Guys - I loved your f/b. I'm glad you think Max's heart had been in the right place, even though his actions seemed otherwise.
O/T - mar, what're you talking about, your English isn't good?
It's excellent!Love,
Sarah
~~
Continued from last part. Yes, another long ass part.
Chapter 28
By the time I’d come out, only Isabel sat there.
“Where’s Max?”
She flicked her hair back. Red-rimmed eyes looked blearily at the watch strapped on one trembling wrist. “They went to find Cal.”
I grabbed the counter. “What?” Unless I miss my guess, this was the catalyst that led to the Special Unit unearthing Max and finally, my execution. Shit.
She sighed aimlessly. “They just left. Max came out from...” she gestured to me and then wiped her eyes. This was the second time I’ve seen her so distraught. “They talked. They left.” She turned to me, eyes wide with fear. “They left.”
I went over to pull her close. She sagged and my arms protested. Isabel sagging was no joke. “Hey, hey. Don’t get so worked up. They’ll be back. They know what they’re up against. This time, they’re prepared.”
My words did little to comfort her. “You know the reason why my grades were so poor back in high school?” She rambled, still half in a daze. “I hated science. It was my worst subject. I’d see people talking about how to burn this, experiment on that. And then there was biology.” A shudder rocked both of us. “All I saw were little things – cockroaches, frogs, embryos – all dissected. And all I could think was that the only reason they were sitting there in pieces was because they weren‘t human.” This time, she shook for real. I could barely hold her. Her eyes were terrified as they gazed into mine. “Well, neither am I, Liz. Neither am I. None of us.”
And it was like the rose petals lifted. I could actually see what she meant. They wouldn’t show any mercy. Not because they were cruel or they were indifferent. It was simply because they didn’t think Isabel or Max, or the others deserved any. I could remember my first dissection in vivid detail. I’d been enthralled by the stick thin legs of that cockroach, not it’s suffering. For all we knew, we were as good as cockroaches scurrying around before the storm.
“Oh, my god.”
Her smile was diabolical. “Welcome to our world.” As an afterthought she added, “now you know why I never really liked you.”
I gulped. I could relate. I think, back in sophomore year, I got the highest CGPA of the bio, chem and physics class.
She pulled out of my arms. It was a while before we talked again.
“So, what do you think?”
“About what?” I retorted. I didn’t like her implication.
“About this whole thing. Max, Zan. Future Max.” She paused delicately, getting up and fetching some drinks. “What do you intend to do?”
My voice came out harsher than intended. “That’s up to me, and it has nothing to do with any of them. But, you and I need to level.”
“Oh?”
“Why didn’t you tell me about Alex?” I demanded, ready to raise hell.
She looked at me with caramel eyes full. “What could I say?”
And we left it there.
“Liz?” She asked after a full thirty minutes.
“What?” I snapped back.
“I really am sorry. I always blamed myself.”
“Yeah, too bad. Alex never got to know that you’d have given him so much thought.” I groused back and then felt contrite at her shocked face.
“Look, I didn’t mean it like that.”
But she wiped off some more tears. I was truly astounded. Isabel Evans, capable of shedding this many tears for someone. The mind boggles. “Why don’t you tell me something?”
“What?” she sniffled.
“Remember that day in Crashdown? After I first came back from NY? You sure read Max the riot act because we’d been going for a drive. And every day since then, every single instant I came into contact with him, you’d object.” I paused to look her in the eye “Why?”
She stumbled. “Oh...”
“Yeah, that. I really want to know why you said all of that. What was so important that Max couldn’t give me even a hint of? I remember your words rather clearly. “Theirs! Not yours!” So, what was that all about?”
She heaved, exhaling harshly. “I remember. It wasn’t anything personal. It’s just that…” she sipped from her rapidly warming drink. “Zan.” She whispered. “I was just afraid of what he’d do. It’s no secret he…he… well, you guys were married. I was just looking out for Max. They never did get along.”
This time, I swallowed. “Because of me.”
She examined her nails, unable to resist a ghost of a smirk. “Of course.”
I scowled back. “Save it, Isabel.”
“I wasn’t getting on your case. I’m just saying. Remember…. Jesse?” her voice cracked.
I felt like a heel. That had been all of Zan’s doing. I nodded.
“Well, Zan played a rather prominent role there. He manipulated all three of us. And that was just because he’d been teaching us a ‘lesson’, as he liked to call it.” A flash of anger burned in her damp eyes, the tears evaporating. I glanced away; there was still a helluva lot to avenge, according to Isabel.
“And this was about his wife!” she went on, growing animated. “I’m a victim of Zan’s ruthlessness. Yes, later of course we knew he was right, but who gave him the power to do what he liked with my life?” Her voice rose, “don’t you see? I had to protect Max, since he wouldn’t do it himself!”
I nodded. I could well understand. Didn’t I do the very same thing in the early years in NY? I’d had a gut feeling Zan could and might destroy Max if he suspected the latter was moving in on his territory.
Then, another wave of rage drowned that feeling. Zan palmed you off to Max. He wasn’t about to mind! He wanted you off his hands, remember that!
I pounded the counter. “Isabel, I don’t know why you worried so much.” The venom stunned her, propelling her eyes to my red face. “Because it was obviously pre-arranged that Max would be filling in as the Dupe while Zan went ahead as King. Max was allowed to take certain…liberties.”
“No, that came much later. He married you, Liz. Do you know what it had cost him to give up his life?”
“He didn’t do that at all.” I replied acidly. “He made me give up mine.”
She smiled gently. “You went, didn’t you?”
The urge to bitchslap her was overwhelming. “I didn’t count on any of this, now did I?”
“You don’t understand. Zan could’ve walked. You would’ve been devastated.”
“Says bloody who?”
”Look, we all saw you guys back then. You two couldn’t come inches of each other without showering sparks. And not the show-off type, because it weren’t your style, but still. One look, and the temperature rose. You can keep talking till you’re blue in the face, but you wanted him. And you were always a soft touch.” She softened it with a grin.
I blushed. Were we really like that? “I…”
“Exactly, If he’d walked, and you saw Max with Tess…" she trailed off.
She was right. I’d have probably done something drastic. Then again, not. What could I have possibly done?
“You’re overreacting. I would’ve been in control.”
“And we all know you like that. But the point is, you went with him. And that left both of them at a distinct disadvantage. For Max, it’s obvious – Zan. And Zan, Max. You played them real well. I guess it kinda irked me.”
“I did NOT play them.” I glared.
“You did, unintentionally, if you must. But let’s face it. They played along. So it’s not for anyone to judge.”
“Thank you.”
“I’m justifying my reasons for always warning Max. I love my brother and while I care about Zan, it’s not the same. My loyalties are with Max.”
“No doubt.” I snorted.
Her eyes flashed again. “Think whatever you like, but Max was always sappy when it came to you. He’d never think straight – do stuff he’d regret….”
“Like what?” I interrupted, eyes slitted.
“Like running after you.” She countered quietly. “Can you imagine Max running after a married woman? Well, he did that. Worse, he never made any secret about it. He was madly in love. I saw him, Liz. He was totally desperate.”
I hung my head. He’d been apparent at random times, mostly when we’d been unguarded. I’d see that look on his face and promptly turn to mush. And, judging from Isabel’s little speech, he’d been plenty darned apparent in Roswell, too.
“Zan felt threatened. And you know the way he reacts when he’s threatened.”
I did. And I felt an odd jolt of fear. Had he really taken it out on Max? I’d never know, because they’d never tell.
“Zan did his damage, the first few years. And then he kinda laid low. It made Max so mad, Liz." She smiled sadly at my quizzical look. “Because the bastard couldn’t be forced to even make an effort. If Max had laid it on thick for you, it was because he wanted to get a rise out of Zan, provoke him into fighting for you. It really tore him up to see you all lonely. He’d come back and stay out in the desert for hours. If not, then Counting Crows. We all got sick of it.”
I felt weak. Then again, I shouldn’t. That was so Max.
“He never dated much after you guys left, if only to show Zan he’d never gotten over you. And it really did make Zan vicious at first. But then he cooled off; in the latter years. It was as if you were no one.”
I winced. Not much flattery.
“And it just pushed Max to be more reckless. I was sure Zan was just biding his time. So, I wanted him to stay away from you.”
I started to laugh, but it was bitter. “And Zan told me the exact same thing. Since he knew Max had feelings for me, he wanted to stay away. Let me have my chance.” Isabel winced this time. “yeah, imagine that. While we were still married, for god’s sake! And then of course, there was Max, the perfect, noble gentleman. Between the two of the them, what was I supposed to do?”
She moved closer. “I didn’t know that. Max never revealed what had gone down between him. Did you guys…” She trailed off, eyes widening.
“No.” The bun on my head was straggling. I loosened it. “I had no intentions of crossing that line. Bad enough I harbored feelings.”
“You can’t help the way you feel.”
I stared at her in shock. Did she, Isabel Evans, just say that?
“Um...”
She smiled. “Really. You can’t wake up one day and plan that you no longer wanted to love Zan.”
Did I ever really? “I hear you. But you have commitments. You can’t backtrack on those, no matter how much you want to. And one of those commitments happened to be a diamond ring.”
“Can you please not preach? I do know what marriage entails!” She snapped back, getting impatient. I agreed silently, looking at the watch.
5 hours gone and no word. We’d both been talking to fill the endless silence. None of them were back yet.
~~/\~~
Maria came in, walking slowly. She’d just woken up. “Wow…” looking at the jagged window.
“Whatever.” I turned to the oven to get dinner ready. Alex was in the other room; napping, my poor baby.
“Pasta?”
Isabel snorted and started to heat up some of the frozen diners left in the fridge. “What’s alien tech for?”
The green wave passed and steam swirled form the ready food.
Maria and I shared a look. “Well…”
“Yeah.”
“Did you see Michael?” she turned anxiously at us.
“No. They left hours ago.”
“Shit.” She trembled, beset with worry. "Suppose...”
“Don’t think that way.”
Alex came toddling in, his cherubic face wide open in a yawn. “Ma, hungry." He rubbed his stomach in full pose. God, what a gift.
Maria handed him a plate. Isabel rushed forward to get him a cola. We shared a conspiratorial smile as his eyes locked on mine.
Maria continued fretting over Michael.
“They’ll be here.” Isabel soothed.
She wasn’t about to be pacified. “You don’t know that!”
“Yeah,” Alex chomped on a chicken wing, “they’re still in the desert but Max said it won’t be long now.”
Three shocked faces started at him. And all I could think about was that he’d somehow gotten in touch via the alien voodoo with any of them.
“H...how do you know that?!”
We watched as he started smearing a fat rice cake with dollops of pistachio ice cream.
“Oh, I called him on his cell phone.” He looked up at our sheepish, irate faces. “Could I have another one?”
~~/\~~
I debated before knocking on the steel door. I could hear Future Max on the other side, pacing up and down.
The quiet voice for just that side of the door startled me. “Come in, liz.”
I closed it behind me. “You knew?”
“I knew.” He confirmed.
I brought out the hot pot. “Some food.”
He smiled sadly. “I’m not hungry.”
“Not hungry or can’t eat?”
He laughed. “Can’t, but the best part is that I don’t get hungry, so…"
“How long are you gonna last?”
He gave me a distracted smile. “I don’t think I even have.”
“You loved her that much?”
He seemed puzzled that I’d use the second person to describe myself. Gee whiz, I wonder why?
“Seems like I didn’t love her enough.” He said with a despondent sigh.
“Huh?”
“If I had, I’d wouldn’t have been here.”
“It’s called life.”
“She was my life!” His eyes flashed fire and I retreated. With a frown, he went to the far side of the small room, muttering and cursing Max. I could barely make out a few disgruntled “What the hell did they do in this timeline anyway? Zan and Liz? What the fuck?”
”Um, excuse me?”
He turned back.
“Why’re you so pissed off?”
He gave me a rather cryptic smirk. “If you’d lead the life I had, you wouldn’t have asked.”
“Well I didn’t, remember?”
“No, you did.” He countered quietly. I kept silent. I kinda did peep a little into his memories.
“Where are they?”
He started fiddling with a strand of raven hair, streaked with gray. I just couldn’t get over the look. Would Max be this gorgeous when he got to 40? Would I see that look every day or was this it for us? The questions flew like hail.
“I don’t know. Last time, it was somewhere just outside Boulder.”
“And that would be?” I gestured towards the bright, tourist map sprawled on the table.
“Very near Lake Mead. Probably 30 minutes away.”
I stared at him in shock. “They’re only half and hour away?’ I screeched.
“No, Liz.” Immediately he started shaking his head.
“Hey! Who’re you saying no to, mister?”
“Look, Liz, you won’t solve anything by giving the Skins additional targets.”
“I can’t sit by and do nothing!” I flared back at him.
“If it was me and my Liz, we’d probably connect by now.” He said quietly. “She was always my strength.”
I wanted to rip his throat apart. “Yes, and I can’t do that now, can I!”
“You can start by believing in him. In them” he added after a moment of uncomfortable silence. “I take it both mean a lot to you.”
“It’s not just both, dammit. Michael’s there. He’s a good friend of mine. A very dear friend.”
If he noticed the omitted name, he chose to ignore it. “Zan?”
“What is this, a conspiracy? Zan vs. Max?” I glared at him.
“I’m curious. That’s all.”
“Well….” How do I tell this to a man I’d married in another lifetime and whose, well…essence I still loved in this lifetime? Gawd! “Well, you can call it…”
“Chemistry?”
I gazed rapturously at a small ant near my feet. “You could say that.”
And you and I didn’t have that?!”
“Uh…we never did find out. Until it was too late, anyway.”
Future Max growled deep into his resplendent leather top.
“So, how long will you be here?” I asked again.
He seemed distant. “Not too long now. I feel…”
I was alarmed. His face was turning a slighter translucent shade and I was terrified that he was leaving. And to my horror, I realized I didn’t want him to go.
Oh man! Hormonal much, Parker? You don’t have to be in love with ALL of them, you know!
I wanted to cringe and die when he raised an eyebrow in my direction.
“You okay, Elizabeth?”
“Fine.” I squeaked. “Just bloody marvelous.”
Falling in love with who?
GAAAAH!!! That did NOT just happen to me!
“Uh?” I giggled weakly, trying to hide in my hair. Wasn’t successful.
And then I realize, it hadn’t been spoken aloud. Crikey.
“WHAT the fuck just happened to me!!!” I yelled, nearly swallowing my teeth.
He ran forward and caught me. “What?!”
“Someone talked to me inside my head!” The last few words came out in shrieking gibberish.
“Slow down, slow down! Was it… Max?”
“Huh?” I screeched. “How the fuck am I supposed to know!!!!”
“Who did it feel like?” he asked again, trying to be gentle.
“Feel like? It felt abnormal, is what it fucking felt like!”
He winced. “Listen to me. You must be calm. What sort of emotions did it generate? Can you identify whose characteristics it matched? Did it feel like ….uh, did you get dizzy?”
“I’m dizzy right now!” I whined.
He bit back a smirk or a grimace, I couldn’t tell. “Anything else? What sort of feelings did it bring to mind? Love, peace, nurturing?”
I was so confused, I felt my head spinning. If he didn’t shut the hell up, I’d go mad. “I don’t know!”
“You do know, Liz. You’re not trying hard enough!”
“Piss off!”
“Look,” he caught me by my shoulders, forcing me to meet his strident gaze. “And this isn’t really new, is it? You did connect with Alex when he was missing, right? Just be patient with yourself.” He shook me slightly, just enough to get my wandering attention. “It’s imperative you understand that there’s been changes in your body. I thought Max was the only one with healing capabilities, but seems like Zan had his share, too. Otherwise how would you connect?”
“Talk English!”
“It’s very simple. You and Zan must’ve shared a connection, after the…uh..’ he trailed off, turning slightly red.
“After what, goddammit?”
“After the ‘cementing’.
I was too baffled to be poised. “What goddamn cementing? What does cement have to do with anything?!”
“When you consummated.”
“Oh!” This time the silence was rife with gaffes.
By the time I gather enough guts to look at him, he’d started shimmering.
“You look lovely.” I said, meaning it.
He laughed. “You’re changing the topic. We were talking about your powers. How many times did you actually hear anyone in your head? Did it happen before?”
“If it happened before, do you think I’d be this freaked out now?”
He conceded that. “Okay, but then why would you get it now?”
“Wait…” I held up a hand to think. The voice in my head had faded but all I could feel was the essence of someone. Like they were there, in mind, and it felt so right. An involuntary shiver of pleasure zinged through me. “Wait…I think it’s…”
He looked at me expectantly. “That’s it. Trust your instincts. It’s quite easy once you get the hang of it. Don’t be afraid.”
I squinted harder, the recognition fading and then it flooded back. A huge grin almost spilt my mouth apart. “Alex!”
And future Max had a grin to match mine. “That’s terrific. I guess the tyke’s just beginning to get a grip on his powers.”
“I suppose so. Phew.”
We sat in silence for a while. Another presence was registering, but I wasn’t worried. My son was in mind, in my soul, where he belonged and I wished that every mother in the world could feel it this euphoria. His soul was intertwined in mine, and the true relationship between a mother and child was suddenly so vividly clear.
“Liz?”
“Hm?”
“Why didn’t you get this from Zan?”
“What’re you talking about?”
“See, when I healed Liz, we’d this instant connection. It just strengthened with the years. So, why won’t you be able to feel Zan?”
Okay, that was low. “Rub it in, why don’t you?”
“Sorry, but I have to ask. I refuse to believe that this connection, that was so much a part of our entire group dammit, is absent in other timelines!”
“Because it wasn’t a marriage!” I burst out. “it was…”
He understood. “It was a marriage, don’t put Zan down. It just wasn’t…”
I sighed. It wasn’t, was it?
Another despondent silence was broken by his unhealthy curiosity about my life. “So tell me something. If you and Zan had never shared a connection, why would you and Alex? How could he even do that?”
“Maybe cuz he’s half green around the gills, too.” I shot back.
“he’d connect with his own first.”
What? I don’t think I heard this SOB properly!
“His own?” I asked, eyes slitted.
“His own type, not necessarily his mother.”
I nearly went for his jugular, then decided against it. It did make sense, if totally warped.
“I won’t tolerate my son being ripped apart from me, no matter how crazy this mess gets.” I informed him darkly.
“Aye aye, captain.”
“I’m not joking.”
He looked insulted. “Of course.”
Another beat passed. I could feel him leaving; it was all there. The physical structure was there, but his soul was on the verge of passing to the nether.
“Please don’t leave.”
I could kick myself. What was I saying? He didn’t even belong here.
He stared at me helplessly. “I don’t have a choice.”
“I know. Sorry.”
“It’s fine.” His voice revealed how much he’d missed hearing that.
“Did she say that a lot?”
“Only when she knew I needed to hear it.” And the irony didn’t go unnoticed. But his sadness destroyed me. How could he doubt what they’d had? I never even had a tenth of that, and yet a blind man could tell him that what he’d shared with Liz Parker, numero unknown, hadn’t been false.
I crossed over to him. “Why do you question what you had? Have you any idea how rare that is?” he made a face and started turning away. I yanked him around.
“No, look at me, dammit! Look at me! I’m Liz Parker. And there’s a Max Evans, another you, out here in this life! What do we share? Nowhere near what you and your wife did! So, please! Show us some mercy and back off on this godforsaken guilt trip!”
There was a lifetime of pain in his eyes. “I wish it’d been different.”
I hugged him and his arms held on to me like iron bands. The man had a lot of baggage to shed. “Sh…it’s okay. It’s okay.” I whispered, putting my lips near his neck and inhaling as best as I cold. The hug wasn’t exactly lax.
He was shimmering now, almost gone. I held on to him tighter. “Please don’t go.” I hated the begging in my tone but couldn’t be helped. The man was my last link to sanity. All of a sudden, I’d an inkling how his Liz had felt when another Future Max had asked her to give Max up. She hadn’t wanted to obey, but her animal instinct had prevailed, almost compelling her to hold on to him, even as her life had burned in front of her. All because of who he was and what he'd offered - a knowledge that we'd both only dreamed about. And that’s the exact same reason why I couldn’t let my future Max go either.
“You Future Maxs are menaces. You always leave us wanting so much more.” I tried not to let the tears fall, but they did anyways.
“Don’t make this harder on me.” he pleaded.
“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to help. Tell me, please.” I wept, still trying to hold on to his almost transparent body.
“I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because I can’t risk it. I don’t want you to die, too.”
“I don’t want my family in any danger.”
“They’re not in any.”
“How do you know?” I hiccupped into his jacket and he’d have sobbed, if he’d been able.
“Because it’s over. He’s coming back. I can feel it.”
Relief washed over me. Max was coming back. He was safe. They were all going to be safe.
“Thank you.”
“Don’t.” he held up a glowing, whitish hand. “Do both of yourselves a favor. Don’t walk away again. Don’t let misunderstandings stand between you. That would only mean you weren’t strong enough.” He paused to point a bony finger at me, almost crackling with electricity. I stepped away from him. “That would only mean Max and Liz weren’t and I refuse to accept that.”
I tried to smile but there were too many tears choking me. “She loved you, no matter what.”
He shimmered again, almost faded into the thin air. “I know. You remember what I said.”
I looked down to swipe my nose. When I looked up, the room was as empty as the desert. No sound, no smell. It was as if he’d never been. All those fiery emotions, the trauma and trials – they’d simply vanished into the cosmos.
I looked around for a while and then raced for the window. The hot sun beat overhead, making the sky seem bluer than ever. The tiny smoke formations rose and melded into the horizon and I picked one, the most ethereal of them all to bid farewell to. I knew it was him.
