Title: Dirty Little Secret
Disclaimer: The characters of "Roswell" belong to Jason Katims, Melinda Metz, WB, and UPN. They are not mine and no infringement is intended. The song is “Dirty Little Secrets” by My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult.
Genre: UC
Pairing: Max/Maria
Rating: Adult
Summary: Max has a secret. (Max’s POV.)
_____________________________________________________________________________
Hiding in the shadows of this dusky, smoke filled room I feel as if I am on the very edge of madness. My insides are jumping like a live wire in both aniticipation and apprehension. This is the last place anyone would expect me to be, and I feel a sense of great relief that here, so far from home, there is no chance of running into my girlfriend, Liz, or any of our friends. The relief leaves and a pang of conscience enters just at the mere thought of what the people in my life would think of my behavior. In these moments I am far from the responsible, steady Max Evans that I pride myself on being. I know what I’m doing is wrong, but I can’t seem to help myself. I’ve tried.
So you wanna do something that's a little bit not too
afro-centric-erotic-space-groove-jazz-funk-acid-punk?
Come on, what do you want? Come on, baby.
The first notes of a jazzy tune fill the air and at the first sight of her, the familiar physical responses are drawn from my body, the sudden hitch in my breath, the lump in my throat, the long pause of my heartbeat. It is the same every time.
Maria’s slender figure rushes onto the elevated stage in breathless excitement and fluid movement. This is not the sleazy dancing found in strip clubs nor is it a ballerina’s graceful stage - this is so much more tantalizing than either… this is burlesque. I’ve learned that this kind of titillating dance, this teasing, is an art. And she is an artist.
The bright red couture gown fits snuggly to her female form with glittering sequined slits up the sides as she flies across the stage in five inch red leather heels. The long white satin gloves sheathing her slender arms give the glamorous outfit that touch of 50’s pipup girl or cabaret singer. Behind her a curtain of opalescent pearls swings with the energy of her electrifying performance.
Sometimes the songs are too fast and the dancing too frenetic for her to have anything more than the occasional vocal solo with the live band doing the rest, but this song is slower, more sensual, and the words fall from her cherry-red lips like dark, thick honey. I’m not the only one in the audience that is awestruck, but the words to the song are cutting through me like a knife and I feel as if everyone around me can see my insides, my vulnerability, in this moment.
It's all about power baby.
You know what I'm saying?
It's all about sleep walking through this endless night.
You want me to make you feel like you ain't never felt before, baby?
This all started about a year ago. Well, if I’m completely honest with myself it probably started long before that, but this obsession started a year ago. My soul has yet to come up for air since that instant when everything changed.
Tell me all your Dirty Little Secrets, Dirty Little Secrets.
April in southern New Mexico is generally already scorching, and as we often did, Liz and I had invited our friends over for a lazy Sunday evening by the pool in our apartment complex. Keeping an eye on the steaks over the grill, I watched as Maria hopped out of the pool, admiring the fit of her bikini. I felt no guilt at doing so – it was a guy thing – she being an attractive person and especially so in a wet bikini, it would’ve been weirder if I hadn’t casually taken note of her beauty.
“Hey, Max. Want some company?” she asked, sliding onto the picnic table next to the grill.
“Sure,” I responded with an easy smile. It had been getting a little lonely manning the barbeque pit by myself while Liz was at the other end of the pool lying out on a lounge chair talking with Iz, and Michael and Kyle took turns competing over who could make the bigger cannonball splash.
Maria and I comfortably fell into our usual conversation topics, mostly talk about our significant others, until somehow we got sidetracked into a philosophical discussion. As she talked about her own theories and viewpoints, I started to look at her differently. It’s not that I ever thought she was dumb, it’s just that when I thought of intelligence, I thought of Liz and there was no room in that box in my mind for any other girl. Suddenly I realized I was really seeing Maria for the first time. And with blinders off, that look turned my world upside down.
I'm coming up to you like some kinda
White Witch in a fever baby. Oh yeah.
“Just lay back and shut up.”
Don't tell me to control myself.
I mean, you don't want me to control myself, do you?
The next day I couldn’t keep my mind from wondering about where she was or what she was doing. I would call their apartment in the hopes that she would be the one to pick up the telephone, and it would make me ridiculously giddy to hear Maria’s voice in those few seconds before she passed the phone to Michael. I would spend all day thinking of reasons to stop by their place or invite them over.
If we were in a room together I would look for subtle ways to touch her in any way I could, a steadying hand on her arm, a guiding touch against her lower back, a fleeting brush against her shoulder in passing. The hardest was our farewell hug. This was the one moment of contact that was expected from me and had always been given without a second thought. Now, I agonized over the length of our embrace, wanting to hold her longer, tighter, but afraid if I did someone might notice.
All of these little touches would routinely send me into a hazy world of fantasy where my hands caressed every curve of her body while my lips explored the taste of her milky-white skin, pleading with her not to ignore the ache that was building inside both of us, to give up the fight against it as I had and let me take her to new heights of pleasure. Everytime I was in her presence I felt as if I was acting like a madman, but no one seemed to notice, least of all Maria. Not that I really wanted anyone to notice, in fact I’d be moritified if they did, but there was this persistent part of me that silently begged each time for just the slightest bit of her attention.
Tell me all your Dirty Little Secrets, Dirty Little Secrets.
Knowing the absurdity of my thoughts, I would start the morning assuring myself that the day would be different, that I would set aside my infatuation with constantly thinking about her and focus my mind strictly on work. If I found myself slipping into thoughts of her, I would force myself to think about the other people in my life that would be devastated if they discovered my secret fascination with Maria. It would seem to work for awhile, but then all of that pentup sexual frustration would eat me alive in my dreams and I would wake up either painfully hard or sticking to the sheets.
I just want you to slip your
tongue up a little bit closer
and relate to me baby.
You know what I'm saying?
A month later, when Maria came over to talk to Liz about a new act she had put together, I quickly realized that I had no idea what kind of job she had. I had known Maria worked at a club in Roswell owned by a couple of brothers that had clubs all over the nation, and that sometimes she traveled to their different locations to sing, but I don’t think I’d ever really considered what exactly she did for a living. Unfortunately, with Liz and Maria’s familiarity of the subject I was only able to pick up snippets of information. Desperately hungry for more, I was tempted to try to get more out of Liz as we got ready for bed, but it was too hard to do so casually without exposing myself. The one thing I had picked up quite clearly though was that Maria would be peforming the next night in Santa Fe. I was awake half the night with her tempting words rushing in a tormenting storm of upheaval in and out of my consciousness.
I woke the next morning out of my disjointed sleep with the thought of Santa Fe firmly imprinted on my brain. It was all I could think about for the rest of the day. I struggled with the desire to see her without anyone else finding out, but I knew that if I were to go it would just be one more step over the edge. At the end of the work day my heart hammered as I got into my car with the words “go home” repeating over and over in my head.
As I turned left to get on the highway instead of the right I should’ve taken to go home, I started rationalizing my actions. This would be a one time thing I promised myself. One night to discreetly watch her and get my fill. At the end of this night I would be released from the hot blood that coursed through my veins and the fire that pooled in my belly every time I saw her. In a daze, I called Liz to tell her that I was driving up to Clovis to deliver last minute contracts to a client. My stomach was queasy as the lie flew out of my mouth, but as soon as I pressed end on my cell phone, that fierce desire was back, rushing through my blood, urging me to go.
It's all about power baby.
You know what I'm saying?
It's all about power baby.
The club in Santa Fe was much like the one I’m in now – dark wood paneling, red leather booths, and a crowd of affluent men and women sipping their martinis and scotches. Slinking along the back wall, I quickly found a shadow where I could virtually disappear within the darkness.
I almost didn’t recognize Maria when she came out onto the stage, but the crowd sure did as their clapping could probably be heard down the street. She was scandalously erotic in a black tuxedo corset, short black gloves with fringe at the wrist, and a black bowler hat. A cigarette dangled provocatively from her dark red lips as she moved to the center of the stage. I don’t know what I had been expecting, but what I saw that night was more captivating than anything I could’ve ever imagined. The bawdy comedy skit she performed was sexually suggestive without going too far, just enough to take the crowd to the brink and let their imaginations take over. She was bold and confident, and for every moment Maria was on stage she owned that crowd.
For a long moment afterwards with my head spinning all I could think about was how beyond sexy she was, how magnetic, full of life and, most surprisingly, incredibly witty. That was when I knew just how big of a mistake it had been to go there. It would never be a one time thing. I had just fallen down the rabbit hole.
tell me all your...
Dirty Little Secrets
A year later, and it’s getting harder and harder to come up with excuses for why I have to go out of town. Liz believes I’m once again on a business trip, this time to Phoenix, which helped explain why I will be gone overnight. Instead my car is parked at the Las Cruces airport where I boarded a plane to come here, Las Vegas, the city of sin. The plane ticket was purchased with a credit card that Liz has no idea that I have, billed to a PO box no one but me knows about. All this deception scares me, I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I still can’t resist, and I go see Maria’s shows every chance I get.
It’s also getting harder to hide my feelings for her, the temptation to surrender is overwhelming. Whenever she walks in the room my pulse speeds up to the point where I think everyone around us must hear it. I’ve never felt anything like it, and, frankly, though it scares me, I don’t want to lose it. I’m beginning to believe that it will always be like this. Even after a year, a firestorm brews in my heart whenever Maria is around me, and I am overcome with a longing that takes me quivering to that jagged edge. Truthfully, just the thought of her does it for me. I’m not sure if it’s a blessing or a curse.
The show tonight is killing me. She dances on that stage with sinuous moves that are incredibly erotic and vibrantly beautiful. It’s not that she’s taking off any clothes, it’s the way she dances so provocatively with her whole body, the intense energy that surrounds her. She exudes this feeling of seductive intimacy to each member of the audience as if they are the only ones in the room and I expect their imaginations take them, whether they’re male or female, to a place of wondering just how well they’d move with her in an entirely different kind of situation.
I want you to take me to some place I've never been before...
Her performance ends, and as I clap along with the rest of the audience, already the distress of waiting for the next show is pressing down on me. How long will I have to wait until I can watch her with this kind of freedom? What kind of excuse will I have to make up to get away from my responsibilities in Roswell? What reasons will I find in the meantime to be in the same room with her?
“Maxwell”
“Maria,” I’m startled and my voice is higher than normal at the shock of seeing her in front of me. How can she be right there in front of me? One minute I’m lost in thought with the press of the crowd safely hiding me among the shadows, and the next she’s magically appeared in front of me. Oh, god how am I going to get out of this one? “Hi. How are you? I wasn’t sure if you’d see me, this crowd is so big. I, um, had a business meeting in town this afternoon and I was sure I wouldn’t hear the end of it if I didn’t stop in to see you.” I try to sound amused, but I can’t breathe.
She cocks her head to the side. “And all those other shows – were those just business trips as well?”
Dirty Little Secrets
“I…” There’s a lump in my throat that I’m struggling to swallow past. Maria knows? She’s seen me at her other shows? I can’t tell her the truth. The words stick in my thoat and I’m not sure she can hear the croak of my response, “…uh, yes,” I say with a quick nod. A knot is forming in the pit of my stomach. Still I take in how her creamy skin has a sheen to it that gleams in the darkness and that little tendrils of her strawberry blonde hair stick to the nape of her neck. What is wrong with me?
Green as a dark stormy sea, her eyes sparkle with mischief. “Hmmm. That’s too bad. I think I would’ve liked it if you had been coming to the shows just to see me.” She gives me a sweet, innocent smile filled with wickedness and then she’s gone, swallowed by the admiring crowd.
That’s too bad. Maria’s words buzz around and around in my head. I think I would’ve liked it if you had been coming to the shows just to see me, That’s too bad, I would’ve liked it, just to see me…just to see me. Did she really mean that? Even if she did what was I going to do about it. What could I do? No, I can’t let my thoughts go there. Think about the consequences. Even if no one ever knew? To let go just for one night? No. I can’t. She didn’t mean it like that. I can’t seem to stop my normally controlled, rational mind from clashing with the thoughts of what I really want to do in the deepest, darkest part of my soul. I am slipping fast, knowing I shouldn’t, but the pictures in my head are insisting I drop any more pretense of fighting it.
My muscles twitch as I ride the elevator up and up. I know exactly where Maria’s staying tonight. I was listening very carefully when she told Liz how excited she was that the club owners were putting her up for the night in the penthouse suite of the same hotel that the club is in. Strangely enough, as each floor passes by, the nervousness falls away leaving only anticipation and desire. The elevator doors open onto her floor and my body is wild with hunger. I crave her touch.
I don’t stop to knock at her door, the need to get to her is too great to stop even for that nicety, instead I use my powers to unlock the door. Maria turns as I enter and she lets out a little yelp though I don’t think she looks entirely too surprised to see me. She stands with her back against a full length window next to the balcony and watches through her long lashes as I stride towards her.
The last shred of pretext falls away as I back her against the window and my lips descend on hers, kissing her without mercy, with all the passion this past year has built up in me. Maria’s soft lips open, giving permission, and I feel free, no more pretending, no holding back from what I really want. My teeth scrape her lower lip as I pull back slightly to rest my forehead against hers as we struggle for air. I whisper into her ear, “I’ve wanted this for so long. You’ve been my fantasy.”
There is a glint of awareness in her eyes as she demands, “Kiss me, Max.”
I cover her mouth with mine, giving myself up to the sweet honeyed taste of her as my hands feverishly remove her gown. It is an exquisite moment for me as I realize that this is really happening, that this amazingly sexy woman wants me like I want her. Now we share this secret.
Our bodies press tightly together, and my skin burns everywhere her body touches mine. I want to take this slow, to savor it, afraid that this will be my only chance, but I can’t. Every touch of her soft lips or nimble fingers sends my body racing with wild abandon. This intense need, so long denied, is under my skin like a beast aching to be released.
All traces of my control have been stripped away, I unzip my pants, and as soon as I’ve released my already hard and erect length, I lift Maria’s small body up in one arm and with my other hand braced against the window, I plunge my flesh into hers. I fight to push inside of her, she is wet but so tight. She cries out, and I start to pull back, afraid I’ve hurt her, but her arms tighten around my shoulders. “No, please don’t stop, Max, please don’t stop. It…” she writhes and her dark green eyes glaze over, “it feels so good.”
I keep my gaze on her face as I slide back between her thighs. Her eyes flutter and she lets out a deep moan. I take her fast and hard, unable to control my motions, but by her reactions I know she likes it this way, pleasure and pain all wrapped up in the hot demand of our bodies until the thirst is slaked.
I kiss her, demanding all of her, giving her all of me, our tongues exploring the other’s mouth hungrily. Straining and sweating, I can feel my climax building in my groin and I push deeper, groaning at the sheer intensity of her passion. I feel her clamp hard around me, and my body jerks violently as I’m pulled into the undertow. Arching her back aginst the window, Maria cries out while her body pulses around me. With an agonized gasp, I thrust hard into her one last time and a ripple of energy flows from my body to hers as my release shatters around me. The sensation steels all my thoughts and words, and in this profound pleasure nothing else in the world exists but her and I.
I’m not sure how much time has passed, but eventually I’m able to lower her back to the floor. She trembles and we stand wrapped in each other’s arms until we are steady enough to walk. My eyes sweep around the suite for the first time. The huge room we are in is lined with floor to ceiling windows and the thought that someone might have seen us surprisingly doesn’t bother me. I’ve never had sex in a place where I thought I might be seen, come to think of it, I’ve never had sex against a wall, but somehow with Maria, those reserved thoughts never crossed my mind.
I look back at her, and see her standing there in nothing but long white satin gloves, white thigh-high hose and red heels, and I know my eyes must be darkening with desire and possession. She smiles at me, sultry and knowing, and my hand wraps around her wrist. “Come here,” I say, pulling her with me towards the bedroom.
As I remove my clothes, Maria sits on the bed, leaning back against velvet pillows with her legs in front of her, knees slightly bent but firmly together. I sit on the bed and run both hands from the tops of her hose down the silky length of her long legs until my fingers curl around her ankles. With her ankles in my hands, I spread her legs apart, opening her to my examination. I stare up and down the length of her body. “You are so beautiful,” I tell her in a throaty whisper.
I let my gaze alight on the swell of her breasts, white and pale, and perfect, before I settle between her thighs and press my lips to the deliciously warm valley of skin in between. Sliding my hand up her side, my thumb brushes the side of her breast, and her nipples harden into tight little knots. I take my time teasing her, with my fingers brushing softly over one nipple and then the other, but as she moans my name and digs her nails into me, I can no longer resist and I leave a wet trail of kisses across her skin as I move to suck her firm breast into my mouth. The suppleness of the soft skin surrounding that taut little bead is a thrill I am only now learning. There are so many things with Maria that stimulate my senses like never before, so many new discoveries.
I touch her body with my hands and lips, without shame, with only the need to explore every inch of her driving me. My hand slips down between her legs, right where I want to be, my fingers stroking her with unfailing gentleness. The pad of my thumb finds her small nub, and strokes it rhythmically between the folds of her sex. Maria’s voice is thick with desire as she confesses, “I always thought you would be good with your hands, Max.” I chuckle and move down until she can feel my warm breath against her soft curled hairs. Unable to resist the temptation, I taste her for the first time, the wetness of her passage beading on my tongue like melting cotton candy. She gulps, “and with your mouth”. Her hips rise under the touch of my tongue. “Oh god, Max,” she pants, her voice gasping as I stroke her with lips, tongue and fingers until she is pouring her soul out in a scream of pleasure. It is pure joy that I can make her feel this way, that she trusts me enough to let me.
I look up the length of her body to see her eyes heavy-lidded with passion. Now that I’m here, now that I’ve let go, I want to live out every fantasy I can. I want to do things with her that I’ve never wanted to do with anyone else. But what would she think of some of the things I want to do? “Anything,” Maria states in a ragged breath as if she’s read my mind. I gain courage from that, trusting that she will tell me if there’s something she doesn’t want to do, and I tell her exactly what I desire. She is utterly compliant, moving at my bidding, turning as I command, laying face down on the bed with her legs parted. A hoarse growl fills the air, and I realize that it is coming from me.
A fierceness is rising up inside of me and I cover her body with mine, skin to skin, pinning her to the bed. I sweep her long blonde hair to one side and press my lips to the nape of her neck, my teeth lightly scraping against the tender skin. A shudder passes down her body from head to toe. My hands cover the tops of hers where they are clenching the sheets, and the tips of my fingers slide over hers so that our hands are entertwined.
I slide into her body, using my legs and hips to drive in to her as hard and fast and deep as I can. “Oh, yes,” I whisper, breathless and shaky. Small sounds come from low in her throat, muffled by the pillow her face is buried in. The pressure is building inside of me as I move over Maria’s slender body, against her creamy white skin, thrusting in and out as I pour myself into her, rolling my hips in deep circular motions when my body presses up against the sweet curve of her backside.
Blinding sparks of pleasure sweep through my veins, obliterating my world in jarring explosions. I give myself up to her completely, and it feels like time is standing still. Chocking back a scream, my body bucks and convulses around her small frame and I spill inside of her, engulfed in the long, pulsing shudders of her climax. I collapse on top of her in a quivering mass, feeling as if we’ve become liquid fire, flowing and burning in an endless loop of fiery passion. I am wrecked in the unimaginable pleasure of it.
I struggle to get enough air, to come back to the earth. I breathe into her ear, “Are you okay?”
“Yes, very, yes,” she responds with a contented sigh. We both groan as I pull out and roll to my side.
She turns her head to look at me, her green eyes only half open. “Did I live up to your fantasy?”
“More. So much more, Maria.” I touch her face, tracing her swollen lips, feeling a sense of pride that I’ve claimed her at last. I can’t think much more beyond that. “Sleep,” I say gently as I pull her into my arms, placing a tender kiss on her forehead.
The room is still dark when I wake, but I know she’s gone. I feel the emptiness of the room like a weight. I turn, my gaze sweeping the room, confirming my suspicion that she is no longer here. On the pillow, I find a cocktail napkin with the words ‘Our Dirty Little Secret’ written on it along with a signature, a cherry-red imprint of her lips.
THE END