with Liz. I’m not involved in any game. I’m just happy to see you. It’s been a long time.”
“Since you killed me you mean?” Isabel asked sarcastically.
“I didn’t kill you!” Khivar roared thoroughly put out at this point. “I didn’t kill your idiot brother either!”
“What about Michael?” Isabel sneered. “Let me guess. You didn’t kill him either.”
“No, him I killed,” Khivar admitted. “But that was unavoidable at that point. You don’t remember anything do you?”
“That’s not the point! What are you doing to Liz? If you hurt her Max will…”
“Will what? Thank me for finishing what he started?” Khivar demanded. “How do you think this is possible? How do you think I’m here? I’ll tell you why! Because he’s doing what he did the last time! He’s doing what he does best which is hiding from his responsibilities!”
“Liz is not his responsibility! She’s his….His…”
“Wife? No?” Khivar taunted his patience at an end. “Certain things are his responsibility. I hope that you are not spending this life coddling him as you did the last. You are not the one that put him where he is. He is not a child. He has two of his own that he needs to consider instead of only thinking of himself and his needs by shutting off any chance of a truly emotional connection to their mother. A connection she needs after what was done to her.”
“Done to her? Max was there too! You’re the one that spawned that whole goddamned thing!” Isabel accused jabbing her finger into his very solid feeling chest.
“That is a lie! I never made any deal. She never even came back to Antar. Max is a large part of the problem but I never said what was done was right. If he could possibly pull his head out of his ass sometime this millennia he could see what happening two feet in front of his face! Liz should be his first thought always. Her comfort, her safety, he should be able to do no other then to provide her with what she needs. With what she is calling for loud enough for the entire five planets to hear! Goddamn it! What is he waiting for? Her to fall ill again?” Khivar demanded his eyes drilling into hers.
“What are you talking about?” Isabel asked her tone shifting into one of concern.
“She is exhausted. You were there the last time she got ill. Did you not call Max back to her?”
“That was the flu! Not a life threatening disease!” Isabel pointed out rolling her eyes.
“That she could not manage to recover from. Why do think that was? How draining do you think it would be to reach out through a fractured bond and be slapped down for say….three years? She is not even Antarian yet she understands the concept of a bond. Your brother understands nothing! He needed you to call him on the phone and tell him of the state his BONDED mate was in! Forget the past, let’s look at now. She’s calling out for help, starting fires with powers that are surging out of control, she is asking for what should be her right! A connection with the man who claims to love her, one who claimed her by tying her to him in the most sacred of bonds. Isn’t it possible that this is wearing her down? That being exhausted and alone is setting her up for disaster?” Khivar asked trying to be reasonable and reign in his temper.
“She’s not alone,” Isabel denied then pinned him with her most affronted look at his unconvinced demeanor. “She’s not. Max is trying to be there. I’m here because we all care about her.”
“I hope you are right,” Khivar gave in then grinned and shook his head. “I have missed you, Isa.”
“Isa?”
“I’m sorry. That was too familiar and you clearly don’t remember me. I just….you prefer Isabel to Vilandra correct? Isabel?” Khivar corrected his use of a shortened version of her name.
“I…ahh…yes, Isabel please,” Isabel answered stumbling over this bizarre conversation. “Umm Max really does love her. He always has, it just got screwed up. More then anything he wants to make it right.”
“Then he needs to listen. Not to what she says. He was never good at listening with more then his base senses. If he really loves her he can do nothing more then to answer her needs. You can not say that she is not communicating those needs.”
“No, I’m not saying that but…Look, Max is…What happened changed him somehow. I don’t know how to help them,” Isabel fretted. Confiding as little as possible while trying to elicit a response that would tell her something she could use.
“What happened was a twisted act of hatred that struck a deep blow. Tell me, what would it do to Max to feel what was done to Liz but be powerless to stop it?” Khivar asked, posing the question to lead her onto a new path.
Isabel considered the question seriously. Remembering Max’s violent reaction to Tess’s videotape she couldn’t imagine what he would do if he had lived through it with Liz, impotent and powerless to change events. He wouldn’t have actively remembered the bond but could he have still felt it? Liz was calling for him. How could he not have felt it?
“He would have lost it,” Isabel whispered her eyes shimmering with tears. “He was never able to stand to see her in pain and not fix it.”
“That is what it is to have a soulmate. Living through it as one, good or bad. They both made mistakes but Max is choosing to let his mistakes define who he is now. By doing that he is halting them in that time, to an extent they are still living there. It’s dangerous in ways that you don’t understand. Liz is just reacting to what is. In the only manner left to her, until Max changes the path they are on things will continue this way. I am only walking in the door that he left unguarded. He is lucky that it was me and not others.” Khivar huffed, forgetting the form he occupied here in this place. Debating what to do from here. To prevent unpleasant events he needed to do something, whether it was possibly helpful to Zan or not it couldn’t be allowed to sway his actions. In truth he didn’t believe Zan could change. He showed the same tendencies he had in his last life, the difference was that this time he was in a position to prevent the death that would follow Zan’s downfall.
If he held to his path. His sight must be clear and focused on the fate laid out centuries before.
Isabel woke with start, covered in sweat with an unpleasant weight in her chest. Turning onto her side she found Liz still asleep with Noah curled into her side, his fingers twisting her hair.
“Da monswer came. He becoming more yike a man now,” Noah whispered.
“It’s going to be okay, Noah,” Isabel soothed, not knowing what to say to relieve the sadness in his large expressive eyes.
“Dat’s what Mommy says too,” Noah answered before burying his face against his mother’s neck. He wanted her to wake up and rub his back, telling him again until he believed her.
**Oh crap you guys! I forgot to add this part when I posted. Ummm the songs mentioned or hinted at in this part are not mine, duh, and are as follows. Turn Off The Light by Nelly Furtado was Liz's choice setting her tone. Waiting For You by Seal was never directly named by some lyrics were used as Kivar's first choice. Finally, Fascination Street by the Cure. I couldn't post all the lyrics because that would be too long and probably boring but each song has a tone and purpose in this part so I wanted to make sure I at least mentioned them and give credit to the source material/artitist. Thanks.
“Isabel, God, I’m so sorry about this,” Liz breathed as Isabel walked past her into the room. Her nerves were kicking in now that she was closing the bedroom door. Ten feet from the bed where she was supposed to go to sleep and open herself up to….whatever.
Whatever happened to be waiting.
Isabel watched her nervous movements, the way she lingered by the door, managing not to make direct eye contact and felt a flutter in her own stomach. Seeing Liz so obviously unraveled underscored the seriousness of the problem. She suddenly got the feeling that Max had downplayed the situation.
“I mean, it’s your honeymoon! Max should have..”
“Done exactly what he did,” Isabel broke in quietly drawing Liz’s eye. “Why didn’t you call me? You know I wouldn’t mind.”
“You were going to be back in two more days, one now actually, so I didn’t think it was necessary. Believe it or not, I don’t think my problems should become everyone else’s world. Besides, it’s not like I don’t have help. Max’s here and Cal’s doing what he can,” Liz shrugged. “I’m not alone. Besides this isn’t exactly the perfect beginning to your marriage.”
Isabel snorted in response as she perched on the edge of the bed. “You don’t even know where Cal is, Liz. As for my marriage…Dane loves you, you know that so that’s no excuse.”
“Well, okay but still,” Liz sighed reaching automatically for her necklace. “Max’s here. I have help.”
“You should have called me. Is it the nightmares again? Is that what started this?” Isabel asked steering her onto the subject that she was avoiding.
“Umm yeah, the nightmares,” Liz nodded her eyes dropping away from Isabel’s. She hated having to go back over this. It felt like she’d covered this ground a thousand times. “They’re bad this time. More real I guess. They started off as a variation of the same old thing but then…..”
“Then what?” Isabel asked patiently waiting for Liz to settle somewhere. She had learned to read Liz a lot better after living with her. She was using every bit of that ability now.
“Then Tess started talking to me. Like she was here, now. She told me….She told me I was drawing Kivar to me. Then he was there and I couldn’t wake up. I forgot I was dreaming and…..it was so real, Isabel. If Noah hadn’t…..I don’t think I could have woken up on my own,” Liz admitted, moving to sit cross-legged on the bed next to Isabel.
“Well, this time, I’ll be here with you.” Isabel reached over and closed her hand around Liz’s, stilling the back and forth motion of her necklace that telegraphed her agitation. “Since Javen’s out with Dad trying to catch Jonah the Great White Whale, I have all day.”
“I’m sorry, we just didn’t know when you’d get here so we didn’t want to tell Javen until we knew and…”
“Liz. Relax, okay? How are you ever going fall asleep if you’re this tense?” Isabel brushed aside Liz’s apology since there wasn’t anything to apologize for. She’d talked to Javen last night and encouraged his fishing trip.
“Right, okay, so tell me about your trip,” Liz said lying down and making an effort to relax. “Nice tan by the way.”
Isabel smiled brightly in amusement, stretching out beside Liz to dish like they had when they were roommates, thinking that would go a long way to easing Liz’s tension. “Thanks to a little alien hocus pocus. I sure didn’t get any sun.”
“You didn’t see any sights at all?” Liz teased not bothering to temper her answering grin.
“Oh I saw some sights. Just not the ones in any tour guide.” Isabel laughed when Liz shoved her while rolling her eyes. Satisfied that Liz was relaxing she continued the conversation, telling her about all the things Cal had put in place to make it an over the top fantastic trip.
It didn’t take long before Liz was openly yawning, eventually exhaustion weighted down her eyelids until she drifted into sleep. Isabel watched her quietly until she saw her eyes moving under closed lids in the classic sign of a dreamer.
Shutting her own eyes Isabel took long measured breaths, gradually matching hers to Liz’s, focusing wholly on the sleeping form beside her.
The seamless transition from waking into Liz’s dream gave her a moments pause. The loud music and dancing bodies was not what she was expecting.
Taking in her surroundings Isabel was reminded of an old cathedral, sky high vaulted ceilings, huge stained glass windows now dark, ornate interior complete with carvings and tapestries. The illusion wasn’t spoiled by the pounding music or dancing throngs of insubstantial people. Whenever she tried to focus on them, bring them into sharper relief, they blurred even further so she switched to searching for Liz.
Hampered in her efforts by the dark interior Isabel started shoving her way through the masses, ignoring the jostling she received as the music struck a cord, wondering at Liz’s choice of songs. Turn Out The Light by Nelly Furtado. Well, the lights were certainly out here Isabel thought silently as the song began to repeat itself, increasing in volume until she could feel it pounding inside her, stronger then her own heartbeat.
Reaching the wall she pressed her back into the cold stone, raising up onto her toes for a better view as the dreamscape seemed to throb in time with the song, wavering and dancing before her eyes.
But none of that mattered as she caught sight of Liz dancing by herself next to the pulpit.
She looked almost carefree, unaware of the other dancers she had created, lost in her world. It was like the years had fallen away and she was looking at the girl Liz had been before everything went bad.
But something was still off, wrong with the picture Liz had created. What it was she couldn’t pinpoint. Something about the song or the location of the dream maybe. The pictured appeared one of carefree happiness but Isabel didn’t feel happy. She felt hyper alert, like these were the moments before a storm.
It started with a change of music. Nelly faded into Seal.
Liz froze in confusion, listening to the new music as if she hadn’t made the change but it was her dream. The world she had created.
Isabel’s heart beat faster, feeling the energy around her changing even as the lyrics of the song sank in.
“How am I supposed to be the King without you? Oh oh it’s true. Everyone is just the same. They touch me but I can’t say. There has been no one brighter then you. I can’t deny these things that I do. Feels like the worlds at stake. Cause I have been waiting. I’ve been waiting for you.”
Under her fingers the stone rippled, changing into something else. Frantically her eyes raced over the room searching for the source of the change.
It wasn’t Liz, who was shaking her head in denial.
No, not this time Liz swore to herself. Not with Isabel trapped here with her.
She had tried to create the most benign atmosphere she could. One where she felt safe and anonymous. She had chosen one of the churches that she had loved in Paris, one that had withstood wars and disaster, seeped in history with a sense of peace that enfolded you the moment you walked inside. Combining that with dancing, which accompanied some of the happiest moments of her teenage years. But this wasn’t her vision. This song or the reddish light bleeding through the dimness.
No, this wasn’t her dream anymore.
Throwing up her hands and sending her power out after them she fought for control, halting the music mid note.
Silence fell like a thick blanket, smothering with its heaviness.
Starting to sweat Isabel pushed away from the wall, the idea of joining Liz a half formed thought in her mind. She hadn’t walked more then a dozen feet before her feet were rooted to the floor like it had melted in the sudden heat trapping her where she stood.
As a new song started Isabel noted the changes around her. The carvings weren’t of angles or demons locked in a heavenly battle for the soul any longer. They were of symbols that reached for recognition in the buried memories of another world. Another life.
The haunting notes of ‘Fascination Street’ by The Cure saturated the very air, drowning out the silence as if it had never been. Demanding that she move to the enticing beat with a partner that suddenly filled the space behind her, his heat burning through her like a furnace, driving away the cold fear that seeped inside the very core of her.
“You cause yourself needless fear,” Kivar remarked directly into her ear. “I am not the boogeyman, stealing you away in your sleep.”
“Really? You can’t prove that by me,” Liz answered, strangely reassured by his solid presence in an otherwise insubstantial world. She had no doubts that he was real and there.
“I have only done my best to help you. Still you persist in seeing me in this way. Interesting choice of music yes?” Kivar asked taking pleasure in the smile that formed on his face in this body. Humans were so strange and beautiful. A rare puzzle.
“Why? Why did you come here? Why are you claiming to help me?” Liz asked unknowingly leaning back toward him, drawn by a power she didn’t register.
“I am giving you what you need. What should be yours by right, given to you by your…what is the word? Soulmate? That is as good as any other I suppose,” Kivar conceded not allowing his anger for someone else to seep into his dealings with her.
“Max?” Liz asked confused.
Kivar’s features tightened unseen by her since he was still positioned behind her. “Yes.”
The clipped way he answered her caused a smile to flicker over her mouth. “Soulmate is a good word,” Liz agreed softly, knowing he could hear her no matter how loud the music. “Why should you care? Why would you even step in when you hate him so much?”
“He is not my concern. You are. I have told you this but you insist on not believing me,” Kivar grumbled. “What he is doing is an abomination to the very thing he committed to. You are his…soulmate, his reason for everything he does but he treats it like he has everything else. As if it’s his right, given to him for his pleasure when he chooses. That is not the way.”
“Okay,” Liz mumbled confused by his vehemence but not frightened. “But the question still remains. Why is this any of your concern?”
“He is weakening you. Dangerously so. There are people that would take advantage of that weakness. I believe that I am doing what I need to. That is all. Your advocate would explain this but.."
“My what?” Liz interrupted.
“Cal. Cal is your advocate. He has declared himself as such to the Council.”
“You mean the very same Council that you are now at war with? The one that you are also a part of? That Council?” Liz asked stopping all movement.
“Yes, that Council,” Kivar agreed, not backing away from his actions. “But you are getting distracted by what Cal will explain to you when he returns. You will trust his answers more then mine so let him answer your questions. I am here because of what is going on with you, not what is happening worlds away. You have been far too patient with Zan…Max,” Kivar corrected himself. “This surge of your powers is dangerous. I do not understand why he does not see this for himself. He was always blind and…but this….this should be plain to even one so dense. It was plain to me worlds away. Your bond is a pathway, a natural pathway between soulmates,” Kivar supplied using the words of her understanding. There was no translation into English for the bond Zan had formed with her. Soulmates would have to do. “When one has suffered a tragic event, an injury or abuse, it is natural to seek comfort from that bond. Energy has to go some where, it doesn’t just disappear. Yours is going everywhere but down the path it should because that path is closed to you. Open only when he choices which an abuse of his commitment to you, one he made of his choosing. It was not forced on him.”
“We didn’t know what we were doing! He didn’t understand anymore then I did!” Liz burst out, defending Max automatically.
“Understanding is built into him,” Kivar refuted. “He knows he is fighting an instinct older then the recorded history of our people. It’s not something that we are taught. It’s part of who we are. Even one such as he. Manufactured out of bits and pieces of things or not, it’s there. If he can create the bond, cement what was already started then it’s there inside him. Confusion and lack of knowledge are not acceptable answers.”
“Do you think I do not see what he is doing? I see better then he does apparently. They will wait until you are weakened and then they will strike. He is giving them all the opportunity that they need. I am just trying to give you enough of what you need until I can reach you. That is all. I can’t be what he is to you. All I can do is what I have been and hope it is enough.”
Moving around her to study her expression he hoped that she would listen and not fear what she should not. She would need all of the energy she had to reach that insufferable idiot that had selfishly tied her to him while excepting none of the responsibility. Much as he had in his last life, only this time he had latched onto a new soul, wearing away at her until she was a shadow of what she could be. It was a disgusting abomination of all that a joining was meant to be.
“No, I don’t want you to come here,” Liz said firmly. “You can destroy your world and the planets around you but I don‘t want you here doing the same thing. You aren’t what you’re trying to make me believe that you are.”
“Why? Because a version of your Max told you so?” Kivar demanded. “You can’t say to me that he hasn’t been wrong. What he asked of you then was wrong. A burden that wasn’t yours to carry. Instead of doing what was right he tried to take into his hands the future using you as the tool. He once told you he wasn’t God and then he turned around and tried to play that role. Putting in the hands of a sixteen year old girl the fate of every living and unborn soul, giving you faulty guidance and making you believe it was your duty. A duty to a husband that was throwing you away by his very actions. I am not the person that he painted me to be. I very much doubt that the future was what he claimed that it was. I would never hurt you knowingly. You can’t know what you are, not just to me, but to thousands of beings you haven’t even met.”
“I’m just me,” Liz argued frightened by his claims. “Liz Parker of Roswell, New Mexico.” The smallest of small town girls.
“No, that is not all you are. Not anymore.”
Watching who could only be Khivar with Liz, Isabel started trying to disrupt the dreamscape, to force it to crumble and wake all the participants inside but the power that had reshaped it was enormous and not easily distracted by her efforts.
Not until he wanted to be anyway.
Seeing that he wasn’t getting his point across with Liz he gave up. For the moment. It was time to greet old acquaintances. Sending Liz into a deeper state of rest, willing her heart into a slower steady rhythm, so he could turn his attention to other things.
“Hello Isabel,” Khivar greeted as he walked across the distance between them, the crowd parting at his whim.
“Is that what you have to say to me? Hello? After you….did something to Liz!” Isabel shrieked.
“She’s just resting. She’s too tired to be getting upset,” Khivar answered as he reached her. “You look good.”
“I’m married,” Isabel blurted out.
“Yes, I’d heard that,” Khivar agreed smiling. “Congratulations.” When Isabel just stared at him his smile slipped. “That is what you say yes? Congratulations?”
“Look. I don’t know what game you’re playing but…”
“Not again,” Khivar groaned. “I just went over this with Liz. I’m not involved in any game. I’m just happy to see you. It’s been a long time.”
“Since you killed me you mean?” Isabel asked sarcastically.
“I didn’t kill you!” Khivar roared thoroughly put out at this point. “I didn’t kill your idiot brother either!”
“What about Michael?” Isabel sneered. “Let me guess. You didn’t kill him either.”
“No, him I killed,” Khivar admitted. “But that was unavoidable at that point. You don’t remember anything do you?”
“That’s not the point! What are you doing to Liz? If you hurt her Max will…”
“Will what? Thank me for finishing what he started?” Khivar demanded. “How do you think this is possible? How do you think I’m here? I’ll tell you why! Because he’s doing what he did the last time! He’s doing what he does best which is hiding from his responsibilities!”
“Liz is not his responsibility! She’s his….His…”
“Wife? No?” Khivar taunted his patience at an end. “Certain things are his responsibility. I hope that you are not spending this life coddling him as you did the last. You are not the one that put him where he is. He is not a child. He has two of his own that he needs to consider instead of only thinking of himself and his needs by shutting off any chance of a truly emotional connection to their mother. A connection she needs after what was done to her.”
“Done to her? Max was there too! You’re the one that spawned that whole goddamned thing!” Isabel accused jabbing her finger into his very solid feeling chest.
“That is a lie! I never made any deal. She never even came back to Antar. Max is a large part of the problem but I never said what was done was right. If he could possibly pull his head out of his ass sometime this millennia he could see what happening two feet in front of his face! Liz should be his first thought always. Her comfort, her safety, he should be able to do no other then to provide her with what she needs. With what she is calling for loud enough for the entire five planets to hear! Goddamn it! What is he waiting for? Her to fall ill again?” Khivar demanded his eyes drilling into hers.
“What are you talking about?” Isabel asked her tone shifting into one of concern.
“She is exhausted. You were there the last time she got ill. Did you not call Max back to her?”
“That was the flu! Not a life threatening disease!” Isabel pointed out rolling her eyes.
“That she could not manage to recover from. Why do think that was? How draining do you think it would be to reach out through a fractured bond and be slapped down for say….three years? She is not even Antarian yet she understands the concept of a bond. Your brother understands nothing! He needed you to call him on the phone and tell him of the state his BONDED mate was in! Forget the past, let’s look at now. She’s calling out for help, starting fires with powers that are surging out of control, she is asking for what should be her right! A connection with the man who claims to love her, one who claimed her by tying her to him in the most sacred of bonds. Isn’t it possible that this is wearing her down? That being exhausted and alone is setting her up for disaster?” Khivar asked trying to be reasonable and reign in his temper.
“She’s not alone,” Isabel denied then pinned him with her most affronted look at his unconvinced demeanor. “She’s not. Max is trying to be there. I’m here because we all care about her.”
“I hope you are right,” Khivar gave in then grinned and shook his head. “I have missed you, Isa.”
“Isa?”
“I’m sorry. That was too familiar and you clearly don’t remember me. I just….you prefer Isabel to Vilandra correct? Isabel?” Khivar corrected his use of a shortened version of her name.
“I…ahh…yes, Isabel please,” Isabel answered stumbling over this bizarre conversation. “Umm Max really does love her. He always has, it just got screwed up. More then anything he wants to make it right.”
“Then he needs to listen. Not to what she says. He was never good at listening with more then his base senses. If he really loves her he can do nothing more then to answer her needs. You can not say that she is not communicating those needs.”
“No, I’m not saying that but…Look, Max is…What happened changed him somehow. I don’t know how to help them,” Isabel fretted. Confiding as little as possible while trying to elicit a response that would tell her something she could use.
“What happened was a twisted act of hatred that struck a deep blow. Tell me, what would it do to Max to feel what was done to Liz but be powerless to stop it?” Khivar asked, posing the question to lead her onto a new path.
Isabel considered the question seriously. Remembering Max’s violent reaction to Tess’s videotape she couldn’t imagine what he would do if he had lived through it with Liz, impotent and powerless to change events. He wouldn’t have actively remembered the bond but could he have still felt it? Liz was calling for him. How could he not have felt it?
“He would have lost it,” Isabel whispered her eyes shimmering with tears. “He was never able to stand to see her in pain and not fix it.”
“That is what it is to have a soulmate. Living through it as one, good or bad. They both made mistakes but Max is choosing to let his mistakes define who he is now. By doing that he is halting them in that time, to an extent they are still living there. It’s dangerous in ways that you don’t understand. Liz is just reacting to what is. In the only manner left to her, until Max changes the path they are on things will continue this way. I am only walking in the door that he left unguarded. He is lucky that it was me and not others.” Khivar huffed, forgetting the form he occupied here in this place. Debating what to do from here. To prevent unpleasant events he needed to do something, whether it was possibly helpful to Zan or not it couldn’t be allowed to sway his actions. In truth he didn’t believe Zan could change. He showed the same tendencies he had in his last life, the difference was that this time he was in a position to prevent the death that would follow Zan’s downfall.
If he held to his path. His sight must be clear and focused on the fate laid out centuries before.
Isabel woke with start, covered in sweat with an unpleasant weight in her chest. Turning onto her side she found Liz still asleep with Noah curled into her side, his fingers twisting her hair.
“Da monswer came. He becoming more yike a man now,” Noah whispered.
“It’s going to be okay, Noah,” Isabel soothed, not knowing what to say to relieve the sadness in his large expressive eyes.
“Dat’s what Mommy says too,” Noah answered before burying his face against his mother’s neck. He wanted her to wake up and rub his back, telling him again until he believed her.
**Oh crap you guys! I forgot to add this part when I posted. Ummm the songs mentioned or hinted at in this part are not mine, duh, and are as follows. Turn Off The Light by Nelly Furtado was Liz's choice setting her tone. Waiting For You by Seal was never directly named by some lyrics were used as Kivar's first choice. Finally, Fascination Street by the Cure. I couldn't post all the lyrics because that would be too long and probably boring but each song has a tone and purpose in this part so I wanted to make sure I at least mentioned them and give credit to the source material/artitist. Thanks.
Last edited by Lelea on Sat Aug 07, 2004 1:38 am, edited 1 time in total.
Chapter Thirty Three
Liz sat in the bathtub drifting. Her head still ached with the after effects of too much sleep, or too deep of a sleep, or…she didn’t want to think about that.
The silky bubbles drifted over her skin much like she was drifting. No purpose, just random motion, pushed along by things outside of herself.
It wasn’t even her idea to take a bath.
Leaning back she slicked her hair off of her face, rewetting it until it lay like a warm wet blanket down her back, sending more bubbles trailing over her skin and back into the tub.
She wondered if all aliens were blessed with the ability to twist the truth, making it so blurry it was almost impossible to pin down.
When someone knocked on the door she sighed, slow to answer. “Maria, please. Just give me a few minutes okay? I’m sure Michael’s sorry for whatever he did.”
“It’s me. Can I come in?” Max answered his voice low but still reaching her through the door.
“Ummm, yah,” Liz answered sinking into the dubious cover of her bath as the door eased open.
Max peeked around the door before entering, only stepping inside when he saw just the top of Liz’s head. Breathing a sigh of relief as he clicked the lock shutting out the chaos of the too full house he shifted form foot to foot. “Cal called. He’ll be here tonight.”
“Kay,” Liz answered not looking at him as she soaped her fingers, twisting them around and around in circles.
“Are you okay?” Max asked slowly, not moving, halfway between the door and counter, just hanging there not knowing what to do.
“Sure, why wouldn’t I be?”
That response broke his paralysis, propelling him forward to sink onto the floor by the tub, very careful not look below her shoulders. Taking the soap from her hand he set it out of her reach before taking her lightly by the wrists and bringing her hands below the level of the water, rinsing them off gently. “Don’t hide. You don’t have to with me.”
“I’m not the one hiding okay?” Liz responded then winced. “Sorry. I didn’t…I didn’t mean to snap at you.”
“S’okay, I understand,” Max answered his eyes on her throat and the single wet rope of hair that refused to behave like the rest, clinging to her wet skin, drawing his eye.
“I’m…..I’m really scared, Max,” Liz admitted in an almost whisper. “Remember how…” Liz paused biting at her lip, nervous about bringing up the past. “Remember how Tess could sound so reasonable? Like what she said wasn’t crazy at all?”
“Uh-huh, I remember,” Max nodded, not letting go of her fingers but giving her the chance to pull out of his hold on her.
“He sounds like that,” Liz admitted searching his face for a reaction even as she laced her fingers more securely through his. “It scares me. I feel so confused when he’s there and he’s saying all these things…..It’s hard to remember what the truth is. Just like with Tess only….he’s really there.”
Max felt a hollow place fill his stomach, knotting his insides as he saw the fear in her eyes, the way they were pleading with him for some reassurance or understanding. Which of them he wasn’t exactly certain. Before he could form a response she took a quivering breath and continued.
“Sometimes, he feels more real then you do.” Tears slipped from her shame filled eyes at that confession. “I know he’s there because…” Seeing the hurt cross Max’s face she started to cry harder. “I can feel him. I’m sorry. I don’t know….how that happened. It’s like he knows me. Not the person that everyone sees but…me, the person I am inside. What I’m thinking even when I don’t say it and I’m so scared that it’s true. I don’t want this. I don’t want to be here again. So confused that the lies seem more real then the truth.”
“How do you know he’s lying, Liz?” Max asked, swallowing hard to get rid of the sick sense of fear her words inspired. She was becoming more and more upset as she talked. He could feel her skin heating, the water temperature slowly following, and sought to bring out her logical side. Let her rational mind beat back her emotional response before the twins got too upset. He’d talked with them before coming in here but it would still scare them.
“Because he says things that I know aren’t true. That when I think about them, they couldn’t possibly be true but it….” Liz took a breath then another, headless of the way her chest pushed above the water line with each deep inhalation. “He’s telling me what he thinks I want to hear. He doesn’t really answer my questions about why he’s doing what he’s doing. He paints a very one-sided picture without showing me how it benefits him. I’m blameless and you’re completely at fault and that’s just not true. I know it isn’t but….it seems true when he says it. He mixes enough of the truth in to make it seem right. When I compare what he said to me and what he said to Isabel, then look at what really happened…..It’s not the same.”
“For instance?” Max asked, careful to keep his own emotion out of his voice. Counting on Liz’s active questioning mind to take over, focusing her on facts instead of her churning emotions. He was so focused on her words and reading the threads connecting them that he didn’t notice her body slowly being revealed.
“He blamed you for when I got sick and that’s just crazy! I got sick because my immune system wasn’t up to where it should be, where it needs to be to fight off viruses and infections. I wasn’t eating right and I wasn’t sleeping….” Liz continued despite the sharpening of Max’s gaze. “Which had nothing to do with you. Then he puts a notion in Isabel’s head that it was somehow proof of your selfishness that she had to call to tell you I was sick! Like using the phone is proof that you don’t…”
“That I don’t what?” Max asked softly, not missing the hitch in her breath that brought her words to a halt.
“I was trying to avoid you then and you knew. I talked to you all the time and could have told you I was sick but….I was afraid you would come back,” Liz admitted forcing herself to meet his eyes. “I wasn’t sure I could handle that. Every time you came home and were around for awhile I got all messed up. I’d know when you were dreaming about…..things. My dreams got…worse like they fed off of yours and I felt so weak already. I wasn’t sure I could take it right then and that wasn’t fair. It wasn’t just my life that was being impacted. So you see….what Khivar said to Isabel wasn’t strictly true. If that’s the case with Isabel then it’s even more likely that it’s true with me as well. He’s really, really good at shading things to appear how he wants them to.
“Maybe even better then Tess was,” Liz concluded before falling silent, her eyes falling from his to watch the bubbles slowly dissolve around their clinging fingers.
“Do you feel that?” Max asked nodding down at their fingers, slowly stroking his thumb over the palm of her hand.
“Yes,” Liz answered following his gesture with her eyes, feeling the path of his fingers over her skin, the ripples that had nothing to with the water and everything to do with him.
“Does it feel real?”
Lifting her eyes to meet his she nodded captured by the warmth in his eyes. He was looking at her like she was his world, just the way he had when he’d let her see him for the first time and it never failed to move her.
“It is real. This is real,” Max promised, pushing hard past the pressure and rising tide of doubt in his head to reach her, secure a bond strong enough to offer her the reassurance she needed from him. Holding on despite the building of his own fears in direct proportion to the action. There was no fear greater then failing her, allowing her to get lost in the maze of pain and confusion that had swallowed them once before.
Khivar may understand some things about her but Max doubted that he fully grasp the layered complexity of her mind and heart. Being connected to her reminded him of the vastness of her inner landscape.
It wasn’t a simple one-dimensional form of communication even this imperfect link. There was layer after layer of thought, feelings, memories, and things that weren’t any of those streaming down their bond to reach him. It wasn’t simple but a rich blend of what made her who and what she was. To pick out one piece didn’t give much insight into the full scope of what made her who she was.
The sound of water splashing against the tub reached him dimly as she leaned forward her lips grazing his mouth, his chin, even as she clung to his suddenly strong presence inside her filling what had been a gnawing void.
His sudden and unexpected presence stirred to life a deep seeded craving for him that scared her it was so strong. She could feel it taking over, pushing aside logic that whispered of all the other times this very thing had gone so terribly wrong.
It was the sudden flare of lust inside him, bringing out of hiding things inside her that provoked ingrained responses, that had her pulling away, her eyes shadowed by her lashes. Looking down at the bath water she realized that all her bubbles had melted away leaving her exposed and vulnerable.
The sudden stiffening of her body wasn’t needed to tell him what was wrong, holding firm to the connection that threatened to give way he eased back down placing his back against the tub but still clinging tightly to her fingers. Just as tightly as he held onto the shaky thread tying them together.
“It’s okay, baby steps remember.” Max said more to sooth her then to remind himself. He couldn’t help the automatic response of his body but he’d be damned if he’d make the same mistake again. No giant leaps that would land him in a bigger hole then he was in now.
“It’s not you,” Liz rushed to assure him, squirming until her arm hung outside of the tub making it easier for Max to hold onto her fingers.
“Liz,” Max sighed squeezing her fingers in a gentle reprimand for lying.
“It’s not, not this you,” Liz hastily tacked on.
“It’s all me, Liz, all of it. I’m the one that was there not someone else,” Max said referring to the memories that sparked her fear, the ones that still made him feel sick.
“No,” Liz shook her head, moving closer until her chin rested on the edge of the tub. “Max, it wasn’t. Whatever Tess did to you then made you seem like a stranger to me. Your eyes weren’t even the same. It was only a part of you, not the whole package. I know you better then anyone, I know when you’re really there by your eyes and when you’re not fully present. Besides, either way it doesn’t matter because you’re still not the problem. It’s not you that scares me.”
Max sucked in a startled breath as he caught a multi-textured mangle of flashes that horrified him. “Wh-what? That isn’t….No! It wasn’t…you weren’t like that!”
Liz gasp as she slid under the water when Max bolted up onto his knees. She came up sputtering and wiping water out of her eyes and found Max staring intently into her face from just the other side of the tub. “Umm what?”
Max was so upset he didn’t register her confusion. So focused on her sense of humiliation and shame that he started blurting out a long held secret. “You didn’t know it was real, Liz. People think about, or dream about, things they would never do in real life all the time. There was no reason for you to think that it was real. That’s the whole point of a mindwarp, remember? So you’d think you were dreaming.”
Liz’s eyes rounded in ridiculous panic as she realized how accurately he’d read her. “But it was real and I did…You can’t mindwarp someone into doing something against their nature, you know that.”
“There’s an error in your thinking,” Max insisted. “What you thought then, when it was happening, is different from what you think now that you know what you know. So what you’re thinking is your nature really isn’t.”
“Huh?” Liz asked hooking her arms over the edge of the tub to use the side of the tub to shield her body.
“You know what I’m saying,” Max frowned, knowing she just didn’t believe what he said.
“So that’s true for you as well then,” Liz questioned softly her eyebrow arching as Max faltered.
“No, not…it wasn’t the same for me. I knew it was real,” Max admitted his shoulders slumping.
“Right. So?” Liz again reached for his hand, feeling in herself his own sense of sick shame. “How do you think you could have stopped her? She already had me. There was nothing you could have done even if you could have stopped what she did to you. She used our bond to….and I was….”
“Beautiful. You were,” Max asserted when he felt her withdrawal, her instinctive denial. “I’m sorry I didn’t stop it. I am so sorry that it happened but you didn’t do anything wrong, Liz. I’ve never thought of you any differently because of what happened.”
“Okay, then you have to accept that the same is true of you. I never once thought that you were to blame for that. If you hold yourself responsible then I should be too. That same thing she turned against you, that craving for you, I feel that too. She chose to mindwarp me and not you, she used a different weapon but the result is the same. You think because you…did I look like I was forced? Did it seem like you were forcing me to do anything?”
“But you were mindwarped! Of course you didn’t seem that way but if you had known what was going on then…” Max stopped as fury exploded inside him where he could contain it. Fury at someone that could never pay for all the crimes she had committed.
“But I didn’t just like you couldn’t stop it. It’s the same thing!” Liz cried as he pulled his hand out of hers. Gripping the side of the tub she could feel the flood of conflicting energy, his colliding violently with hers and struggled to not let anything leak out to the twins. “Just because you’re a guy doesn’t make you any more responsible then I am! Don’t you think that I should have thought something was strange? I mean, come on! Tess was right there and I never knew it! She had a video..”
“Stop! How could you have known? Liz..” Max wanted to kill someone but they were already dead, he’d killed all of them that he could find. Instead he sank onto his hunches to bring her closer his words cutting off as he saw scorch marks spreading from where her fingers gripped the side of the tub.
“I mean, she even took us to the school and reenacted one of HER fantasies! God! You’d think I’d have thought something was different since I never dreamed things like that ever! I just…I just wanted you so much. I missed you and….any piece of you was better then nothing.” Liz went to wipe at the tears streaming down her face when Max caught her hand.
“Don’t, you’re going to hurt yourself,” Max said as he stopped the movement before she could burn herself, his heart working hard even though it felt like someone had ripped it out of his chest. Paying no attention to the danger to himself he pulled her closer, kissing her forehead, her temple, desperately trying to think of something to say or do to fix this. He just wanted to heal it and make it right for her. “I missed you too. We didn’t know, Liz. We didn’t, okay?”
“I think I did know. I should have known. There was this flash of light like…” Liz stopped as Max framed her face with his hands.
“Stop.”
“I will if you will,” Liz sniffed watching his eyes, feeling for him without realizing it.
“Okay, you’ve got yourself a deal,” Max agreed working hard to mean it so she could feel it and let some of the pain go.
“Okay,” Liz hiccuped and sent him a tumultuous smile. “So umm about what happened today….”
“You mean the dreamwalk?” Max asked softly rubbing his hands down her arms.
Liz nodded still trying to calm down. “What did Isabel say to you?”
“She didn’t say much,” Max murmured distracted by the collection of energy he could feel her struggling to control. “Just that she needed to talk to Cal. That Khivar had restructured your dream and she’d never felt anything like it. That she hadn’t thought it was possible.”
Glancing down she froze. “Did I do that?” Liz asked weakly, horrified at the black burn marks in the shape of her hands, spreading out from where she gripped the tub.
“Yup, but it’s okay. I can fix it,” Max said doing just that.
“Maybe we should try that pentagram thing,” Liz suggested worried that she might burn down the house if they started discussing the dream in front of Michael since she was bound to get upset.
“Okay, we can have everyone take the kids to one of our parents house when Cal gets here. He can stay close but out of range just in case,” Max agreed trying to think of the best way to cover all the bases.
“I was thinking that you should stay out reach too,” Liz protested even as Max started shaking his head. “Why?”
“If you’re going to do it then I’m doing it with you,” Max said stubbornly.
“But I’m the one burning up blankets and scaring our kids. You haven’t done any of that,” Liz argued.
“I’m staying with you. Then we’ll know for sure if it takes out our connection too,” Max said supplying a reason she would have a hard time arguing with him about.
Seeing the mulish set of his jaw she sighed. “Okay. You win.”
“Wow, I think this is a first,” Max teased, tapping her on the nose with the tip of his finger. “I never win an argument with you.”
“Just don’t get used to it,” Liz responded appreciating the effort he was putting in to make it easier for her.
She didn’t understand the sudden changes taking place inside her. This build up of energy that was no longer limited to moments of extreme duress or fear. Any strong emotion seemed to spur it on now, including Max’s emotions if she was able to feel them.
“I think you burned yourself,” Max said when his eyes dropped to her chest where there was a vaguely round burn between her breasts.
Glancing down Liz inhaled sharply, the feeling there was something she should remember gnawing at her. Tangling her fingers in the chain of her necklace, like she did whenever she was uneasy, she started sliding her pendant back and forth.
Max stilled her fingers, drawing them away from her necklace so he could heal her. Meeting her eyes he placed his hand over her burn, his touch so light at first she had the urge to look down and see if it was real.
Max’s lips twitched as he caught that whimsical thought so out of place with the seriousness of the rest of their worries.
He didn’t linger not wanting to take advantage of the trust she showed in not giving even a token protest. As soon as he’d healed the burn he let his hand drop away from her even though he missed the silken feel of her skin immediately.
“Max?” Liz asked softly.
“What?”
“Do you think it’s safe to get of the water?” Liz asked innocently.
“Sure, I don’t think you’ll burn the place down now do you?” Max responded taking her question at face value.
Dipping her head back into the water and slicking it back with her hands she took a deep steadying breath in preparation then stood up, letting the water run off her body without trying to hide from him.
Max gapped up at her, scrambling to his feet only when she went to step out of the tub. Helping her of the tub by offering her a steadying hand he then reached for a towel and wrapped it around her before hugging her to his chest.
Liz wrapped her arms around his waist, leaning into him as she felt the wave of protective tenderness envelope her, hugging her just as surely as his arms were.
Liz sat in the bathtub drifting. Her head still ached with the after effects of too much sleep, or too deep of a sleep, or…she didn’t want to think about that.
The silky bubbles drifted over her skin much like she was drifting. No purpose, just random motion, pushed along by things outside of herself.
It wasn’t even her idea to take a bath.
Leaning back she slicked her hair off of her face, rewetting it until it lay like a warm wet blanket down her back, sending more bubbles trailing over her skin and back into the tub.
She wondered if all aliens were blessed with the ability to twist the truth, making it so blurry it was almost impossible to pin down.
When someone knocked on the door she sighed, slow to answer. “Maria, please. Just give me a few minutes okay? I’m sure Michael’s sorry for whatever he did.”
“It’s me. Can I come in?” Max answered his voice low but still reaching her through the door.
“Ummm, yah,” Liz answered sinking into the dubious cover of her bath as the door eased open.
Max peeked around the door before entering, only stepping inside when he saw just the top of Liz’s head. Breathing a sigh of relief as he clicked the lock shutting out the chaos of the too full house he shifted form foot to foot. “Cal called. He’ll be here tonight.”
“Kay,” Liz answered not looking at him as she soaped her fingers, twisting them around and around in circles.
“Are you okay?” Max asked slowly, not moving, halfway between the door and counter, just hanging there not knowing what to do.
“Sure, why wouldn’t I be?”
That response broke his paralysis, propelling him forward to sink onto the floor by the tub, very careful not look below her shoulders. Taking the soap from her hand he set it out of her reach before taking her lightly by the wrists and bringing her hands below the level of the water, rinsing them off gently. “Don’t hide. You don’t have to with me.”
“I’m not the one hiding okay?” Liz responded then winced. “Sorry. I didn’t…I didn’t mean to snap at you.”
“S’okay, I understand,” Max answered his eyes on her throat and the single wet rope of hair that refused to behave like the rest, clinging to her wet skin, drawing his eye.
“I’m…..I’m really scared, Max,” Liz admitted in an almost whisper. “Remember how…” Liz paused biting at her lip, nervous about bringing up the past. “Remember how Tess could sound so reasonable? Like what she said wasn’t crazy at all?”
“Uh-huh, I remember,” Max nodded, not letting go of her fingers but giving her the chance to pull out of his hold on her.
“He sounds like that,” Liz admitted searching his face for a reaction even as she laced her fingers more securely through his. “It scares me. I feel so confused when he’s there and he’s saying all these things…..It’s hard to remember what the truth is. Just like with Tess only….he’s really there.”
Max felt a hollow place fill his stomach, knotting his insides as he saw the fear in her eyes, the way they were pleading with him for some reassurance or understanding. Which of them he wasn’t exactly certain. Before he could form a response she took a quivering breath and continued.
“Sometimes, he feels more real then you do.” Tears slipped from her shame filled eyes at that confession. “I know he’s there because…” Seeing the hurt cross Max’s face she started to cry harder. “I can feel him. I’m sorry. I don’t know….how that happened. It’s like he knows me. Not the person that everyone sees but…me, the person I am inside. What I’m thinking even when I don’t say it and I’m so scared that it’s true. I don’t want this. I don’t want to be here again. So confused that the lies seem more real then the truth.”
“How do you know he’s lying, Liz?” Max asked, swallowing hard to get rid of the sick sense of fear her words inspired. She was becoming more and more upset as she talked. He could feel her skin heating, the water temperature slowly following, and sought to bring out her logical side. Let her rational mind beat back her emotional response before the twins got too upset. He’d talked with them before coming in here but it would still scare them.
“Because he says things that I know aren’t true. That when I think about them, they couldn’t possibly be true but it….” Liz took a breath then another, headless of the way her chest pushed above the water line with each deep inhalation. “He’s telling me what he thinks I want to hear. He doesn’t really answer my questions about why he’s doing what he’s doing. He paints a very one-sided picture without showing me how it benefits him. I’m blameless and you’re completely at fault and that’s just not true. I know it isn’t but….it seems true when he says it. He mixes enough of the truth in to make it seem right. When I compare what he said to me and what he said to Isabel, then look at what really happened…..It’s not the same.”
“For instance?” Max asked, careful to keep his own emotion out of his voice. Counting on Liz’s active questioning mind to take over, focusing her on facts instead of her churning emotions. He was so focused on her words and reading the threads connecting them that he didn’t notice her body slowly being revealed.
“He blamed you for when I got sick and that’s just crazy! I got sick because my immune system wasn’t up to where it should be, where it needs to be to fight off viruses and infections. I wasn’t eating right and I wasn’t sleeping….” Liz continued despite the sharpening of Max’s gaze. “Which had nothing to do with you. Then he puts a notion in Isabel’s head that it was somehow proof of your selfishness that she had to call to tell you I was sick! Like using the phone is proof that you don’t…”
“That I don’t what?” Max asked softly, not missing the hitch in her breath that brought her words to a halt.
“I was trying to avoid you then and you knew. I talked to you all the time and could have told you I was sick but….I was afraid you would come back,” Liz admitted forcing herself to meet his eyes. “I wasn’t sure I could handle that. Every time you came home and were around for awhile I got all messed up. I’d know when you were dreaming about…..things. My dreams got…worse like they fed off of yours and I felt so weak already. I wasn’t sure I could take it right then and that wasn’t fair. It wasn’t just my life that was being impacted. So you see….what Khivar said to Isabel wasn’t strictly true. If that’s the case with Isabel then it’s even more likely that it’s true with me as well. He’s really, really good at shading things to appear how he wants them to.
“Maybe even better then Tess was,” Liz concluded before falling silent, her eyes falling from his to watch the bubbles slowly dissolve around their clinging fingers.
“Do you feel that?” Max asked nodding down at their fingers, slowly stroking his thumb over the palm of her hand.
“Yes,” Liz answered following his gesture with her eyes, feeling the path of his fingers over her skin, the ripples that had nothing to with the water and everything to do with him.
“Does it feel real?”
Lifting her eyes to meet his she nodded captured by the warmth in his eyes. He was looking at her like she was his world, just the way he had when he’d let her see him for the first time and it never failed to move her.
“It is real. This is real,” Max promised, pushing hard past the pressure and rising tide of doubt in his head to reach her, secure a bond strong enough to offer her the reassurance she needed from him. Holding on despite the building of his own fears in direct proportion to the action. There was no fear greater then failing her, allowing her to get lost in the maze of pain and confusion that had swallowed them once before.
Khivar may understand some things about her but Max doubted that he fully grasp the layered complexity of her mind and heart. Being connected to her reminded him of the vastness of her inner landscape.
It wasn’t a simple one-dimensional form of communication even this imperfect link. There was layer after layer of thought, feelings, memories, and things that weren’t any of those streaming down their bond to reach him. It wasn’t simple but a rich blend of what made her who and what she was. To pick out one piece didn’t give much insight into the full scope of what made her who she was.
The sound of water splashing against the tub reached him dimly as she leaned forward her lips grazing his mouth, his chin, even as she clung to his suddenly strong presence inside her filling what had been a gnawing void.
His sudden and unexpected presence stirred to life a deep seeded craving for him that scared her it was so strong. She could feel it taking over, pushing aside logic that whispered of all the other times this very thing had gone so terribly wrong.
It was the sudden flare of lust inside him, bringing out of hiding things inside her that provoked ingrained responses, that had her pulling away, her eyes shadowed by her lashes. Looking down at the bath water she realized that all her bubbles had melted away leaving her exposed and vulnerable.
The sudden stiffening of her body wasn’t needed to tell him what was wrong, holding firm to the connection that threatened to give way he eased back down placing his back against the tub but still clinging tightly to her fingers. Just as tightly as he held onto the shaky thread tying them together.
“It’s okay, baby steps remember.” Max said more to sooth her then to remind himself. He couldn’t help the automatic response of his body but he’d be damned if he’d make the same mistake again. No giant leaps that would land him in a bigger hole then he was in now.
“It’s not you,” Liz rushed to assure him, squirming until her arm hung outside of the tub making it easier for Max to hold onto her fingers.
“Liz,” Max sighed squeezing her fingers in a gentle reprimand for lying.
“It’s not, not this you,” Liz hastily tacked on.
“It’s all me, Liz, all of it. I’m the one that was there not someone else,” Max said referring to the memories that sparked her fear, the ones that still made him feel sick.
“No,” Liz shook her head, moving closer until her chin rested on the edge of the tub. “Max, it wasn’t. Whatever Tess did to you then made you seem like a stranger to me. Your eyes weren’t even the same. It was only a part of you, not the whole package. I know you better then anyone, I know when you’re really there by your eyes and when you’re not fully present. Besides, either way it doesn’t matter because you’re still not the problem. It’s not you that scares me.”
Max sucked in a startled breath as he caught a multi-textured mangle of flashes that horrified him. “Wh-what? That isn’t….No! It wasn’t…you weren’t like that!”
Liz gasp as she slid under the water when Max bolted up onto his knees. She came up sputtering and wiping water out of her eyes and found Max staring intently into her face from just the other side of the tub. “Umm what?”
Max was so upset he didn’t register her confusion. So focused on her sense of humiliation and shame that he started blurting out a long held secret. “You didn’t know it was real, Liz. People think about, or dream about, things they would never do in real life all the time. There was no reason for you to think that it was real. That’s the whole point of a mindwarp, remember? So you’d think you were dreaming.”
Liz’s eyes rounded in ridiculous panic as she realized how accurately he’d read her. “But it was real and I did…You can’t mindwarp someone into doing something against their nature, you know that.”
“There’s an error in your thinking,” Max insisted. “What you thought then, when it was happening, is different from what you think now that you know what you know. So what you’re thinking is your nature really isn’t.”
“Huh?” Liz asked hooking her arms over the edge of the tub to use the side of the tub to shield her body.
“You know what I’m saying,” Max frowned, knowing she just didn’t believe what he said.
“So that’s true for you as well then,” Liz questioned softly her eyebrow arching as Max faltered.
“No, not…it wasn’t the same for me. I knew it was real,” Max admitted his shoulders slumping.
“Right. So?” Liz again reached for his hand, feeling in herself his own sense of sick shame. “How do you think you could have stopped her? She already had me. There was nothing you could have done even if you could have stopped what she did to you. She used our bond to….and I was….”
“Beautiful. You were,” Max asserted when he felt her withdrawal, her instinctive denial. “I’m sorry I didn’t stop it. I am so sorry that it happened but you didn’t do anything wrong, Liz. I’ve never thought of you any differently because of what happened.”
“Okay, then you have to accept that the same is true of you. I never once thought that you were to blame for that. If you hold yourself responsible then I should be too. That same thing she turned against you, that craving for you, I feel that too. She chose to mindwarp me and not you, she used a different weapon but the result is the same. You think because you…did I look like I was forced? Did it seem like you were forcing me to do anything?”
“But you were mindwarped! Of course you didn’t seem that way but if you had known what was going on then…” Max stopped as fury exploded inside him where he could contain it. Fury at someone that could never pay for all the crimes she had committed.
“But I didn’t just like you couldn’t stop it. It’s the same thing!” Liz cried as he pulled his hand out of hers. Gripping the side of the tub she could feel the flood of conflicting energy, his colliding violently with hers and struggled to not let anything leak out to the twins. “Just because you’re a guy doesn’t make you any more responsible then I am! Don’t you think that I should have thought something was strange? I mean, come on! Tess was right there and I never knew it! She had a video..”
“Stop! How could you have known? Liz..” Max wanted to kill someone but they were already dead, he’d killed all of them that he could find. Instead he sank onto his hunches to bring her closer his words cutting off as he saw scorch marks spreading from where her fingers gripped the side of the tub.
“I mean, she even took us to the school and reenacted one of HER fantasies! God! You’d think I’d have thought something was different since I never dreamed things like that ever! I just…I just wanted you so much. I missed you and….any piece of you was better then nothing.” Liz went to wipe at the tears streaming down her face when Max caught her hand.
“Don’t, you’re going to hurt yourself,” Max said as he stopped the movement before she could burn herself, his heart working hard even though it felt like someone had ripped it out of his chest. Paying no attention to the danger to himself he pulled her closer, kissing her forehead, her temple, desperately trying to think of something to say or do to fix this. He just wanted to heal it and make it right for her. “I missed you too. We didn’t know, Liz. We didn’t, okay?”
“I think I did know. I should have known. There was this flash of light like…” Liz stopped as Max framed her face with his hands.
“Stop.”
“I will if you will,” Liz sniffed watching his eyes, feeling for him without realizing it.
“Okay, you’ve got yourself a deal,” Max agreed working hard to mean it so she could feel it and let some of the pain go.
“Okay,” Liz hiccuped and sent him a tumultuous smile. “So umm about what happened today….”
“You mean the dreamwalk?” Max asked softly rubbing his hands down her arms.
Liz nodded still trying to calm down. “What did Isabel say to you?”
“She didn’t say much,” Max murmured distracted by the collection of energy he could feel her struggling to control. “Just that she needed to talk to Cal. That Khivar had restructured your dream and she’d never felt anything like it. That she hadn’t thought it was possible.”
Glancing down she froze. “Did I do that?” Liz asked weakly, horrified at the black burn marks in the shape of her hands, spreading out from where she gripped the tub.
“Yup, but it’s okay. I can fix it,” Max said doing just that.
“Maybe we should try that pentagram thing,” Liz suggested worried that she might burn down the house if they started discussing the dream in front of Michael since she was bound to get upset.
“Okay, we can have everyone take the kids to one of our parents house when Cal gets here. He can stay close but out of range just in case,” Max agreed trying to think of the best way to cover all the bases.
“I was thinking that you should stay out reach too,” Liz protested even as Max started shaking his head. “Why?”
“If you’re going to do it then I’m doing it with you,” Max said stubbornly.
“But I’m the one burning up blankets and scaring our kids. You haven’t done any of that,” Liz argued.
“I’m staying with you. Then we’ll know for sure if it takes out our connection too,” Max said supplying a reason she would have a hard time arguing with him about.
Seeing the mulish set of his jaw she sighed. “Okay. You win.”
“Wow, I think this is a first,” Max teased, tapping her on the nose with the tip of his finger. “I never win an argument with you.”
“Just don’t get used to it,” Liz responded appreciating the effort he was putting in to make it easier for her.
She didn’t understand the sudden changes taking place inside her. This build up of energy that was no longer limited to moments of extreme duress or fear. Any strong emotion seemed to spur it on now, including Max’s emotions if she was able to feel them.
“I think you burned yourself,” Max said when his eyes dropped to her chest where there was a vaguely round burn between her breasts.
Glancing down Liz inhaled sharply, the feeling there was something she should remember gnawing at her. Tangling her fingers in the chain of her necklace, like she did whenever she was uneasy, she started sliding her pendant back and forth.
Max stilled her fingers, drawing them away from her necklace so he could heal her. Meeting her eyes he placed his hand over her burn, his touch so light at first she had the urge to look down and see if it was real.
Max’s lips twitched as he caught that whimsical thought so out of place with the seriousness of the rest of their worries.
He didn’t linger not wanting to take advantage of the trust she showed in not giving even a token protest. As soon as he’d healed the burn he let his hand drop away from her even though he missed the silken feel of her skin immediately.
“Max?” Liz asked softly.
“What?”
“Do you think it’s safe to get of the water?” Liz asked innocently.
“Sure, I don’t think you’ll burn the place down now do you?” Max responded taking her question at face value.
Dipping her head back into the water and slicking it back with her hands she took a deep steadying breath in preparation then stood up, letting the water run off her body without trying to hide from him.
Max gapped up at her, scrambling to his feet only when she went to step out of the tub. Helping her of the tub by offering her a steadying hand he then reached for a towel and wrapped it around her before hugging her to his chest.
Liz wrapped her arms around his waist, leaning into him as she felt the wave of protective tenderness envelope her, hugging her just as surely as his arms were.
Chapter 34
Chapter Thirty Four
“So what are you thinking?” Dane asked his silent wife breaking into her thoughts, unable to keep quite any longer. “You’ve hardly said anything all afternoon.”
“Honestly, I don’t know,” Isabel replied slowly, gazing out over the backyard, deaf to the playful chatter of the twins who were occupying themselves in their new sandbox.
Dane sat silently, waiting for Isabel to sort through everything enough to express the worry that was lurking in her eyes. He’d watched his wife and Liz, sensing a distance between them that he didn’t understand and had not commented on up until now. Neither one of them had said much of anything as Michael and Max waged war over Max’s decision to activate the alien devise that they referred to as a pentagram, leaving Maria to play peacemaker, a role she was clearly not suited for.
“I don’t know what to say. This is so messed up,” Isabel groaned, her thoughts a maelstrom of questions that didn’t seem to have an answer. “That dream was….It was so wrong.”
“Tell me about it?” Dane asked watching the smallest nuances of emotion flit over her face, reading the subtle shift of light across her face, the shadows in her eyes. She was so much more then what showed on the surface. You had to watch really closely just to get a hint. He’d never get tired of looking, marveling over every one like the treasure they were.
“It’s always different. Seeing what someone’s like inside, the world they create where no one else can see.” Isabel struggled to voice the thing that was eating at her, that had been eating at her before she could pinpoint what that feeling was about. “Every detail of that world means something, is created for a reason. He took over Liz’s dream, Dane. He just….remade it completely until every detail reflected him.”
“Khivar you mean,” Dane clarified.
“Yes,” Isabel agreed turning slightly so she was looking directly into his eyes. “I can’t do that. That’s not what I do. I’m just….I’m just there, as a witness, or sometimes even a participant, but I’m never the force creating the dream. I can’t change things and sometimes they don’t even see me. What he did….I don’t even know what he did exactly but…”
“But what?” Dane prompted, urging her to give voice to what was clearly deeply disturbing her.
“Liz didn’t even realize it but she…she leaned on him,” Isabel almost whispered, quickly looking out into the yard to avoid eye contact.
Dane’s brow crinkled as he mulled over his response. “So you mean like…”
“I mean that she leaned on him! They were dancing and he was….doing his thing and she leaned back into him while they were..” Her hands waved in the air, the motion lacking her usual grace. “But it that was just the visual for what was really going on.”
“You think he did something to her,” Dane concluded softly in concern. Liz was great and she’d had more then her fair share of trouble already in her life. He’d hate to see any more come her way.
“No, actually I don’t. Not really,” Isabel blew out a long breath trying to define her thoughts. Khivar was so….different from what she’d thought he would be. Familiar somehow, magnetic certainly, dangerous in a word. “I think that Liz doesn’t even realize what’s happening. She’s been so cut off from Max for so long and….”
“Ohhh so this is because you’re worried about Max,” Dane drawled, smiling when Isabel’s teeth snapped together as she shot a frosty glare of warning his way.
“No! No, this isn’t….I’m worried about both of them. Liz is important to me and she’s so….fragile, Dane, she is. She doesn’t even SEE that and it would be so easy for someone to take advantage of it to confuse her. Max doesn’t seem to see…I’m just….I just…You didn’t see how he just overwhelmed her. I could feel the exact moment he entered her dream. It was like all this power preceded him or something. I’ve never felt anything like it before.”
Then Isabel did something that had his eyebrows arching almost to his hairline in surprise. She started nibbling at her perfectly manicured thumbnail.
Covering her hand with his and drawing it away from her mouth he waited until her eyes met his before speaking. “I don’t think it’s his powers that are bothering you. Is it?”
“No, it’s not. I mean, his powers do worry me, but it’s more then that.”
Shifting around until the right side of her body aligned perfectly with his, drawing comfort from the familiar fit, she looked into his eyes knowing that he would help her sort out the questions bumping around in her head.
“It’s what he said, the way he acted. It wasn’t….It was confusing. It’s what I felt. There’s something not right with how easy it is for him to get close to Liz. She’s accepting him on some level.”
Dane watched her rub at her temples, thinking hard, struggling to put words together.
“It shouldn’t be possible for him to blend his energy with hers, to convert her dreams into his, not unless….they share a…” Isabel stopped short of saying bond, unwilling to categorize it in that way. “connection of some kind. It’s weird because he hates Max. Still, after all this time, he hasn’t gotten over that but he doesn’t feel that way about Liz.”
“How do you know?” Dane asked genuinely curious. He thought Isabel’s powers were amazing and was endlessly fascinated by them, whatever form they manifested in.
“I could feel it,” Isabel answered running her fingers through her tousled hair thoughtlessly, an agitated movement that conveyed her frustration with this situation. “As soon as he came into the dream it was full of energy, so full of feeling that the air seemed to vibrate with it.” Shaking her head she laughed derisively. “Only there wasn’t any air. It was just a dream right? He wasn’t even really there.”
Wrapping his arm around her Dane pulled her into his broad chest, understanding intuitively how upset she was and wanting to offer whatever comfort he could. “You don’t believe that.”
“No, I don’t but more importantly, Liz doesn’t believe it,” Isabel murmured taking the scent of her husband deep inside, holding it there until finally she released it on a sigh. “She’s in trouble, Dane, and Max….I don’t know if he can get his shit together enough to help her. He’s so…lost. I don’t know how to help either of them. What Liz needs isn’t something I can give and Max…I’m not sure anyone can help him. I’ve tried. I’ve talked to him, I’ve yelled at him, I’ve tried to be there for him but it hasn’t helped him at all. And Liz….”
“Liz what?” Dane asked very aware of her fingers curling into his shirt.
“She’s just as blind as he is but in a different way. She’s crippling herself. By giving Max way too much slack she’s taking on a burden that she can’t carry by herself, which leaves her in a precarious position. A position that others would be more then happy to take advantage of. I’m not sure whether the problem is that she afraid to make waves or what but she’s giving Max way too much slack. Just slap the sense into him at this point!” Isabel grumbled, thankful that she wasn’t overly burdened by a sense of fair play. There was a time to play fair but that time had long since past by. This was crazy. Liz had the power to get Max to do whatever she wanted him to. Use it.
“It’s not that simple,” Dane returned amused despite the situation. When he stepped out of line, he knew it. Isabel made sure of that. “Their problems are more then just one thing. Repression is a natural survival tool. A tool they’re both using. Remembering all the things that Tess took from her now, well, she’s not going to see them clearly. She’s going to look for her own culpability first, that’s the way she’s built. So how can she blame Max when she’s responsible for making the choice that led them here? That doesn’t mean she doesn’t think Max bares any responsibility but it governs her sense of fair, of how much slack she gives him. How can she hold him accountable for the distance between them when she put it there?” Dane watched those statements impact on Isabel, saw her mouth open in protest and continued.
“I’m not saying that sort of dialog is right but that’s the point. She’s over compensating, a tad, maybe. You think?” Dane asked shooting Isabel his trademark-engaging grin, inching his finger and thumb further and further apart to demonstrate the amount of said over compensating.
“Oh boy do I think,” Isabel agreed her attitude softening, a slight return smile breaking through her worries to light her eyes. Settling deeper into his warmth she relaxed. They’d figure it out, how to help.
“Is it really so surprising that Liz is holding her end of the bond open, waiting for Max to come around? Remember Connor?”
“What about…Ohh you mean how he kept asking her out?” Isabel asked wondering what that had to do with anything.
“I’m talking about how skittish she is about certain things. She’s not that easy to get close to so you’re right to be concerned about Khivar getting this close but, Honey, Liz is damn good at evasion. The minute she senses any unwelcome interest the jigs up. She’s not dumb so running a line on her is very difficult. Ask Connor, he knows,” Dane assured her, lips quirked up even though his eyes were serious.
“Connor wasn’t good enough for her for Christ’s sake! He was so not her type,” Isabel exclaimed with an eye roll.
“Exactly my point. Liz doesn’t have a type. She has Max. That’s it. She has to believe in him, Isabel.”
Dane leaned over to place a soft kiss on her hair, lingering as the strands tickled his nose. “Logic doesn’t rule here, Is. Her heart does. There are certain ingrained responses that work below the thinking level, Tess played with a quite a number of those. So you can discuss it with her or with Max all you like, that doesn’t change anything. Not until they can except what you’re saying at the heart level. There’s a reason why their bond is reacting the way that it is. Why Liz is unable to shield and why Max shields so well. We just need to look for that reason.”
“Well I sure hope Cal came up with something,” Isabel sighed watching Pepe run away with Erin’s little plastic shovel.
“Pepe! Give it back!” Erin screeched stomping her foot, the vibration toppling Noah’s painstakingly constructed space station.
Giving up for now Noah chased after Pepe. Recreating what he saw in his head would have to wait since Erin would never let him finish it right now. Not until she got her shovel back.
Isabel smiled even she sighed, missing Javen with fierce intensity.
“Your Mom said she’d call as soon as he was back,” Dane murmured.
“I know. I just miss him. I can’t wait to hear all the fish stories he comes home with. How he caught the biggest fish ever but it got away because his line broke.” Isabel smiled over the slight ache in her chest, thinking of Alex and all the stories he’d never gotten to listen to. Sometimes though he didn’t feel so far away. Maybe he was listening after all.
“Need any help?” Isabel asked from the kitchen doorway.
“Umm yah, sure,” Liz answered not looking up, feeling her stomach do a nervous roll. She’d been wondering how long it would take Isabel to confront her.
Working silently Isabel staked the containers holding the remnants of dinner, carrying them to the refrigerator and organizing them by size on the emptiest shelf. Stringing Liz’s nerves tighter and tighter as the silence stretched out longer and longer.
“Why are you lying to Max?” Isabel asked quietly, more curious then angry.
“What are you talking about?” Liz asked shutting off the water but not turning around. Rinsing out the sink she watched the water swirl down to the drain.
“You know what I’m talking about,” Isabel stated watching Liz’s shoulders tense. “I’m talking about when you were sick. I’m talking about how..”
“It was the flu, Isabel. That’s all, okay? There’s nothing to tell. Humans get sick sometimes,” Liz shrugged, easing the sudden set to her muscles. “As soon as I got some rest I got better.”
“Really? Rest huh?” Isabel asked leaning against the counter. “That’s funny because I don’t remember you having the time to get any rest. That was finals week wasn’t it?”
“Yeah, so? That doesn’t mean I didn’t get any rest. Max…Max watched the kids and…I got in some naps.” Feeling defensive when she had no reason to Liz turned to face Isabel. “What exactly are you saying? That I wasn’t sick at all? I just faked it to get you to call Max?”
“No,” Isabel shook her head calmly, watching Liz with steady concerned eyes. “That’s not what I’m saying at all. The last thing you wanted was for me to call him home. No, you were sick. Of that there’s no doubt. It’s just interesting that as soon as Max got back, as soon as he was there in the room with you, you started to get better. Why do you think that is? I mean, your fever….”
“Broke, my fear finally broke, that’s all. Look, I know you don’t get sick but trust me, fevers can go away just as fast as they appear. There’s no alien reason if that’s what you’re thinking so just drop it. He was just trying to confuse the issue,” Liz stopped and took a breath, her heart beating too fast in her chest.
“He? Khivar you mean?” Isabel asked not missing the flush spreading over Liz’s cheeks.
“Yes! You know who I meant. I don’t understand what this has to do with anything! So I got sick, like, a year ago. So what?”
“So then why are you so upset? If it was just the flu.”
Liz refused to think back, to remember how she’d felt like she was on fire, her fever so hot that she thought her blood was going to boil in her veins. “I’m upset because you’re buying into whatever piece of fiction is being handed to you by the last person you should be trusting. You don’t think he’d lie?”
“No, I think he would. If it suited his purposes, then yes, but that doesn’t mean everything he says is a lie,” Isabel pointed out softly. “I do think that Khivar is right about one thing. Max shouldn’t have needed me to call him. He should have known you were sick. I knew that then. Now, now I have to wonder if the very fact that he didn’t know was somehow responsible for contributing to your illness. If he was that disconnected then….”
“No,” Liz shook her head. “Isabel, no, that wasn’t…it wasn’t his fault. I just got sick, there’s no reason to blame him for every little thing that goes wrong in my life! That’s crazy!”
“Liz, part of the problem now is your bond. It’s been an increasing problem that doesn’t seem to be getting resolved. If you can’t be honest, with yourself as well as Max, then I don’t see a resolution happening at all. I’m not blaming anyone but something has to change. You can’t let Max hide from this, not even to protect him. That’s all I’m trying to say. If something were to happen, you’d need to be able to rely on that bond and right now….you can’t. I don’t want to see either of you go on this way. I’ll do whatever you need me to, just ask me and I’ll help you. Max is in every little part of your life, don’t think I don’t know that.”
Seeing Liz glance away she wondered if she was getting her point across at all. “Look, I think what Khivar meant was that the state of the bond between you and Max was wearing you out, a contributing factor nothing more. I’m certainly not saying that Max deliberately did anything that caused you to get sick. Isn’t that possible?”
“It was a long time ago and really, it doesn’t matter now. I don’t want to argue about something that happened over a year ago. I have other things that I need to be dealing with so let’s just focus on that,” Liz responded pushing away from the sink to wipe down the table.
“Okay,” Isabel gave in with a shrug. “So where do you think Cal’s been? Have you talked to him?”
“He’s been talking to Max. I’m not sure where he’s been. Max said that Cal was going to try to find out what’s been going on with Kivar. Where he’s at that sort of thing.”
Isabel registered the difference in how Liz said Khivar’s name but chose not to comment on it, thinking it wasn’t that important. Instead she focused on the information. “How’s he going to do that?”
“I guess with a communicator that they took from one of the Skins they hunted down. I didn’t ask. I’ll wait for Cal and get the story from him. Who knows if he even got through to anyone,” Liz sighed. “Are you okay with taking the kids tonight? I know it’s your first night back and you probably miss Javen so if you don’t want to it’s okay. I can send them with Maria to my parents. It IS still your honeymoon.” Taking a final swipe at the tabletop she tossed the sponge into the sink and sat down.
“Don’t be silly. Of course I’ll take them with us. Javen will be over the moon. Besides, Javen’s not the only one I’ve missed. I’m so glad you moved back. Roswell isn’t California but it’s a whole lot closer to move to,” Isabel said smiling as Liz blinked, sitting down she waited for Liz to respond.
“You’re moving? Here?” Liz asked shock coloring her voice.
“You didn’t think I’d let my brothers start a business without me did you? God, what a disaster that would be, they need me. I have skills,” Isabel teased as a grin split Liz’s face, reminding Isabel that not everything in the last few years was a waste. Who would have ever thought they’d be this close?
“Shut up! You didn’t say a word! I can’t believe this!”
“You didn’t think that I’d just go back to California did you? You’re so silly, Liz,” Isabel teased, pleased with her surprise, laughing at Liz’s astonished reaction. “No way, I’m leaving now. Cal already set everything up. We move into our new house next week. Two houses down to your left. I promise not to pop by too often.”
“Pop by any time! Oh my God! I can’t believe this!” Liz cried loudly.
“Can’t believe what?” Max asked drawn by the sound of raised voices.
“I just told her about the house,” Isabel beamed.
“Oh. Yeah,” Max smiled at Liz’s excitement. She was practically dancing in her chair like Erin did when she was excited.
“Do you know what this means?” Liz asked looking at Isabel.
“More shopping?” Isabel asked her face brightening even more.
“Yes!” Liz bounced up and hugged Isabel. “Lots more. Maria!”
“Oh God,” Max groaned softly.
As Cal stepped off the plane the setting of the desert sun hit him causing him to pause, letting the sun here remind him of why he’d made the choices he’d made.
Not wasting any more time he strode over to the waiting car and driver.
“So what are you thinking?” Dane asked his silent wife breaking into her thoughts, unable to keep quite any longer. “You’ve hardly said anything all afternoon.”
“Honestly, I don’t know,” Isabel replied slowly, gazing out over the backyard, deaf to the playful chatter of the twins who were occupying themselves in their new sandbox.
Dane sat silently, waiting for Isabel to sort through everything enough to express the worry that was lurking in her eyes. He’d watched his wife and Liz, sensing a distance between them that he didn’t understand and had not commented on up until now. Neither one of them had said much of anything as Michael and Max waged war over Max’s decision to activate the alien devise that they referred to as a pentagram, leaving Maria to play peacemaker, a role she was clearly not suited for.
“I don’t know what to say. This is so messed up,” Isabel groaned, her thoughts a maelstrom of questions that didn’t seem to have an answer. “That dream was….It was so wrong.”
“Tell me about it?” Dane asked watching the smallest nuances of emotion flit over her face, reading the subtle shift of light across her face, the shadows in her eyes. She was so much more then what showed on the surface. You had to watch really closely just to get a hint. He’d never get tired of looking, marveling over every one like the treasure they were.
“It’s always different. Seeing what someone’s like inside, the world they create where no one else can see.” Isabel struggled to voice the thing that was eating at her, that had been eating at her before she could pinpoint what that feeling was about. “Every detail of that world means something, is created for a reason. He took over Liz’s dream, Dane. He just….remade it completely until every detail reflected him.”
“Khivar you mean,” Dane clarified.
“Yes,” Isabel agreed turning slightly so she was looking directly into his eyes. “I can’t do that. That’s not what I do. I’m just….I’m just there, as a witness, or sometimes even a participant, but I’m never the force creating the dream. I can’t change things and sometimes they don’t even see me. What he did….I don’t even know what he did exactly but…”
“But what?” Dane prompted, urging her to give voice to what was clearly deeply disturbing her.
“Liz didn’t even realize it but she…she leaned on him,” Isabel almost whispered, quickly looking out into the yard to avoid eye contact.
Dane’s brow crinkled as he mulled over his response. “So you mean like…”
“I mean that she leaned on him! They were dancing and he was….doing his thing and she leaned back into him while they were..” Her hands waved in the air, the motion lacking her usual grace. “But it that was just the visual for what was really going on.”
“You think he did something to her,” Dane concluded softly in concern. Liz was great and she’d had more then her fair share of trouble already in her life. He’d hate to see any more come her way.
“No, actually I don’t. Not really,” Isabel blew out a long breath trying to define her thoughts. Khivar was so….different from what she’d thought he would be. Familiar somehow, magnetic certainly, dangerous in a word. “I think that Liz doesn’t even realize what’s happening. She’s been so cut off from Max for so long and….”
“Ohhh so this is because you’re worried about Max,” Dane drawled, smiling when Isabel’s teeth snapped together as she shot a frosty glare of warning his way.
“No! No, this isn’t….I’m worried about both of them. Liz is important to me and she’s so….fragile, Dane, she is. She doesn’t even SEE that and it would be so easy for someone to take advantage of it to confuse her. Max doesn’t seem to see…I’m just….I just…You didn’t see how he just overwhelmed her. I could feel the exact moment he entered her dream. It was like all this power preceded him or something. I’ve never felt anything like it before.”
Then Isabel did something that had his eyebrows arching almost to his hairline in surprise. She started nibbling at her perfectly manicured thumbnail.
Covering her hand with his and drawing it away from her mouth he waited until her eyes met his before speaking. “I don’t think it’s his powers that are bothering you. Is it?”
“No, it’s not. I mean, his powers do worry me, but it’s more then that.”
Shifting around until the right side of her body aligned perfectly with his, drawing comfort from the familiar fit, she looked into his eyes knowing that he would help her sort out the questions bumping around in her head.
“It’s what he said, the way he acted. It wasn’t….It was confusing. It’s what I felt. There’s something not right with how easy it is for him to get close to Liz. She’s accepting him on some level.”
Dane watched her rub at her temples, thinking hard, struggling to put words together.
“It shouldn’t be possible for him to blend his energy with hers, to convert her dreams into his, not unless….they share a…” Isabel stopped short of saying bond, unwilling to categorize it in that way. “connection of some kind. It’s weird because he hates Max. Still, after all this time, he hasn’t gotten over that but he doesn’t feel that way about Liz.”
“How do you know?” Dane asked genuinely curious. He thought Isabel’s powers were amazing and was endlessly fascinated by them, whatever form they manifested in.
“I could feel it,” Isabel answered running her fingers through her tousled hair thoughtlessly, an agitated movement that conveyed her frustration with this situation. “As soon as he came into the dream it was full of energy, so full of feeling that the air seemed to vibrate with it.” Shaking her head she laughed derisively. “Only there wasn’t any air. It was just a dream right? He wasn’t even really there.”
Wrapping his arm around her Dane pulled her into his broad chest, understanding intuitively how upset she was and wanting to offer whatever comfort he could. “You don’t believe that.”
“No, I don’t but more importantly, Liz doesn’t believe it,” Isabel murmured taking the scent of her husband deep inside, holding it there until finally she released it on a sigh. “She’s in trouble, Dane, and Max….I don’t know if he can get his shit together enough to help her. He’s so…lost. I don’t know how to help either of them. What Liz needs isn’t something I can give and Max…I’m not sure anyone can help him. I’ve tried. I’ve talked to him, I’ve yelled at him, I’ve tried to be there for him but it hasn’t helped him at all. And Liz….”
“Liz what?” Dane asked very aware of her fingers curling into his shirt.
“She’s just as blind as he is but in a different way. She’s crippling herself. By giving Max way too much slack she’s taking on a burden that she can’t carry by herself, which leaves her in a precarious position. A position that others would be more then happy to take advantage of. I’m not sure whether the problem is that she afraid to make waves or what but she’s giving Max way too much slack. Just slap the sense into him at this point!” Isabel grumbled, thankful that she wasn’t overly burdened by a sense of fair play. There was a time to play fair but that time had long since past by. This was crazy. Liz had the power to get Max to do whatever she wanted him to. Use it.
“It’s not that simple,” Dane returned amused despite the situation. When he stepped out of line, he knew it. Isabel made sure of that. “Their problems are more then just one thing. Repression is a natural survival tool. A tool they’re both using. Remembering all the things that Tess took from her now, well, she’s not going to see them clearly. She’s going to look for her own culpability first, that’s the way she’s built. So how can she blame Max when she’s responsible for making the choice that led them here? That doesn’t mean she doesn’t think Max bares any responsibility but it governs her sense of fair, of how much slack she gives him. How can she hold him accountable for the distance between them when she put it there?” Dane watched those statements impact on Isabel, saw her mouth open in protest and continued.
“I’m not saying that sort of dialog is right but that’s the point. She’s over compensating, a tad, maybe. You think?” Dane asked shooting Isabel his trademark-engaging grin, inching his finger and thumb further and further apart to demonstrate the amount of said over compensating.
“Oh boy do I think,” Isabel agreed her attitude softening, a slight return smile breaking through her worries to light her eyes. Settling deeper into his warmth she relaxed. They’d figure it out, how to help.
“Is it really so surprising that Liz is holding her end of the bond open, waiting for Max to come around? Remember Connor?”
“What about…Ohh you mean how he kept asking her out?” Isabel asked wondering what that had to do with anything.
“I’m talking about how skittish she is about certain things. She’s not that easy to get close to so you’re right to be concerned about Khivar getting this close but, Honey, Liz is damn good at evasion. The minute she senses any unwelcome interest the jigs up. She’s not dumb so running a line on her is very difficult. Ask Connor, he knows,” Dane assured her, lips quirked up even though his eyes were serious.
“Connor wasn’t good enough for her for Christ’s sake! He was so not her type,” Isabel exclaimed with an eye roll.
“Exactly my point. Liz doesn’t have a type. She has Max. That’s it. She has to believe in him, Isabel.”
Dane leaned over to place a soft kiss on her hair, lingering as the strands tickled his nose. “Logic doesn’t rule here, Is. Her heart does. There are certain ingrained responses that work below the thinking level, Tess played with a quite a number of those. So you can discuss it with her or with Max all you like, that doesn’t change anything. Not until they can except what you’re saying at the heart level. There’s a reason why their bond is reacting the way that it is. Why Liz is unable to shield and why Max shields so well. We just need to look for that reason.”
“Well I sure hope Cal came up with something,” Isabel sighed watching Pepe run away with Erin’s little plastic shovel.
“Pepe! Give it back!” Erin screeched stomping her foot, the vibration toppling Noah’s painstakingly constructed space station.
Giving up for now Noah chased after Pepe. Recreating what he saw in his head would have to wait since Erin would never let him finish it right now. Not until she got her shovel back.
Isabel smiled even she sighed, missing Javen with fierce intensity.
“Your Mom said she’d call as soon as he was back,” Dane murmured.
“I know. I just miss him. I can’t wait to hear all the fish stories he comes home with. How he caught the biggest fish ever but it got away because his line broke.” Isabel smiled over the slight ache in her chest, thinking of Alex and all the stories he’d never gotten to listen to. Sometimes though he didn’t feel so far away. Maybe he was listening after all.
“Need any help?” Isabel asked from the kitchen doorway.
“Umm yah, sure,” Liz answered not looking up, feeling her stomach do a nervous roll. She’d been wondering how long it would take Isabel to confront her.
Working silently Isabel staked the containers holding the remnants of dinner, carrying them to the refrigerator and organizing them by size on the emptiest shelf. Stringing Liz’s nerves tighter and tighter as the silence stretched out longer and longer.
“Why are you lying to Max?” Isabel asked quietly, more curious then angry.
“What are you talking about?” Liz asked shutting off the water but not turning around. Rinsing out the sink she watched the water swirl down to the drain.
“You know what I’m talking about,” Isabel stated watching Liz’s shoulders tense. “I’m talking about when you were sick. I’m talking about how..”
“It was the flu, Isabel. That’s all, okay? There’s nothing to tell. Humans get sick sometimes,” Liz shrugged, easing the sudden set to her muscles. “As soon as I got some rest I got better.”
“Really? Rest huh?” Isabel asked leaning against the counter. “That’s funny because I don’t remember you having the time to get any rest. That was finals week wasn’t it?”
“Yeah, so? That doesn’t mean I didn’t get any rest. Max…Max watched the kids and…I got in some naps.” Feeling defensive when she had no reason to Liz turned to face Isabel. “What exactly are you saying? That I wasn’t sick at all? I just faked it to get you to call Max?”
“No,” Isabel shook her head calmly, watching Liz with steady concerned eyes. “That’s not what I’m saying at all. The last thing you wanted was for me to call him home. No, you were sick. Of that there’s no doubt. It’s just interesting that as soon as Max got back, as soon as he was there in the room with you, you started to get better. Why do you think that is? I mean, your fever….”
“Broke, my fear finally broke, that’s all. Look, I know you don’t get sick but trust me, fevers can go away just as fast as they appear. There’s no alien reason if that’s what you’re thinking so just drop it. He was just trying to confuse the issue,” Liz stopped and took a breath, her heart beating too fast in her chest.
“He? Khivar you mean?” Isabel asked not missing the flush spreading over Liz’s cheeks.
“Yes! You know who I meant. I don’t understand what this has to do with anything! So I got sick, like, a year ago. So what?”
“So then why are you so upset? If it was just the flu.”
Liz refused to think back, to remember how she’d felt like she was on fire, her fever so hot that she thought her blood was going to boil in her veins. “I’m upset because you’re buying into whatever piece of fiction is being handed to you by the last person you should be trusting. You don’t think he’d lie?”
“No, I think he would. If it suited his purposes, then yes, but that doesn’t mean everything he says is a lie,” Isabel pointed out softly. “I do think that Khivar is right about one thing. Max shouldn’t have needed me to call him. He should have known you were sick. I knew that then. Now, now I have to wonder if the very fact that he didn’t know was somehow responsible for contributing to your illness. If he was that disconnected then….”
“No,” Liz shook her head. “Isabel, no, that wasn’t…it wasn’t his fault. I just got sick, there’s no reason to blame him for every little thing that goes wrong in my life! That’s crazy!”
“Liz, part of the problem now is your bond. It’s been an increasing problem that doesn’t seem to be getting resolved. If you can’t be honest, with yourself as well as Max, then I don’t see a resolution happening at all. I’m not blaming anyone but something has to change. You can’t let Max hide from this, not even to protect him. That’s all I’m trying to say. If something were to happen, you’d need to be able to rely on that bond and right now….you can’t. I don’t want to see either of you go on this way. I’ll do whatever you need me to, just ask me and I’ll help you. Max is in every little part of your life, don’t think I don’t know that.”
Seeing Liz glance away she wondered if she was getting her point across at all. “Look, I think what Khivar meant was that the state of the bond between you and Max was wearing you out, a contributing factor nothing more. I’m certainly not saying that Max deliberately did anything that caused you to get sick. Isn’t that possible?”
“It was a long time ago and really, it doesn’t matter now. I don’t want to argue about something that happened over a year ago. I have other things that I need to be dealing with so let’s just focus on that,” Liz responded pushing away from the sink to wipe down the table.
“Okay,” Isabel gave in with a shrug. “So where do you think Cal’s been? Have you talked to him?”
“He’s been talking to Max. I’m not sure where he’s been. Max said that Cal was going to try to find out what’s been going on with Kivar. Where he’s at that sort of thing.”
Isabel registered the difference in how Liz said Khivar’s name but chose not to comment on it, thinking it wasn’t that important. Instead she focused on the information. “How’s he going to do that?”
“I guess with a communicator that they took from one of the Skins they hunted down. I didn’t ask. I’ll wait for Cal and get the story from him. Who knows if he even got through to anyone,” Liz sighed. “Are you okay with taking the kids tonight? I know it’s your first night back and you probably miss Javen so if you don’t want to it’s okay. I can send them with Maria to my parents. It IS still your honeymoon.” Taking a final swipe at the tabletop she tossed the sponge into the sink and sat down.
“Don’t be silly. Of course I’ll take them with us. Javen will be over the moon. Besides, Javen’s not the only one I’ve missed. I’m so glad you moved back. Roswell isn’t California but it’s a whole lot closer to move to,” Isabel said smiling as Liz blinked, sitting down she waited for Liz to respond.
“You’re moving? Here?” Liz asked shock coloring her voice.
“You didn’t think I’d let my brothers start a business without me did you? God, what a disaster that would be, they need me. I have skills,” Isabel teased as a grin split Liz’s face, reminding Isabel that not everything in the last few years was a waste. Who would have ever thought they’d be this close?
“Shut up! You didn’t say a word! I can’t believe this!”
“You didn’t think that I’d just go back to California did you? You’re so silly, Liz,” Isabel teased, pleased with her surprise, laughing at Liz’s astonished reaction. “No way, I’m leaving now. Cal already set everything up. We move into our new house next week. Two houses down to your left. I promise not to pop by too often.”
“Pop by any time! Oh my God! I can’t believe this!” Liz cried loudly.
“Can’t believe what?” Max asked drawn by the sound of raised voices.
“I just told her about the house,” Isabel beamed.
“Oh. Yeah,” Max smiled at Liz’s excitement. She was practically dancing in her chair like Erin did when she was excited.
“Do you know what this means?” Liz asked looking at Isabel.
“More shopping?” Isabel asked her face brightening even more.
“Yes!” Liz bounced up and hugged Isabel. “Lots more. Maria!”
“Oh God,” Max groaned softly.
As Cal stepped off the plane the setting of the desert sun hit him causing him to pause, letting the sun here remind him of why he’d made the choices he’d made.
Not wasting any more time he strode over to the waiting car and driver.
Chapter Thirty Five
“How the hell did you get saddled with this piece of shit?” Michael grumbled from under the hood of the “Love Bus”. “I don’t think it’s had an oil change since the ‘60’s.”
“Liz’s dad got it for her,” Max mumbled tugging at his ear. Actually, both of their vehicles were gifts from Liz’s dad and were in her name. “Since I’m driving the Jeep he thought she needed something a little bigger for the kids.”
“Damn, how much stuff does she have to cart around?” Michael asked suddenly worried. Did he need to start thinking about a damn bus too? He had no idea how much shit you had to drag around when you had a kid. Maybe one of those mini van things instead of the truck he’d been looking at. Would Maria even want a van? “How does she see over the steering wheel?”
Max bit back the urge to snort with laughter as he remembered to when her father had given it to her. She’d slid behind the steering wheel, cranked the seat all the way forward, and promptly sank into the hole in her seat. “That’s partly why we’re out here. I want to make sure this thing is safe for her to drive.”
“Yeah, okay, well besides the obvious mechanical stuff, what are you thinking?” Michael asked pulling his head out from under the hood and turning to face Max.
Max walked along one side of the vehicle rapping the metal with his knuckles checking for rust spots hidden under the paint. “I was thinking it should be fire retardant. As blast proof as possible, a stronger frame that won’t crumple in a roll over, maybe alter the steering column. What do you think?”
“Yeah, yeah I got you. I think we should look at the pedals too, and the seats. Meld them into the body in case of a crash.”
“You two would know a lot about crashes huh?” Dane asked grinning at the gleam in both of their eyes as they planned out their project. “Planning for the invasion of Earth?”
“Funny,” Michael grunted, his lips never the less turning up in his trade mark smirk.
“You can never be too ready,” Max answered surveying the windows. Shatter proof glass he decided. “Roswell already had one crash so you never know when there might be another. Besides, Liz loves really good planning.”
Dane nodded in approval. “Let’s push this thing into the garage if you’re going to work a little voodoo. You just moved in so no sense in scaring the neighbors, right?”
“So Mr. Football, think you can still play tackle?” Michael taunted good-naturedly.
“Just call me Mr. Goodwrench. Maria warned me not to let you near the engine since it is still running at this point. We’d like to keep it that way,” Dane fired back grinning when Max started laughing from his spot by the back bumper.
“Yeah, you’re a funny guy, now push.” Michael grumbled crossly putting his shoulder into the effort.
That’s where Cal found them. In the garage changing the ancient, but still solid where it counted, VW bus into something Max deemed safe enough to carry his family.
“Why don’t you just buy her a tank?” Cal asked leaning in the doorway from the outside. “It’d be easier then what you’re doing.”
“She’d never go for that,” Max answered, poking his head out the open rear doors. “How’d it go?”
“About as I expected.” Was his cryptic response, pushing away from the door as Dane wiped his hands on a rag and joined Michael near the tailgate, Cal scrutinized the vehicle with his senses noting the changes and seeing them for what they were.
Max’s attempt at protecting Liz in the way that was tangible and available to him, a way he understood. A response that was wholly human, even if he didn’t use completely human means.
“The systems in chaos so it was hard to get through, plus I haven’t tapped my contacts in over fifty years.” Cal admitted not shifting his negligent body posture or the lazy pace of his speech. “Khivar’s forces are over running the system like locust. Leveling entire planets. But interestingly enough, leaving some untouched. He seems to be focused on Larek’s planet now. Any ideas on why?” Cal asked having his own thoughts on that topic.
“Because he’s helped us in the past?” Michael blurted the obvious answer.
“Has he?” Cal asked his eyes still on Max who had remained silent. “Or did you help him by letting him translate the Destiny book?”
“What are you saying?” Dane asked, speaking up when it didn’t seem like Max was going to.
“I’m saying exactly what I’ve always said. You can’t believe everything you’re told and take it as fact. Larek set himself up as a childhood friend, offered you advice when you knew next to nothing about your past, and told you a fairytale. What did he really help you with? Besides translating the book, using his host’s connections to a computer that he had unlimited access to before and after doing that little favor for you? Nothing. That’s what he’s done for the last three years. Absolutely nothing,” Cal finished smoothing his hand over the rear door and absently re-enforcing the latch to prevent it from springing open at an inopportune moment.
Looking up he met the eyes of each of the other men in turn. “He lied. It’s what they do.”
“They?” Dane asked feeling like he was only understanding half of this conversation.
“Royalty,” Cal clarified his eyes shifting back to Max. “It’s all politics and deception. Politics are not straight forward, everyone has their own motivations, their own back story.”
“I got a hold of some interesting information that’s fairly credible. Seems that Tess took a little detour on the way home. She never reached Antar, or I should say the granilith didn’t. If that was even her destination to begin with. Khivar did get a hold of her but only after he demanded that she be brought before the Council to answer to charges of treason. Which Larek opposed, for the record, saying that the throne was in dispute so there could be no claim of treason since it was unclear who was the rightful ruler in the first place. Khivar didn’t take kindly to that and in point of fact threatened military action citing the theft of the granilith, or that piece of it at least, which is a serious breech of Council law. He took the stance that no matter who the rightful ruler was, the granilith belonged to Antar and should therefore be returned, it’s thief called before the Council so it could be determined if in fact she had right of possession. It gets a little murky beyond that point but something set Khivar off after he questioned Tess. Whole Houses were decimated, carefully orchestrated assignations that weakened Royal lineage's that dated back to the creation of our system as we know it. It was a power play of such skill that finger pointing was rampant, no one knew who was responsible or who would be next. Now he’s not making any bones about it.”
“I want to talk to him,” Max said drawing everyone’s attention.
“Maxwell, that’s not a good idea,” Michael protested, turning to Cal when Max refused to acknowledge him.
“I want to talk to him. Set it up,” Max said firmly over riding Michael’s continued protests. “You can do it can’t you? I don’t care how….Using a host or in a dreamwalk…Whatever but I want to talk to him. Face to face.”
“Max, what do you hope to accomplish?” Dane asked, unsure of the wisdom in that course of action. On the other hand he admired Max’s sudden resolve, there was no mistaking the determination lighting his eyes and the hard set to his features. He wasn’t used to seeing Max so firm about a course of action.
“I want to get a feel for him,” Max answered not looking away from Cal. He wasn’t going to be swayed on this. It was time to let Khivar know that he wasn't what he had been before, take a stance and let him know exactly what he was dealing with.
“I’ll see what I can do,” Cal agreed, catching the hidden signals coming his way with the ease of years of practice. He’d accompanied Max on many of his self-imposed hunts and had a good idea of what Max was thinking. It couldn’t hurt.
“What does that mean?” Michael demanded. “Get a feel for what?”
“For exactly how much we have in common, Michael,” Max answered his tone not encouraging any more questions. “We better get inside. Liz has been waiting for you to get back.”
“Right. So she can turn on the pentagram and make you even more helpless,” Michael seethed, tossing the rag he was using to wipe off his hands haphazardly into the open toolbox. Max wasn’t listening to a damn thing he said, as usual. But then if Liz was involved Max never had listened.
“It was my decision,” Max said flatly, tired of the argument.
“Then let me stay close by for shit’s sake!” Michael exploded in frustration. It was his JOB to make sure Max stayed alive. How was he supposed to do that from across town?
Max was already shaking his head no. “I need you to stay with the others. Cal will make sure nothing happens. I need to do this with Liz, Michael. As my second you can’t be here. Just in case something goes really wrong.”
“What exactly are you going to do?” Cal asked curious about this latest argument.
“We’re going to activate Brody’s pentagram. Liz wants to see if it will take away her powers, maybe even dampen down her connection to me and the kids. She’s been setting some stuff on fire and she’s worried that she might pose a danger to me or to the kids. Then when we need to talk or….we could use it to keep the kids from being affected,” Max explained watching Cal for a hint of his thoughts.
Cal mulled that over for a minute before saying anything. “Does Larek know you still have it?”
“No, I don’t think so. We took it before we left Roswell. I left it with Valenti for safekeeping in case we ever needed it. When Liz…when she…I thought it might help. If we activate it in the house with you far enough away to remain unaffected then it should be contained. Anyone entering the house would be stripped of their powers too so even if someone did get past you then that would level the playing field.”
Cal nodded unconcerned with any threat posed by someone entering the house. Max was more then capable of fending off anyone so foolish as to try that method of attack. He’d tracked and killed enough Skins that most wouldn’t be that foolish. Word had spread on that score. “You’ll have to make Noah understand what you’re doing. I don’t think he’d handle the sudden absence very well if you didn’t prepare him. This might work out very well.”
“You aren’t actually buying into this are you?” Michael demanded in surprise. He’d counted on Cal to be the voice of reason.
“Do you think it might really help?” Dane spoke up.
“Can’t hurt. It could give Kitten some breathing room and get the twins used to limited separations where they can’t rely on that link to her. I don’t think they’ll loose it completely, it’s not specifically made for that purpose,” Cal mused, thinking out loud. He wasn’t sure how the device would affect bonded communication. He’d never been bonded. “You said this thing was used on you before? What did it do then exactly? Did it affect your bond?”
“That was before our bond was cemented. The twins weren’t even conceived and Liz didn’t even HAVE powers back then,” Max replied thinking back. Struggling not to focus on the rest of that particular evening. “It just took away our ability to access our powers.”
“Huh, well, guess we won’t know till we try it.” Personally Cal hoped this would give Max a first person understanding of what the lack of something that was so much a part of him felt like. He didn’t think Max realized just how much he’d started taking that part for granted, believing it would always be there. For Liz it seemed like there wouldn’t be that much of a change. You couldn’t turn something any more off then completely closed could you?
This was a brilliant idea. Sooner the better.
“That’s comforting,” Michael snarked. What the hell kind of attitude was that for a protector to have? Don’t know how deep the water is there…Why don’t you jump right in and find out.
“I’ve seen these things used before, they’ve been around for years. It should be fine. Of course Liz IS human and it wasn’t designed with a changed human in mind, but the principle is the same. The distortion in your bond might alter things a bit but I’m not certain how it effects bonded mates to begin with. There aren’t a lot of them around on Earth to begin with. Skins aren’t big on that.”
“Great, just wonderful.”
“Relax.” Cal strolled toward the door to the kitchen talking over his shoulder. “If something happens you’re in charge till the tidbits are old enough. That should crank your engine. Not that Maria would listen to you seal or no seal. So not much changes right?”
Dane grinned as he imaged the tirade Michael would incite if he even tired to pull the king on Maria. It’d be on the level of a category five hurricane.
“Cal! You’re back!” Liz blurted out, relieved beyond measure. She’d been more worried about him then she’d admitted even to herself. She knew better then most how much Cal wanted to forget all about his planet of origin.
“So you had dinner without me,” Cal said to camouflage the rush of emotion that flood him with Liz’s greeting. “Not like I would taste it anyway if you had waited.”
Liz rolled her eyes and brushed her lips over his cheek. “I made you my screaming hot vegetable stew. Sit, I’ll heat it up.”
Cal let himself be herded back into the kitchen and sat as Liz bustled around like a mother hen. Clearing his throat he struggled to get back on track. “You look tired. You been sleeping?”
“Sure, I’ve been sleeping,” Liz mumbled more focused on getting the overly full bowl into the microwave without spilling any then on what Cal was saying. She just knew he hadn’t eaten in who knows how long. She remembered from living with him that he didn’t take very good care of himself.
“Liar,” Cal said then grinned. “You still aren’t very good at it either.”
“Oh, I’m good when I have to be,” Liz responded smiling.
“Not with a shapeshifter old enough to be your great grandfather,” Cal answered while watching her every movement, concerned about the tired slope to her shoulders and the darkness under her eyes.
“Grandfather. Not great grandfather,” Liz teased turning to look at him. “But you don’t look a day older then my dad. Sound sorta like him too.”
Cal pinned her with an accusing glare, which only widened her grin and brought about an innocent blinking of her eyes that was utterly spoiled by their amused sparkle. “Cute, Kitten, really cute but that won’t work on me. I’m not easily fooled.”
“Then I’ll have to try bribery.” Turning when the microwave beeped she retrieved his stew, bringing to the table and placing it in front of him then sliding into the seat across from him. “So..”
“So tell me what’s been happening the last couple of days,” Cal commanded briskly as he picked up his spoon. The first bite exploded over his tongue, first with a slight tingling sensation followed by the multi-layered flavors of various vegetables and spices. Almost groaning in pleasure he closed his eyes and savored the ability to actually taste something. “That’s good stuff.”
“Thought you’d like it. The wooden spoon was practically smoking every time I stirred it. I froze a whole batch for you,” Liz said pleased to see him enjoying the meal.
Pushing the basket of cornbread toward him she started filling him in, finishing with Isabel’s dreamwalk and her conversation with Kivar.
Listening with a keen ear he picked out several things that troubled him. Starting with her use of the intimate form of address for Khivar. “How does it feel when he comes to you? Are you still afraid in the same manner that you were at the beginning?”
“No, I’m not. At first I was afraid of him, like he was this unknown entity. The sense of power added to that fear. I was waiting for him to use that power against me. Now I’m not so afraid of that. Brute force isn’t what he’s using, it’s more like he’s trying to sway me. He confuses me and that makes me afraid.” Liz watched Cal absorb that answer, mulling it over silently for several long minutes before speaking.
“Did he give you anything? A stone maybe? An orb or something in the dream that felt like power?” Cal asked cautiously. There was something not right here. Sharing power in the way she had described implied a close connection, like mother to child or that of a bonded couple. Something much closer then that of strangers who had never truly met. To do that without that close connection was unheard of, he couldn’t even imagine how much power it would have taken to accomplish such a thing.
“Umm no,” Liz shook her head. “He’s never given me anything. Why?”
“Because he shouldn’t be able to do the things that he is,” Cal said becoming very confused at her answer. “This is more then watching you from a distance and waiting for your call to expand into something that he can take advantage of. This is feeling you, understanding what you need and providing that need for you. It is a solid link between you. To boost your powers with his is….it’s very difficult. It takes skill and vast amounts of energy. He knows when you’re unstable, faltering in some way, not because he’s watching but because he feels it. Like I did when you called for me.” Or like Max should.
“Why do you call him Kivar?” Seeing her nose wrinkle in confusion he broadened the scope of the question. “Instead of pronouncing his name in the standard form, Khivar, you are using Kivar.”
“Am I?” Liz paused, realizing that she was. “I don’t know. It just….Is it important?”
“Names are very important in our culture. We have many names and each has a different use, a slightly different meaning. We drop letters or punctuation as we reach certain milestones in life. Like marriage or rites of passage that have been attained. Our names show who we are and some uses are formal. Then there are those that are more…..personal. You are using the personal connotation.”
Liz stilled as his meaning sank in, her eyes wide in horror. “I didn’t know. How did I not know that?”
“Here it’s different. We all use human names and there isn’t the formal stressing of relationship in how you use a name. Max is Max,” Cal shrugged bothered but trying to show it. Khivar was taking liberties that were not his to take. That would stop now. As her advocate he would handle it. “Don’t sweat it, okay? Now you know and we’ll take it from here. Don’t worry about it.”
Liz gnawed anxiously on her bottom lip despite Cal’s assurance that it didn’t matter. It obviously did matter or he wouldn’t have picked up on it.
Switching gears to refocus her before they got bogged down in things that weren’t vitally important he moved the conversation forward with another question. “Are you sure about this pentagram thing? You really want to activate it?”
“It won’t hurt Max will it?” Liz asked suddenly hesitant and unsure. “It didn’t seem to last time but..”
Cal sighed and rolled his eyes, of course she’d be more worried about Max then herself. “What if it hurts YOU? Still wanna try it?”
“Yes,” Liz nodded decisively. “I can’t be setting fires around the kids and upsetting them all the time. Max isn’t the problem. I’m the problem. So if it’s going to hurt or if it’s dangerous then he should wait with you outside. I’ll call you guys and…”
“Hold it there, Kitten,” Cal interrupted before she could really get going. “Max’s made up his mind. I was just asking a question that’s all. It shouldn’t be too uncomfortable for either of you. Rattle a few cages maybe, nothing serious.”
“Cages? The twins will be all right won’t they? I explained what the pentagram is and that they might not be able to reach me for a little while but..”
“Don’t panic. They’ll be fine. I’m sure that they’ll feel it when you activate the thing but as long as they know what that feeling is they should be fine. Besides, they can still reach you, by phone,” Cal shrugged, idly wondering how big of a fit Noah was going stage in protest. That one was a little ball of fire when he got worked up. He could out do Erin in spades. “I think it’s a good idea.”
“Okay,” Liz breathed in relief calming down and settling back in her chair. Cocking her head she listened to the raised voices in the other room. “Michael sure doesn’t think so. He’s been arguing with Max about it all day.”
“That one hatched arguing,” Cal observed with a mocking smirk. “Someone must of shook his pod a little too much cause he was one angry little hatchling right from the start. Don’t let it bother you. If he wasn’t arguing I’d be worried.”
Liz smiled at the image of Michael as a hatchling, like a duck. “I guess you’re right. I just don’t want to make things worse. I’m just trying to find something we can do to help the situation. I don’t like feeling so out of control, it’s scary when things are bursting into flames in the middle of an argument. I don’t like causing my kids more stress then they should have with all this. So if this thing can turn off my powers then….”
“We should know pretty quick if it’s a bust or not, then we’ll just turn it off. Can’t hurt to try it.”
“Okay, it’s a go,” Liz said quelling her misgivings now that the decision was made. Now it was time to get ready to carry out the plan.
“How the hell did you get saddled with this piece of shit?” Michael grumbled from under the hood of the “Love Bus”. “I don’t think it’s had an oil change since the ‘60’s.”
“Liz’s dad got it for her,” Max mumbled tugging at his ear. Actually, both of their vehicles were gifts from Liz’s dad and were in her name. “Since I’m driving the Jeep he thought she needed something a little bigger for the kids.”
“Damn, how much stuff does she have to cart around?” Michael asked suddenly worried. Did he need to start thinking about a damn bus too? He had no idea how much shit you had to drag around when you had a kid. Maybe one of those mini van things instead of the truck he’d been looking at. Would Maria even want a van? “How does she see over the steering wheel?”
Max bit back the urge to snort with laughter as he remembered to when her father had given it to her. She’d slid behind the steering wheel, cranked the seat all the way forward, and promptly sank into the hole in her seat. “That’s partly why we’re out here. I want to make sure this thing is safe for her to drive.”
“Yeah, okay, well besides the obvious mechanical stuff, what are you thinking?” Michael asked pulling his head out from under the hood and turning to face Max.
Max walked along one side of the vehicle rapping the metal with his knuckles checking for rust spots hidden under the paint. “I was thinking it should be fire retardant. As blast proof as possible, a stronger frame that won’t crumple in a roll over, maybe alter the steering column. What do you think?”
“Yeah, yeah I got you. I think we should look at the pedals too, and the seats. Meld them into the body in case of a crash.”
“You two would know a lot about crashes huh?” Dane asked grinning at the gleam in both of their eyes as they planned out their project. “Planning for the invasion of Earth?”
“Funny,” Michael grunted, his lips never the less turning up in his trade mark smirk.
“You can never be too ready,” Max answered surveying the windows. Shatter proof glass he decided. “Roswell already had one crash so you never know when there might be another. Besides, Liz loves really good planning.”
Dane nodded in approval. “Let’s push this thing into the garage if you’re going to work a little voodoo. You just moved in so no sense in scaring the neighbors, right?”
“So Mr. Football, think you can still play tackle?” Michael taunted good-naturedly.
“Just call me Mr. Goodwrench. Maria warned me not to let you near the engine since it is still running at this point. We’d like to keep it that way,” Dane fired back grinning when Max started laughing from his spot by the back bumper.
“Yeah, you’re a funny guy, now push.” Michael grumbled crossly putting his shoulder into the effort.
That’s where Cal found them. In the garage changing the ancient, but still solid where it counted, VW bus into something Max deemed safe enough to carry his family.
“Why don’t you just buy her a tank?” Cal asked leaning in the doorway from the outside. “It’d be easier then what you’re doing.”
“She’d never go for that,” Max answered, poking his head out the open rear doors. “How’d it go?”
“About as I expected.” Was his cryptic response, pushing away from the door as Dane wiped his hands on a rag and joined Michael near the tailgate, Cal scrutinized the vehicle with his senses noting the changes and seeing them for what they were.
Max’s attempt at protecting Liz in the way that was tangible and available to him, a way he understood. A response that was wholly human, even if he didn’t use completely human means.
“The systems in chaos so it was hard to get through, plus I haven’t tapped my contacts in over fifty years.” Cal admitted not shifting his negligent body posture or the lazy pace of his speech. “Khivar’s forces are over running the system like locust. Leveling entire planets. But interestingly enough, leaving some untouched. He seems to be focused on Larek’s planet now. Any ideas on why?” Cal asked having his own thoughts on that topic.
“Because he’s helped us in the past?” Michael blurted the obvious answer.
“Has he?” Cal asked his eyes still on Max who had remained silent. “Or did you help him by letting him translate the Destiny book?”
“What are you saying?” Dane asked, speaking up when it didn’t seem like Max was going to.
“I’m saying exactly what I’ve always said. You can’t believe everything you’re told and take it as fact. Larek set himself up as a childhood friend, offered you advice when you knew next to nothing about your past, and told you a fairytale. What did he really help you with? Besides translating the book, using his host’s connections to a computer that he had unlimited access to before and after doing that little favor for you? Nothing. That’s what he’s done for the last three years. Absolutely nothing,” Cal finished smoothing his hand over the rear door and absently re-enforcing the latch to prevent it from springing open at an inopportune moment.
Looking up he met the eyes of each of the other men in turn. “He lied. It’s what they do.”
“They?” Dane asked feeling like he was only understanding half of this conversation.
“Royalty,” Cal clarified his eyes shifting back to Max. “It’s all politics and deception. Politics are not straight forward, everyone has their own motivations, their own back story.”
“I got a hold of some interesting information that’s fairly credible. Seems that Tess took a little detour on the way home. She never reached Antar, or I should say the granilith didn’t. If that was even her destination to begin with. Khivar did get a hold of her but only after he demanded that she be brought before the Council to answer to charges of treason. Which Larek opposed, for the record, saying that the throne was in dispute so there could be no claim of treason since it was unclear who was the rightful ruler in the first place. Khivar didn’t take kindly to that and in point of fact threatened military action citing the theft of the granilith, or that piece of it at least, which is a serious breech of Council law. He took the stance that no matter who the rightful ruler was, the granilith belonged to Antar and should therefore be returned, it’s thief called before the Council so it could be determined if in fact she had right of possession. It gets a little murky beyond that point but something set Khivar off after he questioned Tess. Whole Houses were decimated, carefully orchestrated assignations that weakened Royal lineage's that dated back to the creation of our system as we know it. It was a power play of such skill that finger pointing was rampant, no one knew who was responsible or who would be next. Now he’s not making any bones about it.”
“I want to talk to him,” Max said drawing everyone’s attention.
“Maxwell, that’s not a good idea,” Michael protested, turning to Cal when Max refused to acknowledge him.
“I want to talk to him. Set it up,” Max said firmly over riding Michael’s continued protests. “You can do it can’t you? I don’t care how….Using a host or in a dreamwalk…Whatever but I want to talk to him. Face to face.”
“Max, what do you hope to accomplish?” Dane asked, unsure of the wisdom in that course of action. On the other hand he admired Max’s sudden resolve, there was no mistaking the determination lighting his eyes and the hard set to his features. He wasn’t used to seeing Max so firm about a course of action.
“I want to get a feel for him,” Max answered not looking away from Cal. He wasn’t going to be swayed on this. It was time to let Khivar know that he wasn't what he had been before, take a stance and let him know exactly what he was dealing with.
“I’ll see what I can do,” Cal agreed, catching the hidden signals coming his way with the ease of years of practice. He’d accompanied Max on many of his self-imposed hunts and had a good idea of what Max was thinking. It couldn’t hurt.
“What does that mean?” Michael demanded. “Get a feel for what?”
“For exactly how much we have in common, Michael,” Max answered his tone not encouraging any more questions. “We better get inside. Liz has been waiting for you to get back.”
“Right. So she can turn on the pentagram and make you even more helpless,” Michael seethed, tossing the rag he was using to wipe off his hands haphazardly into the open toolbox. Max wasn’t listening to a damn thing he said, as usual. But then if Liz was involved Max never had listened.
“It was my decision,” Max said flatly, tired of the argument.
“Then let me stay close by for shit’s sake!” Michael exploded in frustration. It was his JOB to make sure Max stayed alive. How was he supposed to do that from across town?
Max was already shaking his head no. “I need you to stay with the others. Cal will make sure nothing happens. I need to do this with Liz, Michael. As my second you can’t be here. Just in case something goes really wrong.”
“What exactly are you going to do?” Cal asked curious about this latest argument.
“We’re going to activate Brody’s pentagram. Liz wants to see if it will take away her powers, maybe even dampen down her connection to me and the kids. She’s been setting some stuff on fire and she’s worried that she might pose a danger to me or to the kids. Then when we need to talk or….we could use it to keep the kids from being affected,” Max explained watching Cal for a hint of his thoughts.
Cal mulled that over for a minute before saying anything. “Does Larek know you still have it?”
“No, I don’t think so. We took it before we left Roswell. I left it with Valenti for safekeeping in case we ever needed it. When Liz…when she…I thought it might help. If we activate it in the house with you far enough away to remain unaffected then it should be contained. Anyone entering the house would be stripped of their powers too so even if someone did get past you then that would level the playing field.”
Cal nodded unconcerned with any threat posed by someone entering the house. Max was more then capable of fending off anyone so foolish as to try that method of attack. He’d tracked and killed enough Skins that most wouldn’t be that foolish. Word had spread on that score. “You’ll have to make Noah understand what you’re doing. I don’t think he’d handle the sudden absence very well if you didn’t prepare him. This might work out very well.”
“You aren’t actually buying into this are you?” Michael demanded in surprise. He’d counted on Cal to be the voice of reason.
“Do you think it might really help?” Dane spoke up.
“Can’t hurt. It could give Kitten some breathing room and get the twins used to limited separations where they can’t rely on that link to her. I don’t think they’ll loose it completely, it’s not specifically made for that purpose,” Cal mused, thinking out loud. He wasn’t sure how the device would affect bonded communication. He’d never been bonded. “You said this thing was used on you before? What did it do then exactly? Did it affect your bond?”
“That was before our bond was cemented. The twins weren’t even conceived and Liz didn’t even HAVE powers back then,” Max replied thinking back. Struggling not to focus on the rest of that particular evening. “It just took away our ability to access our powers.”
“Huh, well, guess we won’t know till we try it.” Personally Cal hoped this would give Max a first person understanding of what the lack of something that was so much a part of him felt like. He didn’t think Max realized just how much he’d started taking that part for granted, believing it would always be there. For Liz it seemed like there wouldn’t be that much of a change. You couldn’t turn something any more off then completely closed could you?
This was a brilliant idea. Sooner the better.
“That’s comforting,” Michael snarked. What the hell kind of attitude was that for a protector to have? Don’t know how deep the water is there…Why don’t you jump right in and find out.
“I’ve seen these things used before, they’ve been around for years. It should be fine. Of course Liz IS human and it wasn’t designed with a changed human in mind, but the principle is the same. The distortion in your bond might alter things a bit but I’m not certain how it effects bonded mates to begin with. There aren’t a lot of them around on Earth to begin with. Skins aren’t big on that.”
“Great, just wonderful.”
“Relax.” Cal strolled toward the door to the kitchen talking over his shoulder. “If something happens you’re in charge till the tidbits are old enough. That should crank your engine. Not that Maria would listen to you seal or no seal. So not much changes right?”
Dane grinned as he imaged the tirade Michael would incite if he even tired to pull the king on Maria. It’d be on the level of a category five hurricane.
“Cal! You’re back!” Liz blurted out, relieved beyond measure. She’d been more worried about him then she’d admitted even to herself. She knew better then most how much Cal wanted to forget all about his planet of origin.
“So you had dinner without me,” Cal said to camouflage the rush of emotion that flood him with Liz’s greeting. “Not like I would taste it anyway if you had waited.”
Liz rolled her eyes and brushed her lips over his cheek. “I made you my screaming hot vegetable stew. Sit, I’ll heat it up.”
Cal let himself be herded back into the kitchen and sat as Liz bustled around like a mother hen. Clearing his throat he struggled to get back on track. “You look tired. You been sleeping?”
“Sure, I’ve been sleeping,” Liz mumbled more focused on getting the overly full bowl into the microwave without spilling any then on what Cal was saying. She just knew he hadn’t eaten in who knows how long. She remembered from living with him that he didn’t take very good care of himself.
“Liar,” Cal said then grinned. “You still aren’t very good at it either.”
“Oh, I’m good when I have to be,” Liz responded smiling.
“Not with a shapeshifter old enough to be your great grandfather,” Cal answered while watching her every movement, concerned about the tired slope to her shoulders and the darkness under her eyes.
“Grandfather. Not great grandfather,” Liz teased turning to look at him. “But you don’t look a day older then my dad. Sound sorta like him too.”
Cal pinned her with an accusing glare, which only widened her grin and brought about an innocent blinking of her eyes that was utterly spoiled by their amused sparkle. “Cute, Kitten, really cute but that won’t work on me. I’m not easily fooled.”
“Then I’ll have to try bribery.” Turning when the microwave beeped she retrieved his stew, bringing to the table and placing it in front of him then sliding into the seat across from him. “So..”
“So tell me what’s been happening the last couple of days,” Cal commanded briskly as he picked up his spoon. The first bite exploded over his tongue, first with a slight tingling sensation followed by the multi-layered flavors of various vegetables and spices. Almost groaning in pleasure he closed his eyes and savored the ability to actually taste something. “That’s good stuff.”
“Thought you’d like it. The wooden spoon was practically smoking every time I stirred it. I froze a whole batch for you,” Liz said pleased to see him enjoying the meal.
Pushing the basket of cornbread toward him she started filling him in, finishing with Isabel’s dreamwalk and her conversation with Kivar.
Listening with a keen ear he picked out several things that troubled him. Starting with her use of the intimate form of address for Khivar. “How does it feel when he comes to you? Are you still afraid in the same manner that you were at the beginning?”
“No, I’m not. At first I was afraid of him, like he was this unknown entity. The sense of power added to that fear. I was waiting for him to use that power against me. Now I’m not so afraid of that. Brute force isn’t what he’s using, it’s more like he’s trying to sway me. He confuses me and that makes me afraid.” Liz watched Cal absorb that answer, mulling it over silently for several long minutes before speaking.
“Did he give you anything? A stone maybe? An orb or something in the dream that felt like power?” Cal asked cautiously. There was something not right here. Sharing power in the way she had described implied a close connection, like mother to child or that of a bonded couple. Something much closer then that of strangers who had never truly met. To do that without that close connection was unheard of, he couldn’t even imagine how much power it would have taken to accomplish such a thing.
“Umm no,” Liz shook her head. “He’s never given me anything. Why?”
“Because he shouldn’t be able to do the things that he is,” Cal said becoming very confused at her answer. “This is more then watching you from a distance and waiting for your call to expand into something that he can take advantage of. This is feeling you, understanding what you need and providing that need for you. It is a solid link between you. To boost your powers with his is….it’s very difficult. It takes skill and vast amounts of energy. He knows when you’re unstable, faltering in some way, not because he’s watching but because he feels it. Like I did when you called for me.” Or like Max should.
“Why do you call him Kivar?” Seeing her nose wrinkle in confusion he broadened the scope of the question. “Instead of pronouncing his name in the standard form, Khivar, you are using Kivar.”
“Am I?” Liz paused, realizing that she was. “I don’t know. It just….Is it important?”
“Names are very important in our culture. We have many names and each has a different use, a slightly different meaning. We drop letters or punctuation as we reach certain milestones in life. Like marriage or rites of passage that have been attained. Our names show who we are and some uses are formal. Then there are those that are more…..personal. You are using the personal connotation.”
Liz stilled as his meaning sank in, her eyes wide in horror. “I didn’t know. How did I not know that?”
“Here it’s different. We all use human names and there isn’t the formal stressing of relationship in how you use a name. Max is Max,” Cal shrugged bothered but trying to show it. Khivar was taking liberties that were not his to take. That would stop now. As her advocate he would handle it. “Don’t sweat it, okay? Now you know and we’ll take it from here. Don’t worry about it.”
Liz gnawed anxiously on her bottom lip despite Cal’s assurance that it didn’t matter. It obviously did matter or he wouldn’t have picked up on it.
Switching gears to refocus her before they got bogged down in things that weren’t vitally important he moved the conversation forward with another question. “Are you sure about this pentagram thing? You really want to activate it?”
“It won’t hurt Max will it?” Liz asked suddenly hesitant and unsure. “It didn’t seem to last time but..”
Cal sighed and rolled his eyes, of course she’d be more worried about Max then herself. “What if it hurts YOU? Still wanna try it?”
“Yes,” Liz nodded decisively. “I can’t be setting fires around the kids and upsetting them all the time. Max isn’t the problem. I’m the problem. So if it’s going to hurt or if it’s dangerous then he should wait with you outside. I’ll call you guys and…”
“Hold it there, Kitten,” Cal interrupted before she could really get going. “Max’s made up his mind. I was just asking a question that’s all. It shouldn’t be too uncomfortable for either of you. Rattle a few cages maybe, nothing serious.”
“Cages? The twins will be all right won’t they? I explained what the pentagram is and that they might not be able to reach me for a little while but..”
“Don’t panic. They’ll be fine. I’m sure that they’ll feel it when you activate the thing but as long as they know what that feeling is they should be fine. Besides, they can still reach you, by phone,” Cal shrugged, idly wondering how big of a fit Noah was going stage in protest. That one was a little ball of fire when he got worked up. He could out do Erin in spades. “I think it’s a good idea.”
“Okay,” Liz breathed in relief calming down and settling back in her chair. Cocking her head she listened to the raised voices in the other room. “Michael sure doesn’t think so. He’s been arguing with Max about it all day.”
“That one hatched arguing,” Cal observed with a mocking smirk. “Someone must of shook his pod a little too much cause he was one angry little hatchling right from the start. Don’t let it bother you. If he wasn’t arguing I’d be worried.”
Liz smiled at the image of Michael as a hatchling, like a duck. “I guess you’re right. I just don’t want to make things worse. I’m just trying to find something we can do to help the situation. I don’t like feeling so out of control, it’s scary when things are bursting into flames in the middle of an argument. I don’t like causing my kids more stress then they should have with all this. So if this thing can turn off my powers then….”
“We should know pretty quick if it’s a bust or not, then we’ll just turn it off. Can’t hurt to try it.”
“Okay, it’s a go,” Liz said quelling her misgivings now that the decision was made. Now it was time to get ready to carry out the plan.
Chapter Thirty Six
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Liz asked in hushed voice, her stomach jumping nervously with a combination of hope and outright fear. “You can still go meet up with Cal outside.”
“I’m not letting you do this alone,” Max said resolutely, forcing calm now that he’d made the only choice he could. He wasn’t about to leave her, not alone when she needed him to be there for her, even if there was nothing he could actually do. He could learn from his past.
“Okay, so we’re ready?” Liz asked looking to Max for the answer. She didn’t know why she was so nervous. It wasn’t like they didn’t know what the pentagram did, they’d both experienced it once before. Max had never said it was painful. In fact, later that night….best not to think about that. She was nervous enough.
“I think so,” Max answered reaching over to smooth her hair back, just to touch her. Reminding himself that he could, that he hadn’t yet completely lost that privilege.
“Maybe we should call the kids and..”
“We already did,” Max interrupted gently. “Five minutes ago.”
“Right,” Liz nodded firmly then sighed. “Okay, then I guess..”
Max brushed his thumb over her cheek to distract her for just a second, to take her away from this moment where she was a jumble of nerves, her mind flashing to all the possible outcomes of this experiment. Then he leaned forward and scooped up the pentagram from off the coffee table.
“Wait!” Liz said sharply before he could activate it.
“What’s wrong?” Max asked softly searching her eyes for clues to what she was thinking, the jittery feeling coming from her was not giving him an accurate picture to work with.
“What if this doesn’t work? What are we going to do then?” Liz asked forcing herself to meet his steady gaze, feeling her heart pounding in her throat. She wanted this so much, a solution to a small part of their problems. What was she going to do if this didn’t work?
“Then we’ll have to find something else that will. We’re on the right track, I think. Just give this a chance, if it doesn’t work we’ll find something else, together, okay?” Max asked and watched the anxiety drain out of her eyes even before she released his hand and nodded leaning into his side just enough to keep in contact with his body.
Closing his eyes he silently searched for the strength to see this through, to not allow his fear to overshadow her needs. He couldn’t fuck this up, it was too important.
It was the soft brush of her lips over the side of his jaw combined with the lightest of brush of her fingers over his whitened knuckles, where he was crushing the pentagram into his palm, that had him opening his eyes.
Looking into the rich chocolate depths of her eyes just then he saw the same certainty that had given him courage so many times before. Courage enough to jump off bridges holding onto nothing but her hand. She was his center, always had been, even when he’d lost sight of so many things including himself.
She had always clarified things for him. What it was to be human. What was expected of being human. She was the ruler he measured by.
“I’m ready,” Liz said softly nodding with conviction. They’d figure it out, even if they didn’t have a plan. She could go with the flow. Uh huh. So what if the last time she’d gotten carried along without a plan she’d crashed and burned. Life was a risk.
She’d take it.
Noah stared sightlessly at the TV, focusing on the inward plane. On that place inside that was warm and full, the place where he could reach through, out into the world.
He understood that this was like a test. A small test to see if something could take his Mommy from him again. From the place deep inside where he’d always felt her. Except for the time when he’d been locked alone in the dark place.
He believed that if he was strong enough, held on tight enough, that he would pass this test.
He’d listened intently to everything she’d said to him on the phone, about how she’d never leave him. That even if he didn’t feel her as strong as normal, she’d still be there. Always.
He believed her. His Mommy would never lie to him about that.
Besides, he would hold on to her as tightly as he could. He was bigger now and a lot stronger.
Looking down at the device held in the palm of his hand Max thought back to when Brody had activated it. Trithium aptification generator. That’s what Brody had called it. Had he turned it clockwise or counter clockwise? How far should he turn it?
Holding his breath he just went for it.
Liz saw the symbols flare with bright blue light that seemed to condense, setting the symbols ablaze before shooting out in a circular formation that hit her in the chest, the impact knocking the breath out of her and blurring her vision.
Blinking the tears from her eyes she struggled to catch her breath, looking to Max automatically to see if he was okay.
Even though he’d been expecting it, had gone through it once before, the impact took him by surprise.
Suddenly it was like he was deaf, like one of his senses was gone and the others blinking on and off, trying to fill the gap. The world tilted, his vision growing fuzzy and grey before clearing but still something important was missing. He felt impaired, handicapped.
He didn’t remember it like this, it hadn’t been this way the last time. He hadn’t really known anything was wrong until he’d tried to focus his energy into action.
“Max! Max! Are you okay?”
Shaking his head to clear it Liz’s voice finally registered and along with it a shard of fear so sharp it took him a moment to answer her. If he didn’t hear her, see her sitting right next to him he wouldn’t even know she existed, that she was so close that strands of her hair clung to the fabric of his shirt, reaching for him in delicate fly away wisps.
“I’m okay.”
Liz studied him closely, his grim tone didn’t match his spoken assurance. “Are you sure? You took so long to answer me I thought..”
Mustering up a smile he nodded, clearing his throat before speaking. “I’m sure, yeah, I’m okay. You?”
“Uh huh, it wasn’t as bad as I thought. It sort of took my breath away for a second but now I feel fine,” Liz assured him relieved.
Max blinked at the excitement beginning to spark in her eyes. How could she not feel it? That missing thing? Another shake of his head had the room spinning again in dizzying kaleidoscope of images and his stomach lurched in protest.
Liz rubbed at the center of her chest, the point of impact, hoping to ease some of the residual pain that lingered there. But really it wasn’t that bad.
K’deem almost ran into Khivar’s back as he came to an abrupt halt in the middle of inspecting the new enviropod. His breathing slits widened in agitation as he backed away. “You are well?”
Khivar barely heard him, absorbed instead by the sudden severing of faraway ties. An unfamiliar sense of uncertainty momentarily held him frozen as he sought for an answer to the sudden silence, slowly uncertainty bloomed into fear. Had he failed her? Had they acted so soon? Fear turned into cold rage, a much more comfortable state of being.
K’deem stumbled back as Khivar whirled, eyes a burning black flame cloaked for battle by their inner lids, his power stressing the walls of the new pod as it pushed outward, resonating in the closed space.
“Something has blocked her from me!” Khivar roared, consumed by ice even as flames curled the edges of the thistle covering the branches of the young huava trees around them.
K’deem trembled under the force of his rage, fear saturating the area around him like the stink of sickness hovering in the air around the dying.
“Find her! Now! Then explain to me how this has happened when she is under constant surveillance!” Khivar raged, already molting into full battle color.
“What has happened?” K’deem asked then bowed his head in submission as the fire leapt in Khivar’s eyes. “If she is gone? What do we do then?”
“Gone? When we have the best we have to offer guarding her day and night? What is this GONE? They had better have an answer to what has happened and then they will fix it! Now you find her!” Khivar roared, overshadowing the crackle of water turning suddenly to ice even as flames danced in the air inches away. “Then we will send a message that no one will misunderstand, not even our enemies.”
K’deem skittered away to carry out his orders, praying for the health of Liz Parker like he’d never prayed before, Great One hear him!
Noah felt the very moment the device was activated, the vibration traveled down to him as if a cord had been plucked somewhere inside.
He had a moment of panic where he felt once again the closeness of metal walls and the all-consuming darkness, so black and cold, but he held on, gripping tightly onto the fading warmth of his mother. Even after it continued to shrink he refused to let go, he wasn’t a baby anymore, he wouldn’t let go.
Erin’s fingers wrapped around his as she silently sat beside him, sharing his fear, lending her strength and support.
Together they sat, waiting to see if they’d be left completely on their own.
Isabel shared a glance with Dane, both of them wondering briefly about Javen and how he’d never seemed to demonstrate any sort of alien connection like the twins did. Of course Javen’s twin was dead, murdered by his birth mother Lonnie, who was also now dead. Had he had a connection to them like the twins did to each other and Liz?
Darting a glance across the room Isabel saw him still playing with the set of Lego’s he and Noah had dragged out earlier. Totally undisturbed.
“Noah?” Dane spoke as he moved to crouch next the children, hands still tightly clenched together.
“Mommy never lie to me,” Noah asserted firmly, as if Dane had dared to suggest the opposite. The tighter he held on the more insubstantial her presence became but fear spurred him on, tightened his grip, drawing from Erin to follow that tiny spark of warmth.
“No, of course she didn’t,” Dane soothed, worried by the look of fierce concentration and the beads of sweat dotting his upper lip and dampening his hair.
He didn’t understand Noah thought. He still needed her to stand between him and the scary things. She always made it better, always, but bad things happened when she wasn’t there. Scary things, things he didn’t understand but knew they hurt. Dragons came and there was fire and screaming, whole buildings disappearing in the fire.
“Noah,” Erin whimpered, seeing what he was seeing. “Da spark! I can’t feel it! Mommy, Noah go!”
Closing his eyes, Noah reached out farther, trying to grasp onto the fading presence, almost feeling the seeping chill of metal and the distorted images of strange people, monsters, peering in at him before hurting him again. Then he remembered the feeling of being lifted out of the cold void, cradled against warm softness, a voice he remembered murmuring to him, stroking his hair, his ears, rocking him in warmth and security, suddenly surrounded by a world full of things. Sharp sounds and bright lights, confusing pictures that moved so fast but he wasn’t afraid because nothing could touch him here, he was home. His call had been answered and he was safe.
Erin smiled as Noah relaxed, enfolded by his memories and held just as securely as if she’d been there with him. She wasn’t afraid anymore. She shared her memory of the constant presence of their mother, always there even when she didn’t answer. When they needed her Mommy always came. There was no need to be afraid, she was still there, just not as big, maybe not as close but still present. Like before they’d been born.
Once he accepted that the connection still existed, muted but still there, that he could still feel the lingering glow of his mother, Noah relaxed. Instead of holding onto it in a death grip he took it on faith that when he needed it, it would be there. Because in the end Mommy had always fought for him against the monsters, loved him before she met him, and had never left him alone in the dark without her. He’d carried a piece of her with him into that dark place, the monsters had built that place using part of her and that part had sustained him until she came to bring him home. He didn’t need that death grip to hold her to him she hadn’t let go.
“Well, I can’t heat water,” Liz commented absently, reaching deeper, trying harder to get the water in the coffee mug to boil. A simmer even. Anything above room temperature would prove she still had some access to her powers. “Can you?”
“Nope, nothing,” Max said attempting several of his gifts. No shield, no ability to manipulate matter either.
“Okay, so what now?” Liz asked oddly reluctant to venture into the more personal realm first. She was stepping as softly as she could through habit.
“We should talk,” Max said still bothered by that missing something. “See if something happens.”
“You mean see if I get upset and set the couch on fire?” Liz asked a half smile playing over her mouth at the look on Max’s face. “Don’t worry so much, Max. I promise not to leave because you might possibly upset me. We’re trying to take another step right?”
“Right,” Max agreed then decided to not wait for her to lead him through this conversation. “Okay, umm, the connection…”
“Our connection?” Liz pressed her eyebrow rising. No way was he going to use the generic. Either he wanted to talk, really talk, or he didn’t.
“Yes,” Max sighed repressing the urge to roll his eyes. “Our connection.”
“Ohh, our connection,” Liz nodded then bit her lip to keep from smiling. “The connection we made when…we bonded. Gotcha. Please continue.”
Max almost groaned, she was going to be difficult. “Is it different now? Was it effected by the TAG?”
“Tag? The pentagram?” Liz asked drawing her legs up underneath her before slanting a look at him. “You sound so professional.”
“Yes, the pentagram,” Max grumbled flopping back against the couch, reluctantly filled with a combination of amusement and relief. Teasing him meant she really was okay.
“Umm I’m not the best judge of that, really so…,” Liz relented, answering his question. “I can’t feel you but that’s not…”
“Unusual,” Max finished turning his head enough to watch her jerky nod of agreement. Was this how she felt all the time? Every day she carried this emptiness around? “Was it always like this?”
“No,” Liz blurted out quickly. “After the babies you were so great. Even before that really, it wasn’t until…”
“Until what?” Max asked genuinely interested.
“Umm, well, if we’re talking about after the twins then it wasn’t until after you and Cal found that Skin trying to get past the gate,” Liz said watching Max closely, seeing the tighting around his eyes. “It was sometime after that. Not all at once or I would have said something. But you left and spent more and more time away and….”
Coming to a decision Liz caught her breath and held it for a moment before continuing. He wasn’t going to talk about this unless she opened this topic of conversation. “Did you think I didn’t know? That I couldn’t tell what you were doing? I knew that you found more then just that one, there were some on Cal’s staff weren’t there?”
“Yes,” Max admitted. “Some of the people applying for the nanny position. One of the gardeners. Even at the studio, a file clerk I think.”
Liz nodded, not surprised. “I knew because you weren’t totally closed to me then. When you felt something strongly, I knew. I didn’t say anything because…” Liz paused nibbling at her bottom lip nervously. “I didn’t know what to say. Thank you? I just….I couldn’t hardly manage what I was already dealing with and then that started.”
“That’s why I just took care of it,” Max said as he took her hand, winding his fingers through hers.
“I know, but I should have said something. I just…I didn’t completely agree with hunting them down like….but I knew you needed to. You needed to know the kids were safe and…” Liz gripped his fingers ashamed of what she’d done, or hadn’t done.
“You too, Liz. I needed to make sure that no one could get close enough to you to hurt you again,” Max interrupted, as unable to accurately describe that drive to protect his family that had overwhelmed him back then. Seeing that Skin slipping inside the gate had brought something out in him that he couldn’t put words to. Finding out that they were trying to reach his kids had only deepened his resolve, fanned the flames of his rage as he imagined facing Liz if anything should happen to them. He’d failed to keep Liz safe once, he’d vowed to do whatever he had to not to fail again.
“I know,” Liz whispered closing her eyes to he wouldn’t see the tears filling her eyes. That was the worst part, she remembered the tangled mess that had been his emotions back then. The guilt and shame of the past confronted with fear for the future. “I couldn’t argue with you because a part of me felt the same.”
“You did argue with me,” Max reminded her. “You said that the Skins must have known about Cal for years and maybe they were just keeping tabs on him. That we didn’t know that there was any danger from any others. That we couldn’t live the rest of our lives afraid, back in that place where Tess had put us.”
“Yes, but that didn’t change your mind. All of the other things I said didn’t make an impression either. The one thing I could have said to change your mind I didn’t.”
Max released her fingers to brush his thumb over her cheek, watching her eyes flutter open and focus on his. He found he didn’t need some mystic tie to her to feel an echo of her inside him. She was transparent when he chose to look. “What do you think you could have said?”
“I could have told you that I needed you, at home with me and the kids, but I didn’t. I was afraid, afraid to take that step when…”
“When you still didn’t trust me. Liz, I understood that, I did. We weren’t ready for that and even if you had said it I don’t know that it would have made a difference.”
Liz shook her head, angry that he still didn’t understand. Ashamed of her for not making sure that he did understand. “No, it’s not that I didn’t trust you. I would trust you with my life, the lives of our children, I’ve done both and never blinked an eye. It’s this bond. I didn’t trust this thing, this bond that didn’t feel right. I didn’t remember creating it, not like personally remember it. It was like watching a movie and thinking oh my god that me, you know? It didn’t feel real, or something. It just seemed to hurt, all the time. It felt like part of what had been done to us, not our choice but just something that had happened by accident. How could I trust that? How could I when I didn’t trust myself anymore? My memories weren’t mine and some of the things I did…..I didn’t even feel like me anymore. I just wanted to get some of that back, to have something that I knew was really me before I could make any promises to you. All of the things I felt for you were wrapped up in what had happened and I couldn’t be sure that they wouldn’t always be. I didn’t feel strong enough to sort through it all when I wasn’t sure that I could make to the next two am feeding. It was just so much all at once. But if I had asked you to stay, I knew you would have. But I still didn’t ask and I have to wonder if it was just because I didn’t want to deal with it or because I knew you needed to protect us, to take control when neither of us had had any before. I still not sure which it was.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Max said, cupping his hand behind her neck when she sighed, making her look at him, needing her to hear him. “Remember Paris? When we could just walk down the street with the kids and not worry? That was worth it. It was worth everything I did for that feeling, to not have to always look over our shoulder. I just wish we still had that.”
“Max, it changed you. So much, gradually you shut down and what was a sometimes thing became even more rare. Was it really worth it?” Liz asked softly. “It gave you nightmares.”
“I already had some of those,” Max reminded her, loving her even more, without any alien connection at all. “I just didn’t want you to feel..” What he’d felt. Every time he’d hunted down another threat he hadn’t wanted her to be dragged along for the ride. She’d had enough to deal with and it had been his burden to bare. He could carry this burden, she carried more then enough for both of them. “I didn’t mean to keep myself closed off all the time. That’s not what I was trying to do.”
“I know,” Liz agreed. She wasn’t even sure if that was the reason for the state of their connection. It had happened before that too, even before all that had happened with Alex and Tess. In fact, technically they hadn’t even cemented their bond when it had started the first time. It was something to think about. To talk over.
“It is believed that they have found one of the trithium aptification generators and have activated it,” K’deem reported so relieved himself that he wasn’t as guarded as normal, filling the air with his thoughts. “Langley is stationed just outside their home but the initial flash was noticed.”
Khivar mulled that over, weighing the harm against any possible good. “Punish them.”
“Punish the K’liusi?” K’deem asked in shock. “But, but..”
“No! Not Liz! I am supposed be made aware of ANYTHING that happens, not just when her house is invaded! What good could I do then? They are to report everything they see, EVERYTHING!”
Bowing low in the submissive posture of his kind K’deem remained there, prostate before his leader. “It will be done. I offer most humble apologies.”
Khivar sighed heavily, seeking calm. “Rise please, K’deem. We can not afford any lapses no matter how small. That can not be tolerated. Now, let’s move on to the message I want sent. I’m thinking something big.”
“Big?” K’deem asked rising to his feet and trailing after Khivar, relieved that he wasn’t to be joining his ancestors so soon. His leader was most merciful.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Liz asked in hushed voice, her stomach jumping nervously with a combination of hope and outright fear. “You can still go meet up with Cal outside.”
“I’m not letting you do this alone,” Max said resolutely, forcing calm now that he’d made the only choice he could. He wasn’t about to leave her, not alone when she needed him to be there for her, even if there was nothing he could actually do. He could learn from his past.
“Okay, so we’re ready?” Liz asked looking to Max for the answer. She didn’t know why she was so nervous. It wasn’t like they didn’t know what the pentagram did, they’d both experienced it once before. Max had never said it was painful. In fact, later that night….best not to think about that. She was nervous enough.
“I think so,” Max answered reaching over to smooth her hair back, just to touch her. Reminding himself that he could, that he hadn’t yet completely lost that privilege.
“Maybe we should call the kids and..”
“We already did,” Max interrupted gently. “Five minutes ago.”
“Right,” Liz nodded firmly then sighed. “Okay, then I guess..”
Max brushed his thumb over her cheek to distract her for just a second, to take her away from this moment where she was a jumble of nerves, her mind flashing to all the possible outcomes of this experiment. Then he leaned forward and scooped up the pentagram from off the coffee table.
“Wait!” Liz said sharply before he could activate it.
“What’s wrong?” Max asked softly searching her eyes for clues to what she was thinking, the jittery feeling coming from her was not giving him an accurate picture to work with.
“What if this doesn’t work? What are we going to do then?” Liz asked forcing herself to meet his steady gaze, feeling her heart pounding in her throat. She wanted this so much, a solution to a small part of their problems. What was she going to do if this didn’t work?
“Then we’ll have to find something else that will. We’re on the right track, I think. Just give this a chance, if it doesn’t work we’ll find something else, together, okay?” Max asked and watched the anxiety drain out of her eyes even before she released his hand and nodded leaning into his side just enough to keep in contact with his body.
Closing his eyes he silently searched for the strength to see this through, to not allow his fear to overshadow her needs. He couldn’t fuck this up, it was too important.
It was the soft brush of her lips over the side of his jaw combined with the lightest of brush of her fingers over his whitened knuckles, where he was crushing the pentagram into his palm, that had him opening his eyes.
Looking into the rich chocolate depths of her eyes just then he saw the same certainty that had given him courage so many times before. Courage enough to jump off bridges holding onto nothing but her hand. She was his center, always had been, even when he’d lost sight of so many things including himself.
She had always clarified things for him. What it was to be human. What was expected of being human. She was the ruler he measured by.
“I’m ready,” Liz said softly nodding with conviction. They’d figure it out, even if they didn’t have a plan. She could go with the flow. Uh huh. So what if the last time she’d gotten carried along without a plan she’d crashed and burned. Life was a risk.
She’d take it.
Noah stared sightlessly at the TV, focusing on the inward plane. On that place inside that was warm and full, the place where he could reach through, out into the world.
He understood that this was like a test. A small test to see if something could take his Mommy from him again. From the place deep inside where he’d always felt her. Except for the time when he’d been locked alone in the dark place.
He believed that if he was strong enough, held on tight enough, that he would pass this test.
He’d listened intently to everything she’d said to him on the phone, about how she’d never leave him. That even if he didn’t feel her as strong as normal, she’d still be there. Always.
He believed her. His Mommy would never lie to him about that.
Besides, he would hold on to her as tightly as he could. He was bigger now and a lot stronger.
Looking down at the device held in the palm of his hand Max thought back to when Brody had activated it. Trithium aptification generator. That’s what Brody had called it. Had he turned it clockwise or counter clockwise? How far should he turn it?
Holding his breath he just went for it.
Liz saw the symbols flare with bright blue light that seemed to condense, setting the symbols ablaze before shooting out in a circular formation that hit her in the chest, the impact knocking the breath out of her and blurring her vision.
Blinking the tears from her eyes she struggled to catch her breath, looking to Max automatically to see if he was okay.
Even though he’d been expecting it, had gone through it once before, the impact took him by surprise.
Suddenly it was like he was deaf, like one of his senses was gone and the others blinking on and off, trying to fill the gap. The world tilted, his vision growing fuzzy and grey before clearing but still something important was missing. He felt impaired, handicapped.
He didn’t remember it like this, it hadn’t been this way the last time. He hadn’t really known anything was wrong until he’d tried to focus his energy into action.
“Max! Max! Are you okay?”
Shaking his head to clear it Liz’s voice finally registered and along with it a shard of fear so sharp it took him a moment to answer her. If he didn’t hear her, see her sitting right next to him he wouldn’t even know she existed, that she was so close that strands of her hair clung to the fabric of his shirt, reaching for him in delicate fly away wisps.
“I’m okay.”
Liz studied him closely, his grim tone didn’t match his spoken assurance. “Are you sure? You took so long to answer me I thought..”
Mustering up a smile he nodded, clearing his throat before speaking. “I’m sure, yeah, I’m okay. You?”
“Uh huh, it wasn’t as bad as I thought. It sort of took my breath away for a second but now I feel fine,” Liz assured him relieved.
Max blinked at the excitement beginning to spark in her eyes. How could she not feel it? That missing thing? Another shake of his head had the room spinning again in dizzying kaleidoscope of images and his stomach lurched in protest.
Liz rubbed at the center of her chest, the point of impact, hoping to ease some of the residual pain that lingered there. But really it wasn’t that bad.
K’deem almost ran into Khivar’s back as he came to an abrupt halt in the middle of inspecting the new enviropod. His breathing slits widened in agitation as he backed away. “You are well?”
Khivar barely heard him, absorbed instead by the sudden severing of faraway ties. An unfamiliar sense of uncertainty momentarily held him frozen as he sought for an answer to the sudden silence, slowly uncertainty bloomed into fear. Had he failed her? Had they acted so soon? Fear turned into cold rage, a much more comfortable state of being.
K’deem stumbled back as Khivar whirled, eyes a burning black flame cloaked for battle by their inner lids, his power stressing the walls of the new pod as it pushed outward, resonating in the closed space.
“Something has blocked her from me!” Khivar roared, consumed by ice even as flames curled the edges of the thistle covering the branches of the young huava trees around them.
K’deem trembled under the force of his rage, fear saturating the area around him like the stink of sickness hovering in the air around the dying.
“Find her! Now! Then explain to me how this has happened when she is under constant surveillance!” Khivar raged, already molting into full battle color.
“What has happened?” K’deem asked then bowed his head in submission as the fire leapt in Khivar’s eyes. “If she is gone? What do we do then?”
“Gone? When we have the best we have to offer guarding her day and night? What is this GONE? They had better have an answer to what has happened and then they will fix it! Now you find her!” Khivar roared, overshadowing the crackle of water turning suddenly to ice even as flames danced in the air inches away. “Then we will send a message that no one will misunderstand, not even our enemies.”
K’deem skittered away to carry out his orders, praying for the health of Liz Parker like he’d never prayed before, Great One hear him!
Noah felt the very moment the device was activated, the vibration traveled down to him as if a cord had been plucked somewhere inside.
He had a moment of panic where he felt once again the closeness of metal walls and the all-consuming darkness, so black and cold, but he held on, gripping tightly onto the fading warmth of his mother. Even after it continued to shrink he refused to let go, he wasn’t a baby anymore, he wouldn’t let go.
Erin’s fingers wrapped around his as she silently sat beside him, sharing his fear, lending her strength and support.
Together they sat, waiting to see if they’d be left completely on their own.
Isabel shared a glance with Dane, both of them wondering briefly about Javen and how he’d never seemed to demonstrate any sort of alien connection like the twins did. Of course Javen’s twin was dead, murdered by his birth mother Lonnie, who was also now dead. Had he had a connection to them like the twins did to each other and Liz?
Darting a glance across the room Isabel saw him still playing with the set of Lego’s he and Noah had dragged out earlier. Totally undisturbed.
“Noah?” Dane spoke as he moved to crouch next the children, hands still tightly clenched together.
“Mommy never lie to me,” Noah asserted firmly, as if Dane had dared to suggest the opposite. The tighter he held on the more insubstantial her presence became but fear spurred him on, tightened his grip, drawing from Erin to follow that tiny spark of warmth.
“No, of course she didn’t,” Dane soothed, worried by the look of fierce concentration and the beads of sweat dotting his upper lip and dampening his hair.
He didn’t understand Noah thought. He still needed her to stand between him and the scary things. She always made it better, always, but bad things happened when she wasn’t there. Scary things, things he didn’t understand but knew they hurt. Dragons came and there was fire and screaming, whole buildings disappearing in the fire.
“Noah,” Erin whimpered, seeing what he was seeing. “Da spark! I can’t feel it! Mommy, Noah go!”
Closing his eyes, Noah reached out farther, trying to grasp onto the fading presence, almost feeling the seeping chill of metal and the distorted images of strange people, monsters, peering in at him before hurting him again. Then he remembered the feeling of being lifted out of the cold void, cradled against warm softness, a voice he remembered murmuring to him, stroking his hair, his ears, rocking him in warmth and security, suddenly surrounded by a world full of things. Sharp sounds and bright lights, confusing pictures that moved so fast but he wasn’t afraid because nothing could touch him here, he was home. His call had been answered and he was safe.
Erin smiled as Noah relaxed, enfolded by his memories and held just as securely as if she’d been there with him. She wasn’t afraid anymore. She shared her memory of the constant presence of their mother, always there even when she didn’t answer. When they needed her Mommy always came. There was no need to be afraid, she was still there, just not as big, maybe not as close but still present. Like before they’d been born.
Once he accepted that the connection still existed, muted but still there, that he could still feel the lingering glow of his mother, Noah relaxed. Instead of holding onto it in a death grip he took it on faith that when he needed it, it would be there. Because in the end Mommy had always fought for him against the monsters, loved him before she met him, and had never left him alone in the dark without her. He’d carried a piece of her with him into that dark place, the monsters had built that place using part of her and that part had sustained him until she came to bring him home. He didn’t need that death grip to hold her to him she hadn’t let go.
“Well, I can’t heat water,” Liz commented absently, reaching deeper, trying harder to get the water in the coffee mug to boil. A simmer even. Anything above room temperature would prove she still had some access to her powers. “Can you?”
“Nope, nothing,” Max said attempting several of his gifts. No shield, no ability to manipulate matter either.
“Okay, so what now?” Liz asked oddly reluctant to venture into the more personal realm first. She was stepping as softly as she could through habit.
“We should talk,” Max said still bothered by that missing something. “See if something happens.”
“You mean see if I get upset and set the couch on fire?” Liz asked a half smile playing over her mouth at the look on Max’s face. “Don’t worry so much, Max. I promise not to leave because you might possibly upset me. We’re trying to take another step right?”
“Right,” Max agreed then decided to not wait for her to lead him through this conversation. “Okay, umm, the connection…”
“Our connection?” Liz pressed her eyebrow rising. No way was he going to use the generic. Either he wanted to talk, really talk, or he didn’t.
“Yes,” Max sighed repressing the urge to roll his eyes. “Our connection.”
“Ohh, our connection,” Liz nodded then bit her lip to keep from smiling. “The connection we made when…we bonded. Gotcha. Please continue.”
Max almost groaned, she was going to be difficult. “Is it different now? Was it effected by the TAG?”
“Tag? The pentagram?” Liz asked drawing her legs up underneath her before slanting a look at him. “You sound so professional.”
“Yes, the pentagram,” Max grumbled flopping back against the couch, reluctantly filled with a combination of amusement and relief. Teasing him meant she really was okay.
“Umm I’m not the best judge of that, really so…,” Liz relented, answering his question. “I can’t feel you but that’s not…”
“Unusual,” Max finished turning his head enough to watch her jerky nod of agreement. Was this how she felt all the time? Every day she carried this emptiness around? “Was it always like this?”
“No,” Liz blurted out quickly. “After the babies you were so great. Even before that really, it wasn’t until…”
“Until what?” Max asked genuinely interested.
“Umm, well, if we’re talking about after the twins then it wasn’t until after you and Cal found that Skin trying to get past the gate,” Liz said watching Max closely, seeing the tighting around his eyes. “It was sometime after that. Not all at once or I would have said something. But you left and spent more and more time away and….”
Coming to a decision Liz caught her breath and held it for a moment before continuing. He wasn’t going to talk about this unless she opened this topic of conversation. “Did you think I didn’t know? That I couldn’t tell what you were doing? I knew that you found more then just that one, there were some on Cal’s staff weren’t there?”
“Yes,” Max admitted. “Some of the people applying for the nanny position. One of the gardeners. Even at the studio, a file clerk I think.”
Liz nodded, not surprised. “I knew because you weren’t totally closed to me then. When you felt something strongly, I knew. I didn’t say anything because…” Liz paused nibbling at her bottom lip nervously. “I didn’t know what to say. Thank you? I just….I couldn’t hardly manage what I was already dealing with and then that started.”
“That’s why I just took care of it,” Max said as he took her hand, winding his fingers through hers.
“I know, but I should have said something. I just…I didn’t completely agree with hunting them down like….but I knew you needed to. You needed to know the kids were safe and…” Liz gripped his fingers ashamed of what she’d done, or hadn’t done.
“You too, Liz. I needed to make sure that no one could get close enough to you to hurt you again,” Max interrupted, as unable to accurately describe that drive to protect his family that had overwhelmed him back then. Seeing that Skin slipping inside the gate had brought something out in him that he couldn’t put words to. Finding out that they were trying to reach his kids had only deepened his resolve, fanned the flames of his rage as he imagined facing Liz if anything should happen to them. He’d failed to keep Liz safe once, he’d vowed to do whatever he had to not to fail again.
“I know,” Liz whispered closing her eyes to he wouldn’t see the tears filling her eyes. That was the worst part, she remembered the tangled mess that had been his emotions back then. The guilt and shame of the past confronted with fear for the future. “I couldn’t argue with you because a part of me felt the same.”
“You did argue with me,” Max reminded her. “You said that the Skins must have known about Cal for years and maybe they were just keeping tabs on him. That we didn’t know that there was any danger from any others. That we couldn’t live the rest of our lives afraid, back in that place where Tess had put us.”
“Yes, but that didn’t change your mind. All of the other things I said didn’t make an impression either. The one thing I could have said to change your mind I didn’t.”
Max released her fingers to brush his thumb over her cheek, watching her eyes flutter open and focus on his. He found he didn’t need some mystic tie to her to feel an echo of her inside him. She was transparent when he chose to look. “What do you think you could have said?”
“I could have told you that I needed you, at home with me and the kids, but I didn’t. I was afraid, afraid to take that step when…”
“When you still didn’t trust me. Liz, I understood that, I did. We weren’t ready for that and even if you had said it I don’t know that it would have made a difference.”
Liz shook her head, angry that he still didn’t understand. Ashamed of her for not making sure that he did understand. “No, it’s not that I didn’t trust you. I would trust you with my life, the lives of our children, I’ve done both and never blinked an eye. It’s this bond. I didn’t trust this thing, this bond that didn’t feel right. I didn’t remember creating it, not like personally remember it. It was like watching a movie and thinking oh my god that me, you know? It didn’t feel real, or something. It just seemed to hurt, all the time. It felt like part of what had been done to us, not our choice but just something that had happened by accident. How could I trust that? How could I when I didn’t trust myself anymore? My memories weren’t mine and some of the things I did…..I didn’t even feel like me anymore. I just wanted to get some of that back, to have something that I knew was really me before I could make any promises to you. All of the things I felt for you were wrapped up in what had happened and I couldn’t be sure that they wouldn’t always be. I didn’t feel strong enough to sort through it all when I wasn’t sure that I could make to the next two am feeding. It was just so much all at once. But if I had asked you to stay, I knew you would have. But I still didn’t ask and I have to wonder if it was just because I didn’t want to deal with it or because I knew you needed to protect us, to take control when neither of us had had any before. I still not sure which it was.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Max said, cupping his hand behind her neck when she sighed, making her look at him, needing her to hear him. “Remember Paris? When we could just walk down the street with the kids and not worry? That was worth it. It was worth everything I did for that feeling, to not have to always look over our shoulder. I just wish we still had that.”
“Max, it changed you. So much, gradually you shut down and what was a sometimes thing became even more rare. Was it really worth it?” Liz asked softly. “It gave you nightmares.”
“I already had some of those,” Max reminded her, loving her even more, without any alien connection at all. “I just didn’t want you to feel..” What he’d felt. Every time he’d hunted down another threat he hadn’t wanted her to be dragged along for the ride. She’d had enough to deal with and it had been his burden to bare. He could carry this burden, she carried more then enough for both of them. “I didn’t mean to keep myself closed off all the time. That’s not what I was trying to do.”
“I know,” Liz agreed. She wasn’t even sure if that was the reason for the state of their connection. It had happened before that too, even before all that had happened with Alex and Tess. In fact, technically they hadn’t even cemented their bond when it had started the first time. It was something to think about. To talk over.
“It is believed that they have found one of the trithium aptification generators and have activated it,” K’deem reported so relieved himself that he wasn’t as guarded as normal, filling the air with his thoughts. “Langley is stationed just outside their home but the initial flash was noticed.”
Khivar mulled that over, weighing the harm against any possible good. “Punish them.”
“Punish the K’liusi?” K’deem asked in shock. “But, but..”
“No! Not Liz! I am supposed be made aware of ANYTHING that happens, not just when her house is invaded! What good could I do then? They are to report everything they see, EVERYTHING!”
Bowing low in the submissive posture of his kind K’deem remained there, prostate before his leader. “It will be done. I offer most humble apologies.”
Khivar sighed heavily, seeking calm. “Rise please, K’deem. We can not afford any lapses no matter how small. That can not be tolerated. Now, let’s move on to the message I want sent. I’m thinking something big.”
“Big?” K’deem asked rising to his feet and trailing after Khivar, relieved that he wasn’t to be joining his ancestors so soon. His leader was most merciful.
Chapter Thirty Seven
“Did you find them?” Liz asked having to struggle to raise her voice above a whisper. “The ones on the tape?”
“Some of them,” Max answered not offering up anymore information. He’d love to get a hold of Burns but so far he’d managed to bury any trace of his whereabouts.
Liz nodded, her stomach sinking in reaction to his conformation. Did she really want to know this? If her nightmares had any basis in reality? Looking over at his closed expression her stomach sank even further.
She had to close her eyes against the pictures flashing through her mind. What happened to a Skin’s husk when it was breached, the limits of its self-sealing capabilities were emblazoned on her brain, given to her through experience not her own.
“Oh.”
At her quiet exclamation Max glanced over to find tears pooling under her eyes, gathering there for the journey down her cheek. “Liz, don’t you dare cry for them. Not after what they did to you. Don’t you see? They weren’t going to stop. They weren’t ever going to just leave us alone.” Max dragged his fingers through his hair, the only outward sign of his deep-seated rage concerning those better off dead then walking this planet.
“I know. I’m not crying,” Liz agreed calmly, gathering her strength and meeting his eyes. “I just wish you hadn’t seen that tape. I didn’t want you to.”
“Before that I didn’t understand,” Max said using his thumb to catch the moisture trailing down to meet the line of her jaw. “Even after Pierce, I just didn’t understand how far some people would go. Seeing them cut our babies out of you….There’s just no limit. No one’s safe from those people. I couldn’t let them walk away from that like it was nothing. I couldn’t let them have the chance to try again.”
“There’s always going to be somebody, Max.” Liz looked away to gather her thoughts. She knew he’d had a lot of trouble getting past what had happened to him with Pierce, but she was really afraid he couldn’t get past what had happened to her. Seeing it, even second hand, had birthed the sort of rage she’d never dreamed that someone as gentle as he’d been was capable of.
Looking back, she wondered if he’d known somewhere deep inside all along, even before seeing the video footage of Tess’s violations and the true depth of her betrayal. She wondered if he’d felt anything like what she’d felt, the sense of betrayal and the rage festering inside that she’d had no idea what to do with, or where it had come from. She’d known, in some deep dark hidden corner that something was very wrong. All the bursts of anger after Alex died, the screaming and fighting, the broken feeling she’d carried for so long without knowing where it had come from. She hadn’t known because Tess had taken the actual memory, but she couldn’t take away everything, the emotions had stayed behind, the knowledge had been there all along hidden away inside her.
“That may be true but it’ll be a different somebody,” Max said mulishly, folding his arms over his chest and leaning away from her to settle back into the couch cushions.
A flicker of a smile hovered over her mouth thinking he looked a lot like Noah did when confronted by something he didn’t like. “I’m not criticizing you, Max. I’m just saying that waiting for that feeling of complete safety after what’s happened to us might be asking for too much. They’ve never been gone, even when we were in Paris, Khivar was there all along, watching. We can’t change that because we can’t change who we are. Even if you hunted down every Skin on the entire planet there’d still be humans left that can be just as monstrous.”
Tired of skirting the real issue, the reason behind the rage that had driven Max from place to place, always searching for someone who wasn’t there to be found. She was dead, but that wasn’t enough was it? “There’s no possible way of getting even, Max, not ever. For that to happen Tess would have to be alive and we’d have to rip her open and steal her children, decimate everyone she knows everything she’s ever loved, and that’s just not possible. Baby, she’s dead. I know you’re angry but the one you’re angry with is long past caring, you can’t get even with a ghost.”
Max’s jaw tightened, muscles bunching and twitching before he forced his jaw to relax enough to speak. “She got off too easy. I should have…done something differently. Anything, just something and…Why didn’t I see it? I KNEW she wasn’t one of us and still..”
“Sometimes seeing doesn’t even help,” Liz admitted on a weary sigh. “I never trusted her, I loathed her right from the beginning. I tried not to but…I hated her. Still I went ahead and set you up, pushed you at her really. I could have done a lot of things differently too. But we didn’t. If only I had been more cautious, not rushed through that door so fast, she wouldn’t have been able blast me like she did and I would have been…”
“Alive to watch me kill her?” Max asked tonelessly.
“I was going to say awake,” Liz corrected giving him a pointed look. “She didn’t kill me. I’m here aren’t I?”
“Liz,” Max sighed tiredly, this was a long held point of contention. She always tried to minimize it. No matter how stubborn Liz was, she couldn’t talk him around that point. He remembered those few moments with a crystal clarity that still had the power to fill his gut with ice. He’d known she was gone, not just hurt, not just out of reach but gone. The feeling he’d had then had sent him over the edge. He could watch entire planets destroyed and never have that same feeling. Liz just didn’t understand that. “You weren’t sleeping or just hurt. You can’t talk me around that. Even right now, with the connection to you closed it’s not the same. That was completely different, it wasn’t emptiness, it was an acute shredded wound that I knew would always be there, that would never heal. I would have ripped her apart, if you hadn’t come back I wouldn’t have needed any crystal to kill her, I would have dismantled her with my bare hands and I wouldn’t have stopped until there was nothing left.”
“I can’t argue with that,” Liz shrugged easily, noting Max’s incredulous look. “Hey, I’d tried to kill her before you even got there, by beating her head into the floor. Who am I to say you’re wrong? That wasn’t my point anyway. I just don’t want you to hurt anymore, that’s all. We got through it the only way we knew how. She wasn’t so lucky and that’s something, right?”
“Right,” Max agreed relaxing, only to tense back up with her next shift in topic.
“So why do you want Kyle staying here?” Liz asked in a deceptively soft voice, watching closely.
“Why not? We talked about this. Michael wasn’t a good idea but Kyle..”
“Max, you glued his zipper shut when he visited me in California,” Liz reminded him and watched his mouth snap shut before opening to explain himself. Holding up her hand she pinned him with a look. “I’m sure he doesn’t want to go through that again.”
“I didn’t glue his zipper,” Max protested.
“Glue, alien mojo, whatever, the effect was the same! I had to cut off his pants, Max!” Liz huffed in remembered outrage. “Didn’t think about that did you? Bet you didn’t know he was going commando either!”
Max closed his eyes, once again regretting that incident. “I would have fixed it if he’d asked.”
“Yeah, right, like he trusted you near his….Like that was going to happen,” Liz scoffed rolling her eyes.
“He let you near him,” Max pointed out, shutting up when Liz glared at him. Holding up his hands in surrender he moved on. “I promise I won’t do anything to him. Or his zipper.”
“Why did you do it? What was going through your head?” Liz asked, befuddled by his out of proportion action.
“It was an impulse, I didn’t think it through. After he saw you, you know, naked, I thought maybe he might….do something so….it was stupid. I apologized.” Max cut off his explanation knowing she wouldn’t want to hear it. Kyle had been rattled but he was still male. Liz just didn’t seem to see herself the same way others saw her. She acted as if it was out of the realm of possibility that anyone would be attracted to her. It was ridiculous.
“Do something? Please! He couldn’t even look me in the eye!” Catching Max muttering something under his breath about where he could look had her giving him the stink eye. “He wasn’t over come by the desire to do anything but forget the whole thing happened! His face was so red I thought he was going to have a stroke! Then you melted his zipper shut,” Liz paused when she saw Max start to smile. “It wasn’t funny! I could’ve cut something important.”
“Kyle doesn’t have anything that important,” Max assured her, laughing when she slapped him on the arm. “Seriously, Kyle’s cool with it now. He understood.”
“Then help me to understand. Don’t you trust me? Is that what it was?” Liz asked studying him closely, trying to figure him out.
“No, it wasn’t that. Not how you mean. If you had been interested in Kyle I wouldn’t have liked it.” As Liz’s eyebrow arched expressing her disbelief he amended his last statement. “Okay, I would have hated it but I wouldn’t have had the right to do anything about it. But you weren’t there yet. You weren’t thinking along those lines. I just wanted Kyle to know he shouldn’t be either.”
“Right,” Liz nodded. “And the fact that we ended up half naked on the couch right before that didn’t effect your thinking at all.”
“No, it did. Liz, you freaked. You shoved me into the hall and shut the door in my face. I was left holding my clothes and staring at the closed, bolted, door to your apartment ten seconds after you rolled off the couch. Trust me, that definitely effected my thinking. What would you have done if he had hit on you? Even just a little, after that?”
Liz sighed, looking away. “I don’t know but he wouldn’t have. He didn’t. We’re friends, Max. Really close friends but it’s not like that. I was a little…twitchy maybe but..”
“Uh-huh,” Max said mildly. “That’s why you clobbered that guy over the head with your text book. Because you were a little twitchy.”
“No, I didn’t “clobber” him. I “accidentally” dropped a book on his head. He didn’t need it for anything anyway, he never even used it,” Liz defended ignoring Max’s look that clearly said he wasn’t buying what she was selling. “His head, not the textbook. That was mine. Anyway, it wouldn’t have hit him at all if he hadn’t been standing so close. That has nothing to with Kyle.”
“Maybe not, but it had everything to do with you, which is what I care about. I didn’t want him to push you. It seemed like a good idea at the time,” Max gave in, he knew he couldn’t win this. He’d been reacting badly in his own way and he’d been a little worried. He wouldn’t have blamed Liz if she had wanted to try dating a normal guy. He’d have hated it but he couldn’t have blamed her. “I’m sorry about that but this is different. Kyle’s a..you know, he’s a good guy and…he won’t push your buttons like Michael does so why not?”
“Um because you get this insanity problem around Kyle maybe?” Liz asked sweetly.
“Nah, I’m fine with him. Really. Don’t make this into a big thing.”
“Right, you only got drunk with him…”
“In high school! One time! Come on!” Max protested heatedly.
“And glued his zipper shut. And ran into the goal post trying to out do him while playing “touch” football. And got hit in the eye with the end of the kids plastic bat because you were too busy keeping an eye on Kyle instead of the kids. And then there was the time you sent him into the lab without warning him about Claude.”
“Not my fault Kyle’s Claude’s fantasy of a hot American boy toy,” Max said with a perfectly straight face. And he hadn’t been watching Kyle when he hit the goal post or got hit in the eye. “How was I to know Kyle’s baby blues would strike Claude like that?”
“I don’t think it was his eyes that did the trick. What I want to know is how you got him to put on that tool belt,” Liz asked poking Max in the side with her finger when his lips quivered suspiciously.
Max just shrugged innocently. “I don’t know why Kyle does the things he does.”
Liz sighed and raked her fingers through her hair. “You two have this weird thing you do around each other. I don’t think it’s a good idea to have him staying here right now. Not if you’re going to get all these strange ideas and odd lapses in logic like you usually do when he’s around.”
“I told you, Liz, we’re straight. I called him and we’re in agreement, don’t worry,” Max grinned, leaning forward to kiss her forehead, not missing her eye roll.
“But I do worry. This is our house and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable in your own home. You get a little…hinky about Kyle, unnecessarily but still,” Liz worried her bottom lip with her teeth, maybe Michael wasn’t so bad. She could put up with him for awhile longer. Now that she could zap away her powers if she got too worked up. Residual guilt over what she’d done to Max when she’d asked for Kyle’s help made her squeamish about accepting his help now.
“Not this time,” Max promised, putting his hand over his heart when she didn’t look convinced. “I’d feel better knowing you had someone you could count on around if I’m not here.”
“He doesn’t have to move in for that.”
“We can talk about it. We don’t have to make up our minds now,” Max said thinking he’d have time to convince her that he could behave before Kyle arrived. “We better turn this thing off. It’s been long enough for this first time. Besides, I have something I want to show you.”
“What?” Liz asked watching as he leaned over to pick up the pentagram, diverted despite herself by the sparkle in his eyes.
“In a second. Come here.”
Liz held out her hand and allowed Max to pull her up next to him. “What are you doing?”
“I want to try this, just this without anything else,” Max murmured leaning in to brush his mouth over hers. Striving for a sense of closeness that was missing, looking for a connection that wasn’t driven by anything more otherworldly then the desire he’d always had for her.
“Okay,” Liz agreed softly against his mouth. Sliding her arms around his neck she settled into his arms like she still fit there.
Splaying his hand over her lower back he held her lightly, not trapping her there but giving her the room to move if she should choose to, coaxing her to stay with the soft caress of his mouth on hers.
When he pulled away Liz smiled slightly. “That was nice but it didn’t exactly show me anything new.”
Max searched her eyes, unsatisfied but unable to say why. He still felt all the things he normally did physically, the rush of anticipation just before he kissed her, the kick to his heart rate, but still there was definitely something missing that had always been there before.
Not that he wouldn’t kiss her again right now.
“That wasn’t what I wanted to show you. I just wanted to see….I don’t know. It’s nice not to think about flashes right?” Max asked tugging at his ear still feeling uncomfortable despite Liz’s light teasing.
“Oh, this was an experiment. You should have told me,” Liz chided lightly, going up on her toes to close a little of the distance caused by their difference in height. “I would have done better. I don’t get flashes from pecks on the cheek.”
“That wasn’t a..”
Liz cut off the rest of what he’d about to say by tugging his head down to hers.
Two seconds in Max forgot about the reason behind her kiss, the word experiment was no longer in his vocabulary, the soft push of her tongue had rendered him speechless. She took possession and had him very happy about that fact, the reason didn’t much matter to him in that moment.
Everything in him leapt to meet her.
Feeling his fingers tighten, flexing against her bare back, Liz snuggled closer clutching at his hot damp T-shirt needing balance and something solid to hold onto. The feeling of his teeth tugging at her lip had her going from feeling a little warm to instantly hotter then hell and not thinking clearly. The little mewling noise she made became an outright moan when his teeth sank in just a little deeper holding her for the sweep of his tongue.
He left her feeling just a hint of fear, this was so easy, it had always been easy but that was just an illusion, despite the exhilaration that hummed throughout her body. Her fears were constantly combating the underlying rightness that touching him gave her. The rasp of his tongue and teeth called to something more powerful then her fears and left her aching for something just out of reach.
At the end, they were left panting for breath, foreheads resting together, reluctant to part.
Feathering her fingers over his neck, restlessly moving on to his shoulders she savored this reprieve from heavier topics.
“No flashes?” Max asked knowing the answer before she slowly shook her head no. Running his hands down to the swell of her hips, he sighed, relieved on one hand but also disappointed. Not about the flashes but in her ready acceptance of less then he should be giving her. She seemed fine with it, like nothing was missing at all. Or maybe it was that the pentagram stopped her from reaching for more, kept her from even hoping that this time might be different, he wasn’t sure. “Ready for me to turn this thing off?”
“Yeah, ready,” Liz breathed stepping away and fiddling with her clothes nervously while Max figured out how to turn it off.
There was a quick flash of light then it looked as it had before, still and harmless.
Max breathed easier the moment it was off, like the pressure that had restricted his ability to breathe freely was suddenly gone. He reached for her immediately by instinct, both physically and through their bond.
Liz’s eyes flew automatically to his, feeling an undeniably strong pull to him, a need to touch him, to allow a heightened state of closeness that encompassed more then mere touching. Like the flood of feeling to a limb that had fallen asleep it was slightly uncomfortable but she didn’t fight it, her fingers slipped into his, already she was rising to meet him, flowing as easily into him as if she knew the way by heart.
He guided her closer, hugging her to him, finally satisfied now that he could feel the glow of her in his chest.
Neither pushed for more, too wary of damaging what felt tender and new, taking what they could and giving more then felt safe.
“Let’s go for a drive,” Max whispered, smiling when he felt Liz’s confusion over his sudden change in mood. He felt it. Laughing softly he squeezed her lifting her feet from the floor before setting her down.
Shaking her head at his sudden burst of happiness she smiled even as she protested. “It’s really late, Max, and I’m not really dressed to go out.”
“You look great, come on, I’ve still got something to show you,” Max urged looking over her low riding comfortable jogging pants and brief little tank top.
“Okay, just let me find my shoes,” Liz agreed, unable to refuse him when he was so excited about whatever he wanted to show her. Rooting around the living room for her tennies she gently reached out to the twins, checking to make sure they’d come through things without major incident, vastly relieved to find them sound asleep.
Wow. Okay, so far so good. The experiment results were looking good so far.
Cal leaned against the wall beside the garage smoking a cigar a desperate screenwriter had given him while pitching the worst idea ever conceived, at least the cigars were good, while keeping an eye open for trouble.
The sound of cursing from next door had him straightening and looking over at the house next door to find a guy wrestling with his trash can. Rolling his eyes he was about to turn away when he thought he recognized one particular curse in a language he hadn’t heard in a long time. Sharpening his senses he studied the neighbor closely.
Slightly on the heavyset side, like an athlete got to pot, there wasn’t anything remarkable about him. Plain as any other middle American family man.
“Hey, you looking for something?”
Cal’s eyebrows shot up at the other man’s remark and he pushed away from the wall, ready to move quickly if it was called for. “Nope, just visiting. Kitten doesn’t allow any smoking in the house. Not even for me. Trash problem?” Cal asked not bothering to hide his snarky tone, indicating the abandoned can and the overflowing bag resting half in half out of the can.
“Oh, yeah, my wife won’t ever take out the trash so it’s always a problem.”
“Right. Well, Bob, don’t let me keep you,” Cal said dismissively.
“Actually the names, Stu.”
“Stew? Nice. Gotta run,” Cal said stubbing out his cigar on the wall. Freak.
“Did you find them?” Liz asked having to struggle to raise her voice above a whisper. “The ones on the tape?”
“Some of them,” Max answered not offering up anymore information. He’d love to get a hold of Burns but so far he’d managed to bury any trace of his whereabouts.
Liz nodded, her stomach sinking in reaction to his conformation. Did she really want to know this? If her nightmares had any basis in reality? Looking over at his closed expression her stomach sank even further.
She had to close her eyes against the pictures flashing through her mind. What happened to a Skin’s husk when it was breached, the limits of its self-sealing capabilities were emblazoned on her brain, given to her through experience not her own.
“Oh.”
At her quiet exclamation Max glanced over to find tears pooling under her eyes, gathering there for the journey down her cheek. “Liz, don’t you dare cry for them. Not after what they did to you. Don’t you see? They weren’t going to stop. They weren’t ever going to just leave us alone.” Max dragged his fingers through his hair, the only outward sign of his deep-seated rage concerning those better off dead then walking this planet.
“I know. I’m not crying,” Liz agreed calmly, gathering her strength and meeting his eyes. “I just wish you hadn’t seen that tape. I didn’t want you to.”
“Before that I didn’t understand,” Max said using his thumb to catch the moisture trailing down to meet the line of her jaw. “Even after Pierce, I just didn’t understand how far some people would go. Seeing them cut our babies out of you….There’s just no limit. No one’s safe from those people. I couldn’t let them walk away from that like it was nothing. I couldn’t let them have the chance to try again.”
“There’s always going to be somebody, Max.” Liz looked away to gather her thoughts. She knew he’d had a lot of trouble getting past what had happened to him with Pierce, but she was really afraid he couldn’t get past what had happened to her. Seeing it, even second hand, had birthed the sort of rage she’d never dreamed that someone as gentle as he’d been was capable of.
Looking back, she wondered if he’d known somewhere deep inside all along, even before seeing the video footage of Tess’s violations and the true depth of her betrayal. She wondered if he’d felt anything like what she’d felt, the sense of betrayal and the rage festering inside that she’d had no idea what to do with, or where it had come from. She’d known, in some deep dark hidden corner that something was very wrong. All the bursts of anger after Alex died, the screaming and fighting, the broken feeling she’d carried for so long without knowing where it had come from. She hadn’t known because Tess had taken the actual memory, but she couldn’t take away everything, the emotions had stayed behind, the knowledge had been there all along hidden away inside her.
“That may be true but it’ll be a different somebody,” Max said mulishly, folding his arms over his chest and leaning away from her to settle back into the couch cushions.
A flicker of a smile hovered over her mouth thinking he looked a lot like Noah did when confronted by something he didn’t like. “I’m not criticizing you, Max. I’m just saying that waiting for that feeling of complete safety after what’s happened to us might be asking for too much. They’ve never been gone, even when we were in Paris, Khivar was there all along, watching. We can’t change that because we can’t change who we are. Even if you hunted down every Skin on the entire planet there’d still be humans left that can be just as monstrous.”
Tired of skirting the real issue, the reason behind the rage that had driven Max from place to place, always searching for someone who wasn’t there to be found. She was dead, but that wasn’t enough was it? “There’s no possible way of getting even, Max, not ever. For that to happen Tess would have to be alive and we’d have to rip her open and steal her children, decimate everyone she knows everything she’s ever loved, and that’s just not possible. Baby, she’s dead. I know you’re angry but the one you’re angry with is long past caring, you can’t get even with a ghost.”
Max’s jaw tightened, muscles bunching and twitching before he forced his jaw to relax enough to speak. “She got off too easy. I should have…done something differently. Anything, just something and…Why didn’t I see it? I KNEW she wasn’t one of us and still..”
“Sometimes seeing doesn’t even help,” Liz admitted on a weary sigh. “I never trusted her, I loathed her right from the beginning. I tried not to but…I hated her. Still I went ahead and set you up, pushed you at her really. I could have done a lot of things differently too. But we didn’t. If only I had been more cautious, not rushed through that door so fast, she wouldn’t have been able blast me like she did and I would have been…”
“Alive to watch me kill her?” Max asked tonelessly.
“I was going to say awake,” Liz corrected giving him a pointed look. “She didn’t kill me. I’m here aren’t I?”
“Liz,” Max sighed tiredly, this was a long held point of contention. She always tried to minimize it. No matter how stubborn Liz was, she couldn’t talk him around that point. He remembered those few moments with a crystal clarity that still had the power to fill his gut with ice. He’d known she was gone, not just hurt, not just out of reach but gone. The feeling he’d had then had sent him over the edge. He could watch entire planets destroyed and never have that same feeling. Liz just didn’t understand that. “You weren’t sleeping or just hurt. You can’t talk me around that. Even right now, with the connection to you closed it’s not the same. That was completely different, it wasn’t emptiness, it was an acute shredded wound that I knew would always be there, that would never heal. I would have ripped her apart, if you hadn’t come back I wouldn’t have needed any crystal to kill her, I would have dismantled her with my bare hands and I wouldn’t have stopped until there was nothing left.”
“I can’t argue with that,” Liz shrugged easily, noting Max’s incredulous look. “Hey, I’d tried to kill her before you even got there, by beating her head into the floor. Who am I to say you’re wrong? That wasn’t my point anyway. I just don’t want you to hurt anymore, that’s all. We got through it the only way we knew how. She wasn’t so lucky and that’s something, right?”
“Right,” Max agreed relaxing, only to tense back up with her next shift in topic.
“So why do you want Kyle staying here?” Liz asked in a deceptively soft voice, watching closely.
“Why not? We talked about this. Michael wasn’t a good idea but Kyle..”
“Max, you glued his zipper shut when he visited me in California,” Liz reminded him and watched his mouth snap shut before opening to explain himself. Holding up her hand she pinned him with a look. “I’m sure he doesn’t want to go through that again.”
“I didn’t glue his zipper,” Max protested.
“Glue, alien mojo, whatever, the effect was the same! I had to cut off his pants, Max!” Liz huffed in remembered outrage. “Didn’t think about that did you? Bet you didn’t know he was going commando either!”
Max closed his eyes, once again regretting that incident. “I would have fixed it if he’d asked.”
“Yeah, right, like he trusted you near his….Like that was going to happen,” Liz scoffed rolling her eyes.
“He let you near him,” Max pointed out, shutting up when Liz glared at him. Holding up his hands in surrender he moved on. “I promise I won’t do anything to him. Or his zipper.”
“Why did you do it? What was going through your head?” Liz asked, befuddled by his out of proportion action.
“It was an impulse, I didn’t think it through. After he saw you, you know, naked, I thought maybe he might….do something so….it was stupid. I apologized.” Max cut off his explanation knowing she wouldn’t want to hear it. Kyle had been rattled but he was still male. Liz just didn’t seem to see herself the same way others saw her. She acted as if it was out of the realm of possibility that anyone would be attracted to her. It was ridiculous.
“Do something? Please! He couldn’t even look me in the eye!” Catching Max muttering something under his breath about where he could look had her giving him the stink eye. “He wasn’t over come by the desire to do anything but forget the whole thing happened! His face was so red I thought he was going to have a stroke! Then you melted his zipper shut,” Liz paused when she saw Max start to smile. “It wasn’t funny! I could’ve cut something important.”
“Kyle doesn’t have anything that important,” Max assured her, laughing when she slapped him on the arm. “Seriously, Kyle’s cool with it now. He understood.”
“Then help me to understand. Don’t you trust me? Is that what it was?” Liz asked studying him closely, trying to figure him out.
“No, it wasn’t that. Not how you mean. If you had been interested in Kyle I wouldn’t have liked it.” As Liz’s eyebrow arched expressing her disbelief he amended his last statement. “Okay, I would have hated it but I wouldn’t have had the right to do anything about it. But you weren’t there yet. You weren’t thinking along those lines. I just wanted Kyle to know he shouldn’t be either.”
“Right,” Liz nodded. “And the fact that we ended up half naked on the couch right before that didn’t effect your thinking at all.”
“No, it did. Liz, you freaked. You shoved me into the hall and shut the door in my face. I was left holding my clothes and staring at the closed, bolted, door to your apartment ten seconds after you rolled off the couch. Trust me, that definitely effected my thinking. What would you have done if he had hit on you? Even just a little, after that?”
Liz sighed, looking away. “I don’t know but he wouldn’t have. He didn’t. We’re friends, Max. Really close friends but it’s not like that. I was a little…twitchy maybe but..”
“Uh-huh,” Max said mildly. “That’s why you clobbered that guy over the head with your text book. Because you were a little twitchy.”
“No, I didn’t “clobber” him. I “accidentally” dropped a book on his head. He didn’t need it for anything anyway, he never even used it,” Liz defended ignoring Max’s look that clearly said he wasn’t buying what she was selling. “His head, not the textbook. That was mine. Anyway, it wouldn’t have hit him at all if he hadn’t been standing so close. That has nothing to with Kyle.”
“Maybe not, but it had everything to do with you, which is what I care about. I didn’t want him to push you. It seemed like a good idea at the time,” Max gave in, he knew he couldn’t win this. He’d been reacting badly in his own way and he’d been a little worried. He wouldn’t have blamed Liz if she had wanted to try dating a normal guy. He’d have hated it but he couldn’t have blamed her. “I’m sorry about that but this is different. Kyle’s a..you know, he’s a good guy and…he won’t push your buttons like Michael does so why not?”
“Um because you get this insanity problem around Kyle maybe?” Liz asked sweetly.
“Nah, I’m fine with him. Really. Don’t make this into a big thing.”
“Right, you only got drunk with him…”
“In high school! One time! Come on!” Max protested heatedly.
“And glued his zipper shut. And ran into the goal post trying to out do him while playing “touch” football. And got hit in the eye with the end of the kids plastic bat because you were too busy keeping an eye on Kyle instead of the kids. And then there was the time you sent him into the lab without warning him about Claude.”
“Not my fault Kyle’s Claude’s fantasy of a hot American boy toy,” Max said with a perfectly straight face. And he hadn’t been watching Kyle when he hit the goal post or got hit in the eye. “How was I to know Kyle’s baby blues would strike Claude like that?”
“I don’t think it was his eyes that did the trick. What I want to know is how you got him to put on that tool belt,” Liz asked poking Max in the side with her finger when his lips quivered suspiciously.
Max just shrugged innocently. “I don’t know why Kyle does the things he does.”
Liz sighed and raked her fingers through her hair. “You two have this weird thing you do around each other. I don’t think it’s a good idea to have him staying here right now. Not if you’re going to get all these strange ideas and odd lapses in logic like you usually do when he’s around.”
“I told you, Liz, we’re straight. I called him and we’re in agreement, don’t worry,” Max grinned, leaning forward to kiss her forehead, not missing her eye roll.
“But I do worry. This is our house and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable in your own home. You get a little…hinky about Kyle, unnecessarily but still,” Liz worried her bottom lip with her teeth, maybe Michael wasn’t so bad. She could put up with him for awhile longer. Now that she could zap away her powers if she got too worked up. Residual guilt over what she’d done to Max when she’d asked for Kyle’s help made her squeamish about accepting his help now.
“Not this time,” Max promised, putting his hand over his heart when she didn’t look convinced. “I’d feel better knowing you had someone you could count on around if I’m not here.”
“He doesn’t have to move in for that.”
“We can talk about it. We don’t have to make up our minds now,” Max said thinking he’d have time to convince her that he could behave before Kyle arrived. “We better turn this thing off. It’s been long enough for this first time. Besides, I have something I want to show you.”
“What?” Liz asked watching as he leaned over to pick up the pentagram, diverted despite herself by the sparkle in his eyes.
“In a second. Come here.”
Liz held out her hand and allowed Max to pull her up next to him. “What are you doing?”
“I want to try this, just this without anything else,” Max murmured leaning in to brush his mouth over hers. Striving for a sense of closeness that was missing, looking for a connection that wasn’t driven by anything more otherworldly then the desire he’d always had for her.
“Okay,” Liz agreed softly against his mouth. Sliding her arms around his neck she settled into his arms like she still fit there.
Splaying his hand over her lower back he held her lightly, not trapping her there but giving her the room to move if she should choose to, coaxing her to stay with the soft caress of his mouth on hers.
When he pulled away Liz smiled slightly. “That was nice but it didn’t exactly show me anything new.”
Max searched her eyes, unsatisfied but unable to say why. He still felt all the things he normally did physically, the rush of anticipation just before he kissed her, the kick to his heart rate, but still there was definitely something missing that had always been there before.
Not that he wouldn’t kiss her again right now.
“That wasn’t what I wanted to show you. I just wanted to see….I don’t know. It’s nice not to think about flashes right?” Max asked tugging at his ear still feeling uncomfortable despite Liz’s light teasing.
“Oh, this was an experiment. You should have told me,” Liz chided lightly, going up on her toes to close a little of the distance caused by their difference in height. “I would have done better. I don’t get flashes from pecks on the cheek.”
“That wasn’t a..”
Liz cut off the rest of what he’d about to say by tugging his head down to hers.
Two seconds in Max forgot about the reason behind her kiss, the word experiment was no longer in his vocabulary, the soft push of her tongue had rendered him speechless. She took possession and had him very happy about that fact, the reason didn’t much matter to him in that moment.
Everything in him leapt to meet her.
Feeling his fingers tighten, flexing against her bare back, Liz snuggled closer clutching at his hot damp T-shirt needing balance and something solid to hold onto. The feeling of his teeth tugging at her lip had her going from feeling a little warm to instantly hotter then hell and not thinking clearly. The little mewling noise she made became an outright moan when his teeth sank in just a little deeper holding her for the sweep of his tongue.
He left her feeling just a hint of fear, this was so easy, it had always been easy but that was just an illusion, despite the exhilaration that hummed throughout her body. Her fears were constantly combating the underlying rightness that touching him gave her. The rasp of his tongue and teeth called to something more powerful then her fears and left her aching for something just out of reach.
At the end, they were left panting for breath, foreheads resting together, reluctant to part.
Feathering her fingers over his neck, restlessly moving on to his shoulders she savored this reprieve from heavier topics.
“No flashes?” Max asked knowing the answer before she slowly shook her head no. Running his hands down to the swell of her hips, he sighed, relieved on one hand but also disappointed. Not about the flashes but in her ready acceptance of less then he should be giving her. She seemed fine with it, like nothing was missing at all. Or maybe it was that the pentagram stopped her from reaching for more, kept her from even hoping that this time might be different, he wasn’t sure. “Ready for me to turn this thing off?”
“Yeah, ready,” Liz breathed stepping away and fiddling with her clothes nervously while Max figured out how to turn it off.
There was a quick flash of light then it looked as it had before, still and harmless.
Max breathed easier the moment it was off, like the pressure that had restricted his ability to breathe freely was suddenly gone. He reached for her immediately by instinct, both physically and through their bond.
Liz’s eyes flew automatically to his, feeling an undeniably strong pull to him, a need to touch him, to allow a heightened state of closeness that encompassed more then mere touching. Like the flood of feeling to a limb that had fallen asleep it was slightly uncomfortable but she didn’t fight it, her fingers slipped into his, already she was rising to meet him, flowing as easily into him as if she knew the way by heart.
He guided her closer, hugging her to him, finally satisfied now that he could feel the glow of her in his chest.
Neither pushed for more, too wary of damaging what felt tender and new, taking what they could and giving more then felt safe.
“Let’s go for a drive,” Max whispered, smiling when he felt Liz’s confusion over his sudden change in mood. He felt it. Laughing softly he squeezed her lifting her feet from the floor before setting her down.
Shaking her head at his sudden burst of happiness she smiled even as she protested. “It’s really late, Max, and I’m not really dressed to go out.”
“You look great, come on, I’ve still got something to show you,” Max urged looking over her low riding comfortable jogging pants and brief little tank top.
“Okay, just let me find my shoes,” Liz agreed, unable to refuse him when he was so excited about whatever he wanted to show her. Rooting around the living room for her tennies she gently reached out to the twins, checking to make sure they’d come through things without major incident, vastly relieved to find them sound asleep.
Wow. Okay, so far so good. The experiment results were looking good so far.
Cal leaned against the wall beside the garage smoking a cigar a desperate screenwriter had given him while pitching the worst idea ever conceived, at least the cigars were good, while keeping an eye open for trouble.
The sound of cursing from next door had him straightening and looking over at the house next door to find a guy wrestling with his trash can. Rolling his eyes he was about to turn away when he thought he recognized one particular curse in a language he hadn’t heard in a long time. Sharpening his senses he studied the neighbor closely.
Slightly on the heavyset side, like an athlete got to pot, there wasn’t anything remarkable about him. Plain as any other middle American family man.
“Hey, you looking for something?”
Cal’s eyebrows shot up at the other man’s remark and he pushed away from the wall, ready to move quickly if it was called for. “Nope, just visiting. Kitten doesn’t allow any smoking in the house. Not even for me. Trash problem?” Cal asked not bothering to hide his snarky tone, indicating the abandoned can and the overflowing bag resting half in half out of the can.
“Oh, yeah, my wife won’t ever take out the trash so it’s always a problem.”
“Right. Well, Bob, don’t let me keep you,” Cal said dismissively.
“Actually the names, Stu.”
“Stew? Nice. Gotta run,” Cal said stubbing out his cigar on the wall. Freak.
Chapter Thirty Eight
“Where are we going?” Liz asked, not really concerned asking more to have something to say then because she really cared about where they went. Every time she looked around she found some other amazing change to wonder at. Max had gone all out to make sure the Love Bus was more driver friendly for her. She was touched by the attention to detail he’d paid, the thought he’d put into making each change.
The pedals were longer, the rubber no longer worn smooth and too slippery to be safe. The seats were perfectly filled in, no more craters or tears to sink into. He’d even moved the cup holder to within her reach. It was so like Max to think of those little details. Just like the time he’d fixed a rip in Bob’s top because she might get cold, it was so sweet and caring.
“Just out to the desert, nowhere in particular,” Max answered, glancing over to smile at her. He wanted to get them out of town before he showed her the rest of the surprise. Frequent rearview mirror checks showed them to be alone. They were far enough out of town now that any trailing cars would be seen.
“What was up with Cal?” Liz asked relaxing into the seat, almost content but nowhere near relaxed. They’d been pulling out of the driveway before they’d remembered that Cal was even there. Only then because Max had almost run him over, it was really only a light tap and really what had he been doing sulking around out there in the dark anyway. “What do you think he was talking about?”
Max shrugged not really concerned about Cal’s odd behavior. He’d find out what was going on eventually. “I don’t know. Maybe he was talking about the pile of empty boxes and stuff beside the house.”
“Yeah but why would he want to take out the trash now? They don’t pick up tomorrow anyway.” Liz sighed, wiggling her sock clad toes just freed from their brief confinement, the breeze coming in from the open window teased the already tangled strands of her hair and washed over her skin leaving her feeling cleaner somehow. Like it had taken some of her worries with it, out into the vast open darkness that stretched out around them for miles.
It was easy to imagine that they were back in high school, just taking a drive or on one of the many road trips they’d found themselves on. Closing her eyes, she tilted her head allowing the desert air to wash over her face. Maybe it was just being back, back where everything held some sort of memory. Even the smell of the desert and the sweltering heat brought back her youth. Called up, certain memories that felt so close, like if she opened her eyes Max would be wearing that leather coat she’d loved on him with his bangs brushing his forehead, looking at her in that way he had that made her feel like she could fly.
“You know how he is,” Max brushed off not wanting to think about Cal right now. The old shapeshifter was cryptic at the best of times and spoke only when he wanted to, giving information out in miserly pieces unless you pried it out of him which took time and more patience then he had at the moment. The one thing he was decent at was looking after his own skin, no matter what form it was in, so there was no need to worry. If, like he suspected, the flare of power drew out a few Skins, Cal would take care of it. “He’s just Cal, there’s no figuring him out.”
Liz let it go, knowing that Cal was often frustrating just for the sake of getting under Max’s skin. Always pointing out what he thought Max wasn’t doing right or what he could be doing better.
Cal opened the door with a quick swipe of his hand and slipped into the next door neighbor’s house by way of the front door, closing it behind him without even an attempt at masking his presence. These morons deserved what was coming for being so damned sloppy. That one little slip up was going to cost them.
What did they think was going to happen? That he was just going to ignore their presence? Not fucking likely. He’d use them to find a more direct route to Khivar then he currently had. Then of course they’d disappear. Dust on the wind.
Striding down the entrance hall toward the noise he could hear coming from what he was guessing to be the living room he grinned. This was pathetically easy. Old Stew clearly wasn’t expecting company.
Pausing in the doorway his grin widened when one of the room’s two occupant’s gasp in horror. “Hello again Stew. Now, do I start chopping off pieces or are you going to be a good little minion?”
Taking Stew’s brutish charge as a no, Cal sighed, moving fast he blasted the Skin and watched him hit the floor hard enough that the impact shook the floor. Stupid. Turning to the female Skin he leveled her with a flat remorseless stare. “What about you?”
“What do you want me to do?” She answered looking from her fallen comrade back to coldly controlled Protector before her. She knew that after this her life was forfeit. If the Protector didn’t end up killing her Khivar surely would. It was the price of failure.
Walking forward into the room he paused long enough to bring his heel down on the release valve of Stew’s husk, watching the female flinch as Stew disintegrated, before speaking again. No need to break out the pruning shears if he didn’t have to, time was of the essence. “Well, it’s safe to say you’re going to be moving out. After you contact your boss, of course. I need a word or two with him.”
“But, but,” She stopped sputtering when Cal held up a finger for silence.
“No, buts. Don’t think, just do it. No arguments or I’ll get upset. I have a job to do and I’m on a schedule here. Now,” Cal clapped his hands together loudly causing the remaining Skin to jump, startled by the sudden movement. “I’ll feed you the script, you just say your lines.”
Liz watched in shock as Max hit the side of the Love Bus with a blast that had the vehicle rocking under the force of it. “What are you doing!”
“Look. See?” Snagging her hand he pulled her with him to examine the damage. “Just a little singed paint. Easy to fix and there’s no structural damage, it didn’t penetrate just dispersed along the outside surface. Didn’t even crack the window,” Max crowed, proud of how well the vehicle had stood up under siege. Running his hand down the side he restored the paint then turned to look at Liz.
“Wow, that’s um that’s incredible, Max. Really. Thank you,” Liz said rendered almost speechless. As he continued to list all the safety features she struggled to keep from smiling, his earnest recital, down to the smallest detail, earned a serious nod of appreciation from her every time he glanced at her.
She listened with more then her ears, hearing his deep-seated need to do what he hadn’t been able to do before, keep her and the twins safe from harm. To protect them from whatever might happen, even if it occurred while driving the two blocks to the grocery store.
Her senses expanded further, seeking outward and picking up the sound of the sand being displaced by the slight breeze, feeling the slow rotation of the Earth beneath her feet. She felt energized, the tips of her fingers tingling. She could feel the coming clouds moving slowly closer but still there was a barrier that she could not breach. Not as tightly sealed as before but still very present, leaking just a bit more then it had been. Giving her glimpses of what he was feeling, of what lay beneath the surface.
Tuning out his words she focused, listening to what his words weren’t saying.
Max’s words slowly tapered off into silence, feeling her like fingers drifting along his skin. The hair on his arms lifted, his breath caught sharply in his chest as he was pulled into her soft liquid gaze, going under without a fight. The feeling was disorienting while also being equal parts peaceful and exhilarating. As she drifted back away from him, he was left with an ache so profound it left him shaken.
She had to steady her breathing, figure out what was happening here but she couldn’t think over the pounding of her heart, the weak feeling stealing the strength from her legs. Reaching out she steadied herself by placing her hand against the heated metal of the Love Bus.
Her swiftly in drawn gasp of air had him moving to her, lifting her palm and checking it for burns. The heat from his blast, while dispersed over the metal surface took time to cool.
Liz sighed, closing her eyes leaning into him, the feel of his fingers on her palm magnified sharply, the tingling in her fingers spreading up her arm causing her pulse to race. She could feel his heart beating in the palm of her hand, could actually hear it over her own, thudding in her ears.
“It’s okay, let’s go sit down,” Max urged seeing her sway on her feet. Guiding her toward the van he talked to cover his feelings. “After Brody set off the TAG my powers were a little sensitive. Sort of like when I got drunk but not as..”
“So you do remember that,” Liz broke in slanting him an amused look and watched the color flood his ears. Even in the dark they were visibly glowing.
“Ah…some,” Max mumbled opening the rear door and helping her in. Catching the flash of sleek bare skin in the moonlight as her shirt rode up her back he felt the heated rush of arousal that had his eyes tracing a path down her body until he noticed her missing footwear. “Liz, where are your shoes? You can’t walk around in the desert without shoes! What if you stepped on a snake? Or a..”
Liz sighed sweeping her hair out her face with one hand while scooting over so he could climb in next to her. “I was wearing them. I just lost one somewhere.”
“I’ll go look for it,” Max offered ready to scour the area for her missing sneaker, hoping for a reprieve after his blunder and some time to cool off, though that seemed unlikely under the circumstances. Even at this late hour it was stiflingly hot, only partly due to the temperature.
Ducking back outside he trooped around the van and saw her abandoned sneaker, the heel mashed down from being walked on, Liz had a habit of walking on the back of her shoes if she didn’t feel like stopping to actually put them on. Shaking his head he scooped it up and jogged back around, climbing in beside her on the bench seat farthest from the front, which was exactly where he wanted her for the last part of the surprise. “Found it.”
“Thanks,” Liz said taking it from him and slipping it mostly on, really it was sort of dangling there at the end of her foot, not completely on but hanging in there.
Max smiled as he watched her, knowing it was only a matter of time before she was barefoot except for her socks again. It pleased him, made him happy in a way he couldn’t explain, knowing her habits so well.
“Ready for the surprise?” Max asked still smiling, anticipation lighting his eyes.
“I thought you already showed me the surprise,” Liz responded rubbing her still tingling fingers along the tops of her thighs.
“Nope, not all of it.” Max reached down, feeling for the new lever he’d fashioned at the side of the bench seat.
When he pulled it Liz squeaked in surprise as the seatback fell and she found herself laying on her back. Looking up into Max’s laughing eyes she lifted her eyebrow in silent inquiry.
“Wait,” Max said reaching up to pull two recessed latches allowing him to slide back a large section of the roof like a huge sunroof, opening their view to the night sky and fresh air. “You said you wanted to go stargazing right? Take the kids? Now if they get tired they have somewhere to lie down and still be able to see the stars. Some of these old VW’s have pop up campers similar to this so I sort of….thought you might like this so…What do you think?”
“I love it,” Liz breathed, melting with the sweetness of this gesture.
“You do? You’re sure because I can change it. Michael thought maybe it was…”
Liz reached up and gave one of his ears a gentle tug, just enough to get his full attention. “If you’d just relax you’d know. Yes, I love it. Thank you, it’s perfect.”
Max took a slow breath to relax, releasing his nervous energy on the exhale, relieved by her answer. He’d just wanted so much to please her, to do something for her that would make her smile and forget, for just a little while, the reason for all the other changes he’d had to make to the vehicle.
Once rid of his nerves he was able to focus on her. She never tried to hide her feelings from him, sometimes that very thing was frightening, to have so much influence when he wasn’t sure he could be trusted after everything. Now wasn’t one of those times. He’d gotten exactly the reaction he’d wanted. She wasn’t thinking about Khivar, or worrying, fear was far away at the moment and that was thanks enough.
Giving a contented sigh Liz looked up at the carpet of stars above them, daydreaming about showing the twins Pegasus and Cassiopeia, imagining Erin’s excited chatter and Noah’s innate desire to learn fueling any number of questions. Maybe one day there would be more children, it was nice to dream about, thinking that one day things wouldn’t be so tenuous.
“Now we have a way to escape when Maria’s hormones act up,” Liz said softly, feeling a gentle pang even as she smiled and looked over at Max.
Propping himself up on his elbow so he could see her better in the darkness, Max felt what she had never acknowledged outloud. “Are you a little bit jealous? That she’s having a baby and everything?”
Liz quickly glanced away, that pang turning into shame driven guilt that she was so selfish and ungrateful for all the things she did have. She wanted Maria to be happy, she was happy for her. “No, I think it’s great. It’s great to see her so happy. Even Michael’s happier then I can ever remember seeing him when Maria’s calm enough for him to enjoy it. Besides, we’re not…I mean, she’s ready I think and…”
“Maybe just a little bit?” Max asked again, cutting through her rambling denials that weren’t really a denial at all. He knew she was happy for Maria. That didn’t mean she wasn’t just a bit envious, or no, not envious exactly, sad. Missing the things that she’d been denied. Reaching deeper he felt the spark of desire inside her for another chance, more children, that she tried not to think about because of the current circumstances.
Liz covered her face with her hands, feeling lower then dirt. Maria deserved to be happy, and she was happy for her it was just… “Maybe just a little. I wonder what it feels like. To know you’re going to have a baby and feel it changing you. She complains about gaining weight but…..she’s looking forward to when she can feel the baby move. I just….I wonder that’s all.”
As Max leaned over to kiss her forehead he realized how much he hadn’t noticed. Maria was constantly talking about the coming baby, about being bloated, or feeling sick, or what she was going to buy for the new baby’s room. And through it all Liz listened, smiling and laughing with her, telling Maria how wonderful she looked and how lucky that baby was going to be, appearing for all the world just as excited as Maria was, so that he’d never given it a thought. He’d never thought about how much it must remind Liz of what she hadn’t had, of all the things that she had missed with the twins. Christ, she hadn’t even known she was pregnant.
“I know I’m horrible and I am happy for her, I am,” Liz insisted sniffling lightly, even though she refused to cry. “I just can’t help thinking….I just wish…”
“What?” Max asked pulling her hand away from her eyes and tangling his fingers with hers. “What do you wish?”
Instead of answering him with words, of giving voice to what might be an impossible dream, she just gave him a glimpse of her dreams. Hoping he might be able to see it, to see inside her heart where she still held out hope for their future, despite the obstacles against them.
Closing his eyes against their sudden sting, he reached out and held onto the image of a very pregnant Liz watching him smooth his hand over the distended mound of her abdomen, laughing when one of the babies kicked out against his palm. Seeing each detail down to the way the light picked out each strand of her hair, setting them aglow, and how her eyes were awash with such joy it took his breath. He tucked that dream into his own heart, allowing himself to experience his own sense of loss for all the moments they’d never had, the things their children had not experienced and never would.
Moving closer he cradled her against him despite the heat, soothing her with his hands and his easy acceptance. He understood, he understood and didn’t think less of her for harboring the tinniest kernel of envy that she’d hidden from everyone. That gave her the courage to continue, to take a risk and just talk, see where the conversation led them.
“What did you really think when I came back from Florida? When I started setting you up with Tess?” Liz asked moving closer and resting her head on his chest, squirming to get comfortable, settling when he wrapped his arm under her still holding onto fingers.
Max remained silent for so long she didn’t think he was going to answer, then suddenly he spoke.
“It was like one day I woke up and the whole world had changed on me. I didn’t understand anything any more. I was so sure I getting through to you, that it was just a matter of time. Then you started coaching Tess and I told myself that you were just doing what you thought was right, what that message had told you was right. But I was still sure that you’d see….I could feel you, at the core of me I knew you still felt the same so I wasn’t worried, then the world changed and I wasn’t so sure anymore.”
Looking up at the stars and listening to his voice rumbling under her ear made it somehow easier to hear. Or maybe it was that he hadn’t deserted her yet like she’d been so afraid he would, that it made it easier to listen, to hear with more then her ears. “Kyle.”
“Yeah, Kyle,” Max agreed, his fingers still playing with hers even with his thoughts far away. “It wasn’t what I saw that really sent me reeling, that was bad but I could have explained that in my head. It was how you felt, it wasn’t the same as it had been. I stood there and suddenly I realized that I wasn’t so sure about anything anymore. If that could change and I didn’t see it then I couldn’t trust any of my perceptions could I?”
“I just couldn’t figure it out, every time I thought I had something changed, and it just worse. The simple answer was that I’d fooled myself about what I was, who I was. That I’d built the structure of my life around things that had never existed the way I saw them, that I’d fooled myself into seeing what I wanted to see. I always thought there were only three people that I could completely trust, that I knew without a doubt I could depend on. Then Isabel started lying to me and holding back, and you were lying or….I didn’t know, it didn’t make any sense at all. I didn’t know and you wouldn’t tell me. One minute I’d feel you so strongly I’d stake my life on what I felt then I’d just get a jumbled mess that I couldn’t make heads or tails of. The more I thought I learned the less I really knew for sure. I wasn’t even sure of who I was anymore. The world I thought I knew, the one I understood, was gone just like that, the new one changed second by second and there was nothing I could count on there. That’s what it felt like.”
Liz thought about that silently for awhile, seeing his point. She readily admitted to having sent a slew of mixed signals over the course of those months leading up to prom. She’d tried not to but it had been impossible to remember her role all the time. She could see that being confusing. Max had confused her enough times with similar behavior at the start of their relationship.
“What was it like for you? When I…he came?” Max asked turning his head to look at her, moving his fingers for a more secure grip on her smaller ones as he watched the top of her bent head.
“It wasn’t so very different,” Liz mused quietly thinking back. “In my world, in the world of science, time travel is impossible but I’d already seen so many impossible things.” Pausing she struggled to put into words being faced with a stranger that knew you, that so easily confused everything she’d believed in. “He was so different from you and yet…not. The moment he came, things started to get confusing. I could feel all this stuff from him and then from you….I wasn’t sure which was which sometimes. Then there was how I felt….He was telling me my worst fear, confirming that we didn’t belong together, that everyone had been right when they’d tried to keep us apart. I just felt…like it wasn’t really real. I couldn’t think straight. I tried to do what he said…I gave you speeches and talked to Tess but….I didn’t believe it, not fully, because my heart just couldn’t except it. I didn’t want you to listen, then he got angry, started yelling at me and I just….I didn’t know what to do. So I made lists.”
A smile caused the edges of his mouth to twitch at that admission of something that was so very Liz, before the rest of the conversation wiped away the urge to smile.
“What he was saying was so big I couldn’t wrap my mind around it but it came down to a couple of really simple things for me. I couldn’t just let Isabel and Michael die without at least trying, genuinely trying to change that. So no matter if he was right or wrong about the rest something had to be changed. It made sense to me that four of you would be stronger then three so keeping Tess around, even though I wasn’t sure I would ever trust her, seemed like a good idea. What happened from there I couldn’t control but without her you would be missing her powers so it seemed like taking a chance there wasn’t a bad idea. Yeah, I know, looking back…bad idea should have been in blazing neon but…” Liz shrugged wincing at how bad an idea that had been.
“What really decided me was you. I didn’t want to be the reason you lost your family. I couldn’t be that selfish, tempting as it was to hold on to you and hope it all worked out somehow. I didn’t want to see that same look in your eyes that he had. He’d just lost everything, how could I not do something to keep that from happening to you? I had to trust in something and I chose you, both versions of you. You’d always tried so hard to make the right choices, so there you were telling me what I needed to do so….I listened. I thought that even if the future you wasn’t the same he was close and that after everything I was about to do, I’d still have my friendship with you. I thought you knew me and that this connection we always seemed to have would carry us through, in some form at least. If it’s not complicated then he’s not your soulmate, and this was so complicated that I thought it had to be true. There were a thousand reasons that floated through my mind but...that look on his face.”
Liz sighed glancing up at him just long enough to see her words impact. Lifting their joined hands up, looking at the way their fingers tangled together, how right that felt she continued. “I believed that there was a reason that we shared some kind of connection, that I could literally feel you when you weren’t there. What I didn’t realize is that, that belief was in direct contrast to what future Max was telling me. He believed that it was a series of accidents that brought us together, the crash, you hatching when you did and so forth. Take away those accidents and he believed that you’d have fallen in line and everything would be as it should have been, if we’d never met at all I mean. If I’d really thought about it, I might have seen that if he believed that then somewhere inside you did too, that the potential for something to go wrong far outweighed the accident of it actually going right.”
Max turned onto his side and waited for her to meet his eyes. “Liz, there is a reason. There’s no way you could have known what would happen. We’re still here, that counts for something right?”
Liz nodded solemnly taking a shaky breath before attempting a smile.
Max released her hand to comb back a silky whisp of hair caught at the edge of her mouth, wrapping it around his finger before looking back into her eyes. Sliding his hand to cup the back of her neck he leaned down to kiss her surprised when her hand curled into his shirt, using it to pull herself up along his body to get closer, her mouth moving so softly, he could feel her hunger for reassurance. He swore he could hear the crackling sound of electricity discharging, he certainly felt the wave of heat that blasted through him. He was inside her mind, felt the racing of her heart, it glowed so warm and strong.
“You were so angry with me,” Liz whispered, her lips almost touching his.
“Yeah, I was angry. I was so angry I couldn’t see straight.”
Eyes tracing every line of his face, she couldn’t feel any of it now. His face was flushed but not with the heat of anger. “I was angry too. After Alex died I was so angry, at you, at myself. When you told me about Tess, about the baby she told you she was carrying it physically hurt it was so painful, it felt like that should be my child. Weird huh? That’s exactly what I was thinking.”
“So was I,” Max said softly, inwardly squirming with guilt and regret, searching her eyes with his. He wasn’t getting even an echo of blame from her, none. What he did feel was a pang residual pain, but it was shared in the hopes of lessening it’s grip over them both, and had the strong impression that she was thinking hard about something. When she didn’t say anything for several minutes he spoke up, too curious to remain silent. “What are you thinking?”
“I was just thinking…..wondering how much of what was happening wasn’t really about what we thought it was at the time. I mean, what I said after Alex’s funeral, I was more angry with myself about Alex then I was at you. That’s why I couldn’t let go, couldn’t give up until I knew exactly what went wrong because I knew that I’d caused it, whatever it was. I was pissed that you wouldn’t listen, that you promised me you’d talk to Valenti then caved so quickly based on…nothing really but…I wonder if that’s really what I was yelling at you for. I wish I could remember things with more clarity. Like what day was it that the twins were taken from me? She knew for 100% certain that I was pregnant. How? How did she know? That whole time is just….foggy for me. I guess it doesn’t matter but still, I wonder sometimes. Did I know and not pay attention? It seems like I did, like maybe that was where some of that was coming from.”
Max didn’t think they’d ever know all the answers. His recollection of that time wasn’t clear either, even after Cal had done everything he could to help both of them remember. The injuries Tess had caused had left seemingly permanent blank spots, like Liz, he to suspected that some of how both of them had reacted was due to factors that had impacted them below the conscious level of thought. The wild fluctuations of mood and behavior, the constant feeling of wrongness, the unpredictable rages all of it, it wasn’t normal for either of them. He didn’t think all of it was due to Tess’s mindwarps though, the bond would have factored in, plus Liz had been pregnant, which if Maria’s example could be held up as normal, had some wicked mood swings involved also. The point was, they just couldn’t pinpoint anything with any certainty.
“Does it really matter so much?” Max asked while his hand traveled to stoke up her arm.
“No, it doesn’t. It’s just something I keep coming back to, picking at it I guess,” Liz admitted giving in to the shift of mood she’d been trying to ignore in favor of pursuing another type of intimacy, shivering slightly under his hand despite the heat.
Watching the amber hue of his eyes darken into whiskey potent enough to have her head spinning, she decided that they’d talked enough for one night. In perfect accord with her thoughts Max’s lips nibbled at hers lightly, softening her for deeper contact.
The close atmosphere was reminiscent of numerous makeout sessions in their past, heightening each gliding touch, lending a feeling of safety. Her mouth moved down to the flesh of his neck, covering the hot skin with kisses before the urge to taste overcame her, making a breathless sound at the hot salty tang that met her tongue she kicked off her shoes to curl around him.
Making an almost painful sound he moved to cover her mouth with his, melting away any doubts before they could surface. His lips were velvety, coaxing, insisting that she respond whole heatedly, flicking his tongue against hers until she deepened the kiss further, turning it sweet and clinging, wanting to draw him out. Wanting to be welcomed inside.
Gradually kissing turned into more, his hand following the dip of her lower back into her pants, stroking the swell of her bottom, petting her in light soothing touches as she shoved at his shirt.
Then there was a moment where he was posed at the edge, just one moment of piercing inevitability where he knew this was just too good, he was too into it. The fear of completely loosing his mind, of loosing all control and hurting her again froze him in place. Squeezing his eyes tightly shut he grappled with the desire surging through him, threatening to undermine his grip.
“What’s wrong?” Liz whispered, clearly feeling the tension seeping into the muscles under her hands.
“Nothing, just….just give me a minute okay?”
“You’re the one with his hands down my pants,” Liz pointed out softly, almost smiling when his eyes flew open. Of course his hands didn’t move, at least not to pull away. “Take all the time you need. Just don’t leave me here by myself. Okay?” Her eyes were solemn and perilously beautiful, undoing him without even trying.
“Okay,” Max promised relaxing, thinking he’d never seen anything more beautiful then she was, shoeless, dressed in sweats that barely managed to cling to her hips. Never had he wanted anything so much, just please let him get it right this time.
“Where are we going?” Liz asked, not really concerned asking more to have something to say then because she really cared about where they went. Every time she looked around she found some other amazing change to wonder at. Max had gone all out to make sure the Love Bus was more driver friendly for her. She was touched by the attention to detail he’d paid, the thought he’d put into making each change.
The pedals were longer, the rubber no longer worn smooth and too slippery to be safe. The seats were perfectly filled in, no more craters or tears to sink into. He’d even moved the cup holder to within her reach. It was so like Max to think of those little details. Just like the time he’d fixed a rip in Bob’s top because she might get cold, it was so sweet and caring.
“Just out to the desert, nowhere in particular,” Max answered, glancing over to smile at her. He wanted to get them out of town before he showed her the rest of the surprise. Frequent rearview mirror checks showed them to be alone. They were far enough out of town now that any trailing cars would be seen.
“What was up with Cal?” Liz asked relaxing into the seat, almost content but nowhere near relaxed. They’d been pulling out of the driveway before they’d remembered that Cal was even there. Only then because Max had almost run him over, it was really only a light tap and really what had he been doing sulking around out there in the dark anyway. “What do you think he was talking about?”
Max shrugged not really concerned about Cal’s odd behavior. He’d find out what was going on eventually. “I don’t know. Maybe he was talking about the pile of empty boxes and stuff beside the house.”
“Yeah but why would he want to take out the trash now? They don’t pick up tomorrow anyway.” Liz sighed, wiggling her sock clad toes just freed from their brief confinement, the breeze coming in from the open window teased the already tangled strands of her hair and washed over her skin leaving her feeling cleaner somehow. Like it had taken some of her worries with it, out into the vast open darkness that stretched out around them for miles.
It was easy to imagine that they were back in high school, just taking a drive or on one of the many road trips they’d found themselves on. Closing her eyes, she tilted her head allowing the desert air to wash over her face. Maybe it was just being back, back where everything held some sort of memory. Even the smell of the desert and the sweltering heat brought back her youth. Called up, certain memories that felt so close, like if she opened her eyes Max would be wearing that leather coat she’d loved on him with his bangs brushing his forehead, looking at her in that way he had that made her feel like she could fly.
“You know how he is,” Max brushed off not wanting to think about Cal right now. The old shapeshifter was cryptic at the best of times and spoke only when he wanted to, giving information out in miserly pieces unless you pried it out of him which took time and more patience then he had at the moment. The one thing he was decent at was looking after his own skin, no matter what form it was in, so there was no need to worry. If, like he suspected, the flare of power drew out a few Skins, Cal would take care of it. “He’s just Cal, there’s no figuring him out.”
Liz let it go, knowing that Cal was often frustrating just for the sake of getting under Max’s skin. Always pointing out what he thought Max wasn’t doing right or what he could be doing better.
Cal opened the door with a quick swipe of his hand and slipped into the next door neighbor’s house by way of the front door, closing it behind him without even an attempt at masking his presence. These morons deserved what was coming for being so damned sloppy. That one little slip up was going to cost them.
What did they think was going to happen? That he was just going to ignore their presence? Not fucking likely. He’d use them to find a more direct route to Khivar then he currently had. Then of course they’d disappear. Dust on the wind.
Striding down the entrance hall toward the noise he could hear coming from what he was guessing to be the living room he grinned. This was pathetically easy. Old Stew clearly wasn’t expecting company.
Pausing in the doorway his grin widened when one of the room’s two occupant’s gasp in horror. “Hello again Stew. Now, do I start chopping off pieces or are you going to be a good little minion?”
Taking Stew’s brutish charge as a no, Cal sighed, moving fast he blasted the Skin and watched him hit the floor hard enough that the impact shook the floor. Stupid. Turning to the female Skin he leveled her with a flat remorseless stare. “What about you?”
“What do you want me to do?” She answered looking from her fallen comrade back to coldly controlled Protector before her. She knew that after this her life was forfeit. If the Protector didn’t end up killing her Khivar surely would. It was the price of failure.
Walking forward into the room he paused long enough to bring his heel down on the release valve of Stew’s husk, watching the female flinch as Stew disintegrated, before speaking again. No need to break out the pruning shears if he didn’t have to, time was of the essence. “Well, it’s safe to say you’re going to be moving out. After you contact your boss, of course. I need a word or two with him.”
“But, but,” She stopped sputtering when Cal held up a finger for silence.
“No, buts. Don’t think, just do it. No arguments or I’ll get upset. I have a job to do and I’m on a schedule here. Now,” Cal clapped his hands together loudly causing the remaining Skin to jump, startled by the sudden movement. “I’ll feed you the script, you just say your lines.”
Liz watched in shock as Max hit the side of the Love Bus with a blast that had the vehicle rocking under the force of it. “What are you doing!”
“Look. See?” Snagging her hand he pulled her with him to examine the damage. “Just a little singed paint. Easy to fix and there’s no structural damage, it didn’t penetrate just dispersed along the outside surface. Didn’t even crack the window,” Max crowed, proud of how well the vehicle had stood up under siege. Running his hand down the side he restored the paint then turned to look at Liz.
“Wow, that’s um that’s incredible, Max. Really. Thank you,” Liz said rendered almost speechless. As he continued to list all the safety features she struggled to keep from smiling, his earnest recital, down to the smallest detail, earned a serious nod of appreciation from her every time he glanced at her.
She listened with more then her ears, hearing his deep-seated need to do what he hadn’t been able to do before, keep her and the twins safe from harm. To protect them from whatever might happen, even if it occurred while driving the two blocks to the grocery store.
Her senses expanded further, seeking outward and picking up the sound of the sand being displaced by the slight breeze, feeling the slow rotation of the Earth beneath her feet. She felt energized, the tips of her fingers tingling. She could feel the coming clouds moving slowly closer but still there was a barrier that she could not breach. Not as tightly sealed as before but still very present, leaking just a bit more then it had been. Giving her glimpses of what he was feeling, of what lay beneath the surface.
Tuning out his words she focused, listening to what his words weren’t saying.
Max’s words slowly tapered off into silence, feeling her like fingers drifting along his skin. The hair on his arms lifted, his breath caught sharply in his chest as he was pulled into her soft liquid gaze, going under without a fight. The feeling was disorienting while also being equal parts peaceful and exhilarating. As she drifted back away from him, he was left with an ache so profound it left him shaken.
She had to steady her breathing, figure out what was happening here but she couldn’t think over the pounding of her heart, the weak feeling stealing the strength from her legs. Reaching out she steadied herself by placing her hand against the heated metal of the Love Bus.
Her swiftly in drawn gasp of air had him moving to her, lifting her palm and checking it for burns. The heat from his blast, while dispersed over the metal surface took time to cool.
Liz sighed, closing her eyes leaning into him, the feel of his fingers on her palm magnified sharply, the tingling in her fingers spreading up her arm causing her pulse to race. She could feel his heart beating in the palm of her hand, could actually hear it over her own, thudding in her ears.
“It’s okay, let’s go sit down,” Max urged seeing her sway on her feet. Guiding her toward the van he talked to cover his feelings. “After Brody set off the TAG my powers were a little sensitive. Sort of like when I got drunk but not as..”
“So you do remember that,” Liz broke in slanting him an amused look and watched the color flood his ears. Even in the dark they were visibly glowing.
“Ah…some,” Max mumbled opening the rear door and helping her in. Catching the flash of sleek bare skin in the moonlight as her shirt rode up her back he felt the heated rush of arousal that had his eyes tracing a path down her body until he noticed her missing footwear. “Liz, where are your shoes? You can’t walk around in the desert without shoes! What if you stepped on a snake? Or a..”
Liz sighed sweeping her hair out her face with one hand while scooting over so he could climb in next to her. “I was wearing them. I just lost one somewhere.”
“I’ll go look for it,” Max offered ready to scour the area for her missing sneaker, hoping for a reprieve after his blunder and some time to cool off, though that seemed unlikely under the circumstances. Even at this late hour it was stiflingly hot, only partly due to the temperature.
Ducking back outside he trooped around the van and saw her abandoned sneaker, the heel mashed down from being walked on, Liz had a habit of walking on the back of her shoes if she didn’t feel like stopping to actually put them on. Shaking his head he scooped it up and jogged back around, climbing in beside her on the bench seat farthest from the front, which was exactly where he wanted her for the last part of the surprise. “Found it.”
“Thanks,” Liz said taking it from him and slipping it mostly on, really it was sort of dangling there at the end of her foot, not completely on but hanging in there.
Max smiled as he watched her, knowing it was only a matter of time before she was barefoot except for her socks again. It pleased him, made him happy in a way he couldn’t explain, knowing her habits so well.
“Ready for the surprise?” Max asked still smiling, anticipation lighting his eyes.
“I thought you already showed me the surprise,” Liz responded rubbing her still tingling fingers along the tops of her thighs.
“Nope, not all of it.” Max reached down, feeling for the new lever he’d fashioned at the side of the bench seat.
When he pulled it Liz squeaked in surprise as the seatback fell and she found herself laying on her back. Looking up into Max’s laughing eyes she lifted her eyebrow in silent inquiry.
“Wait,” Max said reaching up to pull two recessed latches allowing him to slide back a large section of the roof like a huge sunroof, opening their view to the night sky and fresh air. “You said you wanted to go stargazing right? Take the kids? Now if they get tired they have somewhere to lie down and still be able to see the stars. Some of these old VW’s have pop up campers similar to this so I sort of….thought you might like this so…What do you think?”
“I love it,” Liz breathed, melting with the sweetness of this gesture.
“You do? You’re sure because I can change it. Michael thought maybe it was…”
Liz reached up and gave one of his ears a gentle tug, just enough to get his full attention. “If you’d just relax you’d know. Yes, I love it. Thank you, it’s perfect.”
Max took a slow breath to relax, releasing his nervous energy on the exhale, relieved by her answer. He’d just wanted so much to please her, to do something for her that would make her smile and forget, for just a little while, the reason for all the other changes he’d had to make to the vehicle.
Once rid of his nerves he was able to focus on her. She never tried to hide her feelings from him, sometimes that very thing was frightening, to have so much influence when he wasn’t sure he could be trusted after everything. Now wasn’t one of those times. He’d gotten exactly the reaction he’d wanted. She wasn’t thinking about Khivar, or worrying, fear was far away at the moment and that was thanks enough.
Giving a contented sigh Liz looked up at the carpet of stars above them, daydreaming about showing the twins Pegasus and Cassiopeia, imagining Erin’s excited chatter and Noah’s innate desire to learn fueling any number of questions. Maybe one day there would be more children, it was nice to dream about, thinking that one day things wouldn’t be so tenuous.
“Now we have a way to escape when Maria’s hormones act up,” Liz said softly, feeling a gentle pang even as she smiled and looked over at Max.
Propping himself up on his elbow so he could see her better in the darkness, Max felt what she had never acknowledged outloud. “Are you a little bit jealous? That she’s having a baby and everything?”
Liz quickly glanced away, that pang turning into shame driven guilt that she was so selfish and ungrateful for all the things she did have. She wanted Maria to be happy, she was happy for her. “No, I think it’s great. It’s great to see her so happy. Even Michael’s happier then I can ever remember seeing him when Maria’s calm enough for him to enjoy it. Besides, we’re not…I mean, she’s ready I think and…”
“Maybe just a little bit?” Max asked again, cutting through her rambling denials that weren’t really a denial at all. He knew she was happy for Maria. That didn’t mean she wasn’t just a bit envious, or no, not envious exactly, sad. Missing the things that she’d been denied. Reaching deeper he felt the spark of desire inside her for another chance, more children, that she tried not to think about because of the current circumstances.
Liz covered her face with her hands, feeling lower then dirt. Maria deserved to be happy, and she was happy for her it was just… “Maybe just a little. I wonder what it feels like. To know you’re going to have a baby and feel it changing you. She complains about gaining weight but…..she’s looking forward to when she can feel the baby move. I just….I wonder that’s all.”
As Max leaned over to kiss her forehead he realized how much he hadn’t noticed. Maria was constantly talking about the coming baby, about being bloated, or feeling sick, or what she was going to buy for the new baby’s room. And through it all Liz listened, smiling and laughing with her, telling Maria how wonderful she looked and how lucky that baby was going to be, appearing for all the world just as excited as Maria was, so that he’d never given it a thought. He’d never thought about how much it must remind Liz of what she hadn’t had, of all the things that she had missed with the twins. Christ, she hadn’t even known she was pregnant.
“I know I’m horrible and I am happy for her, I am,” Liz insisted sniffling lightly, even though she refused to cry. “I just can’t help thinking….I just wish…”
“What?” Max asked pulling her hand away from her eyes and tangling his fingers with hers. “What do you wish?”
Instead of answering him with words, of giving voice to what might be an impossible dream, she just gave him a glimpse of her dreams. Hoping he might be able to see it, to see inside her heart where she still held out hope for their future, despite the obstacles against them.
Closing his eyes against their sudden sting, he reached out and held onto the image of a very pregnant Liz watching him smooth his hand over the distended mound of her abdomen, laughing when one of the babies kicked out against his palm. Seeing each detail down to the way the light picked out each strand of her hair, setting them aglow, and how her eyes were awash with such joy it took his breath. He tucked that dream into his own heart, allowing himself to experience his own sense of loss for all the moments they’d never had, the things their children had not experienced and never would.
Moving closer he cradled her against him despite the heat, soothing her with his hands and his easy acceptance. He understood, he understood and didn’t think less of her for harboring the tinniest kernel of envy that she’d hidden from everyone. That gave her the courage to continue, to take a risk and just talk, see where the conversation led them.
“What did you really think when I came back from Florida? When I started setting you up with Tess?” Liz asked moving closer and resting her head on his chest, squirming to get comfortable, settling when he wrapped his arm under her still holding onto fingers.
Max remained silent for so long she didn’t think he was going to answer, then suddenly he spoke.
“It was like one day I woke up and the whole world had changed on me. I didn’t understand anything any more. I was so sure I getting through to you, that it was just a matter of time. Then you started coaching Tess and I told myself that you were just doing what you thought was right, what that message had told you was right. But I was still sure that you’d see….I could feel you, at the core of me I knew you still felt the same so I wasn’t worried, then the world changed and I wasn’t so sure anymore.”
Looking up at the stars and listening to his voice rumbling under her ear made it somehow easier to hear. Or maybe it was that he hadn’t deserted her yet like she’d been so afraid he would, that it made it easier to listen, to hear with more then her ears. “Kyle.”
“Yeah, Kyle,” Max agreed, his fingers still playing with hers even with his thoughts far away. “It wasn’t what I saw that really sent me reeling, that was bad but I could have explained that in my head. It was how you felt, it wasn’t the same as it had been. I stood there and suddenly I realized that I wasn’t so sure about anything anymore. If that could change and I didn’t see it then I couldn’t trust any of my perceptions could I?”
“I just couldn’t figure it out, every time I thought I had something changed, and it just worse. The simple answer was that I’d fooled myself about what I was, who I was. That I’d built the structure of my life around things that had never existed the way I saw them, that I’d fooled myself into seeing what I wanted to see. I always thought there were only three people that I could completely trust, that I knew without a doubt I could depend on. Then Isabel started lying to me and holding back, and you were lying or….I didn’t know, it didn’t make any sense at all. I didn’t know and you wouldn’t tell me. One minute I’d feel you so strongly I’d stake my life on what I felt then I’d just get a jumbled mess that I couldn’t make heads or tails of. The more I thought I learned the less I really knew for sure. I wasn’t even sure of who I was anymore. The world I thought I knew, the one I understood, was gone just like that, the new one changed second by second and there was nothing I could count on there. That’s what it felt like.”
Liz thought about that silently for awhile, seeing his point. She readily admitted to having sent a slew of mixed signals over the course of those months leading up to prom. She’d tried not to but it had been impossible to remember her role all the time. She could see that being confusing. Max had confused her enough times with similar behavior at the start of their relationship.
“What was it like for you? When I…he came?” Max asked turning his head to look at her, moving his fingers for a more secure grip on her smaller ones as he watched the top of her bent head.
“It wasn’t so very different,” Liz mused quietly thinking back. “In my world, in the world of science, time travel is impossible but I’d already seen so many impossible things.” Pausing she struggled to put into words being faced with a stranger that knew you, that so easily confused everything she’d believed in. “He was so different from you and yet…not. The moment he came, things started to get confusing. I could feel all this stuff from him and then from you….I wasn’t sure which was which sometimes. Then there was how I felt….He was telling me my worst fear, confirming that we didn’t belong together, that everyone had been right when they’d tried to keep us apart. I just felt…like it wasn’t really real. I couldn’t think straight. I tried to do what he said…I gave you speeches and talked to Tess but….I didn’t believe it, not fully, because my heart just couldn’t except it. I didn’t want you to listen, then he got angry, started yelling at me and I just….I didn’t know what to do. So I made lists.”
A smile caused the edges of his mouth to twitch at that admission of something that was so very Liz, before the rest of the conversation wiped away the urge to smile.
“What he was saying was so big I couldn’t wrap my mind around it but it came down to a couple of really simple things for me. I couldn’t just let Isabel and Michael die without at least trying, genuinely trying to change that. So no matter if he was right or wrong about the rest something had to be changed. It made sense to me that four of you would be stronger then three so keeping Tess around, even though I wasn’t sure I would ever trust her, seemed like a good idea. What happened from there I couldn’t control but without her you would be missing her powers so it seemed like taking a chance there wasn’t a bad idea. Yeah, I know, looking back…bad idea should have been in blazing neon but…” Liz shrugged wincing at how bad an idea that had been.
“What really decided me was you. I didn’t want to be the reason you lost your family. I couldn’t be that selfish, tempting as it was to hold on to you and hope it all worked out somehow. I didn’t want to see that same look in your eyes that he had. He’d just lost everything, how could I not do something to keep that from happening to you? I had to trust in something and I chose you, both versions of you. You’d always tried so hard to make the right choices, so there you were telling me what I needed to do so….I listened. I thought that even if the future you wasn’t the same he was close and that after everything I was about to do, I’d still have my friendship with you. I thought you knew me and that this connection we always seemed to have would carry us through, in some form at least. If it’s not complicated then he’s not your soulmate, and this was so complicated that I thought it had to be true. There were a thousand reasons that floated through my mind but...that look on his face.”
Liz sighed glancing up at him just long enough to see her words impact. Lifting their joined hands up, looking at the way their fingers tangled together, how right that felt she continued. “I believed that there was a reason that we shared some kind of connection, that I could literally feel you when you weren’t there. What I didn’t realize is that, that belief was in direct contrast to what future Max was telling me. He believed that it was a series of accidents that brought us together, the crash, you hatching when you did and so forth. Take away those accidents and he believed that you’d have fallen in line and everything would be as it should have been, if we’d never met at all I mean. If I’d really thought about it, I might have seen that if he believed that then somewhere inside you did too, that the potential for something to go wrong far outweighed the accident of it actually going right.”
Max turned onto his side and waited for her to meet his eyes. “Liz, there is a reason. There’s no way you could have known what would happen. We’re still here, that counts for something right?”
Liz nodded solemnly taking a shaky breath before attempting a smile.
Max released her hand to comb back a silky whisp of hair caught at the edge of her mouth, wrapping it around his finger before looking back into her eyes. Sliding his hand to cup the back of her neck he leaned down to kiss her surprised when her hand curled into his shirt, using it to pull herself up along his body to get closer, her mouth moving so softly, he could feel her hunger for reassurance. He swore he could hear the crackling sound of electricity discharging, he certainly felt the wave of heat that blasted through him. He was inside her mind, felt the racing of her heart, it glowed so warm and strong.
“You were so angry with me,” Liz whispered, her lips almost touching his.
“Yeah, I was angry. I was so angry I couldn’t see straight.”
Eyes tracing every line of his face, she couldn’t feel any of it now. His face was flushed but not with the heat of anger. “I was angry too. After Alex died I was so angry, at you, at myself. When you told me about Tess, about the baby she told you she was carrying it physically hurt it was so painful, it felt like that should be my child. Weird huh? That’s exactly what I was thinking.”
“So was I,” Max said softly, inwardly squirming with guilt and regret, searching her eyes with his. He wasn’t getting even an echo of blame from her, none. What he did feel was a pang residual pain, but it was shared in the hopes of lessening it’s grip over them both, and had the strong impression that she was thinking hard about something. When she didn’t say anything for several minutes he spoke up, too curious to remain silent. “What are you thinking?”
“I was just thinking…..wondering how much of what was happening wasn’t really about what we thought it was at the time. I mean, what I said after Alex’s funeral, I was more angry with myself about Alex then I was at you. That’s why I couldn’t let go, couldn’t give up until I knew exactly what went wrong because I knew that I’d caused it, whatever it was. I was pissed that you wouldn’t listen, that you promised me you’d talk to Valenti then caved so quickly based on…nothing really but…I wonder if that’s really what I was yelling at you for. I wish I could remember things with more clarity. Like what day was it that the twins were taken from me? She knew for 100% certain that I was pregnant. How? How did she know? That whole time is just….foggy for me. I guess it doesn’t matter but still, I wonder sometimes. Did I know and not pay attention? It seems like I did, like maybe that was where some of that was coming from.”
Max didn’t think they’d ever know all the answers. His recollection of that time wasn’t clear either, even after Cal had done everything he could to help both of them remember. The injuries Tess had caused had left seemingly permanent blank spots, like Liz, he to suspected that some of how both of them had reacted was due to factors that had impacted them below the conscious level of thought. The wild fluctuations of mood and behavior, the constant feeling of wrongness, the unpredictable rages all of it, it wasn’t normal for either of them. He didn’t think all of it was due to Tess’s mindwarps though, the bond would have factored in, plus Liz had been pregnant, which if Maria’s example could be held up as normal, had some wicked mood swings involved also. The point was, they just couldn’t pinpoint anything with any certainty.
“Does it really matter so much?” Max asked while his hand traveled to stoke up her arm.
“No, it doesn’t. It’s just something I keep coming back to, picking at it I guess,” Liz admitted giving in to the shift of mood she’d been trying to ignore in favor of pursuing another type of intimacy, shivering slightly under his hand despite the heat.
Watching the amber hue of his eyes darken into whiskey potent enough to have her head spinning, she decided that they’d talked enough for one night. In perfect accord with her thoughts Max’s lips nibbled at hers lightly, softening her for deeper contact.
The close atmosphere was reminiscent of numerous makeout sessions in their past, heightening each gliding touch, lending a feeling of safety. Her mouth moved down to the flesh of his neck, covering the hot skin with kisses before the urge to taste overcame her, making a breathless sound at the hot salty tang that met her tongue she kicked off her shoes to curl around him.
Making an almost painful sound he moved to cover her mouth with his, melting away any doubts before they could surface. His lips were velvety, coaxing, insisting that she respond whole heatedly, flicking his tongue against hers until she deepened the kiss further, turning it sweet and clinging, wanting to draw him out. Wanting to be welcomed inside.
Gradually kissing turned into more, his hand following the dip of her lower back into her pants, stroking the swell of her bottom, petting her in light soothing touches as she shoved at his shirt.
Then there was a moment where he was posed at the edge, just one moment of piercing inevitability where he knew this was just too good, he was too into it. The fear of completely loosing his mind, of loosing all control and hurting her again froze him in place. Squeezing his eyes tightly shut he grappled with the desire surging through him, threatening to undermine his grip.
“What’s wrong?” Liz whispered, clearly feeling the tension seeping into the muscles under her hands.
“Nothing, just….just give me a minute okay?”
“You’re the one with his hands down my pants,” Liz pointed out softly, almost smiling when his eyes flew open. Of course his hands didn’t move, at least not to pull away. “Take all the time you need. Just don’t leave me here by myself. Okay?” Her eyes were solemn and perilously beautiful, undoing him without even trying.
“Okay,” Max promised relaxing, thinking he’d never seen anything more beautiful then she was, shoeless, dressed in sweats that barely managed to cling to her hips. Never had he wanted anything so much, just please let him get it right this time.
Merry Christmas! I hope everyone has a Happy Holiday season!
Chapter Thirty Nine
“Park?” Liz parroted stupidly startled by the old-fashioned term and Max’s suggestion. Trying to push up and off of Max she was abruptly halted by his hands resting on the rounded swell of her ass. “You want to…pretend we’re…. parking? Like in high school?”
Max smiled at her wide-eyed expression and pointed out the obvious. “We are currently parked. You could even say that right this second we’re parking.” Max illustrated his point by flexing his fingers.
Liz wiggled in an attempt to create some space some room for thought, after all, there was no alien device to cushion them from any missteps. A trickle of disquiet caused a shiver to run through her despite the sweat dampening her skin. “We are parked but…I don’t…”
“It’s not like we have to worry about your curfew or anything,” Max continued allowing her to tug his hands out of her pants.
“I don’t remember ever being overly concerned about my curfew back then,” Liz stalled, trying to grasp onto the source of her sudden nerves. Not five minutes ago she’d been fine. But hearing him echo her own earlier thoughts left her floundering. Reminding her that he had access to things that she didn’t, making her feel exposed somehow.
Afraid.
Not of Max, but of this thing between them. She couldn’t even say it was wholly the bond because it wasn’t. This had been there before anything had ever been cemented between them, it was the reason they had a bond at all. It wasn’t emotional in nature but very physical. A silent imperative, to be close to him in all ways. A hidden current always ready to drag an unwary swimmer into deeper darker waters, it predated any thing they’d managed to cement that day in his room. It brought things out in her, things that hadn’t truly scared her before but did now no matter how much she tried to control that fear.
She felt that current now, trying to pull her under before reason could assert itself.
“We made your curfew more times then not,” Max protested, watching her intently like he could see what she was thinking. Of course in a way he could, it was written all over her face, simmering in the background of his awareness. He’d thought that by setting a stage out of the past, when things had been simpler and making out had been about as far as things went, that she’d be able to relax more.
Clearly that wasn’t happening. “Of course that’s not to say you didn’t climb right back out of your window.” Max watched her fidget, easing further and further away, tugging her slipping pants back into place and sighed. He wasn’t doing very well so far.
Why did she feel so threatened? It was ridiculous. How could she feel threatened when she slept beside him almost every night, kissed him twenty times a day, and felt safe every time? It always seemed to get to this point though. Where she felt like she ought to know what to do, how to please him, she thought that at some point she had known. She’d done those things before hadn’t she?
But then maybe that hadn’t really been her at all. Maybe she’d just been the body acting out a script that wasn’t her own, borrowing on skills and experience that weren’t hers but Tess’s.
As much control as she had gained over some aspects of her life, this was one area where she continued to have trouble. Max had more experience here, more control, less backlash if it went wrong. Again.
Her chin tilted stubbornly, she’d be damned if she’d be Tess’s bitch, a slave to the fear Tess had birthed inside her.
“That’s only if you didn’t sneak up onto my balcony first.” Liz declared flashing him an arched eyebrow that dared him to deny the truth of that statement.
She’d done the right things on her own at least once before, no reason to think she couldn’t do it again. Just don’t look at the last several attempts and maybe she’d even believe it.
Scooting subtly closer Max watched her face tilt up to his, chin first, and studied her eyes. She was usually so contained, presenting herself to the world as self-confident and in control but not when it came to this. It always gave him pause, made him remember when she hadn’t looked at him like he was someone or something else, a thing from her nightmares ready to pounce maybe. It didn’t always start like this but that look always came at some point.
Not that he could blame her, that honor he reserved for himself for putting it there in the first place.
“That’s true,” Max agreed his voice low and quiet. He wanted to touch her, to make physical contact, a basic connection between a man and a woman. The compulsion was almost too great to resist, but he did resist, because of her eyes. He didn’t want her to look at him like that this time, to feel threatened by his touch. He would do better, or he’d have the presence of mind to stop until he could. “I always wondered why your father left that ladder there after we stayed out all night in the desert that time. He had to know that we were using it.”
“He did,” Liz agreed taking a breath and forcing her focus onto the conversation itself not wanting to anticipate what might happen. “He was afraid you’d take up rock climbing and scale the wall like Spiderman.”
Max coughed to cover a laugh and tried to look offended, failing miserably when he couldn’t control his grin. “I’m not Spiderman, Liz, without the ladder I might have had more of a problem.”
Pausing he remembered how many times he’d been drawn to her balcony, how she’d usually known he was there, peeking over the edge before he’d even called up to her. He would’ve found a way ladder or no ladder. “Okay, maybe not.”
“Right, well, that’s when he started getting brochures in the mail on different boarding schools from all over the country. I think he even looked into a convent recommended for serious study and quite contemplation.”
Eyes darting to hers in surprise he saw that she wasn’t kidding. “Why didn’t you ever tell me that?”
Liz shrugged rolling onto her back so she was looking up at the stars and not at him. “It never came to anything. I went away that summer and then when I got back….well, we stopped using the ladder after that so it wasn’t a problem anymore. My mom talked him out of pursuing it saying they couldn’t really afford an expensive private school. It didn’t seem like we were that close anymore and I wasn’t getting into trouble so he let it go.”
They both lapsed into a silence charged with tension, the soft sounds of the radio the only thing breaking up the oppressive stillness, Liz turned her head to look at him, finding him watching her with an almost tangible array of emotion giving his gaze actual weight against her skin. “Did you ever think, when things were really bad between us, that we’d ever find our way back here, like this?”
Max shook his head slowly, not able to pull his eyes from hers. “No, I didn’t. Even when I was desperate and doing everything I could think of to get you back, I didn’t think you’d ever let me near you again. Then after we got the kids back I was just so relieved, it was enough, just to be around you, watch you with them.” He hadn’t expected to get so lucky twice. “Did you?”
Liz knew he’d ask when she broached the subject but took her time responding. “Not then, not when things were so awful. It was hard enough to get through each day. Thinking about the future was impossible. I didn’t want to think about it, I fought tooth and nail to not think about it. I was so sick of worrying about the future.”
She had never understood until then what would cause an animal to chew off it’s own limbs to get free of a trap, the blind panic of knowing you were caught, the desire to be free no matter the cost. That’s how she’d felt, caught in a trap that there was no way out of. She would have torn herself, and Max, apart to get free. She’d been unable to stop struggling against something she couldn’t see, didn’t remember creating, but knew was as inescapable as a part of her own body. Even knowing that didn’t stop her from trying to rip it out at the roots, neither had the escalating pain. It had turned gangrenous she HAD to free herself. Then the circumstances had changed tilting her world in a new direction.
Finding out about the twins had changed everything for her. She’d known that she couldn’t save them alone, and nothing had been more important then that, freedom couldn’t compare, wasn’t even a consideration anymore. Not when she’d looked into her daughter’s pod and felt that connection, the recognition inside herself of being bound to that tiny life. Life created because of a future she’d never envisioned, could not have even imagined, and that was more important then anything that had come before. Looking in and counting each perfect finger, each toe, and marveling over every one, she’d known that the blood connection that had called to her from miles away had started with her bond to Max, that she needed him to help her keep their child safe. That meant she needed to stop fighting the connection she’d been trying so hard to pretend didn’t exist. Their child was physical proof of a permanent connection between them, it was time to stop fighting that inescapable fact.
Once she’d shifted her focus she’d seen things in a way she’d been unwilling to before that. She’d given it a lot of thought before she’d suggested they try to become more then roommates with a past history and two wonderful children.
It wasn’t all the things Max had done to prove himself that made her come to that decision. It hadn’t been the few times they’d slipped into sexual intimacies either. It wasn’t a matter of merit, chalking up points to prove himself, or winning back her love. When she’d faced Tess in that garage over three years ago she’d known that Max loved her, that she loved him whether she admitted it or not, but she hadn’t been sure that it was enough.
Trying to put together a life after that had been tricky but they’d managed surprisingly well, doing what they could to make sure the children were safe and loved by both of their parents. They’d worked at being friends while growing into the people they needed to be on their own. But she’d come to realize that they were never really on their own.
She’d known what he was going through, what he was doing on those trips with Cal even though he’d never told her, she’d shared it with him in frequent nightmares, flashes of guilt and pain. She’d tried to share the burden as much as she could without talking to him about it, taking his night terrors as hers to shield him, help him where she could, but he’d taken the brunt of it every time he’d made the decision to take a life. It had worn away at him, and through him it had traveled down to her taking different forms in each of them. She’d gotten sick, he’d closed himself away hoping to contain what he didn’t want her to see. Each of them expending huge amounts of energy trying to shield the other, not talking about it but there it sat like a huge pink elephant in the room, it was utterly impossible to not know it was there.
It had forced her to open her eyes and see that they would never be truly and completely apart. The ties that bound them were too tightly woven, that maybe she should try to actually work with those ties instead of working her life around them. She finally admitted to herself that she wanted to build a life with him, not despite him. Whether he thought he deserved it or not that’s what her heart wanted, she only had to be brave enough to listen.
“I had this dream, when we were in Paris,” Liz continued, yanking her thoughts back onto the question at hand. “I was sitting in the desert looking at the rocks where the pod chamber was hidden, the sun was so bright reflecting off the rocks and blinding me. Then I saw you standing where I’d left you the day we saw that message about who you were, and I wanted to go to you but I was afraid. Just like I was that day, so I just sat there looking at you. You looked back at me but didn’t move either. The sun disappeared and the stars came out but we didn’t move, both of us so afraid to take that first step. I woke up and that’s when I knew. I knew we’d be here. Just like this. Both of us afraid but here, back home where we started.”
“That’s why you wanted to move back?” Max asked watching her closely, willing her to look at him.
Liz looked at him and nodded. “I missed the desert.”
Max blinked and Liz smiled smugly, curling into a ball to protect herself from the following attack of his tickling fingers.
“Stop!” Liz shrieked between giggles, unable to breathe between begging for mercy and laughing so hard she was afraid she might pee her pants.
“You give?” Max asked pinning her unresisting form.
“Yes! Yes, I swear! I’ll even make out with you!”
He immediately stopped his assault, fingers freezing in place against her overheated skin, looking into her flushed face lit only by the night sky above them. He didn’t think he’d have a problem staying right here, in the moment. She looked happy, almost glowing despite everything going on, he’d have to be crazy to close that feeling off. “Did you really dream that?”
Liz nodded slowly, holding eye contact, feeling the familiar, slightly scary zing of sexual attraction dance along her nerve endings making her very aware of her bodies position underneath him. She could acutely feel everywhere their bare skin met, damp skin clinging, the slight friction of even the smallest of movements.
“About this parking thing….Anytime you feel like you want to stop or you feel uncomfortable just tell me. Former parking rules still apply okay?”
“Okay,” Liz whispered unable to draw enough air to speak any louder. Already her fingers were tangled in the bottom edge of his T-shirt inching it up, wanting to feel more naked skin. Just touching him freely was an indulgence. Making out she understood and had no qualms about, this path was well traveled enough not to spark any fear. She wouldn’t look any further for now, one step at a time. No thoughts of how deep the water was getting and that she couldn’t even see the shore. The idea of operating under the flimsy protection of a former set of rules that had come about through youthful exploration, made when they’d been fumbling their way together, calmed her fears and gave her breathing room to explore the pleasure in the small simple intimacies. Like running her fingers over his chest, slick from the rising heat fanned by their bodies proximity.
When she stretched up to brush her mouth over his, sliding her lips softly back and forth, every sensation was magnified, heightened to the extreme. Just like the first time they’d kissed. It was all she could focus on, the world narrowed to just this. His breath against her face, the look in his eyes, almost scared. As if she, small and uncertain as she felt, had some mysterious power over him, to bestow or hold back something he desperately needed and couldn’t have without her.
The press of her matte velvet lips giving way to the slick inner recesses of her mouth, the rush of her breath, the contour of her mouth right down to the pouty swell of her lower lip that he couldn’t resist tugging on with his teeth then suckling skillfully.
She pulled back, gazing at him as she pulled the swollen fullness of her bottom lip between white teeth before allowing it to slide free, considering him.
He dug his fingers into the fabric upholstery and stared down into her wondering eyes, feeling the same heat from her that was burning through him. He’d never seen eyes like hers, bottomless, brimming with trust, where it came from he didn’t know. They were the most extraordinary eyes he’d ever seen. Willing her to kiss him again, over and over before he burned into ash, but still he didn’t move letting it be her decision.
“Please, Liz, do that again.” His voice rasp, carrying through the thick air that was making it difficult to catch their breath. He didn’t need to breath as much as he needed her mouth.
Her lips moved back to his, brushing then pressing their yielding softness more fully, opening to him without reservation. The tip of her tongue ventured shyly inside his mouth, brushing his. It felt so tenuous, their connection fragile, like it might dissolve if he made the wrong move. He knew that feeling was deceptive, nevertheless he wanted to forge a stronger bond, one that wouldn’t collapse under the weight of mistakes he had yet to make. Sinking his fingers into her hair he responded to her kiss with restrained enthusiasm, offering encouragement without overwhelming her or tripping any fear responses.
Her tongue flicked against his, flirting, drawing him out and he opened further with a soundless groan. Not close enough, feeling her fingers feather over his ears, into his hair, holding him to her while she rolled them over, tangling their limbs in a mutual need for closer contact.
She explored his mouth, nibbling and licking as she grew bolder, gaining reassurance from the way he braided their limbs like he was afraid she’d slip away. Needing air she turned her face into his neck, nibbling between panting breaths. “God Max, I love the way you smell. I really do.”
Emboldened by her words, the confirmation that he felt deep inside, he slid his hands up her back and around to the smooth sleekness of her sides, stroking her. He hesitated when his fingers drifted over the sides of her breasts, lingering there in an agony of anticipation and indecision while she tortured him with repeated nips of her teeth. A wordless rumble escaped him as she moved, bringing his finger tips into forbidden territory. A tiny bit higher had them running over her distended nipple bringing a sharp sound of pleasure from her throat.
Sitting up she tugged at his shirt impatiently, struggling to work it free despite their tangled position unwilling to move far enough away to make the task easier, dropping it with relief when it cleared his head not noticing as he fought to free his arms. Her attention was captured by a trickle of sweat bisecting his chest pooling in the dip at the base of his sternum. Leaning forward she removed it with a quick swipe of her tongue taking in his taste like she had his scent.
Max let out his breath in a harsh sigh at the innately sensual swirl of her tongue against his flesh, burning, his chest heaving on a quickly indrawn breath.
“Ouch,” Liz grumbled softly smiling while rubbing at her nose with her fingers. “You hit me in the nose with your chest.”
Max smiled at her complaint grasping her elbows and urging her up to straddle him. “Bring your nose up here. Let me see.”
Liz found herself sprawled over his chest and blinked when he tenderly kissed the tip of her nose.
“Better?” Max asked his voice thick with need.
“Mmmhmm” Liz responded rubbing her nose along his as she nodded.
“Do you need this?” Max asked tugging at the hem of her tank top but making no move to lift it before she agreed.
Rising up enough to sit up and study his eyes she felt for his presence inside before she shook her head and lifted her arms. Almost moaning at the feel of his muscles contracting between her thighs as he sat up stretching to divest her of the unwanted article of clothing.
Looking up at her his throat closed, he couldn’t have spoken even if he’d had the words to say. In this light her skin shone like a pearl, luminously pale gleaming in the darkness naked but for the necklace she wore. Her breasts were taunt, nipples high and tight, the undercurve ripe enough to make his mouth water. Still he didn’t touch her, waiting until he was sure she wasn’t nervous, until she met his eyes in question.
“This still okay?”
“Yes.” Liz said her eyes dropping back to his chest down to the light dusting of dark hair arrowing into the waistband of his jeans. This wasn’t breaking any rules, if anything it was just stretching them just a bit to fit the primal force driving them both. Max was still with her, a presence that wasn’t steady in strength but ebbed and flowed depending on how strong his feelings, on his ability to focus on maintaining those walls of his. Right now he had some very strong feelings that didn’t have anything to do with walls of any kind.
He made her feel beautiful. She wasn’t left to wonder if she was doing something wrong, nor did she have to ask if he felt anything, she felt the answer before the questions could form.
Heavy eyes slipping closed she let him guide her back down onto his chest, the shock of their naked skin meeting had her gasping softly, her softness cradled against his much harder frame. Long fingers slid up the column of her neck, cupped the back of her head to bring her back to his mouth, the center of her universe was here.
She didn’t want to stop, never wanted this to end. His body was rigid, stretched taunt against hers, muscles clenching under her flexing fingers. She tested his restraint, yet his fingers, his lips, his tongue were gentle and very deliberate giving her the freedom to do as she pleased, not asking for more then she wanted to give.
It was the exquisitely slow glide of her hands driving him to claim her mouth in an ever-deepening kiss that communicated his escalating hunger, clawing at him, at his control stripping through the layers. He responded in kind, wanting to touch her everywhere at once. Forgetting his resolve not to breach the barrier her pants posed again, his fingers dipped beneath the waistband to caress the tight swell of her ass, urging her closer still.
In the deepest reaches of her mind she had the thought to stop this, before things went too much further. Just long enough to talk, think it through, but as her pants slipped further and further down his mouth fastened onto just the right spot on her neck making thought impossible, making her shudder with longing. Then he tumbled her onto her back, trailing his tongue along her collarbone over the curve of her breast and the rush of reckless need obliterated any lingering thoughts about stopping.
She didn’t want to stop. He didn’t want to stop. Was it his thought or hers? She wasn’t sure anymore and didn’t care.
Her breasts looked as velvety as a new butterflies wings right after it left its cocoon, damp and so damn soft and delicate. He traced every curve, every contour with his tongue before suckling her nipple swirling his tongue over her until she arched into his mouth gasping. Each wet dragging stroke of his mouth jerking a whimper of pleasure from her until her hands fisted in his hair, fingers tightening with each dragging pull of suction. When he raised his head her breasts were shining wetly, nipples tight and painfully hard, her necklace the only interruption to bare gleaming skin.
She was so perfectly open he could feel everything, no shields or walls to protect her, utterly vulnerable. All she had to protect her was him, with his ability to shield them both. Only he hadn’t been doing that had he? Suddenly he understood. Why his walls were so strong and hers almost nonexistent, his were meant to protect them both. They were too high, too strong just for him alone. He had a family that he was meant to include, to protect using his gifts.
“What is it?” Liz asked worried, caressing the shell of his ear with the tip if her finger. Needing to draw him back from where ever he’d disappeared to. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Max answered smiling. “I’m just a little slow sometimes.”
“I was just about to point that out to you,” Liz replied softly smiling back. “I’m here where were you?”
“Somewhere I should have been a long time ago.” Enfolding her in his arms he kissed her temple, closed his eyes and tried to picture the walls shielding him. Fixing the image of thick impenetrable blocks of uneven stone piled one on top of the other, he pushed stretching the wall farther out away from him while incorporating the idea of the bond. A tangible tie that was apart of him, blocked by his own shielding.
“Max?” Liz whispered feeling something like pressure in her chest. She felt like he was pushing against her, it felt warm, heating the surface of her flesh, heating the metal resting on her bare skin.
Sweat beading along his skin Max struggled to forge a tie strong enough to anchor his walls around her but found that every time he tried his walls slipped away from him, receding to their previous state. Determined he pressed forward, reaching instead for Liz and trying to draw her into his protection. Again he failed forcefully repelled so suddenly it took a few seconds for him to feel the burning on his chest.
Liz gasp her eyes widening as Max pulled away and touched the scorch mark burned into his skin. What happened didn’t register until his fingers brushed a matching burn on her own chest.
Ignoring for a moment his own pain, Max compared the mark on his chest to hers then his eyes slid to her necklace, settling there as the size and shape made it clear what had caused the matching burns. It was her frightened voice that brought his focus back to her.
“What was that?” Liz asked her fingers tracing the skin around the wound on his chest.
“I don’t know,” Max said slowly eyeing her necklace and wondering how the metal had gotten hot enough to burn their skin. “I think we need to talk to Cal. He said to let you in but…I just tried and something’s wrong.”
“Now?” Liz asked softly in disappointment.
“We don’t have to right this second. It’ll keep until morning,” Max responded thinking that there was nothing wrong that hadn’t already been wrong for some time now, a few hours wouldn’t change that. As long as he didn’t try that again what could go wrong?
“Park?” Liz parroted stupidly startled by the old-fashioned term and Max’s suggestion. Trying to push up and off of Max she was abruptly halted by his hands resting on the rounded swell of her ass. “You want to…pretend we’re…. parking? Like in high school?”
Max smiled at her wide-eyed expression and pointed out the obvious. “We are currently parked. You could even say that right this second we’re parking.” Max illustrated his point by flexing his fingers.
Liz wiggled in an attempt to create some space some room for thought, after all, there was no alien device to cushion them from any missteps. A trickle of disquiet caused a shiver to run through her despite the sweat dampening her skin. “We are parked but…I don’t…”
“It’s not like we have to worry about your curfew or anything,” Max continued allowing her to tug his hands out of her pants.
“I don’t remember ever being overly concerned about my curfew back then,” Liz stalled, trying to grasp onto the source of her sudden nerves. Not five minutes ago she’d been fine. But hearing him echo her own earlier thoughts left her floundering. Reminding her that he had access to things that she didn’t, making her feel exposed somehow.
Afraid.
Not of Max, but of this thing between them. She couldn’t even say it was wholly the bond because it wasn’t. This had been there before anything had ever been cemented between them, it was the reason they had a bond at all. It wasn’t emotional in nature but very physical. A silent imperative, to be close to him in all ways. A hidden current always ready to drag an unwary swimmer into deeper darker waters, it predated any thing they’d managed to cement that day in his room. It brought things out in her, things that hadn’t truly scared her before but did now no matter how much she tried to control that fear.
She felt that current now, trying to pull her under before reason could assert itself.
“We made your curfew more times then not,” Max protested, watching her intently like he could see what she was thinking. Of course in a way he could, it was written all over her face, simmering in the background of his awareness. He’d thought that by setting a stage out of the past, when things had been simpler and making out had been about as far as things went, that she’d be able to relax more.
Clearly that wasn’t happening. “Of course that’s not to say you didn’t climb right back out of your window.” Max watched her fidget, easing further and further away, tugging her slipping pants back into place and sighed. He wasn’t doing very well so far.
Why did she feel so threatened? It was ridiculous. How could she feel threatened when she slept beside him almost every night, kissed him twenty times a day, and felt safe every time? It always seemed to get to this point though. Where she felt like she ought to know what to do, how to please him, she thought that at some point she had known. She’d done those things before hadn’t she?
But then maybe that hadn’t really been her at all. Maybe she’d just been the body acting out a script that wasn’t her own, borrowing on skills and experience that weren’t hers but Tess’s.
As much control as she had gained over some aspects of her life, this was one area where she continued to have trouble. Max had more experience here, more control, less backlash if it went wrong. Again.
Her chin tilted stubbornly, she’d be damned if she’d be Tess’s bitch, a slave to the fear Tess had birthed inside her.
“That’s only if you didn’t sneak up onto my balcony first.” Liz declared flashing him an arched eyebrow that dared him to deny the truth of that statement.
She’d done the right things on her own at least once before, no reason to think she couldn’t do it again. Just don’t look at the last several attempts and maybe she’d even believe it.
Scooting subtly closer Max watched her face tilt up to his, chin first, and studied her eyes. She was usually so contained, presenting herself to the world as self-confident and in control but not when it came to this. It always gave him pause, made him remember when she hadn’t looked at him like he was someone or something else, a thing from her nightmares ready to pounce maybe. It didn’t always start like this but that look always came at some point.
Not that he could blame her, that honor he reserved for himself for putting it there in the first place.
“That’s true,” Max agreed his voice low and quiet. He wanted to touch her, to make physical contact, a basic connection between a man and a woman. The compulsion was almost too great to resist, but he did resist, because of her eyes. He didn’t want her to look at him like that this time, to feel threatened by his touch. He would do better, or he’d have the presence of mind to stop until he could. “I always wondered why your father left that ladder there after we stayed out all night in the desert that time. He had to know that we were using it.”
“He did,” Liz agreed taking a breath and forcing her focus onto the conversation itself not wanting to anticipate what might happen. “He was afraid you’d take up rock climbing and scale the wall like Spiderman.”
Max coughed to cover a laugh and tried to look offended, failing miserably when he couldn’t control his grin. “I’m not Spiderman, Liz, without the ladder I might have had more of a problem.”
Pausing he remembered how many times he’d been drawn to her balcony, how she’d usually known he was there, peeking over the edge before he’d even called up to her. He would’ve found a way ladder or no ladder. “Okay, maybe not.”
“Right, well, that’s when he started getting brochures in the mail on different boarding schools from all over the country. I think he even looked into a convent recommended for serious study and quite contemplation.”
Eyes darting to hers in surprise he saw that she wasn’t kidding. “Why didn’t you ever tell me that?”
Liz shrugged rolling onto her back so she was looking up at the stars and not at him. “It never came to anything. I went away that summer and then when I got back….well, we stopped using the ladder after that so it wasn’t a problem anymore. My mom talked him out of pursuing it saying they couldn’t really afford an expensive private school. It didn’t seem like we were that close anymore and I wasn’t getting into trouble so he let it go.”
They both lapsed into a silence charged with tension, the soft sounds of the radio the only thing breaking up the oppressive stillness, Liz turned her head to look at him, finding him watching her with an almost tangible array of emotion giving his gaze actual weight against her skin. “Did you ever think, when things were really bad between us, that we’d ever find our way back here, like this?”
Max shook his head slowly, not able to pull his eyes from hers. “No, I didn’t. Even when I was desperate and doing everything I could think of to get you back, I didn’t think you’d ever let me near you again. Then after we got the kids back I was just so relieved, it was enough, just to be around you, watch you with them.” He hadn’t expected to get so lucky twice. “Did you?”
Liz knew he’d ask when she broached the subject but took her time responding. “Not then, not when things were so awful. It was hard enough to get through each day. Thinking about the future was impossible. I didn’t want to think about it, I fought tooth and nail to not think about it. I was so sick of worrying about the future.”
She had never understood until then what would cause an animal to chew off it’s own limbs to get free of a trap, the blind panic of knowing you were caught, the desire to be free no matter the cost. That’s how she’d felt, caught in a trap that there was no way out of. She would have torn herself, and Max, apart to get free. She’d been unable to stop struggling against something she couldn’t see, didn’t remember creating, but knew was as inescapable as a part of her own body. Even knowing that didn’t stop her from trying to rip it out at the roots, neither had the escalating pain. It had turned gangrenous she HAD to free herself. Then the circumstances had changed tilting her world in a new direction.
Finding out about the twins had changed everything for her. She’d known that she couldn’t save them alone, and nothing had been more important then that, freedom couldn’t compare, wasn’t even a consideration anymore. Not when she’d looked into her daughter’s pod and felt that connection, the recognition inside herself of being bound to that tiny life. Life created because of a future she’d never envisioned, could not have even imagined, and that was more important then anything that had come before. Looking in and counting each perfect finger, each toe, and marveling over every one, she’d known that the blood connection that had called to her from miles away had started with her bond to Max, that she needed him to help her keep their child safe. That meant she needed to stop fighting the connection she’d been trying so hard to pretend didn’t exist. Their child was physical proof of a permanent connection between them, it was time to stop fighting that inescapable fact.
Once she’d shifted her focus she’d seen things in a way she’d been unwilling to before that. She’d given it a lot of thought before she’d suggested they try to become more then roommates with a past history and two wonderful children.
It wasn’t all the things Max had done to prove himself that made her come to that decision. It hadn’t been the few times they’d slipped into sexual intimacies either. It wasn’t a matter of merit, chalking up points to prove himself, or winning back her love. When she’d faced Tess in that garage over three years ago she’d known that Max loved her, that she loved him whether she admitted it or not, but she hadn’t been sure that it was enough.
Trying to put together a life after that had been tricky but they’d managed surprisingly well, doing what they could to make sure the children were safe and loved by both of their parents. They’d worked at being friends while growing into the people they needed to be on their own. But she’d come to realize that they were never really on their own.
She’d known what he was going through, what he was doing on those trips with Cal even though he’d never told her, she’d shared it with him in frequent nightmares, flashes of guilt and pain. She’d tried to share the burden as much as she could without talking to him about it, taking his night terrors as hers to shield him, help him where she could, but he’d taken the brunt of it every time he’d made the decision to take a life. It had worn away at him, and through him it had traveled down to her taking different forms in each of them. She’d gotten sick, he’d closed himself away hoping to contain what he didn’t want her to see. Each of them expending huge amounts of energy trying to shield the other, not talking about it but there it sat like a huge pink elephant in the room, it was utterly impossible to not know it was there.
It had forced her to open her eyes and see that they would never be truly and completely apart. The ties that bound them were too tightly woven, that maybe she should try to actually work with those ties instead of working her life around them. She finally admitted to herself that she wanted to build a life with him, not despite him. Whether he thought he deserved it or not that’s what her heart wanted, she only had to be brave enough to listen.
“I had this dream, when we were in Paris,” Liz continued, yanking her thoughts back onto the question at hand. “I was sitting in the desert looking at the rocks where the pod chamber was hidden, the sun was so bright reflecting off the rocks and blinding me. Then I saw you standing where I’d left you the day we saw that message about who you were, and I wanted to go to you but I was afraid. Just like I was that day, so I just sat there looking at you. You looked back at me but didn’t move either. The sun disappeared and the stars came out but we didn’t move, both of us so afraid to take that first step. I woke up and that’s when I knew. I knew we’d be here. Just like this. Both of us afraid but here, back home where we started.”
“That’s why you wanted to move back?” Max asked watching her closely, willing her to look at him.
Liz looked at him and nodded. “I missed the desert.”
Max blinked and Liz smiled smugly, curling into a ball to protect herself from the following attack of his tickling fingers.
“Stop!” Liz shrieked between giggles, unable to breathe between begging for mercy and laughing so hard she was afraid she might pee her pants.
“You give?” Max asked pinning her unresisting form.
“Yes! Yes, I swear! I’ll even make out with you!”
He immediately stopped his assault, fingers freezing in place against her overheated skin, looking into her flushed face lit only by the night sky above them. He didn’t think he’d have a problem staying right here, in the moment. She looked happy, almost glowing despite everything going on, he’d have to be crazy to close that feeling off. “Did you really dream that?”
Liz nodded slowly, holding eye contact, feeling the familiar, slightly scary zing of sexual attraction dance along her nerve endings making her very aware of her bodies position underneath him. She could acutely feel everywhere their bare skin met, damp skin clinging, the slight friction of even the smallest of movements.
“About this parking thing….Anytime you feel like you want to stop or you feel uncomfortable just tell me. Former parking rules still apply okay?”
“Okay,” Liz whispered unable to draw enough air to speak any louder. Already her fingers were tangled in the bottom edge of his T-shirt inching it up, wanting to feel more naked skin. Just touching him freely was an indulgence. Making out she understood and had no qualms about, this path was well traveled enough not to spark any fear. She wouldn’t look any further for now, one step at a time. No thoughts of how deep the water was getting and that she couldn’t even see the shore. The idea of operating under the flimsy protection of a former set of rules that had come about through youthful exploration, made when they’d been fumbling their way together, calmed her fears and gave her breathing room to explore the pleasure in the small simple intimacies. Like running her fingers over his chest, slick from the rising heat fanned by their bodies proximity.
When she stretched up to brush her mouth over his, sliding her lips softly back and forth, every sensation was magnified, heightened to the extreme. Just like the first time they’d kissed. It was all she could focus on, the world narrowed to just this. His breath against her face, the look in his eyes, almost scared. As if she, small and uncertain as she felt, had some mysterious power over him, to bestow or hold back something he desperately needed and couldn’t have without her.
The press of her matte velvet lips giving way to the slick inner recesses of her mouth, the rush of her breath, the contour of her mouth right down to the pouty swell of her lower lip that he couldn’t resist tugging on with his teeth then suckling skillfully.
She pulled back, gazing at him as she pulled the swollen fullness of her bottom lip between white teeth before allowing it to slide free, considering him.
He dug his fingers into the fabric upholstery and stared down into her wondering eyes, feeling the same heat from her that was burning through him. He’d never seen eyes like hers, bottomless, brimming with trust, where it came from he didn’t know. They were the most extraordinary eyes he’d ever seen. Willing her to kiss him again, over and over before he burned into ash, but still he didn’t move letting it be her decision.
“Please, Liz, do that again.” His voice rasp, carrying through the thick air that was making it difficult to catch their breath. He didn’t need to breath as much as he needed her mouth.
Her lips moved back to his, brushing then pressing their yielding softness more fully, opening to him without reservation. The tip of her tongue ventured shyly inside his mouth, brushing his. It felt so tenuous, their connection fragile, like it might dissolve if he made the wrong move. He knew that feeling was deceptive, nevertheless he wanted to forge a stronger bond, one that wouldn’t collapse under the weight of mistakes he had yet to make. Sinking his fingers into her hair he responded to her kiss with restrained enthusiasm, offering encouragement without overwhelming her or tripping any fear responses.
Her tongue flicked against his, flirting, drawing him out and he opened further with a soundless groan. Not close enough, feeling her fingers feather over his ears, into his hair, holding him to her while she rolled them over, tangling their limbs in a mutual need for closer contact.
She explored his mouth, nibbling and licking as she grew bolder, gaining reassurance from the way he braided their limbs like he was afraid she’d slip away. Needing air she turned her face into his neck, nibbling between panting breaths. “God Max, I love the way you smell. I really do.”
Emboldened by her words, the confirmation that he felt deep inside, he slid his hands up her back and around to the smooth sleekness of her sides, stroking her. He hesitated when his fingers drifted over the sides of her breasts, lingering there in an agony of anticipation and indecision while she tortured him with repeated nips of her teeth. A wordless rumble escaped him as she moved, bringing his finger tips into forbidden territory. A tiny bit higher had them running over her distended nipple bringing a sharp sound of pleasure from her throat.
Sitting up she tugged at his shirt impatiently, struggling to work it free despite their tangled position unwilling to move far enough away to make the task easier, dropping it with relief when it cleared his head not noticing as he fought to free his arms. Her attention was captured by a trickle of sweat bisecting his chest pooling in the dip at the base of his sternum. Leaning forward she removed it with a quick swipe of her tongue taking in his taste like she had his scent.
Max let out his breath in a harsh sigh at the innately sensual swirl of her tongue against his flesh, burning, his chest heaving on a quickly indrawn breath.
“Ouch,” Liz grumbled softly smiling while rubbing at her nose with her fingers. “You hit me in the nose with your chest.”
Max smiled at her complaint grasping her elbows and urging her up to straddle him. “Bring your nose up here. Let me see.”
Liz found herself sprawled over his chest and blinked when he tenderly kissed the tip of her nose.
“Better?” Max asked his voice thick with need.
“Mmmhmm” Liz responded rubbing her nose along his as she nodded.
“Do you need this?” Max asked tugging at the hem of her tank top but making no move to lift it before she agreed.
Rising up enough to sit up and study his eyes she felt for his presence inside before she shook her head and lifted her arms. Almost moaning at the feel of his muscles contracting between her thighs as he sat up stretching to divest her of the unwanted article of clothing.
Looking up at her his throat closed, he couldn’t have spoken even if he’d had the words to say. In this light her skin shone like a pearl, luminously pale gleaming in the darkness naked but for the necklace she wore. Her breasts were taunt, nipples high and tight, the undercurve ripe enough to make his mouth water. Still he didn’t touch her, waiting until he was sure she wasn’t nervous, until she met his eyes in question.
“This still okay?”
“Yes.” Liz said her eyes dropping back to his chest down to the light dusting of dark hair arrowing into the waistband of his jeans. This wasn’t breaking any rules, if anything it was just stretching them just a bit to fit the primal force driving them both. Max was still with her, a presence that wasn’t steady in strength but ebbed and flowed depending on how strong his feelings, on his ability to focus on maintaining those walls of his. Right now he had some very strong feelings that didn’t have anything to do with walls of any kind.
He made her feel beautiful. She wasn’t left to wonder if she was doing something wrong, nor did she have to ask if he felt anything, she felt the answer before the questions could form.
Heavy eyes slipping closed she let him guide her back down onto his chest, the shock of their naked skin meeting had her gasping softly, her softness cradled against his much harder frame. Long fingers slid up the column of her neck, cupped the back of her head to bring her back to his mouth, the center of her universe was here.
She didn’t want to stop, never wanted this to end. His body was rigid, stretched taunt against hers, muscles clenching under her flexing fingers. She tested his restraint, yet his fingers, his lips, his tongue were gentle and very deliberate giving her the freedom to do as she pleased, not asking for more then she wanted to give.
It was the exquisitely slow glide of her hands driving him to claim her mouth in an ever-deepening kiss that communicated his escalating hunger, clawing at him, at his control stripping through the layers. He responded in kind, wanting to touch her everywhere at once. Forgetting his resolve not to breach the barrier her pants posed again, his fingers dipped beneath the waistband to caress the tight swell of her ass, urging her closer still.
In the deepest reaches of her mind she had the thought to stop this, before things went too much further. Just long enough to talk, think it through, but as her pants slipped further and further down his mouth fastened onto just the right spot on her neck making thought impossible, making her shudder with longing. Then he tumbled her onto her back, trailing his tongue along her collarbone over the curve of her breast and the rush of reckless need obliterated any lingering thoughts about stopping.
She didn’t want to stop. He didn’t want to stop. Was it his thought or hers? She wasn’t sure anymore and didn’t care.
Her breasts looked as velvety as a new butterflies wings right after it left its cocoon, damp and so damn soft and delicate. He traced every curve, every contour with his tongue before suckling her nipple swirling his tongue over her until she arched into his mouth gasping. Each wet dragging stroke of his mouth jerking a whimper of pleasure from her until her hands fisted in his hair, fingers tightening with each dragging pull of suction. When he raised his head her breasts were shining wetly, nipples tight and painfully hard, her necklace the only interruption to bare gleaming skin.
She was so perfectly open he could feel everything, no shields or walls to protect her, utterly vulnerable. All she had to protect her was him, with his ability to shield them both. Only he hadn’t been doing that had he? Suddenly he understood. Why his walls were so strong and hers almost nonexistent, his were meant to protect them both. They were too high, too strong just for him alone. He had a family that he was meant to include, to protect using his gifts.
“What is it?” Liz asked worried, caressing the shell of his ear with the tip if her finger. Needing to draw him back from where ever he’d disappeared to. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Max answered smiling. “I’m just a little slow sometimes.”
“I was just about to point that out to you,” Liz replied softly smiling back. “I’m here where were you?”
“Somewhere I should have been a long time ago.” Enfolding her in his arms he kissed her temple, closed his eyes and tried to picture the walls shielding him. Fixing the image of thick impenetrable blocks of uneven stone piled one on top of the other, he pushed stretching the wall farther out away from him while incorporating the idea of the bond. A tangible tie that was apart of him, blocked by his own shielding.
“Max?” Liz whispered feeling something like pressure in her chest. She felt like he was pushing against her, it felt warm, heating the surface of her flesh, heating the metal resting on her bare skin.
Sweat beading along his skin Max struggled to forge a tie strong enough to anchor his walls around her but found that every time he tried his walls slipped away from him, receding to their previous state. Determined he pressed forward, reaching instead for Liz and trying to draw her into his protection. Again he failed forcefully repelled so suddenly it took a few seconds for him to feel the burning on his chest.
Liz gasp her eyes widening as Max pulled away and touched the scorch mark burned into his skin. What happened didn’t register until his fingers brushed a matching burn on her own chest.
Ignoring for a moment his own pain, Max compared the mark on his chest to hers then his eyes slid to her necklace, settling there as the size and shape made it clear what had caused the matching burns. It was her frightened voice that brought his focus back to her.
“What was that?” Liz asked her fingers tracing the skin around the wound on his chest.
“I don’t know,” Max said slowly eyeing her necklace and wondering how the metal had gotten hot enough to burn their skin. “I think we need to talk to Cal. He said to let you in but…I just tried and something’s wrong.”
“Now?” Liz asked softly in disappointment.
“We don’t have to right this second. It’ll keep until morning,” Max responded thinking that there was nothing wrong that hadn’t already been wrong for some time now, a few hours wouldn’t change that. As long as he didn’t try that again what could go wrong?