Pain of Yesterday (Zan Jr/Cashlin) ADULT AN 10/23 [WIP]

AntarianLiz · Post by **AntarianLiz** » Mon Jul 05, 2004 3:56 pm

thanks to JBehrsGurl for the banner!

Title: Pain of Yesterday

Category: Zan Jr/Cashlin

Rating: TEEN to ADULT

Summary: This takes place in the future, when Max's son Zan is just a normal teenager living in the Bronx.... or so he thinks. Zan must unravel his twisted past, before it ends his future. Cashlin is the quiet and painfully shy girl at school, until a certain bad boy rebel throws her entire world off balance.

Author's Note: Ok, this idea would just NOT go away, so I must write it. lol

Let me know what you think of it!

Part One

Year 2021
Myrtle's Bed & Breakfast
20 miles outside Roswell, NM

Cashlin rolled over on the lumpy mattress. The sheets were so starchy they hardly bent. There was no way she was sleeping tonight. Too much had happened already.

It was hard to believe that their journey was over. When this entire ordeal started she was just a mousy girl pining after guys that never paid her any attention. That was, until one fine day, Zan came into her life and swept her away on an adventure that took them all over the United States.

She smiled sweetly at the memory of Zan and their first meeting. Well, technically it had not been the first time they met, but it was the first time they'd actually spoken to each other.

They had gone to school together since they were kids, but never spoke. Cashlin had immediately taken notice of the dark haired mystery boy - who grew into a man over the course of their 12 years of schooling.

He never had many friends. He was always alone. He was the bad boy. But he was all she ever wanted. Never did she think she would be with him.

Rolling over again she ran her hand down the opposite side of the bed. It was cold now. Zan had been up for awhile. She slowly pushed the covers off her and padded softly into the living room.

He wasn't there, but through the window she saw a dark silhouette on the porch. The screen door made a creaking sound in the quiet night. He was bent over, his hands clutching the old flaky wood on the railing.

She moved slowly over to him, placing a featherlight hand on his tense shoulder. "Are you ok?" His head jerked a few times in a nod. She knew the truth though. They spent too much time together for him to lie to her. "Are you sure you're feeling ok? I mean - it did work right?"

It was then that he stood up and turned to face her. The dark night hid his face from her view, but his eyes were glittering in the moonlight. "It worked."

She ran a hand down his cheek, seeing how his eyes closed at the intimate touch. He has been through so much... "Then why are you out here by yourself?"

He didn't open his eyes when he spoke softly, "I can't..."

His tortured whisper did not go unnoticed by her. Her eyes searched his face worriedly. A sinking feeling told her that he wasn't talking about going to bed. "You can't - what?"

She was surprised when his eyes snapped open and he pushed her into the moonlight. A gasp rushed out of her lungs at the raw emotion she saw in him.

Zan brought his hands up to cup her face. His whole world was in his hands. She was his life, his salvation. She was the only person he could rely on completely. She was everything. And they wanted him to - "They want me to leave."

Recognition hit her like a splash of cold water. "Who?"

"Cal, Max... all of them. That's what we were talking about - in the house." He watched as she nodded her head slowly. He could practically feel her heart breaking. He stared straight into her eyes. His voice even and firm. "But I'm not going to. I can't leave you. I won't leave you."

"Zan-"

He shook his head. "No. Antar isn't my home. It's not my problem."

"But-"

"I'm not changing my mind." He stated, slowly placing his forehead against hers. He heard the hitch in her breath, tears glistened in her eyes. "I'm not leaving you behind."

She said nothing, only brought a hand up to the back of his head, pressing him closer into her, wanting to draw herself so far into him that they could never be seperated.

Zan jerked away when he started to feel her close off. The look in her eyes scared him. She looked down to stare at his chest, her hand grazing his arms. Committing him to memory... He shook his head insistantly. He was not letting her do this. "I'm not leaving."

"When?" It was whispered so lightly he barely heard it.

Zan's eyes widened, tears that had been left unshed for years threatened to pour out now. "Tonight... but, Ash.... I'm not leaving."

Cashlin let out a shaky breath. This is what her destiny was. A single tear slid down her cheek. She wasn't meant to live a life with him here on Earth... or on Antar. Her destiny was about to be fulfilled. Her destiny in life... was to make sure he followed his. For she knew now he would only listen to her. She had to do this.

"Listen to me." How her voice came out calm and even she'll never know. Looking into his tortured eyes was the hardest thing she ever had to do. He knew what she was about to do. "Zan those people are dying. Innocent people... because of a warlord dictator that doesn't care."

She saw his jaw tense in an effort to fight off his tears. She felt a small tremble rack his strong body. She ground her teeth, angry at herself. "You have to go, Zan. You have to go and you have to fight. You're the only one that can do this. This is bigger than just you and me."

"Bigger than-" Zan jerked away and balled his fists in absolute fury. This wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that this was being asked of him. It was fair that she had to do this. If he knew how to use his powers better, he would have blown up everything around them.

"Zan," She touched his shoulder, bringing him back to reality. She sucked in a ragged breath, Zan knew she was very close to breaking down. Then again, so was he.

"Don't do this." His voice was pained and hoarse. He slid his rough cheek against her smooth one. The touch creating the familiar sensation of need. Need for her. "You've always given up everything. Every damn thing - and it ain't fair. Your mom, dad... friends. I can't - baby, don't ask...."

Her hand settled on the sides of his face, forcing him to look her in the eyes once more. For the last time. "Go, Zan. Please."

The roar of an engine sounded in the distance and Zan clutched onto her small waist convusively. "There ain't no coming back." He threw his arms around her, crushing her against him in an almost painful embrace. His whole body was shaking - so was hers. Tears slipped out of his eyes as he memorized the softeness of her hair against his face. He moved his mouth towards her ear and whispered, "I can't come back."

Her head nodded jerkily. She couldn't say anything, if she did she would break. She felt him break away, his eyes searching her. His hands roaming all over her.

He wanted to say something to her. Something that would sum up how he felt about her. But his mind was blank. All he could think about was how this wasn't supposed to happen. This wasn't what he had intended on happening when he found his parents. It wasn't supposed to end like this.

The headlights of a vehicle appeared at the end of the street. It was Cal. Zan turned his gaze back towards the girl in his arms. Could he really do this? Her head tilted back upwards, her heart in her eyes. This was his only chance. If he was going to do this, he had to tell her everything now. Even if it killed him. "Ash... I love you."

A sob bubbled up in her throat, but she forced it back.

He ran a hand down the side of her face. "I didn't care about anything before you. You opened up a whole new world for me, and you gave up your own. This past year has been - perfect. I never thought I would find the happiness that you've given me. Even when times were rough - really rough you were always beside me. Not matter what. You are the only person I completely trust. Be happy. You deserve a good life - a perfect one." He paused, his eyes shining with tears. "You're the only girl for me. No one else."

He brought his forehead down to touch hers again. Zan sighed her name, tracing her bottom lip with his thumb. "You're my angel."

Cashlin was going to break. She opened her mouth to plead with him, but was surprised when he covered his mouth over hers. The kiss was urgent, but sweet. The taste of Zan was one she had become completely addicted to. His tongue slid beside hers, sending the familiar rush to her feminine core. The kiss broke her heart. It was good-bye.

The yellow Hummer sat idle in the driveway and Zan jerked away from her quickly. Cashlin took a deep breath. She had to do this. Looking away, she motioned her head towards the vehicle. "You better go."

Zan brought his lips down to press against hers for the last time. His hands slipped out from hers as his feet led him down the porch stairs. Why was he doing this to himself - to her? Was that truly the last time he would ever look at her beautiful face? The last time he would see her smile? The last time he would hear her musical laugh that could make even him smile?

What the hell was he thinking? He stopped dead in his tracks when he heard her scream at him to stop. He swung around, hoping she would tell him to stay.

When he saw her pain-filled face he knew she wasn't going to do that. She knew what had to be done, even if he didn't. Who would be there tomorrow to wipe away her tears?

"Do it for love, Zan." Her words rocked him to his very core like no other. It affirmed everything he had done, and the destiny he was about to fulfill. "Do it for me."

He did not reply, he simply got into the Hummer and sped off into the night.

Cashlin stood there in shock for a few minutes. The cool night air swept over her and she folded her arms around herself. She felt numb. Slowly she made her way back into the hold house of the bed and breakfast.

She brought the old wood door to a soft close, not wanting to wake up the owner of the house.

However, she did not make it back to her room before she broke down. It only took a few minutes, and she felt her connection to Zan sever. It was gone... completely. The all-consuming connection that let her feel his emotions.. see into his soul - was gone.

He was gone. And she had no idea how she was going to live without him.

TBC..

Part Two

1 Year Earlier

Bronx, New York

<center>Momma said there'd be days like this
 there'd be days like this my Momma said
 (Momma said, Momma said - hey! hey!)</center>

The oldies blared from a 11 year old Buick parked outside the aging building of Theodore Roosevelt High School. Cashlin pushed her small framed glasses a little closer to her face (if that were at all possible). The breezy September wind was pushing her shoulder length brown hair back into her face.

Finally inside the school, half of her days trial was over. Why was it not acceptable of girls to shave their heads? If she didn't care so much about what other people thought, she might actually do that. Yeah, right. Like that will ever happen...

Cashlin held tightly onto the strap of her backpack that was strapped slanted across her chest. The hallways were crowded, as usual, and it took her almost ten minutes to arrive in front of her locker. She twisted the combination lock with ease, and when it snapped open she jerked the rusty door free and went to unload her backpack.

That's when she saw him. It was at this exact moment - every single day - that she practically lived for. It was the only thing that made her want to get up out of bed in the morning. The sight made her heart pound. It was one of those slow motion moments in life. The ones you really wish you could just push the pause button and look at this - at him - forever.

Zan Kingston. Just the sound of his name made her mouth run dry. He looked particularly yummy today - doning his usual baggy jeans and navy blue cut-off t-shirt. His head was held high, headphones on his ears - as usual. It was strictly prohibited to listen to music at school, but when it came to Zan - rules did not apply.

He always looked so sure of himself. He never spoke to anyone, not even the teachers. Zan was usually alone. Cashlin could only count a few times when she had seen him with someone else, and that someone else was usually his mom.

But this was her daily routine. Go to school, gaze adoringly at a guy that paid absolutely no attention to her, and then sit in class for a few hours before she went home. But this day was different. Just as he passed her by, something unexpected happened.

He looked back at her.

Cashlin blinked in surprise, but her gaze at him never wavered. The deep amber of his eyes sent a slight shiver down her spine. He wasn't just looking at her... he was looking into her.

Someone bumped into his shoulder, breaking their intense stare. Cashlin shook her head - mostly in disbelief - and when she looked down the hallway he was already lost among the crowd.

She turned around, completely shocked, and looked at herself in her locker mirror. Taking a deep breath, she pressed a hand against her stomach.

Why did she suddenly feel like her entire life had changed? With a roll of her eyes she grabbed her Bio book and slammed the locker shut. One look from Zan and she was practically a mushy puddle of goo. One time, one friggin time!

And she was already hearing wedding bells and seeing doves flying in the air. She was quite possibly the most naive person in the entire world. A look from a guy can't change a person's life.

Or could it?

Cashlin rolled her eyes again. She was being pathetic. Pining after Zan Kingston for years had gotten her nowhere in life. Her mind was like a broken record when it came to that man. But he's so dangerous... But he's so mysterious... But he's oh-so sexy...

It didn't really matter anyway, he'd never know what she felt because she'd die before he found out. If he did find out she was in love with him, he'd probably just start laughing. And laughing was not something Zan did. Ever.

Wait... did I just say love - ?

Oh shit.

She couldn't possibly be in love with a guy she'd never spoken to. That was ridiculous. Besides, to be in love the other person has to love you back. And we know that's not possible... not when your dad-

Cashlin silently berated herself. Thinking about the past was not a way to move on. With a little less thinking, she made her way to her first hour class. She would drown her thoughts of mysterious men in the wonders of dissecting a frog on the computer.

----

Zan pushed the door to the loft open and immediately flung his backpack on the floor.

"Uh uh, baby boy." His mother chided him, not even bothering to look up from her magazine. "In your room."

With a growl Zan picked it back up and walked by the kitchen table. He stopped when he was standing beside her. A perfectly manicured red fingernail tip was tapping her cheek expectantly.

Zan groaned inwardly, but nevertheless he bent down, placing a very quick kiss on her cheek. It was something she practically demanded every day of his life.

With a satisfied smile, she looked up at him, her blue eyes reflecting the smile on her face. "How was your day?" All she got from him was a raised eyebrow. She nodded her head. "The usual, I assume."

"Supper?"

Mona let out an exasperated sigh. All he thought about was food. "I was thinkin' tacos..." Her voice trailed off and she gave him a slanted smile. "With picante sauce and tostado chips...."

"Which means you want me to-"

"Get tomatoes." They finished together, and she chuckled. "You know me too well."

Zan nodded his head in agreement and smirked. "Couldn't ya have just called me while I was out?"

This made her frown. "Don't talk about school like you been out bummin' around all day. You still carryin' ya cell around?" His silence confirmed this and she looked down. "Zan - I know you don't care. I know that, but it's your last semester, babe. You gotta play by their rules. That was the deal, remember? For graduating early...?"

Zan shrugged his shoulders. He'd heard this lecture almost every day since school had started. "I know, ma. I know." He leaned his back against the sofa to relax.

"Then act like ya know." She let out a long breath and walked over to him. Her eyes weren't stern anymore, she never was good at the 'bad cop' approach anyway. "I just worry about you."

His gaze was solemn. "You don't need to."

He's so closed off... She eyed him speculatively, handing him a few dollar bills. "If ya say so."

"I say so." He snatched the money out of her hand and walked out the door before she could ask him any more questions. "Be back in a sec."

She'd been worrying about him a lot lately. He should reassure her better, but he just wasn't good at that. His mom would worry no matter what he said, so it didn't really make a difference either way.

But lately he'd begun to worry. The night sweats were getting worse. It started out with him waking up from a nightmare. Then it had progressed into waking up with a slight tremor. Now it was a full blown ordeal every single time he tried to sleep.

He was changing. On the inside. But it didn't make any sense. The thought brought him back to his mother. He couldn't tell her about this. It would only worry her more.

Plus there was the whole doctor issue. He'd never been to one. Ever. Because he'd never been sick... until now. But something inside him made it clear that seeing a doctor was a bad idea. Very bad... and he had no idea why.

The sun was shining brightly, it had warmed up significantly since this morning. After what seemed like forever he finally turned the corner. The market was finally in sight.

He glanced waywardly behind him. Why did it seem like it had taken him forever to get here? He was starting to get tired. And he never got tired.

His feet started to feel heavy, like his boots were made of lead. Slowing down to a halt he leaned against a metal railing that led to an apartment building.

Lights started swimming in his eyes and he tried desperately to take a deep breath. But he couldn't. His lungs felt as heavy as his feet. Zan could feel the sweat beading on his forehead and he brought a lazy hand up to his face, only jerk it away from the burning heat he felt there.

What the fuck?? He desperately tried to keep his knees from falling out completely, but he was losing the battle. His mind started to go hazy as the burning heat began to consume him. All he could do was let if overtake him. There was no fight left.

Something then obscured his vision. He blinked a few times (the only thing he seemed to be able to control at that point) and his vision cleared a little.

He felt a soft, cool hand press gently against his face. Something was tilting his head forward, and that's when he noticed there was another hand on the back of his neck. It felt... good. Really good.

He blinked hard once more, wanting - no needing - to clear his vision. A face started to come into focus. The edges were blurry, but he clearly made out two soft brown eyes.

"Are - Are you ok?" A hesitant voice asked him.

He'd never heard a voice that sounded so sweet. Her touch was sending him high.

Her arms were welcomed by his weight as he collapsed against her. His mind drowning in darkness. His last thought was of how he never wanted her touch to go away.

TBC...

AntarianLiz · Post by **AntarianLiz** » Mon Jul 05, 2004 3:58 pm

Part Three

Wet. Cold. His body felt tired. Like he had just run a marathon. He could feel the dampness on his forehead. When did he fall into water? The gentle patting on his head broke into his thoughts.

He felt someone else. Another presence. Something soft was pressed against the outside of his hand. Something warm. Zan experimentally tried to move his fingers, causing them to brush against smooth skin.

"Zan?"

He stifled a groan. There was that honey-sweet voice again. Honey sweet?? Damn... it still sounded good. Not matter how cornball.

His eyes finally lifted open, drinking in the sight of the person he least suspected. Cashlin Cleary. Her hair wasn't down in her face like it usually was. Instead the soft brown bundle was pulled back into a ponytail. She also wasn't doning her usual glasses. She looked... different.

She looked good. Zan lifted his back off of the couch, moving into a sitting position. Their upper bodies were inches apart, and lips only a breath away.

His eyes drug down her, like he wished his hands could. They trailed down her neckline, resting a few minutes on the cleavage peaking from out of her red tank top, before trailing down to the sliver of skin revealed in between her shirt and jeans.

When his eyes reached hers again, he was surprised not to find them reserved. Instead her baby browns were deeper - darker - and full of something he responded to instantly. Hunger.

For years he had watched her from the shadows. Letting her think that he didn't notice her longing gazes at him at school - outside - everywhere. But she hadn't noticed his attention. Ever. He was good at masking his feelings. She wasn't so much.

And it had tortured him every single day. For some nagging reason he didn't feel like it would work out. But with her eyes telling him what he needed, and her body oh-so close to his - warm and inviting - his reservations weren't enough.

Zan's eyes focused on her pink lips. Her lip gloss smell filled his senses, driving them into an arousing overload. Pina Colada... He smirked, tilting his head. Oh yea, this girl was real.

Cashlin was held captive by his intense regard, and she was most definitely a willing participant in his sensual investigation. The shrill sound of a telephone broke their reverie, and she cursed under her breath.

She got up - a little too fast - and practically stumbled towards the cordless phone sitting in the middle of the coffee table.

"Yeah? - Oh hi mom. Mmm hmmm..." Her voice trailed off as she briefly glanced at Zan, who looked a little disoriented. Her mother was babbling about something stupid probably (like she was paying attention!), when the most gorgeous guy in the world was sitting on her couch. "Sure - ok - fine. Bye."

She pressed the off button and flung the phone back on the table. Zan swung his legs over the couch to settled on the floor, and she watched as he ran his hands over his face.

"Are you ok?" She asked him quietly. Cashlin always thought that her throat would close up around him. But instead it was the exact opposite. She felt completely comfortable.

Zan nodded his head a few times. He felt completely drained, but fine. "How long I been here?"

His deep voice sent a slight shiver down her spine. She picked a glass of water off the table and handed it to him. "About an hour. I was starting to get really worried."

He took a few sips of the drink and it cooled his throat down. He was starting to feel normal again. The overwhelming heat was gone. "I'll live."

"Does this happen alot?" She couldn't help but ask him. When he shook his head, she bit her lip uncertainly. "Should I take you to the hospital?"

"No."

He answered so quickly it annoyed her. Just like a guy... "You sure?"

He nodded his head.

Cashlin shrugged her shoulders. He obviously wasn't gonna go, so there was no use in trying to persuade him. "Ok..."

After a few minutes of silence, Zan stood up. He shifted his weight a few times. "I uh - betta go."

She nodded her head in agreement as he started towards the door. He noticed a few pictures of her and her parents, as well as a decorative cross hanging by the doorway.

"So..." Her voice trailed off again as he turned around and pinned her with his amber eyes once more. "I guess - I'll see you tomorrow - at school. I mean..."

She looked too damn cute when she bit her lip like that. He swallowed hard. He really needed to do something right now. So he did the only thing he could think of.

Closing the distance between them, he brushed his lips across hers teasingly. HIs eyes fell shut as his soul cried out in ecstasy at the simple touch.

He brought his hand up to cup the back of her neck as he went in for another kiss, only this time he was surprised when her mouth opened and the velvet tip of her tongue tickled the sensitive skin around the piercing on his bottom lip.

Zan growled deep in his throat and immediately took control. His and slid from her neck down to her waist, pulling her closer to him. Molding his hands against the soft curve of her back. He pushed her against the wall, trapping her body with his.

Cashlin moaned, and Zan greedily caught it with his mouth. If this was the thanks she got - she was going to have to catch him more often. His open-mouthed kisses moved to her neck, and she closed her eyes in bliss. He was consuming all of her senses - completely. She couldn't think about anything except him.

When he finally broke away, he leaned his forehead against hers. Their hot breath mingling together. She opened her eyes to find him staring at her again. He gave her a slight smirk. "Thanks."

"Anytime." She replied breathlessly.

He brushed his lips against his one more time, then broke away from her completely. Without another word he jerked the apartment door open and closed it quickly.

Cashlin stood against the wall for endless minutes. Her mind racing. Her hair was half out of her ponytail holder, wisps of hair framing her face. She re-adjusted her shirt and took a deep breath.

What just happened was not possible.

---

"So?"

Cashlin tried to hide her smile. "So - what?"

Janine's jaw dropped. "Girl you can't leave me hangin'!" When her best friend didn't reply, she put a hand on her hip. "You kiss Zan Kingston and aren't gonna tell me if it was good or not?"

"Jesus!" Cashlin pulled her aside in the hallway. "I don't want the entire world to know, thank you."

Janine rolled her eyes. That was Ash. Her business was her own. "Please, sweetie. Tell me. Please. I'm beggin."

Cashlin leaned back against the wall and smiled dreamily. If she thought really hard, she could practically feel Zan's hand on her waist. "Perfect."

"Pshhht." Janine rolled her eyes. "Perfect? Maybe cause it was your first."

Cashlin's eyes widened. "No I'm serious. I mean - God if we hadn't stopped I probably would have had an orgasm right there."

This caused a loud burst of laughter from her friend, who slapped her lightly on the arm. "You're such a virgin!"

Cashlin cringed at Jay's loud voice. "Quieter, please."

After her laughter quieted down, Janine eyed her wearily. "You for real?" Ash nodded her head slowly. "Shit..."

"Jay," Cashlin couldn't help but smile brightly at the reminder of her kiss (or kisses) with Zan. "It was mind blowing."

Jay cleared her throat, and Cashlin didn't like the way she was looking at her. "Look, Ash, babe... if I was you..."

"What?"

"All I'm sayin is, don't pin up all ya hopes on one kiss." Janine was trying to let her friend down easy. Not that she should have to, though. Everyone in school knew Zan's reputation. "You know how he is."

Cashlin shook her head and started to walk towards her locker. "No, no one really knows how he is. Or who he is, for that matter." She clenched her jaw. It irked her that people talked about Zan in that way.

"He's bangin' chicks all over New York and you don't care?!" Janine was seriously disturbed by Ash's behavior. It was odd enough that she wasn't wearing her glasses, but now she was talking about make out sessions with the tri-state bad boy. What was next?

Cashlin shook her head, unable to say anything. She really couldn't prove that all those accusations were false, now could she? How could she possibly explain that she just felt that Zan wouldn't do that. It was insane. She was insane.

The crowd around them went silent and the hallways were immediately still. Cashlin looked around her. Hundreds of eyes were focused solely on her. A shiver ran down her spine at the memory of another time when she had walked into school and all attention had been fixated on her.

"Ya think they heard ya say orgasm?" Janine whispered.

Cashlin would have laughed off her friends joke, if she could get her throat to work. Her eyes were drawn to her locker. In obvious black grafitti was the word: Killer.

She swallowed hard, feeling the burning stare of each and every person within 3 miles. She drug her feet over to her locker, focusing on her lock combination instead of looking at the permanent black spray paint. Don't look up. Just don't look up and you'll get through this.

She felt a cold chill behind her. Someone moved closer, their lips by her ear. It was not welcome. The male voice hissed in her ear, "How's your daddy doin?"

After years of hiding her pain, it all threatened to come out at this very second. Cashlin bite her lip till she could taste blood, fighting the urge to cry even one single tear.

The next thing that happened was completely unexpected. In one fluid motion she felt the guy behind her being jerked away, followed by a bang against the locker across the hall.

She whirled around, her breath shaky and erratic. Zan had Jerome Pierce (the ass!) pinned in a death clinch against the lockers.

"Holy shit..." Janine whispered. What was with everyone today?! Wonders would never cease.

Zan looked deadly. As soon as he had walked into school the sight had made him see red. Some chick outside had been babbling to another chick about Pierce fuckin' up Cashlin's locker. He had snapped. Now he had the asshole off the ground a foot or two, pleading with him. Zan smirked. Funny how people get all conversational when they're one second away from being seriously messed up.

"Whoa, whoa, man - I'm sorry." Jerome pleaded. He really did think Zan was going to kill him for this.

Zan nodded his head and pressed his hands against him even more, making the fool wince in pain. A strange heat flowed through his palms. "Don't tell me that ya sorry."

He released his hold on the guy so quickly that the idiot fell to the ground, clutching his chest.

"Shit!" Jerome hissed. His chest felt like it was friggin burning. He stumbled when he stood up, and immediately he walked a step towards Cashlin. "Look girl, I'm sorry. Really. Don't even worry 'bout it. I'll take care-a it."

Standing like a statue, all she could do was nod her head ok. The events had blown her completely away. The crowd started to dwindle down as the monotone bell rang for classes to begin.

Janine slid her hand into Cashlin's, jerking her out of her trance. "You ok, chica?"

Cashlin's eyes slide from Janine, to Zan... back and forth. She nodded her head slowly. "Yep." Her voice sounded high and squeaky.

Not convinced, Jay gave a jerk on her hand. "Well, we betta get goin'."

"Right..." Cashlin's voice trailed off as she looked at Zan once more. His eyes were no longer black and scary. He looked like the perfect Zan she saw every morning. His golden brown eyes looking at her - was that concern she saw in them? Clearing her throat, she gave him a slight smile. She had already almost forgotten what the almost-fight had been about. "Thank you."

He didn't say anything, only nodded his head once. All the way down the hallway she could feel his gaze on her until she disappeared inside one of the classrooms.

Zan stood behind in the empty hallway. Shaking his head in disbelief he finally made his way to the locker room. He looked down at his hands. Why had they felt so hot a few minutes ago? He had been so angry, it had consumed him. His mind had been concentrating. Concentrating on what - he did not know.

The only thing he did know was that no one messed with his girl. His GIRL?? Ever since he'd broken his rule of "Don't get to close" yesterday, it took everything he had in him to not jerk Cashlin out of class and pick up where they had left off. He'd never felt so good in his life as he did when she was pressed against him.

When he reached his locker he flung it open and shoved his back pack in. Quickly taking his shirt off to change into his plain white gym shirt the guys a few rows down started talking. He was late and knew Coach Hendricks was gonna give him shit, but he didn't care.

"You shoulda seen it, man!" A guys voice floated in the empty locker room. The voice was squeaky, definitely a freshman. "That mutha fucka messed him up!"

"How you mean?"

Zan stopped changing and stood still to listen.

The squeaky kid continued. "Jerome's got fuckin burn marks on his chest!"

Zan pushed the white shirt over his head and closed his locker. When he turned around to go to the weight room, Jerome was standing off to the side - shirtless.

On either sides of his chest were knuckle imprints - dark and deep red. Looking very much like the kid had described. Burnt.

Zan looked him in the eyes. Pierce's fear was very evident. But it wasn't just because he knew Zan could kick his ass.

Zan clenched his fists as he walked out of the room. He needed to work off some steam. And figure out what the hell was goin on with him.

TBC...

Part Four

Zan sat back on the couch, watching television, while his mother got ready for the late shift at work. It was a boring Saturday afternoon, and he had spent a big chunk of it watching a cheesy old movie about people stealing cars. Something about 60 seconds - he really wasn't paying attention.

The girl on the screen had long hair, that reminded him of someone else's long hair. But her hair was brown... not blonde. It had been well over a month since he'd last talked to Cashlin - the day of the locker incident. School was no longer something he breezed through. It was torture - plain and simple.

He hated it now. Because he couldn't concentrate on anything except her. Every now and then he'd taste a trace of pina colada on his tongue, and his entire body would ache for him to go to her - almost as if it knew she was the only one that could ease his pain.

She was probably pissed off at him. And why shouldn't she be? He hadn't talked to her - hadn't even looked in her direction - in weeks. That's another thing that bothered him. He felt like he couldn't physically stand it if she was mad at him. He'd have to show her he wasn't a jerk, and when they got within close contact he'd have to use his lips to do the convincing.

Which was not good. Never before had Zan felt like this towards a girl. He'd seen some pretty good looking women before, but not one of them could compare Cashlin. It's like they were kindred. Soulmates. Meant to be...

Zan shook his head, smirking at himself. When the hell did he start using words like kindred and soulmates? He turned off the tv and threw the remote on the floor. Too much tv. That was the answer to everything, right? Turn off the tv.

"Alright sweets," Mona said, coming out of her bedroo. Her hands were up by her right ear, adjusting her earring. "You know the drill. I'll be home by 7 o'clock. Want somethin' for breakfast?"

"Nah."

She smiled and ruffled his spiky hair. "I'll see ya in the mornin, kiddo."

As soon as the door closed Zan jumped off the couch and locked the door. He turned around to face the open door of his mothers bedroom. This was his other dillemma. His mother was keeping something from him.

She had told him right from the start that she had adopted him in New York City. He was not blind to that fact - he knew he looked nothing like her. Or his dad (rest his soul) that died a few months after he was adopted. Zan had never cared about his birth parents, not until recently.

Not until the night sweats and black-out episodes had started. This was something serious. He couldn't risk blacking out again like he did a month ago. Lately he had felt pretty good, though. The night sweats weren't as bad anymore. In fact they'd almost gone away completely.

But that fact that he was having them at all was bad enough. Something was happening to him chemically - it's almost like he could feel it. Deep down he knew no doctor or professional could help him. Only his birth parents could explain what was happening, and help him.

When he had confronted his mother two weeks ago about wanting to find his parents, she had immediately started to cry. He really hadn't expected this reaction from her. It had stunned him so much he had shrugged it off, telling her he was sorry - that he was just stressed lately.

Later in the night he had heard her speak in a hushed tone to someone on the telephone. The following weeks had basically consisted of his mother doting him - whatever he wanted he got. And that was not like his mother.

Every month, as long as he could remember, they had gotten a letter from a law firm in the city. It didn't seem so significant, until last month when he had opened it. They weren't just letters. There was a check in it.

A check for $7,000. Every single month they would get one of these. When he questioned his mom about it - she had promptly snatched the contents out of his hand and told him it was from a settlement for his father's death.

Zan knew she was lying. She was horrible at it. But she wouldn't talk about it any further, which is why he was going behind her back. It pained him to think that she would hide something as important as this from him - but he couldn't concentrate on that right now.

He needed to figure out what was going on - and why they had an additional income coming in from someone at a law firm. He made his way into the pink walled room and flipped on the light. His mom was the ultimate girly-girl, but she didn't act like it.

She wouldn't hide anything in her dresser, so he drug her desk chair over to the closet to look on the top shelf. He was not disappointed when he found over 15 shoeboxes, covered in dust. The first few were filled with pictures. He shoved them out of the way and the next few boxes were old pairs of pantyhose.

"Damn it." Zan shoved the boxes back into the closet, not caring that their contents spilled all over the shelf. He closed his eyes and ran a hand down his face. He had to find something. When he opened his eyes, a small black box shoved all the way in the back came into focus. It was covered in a thick layer of dust and he started coughing when he pulled it out.

He jumped off the chair and headed into the kitchen. This was it. He knew it. The light was best in here, so he pulled up a chair and spilled the contents onto the table.

Reciepts. Hundreds of reciepts. No, not reciepts. Deposit tickets... They were to a bank in Brooklyn. Each one of them made out for $7,000. Zan took a deep breath and picked up the envelope. It was like the one he'd seen a few weeks ago.

The return address was the Law offices of Sloane, Kramer, and Ramirez. Zan raised an eyebrow. Where had he heard of that place before? It was a nice firm, he knew. He'd heard of it... but where?

Then it hit him. Damn... The one person that could help him was the one person he was trying to stay away from. But he needed answers, and only she was the only one he could think of that could help.

She was also the only person he felt he could trust. With a quick glance at his watch he folded the envelope (along with a deposit ticket) and shoved it into his pocket. If he went right now, he could catch her after work. He grabbed his black jean jacket and ran out the door.

---

Cashlin cleared her last table at Frankie's Diner and thanked God that her shift was finally over. This was her third week working here, but it already felt like 3 years. Naturally, there was no tip. With a frustrated sigh she collected the plates and walked into the back, handing everything over for the dishwasher.

"Long night?" Ian asked her. He was about 25 years old, and was constantly hitting on her. It was starting to get really old.

"Extremely long." Cashlin untied her black apron and laid it over the railing by the door. As soon as she picked up her time card to clock out, the owner barged into the kitchen. She rolled her eyes and put her time card back up.

"Cleary, take out the trash." She mouthed the words as the old man grumbled angrily at her.

"Sure, Frankie." She muttered and started dragging the trash bags to the back door. They each weighed probably 50 pounds (or at least felt like it).

Beer bottles clanked and broke inside the cheap plastic bags and with mucho effort she finally made it outside by the dumpster. After a few minutes she successfully managed to get both sacks into the garbage bin.

Her shirt had ridden up and she jerked it down, and wiped the hair away from her face. She was hot, sticky, and just plain irritated. The cool night air helped, but not that much. This place disgusted her. Frankie was a sick pervert that got off on hiring teenage girls and making them wear tight white t-shirts to serve bad burgers and cheap beer.

So why was she working here? Oh right... the whole feeling thing. Janine had practically fallen over when Cashlin told her she got a job. Getting a job was the last thing she wanted to do, but for some reason she thought it was important.

Wrapping her arms around herself she looked around the empty alley way. The lights of New York surrounded her and she suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of loneliness. It was so sudden it made her eyes tear up a little. With a roll of her eyes she wiped them away.

She was so emotional lately. It probably had a little something to do with a certain dark haired guy that hadn't talk to her in a long time. After that first kiss, Cashlin could have swore that Zan felt something - anything - for her. Especially when he threatened Jerome's life in the hallway at school... in front of everyone.

But apparently not. He probably did it because she helped him the day before. Zan wasn't the kind of guy interested in a girl like her, anyway. She was boring, plain, and going absolutely nowhere. She wasn't exciting or dangerous.

Music from the old jukebox floated through the air and she smiled. The song pulled her from the depths of despair.

<center>Earth Angel , Earth Angel
Will you be mine
My darling dear Love you all the time
I'm just a fool
A fool in love with you</center>

She was smiling brightly by the time the song ended. She felt warm and happy all over, even though she should be freezing cold from the night air.

"Good music." A deep male voice spoke from behind her, making her jump. She turned around to see someone walking out of the shadows and into the light from a nearby street light.

"Zan." Cashlin's eyes widened in surprise. What was he doing here? As he walked closer towards her, Cashlin almost had to pinch herself.

Zan hesitated before speaking. Now that he was here, standing in front of her, he was having second thoughts. He'd didn't want to sound like a complete idiot. And he definitely didn't want her to think he was some sort of wuss. "I - uh--" When she nodded her head in encouragement, he got lost in her innocent face. "I need your help."

He saw her eyes widen, she closed the distance between them, her hand touching his arm. "Are you feeling sick again?"

"No." He assured her quickly, then berated himself. Why was he so jumpy around her? Calm the fuck down... When he looked into her eyes - wide and concerned - he felt all nervous again. "I was wonderin' if you could-"

When his voice trailed off, Cashlin looked at him curiously. They stood for a few seconds without saying anything and she smiled. "If I could - what?" When he didn't answer, she tilted her head sideways - studying him. He obviously hadn't asked anyone for help before, and the thought that he was asking her made her want to dance. "You can ask me anything."

"Anything is alot." He stated vaguely. He was really unsure about this now. Asking her help could pull her into this mess, and he wasn't sure if he could live with himself if something happened to her. The memory of Jerome's burn marks were still very fresh in his mind. What if he hurt her?

Cashlin crossed her arms. "I'll be the judge of that." When he still didn't budge she sighed. "C'mon. It's ok. Do you need me to take you to a doctor or something?" He had made it sound like he didn't want anyone to know he was sick, so her assumption was natural.

Zan shook his head. "Nah, this uh - this is somethin' bigger."

Very intrigued, Cashlin raised an eyebrow. "Ok now ya gotta tell me." Zan was coming to her for help - with something big? Whoa.

Zan looked down and pulled the envelope out of his pocket. "I was wonderin' if ya could check somethin' out for me."

She took the paper from him and unfolded it. Recognizing the name immediately she looked at him. "My mom works there. As a receptionist... Zan, do you need a lawyer?"

"No." Zan took a deep breath. "I'm tryin' ta find my birth parents."

Cashlin swallowed the lump in her throat. That was the last thing she had expected him to say. "Ok..."

He unfolded the deposit ticket and handed it to her. "Every month as long as I can remember, we been gettin' these letters. Along with a check."

"What do you think it means?" She asked him, then another thought struck her. "What about your mom? What'd she say?"

Zan shook his head. Cashlin didn't miss the way his eyes darkened in anger. "She won't tell me nothin." He sighed and ran a hand over the side of his face. "I don't know what they mean. But I was wonderin-"

"I'll look into it." She interrupted him. He was obviously very surprised and she smiled. "It's the least I can do, right? It's for a good cause."

Zan half-smiled. "Yea..."

"I'll call ya when I find something out." And trust me, even if it takes me five years I will find something....

Just then Frankie swung the door open. "Cleary! I hope you ain't jabbering that beau-ti-ful jaw on my fucking time!"

Something in Cashln snapped. She swung around, tired of his bullshit. "I'll clock out when I'm damn good and ready, so shut your lazy ass up and go clean your trailor trash excuse of a restaurant!" She pressed her lips firmly together. She had not just said that. What was going ON with her??!!

He was going to fire her. She could tell it. The old bastard was getting ready to let her have it, then he backed off. Zan moved to her side, glaring at him. Daring him to say something.

Frankie just mumbled something and walked back into the diner. Cashlin turned to Zan, a giggle escaping her lips. "How do you do that?"

He gave her a side glance. "What?" Her smile made him feel things he hadn't before.

"That - I don't know that 'stare' thing that makes people shut up." Her eyes were dancing with delight. "I gotta try that."

Zan couldn't help but smile a little. "Oh - yeah - you mean da stare. I don't know - you pretty scary, too. You got that 'i'll kick ya ass' thing going on. I better be good - ya might check my ass like ya did his."

His voice was so cocky it annoyed her. She looked him up and down, not noticing the effect her gaze had on him. She tried not to break a smile. "Oh yea... I forgot. You're -" She paused, her fingers immitating quotations. "The man."

He'd never joked around with anyone before - in fact he'd never had any actual conversations with people his age... but damn he liked being around her. He'd never seen her smile so much, and he was already hooked. He gave her his trademark smirk. "S'right. You mockin' me now?" People usually didn't joke around with him.

Her laugh was infectious and he felt himself let go of the stony expression he usually wore. Cashlin sighed, this night was turning out WAY better than she had thought it would. Never in her life had she heard or seen Zan laugh at something. It was certainly a sight to see. "Well... I better get goin'."

He nodded his head, slowly starting to back away. No matter how bad he wanted to, he couldn't say goodbye like he had last time. "Cya round."

Cashlin wrapped her arms around herself again. The coolness of the night was finally catching up with her, and with one last look at Zan, she returned inside to finish up.

There was that feeling again. How did that song go again?

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes.

TBC...

AntarianLiz · Post by **AntarianLiz** » Mon Jul 05, 2004 4:00 pm

Part Five

Cashlin strummed her fingers on her mothers desk. For two weeks she had been trying to get information for Zan, but so far she had come up dry.

Her mother copied the data on her work computer to the personal computer in their apartment - just in case she needed to work from home. But even through the massive amount of data, Cashlin hadn't found a single thing. It was frustrating. Every day she had to go to school, and see him waiting for her to give him something - anything - that would help. But she couldn't.

And it was pissing her off. So now, on a rainy & stormy Halloween night she was sifting through the information for the thousandth time. Glancing over at the clock she sighed. It wasn't even 7 o'clock yet. Rubbing her eyes she tried to refocus. There had to be something here.

Her cell phone began vibrating and she quickly flipped it open. Not really paying attention to whoever was on the line. "Yeah?"

"What a welcome." Janine's voice said sarcastically.

"Sorry, Jay." Cashlin mumbled, scrolling down the list of bank transfers.

"Sooo... we still up for tonight, right?"

"Yeah," Cashlin's voice trailed off as she clicked into a different folder.

"Brunco's, baby! His parties are the shiznit. You gotta costume right?"

"Sure."

"Cash..." Janine gave her a warning tone.

"I'm going as a girl from the Bronx."

"Cute." She could hear Janine sigh loudly on the other end. "You're not gonna let me down again, are you?"

Cashlin looked away from the computer. "No. Look I tried telling you-"

"You're busy. I know I know. School, work, and whateva the hell else you do all day." She heard her sigh again. "It's just - we ain't been able to hang out in a long time."

"I know." Cashlin replied, turning her attention back on the screen when something caught her attention. "Look... I'll see ya later, k?"

"K." Janine answered. "But you betta not cancel on me, chica."

"Cya." Cashlin closed her phone and turned all her attention to the screen. Grabbing the calculator she punched in a few numbers, and to her surprise the figures came out as she had hoped.

Glancing quickly back to the screen she picked up her phone again and dialed the number she'd had memorized since she was in middle school. After a few rings, a woman answered the phone.

Cashlin cleared her throat. "Is Zan there?"

"Uh - Um - Yeah... sure. Hold on a sec, sweetie." Mona stumbled over her words.

A few seconds later Zan answered. "Yo."

Not bothering with the 'what's up' Cashlin got straight to the point. "I found something."

"Hold on." She heard a door close. "What is it?"

"Jesse Ramirez." Cashlin stated, her heart beating furiously. She was so excited she found something she could hardly talk. "I was looking through the direct deposit transfers and found something different in his than everyone else's."

"Like what?"

"In every transfer, the full amount he's paid doesn't go into his checking account. He leaves out $7000 each time. So I took that and compared it to his personal check files - and you can guess what I found."

Zan, six blocks away, nodded his head slowly. "The check numbers matched?"

"Exactly. For some reason, Jesse Ramirez is the one paying your mom every month." Cashlin scratched her forehead, deep in thought. "I don't understand. Why would he be giving your mom money? A lot of money, at that?"

Zan gripped the phone tightly. "Child support? Feeling guilty for having someone adopt me?"

Cashlin shook her head. "I met him, last Christmas at a party with my mom. He doesn't look anything like you. It's gotta be something else..." A lightbulb lit up in her head. Glancing at the clock she got an idea. "What are you doing tonight?"

"Nothin'."

"You wanna go behind enemy lines?" She asked, closing the programs on the computer and returning it to the screensaver.

"You mean..." Zan's voice trailed off.

"My mom left her office keys here." Cashlin said, already pulling on her coat. "We can check out his office. See if something turns up there."

"Lawyers work late." Zan replied, his voice sounding uncertain. "You sure 'bout this?"

Cashlin knew he was giving her a way out, but this was too important. The front desk wouldn't ask any questions if they found her up there, but if Zan tried to go in alone... He'd definitely get picked up by security. "I'm sure. Besides, all employees are at the Halloween party at Dion Sloane's place downtown. They'll be out till early tomorrow."

Zan paused, contemplating the situation. In the end, he knew he had to do this. "Aight."

She gripped the phone, a smile playing on her lips. "I'll be there in two minutes."

She quicly hung up the phone and practically ran towards the door. She halted suddenly and stomped a foot. "Damn it..." She had to cancel on Janine again. Quickly jotting down a note, Cashlin posted it on the door when she locked it from the outside.

Briefly glancing at the note that said 'Sorry' she felt her heart sink a little - but only a little - from the guilt. Janine would understand. Someday.

---

Cashlin sped down the expressway into lower Manhattan in her mom's two-seater sports car. Well, technically it had belonged to her father. But now that he wasn't exactly using it, it was Cashlin's. The midnight black car was no doubt a sweet ride, for being a few years old. Not really her style, but that wasn't a big deal.

It had certainly impressed Zan, though. She could tell that for sure. When she had pulled up at the curb by his apartment, he was standing there waiting for her. She had given him a shy smile, and he'd stood there for a few seconds before getting into the passengers seat.

The way he had looked at her gave her goosebumps. In the nighttime, his eyes were even darker. A shiver ran down her spine and she gripped her steering wheel tighter. Just being around him made her think about things - sensual things that she shouldn't. He'd kissed her once. That didn't mean he wanted to do a repeat performance.

"Nice ride." His voice was as smooth as honey and it slide over her like a featherlight caress.

She glanced at him, a half smile on her face. "It was my dad's." The air around them was not cold and bitter. The mention of her father tasted bad on her lips.

Zan looked ahead at the busy city lights. He noticed her tone of voice change at the mention of her father. He could almost feel her pain. And it was eating him alive. Something inside told him she hadn't let it out yet. "How - uh- How did he-" Zan stumbled over his words, desperately trying not to say the wrong thing.

"How did het get into prison?" Cashlin finished for him, giving him a rye smile. "You've heard the rumors."

"Yea, rumors. Not da truth."

Cashlin smiled softly. Not too many people wanted to hear the actual truth. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. The only other person she'd talked to about this was Janine. Her mother refused to acknowledge anything. "Well.. you know it was about 3 years ago. Dad got a call that there was a gang shoot out in Hunts Point. Most of the guys ran off when they saw the squad cars, but a few of them were caught.

Zan nodded his head. He'd remembered reading that in the papers. He briefly glanced over at her. Her eyes looked haunted. Like she was remembering a bad dream.

"My dad's partner, Miguel, told us that the guy provoked it. But - by the time back up go there... my dad had killed one of them. I don't think he meant to - hit him in the head that hard - but... I don't know. He could lose it pretty bad sometimes." She sighed and Zan clenched his fists.

He knew she wasn't talking about work. She was talking from experience. I betta not get within ten feet of that mutha fucka...

She continued, not noticing how the rage inside of Zan was making him tense up. "The trial is still all a blur. I can't remember too much about it. Guess I kinda blocked it out. I remember the reporters staked out our place for weeks. I mean - a white cop in the Bronx getting busted for police brutality - it's a money making headline."

"Fuck..." Zan's whispered harshly. He'd heard some bad shit before, but hearing this was the worst.

"Yea that's what I said." Cashlin smirked, then slowed the vehicle down as she pulled into the parking garage. "We're here." Shifting gears she tried to focus on the task at hand. After basically bringing herself to tears in a conversation she'd barely ever had, it was hard to concentrate on something else. But the matter at hand was important - Zan was trying to find his real parents.

It was probably the biggest thing he would ever do in his life. And he was asking her to be a part of it. She swallowed hard as she got out of the car. No one had ever wanted her to be a part of anything... ever.

She led the way towards the elevator, and Zan's eyes watched her closely. He'd almost lost it when she'd pulled up by him earlier. Was it just in his imagination or was the quiet and shy girl he used to know turning into an alluring sexual woman? She no longer wore her regular eye glasses, unless she was reading something. Her jeans were riding low on her hips now, along with shirts that looked like they were barely there. And the way she looked in that cute little leather jacket floored him.

She was changing. But then again, so was he.

His eyes were drawn to the way her jacket and shirt rode up when she walked up the stairs, giving him quick and tantalizing glimpses of her soft skin. He memorized her curves, his hands itching to rest just above them. His mind aching to know what that felt like. What it would feel like to be her man. Forever.

Thoughts of his future were quickly shook out of his head as they entered the floor he assumed was the one they were looking for. He followed behind her in the dimly lit hallway, his eyes sweeping over the empty quarters.

"No one's here." Cashlin assured him, almost like she was reading his mind. She walked a few more feet then turned down another hallway. "Jesse's office is this way... if I'm remembering right."

Sure enough a few doors down the name 'Ramirez' was etched on the glass door. She opened it quietly and stepped inside, holding the door open for Zan. He flipped on the lights and immediately Cashlin headed towards the computer.

"You look through the drawers. I'll check his computer." She instructed and he was already opening desk drawers. She had no idea what she was looking for, but at this point it didn't matter. Anything, everything could be important.

She first clicked into his personal folders. Not too much there. Some downloaded music, a few articles on different medical procedures, client files, and an article about UFO's. With a roll of her eyes she clicked out of that folder. Great, this guy is one of those 'aliens are among us' loonies...

"Found anything?" Zan asked, as he sifted through piles of papers.

Cashlin shook her head and turned the computer back off. "Everything important is password protected. I'm savvy but not like that."

She reached for the drawer under the keyboard and sorted through his pens, sticky notes, and other odds and ends. Nothing important. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a small planner. A-ha! Flipping it open she grinned. Exactly as she had suspected. "I've got his home address."

Zan sighed, slamming the last drawer shut. "There's nothing here."

Cashlin ripped the paper off the pad and shoved it into her pocket. There was nothing here, but the Ramirez house would be a gold-mine of personal information. When she moved to put the pen back into the drawer, her hand slid across something. Feeling below the drawer she gasped in surprise.

"What is it?" Zan was by her side in an instant.

"This drawer," She said, jiggling a loose piece. "It's deeper than what it looks like." Zan reached over and with little effort the top part lifted off, revealing a single photograph.

Cashlin picked it up, being sure not to smudge it. It was Jesse, his arms wrapped in a loving embrace with a woman who was in a word beautiful. Her short, choppy hair framed her face. They were both smiling - a smile that spoke of love. Deep love. He looked younger in the picture.

"Somebody's coming." Zan interrupted her thoughts. She heard it then, the elevator doors sliding open. Flipping the picture over quickly, she saw in cursive handwriting: Me and Isabel - 2002.

With another quick glance at the picture - noticing the matching gold bands on the couple's fingers - she placed everything back and shot up out of the chair. Zan slid his hand into hers, now leading the way back to where they came from.

The voices were getting closer and Zan cursed under his breath. They couldn't get caught. They didn't have a cover story. She couldn't get into trouble. It was his job to protect her.

He did not see what was coming. Before he had time to react, Cashlin shoved him against a desk and pressed herself firmly against him. Her lips seeking out his in a forceful and demanding manner. After recovering from the shock - which took no longer than a second - he responded with a raw groan and pulled her closer.

God how did he live without doing this every day - every second - when he was around her? Her mouth opened a fraction and he slid his tongue into her sweet mouth. The friction sent a surge through his body. His hand was sliding under her shirt, grazing over the smooth skin of her back.

Cashlin moaned into his mouth when she felt his arousal press against her stomach. He felt sooo good. Every movement prolonged the sensual world he created everytime he kissed her. It was just them.

A harsh light swept onto them and Cashlin broke away quickly. For one wild second, Zan lost it. He would have killed to get her back in his arms. The moment passed, and they both squinted against the light. Busted, Zan thought ruefully. But damn what a way to go.

"Cashlin?" A female voice questioned, and the light dropped out of the kid's eyes. It was Latoya, the night clerk.

Cashlin relaxed, settling an embarassed expression on her face. "Hi, Toya. Sorry I was just - I mean we were just picking up my mom's cell." Cashlin paused, looking down at the floor bashfully. "I guess we got a little sidetracked."

The woman started laughing, shaking her head. Kids now days. "The motion sensors went off. I just came to check it out."

"Sorry, if we caused any trouble." Cashlin apologized, and LaToya waved it off.

"Don't worry about it kid!" She turned towards the elevator and gave the two of them a knowing smile. "Just don't stick around too long, you two. And don't be such a stranger, Cashlin! Stop by and see me sometime."

"I will." Cashlin promised and watched the woman until the elevator doors closed, leaving her alone with Zan once more. She felt his eyes on her the entire time.

She looked back into his dark eyes and smirked. "Who's the man now?"

The only thing he could think of was how great she was. And how great he felt. She was clever, he'd give her that. She played that act real cool.

Oh yeah, she was down alright. Shaking his head, he watched the way her hips swayed when she walked. The silver chain of her belt dangling against her side. He had stood rooted to the same spot - and when she turned around - her brown hair swirling - his breath caught in his throat. He'd never seen anything more beautiful - more perfect - in his entire life.

He started walking towards her, his mouth quirking into a smirk. This was the best Halloween. Ever. Even with the dark and dangerous road he knew laid ahead of him, he didn't feel any fear or doubt.

TBC...

Part Six

Cashlin's black sneakers squeaked on the tile flooring of the school. She had been dreading this. Janine hadn't returned any of her calls since she had basically ditched her on Friday. That was not a good sign.

Jay could hold grudges. For a long time. So as Cashlin made her way to her locker - which was right beside her best friends' - she practiced her speech for the thousandth time.

Look, Jay, about friday night...

So Friday didn't happen, how about tonight?

Here's the deal. I'm helping Zan find out who his birth parents are. Oh yeah, and I helped him break into my mom's office cause some lawyer is hiding something. Plus I kissed Zan AGAIN, and practically threw myself at him<.

None of those would work. When Jay came into view, Cashlin tightened her hold on her backpack. Her stomach twisted into a knot. This could get ugly. "Hey, Jay."

No reply. Pretty much expected, so she just stood beside her. Feeling mroe and more guilty every second. "So um- I was thinkin' that you could stop by the diner after school. We could talk..."

"Lemme tell ya somethin'." Jay interrupted as she spun around. Her eyes blazing in unleashed fury. "I've put up with a lotta stuff from you for weeks now, and you haven't given me shit when I ask you about it. I'm nice, cause I think 'maybe she just needs time to chill'. Maybe you just need some time for yourself. But when we had concrete plans at the last second you ditch me for God knows what. That's the last time."

"Jay - I-"

She shook her head stubbornly. "Don't wanna hear any of your excuses anymore. When you're ready to tell me the truth, I'll listen."

With that Jay slammed her locker and walked off. Cashlin took in a shaky breath and leaned her head against her locker. She knew what she'd done to Jay was wrong. Very wrong. Their friendship meant everything to her, and she had been abusing it lately. Tears stung her eyes, and Cashlin was very thankful that the hallways were now completely empty.

The bell had rang a few minutes ago, but suddenly she didn't feel like going to class. Sighing heavily she tempted the thought of going back home. School was not where she wanted to be today.

A touch on her shoulder made her eyes snap open in alarm and she turned around to face not Jay - but Zan. "Oh!"

"Hey." He shifted his backpack uncertainly. What was she doing out here? Her eyes looked red. She was upset. The thought bothered him considerably.

"Hey." Cashlin pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. She saw the piece of paper in his hand. "Late?"

Zan shook his head. "Nah, just an excuse note. I'm not goin' to class."

Cashlin nodded her head. A part of her wished she had an excuse to leave.

"You ok?" He asked.

"Yeah..." Cashlin lied, she knew he could tell. Glancing at her watch, she started to step away. "I better get goin'... already 10 minutes late."

He caught her wrist before she was out of arms reach. "Wait."

The feel his hand around hers made her skin tingle and she looked slowly up at his eyes. His touch was always soft... and warm.

"Come with me today." He blurted out, without meaning to. He had just meant to tell her goodbye... but he couldn't bring himself to let her go away looking so sad. Every second he saw her in pain, it felt like he was, too.

"What?"

Zan felt her relax and he released her hand - relucantly. "My mom's gettin' ready to open her new gallery. I was gonna do the walk through - today. Why don't you come?"

A smile crept onto her lips. "Zan, I can't. I don't have an excuse."

"Tell 'em your sick."

She smiled even more. "But I'm not." She paused, looking playfully coy. "You want me to lie?"

"Twist the truth."

Cashlin laughed, rolling her eyes. He was looking at her in that special way again, and she realized that she couldn't possibly say no to this guy. "Ok... but just this once."

He almost kissed her then, but decided against it. Too many people here. "I'll wait here... now look sick."

A few moments later Cashlin returned, a bright smile on her face as they walked down the steps towards the sidewalk. "I think this is the first time I've played hooky. Ever. Isn't that sad?"

"Not sad. Ya always get perfect attendance." Zan stated. He didn't miss her surprised expression. "You neva win the tv though."

Cashlin couldn't believe he'd actually noticed that she'd had perfect attendance for the past 3 years. The school's prize for one of the students was a television. "Yeah, I always win Yankee tickets."

"Nothin wrong with that."

His voice sounded so confident she had to smile. Gotta love the Yanks....

---

Mona finished adjusting the very last picture in the gallery. She stood back, eyeing the spot. Perfect. She had been working on this for months, and it was finally finished. The opening was only a month away and she still had a lot to do. Flyers, advertisements in the paper, flower arrangements at the entry way... her to-do list was endless.

Running a tired hand down the side of her face she wondered for the millionth time where Zan was. He was supposed to come straight here from school. His opinion on the arrangement of the paintings was important to her.

Especially since the vibes she'd been getting from him lately weren't very good. She'd almost lost it when he'd asked about his birth parents. He knew that she wasn't telling him everything. Hiding a secret like this from him was not good on their relationship. He'd become closed off, would barely even talk to her anymore. Mona had been pleasently surprised when Zan had agreed to meet her here today.

She knew part of the reason was - however - that he got out of school. Zan had been gone a lot lately. His disappearance on Halloween was very questionable. When she'd asked him where he had been all night, he'd just said he was with someone.

Mona knew that was a lie right off. Zan never went out with anyone. Ever. A doubt crept into her mind. Well, there was a phone call that night. From a girl. Zan was handsome, even she could see that, but he'd never had a girl around. Never! It was amazing to her that he seemed so comfortable just being alone.

No... Zan having a girlfriend - or a girl that was a friend was just too hard to believe. She walked down the steps and took her coat off the hook. If he was going to blow her off, she wasn't spending the day here alone.

As she walked outside a very unexpected sight came into view. Zan was walking towards her - with a girl. Zan and a girl were walking up the steps. A girl was with Zan. She was laughing and smiling... wait did her son just smile (well his version of a smile anyway) back at her?!

What was this world coming to?

"Zan!" Was all she could say.

He looked at his mom and nodded his head. "Sorry we're late. Got caught up."

The girl smiled at her and Mona just smiled back. She was too speechless to say anything. This was unbelievable.

"Ma, Cashlin." Zan did a very quick introduction. His mom wasn't saying anything - and he was staring at her - silently daring her to embarass him.

"It's nice to meet you, Ms. Kingston." Cashlin said, unable to stop smiling. Her and Zan had been joking around the entire walk over here - and she was on cloud nine.

Mona snapped out of her daze and waved passively. "Please, call me Mona. That Ms. makes me sound old." After a few moments of soaking in the wonderful picture Zan and Cashlin made... Mona led them into the loft where her new art gallery was.

Cashlin was in awe of the art she saw there. It looked like something that should be at the art museum downtown. Zan's adoptive mother (and deceased father) were obviously very skilled artists. His dad had been more into the still life paintings, while his eclectic mom was more into abstract and sculptures.

She lost all track of time when she was there. Her ears heard Mona explaining different pictures, but she was only half paying attention. The art was so alive, she could practically see into it.

One painting, done by Zan's father, caught her attention immediately. She walked up closely to it, her eyes widening in surprise. It was a beautiful charcoal drawing of a baby. The brass title plate underneath the magnificant drawing read Zan.

Cashlin tilted her head sideways, taking in the piece. It was filled with emotion. Every careful stroke spoke of love and tenderness... the tenderness the artist felt for his new son. She felt her throat close up. Zan never even had a chance to meet someone that obviously cared very much for him.

"My favorite, too." Mona's voice broke in, pressing a soft hand on her shoulder. For a minute, the two women reveled in the fact of having Zan in their lives.

Mona quickly went into the next room, talking to herself about something or other. Cashlin stood in the same spot, still staring at the portrait of Zan as a baby.

As she started to come out of her 'zone', a thought occured to her. While she had been walking through this gallery, her focus and intent on the art... Zan had been staring at her.

She turned her head quickly to catch him, and sure enough - she wasn't disappointed. Smiling under his intense gaze she looked down to the floor. "Thanks - for bringing me here."

Zan finally looked away and shrugged his shoulders. "No problem."

Cashlin looked at her watch, surprised that it was now almost lunch time. "Well... I better get goin'."

"Want me to walk ya home?" Zan asked her quietly. A part of him couldn't believe he was doing this, but the other part really didn't give a fuck. He was seriously diggin' this girl. In a major way.

As much as she desperately wanted to, she shook her head no. She needed to clear her head. Plus, it wasn't like she wasn't going to see Zan again soon. That made her smile again. "I think I'll go see my mom at work... then I was thinkin' of stopping by Jay's before work."

Zan nodded his head. "Aight. That's good."

She nodded her head, too. "Well... I guess I'll see ya later then."

"Right..." Zan's voice trailed off. He was itching to touch her - be near her. But he fought off the urge with everything he had. He had to do something. Had to say something. "Saturday night."

She spun back around to face him. Completely shocked. "Huh?"

Damn it... Again, he had meant to say good-bye, but this idea just wasn't leaving his head. "Saturday night... Sound Factory. I remember you said-"

"In Jesse's planner!" Cashlin exclaimed. "Right... he goes there the first Saturday of every month. Um... yea sure that's fine. Oh - wait - That's the day that I go with my mom upstate - to visit my dad, I mean."

"Oh-" Zan's shoulders fell. He tried to play it off casually, but he was actually disappointed. Very disappointed. "S'okay. I can check it out myself."

"No!" Cashlin exclaimed, then bit her lip. "Well - I mean I could meet you there. It's not a problem."

Zan nodded his head. "Aight, cool."

"So I'll see ya Saturday." Cashlin backed away a few steps, giving him a dazzling smile.

When he heard the door close behind her, the air in the room cooled off a few degrees. He shook his head. He couldn't think straight when that girl was around. And he liked it. A shiver ran down the back of his spine. He'd just invited her to one of the hottest clubs in NYC.

One thing was for sure: His resistance of Cashlin Cleary was dwindling... fast.

---

Cashlin chewed her bottom lip as she sat on the front steps in front of Jay's house. Janine's mom had left a while ago, and Cash was left outside to contemplate about her friend yet again. She just hoped Jay would listen this time. School had gotten out about 20 minutes ago, so she should be here any second.

"Where were you today?" Jay's loud voice asked as she walked down the sidewalk towards her house. She had seen Cashlin sitting there a block away.

Cashlin sighed. "Didn't feel like staying."

Jay slowed to a stop and stood in front of her. Her expression was neutral. "Was it because of me?"

Cashlin shook her head. "No, I just - wanted a day off."

Janine leaned against the railing, shrugging her shoulders. "You deserve it."

"You deserved a lot better Friday." Cashlin admitted.

Jay shook her head. "I was outta line this mornin'. I didn't mean what I said. It's just - over the last month I feel like we don't even talk any more."

Cashlin stood up and shoved her hands in her coat pockets. "I'm really sorry, Jay. You're my best friend and - I've basically treated you like shit for awhile now..."

"True, True."

Cashlin smiled. "And I'm really sorry."

"So whatcha been doin'?" When Cashlin didn't reply Janine sighed heavily. "Girl, what is goin' on with you?"

Cashlin sat back down and patted the space next to her. Janine reluctantly sat down. "I've been helping Zan with something."

"You been sleepin' with him?!"

Cashlin smacked her on the shoulder. "No! Stupid. It's something private, he don't want me to tell anyone." Jay was joking with her... it was cool now.

"You're doin' him."

"Jay!" Cashlin exclaimed. She was just pushing her buttons, but still. "Zan and I-"

"Oh so now it's Zan and I... oh yea you dig him." Janine loved giving Cashlin shit about her crush on Zan Kingston. Her friend had been 'madly in love' with that guy since they were kids. "Has he kissed you again?"

"No..." Cashlin's voice trailed off guiltily and she couldn't help but burst into giggles. "I kissed him!" She covered her mouth to stop the endless laughing, but she couldn't and started stomping her feet on the ground. It was still unbelievable.

The look on Jay's face was priceless.

TBC...

AntarianLiz · Post by **AntarianLiz** » Mon Jul 05, 2004 4:05 pm

Part Seven

Rap music blared from Janine's stereo and Cashlin cringed. The neighbors were probably cursing them right now. But she couldn't help it. She had enlisted Janine's help to get her ready for the club... this was the first time she'd ever gone clubbin.

"Can't we turn it down a little?" Cashlin shouted over the bass.

Janine shrugged her shoulders dramatically. "Cash, this is RAP music. It was meant to be listened to this loud! Now get ya ass over here." Cashlin did as she asked (or rather demanded) and walked over to Jay's closet.

Janine's room consisted of more revealing clothing than what you'd ever find in Cashlin's, plus her makeup kit consisted of more than concealer and blush. Jay sifted through her massive wardrobe. Sound Factory was one of the hottest clubs in New York... Cashlin needed to look tempting. Hot. Sexy. Hmmmmmm....

"Jay we gotta hurry." Cashlin looked at her watch again. "It takes almost 30 minutes to get there.... and I'm already late."

Cashlin slipped off her sneakers and set them on the floor. The visit with her dad has lasted way longer than she had expected, much to her chagrin. All she could think about was tonight.

"Oh girl jus' chill a second!" Jay shouted, pulling a few things out of her closet. "Oh - yeah - Oh-ho yeah baby! Now this is what I'm talkin' about!"

When Janine held up the items of clothing, Cashlin immediately started shaking her head. "No... no way. I'm not wearin' that."

"Yes you are."

"No I ain't!" Cashlin insisted, eyeing the flimsy clothes fearfully. There is no way she would ever walk out of this room wearing that. It was so - so - so not her. "Jay I'll freeze to death!"

Janine rolled her eyes. "You're gonna be wearin' your leather jacket while you're outside." She talked fast, so Cashlin didn't have time to object. "Now, put this on. Ya got the cash to give the valet and shit right?"

Cashlin reluctantly took the clothes, but placed them on the bed instead. "Yeah... I got plenty of cash. It's not like I have anything to spend my money on anyway."

"Why do you have a job if you don't spend your money?" Jay asked, hands on her hips. "Girl you freak me out sometimes."

Cashlin smiled and picked up the barely-there shirt. "You actually want me to wear this? In public?!"

"Why not? Don't ya think it's pretty?"

"It's not pretty it's..." Sexy, her mind finished. Very sexy. She had no doubt that it would look good on someone - other than her. She'd never worn anything this revealing. It wasn't slutty or anything... it was just different. Way different. She was changing, but not that much.

"This is gonna stop Zan dead in his tracks." Jay said confidently, getting Cashlin's attention. Say the magic word and whamo! You've got her listening. "I mean it, chica. This outfit was made for you. I've never even worn it."

Cashlin rolled her head, trying to relax her extremely tense nerves. "Alright... you wanna do the make up before I change?"

Janine clapped her hands together joyfully. She haulded her makeup case off the floor and dropped it onto her dresser. "Smoky eyes! That's the hot trend. Dark smoky eyes."

"But not too dark!" Cashlin reminded her. "I don't wanna have no black eyes."

Jay sighed and gave her friend an exasperated glance. "You don't have to worry. You're gonna look great. I got your back."

"I know." Cashlin settled into the desk chair and let Jay do her magic. She just knew her friend was gonna make it big - real big - someday doing hair and make up for some swank salon downtown. Janine was straight up talented when it came to this.

After a few minutes (which seemed like hours to Cashlin) Jay finally let her get up and move into the bathroom where Jay flat-ironed her hair. Softy whispy strands curved with her face and Cashlin took in a deep breath. Without a doubt, she almost looked like a completely different person. Her eyes were perfect blend of black, silver, and red.

With a slight tousle of Cashlin's hair, Janine smiled into the mirror. "Who are you?"

"That's what I was just wondering."

Janine shook her head and led her back into the bedroom. "So you'll go clubbin with Zan but not me."

"I told you it was-"

"For that thing... that you still can't tell me." Janine said for her. "Right. I remember. I was kidding. Y'know, jokin around. I told ya I understand. Besides, you'll tell me sooner or later. Ya always do." Jay smiled knowingly as she picked up the remnants of makeup off the desk.

Cashlin sighed, glancing at her outfit wearily. "Only one last thing left to do... I guess."

Janine walked over to her slowly, putting both her hands on Cashlin's shoulders. "You can do this, Cash. You just gotta let go. Jus' let it go, sweetie. You ain't that scared and shy little girl anymore."

Cashlin swallowed. Janine was right. "I know. And this is important. Very important."

Janine nodded her head and walked out of the room, but before she closed the door she yelled back, "Now get that shit on and start making these guys work for some of your lovin'!"

Cashlin burst into laughter, shaking her head. She slipped off her jeans and put on the fake leather pants. Wait - they weren't exactly leather. When she rubbed against the material she almost cried in agony. It was vinyl. She was wearing vinyl pants. She pulled them on reluctantly and looked at herself in the mirror.

The pants rode low. Real low. Too low. They clung to her hips, and flared out at the bottom. They looked too long, then her gaze shifted to the black high heels Janine had laid out for her. On the other hand...

She slipped out of her shirt and put on the lacy-top-thingie. This was the worst part. Cashlin looked at the mirror, ready to cringe in pain... but she didn't. Instead, the image of herself looked back at her. She blinked a few times, not believing what she saw. She looked different. Way different.

She looked like the type of girl Zan belonged with. Not that she was stereo typing it's just... she looked cool, sexy.... tough. Never in her life had she looked tough before. This must be the "I'll kick your ass" style Zan had seen in her. It was just phsyically viewable now. For everyone to see.

Her mouth quirked into a smile and she pulled her leather jacket on. Pulling the door open Jay was standing by the front door, her jaw dropped immediately. "Cash??!! You look - I mean - Whoa!"

Cashlin laughed and shook her head. "Ok, ok. I'm hot. You can stop now."

Janine laughed along with her, handing her keys and sunglasses. "Here ya go."

Cashlin held deep red sunglasses up. "What are these for? It's dark."

"Cosmo! Chica, they are hot! All the celebs wear them." Janine couldn't believe she had to explain that.

Cashlin nodded her head uncertainly. "Right."

"Now go, girl! Prince Charming is waitin' for ya!" And with that, Janine practically shoved her out the house.

---

Zan moved around the edge of the dance floor with ease. He'd been to a lot of clubs in his day, this one was his favorite. Most nights were cool, but Saturday's at Sound Factory were off the hook.

His eyes swept over the room again. She said she'd be here late, but he was starting to worry if she was going to show up at all. It was late... maybe she was tired. Maybe the talk with her dad didn't go well and she didn't feel like being around him tonight. Maybe she didn't want to be around him at all....

Damn it... How was it - that when he tried to get his mind off of her - that ended up being all he thought about? He really shouldn't care about her this much. He didn't with any other girl. But with Cashlin everything was different.

Zan put his hand up to his forehead, pressing his fingers into his skin. He had a killer headache today - which was preceded by a night full of sweats. It was the first time in a long time that he'd had them, and they were the worst yet.

He concentrated on the music, letting the beat clear his mind. Clubs always relaxed him in a way no other place could. All thoughts and words were drown out by the blaring music. His headache subsided a little and his steady gaze swept over the room one more time. His shoulders sagged as he leaned against the bar. She wasn't coming.

He pushed off the bar and started to walk into the dance floor - towards the staircase - when he saw her. The music changed to a fast and sensual beat. He heard the DJ say something about a favorite old school song - but Zan was completely and utterly focused on the angel he saw climbing the last few steps.

<center>Go Shorty, it’s Beyoncé,
We gon’ party like it’s your birthday
We gettin’ naughty like it’s your birthday
So put your drink up in the air if you look sexy</center>

Zan stood rooted to the same spot in the middle of the dance floor. Bodies rubbed against each other - dancing to the classic beat. Cashlin looked... fuckin' hott.

Her hand was still on the metal railing, her eyes searching for him in the crowd. The tank top she was wearing made his blood rush through his veings - making his body temperture rise a few degrees. It was solid black at the top, and just under her breasts - lace netting molded around the rest of her stomach. Her vinyl pants were shining off the disco and strobe lights - they crept all the way down her slender legs where he saw her small toes peeking out of high stiletto heels.

His eyes crept up her body slowly, taking her in - all the way. There was so much more skin showing than usual - and he was definitely feeling the reaction to it. His heavy gaze lingered on her neckline, then crept up to her face and into her eyes - which were now looking right at him.

<center>I’m the chick with the hot shit, Manolo Blahnik
Jimmy Chu kicks, killin’ it, who you with
Me and my girls at the party with the diamonds and ice
I’m that classy mami with the Marilyn Monroe body

I’m that fly chick 5’6 Marc Jacob mini
Ghetto fabulous, glamorous, it’s effortless
Make up light, we with my pastel Louis
Designer scarf, work of art, rockin’ vintage Gucci</center>

She moved so slowly, her hips moving to the beat. He was mesmerized by her movements, completely captivated by the sexual appeal oozing out of her. He was so out of it, he didn't realize it when she reached him. He just suddenly became aware of her hair - dark, soft, and smelling like the Pina Colada lip gloss she had been wearing so long ago.

His lungs breathed in her scent - filling up every empty space inside him. Suddenly he felt utterly consumed by her, and a part of his brain was fighting to know why. Then he felt it. Her back sliding sensually against his chest. Her hair flipped to one side so her alluring neck was only a breath away from his fire-hot mouth.

<center>You can find me in the club sippin’ on some Bud
Daddy, I got what you need, you a sexy little thug
Don’t wanna be your girl, I ain’t lookin’ for no love
So come give me a hug, you sexy little thug</center>

Zan reacted instinctively, his hands resting on her hips. Their bodies completely in tune with eache other. They were one.

Across the dance floor Jesse sat at the bar, twirling his shot glass on the shiny surface. It had been a long day at the office. It always was though, on days like today. Days when he got to see her. It was always agony getting through the work day, until he could finally see her.

Their visits were more frequent now. He saw her every month, for a few days. It was heaven for both of them. The others would stay outside the city limits... for their own protection. They could never be in the same place all at once. It was still too risky. Besides, being in New York City wasn't an option for one of them.

It was too tempting.

Soft arms wrapped around his waist and he smiled knowingly. Now he felt relaxed. Isabel let go (very reluctantly) and sat on the bar stool next to him.

"I can't believe they still let me in here." She spoke next to his ear, over the loud music.

Jesse laughed, truly happy for the first time since he'd seen her last. "They have to let us in, the owner owes me big time."

Isabel raised her eyebrows playfully. "Are you insinuating that I'm not getting in here because of how beautiful I am? How dare you."

"I would never say anything even remotely close to that." Jesse stood up, and brought her into a warm, tight hug. His face slid against hers and he sighed. "I missed you."

Isabel felt her eyes fluttered closed at the absolute bliss of being near him again. It felt like ages since they'd been together. "I missed you, too."

"Then what are we still doing here?" He gave her a knowing grin, but his smile faded when he saw her standing tense and still. "What is it?"

"Jesse..." She whispered so lightly he almost didn't hear it. "Is- Is that-?"

Jesse followed her gaze and it finally came to rest on a couple on the dance floor. They were young - and suddenly he was struck with the thought that they probably weren't even old enough to be in here - but the face of the boy came into view and Jesse sucked in a breath. "Yeah... yeah that's him."

"Oh my god...." Isabel covered her mouth, tears threatening to sting her eyes. She'd never seen her nephew before. He looked exactly like Max. "Zan...."

On the dance floor, Zan slowed his movements - his eyes searching the crowd suspicously. He'd heard his name. A woman had said it. He noticed Cashlin had turned around, eyeing him closely.

"What's wrong?" She asked him softly, he wondered how he'd heard it at all with the noise around them. She put a tentative hand on his arm, immediately noticing that he was hot. Burning hot. "Zan are you ok?"

Looking past his shoulder she gasped quickly and jerked her head down. He noticed her odd movements and gave her a curious look. "There they are... over there."

Zan followed her gaze, and saw a couple retreating down the stairs. It was Jesse... and the girl from the picture. She had longer blonde hair now. He watched her closely as she turned to walk down the stairs, her eyes looking up at him briefly before she disappeared below.

Zan stiffened and grabbed Cashlin's hand tight - anchoring her to him. It wasn't Jesse that could give him answers.

It was his wife.

TBC...

Part Eight

"Zan?" Cashlin's hand was still held tightly in his own as the song ended and the crowd cheered all around them. His hand was hot. She could see a sheen layer of sweat on him. Was he not feeling good again?

Her concern was evident in her voice, and Zan forced his gaze back to her. He would find out about this Isabel later. Right now, he had Cashlin - dressed to kill - on a Saturday night in a club. He wasn't even close to being done tonight. "I'm cool."

"Are you sure?" She didn't looked convinced.

It humbled him to know that she cared that much. He could see that she was surprisingly having a really good time dancing with him. He'd never seen her dance before - ever - and he fully intended on showing her how damn good she was. He cast her a coy smirk. "Positive."

He led her into the middle of the dance floor again as the new song started up. It was another old beat, but Zan barely heard the words. She was smiling at him shyly, her hips starting to sway to the rhythm. Once again she took him into a deep haze were only they existed.

<center>Here's to the men we love to love
Here's to the men in love with us
Here's to the men who pass on us

There was this tattoo artist party for hours
Huge in the pants let me screw in the shower
Bitch done keyed up his new Eddie Bauer
I shoulda dumped him but I was too coward
Till I met this school-boy that studied at Harvard
Nerdy, but he calls and be sendin' me flowers
I'm feeling him, but had to get rid of him
Nerd boy turned out to be a minute-man

Here's to the men we love to love
Here's to the men in love with us
Here's to the men who pass on us
Fuck the men, let's drink to us y'all</center>

Cashlin closed her eyes and let the music take control of her body. She had never danced like this before in her life, and it was a rush to say the least. She couldn't believe that she was being this carefree - but with Zan she didn't feel vulnerable. She didn't feel foolish. She felt sexy, and daring. She felt free. She felt like she could finally be herself.

The dance floor became more crowded and she turned her back towards him again, getting closer. She moaned softly when she felt his hand move from her side to massage the skin on her half-bare stomach.

Wherever he touched, she glowed - on the inside she burned. For him. It was all because of him. She brought an arm down to encourage his hand on her, and the other she bent around his neck.

Zan felt her move against him and groaned. Her moan was still vibrating through him, and now his face was inches away from the lustrious skin of her neck. He couldn't help it went he closed the distance, brushing his lips - not quite kissing - against her. He felt the tiny shivers that reverberated throughout her body. If it killed him to continue this... he'd happily die just to touch another inch of her.

<center>Take it off now girls give their eyes what they want to see
Take it off now girls be whatever you want to be
Crazy ladies, tight-ass bodies
Let 'em know we came to party
Live it up my boys got your eyes on my ladies
Give it up now boy cuz she won't be your baby
Go home lonely, leave you horny, it's a girls night after party
Look at all these boys don't have nothing but dicks on us
Get your big "O", no love making
Let him know this bitch is fakin'

Here's to the men we love to love
Here's to the men in love with us
Here's to the men who pass on us
Fuck the men, let's drink to us y'all</center>

When he felt his hand on her stomach go under her shirt - and her hand encouraging it upwards - his mind fought against the rising passion in his blood. He couldn't do this to her.... not in here anyway.

Zan halted his movements and placed a gentle kiss on the side of her face and whispered, "Outside."

He felt her nod against him, and he led them slowly off the dance floor. Their balance wasn't the best, so he held onto both of her hands as she went in front of him down the stairs towards the exit.

After they got their coats - the cool New York air was sweeping all around them. The city was buzzing, but neither of them noticed. Zan pulled her to the alley - not a good place to be in the middle of the night - but right now he didn't really give a damn. The heat between them slipped between her hand and his and it was igniting the flame that started inside the club.

Cashlin followed him blindly. Her mind was racing - but her body was calling for him. Only he could ease the ache she felt right now. And that ache was building every second.

Zan's mind tried to function coherently - but it was almost as if he could feel what she was feeling. And how much she wanted him. With an audible groan he twisted around, pushing her against the brick wall. His eyes searched hers for a moment, marveling in the emotion he saw there. Trust - passion - attraction - need - want.

Cashlin felt his body press against hers - his eyes fixated on her lips, devouring them with his gaze. Why wasn't he kissing her, already? She whimpered when he ran a tentative hand down the side of her face. "Zan..."

It was a plea, and he was about to answer it. His fingertips slid against the side of her face, a tremble starting inside of him. She was so perfect. "Ash.." He groaned, closing the gap, his lips seeking out hers - coming together in earth shattering bliss.

Everytime he kissed her - he would berate himself afterwards. But something was different about this time. Something... not quite the same. When she opened up to him, his tongue swept in quickly - dying in the ecstasy of tasting her again. A shudder ran through their bodies simultaniously.

An awakening. Joined together. Soon they would be one. Cemented.... The thoughts echoed through their flooded minds, but neither of them noticed at that moment. They were both too wrapped up in the feel and tastes of each other.

Zan tasted so... good. Sweet... but like a man. The scent of his cologne filled her senses and he smelled - like Zan. He stopped his relentless attack on her lips and freed them - with a tug at her bottom lip. Her labored breaths echoed in the silent alley way and she leaned her head against the wall. His lips and slick tongue trailed down her neck sensually.

She couldn't take it anymore, and a hand slid to the back of his neck. His lips feisting on hers again. "Oh - God - Zan-!" Cashlin moaned, between kisses.

Zan growled when he felt one of her legs wrap around the back of his calve, their lower bodies now pressed dangerously close together. His arousal very evident. Her moist heat begging him for more. His eyes were black and hooded. He couldn't stop kissing her. He just couldn't. "Damn... baby. Taste so good...."

His voice trailed off and he slowly brought a hand inside her jacket, massaging the skin of her stomach once more. What he wouldn't give to feel that skin next to his - with nothing in between them. His hand climbed higher, and with it the sound of her breathing. The pounding from the music inside the club coincided with the pounding of his heart.

Cashlin closed her eyes, the feeling of his warm hand touching her was intoxicating. Just a little higher... Her emotions were raw, and pure. No one had ever touched her this way before. He broke their kiss off, his warm breath in puffs against her ear. His face rubbed against hers - his hands pushing under her shirt the final few inches.

She let out a sharp gasp - followed by one of his - after he finally reached his destination. Instead of coming into contact with a silky black bra - his hand molded against her soft breast. Skin against skin. His hand cupped her, Zan moved his thumb - unintentionally brushing against her sensitive nipple.

This elicited a low moan, full of hunger, from her throat. "Zan...."

Hearing his name off her lips made his want for her a thousand times sharper. He had to have her - be inside of her - bring them both to that peak of total and utter completion.

"Stop right there!" A male voice interupted them.

Zan jerked back, moving in front of Cashlin, shielding her view from the imposter. Something was off here. The man came out of the shadows, he was wearing raggedy clothing - homeless probably.

"Give - Give -" The man stuttered, stepping closer to them. "Money! I want money!"

"Zan." Cashlin whispered, her hand clutching onto the back of his jacket. Ice cold fear wrapped around her heart.

Zan squared his shoulders, not letting this fool thing he was in control. This obviously angered the stranger, and Zan watched in surprise as the man pulled a pistol out of his overcoat.

"Money!" He shouted at them over and over. The gun pointed threateningly at the young couple.

The sound of a gunshot rang throughout the alley and Cashlin squeezed her eyes shut, her arms gripping Zan's back convusively. Her hands shook, and she didn't want to open her eyes. This isn't happening.... This is not happening....

She felt his even breathing against her head and she opened her eyes slowly. She had heard a gun shot... the gun had been pointed right at him. Yet he was still standing. Hazy thoughts swam through her mind as she lifted her head to look over her shoulder. What she saw almost made her pass out. Not in fear... but in shocked relief.

Green. She saw green. A wall of it - blocking the two of them from the assailant. Zan's hand was held up in front of him. Curiously she looked at Zan's profile. His hand was starting to shake and his gaze was fixated firmly in front of him.

At the bullet. That was suspended in the air. She heard the man with the gun shout in utter fright and run away from them. Zan's shaking was very bad now, and before she knew it he fell to the ground. The green wall disappearing.

"Oh my God!" Cashlin whispered shakily. Her emotions were in shock from changing so quickly. One minute she was consumed with passion, the next she was consumed with fear for their lives, and now Zan looked so pale he might...

No, she couldn't think that. She quickly put a hand behind his head. It was burning hot. Even worse than before. "Zan... are you ok?" She wanted to ask him what happened, what he just did - with his hand, but those answers weren't needed right now.

Sweat rolled off Zan's forehead, onto the concrete below them. He felt bad before, but now he felt awful. Like he'd just went without sleep for a week. He felt completely drained.

When he didn't respond Cashlin pulled out her cell phone. "I'm calling an ambulance."

"No!" Zan protested, reaching for her phone to block her fingers from dialing. The outrageous look she gave him made him angry. He didn't know why he didn't want to go... he just didn't. His eyes started to close and this time he couldn't fight it off. "Home... home..."

His last murmurings confused Cashlin. Again, he didn't want to go to the hospital. But what if he dies?? Logically a doctor could help him more than she ever could... but that's not what Zan wanted. The green wall was still very vivid in her mind.

Cashlin slowly lifted him onto his feet (an enormous feat for her petite frame) and she had to half drag him to the front of the club. The valet looked at her questioningly, but quickly brought her car around front.

There was a reason Zan didn't want to go to the hospital.

---

Zan was half awake when they reached his house and luckily he only lived on the second floor, so there weren't too many steps to climb up. It was past one in the morning and Cashlin hoped Mona bought her story about Zan's - condition.

After knocking a few times on the door, Zan's arm around her neck to keep him steady, the door opened a crack and Cashlin saw Mona peeking through at them.

"Ms. Kingston, could you-" Cashlin didn't get a chance to finish, Mona had already flung open the door and helped her get him inside.

"What happened to him?!" Mona gasped, taking in her boy's obviously poor state.

"Ummm..." Cashlin stuttered. Lying was not her best quality. "I guess he had too much to drink... at the club."

"Drinking?!" Mona shouted, looking from Cashlin to Zan in that 'motherly' way. "Clubs?! What the hell have you two been doin' all night?"

"Uh - I - I - I mean we... uh -- um..." Cashlin stumbled over her words, still shaken up by the events. "I think someone spiked his drink at the club. Yeah... so I uh... brought him home."

"Oh for Chr*st's sakes..." Mona let out an exasperated sigh. Zan had only gotten drunk once before... and it had not been a pretty sight. She glanced at her watch and felt Zan's forehead. He was burning up. She shot a questioning look at Cashlin.

"I think someone might have put something in his drink, too." That was a horrible lie, and she winced. Mona knew she was lying. "I told him I'd call an ambulance, but he told me not to."

"That's right!" Mona agreed, silently wondering if Zan had told her why he couldn't go to the hospital. She glanced down at her watch again. "I gotta - oh shit I gotta go back to work in like 10 minutes."

Mona stood up, pacing the floor and eyeing Zan helplessly. Her maternal instincts told her to stay at home with her ill son. But her work ethics told her they'd be screwed without her.

"I could - stay here," Cashlin suggested, swallowing hard at the questioning look Mona was giving her. "Until you get back, of course." She paused, then shrugged her shoulders. "You can trust me, I'm not-"

Mona waved her hand, and walked over to pat Cashlin on the shoulder. "Zan trusts you, sweetie. That's all I need to know." Mona ran her hands through her red hair. "I guess - yeah would you mind? I mean they're totally gonna be in trouble if I don't show up." For the millionth time Mona wished she could quit her stinkin' job at the hotel as the night auditor. She just needed enough money to get by until her gallery opened.... just enough.

"It's no problem." Cashlin assured her.

Mona walked over and grabbed her coat, jotting down a number on a piece of paper. "I left my work numba' on the table. You call me if something happens."

Cashlin nodded her head. "I understand."

With one last glance at the two of them - Zan leaned against the couch and Cashlin sitting beside him - she figured her boy was in good hands, and shut the door behind her.

Cashlin sighed and shrugged off her jacket, quickly retrieving her cell phone from her pocket. Dialing Jay's number with ease she waited a few rings before her friend picked up.

"Waz up, my girl? How'd it go?"

Cashlin passed a sideways glance at Zan, who looked like he had passed out again. "It's still goin'. Look, I'm crashing at his place to night."

The phone was silent.

Cashlin rolled her eyes. "I don't need your dramatics right now. I just wanted to let you know so you didn't wait up."

"Chica, you owe me major dish time for this!" The sound of Janine's giggling could probably be heard for miles.

"I'm sure I do. Thanks, Jay." Cashlin flipped her phone shut and set it on the coffee table. She looked around, taking in the apartment. She'd never been inside of it before. Paintings adorned every space available on the walls. It was beautiful.

There was a small spiral staircase that led to an upstairs loft. The door was halfway open and she could see music posters vaguely hanging on the walls. That must be Zan's room.

When she looked back down to him, his eyes were open and clear - and completely focused on her.

"Hey." Her expression softened and she moved closer to him on the couch. "You had me worried. How are you feeling?"

"Tired..." His voice was hoarse. He did sound tired. He tried to move his head, but that simple act caused a wave of dizziness. "Mom..?"

"She went to work." Cashlin explained and with a small smile she added, "I guess I'm taking care of you."

A few minutes later they started up the stairs towards his bedroom - so he could get some real sleep. She almost tripped on his boots and sent him a glare when she felt him try to laugh.

He fell onto his bed and his muscles relaxed almost instantly. Cashlin put a few extra pillows behind his back so he slept at an incline. That is what you're supposed to do when you're sick... right? Oh well, it sounded right.

She pulled a blanket over him, tucking it into his sides. She felt his hand brush against hers and she jerked her eyes towards him. He was pulling her. With questioning eyes she allowed him and suddenly she was lying on the bed next to him - her side curled into his. He wanted her to be here.

"Are you.. ok?" His voice sounded scratchy.

Cashlin nodded her head and traced circles on his chest through his black t-shirt. "I was worried about you."

She felt his hand pass through her hair gently, hearing him sigh her name. When she lifted her head a fraction, his eyes were closed and his breathing was deep. Cashlin laid her head back down on his chest and sighed. Her eyes falling shut at the sound of his heartbeat in her ears.

Questions could wait until the morning. Right now, they were together - and they were alright.

TBC...

AntarianLiz · Post by **AntarianLiz** » Mon Jul 05, 2004 4:08 pm

Part Nine

Cashlin drifted from her deep slumber, but her mind fought to stay in the blissful dreamworld. The world in which she was with Zan and they were together - carefree - with nothing to worry about. Her eyes fluttered open and she squinted to see the time on the clock across the room. It wasn't quite 6:30 and she closed her eyes again.

She was now in reality - the land of the unknown. Breathing in deeply she remembered the events of last night - slightly blushing about how out of control she had been at the club... and outside of the club.

They were still cuddled close together on Zan's bed, and she buried her head against his neck again. She didn't want to get up. She didn't want to leave.

But his mom would be home at seven o'clock. So, with a sigh, she slowly sat up and stretched - careful not to awaken the still sleeping Zan.

She moved off the bed and noticed the bathroom door was halfway open. Cashlin slowly made her way to it, taking light footsteps, and noticed a Theodore Roosevelt High t-shirt sitting on the top of Zan's dresser. After contemplating for a moment, she grabbed it and headed into the bathroom. She came face to face with the mirror first.

She was a mess. The well done makeup from last night was smudged across her eyes and her lips stick was smudged all over. She brought up a hand and placed her fingertips gently against her lips. A small smile graced her lips.

Lookingly longingly at the shower she wondered if he would mind. Biting her lip uncertainly - in the end finally deciding that it was better to just take a shower anyway. She couldn't possibly face Zan looking like she did right now.

Stripping off her clothes she stepped inside and let the hot water wash away all the remnants of last night. Their close encounter with almost getting mugged made her shiver. The thought of what Zan did to protect her - frightened her. How had he done that?

The questions started piling up in her mind again, but she forced them at bay. They would talk when he felt better. Last night had been about healing.

Outside of the bathroom - lying completely still on the bed - Zan clenched his fists around the sheets. He had noticed her presence was missing almost immediately. Then he'd heard the shower turn on.

The thought of Cashlin - standing naked - in his shower was enough to make his body cry in agony. This was torture. It was torture because he knew there was nothing he could do about the overall sense of unsatisfaction he was feeling. He wasn't going to walk in there like some sex-crazed maniac and do her in the shower.

He groaned at the graphic image he pictured in his mind. On the other hand...

After a few minutes Cashlin turned the water off and dried herself with one of the fluffy white towels lying on the edge of the sink. Sighing blissfully she already felt better. Almost like she had washed away all the bad things that had happened.

But the good things remained inside her - making her smile yet again. She slipped on the clean t-shirt and her vinyl pants. It was a totally mismatched outfit, but she really didn't care.

The bathroom was warm and foggy when she opened the door - immediately noticing Zan was not lying on the bed. She dropped her lacy top on the ground and towel dried her hair all the way downstairs. Zan was moving around the kitchen, getting glasses out of the cabinet.

"You should be resting." She stated, and he turned around to face her.

Zan's breath caught in his throat. She looked so impossibly beautiful. Her hair was half dry, dangling against her smiling face, and she was wearing his shirt. His shirt. Granted, it was too big for her... but something inside him snapped. He wanted it to always be this way. But his mind reminded him that it couldn't.

Cashlin blushed at his possessive gaze and she hung the towel behind a chair casually. Tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear shyly, she found it very hard to look him in the eyes in light of what - or rather where - he'd touched her last night.

She saw him walk towards her out of the corner of her eye and she looked to the floor. His hand lifted her chin up to meet his gaze, and before she had a chance to react he pressed his lips lightly against hers.

It was not demanding or fast, like all their other kisses had been. Instead Zan moved his lips over hers softly, glorying in the feel of it. She smelled different. A little of her... and a little of him. And he liked it.

His lips caressed hers softly, and Cashlin's eyes fluttered closed. His hand was still tilting her chin up to him and she was held captive by his sweet kisses.

When she started kissing back, he reluctantly broke away - resting his forehead against hers. She made him feel alive - in a way that he never had before. In a way he'd never wanted to be before.

"You're beautiful." He whispered, closing his eyes and reveling in the feel of his hand in her silky hair. He felt her light gasp at his admition. He wasn't surprised by her reaction - in fact he was a little surprised at himself. But when it came to Cashlin - his loner, rebel façade didn't exist anymore.

"You're sweet." She smiled up at him shyly.

His eyes turned darker and he smirked. Damn.... With one look she floored him. Zan shook his head. "You the first person to say that."

"It's true." Her voice full of honesty.

Zan saw nothing but trust in her eyes and he looked away - feeling guilty. She trusted him... even after that weird stunt he'd pulled last night. He pulled away from her, instantly bringing his hands upwards - eyeing them specutively. He shouldn't touch her... not when he was this - dangerous.

He saw her hand grasp his firmly, his eyes searching hers worriedly. What if he hurt her?

"You won't hurt me, Zan." Her voice was so sure and smooth. She was always reading his mind. Her brown eyes were warm and pure. "You never would."

His uncertainty was evident. He backed away a few steps, trying to clear his head. Last night something had snapped inside of him. In two very different ways. One part of him had opened up to Cashlin - in a very intimate way. When he was touching her - like just now - he could feel things that she was feeling. It didn't make any sense.

Then there was also the physical difference that had made itself known last night. He tried to shake the image of that green wall shooting out from the palm of his hand. How had he done that?

Seeing his conflicted emotions, Cashlin walked past him and opened the refridgerator door. He needed to eat. She needed to eat. Food was always something that took your mind off of bad things.

"You don't have to-"

Cashlin held up a hand to silence him - giving him a small smile. "Don't worry about it. I'm used to serving people food, ya know."

As she made the simple breakfast of scrambled eggs, the questions started building up in her mind again. With a subtle sigh, she turned away from the stove. "Zan... about last night-"

"It shouldn't-a happened." Zan forced the words out of his mouth. He winced inside when he saw the hurt flash across her soulful eyes. "I neva should have asked you to come to the club. It was a mistake."

Tears stung her eyes and she turned around slowly to finish cooking the eggs. His voice sounded cold - and not like how it was a few moments ago.... when he had been kissing her. She swallowed past the lump in her throat and forced her voice to come out even and steady. "So... what are you gonna do now?"

She heard him sigh. "Wait till Thanksgiving... I guess. Till he goes outta town. Check out his house then."

Cashlin took the skillet off the burner, banging it onto the cooler burner beside it. Two plates were sitting out and she contemplated for a moment, then dumped everything onto one of them. Her hurt was boiling into anger - really fast.

When she slammed the plate on the table in front of him, she scared herself more than him. His amber eyes looking up at her questioningly. Damn him... he looks so fuckin' innocent... But he wasn't playing both sides of the court. Not with her.

So she was laying down the law. Something she'd never done before, not to anyone. "Listen up, Bad Boy. I don't know what the fuck is going on, but right now - I really don't care. I understand that you want to find your parents - believe me. But when you start mixing business with pleasure - just take note that I ain't interested." When he opened his mouth to speak, she continued. "I'm not here to be your little fuck buddy, got it? It may not mean shit to you, but it sure as hell meant somethin' to me."

All Zan could do was sit there - in total shock... and respect.

With huff, she slammed a glass of orange juice down beside his plate. The tears that she'd kept at bay, threatening to pour out any second. "Now.... eat something before you pass out."

Cashlin stalked over to the couch, grabbing her jacket and heels, and walked out the door - slamming it shut behind her. Sniffing her nose she took the steps three at a time. She practically jumped inside her car, throwing her belongings in the passenger seat.

She started the car, and looked over her shoulder. Cashlin choked back a sob and leaned her head against the steering wheel. He wasn't running after her. She should have known he wouldn't. For the past month she'd convinced herself that he wasn't the type of person everyone thought he was. That he didn't use girls the way everyone insisted that he did.

But with his voice sounding cold and uncaring a few minutes ago... she was brought to a rude awakening. His kisses this morning, telling her she was beautiful... didn't mean anything to him.

And that hurt worse than any physical pain he could ever inflict on her.

---

Zan sat in the chair, his mind going crazy - but his body not moving a muscle. Why the hell had he been such an ass to her? His mind was reeling from her angry declaration.

Damn she was tough. But he loved that. He didn't want no girl that was too afraid to stand up for herself. And she had certainly put his ass in check. It had been well deserved. But that took him back to his main question....

Why the hell had he done that? He knew though. Looking down at his hands, he felt an eery shudder pass through him. What was going on with him?

"Zan Alex Kingston!" His mother's voice shouted as she barged through their apartment door.

Oh great... Just what he needed. Another woman was mad at him. "Hey ma..."

"Don't you 'hey ma' my ass, Zan!" Mona yelled, marching over to stand on the opposite end of the table. Her blue eyes were blazing mad. "You wanna tell me why that nice girl you been seein' drove off crying a few minutes ago? Huh?"

Zan closed his eyes, pain slicing his heart. He'd made her cry.

"I don't even wanna hear your excuse!" She interrupted before he could say anything. Mona threw her purse down on the table. "YOu know what, Zan? That girl stayed with you all friggin' night, and you make her cry in the mornin'? That ain't right, and I'm not lettin' you get off easy. This shit stops now."

He was already on edge, and the attitude he heard in his mother's voice only fueled his agitation. "Why don't we talk about your shit, mom? Huh?"

"Don't even try and turn this on me, fella."

"But it is about you!" Zan shouted back at her, rising from his chair so fast he almost knocked it over. "All this shit is because of you! And what you're keepin' from me."

Mona's eyes widened in anger. "Excuse me?"

Zan continued, his voice growling in unleashed fury. "We wouldn't have even been at that club, if you woulda just told me what I wanted to know weeks ago. That's all you had to fuckin' do. But you didn't. You kept shit from me." He paused, liking how she looked shocked and caught off guard. She deserved it, in his eyes. "Yeah... yeah I know alot now. Like the bank account in Brooklyn. The one in my name. That you been gettin' money from Jesse Ramirez every month since you got me. You think I'm stupid, ma? You think I wouldn't ever find out?"

"Zan -" Mona started, her throat closing up. She'd known this day would come sooner or later. She had hoped it would have been later.

"Unless you're gonna tell me what I need ta hear," Zan shook his head. "Then I don't wanna hear nothin'."

He turned towards the stairs to go to his room, when his mother's solemn voice halted his movements. "Wait..."

Zan turned around slowly, crossing his arms.

Mona took in a shaky breath. He didn't have the right to speak to her that way - but honestly she couldn't blame him. After drilling the idea of trust in his head for years, he deserved to get it back. It's not like she knew too much more than him anyway. "You're right. Jesse Ramirez has been giving you money since I adopted you. Alright? He did it... as a favor."

"A favor for who?"

Mona cleared her throat and took a seat at the table. "For your father. Your real father."

Zan's eyes widened. "Jesse knows my birth parents?"

Mona shrugged her shoulders. "I have no idea. In fact I've only ever met Mr. Ramirez once. That was the day I adopted you. He was living in Boston at the time, and he oversaw the adoption papers for you."

Zan was shocked, but didn't let it show. "What did he tell you?"

"He said that every month he would be sending me money. He said that he was keeping a promise he made to your birth father - that he wanted you to have money for your future. And he made me promise not to change your name." Mona sighed heavily. "Look, Zan, I shoulda told you about this sooner, but I didn't. Ok? And that's it. That's all I know. The bank account is in your name, I never took any of it."

Zan looked down at the floor in complete thought. "I know you wouldn't take any."

Mona laughed, but her eyes were full with unshed tears. "That's good to know."

Guilt stabbed his heart a second time that day. What he had just learned explained a lot. But it also created more and more questions.

If his father wanted to make sure he was taken care of... why had he just given him away?

TBC...

Part Ten

Cashlin inhaled the smell of her pillow deeply, her body aching for more sleep. She had worked the late shift last night, and it had completely worn her out. But she had a four day weekend. A smile graced her face.

It was Thanksgiving. No work, no school, no nothing. For four straight days. It was going to be heaven. And in light of the past couple of months... she could use a piece of heaven.

She slowly swung her legs of the side of the bed and stretched langorously - like a cat waking up from a long nap. Rubbing her eyes softly she drug her feet past her door and into the hallway. The late morning sun was shining brightly through the windows.

"Mom?" Cashlin called out quietly, her voice still deep from sleep.

No one replied and Cashlin looked around the living room, and walked towards the kitchen. A single note was lying on the table, and Cashlin sighed. She slid a chair out and fell into it with a heavy grunt.

This happened last year. Cashlin lifted up the note, feeling betrayed.

Sweetie,
Marco invited me to dinner at his parents
place in Jersey. I'll see you in a couple
of days.
Love,
Mom

She crumpled the letter and threw it into the trash can. Last year it was at Ricky's in Philly. Ever since her dad had left, it felt like her mom had left, too. She wasn't even divorced from her imprisoned father, and she had dated different guys every month.

Determined not to drown her sorrows in tears (like she had been doing a lot lately) she promptly got up and headed back to her room.

She wasn't going to sit and sulk all day. If she couldn't spend the day with her mom, Jay, or him... then she would spend it with someone who might actually enjoy her company. Even if she did still feel odd around him.

Her cell phone rang on the top of her dresser and she quickly flipped it open, automatically knowing who it was. "Hey." Her voice sounded sullen and withdrawn.

"Thanksgiving is for suckas." Jay's voice sounded irritated. Cashlin smiled, knowing exactly why.

"It's not that bad, is it?"

She heard Jay sigh dramatically. "Who the fuck wants a double Frankie burger on Thanksgiving? That's what I wanna know."

Cashlin laughed and threw some fresh clothes on her bed. "How late are you working?"

"Just till 2. Then I gotta help mom with dinner. You know how crazy it gets on holidays with my family."

"But it wouldn't be the same any other way." Cashlin reminded her.

"I know, I know." There was a moment's pause. "You know you can come over, right? To eat with us. It's no biggie, chica."

"Thank you for offering. But I have other plans." Cashlin had declined that offer every day in the past two weeks.

"So what ya gonna do? I assume your moms a no show."

"You would be correct in that assumption." Cashlin admitted, then sighed. "I think I'm gonna go visit dad."

After a few seconds of silence Jay finally spoke. "Aight, girl. You know, I think that may be good. For you and him. Just know you can come over when you get back. I don't want ya to be alone tonight. Not on a holiday."

"Thank you." Cashlin's voice was undeniably sincere. "I mean it, Jay. Thanks."

"No problem, girl. Oh - uh - I-" Jay started to stutter. "I gotta go. Maybe I'll c'ya later."

"Maybe." Was the last thing Cashlin got out before the connection was lost. With a shake of her head she set the phone back down and picked up her clothes.

At least she knew her dad would be happy to see her. It would be a repeat of last year. Except this time, maybe they'd talk more. Their monthly visits had been getting better. He was starting to become a different - but better - person, and she was starting to forgive him. Well... trying to anyway.

Yes, that was her plan. She would visit her father. Come home, decorate the Christmas tree (like they always did), and get to bed early.

She wouldn't think about what Zan would be doing tonight. She wouldn't think about how he was going - alone - into the Ramirez house to look for something about his parents. She wouldn't think about how she was supposed to go with him. She wouldn't think about how much she missed his egotistical ass.

But she did.

---

Jay slammed down the phone at the sight of Zan Kingston walking into the diner. That boy's got some fuckin nerve.... She pushed her t-shirt down angrily and grabbed her notepad. He was gonna get it, and his ever faithful defender Cashlin wasn't anywhere around to stop her.

Zan took a deep breath when he noticed the death glare he was getting from the fast approaching Janine. He couldn't help himself from coming here though. He'd run out of options. Dodging Cashlin at school wasn't easy. Dodging Janine wasn't any easier. But he hadn't seen Cashlin yesterday at school... and this gnawing ache feeling wasn't going away until he knew why. She never missed school. Not unless she was with him.

The thought of Cashlin ditching school with another guy flashed through his mind. He clenched the napkin on the table tightly. He'd kill the bastard.

"Howdy do, reject." Janine greeted with a plastic smile.

Zan looked down at the table, ignoring her obvious insult. She didn't want him to be here. He smirked. "I think I'll have..." His voice trailed off in mock uncertainty. He shot her a questioning look. "Got any specials?"

"Oh yeah, I got a special for ya." Janine tilted her head sideways. "Would layin my foot up ya ass be special enough for ya?"

He almost wanted to laugh, but figured that wouldn't be a good idea - she looked a little crazy right now. So he just sighed and set the menu on the table. He wasn't here for the food anyway. "Look, I know you don't get it, but-"

"You can save the 'can't talk about it' speech, I heard it already from Cash. What I don't understand is why all of sudden I mention you're name and she's shootin' death rays at me." When Zan looked away Janine's eyes widened. "A-ha! So what'd ya try with her? Huh? You try to lay one of your patent lines on her and she didn't buy it? What?"

"Lines?" Zan asked her. He didn't even have lines. He didn't even know any lines.

Janine shook her head disapprovingly. "You can't lie to me, Joe Cool. I ain't naive like Cash. I know about your - how should I put this - female history."

"Female-" Zan stopped mid sentence and did something uncharacteristic. He laughed. Long and hard.

Female history? If she only knew the truth. Janine had stepped back, eyeing Zan fearfully. The school bad boy loner was laughing. She never even seen him smile. Scratch that, she'd never seen him react to anything. Ever.

The fact that he was laughing at her only fueled her anger. She tapped her foot as he continued to laugh. Anger boiling inside of her. "I'm glad you think this is funny, cause Cashlin sure as hell ain't laughin'."

That stopped him dead in his tracks. With a satisfied smile, Janine continued. "Yeah, you fucked her up real good. But don't worry - you the last thing on her mind right now. She got bigga problems." The last sentence sounded so enticing - even if it was a bald face lie.

Zan couldn't hide the worry that settled onto his bold features. "Problems? What problems? Somethin' wrong?"

Seeing him concerned almost made Janine back off - but Cashlin's current depression state was vivid in her mind. She was sure Cash would lay it on her later for yelling at him, but right now Zan deserved to worry about her for a change. "Yeah, somethin's wrong. Her daddy's in prison - which ain't no picnic. Her mom's pretty fucked up and leaves her alone all the time. She works in this place every waking minute. She busts her ass at school so she can graduate next month." Janine paused, sliding into the booth across from him. "She really didn't need your shit, too... man. Plus..." Damn... why did I add that???

Zan swallowed, his heart pounding. The guilt was stacking on top of him like bricks. His life was screwing up Cashlin's... and he hadn't even noticed. He knew she had shit to deal with - everyone does - but he should have taken it into consideration. He shouldn't have let her help him.

"She's sick." Janine blurted out, before she could stop herself. Immediately she wanted to smack herself on the head. Why had she just said that?!

Fear seized his heart, and for a second he couldn't breathe. No, she couldn't be sick. Not her. Zan's gaze fell to stare at the table. His breathing had become erratic.

It was the oddest thing. His mind blanked out... like nothing else existed. Images flashed before his eyes at a blinding speed. He didn't know where they were coming from.

Flash

Zan ran a tired hand through his hair, which was a little longer, and sighed heavily. It had only been a few hours since their connection had disappeared... but it felt like years. Ages. Decades since he'd seen her. Touched her. His heart was empty. Right now he was a shell, no longer the strong and powerful man that he used to be. That man was only a memory now.

A life without her was a life not worth living.

Flash

It was like a movie, playing out before his eyes. And when it stopped the feelings from the flash coursed through him. As if he'd just lived through it himself.

He was wasting time. He belonged with her. Janine was looking at him like he was crazy, but that didn't matter.

Jumping up from the booth he ran as fast as he could. He ran and he didn't stop. Because if he did, those feelings of overwhelming loss would take over again. And he never wanted to feel that.

He never wanted to feel what it would be like if Cashlin wasn't in his life.

---

Cashlin locked her car and walked slowly towards the front of the apartment building. The cool night air was more frigid than usual and she stuck her hands into her pockets as deep as they would go. She had forgotten her gloves... again.

The visit with her dad had went extremely well - to her surprise. He seemed happy that she was there. He talked a lot - more than he ever had - and Cashlin had been a great listener.

Everytime he said he was sorry. And everytime she was closer to forgiving him. But the images of what he used to be like were still fresh in her memory.

As she rounded the corner, she saw someone leaned against the gate in front of her building. The street lights emphasized a man's features - with spiky hair. Cashlin held her breath as she walked closer - but she already knew who it was.

Why was he here though? He should be downtown... at Jesse's place. She walked a few more steps and he came fully into view.

He looked different. He looked worried. His features were tired and he was not giving off his usual 'don't care' attitude. Something was wrong. "Zan?"

Her voice washed across him softly and he closed his eyes. What happened this afternoon, in the diner, reaffirmed the fact that he was... different. People didn't see things like that. But for some reason, being different didn't seem like an excuse for not being with her. Especially if what he'd seen today was what could happen if he left her.

And he couldn't live with that. Taking a few tentative steps towards her, he swallowed hard. Now that she was here he felt.... stupid. "Hey."

Cashlin raised an eyebrow. "Why aren't you at Jesse's?" A thought struck her and she panicked. "Are you feeling ok?"

Zan nodded his head jerkily. Don't lose your nerve... just stay cool... "I'm fine. Look - about what happened-"

"You don't need to explain." Cashlin tried to stop him.

"Yes I do." Zan stepped towards her so she was within touching distance - but he didn't touch her. His amber eyes searching hers, begging her to understand. "I didn't - I don't know what to do. I don't know who I am. You saw what happened when that guy-"

Cashlin reached down and grabbed his hand, clasping it in hers tightly - silently encouraging him. Her mind was reeling. Zan had never spoken this softly before, and her heart was deeply touched that she felt him finally opening up.

"I don't wanna hurt you." His admission made tears surface in her eyes. "I don't know what's going on with me. It's something - that I can't control." He couldn't help it when he brought his hand up to graze the side of her tender cheek. So soft... He felt that familiar ache in his heart grow. "I know I hurt you already... and I'll understand if you don't want to-"

Not letting him finish, she immediately pressed her smiling lips against his, reveling in the feeling of his arms wrapping around her. Who was she kidding? It just wasn't in the blood of Cashlin Cleary to hold a grudge.

Momentarily stunned by her response, Zan could feel the ache in his chest subside significantly. She forgave him! Normally he wouldn't give a fuck who forgave him - but the thought of her being mad at him was unbearable. He couldn't live without her - and he didn't want to.

His lips molded against hers, their kiss warming them up from the coldness that had consumed them both for over a week. Zan slowly broke away, just enough to place his lips on her cheek. It was cold. His pleasure clouded eyes opened. Her cheeks were rosy red from the cool night air and he berated himself.

She didn't resist the cold like he did. He ran a finger down her pink nose. "You're cold."

"You're not." The sound of her voice, husky and obvious, made him groan. But her wellfare came first.

Putting his hand in hers he opened the gate, letting her lead the way to the apartment. The apartment he had been in all day long. Would she think he was stupid? Would she be mad he invaded her personal space like that?

Stopping suddenly on a step she turned around to look at him questioningly. Her lips poised to say something, but she hesitated. "We're really gonna have to talk about this... uh - feeling thing."

Zan nodded his head as they continued up the stairs. Muttering under his breath, "And many other things..."

Cashlin had to let go of his hand to get her keys from her pocket. "I'm so glad to be home."

"Did you see your old man?" He asked and smirked at her surprised look. "Janine."

Cashlin nodded her head and smiled. "I figured." She stuck the key in the lock and the door opened easily. "My dad... was glad to see me. He's pretty lonely considering - well, ya know." She walked into the darkness in search of the light switch. "I just wish there was something more I coulda done for him."

Zan saw her hand searching the wall - seeking for the switch. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "You always lookin' out for everyone else." The moment she flicked on the lights, the small apartment became visible - completely shocking her at the sight. Her bewildered expression made him smile. "Let someone do somethin' for you."

Cashlin was completely stunned. She shed her jacket, setting it on the back of the sofa. The small apartment smelled heavenly, and was decorated for an elaborate and - dare she say - romantic Thanksgiving dinner. She turned to him, her face absolutely beaming with joy. "Someone? Zan did you - did you do this?!"

All Zan could do was smirk. Inside his heart was pounding. Did she like it? Did she think it was too cornball? Did she-

His thoughts were interupted when she launched herself at him, wrapping him in her sweet embrace. He smiled genuinely into her hair and whispered against her ear, "So... do ya like it?"

She pulled away, her eyes sparkling in the dim lighted space. "I love it." I love you..., She wanted to add. Instead she lightly brushed her lips against his. Her arms were still clasped behind his neck, his hands resting on her hips. It felt... right.

She tilted her head sideways. He was smiling. She'd never seen him smile - not a real smile - before. His tough exterior still there... but he looked younger. Innocent. Carefree. She smiled and pulled away, leading him into the kitchen. "So... what did ya make me for dinner?"

Seeing her so full of life - wanting to be with him... filled something inside of him. A void was no longer there. A void he hadn't even known existed until this very second. His holiday's were getting better and better. Hell... his life was getting better and better. Even when his health-

Zan shook all thoughts of his ailing health out of his mind. He didn't want to think about any of that right now. Tonight, it was just about them. Together. What the both of them had secretly wanted for years.

The future was tomorrow.

TBC...

AntarianLiz · Post by **AntarianLiz** » Mon Jul 05, 2004 4:10 pm

Part Eleven


"Happy Thanksgiving, New York! I'm Sandy Mann, and it's a chill 30 degrees outside, snow flurries expected all night long. So light that fire and cuddle up to a loved one while you listen to this hot jam...."

<center>Who will I run to
Who will I turn to
Now that you left me behind
Who will dry my tears when I cry
Who will I run to
Who will I turn to
Now that you're not here in my life

You were the one I took for granted all those years
You were the one I should have known was so clear
How could I be so blind to see what's before my eyes?
I'll get you back here with me if it takes the rest of my life
Cause I would do anything
Cause I want you back forever more

Who will I run to
Who will I turn to
Now that you left me behind
Who will dry my tears when I cry
Who will I run to
Who will I turn to
Now that you're not here in my life</center>

The slow melody floated around the apartment, where Cashlin and Zan were very busy setting up her Christmas tree. This was such an improvement from last year. When she had done this alone.

"I still don't believe you." Cashlin stated as she hung a small glittery snowman onto a middle branch. They had both been so full from dinner, neither had wanted to do anything... but this was tradition.

Zan shook his head and smirked. "Whateva."

Cashlin laughed when he picked up a reindeer ornament made out of clothespins. "I made that in grade school!" Seeing his quizzical look she sighed. "I know it's not pretty, but I made it. Oh yeah, and I still don't believe you."

Zan had insisted all night that he'd made the elaborate dinner they had just finished eating. But Cashlin was not convinced. There was no way he could do that... or could he?

There was so much she didn't know about him. So much she didn't understand. That brought a question to her mind and she glanced at him briefly. "Zan - um... what exactly was that... you know... green thing you did...?"

Zan sighed, hearing the hesitation in her voice. "I - I don't know. It just sorta... happened." She waited for him to continue. "The only thing I do know is... I knew I had to protect you."

Cashlin let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. Zan could be closed up sometimes, but when he wanted to open up - damn. She gave him a small smile. "Ok well... do you think that's why you passed out?"

Zan nodded his head and reached over to set a new box of ornaments beside them. "It felt like doing that - green shield thing - drained me. Completely. I had almost no energy left." Zan paused and sighed heavily. "Felt like I'd been goin' non-stop for days."

"Makes sense. Afterwards you slept for almost 8 hours straight." Cashlin abandoned her task of hanging ornaments and looked at him curiously. "Has anything like this ever happened before?"

Zan shook his head. "Nah. Nothing weird like that has ever happened. The only other thing is the nightmares."

"Right..." Cashlin's voice trailed off. She looked down at the floor, then at him.

He brought his hand up to touch the side of her face. "Don't worry. I'll be aight. Just gotta find the 'rents."

"And what if you don't?" Cashlin swallowed hard. "What if you don't find them in time. Zan... what if something is seriously wrong with you?" She now understood his reasons for not seeing a doctor. This green shield was not normal. His illness might not be either.

"I don't like playin' the 'what if' game." Zan stated honestly, with a shrug of his shoulders. "I'll just go with it."

Cashlin fell silent and they resumed decorating for a few minutes without saying anything. A nagging feeling couldn't help but worry about him. For some reason, she felt changed by him. Sometimes, when he was around her, she could almost feel his emotions. It was confusing.... but she liked it. A lot.

"What?"

"Huh?" Cashlin asked, alarmed by the interuption of silence.

"You looked like you was gonna ask me somethin'." Zan said slowly with raised eyebrows. A thought struck him. "Are you ok? Still sick?" He'd made this entire night for her, because he wanted her to be treated right. And he'd forgotten Janine's warning from earlier today.

Cashlin shook her head. "I - feel fine. I'm not sick."

"What about yesterday?"

She laughed and her shoulders sank. "Didn't feel like getting up."

Another weight was lifted from his shoulders. She hadn't been sick. A pang of anger towards Janine flared through him, knowing that she'd lied. But it went away with one look at Cashlin's dark eyes full of laughter and happiness. "I think I've spoiled you."

"Well I figured, I'm graduating in a month... who cares." That wasn't the real reason, though. The real reason was that 24 hours ago she had been depressed and didn't want to face him ignoring her at school. But she didn't need to tell him that.

Things were different now. What a difference a day could make.

"So - uh... what are ya gonna do? When you graduate... I mean." Zan tried to pawn the question off as casual, but it was anything but. For some reason, the thought of her leaving somewhere to go to some swank college nearly crippled him.

"I don't really know. I mean, I know I'm going to college next fall... but I guess I'll be sticking around here until then." The truth was she couldn't wait to get out of the Bronx, but suddenly the thought of doing that without Zan seemed - unbearable.

Almost as if he could feel her pain, she felt his hand reach out and touch the soft skin of her arm. And with the touch - came a rush of something unexpected.

FLASH

Her back was flat against the cool white colored wall and she let out a shaky breath. The sound of voices coming from the living room was comforting, but did nothing to subdue the hole she felt inside of her. Inside her soul. That pain, she knew, would never go away.

Opening her eyes slowly a man came into view. Older. Vaguely familiar. She had only just met him, but their common bond tied them together. She was Zan's girlfriend - no... so much more than that.

"How are you doing?" His voice was deep. Like Zan's... but more worn. Like a father's....

Close to breaking down again, she took in a deep breath. Tears returning to her eyes. Tired tears. Unbearable tears. Her voice was hoarse and reflected the absolute emptiness inside her. "Max..."

FLASH

The images left her reeling with the images that had flashed before her eyes, and she didn't even realize that Zan had sat her down on the couch.

When the images went away she was left breathing heavily. Her mind was desperately trying to grasp what she had just seen.

"Are you ok?" Zan's voice swam in her ears. His tone was worried. Beyond worried. The look in her eyes terrified him. The feelings he was getting from her were jumbled. Fear, desperation, confusion, hurt, and... the last one frightened him. Loss. A sense of overwhelming loss. It was what he had felt earlier.

But... that couldn't be... The look in her eyes confirmed his suspicions. The rush of images he'd seen today... Cashlin had just experienced something like it.

"Zan," Her grip tightened on his hand. The feel of his hand, warm and hard, against her fingers sent a wave of relief through her entire being. What she had just seen, what she had just lived through, felt like... it was going to happen. Sometime. Somewhere.

"I know, I know." Zan slid his arms around her waist, crushing her into him. Letting his warmth seep into her - chasing the cold fear away from them both. "It's ok. I'm here. I ain't goin' no where."

Cashlin clung to him, tiny tremors running through her body. She was afraid of losing him, and she was afraid of being with him. If what she had just seen did come true... she wasn't sure if she could live with it.

What frightened her more was: she wasn't sure if she could live without him.

"I saw - I saw-" Cashlin stuttered, desperately trying to get the words out. She felt Zan's hand cupping the back of her head, pressing her cheek against his. The feel of his skin next to hers helped her relax, but her heart was still beating furiously. What was going on?

"Shh... S'okay." Zan closed his eyes, trying to control himself. What sort of freak was he? This sure as hell didn't happen to normal people.

Cashlin pulled away slowly, her absolute confusion reflected on her face. Her eyes searched his, but she found no answers there. Clutching his black t-shirt she shook her head, trying to clear it.

"What is it?" He could read her confused and shocked expressions easily. Eyeing her from afar all these years gave him an edge.

She surprised him by pressing her lips against his softly. She always caught him off guard. Her lips were always warm - and moist. No doubt all the gloss she keeps applying to them. Earlier, after they had ate dinner, she had applied a generous amount of the glossy finish to her lips.

She had no idea the havoc she created inside of him. He had immediately wanted to press her against the wall and ravish her - like he had that night outside the club. But he didn't. Because he wanted to treat her right. Like she deserved. And that's what he was going to do - even if it killed him.

But it was a really hard thing to do when she made it so obvious that she wanted him - like she was doing right now. Her lips moved against his slowly - lightly - and made his heart ache for more. For her to open that sweet mouth of hers so he could create the intense feeling of passion that would overtake them easily.

Instead, she pulled away slowly and he felt her sigh against him. It was almost as if she was trying to remind herself that he was here. That he wasn't leaving. But the words that came out of her mouth were unexpected. They excited him, and scared him at the same time.

"Zan..." Their faces were only centimeters apart, but just enough so her soft brown eyes could see into his dark amber ones. "Your father. I saw your father."

------

The men in black suits circled around him threateningly. Trembling in fear he cleared his throat. He hated when they just took him off the street, like he was just a pawn - a useless piece of flesh they used as a vessel for information.

"Is that all you saw?" One of the agents asked him. They were looking at him blankly, but he knew what they were doing. They were reading him, checking him out. His responses to questions were recorded, incase they suspected he was lying.

But he knew what he saw. "I told ya before!" He pleaded, feeling claustraphobic in this small white room. "I saw a kid and some girl in an alleyway. I went up to 'em, gonna rob 'em with the gun ya gave me... the kid - boy with spiky hair... something came out of his hand. A shield! A green shield!" He paused, memory flashing back. "I haven't seen someone like that in... almost 20 years...."

"Is this the same person you told us about 20 years ago?" The other agent asked him.

He shook his head. "No... I told you. Those wacko's killed that one! Pushed him into traffic. No - no it's not the same person. This boy looked younger anyway, probably a teenager. The girl looked young, too. He was pierced 'n' shit, though. Like the old one. But... nah, this kid looked a little different. But sorta the same..."

"Different but sort of the same?" The agent scoffed.

He growled in frustration. They treated him like he was insane. Just because he was homeless. "Fuck you! I told ya what I saw! It wasn't the same one... but I don't know - maybe they's related or somethin'! I don't know! I don't fuckin know!"

"Is that all?"

He nodded his head, eager to get this over with. He was going to disappear this time. It had been a mistake in contacting them again. These people couldn't be trusted. But he hadn't known what to do. Only those aliens could shoot shields out of their palms. And the aliens couldn't be trusted either.

"Well then..." The agent's voice trailed off as he pulled out a pistol.

And shot the man in the head.

"I guess that's all we need to know." The blonde haired agent looked at his partner. "Call up Remington. Tell him New York is a hot zone again."

TBC...

Part Twelve

Christmas music floated around the cramped waiting room in front of the principal's office. Cashlin stood there, shifting from foot to foot, nervously waiting on her mother. This was one meeting that her mom could not miss. It was too important.

"Cashlin, hi!" A woman's voice said from behind her and Cashlin turned around to face a smiling Mona.

"Oh, hi!" Cashlin smiled politely and the lady gave her a small hug.

Mona shifted her purse on her shoulder, her eyes sweeping the room. "Zan here yet?"

She shook her head. "They just called him out of class. He should be here any minute."

Her mother picked that exact instant to rush into the room. "Cashlin! Oh Cash there you are!" Cashlin sighed and Mona smiled knowingly. Parents always caused a scene in a kid's eyes.

"Hey... mom." Cashlin rolled her eyes as her mom fixed her hair out of her eyes.

"Why do you wear your hair like that, baby?" Her mother sighed. "Wear it behind your ears."

Mona could sense the tension coming off of Cashlin, so she decided to play referee. "Hi! I don't believe we've met. I'm Mona Kingston... Zan's mother."

"Victoria Cleary." Cash's mom replied, suddenly her posture was stiff and tense. "You can call me Vicky."

Mona smiled politely and turned away, cringing. The woman's voice sounded... motherly. Which made her wonder...

"So mom, what took so long?" Cashlin asked curiously, she was desperately trying to change the subject - trying to make her forget about the other night. The other night when her mom had walked in on her and Zan... talking. Yeah, talking. Well not technically talking - they had done that earlier - but oh well.

Vicky sighed dramatically. "The office is in absolute chaos today. One of our lawyers just up and decided to quit! Can you believe that?"

Cashlin raised an eyebrow? "Which one? It wasn't Dion was it?"

Vicky shook her head and took a sip from the coffee she'd gotten from the break room. "No, it was Mr. Ramirez. It was amazing, too. I just walked in this morning and his office was empty! No papers, nothing. There was a message on my desk from him saying that he quit and was moving."

Cashlin's eyes widened, and locked with Zan's - who had just walked into the room. The shock registered on his face as well - he'd heard everything.

"Wha- What?" Cashlin croaked out, finding it very difficult to speak. This wasn't possible. He couldn't just up and move! They hadn't even had a chance to go to his house yet! He was their only lead in finding Zan's real parents.

"Yeah, that's what I said." Vicky muttered, riffling through her purse.

Mona walked over to Zan and pulled him by the arm to a corner of the room. Her eyes were giving him a dark warning. "What are you doing?"

Zan shrugged his shoulders, hands in his pockets. "Standin'... I guess."

"Don't even give me that." Mona glanced quickly over at the mother and daughter talking quietly in the middle of the room. "I met Cashlin's mom and she was giving me the look."

"What look?"

"The 'you're son has ruined my little girl' look." Mona raised an eyebrow knowingly when Zan looked away. "So she did catch you."

"Define catch." She didn't miss the sarcastic tone in his voice.

"Did she see you having sex?!?!" Mona's voice squeaked.

Zan growled as he looked around the room. Luckily no one had heard that. "Don't say that when you're with me."

Mona put a hand on her hip. "I say what I want, when I want. Start explaining."

"Nothin' to explain."

Mona laughed. "Yeah right." Her shoulders sagged as he began to ignore her. "Just be careful, sweets. She's a nice girl, and all. I mean - sheesh babe a few weeks ago I coulda swore you was gay!" Whoa... if looks could kill - yikes! Zan didn't look happy she had just said that. She glanced over to the office and noticed everyone filing into the room. "We'll talk about this later.

Zan didn't reply, instead he walked casually into the conference room. He hated it when he was around his mom in public. She was always saying the wrong thing. It was stupid that the parents had to be here for this meeting, anyways. The only thing they had to do was sign a few papers and leave.

All this to graduate five months early. Zan walked into the room behind Cash's mom. He was glad her back was to him. He would hate to see her expression. She was probably still pissed.

He didn't regret what happened between him and Cash. After all, it was their fuckin business. They were adults now. It's time they got some respect. But he was starting to berate himself. Just because he didn't have to listen to Cash's mom talk about how they weren't good enough for each other, doesn't mean that Cash wasn't hearin' it.

He lifted his gaze to see her looking at him. Her brown eyes wide and worried. Which brought him to his other problem that he didn't need right now. From what he'd heard when he walked into the room, Jesse Ramirez had disappeared from sight.

Had he missed his chance on Thanksgiving? Should he have gone there instead of- No. He wasn't completing that thought. The emotions from the flash had been so intense... he hadn't had a choice. Over the past couple of months, Cashlin had become the only thing in his entire life that made sense. When she was happy - he felt happy. When she was sad or worried - an instinct inside of him kicked in. His job was to make sure she was ok. Make sure she was happy. Make sure she was safe.

And he wasn't sure if he was doing a good job at the last one. Dragging her into this whole mess... what if she got hurt? The meeting started around him as he took his seat next to his mother. Cashlin sitting across the table from him. Her mother's gaze pinning him to his chair.

But he didn't notice any of it. His pensive stare was concentrating on the gray table. Jesse left a note that he was leaving... so he left on his own free will. But who just up and quit a great job when you got paid lots of money? What kind of lawyer would up and leave clients without any notice? None of this made any sense.

"Ok.." Principal Rosenburge started, looking over the documents in front of him. "I guess everyone's here so we can start. The reason we're all here today is to finalize the early graduation papers, and make sure the students have completed the final requirements." The man paused, flipping through the folders.

Zan heard the boring man drone on and on about Livvie Oriccson's file, while he discretely scratched a note on a scrap piece of paper under the table. Folding it up he waited for the right time to pass it to her. Zan almost rolled his eyes. Who would have thought - the infamous Zan Kingston passing a note to a girl and trying not to get caught.

Normally he wouldn't give a fuck if someone had a problem with him. But he didn't want to get Cashlin in trouble. She wasn't as tough as him. She was gentle, caring, thoughtful... all the things that he wasn't. Except when it came to her.

He didn't have to act a certain way when he was with her. His cold and uncaring manner completely changed when she touched him. The things he thought he didn't care about - suddenly seemed different. Better.

His dark world now had more light than ever. And it was all because of her. But did she know any of this? Hell no. He was too much of a chicken shit to tell her. He knew what he felt, but verbally telling her was something different. He just knew he'd sound like an idiot.

Finally the folders were handed out and - timing it right - Zan reached out to grab his, smoothly passing the note to slip under Cashlins. Their fingers brushed and her eyes locked with his across the table.

The note was burning a hole in Cashlin's palm. Just the rough touch of Zan's finger against hers sent a shiver down her spine. How was it possible that he could create such a fury of emotions inside her with just a simple touch?

He was lethal. The taste and scent of him was like that of a straight up narcotic. Highly addictive. Cashlin smiled at the reminder of their holiday weekend together. After their silent agreement to be together, coming to school this morning had been... awkward. She didn't know how to act around him. He was always the tough and silent guy, and didn't talk to anyone. Didn't show any emotion.

So naturally she had been surprised when he had walked up to her this morning - pinned her against the lockers - and gave her a thorough good morning wake up. Afterwards he's simply pulled a breath away and whispered, "Good Morning" against her lips.

The hallways of Theodore Roosevelt High School had went completely still and quiet for the first time ever.

Cashlin slipped the note under the table and opened it up. It was a simple - very Zan - type of note.

Woodlawn. Tonight at 9:00.

She looked up at him questioningly. Her mouth asking silently, "Cemetery?" When he nodded his head slowly she looked back down at the paper. He wanted to meet her at Woodlawn Cemetery? Tonight? Not her idea of a good time, but oh well. As long as he was going to be there... she knew she'd be in good hands.

"What is this?" Her mom broke the thing she'd come to call her 'Zan daze'.

"What?" Cashlin asked, turning her attention back to the matter at hand, pushing his note inside her pocket.

"Why did say you were going to University of Southern California on here?" Her mom looked pissed.

Damn. She hadn't meant for her to see that. Cashlin shrugged her shoulders. "It's not said and done, ma. I had to apply at different colleges in order to submit my after-graduation plan. I didn't even think I'd get in."

"You got in?!" Her mom asked incredulously. The room fell silent, everyone's eyes on the two of them. "When the hell were you gonna tell me? What - were you just gonna pack up your shit one day and leave me?!"

Cashlin clenched her teeth. Her mom loved to make a scene, she'd give her that. Rolling her eyes she shook her head. "Honestly, I didn't think you'd care."

Mona held Zan's hand firmly against the arm rest of the chair. He had looked weird - protective - when Cashlin's mom had started snapping at the poor girl. He had looked ready to attack. Zan had jerked his head to face her, his eyes wild and threatening. With a gentle shake of her head though, he'd relented. This wasn't about him. He had to learn that he couldn't fix everything - even if he wanted to.

Across the table Vicky scribbled her name on the paper, casting a firm glare at her daughter. Cashlin just looked away and rolled her eyes. Zan was watching her and she gave him a small smile to let him know she was ok. She saw him relax and it made her smile even more.

The meeting dragged on for another 30 minutes, but Cashlin's mom was pretty quiet for the most part. With a final round of congratulations, the Principal adjourned the students to return to their classes.

The only thing her mom said to her was, "We'll talk when you get home."

Cashlin thought that was a good idea. Seeing as how she wasn't going to be home tonight. And she probably wouldn't be home until almost midnight. Her mom would be asleep by then.

She felt Zan walking behind her, but she was suddenly hauled down the hallway towards an empty classroom - by Janine.

Zan stood outside the office opening and watched her walk away. He had wanted to talk to her... about tonight. But Janine had gotten to her first. With a sigh, he turned the other way and walked to his next class.

Cashlin's heart sank as she looked back and saw Zan disappearing down the other end of the hallway. "Jay, yo! Stop it!" The relentless tug on her wrist was annoying.

Janine could hardly contain herself. "Oh my G*d, chica! What happened this morning?! I come in here 30 minutes late to hear those bitches from gym class saying shit about Zan kissing you in the hallway this mornin'! What the hell is up with that?"

Cashlin smiled and shook her head. "It was just a little... good morning thing."

"A little good morning thing?" Jay put a hand on her hip. "What the fuck does he do at night?!"

"You wish you knew...."

"OH YOU DID NOT!" Janine squeaked, covering her mouth.

"No stupid. We haven't slept together." Cashlin laughed. "We've just kissed. A lot."

"Kissing!" Janine's mind was whirling. "Zan! You! What the fuck happened to 'that guy is an ass'?!"

"We talked - and... he told me how he felt." Cashlin felt a little uncomfortable divulging the details of that moment. It was too private. "And I told him how I felt."

"AND?!"

"We're together now."

Janine's jaw dropped. "W- Wha- What does 'together' mean? Are you like... a couple now?" Zan and Cashlin as a couple... was just too weird for words. But from the things she heard this morning, it was very evident that was the case.

"Well..." Cashlin's voice trailed off, a smile curving on her lips. "Yeah... I guess we are... a couple."

"I - but - you - but - Zan - and - but - I -" Janine couldn't form a coherent sentence.

Cashlin patted her on the back. "There, there. Calm down now."

-----

Cashlin walked among the old graves at Woodlawn Cemetery in deep thought. It was very dark now, and being in a graveyard wasn't helping her edgy nerves. She had never liked cemeteries.

It was very cold. Her coat, scarf, and gloves weren't keeping the chill away from her. She slid her covered hands inside her black petticoat and sat down on a bench near the walking path.

She could see her breath puff in front of her. What was taking Zan so long? He was late. She was freezing. The thought suddenly struck her that maybe he was sick again.

It worried her that he got so sick. Last night he had started to explain why he couldn't go to the hospital... but they ended up not finishing that conversation. And then... well... her mom had walked in. Right when Zan had her lying on the couch, his hands lifting her shirt up. It had not gone very well.

Her mother had ended up screaming in complete shock. Then - when Cashlin tried valiantly to explain - her mother had not disappointed her when she had began to fling accusations at Zan. Accusations and assumptions.

What are you? Some sorta low life thug? Was he trying to rape you? Huh? Get your nasty ass hands off my daughter!

The overpowering smell of alcohol could be smelled on her breath from a mile away. Apparently Thanksgiving dinner at Marco's turned into a four day party.

Her mother had never had a drop to drink... until her father went to prison. That single event changed all their lives. It was weird, how one person's mistakes could affect so many people around you.

"Whatcha thinkin' about?" Zan asked, sitting down and putting an arm around her - drawing her body close to his.

She curled into him, lying her head on his strong shoulder. She breathed him in deeply and sighed. "My mom." She paused. "I'm sorry... about what she said-"

"Don't apologize." Zan interrupted, tilting her chin up to look at him. "You ain't got anything to be sorry about. You don't control her. She was drunk... people say stupid shit when they're drunk."

Cashlin looked away and tucked her hair behind her ears. "Yeah... I know. She was just - surprised. I guess. Ya know, seeing me with someone."

Zan cleared his throat, looking down at the crown of her head. It was weird that someone he barely knew a few months ago, could make him feel so much right now. The feel of her small hands, clinging to his jacket, made the overwhelming sense of protection come back in triple force. "So... she say anything to ya? I mean was she hasslin' ya?"

"I think she regreted saying that stuff - about you." She was quiet this morning. But then today - at the meeting - her mom had gone into one of her 'bitch I'm in charge' modes. "She just gets like that sometimes."

"She's just protective cause she loves you." Zan swallowed. He knew that feeling all too well.

"Yeah..." Her voice trailed off and she looked up at him. "She went to church tonight. I guess she was feeling really guilty about everything."

"I didn't know you went to church." It bothered him that he didn't know these things. He wanted to know everything. She fascinated him like no one else did.

"I don't." She admitted and looked out at the graves sadly. "I used to go... with my parents. But now... I don't know."

The uncertainty in her voice tore at him. She had a look of such innocent loss on her face. "What do you believe in?"

She sighed and looked up at the starry night sky. "God. And..." She hesitated and looked at him. "And you."

Her words humbled him. No one, not even his mother, had ever said that to him. No one really... believed in him - or what he could become. For the first time in his life he felt like he might actually cry about something. Of course, he didn't. Zan Kingston didn't cry.

He smiled a little and pulled her back to him, placing his cheek on the top of her head. "I believe in you." Cashlin knew there was something else he wanted to say. "So... wanna do somethin' bad?"

She jerked her head up, looking into his dark eyes - sparkling with mischief. She smiled brightly and laughed. "I knew it.... the Ramirez house?"

"Better go now before it's sold or somethin'."

She smiled and shook her head. Quirking an eyebrow she eyed him curiously. "Are you just trying to get me alone in an empty house... with a bed around?"

He smirked and pulled her up off the bench - wrapping his arms around her waist and bringing them oh-so close yet again. "Baby, we don't need no bed." She had no idea how serious he was being right now.

She giggled and shook her head. "You're so bad."

"You've got no idea." He growled, bring his lips down to capture hers. She was irresistable. Her mouth opened immediately, allowing him access to the place he had gotten to know very well lately.

He didn't know how long he had her pressed against him, lips moving over each other, tongues sliding beside each other intimately, but he really didn't care. Screw the Ramirez house. He had other plans now...

But the ever logical part of her mind forced her to break away from him. Both of them breathing heavily. They were in a cemetery! Cashlin blushed and laughed. "So... you ready?"

When Zan answered, he wasn't thinking about leaving. "Oh yeah." Which is why he was surprised when she jerked his hand, leading him towards her car.

The Christmas lights sparkled brightly as they sped down the freeway towards the Hamptons... where the Ramirez estate was located.

They had no idea what was waiting for them.

TBC...

AntarianLiz · Post by **AntarianLiz** » Tue Jul 06, 2004 7:08 am

AN: This part is LONG overdue.... so I won't say much. Just that the song in this part is "Let's Get It Started" by Black Eyed Peas. Enjoy!

Part Thirteen

<center>And the base keeps runnin runnin
And runnin runnin
And runnin runnin
And runnin runnin
And runnin runnin
And...

In this context, there's no disrespect, so, when I bust my rhyme, you break your necks.
We got five minutes for us to disconnect, from all intellect collect the rhythm effect.
Obstacles are inefficient, follow your intuition, free your inner soul and break away from tradition.
Coz when we beat out, girl it's pullin without. You wouldn't believe how we wow shit out.
Burn it till it's burned out. Turn it till it's turned out. Act up from north, west, east, south.

Everybody, everybody, let's get into it.
Get stupid.
Get it started, get it started, get it started.
Let's get it started (ha), let's get it started in here.
Let's get it started (ha), let's get it started in here.
Yeah.</center>

Loud rap music blared from one of the multi-million dollar homes in the East Hamptons. Cashlin drove slowly, eyeing the numbers on the passing gates.

Cars were lined up on the street, obviously attendants at the all-out rave coming from one of the mansions. Cashlin sighed and rolled her eyes. She was trying to tell herself she wasn't jealous of these people's money. These people probably had never even been to the Bronx.

"Hold up." Zan's voice broke her thoughts as he pointed over at a medium-size house just off the road. It was almost hidden behind an enormous black gate, but the number engraved on the brick columns couldn't be missed.

This was the Ramirez house. Cashlin started to slow the car down, but Zan put a hand on hers. "No, no. Keep driving. Park over there, by the other cars."

With a confused look Cashlin did as he said. When she pulled the keys out of the ignition she gave him a sideways glance. "Zan... what are we doing here?"

He looked out the rear window, eyeing the area suspiciously. "I told ya."

"I know what we're doing here. I meant... right now. What if Jesse is still here? What if someone's bought the house already? What if this is all a trap?" Her voice was quiet inside the warm car.

His dark eyes sparkled in the moonlight. Reaching a hand over tenatively, he brushed his hand against her cheek. "Ain't nothin' gonna happen to you."

"I trust you, Zan." She whispered quietly, closing her eyes against the feel of his unaturally warm skin against hers. "It's everyone else I don't trust."

Zan let out a breath slowly. She had no idea what she did to him. She didn't realize that he would willingly die if it meant she got to live. His voice was low and reassuring. "Just goin' in and out. Real quick. You can stay here. I'll be right back."

Cashlin shook her head. "No, I'm going with you."

Her tone was non-negotiable, so they both quietly exited the car and walked across the street towards the house. Cashlin pulled her coat closer to her body. The air was more crisp and getting colder by the minute. She could practically smell the snow that was about to start falling.

"How are we going to get in there?" She whispered, following behind him. She glanced around nervously. A car was coming down the street, she could see arms flailing out the windows. They were obviously drunk. Cashlin shook her head and rolled her eyes. Drinking never appealed to her, especially after what she'd experienced when her parents had drank.

Before she had a chance to think another thought, Zan had shoved her against the gate. The loud crashing sound of metal against metal did not go unnoticed. Her eyes widen in surprise when she saw the car full of teenagers had just smashed the gate not 10 feet away from them.

"Hurry! Go!" One of the teens in the car yelled and as quickly as it had came, it sped off down the street.

It took Cashlin a few minutes to recollect her thoughts, but one thing became very clear. Zan still had her pinned against the metal gate. Saved my life... again... The small smile on her face dissolved when she looked into his eyes. His gaze was burning inside her. She became fully aware of the way his hands were gripping her sides. Rough... but not painful.

The music from a few houses down drifted over them adding to the sensual undertone of this moment. Her eyes became hazy and she leaned her forehead to touch his. She sighed softly, seeing her breath puff against his lips. "You're always protecting me."

A thousand emotions he'd never felt were coursing through his blood. He brought up a hand to smooth the stray hair away from her face. He wanted to tell her he'd always protect her. He wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked right now. That he would do anything for her.

But of course, he didn't. Instead he pulled away slightly, brought her cold hand up to press against his chest.

It was the oddest thing to Cashlin. She'd noticed it on more than one occasion that Zan seemed to have this... warmness about him. She immediately felt the coldness flee her entire body and this brought another smile to her face. The street lights were just bright enough so she could see the smile on his face, and it was that exact moment Cashlin knew she was a goner for this guy.

Flashing police lights broke into their moment and Zan hastily grabbed her hand and pulled her along the gate. The car that nearly ran them over actually helped them. It had hit the gate just hard enough to bend one of the metal rods over so they could slip through. Cashlin went first and Zan instantly followed, both hiding behind a massive oak tree until the cops turned the corner to another block. Soon the sounds of the sirens were drowned out again by the noise from the music next door.

The lawn was massive in size. It seemed like they ran across it for hours. If the threat of getting arrested for trespassing wasn't hanging over their heads, they probably would have had a lot more fun with this. As soon as they reached the front door, Cashlin's guess had been correct.

Since the house was being auctioned off, it was an open house. The door opened easily and she could tell that the alarm system had already been disconnected. Her shoes made a soft tapping sound against the hardwood floors. She looked up at spiraling staircase and the high ceilings. The entrance was extravagant, definitely unlike anything she had ever lived in.

The only disappointing thing was that nothing was here. No furniture, no papers, nothing. The house was completely empty.

Zan was still holding her hand and he started up the stairs, but she resisted. He looked at her questioningly.

"I'll stay down here." Her voice was low and quiet, even though there wasn't anyone else there.

He could hear a little fear in her voice... she didn't like going into strange dark places. She was giving him an uneasy smile and he frowned. He didn't want to leave her alone though. Even if he would be back in a couple of minutes.

As if she read his mind she smiled and let go of his hand, motioning him forward. "Go. I'll be ok. I'll look around down here."

He didn't like that idea at all, but he relented and before he knew it he was upstairs looking in one of the bedrooms. There wasn't anything in sight, and he feared it was too late. They'd hit a roadblock. Jesse Ramirez and his supposed "unknown" wife had been their only link to finding something about his parents.

After looking in three more rooms he sighed heavily. It was useless. There wasn't anything left. He swallowed hard as he looked down at his hands. They were starting to sweat. He lifted a hand to rub his forehead. He felt hot... and light headed all of a sudden. No.... not again...

While Zan was upstairs Cashlin poked through some of the rooms downstairs. She hated being alone in the dark, but she wasn't about to admit it to anyone. It creeped her out, but this was much more important than any of her childhood fears. Zan needed to find answers, and Jesse Ramirez was the only one who could help.

The whole house was quiet... until Cashlin stepped on a board that squeaked causing it to echo throughout the entire house. She cringed and looked down. She stepped on another board but there was no noise. She stepped on the other board again and the noise escaped again. Bending down on her knees the moonlight shining through the window led her to a small notch at the edge of the squeaky board.

The board came up easily and her eyes widened in surprise. It wasn't a box or anything spectacular. It was a single photograph, and a letter. She picked them up and replaced the board. The moonlight was shaded from the incoming clouds, so she couldn't make out who was in the picture.

It had to be important. Things that were hidden were always hidden for a reason. A triumphant smile lit up her face and she started to walk towards the kitchen, hopefully able to find some more evidence.

Just as she reached the doorway two hands grabbed her and pulled her against the wall. Instincively she started to scream, but a warm hand covered her mouth. Her heart was pounding wildly in her chest, but her mind recognized who it was. Zan. But... why was his body so tense? Why was he looking suspiciously into the kitchen?

The male voice of a stranger echoed in the kitchen, sending a shiver down her spine. "Did you see anything?"

Another male voice answered. "No sir, not a thing."

The man sounded agitated. "Damn it. Ramirez is smart. He covers his tracks."

"We've always known that."

Zan caught a glimpse of the one that seemed in charge. He looked in his middle thirties with bright blonde hair. A surfer guy in a suit. He had heard someone come into the back door when he was upstairs and had gotten to Cashlin just in time. Thoughts about his fever were pushed back as he intently listened to the two men in the kitchen.

"Have you gotten any more word from your source? About the two kids?"

"Nah, I don't think he's seen them at Sound Factory any more."

Cashlin's eyes widened even more. Zan looked at her, the same fear in his eyes. Someone was looking for them. They both knew why. Cashlin looked at his hand, that was still covering her mouth.

The hand that had a green laser type thing shoot out of it. It was as if he had the same thought, and jerked his hand off her mouth. That memory scared him. What had happened that night outside the club.... it wasn't normal. He hadn't been able to control it.

"Well we're gonna keep looking. He's working with a sketch artist now though." The other guy continued. "We should have some good pictures to work with by the end of the month."

"We have to take care of this situation fast." The blonde man stated. "Remington is getting impatient."

The two men started out of the house, the other man's last comment hung in the air well after their departure.

"The sooner that freak kid is in a body bag... the better."

****

Cash had been too upset to drive home, so Zan had silently agreed to take them both back to the Bronx. The car was silent all the way to her house... but that was ok. A million thoughts were running through their heads.

They had left the house when they were sure those men had left. But now looking back, Cashlin wished they'd never went to that house. Then they wouldn't know that someone was looking for them.

That someone wanted to kill Zan. A tremor wracked through her entire body. She took a deep breath and the familiar door to her apartment building was right outside her window.

Zan parked the car, but made no move to get out. Small white snowflakes drifted in the wind. It was slow at first, but soon all they saw was a white wall fluttering down onto the cold earth.

"I'm sorry." Zan's voice was low, his eyes fixated on the steering wheel. He couldn't look at her.

She jerked her head towards him, twisting slightly in the passengers seat so she could see him better. Tears were stinging her eyes. She kept her hands folded in her lap, but they were itching to touch him. To comfort him. "What do you think they meant?"

"To kill me." His voice sounded more calm than he really was.

"How do they --" She started, then stopped. He didn't have any answers. She knew as much as he did.

"They're professionals... at whatever they do. They have a sketch artist.... they'll have my picture in a few weeks."

"Zan... what..." Her voice trailed off and she sighed. A single tear escaping her eye. "What are we going to do?"

Zan closed his eyes. She had said 'we'. He had been right all along. He never should have involved her in this. He'd known from the beginning that it was a bad idea. He should have listened to himself. This was destined to fail.

His heart ached in his chest. Damn it. He honestly didn't know if he could give her up now. But those bastards hadn't said anything about killing her. He was all they were concerned about. He was a freak.

"Leave town." Zan said, his voice cracked and he cleared his throat.

"When?" Her voice was so soft and innocent.

Zan shrugged his shoulders. He glanced at her, she could practically feel his pain. "Christmas. I'll stay until Christmas."

Cashlin felt a few more tears escape. She didn't miss the undertone of what he was saying. Christmas was only a couple of weeks away. "You're going.... alone aren't you?" It hurt just to say the words.

He couldn't look at her now. He gripped the steering wheel almost to the point where he thought he would crush it. His jaws clenched tightly. "Yes."

Panic seized her. "Zan! I-"

Within a second he was facing her, two fingers hushing her lips. She looked up in his eyes and nearly broke at the emotion she saw in him.

He was almost crying. Zan shook his head slowly. "Don't say it. Because it's impossible. I won't let you risk your life for me. I'm the one they want. They're not going to touch you." He could tell in her eyes that very minute, that she would follow him. Wherever he went... she would go. No questions asked.

That meant more to him than anything ever had. But he couldn't let her do this. She didn't know what she would be getting herself into. Hell, he didn't even know what he was getting himself into.

Everything that had happened between them had happened so fast. It had only been a few months since they'd even first started talking to each other. But both of them knew more had been going on all these years.

"You probably shouldn't be seen with me... anymore." The words tasted bitter and cruel on his tongue. Like he was betraying her. "In case they find me before then."

She shook her head. "No... Zan..."

His fingers traced the side of her face. She'd never looked more beautiful than she did right now. His voice started to break, but he forced himself to speak anyway. "I know that you would come with me. I know. But you can't." He paused and leaned his head towards hers, rubbing their cheeks together softly. He couldn't look at her anymore. "Damn.... you're the best thing that ever happened to me."

Cashlin pulled away, forcing him to look in her eyes. She gripped his hands in hers almost as if holding onto him would make him stay. She inhaled a shaky breath, tears streaking down her face. She smiled slightly, only causing her to cry more. "Please don't ...... don't leave me here."

Zan crushed her against him, almost losing it. With every tear she shed it was like a knife in his chest. It physically hurt him when she was in pain. There were so many things he didn't understand. What was going on with him, what was going on between them....

"Cash..." Was all he could mutter. His voice sounded lost.

She pulled away slightly and wiped the tears off her cheeks. The look on her face was determined. "Zan.... I know you just want me to be safe. I understand. But... you can't go by yourself. You need to find your parents, they are probably the only ones who can tell you what is going on. But you can't - no you aren't going by yourself. You get sick Zan... what if there wasn't anyone to catch you?"

"Ash I can-"

"No. Damn it, listen to me!" She raised her voice, tears threatening her eyes again. She swallowed back her emotion. Her brown eyes were almost glowing in the dark car. In a whisper, she said the words that would change his life. "Zan.... I love you... and, I want to be with you. I don't care about anything else."

Nothing else existed except the two of them. For the next few moments, he forgot about finding his parents. He forgot about the people after him. He forgot about how his life was going to change when he left town. He forgot about how sick he was. Time was almost in slow motion. He could feel his heartbeat slow down.

Cashlin's eyes searched his, waiting for a response. She couldn't tell what he was thinking. She hadn't just said it so that he would stay... or so he would let her come with him. She said it because she meant it. She loved him. His dark spiky hair, his dark eyes that drew her in everytime she looked at him, his warm hands.... his heart... his soul that only a few special people got to see. Everything.

She could only stare at him, as he blinked his eyes... and a single tear slid down his cheek. Cashlin had never seen such raw emotion. For the first time, she was really seeing Zan Kingston.

"Ash...." Zan's voice trailed off. His hand slipped behind her neck, toying with her silky dark hair. "I've always loved you."

She sucked in a harsh breath at his admission, and immediately closed the gap sealing their feelings with a soft kiss. It wasn't fast or urgent. It was slow, their mouths communicating what their words could not.

They were together. They could not be separated. Whatever happened in the future... they would face it as one.

TBC...

AntarianLiz · Post by **AntarianLiz** » Wed Jul 07, 2004 9:33 pm

Part Fourteen

Christmas music floated into the ears of everyone in Janine's house. They had family come all the way from California to celebrate the holidays with them... and Janine had just about had enough.

But it was Christmas Eve... and the end of their stay was in sight. She hung the ornaments on the tree, a hint of sadness in her mood. Cashlin had acted weird yesterday. Really weird.

Her best friend had become a little distant lately... but Jay had just chalked it up with Cash finally "getting a guy". But it wasn't that they weren't spending time together anymore... it was something else.

Cash had looked really sad the day before... like something bad was about to happen. She had mentioned to Jay about fighting with her mom today, but even Jay knew that wouldn't make her sad. It usually mad her angry when she did that.

Jay hung a few ornaments and handed the rest of the box to her little cousins. They would enjoy decorating the tree more than she would anyway. The house was a buzz full of people, but no one noticed Jay walk up the stairs slowly and shut her bedroom door behind her.

It was the only quiet place that was just hers. Her room was her refuge, and by this time next year.... she would be in her new home. A dorm at the University of Florida. Cashlin had made it clear that she was attending USC... and if they were going to be apart... she'd be damned if she was getting stuck in New York.

Photographs littered her walls of her and Cashlin at various places. There was one all the way back when they were ten. It was taken by her mother, at some beach in Jersey. They were dressed up in grown women's clothes. There were ribbons of pictures of them taken in vintage photo booths. Pictures of them at junior high school parties. Their senior pictures.

Only one thing was different. She raised an eyebrow at the small white envelope on the center of her dark blue bedspread. Gingerly raising it up she sat down. From the writing on the front, she knew it was written by Cash.

There was a sinking feeling in the bottom of her stomach as she opened it up, and unfolded the letter. She knew it was good bye.

Dear Janine,

I'm getting ready to tell my mom leaving... but I wanted to tell you first. You have always been there for me, and while this may be hard to hear... I need you to really listen to me.

I'm going away. Yes, it is with Zan, but it's not for the reason that you're thinking. He needs my help. No, it's not for something illegal.

The thing I haven't been able to tell you is... well here it is. Zan is trying to find his biological parents, and he asked me to help him. What we've uncovered so far is strange and only gives us more questions instead of answers. The complete situation is complicating, but I don't want to tell you anymore than this... for your own safety.

I just want you to know, that I'm going to be ok. You know I wouldn't leave unless I truly felt this. God, I can't believe I'm writing you a letter like this... but I honestly can't do this to your face. We've been through so much... You have been so good to me, and you were especially great when my dad got in his mess. Then when my mom created her mess. I'm sure no one else in the world has a friend they can count on like I do.

I'm so sorry that I won't be there for you next year. But believe me when I say I know in my heart of hearts that you're going to be just fine. And so will I.

I don't know when... or even if I'll be able to see you again. Everything is so complicating right now. But I'm hoping that someday our paths will cross again.

I love you Jay. You're the best friend I've ever had.

- Cashlin

P.S. Burn this letter right now. If anyone asks you about me or Zan, don't tell them anything. For all our sakes.

Jay sat beside the fire place a few hours after reading the letter, watching the flames wrap around the last link to her friendship. Soon it slowly dissolved into ashes, like Cashlin dissolved from her life.

Gone... but not forgotten.

*****

Mona sighed and stretched her arms above her head. It was eleven o'clock on Christmas Eve and she was finally done working for two whole weeks. Vacation.... finally. She was surprised to find their apartment completely clean and a meal waiting in the fridge. Zan... She thought with a smile. He was really good to her. Sometimes too good.

"Sweetie?" She yelled from the bottom of the stairs. His door was closed, but surely he was home. Although she wouldn't be a bit surprised if he was at Cashlin's again. They were practically joined at the hip now. She smiled at the thought of their young love. They were an absolutely adorable couple.

"Zan?" She yelled one more time, and with a shrug of her shoulders she walked back to the kitchen and put her food in the microwave. It was then that she noticed the piece of paper on the kitchen table. It was Zan's scratchy handwriting.

The fork she was holding crashed onto the floor. Mona walked slowly to the table and sat down. He wouldn't.... But she knew he had. He'd run off with Cashlin. Zan was so unpredictable. They probably ran off to get married. Or worse yet.... he'd gotten her pregnant!

"I'm gonna be a grandmother...." Mona whispered to herself, feeling a little light headed. What was she going to tell Cashlin's mother? That woman already hated her and her son. Mona couldn't picture a Christmas dinner with the three of them. As family. No... it just wasn't possible.

What were they going to do? Where would Cashlin stay if her mother kicked her out because of the pregnancy? They could surely live with the baby here. There's no way Mona could turn against her own grandchild. But.. she was too young to be a grandma!

With a shaky hand she lifted the note up. Maybe she was jumping the gun here. Maybe they'd only went to see a movie or something. But as soon as she began reading... it was much worse than anything she could ever imagine.

Mom,

Don't be pissed. Me and Cashlin are long gone by now. It's not the reason you're thinkin. I would have just told you this in person, but I know you would have tried to tell me to stay. And I can't. People are after me.

It turns out that my real parents might have more answers to give me than I thought, so we're going to find them. I don't know how long it will take, or when we'll be back. Maybe tomorrow, maybe never. I know you don't have the answers I need, and I don't blame you for keeping things from me.

I took half of the money from the Brooklyn account. I put the rest in your account. You should be alright now. I know your gallery is gonna be off the hook, you might as well quit the hotel job right now. You don't need it anymore.

No matter what though, you'll always be my mother. You raised me, you put up with my shit when you didn't have to.

I love you.

Now get rid of this letter. If anyone comes around asking for me, I went to Canada.

Zan

Mona closed her eyes, taking in a shaky breath. She knew there would be no sleep tonight. Left feeling a little numb, she found the strength to eat dinner. The radio was on in the background, but she didn't notice it.

<center>I believe the children are our are future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
Everybody searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone to fulfill my needs
A lonely place to be
So I learned to depend on me

I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all</center>

Zan was gone. He was trying to find his parents. But the worst part about it was... that is exactly what she hadn't gotten to tell him. It was the one thing that Jesse Ramirez told her to never let happen. He couldn't go looking for his parents. They didn't want to be found.

But once Zan made up his mind... he wasn't going to change it. She was his mother, she knew things like this. All night she prayed for his safety... because Mr. Ramirez had told her something. Something that now frightened her to death.

If anyone ever found out that Zan was the son of these people.... they would kill him on sight.

****

It had been one long day. Actually it had been one long month. After all the preparation... after everything. Tomorrow had turned into right now. Had it really been almost a month since the night at the Ramirez house?

Now she was cuddled in her seat... of their brand new 2020 Corvette. Yes, they had to get a flashy sports car. Zan refused to drive around the country in a Volkswagen Beetle... which had been Cashlin's choice. Atleast she had gotten to pick the color. Although Zan had not seemed to mind too much. He figured red was much better than yellow anyway.

Cashlin felt drained. The fight with her mom had taken away all her energy. Their cover story was that they were running away together... to Canada. The exact opposite direction they were going.

She felt Zan's hand on her shoulder and noticed the car slowed down to a stop in a small parking lot. She sat up and took a deep breath. This was it. She reached into her coat pocket and pulled out the letter and photograph she'd found a few weeks ago. She had not looked at it yet. They had both decided to wait until right now.

He flipped the overhead lights on and even though he tried to at calm, she could tell he was almost crawling out of his skin. She didn't delay any further, and flipped the picture over her eyes immediately widening in surprise.

"Oh my god!"

"What?" Zan took the picture from her, eyeing it carefully. It was of a man... holding a baby. The man looked almost exactly like him.

"Thats..." Cashlin tried to collect her thoughts. "That's who I saw. When I had that.... whatever it was. Flash or something. That's the guy." She paused when he looked up at her. Her voice softened and she smiled. "That's your father."

It was weird. He was holding a picture of someone who looked just like him... and it was obvious that he was the baby in the picture. But he felt no emotion towards this person. And it was his father. "Wow."

"He looked different in my head though..." Cashlin's voice trailed off.

Zan nodded his head. "Like it was in the future or something."

"Yeah," She nodded in agreement... then suddenly paused. "Wait - I didn't tell you that. How did you know?" When he didn't answer she sighed. "What aren't you telling me? Has this happened to you?"

"Yeah... I dunno I guess."

"What an answer." She shrugged and rolled her eyes. "Zan, look you've got to tell me this kind of stuff. We can't go around keeping secrets from each other."

Zan put the picture in the console and shook his head. "Don't go all emotional girlfriend on me."

Cashlin's jaw dropped. "Excuse me?"

"Because I might just like it." He finished with a smile, knowing he'd gotten her good.

Her shoulders sagged and she rolled her eyes. "Playa."

"You know it."

"Anyways..." She pulled out the envelope. It was thin and looked pretty worn. She pulled it opened and stuck her hand inside. She gave Zan an alarmed look.

"What is it?" He asked taking it from her and looking inside.

"Nothing! There's nothing in there!" She exclaimed. Their plan was crashing by the second. "Zan... what are we going to do! We planned everything on that letter!"

"Chill, babe... it's a business envelope. The postmark says Philly. We'll check that out first." Zan smirked at her brief outburst.

"Stop looking so smug." She took the paper from him and eyed it carefully. "Turner's Travel. Why would Jesse go to a travel agency all the way in Philadelphia?"

"Whateva the reason... he sure didn't want anyone to find out he went there." That was reason enough to go to Pennsylvania.

Cashlin nodded her head, already feeling good about this. "Ok... at least we've got a direction, ya know?"

Zan nodded his head and got comfortable in the drivers seat. He turned towards her, still not really believing she was here. She looked so calm... after all that she'd had to go through. Leaving her mother, her friends... she was leaving her life. And it was all for him. The most fascinating thing was, neither of them had any idea where they would end up... or who they would be at the end of this trip.

He really didn't have much to give up. He'd planned on leaving after he graduated anyway. But her... she was giving up so much more. She must have felt his gaze on her, because she glanced at him, a smile growing on her face.

"What are you staring at?"

"We'll be back pretty soon." Zan said the words, even though he knew almost certainly they weren't true.

Cashlin sighed slightly and looked down, toying with the edges of her jacket. She knew he was giving her an out to all of this. But she would never take it. "I told you, I'm coming with you. It doesn't matter to me when we come back. We'll come back when we can."

"I'll never forget this." He said it mostly to himself. She was so selfless. Sometimes he wished he could be more like her.

"Ya better not." She smiled sarcastically, eyeing him up and down. "Now are you gonna drive this baby or are we sittin here the rest of our lives?"

And he loved that attitude. He shook his head, that cocky smirk returning to his face. "Why don't you crawl over here and drive then?"

"I might as well."

"Please do."

"You'd love that, wouldn't you?"

Zan breathed out slowly. His eyes darkened a little. She had no idea how sexy she looked when she played with him. "You've got no idea." Thoughts of them staying in hotel rooms entered his mind. He almost groaned. He could just imagine her teasing him... She's gonna kill me...

Cashlin laughed and sat back in her seat. She gave him a playful glance, noticing the small genuine smile on his face. "We're gonna have a really good time."

In spite of everything ahead of him, he was in the best mood of his life. He started the car again and it roared to life. He glanced at the clock and shifted gears. "Cash?"

"Yeah?" She looked at him curiously. Her brown hair framed her face perfectly, those white teeth barely showing as she bit her bottom lip.

Damn he was in trouble. He didn't know how long he could keep his... urges in check. Before he slammed his foot on the gas pedal, he muttered, "Merry Christmas."

Cashlin looked at the clock. It was midnight. A warmness filled her and she smiled. "Merry Christmas."

TBC...

AntarianLiz · Post by **AntarianLiz** » Fri Jul 09, 2004 10:29 pm

Part Fifteen

<center>And if you want it you got it forever
This is not a one night stand
So let the music take your mind
Just release and you will find

You're gonna fly away
Glad you're goin my way
I love it when we're cruisin together
Music is played for love
Cruisin and made for love
I love it when we're cruisin together</center>

It really hadn't taken long to get to Philadelphia. Just a little over two hours, but Cashlin didn't notice at all. As soon as they left New York she had fallen right asleep. The next thing she knew they were in the parking lot of a Fairfield Inn.

It was the middle of the night, and the hotel clerk did regard them a little strangely. But they were both over 18 so everything was alright. Cashlin had almost laughed when the clerk eyed them suspiciously. She felt so much older than 18.

Of course she and Zan were sharing a room, and needless to say that was an awkward walk down the hallway. They hadn't spoke too much since they'd left New York, both of them were still getting adjusted to this new life they had just begun together.

They had been spending a lot of time together, but this was very different. Now they were spending all their time together. They were going to be sleeping... in the same room.

Zan had his duffel bag on his shoulder, and had insisted on carrying hers for her. He was strong, but her suitcase was heavy. He asked her what it was that felt like bricks and she said her make up bags. When he mutter she didn't need make up anyway, she had told him that he'd understand tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow morning. Oh god. He was going to be spending the night with Cashlin. But he wasn't going to touch her. No, he was going to be a gentleman. Respectful. Well... he was hoping he would anyway. It was hard for him to be good, because he was very good at being bad.

Cashlin stuck the card into the slot and pulled it free. When she opened the door, the room looked plain and simple. It was the standard room, two queen beds and one bathroom. There was a small coffee pot on the dresser and Cashlin smiled to herself. Did Zan drink coffee? There was still a lot they had to learn about each other.

Zan set the bags down on the chair in the corner. When he turned around he watched Cashlin looking around the room. An uneasy feeling twisted in his stomach. Why was he getting so nervous? This wasn't a big deal. They were just sleeping in the same room. It wasn't like they were sleeping... together. Not that he didn't want to, but that wasn't the point. They needed to take things slowly.

"So..." He cleared his throat, shoving his hands in his pockets. That's great, look even more nervous....

Cashlin smiled and walked over to her bag. "Well, I guess I'll go change first. I'm dead tired."

Zan watched her kick her shoes off in the corner then disappear into the bathroom. He let out a sigh of relief and stretched his neck. He was pretty tired too. Yesterday had been stressful and the relief of finally leaving had completely drained them both. Since it was Christmas, the travel agency most likely wouldn't be open. So they'd have a whole day to rest before they found out anything more.

Zan shrugged off his jacket and laid it over the chair. He kicked off his boots by her shoes and pulled his shirt over his head. Just as he did at home, he tossed it carelessly onto the floor. He turned on the tv briefly to check the weather report. Snow. Lots of snow. Inches of snow. He sighed and turned it off. They might get stuck here for a few days. He pulled his jeans off and tossed them on the floor as well.

This is how Cashlin saw him when she walked out of the bathroom. Zan... only in his black boxers. She almost dropped her hairbrush. She tried to play off how big her eyes got at the sight of him. She'd never seen this... much of him before. She pressed her lips firmly together to keep her jaw from dropping. Zan was so.... so... drop dead sexy. What was that movie star with the really hot body that her mother crazed about? Brad Pitt or something?

He didn't have nothin on Zan Kingston. Her eyes trailed his body, fully appreciating everything she saw. When her eyes met his dark ones she saw the same thing in his eyes.

He had forgotten how to breath. He had to be seeing things, he just had to. There's no way Cashlin was within five feet of him... dressed like this. She was wearing a black silk halter top night shirt, her hair swept up in a loose ponytail. Her pants matched her shirt, and ended just above her toes. The only thing he could think of was...

Damn.

Breaking their gaze she looked away, a touch of a blush on her cheeks as she put her hair brush back in her suitcase. She walked over to the bed on the opposite side of the room, and noticed that he began walking towards the other one.

It was an awkward moment but Cashlin ended it by flipping off the lights and crawling into bed. Zan was a little slower in doing so, but finally she heard him lay down.

It was too weird. Cashlin laid there staring at the ceiling for what seemed like hours. She turned.... and turned.... and turned. She couldn't get comfortable. Was there a ticking clock around? She strained her ears. She never could sleep when she heard one of those. Nope, the clock next to the bed was digital. Hmmm...

Zan wasn't having much luck either. He couldn't stop staring at her. No matter how hard he tried... he just couldn't stop. Even as tired as he was, for some reason he couldn't sleep.

Knots twisted in Cashlin's stomach and finally she sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Taking a deep breath she focused on the floor.

"What's wrong?" Zan asked as he sat up. He could tell something was bothering her. What if she was regretting all this?

She didn't answer and only stood up and walked away a few steps. Zan growled in his throat. This was bullshit. He walked over behind her, spun her around, and brought her lips to meet his.

Everything in Cashlin snapped. This was what she needed. Her hands slid over his muscular arms finally to rest around his neck. Her mouth immediately opened for him, letting him into her completely. His tongue was warm inside her mouth, it wasn't forceful. It slid against hers sensually... reassuringly.

His hands rubbed the small of her back slowly. All she could do was close her eyes and feel the emotions swarming throughout her entire body. She felt... warm... all over. His lips moved off of hers and down to trail her neck.

She was breathing hard by now and she arched her neck to allow him more room. She moaned when she felt his mouth moving over the sensitive skin at the base of her neck. "Zan.."

"Mmm... yeah?" She looked too good. He couldn't help it. Screw being the good guy... he wanted to be bad. He lived for it. She tasted like heaven, and the more he had the more he wanted.

She completely forgot what she was going to say. So she said the only thing that came to mind at that moment. "Don't stop."

Zan shook his head and moved up her neck to her lips again. "We have to."

This time she shook her head, and held him even closer to her. She kissed him back with even more force and it nearly made him lose all sense of control. He pressed her against the wall reveling in the fact that her eyes were closed in ecstasy.

Every inch of Zan was touching her, and she moaned his name when she felt his hardness press against her lower stomach.

He knew he had to stop this before they went too far. He felt her hands slid from his neck all the way down his sides... to the top of his boxers. Oh man he really didn't want to stop this. But he had to.

He pulled away slightly, trying to clear his head. They were both breathing pretty hard and her hands were still at his waist. "We can't..."

Cashlin swallowed. She knew he was right, but she didn't want to admit it. "You don't want--?"

"Oh baby I want to." Zan was dead serious about that, but when he looked into her eyes he temporarily forgot why they couldn't. But the innocence shining from her baby brown eyes sparked his memory. He put his forehead against hers and sighed. "I want you so bad it hurts. But we need more time. I wanna take this slow." He paused, gauging her reaction. "Undastand?"

Cashlin nodded her head. Her thoughts weren't so hazy anymore and she knew he was right. Why rush things? "I know. And I love you even more for it."

A slight tremor went through Zan's body when he heard her words. She hadn't said that since that night in her car a few weeks ago. His hand was still against the back of her head, her ponytail crushed in his grip. He let go slowly, smoothing it back down before lightly caressing her rosy cheek. "I love you."

He was rewarded with a shy smile and he groaned. They really had to go to bed right now, because he couldn't do what they just did without going all the way. When she started to climb back into her bed, he grabbed her hand and silently led her to his.

"I can't sleep unless you're with me."

She heard the pure honesty in his voice and never doubted for a second that he had other motives. She knew him too well. She smiled and nodded her head. "I can't either."

He pulled her close, helping her sit and swing her legs underneath the covers. He covered her up and walked around the other side and got in beside her. There was no awkwardness. She turned on her side and felt him move right behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist to rest on the front of her stomach.

It only took a few seconds for Cashlin to fall right asleep. Zan took a little longer, only because he was marveling in the fact that in just four short months his life had completely changed. He had never imagined falling in love with someone this deeply... or to have set out looking for his biological parents.

Cruel reality set in and he winced. He was starting to get one of his fevers. He pushed the pain far back in his mind. He wasn't letting anything bother him tonight.

Zan ran his fingers over the smooth skin of Cashlin's stomach and fell asleep with the calming hum of her heartbeat in his ears.

****

Derek Remington threw the file he'd just been handed against the wall. "Absolute fucking bullshit!"

"We're sorry sir." One of his investigators, Henry, apologized.

"I'm sorry sir, doesn't quite cut it, Mathers! I told you to find this kid and get rid of him!" Remington was in a blinding rage. His hands were curled into fists ready to deck anyone who challenged him. "How the hell did he get away?"

Henry shook his head. "I don't know. Maybe he found out we were onto him."

"Did his mom say anything?" Remington saw Henry shake his head. "Damn it!"

"She just said he left a few days ago with his girlfriend headed for Canada. Apparently it was all of a sudden." Henry explained.

"Fucking A!" Remington punched the wall, his knuckles were throbbing in pain but he took no notice. "What about this girlfriend? Did you check her out?"

Henry nodded his head enthusiastically and handed his boss the other file. "Her name is Cashlin Cleary. She went to high school with Kingston. I asked around the school and apparently their relationship is pretty new. They were pretty hot and heavy while they were at school. They both graduated early."

"So they decided to just up and move to Canada? That doesn't make any sense." Remington had studied these cases for too long. He knew when something wasn't right.

"You know kids these days. They're crazy." Henry shrugged it off. "Besides, it won't be too hard to find them. Kingston messed up. He purchased a new Corvette for their little joy ride. We've already contacted our agents in Canada. We've got an APB out on them. They'll have them by the end of the week."

"They didn't go to Canada." Remington stated, looking out the window of the skyscraper.

"Sir?"

Remington shook his head, talking mostly to himself. "Aliens are sneaky. They're tricky. They play with your mind, Mathers. That's what they do. They say one thing and do another. It's their trademark. These bastards have been doing it for almost 80 years."

"We're so close now though. Once we have one of them, we'll get all of them." Henry couldn't understand why his boss was so close minded. At least they had some leads.

"Are you listening to a damn thing I'm saying??!!" Remington snapped, banging his fist on his desk. "We need to find this kid, kill him, now."

Henry jumped at his bosses outburst. Remington could lose it pretty good sometimes.

"I want him dead, Mathers. By the end of the week... I want him dead." An uneasy calm overtook Remington and he wore a weird... almost sadistic smile on his face. "Find him and this girl. Look in the U.S. first. If you find them and he doesn't talk..."

"Yes, sir?" Henry asked after a while.

Remington smiled. "Rape her. Torture her. Whatever. Make him talk."

TBC...

AN: Awww.... don't hate me too much!

The next part will *probably* be done by Sunday night. If it's not, i'll let you know then when it will. Thanks for all the great feedback! You guys are too good to me!

AntarianLiz · Post by **AntarianLiz** » Sun Jul 11, 2004 10:33 pm

AN: Initally I had logged onto my computer to post a note here saying that Part sixteen wasn't going to be done tonight. Wow... it's amazing at how much a person can accomplish when they're inspired. I just couldn't stop writing. Anyways, I hope you like this part.... and don't hate me too much for the cliff hanger. I'll be back in a few days to continue it.

Let me know what you think!

Part Sixteen

It was their second day in Philadelphia and both Cashlin and Zan were glad that Turner's Travel was going to be open for business. Although, they were almost sad to check out of their hotel. It had snowed so much on Christmas day they hadn't even left. They had ate out of the vending machines and talked all day.

It had been the most incredible day of Cashlin's life. She had learned so much about Zan that day. First and foremost... he liked Coke better than Pepsi. He hated coffee. He didn't really like to eat anything for breakfast, but he did love chinese food for dinner. They had a lot of things in common, but then something they didn't. Cashlin always ate breakfast. She liked reading the newspaper every morning to keep up on life everywhere else. She liked sappy romantic movies, Zan pretty much preferred anything with violence and gore.

They loved the same music. Cashlin had turned on the radio and both of them tried to sing different songs. Most people didn't appreciate rap music. They talked to fast. It doesn't make sense. The words are too profane. How could you understand what they were saying?

Their outlook was... how could you not know. Maybe it was the words. Maybe it was just the beats... they had fun challenging each other though. It was the first time Cashlin had ever seen Zan just act silly. A crazy rap song would come on with a sensual undertone and they would grind while he sang along perfectly with the artist. It went back and forth until it was Cashlin's turn again and the song "Baby Got Back" came on.... she had conceded the game at that point.

The memory of their perfect day played through both of their minds as they drove through the still snowy streets towards the travel agency. Philadelphia was a beautiful city. Unfortunately, if everything went to plan, they wouldn't be staying here another day. The two of them had already been here, on a class field trip, but being on their own now the city seemed less constrictive. They could go anywhere they wanted. Do anything they wanted to do.

Never in her life had Cashlin had this much control over the things she did. For the past twelve years her life had been exactly the same. Get up, go to school, go home, go to bed. End of story. Now it was so different. She didn't know where she'd wind up the next morning. However now she knew she was going to wake up with Zan every morning... and that made her long for the end of the day now.

"We're here." Zan pulled the car as close to the curb as he could. The snow was piled pretty high on the sides of the streets from the snow plows. They bot got out and walked towards the door. Zan took a deep breath and checked her over. How was it that she could always look amazing?

Cashlin nodded her head, going over her lines mentally. The scenario they had set up was perfect. Fail proof.... unless this Turner guy didn't want to cooperate. Then they would have no where to go. She clutched her coat around her body. She was starting to get nervous.

Right before Zan was about to open the door, he stopped and remembered one of the most important things. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the two rings he had gotten this morning at the jewelry store. "I almost forgot.... Mrs. King." Kingston, he wanted to add so badly.

Cashlin smiled and held out her hand as he slid her small diamond ring on her wedding finger. "Why of course, Mr. King." With one look at the ring Cashlin gasped. "Zan, oh my god is this real? I thought you didn't spend very much!"

Zan had gotten to know that Cashlin was always going to be worried about their money situation. Even though they had over $50,000. But he loved seeing that sparkle in her eyes that she got whenever he did something that made her smile. It was worth the two thousand he paid for it. He only wished it had the real meaning attached... instead of an act. "Don't worry so much, you ready?"

She nodded her head and walked in behind him, still marveling at the rock on her finger. Wowzers.

"Can I help you?" The lady at the front desk asked politely. Her name tag read "Missy" and she looked around their age. She also looked ditzy.

Good, Zan thought. They could use that to their advantage.

Cashlin kicked right into the act. She smiled brightly and clung onto Zan's side. "Hi! I'm Caitlyn, and this is my darling husband Sam. We were wondering if we could just have a few teensie weensie moments with the owner...?"

Missy's jaw dropped and she gasped dramatically. "You two are married?! Oh. My. God. That is so cool."

Cashlin sighed dreamily and glanced at Zan. She could tell he was trying very hard not to smile. "Eloped. In Vegas."

Missy practically passed out when Cashlin held up her hand, the shiny diamond sparkling under the flourescent lights of the office. "Yikes! What a rock! You got yourself a keeper there, Caitlyn."

"I know it." Cashlin hugged Zan even closer.

"So you want to see Mr. Turner?" Missy asked, and when they nodded their heads she pressed a button on her phone. "Mr. Turner, there's a lovely couple here to see you."

Not two seconds later a door swung open and a tall, skinny brown haired man threw his arms in the air. "Newlyweds!"

Oh God. The man drug them into his office and Zan immediately cleared his throat and sat down in one of the chairs. Cashlin sat in the one next to him.

Mr. Turner looked at the two with wide eyes. "So young! Is this for your honeymoon... how about the carribbean? I've got a great 7 day cruise in the bahamas for next week! I'll give ya a deal. $700 for the both of ya's."

"Well... actually..." Cashlin started.

"Ok, ok, $600."

Cashlin shook her head. "No, you don't understand."

"Alright. $550. Here, take my wallet because you are robbing me blind!" Turner joked and placed a hand over his eyes for effect. He laughed and peered through his fingers. The two kids were staring at him. He cleared his throat and sat up straight. Not that kind of crowd. "Well.... what can I help you with?

"We're really good friends with a client of yours, and he highly recommended you." Flatter him first, then maybe he'll talk. It seemed to do the trick because Mr. Turner looked like he was getting all giddy again. Before he had the chance to start another speal though, Cashlin quickly continued. "Jesse Ramirez has been a long time friend and he suggested that we go on the last trip he went on."

It was odd how a persons countenance could change so quickly. Mr. Turner had no color left in his face. "Mr... Ramirez you say, referred you?"

"Y-- Yeah..." Cashlin's voice trailed off.

Zan eyed the man curiously. He seemed almost... scared to death. "He's a good friend of mine. Actually... him and his wife."

"Oh!" Mr. Turner smiled and relaxed. "You two know Isabel. Ok... whew!"

It only took Cashlin a second to kick back into the act. "Yes! Isabel, she's a great friend. She told me that the perfect place for my husband and I to go was where they stayed at last. But... stupid me I forgot to write it down."

Mr. Turner waved a hand. "No problem. I'll look it up real quick. Any friend of Isabel's is a friend of mine." Within a few seconds he had the information they needed and wrote it down on a piece of paper. "You will love it here. This is probably the Ramirez's favorite spot. Should I go ahead and make the reservations?"

Cashlin nodded her head. "Yes and.... could we have the exact same room they had as well?" It was an odd request, but Turner had heard weirder.

"Sure... no problem."

After saying their goodbyes they left the office and got back into their car. Cashlin immediately sighed in relief. They were able to find something out without a bunch of hassle.

Zan closed his eyes for a moment. He had started feeling a little dizzy in there. His headache from a few days ago was finally gone.

"Are you ok?" Cashlin's asked, he could hear the concern in her voice.

"Fine." He looked at her and still saw the worried look on her face. "Just relieved."

Cashlin smiled and nodded her head. "Well... at least we have another lead."

"Another place to go." Zan added, he was immediately starting to feel better. This was a big drive. A few days ago it was just to Philly. Their journey was getting a lot more real now. He'd never been farther than this. Neither had she.

"Well..." Cashlin took a deep breath, unable to stop the smile spreading across her face. "Asheville, North Carolina.... here we come."

****

Isabel sighed into her pillow. She never wanted to leave this place again. But they had to. They could never stay in one place two nights in a row. The special unit was always one step behind them. And she wanted to keep it that way.

Jesse brought in a tray of food and set it next to her. He smiled lovingly as she sat up. He pushed her brown hair away from her face. "Good morning."

"I've wanted to wake up with you every morning for so long that now... when it's real... it feels like a dream." She admitted quietly.

"It's not a dream," He muttered against her lips before slowly closing the distance and massaging her lips with his.

Isabel sighed when they separated. "I love this."

"It's always going to be like this." He promised. "From now on."

"I know... everything is so perfect now. No one is alone anymore." Isabel grabbed some food off the tray and popped a few blueberries in her mouth. "Max and Liz. Michael and Maria. Kyle and that Spanish girl he met in Europe. Me and you. And..." Her voice trailed off.

"And..." Jesse encourage. "Go ahead. You can say it."

"And Zan." Thinking about her nephew always wanted to make her cry. "The last time I talked to you... your source. He said that Zan had a girlfriend."

Jesse nodded his head, and noticed the smile on Isabel's face. She loved hearing about Zan. "Yeah. I have an investigator check in on him every now and then. The last time I talked to him, right before I left, he said that Zan was getting pretty serious with some girl."

"Did he find out a name?" No matter what Isabel had been through, no matter what country she was living in... she wanted to know about the nephew she had never met. She didn't have any children to fawn over. Seeing him a few months ago in New York had been overwhelming. She had wanted to tell everyone she knew how handsome her brothers son was... but she didn't.

"Um... yeah. It's Cashlin, I believe. Kind of unusual." Jesse commented and started eating some cereal.

"Oh and Zan isn't an unusual name." Isabel joked. She sighed happily. That was the best news she'd heard all year. Zan had found someone. And she knew that when one of them found somebody, it really meant something. "Good for him."

They sat in silence a few moments until Jesse cleared his throat. He looked around the small cabin and sighed. "I guess we better get going after breakfast if we want to make it to Little Rock by dinner."

Isabel nodded her head. "Yeah... I guess so."

He could tell there was something in her voice. "Go ahead."

"Go ahead and what?"

"Ask what you want. I know there's something." Jesse laughed and shook his head. He knew her better than she did.

"Well it's just.... when is the next time you'll talk to this investigator?" She toyed with the bedspread, unable to meet his gaze.

"Probably not for a few months. Incase Remington finds out I hired the guy. You know they tap all the phone lines." Jesse put a hand on her arm. "Don't worry. He'll have all the juicy gossip about Zan when I call."

Isabel laughed and threw a pillow at him. She couldn't help it if she was obsessed with Max's son. The thought of Max made Isabel's mood darken. She couldn't talk about Zan with Max. He didn't want to know. It hurt him too much.

****

"Are we lost?"

"No we're not lost! Now look at the map!"

"I am looking at the map, dumb ass!"

"Don't call me a dumb ass you stupid bitch!"

"Well only a dumb ass would get lost."

"We're not lost!"

"Just pull the car over at the next gas station and ask someone where the hell we are."

"I'm not going to pull over at a gas station! Only pansies ask for directions."

"Well I'd rather you be a pansy than drive around the middle of no where for five hours."

"I'm sure you would like that. BUT I'M NOT ASKING FOR DIRECTIONS!"

"Ray you stupid, selfish son of a bitch, you pull this car over right now!"

Instead of doing so he floored the gas pedal just to piss her off some more. "How do ya like THAT??!!!"

"RAY!!!!!" Susan screamed at the top of her lungs. This guy was nuts. Why was she with him? Oh yeah, she was knocked up with his kid after one night of lousy sex. How could she forget?

"Ha ha!" Ray laughed and jerked the steering wheel, weaving them in and out of lanes. He was only playing around, but damn she could get on his nerves. She really started freaking out so he sagged his shoulders and started to slow down. Why was she so upset? There wasn't another car in--

That's when it happened. He swerved back into the right lane, barely getting a glimpse of the car he had just run off the road. He slammed on his breaks and spun around in his seat to watch the other car.

The way he'd hit it was so precise.... if he'd hit it any other time it would have just run them off the road. But the car had instantly hit a pothole, he'd hit it with enough force to knock it onto the shoulder, where a steel speed limit sign pole was. The small car bounced off the pole, rolled over twice... before finally coming to a stop.

"Oh my god....." Susan whispered and gave Ray a death glare as she scrambled out of the car.

Ray followed her. This couldn't be happening. He hadn't seen that car. He could have swore they were all alone. He was just having some fun.

"Hello?! Are you alright?" Susan yelled, tears coming to her eyes. The car was beat up and wrecked. She could tell it had been new. Ray started dialing 911 on his cell phone and several other cars pulled over to view the wreck.

When there was no response from the people inside she sent prayers up to the heavens... for the two innocent people in the red corvette.

TBC...

Roswell Fanatics

Pain of Yesterday (Zan Jr/Cashlin) ADULT AN 10/23 [WIP]

Pain of Yesterday (Zan Jr/Cashlin) ADULT AN 10/23 [WIP]

Parts 3 & 4

Parts 5 & 6

Parts 7 & 8

Parts 9 & 10

Parts 11 & 12

Part 13

Part 14

Part Fifteen

Part Sixteen