Before I Say Goodbye (CC, M/M, YTeen) COMPLETE - 5th Feb

[FallenMagic]

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Title: Before I Say Goodbye
Author: FallenMagic aka Rida
Disclaimer: I don’t own Roswell and the show…you know the drill.
Couple: Michael/Maria
Rating: YTeen
Summary: The story takes place 8 years after Michael left Maria after saying goodbye to her in Graduation. He never came back to Roswell and the gang left as planned, instead of being forced to flee Roswell after their graduation ceremony. Having never contacted her in all these years, he finally returns back into her life.
Note: Based on the Savage Garden song ‘I Don’t Know You Anymore’. Many thanks to my absolutely wonderful beta, Maya! Thanks tons girl! And would you look at the pretty banner Fred made for me!
The story is a short POV, only four parts long. I’ll be updating this pretty quickly. It’s a stand alone piece and my take on what would have happened had the Roswell gang not been forced to change their initial plans to leave Roswell. Hope you enjoy




I would like to visit you for a while
Get away and out of this city
Maybe I shouldn't have called
But someone had to be the first to break

We can go sit on your back porch
Relax
Talk about anything
It don't matter
I'll be courageous
If you can pretend that you've forgiven me

Because I don't know you anymore
I don't recognize this place
The picture frames have changed and so has your name
We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again

Springtime in the city
Always such relief from the winter freeze
The snow was more lonely than cold
If you know what I mean

Everyone's got an agenda
Don't stop
Keep that chin up you'll be alright
Can you believe what a year it's been
Are you still the same?
Has your opinion changed?

Because I don't know you anymore
I don't recognize this place
The picture frames have changed and so has your name
We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from these sentences
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again

I know I let you down
Again and again
I know I never really treated you right
I've paid the price
I'm still paying for it everyday

So maybe I shouldn't have called
Was it too soon to tell?
Oh what the hell
It doesn't really matter
How do you redefine something that never really had a name?
Has your opinion changed?

Because I don't know you anymore
I don't recognize this place
The picture frames have changed and so has your name
We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again

I see your face
I see your face

- I Don't Know You Anymore by Savage Garden




<center>Part One</center>


~ Michael POV ~

The fiery sun beat down at my back as I sat straddling my bike, gazing out at the neat row of houses that lined the streets. The lawns were freshly mowed and the hedges and flowers well kept. The houses were all pristine and looked as if they had just been painted the day before. Utter peace and tranquility surrounded the neighborhood and I understood why it was considered to be one of the best areas in LA.

And yet, even though there was nothing wrong about the place, I hated it. I hated it with a passion that surprised even me. I hated the neat, suburban order of it, of what this little neighborhood promised families. Something inside me screamed that I didn’t belong here. With my Harley and rough, unkempt look, it would be best if I just turned around and left, pretending that I had never come here.

But still I stayed, unable to move from my bike as my gaze lay frozen on the only house that was painted a bright blue. It stood out from the rest of the houses like a sore thumb, with its pale yellow trimming and colorful flowers, and even then it managed to look classy and comfortable.

I couldn’t help but smile a little when I saw it. I knew instantly that this was it. This was her house. I didn’t even have to glance down at the hastily scribbled address to be sure.

When Max had hesitantly given me the address he had asked me if I was sure this was what I wanted to do, if I was sure I was ready to face her. And I was, I had been ready for more than seven years and told him as much. Still wary and uncertain, he had told me where she lived, warning me to be prepared for things I wasn’t expecting.

I hadn’t understood then what he had meant, but standing outside her house, seeing the minivan, soccer ball, and bicycle in the driveway, I finally got what Max had meant. It hit me hard and fast just how much I had expected things to be as I had left them, for her to still be waiting for me. But her life had changed and gone on without me. Though it burned and hurt, it didn’t change my resolve. I had waited years to be able to finally meet her and I wasn’t about to back out.

I wasn’t here to throw her live into upheaval. I wasn’t here to fight for her, or ask her to come back. I knew I had lost her a long time ago when I had left her standing alone on the road, tears streaming down her face. It wouldn’t be right or fair of me to even try but that did not mean that I couldn’t see her.

It hadn’t taken me more than a few months after I had left her to realize just how big of a fool I was. But by then it had been too late. I had silently and unknowingly crossed a point this time that made me unable to go back to her. So, I had tried to go on and forget but that had been as impossible as trying not to breathe. In the end I had resigned myself to thinking about her, missing her. And I had resolved to be able to face her again, as a new person.

I had longed and ached to see her again in the years that we had been apart. I had longed to hear her voice again, to feel the softness of her hair, to see the bright twinkle in her green eyes. And now, after nearly more than eight years, the time had finally arrived. Things and circumstances had changed. She and I had changed; our relationship, if it could be called that, had changed, but I still had to see her one last time.

Fingering the tarot card I was holding, I looked away from the house and down at the card. It was the Lovers. I don’t know why I hadn’t thrown it away at the first opportunity, why I had still kept it with me after all these years. I didn’t believe that it meant anything, I didn’t believe in fortune-telling. But I had to admit that it had reminded me of her, and that was probably the only reason I had kept it till now.

Sighing, and putting the card away, I got off my bike and took off my sunglasses. There would be no more stalling. It was time I walked up to the house and finally faced her. Though my face gave nothing away, inside I was jittery with nerves. Doubts, fears, anxiety ran amok inside me as I got closer and closer. I didn’t know why I was so scared, why I wanted to turn around and bolt.

But Michael Guerin never ran away from anything…well mostly never, I acknowledged with a slight wince as I recalled the one person I had run away from. Taking a deep breath I knocked on the door, waiting for the defining moment.

I could hear voices inside, a laugh, a loving scolding and then footsteps growing nearer. My palms began to sweat as I heard the door unlock and I clenched them tightly to my side. When the door swung open, the laugh and smile that had been bubbling on Maria’s lips froze as she saw me.

Somehow everything seemed to fall away for me when I saw her. Time stopped and it was just the two of us at her doorstep. She still looked the same, had barely seemed to age. The only thing different was her hair which was long, and blonde again. Her clothes were still in the same vibrant colors she wore and her eyes, still the sparkling green, were filled with shock and turmoil.

Finally, her eyes cleared, her mouth relaxed somewhat, to gape now, at me. Disbelief edged its way into her eyes even as her mouth curved up into a small, slow genuine smile.

“Michael!” She breathed out, her voice belying the shock she was trying to hide.

At the sound of her voice, I knew instantly what I had come here to find out. I was still irrevocably in love with Maria DeLuca.


<center>TBC. . .</center>

[FallenMagic]

Author's Note: Thank you so much guys! I'm glad you liked the part and anyone who hasn't heard the song simply must check it out! It's beautiful!
Gretita - Michael did a lot of stupid things back then, didn't he

Flamehair - Thanks!

FaithfulAngel24 - Inspirational and exciting? Thanks! That means a lot to me! And you'll find out in this chapter if Maria is married or not...

RhondaAnn - Yeah I guess it is a little sad but as a friend of mine put it, it's healing as well or I'd like to think so anyway

brighteyes - hopefully this next part lives up to your excitement!

xmag - Yes, poor Michael indeed! But is he really the only one you should be sorry for?



<center>Part Two</center>


~ Maria POV ~

Damn alien genes was my first thought when I got over the initial shock at finding Michael Guerin at my doorstep.

He looked just as gorgeous and sexy now as he had eight years ago when he had ridden out of my life. And I hated him for that. Why couldn’t he have aged? Grown uglier, less attractive? Did he have to look so damn good standing there in front of me?

His hair was just slightly longer than I remembered, pulled back into a short, stubby ponytail. His tall frame was still broad and formidable. With a private smile I noticed the Harley in the driveway and was not surprised to find it there. It made sense that Michael would own one. The clothes he wore looked like they had been washed recently and I couldn’t help wondering if they had been specially done so for this visit.

I didn’t care to dwell on why he was here for that was something that I was sure I’d find out soon enough. And his unexpected and unannounced return into my life like this wasn’t exactly a surprise. I had been waiting for it for nearly eight years. Though I had been heart broken and devastated, I knew Michael would be back, in his own time no doubt, but he’d be back. Michael always came back.

I would like to think it was because of me but I knew him well enough to know that Michael needed family. He would have firmly disagreed with that theory but whether he would admit it or not, Michael couldn’t stand to be away from people he considered family for too long. After all, hadn’t he contacted Max only days after he left? Hadn’t he visited Isabel a year later when she had her first child? I know he’d kept in close contact with Liz and Kyle too and his relationship with Liz especially intrigued me. I never had known them to be close but then there he had gone, buying and sending Liz the first painting that he had made for an art gallery.

I was the only one he had never tried to contact in all these years and though it had stung I understood it had been his pride that had kept him away. To cover for the loss of his presence in my life, I had kept up on him. I knew where he had ended up settling, when he got his first major break in the art world, when he would visit, when he had called. Though I made an effort to keep track of him, I kept out of his way, never letting him find out just how much I knew about his life. But even after all that I knew I was totally surprised by this visit.

In all honesty I may have hoped but had never expected him to ever contact me. I had given up on ever being able to just be around him. The fact that he was here, at my doorstep, by his own free will made something in my heart trip. It warmed me and moved me deeply to realize that after everything and all this time, he still considered me family.

Abruptly realizing that we had been standing at the door for a good couple of minutes in a tense silence, I forced myself to relax. It didn’t take much effort on my part to smile up at him. I had missed him so much over the years and was glad to have found him here.

“Michael,” I stated, my voice coming out a little breathy because of my surprise.

I couldn’t figure out what to say next or what to do. I may have been happy to see him but it had been so long that there was a tinge of awkwardness between us that had never been there before and it saddened me. Unsure how to react to the way he was looking at me, I simply stepped aside and held the door open wider in invitation.

Michael hesitatingly came inside, darting a quick glance in my direction as I shut the door before standing in the foyer, giving the place a quick look-over. He turned back to me and scratched his eyebrow nervously before giving me a small smile.

“You’re blonde again.” He stated.

The unexpectedness of the statement had a laugh erupting from me. A little self-consciously I touched a strand of my hair, smiling as I let it fall back down.

“Yeah, I’m blonde again.” I told him, shaking my head at him in amusement. “I decided I prefer it this way.”

“It looks good. You look good.” He added.

“Thanks. I can say the same for you.” I arched my brow at him, letting my eyes shift to his hair and then back at him. “A ponytail, huh?”

Rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment, Michael muttered, “Been meaning to get a haircut.” Then he looked back at me, his eyes playful. “But then I decided I prefer it this way.”

“It suits you,” I told him, watching the way his amber eyes held onto mine. For a moment all awkwardness was gone and it was just as easy between us as it had been when we had been teenagers.

Something about him seemed different just then and I couldn’t place it immediately. And then it struck me that that something were his eyes. For the first time since I could remember they weren’t closed off and guarded. There was a confidence there that had never been there before and a playfulness that shone through even his nervousness. I wondered what, or who, had brought about this change.

“How are you, Michael?” I asked softly then, wanting to ask him so much more than that but holding back. I wanted to lay my hand on his arm to believe that he was really here but I couldn’t allow myself to do that.

He considered the question for a moment before shrugging slightly. “All right, I guess. Better than I was before I left.”

And because it showed, I nodded. “So I can tell….” I trailed off, struggling to hold on to the comfortable feeling of being around him. It was already slipping away and I was desperate to hold on to it.

I started to ask Michael how he found me when a skateboard went whizzing past my foot and nearly collided into Michael’s who stopped it just in time. Sighing with annoyance, I momentarily forgot about Michael as I turned around to call out to my five-year old son.

“Joshua Daniel Banks, how many times must I tell you not to play with a skateboard inside the house? Someone could get hurt!”

Josh, with his face contrite, shuffled into the foyer. His green eyes looked up at me sweetly from under his mop of dark brown hair. “Sorry mommy. It just…slipped.”

Giving him an amused yet disbelieving look, I snorted. “Slipped…right.”

When I saw Josh’s eyes rivet to something behind me, I froze. I had forgotten that Michael was standing there. Turning slowly, almost dreading the look on his face, I shot him a glance. Michael’s face was blank, his eyes locked on the child.

“Uh…Michael, this is my son, Josh…” I introduced, suddenly feeling as if I ought to apologize for something. Not liking the feeling, I pulled Josh forward. “And Josh, this is a…an old friend of mine, Michael.”

“Hi,” Josh said shyly.

Michael seemed to stir from his thoughts as he smiled at Josh. “Hi.” Michael turned to look back to me with eyes that were still unreadable and I shifted to pull Josh almost defensively close to me.

“Michael, why don’t you make yourself comfortable while I go see to Josh’s homework?” I said, needing a moment away to gather myself. I hadn’t wanted Michael to find out about Josh so soon and like this at that.

Michael nodded. “Sure…I’ll just be here…”

I turned quickly then, urging Josh towards the stairs, barely hearing his complaints as I concentrated on pushing back the sick churning feeling in my stomach.


<center>TBC. . .</center>

[FallenMagic]

Author's Note: Wow, I hadn't even realized I'd kept the last name Banks! Must have been an unconscious move on my part. Sorry to disappoint you guys. I know you were hoping for some wild twist lol but unfortunately this story is really very straight forward and simple and all about healing and moving on. And good God, I'd never let Maria marry Billy! I mean much as I like him (er...riight), she can do better . You'll find out a little more about her life and her child in this part.
RhondaAnn to answer on of your questions/musings, Michael and Liz's relationship is platonic here. I alway just thought that they understood each other a lot better than was shown on the show, especially with Michael having read her diary! And as for Michael's maturity...you'll find out soon!


<center>Part Three</center>


~ Michael POV ~

She had a son! Maria had a son!

The thought whirled in my head as I paced the living room, waiting for Maria to come back downstairs. I had known, of course, the moment I’d seen the bicycle and soccer ball in the driveway that she had children but somehow to actually meet him, to actually see the way Maria looked at him and he at her….

With a strangled curse, I ran a hand over my head, wondering why it had stunned me so much. And why did it feel as if she’d just cheated on me in some way? I had no rights over Maria. She and I were long over. I couldn’t possibly have expected her to put her life on hold. I had been prepared to find her happily settled with a family, a husband…but I hadn’t counted on how different it would be to actually see her son.

A son who wasn’t mine.

Curiosity about the child, about Maria’s life, had me turning to look at the pictures hanging on the walls, placed on the mantle and tables. There were so many pictures, some with Liz and the rest of them, one even of Alex, Liz and her. There was even one of her and me with Kyle. It touched me to know she had kept it out here for everyone to see, for her to recall.

Then there were the pictures with people I had never seen before, her other friends, her in-laws, I’d assume. Pictures of her son from over the years lay scattered amongst the other pictures. One particularly large portrait hung on the wall, depicting a laughing Maria with her husband and son. A small lick of jealousy crept up but I pushed it back, forcing myself to look at her husband objectively.

He wasn’t bad looking, I admitted to myself. He had dark hair, much like his son’s and brilliant blue eyes that stood out from his face. He looked successful…and in love. And Maria looked happy. She looked exceptionally happy. Even now, I had to admit to myself, she had looked content and happy with her life in this house.

“Sorry to keep you waiting.” Maria began as she rushed back into the room.

I turned away from the pictures to offer her a reassuring smile. “It’s fine.” I gestured to the picture I was looking at and asked, “That your husband?”

Maria’s gaze flicked to the picture I was pointing to and an unconscious smile lit her face as she nodded. “Yeah, Ethan Banks…that’s my husband.”

There was such genuine joy and love in her voice for him that I felt a lump form at the back of my throat. This wasn’t going to be easy. No way in hell was this going to be easy.

“You-you’ve got a beautiful family, Maria.” I told her honestly.

She just smiled at me and stated simply, “I know.” She gestured to the back porch then. “It’s a beautiful day too. Mind if we sit outside? Besides, I don’t really want Josh overhearing talk about aliens and the FBI. I haven’t really told introduced that side of my world to him.”

I nodded and followed her outside. Once we had settled outside on the small picnic table, I asked Maria a question that didn’t delve into anything painful.

“How come you didn’t name him after anyone? Like Alex for instance.”

Maria shrugged slightly, thinking about it before replying. “I didn’t want him to feel as if he had to live up to someone else’s name.” She told me. “I wanted my son to have his own identity, not have it attached to someone from my past.”

“Liz and Isabel both named their kids after people from their past. Liz named her daughter after her grandmother, and Isabel after Alex.” I pointed out, a little impressed by Maria’s foresight.

“It doesn’t suit me but it does suit them. Why not name them after people they knew and loved if it makes them happy?” She asked with a small smile as she thought about her friends.

“Are you?” I asked her then, looking at her straight in the eyes. I had to know, if just for being happy for her.

Maria’s gaze grew a little wary and confused. “Am I what?” she asked.

“Happy. Are you happy?”

Maria looked away from me then, playing with the rings on her fingers. My eyes inadvertently looked down at them and my gut clenched when I saw her diamond wedding ring. I would never have been able to give her that. Looking up at the house, I realized that I would never have been able to give her any of this had she stayed with me. I didn’t know whether that made me glad that she found someone who could or just sad. Instead of analyzing my feelings too deeply, however, I focused on Maria herself.

“In the beginning I wasn’t sure whether I could ever be happy again, or if I could love or trust someone as deeply as I did you.” She looked at me then with eyes filled with a glimpse of her past hurt. “You hurt me when you left, Michael. I loved you so much and it just hurt to know you did too but still chose to leave me.”

I winced then, feeling the guilt seep into me. She could always do that to me; bring up guilty conscious like a punch to the gut. “Maria…” I began but she cut me off with a shake of her head.

“Don’t.” She replied, her eyes regretful yet calm. “It’s long past…I think maybe you needed to leave. It was many years later I accepted that maybe it wasn’t me but your past that you were running from. I just happened to be connected to that past.”

I didn’t know how to reply to that, so instead I responded with a question.

“Are you happy now?” I asked again quietly, hoping that she was. Because if she wasn’t then it would be my fault and there wouldn’t be much I could do about it.

Maria smiled now, a warm genuine smile that shone through from her eyes and soul. “I am. More so than I ever imagined I would be. The funny thing is, when I met Ethan, I was starting my music career and was in no way interested in a relationship. But Ethan was my producer and the more I was around him, the more he taught me to trust again, to love again. Josh just added to the mix. I even left my career for him and haven’t regretted that decision one bit.”

It hurt to hear her say that, it burned to know she loved someone else that deeply but at the same time it was healing. I could be happy in just knowing that Maria was happy. I covered my hands with hers and her gaze shot to mine in surprise.

“I’m happy for you, Maria.” I told her honestly. “I’m really glad you’ve made a life here for yourself.”

She covered my hand with her other one and patted it. “Everyone deserves to be happy, Michael. And after all that we went through, we deserve it even more.” Then, abruptly switching topics, she smiled at me. “I hear that you’re a hotshot painter now.”

Embarrassed at being called ‘hotshot’, I laughed and ducked my head. I would never get used to the fame. “I do fairly well.”

Maria rolled her eyes at me and poked me lightly in the side. “Michael, if your paintings sold for any price higher, no one would be able to afford them.” She stated dryly.

“I don’t paint for the money.” I muttered, a little annoyed at her assumption.

Sure they sold for a lot but I didn’t get to price them. My agent and the gallery I sold through did. And in my opinion, if people were actually willing to spend so much money for something like my paintings then they deserved to be robbed blind.

“I know you don’t.” Maria replied. “Money never really has been a top priority of yours.”

When I just shrugged bad naturedly, she grinned. “I’m very fond of this one painting of yours,” She told me lightly. When I turned to look questioningly at her, she went on. “It’s the one where you’ve drawn a little boy peeking inside a room. It’s raining outside as the boy stand on his toes to look through the window.”

My throat dried up as I heard Maria speak, her voice growing soft and halting briefly as she described the painting. My eyes were locked on hers with a mixture of fear, astonishment and the urge to bolt before she could complete the description. I knew exactly what picture she was talking about. And I knew instantly that she knew what that painting stood for.

“And inside the room, you can the silhouette of a young girl asleep on her bed.” Maria’s eyes bore into mine as she spoke, “I look at it every day and I’m reminded each time of a scared little boy, who was desperately looking at the world from the outside wanting to be in; a little boy who grew up to love and trust this girl he knew.”

“You-you have the picture?” I asked hoarsely, unable to say what I really wanted.

Maria nodded. “It’s hanging in my office upstairs. Ethan bought it for me for my birthday a few years ago.”

At the reminder of her husband, I asked curiously, “Does Ethan know about us…all of us?”

“He knows all of it.” Maria replied. “I told him everything before we got married. I told him about the aliens, about what had happened, why it might be dangerous at times, even about you. I couldn’t start my life with him by lying to him, Michael. I couldn’t hide the most important aspect of my life from him.”

“You don’t have to justify why you did it, Maria. It was your decision and if you think it was the right one to make then it was.” I assured her.

“I do and it was.” She laughed softly, “It brought us closer instead of pushing us apart as I was afraid of.”

“Ethan knew about us and was okay with it?” I blurted out, curious to know. “He even bought you my painting knowing what your relationship with me was.”

Maria smiled fondly, obviously remembering her husband. “Ethan took it very well. According to him, it was okay for me to have had a past. It was the future that mattered. And since I was marrying him, my future involved him and that was all he wanted.”

No one could be that nice, that understanding but then what do I know about relationships? I had already screwed up the best relationship I could ever have. And maybe Ethan was who Maria said he was. Maybe he was right for her or maybe he wasn’t but who was I to judge? Maria was happy with him and that should have been enough.

She looked at me, as if almost reading the cynical thoughts in my head. “He trusts me, Michael.” She added quietly. “And I trust him.”

“He sounds like a nice guy.” I offered finally, unable to say anything else without it sounding bitter or false. “Looks like you told him everything. I’m glad he understands.”

Maria hesitated now and her pause had me instantly on the alert. Something in her expression warned me that she wanted to say something she wasn’t sure she should tell me about. I was almost just as afraid to hear it but it seemed as if I had no choice in the matter.

“Not everything, Michael…” She told me, her gaze meeting mine for an instant before settling to look down at her own feet. “There is something I haven’t discussed with anyone, not Ethan, not Liz or Kyle…no one.”

My eyes were riveted on Maria, my heart beginning to thump in fearful anticipation of what she was about to say next. My mind had begun to imagine all sorts of things from the ridiculous like Josh being my son to the insane such as that she had begun to develop powers.

“What?” I managed to ask.

She looked back up at me then, her eyes serious and almost helpless. “That you’re still in love with me.”

I felt like someone had knocked me on the head, knocking the wind out of me. Of all the things I had expected, that was the last thing. My mouth fell open a little and I stared at Maria with a combination of shock, amazement and embarrassment. I couldn’t deny it, not when she obviously knew but I couldn’t affirm it either. It would be like putting her in turmoil and I didn’t want to give her any more heartache or problems. I just couldn’t figure out how she knew. Was I that obvious?

I tore my gaze away from her to look down at my hands, wondering with a scowl if she had read it in my eyes. But I was being so careful to not let anything show. Then how…?

“It was the painting that gave you away.” Maria answered my unasked question quietly. “The minute I saw it, I knew. It wasn’t just about you wanting in, it was depicting that first night you came to me, the first night you let me in your heart.”

“It’s just a painting, Maria.” I muttered, not willing to admit that she was right. Of course that was what I had in mind when I had started painting. It was one of the first oil I had done after I had left her.

“No, Michael, it’s not.” Maria stated with such surety that I couldn’t even come up with an argument. “What I don’t understand is why you never came back and told me how you felt? Why did you never come back to me?”

Her voice cracked and she snapped her mouth shut, trying not to let it show that it had affected her. Without thinking about it I slid an arm around her.

“Because,” I told her. “I wanted to make something of myself for you. You wanted so much and I had so little to offer.”

“Is that really why, Michael?” She asked, looking at me with deep, probing eyes. Her green eyes spoke volumes, telling me that she already knew the reason but wanted to hear me say it for a change. They begged me to finally be honest with her.

I hesitated before replying. Was that really the reason I never called her? Was it really the only reason I had for pushing her away? As I looked at her, I realized that maybe it was time I started being honest, with both her and myself. Our entire relationship had been built on secrets, lies and misunderstandings. It was time we did something about that. We had just wasted more than ten years without being totally honest with each other. Something had to change and what better time than today, now?

“No,” I replied honestly. “I also didn’t come back because I didn’t want to love you that much, or need you that badly.”

“That was a stupid reason.” She pointed out, sighing as she ran a hand over her face that suddenly looked tired.

I looked at her face, taking her in and regretting my decisions for the first time in years.

“I know,” I sighed. “I know.”

<center>TBC. . .</center>

[FallenMagic]

Author's Note: This is it guys, the last part of this story! Thank you so much for reading and for the wonderful feedback! I'm awed by all the wonderful things you've said! Though I know the story probably let a lot of questions in your mind, I intend to keep this a short 4 part story. And though it does not end as M/M I do hope you enjoyed it nonetheless!


<center>Part Four</center>


~ Maria POV ~

It was a little over an hour later when Michael finally left. We had sat together in that hour, for once feeling free and relieved of all of our insecurities, our hurt and sense of betrayal. Somehow for Michael to have admitted why he had left in such open and honest words had brought the closure that both us had needed but never really realized.

I got the feeling that it had been healing for Michael to hear that I had the painting he had made. It had made him feel connected once more to me, to what we had. In a way it was sad to know that he had thought that I would have pushed him out of my life so completely. How could he have imagined that I would ever have been able to do that? Michael had always been such an important part of my life that I couldn’t forget him even if I tried.

Being with him again, just sitting and talking about the simplest of things had been wonderful. By tacit agreement we had shifted to lighter topics, avoiding anything that pulled us back into feelings of bitterness or resentment. We talked about Liz and Max’s daughter and Isabel and Jesse’s son. I told Michael about Kyle’s fiancée and we had a laugh about how whipped he seemed to be. Michael told me about his art and how it had all fallen together for him. For that hour we took the time to catch up on each other’s lives. He even asked me about Ethan and Josh. I had feared that maybe he would be angry or hurt but it relieved me to hear nothing but genuine interest in his voice.

The hour just flew by and when I walked him out, I felt happier and more at peace than I had been. But at the same time there was a heaviness in my heart at having to say goodbye to Michael again. I wanted to hold him close for a while, to feel him in my arms and remember, for the last time what it had been like for us during our better moments. So, when he stood in my foyer, wondering how to say goodbye, I reached out and surprised us both by hugging him tightly.

“It was great to see you again, Michael.” I whispered as I let him go, my eyes tearing up before I forced the tears back.

“Yeah, it was.” He agreed, smiling at me gently. I realized that I had never seen him smile to easily and openly as he had today and that gave me some comfort. “I’m glad I came back to see you.”

“Me too. Well,” I sighed, wrapping my arms around myself, “Looks like this is goodbye.”

“Yeah, looks like.” Michael hesitated for a moment, staring at me almost as if trying to remember my face before turning abruptly around to open the door. Stepping outside, he ran a hand through his hair, looking uncomfortable all of a sudden. I couldn’t help smiling to myself as I recognized his old dislike of having to say goodbye.

To make things easier for the both of us, I said lightly, “I want you to send me the next painting you make. I like knowing that I’ve got a world famous artist for a friend.”

He laughed then and nodded. “Sure, Maria. I’ll be sure to send one to you.” He promised. “I-I’ll call you sometimes… I may just drop by too.”

I felt a lump form in my throat and I had to swallow hard to push it back. Feeling the tears creep up once more, I nodded hastily. “I’ll look forward to it.”

We looked at each other silently for a moment, both of us knowing that he wasn’t really going to call or visit. After he left today I was never going to see him again. He would send the painting, of that I was certain, but I knew that when he walked out that door today, it would be last time we would ever see one another. It was probably best for us both but it ached to know that. I let my gaze roam over him once more, remembering every aspect of this visit, every detail of his face. I wanted to remember him years from now as this new, happy, relaxed man he had become, someone who was finally comfortable with who he was and his place in the world.

I loved my husband, that was true but I loved Michael as well. I wasn’t in love with him but I loved him nonetheless. I loved him like one would love a best friend. He had been the first boy I had loved, the first boy I had made love with. He would always have a special place in my heart and I wanted him to know that.

So, leaning up on my toes, I kissed his cheek affectionately. “Thank you, Michael, for coming back. I’d missed you.” I told him. “You’re always welcome here.”

“That means a lot to me,” Michael replied. “Just knowing I’m welcome…” He trailed off and scratched his brow, shooting a look over his shoulder. “Well, I should get going. I’ve got a long way back.”

“Yeah,” My voice was soft and I refused to let the sadness show. “You keep safe, okay?”

Nodding, he took a step back. He raised his hand in half a wave. “Bye, Maria.”

“Goodbye, Michael.”

I waited until he had turned around and was heading down the driveway before I let myself fall against the door jam. I watched him as he got on his bike and put on his helmet; I watched as he started the Harley and without a last glance behind, rode off. I stood at the door watching long after he was after of sight. Then, with a tired and pained sigh, I closed my eyes to wish Michael well. As I closed the door to my house, I realized that the gesture was more than symbolic. I had finally been able to close the door on the chapter of my life that had consumed me for more than half my life.

With one last pang, I finally said goodbye to Michael.


<center>The End</center>