Title: Who We Become
Rating: MATURE, for language and evenutal sexiness.
Category: Well, AU for the time being, but it's gets a little crazier later on.
Disclaimer: I don't really own anything, well, except Natalie. And a couple pairs of flip flops.
Summary: Liz and Natalie venture to Roswell after their mother's death to escape the pains of their life that were holding them back. Their pasts have a way of catching up with them though, and they discover things they never thought possible.
Author's Note: First off, great thanks to my betas who keep catching the things that fly over my head. (Which I'm starting to notice is quite often and in great volumes...) Another huge thank you to Jess for making a beautiful banner and pretty much being my muse throughout this entire thing.
This is my first longer length story in quite a while, and in order of me not abandoning this, I've already completed about half of this story. It's hidden away on my computer for safe keeping and being looked over by my beautiful betas. So onwards, and enjoy.
"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves." – William Shakespeare
Prologue
October 12th, 1981
I’m starting to forget things. Memories. People. I’m forgetting who I am – or rather, who I was. Serena said this might happen. She said that my body was created to survive anything, any sort of elements that will, and have been, thrown my way.
Including time travel.
I never really understood the scientific explanations. To be quite honest, I never really understood science in general. I was far too busy concentrating on other things – other people - during science class. Liz and Serena knew this stuff, knew what they were talking about. Tampering with time travel is not something to play around with – that is all I know for sure.
What I also know is that my life does not exist in this timeline. I do not exist in this time line – not yet, at least. But Serena had said that my body, created just so, could withstand the implications of not existing. If Max Evans cannot exist in this timeline, then he will not. I will become someone who is not me. My mind, my body, my soul – it will all alter to correctly assimilate into this society, into this time.
I will lose memories. I already have lost memories.
But I know that these things that I remember now, the things that will flitter away from my mind soon enough – they are important. They are what brought me here. So I will write them down so I can remember my purpose. Remember those I loved and lost. Remember events that need to be changed.
And most importantly, remember that all it takes is the heat of my hand and the love of a girl to change the fate of the world forever.
Chapter One
“It can’t be much farther,” Liz announced in a soft tone, despite knowing Natalie wouldn’t be listening anyways. The blaring drift of “angry chick rock” - as Nat had described it months previous - flowed raucously from her headphones. Liz kept both of her hands firmly on the steering wheel of their rusted ’86 Cressida, her eyes seemingly focused on the road in front of her.
Liz wiped the back of her hand against her forehead, her body not adjusting quickly enough to the searing desert sun. Tabrin had never been this overly warm during the fall season. She was almost afraid the car, affectionately named “Antonio”, would melt underneath the extending fingers of the sun. Her bottled water had long ago heated to an uncomfortable temperature, thus becoming useless to Liz’s dry mouth. Damn Antonio for having a busted air conditioner.
“Nat, do you want to get something to eat first?”
Liz glanced over at her younger sister, but gained no response. She raised her voice this time yet still Liz was left with an unresponsive Nat. Reaching over, she poked her in the shoulder in an attempt to gain her attention. Natalie let out a loud, irritated huff and yanked her headphones off.
“What the hell do you want?”
Liz sighed inwardly, despising the fact that every time she and Nat conversed now, it was always with attitude and ended with a riot-inspiring fight. Biting back the urge to slap her, Liz answered in a calm, and hopefully friendly, tone.
“I was just wondering if you wanted to stop for a bite to eat, Nat. You know, before heading over to the apartment and all that. We’re almost there.” Liz offered a smile, but Nat just rolled her eyes and threw her headphones back on.
“Whatever. I don’t care.” Natalie cradled her discman and turned the volume louder so that it would reverberate through the entire car.
Liz bit her lip, refusing herself the glory of letting her temper fly. She had resolved to do less of that once they reached Roswell, and start becoming a stronger role model that Nat so desperately needed. Now that it was just the two of them, she was going to have to completely assume the sole guardian role. Not that she hadn’t done much else in the past few years anyway. Liz detested the weight of responsibility that sat upon her shoulders but still took it without whining. She couldn’t stand the rushing emotions of vulnerability that had accompanied their recent pains. Taking care of Nat fulltime plus finishing her education was all that was necessary to keep her mind off it.
Liz couldn’t help but grin at the bright fluorescent sign, marking the upcoming city of Roswell. Her mother had described the exact sign to her, and it was almost dreamlike for Liz to actually witness it for herself. There were so many memories her mother had conveyed to Liz as a child about her hometown. Liz had never been to Roswell before, but the choice had been easy when they had decided to get away. Despite Nat’s angry denials, they both needed this last connection to their mother.
How they had packed their most important belongs into one car had been utterly amazing – and nearly impossible. If it hadn’t been for Gerald, they probably would have still been fighting over what to take, what to leave, and what to sell. He had offered to store whatever it was that they didn’t want to give away but couldn’t take with them. Liz had thanked her lucky stars for sending her Gerald during these last few weeks, especially with the added stress of Nat’s not so friendly attitude.
Sighing, Liz leaned her body towards the window as much as she could to catch the rushing wind. It was so damn warm in that car. “I need a Coke,” Liz muttered to herself. “A nice, cold, refreshing Coke.”
“I need a tranquilizer gun to make you shut up.”
Liz grinded her teeth. She forced herself to evade the joyous deed of strangling her annoying brat of a sister. She concentrated on the road ahead of her, pushing herself to pay attention to the buildings that soon emerged into her sight. This was going to be their home for a while, so she would have to learn the ins and outs of the place. Then again, from the looks of it, there wasn’t much to it. Liz knew her mom had said it was a small town, but this was small.
“Oh great, you’ve made me move to a shoebox. Next time you want to choose a dumpster we can shove our shit into?”
“Nat,” Liz replied in a strained tone. “It wouldn’t hurt for you to be slightly appreciative-”
“Appreciative?” Nat yelled back, whipping her headphones off again. “Of what? You pulling me out of school to move to this dump of a town? Making me listen to your endless pep talks? I have no friends now because of you! I’m in the middle of nowhere with no one but you! I have nothing but a stupid ratty suitcase filled with shit I don’t care about.” Nat shook her head in stubborn rage. In a more quiet tone, she added heatedly, “And I wouldn’t be surprised if I don’t have a mother because of you.”
Liz bit back the choking sensation of sobs in her throat, not letting Natalie’s young, ignorant temper get the better part of her. She just had to be patient with Nat, let her get out the emotions she had building since their mother’s death. Liz was the sole adult now, despite just turning nineteen only three weeks prior. She would prove to Nat and the rest of the world that she could handle whatever life handed her. She could be mature about whatever appeared in her hand of cards.
“I think the apartment building is nearby.” Liz’s voice was calm, stable. No effects of Nat’s hurtful outburst appeared, effectively letting Nat know that Liz was still in control. Liz was always in control.
“Whatever.”
Liz reached beside her for the piece of paper with the address Gerald had scribbled down for her. He had insisted that he pay for whatever costs would be involved with the moving, and with renting an apartment, perhaps even paying for the apartment itself. Liz wouldn’t allow that though his offer was still very much appreciated, yet he wouldn’t let her refuse when he said he could at least find an apartment in an appropriate price range for her. She didn’t want to have any strings holding her to Tabrin. This was going to be their clean break from everything that was holding them back.
Whether Nat agreed or not.
“There!” Liz pointed. “That’s it.”
The short building loomed a small distance away, it’s old fashioned brick layout seeming typical against its background. It stood only three stories high, and yellow patches scattered the lawn in front. Despite it’s shoddy appearance, Liz felt an air of domesticity to it. Besides, despite Nat’s grumbling, they could live in a place like this. It wasn’t like there was much to attach them to Tabrin after their mother’s passing. So this would do just fine.
“Looks kind of homey, don’t you think?” Liz asked in a pleasant tone as she pulled up in front.
“Do you mean homey, or homeless?” Nat sneered at her. As soon as the car came to a stop, she got out of the car to stretch her legs. They were no doubt cramped by now.
“You all right, Nat? I know we were sitting in the car for a while.”
“I’m fine,” she replied hotly. “It’s not like I need my legs anyways.” Natalie moved around to the trunk which Liz had already popped open.
“I’m just going to find the manager to get the key and make sure we can start moving our stuff in.” Liz checked her watch. “I should only be a couple minutes.”
“Uh huh,” Nat answered as she turned her discman back on and leaned back against the vehicle. Liz rolled her eyes and placed her keys in her pocket as she walked up the cracking pavement.
Stepping up to the door, she peered towards the security box. A list of names lined the box, and she cursed herself. What was the name of the building manager again? Damn. Checking her pockets, she searched for the name that Gerald had given her. Finding a folded post-it, she glanced at the name. Michael Guerin.
Liz ran her finger over the list of names – Cheung, Deborough, Dennis… Guerin! She smiled, and glanced at the number next to the name: 214. She pressed each number into the call box and waited patiently as it rang loudly through the speaker.
“Yeah, what?” a gruff voice answered. Taken aback, Liz twisted her hands nervously.
“Uh, yeah, hi, I’m Liz Parker.” She let out an uneasy cough. “I’m supposed to be moving in…” Her voice trailed off when she heard the man mumble “shit” followed by what sounded like shuffling around.
“Yeah, yeah,” the man grumbled. “I’ll be right down.” Without a farewell, the speaker clicked off and Liz gazed at it dizzily. She thought her mom said that Roswell was so friendly, the best of cities. She sure hoped that this Michael Guerin person wasn’t the spokesperson for the rest of the community of Roswell.
Liz glanced back at Nat, who was still leaning against the car with a bored look on her face. Liz sighed, and began to fan herself with her hand. It was so hot – she wasn’t used to this kind of weather. She could practically feel her skin peeling off.
The front door swung open and an unshaven man stepped out. His hair sat messily atop his head while his unbuttoned top swung in the breeze. “Parker?” He grunted to her. Liz merely nodded. “I’m Mr. Guerin.” He pulled out two keys from his pocket and offered them to her. “This one is for the front door, and the other is for your apartment.”
“And where exactly would that be, Mr. Guerin?” Liz’s now irritated voice rang. Nat had already worn her patience thin, and now this Guerin guy was testing just how thin it was.
As if he hadn’t noticed, he barked rudely, “Second floor. First one on the right.” Without another word, he began to turn back inside. Annoyed, Liz left out a noisy huff. This man couldn’t have been much older than her, and yet he was treating her like the dirt beneath his shoe. He hadn’t even bothered to offer to help, and he was the building’s manager!
“Excuse me!” she yelled at him. Mr. Guerin turned around and raised his eyebrows in agitated question. “Excuse me,” Liz continued with a spark of irritation, “but aren’t you going to give me a number I can reach you at? Or maybe an apartment number that I can take my rent to? Or even just an offer to help my sister and I move our stuff upstairs?”
“I’m in apartment two fourteen – which you would know if your pretty little eyes glanced here.” Guerin pointed to the call box. Then the young, dishevelled man glanced past Liz’s shoulder and shrugged. “And you don’t have a whole lot. You’ll be able to bring that stuff up by yourself before night hits.” He turned back around again and disappeared into the building.
Liz gritted her teeth. She was appalled by Michael Guerin’s behaviour. He had been so rude! She didn’t expect the Prince of Nice but he could have at least pretended to be nice.
“Excuse me… Miss?” Liz spun around and was greeted by another young man, but this one was groomed and shone with an endearing smile. His ocean blue eyes connected with hers, and she couldn’t help but grin back. Like a tiny piece of stardust, the sun shone down and reflected off of his teeth. She couldn’t help the not-so-innocent thoughts he caused her to conjure.
“I saw you standing here, and I was wondering if you needed a little assistance.” Balancing a paper grocery bag in his left arm, he extended his right hand. “I’m Kyle Valenti. Are you new to the building?”
Liz shook Kyle’s hand and nodded. “Yes, brand new. Sorry if I’m in your way. Just still reeling from my first meeting with the building manager.” She stepped out of the doorway. Nervously, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and smiled again.
Chuckling, he nodded. “Yeah, Michael can be a little rough around the edges.” Gesturing to the building, he added, “He might not be the friendliest guy, but he gets the job done.” Pausing, he looked over at the packed car that Nat was now sitting on top of. “Need a hand unloading?”
Liz gave a wide grin, letting out an appreciative sigh. “Yes, please. That would be wonderful.” Catching her overly anxious answer, she quickly added, “Only if you have time that is.”
“Pretty ladies like you two? I have all the time in the world.” Kyle cracked another stunning grin. “Just let me put these upstairs and I’ll be right back to help.” Liz couldn’t help but watch as his lean body slipped from her sight.
Well, Roswell wasn’t looking so bad anymore. Not so bad at all.
~*~*~*~
Liz glanced around the apartment for the hundredth time.
“I still can’t believe it,” she said aloud.
Nat rolled her eyes. “Get over it. It’s not like it’s a big surprise.” She leaned back against the wall. “Gerald can’t keep his damn nose out of anything anyway.”
Liz shook her head. “Aren’t you grateful at all? You could actually be sleeping in a box if it weren’t for him. Can’t you see how big his heart is? We didn’t ask him to find us an apartment. We didn’t ask for him to furnish this apartment – the thought didn’t even cross my mind! He just did it.” Liz looked pointedly at Nat. “He did it because he cares.” After another pause, she added, “And don’t say damn again.”
“Not so much his big heart, but showing off his big wallet,” Nat clucked, folding her arms across her chest.
Too exhausted by the day, Liz had reached her snapping point. She gave her sister a steely look and ordered in a hard, low voice, “Either be grateful or shut the hell up, Natalie Marie Clark!”
Nat froze and matched Liz’s glare. “Don’t call me that.” Her anger building within seconds, she screamed, “Don’t fucking call me that!” Pushing past Liz, she ran to her room and slammed the door with all her might.
Liz let out a harsh breath and fell back onto the couch. Her elbows propped up on her knees and her head fell into her hands. What a disaster. Needless to say, since the night of their mother’s death, Nat hadn’t been the same. Not that she and Nat had been that extremely close, but they had at least been tolerable to each other. Now Liz was plagued by Nat’s continual emotional assault. She wasn’t sure how much more she could handle.
“Hey,” a gentle voice floated from behind her. Liz turned and greeted Kyle with a small smile.
“Hey yourself,” she returned. Moving over, she patted an empty spot beside her.
Kyle gave an unconscious glance at Nat’s closed door. He sat down slowly, eyeing Liz carefully. “Are you sure? I can leave if you want.” Coughing, he lowered his eyes. “I just wanted to make sure everything was all right in here. See if I could be anymore help.”
Liz laughed kindly. “You’ve been a wonderful help already. I really appreciate it. The rest is just clothing and some personal stuff.” With a pause, she gestured towards the door that Nat had disappeared behind. “As for her, I wouldn’t worry. When she gets hungry enough, she’ll come back out and grumble about feeding her.” Patting Kyle’s hand, she apologized. “I’m sorry I don’t have anything to show you how much I appreciate you helping out.”
Kyle waved it off. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not like I couldn’t use the workout.” He flexed his arms comically, and gave her a childish grin. “I’ve got to keep my girlish figure and all.” After giving a soft laugh, his eyes grew serious. “Liz, if you ever need a hand with anything, just let me know, okay?”
“Thanks, Kyle, I really appreciate that.” Suddenly overcome with emotion, she sniffed back oncoming tears. Shaking her head, she mentally berated herself for her loss of control. She felt worse when Kyle’s arm came across her shoulders. “I’m sorry,” she half laughed, half cried. “You must think I’m a mess. We just met today and I’m already falling apart at the seams in front of you. And you’re just been so nice and so friendly to me.”
“Nah,” he waved off. “I don’t think you’re a mess. But about me being so nice – would you mind mentioning that to my ex-girlfriends?” Liz laughed loudly at his comment, causing him to grin at her. “Besides, it’s just good neighbourly attitude to be there for his fellow man and woman.”
“Well, my mom was right. Roswell is the friendliest place that I’ve been to so far – even after my encounter with the building manager!”
“Your mom?” Kyle questioned. “I take it that she’s encountered the loveliness that Roswell has to offer. Is she why you moved here? Does she live around here or something?” Liz couldn’t help but feel flattered by his sincere interest.
Liz shook her head quickly. “No,” she said quickly. “She just passed away. But she was born and raised in Roswell.” Shrugging, she gave Kyle a weak smile. “I guess I just needed that last connection to her.”
“I understand,” he nodded. “I lost my mother too. Years ago.” He glanced back at Natalie’s room. “She must be taking it hard, huh?”
Liz snorted. “Nat is fourteen. She takes everything hard.” She took a moment though and gave a thoughtful look. “Although, she’s had it a bit harder than most. Her dad was never really around during her childhood full time, and she’s held that against him forever.” She knew she was starting to spout out at he mouth, but Kyle’s company was so inviting.
“Wait,” Kyle interrupted. “Her dad? I thought you two were sisters.”
Liz nodded. “Technically we’re half sisters. My dad passed away when I was just a year old.”
“Oh,” answered Kyle. “I’m so sorry to hear that.”
Shrugging, Liz tucked another strand of hair behind her ear. “I never really knew him, so it’s never really affected me.” Her lips curled into a wistful grin. “My mom used to tell me things about him though. You know, odd facts and stuff. Like how he would always eat his grilled cheese sandwiches with two slices of tomatoes.”
Kyle watched Liz as she stared at an unknown object in space. Her eyes had suddenly become blank, as if her mind had left the building. Feeling slightly uncomfortable, he gave a nervous cough.
“Well, I’ll just let you get back to unpacking.” He stood up quickly, and on a last thought, gave Liz a brief pat on her shoulder. “So I’m just in apartment three-zero-seven. Let me know if you ever need anything.” Giving her a final wave, he walked out the door.
Sighing, Liz stood up and closed the door behind her guest. She knew that she must have scared him off, but for that very moment, she didn’t really care. Her mind was plastered with posters of her mother and the words that were etched into the inner walls of Liz’s brain. Nancy always did have something to share with Liz – wisdom, motherly ridicule, or even just gossip.
Now this responsibility was given to Liz – to share and pass on a piece of her to Nat.
It made Liz want to cry.
So she did.
