Flip Side of Destiny (AU,M/L,MATURE) Ch 35 2/27 AN 3/8 [WIP]

[dream on]

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Flip Side of Destiny.
Banner by the talented Lolita Behrbuns
Author - Sarah. (Ros2nz/dream on.)
Genre - AU
Rating - MATURE
CC/ UC. Dreamer.
Disclaimer - own nothing.
Feedback - Like I'll refuse?

Summary - 2016. Liz is back in town. After 15 years of living the life in New York, she's back to her roots. She didn't come alone. There's a son - Alex. Yep, real one died in 2001. No, this is not Max's son; it's Zan's. Da Man's.
Years ago, one fine day, he'd zoomed into Roswell and nothing had ever been the same. Sparks flew, tables turned; Liz knew it was time to let go to an impossible situation. Max Evans had wanted nothing to do with her and if that was the case, it was time to start living the life she'd secretly dreamed about. Later, of course, she knew that it had been a mistake. Her marriage had fallen apart almost instantly, mostly due to Zan's lack of presence and Liz's own misgivings about a past she'd left unresolved.

Now, after years of soul-searching and self-discovery, she knows what she has to do and where she has to go. She was meant for someone and it's time to bare the fangs and claim him.

Only one obstacle stands in her way. She might think that Max is the gorgeous, kindest friend who's been there forever, but she doesn't know that he was hatched....

A/N - Hehe. I'm shameless. Well, I was thinking about the "Writing Phobia" thread and decided to scrunch up my face and write about two things I've always detested - M/L chosing partners apart from each other and Liz having a kid. Surprisingly enough, I enjoyed writing Mom Liz and M/L grown up without living in each other's faces and without all that angst. I don't intend for this fic to be dark and brooding, but it should have some moments. I don't give Dreamer guarantees because it goes without saying but that doesn't mean that Max and Liz are just going to miraculously stay together HEA.

Another thing, it seems that lately all fics are about M/L/Z and I just want to clarify that this is not a rip-off. I haven't read Kath 7's "Burn for Me" or Breathless's latest one but I've asked around and hopefully, I won't be stepping on any toes.

As for updating, I'll try to keep it weekly. I don't plan on this being some epic, probably upto 30-40 chapters. Dunno yet. Anyway, here it is.


Prologue.

A door slammed. I hauled my numb body out of the black Jag, or it was supposed to be black but currently resembled mud, and leaned against the open door. I felt like I was back in the ghost Westerns, being a new man in town. Only, there were two things wrong with the scenario – I was no man and this was my hometown. Roswell, New Mexico, smallest of small towns.

How times changed. After graduating out of West Roswell High, I’d taken the next plane out to New York. And I’d never looked back. Until present, that was. After 10 years of living on the edge and the next 5 years of soul-searching and loneliness, I’d decided that it was time for me to go back to my roots. I’d spent years living my dream life, only for it to have gone sour in the end.

“Mom!”

A voice whined from the side. That’s right, my five-year old son, who was currently trying to claw his way out of my leather seats. I named him Alex, after one of my best friends. The original Alex Whitman had died back in 2001, in a car crash and my baby was my personal tribute to him.

“What’s wrong, honey?” I asked him wearily. The long drive from Manhattan to Roswell, Main Street had taken its toll on both of us. And to think that I was this close to a shower and food and I was still parked on the side of the desert was unacceptable to my son.

“Ma, can we go?” He moaned; the air-conditioning hadn’t done much for his temperature. He was sweaty, hot and looking ready to attack the next object, my dash.

“Ok, baby, we’re almost here.”

“Why’d you want to live in the desert, Mom? Look at this place!” he whined, looking morosely at the expanse of sand. “No football field! No parks, no nothing! What’re we doing out in the middle of nowhere?”

Go figure. My first child, who'd been born with a few ‘complications’ and he was smarter than most kids I’d seen his age. Come to think of it, he’d aced his classes, was almost one entire year ahead of his batch and his doctor diagnosed him with ‘mental handicaps’.

Exactly where? was my question. For someone with mental handicap, this kid of mine didn’t act normal at times.

“Look, honey!” I pointed at the dunes, which had turned a fiery red from the falling twilight, “Isn’t that gorgeous? Where’d you have seen stuff like that in Manhattan?”

“Nowhere.” He huffed, “And I was happy that way.”

“Alex!” My tone was less than pleased and he sulked at the side-mirror rebelliously. “I told you! We decided to come back to Roswell for a while, till Mom can get a handle on things. After Granny’s better, we’ll leave. Happy now?”

Another reason I decided to come back was because of my mother’s recent skirmishes with spondalitis. Years of working in the family restaurant had strained her badly and after that last phone call from my Dad, all desperate, I couldn’t stay away.
Mom had been confined to total bed-rest so there I was, bags and baggage, back to where it had all began.

We purred past Highway 42, the infamous location where there had been an alleged UFO crash back in 1942. Yeah, sure. I got a sudden inspiration and pull on the brakes.

“Alex!” I smiled enthusiastically. I could see it wasn’t being returned. “Look at that, sweetie. That’s where the aliens landed.” I made sure my voice stressed the word ‘aliens.’

His eyes lit up for one second, flecks of green catching the last rays. I marveled at how similar he looked like his dad and yet wasn’t anything like him at all.

Finally, his interest was perked. “Aliens? REAL aliens?”

I nodded solemnly, “Real with real probes and flying saucer.”

His eyes went huge. “HERE?” the sneer all but gone, as he looked frantically across the desert.

For one instant, as his eyes came into contact with the high rock, he gasped out in shock.

“Alex!” I shrilled worriedly. “What’s wrong?”

“I think I just saw an alien, Mommy!” he smiled toothily at me.

Phew! Darn kid. Nearly gave me a coronary. Speaking of which, I’ve to take Alex to the pediatrician here soon. Got to check the facilities up.

“Sure you did.” I grinned back.

To my chagrin, his eyes had gone back to the supreme bored stage. I couldn’t blame him. Ever since he realized I’d been serious about our move from New York, Alex had shut down on me. I realized that the move was hard on him, that he was leaving his friends behind and everything but what could I do? My mother was sick; I couldn’t not go!

“Honey,” I broached the subject cautiously, “You understand why we’re here, don’t you?’

He looked at me for a long while, his eyes full of tears. “Yes, Ma. I know. But doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

Oh, the things that longed to make its way out of my throat! I wanted to scream at him that it hadn’t exactly been my idea of living in New York to begin with. I’d never wanted to move away from the people I loved but for his Neanderthal, no-good father, I’d done that and I’d spent the last 14 years regretting it. But I couldn’t lay it on my five-year old’s feet, so I shut up and gripped the wheel harder.

“You’ll like it here.” I told him flatly.

“You want me to like it here!” he sniffled.

I glared at him and then subsided, having seen the misery in his little face, his temples wet from the heat.

“Aww, baby, the day you don’t like it here, just tell me and we’ll go back.” I assured him, aching to ease the lost look in his eyes.

He perked up “Promise?”

One moment of rash indiscretion cost me a lifetime of trouble. “Yes, I promise.” I gritted out.

He settled back, peaceful. Damn! Easier said than done. I’d made specific plans to get the hell out of New York and never return. I’d sold off our little flat in Brooklyn and with that cash and the amount I’d made for working as a free-lance journalist, I’d been guaranteed of some solid green in the bag. But not enough to go back to that damn place! My mind howled at the injustice to it. I sighed and concentrated on driving faster. The sooner we got there, the sooner I’d get some peace.

We entered the city limits. Roswell hadn’t changed much in the last 15 years. This was my first trip back after God-knows how long. The last time I’d come back was after my college graduation. I marveled at the things that had in fact, been remodeled.

The roads look broader and there are a lot of complexes nearer to the highway. Roswell has expanded but not much. I saw the old joints we used to frequent, the memories of those days were still etched in my brain in fine print. I remembered the days I’d spent shopping around the mall with my best friend Maria and Alex and the fun we’d had.

“Look, Alex!” I rolled down the window and all of a sudden, there wasn’t that oppressive heat anymore. Instead, it was a sweet taste in the cool wind and it reminded me where I was.

“Hey, that’s my high school! I used to go there.”

He scrambled up to the window and hung out his head cautiously, making sure there was no punk anywhere trying to rip his cap off his head. I chortled with glee.

“Aw, kid, this ain’t New York! The last time they had a murder here was, wait…lemme see. Aha! Exactly 15 years ago! Near Bitter Lakes!” I smiled triumphantly at my son.

He slumped back. “And I thought it was about to get interesting!” he sighed. “Wake me when we’re there.”

Bastard! I scowl but the old places are crowding in my mind and I don’t have time to reflect on my son’s apparent boredom.

The redbrick structure of the high school hadn’t changed. There were cars parked everywhere and the small roars of the crowd came along on the wind.

Alex moved his head off his chest. “What’s that?" he asked excitedly, sure it was a mob.

I rolled my eyes. “That’s football night. And judging from the banners, it’s ERH vs. WRH! Now, those were fun!”

Memories assailed me. “And this year’s finest quarterback, Kyle Valenti!” I could almost hear the roars and the smell of the stands, the way Kyle looked in his jersey, all bloated up with pride to be the star of the show. I remembered us making fun of the cheerleaders and anyone else we could find. And then, later, the crowds in the Crashdown and finally the last ding! of the orders and all of us sitting down for a group chat session. I remembered the long walks and all those garage concerts and how I’d thrown it all away. All for him.

Enough of that, Liz! You made a mistake; you lived with it and now, get OVER it! I shook my head to clear the images from the past. It was true, I’d made my mistakes and I’d paid for it. Now, it was time to finally let it all go. After all, this was one place I know he was not coming back to. In fact, he wasn’t coming back. Ever.

We turned into the main street for the Crashdown. My family restaurant and even after years of catering greasy, green alien themed food, the charm still hadn’t worn off. I remembered Maria and me in that ridiculous uniform and the stupid antennae and Michael cracking jokes at our expenses. But he’d liked it.

I’d see him coming in from God-knows-where at all times of the day to just sit in a booth and nurse a Coke and check us out with his jade gaze until we were both pink in the face and ready to die. And after that one day, it was all over. I’d changed. I was ready to go. And even after all these years, the image of him is still imprinted in my brain.

“Mom, what’re you glaring at?” Came a small voice from my side. I snapped out of it. Breathed in deeply, tried to banish the never-ending cloud of uncertainty.

“Nothing, love. I was just…thinking.”

”About when we go back?" he asked expectantly.

“No, Alex. Not that.” I got out through clenched teeth. I’d give my life for my son and I almost had, but there were times I wished I’d never even met his father.

“Sure, Mom.” he quietened down and rubbed at his face.

He’d never been here before. Even after Alex was born, I’d never dared show my face to the town I’d turned my back on. I couldn’t face coming back to all the disappointed looks. My parents had flown out to meet us instead. I could almost smell an odd mixture of my Dad’s old aftershave, baby powder and my mother’s herbal tea. I felt the onslaught of earlier memories too. Me, six, in a playground wearing a stupid, purple cupcake dress and a little boy staring at me in wonder.

“Here we are.” I chirped, parking the car.

As usual, the place was filling up rapidly. Dread churned through me. After ALL these years, instead of stealthily slipping in through the barbwires, I was entering accompanied by a marching band and my very own cheerleaders. Gah!

“Wow!” Alex commented. He’d seen very few girls without Goth make-up and short hair. The nice, long blonde tresses tied up in purple ribbons and long tanned limbs weren’t really a sight he was too familiar with.

“Wow!” he repeated.

I shook out the hair that had snuck in the collar of my top. Just for the hell of it, I’d dressed partly Goth today, pulling on leather pants and a short, cherry top that bared my mid-riff and darkly lined eyes. Dark red lipstick, minus the usual gloss and hair gelled and left loose down my shoulders and back. Not the Elizabeth Parker that had exited Roswell in 2002.

“C’mon, Alex. Time to kick some skeletons loose.”

He shrieked with excitement. “Real skeletons, Mom?”

“Absolutely real and the ones with teeth!” I promised and grinned down at him.

He was dressed in his usual black cargoes, a backward cap and another black sleeveless top. My heart ached. He did NOT fit in this town. Not the way I had.

He looked at me quizzically, when I left the windows slightly down. “Mom?” he gestured toward them, appalled at my carelessness.

“Relax, honey!” I snorted. "Nothing’s gonna happen to it here.”

He gazed up at me, his eyes solemn and adorable. Despite myself, my heart melted all over again. My beautiful baby. And they told me he was abnormal. Fuck them all.

“I’ll say I told you so.” he warned.

I reached down and took his cold, little paw. Despite his outward calm, he grabbed my fingers. I could relate; it was my own house and I was nervous as hell.

“Do your worst.” I dangled the challenge down to him.

He smiled, really smiled as he took in the neon spaceship. “Cool!”

“Yeah, cool!” I sighed. Time to go. “Ready?” I inhaled a deep waft of air. He did the same and then squared his shoulders and my sappy heart nearly burst with pride.

“Ready.”

I bent down for a quick hug and then I reached for the door. The instant I pushed it inward, someone else from the other side pushed it open.

We stared at each other, the sound level falling and the shocked gasps notwithstanding. Our eyes met, held and melded. It started from my toes, shook my calves and made its way to a buzz in my brain. I felt the best feeling in the world. I’m home.

[dream on]

Chapter 1.


“Max!” I squeaked and then jumped in his arms like there was no tomorrow. He held me at arm’s length for a second, as if unable to believe that I was really there and then wrapped me in his arms.

I sighed luxuriously, feeling something I haven’t felt in the last 10 years – peace.

After a while and a little bit of gawking from the rest of the people in the café, I heard a shrill cry.

“LIZ!!!”

And then she was there, bundling me in her arms, her body shuddering with tears. Maria held me fiercely.

“I can’t believe it!”

I stepped back from her clutch but I needn’t have bothered. She’d already spotted my son, who was currently wrapped snugly in Max’s arms. Maria pouted, waiting for her godson to show some loyalty and go over to her. No such luck. Alex had found his salvation in this sleepy old town – Max Evans.

“Uncle Max!” he wailed happily, thrilled to see a familiar face that he even resorted to add an uncle before Max.

Oh you think that’s bad? Try Max, he's far, far worse.

He grinned like an idiot, at the little face level with his and then, to all our shock, pulled his eyebrows down for a smug look that is SO not Max and went “Wazzup?”

Alex chortled with glee. I let my upraised hand fall numbly to my side. The whole gesture, the look was so much of Zan that my heart stopped beating for one, repulsive second.

You guessed it. Zan was Alex’s father. Zan was my ex. Zan also happened to be a ditto clone of Max. And the real tragedy was that I’d been in love with the wrong guy all my life. How incredibly ironic life was.

Zan came to town shortly after we'd started sophomore year back in 2001. He came, he saw, he conquered. I never really gave myself time to think about Zan and me. We went from extremes to extremes. I surprised myself with the way I'd acted when I was around him. Granted, the passion had been outrageous but it had taken me nearly 10 years to realize what a mistake I’d made.

I don’t think Zan and I shared a normal relationship. In no way can it be termed ‘normal’. No, it was full of fireworks and extreme emotions, swinging from left to right like a never-ending pendulum. It has taken me damn nearly 15 years to realize that Zan was never the guy for me. Looking back, I think I can even pin-point the exact time I changed from a straight A student and a loving daughter to a sizzling, addicted vamp – the day Tess Harding entered WRH. Oh yeah, Zan and Tess entered our quiet lives within a six-month span and nothing had been the same ever again.

I snapped out of my reverie as Max took a firm hold of my arm and wheeled me towards him. It’d taken me all of 5 seconds to know that the boy, man now, was different than any other when we’d first met. And it'd taken me another lifetime to discover that I’d been in love with him all along.

“What?”

“You ok, Liz?” he asked gently, balancing Alex in one arm and pushing me inside the crash. I realized we’d been blocking the door. Mumbling a few apologies, I moved away, still too much in shock to believe I was back in Roswell, back to where it had all began.

“I’m fine.” I told him, looking for my parents.

Max squinted at me for a second and then pushed Alex at Maria. Instantly, I sensed something had gone wrong.

I looked up at him, anguish and certainty written on my face.

“Is it my parents? Are they…are they dead?”

He enfolded me in another warm hug. I broke lose.

“Max!”

“Shhh. You’ll scare the baby.” He soothed.

True enough, Alex was a few paces away, his face white. Not good enough. I clutched at Max’s shirt.

“Of course not. They’re fine. Only that they’ve both gone to Phoenix for a routine checkup.” He finished, still restraining me.

“What checkup? They’re fine!” My voice went up and he hissed at me to keep it down. Customers looked up for a second.

I glanced away. Max nodded at Maria and she cooed to Alex about a bath. He nodded tiredly, looking washed out. I went over to them.

Gathering my little boy to me, I nuzzled his face. He managed a smile.

“G’night, mom.”

“How about dinner, baby?” I asked softly, knowing he’d decline. He did. Fell asleep in my arms.

Max smiled proudly, like he was the dad. For one heart-stopping moment, I wish he was.

Maria nudged me slightly. She was my partner in crime; she knew where I’d been and how I’d been there.

“Why don’t I take him up?” Max asked, looking longingly at my son’s sleeping from. “That way, you get a breather.” He added for good measure.

“No thanks. I’ll just take him up to my old room.” I stumbled against the stairs. He took Alex away from me firmly.

“Liz, you can tuck him in but you can’t carry him upstairs. Got it?’

“Aye.” I agree and started up after him; my arms ached from the strain of driving for so long. Our stuff would be arriving in a couple of days. On top of that, I’ve got a restaurant to manage and with sick parents, too. Golly, life’s perfect.

“Max?” I couldn’t quite control the tremor and instantly, he turned back. “Are they all right?” My eyes begged for good news.

He looks relieved, “They’re fine, Liz. It’s a just check up for your mom. Ww could go tomorrow. Early morning. I’ll drive you.”

I fretted. I want to see them now! "Which hospital?”

“The memorial.” He frowned. “Why?”

“I’m going.” I told him, flying down back the stairs. “Talk to you tomorrow!” I threw back over my shoulder and then smashed my head against hard chest.

“Oww!” I howled, rubbing my head. I was a mere 5 feet 2 girl; tall men scare me. They should. Most tall men in my life had ended in disasters.

“Liz?” the growl came from no other than Michael, Max’s closest friend.

I planted a kiss on his cheek and then scurried out. Behind me, I heard loud footsteps.

“What’s matter with you, Parker? Looking to get yourself killed?”

I flinched at that and so did Max. For a second, we regarded each other. I broke the silence.

“Not now, Max. I want to see them. Now. Tonight. I haven’t seen them in the last five years.”

He softened. “Sure, let me go get my car keys.”

“What? No!” I shoved him forward. "If you think I’m travelling in that retarded jeep, you’re mistaken!”

He laughed. “I traded that in for a newer model a couple of years back.” He added a slight wink and I laughed back, the tension broken.

“Oh yeah?” I returned. Then he caught sight of my Jaguar. Black, sleek looking, sexier than sin. I beamed from head to toe.

He glared at me. “You sneaky bitch! When’d you buy that?”

I batted my lashes. “You didn’t know?”

“Can I drive?” he looked at me hopefully. I caught my breath again. He looked the way Alex would, 28 years from now. For the umpteenth time, I cursed Max and Zan for having looked so alike.

I handed over the keys and leaned back. The notion of another 3 hours on the road didn’t bother me. In fact, I was looking forward to the stillness of the night and quiet of the highway. I never trusted Zan to get me anywhere. I’d trust Max with my life, with Alex. That’s how much faith I have in the guy.

“Tired?” he asked, once we were out of Roswell. I leaned over to fix the radio and he gave me a shy smile, a smile I knew of old.

“You haven’t changed, Liz. Even though the get-up has changed…" his voice trailed off as he gave me a once-over, “You really haven’t. Same old Liz. Same old, curious, gotta-be-in-control Parker.” He shook his head.

Huh? Come again?

“What?” I asked him, not really caring what the hell we were talking about. I just wanted to unwind. Let my guard down. Take in the whole…thing.

He shook his head again, laughing softly. “You’ve got the look again. The one I remember very well from bio classes. What’re you looking to dissect?”

You. You and me. My life. The point in time where this went all wrong.

I told him nothing of the sort.

“Nothing.” I evaded, marveling at how well he knew me.

“What happened, Liz?” His voice was serious, like it hurt him to say the words. I know him too. How can I not? This guy has been the one standing grace in my life when everything else had crumbled.

“What happened to you? Last time we talked, you were all set for settling in Alaska.” There was a trace of a smile in his comment but he was serious.

I know. I’d thought so too. Ok, maybe not Alaska but away from New York. Possibly LA. As far as I could go from NY.

I breathed in heavily. What do I tell him? I don’t want to turn Max against Zan. I don’t want him to assume I’d turned to him for a last resort. Great! Now my hands are tied all the way.

“I’m a small-town girl, Max. I grew up. Decided to come back home.”

Who am I kidding?

“Bull!" He said calmly, not buying it for a second. “What happened to you? What did you come back all together? Was it…?” He let the question hang between us. We both knew what he was referring to. Was it Zan?

Of course! My mind hollered. I squelched the thought and turned on my side.

“I’d rather not talk about it now, Max. I’m exhausted.”

He looked at me, worried. “Should we turn back? I told you! We shouldn't have come! This is not a good time for you!”

“I’m fine.” I reassured him. “I just want to see them again.”

Gomez crooned form the stereo. Max smiled, his face alight all of a sudden.

“Remember this song?”

It’s We haven’t turned around. I nod. How I remember!

“Remember the Santa Fe concert?” he asked, as if I’d forgotten. I managed a semi- irritated glare and he laughed it off. “We all thought we’d go. Didn’t happen. We were in your balcony, workign on that star pattern project. All because of Maria and Michael’s break-up.” He laughed again, rather bitterly.

“Max, how many concerts did I give you free tickets to?" I yawned.

“Plenty.” He conceded. “But…” he challenges me with an eyebrow, "no Gomez ones.”

“Fine.” I mumbled, almost dropping from exhaustion. “I’ll take you one day.”

He chortled “Yeah, baby!”

My eyes flew open. WHAT?

I repeated that with my mouth wide open. Did Max Evans, guy who couldn’t get a date on his own, just say that to me?

“Who are you?” I growled at him and he hooted with laughter.

“What, Liz? Didn’t think I had it in me?"

No, I didn’t! Images rushed through my head. Inhale!!

“Uhh…” I stuttered off in search of a better answer. I didn’t find it. “I’m gonna get some shut-eye” I told him and turned over, scarlet-faced. He smirked and shut up.

I shut my eyes and prayed for self-control. I came to Roswell to turn my life around from the downhill spiral it had turned to. I wanted to find the old Liz Parker again; the one who made a thousand theories before carrying anything out.

I knew I’d come to the right place. If anyone knew who I was, it was my friends. Maria and her non-stop chatter, Michael and his gruff “Liz”s, Isabel and her constant bitching, Kyle and his witty, sarcastic comments and Max... well, Max with his unerring ability to read me like an open book.

At that thought, I became nervous. Golly, if he read me that well, suppose he realized why I'd come out to the boonies? Or even the fact that even right now, I was lusting after him something fierce?

“SHIT!” A squeaked erupted before I could control it. Max took hsi eyes off the highway.

“What?”

“Umm…where’s Alex?”

He gave me a Duh look. “Back in the Crash.”

“Oh yeah, right." I sighed. Idiot!

“You okay, Parker?”

The urge to blurt everything out passed over me in a wave but I held back. After all, I knew the reason why we never did click together in the first place and that reason hadn’t exactly vaporized.

“Max?” I asked, very much aware of the need in my voice. I cringed at his raised eyebrows, but Max, being Max, didn’t do more than that. He patiently waited for me to finish.

“Can we please not discuss this right now? I’ve got a lot on my mind and I’ll tell you. Just…give me some time. Okay?” I looked out at the highway. The desert night was considerably cooler now.

I felt warm fingers grasp at my limp hands. He cradled them and I relaxed. Here was one person I knew I could count on, no matter what.

He hesitated and then brought it up to his lips. Both of us stiffened at the contact. For a long time, he touched the place where my ring used to be. There was nothing there now. Both of us mulled over the ramifications to that. He didn’t say anything but his voice was heavy when he added,

“Take your time, Liz. I’m not going anywhere.”

And what was that supposed to mean?



Hehe, lemme know.

[dream on]

Chapter 2.

I met Zan in the spring of 2001. He came in town with two others, Rath and Lonnie. I’ve heard weirder names on my stay in New York but at that time, the rest of us would go into fits of laughter every time they were called.

Zan was everything Roswell wasn’t. Everything. He was loud, boisterous, dangerous and God’s gift to us poor souls of the female sex. Those were not the reasons that attracted me to him. No, in fact, I can recall the exact moment he became someone a little more than just Max’s friend. It was only after I realized that nothing could ever work between Max and me.

He came in one day, all out of nowhere, in a black convertible, music blasting and a weird tattoo on his left bicep. You couldn’t NOT notice the guy. He smelled awesome for a street bum and talked with a slight aristocratic accent coupled with usual gutter language. He did everything in one moment, like he’d die the next. There was no way you could remain immune to the guy.

I’d never even noticed all of that at first. Zan was a lot of things but one thing he couldn’t be was the guy I’d wanted – Max Evans. And just my luck, Max had never been that way towards me at all. Ok, might as well I give the low-down on exactly why Max and I had never clicked, since I'm going down memory lane.

Back in that last September, I’d thought he was interested, but it had vanished by the time Tess Harding had made her pretty feet comfortable. Back then, the only time I ever remotely got close to Max was during the Valentine’s Day stupid blind date contest. We’d both entered unwittingly and to my never-ending glee, we’d been paired together. It had been mortifying and exhilarating all at once but that seemed to be it. One night full of promises and then we were back to school the next day, pretending it didn’t happen.

Over time, I’d convinced myself that it hadn’t existed, that it couldn’t be. I just didn’t know why Max would keep himself in ice, as if in some weird way, he was not meant for this world. I’d thought it was girls, in general; that as sad as it was, Max Evans, hunk extraordinaire with a IQ level of 300+, was gay.

But Tess smirked into town and it was all over. I’d see the looks she gave him, the way she just naturally fit in with the three. I’d never fit that way with them, never could. There was an invisible barrier between them and me and I knew from day one, that that barrier would never cease to exist. I came to instill that knowledge inside me that it was not girls Max objected to; it was me, Mousy Parker. It’d had taken a long time for the sting to stop aching and Zan’s sudden arrival into UFOdom had been not only welcome, but patently life-saving.

Zan was the mirror opposite of Max, even worse for the fact that they looked identical. He didn’t hold the door open for me when I walked inside a room preceding him; he watched the fall of my hair instead. He didn’t give me shy smiles as I served tables; but his eyes were like lasers, searing me with his looks. He didn’t attend school, but parked his ass everyday on the curb.

I’d thought he was just baiting me, since Maria, Alex and I were the only ones with connection to Max, Isabel and Michael and I can safely say that none of us wanted to know or ‘connect’ with Tess. But he wasn’t. He’d sit there and occasionally scribble on a page that looked as bedraggled as him. After much fretting and nearly a year later, he’d finally shown it to me. It was full of odd, incomplete sentences, metaphors. And they’d all been about me. I think that was the day I finally won out over my squeamishness. Zan had changed me, with little things here and there. And till present, I wondered if that had been all good.

Needless to say, I wasn’t exactly his hardest conquest. Looking back, and seeing it as Zan had, I can tell that it had been too easy. I’d fallen from my pedestal with a resounding thwack because he’d done more for my self-esteem than any other guy had. Besides the obvious attraction (which sizzled, let me tell you!) and his ego-boost, he’d been there to catch me from my rebound. It hadn’t happened in an instant or in a year’s time. It had just happened. It was a period in my life that I knew I was wasting my time, waiting for a guy who apparently didn’t want me and presto, there was a slightly more dangerous, jaded alternative with the same face.

After the sting lessened, to think that tiny, nerdy Parker had ensnared the attention of Zan Da Man, straight from New York, had been nothing short of spectacular. On top of all that, the guy had a thinking brain, amazing body and an attitude that hid a vulnerable side. It really hadn’t taken me too long to fall for him after that.

Zan did not stay for long periods in Roswell. He’d come and go, just passing through and the absence just made it more interesting. I made bets with myself to see how long I could hold his interest. It couldn’t last, right? After all, he and Max were almost carbon copies. But it had. His mere presence sent me in tailspins. All that registered when I was with him was that Roswell was getting old for me. I was a smart kid, I deserved a life outside the dusty, alien-themed restaurants and the occasional spat of disturbance over raised taxes. Zan made it possible for me to believe that I could be bigger than all of that. That I was capable of knocking the socks off smart-asses in Boston or New York.

During that phase, Max had turned away from me in all senses of the word. I never saw him around anymore and, slowly, I stopped caring. Not all together, that wasn’t possible, but enough for me to concentrate on growing up. The possibilities were endless and slowly, my roots from Roswell weighed less heavily on my mind. I knew there was a better place for me out there and I knew that the person who could get me out of it all was Zan.

So I went ahead. Did the deed. Graduated with honors, got myself a scholarship to Columbia and set out the weekend I graduated. My parents hated the thought of me going so far away and they’d never really approved of Zan in the first place. Maria had stopped talking to me altogether and Max was nowhere around. We’d been casual friends ever since 1999 fall, never really too involved because Max would never let it be that way. My pride had forced me to keep a distance, especially after Tess appeared on the scene. Max’s opinion had counted deep down inside, but since he hadn’t been around to give it, I gave up on him.

Kyle was the only personal who’d been enthusiastic over my transfer. He thought it was time to break loose and get out and have a life. And Alex…well, on hindsight, I can say that it was only Alex’s death that had finalized the deal in my head. I didn’t want to roam around a place where the memories of my best friend were going to haunt me all the time. So I left. And I never cane back. Until now.

A hand smoothed back the hair from my face.

“Liz?” he whispered. I could recognize his voice in my sleep.

I pushed myself out of the leather seats, arching the kinks out of my neck. It was nearly 1 am in Phoenix, Arizona and we were parked outside the hospital where my parents were staying.

“I’m awake. I was just thinking.” I assured him.

He looked good. For a man who spent his time either on research or experiments, he remained remarkably sun-kissed and fit.

“Got an energetic assistant?” I said casually.

He rubbed his cheek, looking embarrassed. "Don’t be silly.”

Years out of high school and he still blushed like a virgin. SIGH!!! I took pity on him.

“Let’s go in.”

He opened the door from my side automatically. I heaved luxuriantly; such displays of chivalry had been long adn far between in coming in my New York life.

“You ok?” he asked again, wearing that perpetually worried look.

Do I really tire all my friends that much? I told him that and there was just a little something that sparkled in his eyes in the wash of the sodium lights.

The denial rang hollow in light of the look in his eyes. He’d been worried about me for years now. And he’d never told me why.


We make small talk as we head inside. There were hushed voices, rubber soles treading softly on the grounds and the occasional wail from ICU. I was surprised to see the involuntary shudder from Max. He glared at the white walls, eyes brimming with hatred.

“Max?” I whispered. “Don’t tell me you’re still scared of hospitals, you big wuss.”

He snorted. Halted in front of a room.

“They’re in there.” His eyes practically screamed And, I think they’re asleep. Good job, Parker.

I scratched my hair. Now what? “Uhh…”

“Why don’t you go have a looksie and I’ll wait here?” he finally suggested.

“Good idea. Be right back.” I opened the door and vanished inside.

I caught my breath. Max had lied. They were here because they’d both developed complications or even one of them.

Mom lay asleep, her auburn hair a beautiful contrast to the white sheets. A smell of illness hung in the air, mixed with my dad’s after-shave and antiseptic. I felt tears gathering round my lashes. They were not supposed to look so old!

My father, Jeff Parker had been one of those people who’d always have a smile on his face. But he’d lost that. He looked haggard, worried and gray. Mom, on the other hand, looked shrunken and in pain. There were lines across their faces and I felt the guilt go up an ante as I realised my role in this fiasco, too.

“Dad?” I bent down near him. He woke up with a start. The sleep disappeared as he got a good look at me.

“Liz!” he stared, shocked. “When? How? What’re you doing here?” the questions burst out and Mom woke up. There was a slight grimace, as she adjusted her position. Then she saw me bending over Dad, one arm around him to support the shock the of my arrival. I did tell them I as coming back, didn’t I?

Her smile turned tremulous. I left Dad and hugged her to me firmly. She’d lost weight. They both looked so weary and tired that I just wanted them to go away for a while, something to take their minds off all of this.

Dad broke the happy (?) reunion. “When’d you get back?”

“About 3 hours ago, New Mexico time.” I answered, still preoccupied with the practical sides of a long cruise. Should I let them take Alex? Maybe he’d enjoy it? Or why bother them with cares of a baby?

“Liz, honey.” He waited patiently for me to look up. “Who told you about this?"

“Since you didn’t bother, Max did. He’s outside.”

Dad perked up. “Max?”

Somehow, even though our friendship developed more after I’d left Roswell, my parents adored Max. Gee, wonder why?

“Yeah, him. Why didn’t you tell me it had gotten so serious?” I demanded, outraged. I may have been living far away, but God, I was their daughter!

“Relax, sweetie. It’s not that bad.” Dad tried to placate me. It didn’t work. “And,” he cajoled, “That's just a…”

“Check-up. I heard.” I told him, still not mollified.

Mom tried to lift herself up a little better but the groan escaped. With that, I made up my mind.

“You two are leaving. Day after tomorrow, you’re leaving this godforsaken place and going somewhere they understand what spondalitis means, ok?”

Both gape at me in shock.

“Lizzie?” Confusion was written all over them I didn’t have the heart to tell them that they both looked about sixty.

Mom shook her head. “How’d you get in here? Visiting hours are over.”

I rolled my eyes. “My point exactly. Shitty place! No, we’re going away…I mean, you two are going away. This week.” I nodded for extra confirmation. They gaped and then meekly resigned themselves to their fate. Wow, that was easy!

“Hang on, folks. I’ll tell Max to get a motel room here or something. I’ll sleep on the floor.”

Now, Mom may have faded a bit around the edges but being a mother, which I now understood quite thoroughly, glared at me.

“Unacceptable. Get a room, too. You’ve been up the whole day.”

Last couple of days, actually. I smiled and bumbled a bit, but the visual of a cozy, little bed in a nice, cool room had me bumping into things.

After a little bit of parenting and a detailed description of Alex’s latest exploits, I emerged out of the room, looking nostalgic. Max was nowhere in sight.

“Gimp!” I hissed and made my way out.

He was too busy admiring my car to hear me come out.

“Hands off!” I snarled from behind him and he whirled around, a surprisingly agile movement.

I’ve been getting quite glared up the last few hours I’ve been in town. First Alex, then Maria, then Michael, then Max, then Mom, then Dad…never-ending. More glares than all the people I encountered in the subways last week. At least, here, I knew people cared.

“Is there somewhere we can get a room or two?” I asked, pleasantly.

Max rethought the decision to go into a lecture about creeping up on people and scaring them to death and held out his hand for the car keys. Damn the guy! I handed it over and scowled.

“Elizabeth.” He said in a deceptively lazy tone, “The things you do, my dear.”

“Max, I’m tired, ok?”

He chuckled softly and started the car.

“Wait!” I howled into the open air. “Alex! He’ll miss me tomorrow morning!”

“Let the boy grow, would ya?” Max rejoined.

“You don’t see how he gets when he doesn’t see me in the mornings!” I shot back.

At that, his eyes turn suspicious. “And where be you, while your infant wails for his mama?” He reeled off.

Oh very bloody cute, Max!

“Are you trying to piss me off here?”

“Absolutely.” He agreed. Scuffed his hand against the dark hair. And then, “Ok, Liz. Spill. Where’ve you been staying without Alex?”

I groaned. There it goes. My peace of mind, my very own tai chi without the benefits of twisting myself into a pretzel; all gone. What to do in these situations?

“Motel, remember? You know, those fugly little rooms?” I prompted. He let it go but only temporarily.

“No motels. There’s a little place around here that we…we…uh, on second thought, a motel seems like a fine idea!” The excess enthusiasm got on my nerves.

“Whatcha talking about, Max? I know you’ve got a little place up here. Like, all of you use it. Let's go...”

And then I shut up. Gaffe number two. That little idyll was a supposed secret from. Zan had taken me once up there, when we’d both been pretty much out of control.

I burned at the thought of Max figuring it out. Guess what? He just did!

His face went a dull shade of red. After a while, he shuddered. “I can’t sleep there tonight!”

Neither can I. I longed to tell him but kept mum. Memories of Zan are not something I look forward to, because they’re mostly bad. He was all fine and dandy for someone to raise a little hell with, break the rules for a while. He was not the guy I should’ve settled down with. And memories of my foolishness were not something I needed a reminder of at every opportunity.

“Here we are. Besmirched home of mine Ugh. Just let me know which room, ok?” He parked the car and held my door open.

“Max, “I started patiently but he beat me to it, “Can I not be such a pissant right now? Nope.”

My jaw hurt from all the clenching by the time I’d reached the apartment. Still the same peeling paint and the musty smell.

“How’re Michael and Isabel?” I asked, eager to catch up.

He shook his head. "That wouldn’t do, Liz. Get some rest first. We’ll talk in the morning.”

I didn’t even turn towards the master bedroom. I knew it well. Yellow wall paper, a big queen-sized bed and a few other essentials. I sniffed disgustedly and took the couch.

Max came out of the washroom, his face wet and looking a little less sleepy. “Oh no, you don’t!” he shouted, seeing my sleeping arrangements. "I’m not sleeping back there!”

How many years do I get for killing my best friend?

“Max!” I hollered. “It was all of thirteen years ago! You’ve washed the sheets in between or didn’t you?”

He went pale for a second. “Yuck, Parker. Way too much information.”

“Then, go to SLEEP!”

Blessed peace. I thought back to my baby, who was probably enveloped in a loving hug from Maria or Michael. And then, my mother’s tired face flashed before my numb eyes. Yes, I decided, a vacation is exactly what the doctor ordered. And I’ll carve up the sonofabitch that says otherwise.



I know you guys have a million questions. Trust me, it'll get clearer in coming chapters. I ain't giving anything away now.

mareli, Eve, Frenchkiss, roswellluver, Sweet Teeny, Katie

Hi, guys!! Thanks, as always, for the sweet words! The questions about Zan/Max's identical appearances, I hope, were a little clearer here. Don't worry; it'll be, later, if not right now.

lemme know.

Hugs,
Sarah

[dream on]

Chapter 3.


My meeting with Mom’s doctor did NOT go well. He didn’t like my suggestion of settling my mother in at the care of someone a little more proficient than he was. He looked at me like I was the one who didn’t know what back pains were and then wrote up a storm. Finally, after much haggling, it was decided that Mom could (and would) tolerate a trip to a spa in Hawaii and that Dad would be more than willing to accompany her, so. Done. Phew.

On the road back home, Max had not asked about my little slip of tongue again. He’d left it off, making me cringe every time I thought of it all. No, it wasn’t because I was sleeping around but there had been times I’d been out all night, finishing a deadline! I didn’t want Max to get the wrong impression but the bastard did a good job of ignoring the topic and keeping his insinuations alive. Men!


“So, how did Alex take all of this?” He’d asked instead, effectively cutting off any further bumbling attempts to rectify that error.

After a thought, I’d decided that it was pointless pursuing it, the truth would come out sooner or later, and thus regaled him with horror stories. Not the whole Duckula (yes, DUCK) tales I tell my five-year old, no but the actual trials of raising a child. He hadn’t interrupted my animated flow but gently probed and gathered enough of the fact that for the last few years, Zan had not surfaced.

There had been pity in his eyes; a sight that had nearly given me a coronary, so furious had I been at his apparent lack of subtlety. But being the good friend that he’d always been, he hadn’t forced me in any way to spill all the lurid details.

Not that he didn’t know. Nope, he knew because when the pain had gotten to the point of paranoia, I’d called him and told him everything. It had been one of those moments, more than five years ago, just before Alex was born. Zan had disappeared; again, on his so-called ‘business’ trips.

Between cleaning out my old stuff from Roswell and sautéing the veggies, I’d lost it. I didn’t want to be alone when I was a week away from giving birth and no, the phone calls from my folks didn’t count. I didn’t want to worry them so I called the only person I knew would drop it all off and come charging to Manhattan. I didn’t even have to explain. I picked up the phone, pressed the number and he was there, 7 hours later.


Over de-caf lattes, a luxury my pregnant state didn’t allow, I held back nothing from him. How it had all gone wrong. How much it hurt me not knowing where my own husband and the fact that I hadn’t the right to even ask. Marriage to Zan had come with price tag, a price tag I wasn’t sure I was ready to pay anymore. I told him how worried I was over this pregnancy and how the pain would just shoot up, from nowhere. I was terrified of being strong for the sake of a brat that hadn’t even been born yet, so there!

Max’s reaction had been typical. He’d shut off the drapes, given me a sedative and for the first time in months, rest had come peacefully. I never did find out what he’d one during the hours I’d slept off my rage and frustrations. He never said one word but the apartment had been restored to its usual tidy state, the fridge stocked and an overnight emergency bag packed and his perpetually worried face had eased a little at my over-whelmed gratitude.

He didn’t leave until after Alex was born. He was there when my water broke. Oh yeah, I hadn't had time to make it to the hospital. I’d screamed the place down, ready to rip Zan into shreds for being the cause of such inhuman pain.

Max had gently eased me back, given me something and held my hand. I don’t remember much apart form the occasional soothing caresses and an odd order or two to breathe the way my Lamaze tapes had shown. The pain I remember very well, coupled with my fear and hatred.

I'd never known it was possible to feel so much rage at a person. I cursed Zan to the high moons, wishing him dead. I wept, unable to believe the way he’d just abandoned me.

All though that, Max had been there, holding me through the worst, making sure I was as comfortable I was liable to get. And then, the dreaded, “Let me see, for God’s sake! I’m a doctor!” and the mortifying moment I’d had to open myself up to him. But the pain had been so intense, so killing, that nothing had registered.

As the last instant came and I pushed with all my strength, I felt nothing. Nothing eased in me, the pressure ready to tear me apart. I howled like a wounded animal, making Max bite his lip. He’d looked wild, then all of a sudden, calmer as he made an internal decision and placed his hand over my writhing body. Then suddenly, everything had turned black.

By the time I came to, my parents were there and so were Maria, Kyle and Isabel. Michael had been outside with Max. And then, someone had handed me a tiny little bundle of cotton and flesh. I'd picked it up, my strength returning by leaps and bounds at the sight of my child. His eyes blinked, but not totally open, his fingers tried to grab onto mine. I knew what I’d done; gotten in way, way over my head.

Max had come in later, after all the hoopla had finished. I remember the shattered look in his eyes, very weird for someone who’d just become a godfather. But somehow, I could connect. I wanted him to be my child’s father with a need that shocked the daylights out of me. Absent husband or not, Max had been a cherished friend. I didn’t know if I was ready to screw that up. Since screwing was something I was ready to abstain from forever, given the fact that I’d just received my rewards, I put it away in a secret chest and resolved not to ogle my best friend.

And then he'd told me. I still wince at the way he looked, ashen. There had been that calm before the storm and then it had all been blown apart. Zan wasn’t coming back. He didn’t tell me how he knew but even before he opened his mouth, I knew. My marriage was over the day it had, in all sense of the word, been cemented.

I hadn’t cried or thrown a fit. Instead, I’d retreated away from my family and friends, who looked like they were ready to go hunt Zan down. To my shock, Isabel had sat beside me, holding my hand through the dreary after-effects of post-natal recovery. Maria had been magnificent; doing the laundry, keeping Alex away from me, soothing my parents. Mom had insisted that I return to Roswell but I declined. I wasn’t going to run away from him. The day he would come back, I was determined to be there and face him with the consequences. He had no right have left his child and he was going to know that. Kyle had been terrific, too. At keeping my mind preoccupied, taking care of the affairs I’d left hanging.

My darkest days had passed by in a blur but they’d been even darker with Max’s absence.

He hadn’t come back till the next fortnight. To my horror, I’d wept and raged at him like he was the missing piece of the puzzle, to speak. I'd known that what I was doing was unreasonable but it hadn’t exactly been my shining hour. He’d taken it surprisingly well. I still remember the whispered apologies, the soothing hugs and the feeling of stability returning to me. He’d never told me where exactly he’d gone but I knew. Somehow, I knew he’d gone after Zan.

That was the last time I ever brought him up in public. I never mentioned Zan and didn’t allow anyone to bring it up again. No one had dared. The Roswell cast had left after a month. I was exhausted from having to deal with a baby and an over-eager family hadn’t helped. I wanted to vent in my own time, not be dragged rudely back to reality by these well-meaning people. So one fine, late November morning, they’d packed their bags, bade me a teary goodbye and finally left me to face my failures.

The only person who’d stayed behind was Michael.

I’d been shocked at his sudden reappearance after the rest had gone. He didn’t speak one word of reason why he’d remained but had given me the space I’d so longed for. He stayed on the couch, made horrible pancakes, drank crates of Tabasco mixed in Snapple (eww) and kept a never-ending vigil. For Zan, I’d presumed but with Michael, who knew? All I'd known was that I had things to plan up and him being there for that little feedback was good enough to get me started.

Maria had visited me with every opportunity she'd gotten; so had Kyle. Michael left after three months, after Max had shown up. From one to the other, I’d wailed at them, but they hadn’t budged. Not until after nearly a year, did Max finally leave me. After much bargaining, then finally cold, irresolute silence from my side, had he conceded defeat. I knew he'd had a life back in Roswell, had his family, his responsibilities and his job. He’d left all of that to come and help his friend and no one had appreciated or needed it more than I had during those days.

But the tempest had gone and I'd been determined not to hold him back any longer. There had been logical discussions, screaming fits and finally, the unstoppable words that had spewed out back and forth. We’d both said things we’d regretted and we’d made it up instantly but his barbed “What will your son do, if you’re passed out in here because no one was there to stop you from wallowing in self-pity?” had bit just as much as my vicious “You don’t have a life or what?”

We’d decided that the added closeness had been affecting our friendship and the unspoken issues that would spring up from nowhere (which I know can tell was sexual tension, something I wasn’t ready for) was just making it worse. So he’d left, with full of warnings to call the instant either of us ever heard anything about Zan.

And in those busy days of early motherhood, I'd ignored the pangs of my hormones and concentrated on building a future for me and mine. It had taken five years for me to be secure enough in my own skin to decide rashly what I wanted to do next. I’d waited five years for Zan to show up. He never had, and I knew it was time to nuke those bridges I’d left hanging.

“Damn weather!” Max muttered, as we pulled into the Crash parking lot.

“You coming in?” I asked, eager to see my son. The Crash needs a paint job.

“Yep.” He said, looking wistfully at my sleek dash and handing the keys over. “Haven’t talked to Alex in ages.”

“Me too.” I agreed whole-heartedly and started climbing up the ladder to my balcony.

Max stared, then grinned. “That thing’s still here!”

“Uh-huh.” I nodded. “Very convenient, eh?"

“For a quick tryst?” He wiggled his eyebrows and I kicked out. Lucky for me, he was right behind, so a nasty sprain was averted. Unluckily, my promise to myself to hold my hormones under check had been eradicated a while back, so I felt myself sandwiched between Max and the ladder and feeling the heat. Damn!

“You okay?” he asked, holding me securely to the ladder. I nodded, unable to form coherent sentences. Max had always been built, but man, the things I could feel underneath that shirt! I turned an ugly shade of red, something that didn’t ease at his laughter.

“Mom! Look, I slept right here!!” Alex shrieked the instant I’d clambered over to the top. Hmm… feels good to know that I can still climb those.

“Where, sweetie?" I asked, after my compulsory morning hug. He moved off my tummy and gestured, with huge, glowing eyes, at my lawn chair.

For a while, I kept quiet. Then I shrieked out a half-incoherent “You let my SON sleep out here? What the fuck’s the matterwithya?????” at the sheepish Maria, Kyle and Michael.

Ma snickered and I rounded on him, furious. “What’re you laughing at? It was your bloody idea to keep him here, remember?”

“Ok, ok.” Kyle hurriedly placated, knowing it was about to get ugly. “No harm done. I was there with him. All night.” He quickly clarified, seeing my expression.

“In November? Outside? Here?” I growled, throwing my arms out. Alex thought I meant to hug him. He moved as if to come to me. Only Maria’s quick reflex kept him from getting thwacked.

“And you!” I seethed at him. Alex’s eyes went huge. He stared at me in shock.

“But, Mom. Didn’t you say this wasn’t New York?”

All eyes flashed to me, delighting in my apparent bowing down to a five-year old child. All of them!

“Enough of that!” Michael growled. He never could tolerate people talking apart from him, so of course, all of it seemed highly overrated to him.

“C’mon, Alex, let’s go see about brunch.” With that, Max effectively stopped the tantrum and hauled away my son’s scrawny ass. Maria winced at Alex’s high-pitched shout of glee as he hung upside down from his godfather’s muscular biceps. Kyle gave me a quick, warm hug and followed the other three males down the stairs. Only she was left to analyze my recent outburst. Hmm…wonderful

“What’s the matter, girlfriend? Being a little edgy, aren’t we?”

“Humph?” I turned my attention to more important things, such as examining that crack on the cement. Hmm… very interesting.

“Well?” she screeched, making me, and the rest of the people within a meter radius, wince.

“What?” I glowered back, "I was examining…uhh.”

“Right. Uhh. Very cute, Liz but you know it doesn’t work with me! So, spill? Is it your parents?” she paused for dramatic effect. “Or is it Max?”

Nooooo! Not now.

“Humph?’ I tried the tactic again to see if it would work. It didn’t.

“You can tell me, chica? It’s ME, see? Maria, your best friend. So, why’re you so flushed?”

“Nothing, Maria.” As if that had ever worked.

“Don’t ‘nothing Maria’ me! And you’re still red. Purple! What’d he do, what’d he do??”

“Calm down. You’re practically hyperventilating.” I said dryly, stepping into my old room.

Nothing had been touched. My Roswell high pendant was still there, along with my paperbacks, calculators, photos, CDs. The only thing it was missing was it’s soul. Not just me; Maria, Alex, Kyle, Zan. Max. On second thought, scratch Zan. He doesn’t belong here anymore.

I plopped down on the red comforter and sighed. Maria did the same. Together we discussed, without so much as speaking one word, what to do about the latest stupidity I’d gotten myself into – falling for Max. Again.



Sorry for the short part guys, but I've got damn midterms falling on me like the wrath of God. Lemme know.

Katie, Frenchkiss, Sweet teeny, Smac, Eve, roswelluver - aww, thanks guys. I love all of you. *hugs*

Lol, if I start answering I'll give everything away, so I'll keep you guys guessing a while. OVer each part, I hope it unveils Liz's past and what had happened between her, Zan and Max.

Thanks for reading this.

Lots of love,
Sarah

[dream on]

Chapter 4.


I settled into my life in Roswell the same way I’d given it up. Which is to say, not easily. It had taken me months to get over the habit of leaving in a small town and now, it was taking the same excruciating time to wean myself into it. My intrusive parents didn’t help.

It had taken all of twelve days to persuade them to leave and even then, they’d clung to me like a vine. After coddling Alex to a spoilt brat, they’d finally put on sunscreen, matching Ray-bans and their sarongs and left. Their departure had given me the respite I’d needed.

“Liz,” my mother had said worriedly, “Are you sure the Crash wouldn’t be a problem?”

“GO, Mom!” I’d shoved her into my car, all set for the trip to the Las Cruces airport. “It’ll be fine!”

“But, the accounts be a bit tricky. And with Alex, how’ll you cope?” She was asking me that, after I’d spent damn near 10 years fending for myself and having been halfway decent at it, too.

“But nothing. God, Mom, I’d lived in New York, ok? I don’t need a fu…effing baby-sitter!”

Dad had soothed and petted Mom into the car and then gone back to nagging me. Could I handle the customers? Could I possibly pay the bills? Could I sleep alone in the house? What would Alex do? Was it possible for me to pay for this trip? YAWN!

“Dad!" I snarled, after I’d taken all that. “Enough! I’ve been married! I can handle it!”

Both had subsided after that. And then Mom, being a mother, couldn’t help but ask, “What’re you doing out here, Liz? You don’t belong in Roswell anymore. You have a good life, a good job. Why’d you throw all of it away?"

If I knew the answer to that, I wouldn’t have been here, now would I?

Maria had come to my rescue, yet again. She’d convinced my folks that if she, Hurricane deLuca, could manage a restaurant, it would be nothing short of instant pudding for me. Convinced, they’d left. But not without evoking those pestering questions again.

What exactly was I doing back here? I’d left a solid job, a somewhat stable life back in New York, for what? There's nothing for me here.
Nothing except your peace of mind, dumbass. You’ve finally gotten over that shithead. You’re here to start a life. A new, fulfilling life. A life your marriage had denied you. What more do you need?

True. Zan had given me his ring but that had been it, as far as a real marriage was concerned. I loved him, in my own way, but in retrospect, I knew it had been wrong. We were not meant for each other. We didn’t have the relationship I see my parents having. No, it was full of fire and ash. We’d burned each other. And after the last time, I knew it was over.

What am I talking about? He isn’t here. God only knew where he was.

It had been hard, initially. I’d thought I’d loved him, had wanted him to love me back. I’m sure he had. After all, why go to the trouble of seducing me out of Roswell he hadn’t wanted me at all? No, our marriage hadn’t been a normal one. We’d hurt each other with our distances and the ever-growing pile of unsaid frustrations. He was not a conventional guy. Nothing Zan had ever done had been mundane. He’d blown me away by his passion and his energy but deep down, he’d withdrawn when I’d really needed him. As all rebounds do, I’d come out of it eventually, feeling desperate and lonely. I’d told him that. And he’d left, never to return. What was I supposed to think?

“Chica, order’s up.” Maria sang into the kitchen, where I’d been nursing a Blood of Alien.

Alien, that’s what he was. Alien and remote and everything I could never comprehend. You must understand, for a girl who’d prided herself on finding the right answer to everything or at least, trying to, it had been one hell of an ego-denter. Between the two cousins, my self-esteem had coughed and shrieked to a torturous end. Oh didn’t I say? Zan was Max’s cousin. Yeah, go figure.

“Liz?” She asked again, perching in front of me. “You okay?”

“I need help.” I told her, suddenly feeling the claustrophobia again.

“I’m here for you.” She replied, placing one, funky manicured hand over her chest.

“Really?” I asked, not even caring that I was about to spill my guts in an open restaurant with Jose frying steaks and Michael feeding my son some teeth-rotting stuff, all of 5 feet away.

“Of course, hun. What, you not feeling well?”

“No, not like that. It’s just…how did you guys break up?”

My sudden question threw them both in a tizzy. Michael glared at me and deftly removed my son from hearing this pity-party. Maria gulped and then frowned. Yes, I was talking about them. Maria and Michael. A couple even less compatible than Zan and me. I still wonder what had happened to them.

“What?” she found her voice. “How can you ask me that? Do you know what a retard that guy is? He didn’t bathe. He didn’t shave; he didn’t clean his laundry, for like, MONTHS! He is an insufferable ass, who thinks he’s God. He doesn’t like to talk about anyone apart from himself, always takes advantage of me when we were…uh, together, something I regret to THIS day! And," she inhaled gustily for air and steamrollered on.

“He could never understand the subtleties of life! No, not him! Always, ‘why do you nag me so much, Maria?’ ‘why can’t you ever just stop worrying, Maria?’ ‘what is your problem, Maria?’ ‘what will I do with clean laundry, Maria?’ ‘ever heard of a breather, Maria? Take it!’ ‘Don’t bug me. Go away.’ ‘you wouldn’t understand!’” She gasped once more and contined, but there was a slight rent in her tone, something I knew had been the real cause. “He’d never…never opened up. Ever.”

“I’m sorry.” I told her, feeling even guiltier at the woebegone look in her green eyes. She missed him too, even after all this time.

“Why do you think I stayed away from Max? I could never get him to open up. I could see the things in him ready to burst, but he’d hold back. Never let me in the whole way. Always regaining his footing while he left me hanging high and dry.”

My own tone turned bitter. “You were braver than I was. At least, you went for what you wanted.”

“Nope!” Maria banged the dish down. It clattered a few feet away. “Did NOT want him!”

“Okay, okay!” I scoffed at her denial but really, maybe it was just never meant to be.

“And, Zan on the other hand, he had let me in, if only part way. He hadn’t been afraid to stake a claim, never hesitated to move in. It had been only after the marriage, I realised that the guy was not marital bliss material. He was good for a wild time but definitely not a commitment.” I sighed out.

“Honey. You don’t have to explain to me why you married him. It’s over. It’s done. You can’t change the past. All you can do now is keep your chin up. Yopu’ve battled the waters and reached the shores. Now it’s time to build a treehouse. One with supportable roots.” Her hint couldn’t be clearer.

I laughed off my rapidly approaching tears. It’d been so long I'd cried over Zan, that it felt new to me. To my horror, I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks, leaving hot trails like acid, reminding me how I’d fallen.

Maria stared at me in dismay. Then she rocked me into her arms.

“Babe, you had enough guts to get over him and mve on. And I'm talking about both times! With both of them! You weathered it out, gave it a shot. And you came out better than either of them did. Look at me. I gave it a shot and never fully gotten over it. I was never as strong as you.”

“What do you call strength here?” I wailed, “I thought I was in love with someone but gave into hormones and shacked up with another guy, all the way in the Esat coast! And then I realised it wouldn’t work. So I ditched him, too. No! correction. He ditched me!” I snuffled back sobs. “What do you see so ‘strong’ and ‘pride-worthy’ here?”

“You raised a little angel by yourself. You didn’t bemoan your fate and return home with your tail tucked between your legs. You completed your studies, got a great job, and still found the strength to make a few friends here and there. You call that what?” she shot back.

“Hello!” a male voice sent us both reeling with shock. Oh Gawd! “What’s this, a pity-party?”

We whirled around, only to confront a grinning Kyle Valenti in his Sheriff’s uniform.

“Oh you!" We snarled simultaneously.

“Oui, moi. What, you guys not happy to see me?”

“No, go away!” Maria flapped her hands at him. "Beat it. We’re having a PJ party here.”

“This time of the day with customers perishing of hunger? I don’t see any PJs…speaking of which, I wouldn’t mind that sight!" he grinned adorably.

“AWAY!” We shrieked in unison and he scurried out.

“Phew.” Close call. Too close, Liz.

“Amen.” Maria said dryly. “Oh shit, I forgot about that order.”

Great, effing terrific. Such a model of efficiency I am! With that, I hauled my ass out of the vinyl chair and went to get the accounts organized.

Even though I started working on the figures, all I could see was the pain in her eyes and the empty look in his as he’d left. They had something; both of them had known it. But it had, for some bizarre reason, never fully worked out.

In fact, Michael had started seeing Isabel (yuck!) after Alex had died and I had been at the death throes of my high school life. No one had questioned it; it had just happened from nowhere, shocking all of us. I’d been too caught up in Zan to notice and I’d regretted not having been there for my friends. But it had apparently passed after they realized how incompatible they’d been.

It was that same thing that had kept me away from Max – that look they gave each other in secret. Them meaning Max, Michael, Isabel Tess and even Zan at times. I’d see the look in his eyes, a silent warning every time. I had never figured out what it meant.

“As if he’d ever tell me.” I scoffed at my own pathetic self, crunching the accounts into little waddles of paper ball. “He was always too busy.”

Not only him. It had been all of them. They’d never talk about normal stuff when they were together, Zan had confided in me after one particular long stretch of such a hideous glares. It had been just after he had come back for some time from New York and after Max, Tess and Isabel had come back from Arizona. It had been a weird time in town, especially after Congresswoman Whittaker’s death.

Strange. I’d asked what had gone down but Zan had resorted to kissing me senseless than answer the question. And that had been it. Max had never deigned to bring it up ever again. Not him. He’d kept it to himself just as much Michael had.

I’d see the pain in his eyes, as he struggled with things to say, but he’d never go ahead and tell. His control made me want to hurt him. In a bad way. And by that time, I was with Zan so I stopped trying to force him. If he hadn’t wanted to tell me, there was nothing more I could do. Especially since he never hesitated to tell Tess or Isabel. But it had hurt. It had hurt more than the times I’d found Zan gone by the light of dawns.


Ok, folks. Go at it.
Sarah

[dream on]

Crystal - hi! Welcome and thank you.
Eve - oy, I hear ya. Trust me, it'll become clearer in coming parts. Hope this one helps.
Smac - hehe, you're pretty dead on. Liz has no idea that Zan was an ET, even less so that Max is. I'm not going to answer any questions about Zan, other than the fact that he's not around and that's all you're getting. Thanks for the f/b. Don't worry. It'll all unravel later. I hope, anyways.
Frenchkiss - Ah, my dear, you're unbelievable! Exceeellent deduction. Tess? It'll be addressed in this part. Michael and Isabel, huh? Well, be prepared. I don't intend to write yet another bitchy Isabel but this one's a little different. Thanks, babe.

Sweet teeny, roswellluver - aww, shucks. love you guys.

Mareli - hey you! yeah, actually, Zan and Liz obviously never shared the connection she and Max'd had on the show. I won't say that they'd never shared more but definitely not to the extent Liz and Max did. How's that?

As a generic note, I'd like you to know that I love how you describe relationship between aliens and humans. In "Nothing to lose" Liz feared to tell Max the truth and their relationship was hard because the difference. Here, it seems that things never said built a wall between them. There's always fear and suspect... but still much love

Aww, shucks, hun. Thank you. Coming from such a connoisseur of fics, it means a lot to me.

Well, anyways. What you're all here for.






Chapter 5.


“Mom?” Came a tiny voice. I lurched awake. That’s my kid!

“What? Alex? ALEX!”

“Mom, I got really scared back there.” His voice held doom in its sniffling wake.

I lunged for the light switch, banged my head against the dresser and finally got it turned on. “What happened?”

The reason why I went to such a panic attack is because my son, who was supposedly sleeping over with “Uncle Mike” was currently halfway across town, in the dead of the night and sniveling at my feet.

“WHAT HAPPENED?” I screeched, terrified.

He shrank back a couple of inches and wiped his mouth. “Jeez, Mom, you gotta to relax.” With that, the snot-nosed bastard turned away.

I stopped all activities for minutes, remembering that yes, this was my son, and therefore killing him in his Snoopy PJs would constitute, not only as murder but a couple of other stuff too.

“WHAT?” I roared at his retreating abck.

He stopped in fright. Then he shrugged his shoulder, wait a minute! Not at me! To someone else.

“Who’s there?” I bellowed, making the curtains rattle. Wait, curtains don’t rattle. Not in the middle of the night with no wind.

To my utter shock, out popped a choking Michael.

“You.” I narrowed my eyes the best I knew how, which is not easy when they’re bugging out in fright. “You SOB.”

“Never did find out.” He shrugged noncommittally.

“Get OUT! NOW!” I bellowed again, making him and my unfaithful son leap out to the balcony.

“No, NO you don’t! You stay right here!” I pointed at Alex and then back at my floor, near my feet. “SIT!”

He scurried back, after shooting Michael a terrified glare. I wasn’t known for my good humor in these times.

Michael shrugged again. I was beginning to understand, wait, remember, that all the things that Maria said about this Neanderthal was true.

“Liz, it was just a joke, all right? Look at you! You’re a nervous wreck.”

“Well I’m hardly supposed to be Mother Nature with you ramming down ‘practical jokes’, such as dragging my kindergarten child out in the middle of the night, now am I!” I glowered. And then, the words wouldn’t stop. “What were you thinking? What’re you, five year old, like him?” I pointed once again at my shaking son.

“Look! See? Now he’s actually shaking with fright! Urrgh, Michael! Why can’t you be normal?!”

His eyes turned shaded but his color rose. For a second, I was worried that he might hit me; instead he just left the way he’d come, leaving me with palpitations.

“Well?” I whirled on my no-good boy. It was probably his idea, to begin with. I started to feel sorry about the things I’d ripped at Michael, but that boy just had no business sneaking in through windows at this time of the bloody night! What part of adulthood does he not get?

I repeated the same thing to Maria when we met for breakfast.

“None of it. It’s all….abnormal to him and that’s what he doesn’t get!” She fumed out, enraged at Michael’s irresponsible behavior.

“Ok, relax Maria. No harm done. I just got a shock, that’s all.”

It was a bad idea getting Maria started on Michael because this minor practical joke will become the next scandal in the sleepy town of Roswell by the next two hours.

“It’s NOT ok!” she paused for dramatic effect. “He just doesn’t get it, does he? That was thoughtless.”

She glared at me for approval. I nodded soothingly. Inspired, she went on,

“Irresponsible, so UN-funny that I could choke him! Oooh!”

“Chill, k? It’s done.” I reminded her, but to no avail. She’d found her favorite pastime – complaining about Michael and his general lack of understanding as a whole. This could, and would, take a while.

“I said some pretty tough words to him, you know? I wasn’t exactly Mother Teresa.” I confessed.

She didn’t get it.

“So? Like you’re just going to sit there and take his crap?”

“It wasn’t crap, Maria. It was funny. Hilarious in fact. I went through a back flip to get to that light.” In the light of day, I can even smile at it but my injured body protested.

“And,” I continued, seeing a lull in the storm, "and I can bet it was Alex’s idea, to begin with. You know how it’s been like for him. No dad, no male presence in his life, apart from the occasional Max. I’m not surprised that he resorted to something drastic to check out them Y chromosomes!”

She looked mollified at that but I could see that flames were far from done blowing out. She’d been looking for something to pick on Michael about and this was no different. I wondered if they’d ever really gotten used to not being together.

“And I told him he was abnormal. He took it really hard.” I sighed at the memory of his black face.

Michael scowling was a normal sight but him looking hurt was not. That one was harsh, I’ll admit to myself.

She did not sympathize. “Liz, he is NOT normal! Why should you mince your words for a guy who takes pride in abnormal and abominable behavior? Not your concern.”

Happy, she leaned back on the mint green chairs to take a sip of the iced latte.

“God, Maria, can you give the guy a break? It was just silly and admittedly, something Michael would do, but please! Let’s not blow it out of proportion. Like the time you did with the whole college-men fantasy during that Father’s Day weekend. Please?”

“Chica, that was for a good cause. I was tired of us moping over them wimps and let’s face it. It got you the results you wanted. Valentine’s Day, you guys went out and voila! Chemistry!” She shivered exaggeratedly.

”Sniff your cedar oil or the great Vet cure, Maria?”

“Wet? Hey, I’m not sex-obsessed, you know?” She turned to me, her green eyes wide and her cute nose wrinkled.

“And a good thing it is too. The men in this town wouldn’t survive.” Michael’s voice cut into both of us.

If Maria had had any sympathy for him, it was long since gone.

“Fuck off, loser. Like you ever got some.”

“Ditto.” He shot back and resumed cleaning out the grill.

How many times had I been through this? Too many times to count. In fact, was this Michael’s ambition in life? Clear tables once in a while and make Green Alien basket on Tuesdays and get leftover Astro pies? Why doesn’t he just get out of the damn place?

“Hey, could I talk to you for a moment?” I asked him, hopping off the cold cereals.

He seems cool and composed but after spending a few months in very close proximity, I could tell that he’d been pretty miffed about what I’d said.

“Listen, about last night…” I stumbled.

Apologizing to Michael was hard. He stared at the walls, wouldn’t meet your eyes, glared at some invisible item and generally didn’t say ‘it’s ok’ until you’d been resorted to begging. Bastard.

“It’s ok.” He bit out; surprisingly civil after the fit I’d thrown last night. Wow, I’d expected a tempest this time.

“No, it’s not. I called you abnormal and I’d no business doing it. Sorry.” I smiled the way I do at Alex when I want my own way. It didn’t take Michael too long to crumble either. Hyuk!

“He IS abnormal!” Maria sang as she brushed past him. They glared at each other.

“Guys! Time out!” Not more than 5 days in Roswell and already, I was back to this.

“Listen, Liz, I gotta go, so…is there anything else?” he reeled off looking hither thither for something to do.

I put my hands on my hips and stared him down. “What do you say, Michael?” I asked, my best schoolteacher voice perfect.

He glowered. “You’re off the hook.” With that, he stalked out the kitchen, leaving me sputtering in disbelief.

“Wha…??’ I couldn’t come up with a zinger to his obnoxious, rude, insufferable self.

“Welcome to Michael land.” A voice whispered low in my ear.

I closed my eyes, savoring the way he felt.

“Please don’t give me nightmares.” I said, praying it was a calm enough voice.

Max grinned, pulled out a chair next to mine. “Hey you.”

Ridiculous I should feel shy after everything we’ve shared.

“Hey.” I gurgled out.

He smiled, his gorgeous face lighting up and looking even more divine complemented by the green shirt he wore. I loved that shirt. It was a testament to all the better times.

I reached out, without thinking and latched on to his sleeve. He gaped for a second, surprised. Not unusual, I’d hardly been normal after my New York experience.

“You okay?" he asked again, looking at me closely.

The worry lines appeared again, creasing the smooth skin. I frowned at him.

“Don’t do that.”

He yanked the hand that had been lying on my back. “Oh, sorry.” The questions just grew, if anything.

“Not that, dumbass! I meant don’t frown. It wrinkles…”

“Please! No beauty lectures.”

I grinned, tucking his hand in mine.

Why hadn’t this felt so natural with my own husband? Maybe if I had tried enough, if I’d loved him enough, I wouldn’t have to feel such longing for a guy who’d never wanted me to begin with.

“Isabel still the same?”

“Same.” He shuddered. “God knows, I thought her new job would get her out of town once in a while.”

Ok, I’m guilty of never having been too interested in Isabel.

“What’s she doing now?’ I asked absently, watching us, hands swinging back and forth.

Max mulled over it for a while.

“You forgot?” I tilted my head, trying to hide the knowing smirk.

He watched me a while and then yanked me up. Close to him. Suddenly, the walls were no longer there. I could feel the place starting to blur from view. I tried to keep my breathing even. Musn’t seem too desperate. No, no.

“C’mon.” He breathed, his voice low and soothing. I swooned happily. Go where? I felt him lean in closer. So damn near. I closed my eyes in ecstasy.

“Liz!” I felt him shaking me. “What’s the matter with you? You not feeling well?”

“Yes!” I croaked out, mortified at what I‘d just done.

To my insane relief, I found myself standing as I’d been. Close but not too close. No drool anywhere visible and just a tad bit of moisture on my lips and forehead. I wiped my face hurriedly with my hand, praying he wouldn’t notice.

“I’m fine. Just a bit…” I trailed off. Now what? Bit what? Wanton? Shameless? Energetic? EEK!

“Dizzy.” I supplied before he could ask. “Tad bit dizzy you know, looking after Alex and all…” I trailed off again at his look of disbelief.

“Liz.” He said patiently, slowly, like I was a child. “You’re babbling.”

“So?” I snapped back.

“Right.” He heaved me up and tugged on my arm. “Let’s go. You need some air.”

“I do?” I asked, dubious.

“Yes. You do. Too much figures are bad for you. You’ve already gone half-way to the padded cell. Let’s go out to the quarry.”

“Rocks?” I hope I didn’t sound too disappointed but even if I did, he didn’t listen.

“Alex?” I dug in my heels and he halted.

“Kyle wanted to take him to the carnival or something.” He didn’t sound too thrilled about it.

Max and Kyle had turned friends in a joint effort to win my heart (hah!) on Valentine’s Day back then. Max had obviously won but since then, they’d gone from wary people to somewhat wary acquaintances. Over the years, after I moved away, evidently they’d come around. But even now, I saw the insecurity in Max’s eyes when I talked to Kyle or especially when I left Alex with him.

“Ok, then. Let’s go.” I smiled like I hadn’t in a while and he just melted. Aww, what a sweetie.

“Mine or yours?” I ask as we approached the parking lot.

Before I can answer, a screech comes out of nowhere. “WHAT?”

We both whirled around. It was Isabel.

She stood there, hair gleaming, every nail polished to a shine and red, big lips pouting monstrously. Hey! Not my fault. I liked her and all, but she was one major drama queen. But her eyes were wide with shock.

“Hey, Isabel!” I called out a greeting. After all, this was Max’s sister and Zan’s too, in a weird way.

“Hi, Liz” she returned, that same edge in it. Like I was out to ruin her or something. Jeez! You’d think I was the FBI and she was this poor, lonely alien!

Then she marched over to Max, yanking on his sleeve, almost shoving him away.

“Excuse us a second.” She muttered dismissively and continued to glare at Max.

I willed my feet to walk. I knew I shouldn’t interfere but this sort of treatment from her always set my teeth on edge.

“Great.” I snort. “I’ll be inside.” I direct this at Max and move away.

As I stalked off, I could hear Max’s frustrated voice trying to calm Isabel down. She was having none of it.

“What’s the matter with you! Do you know what could happen…never heard, bull! She can’t…..no, NO WAY! No friggin’ way”

There was a lull. Obviously her royal highness wanted me away from her precious brother.

“We don’t know that! No, Max…this affects me too. Yeah, see that you do! And keep an eye….God knows….” A pause again. Then her voice turned low, making it hard for me to gear. “Tess…”

I stopped, my blood cold.

“Yeah, and? Like it makes a difference? …Anyway…no, it’s not a good idea. After all, she’s…” more angry protests from Max, “Zan!” That one came out rather loud. What Zan?

“No, theirs! Not yours!” She barked out and I hear Max’s heavy footsteps striding away.

I rushed back in to the Crash.

“Liz?” he barked out, looking miserable. Bitch! I hollered mentally at Isabel. But I could sympathize. She thought I was hitting on her brother, a fallen woman like me.

“Coming.” I said quietly, trying not to be hurt by it all and failing miserably.

They’d been talking about Tess Harding. A person whose existence I’d forgotten.



The quarry hadn’t changed over the years. It was still the old, white stones and that single, green lake. We’d walked around aimlessly for the past hour, trying to digest Isabel’s shrieking outburst. It hadn’t been easy on either of us. I kept hearing the word “Tess.” It still had the power to make me feel insignificant.

I’d kept the questions inside me all my life. I’d never asked him to explain why we couldn’t have been together. I’d never even talked to him about it. It had been simple enough for his cousin. Why couldn’t it have been that way for Max? And what was I not supposed to know, anyway? And why did she bring up Zan? Did they know anything about him they’d kept from me? Or was Isabel just ranting at the thought of my unworthy self hurling herself at her brother? Probably the latter.

Max walked besides me, his body tense and rigid. It was like someone had shut off a switch in his brains. I could see the million of questions in his eyes, too.

“So…” I broke the silence.

He sighed, “So.”

“What’re we doing here, Max?”

He gazed at me. Threw a stone into the lake. “Just hanging out. Like old times.”

I laughed because it was so damn tragic. “We never hung out, Max. We never even talked more than once a week and that was only when Zan was around. It was only after we’d moved to NY, you changed. Remember?” I glanced at him.

He nodded, concentrating at my feet. I quickly glanced down too. Nothing.

“I know. I regretted that.” He said after a pause.

“I did, too.”

“Max,” I started, gathering courage. “Can I ask you something?”

He smiled his old, reserved way and tugged at my hand. Wonder, that we’d been still holding hands after all that. “Sure.”

I inhaled. “Where’s Tess?”

[dream on]

Chapter 6.


“And?” Maria shrieked after I came back for my disastrous walk.

“He hummed and hawed and blathered on about what would it take for me not to pry!!” I seethed. “Can you believe the nerve of that guy? He thinks I do the prying! ME!”

“Easy, babe! You might have caught some of her Highness’s Meee contagion!” she said, leaving me with little doubt as to whom she was referring to. “And you wouldn’t want that.”

“Damn straight.” I chugged on the smoothie and wishing I could pour it on someone. Preferably my treacherous best friend who I just happen to be in love with. “Life is unfair.”

“Aww, chica!” Maria crooned, sitting down besides me. “It’s ok.”

“It’s not OK!” I growled. “Why can I not ask the single question about Tess and he can literally start a manhunt for Zan? WHY?”

“All riiight! I’m here for you.”

“Big deal!” I slurped on the drink; find a small sense of satisfaction at the disgusted the sound the straw made. “Since he wouldn’t answer, you tell me. Where is that blonde?”

“Out of sight.” Maria smiled happily. “Gone just after a year you got hitched. Apparently Roswell bored her.” There was more than a slight hint of sneer in her tone.

“Wait! I thought she was the self-appointed Roswell cheerleader?”

It’s true; Tess had been the perfect, blonde bombshell (??) back then, always organizing this fundraiser for Roswell or that talent show because ‘we have to do something!!’ was her motto.

“Apparently not. Got bored of the Ms. Muffet act after a while.”

“When you say it like that, it sounds suspiciously like she came to town just to get Max away from me.” I concluded, nibbling on my lip. It made sense. Didn’t it?

Maria gaped at me in shock and then stormed out to the kitchen.

“Maria?" I called. No answer.

“You!!” I heard her howl. “What did you do to her? She’s gone mad!!”

“It’s you, freak. Maybe she just got tired of hearing you talk!” Came Michael’s bark.

“Thank you. Coming from you, that’s a compliment!” She shot back.

“That’s it, I’m outta here.” I raced out, terrified of more of their bickering. How did they stand living in the same town for so long if they hated each other that much?

I crawled up the stairs, tired of it all.

“Mom?”

“What?” I growled at my unfaithful son. He’d been missing for the last two days. Missing as in busy with his ‘uncles’.

“You ok?”

“Fine. Did you take your bath?”

“Did. What about you?’ The nerve of that kid!

“Alexander.” I stopped in front of him, summoning my indignance around me like a unfurling storm. He didn’t flinch. “Who’s the parent here?"

“You, Mom. Which is why I was asking that what sort of a mother are you, that I get to see you only ONCE in 3 days. Bad mother!”

With that dialogue, he raced back to the couch and turned on his toons at high volume.

I stalked after him. WHAT?

“Apologize. Now.” I said stonily.

Alex quaked but refused to back down. I kept the look up.

“I don’t like it here!” There was wheedling in his petulant voice. And a real shade of fright too.

How do I get myself into this? “Why? What happened?”

“It’s dirty and it’s sandy and it just sucks, Mom!”

“Hey! Remember Bronx? It wasn’t exactly the cleanest place in the world, k? And this is the freakin’ desert! What do you expect it to be? And thirdly, it does NOT suck. It was good enough for your mother! It’d better be good enough for you!”

“Sure, Mom.” He said quietly, grubbily removing a tear or two.

“What!” I barked, exasperated. Why does everything always go wrong?

“Mom, I really…don’t like this place. It’s...creepy.”

“Alex Hunter! You’re scared of aliens?” I couldn’t keep the shock from my voice.

This was the son of mine who walked NY streets at night, alone sometimes. He’s scared of myths? It was beyond belief.

“Mom!” he shouted, angry now. “I’m not scared, okay? I…you’ll never understand!!”

With that, he jumped up and banged his way out of the room.

I got my breath back after a second. Charging after him, I screamed down the stairs

“Alex! What the bloody hell is this?”

“Liz?” Came a tentative male voice. Max. Of all the men in the world….

“Max, did you see Alex?” I asked, panting and red-faced.

“Yeah.” He smiled sheepishly and produced a sullen Alex, clinging to his pant leg. “He umm…needs a little guy time.”

“No, he does not! It’s late and you’re coming up. Now.” I ordered.

Alex whined at Max. His savior turned to me, battling both of us at the same time. There was a message in my son’s eyes that was reflected in mine. Quite the opposite sentiment but still, it was there.

“Maybe I’ll take him back with me? An hour or two of Playstation sounds good, kid?” this he directed down. “If you don’t mind, Liz.” This he directed at me.

I fumed. I wasn’t prepared to deal with Alex’s temper tantrum just yet and neither was I ready to let Max take my son away at a whim. Oh, who am I kidding? He’s always done that!

“Fine.” I huffed and stormed back up the stairs. “An hour!” I called out, as a final death knell.

I closed the door and put my ear to it.

“C’mon, lil guy. Let’s go do something fun.”

“I can’t, Max. Mom’s pissed.” I refrained from asking him to mind his p’s and q’s.

“Are you supposed to say that? And anyway, your mom said it was fine. For another 55 minutes.” He laughed, pointing at his watch.

I could hear the wheedling in my boy’s tone. “Can’t we come back an itty-bitty bit later? Like an hour later?”

“We’ve got one hour, son.” Son. How I wish.

“No, I mean, another one hour, too? Pweeeease???!”

Max resigned, but sounded quite thrilled doing it. “Ok. Put on your shoes. What’s wrong with your mom?”

That’s private! I wanted to bark.

It was all the excuse my son need. Never mind that his precious hooky time was running out. Sitting on my dad’s kitchen floor, he’d regaled Max with all the horror stories why and how he hated Roswell and exactly what was wrong and how cruel I was that I wouldn’t let him go back. Bastard!

For some odd reason, Max seemed to be able to relate completely. I could hear the occasional ‘uh-huh’s and the wistful ‘yeah…’s from all the way up here. Spoil him more, why don’t you?

I heard the concern in his tone when he heard about Alex’s hallucinations. My son had not only an over-active imagination but could fool people into believing it too.

“And I saw it. It’s this weird, glowing silver gunk. And I keep getting it all the time. It’s scary, Max.”

I could just visualize Alex now, eyes large and mouth properly dampened. What an actor the boy would make!

Apparently, Max fell for it hook, line and sinker.

“What?" He exclaimed, sounding, for some weird reason, scared shitless. “When was this? Where did it happen?”

Half past the time you became so gullible! I itched to call out but kept the chuckles to myself. Hmm…sonny boy gets a candy for avenging his mom.

“The instant Mom showed me the stupid desert!” I remembered that one line. Mom, I just saw an alien. Oh please!

“And it’s been following me around!” More drool obviously, because Max instantly clutches Alex to him as I peeked pout through a sliver of the door.

“Where?” Suddenly, he’s all business-like. There’s a purpose in his tone. What? I’ve known this guy for ten years. I’m supposed to know the nuances in his tone.

“What else, pal? Does it look like anyone? A shape, a man…anything?” A horse, a dead cow with a hole in its head? Little, green men? Jeez!

“No, I could never tell. And I’ve seen it for years now.” Yeah. Right. “It’s not green or anything stupid, Max. It’s just there and I see things inside my head. I thought I was crazy and then they stopped for a while and ever since I came to Roswell, this keeps happening. Am I going crazy? Will they put me away in a loony bin?” Alex’s eyes got bigger and I stopped myself from rushing down.

Max held him so tightly, I saw him turning purple. Max, you’re suffocating him! I moved to open the door but he beat me to it.

“No, you’re not, buddy. You’re fine. It’s just…” I leaned back and waited to hear how he’d get himself out of this one.

“You’re just…different.” There’s a wealth of meaning in his words. For the first time in my life I’ve heard him admit something, even though he hadn’t exactly verbalized it. Maybe it was in their genes. My son and Max keep getting more alike every day.

Yeah, my poor, sweet son. Oh Alex, you’re fine. I longed to tell him. It’s just stupid doctors telling me he has problems. He’s fine. No one’s smarter than my child. There’s proof sitting in my kitchen. A grown man, a scientist, just bought that pile of garbage. Hee.

“Maybe I am.” His little paws wipe at his nose, a gesture very reminiscent of Zan. I stopped breathing for a second. For all intents and purpose, it could be Zan sitting down there with Alex right now. Max and he’d never looked more alike, apart from the getup. For the umpteenth time, I wondered what I’d gotten myself into.

“You are, son. But you’re strong, ok? You’ve got a Mom who’d kill for you, do you understand? You’ve got me. I’d kill for you, too, buddy.” There’s something in his voice that doesn’t make me doubt he would. “And you’ve got all of us – Auntie Maria, Auntie Isabel, Mike and Kyle. We’re all here. But it would be better if we kept this between us, ok? Just our little secret.”

Alex snuffled. “Can I tell mom?”

Max hesitated, why I don’t know, “If you want.”

Alex, being the perceptive tyke that he is, glanced up and squinted. “You don’t want me to tell Mom?”

WHAT? I silently howled. Why effing NOT?

“Why didn’t you tell her yet?” Max challenged.

“Because she doesn’t understand!” he wailed. Oh I don’t, huh? “She’ll never understand. She just thinks I’m being stupid!” Real sniffles were coming out,

I felt overcome by hatred. For myself. Oh, my poor, darling baby! He thought I considered him weak! I held back from interrupting but it was getting awfully tough now.

“Son, she gave you birth. Trust me, if anyone can understand you, it’s your Mom.”

There was an assurance in the older man’s tone, making my susceptible heart melt all over again. He continued, inspired, “She’s the most understanding person I’ve ever known in my life. And mothers have a way of figuring it out. You’ll see.”

“Yeah? You mean like the time the doc told me to get emptybiotees for my stomach and she just rubbed it till I was fine? Like that?” Alex chimed in.

“Yeah, antibiotics.” Max grinned. “Like that.”

“And…” he paused, obviously looking for more such circumstances when I’d displayed Super woman qualities. “And the time I got lost in the mall and she found me and didn’t scream?”

Hah! That was a piece of cake. Try the time he was still in a pram and I’d lost him in a carnival. That hadn’t been fun. I shuddered, remembering.

“Yep.” Max agreed, deftly tying Alex’s forgotten shoelaces and hauling his cute, jumper- clad butt up. “Stuff like that. Now, let’s go. What’s more appealing –a cerebrally challenging chess game or arcade?

Guess which one my son chose? Sometimes, I wonder whose son he really is.

“Chess. I’ll beat ya silly.”

Max snorted. “Bring it on.”

I leaned back against the door and slid down. I’d heard something that didn’t surprise me but in a way, shook me up. Since when was Alex like this- scared and petulant? Never. And since when did Max get all riled up by a prank? Surely he must’ve known that it was one!

But while they’d been talking, I could feel him relating, almost like it had happened to him. Right now, I need a name of a good doctor. My son had complications, obviously but this was getting out of hand.

I sighed. He’d never been this way. I felt him slipping away form me every second and it was killing me. I’d never really gotten around to checking him out by a real specialist before because he’d never gotten sick. Never. That one time and it was indigestion, so it; had never been an emergency situation. And all of a sudden, he’d gone paranoid, delusional. I can’t believe what my negligence had done to him.

Without warning, tears slipped out. I held the world out with my back to the door and gave in. I shouldn’t be the only one worrying about my son. Where was Zan? How come I was down to pushing the trolley by myself all the time? And doing it wrong, too. I felt overwhelmed. Suddenly, I was back to those dark early days of Zan’s departure. It had been a time I’d vowed never to fall again in. I sank down further and cried myself silly.


Lol, let me know.

Ok, first off, thanks for the marvellous feedback.
I hope this part cleared up the Tess question. You draw your own conclusons as to what she's guilty of.

Isabel? In coming parts, you'll see her get worse before she gets better. Hehe.

Mareli, Frenchkiss, Eve, Anya, Crystal, Sweet Teeny, roswellluver, Smac, Strawbehry Shortcake. - Love all of you.

Frenchkiss, mareli - mum's the word. Lol.

Eve, Smac - my fervent apology. I know this one's more than a bit twisted but bear wth me.

Strawbehry Shortcake - I'm SO not answering your questions, lol. Starting with this part, things will become clearer. I hope, anyways.

Thanks guys!

Love,
Sarah

[dream on]

Previously...

I leaned back against the door and slid down. I’d heard something that didn’t surprise me but in a way, shook me up. Since when was Alex like this- scared and petulant? Never. And since when did Max get all riled up by a prank? Surely he must’ve known that it was one! But while they’d been talking, I could feel him relating, almost like it had happened to him. Right now, I need a name of a good doctor. My son had complications, obviously but this was getting out of hand.

I sighed. He’d never been this way. I felt him slipping away form me every second and it was killing me. I’d never really gotten around to checking him out by a real specialist before because he’d never gotten sick. Never. That one time and it was indigestion, so it; had never been an emergency situation. And all of a sudden, he’d gone paranoid, delusional. I can’t believe what my negligence had done to him.

Without warning, tears slipped out. I held the world out with my back to the door and gave in. I shouldn’t be the only one worrying about my son. Where was Zan? How come I was down to pushing the trolley by myself all the time? And doing it wrong, too. I felt overwhelmed. Suddenly, I was back to those dark early days of Zan’s departure. It had been a time I’d vowed never to fall again in. I sank down further and cried myself silly.




Chapter 7.


I felt someone lifting my face up. There was a sour taste in my mouth, like the familiar –post-bawling session one. Yuck. I winced as my cheek scraped against the rough carpet.

“Hey, whatcha doin’ here?” Max asked, gently lifting my upper half and propping it against the wall. I must’ve cried myself to sleep. Aghast, I checked for telltale signs. Yep, the look on his face was confirmation.

“That bad?” I asked weakly.

There was a tight expression on his face, like he knew what I’d heard and what I’d been thinking.

“It’s okay.” He said automatically and then paused, as if wondering where to start.

I saved him the hassle.

“Max, I need the name of a good doctor. Obviously, Alex needs special care and I’ve just been too blind too see it.”

I was shocked his reaction. He went pale and then in a voice he rarely used, he somehow managed not to growl. “Liz, that wouldn’t be a good idea.”

“Excuse me? Why not? Can’t you tell that he’s sick! ”

“He’s not sick. What he needs is umm…someone to talk to.” He looked like he was ready to flee. Weird.

“Max, is everything okay?" I couldn’t help it; he looked so tense.

“I’m fine. It’s you and Alex I’m worried about. Obviously, this has been going on for a while now. I don’t think freaking him out with a shrink on top of all this would be a good idea.”

I fought back another deluge. “What do I do?”

He wrapped me in his arms.

“First, you go tuck him in and make sure he understands you’re not pissed off at him. Second, you’re going to stop crying. Third, I’m here, all right? Stop worrying unnecessarily.”

“I can’t believe I made fun of him. Now he thinks I’m careless.”

“No, Liz he wants you to be proud of him. He thinks he’s disappointing you.”

“Dear God!” I shivered, ready to break down again. What’s wrong with me? I’ve handled this before! “No, no, you’re right. It’s going to be all right.”

“It is.” He agreed but there was wariness in his eyes. He was afraid of something and he was keeping it from me.

I held out my hand as he hauled me to my feet.

“Say goodnight to him. I’ll be in your room.” With that, he sauntered off.

I gaped at him, dumbfounded.

That’s fantasy number 35. I’ll meet you in your room.

I shook my head and ran into Alex’s room. He was already in but eyes wide open and still sulking.

“Hey, you.” I slipped in beside him. Damn, the cot is tiny.

“Mom.” He started, not knowing how to speak and still keep his pout.

“Alex, it’s my fault.” I smoothed the bangs off his forehead, still wondering whose son he was. Zan would’ve dropped dead than wear bangs.

“No, mom, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fuss.”

“Good." I managed a mock glare but my heart wasn’t in it.

“I know." He said, voice turning tearful; Who was this insecure boy? Maybe I should go back. This is NOT my son!

“It’s okay, baby. Mom’s here. Nothing’s going to hurt you now.”

How strange motherhood is. He believed me just like that. Never mind that I was just a five footie with a build slimmer than most and he still gazed at me trusting, knowing that I would do as I said. Weird thing is that I would. I would make it all right.

“Mom, I didn’t make it up.” He said after a while, tired.

I kissed his forehead and watched as he slept. “I know, baby.”

A slight sound made me glance up. Max stood in the doorway, looking pained. I could relate. It broke both our hearts to see my exuberant, full of life son like a sniveling wreck.

“You wanna sleep with him tonight?” I asked, knowing that he did.

“No, you should.”

“Yeah,” I got up and looked back. Alex was slightly snoring. We smiled and left the room. “I will, later. First, we talk.”

“Yeah.” He kept the door slightly ajar, making sure the sounds were filtered enough.

“How’re you doing?"

I plopped down on the bed. He followed without hesitation. This wasn't new. There’d been a lot of times we’ve shared the same bed, exhausted after looking after a small baby and dealing with my feckless husband’s disappearances. I shuddered.

“You cold?” he asked, taking off his leather jacket and putting it around me.

“No. And I’m fine. It’s not me I’m worried about. It’s my son. I never did find out what was wrong with him. No one offered any explanations.”

He shrugged. “Who knows? A lot of psychological traumas…” he looked apologetic at my flashing eyes, “are hard to define. Doesn’t mean that they’re not curable.”

“My son is not retarded!” I said, furious.

“Did I say that?” Max shot back.

“No,” I sighed, the fire gone. “I never wanted to him to be lacking in anything. I thought I could fill that void but clearly not. Shit.” I finished, feeling spent. Alex was the only thing right in my life. I’d die and kill the world if anything went wrong with him.

There was a strange glittering light in Max’s eyes. It was rage. He was ready to rip someone apart and I knew whom it was directed at.

“You’ve never heard anything more from him, did you?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

He clutched my hand ferociously. “If I had, I’d have told you.”

“I know, Max. It’s just that...lately…” I trailed, not knowing how to start.

“Liz.” He put a stop to my ramblings. “What’re you doing here? Zan left 5 years ago.”

“Six.” I corrected him sadly.

It was time.

“Whatever.” He persisted.

“Here.” I rummaged around in my journal and heard him catch his breath.

“You still keep that tattered thing?"

“Still.” I smiled at the memory of a 16-year old, skinny brunette spending nights out in my lawn chair, trying to find out the cause of our existence on earth and why Max Evans had been so doggoned shy.

“What is it?” he asked, seeing me hold the note like it was going to bite.

“I got a message from Zan. “ His eyes bulged. “It was a postcard.” I snorted. Typical Zan. “I don’t know where he is or whatever it is that he’s doing but this came along with it.” I held out a file.

I could tell from Max’s breathing that he was pissed.

“What the bloody hell is this!” he ranted.

“Just read it. “ I gave it to him and lay back down.

He gingerly picked up the folder. A hiss emanated as he scanned the pages. “A divorce?"

“Annulment. The bastard thinks his son doesn’t exist.” I kept my tone flat. If only to keep Max calm. He looked like he was ready to kill Zan.

“What does the note say?” he asked, purple-faced.

“It's basically an apology for screwing up my life and that we were never meant for each other so it’s best to let it all go and try and build a future without hurting our son."

A pause.

"He didn’t even ask me his name.” To my horror, I felt my throat closing up. Gah!!

“Translation: he’s a cowardly SOB who’s probably found someone else.” I finished.

Max snarled through clenched teeth. “I’ll bet.”

“What?” I couldn’t believe my ears; he’s supposed to say it’s not so!

“I don’t know, Liz. I haven’t seen any of them around.” He said after awhile.

“They’re supposed to be your freakin’ cousins! How can you not know?" I shouted.

Actually, I had a pretty good idea how close Zan and the rest of them were with Max, Michael, Isabel. Whatever it was, it hadn’t been familial. No, it was more like genes. I always had wondered if they were actually blood related, because it certainly showed in their faces.

I knew that Max had been adopted; so maybe Zan was somehow his brother or something, because they’d never acted like brothers. But Lonnie had been a carbon copy of Isabel and Rath or whatever the hell he was called was another replica of Michael.

Lonnie and Rath had never showed up again after that first visit and I’d never gotten a satisfactory answer out of Zan. So I’d stopped asking. Now, I regretted it. Maybe if I’d kept in touch with them, they could’ve told me where Zan was.

“Look,” I said in a more normal tone after a period of angry silence. “It doesn’t matter. I knew it was over before Alex was born, remember? I knew it. I just wish he’d left me an explanation.”

Max rubbed his eyes. “I know. I’m sorry. I just feel so…responsible.” He ended lamely.

“Why, because you happen to look like him? Oh please!” I snorted loyally.

Max’s frown didn’t go away.

“Seriously, it’s our fault he ever came to Roswell.” Then he shut up.

“Would you mind answering what exactly he’d been doing here back then? Maybe that could help.” I asked, one eye open.

His look was shuttered. “Sorry. I don’t remember.”

“Oh, sure you don’t! Mr. A+ Memory can’t remember! Know what, Max? You’re a disgusting liar! Take a few clues off your double!” I screeched out before I could process what I’d said.

“Calm down.” He shot back.

“NO! Tell me where he is!” I could see that he knew. He knew the truth. I’d never been surer of anything in my life. “Tell me!”

“I don’t know, Liz! Trust me, Zan has a lot to answer to both of us! If I knew, I’d have escorted you to his graveside by now.”

“What did he do to you?” I asked, furious. “Stole your cash? Made you a dupe? What?”

For one second, Max swallowed. “Not like that. I was talking about you and Alex. I can’t believe that he’d leave you guys like that.”

“Swift cover, but I ain’t buying. Tell me what he did! He’s my husband! I demand an explanation!”

Max sighed. “You guys are no longer married. You got the annulment, didn’t you?” I nodded miserably. Why else would I come back here?

“Therefore, he is no longer your headache. I suggest you get some rest, Liz Parker.” He added the emphasis on my maiden name. “Tomorrow, we decide what we’re going to do about Alex. K?”

I sulked. “Tomorrow, there’s Maria’s concert in Santa Fe. I promised I’d go. And I’ve got an appointment with the realtor in the morning.” Off his questioning look, I added “The Crash. I need to make sure my parents aren’t selling it off or anything.”

“They had plans for that? That’s a Roswell artifact!” Max threw up his hands in comic disbelief.

“They were talking about it. They had no idea I was going to drop this bombshell on them.”

He ruffled my hair and got up. “Fine, day after. I’ll start the search.”

I gratefully kissed the face he’d bent down. He’d been on the verge of doing something of that sort, too. For a second, our faces touched. I sighed rapturously. Isn’t this love?

He straightened. “G’night, Liz.”

“Fiddle-dee-dee!” I replied, catapulting both of us into raucous laughter. Oh well. A girl can dream, right?

After I’d made sure he’d left, I took out Zan’s note. I’d burned it to memory but seeing the words again, in black and white and embossed in his distinctive hand, I couldn’t help but realize what a mistake it had all been.

I know relief is not something you feel when your spouse decided to drop off the face of the earth but I can’t fight it. Some part of me had realized that I could, indeed, have a future apart from Zan and his turbulent life. No, I’d be a darn sight better off here, surrounded by people who cared. And on top of that, Max was here. That made all the difference in the world. Try as I might, staying away from him was not something I was very good at. Quite a revelation for two people who’d never even gone out on so much as one measly date. This is turning out to be quite THE adventure.

Dear Liz,

I know my absence has been a shock to you. Especially in light of your pregnancy. I wish I could’ve averted such a life for both of us. But things happen without a reason and sometimes, they happen for a very specific reason. I know it all sounds bogus. You’re probably thinking that I can’t even make up a better excuse or that I couldn’t be bothered to do it. You’re wrong. I do care and I could’ve made up a splendid fantasy for you to buy but, for once, I stuck to the truth. I’m still alive, if that means anything and yeah, I’m well. Not particularly happy but I know what I have to do. I know you don’t particularly care and I don’t blame you.

There are times I wish I’d never met you because this is no life for either of us. What if things had been different? What if we’d never met, never married? This sounds callous and very typical of me but believe me, I’m not a cruel man. I tried to make it work but I think we both know where it went wrong. We’re polar opposites. We connected so well for a very special reason but I have to look back and wonder if it was worth it. Frankly, all that electricity burned me out.

We never should’ve gotten hitched. It was my fault and I take full responsibility for that. It’s nothing compared to the ones you’ve undertaken. Any other woman, who had your ambition and drive, would’ve given the kid away and gone on with her life but not you. I’ll always be grateful for that. You brought a sense of stability in my life. As much as it hurts for me to say it, I never needed that. I’m not someone who has the right to be stable, have a picket-fenced cottage and all that shit.

I know you’re thinking, same old Zan, arrogant to the point of delusion. Thinks the world revolves around him. You’d be shocked to know the answer. I know how that makes me sound and, yeah I apologize for it. Maybe someday, you’ll understand my reasons for doing what I did. For now, I want you to know that in my own way, I really did love you and doing this to you is harder than I imagined it’d be. We never should’ve gone so far. It had felt too good but it had never been right. More so for you then me. I know how this must hurt you, for someone who prides herself for always having been on the right track. I’m sorry for shattering your dreams and for leaving you with full responsibility of the baby. I understand that it’s not easy but I don’t doubt your capabilities. I’ve always wanted to see what you’d look like in a maternity smock but I guess that’s not coming true.

Take care of yourself. You’ll probably laugh or tear up the letter if I say, that more than anything in the world, I miss you; but it happens to be the truth. Have faith in yourself. It may not make sense to you now but it will. Years from now, maybe but it’ll take time. I haven’t ever been too good at apologies so I’ll end here. What-ifs are not something I dig and you, of all people, know that. This is probably the last time we’re ever going to communicate, so.

Zan.

Despite everything, I felt a twinge of regret. For once in his life, he’d sounded sincere. I know that people who’ve known me have wondered for years how in the world did I, Liz Freakin-right-all-the-time Parker ever end up with a street bum like Zan? I’d done my fair share of soul-searching and the only thing I ever came up with is that apart from the rebound, something in him had caught my attention.

I still remember the way he’d walked into the Crashdown; confident, not cocky. Determined, searching, alert. He’d looked like the guy who’d spent years waiting for someone to walk into his life and when our eyes had met over the counter, there had been a definite sense of recognition. I had chalked it up to superb chemistry and I’d been right. We’d literally set ourselves on fire when we’d been close by. The final decision had been made after Alex died, when everything that I knew from my old life was a painful reminder of things gone sour. So I took off. Knowing, from that day and till now, that it had been the biggest mistake of my life.

So why’d I go?

Good question.


Lemme know, folks. Hope that answered a few more questions regarding Zan, his and Max's role in Antar and what not.


love,
Sarah

[dream on]

Chapter 8.


“Moooom!!” Came a shrill. I was rudely jolted out of my deep, meaningful horizontal tango with a certain elusive, amber-eyed hunk.

“What is it?” I shouted back blearily. Getting dragged out of such a momentous moment never bode well for the interrupter. Then I remembered who’d called.

“Alex? Where are you?"

“Here.” He wailed again from the bathroom. I moaned and dove back under the covers. I thought I’d finished potty-training him!!!

“Mom there’s…” And nothing more. I greased out of bed and into my blue-tiled bathroom. Alex was standing up on the toilet seat and looking delightedly at something. Eww. I dread to think.

“What?" I growled

“Mom, look!” he gazed rapturously at something tucked between my emergency stuff and the magazine rack. “There’s a nude woman there!”

“WHAT?” My howl made Maria poke her head in.

“Morning, folks! What’s all the racket?”

I stalked over to where he was perched. Who the fuck left the Playboy here? Snatching it out of his eager eyes, I turned to Maria.

“Would you believe the nerve! Who left a Playboy? Arrgghh!”

Maria chuckled. “It was more of a hint.”

I stopped. “You put it there?”

She sighed patiently. “I thought it’d give you a little nudge in the right direction.”

“What, that I turn into a centerfold in a po…uhh…adult mag? Or that I should turn into a a…” I trailed off and glared at both of them.

Alex’s eyes grew wide with delight. “Mom, were you going to say porn??? Bad mother!!”

I caught him by the ear. “Who taught you that word!”

He grinned back cheekily. “Uncle Kyle was talking about it.”

Oh he was, was he! “OUT!” I hollered at him and turned to my best friend, eyes narrowed. “What do you think you’re doing? I’ve got a five year old SON living with me!”

“Relax, babe. What would he know?”

“He’s his father’s son. I don’t doubt that he’d have figured it out.” I snapped back, last night’s headache throbbing back in full force. “Coffee!" I bleated at her.

Maria clucked her tongue and pushed a towel in my direction. “Take a shower and I’ll get it humming downstairs.”

“Wait!” I held her back. “Don’t you have a concert to prepare for? You quit the Crash YEARS ago!”

“Yeah, but I’ve been working here since my leave. Your parents needed someone to run the show.”

“And you’re taking orders from high school kids?” I slanted at her, rummaging through the hamper for clean clothes.

“Yep.” she smiled, “It’s fun riling up those eager little hotties.”

“Maria!” I whirled around.

She held up her hands. “Chill. I do it when Trisha and Macy are in school. I could use a hand.” She hinted broadly.

I chucked the little white shorts I’d thrown out regretfully. “I think I still have one of these.”

Hmm…. greens, blues...reds… “Aha!” I exclaimed triumphantly. "Here it is! Let’s hope I can fit into it.”

Maria scrunched up her nose. “You still have that hideous uniform?”

I slanted her an injured look. “I wore it to a Halloween party in NY and won first prize!”

She fled back down the stairs. “I’ll get my camera!”

After a 20-minute deluge of cold water and a liberal does of deo, powder and perfume I felt myself confident of handling the New Mexico heat wave.

“Phew!” I sighed, already watching the moisture tingeing my face. At this rate, people are going to think I’m going through menopause.

“Night flushes?” Michael asked as I breezed in.

I scowled at him. “This place is God awful!"

“Whaddya come back for, then?” he shot back.

I was about to light into him when Maria stepped, brandishing a pan.

“WHAT?” she yelled, making Michael beat a hasty retreat. She followed ruthlessly. “This is HER place, geddit? You two-bit… hunk!”

All noises ceased. Michael paused and turned back, a w.e.i.r.d look in his eyes. Maria bit off her tongue and hollered. “I meant PUNK!”

Noises resumed. Maria glared at everyone. Michael looked down, trying to fight the smile but failing miserably.

I wasn’t done snorting when someone thumped me on the back. “They never change, do they?”

I looked over. Kyle slumped down besides me.

“A six-keggers, some girls and a whole lot of fun. And I was on fucked-up duty!” he bemoaned theatrically.

“What happened to Buddha?” I asked.

Maria scoffed as he tossed his Stetson to the floor. “He took off in an alien aircraft and abandoned me.”

“Ahaha!” We shrieked and he left in a hurry. Maria held out her palm and I smacked it down. “Yeah, baby! Feels like the good ole days!”

Maria chuckled and gripped me by the shoulders, in a show of a semi-hug. I wheezed, trying to get lose. “You and me, babe! It’s that time of the year again.”

With that, she let the swinging door flying, uncaring of who it beheaded on the other side.

“We’re sixteen!!” she hollered as we came out behind the counter.

I hummed and hawed at the green jello, not even daring a peek in the general direction of the crowd. It was nearly 11, peak hours. Damn you, Maria!

A loud clapping filled the enclosed area, making my blush grow to monstrous proportions. This cannot be happening to me!

“Come out here, honey!” Came a familiar voice.

Sheriff Valenti. I’d never really liked him all that much, and Maria and I’d gone to fits when he’d started dating her mom, but over the years, ever since Alex’s death and since Kyle turned into a real friend, not just an ex, I knew there was something different about this man. We used to call Sergeant Martian but he was more than that. He was the lone ranger in Roswell, holding the town together with his acerbic comments and his flashing lights.

It’d taken me a long while to notice that he was a good man. It hadn’t exactly helped since all my friends had such a massive dislike for the government. Not just politically, the government as a whole. There were times when mentioning the military or any federal stuff made Isabel froth at the mouth.

I stepped out from my refuge. Instantly, wolf whistles rang out and I cringed, hoping Alex was nowhere near to witness this debacle of epic proportions.

The roar increased and I glanced at Maria, embarrassed. Ok, ok, so I look young! Big deal.

I raised my hands, hoping it would calm down the raucous laughter. It did. People settled down but they had fond smiled on their faces. Ah, the joy of small towns. Not bad enough that they have to know every one’s business, but they cared, too. I caugh the dishwasher by the scruff of its mangy, water-infested neck and spolshed it around viciously.

Taking a pad and a pencil, I made for my old section. It felt so strange, so unreal. Where was Max? Where were Alex and his soda? Where the hell was everyone? For a bitter moment, I contemplated telling that wannabe in Max’s old booth to beat it, but that wasn’t going to get me anywhere.

“Well, hello, sunshine!” A college guy, apparently, whistled admiringly. Maria chortled at my frown.

“What’ll it be?” I asked the purple-haired punk. He winked flirtatiously and I stifled the urge to laugh in his face.

The door jingled, but I was too busy trying desperately to look the part of a ditzy 18 year old.

“Was that the Galaxy sub you asked for?” I batted my eyelashes till it itched my eyes.

He smirked, “I asked for you, babe.”

Before I could open my mouth for a suitable answer, a brown hand latched itself on to my apron strings and an accompanying growl came on cue. “Are you hitting on my wife?”

I strove to keep a straight face but Max’s comically enraged face made it exceedingly difficult. The poor kid looked like he was electrocuted. “I…” he stuttered.

I smiled kindly. “I’ll bring your order.”

He got up. “No need. I’m late.” He left without a backward look.

Max and I laughed till our sides hurt. I clutched my stomach and puffed. “Phew!”

He tugged my ponytail “Bad girl.” His was voice was a laughable attempt at stern. “You didn’t have to encourage the whelp.”

“Oh but I did.” I said with sudden inspiration.

Max looked a little taken aback at my sudden change but I’d found the opening I’d been looking for, ever since I came back.

I quailed at the thought of springing this on him in front 50 people but what the hell?

“I’m trying to get myself a life, Evans. No more nerdy Parker for me. It’s time to be different.”

He doesn’t look spectacularly impressed. “By hitting on junior kids.”

I glared at him. Why ruin my good mood? “Not entirely, but it’s hard to find a cute, single, eligible guy under 90 and who doesn’t live in the desert community in this place!” With that, I flounced away.

Michael came out and remarked, rather loudly, to Max. “That was an insult”.

I cheered silently when he rolled his eyes and snarled tartly. "I know.”

SCORE!

“Hang in there, girlfriend!” Maria advised, as she quickly undid the bun I’d made.

I glowered at her. “Whaddya do that for?”

“Trying to help you out here!” She shot back promptly. “Do you have any idea how good your hair looks against those flushed cheeks?”

I groaned, " ‘Ria, you sound like we’re back in sophomore year. Calling Kyle a poodle and telling me that Max was staring at me. He wasn’t then and he isn’t now.”

Before Maria could steam-roller me with lectures about my defeatist attitude, I raised my hand. “But this time, he’s going to.” He temper forgotten, Maria grinned, teeth bared.

“That’s my girl!”
~/~/~/~

The night air rushed at us, cooling the overheated crowd. There was a pretty big mob already and the concert was still one hour away! Yay, Maria!

“Neat crowd.” I commented to Alex.

He rolled his eyes. “Mom, I don’t like girly pop.”

“You behave! That’s Auntie Maria.”

“Okay.” He put his head on my lap and promptly fell asleep.

“Alex.” I snarled. "Show some enthusiasm. She’s my best friend!”

“I’ll do that when this thing starts, k?’ he dozed off again. I ran my hand through his wavy hair, looking around.

I recognized a lot of people. Old school friends, a few of who waved back. Please don’t come here! I silently begged and they thankfully didn’t.

Isabel came and plopped down beside me, another queenly smirk on her face. Internally, I scowled but dared not let it be too visible.

“Hi.” I managed a semi-normal tone. Both of us were still stinging form her stunt that day in the parking lot. Why did she always have this chip on her shoulder the size of a boulder? Would it kill her to be normal?

“Hey Liz.” Oh, she deigned to reply? How nice of her.

“About that day in the parking lot,” I started. For a second, there was shock in her eyes, that Liz Mousy Parker dared to approach a confrontation! Then, it lit up ominously.

“What about that day?” She turned perfectly manicured nails up to the light.

“I don’t appreciate your meddling with my relationship with your brother.”
There, I said it!

For a moment, conversation ceased. That this should happen now, 16 years later, was enough to make most of the 1999 high school crowd gape and pull out earphones.

She glared at me and hissed. “Could you show some cla…” my raised eyebrows told her not to finish that sentence. Quickly, she substituted it, “Tact? Why are you trying to pick a fight in front of your son?”

“Because he’s MY son and I can damn well do what I like!” I ripped back, but her suggestion had been a good one; no need to create a scene.

“And he’s my brother! If he’s too blind to realize the repercussions to this, I’m going to have to do it for him!” The hysteria in her voice should’ve made me rethink my logic of bitch-slapping her but I saw waaay too many flames in my cornea to think straight.

“Get up.” I told her quietly. People were looking at us with avid curiosity. They couldn’t hear the low barbs, but our faces were telling. “Get the fuck up!”

For one second, another flash of regret flew through her. I had no pity.

“Liz, I’m not getting into a brawl with you.” She replied, back to her cool, remote self. I wanted to rip every fine blonde strand out.

“Get the fuck up from my blanket!” I hissed back. She looked at me incredulously. I looked pretty shocked myself. Since when did I behave like Alex?

She looked around, desperate to find someone to save her from the degradation. Quietly, Michael stopped nearby. Isabel shot up from the blanket and latched onto his extended hand.

I kept my eyes trained on Alex. Humiliation like this, in public, was enough to make me cry. I didn’t. I had practice. They’d always been like this – distant, holier-than-thou and heartless.

Alex’s eyes opened. Quickly, I blinked back the tears. His face scrunched up.

“Mom, why’s Auntie Isabel always like this?” he asked, looking murderously after her. To think that my tiny, two-feet son was going to go charging after Her Majesty, resplendent in 5 inches heels, made me smile.

“It’s ok, baby.” This was one more thing he and Zan shared. Their over-protective side when it came to shielding me. Zan had been the same way about me. Isabel, Tess, Michael, Rath, Lonnie…they’d all look at me like I was so much dross, but Zan either told them to shut it or beat it. For some reason, they’d never done much of that in Zan’s presence.

After some time, when they realized that I was not a sub-human being, they deigned to make small-talk occasionally. Michael had been whipped into shape by Maria and Max, so he did more of that than Isabel. Isabel loved Max and I could see it plainly. Why she always thought I was beneath them, I’d never know.

“Mom, you okay?" Alex asked, eyes indignant.

“I’m fine.” I tried to smile for him, be brave, but knowing that this was his family, not mine and that they tended to show the fact now and again, made my hackles rise.

“I’m going to tell Max.” he fumed. “I’ll tell him that Aunt Isabel is…is…” he trailed off, not yet understanding the meaning of snobbery.

“Mean!” he smiled, finding inspiration. “I’ll tell him she’s mean!”

I tousled his curls absentmindedly. Max, in contrast to Zan, had never told them anything. Of course, such blatant viperish behavior was usually out of his sight and I’d enough pride never to go and tattle, but when it occurred in front of him, I’d seen his eyes burning with rage. Yet, he said nothing. He wouldn’t start lecturing them; he’d just take my hand and get me out of there. As if that’d solved anything.

I remembered, one day, wailing at him and cursing him and his bloody sister and he’d almost let it slip.

“Isabel’s like that! I can’t tell her to change herself! She’s doing it for me!”

“Whaddya mean, doing it for you? What am I, a freakin’ cyborg that she’s scared for her lil bro’s life? Is that it? Or is it that I’m not pretty enough or ditzy enough? Or am I not blonde enough?” I’d screeched at him.

“Would you stop it? It’s not that, jeez! It’s that…Isabel…well ignore her! It’s easy enough! That’s the worse thing you could do to her, anyway.”

“Oh, and it’s okay for her to just trash me, huh? I mean, God forbid, you should ever tell her to stop!!” I’d blubbered.

He’s coddled me (like I was a child!) and I knew that he had tried. Just never in front of me and never in public but definitely somewhere in the lines of their weird sibling relationship. I’ve yet to see a sister so possessive. They’d fight once in a blue moon, but that was about it.

“I’m okay, kid. You?” I asked him. He still seemed flushed. Then he tilted, “Mom…I…” and he fell over.

I caught a firm hold of his trousers and up righted him. “Alex!”

His eyes opened. “Oy. I just spaced out for a second.”

Phew. “Thank god!”

I looked around to thank the people who’d seen his tumble and had come forward. My eyes zoomed in on Michael and Isabel; they looked scared shitless. An odd reaction but hell, they both loved Alex.

I saw Max reaching them and after a few, frantic words from Isabel, he turned his eyes towards me. I flushed, knowing that he was frustrated of refereeing between us again.

Out of the corner of my eye, as I tended to Alex, I could see them whisper urgently.

“You’d think the world was ending.” Kyle remarked laconically, taking a seat. “What the heck’s the matter with those people?”

“Not much.” I barked. “They’re still feeling like we owe them a living!”

“Well, here he comes. Why doesn’t he tell her a thing or two?" Kyle muttered, looking over my shoulder.

“What’re you talking about? I thought you’d the hots for the ice princess?”

“Only in my dreams.” He sighed, picking at the grass. Wow, that’s pretty heavy.

“hey, Max!” Kyle raised a hand and got a warm, if a little terse, return.

“What’s wrong?” max started but I beat him to it.

“Wrong?” I could feel my color rising. “Oh, it’s wrong now! You can fucking bet it’s wrong! I’m tired of that ….inconsiderate, frigid…uummph! ” I clamped my lips together to contain the epithet dying to burst lose.

Max had gone gray. “I was talking about Alex.”

“Oh, we’re fine!” I shot back.

‘Liz! Why do we have to go through this again?" he sighed, resting his feet near me and tugging Alex to his chest. Of course, my traitor son would go without a fuss. Suddenly, I felt tired of it all. Damn it, I came to take a break!

“Nothing, Max. Just forget it.”

“Liz…” he started. I shut him up with one frown.

Maria starts crooning a song about “In the Air tonight” or something like that.

Max stood up, disentangling himself from Alex’s plump shape. “Care to dance?”

I wanted to refuse. But there was more in his eyes than just Isabel’s tantrum. If he hadn’t believed I’d changed back in the Crashdown, he certainly looked like he wanted a test drive now.

Maria’s smoky voice filtered through the rage in my mind. The song was very fitting. It washed over the audience in waves of crescendo and suddenly, I knew exactly where I wanted to be.

“Let’s go.”

I took his hand and he led me out to a small circle of light. His eyes were lit with pride. “You’re looking better than ever. Let these stupid jerks take a good look.”

I don‘t care about them! I longed to say. I care about what you think and what you see in my face that’s making your eyes come alive. You. No one else.

“But I, I know the reason why you keep the silence up…
No, you don’t fool me…" Maria sang.

I felt the goose bumps flash across my bare skin, making Max’s hand fidget on my back. I snuck in a deep breath, hoping he wouldn’t see. I could feel the strength behind each tendon, as he maneuvered me around.

“The hurt doesn’t shout, the pain’s still grows…” His breathing went up a notch. So did mine. I moved with him, for brief interval in my life, uniting and yet not united. I felt the world swirl.

“And it’s no stranger to you and me…” And the drummer took over.

For one second, I whirled around, secured by the tanned wrist holding my hand in his. The light faded, for just a breath and then we came together in perfect unison, hair flying all over the place and the scent of something unique around us.

The light came flooding back, along with it came new awakened sensations. He was still watching me intently, the surprise etched in his face, too. The fall of my hair settled, wind-kissed, and he stared at it, mesmerized. Hesitantly, a hand reached out, smoothed it behind my ear. His big hands made my entire face feel tiny in comparison. He was still speechless. I’d dreamed about this for too long.

“I can feel it coming in the air tonight…”

The words had never made more sense.


Lemme know, folks. Next update not before Thurs.

love,
Sarah

[dream on]

Part dedicated to Frenchkiss. It's all in the name. You decide

Chapter 9


“There was a white, hot light….” The tone was eerie. People remained still, their attention glued on the person delivering this message of doom. Shadows flickered along the gray walls, making the children scared and mothers irritable. The whirring of the running film echoed in everyone’s minds, melding with the beat of the speaker. The A/C stopped and then kicked on again. Everyone breathed. For one second, they thought aliens had invaded.

I yawned and turned to my son, who had a befuddled expression on his face.

“Alex?” I whispered. He didn’t look too good. “Are you all right?”

He shot me a disturbed look. “The man’s lying, Mom!”

“Oh Alex, this is getting so old!” I sighed and leaned back against the nifty chairs.

It had been planned as a day out for my inquisitive little brat and me. To my dismay and utter irritation, I knew it wasn’t meant to be. The car broke down while we were on the road to Santa Fe. Alex was NOT a happy camper about roasting in the Roswell desert. No, he wasn’t. All through out his little life, I’d dominated and manipulated the odd temper fest perfectly; he was one of the best behaved kids in the neighborhood, which, IMO, is a hard deal. One thing I had never been prepared for was the desert. Well, I found out the hard way; he didn’t take it like a good kid.

After screeches and threats and finally, a dictatorship, it stopped. The tow truck came by at least 45 minutes delayed. More nagging. After that and a reconciliatory dinner in the Crash with Alex drinking Coke after Coke, I’d hit on an inspiration.

“Alex, honey.” I’d chimed, forcing a semi-grin. He hadn’t turned up a hair. “How would you like a trip in that UFO Museum? It’s got alien stuff there!!” I’d added as a lure.

It had worked. For all of one second, there had been an odd gleam in his eyes. While I’d rolled my eyes at his very persistent attempt at looking ‘haunted’, I didn’t dare say anything, because my search for the prefect doctor had been in vain.

So, here we are. Alien central. Spooky and ridiculous. Oh yeah, neon green.

The lights flashed on overhead. I hadn’t realized when the damn thing had ended. I’d been too busy laughing at the photos of some weird cave-paintings in Machupichu. Like people can’t tell the difference, huh? What, caveman and spaceman knew each other?

“Mom, can we go back now?" Again that weird tone. God, who told children to be this persistent??

“Alex, could you please tell me why you go into spasms every time I mention aliens? What do you see?” I asked, as we swung hands and tried to cross back to the Crash.

He looked startled. “Sorry Mom.”

“Baby, you don’t have to say sorry, I just want to know. What do you see?”

He glared at the sunlight, obviously trying to find out a good way to present his case. I smiled inwardly. Ah, my little bundle of joy! I swear, if he’s not interested in either biology or Sales, he’s going into acting.

“It’s like people…images.” He started, looking at his scuffed sneakers.

“Huh?” I asked, busy glaring at Isabel’s regal back. She was sitting at the entrance, blowing her hair off her face and looking at Michael like she owned him. In some weird way, I think she did.

“Purple…black…red. Especially red. Like Saturn.” He was still squinting at the asphalt as I dragged him on.

“Saturn’s yellow, sweetie.” I corrected, managing to get across. Other then going and facing a hulking monolith whose eyes were already on me, I squatted down to meet my boy’s eyes. He didn’t look like he was making it up.

And that’s the problem with neural disorders. They seem real. Patients believe them. That’s what makes it so dangerous.

“And?” I ignored the warnings in my head. Max had been saying something about talking it out. Well, that was exactly what I was doing.

“And there are lights in there…like I know the lights but I can never really know them.” He turned beseeching eyes up at me.

“You mean you think you recognize them?”

“Yeah!” his eyes glowed. “ That’s it! I think I know them but I don’t. I remember now. And there are wars.”

At that, I stopped. This is too much. I can deal with myths but wars? Don’t we have enough already? “Alex.” I called sternly. “I don’t want you to go overboard with this, ok?”

“Mom, I’m not. There are dead people, skeletons and I keep seeing this…” he trailed off as Isabel approached.

“Hi Liz.” She muttered.

“Hi Isabel.” I said, following suit.

“Hello, darling.” She crooned to Alex, who evidently hadn’t forgotten her shabby treatment of his mother. He scowled.

I tugged on his arm. “Alex, what do you say?”

“Hi, Aunt Isabel.” He crooned, mimicking her voice.

“Alex!” I screeched, sounding appalled but inwardly, delighted. Then I felt bad. Isabel really cared about my son. I could see it as her sunny smile extinguished itself rather hastily.

“Ok, run inside and tell Maria we’re back.” I told him and stepped aside. So did she.

“Is something wrong with him?” She sniffed, looking at me like I was poisoning Alex against her.

I glared at her. “He doesn’t like it when people come up and start a baseless fight with his mother.”

Her eyes grew big. “Are you implying I threw a fit for no reason? Me? You acted like a child!”

“I wanted to enjoy my friend’s concert!” I shot back, hating her. “Did I do something to you, Isabel? Why do you always enjoy thinking the worst of me!” The last one was more of an accusation than anything.

She sputtered. “Look, Liz! I know you’re Max’s very close friend” and there was a sneer in her ‘close’, “But do you think it’s a good idea to come running to him every time things break up between you and Zan? I mean, have a heart! He has to have a life too!”

I saw black. For one second the world spun and then I came to.

“That’s something you’ve never had the…uh…capacity for understanding, Isabel!” I smiled poisonously, raking her with a glance, “contrary to your many talents.”

She bristled. "What?"

“And that’s called friendship! You wouldn’t know that if it got up and bit you in the ass. Try taking a few hints off your twin; it pays off. Maybe then you wouldn’t act like the world owes you a living.”

She blanched. “You could never understand. God, you have no idea!”

I stopped her mid-rant. "I don’t want to! Ever since I married your cousin, I’ve tried to form some sort of a relationship with you, Michael, Max and Tess!” I spat the latter out. “And all I got out of it was a stinging ego and a constant eroding self-esteem.”

She glowered at me. “Oh, you think it’s always about you!”

I managed something between laugher and a snarl “No, you think it’s always about YOU! I appreciate everything you’ve done for me and mine but I’ve just about had it with you and your stuck-up ways. From now on, I’d prefer it if we kept contact to a minimum.” I delivered it with as much venom I could rake up and turned on my heel.

Her expression was priceless. But there was something in it that made me question my words.
~/~/~/~/~



After huffing upstairs, I retold the whole story to Maria. She laughed till she cried. After Michael broke up with her, he’d turned to Isabel and it hadn’t exactly been Maria’s shining moment.

“Can you credit it!!! Why the hell doesn’t she like you in the first place? You’re the most happenin’ chick this side of the freakin’ desert??!!” She squealed, after having finished a blast at Isabel’s expense.

“I just don’t know!” I huffed back. It’s true, Liz! You have no idea why the hell that girl hates you so darned much and, like a coward; you never bothered to clear it up!

“It’s like I’m some kind of gold-digger or something! Which’s laughable cuz Max exactly ain’t Bill Gates.”

“Maybe she’s in love with him.’ Maria scowled, her face pink.

“Eww, that’s disgusting!” I frowned disapprovingly. While Isabel wasn’t exactly the nicest person in the world, I doubt she’d resort to incest.

“Yeah? Why? She went out with Michael, didn’t she? It didn’t stop her then!”

“They’re good friends, that’s all. And they’re not blood relations, Maria. I suppose it’s okay.”

Well, I must confess that I’d had serious eww moments when I’d heard that news too. Only because they always seemed so much like siblings. They were almost like family, that’s why I reasoned with myself but somehow, it just didn’t fall back on those clear-cut lines anymore.

“When did you become so censorious, ‘Ria?” I plucked yet another donut off the packet and stuffed it rapturously down my throat. Bliss.

“About the same time that bastard gave up.” She muttered rebelliously. “You have no idea, Liz! You didn’t have to live through that.”

“I know.” I hugged her shoulder.

She sagged. “No, you don’t. They’d just sit at the Crash all the time, looking so damn worried…” she bit out viciously. “Like no one else mattered. Like every thing else came second. Funny,” she sniffed, scrubbing another sneaky tear away, “I’d always thought that he couldn’t open up. Always told me that!”

“I know.”

She pushed herself upright. “Hey, I’m Teflon, babe. I handled it. It was good, cuz I only came home during breaks. UNM’s fine arts program was pretty challenging and not to mention NY!” We both grinned at the memory.

That had been stupendous. She’d come to NY to sign a record deal. Zan had been going away on another of his frequent ‘business’ trips and for once, I’d refrained form venting. We’d painted the damn town red. And then some.

“Zan was around, then, huh?" she remarked, after a while.

“ Maria. I don’t want to talk about it.” My tine came out sharper then I’d intended but I’d no wish to rehash this.

“Listen!” she pounced up. “ I know why Zan left!”

I stared at her in shock. “WHAT!”

“He knew all along!”

“What?” I asked, warily this time.

“That you loved Max and that he'd obviously felt the same way!” She gave me a Duh! look.

“Sniff some cedar oil, Maria.”

I watched in wry amusement as she instantly got one out and whiffed it.

“That just made it even clearer to me. He knew that you and Max belonged together and he left. Sorta like giving you back your life.”

“Jeez.” I started but she beat me to it.

“Here, sniff some!” and shoved it underneath my nostrils. Startled, my nose did it’s function and a pungent smell burned the inner lining of my respiratory tract. Clouds whirled behind my irises and my head started thumping to the beat of Alex’s PS2 from the next room.

“Maria!!” I shouted. She grinned unrepentantly.

“Look! You weren’t married to Zan, I was!! He was a selfish bastard most of the time. I admit, there was more to just rebound on our getting married, but trust me, I regretted it! We just didn’t click! And Zan,” I laughed bitterly, "he’s the last person who’d look out for someone else apart from his sorry ass. He didn’t even ask me his son’s name!! Now do you understand how callous that guy is?!”

“Exactly. Now do you realize that holding yourself back is USELESS!!!” she screeched. “Go on! Tell Max!”

I flopped back down. She’s like a rash! “Tell him what?”

“Not tell him, like, tell him to his face!” She looked at me, appalled. Thank God! “Just a few hints, a few dates and that’s it.”

“With that Draconian around?” I scoffed.

Maria drew herself to her not-so-considerable height. “If she stands in your way, I’ll mow her down.”

I point to her height in the mirror. "Isabel?” I raised another eyebrow. We dissolve into laughter.

Alex burst in on our little laugh fest. “Mom, we’re gonna be late.”

“Huh?” I wiped away another tear of mirth.

"The fair, Mom. Remember? I wanna go on the Ferris wheel.”

“The Crash festival?” I frowned. Last time I checked that was in September. This was just June.

“No, the annual Roswell summer fest.” Maria sighed, getting up. “Mom’s got a stall and it’s our turn to sell.”

“Maria, Maria!" I caught an edge of her sleeve and nearly fell off the bed. Alex grinned, one tooth missing. Maria cooed but I kept my grip. “I’m not selling UFO artifacts, that anyone with half a brain would know is fake, to dweebs! I have a life!”

“You have to. Your parents took on a stall too.”

“WHAT?” I hollered.

She grinned like a brat. “Righto. Last month. Just before you came sweeping in. Listen up, you think you’re hot stuff, prove it on the fair.”

“This town’s crazy!” I bit out.

“Not quiet," She shuffled Alex out of there. Just before she slipped out, she turned back, her look positively diabolical, “And your parents took on a KISS THE ALIEN theme.” She took pity on my blanched, colorless, incredulous face. “Don’t worry. With the right maneuvers, Max’ll be eating out of your hands.”
~/\~


“Save me, save me!” I wailed theatrically and only half kidding. “I’m a human trapped in an alien body!”

Sweat ran rivulets down my neck and back. The gaudy green outfit wasn’t just stifling; it had no means to properly exhale. I cursed Maria’s kooky mother who made such torture paraphernalia.

Alex delivered his sale pitch to perfection. “That’s my mom. She’s an alien. Yeah, I’m an alien, too. Would you care to kiss her? Please? It would give money to more alien kids like me…” and so on. If it were any other day but this, I’d have been bowled over. But not now.

“Hello, chica, how’s it going?”

“I can’t believe I got roped into something like this!!” I huffed from underneath a full 8 layers of Spandex. Or is it latex? Eww!!

“I’m not doing this for another second!” I hissed.

“It’s for a good cause. And your parents would be tremendously hurt.” Maria lectured from her stall

“How would they know? I'm not telling them!” I punched my bulbous head. “Damn!”

Maria scoffed. “Czechoslovakian, nine o’ clock!”

That was our code for Max, Michael and Zan, since they had been the only guys to talk about back in 2000. Of course we couldn’t talk about them in front of their lazy asses, so we’d come up with a zinger. And it had worked. If we’d known to pronounce it correctly. Haha!

I turned and our eyes collided. For a freaky second, I saw all of him, not just the face I knew so well, unencumbered by any mask. He looked ghastly white.

“You’re a what?” he laughed as Alex threw himself at Max’s pant leg.

“An alien!” I sighed which conveniently reverberated through the moronic headpiece.

He chuckled. “Kiss the alien, huh?” leaned down slightly to hug the little devil closer.

“Max?” I asked, carefully injecting the right amount of plea in my voice. He looked at me, eyes lit up. “Take my place?”

The light went out. “Nope. You’re on your own, mate. I don’t see myself as a neon Martian.” And then he did the oddest thing; he scoffed at the ground.

I banged my head against a pole and rubbed at the idiotic stall. “Please!!” I screeched.

“Sorry, honey. No can do. Tell you what?”

“What!” I gritted out. It wasn’t easy through a rubber tank down my throat.

“I’ll make your first sales.”

“No need! I’ve been here for over an hour!”

He laughed and came inside. “That’s a long time.”

I sighed in bliss as he yanked at my head. Not literally, just that ridiculous mask. Then, out of nowhere, he let it go.

Instantly, I went sprawling. Combined with the weight of the body suit, which was nearly double my own, I heaved and landed on my stomach flat like a beached whale, with a monstrous green ass stuck in the air. I buried my face in the sand.

“Hold on! You were kissing men all this time? For the last hour?” There’s more than a touch of prudish jealousy in his tone.

“How else do I make the sales?” I barked out, which came out a bunch of muffled gibberish.

“Where are…oh! Whatcha doing down there?” he asked, trying not to laugh.

I turned my head, as much as I was able, and howled. “Kissing the earth on my safe landing, whaddya think, jackass!!!”

Before he could reply, a familiar voice soared over us. “Yo, Lizzie! I’m back for my fourth round. Ready??” Kyle made kissy sounds in the air.

Disgusted, Max hauled me to my feet. I stuffed myself into the only chair available and panted. “Please, get me out of here!!”

Both men laughed. “You sure don’t look kissable now.” Max commented, yanking the green monstrosity loose. I felt happy as a clam. A clam without its shell. Or is that oysters? Who knows? And who fucking cares?

I spat the sweaty hair out of my mouth and sulked at them. “Pay me something and be gone!”

“You didn’t do your part, sweetheart.” Kyle winked. Max slanted him a dark glare. I chortled.

“Yeah, it’s Max’s turn!” Alex shouted happily, handing me back the mask.

I reacted without thinking. I dropkicked it a good 20 yards away.

Alex gazed at me, appalled. "But Mom, you can’t kiss without wearing the mask!” There was a certain indignation in his voice.

"Oh yeah?” I murmured. “Who says I’m gonna kiss him?” And I’ll be damned if I do do it with a rubber mask on!

“Mom, we barely made any money!!” He latched on to me.

I ruffled a hand through his curls but no way was I going to kiss Max in front of a people who’d firsthand viewed our non-romantic status over the years. No way. Not for any fucking sales.

“Hey, Max!” Came a friendly shout from Bob, an old school friend. "Either take your prize or get the hell outta the line.” He grinned. “Hi Liz.”

“Hi…Bob!” I smiled back, cued in by Max’s silent words. Hell, I’ve forgotten a lot of people.

“Max!” This time, it was no pleasant shout. It was Michael’s perpetual bark. “You’re kissing a what?” he smirked.

“Ahaha! I’m not kissing him.” I tinkled merrily.

Michael didn’t get it. “Good.” He left with an odd warning look at Max. And that odd, warning look suddenly raced like a migraine to my head. Blood oozed and then left. For one second, I saw black.

Before Michael was out of earshot, I shot out my hand and latched on to Max’s departing sleeve.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

He raised an eyebrow. “To get you a drink. You look like you could use one.”

I know I looked horrible. Hair all over the place, face still perspiring and red, throat parched. Kissing him in this condition would be suicide. But Michael had returned to investigate. Aha!

“Hell, Max, what sort of manners do you have?” I crunched out, expertly sneaking in a breath mint. Ah, loads better!

He was starting to gawk. “Huh?”

I stepped out of the stall. Alex frowned at me.

"Mom, what’re you doing??”

“Making a sale, hun.” I signalled at a grinning Maria to remove my son.
She tugged him a few yards away.

Max hadn’t moved. He was still gawking at me, a faint race of fear in his eyes. Of all the bloody things, fear?? For one moment, I thought about jacking the whole thing but Michael was growling under his breath and Maria was looking happier by the second. While I’d wanted to wipe that darn look of fear from both their eyes, it was turning on me. Did I really want to give this town something more to talk about? I’d already given them enough!

Max looked down, as if composing his face and then ready to walk. He exhaled and took out his wallet. For one giddy moment, it registered that for the first time in my life, I was going to kiss Max Evans. The thought that the entire town was watching, didn’t register.

“Hold on to the money.” I ordered shortly, drawing closer.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Alex making a face and hiding his eyes. Maria just grinned some more and started scanning the crowds for Isabel. Well, Michael should do quite nicely!

“Uhh!” he stumbled over a loose stone and landed a few more inches closer to me. By now, there was a good crowd in front of the stall. Max looked terrified, for some reason. My puke-worthy uniform didn’t allow for too close contact but I sidled up as much as I could.

“Relax, you’ve never kissed a girl before?” I demanded under my breath, itching to slap the irrational fright from his face.

He said nothing and that’s when I knew. He hadn’t ever done this before. I cursed myself for picking such a public spot.

“Oh, Max. It’ll be fine.”

He didn’t say anything, still kept his face down. There was an under current in the air, drowning me. I could feel it and yet, there was nothing. And all of a sudden, I felt it too. An irrational fright of things going bad.

I shook them off savagely. No doubts. I’d waited nearly two decades for this. I put my hand on his face and drew it down. He seemed to be concentrating on something. Didn’t he know that a kiss was just, well, normal? No need to make it a huge deal!

I felt his breath coming rapidly against my cheek. The crowd held it’s collective breath, I still don’t know why. Later Maria had told me it was because everyone in a thirty-mile radius could feel the tingle that’d gone up my spine.

Now, how did they know that?

He clutched the side of my neck and I literally stopped breathing. His other hand tangled in my hair, still matted from the heat. For a second, almost a s a prelude to the kiss, he blew gently on my over heated skin and felt myself burn. I’d always known he’d be different but this was over the top.

I’d had visions of a five minute, passionate French kiss. I was prepared for it, too. Instead, he pressed his lips gently, soothingly over mine and then the world spun. I literally opened my eyes in shock but by then, it was over.

I was disappointed enough to cry. That wasn’t even a kiss to offend a nun! We both stepped back. Max smiled, looking relieved at some inner thought. The fear was all gone. I wondered at what he’d been trying to hide. It’s not like he was going to ravage me in front of the fair and knowing him, whether he’d even want to. So, why be so afraid?

Michael scowled at both of us and left in a hurry. Maria followed ruthlessly.

“Here ya go!” Max handed me a large bill. I wanted to snap it back in his face but forced a semi-normal smile. “Thanks.”

Alex peeked out form underneath his fingers. “Oooh!”

The crowd roared with applause. Men swarmed around me. I glowered at Alex.

“This is ALL your fault!”

He chuckled hideously and slapped his forehead in delight.

I looked up but Max was long gone.


Hope you guys liked.
Loved all the awesome f/b. Mareli, Crystal, Eve, roswelluver, Frenchkiss Sweet Teeny, I'm a dreamer. - Hugs and kisses.

Love,
Sarah