Moments Of Hesitation Teen 8/29 1/1 J/I CC

[Sin]

Title: Moments Of Hesistation
Disclaimer: I Don't Own Roswell
Couples: It is predominantly an Isabel/Jessie fic however there are overtones of Alex/Isabel both couples are conventional so...
Rating: Teen
A/N: Takes place during the third season. Basically is a short one shot about Isabel's strong feelings for Jessie and her desire to be happy and find someone like the others have. It's told from Isabel's point of view.

Mood Music: Lover's Spit (Redux) by Broken Social Scene from Bee Hives

She swore to herself that she wouldn’t fall for him.

He was so much older then her.

She had to be young, she had to sow her outs as her mother would say she had to be eighteen.

But the more time that she spent with him the more she was enamored by him.

She didn’t understand these strong feelings of adoration. She had never been like this with any of the boys in school.

Well there was the one boy that got threw to her defenses but it made her sad when she thought about him for too long.

She cherished his memory and she held on to him for as long as she could but she realized that she had to let him go and she had to continue to live her life. He would have wanted that for her. Alex would have wanted Isabel to be happy and it seemed that the more time she spent with Jesse, this sophisticated older man the more often she was happy.

He was unlike any other man that she had ever met. He was charming, mature, gorgeous and he treated like a goddess. He was regal, quick, charismatic and he bypassed her defenses so quickly that she was stunned.

He crept up on her and dismantled her usual forms of resistance and she felt helpless. She had never felt this way before. She was like a school girl with her first crush. She was always the aggressor, always the one in control of her relationships.

But she was floored by him from the very moment they met. She was a goner. Maybe it was the fact that it was forbidden at least by her father’s standards or maybe it was that he was more experienced and older.

She was so tired of the dating scene it seemed like all of the college men she spent time with were all the same. They were the drunken buffoons who didn’t no when to stop and were just belligerent to the point of insult. They had no class and no decorum.

Maybe it was her past life as Vilandra that drew her to him. Maybe she was just naturally drawn to men who were powerful. But it was more then that. Jesse was kind. He was caring and she could see in his eyes that he loved her deeply. Which is what scared her the most about him.

She was afraid of getting hurt again. After Alex died she never opened herself up so completely like she had with him and with his death she felt something in herself die as well.

She lost her touch stone, her kindred spirit and she was hesitant to start dating again but she did.

She thought she would get over it. That she would have fun and move onward after he got out of her system. But he was a stickler and he refused to budge. She couldn’t get him out of her head and she started making little fantasies in her head.

She had to stop thinking about that because those dreams were dangerous. But at the end of the night when all of her guards were down she couldn’t stop dreaming them even if she tried. They were as natural to her as breathing was. But she was still hesitant. It wasn’t only her that she had to consider and think about. She had to think about him too and she couldn’t bare the thought of anyone getting to her threw Jesse.

He didn’t deserve that. But was she destined to just be alone forever. She tried talking to Max and Michael but they didn’t understand. She didn’t think anyone did. They had Liz and Maria they had no clue how much it hurt to be so lonely all of the time.

She could take this chance. It was worth it. It had to be. She couldn’t stand being stuck anymore. She was so tired of playing the same game over and over. One step forward and then it felt like she took thirteen steps back and each back step only grieved her more.

She was frustrated, worn down and exhausted. She was going to tell him tonight. She was not going to stall or hesitate any longer. She was going to be happy, she was going to have her human life. She deserved it and she had lost to much not to go after this opportunity.