Cardinal
Ginger
Kris
Eve
darkmoon
DestinyDreamer
Carolyn
L-J-L 76
Thank you so much for the sweet fb!
Chapter 3
Song ~ Here Comes That Feeling Again ~ by the Counting Crows
Here comes that feeling again
you're always around me
this island life never ends
it just circles inside me.
When we're older
we'll go back to being friends
but oh,
here comes that feeling again
I better get away from all these
oh-so-familiar places that I see
I gotta find a place without so many
familiar faces in front of me
when I wake up in the morning
and there's no one there but me
I’ll remember
I’ll remember
oh and, here comes that feeling again
you're always around me
this island life never ends
it just circles inside me
and when we're older
we'll go back to being friends
but oh,
here comes that feeling again
gotta keep on moving through these
distances between yesterday and now
as if all this riding on these white lines
will make them fade away somehow
do you try not to remember
the things you cannot forget
and are you sorry for what hasn't happened yet?
I stare at everyone
it makes me wonder why
I can't see anyone but you
maybe change
and all these faces
reappear in different places
and I can't see a thing but you
here comes that feeling again
you're always around me
this island life never ends
it just circles inside me
and when we're older
we'll go back to being friends
but oh,
here comes that feeling again
Pulling off the side street and onto the narrow dirt road that was barely visible through the trees Max grips the steering wheel as dust kicks up all around him.
Home
This is the first time in ten years he’s been back to his old house; and it was as hard as he thought it was going to be.
It was as if it had all been frozen in time, a picture perfect memory of his childhood, except that everything was run down and faded, weathered from neglect and time much like the way he felt inside.
The house didn’t seem to be doing all that much better, filled with newspapers and old junk it looked like it had been abandoned long ago.
Everything was dusty and full of cobwebs left to rot like past love and regrets, too many too count; it was a depressing scene to say the least.
Sitting at the kitchen table he wondered exactly what he was going to say to Liz.
With his head in his hands he sighed feeling lonelier than ever, he could see the pity still in her watery eyes from last night and it was killing him.
If was evident he thought to himself that he was the only one still harboring feelings, he couldn’t help wondering if maybe this was a bad idea.
Maybe the mistakes of the past should stay buried , but he couldn’t just let it go, not after seeing her standing before him all warm and soft, staring back at him with those wide eyes.
A gluten for punishment he may be but that didn’t change his feelings for her, he wondered if anything ever would.
Frustrated he leaned back in the rickety old kitchen chair and scanned the room looking for anything that would reignite some kind of happy memory.
His eyes fell to an old shoebox that was partly covered by a stack of papers, one of which was the deed to the house and some bills of sales for seed and tools.
He shook his head wondering just how much of his fathers mind was left at the end.
Between the liquor and his failing heart he wondered how he had made it as long as he did.
Walking to the corner of the kitchen he knelt down and carefully placed the important papers in his duffle bag before flipping open the top of the box.
Inside was a bag of nails, a roll of duck tape and a flat tip screwdriver, holding the blue handle in his hand his mind immediately drifted back in time.
“Son hand me that Phillips screwdriver, this damn generator busted a gasket again.”
Little hands frantically searched the toolbox, seven years old Max was no match for his father’s thirty-five year old strength and temper, something that had been proven over and over again.
Shaking with fear he passed him the tool and stepped back, staring nervously at the ground praying that he had gotten it right, desperately missing his mother.
“God damn it Max! Don’t you know the difference between a flat tip and a Phillips! What the hell good are you! Your mother might as well gave birth to a little girl all the help you are! It’s fucking bullshit what that woman has left me with!”
Max’s hands began to shake as he saw himself taking off as fast as he could, scared and alone, he wanted to be anywhere just as long as it wasn’t home.
Little legs running so hard out the door and into the woods his father screamed for him, threatening to catch him at any moment.
“What, my little girl going to run off to cry? God Damn you Alice! God damn you for running out and leaving me with this little baby!”
Max could still feel the twigs and branches cut into his skin as he went further and further into the dark woods not knowing where it was going to take him.
He could feel his lungs burning as he reached the edge of the forest, tears staining his face, his heart pounding in his little chest, his mind racing wondering how she could leave him and if she would ever come back.
Staring up at the tops of the trees he called out to her, desperate to hear her voice and feel her protective arms around him.
“Mommy where are you.”
Falling to the ground he broke out sobbing clawing at the dirt and leaves feeling everything spin out of control unable to take one more second.
That’s when he heard her voice for the first time.
It was carefree and soft, musical notes sweetly sung for no one to hear; only he did hear her.
Drawn to her like a moth to a flame he pulled himself up and snuck quietly to the edge of the clearing,
With short dark pigtails and overalls the little girl lifted her pail from the sandbox and frowned halting her tune to Max’s dismay.
Max watched her hidden from sight camouflaged by the leaves fascinated as she filled the bucket again with sand and flipped it over just to watch it collapse by her bare feet.
Throwing her shovel and pail she sat frustrated and sad.
Immediately he wanted to help her, even though he didn’t know her to see her upset was something he could not handle.
Within an instant he wanted to be her protector, her guardian but most all her friend.
“What’s wrong?”
He had no idea what made him speak that day, usually he was painfully shy, but with her it was different, for some reason he felt as if he had known her his whole life.
Stunned the little girl looked up, unafraid and curious she casually began to speak as if they were old friends.
“Do you know anything about sandcastles?”
Stepping out from behind a large Oak tree Max quietly began to speak.
“A little.”
Nodding she sighed as she gazed down at her pile of sand, completely unaffected by the strange boy that appeared in her backyard.
“ I’m trying to make a castle but it wont stay, it keeps falling and I don’t know why.”
Stepping out a little further Max pointed to the hose coiled in a circle by the back of the house.
“You need water, if the sand is a little wet in the bucket it will stay.”
A huge warm smile covered her face as she reached out for his hand,
“Will you stay and help me?”
After that moment they were inseparable, only really parting when they slept or her parents insisted on it, and that wasn’t often.
Releasing his fist he gazed down at his open hand still remembering how warm her skin felt.
It was as if that first memory opened the flood gates and everything came pouring out, thrown by years of moments with her he was sent reeling, his heart feeling the sharp pain of her loss as if it was yesterday.
Max fell to his knees as intense memories clenched at his heart, he knew he wouldn’t have survived all those years with his dad without her, she was special, she still was…
“Am I interrupting anything?”
Shocked Max stood up still holding the tool tight in his hand.
“Are you having a bonding moment with that screwdriver? Should I go?”
Letting out a sarcastic laugh Max threw it to the ground and brushed by her hoping she wouldn’t see the emotion on display in his golden eyes.
“Funny, I forgot about your sense of humor.” Anxious to change the subject he drew her attention to the basket she was holding. “What’s in the there?”
Setting the container on the table she pulled out a large red and white tablecloth and various sized Tupperware containing chicken, fruit and a bottle of wine.
Turning his chair backwards he sat leaning his chin on the high back wood his eyes open wide.
“Wow, I’m impressed.”
Shrugging she gave him a coy grin as she dished out a helping from each container and poured the wine in a plastic cup.
“What did you expect, red vines and pop? I’m not sixteen anymore, or didn’t you notice?”
Looking up at her it was hard not to stare, she was right, gone was the awkward teenager who would hide her face with her long hair and tripped more than she walked, in her place was a confident sexy mature woman.
It was something a blind man could have detected.
“I definitely noticed.” He rasped as he lifted the cup to his lips hoping the alcohol would numb his nerves and blur her distracting beauty.
“What I meant is that you didn’t have to go to all this trouble.”
Max followed the lines of her powder blue sundress as it dipped deep in the back leaving little to the imagination.
Her hair was short to her shoulders wavy from the humidity, swinging all around her face blown wild from the summer wind.
Her eye makeup was more defined, darker, smokier, but her lips…her lips where still the sheer pale pink he dreamed about at night.
“Its fried chicken, not a gourmet meal, besides this is an occasion, a …
reunion you could say…ten years is a long time.”
Max kept his eyes focused on the slices of apple in front of him as he reached for anything to say.
“So, what have you been up to?”
His face burned at his lame attempt at conversation, his heart pounded uncomfortable hard inside his chest making each moment with her sheer torture.
Playing with a large ripe strawberry she hesitated clearly unsure of how much she should divulge.
“Well I’m still working for Dr. Shaffer, just part time while I finish my bachelors degree, its taking forever but I suppose it will be worth it in the end.”
With his mind visibly on something else he continued to push around the pieces of apple in front of him.
“Do you still live at home?”
Shaking her head she stared back at him wondering how long they were going to play this game.
“No, I moved out a long time ago, after my parents divorce both my mom and dad moved away, I’m living in a small efficiency apartment above the general store in town.”
Nodding he tried hard to stop the powerful conflicting emotions stirring inside him.
Desperately he wanted to grab her and taste those lips that had haunted his waking and sleeping hours driving him crazy, at the same time he wanted to slam his fists on the table and throw everything to the ground, punishing her for her her piss poor attempt at civility.
A long awkward pause followed as she continued to sit quietly across from him just sipping her wine as the food sat untouched.
She was different than last night; a hint of anger definitely was lingering in the air that slowly tore at him.
Suddenly it hit him, why should he even feel one second of guilt after what she put him through.
Gathering his courage he lined up his arguments and caught her gaze.
“Why did you come to the hotel last night?"
Tucking her raven locks behind her ears she leaned back against her chair and looked out the screen door knowing inside that this was coming.
“I don’t know, I guess I was looking for closure or maybe some answers...like I said ten years is an
awfully long time.”
Her accusatory tone only fired him up more causing him to stand knocking the chair to the ground.
“
You want answers?” Coming close to her ear he whispered softly, his words lined with rage, the heat rising between them too much to ignore. “Tell you what, you explain what I saw the night I left and I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”
Standing she backed away from the table and turned towards the door.
“I have to go, you’re out of control, I can’t talk to you like this.”
Shaking his head he grabbed her by the arm holding her still over the threshold of the door.
“No, you don’t get to just walk away – “
Catching his furious eyes her voice fell to a whisper as she wrenched her arm out of his tight grip.
“Why not …you did.”
Lost for words he watched her as she took off out the door and down the yard running into the woods until she was swallowed up by darkness.
Immediately he regretted his impulsive actions, he thought of going after her only to fall against the frame of the door out of breath and confused.
How could he still feel so much for her, how could she still have such a hold on him?
Staring out into the forest he felt so stupid, he wasn’t a teenager anymore, it was time he acted like a man.
Tomorrow would bring apologies and hopefully forgiveness, he knew it was the only way of truly moving on, which is why he came home.
Grabbing his keys he locked the door behind him after gathering her things.
His mind at rest, and his conscious clear, he had convinced himself that he could talk to her calmly and finally leave all this behind and move on with his life.
Driving back to the hotel he took a deep breath, his mind and body relaxed knowing that after tomorrow he would be free of this town and everything that it carried with it.
It was now only his heart he would have to learn to ignore.